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Why the ENFP and INFJ Are Perfect for Each Other

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

It can feel impossible to find your perfect match, but if you're an ENFP dating an INFJ (or vice versa), you're already three steps ahead.

It can feel impossible to find your perfect match, but if you're an ENFP dating an INFJ (or vice versa), you're already three steps ahead.

Complementary Personality Types

For every Myers-Briggs personality, there's a counterpart that makes an almost perfect fit (the key is in the functions). Relationships struggle if people don't have at least one pair of similar or dominant functions that guide them.

ENFP ("The Champion") and INFJ ("The Counselor") share the NF functions, which means they are both highly intuitive people who would struggle with someone who is more dominated by sensing. These two thrive on metaphors, abstractions, and the creative. Trying to get them to be normal and grounded would be like trying to make a levitating unicorn made of rainbows do your taxes.

Although any relationship can thrive, ENFPs do best with Intuition Feeling types, and INFJs do best with Extraverted Intuition types. Small wonder these two personalities are so drawn to each other!

ENFP: Extraverted, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving

INFJ: Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, Judging

The ENFP and INFJ will instantly have a connection, and whether it be friendship, a business partnership, or love, it should last for a long time. This doesn't mean the two will never have a falling out, but they should be able to overcome these issues because they intrinsically understand each other and balance each other out. If you take a look at the table of functional stacks below, it shouldn't be too hard to see why.

ENFP vs. INFJ Functional Stacks

 ENFPINFJ

Dominant Function

Extraverted Intuition (Ne)

Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Auxiliary Function

Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Extraverted Feeling (Fe)

Tertiary Function

Extraverted Thinking (Te)

Introverted Thinking (Ti)

Inferior Function

Introverted Sensing (Si)

Extraverted Sensing (Se)

But why exactly do these two personality types work so well together? It's a little more complicated than just saying they share functions.

This Article Discusses

  1. ENFP Compatibility
  2. INFJ Compatibility
  3. Pros and Cons of an ENFP-INFJ Relationship
  4. Why INFJs and ENFPs Are Attracted to Each Other
  5. Why INFJs and ENFPs Work Well Together
  6. ENFP Characteristics
  7. INFJ Characteristics
  8. Similarities Between INFJs and ENFPs
  9. How to Tell It's an ENFP-INFJ Connection
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1. ENFP Compatibility

ENFPs long for passionate relationships that foster growth in both partners. They thrive in relationships where they're able to explore, discover, and learn as a team, and they love nothing more than having their worldview expanded by intellectually stimulating partners.

Intuition Feeling (NF) Types

ENFPs are often drawn to other NF types (i.e. INFJ, INFP, ENFJ, and ENFP)—also known as The Idealists. The personality types in this group value authenticity and individuality and pair well together. The Idealist has a strong focus on cooperative interactions and a deep-seated need for meaning in life, so when you put two Idealists together, they're highly likely to engage in deeply meaningful and mutually satisfying conversations.

Sensing Judging (SJ) Types

SJ types (i.e. ESTJ, ISTJ, ISFJ, and ESFJ)—also known as The Guardians—offer a consistency and stability that ENFPs often find attractive and comforting, but these pairings are best made later in life, once each person has firmly settled into their personality type. Otherwise, they run the risk of using each other as crutches for their inferior functions (Si, in the ENFP's case).

Sensing Perceiving (SP) Types

ENFPs are also often attracted to SP types (i.e. ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, and ISTP)—also known as The Artisans. While they may seem similar in some ways, they have several key differences; for example, SPs are more interested in outward experiences than inward ones (e.g. actions and appearances vs. perspectives and ideas). This may eventually lead to frustration, as the SP will desire more sensory stimulation whereas the ENFP will long for more mental stimulation.

Intuition Perceiving (NP) Types

ENFPs also get along well with other NP types (i.e. INFP, INTP, ENFP, and ENTP)—also known as The Adaptable Innovators. Pairs from this group generally prefer similar lifestyles and will never run out of things to talk about.

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2. INFJ Compatibility

INFJs thrive in partnerships where their keen intellect is constantly being stimulated and challenged. A relationship grounded in reality, yet full of mental exploration and deep discussion is most satisfying for an INFJ.

Extraverted Intuition (EN) Types

INFJs are often drawn to EN types (ENFP, ENTP, ENFJ, and ENTJ), also known as the Action-Oriented Innovators because they balance each other out. The extroverted nature of the EN type satisfies the INFJ's desire to socialize and encourages them to get out of their comfort zone from time to time. ENFPs and ENFJs are particularly compatible with INFJs.

ENFPs love socializing and connecting with all kinds of people, but they also know how to gently coax the independent and creative side out of the typically more reserved INFJ while remaining sensitive to their need for quiet and calm.

