Andrea has a background in Myers-Briggs and Western astrology. She mostly writes about relationships.
When INFJ and ENFJ Fall in Love
INFJ and ENFJ will make for a compelling relationship that's fused together by intuition and emotions. The pair will have to work harder on their thinking and sensing aspects. (I really can't stress enough just how dominated these two personalities are by intuition and feeling.)
INFJ and ENFJ will be an intense relationship full of imagination, passion, emotional displays, creativity, and silliness. The two feel very much understood in each other's company. INFJ can help ENFJ to balance their emotions more, as ENFJ has HUGE emotions that often do overwhelm them. Both INFJ and ENFJ are people-oriented; they care a lot about their friends and social connections.
INFJ is often more of an ambivert. Their introversion-extroversion score often leans toward the middle. NFs in general are socially conscientious.
ENFJs can be excessive extroverts. They're constantly around people and trying to please people, so they sometimes aren't in tune with their own thoughts and beliefs.
INFJ will encourage ENFJ to seek introspection in order to be with their thoughts and to be still. It can get confusing when you're jumping from one social experience to the next and have little time to process what is happening and what you truly want to do.
ENFJ will appreciate that INFJ gives them stability in this area. Sometimes ENFJ feels a great deal of chaos because of their social burdens. When they become too socially overwhelmed, they will seek solitude to recover. The judging aspect of ENFJ will demand that they take care of themselves and bring things into order.
INFJ and ENFJ Functions
In a lot of ways, INFJ and ENFJ are very similar. They bring the same functions to the table, but they prioritize them in different ways.
INFJ is graced with excellent intuition that allows them to help others. They're often seen as wise councilors. INFJ is empathetic and understanding. They like to think of the future and broad philosophical theories. INFJ has to work harder to be present, focus on their bodily needs, and take care of matters that are seemingly tangible and trivial. They like to dive into abstract theories and their imagination. Daily chores and tasks can be grinding.
ENFJ is incredibly warm and friendly. They're known for their affectionate nature. They're dominated by extraverted feelings, so they have excellent rationale when it comes to understanding social situations and how to apply themselves. They're a bundle of excited energy, which can sometimes explode and come off weird, at least to more SJ types.
ENFJ is guided by a private and beautiful sense of intuition. ENFJ has trouble looking at concrete data and having to make decisions alone. They like to be in situations where they can get other people's input and look at their facial expressions. Staring at cold and dry data can be taxing for ENFJ. They can get these things done, but not necessarily with speed and excitement... like an INTP or INTJ.
Similarity Is a Good Thing
For the most part, I would argue that it's better for two similar personalities to be in a relationship than for two that are opposites. When you have more similarities, it's easier to find common ground. It's also easier to be understood. Similar personalities tend to have common goals and outlooks. When you have seemingly different personalities with different MBTI functions, it often can be difficult to get on the same page. It's very easy to be misunderstood when you're the opposite of your partner.
Those opposite qualities that attracted you to the person in the first place could eventually be points of opposition in the relationship. NF personalities do very well with other NF personalities. They get underestimated a lot because of their compassionate ways and preferences for feeling/social rationale as opposed to the T preference for thinking and data rationale.
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I want to stress that just because you have a preference for F over T that doesn't mean you're less intelligent or less capable of academic pursuits. It's more or less the kind of things you focus on to make decisions. F is more associated with empathetic thinking and cultivating social connections. Someone with a preference for F is more likely to want to stay close to their family and develop a social sphere in that regard. Someone with a preference for T will feel more comfortable moving far away for a job if it brings them more money.
Those with a preference for F are more diplomatic. They look for a kind of democracy in their social groups and want people's voices included. Those with F are more comfortable with subjective experiences. Someone with a preference for T will prize concrete data with concrete answers.
NF personalities often feel misunderstood, so when they're around someone who really gets them, they often cling to that person. Similarities in personality can actually quickly bring you into the inner core of someone's friend group.
NF personalities do have to work harder to not come off aloof. They can be a bit awkward about social commitments, especially INFP.
INFJ and ENFJ can stretch themselves too thin when it comes to social connections:
- ENFJ will fill their calendar with friend appointments to the point that they'll have to cancel on some people because they've overcommitted themselves.
- INFJ will try to keep too many plates spinning; they want to be involved in as many friendships as possible, but they have a hard time managing all of them.
- Both personalities highly value friends and define themselves through social connections.
INFJ is looking for a strong core of friends who they really know and trust. Once they've built this circle, they feel more content. The social circle they build is still somewhat large and challenging to feed. INFJ can come off aloof because they handle friendships in funky ways, diving deeply into conversations, and then stepping to the side to think deeply about other things. INFJ is drawn more to idea mentation than ENFJ. This is simply because of INFJ's preference for introversion whereas ENFJ is drawn to extroversion.
Both Personalities Guided by Judging
INFJ and ENFJ will find agreement because they both prefer orderliness, rules, and cohesion. They take pride in punctuality, completing projects, and staying organized. INFJ and ENFJ generally aren't the most organized people in all of MBTI typology, but they do like a decent amount of order. They feel angst when their surroundings are dirty and chaotic. They may feel this on a subconscious level since they're sensing function is lower than their intuition and feeling functions.
It's a good idea to keep things tidy so as not to feel stressed by your surroundings. Both personalities can experience anxiety.
