Does Your Husband Want a Divorce?
Do you think your husband wants a divorce? It's a terrifying thought that your lifelong commitment may be coming to an end, and you may be desperate for a solution.
Even if you already know your husband wants a divorce, take a minute to read this anyway, because I'll share some things you can do right now to help save your marriage.
Signs Your Husband May Want a Divorce
No one goes to sleep perfectly happy—and then wakes up the next morning feeling it's time to end their marriage. Coming to this realization is a long process, and thankfully that means that there is still a chance to prevent it divorce from happening. The first thing you want to do is to read the signs. The trick is reading the signs and acting in time.
So what signs should you look for when you think that your husband wants a divorce? Here are a few things to keep an eye out for:
- He is distant and easily becomes irritable or angry with you.
- He doesn't open up and talk about how or what he is feeling.
- He doesn't spend as much time with you and likes to be away from home.
- He doesn't seem interested in spending time with you alone, or as a family with the children.
- He is not as affectionate anymore (no hugs, kisses, or cuddling).
- He doesn't wear his wedding ring all the time.
If you've noticed any of these signs, then your husband may want a divorce. Keep in mind that every person is different, and these signs don't absolutely mean that he is ready to break it off. However, these are some of the most common signs that your marriage may be on the rocks.
Here's the thing that most people don't realize: Your spouse is likely feeling the exact same way that you are. No one enjoys the yelling, arguing, and feelings of disconnection. I guarantee you, no matter how much you two fight, how mean you are to each other, or how much you want to be away from each other, you probably still love each other.
The thing is, both of you are probably acting out of fear. Once you learn calm each others' fears, there is a pathway toward marital stability. To do this, you will both need to compromise.
What You Must Avoid When Your Husband Wants a Divorce
Every woman wants to know exactly what to do when their husband wants a divorce. Oftentimes a sense of urgency causes people to try to resolve the problem instantly. Usually, however, these knee-jerk reactions make things worse in the end.
Here are a couple things you want to avoid when dealing with this situation:
You want to avoid texting him as much as possible. It will only lead to disaster, especially if you're worried that he is with another woman. Many times, your husband will read your message and not reply just because he wants space. Plus, tone is easily misconstrued in a text, so save your words for later, when you are face-to-face.
Apologizing for Everything
When you say you're sorry too much, your husband knows that this is an act of desperation. Plus, apologizing doesn't offer a solution at all, which is what you both really want. Remember the saying "actions speak louder than words"? This is a perfect example of when that idea applies.
Promising Things Will Be Different
Most people use this more than once, and it doesn't work after the first time (maybe the second if you're lucky). If nothing has changed after you promised this the first time, why should he believe you this time around?
Avoid false promises at all costs. Here's the interesting thing: Usually, what you want to do is counter-intuitive to what you know to be true. You know things won't be different, but you'd like them to be, so you succumb to magical thinking and pretend that saying these words will somehow make it true. Why is that? Because we're blinded by emotions when our marriage is falling apart.
When you're dealing with a delicate situation, you have to keep a calm, clear mind—and admit to yourself and each other that things won't change without a lot of work.
Read More From Pairedlife
What to Do When Your Husband Wants a Divorce
So, what exactly should you do when your husband wants a divorce? You should agree to separate. This counter-intuitive approach initially will sound utterly insane, but read on to learn why it's effective.
Agree to a Temporary Separation
Right now, you're probably scratching your head, thinking "You've got to be kidding, right?" Nope, not one bit. This is a powerful move to start with, because it helps show that things are actually going to change. When faced with the reality of what he's asking for, your husband may begin to question whether or not his desire to dissolve the marriage will really bring him any more happiness, and this is exactly what you want him to start thinking.
Interesting concept, isn't it? Think of it this way: Has anything you've been doing (like calling, texting, or pleading with him to find a solution to your marital issues) brought you any closer to peace in your marriage? Most likely not. The reason for this is that the more we tighten our grip, trying to keep the situation from falling apart, the more likely it will be to slip through our fingers.
At a certain point, you have to trust in your marriage and your love for each other, and you need to believe that everything will work out if you truly want it to. You have to just let go for a bit. Everything you two struggled through together, everything you accomplished together, keep that in mind as you keep fighting on through the challenging times.
This is just one step in the process, and it's the single most effective strategy when your marriage is on the verge of collapse. I read about this strategy in a book called The Magic of Making Up by T.W. Jackson. He describes all the mistakes we make when we try to save our marriages, why they don't work, and how pursuing a more counter-intuitive approach can lead to saving your marriage and rekindling the flame that once burned so brightly.
If you have feelings of depression, you can't stop thinking about why he really left, you've lost your appetite, you're indulging in your favorite comfort food too often, or you lose focus at work or with friends because you can't stop thinking about him, then it's time to dig deep and start looking at yourself.
You can't mend your marriage when you're broken, yourself. In other words, you can't start fixing your relationship until you've worked on fixing yourself. This means making a serious investment of energy and time in whatever it takes to get your head on straight: counseling, therapy, self-help books, exercise, meditation, or whatever else helps you recognize and change old patterns.
Your marriage is very important—not only to you, but to your husband, as well (even if he doesn't always show it). You can follow the seven steps outlined in Jackson's book, which I highly recommend, to win your husband's heart and solidify your marriage once more.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
How Did You Handle Your Husband Wanting A Divorce?
Ron on December 10, 2018:
How about I filed because she is having an affair and won’t break it off with him. I’m not going to be a second option and she would not file. No more cake and sparkles. Toughest decision I’ve ever had to make. After 24 years of being faithful to her I’m completely lost. I tried for 5 months with counseling and space. But I can’t keep having her bring him around my house and my kids. Plus she’s his boss and he’s our neighbor. I stand no chance of her leaving him. He will eventually leave her because that is his M.O.
Amanda on August 13, 2018:
I can't cope with the pain of my break up. Can't eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can't sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
ATimson00 on November 20, 2017:
To the commenter below.. marriage counselling isn't the only option. There are some really good online solutions these days that are much cheaper. Check out Brad Browning's 'Mend The Marriage' - He has a specific section for women that is very helpful. You can find it at: http://www.savingyourmarriage.info
Hope this helps.
Chri on October 16, 2017:
What if marriage counselling isn't an option?
robyn on October 10, 2017:
he doesnt wnt it to work, says its too hard, he just want to be alone and doesnt want anyone depending on him. im willing for help he isnt.
NeilFumicelli on August 25, 2017:
What if he doesn't want to get divorced after all and would like to at some point reconcile after counseling and some hard work changing for the better
Amy Gentry on June 14, 2017:
Sometimes if your partner really wants to have a divorce, you can give him other options like collaborative divorce or have a mediation first before proceeding to divorce. It might save your relationship in this way. If you live in Nebraska, you can check this out for more information http://www.nebraskalegalgroup.com/divorce-family-l...
sarah on January 23, 2017:
Believing you can do something and getting out there and doing it, are the best two things you can do today. visit http://prophetAbuviasolutiontemple.webs.com/
https://bestspellcasterweb.wordpress.com/ and get your problem solved
connors bella on July 03, 2015:
Hello Greetings What a great and wonderful testimony.I am Connors Bella from UNITED KINGDOM , i got married to Jorge Connors , i want to use this golden medium to appreciate Dr. IMONAH a great spell caster for helping me retrieving back my relationship with my husband when he ended and turned back on me for quite a long time now (6 years ago). He performeda spell for me and for 48 hours after the spell had been casted i receive a text from my ex husband saying that he is sorry for the pains and tears that he had caused me and that he will not do such thing to me again in his life again. I was surprised but later accepted him back again. Anyone that is in the same line of problem or different one and want to contact him should happily contact him now on this email address. (drimonahspiritualtemple@yahoo. com) He is very powerful and can help you with any problem you have .
