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What Are the Benefits and Challenges of Dating Older Men?

I have a particular interest in health, spirituality, fitness, and the mind-body connection.

Older men can have sophisticated tastes; are you ready for that?

Older men can have sophisticated tastes; are you ready for that?

How Much Older Are We Talking?

We all remember when 27-year-old Ashley Olsen made headlines for reportedly dating 47-year-old Bennett Miller, the director of Moneyball. And yes, I know some younger men date older women. Kyle Jones, a 31-year-old Pittsburgh man, raised eyebrows for having a relationship with 91-year-old great-grandmother, Marjorie McCool. All that to say, I am not being sexist, however, this article is about younger women falling in love with older men (and I don't mean a few years older).

Let's address the fact that there exists this notion the woman who dates the old guy has turned against her kind. This is because she's giving into the cliche that men should be providers while the woman should be the trophy. However, the practice is actually not only been customary, but even advisable. There are biological and psychological reasons for this. For instance, we all know that girls reach puberty sooner than boys, their bodies are ready to have children earlier, and they only remain fertile for a limited time period. Psychologically, they reach emotional maturity much sooner than men. In fact, statistics prove that, on average, American men usually marry younger women, even though these marriages are destined to fail.

A study by Thomas Pollet and Sophia Pratt revealed that married women were 4.1 years younger than married men in the United States. According to the same study, successful men featured on the Forbes 400 list married women seven years younger. The numbers get even more interesting. When these super-rich men remarried, their subsequent partner was substantially younger, 22 years younger on average. That's the kind of gap I will discuss here.

Does the Psychology Reveal Daddy Issues?

The common question is do women who date older men have daddy issues? The short answer is sometimes. Marianne Vicelich, relationship expert and author of Destruction: Free Yourself From The Narcissist, explains that “[i]t’s been well documented that . . . the subconscious mind may crave a ‘father figure’ who’s able to protect, adore and provide you with the affection you missed in childhood. The problem with this scenario is that it may bring an imbalance of power to the relationship.”

This point is emphasized by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., who states that “a woman can have a healthy relationship with her dad and still be looking for that father figure in a spouse . . . [i]t’s not that these women are sexualizing their dads, but the things that a dad represents." In fact, a recent study of self-identifying women, it was revealed that 74% of them claim that the "daddy issues" phenomenon did not apply to them and the age gap in their relationship.

Hollywood's unsuccessful love story: George Clooney with his younger girlfriend Stacy Keilber.

Hollywood's unsuccessful love story: George Clooney with his younger girlfriend Stacy Keilber.

Why Do Women Choose to Date Older Men?

Financial Gain. Money seems to be the obvious answer, so I will get it out of the way. If a woman were to marry a man the same age or slightly younger then her then they would be more likely to struggle initially until they both can plant their feet firmly into their respective careers. Such a dilemma could result in the search for financial security in a relationship with an older man.

Life Experience. Experience is an attractive quality. Older men tend to be more evolved in all areas. They have a certain confidence and internal stability about them as a direct result of their age. Women aren't always looking for monetary wealth—wisdom and emotional intelligence are just as appealing.

Better Sex. We often think that younger men can provide the bedroom tussle of our wildest fantasies, but that is not always the case. Sometimes, an older man's experience can lead directly to transcendental sex because he has had time to realize what may have been effective and ineffective in the bedroom.

He's Just Like Pops. As mentioned earlier, a woman may marry a guy that reminds her of her father. It is normal to seek out the protection and care that you're accustomed to. Such a caring and loving attitude is usually found in older men.

Fewer Games Played. Older men are more trustworthy a lot of times as a result of their life experiences. This means that they are often less promiscuous and more committed to being a person that makes you feel secured about settling down.

Emotional Reliability. Finally, it is easier for younger women to relate to older men. Women in their 20s are usually still trying to come to terms with their identity while dealing with the ups and downs of emotional development. They need a strong anchor to keep them centered, and a mature man can provide that emotional stability.

The Cultural History and the Modern Trend

Historically, age gap pairings were common and, often times, the rule. Thirty-year-old men would typically marry girls in their mid-teens in Classical Greece. It is well-known that men of power and prestige would also take young women as lovers and wives. Monarchs like Henry VIII chose women far younger than himself. Many arranged marriages also involved husbands who were much older than their wives.

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In modern times, online dating sites have made it easier for women to find men of all varieties. In fact, many are full of married men pretending to be single or divorced. Because such websites attract more men than women, they often offer women incentives such as free registration and discretion. All of this makes it easier for younger women to meet and date older men.

Cary Grant paired with the much younger Audrey Hepburn in the film "Charade."

Cary Grant paired with the much younger Audrey Hepburn in the film "Charade."

Why It's a Bad Idea to Date Older Men

Let's get into some of the problems that you may encounter when dating a guy who is much older. To get an idea of the possible challenges, you only have to read the experiences of women who have married old men. These tragic stories are all over the internet, so I will be very blunt in the list below.

  • Physical compatibility could be an issue. You will be in the prime of your life, and he'll be rapidly approaching the end of his. While you are spending hours in the hospital because he has fallen ill, your friends will be sharing stories about their baby showers and their children's sports activities.
  • If he is married, then you will be his second choice. His wife and his children will always be his top priority, which is why he is still married and you are his mistress. This leads me to my next point . . .
  • If you wish to start a family, then there might be emotional and physical barriers. An older man's sperm usually cannot produce healthy babies. Physically, he may not be able to do all the activities with your child that are expected of a father. Emotionally, he may not be ready to create competition for his kids from his previous marriage.
  • Navigating between the various social circles, including family and friends, can be challenging and culturally shocking if you are not familiar with the crowd. The difference in conversation and social expectations are areas that will highlight the age difference in an unfavorable light.
  • Once a cheater . . . If he can cheat on his wife with you, he can cheat on you.

How to Make the Relationship Work

The benefits of dating an older man are very few, and most fathers would have a hard time if their daughters began to date one. To be fair, some couples have successfully lived together despite the age difference.

Here are some tips to make your relationship work:

  1. Communicate. This is the number one game-changer in all relationships. Despite all your differences, it is the willingness to talk that keeps the flame burning bright. Talk to him, listen to him, and share ideas. Discuss things you like and dislike. Talk about your future plans. That's one good thing about marrying an older man—he listens better than a younger one. Read a lot so that you can discuss politics, entertainment, and sports. That brings me to my next point . . .
  2. Share common interests. Try watching sports or his favorite type of films with him, and find aim to find them genuinely interesting. Also, get him to do the same for what you love to do. Doing things together improves communication, which I highlighted in my previous point.
  3. Give each other space. Yes, I just said that you should find things to do together, and I am not trying to be contradicting. You should spend time apart so that each of you can do the things the other doesn't like on your own. There's no point trying to force your man to go shopping with you, for example. Let him catch up with a buddy over a beer while you go and spend his money. You will need to find the right balance between doing things together and being independent.

Questions & Answers

Question: I have recently started dating an older man. We have been friends for over two years now. We started dating about a month ago. He is sixty-three, and I am thirty-nine. Our issue seems to be that he thinks people are judging and looking at us. We have a lot of mutual friends. Nobody is judging or looking at us. How can I get him to realize that nobody has an issue with our relationship? How do I make him more comfortable in public with me?

