13 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

Updated on June 18, 2019
rogermac profile image

I am a life coach that loves giving relationship advice to others.

Whether it was you or your ex who ended things, you may be looking for signs that your ex wants to get back together. As you already know, communication is key to a good relationship, but sometimes it is hard to just come out and say how you feel. We often communicate more through behavior, especially when we are feeling hurt, angry, or vulnerable.

This article isn’t a guide to having a successful relationship, nor about how to get an ex back. But if you want to get back together, and want to know whether he or she feels the same way, these are the signs to look for.

These signs are in the form of questions. Read them and ask yourself, is there potential that your ex wants to be with you again?

Ask Yourself: Does Your Ex Miss You?

How long did the relationship last?
The longer you were together, the deeper the more your lives are entwined.
What kind of contact do you maintain?
The more direct and passionate, the greater the chances of reuniting.
How often do you have contact?
An ex who wants to get back together will be in touch.
How soon after the split did they contact you?
The sooner they called, the more they miss you.
Did it take them long to collect their belongings?
Did they leave anything important behind, on purpose perhaps?
Does your ex reach out more than you do?
If that's the case, it's a good sign.
Do they show up unannounced?
They might not be able to get you off their mind.
What do you talk about?
If they want to get back with you, they won't be able to hide it.
How do they act?
An action is worth a thousand words.
Has their behavior changed?
This is the best clue as to what they want.
What questions to they ask you?
They might be fishing to find out if you're still single.
Have you jumped into bed with them?
Be careful!

How Long Did the Relationship Last?

The Longer Your Relationship, the Deeper Your Emotional Connection.

Right after a split, it's only natural to feel hurt and focus on the fights. But it's important to realize that the ties and feelings you and your ex shared will not suddenly disappear. You are still emotionally bonded and your lives are still entwined.

Even relationships that haven't lasted for years can leave a big mark. Don't fall into the trap of believing that just because your relationship didn't go on for years, your ex will easily forget about you.

What Kind of Contact Do You Maintain With Your Ex?

The More Direct and Passionate They Are, the Greater the Chances They Want to Be with You.

If your ex uses email or text to remain in contact with you, you may view this as just being friendly. It could also be their way of keeping an eye on you, to see if you are seeing someone else.

If they contact you by phone, however, chances are they want you back in their life. Phoning is a very up-front way to communicate. Surely a guy or girl who wants to start over in a relationship wouldn't phone if they just want to be friends.

Last but not least, if they want to see you in person, it could mean that they aren’t ready to let you go.

How Often Do You Have Contact With Each Other?

Someone Who Still Wants You in Their Life Will Certainly Pave a Path of Communication with You.

If they keep trying to have contact with you after the break-up, it shows they aren’t exactly delighted with their decision, right? They could be weighing their options on one hand and their doubts on the other.

Even if your ex hasn’t contacted you, the outlook isn’t bleak. Immediately after splitting up, a period of time apart can be helpful. Let yourself spend time away. It will allow you to focus on the best ways to reconnect with your ex and be a part of his or her life once more.

How Soon After the Split Did Your Ex Contact You?

The Sooner They Contact You, the More Likely It Is That They Still Want You to Be a Part of Their Life.

It's a very good sign if your ex is the one making first contact. Perhaps they are doubting their choice to break up. If this is true, they may call or contact you some other way just to say hi or check how you're doing. Don't be fooled by how ordinary the conversation may be; it's highly probable that it’s just an excuse to reconnect with you.

Mind you, being the first to initiate contact might land you in a position of weakness. Rushing into contact with your ex—if they’re the one who initiated the split—may make you seem needy and desperate.

If, however, you get a call from your ex after a few weeks, see it as a good sign. It's quite fair to assume that they have had time to consider their feelings enough to have a change of heart.

Did it Take Long for Them to Collect Their Belongings?

Did They Leave Something Important Behind Just so They Would Have to Come Pick It up and See You?

A face-to-face meeting is hard to avoid if your ex comes around to get their things. See it as a positive sign. He or she may see it as a rather innocent excuse to come in contact with you. If they still carry a flame for you, they won't be in a hurry to have their things back and may even leave something important behind so they have to come and retrieve it.

