Stopping Breakup: Rebuilding Love With an Ex
Aw Crap, You Broke Up? Here's How To Fix Things...
Faced with a breakup? Want to halt it in its tracks and get back together with your ex? Sure, that's possible, but only if you have a solid strategy and execute it properly.
This lens will provide some advice on dealing with your breakup, how to handle your ex, and how to make your ex change his or her mind... and come running back to you!
Step 1 - Handling A Breakup
How to survive the first 48 hours
If you've recently broken up with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend, there's no doubt you'll be facing a lot of rather unfortunate emotions: heartbreak, loneliness, sadness, and maybe even anger.
While these emotions can be overwhelming, it's always best to try to hold back your tears and emotions when you're with your ex... if you need to have a good sob session when you're in the privacy of your home, go for it -- but do your best not to show these emotions to your ex. (I'll explain why in a bit.)
Also remember that this isn't the time to beg or plead with your ex for them to take you back. Don't try to search for answers or closure, either, as these things will simply end up frustrating your ex further and might reduce your chances of getting them back in the long run.
Instead, use the 48 hours after your breakup to try and accept the reality of your situation (that you're now single & are going to have to work hard to win back your ex). Now is also a good time to remove and obvious reminders of your ex that may be lying around the house... photos, stuffed animals, etc. Throw them in a box and place the box in a safe storage spot out of sight.
As I'll explain in a moment, you should also refrain from contacting your ex at this point. Instead, try to occupy your time by hanging out with friends and family. They'll provide an excellent support network for you during this tough time, and will help keep your mind off your ex for now. Below, I'll explain why going out and enjoying an active social life are crucial to winning your ex back... so now is a good time to get your friends together and do something fun to keep yourself busy.
In general, there are lots of things you can be doing in the wake of your breakup to keep yourself occupied. One of the best outlets for frustration and sadness is exercise -- scientists have proven that intense exercise reduces 'feel-good' chemicals in your brain, and will help you survive the tough times you're facing in the wake of your breakup.
If you need more help handling the post-breakup emotions, read this article on how to survive your breakup.
Step 2 - Falling Off Your Ex's Radar Screen
Why you need to disappear for a while!
So, now that we've discussed a few ways to survive the initial breakup, let's talk a bit about why you need to cut off all communication with your ex.
Yes, you read that correctly: it's time to completely fall off your ex's radar for 3-5 weeks. No exceptions!
It will almost certainly feel strange to cut off all communication with your ex, since you've spent months or years talking with this person every single day... but that's actually the whole point! Even if your ex has told you they still want to 'be friends', you still need to leave them alone completely for a while.
What's the point of falling off your ex's radar for a month or so? Well, the answer to that is simple: because you want your ex to miss you! You want him or her to forget all the reasons they broke up with you... and you want those negative impressions to be erased and replaced with nostalgia. In other words, you want your ex to forget about the annoying personality quirks or flaws you might have, and instead focus on memories of the happy times you and your ex spent together.
The best way to force your ex into realizing that life is a b*tch without you by their side is to completely disappear. There's really no two ways around this fact, and there's almost no way to avoid this 'no contact' phase (remember: 3-5 weeks of zero communication with your ex!!), and you have almost no chance of winning them back if you ignore this critical step.
Step 3 - Forging A New Life Without Your Ex
Go out and show the world you're awesome
Now that we've already established why you need to leave your ex alone for a period of 3 to 5 weeks, let's talk about what you should do during that three to five week period. (Hint: you shouldn't be sitting in your room with a box of kleenex!).
Remember that your goal during the 'no contact' phase, as I explained above, is to make your ex miss like mad and realize that he or she has made a mistake in letting you walk away. Not talking to your ex is an important element here, but there's something else critical, too -- you need to show your ex that you're awesome!
Go out and be as social as possible during the 3-5 week period you're off your ex's radar. Party hard, have fun, make new friends, try new activities... just generally live life to its fullest during this period. I know it may be tough because you don't want to go out and do anything in your current lonely & upset state of mind, but it's really important that you show your ex you don't need them around to have fun.
That's the whole point of this 'new life' you're living after the breakup.. to show your ex that you're a great catch that they were foolish to let walk away. And what better way is there to demonstrate this confidence and independence than by going out and having a great time when your ex thinks you're just going to be home alone crying yourself to sleep?
If you move on quickly from your breakup and aren't affected by the breakup, your ex will think you've got a ton of other guys or girls waiting in line hoping for a date with you. Showing your ex you don't need them is essentially a demonstration of your 'status' or 'value' in society.
Speaking of which, this is a great opportunity to (carefully) make your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend a wee bit jealous. But you won't have to work hard at this, because it's likely he or she will become jealous just knowing you're out living life and having a great time!
Don't hesitate to go out on dates with new people you meet during this 3-5 week time period... after all, is there any better way to show your ex that you've got ample romantic options available should they not change their mind about your breakup?
Step 4 - Break The Silence
Get back in touch with your ex again
It's actually very likely your ex will reach out and contact you at some point during the 'no contact' phase I've been talking about above... whether or not that does happen shouldn't chance the way you speak to your ex when you first begin talking to him or her again.
The most important thing when you begin to talk with your ex again is that all of your communication needs to be casual, friendly, and non-threatening. That means you should be happy and upbeat during all conversations with your ex, and that you shouldn't bring up any romantic of 'serious' topics until you're really sure they're ready to get back together again.
It's very important to be friendly and happy when you first break the silence... your ex needs to see that you're fine living without them. If you seem sad or upset about the breakup or about not being together with your ex anymore, you're sending the complete opposite message! So remember to always put on your 'happy face' when your ex is around, no matter where you are in the process of winning back their heart.
A great way to break the silence is with some brief and sneaky text messages that will almost definitely generate a reply. You can also end the 'no contact' period with a phone call.
Whatever means of communication you choose to break the silence -- just remember to be happy, make small talk, and keep things brief until you've re-build some interest.
Step 5 - Slow But Surely Seduce!
Make them fall back in love with you
At some point, after you've spoken to your ex a few times via phone or text message, you'll need to meet up with them again! And that's when you can finally 'seal the deal' and re-seduce them.
I can't give you any real instructions here, because in reality the past 4 steps I've already outlined will be the core components that will make your ex miss you and want you back again... so when you finally do meet up with them in person, just be yourself.
Again, if you want him or her to fall back in love with you, be casual, have fun, joke around.... and just generally be the person that your ex fell in love with back when you first met him or her. Trust me -- if you've done everything I've said so far and haven't made any big mistakes then everything should fall into place when you finally start hanging out with your ex again.
Remember: no serious conversations or discussions about getting back together until you're 100% certain you've won them back. Usually, this means waiting to talk about that stuff (if it's even necessary) until after you've re-ignited the physical spark behind your relationship... kissing, sex, or some form of physical romance that demonstrates your ex's interest in getting back together.