My Husband Left Me—What Do I Do Now?

Updated on October 28, 2014
What if you're not ready to take off your wedding ring?
What if you're not ready to take off your wedding ring?

My Husband Left Me and I Don't Know Why

The sudden realization sets in: my husband left me. The day you never thought would come has become reality. Now, your one and only is gone and you're left sitting wondering where everything went wrong and why he left. You may have your theories as to why he's gone, or he may have given you a reason already, but it all comes down to one core aspect of relationships that you may not be aware of, and it's a lot simpler than you think.

Just Because Your Husband Left Doesn't Mean It’s Over

There's an overwhelming number of thoughts and emotions that you're undoubtedly feeling right now. You're likely feeling confused, abandoned, and hopeless, and that's understandable. The key here is to control your emotions and not let them control you. Although everything feels lost right now, you may not realize that this does not necessarily mean it's the end.

One thing that you may not be aware of is that married couples DO split up sometimes for a period of time, and some of them reconcile their differences and move on with their marriage with a brighter future ahead of them. The couples that do rekindle the flame and work through their issues have one thing in common:

They identified the issues they were having and came to a compromise.

So even though you may feel like a nervous wreck because your husband left, you shouldn't feel like this is the end of the road in your marriage. This time apart may actually help your marriage. Why?

When you are faced with overwhelming marital challenges, taking time apart will reduce the tension between you and give you an opportunity to organize your thoughts and emotions. Essentially, you both have the opportunity to cool off and get your emotions under control.

He Left You: What Will You Do?
He Left You: What Will You Do?

Why Did My Husband Leave Me?

Chances are, if your husband has left you, you've been having issues for a while, and I'm willing to bet the same topics keep coming up every time you get into an argument. This doesn't mean your husband hates you or that he's ready to call it quits. All it means is this:

He's overwhelmed with all the negativity that's found its way into your marriage, and you two have yet to find some resolution.

And who wouldn't feel that way in a marriage that's in need of some nurturing? Aren't you feeling overwhelmed as well? Of course, this doesn't justify walking out on your marriage. However, it is important to understand that your husband is feeling the same way you are.

So when your husband left, he was actually trying to tell you something:

"I want things to change."

There are two ways this will play out. Either you'll both do work to change and you'll be able to work through your issues together, or you will divorce.

The obvious preference is that you both reestablish the communication that was severed somewhere along the course of your relationship. In order to do this, you'll both have to keep your emotions in check (or move through them to get to a clearer, more rational place) so that you're able to uncover the root of all the unhappiness.

If this is something that you're both able to achieve, you'll notice just how quickly all of the negativity disappears between you two. Let's be real, this is what you both want. Even though you may think that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore, you should understand that your marriage still means something to him, and some things are just worth fighting for.

Seeing through the tears: How to fix your marriage.
Seeing through the tears: How to fix your marriage.

The Real Reason Why Your Husband Left

"Why did my husband leave?" This is the question that eats away at many women. He may have already given you a particular reason, or maybe just a generic 'it's not working out anymore.' Either way, you'll spend hours looking at your marriage and attempting to decode what the real reason is. It came as a shock, and to you it just doesn't make sense.

The core reason why people feel like they want out of any relationship is so incredibly simple:

It's because the individual is not getting what they need out of the relationship.

While this reason is the same for men and women, what men need out of a relationship often differs from what women need.

Take a look back at the very beginning of your relationship, when you first met and instantly hit it off. What's different between now and then? Do you still spend countless hours doing your hair and makeup for him? What about ripping through your entire wardrobe because you can't find anything cute to wear for him? How about batting your eyes and laughing at every single joke, no matter how bad it may be?

You might think, 'Well, men are just shallow. It's in their nature.' At face value, it absolutely appears that way. However, it begs the question—what is it that all these things have in common that gave your husband exactly what he needs out of a relationship?

The Reason Your Husband Left You.
The Reason Your Husband Left You.

What a Man Needs in a Relationship

The answer is some what ego-driven:

Men need to feel admired.

The second that feeling of admiration disappears, the relationship will slowly, over time, begin to deteriorate.

Think about it this way: Your man wants to be your knight in shining armor. He wants to be the only man who has all of your love, admiration, and respect.

So when you were spending more time getting ready for your date with him than you were actually being on the date, that screamed, 'I admire you.' It made him go crazy for you.