Answer: If he is in love with you, he will be able to ignore any judgmental behavior from friends and family - if such behavior exists. Else, he is probably using it to disguise his lack of commitment.

Question: I'm nineteen and he's thirty-four. We have everything in common. We met at work. He's been divorced for five years, and has been on his own ever since. He's shy. Are we two peas in a pod?

Answer: If you find that the two of you have a lot in common, then you can nurture this into a fruitful future for both of you.


Heliogabal on June 27, 2020:

I think it can work sometimes. Rather in "border cases", but anyway. I'm currently 47, she's 26. No problems whatsoever in "common things to discuss" and such. Extraordinary sex for both of us. She's a great partner in everyday life and in our adventures. She feels safe by my side. We're both in love, funny as it sounds.

How long will it last I don't know, probably a few years tops, but it's worth every second. And not just because she is younger. Rather because she is great human being, and we kinda fit each other.

Maphefo on May 16, 2020:

Im 19 and he's 38...we were both in relationships before we started dating...I was planning on falling in love with him but i did ...broke up with the person i was with...then opened up to him told him how i feel about him .. but he thought my aim was to play him ...he's always there for me ..supports me in every way

Unknown on April 10, 2020:

I’ve been talking to this guy for about a year, I’m 24 he’s 40...he’s always busy at work but he comes to visit me when he could...mostly on weekends we spend time together but lately we haven’t been talking like we normally do, I’m madly in love with him

Tsam on March 06, 2020:

i am 23 and current partner is 35, but i have issues regarding the age gap because he lied to me makin me believe that he was 1 year older than me and later on i found out he much older thn him i forgive him and we were living happily but this age gap thing is really hunting and its my first time dating someone wth sch age, i dont knw what ti si

Melvin Mobley on February 06, 2020:

Im 58 my hirl 31 sm i wrong she was on drug when i met her i have fallen in love with her. Everyone says she a crsck whore. Am i crazy

Tush on January 24, 2020:

Hi everyone,

I am bit confused about this guy, he is my boss. It’s been 9 months that I am working with him and I have seen him happily living with his wife. But post 4-5 months of my joining he told me that they both are getting separated, I felt bad for him.

It’s been 9 months since they got separated but not divorced. Now, he started calling me for coffee or early dinners, and being an employee I can not say no to him in-fact I like it when he is around. I strongly feel that he likes me (not sure) he never said anything like that but he always makes me feel special. I like him a lot but the only concern is that he is 11 years my senior, I am 29 and he is 40. I don’t care about looks and sex, I just feel complete with him, his mindfulness, awareness, calmness makes me go Ga-Ga !! He always makes me feel comfortable and happy, motivates me always to try different things in life.

I dnt know what should I do as he is my boss, 11 years my senior and soon to be divorced.

BeenThereStillDoingThat on December 15, 2019:

I am a 48 year old woman who met my husband when I was 37, he is 15 years my senior. I'd been married before and he was still married and exiting. We married 9 years ago and oh my Lord how I wish I could roll the clock back.

He is now 63 and retired 9 years ago...….. yes to early. Had someone shared with me the serious differences that come with committing to an older man I would have taken a closer look.

At 37 and he 52 the sex was amazing, the understanding that seemed to be perfect for my life was exactly what I was looking for but the other experiences he'd had were well beyond what I could and still can not comprehend.

He lost his mother in the 1970's, I still have my mother. This is a issue between us because of his grief issues. I've always loved family and holiday time he can take it or leave it and is a scrugge about it and its gotten worse over the years. There were questioned unanswered due to his mother's passing and he carries a mix of emotions.

When he retired he'd worked long enough to get max for retirement but truth is I've grown into a woman that wants so much more and he does not have the get up that he brags about of his yester year.

Although I love him, I've grown annoyed with him. I still work fulltime, we are empty nesters but he wants to be somewhat treated like the housewife with benefits...………………. I work to hard to continue to fit 80 - 100% of our comforts. Some may say wow that's selfish and that's ok I'm just to young and unkept to feel anything but unappreciated when I know he can return to work.

That's just the short, we both entered in to marriage with a set of our own children but his grown children have still not accepted me and mine have welcomed him as dad.

There are so many little things. Been there still doing that but wish I hadn't give my youth to an older man. Now its my bag. :0(

Abiodun on December 05, 2019:

I am 24 and am dating a man of 42years and the man has wife with three children but the wife did not understand the husband as I do

guest on November 10, 2019:

Here is a quick way to size up your future: add about thirty years to HIS age and then add about thirty years to your age. How you feel about that age difference will be even more multiplied then.

Lily dot on September 16, 2019:

I really don’t know the advantage in marrying an older man. Cos I find my self one ..

Lizzie on August 14, 2019:

I've been there. Hey ho. I was 28 and he was 51. Wealthy handsome and we had sensational amazing sex. I was besotted, and couldn't get enough of him. I didn't see it as marriage, just a huge fling, as we all know that in that scenario the bubble does burst, and it did. After 15 months of almost sex every day I caught him out with a real tart in a pub. He was feeling her bum and they were clearly an item. I was sick to the hilt. I hated him and from there I wanted him out of my life. I never ever dated an older guy after that. Thinking back it was just for good hot sex.

joe3 on August 07, 2019:

i am in love with a guy who is 44 and i am 20 years old i am really interested in him but i don't want to rush this

Pris on August 04, 2019:

I am 21, he is 42, was married for 8 years and divorced it’s been 1 year and has a 8 year old son. We’ve been together for 4 months, but he tells me everything that is going on with his ex-wife and the child matter. He actually was sorry because he thought I probably didn’t want to know that, but I’m okay with it. He is caring, lovely, affectionate and supportive, but he never told me «  i love you ». If i ask him «  did you miss me »? He says, if you’re lucky, i will tell you that one day. I easily understand him but I feel like I also have to act mature, because he says that he is not a boy, he is a man and he expects me to be a woman, not a little girl.

marumo on May 23, 2019:

I am 24 and he is 40 we have been together for 2 years he makes me very happy,he is always supporting me and guiding me and yes helping me financially,sexually he satisfies me always and he makes sure that i am satisfied,he makes time for me ...I love him and i would say he loves me too,because no man has shown me love n care like has, the only problem is that he is my mothers age,engaged and I sometimes feel like he is controlling and he does not want me to be with other people

M. Kitteh on May 07, 2019:

I am 40, he will be 55 next week. I would say everything is great! He has the knowledge of self and maturity to handle most situations we come across. The only downfall we have is the intimacy part of it all - which is very important. But we adore each other so we do what we can to satisfy each other and feel connection - it doesn't always have to be traditional sex.

Jessy on April 27, 2019:

I'm 24 years old and I'm dating an older man who is 49 years . He was once married and they divorced we have no problems we are cool. He love me, we communicate and he takes care of my needs .

Carlo Dipina on March 09, 2019:

I have dated an older man ,it was terrible depressing, i hated evdry day being around him ,he looked like my father ,it was sad ,sad ,sad i always tell my daugther never ever date old man, they say aj ,t nothing but a number try livong with someone old its like living with dad sick

Janina on February 09, 2019:

Well i think dating someone 20+ Is crazy but i try not to judge. One important thing is that the girl needs to know if she wants kids or not. Older men are not fertile/can’t procreate

Besides, isn’t the sex akward?

