How to Respond Maturely When Someone Breaks Up With You

Updated on June 18, 2019

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Your (now ex) boyfriend just told you that it's over. Your relationship is ending. You're reeling. You feel hurt, angry, and confused. Maybe you saw it coming or maybe it's out of the blue. No matter what your situation is, it's definitely true that it sucks.

Soon you'll be alone and have some time to think things through, but right now, all you need to know is how to get through the next ten minutes.

How to Act When Someone Breaks Up With You

Tell yourself you'll be OK.

No matter what you feel like right now (and no matter what you actually believe), tell yourself that you're OK, that you're going to live through this, and that this isn't the end of the world. You can do it like a mantra in your head: "I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK." It's OK to lie to yourself right now.
Breathe.

Make sure you keep breathing. Focus on the air coming in and out of your nose. You could even count your breaths—keep them deep and even. This will help you stay calm.
Respect their decision.

Don't beg or plead for them to take you back or to change their mind. The more you beg, the worse you look, and the less likely you'll be able to salvage any kind of friendship.
Don't say too much.

In the heat of the moment, you're likely to say something that you will later regret. Keep your words to a minimum.
Don't try to force them to stay with you.

First of all, it won't work. Second of all, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Trying to get them to stay in the relationship, or even just to stay with you physically in the same room will only make you look desperate and it will make them want to leave even more.
Keep physical boundaries.

Don't try to get sexy with them (bad idea!) and don't let them get sexy with you. Kissing isn't going to make them change their mind, even if it might distract you both from what's happening for a little bit.
Don't interrupt them.

Let them say everything they want to say. After they're finished talking, ask them if there's anything else they'd like to mention. This shows that you are mature enough to let them have the floor.
If you want to, respond carefully.

If you need to, take a few moments to gather your thoughts to respond to what they've said. Remember that you cannot change their mind about the breakup, so in your response, simply try to give your point of view without blaming or insulting them. Keep it as positive and as short as possible. Another option is to say that you'd like to give your point of view but that you're feeling too overwhelmed to do it right now. Ask them if they'd be okay with having a conversation in a couple of days.
Keep your cool.
Don't get angry or defensive. If you feel like you're getting too emotional to where you can't think straight or you just want to scream at them, ask if you can continue the conversation later. Think about being the kind of person that they'll regret leaving — some crying is normal, but if you're yelling or screaming at them, or insulting them, it's unlikely that will make you look very good.
Be grateful (if possible.)

Right now, you're probably really hurt and angry so it may be hard to try to dig out a silver lining. If you can, though, try to thank them for the good times that you had together.
Say goodbye.

Hug them and say farewell. Then, once they leave and you get home, you can collapse on your bed and start bawling.
Forgive.

Eventually, find forgiveness for them in your heart. It's hard and it may even seem impossible right now, but holding a grudge against them will only hurt you in the end and keep you from having positive dating experiences.

14 Things to Say When Someone Breaks Up With You

This makes me really sad, but I respect your decision.
I'm grateful for everything that we had together and I wish you all the best.
I know we had problems and I thought we were working on them. I still think we could have a good future together, but I understand you don't see things the same way.
I'd be lying if I said I was totally okay with this. I think you're awesome. I want you to have a happy life. I hope I can still be a part of it somehow, even if we aren't together.
The truth is that I am sad now, but I'm going to be okay. I'm going to miss you.
I'm just trying to keep it together right now. I didn't see this coming and—if I'm being honest—it really hurts. But I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. I really care about you and if being with me doesn't make you happy, then I agree that we shouldn't be together.
We experienced so much together, and I'm grateful for what we had. I still care about you a lot and it will make me sad to see you go.
You're going to have to give me some time to think about this. Do you think we could talk in a couple of days?
This hurts so much. I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to be honest. I wish this weren't happening, but I accept that you have a different vision of the future.
I wish I were a part of your future, but I can't make you change your mind. I think it will be best if we don't talk to each other for a while, so before that happens, I just want to tell you one last time that I do love you and I want only the best things for your life.
I don't completely understand why, but I understand that you don't want to be together anymore, and that makes me really sad. I know I'm going to be okay but it hurts a lot right now.
I still care about you and I'm going to miss you.
I don't hate you, but right now I do feel hurt and angry. I hope you understand that I need some time alone. I hope that we can still be friends later on, but right now I don't know.
I didn't think that this would be happening. I wanted to stay together. But you don't feel the same way. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.

Breakups Suck, but You're Going to Be OK

Breakups hurt. Sometimes it's very difficult to know why your ex decided to end things. You may feel embarrassed, like you've lost your dignity. Or you might feel messed up, like your world is turned upside down. You might even be so confused that you feel useless. Now that your romantic relationship is over, what else is there?

People react differently during breakups. Generally the ones who get hit the hardest are those who are on the receiving end—especially when they didn't see it coming (and especially if it was a long-term relationship). That's not to say that people aren’t affected when they're the one that ends the relationship either. Especially if the relationship was very serious, usually the ones who break it off feel pretty bad about it too.