When you would be playful and flirtatious with him, smiling from ear to ear just because you were with him, that screamed, 'I admire you.' He absolutely adored you for it.

When you would leave cute little love notes just to show him that you loved him and you were thinking about him, that screamed, "I admire you." At that point, he felt he could never get enough of you.

Were you happier back then? Probably so. Why? It wasn’t just the fact you used to treat each other differently, it’s because you were both getting what you needed from your relationship at the time. Essentially, you were both catering to the other's ego.

Again, when your husband left, it was because he wanted things to change. It's because he missed the way things used to be, when you would both would really go out of your way to show love, respect, admiration, and appreciation to each other.

Fighting to Bring Back the Love in Your Relationship.
Fighting to Bring Back the Love in Your Relationship.

Reconciling with Your Husband after He Leaves

It's a simple fact that you love you husband and most likely, you want to keep your marriage together. This is easier said than done in the sense that is takes a lot of effort to really commit to making a change in your marriage. However, I'm willing to bet that you both really are willing to make whatever changes necessary in order for your marriage to work.

You may be inclined to call him up right now and tell him that you’re sorry, that you love him and miss him and wish he would come back. This actually isn't the best approach to take right now. Your best bet is actually counter-intuitive to what you're feeling right now. Don't call him, text him, or show up at the door begging him to come back. Do this instead:

Agree splitting up is best.

There's a method to this madness, even though it seems like the worst idea you could possibly imagine right now.

Your husband will begin to question whether or not he's actually making the right decision by splitting up in the first place. Additionally, you both will really benefit from taking some time apart to cool off, collect your thoughts, and get your emotions under control.

This approach comes from a fairly well-known book by the author T.W. Jackson. The book is a great resource if you are struggling in your marriage. It covers everything from learning why your marriage is rapidly falling apart to identifying and removing the issues which are damaging it and easing back into the relationship without opening the same wounds. This is what it covers:

1) Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended—And Why It's Not Over Yet

2) Don't Panic—Your Key to Winning Back Their Love (Getting Your Head On Straight)

3) Removing the Splinter in Your Relationship

4) Re-Igniting the Spark of Passion and Desire

5) Dates and Lovers—How Other People Can Actually Bring You Back Together

6) Easing Back Into Your Relationship to Solidify Your Love

7) Maintaining the Fun and Love Without Dredging Up Old Wounds and Arguments

If Your Husband Has Left You

Are you struggling to get through the work day, constantly feeling depressed about everything, feeling unable to enjoy most activities you used to love, tossing and turning, night after night, wishing he was there, and blaming yourself for everything that went wrong?

If this is what's happening to you, then it's time to dig deep and start looking at yourself. You can't mend your marriage when you're broken yourself. In other words, you can't start fixing things with your relationship until you've worked on fixing yourself. This means making a serious investment of energy and time in whatever it takes to get your head on straight: counseling, therapy, self-help books like the one I mentioned above, exercise, meditation, or whatever else helps you recognize and change old patterns.

Your marriage is very important—not only to you, but your husband as well (even if he doesn't always show it). You can follow those seven steps to win your husband's heart and solidify your marriage once more.

Share Your Story—What Did You Do When Your Husband Left You?

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    • profile image 8 weeks ago

      To Annod ....

      You state regarding your husband that .. "I am not getting a divorce.

      #1 Religious belief. #2 too expensive. #3 no health care."

      I hate to tell you this, In the USA .. you CANNOT hold someone to a marriage - So you either participate in the divorce proceedings in such a way that the attorneys don't get all the money .. or you challenge the divorce and the attorneys WILL get all the money .. including your savings. Then you'll divorce with no house / no savings / etc.

      Bottom line - you can't hold a person hostage in a marriage. And if you refuse to sign papers and participate on the deadlines as required by paperwork .. a judge WILL issue a final divorce decree and you probably won't like the terms.

      If hubby doesn't want to be there - has has the LEGAL right to divorce you whether you want to divorce or not. But you already know that .. I'm sure you do.

      Get out of panic mode and start thinking about your future - without him.

    • profile image

      Annod 4 months ago

      Married 25 years, and a year ago he started lying as to his whereabouts. He starting drinking more. At first he said he was depressed, and I thought mid life crisis. Then he started blaming me for everything, then after a drinking binge he exclaimed I think we need to separate. Of course I was stunned, and felt derailed. I did not know he was unhappy, he did not express it. He choose to keep stepping out to bar, while I sat trying to see if his blame on me was accurate. In any event after 8 month of the lying, stepping out on his part. I was not going to live with this man with his reckless behavior and choices.