LAURA on March 30, 2015:
My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been hell of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my family come back together as it use to,i was surfing online when i found out about email@example.com and i must confess that since i contacted Dr Lawrence my marriage has been healed and i am once again a happy woman
chloe on December 23, 2014:
Hello friends i want to share my testimony and how grateful i'm since my lover came back to me because of the great help Lord Masuka whose email address is firstname.lastname@example.org render to me. my boyfriend broke up with me first week of july this year because he thought i was cheating on him, he told me that his friends has been telling him that i have been seeing someone else when he is not around i tried to make him understand that his friends are lying to him but he did not give me the chance to explain to him this was how he left me. after a month of our breakup i tried to live a normal life without him but it was very hard for me to cope then i decided to contact Lord masuka via his email address email@example.com which i came across this months September 12th during my search looking for help how to get my lover back he cast a love spell for me and make my lover to come back to me within the period of 48hours. with this grate joy in my heart i want to say a big thanks to lord masuka he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution.Here is his website http://lordmasukalovespelltemple.webs.com you will be happy thereafter. You can add him up on Skype his user name lord.Masuka
susan on December 15, 2014:
I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.Kasee for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loose my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 4 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.Kasee released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how love much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.Kasee for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the firstname.lastname@example.org Are you undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. that is his email address ONIMALOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM
Patricia on December 13, 2014:
Hi everyone, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. I will never forget the help SOLVER KING render to me in my marital life. I was married for 4 years and my husband and i love each other very dearly, after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change, he was having an affair with another woman outside and abuse me emotionally, i notice it but he kept on lying to me. I had to start praying for divine intervention and miracle form all this confusion that my husband was causing, the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it than we prayed but nothing happen. My husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids and went to his mistress apartment. At this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. I was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how SOLVER KING help her out with her marital problems so i contacted them at their website (www.solverking.com) i told him my problems and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minute he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within a week. He told me what went wrong with my wife and how it happen, that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Priest home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him, i quickly ask him to get up that i have forgiven him. Friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give SOLVER KING a try. They really do bring back LOST WIFE or husband. contact him via email@example.com or check www.solverking.com
Melissa on December 09, 2014:
My husband of 31 years (we dated 3 years before marrying) has had 2 affairs that I know of. It has literally destroyed me. He is the only man I have ever know, been with him since I was 17. He keeps wanting to help me and be there whenever I need something. After reading some of the testimonies about the great work of doctor sakura how he help people to fix their broken marriage and relationship, I know that has to stop. I have scared to death. He has always been there and I don’t know how to live life without him. I have never been on my own. I moved out of my parents house into our house the day we got married. I feel I have no self worth or respect for myself. I have even thought about committing suicide.but a friend of mine introduce me to a powerful spell caster who also help her when she was having problem in her marriage, and i was also glad because i have read many testimonies about this same man on Forum, Topix and other internet engine, doctor sakura cast a spell for me that really work my husband came back to me with much love and a caring heart like never before, if any one need his help and advise kindly email him via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
chloe on December 06, 2014:
I am Vanella Jones i lives in united states and i was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us. I cry all day, Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to lord Mason , and i contacted him and tell him my problems how i lost my relationship with my lover. at first i thought it was not going to be possible.i was ask to come up with a little requirement information of me and boyfriend,so i did what i was ask to do, after 24Hours the spell was cast i was in my office when clark called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me. my boyfriend is now back and he treat me well. and our relationship is now stronger ask ever before. if you are out there looking for help is time for you to still put your hope on Lord Mason love spell, i promise you that you will be happy with your boyfriend again email him. Lordmasonspellhome@gmail.com tell +2347053105287.
marie on November 30, 2014:
Hello every one i want to share with you all about this priest of the email@example.com and I finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and he is the most powerful spell caster that I have ever met. I wish I have met him before. and my husband have just come back to me and every thing happened just the way he had said it I am so happy that I have met with him and now I have my husband back to my self. If you all that are here have not tried him you just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. Stop been doubting I have tested him and I am now a fulfilled woman to my husband and we are so happy to be together once again. You can reach this spell caster if you need help
Tasha on November 24, 2014:
Me and my husband been married for 2years(we been together for 5yrs) well last week my husband came to telling me he wanted a divorce and I have no clue why. I recently found out that he's back talking to his ex and his mom his paying for him to go on a cruise with her. My husband has brought me to hell and back and I forgave him and after everything I've been through I want my marriage to work. We're 15 years apart in age I'm 33 and he's 48. I'm so terrified of losing him my love for him is never-ending. I don't know what to do cause I love him so much
William on November 23, 2014:
I dated Carolina for 8years until i found out she was cheating on me i was so mad at her that i could not even look at her anymore. As time went on i and Carolina was trying to fix things but my best friend wanted us to be apart from each other, in other to have her to herself which he later achieved. Carolina wasn't paying attention to me anymore. All she could think of was how she could dump me and my two beautiful kids in other to be with my best friend.I was so heart broken because i loved her so much i tried all means to get her back but it wasn't possible. After a long while of unhappiness i meant a spell caster on internet whose name is Dr Oye i explained my problem to him and he demanded for some materials to prepare a spell and i provided the materials and since then my life has been transformed from sadness to happiness. If you have similar problem he might be the right person to solve your problem so if you need help contact him now to get your happiness back firstname.lastname@example.org
jenny on November 21, 2014:
I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to ancientokija whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fufilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was casted they quareled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. or call him +2347053977842. he is the best caster that can help you with your problems.
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TINA on October 21, 2014:
I am from USA, I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all
sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A schoolmate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across DR. TEBE (email@example.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email Dr. Tebe at firstname.lastname@example.org You can call him with this number: +2348143048153.
Vicky on October 17, 2014:
HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who helped me. It has been hell from the day my husband left me, i am a woman with two kids, my problem started when the father of my kids travelled and after then i did not set my eyes on him again i tried calling his phone but he was not picking up my call after some weeks he called me telling me that he has found love somewhere else, at first i never knew he took it to be serious but the day after he came to the house to pick up his things that was the time i noticed that things are not the same as it used to be and i kept having hope that he will come back but things were going bad day by day and i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no hope so i gave up on him, a month later i met a man on the the internet a spell caster i never believed in this but i needed my man back so i told the spell caster my problem at first and he assured me that i will get him back but i had to do what he told me to do and after three days my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the sixth day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to forgive him, from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his contact email is this email@example.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is firstname.lastname@example.org
jane on October 13, 2014:
My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum because I never thought I will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl I want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man.., When I called her she never picked my calls, She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when I went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this because I can't get myself anymore, my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all I could do to have her back to all did not work out until I met a Man when I Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how I lost my job...he told me he going to help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when I heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and I will see the results in the next couple of days..then I travel back to US the following day and I called him when I got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells, he said am going to see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done..she said, she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when I heard that from her and when we ended the call, i called the man and told him my wife called and he said I haven't seen anything yet... he said I will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday, they called me at my place of work that I should resume working on Monday and they going to compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape, i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and I have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world, the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to Lavenderlovespell@yahoo.com I can't give out his number because he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:Lavenderlovespell@yahoo.com.ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: Lavenderlovespell@yahoo.com.