Ronald Littlejohn on February 04, 2019:

I am a 63 year old man, divorced for past 15 years. My career, not necessarily chosen, was driving trucks long haul for 20 years while paying child support and other living expenses. At the time of my divorce which I did not want, my x took a much better paying job and wanted nothing more to do with me because of some emotional issues such as anger for having to be away from my family so much and for the divorce, I no longer have these anger issues. I also gave my share of the house to my x so my kids would have a place to call home, My x remarried 3 years after the divorce to a man 10 years her age but was still working making a great wage at the same company where she worked. I am now semi retired and would like very much to meet a younger lady and become married once again. I recently met such a very nice lady, christian lady as I am a christian man, but yes, she is 30 years younger than myself. Her father is a pastor (he and I have talked and he told me that he would encourage his daughter to marry me) and she is a missionary but I am not convinced that she really wants to pursue this field as her siblings are all married and raising families. I am just wondering, am I just daydreaming about the possibility of marriage or should I patiently wait for the right one to come into my life???

Abbie on January 02, 2019:

I am 37 and this guy is 61, we met because his dad lived in the senior community where i work. The dad died two weeks ago and tried to show support most of the time. He is very sweet and hugs me a lot, but the last time he did, he told me he loves me while hugging and I replied me too. But I left to keep doing my work. This left me really confused because I feel a lot of attraction to him. Do you think he is just thankful for the support? Or he likes me?

Harold on January 02, 2019:

LOLOL - THe issue of his sperm not producing healthy babies is medically and Biologically incorrect.

MrBrutalHonest on January 01, 2019:

More crap... Young women up to say about 24 should not be interested in or desire anything more from an older men but sex and fun. A purely sexual relationship. Interesting how you make the most apparent age difference example 27 and 47. The time where both are looking at a fast approaching mile stones. Her turning 30 soon and entering her last few years of healthy childbearing years and him well turning 50.

Everyone knows that when a woman is that close to 30 she is engaging desperate mode, desperate for a provider for the children she wants and they need to arrive soon. Pointing out beautiful YOUNG women that older men want never went after a career where she makes her own money since she has gotten everything she ever wanted money wise given to her in payment for her company. Everyone also knows that the usual younger women that men over 45 get with are usually 18 to not much older than 24. Once a girl hits that 25ish age she has lost her little girl looks and thats really what men want.

Alana Niall (author) from Christchurch, New Zealand on December 25, 2018:

Many thanks staciejaxx for such a unique perspective on this topic, which is invaluable. You are right, it is far more important to be a relationship where the need to communicate is well-served, than to be in a relationship where other needs dominate. At the same time, let's acknowledge that other needs are as relevant, if not more. A balance of needs makes a relationship successful. Thank you once again. I learned something new from you today.

Laura on December 08, 2018:

I have to chime in here because I could not honestly take some of the comments on here seriously. However, there were a few who actually held weight and substance. The comments that I took seriously were the ones in which realistically depicted what could possibly happen if I were to marry someone considerably older than I am. First of all, if you are dating someone or married to someone that is 15 yrs. or less older than you are, you probably have no business chiming in because I would hardly consider that a problem. For couples who are 15 yrs or less apart no one is going to be looking at you and saying or wondering why you two decided to be together. I don't think by looking at two people with such an age gap one would be able to decipher the fact that a) there is an age gap or b) that it is even consequential to the relationship. Especially, if you are a female in your twenties and he is in his thirties. If anything, you as the female would enjoy so many benefits from dating or being married to someone that much older as opposed to being 30 yrs. older. I was equally not impressed or moved by the comments in which twenty year old females spoke about being with men who were 55 yrs. of age or younger. If you are for example 26 and your man is 47 I still don't see where you would be qualified to speak on the pitfalls or problems that beset a couples with a 20++ age gap. A man in his 40's and possibly up to the age of 55-60 is still active and can remain verile if he has remained in relatively good health. Of course, this might not be the case for all men but tends to generally be true for most men. What some young women who are in their 20's fail to realize is that if they are dating a man who is 20-35 yrs. older, they are dating a man who may not only be established in his life financially but also, set in their ways. So pretty much what you see is what you get. However, we can honestly say that a woman who is in her twenties will most certainly experience many things in her life for the next 20 yrs. that will alter the way she thinks. These experiences may or may not help determine whether or not your relationship with an older man is going to be successful or not. It is unfair for "you" as a young lady to deprive yourself of these experiences (however colorful these experiences may be) just so you can settle into a comfortable life of being taken care of. Not all women who marry older men want to be taken care of but if this is your only motivation then you have "bigger fish to fry". Eventually, the universe will show you just how big. What I think a more healthier response/advice the author should have given in the article to young women is for them to learn to love themselves and take care of themselves first. Especially, if you are in your twenties. Allow this decade to be about you learning what your likes and dislikes are without being necessarily told what they are by someone who thinks they know what your likes and dislikes are simply because they are older than you. Of course, not every man that is substantially older than his woman wants to control her. However, as another commenter pointed out there is something to be said about a man who is dating someone 30-40 yrs. their Junior. Why is he unable to work things out with someone closer to his age? If he is married and seeing you why hasn't he gotten a divorce yet? If you are truly the love of his life why hasn't he committed himself to establishing a healthy relationship with you? These are all questions I had to ask myself when I was faced with a similar situation. So please, don't think I am on here to be bitter or discourage you from living your best life. If anything, I want you to live your best life knowing you are getting what you rightfully deserve. I am in my late thirties seeing a man in his early fifties. I don't see this as a big deal because I have lived life and experienced things. I have dated men ten years younger than myself. While they have been fun they weren't necessarily marriage material. I would never expect that from a man who is still in his twenties. This is why I allowed the relationship to be about having a good time and only this. I am also, able to support myself so I don't need to date any man whether younger or older for his money. I have an 18 yr. old daughter and what I tell her is.....for the next 12 yrs. what I want you to do is find yourself but most importantly have fun while you are doing so. There will be plenty of time to settle down with whomever you want to with later but these yrs. you will never get back. As far as the bit about dating an older man....if you are over the age of thirty you should date or marry a man in which you will be able to connect with intimately. The age will have nothing to do with the level of intimacy you share after the age of 30. You should also, both be able to take care of each other mutually. In other words don't allow yourself to become somebody's caregiver off the bat. The situation differs if you have been with someone for sometime and they eventually end up becoming sick where you have to take care of them exclusively. Versus, you being in your twenties and dating someone who is in their fifties or older knowing eventually you will have to take care of this person. You have to honestly ask yourself is this something you want to be doing in your forties and fifties. Think about it when your forty, that person who you found attractive, sexy and virile in your twenties will be in their 60's to 80's if they were 20 to 40 yrs. your senior. Will it really be as attractive as it seems right now as you get older. My parents are ten years apart. All my mother wants to do right now in her late sixties is travel while facing the reality that she has to be a caregiver to my dad in his late seventies who doesn't want to go anywhere. They only have a ten year age gap. Can you imagine the couples who have an age gap of 20 or more years. Furthermore, women tend to outlive men. These are all things I think about in my own relationship. For those, women in their twenties, as some other commenters pointed out....what will happen if you want to have kids and he doesn't? I would really like to hear from women who are with men 20-40 yrs. their senior who have stuck it out for the past 20 yrs. Perhaps creating a family as well. Particularly, those women who are now over the age of 45 and their men are 60 and older. These are the women who I would like to chime in because this is where the age difference really does make a difference.

