How to Argue With Your Virgo Partner: Be Delicate but Determined!

Updated on June 14, 2019
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Christofer has been a paralegal for 25 years. He has 4 children and 8 grandchildren. He and his mother studied astrology for over 40 years.

Are you in love with, married to, or living with a Virgo? If so, remember that they are a special kind of person. Every sign is different and will argue from time to time, but how do you argue with a Virgo without hurting your relationship?

When I use the word “delicate” in the title of this article, I do not mean that Virgos are “delicate,” as if you have to treat them like sensitive children. I mean that you can’t go stomping into the fray thinking that being loud and angry will win the day. There are elements in the Virgo that pertain more to a pocket watch than a stopwatch.

The “determined” part of it is that their idealism and perfectionism can be off-putting and make you lose your steam. Nevertheless, determination is usually a good quality in a relationship, with some exceptions.

How to Argue Effectively With Your Virgo Partner

  • Do not aim to "defeat" your partner.
  • Do not reduce their esteem so that they surrender. Don't try to score one for your vanity.
  • Do not humiliate your partner (even if they're talking nonsense).
  • Allow them to be analytical, but don't just agree with them to make the analysis stop. Digest the information while they rant, then make a counterpoint without anger.
  • Don't challenge them to a shouting match. Virgos are not overly aggressive, but they can be harsh. You may hear things about yourself that you'd rather not, and you may never get a word in.
  • Stay calm and collected, and remember to have confidence in yourself. Virgos are confident in their views and respond better when met with a calm confidence in return.

Keeping Your Virgo Partner Through the Stress of Arguments

The point of this article is to enter the fray knowing that this argument cannot be avoided and that you wish to successfully get through to the other side. A resolution can be realized. A sense of value and esteem can be maintained, and your feelings can remain intact so that you can feel like you are not in an “undeclared emotional war.”

What's at the Core of a Virgo?

That word that most closely resembles Virgo is “Virgin.” A real professional virgin is kind of hard to envision because there are not too many “professional virgins” around. When you first meet them, you will sense a bashful quality. They don’t push at you. As they greet you, notice the care and predictable “niceness” that seems to emanate from them; and then when they comment, they are not cute simpletons, they are rational and sound minded.

Right now, you are probably thinking, “The reason Virgo is so hard to confront is that they see themselves in quite a nice light.” They see themselves as virtuous to the core. But, are after all, Virgos are only human. They use their innocence and virtue to manifest a severe and selective way. They are critical and pushy about it. It is as if they relish it. They can move from “innocence” to a “candidness” that borders on just being mean.

What to Do When Virgos Get Mean When Arguing?

They are still innocent when they are critical. There is something in the Virgo that says, “Not only am I right, but I am inherently righteous, so you had better just sit there and listen. I am beyond reproach”.

One wife of a very fastidious, conscientious executive Virgo husband complained:

"He is as sweet as can be when he is not 'at me,' but when he starts in on me, I have to say, 'I can’t make him be quiet, but the less I talk, the quicker he stops. He takes non-responsiveness as acquiescence.'"

Then I asked her, “So he doesn’t go into a rage or elevate his anger? “

“No”, she said:

“It’s more like something he just has to get said. He goes on way too long for me, but I have found a way to get him to stop… I don’t battle him. I wait. If it’s important for me to make a point, after his Virginal mind is working on a model, or a fact sheet, or studying some technical data, I will get his attention and make my point. He listens without being in that self-righteous state. But, being essentially kind, he understands what I have done and works the issue out.”

5 Reasons Why You Should and Should Not Date Virgos

Why You Might Want to Date a Virgo
Why You May Not Want to Date a Virgo
Strong and independent: Virgos are assertive and know what they want.
Your Virgo may spend too much time trying to "fix you."
Big brain: Virgos tend to be intelligent. Your conversations will be intellectually stimulating.
Your Virgo may be a total workaholic.
Devoted lover: Requires a little time to grow fully comfortable with intimacy.
Your Virgo notices everything!
Doesn't require gifts and attention: Virgos don't like grand displays.
Your Virgo may complain too much.
Dependable: Virgos are extremely loyal and truthful. They're dedicated to those they love.
Your Virgo may be a bit too sensitive.

Can You Hurt a Virgo?

Will there be yelling? Sure there will be yelling, but don’t “fight dirty.” What I mean by that is that when some couples fight, they go for the low blow in order to hurt their partner or make them lose their sense of rectitude. Of course, if one is thinking properly, “fighting dirty” and going for the low blow are things that we should never really do with those that you love, and love you. However, Virgo’s being edgy, but righteous, can be very sensitive. Keep reminding yourself of the “Virginal” attitude.

