How to Tell if He's a Jerk
OK, so not all men are jerks. But we have all either been there ourselves or watched a good friend date a jerk. Only to wonder later down the road "why didn't I see this before?" or "how did I not know he was a jerk?"
So here are some tips to help you decide whether or not he's a jerk before it's too late!
My intentions are not to put men down. But to help fellow women out who have fallen for a jerk.
He Might Be a Jerk If
- He might be a jerk if he treats his mother poorly. If he has a good relationship with his mother, you then know how he treats the important women in his life. There is a better chance that he will treat you right.
- He might be a jerk if you have to make up excuses for him. "He isn't always like this" or "he's busy, that's all", if you find yourself often repeating these phrases or similar phrases. Your man is likely a jerk. You shouldn't have to hide who he really is.
- He might be a jerk if he keeps telling you how popular he is with the women. You don't have time for this. He's likely lying anyway. What does it matter if other women like him? He is supposedly be in a relationship with you, right?
- He might be a jerk if you are constantly doing things you don't want to do. Sure every now and then we compromise to make each other happy. But remember this goes both ways. And if he has you doing things that you feel are wrong. They are WRONG.
- He might be a jerk if you feel deep down inside he is a jerk. No, it's not you. It's him. Don't make up excuses for him and tell yourself it's your fault. There is such thing as a "gut feeling" and it's usually right.
- He might be a jerk if he ignores you when your speaking to him. A good man cares about what you have to say. Or at least is honest enough to let you know he has no interest in hearing about the new tampons you want to try out. Maybe you are not important enough to him and he has better things on his mind?
- He might be a jerk if he tells you how to feel. If he always tells you how you should feel, what you need, and/or what you want. He's no good. It's YOUR personality that determines these factors. Not him. People can be upset with your choices. But remember these are still YOUR choices.
- He might be a jerk if you feel you have to prove yourself to him. You don't. A man who truly cares about you loves you for who you are already.
- He is a jerk if he's abusive. This isn't just physical abuse. If he's emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, verbally abusive, financially abusive, ect. You need to get out of there, now!
- He is a jerk if he treats his pets poorly. This shows you how he treats others he feels are "below him".
- He might be a jerk if you feel the need to hide things from him. He loves you for you right? Then why would you need to hide things from him?
- He might be a jerk if he brags all the time. Sure well all like to hint at our successes. But if this happens frequently, he's a jerk.
- He might be a jerk if he calls you when he knows your busy. If it's an emergency, then fine. But if he calls more often when you are out having fun than when he knows your home alone. He's a jerk.
- He is a jerk if he calls you by the wrong name. This is never a good thing.
- He might be a jerk if your friends and/or family say he is. Yes, listen to your mom when she tells you you can do better. She's likely right. Remember the saying "love is blind"?
- He might be a jerk if he lies all the time. If you are often catching him in lies. Even small ones. This is not a good sign. What else could he being lying about?
- He might be a jerk if he is constantly pointing out other women. If other women interest him so much then let him go be with those other women. He's not worth your time.
- He might be a jerk if his friends keep secrets about him from you. Whatever they are hiding from you can't be good.
- He might be a jerk if he doesn't put in any effort. If he's not putting in an effort to get involved in your life. Don't bother getting involved in his.
- He might be a jerk if he tells you how you should look. If he doesn't like what your wearing or how you've done your make-up because you'll draw attention. He's a jerk. These aren't his decisions to make.
- He might be a jerk if he points out your anatomical flaws. "your nose is too big", "your hips are too wide", or "your breasts are too small". You deserve better than this.
- He might be a jerk if you feel fearful or anxious around him. Obviously something here isn't right.
- He might be a jerk if he makes you feel you are overreacting when you are not. Yes, breaking a promise is worth getting upset over.
- He might be a jerk if he purposely hangs around girls you don't like. You've told him you don't trust her. But yet he jumps at the opportunity to dance with her. Bad sign.
- He might be a jerk if he goes through your purse without permission. What is he looking for and why is he being so secretive about it?
If you are doubting your man right about now. He is likely a jerk. Don't forget about your own self-worth. You can do better.
Questions & Answers
Question: My friend called me to say he needed to take a step back because he thinks that l like him more than he likes me, thus hurting my feelings. This is a jerk, right?
Answer: Yes! He sounds too complicated and not worth your time relationship-wise.
Alla on January 11, 2015:
You've really helped me unrdastend the issues. Thanks.
Tracy B (author) from Canada on March 31, 2014:
Thank-you for your kind words everyone!
Yves on January 30, 2014:
Great advice. I give you a thumbs up, not to mention a Vote Up. Choice #4 is very important. I am glad you mentioned it because it is imperative that we not do anything that violates our conscience or our standards.
Sheryl on June 28, 2013:
I have to agree on some of this, for sure! Been married for 13 years and I am finally tired of my jerk of a husband!
shere on June 28, 2013:
yup, most of the apply to my husband! Why didn't I see it before I married him :( He changed...
Tamara on March 10, 2013:
Please please, stay away from cruel people. You will hate yourself later for tolerating them. Life became so much better when I realized I didn't have to put up with crap! Disagreements are okay but, cruelty should not be excepted.
Dorothy Robinson Woods from Mobile, Al on July 25, 2012:
dotty1 from In my world on June 22, 2012:
I loved this hub ....and I have one .....He IS A JERK - if he has just decided to ignore you after 6 years and ignores every text you send :(
msorensson on January 21, 2012:
What a great hub!
MissFrost from 50% Island Girl, 25% East Coast Girl, 25% Country Girl on December 30, 2011:
Wow! I can identify with #7, 16, 19, 23, 24, and 25! I just wrote a book review hub title, "Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You."
Stephanie Das from Miami, US on October 20, 2011:
This is a great hub! A little bit funny, and completely true. I vote with number 10, that's a good way to know about someone's character.
Tracy B (author) from Canada on October 07, 2011:
A relationship is a two way street. And I am sorry to say but it doesn't sound like he is holding up his end. :(
Kiwi9312 from west virginia on October 07, 2011:
some of these pointed to my boyfriend...we have been together for almost a year and i love him with all my heart but the hard thing is, he said he isn't in love with me yet. he said he doesn't like texting and if i text him he doesn't reply..and some days he tells me he wants to be alone and have a day to himself but then i find out he was with his other friends. he has a habit of making jokes and sometimes they are not funny, and hurt my feelings but he always says he is never serious. we have been through a lot together and i don't want to lose him but sometimes im afraid i will because he doesn't seem to be so excited by me, i do everything i can for him to help him..but it just seems like he is not so interested sometimes. im not sure what to do..
AngelTrader from New Zealand on August 10, 2011:
I'm a Saint!! None of those points have ever applied to me!
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on August 10, 2011:
Numbers 10, 14 and 25 get my vote! Like this hub. Voting up.