I am a life coach that loves giving relationship advice to others.
Whether it was you or your ex who ended things, you may be looking for signs that your ex wants to get back together. As you already know, communication is key to a good relationship, but sometimes it is hard to just come out and say how you feel. We often communicate more through behavior, especially when we are feeling hurt, angry, or vulnerable.
This article isn’t a guide to having a successful relationship, and it isn't about how to get your ex back. But if you want to get back together and want to know whether your ex feels the same way, these are the signs to look for.
These signs are in the form of questions. Read them and ask yourself, is there potential that your ex wants to be with you again?
Signs That Your Ex Misses You
|Questions to Ask Yourself||What the Answer Might Mean|
How long did the relationship last?
The longer you were together, the deeper the more your lives are entwined.
What kind of contact do you maintain?
The more direct and passionate, the greater the chances of reuniting.
How often do you have contact?
An ex who wants to get back together will be in touch.
How soon after the split did they contact you?
The sooner they called, the more they miss you.
Did it take them long to collect their belongings?
Did they leave anything important behind, on purpose perhaps?
Does your ex reach out more than you do?
If that's the case, it's a good sign.
Do they show up unannounced?
They might not be able to get you off their mind.
What do you talk about?
If they want to get back with you, they won't be able to hide it.
How do they act?
An action is worth a thousand words.
Has their behavior changed?
This is the best clue as to what they want.
What questions to they ask you?
They might be fishing to find out if you're still single.
Have you jumped into bed with them?
How Long Did the Relationship Last?
The Longer Your Relationship, the Deeper Your Emotional Connection
Right after a split, it's only natural to feel hurt and focus on the fights. But it's important to realize that the ties and feelings you and your ex shared will not suddenly disappear. You are still emotionally bonded and your lives are still entwined.
Even relationships that haven't lasted for years can leave a big mark. Don't fall into the trap of believing that just because your relationship didn't go on for years, your ex will easily forget about you.
What Kind of Contact Do You Maintain With Your Ex?
The More Direct and Passionate They Are, the Greater the Chances They Want to Be With You
If your ex uses email or text to remain in contact with you, you may view this as just being friendly. It could also be their way of keeping an eye on you to see if you are seeing someone else.
If they contact you by phone, however, chances are they want you back in their life. Phoning is a very up-front way to communicate. Surely someone wouldn't phone if they just want to be friends.
Last but not least, if they want to see you in person, it could mean that they aren’t ready to let you go.
How Often Do You Have Contact With Each Other?
Someone Who Still Wants You in Their Life Will Certainly Pave a Path of Communication With You
If they keep trying to have contact with you after the breakup, it shows they may not be exactly delighted with their decision, right? They could be weighing their options on one hand and their doubts on the other.
Even if your ex hasn’t contacted you, the outlook isn’t bleak. Immediately after splitting up, a period of time apart can be helpful. Let yourself spend time alone. It will allow you to focus on the best ways to reconnect with your ex and be a part of their life once more.
How Soon After the Split Did Your Ex Contact You?
The Sooner They Contact You, the More Likely It Is That They Still Want You to Be a Part of Their Life
It's a very good sign if your ex is the one making first contact. Perhaps they are doubting their choice to break up. If this is true, they may call or contact you some other way just to say hi or check how you're doing. Don't be fooled by how ordinary the conversation may be; it's highly probable that it’s just an excuse to reconnect with you.
Mind you, being the first to initiate contact might land you in a position of vulnerability. Rushing into contact with your ex—especially if they’re the one who initiated the split—may make you seem needy and desperate.
If, however, you get a call from your ex after a few weeks, see it as a good sign. It's quite fair to assume that they have had time to consider their feelings enough to have a change of heart.
Did It Take Long for Them to Collect Their Belongings?
Did They Leave Something Important Behind Just so They Could See You?
A face-to-face meeting is hard to avoid if your ex comes around to get their things. See it as a positive sign. He or she may see it as a rather innocent excuse to come in contact with you. If they still carry a flame for you, they won't be in a hurry to have their things back and may even leave something important behind so they have to come and retrieve it.
If you want your ex back, never offer to return their belongings. Once that has been done, you have cut all ties with your ex.
Does Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Make the Most Contact?
It's Always Best If It's Your Ex Contacting You, Instead of the Other Way Around
Take it as a very strong sign of interest every time your ex initiates communication. It can indicate that they miss you.
Don’t contact your ex yourself without a specific reason. As hard as it may be, you must work on making them miss you. If you initiate contact, it may appear that you are chasing them and they may only reply to your messages to be nice.
If this happens, take a step back and stop all communication immediately. See how things go from there.
Do They Show Up in Places Where You Go?