If you want your ex back, never offer to return their belongings. Once that offer is made, you have cut any tie with your ex.

Does Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Make the Most Contact?

It's Always Best If It's Your Ex Contacting You, Instead of the Other Way Around.

Take it as a very strong sign of interest every time your ex initiates communication. It can indicate that they miss you.

Don’t contact your ex yourself without a specific reason. As hard as it may be, you must work on making them miss you. If you initiate contact, it may appear that you are chasing them and they may only reply to your messages to be nice.

If this happens, take a step back and stop all communication immediately. See how things go from there.

Do They Show Up in Places Where You Go?

It's Likely That They Can’t Let Go of You If They Suddenly Drop by Your School or Job.

Do you have “chance” encounters with your ex? It could be that they want to make sure they’re still on your mind. You may have contact through mutual friends, such as at a party. This doesn't necessarily mean your ex is checking up on you, but their body language will tell what you want to know. Do they keep glancing at you, and does their body tend to angle toward you? Do they mirror your movements, laugh when you laugh?

Your ex may not be certain about how to act around you anymore. They may keep their distance after the break-up. Don't assume that this means they aren’t interested anymore because it's quite common.

What Do You Talk About?

If Your Ex Wants to Win You Back, It Will Be Impossible for Them to Hide Their Feelings.

If your ex boyfriend or girlfriend always talks about him or herself, you could see this as self-centered behavior. It is also possible that they are just comfortable around you, which is a good thing. Be careful though that your ex isn’t expecting a platonic relationship, because if that isn’t what you want, you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

If your ex makes sure you get the message that they’re still single and then ask you about your dating life, they may want you back. Maybe not right away, but they certainly do not want to see you dating other people.

The best case scenario is if your ex is worried you are dating someone else. This opens up many opportunities to turn your relationship around.

When Your Ex Calls You, What Do They Talk About?

If They Call out of the Blue, with No Special Reason, They Miss You.

If they only call you to get their things back, that is a bad sign. But if they call you one day with no straightforward reason, such as to ask about a family member or mutual friend, then they just wanted to get in touch with you. More than anything, this is a great sign that they want you back. Take it as a very good sign also if your ex calls you just to get your opinion about something. Nobody who didn't care at all would bother to call an ex about something trivial.

There are people who will call their ex just to let them know they’ve met someone else. If your ex calls you in order to convey this message, they want to get a reaction out of you. They want to know how jealous you are. They may be testing the waters, especially if they aren’t 100% sure about how good a decision it was to dump you.

How Does Your Ex Act When They're Around You?

You Can Learn a Lot About the Way Your Ex Acts in Your Presence.

If your ex is friendly, then they’re trying to smooth things over. It doesn’t matter whether you parted ways calmly or with a big fight. If they are warm with you, they may be trying to mend things.

It’s also true that an ex who can hardly look you in the eye may still be really into you and is just uncomfortable and shy.

Look at it this way: Your ex would have absolutely no problem looking you in the eye if they simply didn't care. Avoiding eye contact could mean that they regret ending things but aren’t sure about the best way to initiate a conversation.

If you don’t see your ex much at all post-breakup, don’t worry. Many people avoid their exes when the relationship ends, but they can’t simply switch off their feelings. If you're ready to work for it, you may be able to turn the relationship around. The key is to look for the right moment to make things happen.

Has Their Behavior Changed?

Compare the Way They Act Around You to How They Used to Behave for a Clue to Their Mindset.

One of the signs your ex wants you back is a change in behavior. Some attitude changes may be immediate, while others take a bit longer to take place. Be on the lookout!

There's no reason you and your ex can't be friendly around each other. But look for a radical change in the way they treat you. When you meet, is your ex extremely happy or extremely moody? If they are happy, it could be that they miss being with you. If they are moody, it could be that they regret ending the relationship.

If your ex flirts with you, it’s likely that they still feel romantic about you. They may only be looking for sex, but it could mean something more. Show your interest by flirting back, but be careful that you both have the same intentions.

What Questions Does Your Ex Ask?

Listen for These Questions.

How are you doing? They feel remorse over the breakup and are afraid that you are dating someone else. By asking how you're doing they are fishing to see whether you miss them.