They definitely suck. But no matter what—you have a choice in how you respond to a breakup. Remember that you want to keep as much of your dignity as possible so you can hold your head high the next time you see your ex. You might be crumbling inside, but they don't have to know that.

It doesn't matter if you've gone through lots of breakups or if this is your first one—it's a good idea to be careful in your response. You'll only embarrass yourself if you act dramatically.

Also, if you have a meltdown during the breakup—no matter which side you are on—it'll take longer to heal, and there is almost no chance your ex will consider getting back together with you (if that is something that you want to do).

Here's some more detail on how you can best respond if someone is breaking up with you.

1. Pretend Like You're OK

Psychological studies have shown that acting like you're OK—doing things like smiling or staying calm—can actually help you feel better. Even though in the moment you may feel like you want to disappear, do your best to put on a brave face. At the very least, it will help you keep your dignity in front of the person who's dumping you.

2. Stay Calm. Breathe.

When we are in anxiety-producing situations, our body has the tendency to tense up. This may cause you to hold your breath, which makes you feel even more tense and emotional, and so on. Even though it may seem like you're going to lose control if you breathe, let it happen.

Focus on the feeling of breath coming in and out of your nose (a useful mindfulness technique), and taking deep breaths and counting them. This will help keep your feelings from spiraling out of control.

3. Respect Your Ex’s Decision

Accept and respect your ex's decision. Respecting the decision means you’ve heard what they've had to say and are not in denial about what is happening.

It is true that it hurts. You might cry and you will, in fact, feel hurt. What matters, however, is how you react. At first, you just need to listen and make sure your ex knows they have been heard.

4. Don't Talk Too Much

If you talk a lot, you might say things that you will regret later. Say only what you have to say, not everything that you want to say. You don't need to tell them everything that's on your mind or give them a piece of it.

You don't need to tell them how much you're hurting or if they're breaking your heart— they are no longer the person you tell everything. Don’t let them know how hurt you are. Let them see with their own eyes how strong you are by not allowing yourself to act irrationally or blab on about how much you're going to miss them.

5. Don’t Try to Force Them to Stay

Remember that you can't force things. Don’t try to force someone to stay in the relationship when they don't want to. You should respect the decision that has already been made, regardless of whether or not you think it's justified.

You can't force someone to love you when they no longer do. If they do agree to start dating again, do you think they'll love you the same? Or do you think you will always be in doubt, thinking they are just in the relationship because you begged them to be.

6. Don't Try to Get Physical With Them (Kissing Won't Change Their Mind)

Getting physical with your ex might seem like a good idea in the moment, especially because you'll probably be feeling pretty emotional and those feelings might demand an outlet. But . . . don't do it! It's unlikely that being physical with your ex will seem like a good idea in hindsight.

7. Don't Interrupt or Argue With Them

Let your ex say everything they need to say. Listen to them and try not to interrupt, even if you're feeling angry or if you feel like what they're saying is wrong. Listening patiently will leave a good last impression (which is what you want to leave them with). You'll also be able to be proud of yourself for keeping it together and letting them have their say.

8. Give Your Point of View Thoughtfully, Without Blaming or Insulting Them

If you launch into an attack on them after they've finished talking, you'll just come off looking bad. If you choose to respond to what they say to you (which is something that you don't necessarily need to do), do so thoughtfully.

Be honest and talk about how you feel and what you think—avoid statements that blame your ex or insult them. Try talking about your relationship from a 3rd-person's point of view. This may help you put things into perspective, both for yourself and for them.

9. Don’t Plead

Even if you feel like their decision to end things was unjustified, you shouldn't beg for another chance as if your life depends it. The best you can do is tell them why you disagree as reasonably as possible.

In the end, if they don't change their mind, you need to accept that the relationship is over. Don’t plead. It makes you seem needy and desperate.

You will not die if they leave you. Your world will not come to an end even if you love them very very much.

People break up and move on with their lives every day—even people who have much more at stake. It may not seem like it now, but you're going to be fine. Besides, there are plenty of guys out there for you to meet.

10. Be Grateful

Yes you heard correctly. Thank your ex for the time that you've had—even if the relationship is over for good and there is no hope of getting back together. Thank them for the good things that they offered and for the things that you learned with them.

This may feel impossible to do right away, and that's understandable. At some point, though, it will be best for you to figure out the things that you liked about your relationship. Remember that there was a reason you two were together in the first place. It didn't just happen randomly. Find and appreciate the good times.

Also, telling them that you're grateful for what you had makes you look really good. It shows that you have more in life to live for than the relationship, and that you're going to carry the good things forward with you as you move on.

11. Forgive Them

This might seem impossible at first and it might not happen right away. At some point, though, you'll need to forgive them. Holding onto a grudge — no matter how much you were wronged — only does you harm in the end.

Perhaps you've heard the comparison of how holding a grudge is like a person holding onto a hot coal in order to throw it at someone else. In the end, only the person holding onto the coal gets burned. Even though it may take time, you need to let your anger go. It will only harm you and will do nothing to them.