It's Likely That They Can’t Let Go of You If They Suddenly Drop by Your School or Job
Do you have “chance” encounters with your ex? It could be that they want to make sure they’re still on your mind. You may have contact through mutual friends, such as at a party. This doesn't necessarily mean your ex is checking up on you, but their body language will tell what you want to know. Do they keep glancing at you, and does their body tend to angle toward you? Do they mirror your movements, laugh when you laugh?
Your ex may not be certain about how to act around you anymore. They may keep their distance after the break-up. Don't assume that this means they aren’t interested anymore because it's quite common.
What Do You Talk About?
If Your Ex Wants to Win You Back, It Will Be Impossible for Them to Hide Their Feelings
If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend always talks about him or herself, you could see this as self-centered behavior. It is also possible that they are just comfortable around you, which is a good thing. However, be careful that your ex isn’t expecting a platonic relationship because, if that isn’t what you want, you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak.
If your ex makes sure you get the message that they’re still single and then ask you about your dating life, they may want you back. Maybe not right away, but they certainly do not want to see you dating other people.
The best-case scenario is if your ex is worried you are dating someone else. This opens up many opportunities to turn your relationship around.
Do They Call for No Reason?
If They Call out of the Blue, With No Special Reason, They Miss You
If they only call you to get their things back, that is a bad sign. But if they call you one day with no straightforward reason, such as to ask about a family member or mutual friend, then they just wanted to get in touch with you. More than anything, this is a great sign that they want you back. Take it as a very good sign also if your ex calls you just to get your opinion about something. Nobody who didn't care at all would bother to call an ex about something trivial.
There are people who will call their ex just to let them know they’ve met someone else. If your ex calls you in order to convey this message, they want to get a reaction out of you. They want to know how jealous you are. They may be testing the waters, especially if they aren’t 100% sure about how good a decision it was to dump you.
How Does Your Ex Act When They're Around You?
You Can Learn a Lot About the Way Your Ex Acts in Your Presence
If your ex is friendly, then they may be trying to smooth things over. It doesn’t matter whether you parted ways calmly or with a big fight. If they are enthusiastically warm with you, they may be trying to mend things.
It’s also true that an ex who can hardly look you in the eye may still be really into you and is just uncomfortable and shy. Look at it this way: Your ex would have absolutely no problem looking you in the eye if they simply didn't care. Avoiding eye contact could mean that they regret ending things but aren’t sure about the best way to initiate a conversation.
If you don’t see your ex much at all post-breakup, don’t worry. Many people avoid their exes when the relationship ends, but they can’t simply switch off their feelings. If you're ready to work for it, you may be able to turn the relationship around. The key is to look for the right moment to make things happen.
Compare the Way They Act Around You to How They Used to Behave for a Clue to Their Mindset.
Compare the Way They Act Around You to How They Used to Behave for a Clue to Their Mindset
One of the signs your ex wants you back is a change in behavior. Some attitude changes may be immediate, while others take a bit longer to take place. Be on the lookout!
There's no reason you and your ex can't be friendly around each other. But look for a radical change in the way they treat you. When you meet, is your ex extremely happy or extremely moody? If they are happy, it could be that they miss being with you. If they are moody, it could be that they regret ending the relationship.
If your ex flirts with you, it’s likely that they still feel romantic about you. They may only be looking for sex, but it could mean something more. Show your interest by flirting back, but be careful that you both have the same intentions.
What Questions Does Your Ex Ask?
Listen for These Questions:
How are you doing? They feel remorse over the breakup and are afraid that you are dating someone else. By asking how you're doing they are fishing to see whether you miss them.
Any future dating plans? They deeply fear the moment you'll say you're ready to see other people. At this point, your ex is doubting their decision. You could easily sway them back into your life at this point. Don’t move too fast! Keep it to yourself. Your ex may want to have it all—they enjoy their newly single status—but now you know that they are actually only an arm’s length away.
Have You Jumped Into Bed With Them?
Intimacy after a breakup is very tricky. It may seem like an innocent thing to do, but it can actually be a big mistake.
Look at it this way: You are in contact with your ex, you see each other every so often. Maybe you're even friends. And, cherry on the cake, you're sleeping together again. From your ex’s point of view, why be in a relationship again? They have what they want with none of the pressures of an actual committed relationship. Sleeping with your ex on a regular basis isn't the best idea.
However, it does let you know that your ex is still interested. Having sex once or twice in a moment of weakness and passion may be a positive thing. Flirting or even making out with your ex is a good sign, but only if your ex initiates. The more interest they show in you, the better the chances of getting back together. Be careful though that they aren’t just looking for a good time. Misinterpreting their intentions could get you hurt.