Brandy on October 13, 2014:
Helo i am brandy by name from usa and i am here to share with you my testimony of how my husband that i got married to started misbehaving,drinking,sleeping outside,woman nixing and calling me names after 6 yrs of marriage with 2 kids,i tried all my possible best to turn him back to the way he use to be/the husband that use to love me but all my effort was nothing he keeps hurting me even emotionally,i was now beginning to accept the fact that i have lost him and that things can never be the way they use to be,this was my biggest problem until one day a friend of mine introduced me to a man online whom i narrated my problems to and he helped me cast a spell and told me that my husband would come back to me in seven days time i never believed him until when it was the seventh day,i was about living the house to pick up josh my son from school when my husband came and started asking and begin me for forgiveness,i was so surprise and that day was the happiest day of my life and we are back the way we use to be. all thanks to God and the spell caster,do you have same problem in your marriages or do you have a problem with your partner then i think you should trust on him,you will be happy you did. contact the spell caster @ email Ekosshebaspiritualtemple@gmail.com good luck .....
sarah on October 10, 2014:
!!! Am So Full Of Joy Sharing Your Testimony To The World My Wife Is Back !!!
Glorious be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Sarah from Taxes city usa. since 1 and a half year I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, email@example.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com
kathy on October 04, 2014:
hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email firstname.lastname@example.org of a truth he really helps again his email his email@example.com
marian on September 22, 2014:
I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of
6 years decided to call it quit. I was so devastated that i had an accident
that left me bedridden. After 9 months of emotional pain and languish, a
friend of mine introduced me to a certain spell caster, this was after I
have been scammed by various fake spell caster. I was introduced to dr ovia
( A Spell Caster). In less than 72 hrs i saw wonders, my Lover came back to
me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle... am so happy.. Dr
ovia have all kinds of spells from pregnancy to love,from employment to
visa lottery winning. He has spell to stop divorce,spell to make someone
look attractive and others. here's his contact for serious minded people
only, it might be of help.... firstname.lastname@example.org m. wow Dr.
ovia...thanks am so grateful as you saved my life.
irene on September 20, 2014:
I was heartbroken that my boyfriend decided to leave the relationship, so I
had the Retrieve A Lover spell cast. with Dr Alusi Within a week of the
spell casting, he called "just to talk." After some pleasant talks and
catching up, he asked to see me again.
I felt he had started to turn around. I decided to give him a chance just
to see. now we are happily married and He is absolutely crazy about me, i
thank Dr Alusi for bringing back my ex, if you need his help you can
contact him via email: email@example.com his phone nember
sodesperate5357 on June 01, 2014:
I just want to die. It's about money. He has all and I have none. He wants to save and I can't help spending. He wants to live for the future, I live for the day. He says I've betrayed him by spending money without his permission or "behind his back." I have no where to go. I just don't know what to do. We have one 26 yr old daughter and she lives with us while getting her doctorate. She has no money or other living arrangement either.
I just don't know what to do. I am so depressed.
julie-nicholson-102 on April 10, 2014:
@anonymous: Where the hell is your self esteem???Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you??? Thats really sick!!Im not trying to be mean ..Im trying to help..Get off your self pity and get a life!!!!
amarity on March 24, 2014:
Help My husband of 33 yrs has wants out again but he doesn't want to be the one to do it first. He said today right in the mist of us in an altercation concerning me receiving a refund from I received from an ordered that was cancel because I didn't fill out the order form correctly. He got mad because I told him I did exactly the same thing he did and he asked why are we married? I asked him how come I have to tell you when I buy something out of a book but you order stuff off the internet and don't mention it to me.. then he said I was being sneaky. I very seldomly order stuff off the internet because I make my things but I saw something I wanted from a catolog amd Ordered it and they sent me a refund because I didn't fill out the order correctly. We've been married abt 33 and some more yrs and he always pointing fingers at me and disrespecting me in front of diff women.
Lolalll on February 08, 2014:
My husband of 24 years has been cheating on me for two years and now he acts like he wants a divorce the women he's having the affair with is a little older and he's says he's been picking up my broken pieces of life and now he wants someone too.do it for him. So that gives him grounds for a divorce after 24 years of marriage and 3'sons. O and yes we are Christians
Bradleyaj3452 on January 23, 2014:
Severely depressed. After 3 months of being separated because my adult son punched my husband of 7 years. He punched him because my husband is an alcoholic and he was saying ugly things to me. My husband is so angry about it and I'm in the middle and don't know what to do. I have recently asked my son to call and apologize to him. But I want him to mean it. It's not ok to put your hands on someone else. And I can handle my husband without help. I've been doing it for years. I was happily married until this incident. I know my husband loves me.... How do we get past this and go on with our lives.
eken-melgar on December 07, 2013:
@anonymous: I am curious to know what happened... are you two still together?
mapcfulsoul on October 17, 2013:
still struggling ..the separation period is getting longer and he is not interested to even talk !
anonymous on September 18, 2013:
@anonymous: Crazy I read this and thought it was me I'm dealing with the exact same thing 9 years two kids dad just died my husband is having an emotional affair left me and asking for a divorce.. I'm do hurt and emotionally f up idk what to do but pray..
seodress on September 17, 2013:
anonymous on September 08, 2013:
I've been married for 30 Years. I had a drinking problem and went to rehab 6 years ago. While in rehab, without my knowledge, he filed for legal separation. When I found out it broke my heart. Then my Dad dies.
All we do is argue all the time. He says such hurtful things like "You'll never see your Dad again" and " At least my Dad is not in an astray". What does that mean anyway?
I feel like I can't hold on anymore. He hardly ever comes home anymore and is always telling me to leave and find someone else. Really?
I've been with only one man all these years. I was laid off last year and have been searching for work, without any success. We have so many resentments and regrets that I don't think it will ever work.
anonymous on September 06, 2013:
My husband filed for divorce while I am pregnant. We been married almost 10 yrs. We have two other children. He did this right after my father died. I am hurting so bad. I do not want a divorce.
anonymous on August 14, 2013:
I can sympathize with you ladies. Although I never suffered a miscarriage during my marriage, I'm sure it can be hard. I guess I have to take full responsibility for my situation. I have been married for 18 years and together a total of 20. In the beginning I was blind to a lot I things but once my son was born my eyes were opened. My husband has always paid the mortgage and I have always paid everything else. He has always made more money than me. He had always been tight with "his" money. He gave me money every week to pay the mortgage and that was it! Never extra for Christmas or Birthday gifts. Or school pic or supplies or clothes. So when our mortgage went down in payment amount I didn't tell
him. He recently was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I saw him through that. All of the bad, and believe me it got bad. He now is trying to get disability since he can't work. Since it was hard for him to come up with the money because he could barely work, I told him to just give me the true amount, still not telling him that it had gone down. I told him I would make up the difference. Well in applying for disability I had to turn over the mortgage paper to him. He figured out my lie and has told me he wants a divorce. I know this is wrong if me. BUT I have put up with way worse for him over the years and stuck it out. It hurts me that he isn't willing to forgive me.
Truly want your opinions as to if its unforgivable!
anonymous on August 11, 2013:
I had a miscarriage in December and now my husband has left me. We lost the baby last December and the baby would have been due last week (July 30th) if we did not have a miscarriage. He said I have not supported him though this tough time and says that he has not been happy the last 12 years we have been together. We have been together 12 years and married 5. This had all come out of no where and I am so heartbroken. We just got back from an awesome trip to Africa and had plans of trying again for a baby and even moving out of state. Last week would have been the babies due date and it was also our five year aniiversary. He ended up leaving on our anniversary night and slept in his truck. He would not come home. The next following days he stayed at hotels, my aunt's house, and even at a base on his work. He said he wants to get an apartment. We started going to a marriage counselor this past week and during the sessions all he says is "I am done, I can't do this anymore". We are going today again and the counselor told me to prepare for the worse. I am terrified of losing my husband. He has been my world and I do not know any different. I would never had imagined this is a million years. We met as high school sweet hearts and I believed to have thought we had the best mariage. I can't sleep or eat. I am so depressed and do not want to be alone in our house.