Why You Should Try to Keep Your Cool

When you respond positively to a breakup—as much as it hurts—it shows several things:

You show that you're not in denial about what's happening. It will show your ex that you are also capable of moving on and that you don't need them to survive.
Reacting well shows that you are able to handle yourself even if you are hurting. This shows maturity. Though there's nothing wrong with feeling sad (and in fact, you should take time to feel through the emotions of a breakup), behaving with dignity with your ex will help you feel stronger, and may even help you get over the breakup faster. It also makes you look good in front of them. The last thing you want is to come off looking pathetic.
Even though you feel hurt, the breakup will end on a good note and you'll earn your ex's respect.
You might surprise your ex. They'll wonder why you didn't react negatively, which is something many people expect. When you don't beg and plead for them back, you'll show them that you still have a life to live without them and that you're going to be fine.
You will not regret your actions or feel ashamed because of what you did and you'll feel good about yourself.

Things to Remember During a Breakup

Give yourself some time to think things through and time to sort out your thoughts regarding what happened. Maybe it was for your own good.
Not all relationships are meant to survive forever. There are many people out there that will be a good fit for you.
Things don't always go to plan. Hurt is inevitable. Sometimes there is nothing more that you could have done. Maybe you did everything you could have. Either way — the relationship is over now. Try not to spend too much time rehashing the past.
If you live in denial or stay angry, you'll only make it harder for yourself to recover. You'll be letting your ex live on in your life when neither of you deserve that. Let them go.
You probably know this already, but it doesn't hurt to repeat: do not contact your ex for at least two weeks. This gives you and your ex-boyfriend both some time to think and recover.

How to Respond If They Broke Up With You Over Text

Re-read the text message.

Let's be honest—you're probably going to do that a bunch anyways. It's OK to read (and re-read, and re-read, and re-read). But whatever you do, don't respond just yet.
Stay put.

Don't respond to the text yet and stay off social media!!! Do not vent there. The chance you'll say something that you regret later is pretty high. Instead . . .
Journal.

Write down all of your feelings and what you'd want to say to your ex if you could tell them anything in a journal or a paper letter and do not send it to them. This is just for you to vent. Honestly it will help.
Wait to respond.

Wait 24 hours until you're feeling a little more level-headed. If you're still so mad you just want to text them "I HOPE YOU DIE," wait a little longer.
Reach out.

Contact friend or family member ASAP and tell them what happened. Texting or calling is good, but it's even better if you hang out with them in person.
Respond carefully.

When you're ready, and you choose to respond (which you do not have to), you can text them back. Here are some options for what you could say:

"This makes me sad to hear. I wish we could have had this conversation in person. I am grateful for the times that we've shared and I wish you all the best."

"I don't agree with the way you've decided to end things but I'm not going to try to change your mind. Goodbye."

"This was really shocking for me to see. I know that breaking up is hard but I wish we could have done this in person. I think we could have had a good future, but I respect that you don't see things the same way. I wish you all the best."

"Really sad about this—hope you have a good life."
Be nice.

Even if you're faking it, it is important that you are polite to them because it shows them that, unlike them, you are not a loser. You are a mature adult who can have hard conversations.
Forgive them.

Then, start the slow process of forgiving them and moving on with your life. You have so much to give. You're an awesome girl and your ex doesn't deserve any more of your time.

How to Move On After a Breakup

Feel the feelings.

Let yourself be sad, angry, hurt, shocked, heartbroken. Don't try to suppress the emotions. They need to be felt and appreciated. They are real, and what you had was real. Listen to sad breakup songs, watch sad breakup movies (avoid romances!!), and watch raindrops on window panes.
Write it out.

Journaling is a great tool for you to better understand how you feel. Make a commitment to journal every day even if you don't feel like it and even if you just end up writing their name over and over again. Another helpful tool is writing letters to them (that you don't end up sending). It's a way to trick your mind into getting closure.
Remember the good times.

Even though you might be hurting right now—and even if it's better that you're broken up—don't forget that there were good things about your relationship. Don't let yourself become bitter. It will only hurt you in the end.
Let them go.

Ceremonies can be powerful tools to help recover from heartbreak. You could do something like write their name on a piece of paper and then say all of the things that you loved about them, and all the things that you hated about them. Then, you could (carefully!) burn the paper, symbolizing releasing them from your life. Or you could make up your own ceremony.
Give yourself space.

Hide their pictures and mementos (or give them to a friend for safekeeping—sometimes they're nice to have later on and you'll regret destroying them). Unfriend, unfollow, and block them from social media. Do it. You do not need to know what's happening in their lives. Do not call them, text them, email them, "bump" into them, or otherwise try to contact them for as long as you need to (many people say 30 days). You don't have to just ghost either—you could tell them that you need some space from them for a while and that you'll reach out when you're ready (if you want to).
Instead, reach out to friends and family.