Will on November 02, 2018:

This article doesn't match my experience, or that of my Wife. I guess we must be an acception to the rule here.

We are 11 years in difference and I will tell you It doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel about eachother. Love doesn't discriminate, only people with hate in their hearts do, and the majority of those relationships are doomed to fail from the start.

We've been married for nearly 18 years, have 3 children, 1 of which is only 5 years old, and all perfectly healthy.

Her parents were very accepting of the relationship because we didn't just jump in the deep end. We took our time getting there, and it took a lot of work.

The struggles in life that we experienced together, not only strengthened our love for eachother, but also broadened my relationship with her parents, and her with mine. There isn't a woman on this planet that could take me away from her, and she knows it.

At my age, I don't have time to go to bars, go out with the homies, or hang out at nightclubs chasing women. I'm too tired to deal with another woman's drama. I just want to come home after work and spend time with my wife and children. I'm very content with that. Maybe I'm just a simple man. I just think I got lucky, and found the perfect woman for me. ; )

jenny23 on October 23, 2018:

I’m already falling for a man who’s 20 years older than me.. I am 29 and he’s 49.. He’s financially stable and has a son. He lost his wife 3 years ago.. and he offered me marriage..I don’t know but I feel more secure when I’m around here.. please give me some advice..

Asa on October 15, 2018:

I enjoy being with him but the problem is he sexing me very much and make sure that his dick gets in right through...sometimes I enjoy but sometimes it is just hurting...he falls asleep too much even if I miss him

staciejaxx on October 03, 2018:

I feel like I need to say something since my experiences are rather far different than anyone here.

My parents married when they are in their 30s. My mom was in her late 30s when I was born and my dad just turned 39 two days before I was born. From a young age, their company became mine. Their interests became mine. As I grew older, it exponentially expanded.

I currently am 2 days short of being 23. I am a little bit crazy about a man who is precisely 40 years my senior. Before you judge me, I would like to say I have a steady career, studying for a licence exam and writing my Master's thesis proposal. I earned my keep since I was 18. I am financially independent, highly skilled and domesticated. I stay with my mom to help her out which I think is far better than renting space and worrying how my mom can get by. I do not need anyone's money. I have had my Bachelor's degree in Psychology since I was 19.

Why do I like older men? Well, I am a weirdo. I am lonely despite having a healthy circle of friends and family. My social life is not a problem. I was a strong Mensa candidate when I was 14. I am trying out next year (I never felt it was right for my mom to pay for the exam and membership) I am a bit in the odd bunch because my IQ shot farther than most. To many, this sounds like bragging but to those who can understand, this means a lifetime of being misunderstood and ridiculed by people who can't follow your train of thought or because you are interested in theater when everyone your age is raving about a new Drake album. I am far beyond my years, I have little in common with people my age. Though I am aware of their interests and can be well versed, no one can 'get' me. I have not a single friend of my age who can. This all changed when I had a boyfriend who was 58 and I was 18. The conversations were endless, insightful and nourishing. It was like a breath of fresh air. He has never met anyone else like me and I have never met anyone else like him, though half of my social circle are about his age. I think this is the basis of a relationship - the communication/compatibility/harmony. Unfortunately, he lied to me about being divorced. My values and principles matter more to me than my own emotions so I left. It was a shame to let go of someone you are incredibly compatible with.

Then came my ex-fiance a year after. I was 19 and he was 46. He understood who I am, what I want to be and what I know. It's rare for me to find someone like this, you see. He was wise and so was I. I lived life too fast living in a poor nation and for a few years, being in the poorest of the poor. Anyway, I digress. I can say, being with him is one of the best moments of my life for which I am grateful though the bitter end came when he, rather uncharacteristically, sought casual relationships outside of ours and without my knowledge. Again, I left.

Then came my new love affair. Far more experienced than I will ever be but the common goals and interests are far too many to even mention in this little comment box. Generally, he wants a tender, loving woman and I want a smart, gentle man. The idea of stability and security is indeed incredibly appealing to me as I believe the best of my years are better spent in intellectual endeavours or boosting my career or helping my family. I do not feel financially insecure or unstable. I am referring to stability and security relationship wise. I do not want to spend my 20s playing dating games, having casual sex or being in relationships with no goals. I want to be a Clinical Psychologist by 26 and a Doctorate by 30s. I do not want to follow the norm of settling down only when you are too old. I want to be enjoying the fruits of my labor with the one I love in my 30s or 40s.

The reasons in here have very little meaning to me except for the part about my father. I think of my dad as the best man in the bunch. I think of my parents' marriage as the ideal standard. They never shouted or hurt each other and loved each other til death did my father part. They are my rolemodels.

Age is an incredibly important factor for me because I find the appeal of intelligence, wisdom, experience and maturity attractive. This is the basis of my attraction, not socioeconomic, psychological or physiological standards.

I hope I made my point and myself clear. I am, however, rare. That much I know so I understand being often unrepresented.

Marqs on September 17, 2018:

Don't know where to put my finger, but I'm crazy in love with the middle-aged man. I'm started to doubt myself whether there is something wrong with me neurologically. I did date guys my age (30ish); unfortunately, we didn't click. No connection. However, I'm pretty sure I'm genuine with this man I'm crazy about. I don't need him financially. I feel good around him.

But, the sad truth, I'm scared that I may be get hurt someday. My feelings, for the first time, have been in the rollercoaster whether I take him seriously for a commitment if he will propose for it.

I don't know. Time will tell what's waiting for both of us, but I won't force a serious relationship. And I'm also not seeing someone else but him.

Alone on September 12, 2018:

I am 26 now, I am dating a man 12 years older then me. We get along fine, we both dont have kids. The only problem I am having is the lack of support. I will do and go anywhere with him as long as hes happy. I enjoy spending time with him and being involved with all of his hobbies. However I feel when I ask him to do somthing with me, somthing I want to do, somthing always seems to come up where he can't or wont go. The things I want to do are like work on my car or something of that nature. If its a outing I invite him out to, I usually find myself alone. I am starting to figure this isn't so much of a age gap but a habbit. That partner in crime I thought he was is starting to seem lacking.

Shoshanna on September 01, 2018:

“An older man's sperm usually cannot produce healthy babies“

What about Clooney and Amal’s wonderful twins?

Anon on August 02, 2018:

I’m 23 & my husband is 25 years my senior. We met when I was 18 & have 2 children together. The sex was great in the beginning but now he’s always so tired which I understand he works really hard but now it’s to the point where I have to ask for sex & get the I’m tired from work talk which makes me feel so insecure and rejected. we have now gone to having sex once a week but who knows how long this will last. I’ve told my husband how I’m feeling and he’s trying to change but I know this will get worse with age. Advice to all girls dating an older man this is one of the big problems you’re going to face.