I was just curious how you coped during this very difficult time?
anonymous on August 11, 2013:
I am dealing through a similar situation except I am not really sure why my husband wants to leave me. He says that he has been unhappy the past 12 years we have been together. I am going to a couple's counseling session today and I feel like the counselor sides with him. The counselor even told me to prepare for the worse. I am so hurt. I can't sleep or eat and will be starting work soon (I am a teacher). I do not like being home in the empty house with all these memories. How are you coping?
anonymous on August 11, 2013:
I am going through the same thing that you did with losing a baby and now my husband has left me. We lost the baby last December and the baby would have been due last week if we did not have a misscariage. He said I have not supported him though this tough time and says that he has not been happy the last 12 years we have been together. We have been together 12 years and married 5. This had all come out of no where and I am so heartbroken. We just got back from an awesome trip to Africa and had plans of trying again for a baby and even moving out of state. Last week would have been the babies due date and it was also our five year aniiversary. He ended up leaving our anniversary night and slept in his truck. He would not come home. The next following days he stayed at hotels, my aunt's house, and even at a base on his work. We started going to a marriage counselor this past week and during the sessions all he says is "I am done, I can't do this anymore". We are going today again and the counselor told me to prepare for the worse. I am terrified of losing my husband. He has been my world and I do not know any different. I would never had imagined this is a million years. We met as high school sweet hearts and I believed to have thought we had the best mariage. I can't sleep or eat. I am so depressed and do not want to be alone in our house.
I was just curious how you coped during this very difficult time and I am sorry for what you went through.
Gloria Freeman from Alabama USA on August 10, 2013:
Hi lots of good advice here. Be strong ladies, believe in yourself.
Anja Toetenel from The Hague, the Netherlands on August 06, 2013:
You wrote a wonderful Lens about a topic that is clearly very much wanted by women in this position. I'm single so I don't go through all of this but I want to say to all those ladies that do: stay strong! Believe in yourself! You can do it!
anonymous on July 11, 2013:
great advice, thanks
anonymous on July 04, 2013:
Stay strong don't show your fears. In no way!!! I have a similar situation. And I was crying everywhere. I let my feelings go. And after I try to fix it many times he just leafy me saying "I don't live you any more, you pushed me away" we are 3 years together 2 years marriage. 1 miscarriage. No support. Stay strong at least do it for yourself! Stay positive for yourself! Don't quit your job! Don't even think doing it!!! I have done that he pushed me to. And what is now I have no money to support myself no job no friends and I live in Japan, my home is Russia. You have to stay strong!!! The things may change. Some man love strong sexy women. Stay that way. Tell him you don't wont kids for now. Don't try to get pregnant. Kid will not keep your marriage. You can. Your love can. His love can. Kid it's another responsibility the man is scared of. If you are strong and sexy and fun he will change his mind.
anonymous on June 03, 2013:
@anonymous: Depending on what generation you were born to, divorce was not the norm....it was almost scandalous in some places....if that did not stop women...lack of wages did....i come from one of the last generations to see many of its women dependent on men for finances at the sake of childbirth...as strange as it may seem to women today....there was major problems in equality for many...come from a bad home life, times that by 10....universal happiness is that we should all strive for while never forgetting how difficult to impossible for some women it still is...maybe 25 years from now, women will get your message....but the bigger picture is because all of the things you describe as norms, should be things we can avoid by learning that we do not need to marry or take another persons name to have children or be happy...we can be ourselves, for ourselves and children.....women and men need to find happiness in being single, until that happens, unhappiness is and will be universal
anonymous on June 03, 2013:
@anonymous: I believe your adult step children are upset that you may inherit money or property that is normally in lasting marriages given to the children....i have a father in law that never took responsibility for his 3 kids....but my husband brought this dysfunctional man in our lives from day 1 of our life together....i always knew he would never care about his son, but for some odd reason, my husband must have truly believed his father cared for him....they talked and never were able to be like a normal father and son for 40 years until last year when his wife of 23 yrs got mad because my husband was showin interest in his fathers health...apparently her mindset was that her husband was so despicable that no one could care about him unless they wanted something from him....this entire event is what triggered much of our marital problems to get so bad...my husbands reaction to it and to me was telling that my husband has most likely been dishonest with me all these years...i believe the stepmother called it right...my husband probably was looking to inherit something in the event his fathers wife passed away...either sooner or later....instead of her sons taking part of his fathers property....i thought my husband was just trying to have a relationship with a father....he has always kept his thoughts to himself, i am learning because he knew i would not approve of hanging around just to get material wealth....his father was a liar to his wife, marrying her at 61, not being divorced from first wife....and lying about his money matters....neither one of them is worth dog puke as far as i am concerned...
anonymous on June 03, 2013:
@anonymous: Something women married less than ten years understand is that if your husband is behaving this way now, there is no hope for the future....men are not like women when it comes to love..not at all...the older they get, the more withdrawn they become...while my children were growing up, i saw the signs, but wanted my children to not know divorced parents....i married at 17...was smart, but no hs degree....my husbands jobs were always our priority, as he made me think, it was for us....at age 33, i went back to school, it took me 5 yrs to get a 2 yr degree...because of having to be home with my 2 sons, only able to attend part time...by the time i did get a full time job, it was low paying, and short lived....i worked for 4 yrs, and had to go out on disability due to nerve damage in my leg...since then, my husband has gradually gotten worse in terms of interest in our marriage...he never volunteers conversation and tells me that i stress him out when i talk....i waited 40 yrs to get to this point...i found out last summer that he took my last 22 k and forged my signature to put it in his own 401 k....when i was able to work and contribute money through the years, i gladly did that...it is obvious he does not want to support me...at times i fear what is going to happen because he has changed so much cognitively...i cannot even be sure he has a dimentia type illness much like his elderly father...he came from a much more troubled homelife than i even imagined....but seemed well adjusted for at least 35 yrs of marriage....so while your husband seems content now....be prepared for the other shoe to drop...because it most likely will, just don't allow it to get as bad as mine...most women have jobs and their health, with that, you can do most anything....at 56... i should be thinking of travel and looking forward to retirement with a man that i stood by when others would not have, but i am struggling daily to live with a man who at times seems to be mentally impaired on some level, or just very unhappy....the worst thing that can happen is not a man leaving you, but keeping you around knowing he no longer loves you....
anonymous on June 03, 2013:
@anonymous: This sounds so sad based on your loss together....I have no idea what compelled you to visit a younger woman with him, based on "their" similarities...but first thing...he is not your best friend....probably never was...and second, be glad it was not a 41 yr marriage like mine....take your remaining years and move on....many women are crushed when their spouse leaves..but consider what it is like for a spouse to leave you mentally, share no interests with you,,yet will not leave because he does not want to support you....you become a prisoner in h@ll...he controls finances, puts all money in his 401k...you get the picture....i have always kept up my looks, but he most likely believes he deserves better...I found evidence he went on a dating site last year....he vehemently denies it with overwhelming evidence he did....he seems mentally impaired at times...refuses to get help for any physical reason for his changes such as bad reaction to testosterone injections...i have 2 grown married sons who cannot help me, no family...and on disability that would not even make a rent payment....I depend on him for medical ins and all expenses....pull yourself out of this as long as you have two strong legs....you never know when you will not....if I could only rewrite history, i would have realized his mother and fathers dysfunction would one day come alive in him....let my circumstances be warning to others....if they don't want to be there by year 10, year 40 will have them completely loathing you...i spent 40 yrs waiting for my workaholic husband to come home....now he doesn't even want to do that.....i am so sorry for your loss...sometimes i wonder if loved ones who have gone on are truly the lucky ones...