Hang out with your pals and with the people that love you. They want to support you and help you through this, especially right at the beginning. Let yourself lean on their shoulders.
Take care of yourself.

You've probably heard this a million times, but that's because it's true. Get enough sleep (8 hours every night!), eat good food (avoid chips, ice cream, candy—anything high carb or high fat), don't try to use alcohol or drugs to make yourself feel better (being sad and hungover is horrible), exercise (there are so many great workout videos on YouTube—try something gentle like yoga), and go outside! (walking is great). Even if you want to curl up and die, your body still needs you to take care of it. You might not feel like it, but just go through the motions at first and trust that eventually you will feel better. You could also try meditating—start with just one minute and try to work your way up to 10 minutes, adding one minute every day. This will help you learn how to sit with your emotions and tune into what your body is feeling.
Make new memories.

Invite your friends to do something new together. Go on a trip. Read a new book. Go to a concert. Try a new hobby or get back into an old one. Making new memories will help you get started on a new life without your ex. Also, try volunteering or doing something nice for a friend or family member—a great way to forget about how miserable you are is by helping others.
Forgive your ex.

In time, find a place in your heart to forgive your ex. Remember that, like you, they are just human and just trying to do the best they can. Whether or not you think they were in the right for breaking up with you, what has happened has happened, and the only thing you can do is appreciate what you had together and move forward into the future.
Forgive yourself.

Maybe you're mad at yourself for not seeing the breakup coming, for not trying hard enough, for hurting them, or for making the same relationship mistakes that you've made before. No matter what—you need to forgive yourself too. Take what you can from this past relationship and learn from it. Know that you are also imperfect and just trying to do your best. You should know that you deserve wonderful relationships full of love, and that you are capable of achieving them.

You Will Get Through This

As hard as breakups are and as much as they suck, you are going to make it through.

Good luck and stay strong.

Have Your Say:

Do you think it matters a lot how you react during a breakup?

Questions & Answers

Question:
I was in a nine-month relationship, but we broke up. It is hard for me to move on with all of the memories of the relationship. What should I do?
Answer:
You should cease any communication with your ex if you're trying to make any contact with him. By not communicating with your ex, you'll allow the healing process to begin. As you continue to exercise No Contact Rule the images of your ex and the relationship will no longer bother you - they will fade away. You should engage in activities that will distract you from thinking about your ex but don't become too busy. I have written several articles on what a partner should do after a breakup so as to be able to move on. A breakup can incapacitate somebody making it hard for that person to move on or confused on what to do.
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Question:
I was in an 8-year-long relationship but my boyfriend says he needs freedom and wants to talk with other girls. So what should I do?
Answer:
Time to pack and go i.e leave the relationship. It shows he doesn't respect you as his girlfriend. The fact he says he wants freedom indicates you are obstructing him from talking to other girls. He wants to flirt with girls however he wants while still in a relationship with you.

Once a person commits in a relationship, there are some things he needs to stop doing. He is no longer single with no strings attached. But, the fact is that he considers you as a jail whereby he can't breathe or move.

If your boyfriend lacks respect for who you are in his life, then why bother to continue in the relationship with him? Let him know you no longer want anything to do with him - the relationship is over. You should settle with a man who respects you and understands that some things or behaviors need to be done away once committed in a relationship.

He might have been a nice guy and you've been in the relationship for long; but remember people change and they develop a different perspective pertaining to relationship.

I hope you will find your feet and move on. Don't cling to the fact he is still the nice guy you knew.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because I sent him a message saying he hurt me when he didn't call me on my birthday. He sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and told me we would talk later but he didn't call. He broke up with me via text message because I sent him a text telling him how I felt. Was I wrong to do this?
Answer:
It is well-known that women feel hurt when their significant ones or husbands don't wish them a happy birthday. Were you wrong in letting him know how you felt when he didn't wish you a happy birthday? You weren't wrong. He should have apologized and wished you a happy birthday. However, out of anger after letting him know how you felt, he dumped you through a text. That is not a mature manner of solving such an issue in a relationship.

In relationships, a partner may hurt his/her partner directly or indirectly. Thus, it is proper to let your partner know he hurt you by not doing something which means a lot to you.
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Question:
I have been in a 20-year relationship. My boyfriend broke up with me through text that contained insulting or abusive words. How should I react and reply?
Answer:
From your description, it appears your boyfriend has ended the relationship because you have prioritized your family above him. However, he has gone to such an extreme in insulting you in such a manner considering you've been in the relationship for 20 years.

Don't respond in anger nor use abusive words as a retaliation or to give him a piece of your mind. Let him know you've pondered on his text the reason you've taken time in responding. Let him know even though you're in a relationship, you can't ignore your family as they are part of your life as he is.

I know you're hurting considering how long you've been together. However, for him to throw such insulting words at you shows he lacks respect for you. If you would like to get back with him or not, let him know you'll accept his proposal that you won't call or text him. It will be hard to restrain yourself from contacting him but in time you'll get used to it.