Tumi on July 31, 2018:

I'm 34 yrs and my man is 64 yrs the age gap is 30. I have 2 kids outside before I met him and he's got 1 child. He's a very busy man every time when he gets home he's tired which I do understand. He took me to school bought me a car. He makes me feel comfortable in my stretch marks my wrinkled tummy. Hes understanding we've got good communication. OMG he's so amazing. We have great Sex. I tell you there's a huge difference in dating younger boys and older man. With older man it's so sweet no complications. It's Wooooow.

Johanna on July 05, 2018:

I'm 27 years old my son's dad is 46 yrs old i met him when i was 22 yrs old. He told me he was divorce with 2 kids he was living alone the kids used to come once in the while. later i found out that he was not properly divorced they were still in court i was already pregnant and i felt bad for he lied to me.he was caring and i learned to love him. There's a married woman who used to take care of the kids and he said that woman was his best friend after 2 years i discovered that he was sleeping with the woman for the past 8 yrs and that woman was playing the role of a sister in law cooking sometimes for us i saw her naked pictures ob his phone and other pictures of her lying on our bed when i traveled out to Egypt . It breaks my heart into pieces before that I've tried to get married twice but each time we're planning for that something must happened. I love kisses but he doesn't kiss and i never cheated on him for that at times goes i stop loving him each time i see him he's disgusting me. I couldn't tell him i don't love him anymore because he was taking care of my needs and wanted to sponsor my musical career above that i didnt want my son to grow up like me without a father. I rejected lot of marriage proposal just because i thought no man can't love my son like his father. I moved to South Africa 2 years ago and i left him in UK we've been living separate for the past 2 years he came 2 times a year. Last time he came i couldn't pretend anymore i told him i don't love him anymore and I'm not interested in any marriage with him he treathen to block my passport, to harm me , etc... he stopped taking care of the boy and call stop my promotion I've been struggling with my small business since then paying my son school fees the rent and other things . My family started pressuring me that i should forgive and let go for my future is guaranty with him he promised to do anything if i accept him back. I don't love him anymore and i can't marry for money i definitely know that i won't be satisfied sexually and i would be having sex out but i don't want that kind of marriage I'm also thinking about my son because he needs medical attention everytime he's an albino. What should I do? There's someone 9 years older than me single who has been there for the past 4 months he wants to settle and want me to have kids before doing the music . I'm confused please help me.

K on June 05, 2018:

I am a 33 year old female who has been with a man 18 years my senior for over 10 years. We have been married for 8 years out of the 10. I will say there are a lot of hurdles when it comes to age gap relationships and him and I have been through some questionable times but we love each other very much and talk about everything. There is nothing we won't do for each other. He was married before, thankfully with

no children. We now have two healthy children together and he is an amazing father at his age. Does more than I see most fathers do at younger ages. Maybe we are a lucky couple but we are proof that age gaps can work. As far as health issues..I have had more than him, so him being older isnt a sure fine way he will have more. Anyway, we live happily together with our family, and enjoying our life. If you love each other, that's all that matters.

pt on May 19, 2018:

My first husband was 15 years older than I, I remarried four years after he died, my husband now is 20 years older. We are much in love, and celebrate each month together! Yes, it can work.

Jibaro on April 12, 2018:

Ladies any relation and for whatever reason is great as long both parties are clear of their reasons behind their actions.

Older women will always hate May-December relationships because the older women thinks that she can no longer compete against a younger women.

On the other side you ladies are only seen one side of the equation, your side! How about seen both sides of the equation, men's needs and wants?

Lets also review one of my favorites passages of the Bible, 1Kings 1:1 The Death of King David.

Personally I see the female question and fear to a younger female because of the monogamy model that forces men to abandon a woman to have another. I will never trade my 50 years old wife, her wisdom, her love (real), her company our cinversation are priceless. However, I also would love to have a younger women too and she knows it and understands me.

No the question is, if I can afford it, why I cannot have another younger women in my life and share my life openly and in agreement between the parties involve? Why? Please lets explore this landscape! Any comments?

Sara on April 12, 2018:

I dated a man 16 years older than me. He got sacked from his job.So much for financial security.

I dated another man 12 years older than me. Within 3 months he got a terminal cancer diagnosis. He died last year.

If you re after his money for social acceptance. He's probably after a younger women to show off to his friends.

Alana Niall (author) from Christchurch, New Zealand on April 09, 2018:

I agree Donna, and those are some of the considerations to keep in mind while getting into a relationship with an older man. I am not saying that these things can not be overcome though. To each their own.

Donna on April 06, 2018:

Marrying a man 10 years or older may cause issues. His friends may be his age and a women may not have as much in common as someone her own age. He may not have the strength or energy to travel the world with a women, go out dancing. His interests may be a lot different.

Audrey on March 30, 2018:

Please live your life. The truth is that everyone's romantic partner is their choice. Stop listening to society and follow your heart. It's no one else's business what the two of you decide. That being said, obviously the man should be single. Honestly, that's just common sense though.

jane on March 30, 2018:

am 23 he is 43 and has 4 kids, what should I do.

AnnS on March 18, 2018:

I'm fallen for a man that is 21 years older than me. I'm 43 he's 65. He's so sexy though and still full of energy

Kelly on February 15, 2018:

From.the bottom of my hard,don't marry an older will be in different stage of life at some point.I regret big time even I live with him till now for the sake of my young son.

Jibaro on February 11, 2018:

TBO, what is your problem? Lack of self-confidence? In her world you are the Alpha Man. However, marriage and kids so fast? Whether she is a virgin or not is not an issue. The issue at hand is trust! What really worries me is that she is 17, a teenager that changes her wants, ideals and ideas every 5 minutes. For her, what is the meaning of love?

Today she loves you, tommorrow she will be in love with Justin Beaver or with the new Policeman in town. You are looking for trouble!

Angie B on February 06, 2018:

I have feelings for this older guy..... to me he's the most amazing, handsome ,intelligent soul .When I'm around him....

janet vasquez on January 31, 2018:

i am crazy about a man he's handsome, elegant well dressed

respectful great kisser I'm only 24 and he's 15 years older then me and i still live with my parents

bibleGyal on January 25, 2018:

hmmmm. how do I say this?

Most of the things in this article is general. But, I think relationships are personal and therefore subjective.

I have been with my guy for 14 yrs. we are 30 yrs apart. We just clicked from the get go. All the things you listed here are subjective.

for example, having children. I wanted to have children. But its not imperative to have biological children. Adoption is an option if I decide to go ahead with it.

Yes, he is wealthy. But I am not poor gyal either making six figures.

At first, I did fall prey to most of the negative reasons you cited in your blog and decided to try dating younger guys. Guess what? They were a bust. Nothing compared to my relationship with my older mature guy.

ps: he is super handsome in my eyes anyway. looks after himself.

pps: healthwise, who is to a yonger guy will not end up having debilitating illness that cripples him and you end up being a caregiver either way?

Ppps: I would rather have a short but truly fulfilling marriage with my older guy than marry a younger man who may make my life miserable in the short future. A high Quality of Life is based on less superficial things.