ENFJs and INFJs are both incredibly passionate, but while the INFJ's convictions tend to remain internalized or "hidden," the ENFJ isn't afraid to put their beliefs out there for everyone to see. Since both personality types care immensely about the world and making it a better place, this pairing can work well.

Introverted Intuition (IN) Types

INFJs are also often drawn to other IN types (INTJ, INFP, and INTP), also known as the Thoughtful Innovators. This introspective and scholarly group prefers theory to real-world accomplishments, which is why they're often considered the least practical of the MBTI personality types.

This being said, IN types take great pleasure in the company of their fellow Thoughtful Innovators because they share the same heady, internal world. INFPs and INTJs are particularly well-suited to relationships with INFJs because, for all the traits they share, they also have some fundamental differences.

INFPs are less organized and punctual than INFJs, but their optimism is absolutely contagious. INTJs value logic over emotion, which can be grounding for the daydreamy INFJ.

NTP Types

INFJs are often drawn to NTP types due to a shared preference for intuition, which often leads to satisfying discussions about theoretical and metaphysical topics. They also have complementary judgment systems, combining thinking and feeling.

STP Types

INFJs are also sometimes drawn to STP types, though they are often hesitant to start relationships with other S types, and romantic relationships between these types are unlikely to last long-term.

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3. Pros of an ENFP-INFJ Relationship

  • The extroverted ENFP will appreciate the introverted INFJs incredible active-listening skills.
  • Their differing energy levels will balance each personality out—the ENFP will feel steadied and calmed by the INFJ, while the INFJ will appreciate the warmth and enthusiasm of the ENFP.
  • The INFJ will enjoy the ENFP's social leadership, benefiting from their outgoing nature to meet new friends they might normally be too shy to approach.
  • They will feed off each other's intellects and delight in discussing big-picture ideas and heady topics, especially if they share similar viewpoints.
  • INFJs provide welcome order and stability for spontaneously-natured ENFPs, while at the same time, ENFPs help INFJs let loose and see the fun in life.
  • Since both parties share the Feeling function, they are likely to be naturally affectionate with each other and show a warmth, sensitivity, and kindness that both partners will appreciate.
  • This shared function should also lead to a fairly harmonious relationship, as both parties will be attuned to their partner's needs and desires and do their best to meet them.

Challenges of an ENFP-INFJ Relationship

  • ENFPs may occasionally feel bored by the INFJ's quiet, introspective nature, while INFJs might feel ENFPs are too loud and resent their tendency to dominate the conversation.
  • Reconciling the respectively social and homebody natures of these two personality types can be difficult, and may lead to frustrations in situations where the couple needs to decide how to spend their free time.
  • Their combination of the ENFP's restlessness and the INFJ's tendency to turn inwards, household chores and the like may be neglected.
  • INFJs may feel ENFPs are too indecisive, while ENFPs may find INFJs to be too controlling. This can lead to conflict (which the INFJ tends to shy away from).
  • The strong mutual desire for harmony may compel both parties to bottle up negative feelings and avoid disagreements in an attempt not to introduce stress and discord into their relationship. Unfortunately, this will eventually backfire when these unhappy feelings overflow.
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4. Why Are INFJs and ENFPs Attracted to Each Other?

Both the INFJ and ENFP will feel an instant attraction to each other because they both have pieces the other one desires.

Why INFJs Find ENFPs Attractive

ENFPs are primarily information gatherers but through extroverted intuition. To the INFJ, the ENFP talks in the way the INFJ takes in information. This is all very pleasing and creates an ESP effect.

Why ENFPs Find INFJs Attractive

The INFJ is more introspective and knows how to help the ENFP with their emotional growth. The INFJ knows how to encourage them and let them know it's okay to have dark thoughts, to be a little serious, and to have the crazy kind of depth. At the same time, ENFPs also delight in seeing others happy, which is why they love to pull INFJs out of their shell.

The INFJ may be surprised at just how much the ENFP actually craves time by themselves and melting with more independent creative ideas. The ENFP will also be surprised by the army of friends that the seemingly shy INFJ accumulates.

5. Why ENFPs and INFJs Work Well Together

It's likely that you will have a great deal in common just by being in the NF family. They're both well-liked people and sometimes struggle with people pleasing. They're family-centered and will put a lot of energy toward building and raising a family well. When they're both certain they want to stay with each other, they'll put less energy toward friends. They get emotionally motivated toward each other.

If both are mature in their functions, they'll be an incredible support system for each other. They may both struggle with their "S" (Sensing), however, which is down in the gutter.