Don't write a long text. Be brief. Tell him even though he has insulted you, you won't retaliate in anger or insult him. If he doesn't want to be with you it's alright. In time you'll find your foot though your enjoyed your time together. Wish him all the best and thank him for the things you shared together.
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Question:
She just broke up with me. We have been through this process on and off - getting back together then breaking up. But this time it wasn't a mutual decision. I feel as if it came from nowhere but she still wants us to be friends like we were before, only this time I don't think I can do that anymore. What do I say to her?
Answer:
You have realized that if you allow yourselves to be platonic friends you'll end up in the same game, an on and off relationship game. Let her know it won't be a good idea to be platonic friends. If it happens so you'll be wasting each other time as the two of you would end up together then break up. Thus, you should stop communicating with each other. You should cease communication because it's evident you were never meant to be together. While friendship is a good thing - returning to the state of friendship before you began dating - it is different now. It will bring back the memories and it will be hard to move on. In the months to come, the feelings for each other will have died thus you'll become casual friends since that is what you are meant to be. But, if you become platonic friends you'll be hurting each other and wasting each other's time.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me after 1-year of relationship because my attitude was s**t. We were in a serious relationship and were very close. After the breakup, I've begged him like hell - calling, texting & emailing him. He blocked me everywhere. Do you think he will come back? What should I do?
Answer:
In your situation, it might be difficult for your boyfriend to come back. Your reaction or attitude put him off.
You can try this technique. It's not evil but a healthy attempt to restore the relationship. Since he has closed all forms of communication, you should not contact him in other ways like using your friend's phone. This is known as no contact rule. During this time work on your attitude. At the end of two weeks, you can write a letter or use a friend's phone. Let him know you're sorry, ask for forgiveness for the kind of reaction you'd display, you've analyzed yourself and have corrected or changed your attitude and still are, and you pray for another chance because you love him and so on. He needs to know you've changed. Don't send another text or letter. Wait. If he doesn't respond wait for two or three days then send him another text. If he hasn't responded call him. If he doesn't answer, it's time to move on. Maybe he will contact you in the future. Even if he doesn't, the most important thing is to work on your attitude because you wouldn't want another relationship to end like this because of how you respond or react.
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Question:
What does it mean when your boyfriend tells you that he needs to see you and the news is good for him and also bad?
Answer:
It might be a number of things related to the relationship. You should be open and brave yourself if the news is not good to you.
I don't think he wants to end the relationship but it is obvious the bad news will affect your relationship e.g. if he has gotten a job in another country or state.
Helpful 1
Question:
She told me to decide on my perception. What should I do?
Answer:
You should ask her to give you some time to respond to her request. It might include not contacting her for several days to give you time to decide on which answer to give her. I do not know why she asked you this but you should not respond too quickly.
Helpful 1
Question:
We both want to break up but he seems to have beaten me to it, what do I say?
Answer:
Since you want also to break up with him, you can say:
"It will be difficult to accept the fact you'll not be together and the possibility of having a family. I accept your decision as hard as it is since it is best for both of us. It will save us a lot and of heartache in the future as evidenced by this breakup. I will miss you but I can't deny I enjoyed my time with you.
Helpful
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me and is still pleading we remain as friends, can I do that?
Answer:
There is nothing wrong reverting to friendship but it shouldn't be a platonic friendship. You should remain as casual friends - not too close to friends. However, the friendship shouldn't start any sooner. Until both of you have recovered from the breakup and have moved on with their lives can you become friends? Any time sooner, it will create memories that you shouldn't be reminded of.
Helpful
Question:
I was in a relationship for a few months but we broke up. I know that both of us have feelings for each other, but she has been going through some tough times lately such as family medical issues and school problems. She broke it up because her life was too busy (in her opinion). I still have feelings for her and I want to get back with her when she's ready. What do I do about my on again off again girlfriend?
Answer:
She might view the relationship overwhelming as a result of the things that are happening in her life. But, it may also be that her decision to break up is based on something else.
Why not send her a message and let her know you love her and will be waiting for her. Let her know your love for her is intense and you'll wait when she will get back to the relationship.
However, don't let your life revolve around her coming back. Move on with your life. She might come back or not. Don't put all your hope on her.
Don't bother her with texts or calls. She won't take it lightly.
Helpful
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because my friend said he is stupid. Do you think that's really necessary?
Answer:
It wasn't necessary. I'm surprised your ex undertook the action of ending the relationship because of the statement which was uttered by your friend.
While I understand he might have felt bad at being called stupid by your friend, I don't get it why he would also involve you in that comment.
That's why you might have heard that some relationships come to an end because of minor or unbelievable reasons.
Helpful
Question:
I was in a relationship of 5 years having lived together for a year. She broke up with me 5 days ago after I caught her twice meeting up with her ex. In both instances, she apologized promising not to repeat again but despite wanting her back badly she broke up with me. My family never liked her and I know that I don't ever want her back but I still crave for her every day. How can I erase memories of her from my mind?
Answer:
It is good you have decided not to chase after her. It would be futile for you would be hurting yourself in the long run. Her breaking up with you is for your own good even though it hurts.

