Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.
How ESFJs Act When They're Flirting (or in Love!)
The ESFJ is one of the easiest Myers-Briggs personalities to read, and it's not hard to tell if they like you, are flirting with you, or have a favorable view of you. ESFJ stands for extroverted, sensing, feeling, and judging. The ESFJ personality is dominated by its judging, extroverted feelings, followed by its introverted sensing, extroverted intuition, and introverted thinking.
This type of person has a tendency to wear their heart on their sleeve. They may struggle with too much complexity or too much dry material. They have a thirst for excitement, and they love getting to know people, expressing their emotions, and staying in the moment. They are smart, fun, and affectionate. However, they keep a lot of their deeper thoughts to themselves—this is their introverted and less developed side.
Hanging out at lengthy symposiums on abstract subjects sounds tedious to them. At lectures, I've seen ESFJ personalities fiddle with the objects around them as if to keep themselves awake—doing things like pouring glue on their hands or painting their fingernails. They're smart, but metaphors are totally not their thing. Take them where things are active, social, and magical. This personality can lean toward the traditional, and they love holidays, popular pastimes, and the like.
ESFJ is a total flirt. They're often a cheerleader, conversationalist, or super mom. Many have fallen for the ESFJ personality, but how do you know if that affection is returned?
36 Signs That an ESFJ Likes You
1. ESFJ is a fairly forward personality. They love having friends. They prefer being in a relationship to having long stretches of being single.
2. An ESFJ will set the moves. They'll touch you, bat their eyes, and try to get your number.
3. An ESFJ has no problem inviting you to group activities. They love to play games and see how different people will interact with each other. If they're trying to set up a time with you one on one, that's a sign.
4. They will laugh at your jokes, whether they're funny or not.
5. This personality often wears their heart on their sleeve. They're usually pretty easy to read when it comes to romance. So if it seems hard to read, they probably aren’t into you.
6. An ESFJ will try to get things in motion.
7. They love to play pranks or strange games on people. Sometimes they can't help but get heated and argue over the most minuscule of things.
8. An ESFJ will dress to the nines. They're probably already noticeably attractive, but when they like someone, they'll go the extra mile.
9. If an ESFJ is detaching themselves from their best friend to talk to you, that means they're interested.
10. If they are willing to talk to you through messaging late at night rather than sleep, they probably like your company.
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11. It's easy to mistake an ESFJ's friendliness for flirting. You can be forward and ask them straight up. They might get confused and be all over the place, but eventually, they'll come to see the truth.
12. They'll try to soften your heart. When they don't like someone, I mean really dislike, they'll make it clear. An ESFJ might make fun of you or completely ignore you.
13. An ESFJ wants things their way and may try to control the situation. If they're letting you lead, then they are smitten.
14. If they suddenly get quiet and coyer when they're otherwise loud and outgoing, they might have a thing for you.
15. If an ESFJ keeps spending time with you to the point where it seems clingy, they probably have a thing for you.
16. An ESFJ will explode with energy in your presence.
17. An ESFJ will make sure you're okay—they'll cook for you, bring you soup when you're sick, or entertain you.
18. An ESFJ will keep mementos that you give them, such as flowers, cards, and jewelry.
19. If an ESFJ wears something you give them often, then they probably like you.
20. If an ESFJ starts making gifts for you, they are probably smitten.
21. When an ESFJ really likes someone, they don't care much about the details. They'll go with you to things that they don't particularly like.
22. An ESFJ will try to make themselves look better than they are. They may lie about themselves hoping that you'll like them. They'll smile, be a bright source of energy, and go along with just about anything.
23. An ESFJ will try to get you to go to things. They want you to try everything. They'll motivate you no matter how sad you might be.
24. An ESFJ will be willing to make a complete fool of themselves for you.
25. An ESFJ will want all of your attention sometimes.
26. An ESFJ will have clear and abundant affection for you.
27. An ESFJ will make sure to make plans with you.
28. This person's face will light up when you enter the room.
29. They'll want to align with what's going on in your life.
30. An ESFJ will have mood swings based on the intensity that they feel for you.
31. An ESFJ will want to share everything with you: Oreos, handmade bracelets, time, clothes, etc.
32. An ESFJ will want to show you to everybody—to friends, family, strangers, pets, the homeless, teachers, the police, and even to kittens stuck in trees.
33. An ESFJ will want to know everything about you. Every detail matters. They thrive on knowing more about you and collecting that information.
34. An ESFJ may clean your place for you. They might feel the need to do the dishes, tidy up your desk, and make food for you. They want you to feel comfortable and make sure your space is clean.
35. An ESFJ will want to be wherever the action is happening. They will want to take you to that action.
36. They will send you lots of invites; invites everywhere. They are bursting with emotions.
Ways to Show Them Your Affection
- Be consistent. Spend lots of time with them. Send them messages when you're away. They're not necessarily clingy, but they do thrive on connectivity and time.
- Keep things active. Go to fun places. Let them meet lots of people. Introduce them to strange, quirky people. They enjoy that.
- Keep things clean. You could overwhelm them by making too many messes and tasks that they'll feel obliged to do.
- Encourage them to show their deeper thoughts. People often focus so much on their sensing and feeling functions that they don't get the chance to explore and express their critical thinking. By letting it come out, they'll develop it more. Compliment their intelligence.
- Celebrate traditions with them. An ESFJ loves holidays, birthdays, and the like.
- Buy them gifts that they can show off.
- Do romantic, spontaneous gestures. They have an eye for spontaneity. ESFJs seem very open to dating most personality types. Their most compatible combinations are with ISFP and INFP because those two both have an introverted presence. The ESFJ needs someone long-term who has emotional competency.
- Get emotionally high. Get emotionally low. Please don't bore them, okay?
- Let them express themselves. Listen to them. The worst thing you can do is walk away and say they're too much for you when they're crying.
- They'll want to talk, talk, talk. Make sure you listen, listen, listen.
- Console them when they cry.
- Encourage their talents.
- Show them to all the people you love. They'll do this naturally, but their partner might need some help doing this.
- Give them hugs. They like physical affection.
- Take them out to a fancy dinner, buy them the food, give them jewelry, and spend lots of one-on-one time with them.
- Smile, make good eye contact with them, and tell them your secrets. Encourage them to laugh—it's what they like to do.
More Myers-Briggs Articles
- Signs Your Crush Likes You Through Texting: Myers-Briggs Version
A guide to flirtatious texting across the Myers-Briggs universe. The differences between texting an INFJ vs. an ESTP. Find out how to best text your partner, get a clear direction on romance, etc.
- Breaking Down Myers Briggs: What Is Judging vs. Perceiving
Learning about personality differences for those who are deadline-oriented and those who are more eccentric and open.
© 2015 Andrea Lawrence