Any future dating plans? They deeply fear the moment you'll say you're ready to see other people. At this point your ex is doubting their decision. You could easily sway them back into your life at this point. Don’t move too fast! Keep it to yourself. Your ex may want to have it all—they enjoy their new single status—but now you now that they are actually only an arm’s length away.

Have You Jumped Into Bed With Them?

Be Careful!

Intimacy after a breakup is very tricky. It may seem like an innocent thing to do, but it can actually be a big mistake.

Look at it this way: You are in contact with your ex, you see each other every so often. Maybe you're even friends. And, cherry on the cake, you're sleeping together again. From your ex’s point of view, why be in a relationship again? They have what they want with none of the pressures of an actual committed relationship. Sleeping with your ex on a regular basis isn't the best idea.

However, it does let you know that your ex is still interested. Having sex once or twice in a moment of weakness and passion may be a positive thing. Flirting or even making out with your ex is a good sign, but only if your ex initiates. The more interest they show in you, the better the chances of getting back together. Be careful though that they aren’t just looking for a good time. Misinterpreting their intentions could get you hurt.

Signs Your Ex Wants You Back Quick Poll

Do you think that your ex wants you back?

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Questions & Answers

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      • profile image


        2 months ago

        I need my ex back but I noticed he has a girlfriend what should I do

      • profile image


        12 months ago

        Ran into a old friend and ask me what did i tell my new man in my life about me and him.why would he ask me that when we havent been together over 20yrs

      • profile image


        13 months ago

        My Ex broke up with me i still get random text or a phone call on my birthday we broke up back in 2016

      • profile image


        18 months ago


        My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, he is 60 years old, I’m giving him the space he needs, no contact at all after I collected my things from his place, but he knows I love him and want us to be together, he text me and began talking about his day 3 hours later I responded nice, then he replied just checking in, he still like my tweets now and then last night he posts a song on FB Josh Krajcik Let Me Hold You and an hour later he posts Madison Ryan Ward Mirror wording in this says its just not going to work out between us do you think he sending a message to me in that song? talking to himself? or does he just like the song for no reason he never posts sad songs on FB in the year that we were together.

      • profile image


        2 years ago

        My baby daddy has a first child nd mine is a second one ..he never comes nd see the bby but every tym whn he see me he ask me abt the bby why?

      • profile image


        2 years ago

        So me and my boyfriend broke up because he is supposed to move and if he does move then we wouldn't see each other that much. And then a month later he started asking my friends who I like and if I still like him. But at the end of the day he told me to text him and the nest day he said he misses me and he says I love you and that I'm gorgeous and pretty and I flirted back with him but later on I figured out that he had a girlfriend. And he told me that if he don't move then he will get back with me

      • profile image


        2 years ago

        Im a bit confused me and my ex dated for about 7 years and we have a a child who is 8 years old now and my ex just got out of prison and he always calls me and one minute he is nice remissness the next he is yelling and saying its all my fault i messed up everything cause I didn't wait for him. he hasn't spoken to me since he broke up with me which was about 5 years ago and now gets out an is upset i moved on and Im a bit confused I have mixed feelings but it seems my spouse or my ex neither cares about how I feel only their feelings what do I do ? I need closure and I need joy.

      • profile image


        2 years ago

        My bf and I were together for 3 years 3 months he cheated on me the first year and I found out we broke up. I gave him another chance. TWO years pass and he's talking to the same girl again. Why?!? After two years he talks to her?! I confronted him and he exploded on me and broke up with me .. I don't get it I was such a good gf and he had the nerve to break up with me.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        i loved my bf but i am tired of understanding him over and over again, miscommunication? just nothing to me... i always understand that but... for many times you always knew that he cheated and having an affair with another woman is more than i could stand... gone are the days of martyrdom so i decided to let him go... but now he kept on texting me to treat that he is dead but pleading not to ignore nor disregard his parents and other siblings... oh oh... how can i move on if that is the case? come on.. does it mean he dont want me to move on? my gosh, i gave him the freedom he wants and now he dont want me to give the freedom i want?