Why INFJs Struggle With "Se," and How to Improve

For the INFJ, they need to express who they are in the physical realm in order to grow their Se (Extraverted Sensing) instead of only relying on intuition. If you only rely on intuition, it will be like having a super-powerful right arm with a gimpy, in-need-of-being-amputated left arm.

You can get in tune with your Sensing side by cooking, dancing, doing chores, pottery, hiking, etc.—anything that gets your body to move. Slow your mind down and be more conscious of what you're doing. This will help you become grounded in reality. You might not like it at first, but if you balance this out, you'll also have stronger intuition.

Why ENFPs Struggle With "Si," and How to Improve

As for the ENFP, you have Si (Introverted Sensing) at the bottom, which is introverted sensing. Si is one of the most difficult functions to understand and grow. It's not something the western world promotes, but the eastern world gets it. Si has to do with understanding the physical processes within.

You can do this through meditation, chakra balancing, praying, etc. Try spending time by yourself for 30 minutes and going through each part of your body and asking how it feels. Do this until the storm of intuition in your mind stops talking (both through your mouth and brain). If an ENFP refuses to take care of their Fi and Si for things they consider more fun, those qualities will stab them in the back.

Note: One of the best personalities you can learn about Si from is the ISFJ, who is dominated by introverted sensing and is similar enough to the INFJ that it won't drive an ENFP bonkers.

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6. ENFP Characteristics

ENFPs are among the least judgmental and most inclusive of the MBTI personality types, and they love finding and cultivating the potential in others. Their Ne allows them to understand different points of view, and their Fi gives them a strong capacity for empathy. They're known for being open-minded and enthusiastic novelty-seekers. More than anything, ENFPs fear boredom and stagnation.

With extroverted intuition guiding them, they can see how things fit in at an advanced, macrocosmic level. You may drive an ENFP crazy with too many details and structure when what they really crave is openness, both in ideas and in their lifestyle.

Though they're skilled at looking at the big picture, ENFPs can also go all the way to the bottom with introverted sensing, where they must ask questions of their body, how it feels, why it feels the way it does. The more ENFPs can force themselves to better understand this, the more they'll grow and appreciate everything.

Struggles of an ENFP

ENFPs often feel a strong Fi-Si (Introverted Feeling-Introverted Sensing) loop that they can get stuck in. This can lead to anxiety, restlessness, and trouble sleeping. ENFPs can appear so scattered and frenetic that they are often misdiagnosed with ADD or ADHD.

The ENFP is the champion and always wants to involve people, spread ideas, and get things in motion. But they have a more introspective side that they don't always know how to convey (or whether they should convey it at all).

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7. INFJ Characteristics

INFJs—who comprise just 1% of the population—are often considered "old souls." They feel happy and fulfilled when helping others, which they can do well thanks to their ability to look past people's façades and see their inner selves clearly.

They love deep conversations, which engage their Fe and Ni functions, and they're deeply concerned with quality and authenticity in all they do.

They love learning about what’s in this world, questioning what’s out there and how they can apply it to their value system, and testing the waters to see what resonates with them spiritually. You know you’re an INFJ 100% if you feel like a psychic to some degree — though this may make you feel like you don’t fit in with society.

Struggles of an INFJ

The INFJ wants to be understood and needs help coming out of their shell because they are the rarest personality type, making them feel constantly like their ideas and feelings don't fit in with the rest of the way the group feels.

INFJs often feel unheard and misunderstood by those around them, which can cause them to question their value in a world that appears indifferent to their insights. This, in turn, makes them more prone to depression than many other personality types.

The INFJ also struggles with being quiet because their dominant function is introverted intuition — their first objective is to process information introspectively. Until this hits their emotional center and they can translate the information empathetically, they tend to keep it to themselves.

Similarities Between ENFPs and INFJs

  • They're both religious and spiritual people, which is another reason they're drawn to each other.
  • Both are obsessed with people and gathering information about people because they're in the NF temperament.
  • Both of these personalities have unique social skills because the INFJ is the most social introvert and the ENFP is hyper social, but also in need of chill, quiet space.
  • They both have tendencies to be hippies. They want to play and create in the world, not be tied down to paying bills. These personalities need careers that make their passions shine, not necessarily their bank accounts. If they have the immediate things taken care of in their physical surroundings, they're happy campers. They need their fill when it comes to imagination and fantasy. (I suggest that they live in a space that doesn't require a lot of belongings, because less is more for them—and will keep them from going bankrupt.)

8. Friendships Between INFJs and ENFPs

Thanks to the complementary nature of their personalities, even if things don't work out romantically between these types, they're likely to remain close friends. The intellectual satisfaction that accompanies their interactions creates a deep bond between the two, and they truly bring out the best in each other.

