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The INTP and INFJ Combination: An Introduction Into What Makes Them Tick
On more than one occasion, I have heard that the relationship between an INTP and INFJ is called the golden pair. Perhaps it is the shared introversion and intuition that makes this couple sparkle.
Today we're going to look a little deeper as to what makes this relationship work, why INTP often finds itself craving an INFJ, and why an INFJ might actually be happier with an INTP than the much-sought-after ENFP.
So Let's Start With the Basics.
The INTP is considered the main thinker of Myers Briggs.
This is your mad scientist type, the friend who collects mountains of books, has plenty of trivial knowledge, tends to have a laundry list of skills, and can beat just about anyone at chess. The INTP's top function according to Myers Briggs is introverted-thinking, followed by extroverted-intuition, introverted-sensing, and last but not least pesky extroverted-feeling. (Is what you're reading gibberish to you? Scroll down. There's a cheat sheet chart to help you out if you are not familiar with Myers Briggs. )
The INTP is designed to handle just about any problem in the logical world, and they can also turn just about any problem around that is abstract. But that pesky Fe can make it difficult for them to sometimes mask their emotions, understand their emotions, or find anything solid about, oh let's say, spirituality.
They love facts, they love theories, and they love originality. This is in part why they so easily become attracted to the INFJ, who is also a powerhouse thinker, but in a different way. INFJ has a much more defined Fe, and can do things with its empathy, intuition, and charisma that INTP would love to replicate. Also, the INFJ can actually understand the INTP who often feels like no one gets them. INFJ is able to understand with very little the people around them, so sometimes they take for granted this special power. INTP adores INFJ because they have these keen instincts about people. INTP wishes they had that to that degree.
INTP has probably spent a lifetime of people either taking advantage of the INTP or being on the poor end of someone's jealousy. Lucky for INTP, INFJ with its intuition sharpened by Fe can connect some of the dots, help the INTP be even stronger, and end a world of loneliness.
INFJ Charisma Comes Into Play
INFJ is dominated by introverted-intuition, followed by extroverted-feeling, introverted-thinking, and lastly pesky extroverted-sensing.
INFJ is the rarest personality type—INTP is also a rare personality type—so INFJ with its incredible compassion and obscure thinking can often be left in the dark when it comes to social groups. Many INFJ end up becoming very social and charismatic due to having strong NF traits. They tend to think way outside the box, looking for answers more as to what is the infinite, does spirituality exist, and what are the highest virtues? INFJ is a counselor of other humans, a humanitarian at heart, and also full of creativity. It's because of all this creativity, mystery, and surprising intellect that INTP can't help but like the INFJ.
And INFJ, who is often a sapiosexual, can't help but feel impressed and at ease with an INTP. They like the combination of the person's high intellect, and also the creative space the two end up making when they are together.
Cheat Sheet: Myers Briggs
|Preferences||How it Plays Out||Socially||Pros|
Someone charged by ideas rather than people.
Tends to stay closer to the sides in a social group rather than the loud leader.
Doesn't get as stir crazy if left idle by one's self for too long.
Someone charged more by people than ideas.
Wants to connect with lots of people, but could suffer to develop relationships and focus too much on groups and parties.
Makes friends fast, networks fast, and can make others feel included.
Gathers information by using its five senses, practical knowledge, and hard work.
Tends to take things literally, hard working people who typically focus on basic parts of life like getting a house, saving money, or other practical matters.
Stays a tried and true path. Excellent at keeping traditions.
Gathers information from patterns, metaphors, and abstractions
Have a tendency to be creative, to be really in their heads, and innovative
Tend to see things differently, can understand a number of abstract things around them, can understand the cogs that move things around them.
Straightforward logic. Being able to solve a problem without having to take into consideration other people.
Great for objectivity, solving complex problems, and sticking to formulas.
Able to make decisions without worrying as much about how it will impact others. Can move to new places with ease.
Being able to think through situations by looking into how others feel.