      After many screaming matches about the situation, he came up with this ultimatum, he would leave the home/(and marriage) the mortgage is to be paid off in full with our savings, and in 4 months while I got the house in order to put on the market and that he would allow me to stay in home while house up for sale. Due to all the stress and arguing about his drinking, UNDER Duress I agreed to this plan of his. He stayed away from home for two (2) days and of course this drama made things worse, so out of anger he had his planned drawn up and notarized. He actually, spent Christmas in this bar (First time in 25 yrs we did not spend together. He packed up his things on new years eve and left.

      No note, no call no nothing. After I realized he did indeed leave, I called him and his first words, I m sorry it ended this way, I tried to plea and try to make him understand that his actions is the drama, that these thoughts of "just not working", or the denial that in his mind he is not doing anything wrong.

      I told him I am not agreeing to with draw savings to pay off mortgage and that.

      Am I liable for this. I am not getting a divorce.

      #1 Religious belief. #2 too expensive. #3 no health care.

      What do I do?

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      Lauren 5 months ago

      My husband left me after 12 years 2 years married he just checked out he refuses to go to counseling or trying reconcile what happened I'm not even sure what happened myself I was under the assumption that our relationship was great I love my husband very much and I'm desperate to get him back in my life

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      Cindy 5 months ago

      My husband has been gone for 5 days. He's a crack smoker & we have kids together. He works yet he spends all his money on crack. He usually leaves for about 3 days at the most but this time idk if he will return. Im worried about what he's doing out there.please help

    • Emily0115 profile image

      Emily0115 7 months ago

      I can't cope with the pain of my break up. Can't eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can't sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse i think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

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      Mariela 12 months ago

      Only God can take something that is broken and make it into something new and beautiful, all you need to do is have faith. Pray to God. Knowing that no prayer is ever ignored.

    • profile image

      Emy 15 months ago

      My husband is living with another woman his so idk he don't come to see his kids sad thing is he is playing daddy to her kids sad

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      katmia 20 months ago

      No one deserves to be left without an explanation, most relationships that do experience these outcomes only lead me to understand the act of cowardness and narcissist. There is no true reason to leave anyone without an explanation. But the great question comes in, do you really want to spend your life with a coward or someone who will most likely do it again.

      I can tell you from first experience, I endured this experience not once, but twice, I was the bread winner of my home, when I met my husband, I knew that, however I accepted him as is and we moved forward in the relationship. We never had children, but we were together for 11 years. A relationship will have always have an issue when one person always has more feeling than the other. Either you learn to accept the relationship as is or simply move on. I constantly read about relationships that men or women walk away and left their home because they were depressed, experienced fights more than the norm, or their feelings changed.

      In my case, he simply got burnt out, according to him, the house chores became greater than him, (cutting the lawn). When I heard this excuse, I was truly disappointed. I analyzed and asked myself, is this who I really want to be with? I personally had to change my thinking strategy, become stronger and take care of me first.

      The first thing everyone needs to remember is, don't chase the person who wants out. Let him/her leave. While this person has walked out of your life, do something positive with yours, work on becoming self-dependent, go out, meet new people, hit the gym, and start working on projects you have left behind due to the relationship. For me it’s been almost a month in a half, every day I get stronger and the more I have thought about him, the more I have gotten angrier, so I stopped thinking of him, and focused on me. This man (my husband) who had it all, a roof, food on the table, washed and ironed clothes and most importantly a long life partner who loved and adored him, just got up and walked away for no reason. These are selfish acts of men and women, they have no remorse or idea for what the other person goes through. My anger is not directed at the fact that he left, my anger is directed that most people that do this, know this for a while before they move forward of leaving the person they are with. Why don’t they say something? ONE WORD COWARDNESS!!!! So ladies/Gentlemen, go out there and do something for you, don’t dwell on being mad, or angry, it’s not going to help you, let it go and work on you…Believe me, I am doing so much better without the nonsense in my life. I am focusing on my happiness and enjoying life without a sourpuss!

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      shirleyrobertspfau 21 months ago

      I want to know what he earning and stassing away. He has keep me the dark. I'm so mad at myself.