Erasing her memory from your mind in an instant is not possible. However, if you want to heal and recover from the relationship you have to be determined and disciplined.

First, delete her numbers from your phone and block her on your social media accounts. This will prevent you from giving in to the urge to want to send her text or look at her posts or photos.

Secondly, tear apart and burn her photos. They are no longer of any use to you. They will always remind you of her. This includes any possession of hers that you have. You can decide to return them to her, store away or get rid of them.

Engage in activities that will keep you from thinking about her. You shouldn't be busy, but activities such as hobbies do help a lot.

Don't listen to sad songs and when you begin thinking about her, snap out of it. Always tell yourself she is no longer yours. Stop as soon as possible replaying the good times you shared or thinking about the relationship.

Don't hate or hold a grudge against her anymore. Don't hate her and forgive her.

I have written articles on how to heal and recover from a relationship and things you should never do after a breakup.
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Question:
We met each other in a mental hospital, I know that sounds kinda crazy but I swear I’m fine. Anyway, we were all that onto each other. We had cause and because no one likes messed up people, he broke up with me last night and I’m looking this up the next morning. I’m so stupid. I want him back. I love him and he loves me. What do I do to get my ex-back?
Answer:
Send him a text. Tell him how much you love him and you can work out what led to the breakup. If he doesn't respond, text him by telling him that you're patiently waiting for his response. Don't contact him for more than two weeks. If he doesn't respond in that period, contact him. If he doesn't pick up your phone or reply to your text, don't bother him. Continue with your life. You will find someone else who loves and understands you.
Helpful 3
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me after 9 months together. I begged him to try again and not leave but he said it was because we argue about everything but we don't - we disagree not argue but he can't talk about things. Was I wrong to beg him to stay and bawled my eyes out?
Answer:
You did the right thing because you loved him and you believed you could solve whatever was ailing the relationship. You knew the root cause of the breakup thus you had knowledge of what could be done to save the relationship.
Begging is a normal reaction but if someone begs continually or for a long time it becomes unhealthy.
Weeping is healthy because it's the body's reaction to an emotional situation. It is a normal thing because it displays physically the pain you feel in your heart.
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me the day after we confessed that we liked each other. We were texting "I love you" all night. Then the next morning, he said it's over. What do I say?
Answer:
Tell him you don't understand why he broke up with you.
Let him know he has hurt you, but you can't force him to love you when he no longer has any feelings for you. Let him know you wonder whether he really loves you or has feelings for you or he was playing with you.
Let him know though it will take some time to heal and recover from the breakup; you will take the necessary steps to ensure you have found your feet to move on. Maybe you were never intended to be together but for now, what matters is to work out on moving on and concentrating on your life.
Thank him for everything, the good and the bad, and wish him all the best and his future love.
Helpful 2
Question:
My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. Being stuck in the house together for a few months due to COVID-19 didn’t help and that’s when our relationship started, at the very beginning of COVID-19. We started arguing a lot and became less affectionate towards one another. Actually I distanced myself, not her. Now that we are not together I regret not putting in more effort. I do still love her and wish it was different. Is there anything I can do to repair my relationship?
Answer:
Mending a failed relationship...
Helpful
Question:
I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years but when her brother knew that I love her, he told her to break with me. Indeed she accepted this and broke up with me. What should I do so she can love me again?
Answer:
I love texts but the downside of it is that one can ignore and possibly delete. However, there is the advantage of the curiosity or the desire to find out what is contained therein in the text.
If you call, she might hang up. But sending a text can send the intended message. However, don't appear desperate or needy.
Let her know how much you love her and how much she means to you. Let her know you're waiting for her. After you send the text, don't bother her with another one. Continue on with your life. If she responds positively you're lucky. If not, you'll have to move on with your life. The reason is simple: you can't force someone to love you if she doesn't.
Well, you can call her. If she picks up start with greetings then ask her if you can meet to talk when she's free. If she accepts, good. If not, send her a text message.
Helpful
Question:
My boyfriend texted me and told me that he wanted time to find himself and he still likes me. He said he hopes to continue what we had in the future but I feel like he’s just trying not to hurt me. Does he still like me or is he just trying to make me feel better?
Answer:
He wants you to feel better. He doesn't want to hurt you. Like I stated before don't count on the future because you don't know how the future will be like. He might like you but does he love you?
Helpful 14
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me. I know I made terrible mistakes. I was too harsh on him. And yet I found out he's chatting with someone before our breakup. What should I do? Should I give him space or should I win him back? How will I know if there's still a chance that will be together again?
Answer:
In relationships, we need to accommodate each others' mistakes because we are not perfect. Thus, we should forgive each other and give each other another chance. However, when a partner isn't willing or doesn't bother to correct his/her mistakes, it is usually wise to bring the relationship to an end because it will no longer be a thriving and healthy relationship.

