A Perfect Melancholy’s Guide to Living with a Popular Sanguine

Updated on November 29, 2016

I am a Perfect Melancholy. My husband is a Popular Sanguine. What happens when these two opposing personalities come to live together? Well, it could be like a cat and a dog in the same cage. Fortunately, there are ways for Popular Sanguines and Perfect Melancholies to happily live together in spite of their differences.

First let me show you a brief summary of our personality traits based on Florence Littauer’s Personality Profile in the book "Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself". Divided into two categories - Strengths and Weaknesses - the Personality Profile will give you a quick glance at our temperaments.

My Personality Profile - Strengths

Popular Sanguine
Powerful Choleric
Perfect Melancholy
Peaceful Phlegmatic

My Personality Profile - Weaknesses

Popular Sanguine
Powerful Choleric
Perfect Melancholy
Peaceful Phlegmatic
hard to please
too sensitive

My Husband's Personality Profile - Strengths

Popular Sanguine
Powerful Choleric
Perfect Melancholy
Peaceful Phlegmatic
dry humor
mixes easily

My Husband's Personality Profile - Weaknesses

Popular Sanguine
Powerful Choleric
Perfect Melancholy
Peaceful Phlegmatic
angered easily
wants credit

Looking at our personality profiles, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out how different we must be from each other. My dominant temperament is Perfect Melancholy while my husband's is Popular Sanguine. ("Perfect" Melancholy because people with this temperament tend to be perfectionists with high standards. "Popular" Sanguine because people with this temperament tend to be loved by people due to their playful easygoing nature.) These personalities are complete opposites of each other. But for now, let’s just tackle our three major differences and how I deal with them.

Princeton and I are like cat and dog.
Princeton and I are like cat and dog.

Which word best describes you?

See results

Difference #1:

  • Popular Sanguine is an extrovert, a people-person who gets energized socializing with others in a crowd.
  • Perfect Melancholy is an introvert, a loner who recharges the spirit by spending quiet time with the self.

Oh, you have no idea how much trouble this was during the early stages of our relationship. Princeton loves going out and socializing with a lot of friends, and I prefer staying home and having a deep and meaningful conversation with just him. I used to get hurt because he seemed to prefer spending time with others rather than spending time with me, but I’ve since learned to not take his personality personally. He used to get annoyed because he thought I didn’t want him to have fun, but he’s learned to accept that our ideas of “fun” aren’t always the same.

The thing with Popular Sanguines is that their bubbly personalities and natural charisma draw people to them, and thus they make a lot of friends and get invited to a lot (and I mean a lot) of parties and social events. So where does this leave me, the Perfect Melancholy?

I have three choices: (1) Tie him up so he can’t go out, (2) Force myself to attend the parties with him and come home feeling physically and emotionally drained afterwards (Even if I really enjoy the party, being in a crowd zaps me of energy.) or (3) Let him attend the parties by himself and spend a nice relaxing alone time at home reading manga, watching Japanese shows or playing with my cats. I tend to choose the third option more often because it’s a WIN/WIN solution although I do attend his parties with him once in a while when I feel up to it (so his friends and relatives won't begin to think I'm just an imaginary wife he's dreamed up).

Opposites attract.
Opposites attract.

Which do you like better?

See results

Difference #2:

  • Popular Sanguine seeks the excitement of constant change and spur-of-the-moment ideas.
  • Perfect Melancholy finds refuge in routines and premeditated schedules.

To a Perfect Melancholy who gets a feeling of security from a planned, orderly and predictable life, Popular Sanguine’s lack of planning and foresight can knock things off balance. To illustrate, I like knowing ahead of time what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, and why. It gives me a sense of direction and purpose. So I often ask my husband, "What are we going to do this weekend?" To which the reply is more often than not, "I don't know yet."

So I initiate the plan making myself. Then when the weekend comes, Princeton suddenly announces, "I have to go to the office and work today", totally messing up our plans! That is just one example of how a Popular Sanguine tends to do things spontaneously. A plan to them is never set in stone – it can still change at the last moment. The excuse is always along the lines of "something came up". A Perfect Melancholy would have refused that “something that came up” when he has already committed to other plans!

My choices of action: (1) Whip him into shape until he learns to chart out his life or (2) Let him be and challenge my ability to be flexible. It may seem strange to some, but I've found the second option to be far less stressful. I do make suggestions as to how he can be more organized and systematic, but I have decided to not have a cardiac arrest when he doesn't follow my suggestions.

Popular sanguine is cute and playful.
Popular sanguine is cute and playful.

Which description suits you best?

See results

Difference #3:

  • Popular Sanguine is bouncy, loud and playful.
  • Perfect Melancholy is deep, quiet and intense.

True to Perfect Melancholy form, I tend to take life seriously. I introspect a lot and enjoy analyzing the deeper matters of life. My Popular Sanguine husband is the bubbly, lively type – quite the opposite of “serious”. According to him, thinking either gives him a headache or makes him sleepy.

Although there are times when I wish he would take things more seriously, this difference isn't really much of an issue. In fact, I like that Princeton makes me laugh with his crazy antics and lightens up my intensity. I, on the other hand, challenge him to think about the important things in life. In short, this is one aspect where we complement each other. Can you imagine what it would be like if we both took life too seriously? Or if both of us didn't take life seriously enough? Either way, the outcome wouldn't be too good.

So I guess it's good to be different sometimes. :)

A Little Bit of Advice

No two people have exactly the same personality traits; each person has his own blend of Popular Sanguine, Powerful Choleric, Perfect Melancholy, and Peaceful Phlegmatic. Likewise, each personality is different with its own set of strengths and weaknesses, and no personality is superior to the other.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of seeing these personality differences between people as problems, but when you really think about it, being different isn't necessarily bad. So my last bit of advice is: Let us respect each other's differences. In a relationship, think of it as getting two flavors of ice cream in one cone.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)