anonymous on May 26, 2013:
My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and our three kids and wanted to divorce. I felt like my life was about to end, and I was falling apart. I took a chance on The Magic of Making Up and 2 weeks later, my husband came back to us and showed me and our kids so much love and apologized for all the pain he brought to our family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before.
anonymous on May 23, 2013:
i just want to share my experience here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hitting me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted to be with him. then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids..
anonymous on May 23, 2013:
@anonymous: I understand your feelings but one thing is clear to me that your husband doesn't care for you. You went through severe problems mentally and physically but he never came to see you. You can not get visa but he can come to you and if he wanted to live miles away then wgy the hell he married you ?
I am sorry to say but I know these guys and they get married and after stay away from responsibilities. He should not have left you alone in your country at all.
In this situation, I suggest you not to bear this anymore and ask for divorce and also reasonable amount of money from your husband according to the laws in your country. He can not escape just like that.
DO NOT EVEN THINK OF ENDING YOUR LIFE. Committing suicide is the easiest way one can choose but instead you should fight for your rights and live happily with dignity.
Hope it will help. I wish you goodluck
anonymous on May 10, 2013:
did this happen seareosly wow i will pray for you im so sorry for your 2 loses and bless you i hope you will get another chance if you haven't already if i was you i would have left him the first time a man for you and again im sorry people would say im making fun of you but im so not im 10 and one quarter and i know what a divors is like my mom and dad did it and i always hoped for 3 years they will get back together and now i just give up they have moved on to separeat lifes now but im still not happy and i don't want something similar like this to ever again bless you !!!!! no one in the world except for a prisoner deserves this so ya don't take me wrong but i would get on a dating website , tell friends if they have anyone who might be interested in dating you, post something on a blog or facebook of yours i hope my advise helped out chou
anonymous on April 30, 2013:
i feel so sad :( mu husband just got so angry with me ,and he said that he wanted this to end.
i maybe too pushy asking about my right on the home thingy (all legal letters on our assets are on his name).
and he got really angry , and said he will give everything ... but without him.
So he doesn't want me anymore. That's it... now i feel so lost :(
anonymous on March 11, 2013:
My husband of almost three years told me he was sick of me, I pushed him to his limit and said I'm not in love with you or love you anymore. We were expecting and lost our baby a week ago and five days ago he said he wanted a divorce. It was my fault. I got very upset and everything going on was too much and told him I want a divorce. Wen he came from work I said I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. I don't want one just please understand me. Last year in march he said the same thing and three months later he asked for me back. This time he came home with instructions in how to file for divorce and said I know your not a game and I know I did this last year but I'm serious this time you'll just have to come back for court and ill take care of everything. The army will ship whatever you want to your moms. I left that same night and I'm staying with my mom states away from him. The loss of our baby and now my husband is too much. We were so excited to try again for another baby and now I feel like I lost everything. I just don't know what to do.
anonymous on February 28, 2013:
@anonymous: I know how you feel. Two weeks ago I caught my husband having an affair. I am so lost right now. I don't know what to do. He says he wants to work it out, but I fear his counsler will help him leave me. I am so broken.
anonymous on February 24, 2013:
My husband of 23 years told me today he wants a divorce. It's always about money. I told him money can't buy you love he said yes it can. I said ya on the street corner. I started to cry as I drove out the driveway and to my friends house. I cried hysterically all the way there. I just lost my dad 8 months ago and grandma a few weeks ago. I don't work I have four kids 22 19 18 and 12 and three grandkids. I was told not to do anything let him file if that's what he wants and let him pay for everything. Since I have nothing. I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
anonymous on January 15, 2013:
I've been married for 9 years. My husband kicked me out of the house last year because he couldn't live with me anymore. My husband and I were constantly fighting about past arguments, hurt feelings and the lost of pregnancy. It's been a year now that I'm separated from him. I kept trying keep the marriage by begging him for counseling, more communication and be nicer to each other. I found out on Dec 23, 2012 that his girlfriend was living in "our house" with him. I went over for a surprise visit and found that he was having an affair!!! I kept thinking for the past year it's my fault because we were separated but now realize what a fool I've been!!! I filed and served him divorce papers and feel so much better because now I know it was not me. I can't change how my husband acts, feels, or treat me. I am only responsible for my actions and now know my boundaries which my husband cross by letting walk all over my feelings. I highly suggest reading Townsend book "boundaries in a relationship" and get a psychiatrist for antidepressant and therapy! It has helped me so much!!
anonymous on January 05, 2013:
i am but so inlove with my husband of 2 months now. we just got married but things got out of hand since he went back to his home country for work and be able to work on our immigration papers. a few days before he left, i found out i was less than 4 wks preggy, i didn't know what to feel at first, but my heart was all but bursting for joy. He didn't took the news that well, i was hurt, i was confused, somehow i felt depression but i love him and i love this beautiful gift growing in me, we talked on skype and was able to sort things out that was on my birthday but all of a sudden,i went to pee and there, i saw it. i knew its gone. I went to see my doc the next day just to hear the most painful truth, i lost it. He became sweet and nice again, we talk over our plans and i was happy to see him happy, i thought the battle with the miscarriage was over but came 15 days of bleeding and got blood infection due to the stucked placenta that almost killed me. I was scared to death especially with my husband not being there with me. During all this process, he's been so caring and i can't love him even more and then starts the misunderstandings, the arguments and the depression is now being triggered. i thought of just ending my life, i was hopeless. I didn't know why he is letting all this petty fights engulfed him. Then came new year, due to time differentials and with the traditional family thing with my family at home, i wasn't able to get online and do the count down with him. i missed that moment but i was with him on the CNN doing the count down with his own country being covered on the news with all this tears and heavy heart. But still i blame myself for not being there on skype with him. And now it became the reason for him to get so cold on me and he mentioned something about separation, im stoned cold. i didn't know what to do, probably coz of depression that my spotting seems to be continuously happening, with slight fever at night and falling hair and sometimes get numb. im still recovering from my surgery, from the miscarriage. he thinks i left him out, he thinks i took him for granted coz i wasn't able to tell him i was experiencing depression and sick. i don't know if i should get angry for that, i just didn't want to put everything on his shoulder that's the reason why i didn't tell him.i took his anger, i blame myself, i ask forgiveness and begged. I don't want to give up on this marriage. Im still young at 26, he is older of 13 yrs but i love him dearly. he said, im only good in words but no actions. i probably have been and i will accept that and wanting to prove that he is wrong but he no longer wants to talk about us. I don't know what to do, he is miles miles away from me. I can't even get a visa coz i don't have the means and it will take years for me to be able to . I want to save this marriage and i don't know where to start. I don't want to let go of the happy times we spent together. Im scared. im lost. I just don't know what to do. Thought ending my life will the easy way. :(
anonymous on December 22, 2012:
i was happily married for ten years. it was love marriage . we were deeply in love . for the past six months things were very much annoying. wr had continuous fighting . the result is he left me and is not coping to reconcile with me . he says do watever you want . i will not come back . he says i can also divorce him. i don't know what to do . i really loved rhis man but he is really angry at me . i lost all my hopes. don't know what to do . he wont communicate with mr at all. font know what to do . please suggest .