The fact you found out he was chatting with someone in a manner that wasn't normal, then he was being unfaithful to you. In such a situation, when a partner realizes her boyfriend is cheating on her, she might not react positively. Thus, the reason you were harsh on him.

What you need to do now is to give him space. Not only him but also yourself. Why not send him a message that you are terribly sorry for how you reacted and you want this to come to an end. Let him know you love him and you will be waiting for him. Then, exercise no contact rule - do not communicate with him for a minimum of two weeks as it will give him the space he needs. After more than 2 weeks you can decide what next move to take as you will have reflected on the relationship. For instance, if he does not respond during the silent period you may call him. When you do so he may have cooled down which is a good indicator the relationship will be renewed.

If he responds during the silent period it is a good indicator he wants to continue with the relationship.
Helpful 13
Question:
He says he no longer loves me or feels any love for me anymore and has asked me not to hold onto the relationship. What should I do after my boyfriend told me he no longer loves me?
Answer:
I apologize for taking long in responding. It is evident he no longer has any feelings for you. I am not sure what contributed to this but it is difficult to get him to love you in the same manner he used to love you before the feelings for you began fading away. The best you can do is to exercise No Contact Rule. You should cease no contact with him for a certain period. I have written a topic on that subject. The benefits of exercising no contact are to enable you to heal from the pain you're experiencing, to enable you to reflect on the relationship and to assist you in staying strong. At the end of the no-contact period, you'll have a clear picture whether it's worth trying to get him back or you should move on with your life without him. Although it's evident there is no use in trying to make the relationship work or to make you love the same way he used to, it is important to exercise no contact for your own well-being.
Helpful 12
Question:
I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years before she broke up with me through a text. What should I do?
Answer:
If you haven't responded, take your time before responding. Ask her why she has ended the relationship. From there you can deduce whether to try to get her back or not.
She might reply or not. If she doesn't reply, don't bother. If you had responded, don't continue conversing with her if her response isn't positive. You need to employ no contact rule.
Exercise no contact rule, not communicating with her in whatsoever way, for four weeks. During this time you'll have let the healing process begin its course, had enough time to reflect on the relationship and know whether you would want her back in your life.
After the no-contact period if she doesn't respond then contact her. Start with a 'hello' text and build on it. Don't jump into the relationship issues right away. If she responds talk in general terms and not frequently. From her responses, you'll know whether there's a chance of getting together.
Or, after a month you can send her a text wishing her all the best and that she'll find a man after her heart. This is after you'd reflected on the relationship and arrived at the decision to move on with your life or her responses are not inviting.
Helpful 12
Question:
I am in a long distance relationship. I am a Filipina and he is Italian. We became friends for half a year before we met in person. He came here for 2 weeks and we had a great time together. After getting back to his place, we are still in contact for 5 months, but as time passes by it seems that he's breaking up with me because of the distance. How do I react?
Answer:
I don't know if both of you are financially stable or in your case because it seems from the relationship, you're the one who has to go to Italy to stay with him permanently. If both of you are not financially stable, it might be hard for him to be patient enough to wait till the time you'll be together.

The best you can do is to tell him that both of you need to work out on how you can be together e.g find out how much it costs to travel to his country, the cost of gaining a visa and so on.

However, if it appears it will be difficult to be together very soon then you'll have to accept the relationship is over. This is because he has already given up the patience to wait for how long it takes for the two of you to be together. If it's the case, you'll have to let him know that you truly loved him but because the distance has made him break up with you there's nothing you can do but accept the fact though it hurts a lot.

Helpful 11
Question:
Two weeks after he broke up with me, I sat down and thought about everything, and I then gave him a call and told him that I am grateful for all the wonderful times we had. He treated me right during the period we dated, it was just his leaving that I don't agree with. I respect it, yes. My question is, was I weak to give him a call and thank him? Did I do the right thing?
Answer:
You did the right thing. You weren't weak in calling him since you didn't call to plead or beg him to come back but to thank him for everything. I understand for him to leave you is what you don't agree with. However, responding positively is for your benefit as shown in the article. It will aid you in getting focused on what to do or not.
Helpful 10
Question:
My girlfriend promises me that she will never come back to me, but I want her back. What have I to do to get her back?
Answer:
First, you have to know the reason why she doesn't want to get back with you. If the reason is justified, it will be hard to get her back. Sometimes, when people decide on something they never look back.
Stop any communication with her for a minimum period of two weeks., and then contact her afterward. If she responds during the no contact period or responds positively after ending the no contact, then you'll have her back in your arms.
You should take your time to reflect on the broken relationship, and change what might have led her run away from you. You shouldn't force her to come back with frequent calls and texts. You'll only aggravate the matter as you'll turn out as bothersome or irritating. Give her some space then contact her after a period of time.
Helpful 10
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me right before my birthday through text. It really hurts me. He said that we are not suitable for each other. But I still can't accept it because I still love him. What should I do?
Answer:
Don't talk to him anymore. Don't contact him in whatsoever manner. For now, you'll have to stop loving him.
He told you were not suitable for each other. He has not only wasted your time but has hurt you in the process. He should have known you're not suitable for each other before not during the relationship.
You need to accept even though you love him, you've to move on with your life. Maybe he will contact you or not. If he doesn't don't beat yourself. Don't plead. Just move on with your life.
Helpful 8
Question:
I dated a guy, and later on, he cheated on me. I got hurt but I didn't say anything. My reaction was so severe or negative at that time because I was very angry. He said it was over. I was stressed for five months while he was busy in a relationship with his new love. Now he wants us to meet. He even comes to my home. What should I do because all I feel is pain when I see him?
Answer:
First thing, he was rude to you by dumping you when you found out he was unfaithful in the relationship. Now that the relationship with his new love did not go well, he has come back and visits you to show you are still the one he loves.