My advice: work on your personal/psychological issues. Date and marry whomever heals your heart & fills it with joy for however long.

Jibaro on January 17, 2018:

Suzzana123, whatever you think is also inconsequential! Why? It is just a mere personal opinion without any sociological or scientific fact! My comnent is based on series of books written by scientist that are well respected on the academia and based on actual research. My other source that I did mentioned comes from the Bible.

If you do not agree with science and research nor me or any other educated person cannot have a civilized conversation about this topic!

No, there no political correctness on my comments, just the ugly cold and hard facts!

suzanna123 on January 17, 2018:

Oh gosh. After reading many of the comments here, I see that many young women have married ridiculously older men. Whatever reasons led to this, my heart goes out to them; once they have evolved and their psychological issues have passed, there could be many problems and regrets.

suzanna123 on January 17, 2018:

I don't think its normal for a woman to want a man more than 10 years older, at the most. I also think that once society deems it more acceptable, women will start to admit that younger men are very appealing. Sexually, youth is appealing to everyone - including women.

I had older-man fantasies in my youth because I had issues with my own father. When I tried it, I was quite turned off, sad to say. Unless the older man looks like James Bond, it is not too appealing for a woman. I personally have never been attracted to anyone more than 6 years my senior. Maybe, had I been dirt poor, I would have forced myself to marry a much older man but since I did not have to, I did not.

Jibaro on January 15, 2018:

This article is rubbish! Woman by nature is attracted to older men. By nature woman is hypergamous, tend to marry upward, and monogamous. While men by nature tends to be hypogamous, marries downward, and polygamous. Since women and society tend to force monogamy there is the tendency of serial monogamy. Serial monogamy usually goes hand in hand with something called menopause, in which women tend to lose interest in sex and men tend to look for another women and there comes the divorce.

Marrying a younger women in a worst case scenario it can end up during sex by the young women giving the man a heart attack, and that, is dying happy!

But let's always remember 1Kings 1, the death of king David!

Sharon on January 07, 2018:

Yes, I married an older man

rene on January 04, 2018:

im dating a 40 years old man married with 1 kid , he is 20 years old than me , we are very passionated to each other , he is amazing , supportive and caring , i dont know how much will we stay together because of his secret life with me away from his family , but after all he is great ! handsome wise and very gentle , age is not a thing to lay on for marrying , its all about how much energetic he or she can be , but everyone who wants to marry an older man , she must know that her man will be in a time that he will surrender for life , while she will be in her middle of living a crazy life . finally , its only about love and passion !

Chris on January 04, 2018:

I date women 20 years younger than me because ive kept myself well. Im not rich. One of the main reasons is men my age know how to be a man. Younger men struggle with this today. They dont take charge, they ask too many questions, they arent humble, and in lots of cases they arent tough. Theyre too agreeable. The list goes on and on. Its not about money. No man wants to date a woman that wants him for his money. The attraction is his hustle and drive. The woman i date now is great. Shes funny, cool, and is interesting. Shes not some 22 year old club chick. Shes a woman.

Rachel on December 27, 2017:

Been with my husband for 13 years we are 29 years apart he still grade in bed he's 64 years old great sex Great Adventures we love each other for a compatible that's all there is to it God has blessed our marriage also and again sex is great!

Mf5000 on December 25, 2017:

34 yo widow of my childrens dad (he was 42). Somehow I've fallen in love with my 54 yo neighbor...... No joke. I will say he is awesome in bed, very mentally, physically and emotionally attentive to my children and I.

Aura on December 16, 2017:

Hello, I am 28 and my husband 43. We have been together for almost 4 years so far. We have a son. He was single when we met, simply he hadn't found a soulmate. When we met he was unemployed because the factory where he had worked for 10 years had closed. So I find offensive pretending that all women dating older men do it for money.

I found him sweeter and more reliable, that's all. By time he started to work again. With the son he has far more energy than me, this is a thing that surprised me very much: every night is he to wake up and give milk to the baby.

A man in his 40s is still strong and pretty young but at the same time not immature and superficial like younger men. I think that men in their 40s are better marriage-material, and not just for money, oh no! That's the last why. Just look at how younger people are: spoiled, superficial, less gallant and also less virile.

Happier than I've ever been. on December 08, 2017:

I am tired of everyone thinking if you are only with an older man for money. I am stl supportive. He has a farm he loves and I have a house in town. His farm is left to his daughters so I will be in my house when he passes. I love him more than the men I have dated who were younger. He is a widower who never went out on his wife. Many older men have better morals than younger men who are lying womanizer not all but many. My man is the sweetest man I know and I totally trust him..




Stunning on December 07, 2017:

Wow i just wanted to scream when i was reading all the disses this person was saying about older men. Older men are so awesome most of them anyway there are your few that are not still as grown up but they have so much knowledge and so do older women. My choice has always been a (oh he is much to old for you Man) Older men and younger women can connect way better than same age couples. They know exactly what the other one needs emotionally. When you have your younger man still trying to prove himself in life the wives get neglected a lot in her emotional needs she is ready for that way earlier in life so being with her more established man he is definitely ready to love her like the crazy passion that she needs and deserves in life. She doesn't have to wait years for that attention she usually is so craving and then have that same age man get tired of her. Like a lot of men do being married to a woman closer in age. I just know it works out that way a lot. I always prefer a big age gap like this person just sat there and shot down! : ) That's my peace today. BABY I LOVE YOU. ; )

Patricia Allison you on December 07, 2017:

You made alot of interest types T. Y.

Jess on December 05, 2017:

This article is dumb.

I don't like how some of this article is about having an affair with an older man.

I'm not have an affair I'm married to an older man. 20 year age gap. We had a 2 year old daughter together. She is strong, smart, and beautiful. Older men can produce amazing children. This article is dumb.

Marjolein on November 27, 2017:

I met a 44-year-old when I was 21. After years of traveling together on and off we married when 26/49. He was able to provide financial security and a certain lifestyle. We broke up as friends 3 years later because he was settling down and I wanted to keep exploring, being social and crazy etc.

I soon met a locally known man and we are now together — I 29, he 66. Though he is much older than my husband and poor as dirt, he is more energetic, virile and strong. More even than myself! We are more suited to each other.

I think the above article shows limited understanding of age-gap relationships, though overall it's fairly truthful, just shallow. I love men for who they are but do acknowledge I simply feel more attracted to older men. It's simply a physical thing — I like the rugged skin, crow's feet and silver hair. I believe that can be true the other way around as well. We don't have daddy or daughter issues and people who care can see we are equals.

Another thing that's worth mentioning is that most people don't consider that it's not easy to emotionally satisfy an older man. Most people will say "She's getting off easy because he must just be crazy about her and never complain." On the contrary; someone older has developed a strong sense of what they want and as his partner you will need to be aware of his needs and try to meet them while you are still shaping up ideas about what you stand for. It's much more a challenge for the woman than people think but I believe worth it, for me at least.