Great for subjectivity, helps bring harmony, works to make things better for all.
Connects well with the human spirit, able to connect more with emotions.
Having a tendency toward being on time, sticking to deadlines, being tidy.
Great for accomplishing tasks and sticking to timetables.
Stays committed to projects.
Spontaneous and improvising, can feel constricted by too much structure or time constaints.
Great for exploring the world and taking on different opportunities and daydreaming.
Likes to go with the flow, great for connecting with others, and able to linger more on what they enjoy.
The Scope of the Relationship
This is a unique pairing in that they are two of the smartest personality types. INTP tends to go far in school, and so does INFJ. They both feel misunderstood, but for different reasons. They have different outlooks, but together they can help patch up the weaker spots of the other. INTP gets so lost in its powerful thinking that sometimes it doesn't know how to get back to matters of the heart, find real connection with others, and also apply some of those virtue-like attributes.
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INTP can get into all sorts of trouble in life, especially when young. They may have an interest in some of the weirder shades of life, but an INFJ usually sticks to a wise path and avoids scruples altogether. These two bring a variety of functions to the table as a couple -- while also sharing functions in common. This helps in making a strong connection, giving variety to the relationship, and also having common ground. It can be difficult to be in a relationship where you have no functions in common. Especially when you are intuitive dominate. These are less common to start with, and most intuitives fare better when they interact with someone else who likes intuition. People who like communicating in patterns, metaphors, and symbols do better with each other than with sensing types who gain information from the world primarily through their five senses, and also tend to be more grounded and practical. Sometimes putting a practical partner and an impractical partner together is a recipe for disaster. They'll have a hard time understanding the other person and knowing how to communicate in a way that makes sense for them.
INTP and INFJ are able to stand apart independently. They have enough space to see who they are as individuals while also coming together for a unique and fulfilling relationship. INTP and INFJ may spend hours upon hours writing messages back and forth to each other, communicating just for the sake of communicating, and trying out all kinds of adventures. They both have a touch of wanderlust, they enjoy having a plethora of hobbies, and they both have a soft spot for the arts. They'll enjoy the other person's unique perspective in life, and they'll also feel that together their life just gets better and better. You should see improvement in your life when you are in a couple; that's not to say your single life isn't great on its own, but in a couple, you can find the value of your life increasing.
INTP and INFJ can naturally be themselves around each other. In fact, they are attracted to the odd behaviors of the other. INTP finds an INFJ endearing, sacred, mesmerizing, a fun companion, and lovely. The INFJ will find the INTP to be complete, intelligent, a never-ending conversation buddy, charming, and memorable. The two will spend hours upon hours just going through each other's libraries, whether books, albums, or movies.
This tends to be a witty, laid back couple, who also dart about the planet looking for how to grow their romance. The INTP will help the INFJ remember to be more into reality and not just their head. The INTP will help bring out the raw intelligence of the INFJ. And the INFJ, in turn, will bring out the heart of the INTP, they'll open the INTP to possibilities it would usually laugh at or wouldn't give it a chance. The INTP is very in tune to the INFJ, and secretly thinks INFJ types are actually smarter than it.
INTP respects INFJ intelligence partly because they tend to see things the INTP does not naturally see. They also like how gentle and considerate the INFJ is in dealing with other people. INTP is often caught off guard by their brilliance, while INFJ never questions the brilliance of the INTP—they just kind of understand its magnitude. INFJ will work with INTP to stay on deadlines, to be timely, to have good manners, and to ultimately be more refined. INTP will help INFJ to loosen up.
These two in tandem have each others' backs. They don't have an idle relationship, but one that is always in action, refining itself, and somehow with a great deal of grace. You might catch them in a library laughing over a P.J. Wodehouse book, drinking tea together, or going on a crazy INFJ induced date like a trip to Japan to see Studio Ghibli.
Myers Briggs Functions
|Functions||Plays Out||Functions for Golden Pair||Strength for Personality|
Acts on concrete data from here and now. Trusts the present, then lets it go.