anonymous on December 13, 2012:
@anonymous: I understand what you are going through. My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and he has asked me for a divorce , It has been since May and he hasn't filed. I just feel like we are stuck. I feel like he has emotional disattached himself from me. I really love him and want things to work out. I just feel like he is lost. Tina
anonymous on December 11, 2012:
My husband of almost 3 years is thinking of a divorce. He said that he doesn't know if he has fallen out of love with me. My mom and sister are enraged. I am trying to give him ample space but couldn't resist texting him on and off. I want so much to save this marriage.
anonymous on December 07, 2012:
@anonymous: Thanks! I really needed to hear that. :) Wow you just freed me from some serious panic and heart ache....
anonymous on December 07, 2012:
@anonymous: same like u...i m gonna get divorce very soon...jst 9 months of marriage..i m jst 21 years...he wants a divorce...bt i can't take him out of my mind...i don't want it to get over....pls gimme idea hw to save my marriage..he is a virgo btw
anonymous on December 03, 2012:
My husband of 30 yrs told me to leave. He does not want me anymore. I just used my retirement to buy our home in july. I am far from perfect but this came out of left field. I feel there is someone else. My 14 yr old son does not seem concerned about me leaving. I am a mess. I have nowhere to go and my job does not pay enough to pay my car and apartment olus bills.
anonymous on November 27, 2012:
My husband and I are getting divorce.I'm falling a pieces): what should I do?
anonymous on November 21, 2012:
@anonymous: Let it go ...Don't beg for love Sandi Be strong for your kids trust God find your roots again stand up woman .
No more begging no more questions think about you and how you are capable of being a good mom to your kid's and also go out there and try life again ...I am also divorce i was married for 27 years he ask me for a divorce i say you want it?? Ok here it ..My Kids are 24 and 20 he tell then lies but i don't really care my family oh God they are hell also and i don't care I am strong woman I am out there trying my new life again and I know God and my faith will guide me to best trails in life :) I love my Kids one love me and one 1/2 love me but I cannot beg anymore for someone to love me .( so out there Dear Sandi and Start now living life.
anonymous on November 16, 2012:
@anonymous: Hey, Sorry to hear that honey. My husband did the same to me. He told all our friends and humiliated me.
anonymous on November 16, 2012:
@anonymous: Hi honey,
I am going through the same thing. I just started a new job in this new country. I have no family or friends yet. I packed up my life to be with him. I am struggling because my job is barely enough to pay for rent and childcare on my wages.
I do not know what to do. He has given me 2 weeks notice to let me know that he is moving to a different state and that he will be taking all his stuff.
So that will leave me and our 2 kids stuck on our own. Public transport is a crap and my job is commission base. I have nothing back in my country as my family and i are not close.
anonymous on November 16, 2012:
@anonymous: oh no...how are things coming along?
Please keep me updated.
I am in the same boat as you. However, by reading your story its not you that is at fault. It is his children interfering.
anonymous on November 14, 2012:
We have fallen out again with my husband because of his adult children. We have been together for 9 years, got married 6 months ago. I have met with adult children 5-6 years ago. We were very friendly and nice eacother until the day they saw a ring on my finger. It was during the trip, when they came to visit us in our home. I have done a lot of preparations and plans before they arrived. All I have left was curses and swearings from one of them after their colloborate plan. There was another scene when they heard the date we are getting married. They attended the wedding because of their father but they were both dressed so poorly and one actually came with flip flops. In the mean time, as there was no congrutulations to us, she managed to celebrate her fathers past bhirtday and gave him his bhirtday present in the middle of the wedding. After all that as Christmas is coming he is expecting me to visit all his children individually. I told him to meet in one place as we have been doing in recent years, but he wants to go to visit his daughters new place and I said Ä± don't tthink we should and I definitely am not going. Not that I am invited anyway. He probably can't see the things the way I see them, but him not drawing a line and making it clear to them that we are as a husband and wife making the decisions together is making me very angry, perhaps more than if I felt he was on my side for this kind of behaviour. They call him for asking presents for themselves and their children, they call him when their mother stop talking to them. Now, we are not talking and I don't know where it is going. I find it very unfair that I have to accept everything the way it is about his children while he doesn't want to make a family with me.
anonymous on November 10, 2012:
My husband wants a divorce after i was unable to form a relationship with his now adult children.from the start they despised me even though i had nothing to do with their parents breakup.i also have now grown up.children of my own with whom he has an ok relationship with albeit he always tries not to upset his own by getting too close to mine.i have tried and tried to get along with them but it always gets thrown back at me and they even don't try with my lot to get along.hes son is a drug addict and hes daughter has her own demons yet both are clever and tell my husband its all my fault !! After 14yrs ive had enough and they've broken me to pieces.the sad thing is now my husband wants me to shut up and accept or our marriage is over.i can't put up with pretending to like each other just to make him happy and me so low and unhappy.i really have tried and so have my kids but we all know the truth but my husband will never accept we hate each other.please help as i don't know what to do except make bim happy and me sad
jintovarghese on November 09, 2012:
am not married yet...nice question..cool lens
Linda Jo Martin from Post Falls, Idaho, USA on November 09, 2012:
I think you have to be willing to let it go, in order to ever be able to make it work.
anonymous on November 06, 2012:
@anonymous: Quite honestly, I know it is difficult and know depression is very crippling, but maybe you need to let go for now, find yourself and stabilize your own happiness. By bending yourself to do everything to keep him happy will only bring more depression. Try to put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel, if the only reason why he does certain things, even if it makes him miserable, is to keep you happy? What kind of partnership is that? I've learned the hard way, that I need to find happiness within myself and stabilize me, not just for me, but for my little daughter.
anonymous on November 04, 2012:
My husband has thrown at me he wants a divorce. Our marriage hasn't been perfect, 11 years I gave birth to our son at 22 weeks in gestation in 2001 and went into depression, 186 days in nicu then when he came home he bought 16 hrs of nursing with him. We had no time alone and my husband worked two jobs. Along with my depression and him not being there I met a man who I regretfully had an affair with. I've regretted this every single day if my life. I've remained friends with him and so has my husband. My husband is a man that is a mr know it all and he is always right, when he's wrong he's even more right. Truth is I love him though with every breath inside me. We have two children of our on. 11, 14 and my son whom he adopted is now 19. Time has gone on and things got no better we had 4 years if nursing... While my husband was working two jobs I was battling depression and he never realized it. Then the nurses went away. Sending is on a whirlwind of issues. Our son got deathly ill a few times those first few yrs. then as soon as our son got stable a year went by. I was still not able to work due to our youngest child's health needs and still suffered with depression. Then in 2007 I got devastating news... That my Dad had cancer. A whirlwind of emotions came attacking me. I am my Daddy's little girl. My father passed away in 2009 and depression was eating me alive. I wanted out and away from everything and filed divorce. I didn't really want this deep inside but gave up on myself not my husband. We separated and I met a man who physically abused me over 6 months. It was verbal and emotional for first 6 then after we lived together it became physical. I ended up having put a PFA on him march 2010. My husband remained close by my side during this. I never allowed our divorce to go through.