Anonymous on November 04, 2017:

I am 19 years Old Currently talking to a 29yr old. We Have A great Connection. We talk all The Time He supports me and he's here for me when I need him to be. He has a sense Of Humor Like me. We Both Have A lot In Common. And He Makes me smile and He Makes me Laugh He Makes me feel Safe and Secure and as if I don't have to worry about anything. But I do know that Everyone is'nt Perfect and Everyone Has Flaws and A past. And I also Know that While Dating Someone Older There's Always A "Catch" To It. Any Advice?

Mary on October 15, 2017:

I am 28 with a 63 year old who treats me very amazing met him after my husband died , very very good sex ,he also is very caring because he ensure that I have everything,give me financial advice so I can have my own business like him..he also respect my choice that I don't want to live with any other man after the passing of my husband ,I want my own home and he respects it and he his willing to help me achieve this goal. And I love him for these little things

Ksue on October 08, 2017:

I am 35 and married to a 60 year old. We have 3 beautiful girls together ages 15, 11 and 5. However, I find these days he is not interested in sex, love making etc. I am starting to become frustrated, angry and resentful. Becsuse I don't want to hurt him I find myself masterbating but I am generally unsatisfied. He is a great provider, father etc. What should I do?

RaChel on September 21, 2017:

I'm having a guy which is 49 and I'm 25. We met through online apps and he told me he have three kids grown up. Well I like him at first and started to get to know him well by checking his Facebook and Instagram. After a week plus, I found out he talk to another girl which he want a long term relationship with younger girls but he don't want to involve any kids if I'm pregnant or not. I love kids. He doesn't want kids anymore as he have three kids. Does that mean he just want someone who is going to be together just partner and not lifetime partner.

Alana Niall (author) from Christchurch, New Zealand on September 13, 2017:

Hi Wendy, it sounds like he is not able to trust you, which is weird because you guys have been dating for about six months now, and he wants you to move in with him. It is likely that he is married with wife and a son, and doesn't want his wife to find out. You should do your own investigation and find out more about the man you intend to move in with.

Wendy on September 13, 2017:

hi,i have a problem with a guy i'm dating he's an old Men,he is 50 & i'm 28.he is a christian but he doesn't want to show me his house.we've been dating for 5 months and 2 weeks.he is tenant around where his working on Saturdays his going home [Pretoria]he went with me in Pretoria twice about work but still he refused to show me his house.when i asked him,No!not now is too soon,i need to know you,i need to trust you because young girls they can cause problems/mess up everything with people you're staying with so you need to take your time before,he said.he said he's staying with two causins of his,maid and his 4 year old Son.he asked me to move in with him and i did.what should i do?please help me.

Netha on August 30, 2017:

I am a 33 years old woman blessed with a wonderful career. Life had been blissful so far though I did face a lot of challenges including a failed long distance relationship with a man I wanted to spend my entire life with. He was two years younger to me, not matured and was not ready to have bigger commitments. Leaving him was indeed the most painful decision I had to take. Now, almost after 6 years, I met this man, who's 51. Honestly, he's the sweetest person I've ever come across in my life. He's such a caring, humble, loving, affectionate, and above all treats a woman rightly with much respect. Yes, he's married with three beautiful grown ups but unfortunately is neglected by his wife who doesn't seem to be bothered about his emotional needs anymore. He's very honest to me and have always mentioned about his love for the family although they don't appreciate him. I adore him so much. Although I do feel guilty for loving him, I can't help myself as the saying goes; Love is totally Blind.. I wonder why did we even meet and share a lot of common things together. Should I proceed or forget..

Anonymous on August 28, 2017:

I am almost 26 and my boyfriend is 46. There are no issues so far. We love spending time together.. Even if it's doing nothing but napping together. We don't argue.we don't want kids. We cook for Each other.

I tend to be clingy and need to remember to give him space every now and again.

For me, it's not about daddy issues or finances. I have always been attracted to older men. I believe I am capable of having a loving relationship with someone who is older

Ridicule has been an issue. Usually by people who dont know us. For those peoe who we consider friends do not care and are happy for us.

M.L.A. on August 26, 2017:

I married a man 17 years older than I. When we married I was 38. It was his my first marriage his second. I loved the man I married and we were very happy...BUT, the last 5 years have been very difficult. I was warned by my mom about marrying an older man. I only thought about the present. Now, 19 years into our marriage, I'm in the thrawls on menopause and my husband is not as active as he once was. He has some mobile/balance issues, he's also grown more grumpy, irable, and quite frankly not the man I feel in love with. He blames any discourse on my menopause and that I'm not the woman he feel in love with. The bottom line is we all change but if we do it together we have a better chance. My husband cant turn the clock back and I'm to young to be old.

Safia on August 21, 2017:

I Am 30 years and my husband is 61 I don't have sex with him anymore because he can't do it any more he is sick and I Am in married and I never cheat on him he give me hard time argue control to much abuse I want to divorce but am afride because am a forigne.what can I do.

Anna on August 18, 2017:

I am 45 and my husband is 68 years old but we have the best relationship. He loves mes madly and always want to make me happy in every way. He cares for me as a dad.

A.C. on July 31, 2017:

there's a 21 yr. age difference here and our children are healthy...he's 54...

Nikkie on June 28, 2017:

My fiancé is 16 years older than I am. I love him for who he is. He is divorced with 3 kids, financial stability has been up and down. a year and a half into our relationship we found out he needed a heart valve replacement, and I was there to care for him, and yes it is very hard. We both have the same income and at times I have had to pick up the bills when he could not work. Its not about money. I love him because he makes me feel good about my self, he lifts me up and makes me smile, and I do the same for him. I don't see an age difference until someone refers to him as my dad. lol

Random guy on June 04, 2017:

I married someone 15 years younger than me. Because I had no children from my first marriage, I felt that I would not have the challenges others do. I think I'm correct. It's been awesome. I can take care of her well, and we're both able to settle down and have a family.

Chernobyl on May 02, 2017:

I'm seeing a man that's 39 years older then me, I am 19, we haven't done anything sexual yet and he has told me he really doesn't want to do anything sexual with me he just loves my company and enjoys the time we spend together... We just hang out and have fun and go out on dates and talk about a bunch of random things, stories from the past ect. He tells me I make him really happy and he also does the same for me... I know this may sound terrible to people who don't think this kind of life style is appropriate but don't knock it till you try it I guess haha... In life you have to take chances or you'll miss out on a lot!!

Anonymous on May 01, 2017:

Who wrote this article? Man? Woman? No name yet I have to sign in to comment.

Jeff Winchell on April 08, 2017:

"An older man's sperm usually cannot produce healthy babies."

Even the most negative medical study doesn't come close to using the word "usually". 5 minutes of googling for the actual studies will show that.

As such, that scare tactic sentence is Trumpian in its falseness.

Ignorant Awareness on March 20, 2017:

Lol the poll wording is so biased - why does it ask if you'd have an AFFAIR with an older man, instead of whether you'd get into a relationship with one? I was with a man almost 15 years my senior, & HE was the one who had the affair. The irony is I actually found him more immature than the guy I am currently dating (4 years my senior).

I think this article leaves out one important point; if an older man is interested in a woman much younger, surely that says something about his OWN maturity levels? What makes him reject women his own age? Is it really something so superficial as they don't look as hot anymore, or is it something deeper? Is he unable to keep up with the smart, self-assured mind of a more mature woman, for example? I didn't realise it at the time but, in some ways my ex seemed to enjoy being the one 'in control', by dating a much younger woman.