Compares present facts and experiences to past experience. Trusts the past. Stores sensory data for future use.
Sees possibilities in the external world. Trusts flashes from the unconscious, which can then be shared with others.
Looks at consistency of ideas and thoughts with an internal framework. Trusts flashes from the unconscious, which may be hard for others to understand.
Seeks logic and consistency in the outside world. Concern for external laws and rules.
Seeks internal consistency and logic of ideas. Trusts his or her internal framework, which may be difficult to explain to others.
INFJ and INTP
3 and Strongest, 1
Seeks harmony with and between people in the outside world. Interpersonal and cultural values are important.
INFJ and INTP
2 and 4
Seeks harmony of action and thoughts with personal values. May not always articulate those values.
Long term: this couple needs to make sure they communicate what is going in their heads. Both have such intricate worlds inside their heads that it can be easy to neglect to share it. The two work best in tandem with each other, not in isolation. You need to communicate and put yourself out there. INFJ may need to be the one to initiate some of the romance more to help light a flame for INTP, and for the INTP to feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts.
What you two will enjoy with each other is your shared large range of vocabulary. INFJ and INTP tend to be writers. Strong writers do well to date and be with writers who can comprehend them and also help them to be stronger writers. INFJ and INTP have a lot on their minds, and one of the hardest parts of dating for these two as individuals is finding someone who really clicks with them. Sometimes they'll feel like they are only understood in pieces, so they need someone who does have electric intuition. INFJ does well with a partner who has Extroverted intuition and INTP does well with a partner with Introverted Intuition. These slightly different edges to intuition help the two to share their inner worlds.
INTP and INFJ should work together to make practical matters happen. INTP might have a slight advantage in this department over INFJ. INTP can be more grounded, but INFJ can help them to stay on track with deadlines. INTP can get lost in their head when it comes to getting things actually done because of their perceiving preference. INFJ can focus so much on ethical, spiritual, and emotional matters of the mind that they forget to do grounded things like taking care of money. This is where INTP can step in and help out. Together these two help each other with their weaker areas -- and they should do this quite naturally.
They'll also appreciate the introversion of the other. Even though both of these personalities do well with certain extroverted partners, having someone who is also introverted helps to give more space in the relationship and also more time to look at ideas... and then come back with new and interesting information that the two can share with each other. Introverts understand introverts and the complex inner worlds they have for their love that never ends for ideas. The two might find themselves talking or sharing for hours, and then needing some space the next day. This kind of pair would do excellent with a long distance relationship that is headed toward a closer distance relationship. They can communicate all day long about their ideas while also going about their lives. Some partners are much more demanding about seeing each other in person and having that social interaction making them not so good for long distance -- but INTP and INFJ are looking for a mental connection. Both have sapiosexual tendencies and can get turned on by brains. They both may date some duds, but they really will find their sexual chemistry when they find someone having a strong mental aptitude.
Date Ideas for INFJ and INTP
- Go to an art museum where the two of you can meander, find new ideas, and also talk to each other about what you find.
- Go to a wedding together, enjoy the random people, the food, and the kind of night that only lasts once.
- Observatory decks
- Travel to a new city you have never seen.
- Places with books -- libraries, book stores, cafes, anywhere books are read.
- Look around for interesting places in your city. You can type into Google "fun places near you" and see if anything pops up that is different.
- Go to an amusement park and be amused by all the different ideas that come forward as you go from one crazy ride to another.
- Pick movies that are whimsical, colorful, thoughtful, and bizarre.
- Lovely places: go to parks, botanical gardens, mountains, beaches, beautiful buildings.
- Play board games together and things that will test the mind.
- Build a sheet fort
- Go camping.
- Travel to another country.
- Puzzles, drinking tea, and watching TV
- Sit around a campfire.
- Go to a zoo, aquarium, or sea parks.
- Try taking a class together: dancing, pottery, or cooking.