Since thinking and sensing are tertiary and inferior functions for INFJ and ENFJ, there is a lot of ground in their relationship that won't get covered without some serious intentionality. These two beautiful souls are very good at conversations, abstract and imaginative thinking, affection, and empathy. They'll have to work a little harder to stabilize and focus on practical matters in regard to their household.
ENFJ can help INFJ, to a degree, to be more present and in their body. ENFJ's third function is extraverted sensing, which is INFJ's inferior function. Both people need to work harder to build consistent routines. You need to develop a smart dietary plan, eat at regular times, sleep at regular times, and exercise. You may have to force yourself to get up and move because you like to do other things like making friends, thinking about fun concepts, and absorbing media content.
I encourage both INFJ and ENFJ to track your physical habits. Use your phone or a fitness tracker of some sort to track your steps, the amount of sleep you get each night, and how much water you drink. Journaling about these things will make you more conscious of what you do with your body.
If you don't really take hold of these things, you'll start to have health issues. You could run into burnout because you're prioritizing other things and not paying attention to the cost to your body.
For both people, you can't rely on your autopilot to direct you to the right course when it comes to being present with your physical needs. ENFJ is better at this. For the most part, people's tertiary function by the time their an adult is usually in decent shape. The inferior function is generally the troublemaker, which is why INFJ should take notes from ENFJ when it comes to sensing.
ENFJ does have a tendency to get really excited about something and then drop it entirely. ENFJ loves trends. To them, it's really exciting when a lot of people are into something and practically worshipping it. ENFJ loves that kind of energy.
ENFJs have to push a little harder to keep to commitments. This personality needs to stick to their goals even when they get bored and other people drop out. INFJ is a little bit better at having grit. INFJ will continue to do things even when they're no longer trendy or cool. INFJ will focus more on the goal and endgame whereas ENFJ will focus more on the social experience. This is where the relationship bond can strengthen both persons: ENFJ initiates activity and INFJ fosters commitment.
INFJ is more comfortable with introverted thinking than ENFJ. INFJ is better at making long-term decisions and figuring out the best way to solve various problems that pop up.
ENFJ can feel somewhat threatened by problems, and they may find solving them taxing, especially without a group around them to sort through the problems together. INFJ knows how to tap into their introverted thinking and how to get more involved in ideas, but INFJ can sometimes come off cold to ENFJ because of their rigid analysis.
This is important to keep in mind as a difference between the two of you: INFJ can jump between a love of ideas and people, but ENFJ can't because they're people first. INFJ will sometimes come off bossy because they're trying to direct ENFJ to the right end game. INFJ will try very hard to be considerate of ENFJ's feelings, and they'll be softer with ENFJ than other personalities that have less developed feeling components.
INFJ is very aware of ENFJ's personality quirks. INFJ is very loving and respectful of this personality. At times, both personalities will be exhausted from each other. INFJ wants ENFJ to feel more secure, decisive, and more comfortable with introverted thinking.
ENFJ wants INFJ to be warmer and less private. ENFJ sometimes thinks INFJ is too stuffy or snooty. They both have a high appreciation for each other, and they love each other to the moon and back. Emotionally, they are very tight.
ENFJ is very happy to be with someone who is similar to them but isn't a carbon copy of themselves. ENFJ fears being around another ENFJ and getting absorbed into their giant emotions. Having two ENFJs in one room is like having two emotional volcanoes on one island. It's too much energy. ENFJ prefers to have mixed company around them. They like different personalities altogether. They need extroverts and introverts. Too much of one group is insane to them.
INFJ would actually love to date another INFJ. They think that would be exciting. INFJ knows they would be understood in this pairing: they can talk about some of their strangest most personal ideas. INFJs know how to peel layers away, so they feel seen when around another one.
They also like that the other INFJ will respect their space and give them their space. INFJ loves the big magnetic personality of ENFJ, and they love being there for ENFJ when they've taken on more than they can chew emotionally, so don't worry that INFJ is secretly wishing your extroversion would flip to introversion.
Big takeaways: INFJ isn't threatened by the energy of another INFJ, they find it exciting. ENFJ, on the other hand, doesn't want another ENFJ stealing all their friends and social connections. ENFJ thrives off their social world; INFJ thrives off their imagination.
Socially, ENFJ will need more people consistently around them than INFJ does. At times, ENFJ may need to go party with their friends while INFJ stays at home to read a book or stare at a wall.
INFJ can get fussy if they start having too many people around them all the time. They can start to have trouble hearing their own inner voice or trying to make decisions because too many people are giving their input.
For both people, you'll need to accept the other person's preferences for extroversion and introversion. It's okay if the ENFJ goes and does something without their INFJ partner. It's also okay if the INFJ wants to stay home and doesn't want to be with people.
It's a good thing if the two of you don't do everything together. You need to live your own individual lives and have your own separate friends. Build up enough trust in each other that it's okay when the two of you go on separate tracks. There will be days when ENFJ spends a lot of time with different people and the INFJ dials things back.
Also, don't be surprised if at times the ENFJ is more introverted and the INFJ is more extroverted. Sometimes the INFJ will want company when the ENFJ is recharging from all their previous social occasions. No, your personalities haven't radically changed. INFJ is still dominated by introverted intuition and ENFJ is still dominated by extroverted feeling. This isn't going to change.
Keep in mind that ENFJ is super drawn to people whereas INFJ is more of an ambivert than an introvert. ENFJ can't stay in isolation for as long as an INFJ can.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Andrea Lawrence