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      Jody 2 years ago

      My husband left me and our 9 year old son. Day 2. I grow more resentment and anger each passing hour. I do not know where he is. I hate what he has done. A selfish, narcissistic cold human being. He spends HOURS on the internet and minutes with us every night. He forwarded me a tuna alert email earlier. Really? I had to reply "Thank you so much for caring". You can't talk to me about the reasons why you left, but you can send me a tuna recall? I wish I had a tainted can to make his sandwich Weds morning when he announced he " was leaving me and had a place to go" He can go to hell. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I wash dishes, I get up at 5:30am every morning to make his coffee and lunch, I also work part time doing massage, I give him massages, I pay bills, I feed the dogs and cats, I want sex more than he's willing (2-3 times a week would be great but I only get it once every 2 weeks).. And HE'S UNHAPPY??? I give, give, give and get nothing in return. A kiss? No way... Hug? I forgot what that feels like. I have done everything I know how and he still left.... I am applying for child support and will open a new bank account with my check tomorrow...He wants his freedom then he will pay dearly for it. I am done. What a fool I am.

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      monica 2 years ago

      My name is Monica, From Mary Land.. My world and my life is back!!! After one year of Broken relationship, my boyfriend left me for know reason. I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. (Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Magbu), which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer, Hiv,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called CINDY,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than two days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Magbu e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try.I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him, he told me In 48hours my husband will came back to me. to my surprise he come to my house asking me to forgive him We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before..Is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. He's legit. Contact him on HIS EMAIL REUNITINGEXSPELL@GMAIL.COM

    • profile image

      MONICA 2 years ago

      After being in relationship with him for 7 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster He also help me to win lottery, his email: you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

    • profile image

      Priscila 2 years ago

      Hi my name is husband left me just one week ago. I decided to stay home for a week to sort myself out of what happened to my marriage and also my husband and I are working together in same company in day time. We were married for 10 years. The odd thing husband is an indian from India. He was 24 and i was 36 when we got married in their village in indian tradition. Before we got married, we met on the internet dating sites i yahoo. I was divorced that time and had one son and now he is 16 years old. I live in Australia and i was originally from Philippines. During our communication through internet, we shared so many beautiful words and made you fell in love with him and i really trusted him. Then in 2005, I went to India and married to him and left my son with his real dad here in Australia. Then I came back without my husband then after few years, I applied for all the paper works for him to come here in Australia and it was difficult. Then the second time I went back again to India and did some more follow up of his visa and finally, when I came back to Australia, my husband came with me and he arrived in 2007. During those 3 years, he did not work, I was the one who worked and provided my son and my husband. Then finally my husband got a job then that was the time that things changed and because he was not happy for his cleaning job, I recommended him to apply for our job and he did not quit his cleaning job that means he has two jobs and earns money more twice as what I earn. Its all the money then we pay our bills half half and one time he said that I should pay 70% because i have a son. He never get along with my son and he said that he can never accept my son and me to the society. I cook food for him and do everything and he never helped maybe sometimes and he kept telling me that he is not happy for all the ugly situation. We had lots of arguments because i need to explain myself but he never understood my point. Plus he said that he wants to have a child and he never wants to have a child with me because i am too old to be a mother but i was just 36 when we got married. And finally he move out just last week and it breaks my whole life because he said that if he will not go, he will be a loser and i cannot understand that i made his life a loser if he would stay with me. I am absent at work for 7 days now because i dont want to think that people at work will talk about me how disgusting things happened to me.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      dwillar, FYI- It appears you have a lot of "spam comments" on this hub.

      So many people are touting spells and other methods for reuniting with exes.

      Not everyone wins the "marriage lottery".

      Sometimes people (choose the wrong mate) for themselves or get married for the (wrong reasons). It's not the end of the world!

      In order for him to be "the one" he would have to see her as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who (actually wants) to be with you! (And vice versa)

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Anyone who walks out on you doesn't think you're all that "special".

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you! One man's opinion!:)

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago


    • profile image

      SH 3 years ago

      I believe this is a very DANGEROUS article especially stating that just because he left does not mean your marriage is over. How can you say that?????????? It is a well known statistic that 95% of men who walk out of a marriage have someone they are walking to. Usually when a man leaves, they are gone!! What qualifies you to write this? This can only Lead-on many women!!