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9. How to Tell It's an INFJ-ENFP Connection

Those witnessing an ENFP and INFJ connection will probably be wondering why the heck the two are not together yet. Whether you’re looking at this relationship from the outside or you’re half of the pair, here are some quick ways to tell it’s an INFJ-ENFP connection.

  • Everything else and everyone else in the room disappears for these two. They’re so focused on sharing their inner worlds that everything else gets tuned out. They’re in their own little world — and it’s completely enthralling.
  • Hyperactive spontaneity. If you’re an INFJ and you think you’re not spontaneous, something isn’t right. INFJs love the random — it gives their introverted intuition a major jolt. The ENFP-INFJ pair will get into many spontaneous situations with little to no planning.
  • This combination of traits creates a powerful duo of jokesters. The ENFP starts the joke off, the INFJ comes in with the punchline, and they keep going with that energy.
  • They’ll stare at each other from afar. They like the connection, so they’ll keep checking on one another from afar when they can’t be right next to each other.
  • The two will plan to only spend a little bit of time with each other and then be together for an entire night . . . which is what they really wanted anyway.
  • The ENFP will chase the INFJ and the INFJ will make obstacles to see if the ENFP is truly set on them. An INFJ will literally find another prospective lover and say, “Don’t you want to talk to them?” And the ENFP will either say “no” or push that person away. The ENFP knows how to decide on a person, and the INFJ has to check to make sure there’s loyalty.
  • The ENFP will get louder and louder while the INFJ will get wittier and wittier.
  • Deep, sensual hugs. They can communicate without words and just convey it all in a hug.
  • They will serve others. They want to make sure those around them are okay. They make a perfect counseling team.
  • Don’t confuse the ENFP for only wanting to be around the herd. He wants the INFJ all to himself. It will be a noticeable goal.
  • The INFJ may be slow to the ENFP’s advances. Have patience . . . they’re likely to come around.
  • The two are both idiosyncratic. Both have rich inner lives. When they come across each other, they’re drawn to each other because of their vivid imaginations.
  • These are two of the most intelligent personalities. They occasionally try to hide their brains so they can fit into a group situation, but don’t be surprised if they jump in conversation from philosophy, religion, and math, to cartoons, UFOS, and unicorns.
  • They’re both dominated by information gathering — they express affection by large info dumps and seeing how all those dots can connect.
  • Creative expressions — late-night jams, dancing, pottery making, poetry reading, cooking, and painting.
  • You’ll see the INFJ be more comfortable than you’ve ever seen and more out of their shell. You’ll see the ENFP more balanced . . . and also insane.
  • They hate conflict, but they know how to resolve it with kindness over arrogance.
  • They seem like two giant big kids, somehow still innocent . . . yet also with the dirtiest minds you’ve ever come across.

Remember—The MBTI Personality Type Only Goes So Far

There's no hard-and-fast rule for which personality types should and shouldn't date, but certain pairings will naturally have an easier time navigating their relationship based on shared function pairings (i.e. two matching personality preferences or tendencies). While relationships with no function pair in common can still work, they often require both partners to put in far more effort simply to understand one another.

All that said, you shouldn't rule out dating someone you like simply because their MBTI type doesn't match up perfectly with yours, nor should you decide to date someone you're not terribly fond of just because theirs does. As long as both partners are committed to communicating openly and effectively and encouraging each other's personal growth, any relationship has a chance to thrive.

Sources

Questions & Answers

Question: I have seen many MBTI zodiac pairings you have written about. Can you tell me about INFJ Cancer women and an ENFP Aquarius men?

Answer: INFJ Cancer woman:

Emotionally powerful. Could be potentially manipulative, but could also be a very kind hearted person. The Cancer sign and extroverted-feeling function should be very loud. This person will likely be spiritual, charitable, and very feminine, if not motherly. The Cancer will strive to be the best it can be, but will feel it falls short. She tries too hard to be perfect. This is also a very intelligent person, but often misunderstood. They love deeply, sometimes showing too much of their heart, and other times being too quiet. Huge waves of emotion follow them everywhere. Sometimes they feel lonely.

ENFP Aquarius man:

An incredibly bright person who is also friendly. Just about everyone and their dog is going to like this man. As the ENFP he is the champion, but as the Aquarius, he also has an extra dosage of brains, wit, and sarcasm. This person will likely to do well in life, venturing into school and also being somewhat of a hippie. This is an incredibly open minded person, and he blesses the world through that.

Aquarius could potentially outgrow the Cancer. They may feel burdened by her. Aquarius could also potentially be highly attracted to her and forget everything else. If the Cancer is creative, Aquarius will likely stay longer. Cancer is looking for devotion and something deep.

© 2015 Andrea Lawrence