I'm not saying this is always the case but, it's important to look at the other factors in his life to accurately gauge if he is actually an older MAN. Is he actually living like a man his age (maybe he already has a house, children, & other responsibilities like parents he looks after), or is he just an unemployed/ unambitious manbaby, lol?

Of course we all fall into rough patches in life that can affect these perceptions (whether that be redundancy, repossession or divorce), but the important thing is to look at his maturity timeline as a whole. Does it mirror yours (a woman much younger than him), or does it go beyond what you've already learnt from life? Good luck, ladies!

Chrissy49 on March 08, 2017:

I am a Mistress for 9 years with an older man. We see each other everyday and share everything. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I knew up front that he has a family and they take a priority. He treats me with kindness and is very generous. I see us being together till death.

Alana Niall (author) from Christchurch, New Zealand on February 12, 2017:

Hi MIKLUND, thank you for sharing your experience. You have articulated your situation well. I wish both of you the very best, and look forward to further updates from you. As you say, let's watch this space :)

LOUISE on February 08, 2017:

I do find many points in this article to be true. For 7 years I have been with someone 13 years my senior. We have 1 child together, who we adore more than anything but he wants no more cause of his age. He is only 40. I am devastated since I am so young and have so more life still in me. I will Tell my son to never get involved with a younger women no matter how tempting.

MIKLUND on February 07, 2017:

My new partner (Lilt) just posted the above message about us, which came as a positive surprise to me. This motivated me to write a few lines on this site as well.

Yes, she is indeed 22 years younger than me, and could be my daughter. On paper, we have very little in common. This is certainly a bit scary for both of us. We have received rather mixed comments from family members and friends. Most of them are a bit concerned.

My oldest daughter (17 years of age) had already a chat with my new partner. She was surprisingly positive and happy for her dad.

After having spent up to five hours per day on Skype together, I have to admit that I cannot wait to meet her in Johannesburg in three days. She has certainly swept me off my feet. I am so much looking forward to talking to her in person. Please let me clarify that this is not just about sex from either side.

I am fully aware of my responsibility as the older person in the relationship, and I know how it may look for bystanders. Therefore, I will make sure that she is feeling comfortable with whatever happens between us in the future. She will be in the driver’s seat.

I have not searched actively for a young person. Previous partners were around the same age (usually two years older than me). I have no intention to be a father figure, sugar daddy or a ticket to a potentially better life somewhere else. Finally, I am also not after a nurse or carer.

We will decide together within about ten days how to move matters forward. I hope that we discover sufficient ground for a happy and long-lasting relationship as equal partners. In any case, I am sure that there is already sufficient potential for a life-long friendship.

Watch the space!

Lilt on February 07, 2017:

Exactly over a month ago today, i met an older man online. He's 22yrs older than me but hey I'm not counting.

He of course has a history 2 exes & amazing Children from both.

He's the most genuine person I know, honest in all his ways and loves talking to me and making me feel special. We've only been Skyping so far & I can not wait to meet him for the 1st time in 3days. He's coming all the way to Africa, i mean that's enough commitment.

Yes there's hurdles along our path but we know exactly how we feel about each other. He can still have a family and between us money is no factor and NO I don't need another daddy. After no luck with young men he was a real welcome change. And i am willing to make it work completely.

All the way T&M

Sar on January 30, 2017:

Twelve months ago..... I was incredibly lucky to be introduced to a man.. not just any man... he's funny, humble, engaging, interesting beyond belief man, and he flirted with me... (Later he did fessed up to doing some reconnaissance to check me out).

It has been a wonderful journey, we're both blown away by our similarities in values, family experiences and how we connect; emotionally and intimately,. We have the most enjoyable and fulfilling relationship I've ever experienced. And he says the same

Dulce on January 12, 2017:

I am 36, dating a 59yo man. I cared deeply for him but he doesn't want to get married again or have anymore children since his are all grown. Ladies, please take this into consideration of you are young & still want a family of your own. Also, I'm at my sexual prime & unfortunately he is not.

Lisa on January 10, 2017:

Awful article and not true at all !

Too much age gap is not realistic or normal on January 02, 2017:

I think it is wrong for a 50 year old man past his prime to marry a 20 something girl who has barely started out in life. This is obviously about money and control for the girl most of the time anyways. That to me is weird. I am 46, and there is no way I would someone in their 20's. Think about it.

Mat on November 15, 2016:

I am 20 , dating a man 18 years my senior. I really love him and he makes me very happy. The daddy issue is true to some extent, I feel protected and safe around him. The main issue at hand is convincing him that I am totally comfortable with the age gap. We plan on moving to Asia soon but I am still fond of Africa how do I convince him to stay in Africa?

Carmen sytes on June 05, 2016:

I am 35 he is 80 , a very good looking 80 year old who is healthy and fit

Jan on May 26, 2016:

What many people won't tell you is that even if a man is in good physical shape, after 50, many men loose their libido since their testosterone levels drop drastically. It's the same for women after menapause.

Dee on January 25, 2016:

You are absolutely right.

Scott on January 10, 2016:

My fiance' is 22 yrs. my junior. I'm 54, she 32. She found and pursued me. I had an issue with the age difference at 1st, but now 6 months later, I don't even see it. She is not the 1st woman I spoke with of this age. All were from overseas, and all told me young men don't know how to treat a woman, and that is why they pursued older men. Women from overseas are taught to take care of their man, unlike American women. We have common interests, I have a young heart, she, an old soul, and we both feel we have found our soul mates. The author does bring up some valid points, but as someone earlier stated, she's not looking for me as a daddy figure, I don't have money. She wants a man to love and care for her. To provide stability and protection. It will work, but communication is the #1 thing that has to be addressed for the relationship to work.

Tracy on October 23, 2015:

I am 46 my children are all adults . i am dating a 68 year young man. He is not married. I know what my future looks like. I will be there to help him to the bathroom and keep him clean because i love like that. We will all need help some day and that is a FACT

lisa on June 09, 2015:

I am 24 and my partner in life is 65. We have been together for almost 6 years and He has been a great blessing in my life. He understands me in most things, and I understand him. The most difficult thing of dating an older man is that if you ever separate and you are my age, you will not feel the same with guys your age.

Summer LaSalle from USA on June 01, 2015:

I've been married twice and both men were (are) 8 years older. My present husband is 51 and he has no libido. I think if I could have done it differently I would have chose younger, LOL! Great hub- good points. :)

ivan on May 29, 2015:

Yes, really bad writing on a sensitive issue

Janie on May 25, 2015:

This as crap. Your 3 reasons are crap. You left out the vital one I was looking for.. you just connect and fall for him as a person. I recently got involved with a man 14 years my senior. I don't want an older man, don't want his money, don't have daddy issues, no social needs. I just feel for him, we just flow, we just think the same, its just there. While you had a few good splashes in here, intentionally or not, your article comes across extremely degrading to women. Its all about what we need or get from it.. ignoring it might just have been all love and a lot of what you claim as what the woman wants is actually not important to some of us. Don't write anymore on this, you don't know s**t.

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