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      gerethelpme 3 years ago

      @DivaEds: can someone answer this? I have the same situation but not as long

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      kimberly-cross-5 4 years ago

      I lost sixty pounds in two months. I couldn't sleep or eat. I just worked and cared for our nine month old. She is beautiful and became my focus. I was so scared I wouldn't make it as a single mom but I'm doing fine. God bless

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      krroyal 4 years ago

      @anonymous: My husband said the same thing to me but only after I found him talking to another woman. I thought things were better than they've ever been. I was wondering how things have turned out for you?

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      BritInBrazil 4 years ago

      @teacherq8: OMG I moved from UK to Brazil to be a "family" with my husband.......I too left everything and everyone behind for the man I love and he too has just left. I feel so angry and hurt and confused. The only feeling of peace I have right now is those few seconds after i wake up before I realise what has happened. We also have a son (6yrs old) so he knows I won't go back to England. I, like you, can understand why he left as it has not been so easy for me to adapt to a foreign county, learn a new language, change my life......but I did it because that's what you do when you make a commitment to someone. It's like they only want the good but the bad we have to support and then they leave cos you are not the same person they first met...!!!

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      teacherq8 4 years ago

      I moved 8,000 miles across the world to be with my husband. Since I moved, I have been battling severe anxiety and depression that turned me into a person I do not recognize. I have been in counseling. Things were going very well. 3 weeks ago, my husband and I got into a fight and he left for good. Says he doesn't want to come back. Has no desire of ever seeing me again. He blocked my phone number and doesn't call me. I'm all alone in a foreign country with nowhere to go. He threatens to take my car and phone away because they are under his name.

      It's like I can't breathe, can't eat, can't sleep. My entire world has fallen apart. I love this man to death and now I feel like I cannot go on. Much of this is my fault because of my anxiety and reactions, but I always thought love meant support. Not abandonment. I don't know what to do. We have only been married 7 months and I am 26.

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      gmn1016 4 years ago

      My husband and I married on our 3 yr anniversary last month. We took an amazing trip to Riveria -Maya, Cancun, at an exquisite, beautiful resort. We both needed this break so bad - to get away from the hustle bustle of life, work and kids. For the past year I was the primary bread winner. I work from home and he was devoted to help raise my 2 children, from my previous marriage. He was so sweet to me always, doing the house chores, making me lunch while I worked, letting me sleep in... even if I tried to do house chores he would cutely tell me to stop, that he would get to them later. He literally treated me like a Princess. Over the past 3 yrs, however we had many challenges, mainly due to two things. Our drinking too much on some nights caused terrible fights, and I would say this would happen at first every 2 months, but lessened to about every 6 mo. My son, now 11 suffers from abandonment from his real father, as well as ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. My new husband helped my son get over so much, but my son did make it very challenging. My husband has left me now for the 4th time. Every time he has before, we managed to work things out after a while. He tells evyone how I am like his "twin sister"....his soul mate... He treated me like no other man ever has... with respect, love, admiration, and complete devotion. I in turn did the same. We would leave each other little notes, amazing texts... I thought we truly were in separable, especially after conquering so much heart ache together. At first he wouldn't talk about his feelings. That changed over the past year. He really started to open up to me and communicate to me what was troubling him. Sometimes he did not always do this in the nicest way. Other times he was calm and loving. We never fight.....well not on a daily basis like most couples, just in other scenarios as I mentioned above. Sexually he was always into me "first" and rarely would let me please him 1st, and was always loving about not.. He never has hit me, but when he has left me before, as he did a few days ago he turns so bitter, so mean, and says the nastiest things like,,, "this is all your son's fault", "you're always too busy with work for me", "you don't do anything around the house", "you only want me here, because I do everything for you", "you and your kids are mean to me" Now mind you, when we are in a "good happy state" and everything is running smooth he will tell me how far my son ha come... that he is a mentally abused kid due to his biological father, that I do not need to do the dishes.... he will get to them later. He tells me how much he trusts me, loves me, and how he knows he is loved. No one would have never thought for a moment that he would walk out again. Well 2 nights ago we had an argument over a parenting disagreement. A buddy of his came over and the 3 of us started drinking. This just led to more gas on the fire. He slept in the car that night. Came inside and slept on the couch at 4am. At 7 when our kids get up he made them breakfast, got them dressed, made their snacks for school. AS I laid in bed, getting ready to get up I thought to myself that things were going to be ok, since he got up and started caring for them. He was distant towards me, however. After they left he got in the shower to get ready for work. When he got out I asked him if we could talk. He said no and that he was leaving, He had asked me to take him to work, but once i got upset and started crying he decided he was going to walk to work, which took him over 2 hours. I got even more upset and started asking questions... like "why are you doing this?" and "what about our marriage" All he said was this was his fault for not leaving a long time ago.... I have heard these things before though... I'm just so confused. He completely left me on my ass. He left EVERYTHING here in our home including his phone, wedding ring, and clothes. I am so devastated. My 6 yr old daughter is waking up crying in the middle of the night over him. She cries at school.. I don't know what to do. Everyone tells me to ignore him.. don't chase him... that I have a better chance of reconciliation if i just give him his space. While I have tried to do so I can't but help text his buddy who he is staying with to see how he is... I need some serious advice... I feel so alone, broken, betrayed, confused, hurt, and among all this I still love him to death and just want him to come home.