Now since December 2011 I've been fighting for our marriage I thought it was going ok til I found multiple texts & calls to some woman. I confronted him and he swore they were just friends then things were getting a little better til August I found emails on his phone from her... I never got the chance to read them he took the phone from me then claimed he didn't know email login info and refuses to call yahoo barking I should trust him hes not replying to her. Now recently I found a prepaid cell phone that she have him to contact her. In one deadly text "I love you, I love you too" my heart sank and he swore it was just a friend love. He promised within a week to return phone and he hasn't. He swears the phone is "put away" so it's not causing trouble and promises he's not talking to her. I've asked daily if he was going to mail the phone, he'd claim "let me handle it"
Now the other day he told me its over, he's out of chances for us and doesn't feel we can make it. That he wants a divorce.
Ok I screamed, cried, went nuts... I pleaded one more try cause I know I am in a place where I can handle my life now. He said no. Now... He still wears his ring, still sleeps with me n holds me, but when I say I love you to him I get a sigh tsk I love you too. I've turned a cheek n won't mention phone. Doing everything to NOT make him mad. I don't want to loose him. I know I've made mistakes and so has he but dear Lord we still love each other. Please help! Do I give up or hang on for dear life?
anonymous on November 01, 2012:
My husband has asked me to hAve an abortion 3 different times. His exact words were if you don't hAve an abortion I will divorce you. Now every time we fight he say he hates me and want me out... help
anonymous on November 01, 2012:
@anonymous: A lawyer can demand all day long. If he wont s a divorce he can have it. But now you have to focus on you, and your child. His lawyer and their demands can wait. Get your own lawyer. Don't give your husband ANY MONEY unless your lawyer recommends it. If your husband thinks that a judge needs to handle the marriage, then just wait until the judge decides what to do with the finances. He is on his own, he can pay for himself.
anonymous on November 01, 2012:
Sorry I forgot to mention, he had a lawyer email me not himself. He is demanding I hand over the property as well as money and the engagement ring. We are only separated for 3 weeks and I still love him dearly and wish he would seek help with me to save our marriage.
anonymous on November 01, 2012:
My husband has left after a massive fight, he has placed an intervention order on me! We have been married for 11 months only and I have a son from a previous relationship which my husband was talking of adopting because he loved him so much, we were happy but did have arguments occasionally about not seeing his parents enough when we saw them every 2/3 weeks but his mother wanted every week and we told her it was too hard. I wasn't 'sleeping with him' much because I have been bleading after intercourse and I became scared so I wasn't very affectionate for a while, this also drove him to porn which upset me a lot! So now he's gone and I haven't heard a thing for 3 weeks except a court case for an intervention order for 12 months!!! And I just received an email asking for money, my engagement ring and the house which is in both names! Someone please help me please I do not know what to do...
anonymous on October 30, 2012:
@anonymous: my husband of 22 yrs together and 17 married this sunday is the same...he wont seek help either and 2 weeks ago said he wants a divorce then yesterday i found out he is seeing someone, we have 4 kids and he has just tossed everything away, we all moved overseas 3mths ago and now i don't know what to do and have no family here at all, so do i go home and give up ??? but am scared that if we leave there will deffinately be no hope of him seeing what he has lost and MAYBE come back...
anonymous on October 30, 2012:
@anonymous: well finally got the answer to why he is doing this yesterday....He is seeing someone else, has thrown 22yrs and 6 lives away for what??? a ROOT. he will realise what he has lost sooner or later, i am so angry at the moment especially as i asked him twice already and he lied and said no, now admits it after making me feel like hell and my fault.
anonymous on October 29, 2012:
my husband is not wanting to go to marriage counseling.
anonymous on October 29, 2012:
my husband and I have been married 5 years but together 11 years and have 3 kids together...he cheated and left us...I want my marriage to work but he being resisted. I love him and have been there for him. We did somethings that weren't right but they are workable if we put God and marriage counseling and hard work together. He don't like talking about the marriage. He has filed for a separation and all and i have filed for child support. we argue about the kids. We talk sensible from time to time. We do bible study over the phone from time to time. I asked him do he love me he says he can't answer that because his emotions were all out of whack. Then i asked him do he miss me and he said that he's busy staying busy to not have time to think about me. We just celebrated our 5th year anniversary in Jan. of this year. He told my next door neighbor that he is not going to return back to me. how that hurts so much.
anonymous on October 26, 2012:
@anonymous: well another week gone and he got back last night, nut was here long enough to do e-mails for work, have a go at one of our sons for miss behaving on the weekend and disrespecting me ( what nerve) had a shower and went for the night to god knows where...but the real thing that killed me is that just in 10 days he has already taken hes wedding ring off, this from a man that has never taken it off ever since it was placed there and if you touched it would clench hand, parinoid you were going to take it off...i can't stay here any more being treated like this, but now the boys are fussen and don't want to go. am sorry angrey and hurt, upset and a mess but trying to keep it together for my children.the worse thing is i don't know anyone here close enough to talk to or ask for help. but i am going to go and soon...my whole marrisge has been nothing but a LIE...
anonymous on October 23, 2012:
This is happening to me too. It's only been two weeks, and I spent the first two weeks trying to find any and every excuse to call him, not realizing that he never initiated the calls. Then I realized that he was the one to always end the conversation, leaving me hurt and confused. He gave me no warning that he wanted to leave and seems set on Divorce. I fought tooth and nail at first and tried every desperate attempt, but after talking to some friends, I have realized to just back off.
Just go on with life and take care of you and your boys. If he has checked out, they need one strong parent they can still depend on, and that's you. I have a three year old and my mother pointed out to me that I was spending so much time on the phone talking my problems out to my girlfriends, that my son was missing me while he was already missing daddy. So I turned things around and just began to focus on me and my son and getting my happy back. Hopefully giving them the space they need will be the trick to make things work out. We have to show them the confident, fun loving and independent women that they fell in love with.
anonymous on October 22, 2012:
@anonymous: This sounds similiar to what I am going thru. My husband and I have been married 28 yrs. We have 2 daughters in their 20's. Our son died 5 yrs ago by suicide. We both have been grieving in our own way. We were never drinkers but after the death of our son we both began to drink. We more or less were both lost in our own worlds. Recently he met a young woman online thru a website. Her kin also took her own life. Not a child but a sister. He and this girl began talking often via Internet, then email, then Skype, then text. He had me talk to her too. He thought it would help me grieve a bit. Well she lives overseas, we went to meet her and it just seemed like their was more then friendship there. At least on her part. I was very upset. My husband is 49 and this woman is 36. My husband "said" he thought of her like a daughter. Yet when they were together it did not seem like a father daughter relationship. Anyway we came back for our visit and 2 days later he tells me he wants a divorce and puts our house up for sale. I had major panic attacks while visiting her because I felt threatened and uncomfortable. I have been married 28 yrs to my best friend. Our marriage has had it's ups and downs as we moved frequently as he was in the military. I also found out he had been sharing personal things with her over the phone with her about our marriage. I am devastated, angry. He told me he no longer wants to be married, refuses to go to counseling and still continues to talk to his "friend" my husband has never done anything like this before. I believe he wants to establish a romantic relationship with her. I am so hurt. I can relate to all here as this has only been 1 month for me.
anonymous on October 22, 2012:
@anonymous: That is where I am at right now exactly, been together for fourteen years, married for eleven and definitely thinking about leaving until he can get his head on straight and also hold onto the hope that we can work this out.
anonymous on October 20, 2012:
@anonymous: Sandi, i feel like i just read my life. My husband and i have been together for 17 yrs have three kids still at home and we too just moved out of state. He just told me that he loves me and just not in love with me. He won't give us another try. I feel so confused, hurt, betrayed, angry etc. I don't get it, i have given him everything and supported him through everything, why not one more chance, why didn't he talk to me, why lead me on for so long..I understand how you feel, Just remember your not alone seems like its happening everywhere.
anonymous on October 19, 2012:
@anonymous: also forgot that he is refusing to go see any one or get any help, he has no fight left, he just wants out and that is it !!!!!!
anonymous on October 19, 2012:
i am in numb state right now. My husband and i have been together for 22yrs this december and about to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary next month, we have 4 children with three still living at home. We were asked to relocate over seas for hes work and so himself and i flew over 8mths ago to have a look and decided yes we can do this, a new beginning for us all as both of us had a ruff growing up and we have had a real lot of struggles through the years but this would be good for us all.