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        My ex girlfriend is really confusing the hell out of me. One minute she is super rude and indifferent towards me. To The point where she doesn't want to even look at me.And then the next day ill pay a visit to see her and next thing you know we are cooking together in her apartment, making out, having sex, opening up with each other, laughing cracking jokes. Telling me that she loves my face and loves kissing me. She cried in front me because she said shes sad, heartbroken and lonely. And then next thing you know she blows up at me because of a stupid comment that i said about another girl. Which by way she's not dating anybody at least thats what she says. And btw i'm also not dating or seeing anyone as well. I just don't understand her motives. It's been like this for a month and a half. Where we would hangout hook up be super lovey dovey with each other. And next thing you know i'm back in the shitter!!

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        My ex asked me out. I said yes but he has been talking about sex and sleep stuff

      • profile image


        4 years ago

        This is probably the best article I have seen of it's type. Really makes sense and covers those little details that cause you to wonder what's really going on. I thought my ex was just being friendly, but it looks like there may be more to it.

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        What if after a week of break up your x bf txt you that i miss u just wanna say always take care. What should i reply?

      • Cloudlee profile image


        5 years ago from Vietnam

        Nooooo GardenofGreatness, please say "Fuck Off" to him. He no longer deserves to you so just move on. He is just a worm in this society. There are so many great men that you should meet out there. Let's love yourself first before loving others.

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        My ex humiliated me. He embarrased me. He said he loved me but didn't really mean it. I really really wish I never met him. How can someone be all lovey dovey with you when you have sex and then turn around and pretend like nothing happened?! I'm glad he's out of my life. I can't trust him! He's sick! I hope his new girlfriend wakes up and sees what an asshole he was.

        I know I should move on, but guys are so much more visual than women so it's taken me a bit harder to find my new boyfriend than normally.

        I'm also very happy that he NEVER ever had a kid together with me. That would have made things more complicated.

      • Cloudlee profile image


        5 years ago from Vietnam

        Better not to come back with ex

      • profile image

        Camryn Feist 

        5 years ago

        They don't apply to everyone, because everyone has a different personality. The person how is reading this is probably curious, i feel that the best thing to do is step back and let time heal. That person will eventually realize how much you meant to them. In the mean time just enjoy living. Its never too late:)

      • profile image

        Rashawn Moore 

        5 years ago

        My ex boyfriend dump me but come around in the area where we once shared more, I walk by him and his eyes travels in my directions.

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        My ex boyfriend dump me,he steal comes around the area where I live what do that me

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        Reading this was quite interesting although as much I want to believe he wants me back only he can make that call. I have heard through mutal friends that he asks "how I am doing?" And I haven't bothered to reach out because in the end it was not me who ended it. My relationship itself well I can admit we lacked communication pretty badly which is why I am surprised it lasted 8 months. We never fought or argued, but at the same time we didn't see eye to eye in certain circumstances. He use to see me at my work place after the break up until I was fired. I kept communication with a friend there though who told me he went there and he seemed to be looking for me, but I didn't take it to heart. Sure he could be working his way back to me slowly, but I refuse to take that to heart. Only time and patience can resolve how he feels and I am honestly ok with whatever he chooses. If he is happy great if not hopefully he will find it soon. As for me I am content and passed it, but thank you for making this article it was really well put together.

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        It is weird but I could relate to quiet a few which gives me hope cos I miss him and still love him. We both care for each other fingers crossed

      • profile image

        Zulema Palacio` 

        5 years ago

        Well this information was helpful towards the fact of me actually knowing how my ex feels about me && im Glad too know i found this website :) The fact that me && him broke up was because he did the break up even though i Tried it just didn't work he said " he had enough time to think about it && that he didn't want to bring me down with him && that he wanted to have this Independent life going on because he was having issues with his dad && the fact that his cousin had past away" I mean those were the reasons on him leaving me && ending our relationship ,I mean we were so good while we were dating but after words he asked me if we could still be friends,if i was ok,&& that i was the only girl that made him so happy ,I thought That meant a lot too me && him,but I guess it wasn't like that cause after words he moved on and so did I and we stopped talking . . . && i think now he wants me back because he stares at me && Idk what to do cause i have a bf . . . && i Think it's too late

      • profile image


        5 years ago

        What if ur Ex boyfriend is struggling to forget you and he still wants ur all contacts and his friends are telling you that he is not talking that much. And your Ex is also lying to you in some cases. Are those the sines that he still wants you in his life and loves you?


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