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      DivaEds 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Oh My God! I've been very happily married for 12 years I have no children it's just been 2 of us since high school and we had great fun together and a good sex life and I'm in total shock still. It all happened 2 months ago he left and stayed with his friends ex wife telling me he is just staying on her couch and nothing is going on. He comes home 2 or 3 nights a week and sleeps at home and then he gone again. He says he can't stand the fact he lied to me about speaking and seeing her that he feels so bad he can't be with me for guilt and shame but he loves me and really doesn't want to be there. Is he just lying still so no one else can have me or does he want to come back. Help

    • Meganhere profile image

      Meganhere 4 years ago

      My now ex-husband walked out six years ago after having some kind of psychotic episode (his mother has a lot to answer for) and although it was terrible at the time, partly because he was nasty and weird, I soon realised I'd had a lucky break and I changed the locks to let him know he wasn't coming back.

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      melinda-martinez-3152 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I am so sorry. As I am going through this situation, my heart goes out to you. I know its not fair to us. Suddenly they decide life is greener on the other side and it hurts so badly having to think that it may be that way for them. We gave them our world. I'm praying for you.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband abandoned me almost 2 weeks ago. I am disabled but I was supporting him completely. He is refusing to pay any of the bills whatsoever. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband left me and our 2 chileren 7 weeks ago and I am devastated, we had had a few problems but really didn't believe they were at this stage. He said he loves me and cares for me but just not "like that" enough anymore. He is staying at families house at the moment but still comes over to see the kids and takes us out together. I have said that we are good friends and still have so much to fight for and that this enough for me. He said he is scared to come back and try as I thinks he will hurt me more but I love him so much and don't want to be without him. I can't stop crying and so want him to come back and try again. He has said he doesn't want a physical relationship anymore

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband just walked out on me tonight. I feel like my world has fallen apart. My heart literally hurts right now. I found out he has been talking to someone else. We just talked yesterday about how we wanted to work things out. Make changes to get back to where we need to be. Our relationship has never been bad. We didn't fight and I thought he truly loved me. I begged him to stay but he walked out leaving me on the floor crying helplessly. He had no emotions. Almost 9 years of marriage and more good times than bad and he just leaves. My gut feeling is that he is with her right now. I don't know what to do. I am in total shock. I am hoping he will realize how much I love him and come back but now there is no trust. How can someone just abandoned his wife like that? My heart is broken.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am 52 and my husband is 54. We were each other's first loves and have known each other for 40 years and have been together for 25 years. A month ago he told me that he wants a divorce - no mistress, he just is tired and wants to find himself and be himself again. I have post traumatic stress disorder and have not been my best since my mother died two years ago. He has spent the past four years looking after my mom, then me and now my brother. He works 3 jobs and is very tired. Now he wants a divorce and is sofa surfing with divorced friends from work. He says that he has never been happier. He doesn't want to stay in our house and says that it is not home for him. Says he no longer loves me. I am really frightened and do not know how to handle this or cope with the trauma or life changes. We have a huge mortgage and debt load. I have two daughters who live on their own. He says that he wants to sell house and won't pay mortgage after September. My parents are dead, my inheritance is locked in RSPs and I am really worried about what will happen to me and what I should do. I have fallen into a deep depression.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband left me about 31/2 years ago after 23 years of marriage and 4 children. I was here from England when I met him, my dad was working in CA, he is the only man I ever loved and I had many relationships before. For the past few years I have been living in this constant state of limbo, it's a living hell and I'm not sure how much more I can take. He has done his best to turn our children against me, most recently involving them in not telling me that he is about to move in with his girlfriend only then making damn sure he told me that our kids had kept his secret from me. I thought the pain of him leaving me was as bad as it could ever get but the pain of him using our kids to deliberately hurt me this way is beyond anything I could ever have imagined. He owes just about everything he has to me including his company of which I am 1/4 owner, his business partner and his wife share the other half. I gave him my entire inheritance to buy into this company, without that he wouldn't now enjoy the success he has. He does give me money to survive each month but I have nothing like the money I would need to hire a reputable attorney to represent me and finally get me out of this hell on earth I currently am forced to endure. I feel completely hopeless and utterly helpless and can see no end in sight. I'm a really good and decent person and I am at a total loss to resolve in my mind why I now find myself in this miserable situation. I did not grow up in this country, I gave up my whole life and all the support of my family in England. I am now left feeling devastasted and more alone than I could ever have believed possible. I have now just been living in this state of limbo for so long and it appears that there is absolutely nothing at all that I can do to reclaim any control over my own life. It is simply the worst feeling possible to be my age and have absolutely no control at all over my life at all. I'm desperately alone, scared and fearful and I've never in my entire life done anything at all to warrant being in this situation and feeling the way I have felt for so long now.