If you lash the Virgo with a loud effrontery, it can go deep into their interior. You can “make them cry” inside. There is nothing worse than deeply hurting the one you love, the one you want to stay with, the one you are trying to develop a long-term sense of continuity with.

Look at your Virgo and see a “childlike” soul. I am not saying “immature.” I am not saying “puerile and simple.” I am saying that the design and structure of a Virgo is to take their inner beauty, balance, and sense of perfection and bring it to their world. They sincerely want others' lives to be bettered by what they have to offer.

Yes, they can be picky, terribly sarcastic, and almost vicious; but all of their meanness comes from the fact that they are outraged that you can’t see with your eyes, what they can plainly see with their eyes. It is easy to see the issue. Unfortunately, Virgos are not gifted with the ability to visualize the multi-factored world of variability and nuance. They are smart enough too, but their soul does not wish to go through the exhaustion of immense complexity. They would rather address the fixable thing, or plan, that lies right under our noses.

They love pointing to something and saying: “Ya see that? That’s wrong! You see that? That’s how that should be!”

5 Best and Worst Qualities of Virgos

Also, meticulous

Why Don't They Like Existential Issues and Why Are They Prone to Tummy Aches?

Virgo’s don’t like to deal with cosmic existential issues. They see around it, They see this earth in all of its beauty and know that it is a world that one can know better, understand more, and comprehend to a greater degree. They like the physical. They don’t like the inexplicable.

When Virgos go to church, they go to church. If a Virgo cares about religion and spirituality, they don’t tend to get drunk at a bar and talk the “music of the spheres” with their fellow “spiritual friends.” I am not saying their aren’t Virgo “space cases,” but they have to have offsetting Moons and Rising Signs that would go toward that kind of spiritual experience.

Because of their love for plants, animals, pets, and children, they can go toward a “hippie” lifestyle, but that lifestyle is not so far afield from what used to be considered a good old-fashioned lifestyle. They can be content in these kinds of situations. However, they worry deeply. You don’t go up to them and declare that they are deeply worried. It’s just that being down here… without an instruction booklet is deeply existentially unnerving to Virgos. You see, the Virgo would love, and actually craves, an instruction booklet for the whole ball of wax.

Every sign represents a very strong part of realizing the Divine. Every sign has its lacks, emptiness, and blank spaces. All 12 represent an aspect of the Divine, and all twelve parts, when put together, give a marvelous picture. Virgo’s virginal quality endows it with certain special qualities, but it also comes up a little empty when it is compared with the deeper, more complex, and spiritual aspects.

Why Are They Prone to Tummy Aches?

Their tummy ache may be constant, or just the spot where their bad moods settle; or their tummy ache is just a metaphorical pain that sits at the center of them wishing they could understand more. Yes, you might say, don’t we all? Yes, but Virgo is at once unaware of this lack, while they are perhaps feeling its lack in a deeper way than others. This contradiction makes them feel profoundly uneasy at times, but the supposed answers that many seek do not satisfy the Virgo because they aren’t going to go after “crazy”, marginal, spooky, demonic, emotional, unstable or “out there” ideas.

Virgos Are Not Sentimental, but They Are Perfectly Themselves

You should not blame yourself for their sense of disquietude. Love them even though you are puzzled by them. Hopefully, your Virgo partner loves you with all of your complexities too. Most deep things about our loved ones and romantic partners cannot be solved, or cured, or fixed by virtue of “working on them together.” Most things are to be worked on by the soul alone. This is true of the Virgo especially, for they are not given to gushy openness or emotional intimate honesty. Be happy with them as they are, for they are perfectly themselves.


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    • profile image

      Phillip Perkins 

      18 months ago from Upland,IN.

      Im a true male plutonion Scorpio, (10/28/1987) My Mother 9/11(Virgo) My father 9/6(Virgo)Then the yen to my yang My Wife 9/18(Virgo) Yep.... I like being wrong lol...

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      This is the best Virgo post Ive ever seen on the net about conflict. My biological father is a virgo and despite the fact of not knowing him for 30 years and talking after many years of not talking, Weve sparred verbally after only speaking to each other for a couple months. I did not wish the confrontations and Im sure he didnt wish for them either. I pacificied his “high” comments for a time but had to be firm about my dislike for the way he spoke to me. I am a pisces and despite the common talk about pisces not want to participate in confrontation, I will be firm and blunt about what I have had enough of. I wish for respectful communication. I will not be belittled or condecended and I will give you a break a couple times if you decide to belittle or condescend me but once Ive had enough, I will share my thoughts with you and you will be reminded of your course words and you will have no arguement to share. You will only have your course words that I reminded you of sharing with me when I didnt deserve them.


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