So we have now been here for three months most of that he has had to work which is fine i am usued to him working away ,been doing it for 13years now, we have had some few hiccups with the move and he has stress at work so have been a little strained with each other for a few weeks, so i decided to prim and such on the night he due home, told him i was proud of what he has been doing at work, later he is so tired he went to bed so i thought i would wait a little and go and surprise him, when he proceeded to tell me he can't do this any more and he thinks he wants a divorce.
i was so stunned slept on the lounge, the next day we went at it, he said he still loves me but is not in-love with me any more, he wants someone with passion and drive, i told him i had no idea what's so ever just thought we were feeling a little stressed with move ect, we have since talked, i have begged him to try, maybe see someone any thing because i don't think after this long to just walk away...he says there is no one else. He reckons he has been feeling like this and fighting on what to do for a very long time even before we decied to move.
But we were so happy just 8mths ago, he has now gone back to work for the week and i am at a lost on what to do, sat up last night scouring the internet for some help. I have this gut renching ,my heart is aching and i feel after 22 years there is something he is just not saying...this man is strong, has passion and drive and does not care what people or himself say or do, but i KNOW there is just something i don't know what to do and i don't want to drag myself and my three kids back to what we needing to leave behind .????
anonymous on October 14, 2012:
The last 18 months have been hell on my and my husband and a few months ago it all came to ahead with me telling him i contacted a divorce lawyer..Then about a month ago he tells me that he can not ever forgive me for that and wants a divorce. Thing is I know that there is another woman involved and he is trying to cover things up. Why can he not just be honest for once and just come out and tell me that he does not want the marriage anymore rather than going behind my back making all these plans to go be with her in another country. This woman is meant to be a person i consider a sister and they are both lying to me that part i do not understand one bit. Why do people find it needful to lie what ever happened to honesty in a marriage.
anonymous on October 09, 2012:
I am going through the same thing you guys are although me and my husband have been trying and battling for the past two years about even getting a divorce. I still love him deeply I feel like he play with my heart for the last two years. He has been overseas and in may of this year we went looking for a new home. He never told me when we were closing on the house and after closing he came home from over seas. He move into the house and never told me he was even home we have two children. So now I am in a rage against him. Since I have hired a lawyer he doesn't want to help its anything and he has decide that he is going to stop paying for the rent where I am currently living. He was the sole provider in our marriage and now he has let us down. If anyone has advice I'm open to hearing it... Because I'm so done with him
anonymous on September 27, 2012:
To everybody here!
I am in the same boat.
Why can we not all stop grieving and become independent person;going ahead with our lives just taking care of us and the kids.
marriage.divore,separation ,affairs,reconciliation are all norms of society;not universal;What is universal is to be happy and content with and without a person;
anonymous on September 26, 2012:
@anonymous: I am in a rough time right now.my husband had an affair few years ago resulting to a son.we almost had a divorce then but just before we had the final judgement we decided to make things work out.i had a chance to talk to the other woman,she said sorry and all she wants is for the kid to be given the chance knowing his father.i accepted the kid in our life although i haven't seen him.we were okay after then until last month i saw a lot of changes from my husband.he stopped calling and if he has something to ask he just text.then i found out that the former other woman is in the same state where we lived.he denied seeing her again or tha cause of the change.then one weekend,he decided to pack up and told me he will be staying at his moms for time and space.one day i came home,i found out he was searching for divorce lawyers.im so lost right now and don't know what to do.i still want to save our marriage but he wants out.
anonymous on September 23, 2012:
Your story touches my heart, because it sounds so much like mine. I have been married for 11 yrs but have been together for 14. In June of this year he told me he no longer was in love with me and in July I found out he was having an affair with a neighbor who was supposedly my friend. That in itself was devastating. In the past few months he has always come back to me, he even drove from TX to NC to get me back. A few dys after we were home he then told me again that it was over. I to hold on to hope that he will work out what it going on in his head. My husband is 45 and I truly believe that he is going through a "midlife crisis.". I am sure that people have told you to leave him, get a divorce, etc. But Sara only make the steps that you know in your heart ia right for you. I have heard it all from leaving him to fight for your marriage. I am choosing to fight. My brain and my heart will tell me when to end the fight as will yours. In a few days I am packing my bags and moving to NC to start a healthy life for myself. No I am not leaving him, I am removing myself from possibly destroying my marriage even more. Just follow what is in your heart and it will lead you to where you need to be. Continue to believe and hold on to that hope. Hope has gotten me out of bed each morning, has allowed me to breath, to take care of our children. I am not blinded by what may happen, but he won't talk of divorce so I am not going to stop the fight until I know for sure it is over. Just don't let others tell you what you need to do, be fair to yourself and do what you feelbis right. I am so sorry for your pain, I would not wish this pain on anyone not even my worst enemy. Through your post, it has allowed me to know I am not alone in my pain. I hate it when people say this to me, but it makes so much sense, just be strong and know that you will make it through all this pain. I wish you the best!
anonymous on September 20, 2012:
My husband and I have been struggling to keep our 10 year marriage together. In June he told me he was not happy and he was not sure he loved me anymore. We went to counseling and it was putting us on the right track. Then, in July I found out he was having an emotional affair with another married woman, whom he worked with. I found out when I had to pay the cell phone bill and saw the increased charges for texts. I confronted him about it and he told me that he didn't realize how much they texted and that he would tell her to leave him alone. I interecepted the email from her to his initial email. He called her a pet name and told her he was deleting her from Facebook to keep the peace at home. I saw this the weekend of our 10 year wedding anniversary. He agreed to cut all ties and has. I do give him credit because she was very, very forceful with her advances. He promised me three weeks ago that we would take things one day at a time and work on helping to get the passion back for him. I promised to try anything and everything. Two days ago he told me in a letter he read to me that it was over. He no longer wants to be married or to have a physical relationship with me. I am completely devestated. I have never dated anyone else or been on my own since meeting my husband 14 years ago. He is waffling with his decision, as he put on his wedding band last night and saw my apartment/rental info I printed and the details and steps to mediation. Then he hugged me and said that we should take a few days to think things through. Part of me knows there is no hope, but my heart keeps holding on to him for dear life. All I have, is a small glimmer of hope to hold onto, that he will come around and want to put in the work for our marriage. I love this man with my soul and it was love at first sight. He still does things that shows me he cares and loves me. Am I just a fool? I am having a hard time accepting it might be over.
anonymous on September 18, 2012:
@anonymous: Hi Erica, your story is just like mine with the exception that he doesn't want me to hate him. He cheated on me with a girl who's 11 years younger than us and expects me to act normal when he calls or comes around. My heart hurts so bad and I can't eat or sleep but trying to be strong for my kids (7 and 2)