    • takkhisa profile image

      Takkhis 4 years ago

      I would never ever leave my gf :)

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Zoe

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I am struggling big time, just hit one month? He told me he is planning on moving interstate at the end of year. You?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      my husband left me 6 months ago told me he never loved me only married me for our sons sake. he started seeing his now girlfriend 1 week after he left me. still hard 6 months down the line and i still love him and the thought of dating someone else makes me feel sick. I need to see him every week as he picks our son up and the girlfriend is gonna start spending time with my son every weekend which i am not happy about. He spat me out like a piece of garbage and always takes her side over things he barely looks or speaks to me when he picks his son up as though it was me who walked out on him!!!!

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I have the exact same situation. I am completely shattered by his actions. My spouse is not event that remorseful about the affair. He asked me to "let it go". He is 43 and I cannot recognize him. It feels like he is a complete stranger to me. It has been 1,5 months since he left, he has never called me to ask how I'm doing. He texted the most impersonal messages. I'm in shock still. How are you holding up?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: My story is very similar. My husband just left because he was not happy and we also have a 2.5 yr old, as well as two teenagers. I am afraid I did the the opposite of what I should have and pushed him farther away. He us now saying he is 100% sure he does not want to be with me and he wants to sell the house.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband admitted to an affair a month ago and for 2 weeks he convinced e he wanted to make it work. I was so shocked when he left at the end of this period and very quickly they moved in together. Like others I am struggling to sleep and accept that after 32 years of a great marriage he has moved in with someone else. I found websites looking into mens mid life crisis really struck a chord. They described my husband perfectly. Men start to question if this is all life has to offer and it can be years before they start to understand themselves. No excuse for treating a wife in the way they do but interesting how much men like this have in common

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      Last night was night 3. We had just returned from a week vacation with his family. I have been battling depression and anxiety for sometime now. He said he has been trying to cope and he loves me but he is "not happy". Found out he is staying with "a friend". She is a woman. We have a 2 1/2 year old beautiful son. I am still deeply in love with him and devastated.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband left me 4 days ago. 13 years together 8 years married. Last three months said he needed space, let him have his space. Said he still wanted to be married. After 3 months of him being so negative and treating me like crap, he finally admits he has cheated on me,. Shattered beyond belief. Cry all the time. Was honestly the best husband up until 3 months ago. Lost my best friend. He has no desire to try to reconcile.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My husband was a lost soul when I met him two years ago..lived with me off and on..used drugs..(I don't).. Tried to save him..ruined my credit.. Now lives in an (unknown) place and calls me with an (unknown) number...constantly wants to have sex and sleep with me..but doesn't want to be responsible for any bills or any responsibility... For our marriage.. But tells me he loves me and doesn't want a divorce!! Really?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      my husband left me for another woman. i am totally devastated and I cannot move on - i don't sleep, or eat or can't even concentrate. sometimes he will come over and say he wants to try again, but then he goes back to her. i find myself calling him over and over again. I feel like he's thrown me away like a piece of trash. he is a model and he is a man every woman is praying to get, i want him back...we were married 4 years before he come across this woman,i am devastated and obsessing about him and her.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: i know exactly how you feel my husband left me 2 weeks ago and will not even talk to me. i have tried several times to contact him but he will not respond. he told me that he didn't love me and i refuse to believe him. after spending days cring my eyes out in bed i turned to the bible and i ask god for the things that i need. as each day goes by i wonder if Gods listing to me, but what other choice do i have i do not have fairy dust to make things the way i want them. i know that God is the only one that can bring my husband back to me and make our marriage stronger. Though everyday i wait to see if the divorce papers or on my door, i still have faith that he will return home.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      My husband left me after 19 yrs. we were best friends. We weren't arguing. Everyone thought we had it all. I came home from work on the 12 jan. and he was angry and said he wanted to separate. It totally blew me away. From that moment he has been angry. He will not communicate with me at all. He will not talk. Just gets volatile. After six weeks of living like that I had to leave because I did to know who this man was. He blames me now for leaving him. It's been five weeks since we last had contact. He was under a lot of pressure last year with work. At first he said it was over and he didn't know how he would feel feet three to six months. There is no one else.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      my husband of 8 years if leaving me and my two boys he is so angry argumentive i suffered with depression with my first son and from there every thing has changed cummunicate is a big part we don't know how all we do is argue we both really love each other but lost our way!! i am heartbroken and want it to work but he says its to late he can not take anymore he is sleeping in our sons bed and says he will go next month when sorted money and kids help :( x

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      liamsquidoo 5 years ago

      Great job on this lens, keep up the good work!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      my husband left 10 days b4 xmas

      he left the year before too for 6 months but came back as couldn't afford to pay rent

      he was in low paid job, he moved into spare bedroom

      we just lived together

      he was an acholic but gave up drinking for a year

      we had a row just before i went away xmas to see family

      when i came back he had taken telly all his stuff and left a note to say our marriage was a sham

      we hadn't had sex for 15 months

      hes moved away and rang me a week later to tell me he had a job earning better money and would never be back

      he wanted to speak to son but was out he rang xmas day but i didn't answer phone

      he now just rang angry shouting its all my fault and wants devorce. blaiming me saying he had no money but it wasn't my fault he didn't earn any in this area. he said i let him control everything and it made him lose his self esteem and self worth. he blaims all yet don't see what he don't by just leaving note b4 xmas.

      i hate him and feel alone not knowing what to do

      i can't ring him chase him. he said hed gone far away so i couldn't harrass him to make him come back

    • JJNW profile image

      JJNW 5 years ago from USA

      My husband left my kids and I and we have had a hard time figuring out what happened. It was like he completeIy changed. I believe now that he is personality disordered and not at all the person I thought he was for our entire marriage.

      Some people that are this way are unsafe to be around. Not everyone should try to make up with his or her spouse, especially if they seem to have changed or turn on friends. I am writing about this on Squidoo, too. One of my pages is I Did Not See I Was Being Abused by My Husband for Over 20 Years and I hope you will let me post this to help other women in my situation, which is all too common.

      Thanks. I hope your life is going better now. We are still struggling. *** Blessed by a SquidAngel *** for helping others.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      My husband left me a month ago with our three kids. We've been together for 11 years and married for 8. We haven't gotten divorced but I've been trying so hard to work things out. We've had our ups and downs over the years but I just feel that he doesn't love me anymore. I want my husband back and for us to be happy and a family more than anything in the world. We had been arguing a lot before he left and it was always over small, stupid things. He's just become very angry and irritable and he wont talk to anyone about it not even his friends. I've always tried to encourage him to get help with his issues or even just talk to anyone but he just isn't willing to do it. It hurts so bad that he just wants to forget about the past 11 years and throw everything away. We still talk and he still spends time with our children and things are a lot less tense between us, but he hasn't made any indication that he wants to be together still. It keeps me up most nights and it's exhausting but I keep holding on hoping that he will realize that we love him and want him and need him. I just want him to come back and be with our family and let me help him but I have no idea where to start.

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      Jersey12fan 5 years ago

      Husband has moved out of state and I want him back and all I do is sit and cry think of all the memory we had we've been together over 20 years.