Yes, you love him, but you need to take it slow. You need time to heal and to ponder or think things through. Would you want to continue in the relationship with a man who dumped you for another woman? Are you strong enough to continue in the relationship?

You need to stop seeing each other. You should stop communicating with him unless it's an emergency. You need to stop him from visiting you at your home or tell him to cease visiting you. This means you need to exercise no contact rule. When there is no communication between the two of you, it will allow the healing process to begin. You cannot get back in the previous relationship while still in pain. It will lead to more heartbreaks. You need time to heal and to be strong to stand on your two feet. Also, you need to know whether it is sensible to get back with him or forget about him and move on with your life.

Thus let him know you do not want to communicate with him for some time and the two of you should stop seeing each other for some time. If he asks why, tell him to think things through, to ponder and to heal from the wound he inflicted in your heart and to find the strength to move on. At the end of the no-contact period, a month is preferable, you would know which direction to head to, and the pain will have lessened.
Helpful 8
Question:
Is it wise to send a goodbye note after he ends a 5-month old relationship?
Answer:
Yes, it is wise. This is for your own benefit as it will aid you in moving on. It is a positive mentality, it shows you have accepted his ending the relationship and that you will not get stuck; you will move on with your life. Lastly, you want to thank him for the 5 months you have been together.
Helpful 8
Question:
What should I do if my boyfriend wants to breakup over a little problem?
Answer:
You should let him have his way. If he can't sit down with you to solve the little problems, what about when large problems manifest? Again, it's evident your boyfriend wants a perfect relationship which as we know doesn't exist. Every relationship has a problem. Lastly, you should find out why he wants to breakup over a little problem. It might be he wants to find a reason to breakup with you for a number of reasons. Maybe he no longer has strong feelings for you or is tired of the relationship.
I have come to learn in life, you can't force someone to stay in a relationship when he doesn't. If he does, he'll complicate the relationship because his heart is no longer in the relationship.
Helpful 7
Question:
We broke up 3 weeks ago. He said he wanted space to work on himself. Yesterday, I texted him thanking him for the memories we had together. He also texted back thanking me for helping him become a better person. Is there a possibility of us coming back together?
Answer:
It's good you handled the breakup well. There is a possibility of getting back together but don't depend on it wholly. Since he wants space to work on himself, the outcome might be positive for you or not. You might reunite or he might decide to find love somewhere else.
Move on with your life. Do your things. Concentrate on your life. Don't think about him and fight the temptation to contact him or go through his social profiles. If it ever happens, he might call. If not, know he has moved on. Don't waste your time waiting for him. The future will tell. You might find a new love but don't hurry to be in a relationship.
Helpful 6
Question:
I was in a six-month relationship and we broke up because I was so mad at him when he went out with his friends on club nights. He said he couldn't do it anymore, I'm too young for serious relationship. What should I do?
Answer:
You should take some time to reflect on various things pertaining to the relationship. Take one or two weeks and reflect on the relationship. When you are married, would you be comfortable with your husband going to nightclubs on some days especially on weekends? If you will not feel comfortable then you need to let him know you love him but you don't feel okay with him going to nightclubs. Right now, do you feel comfortable with him going to nightclubs even if you love him so much?
Stop thinking of whether you love him. You should think about whether you will be comfortable and whether you will tolerate it. In this instance, you aren't too young for a serious relationship but sensible enough to notice whether you are up to it - will tolerate the act.
If you are comfortable with the act, you should contact him a week or two and let him know you had been thinking about what he said, you acted irrationally and apologize; the reason you took some time before contacting him.
Don't contact him for a week or two and think whether you will be comfortable with it or not.
Helpful 6
Question:
My fiance broke up with me accusing me of being promiscuous. He went on to say he has found a 22-year old girl and said she has fresh p***. I'm 31 & he's 42. After that he despised me. He even called me an off layer. He said I have loose p***. I became furious and said filthy things. He said I crossed the line. He gave me faults, yet he started it. What can I do next?
Answer:
I would advise to stop any contact and take care of yourself first. Your boyfriend was doing all he can to find a common ground which he can base his decision to get rid of you. Accusing you of things you don't do, despising you by comparing you to others is an indication he is tired being in a relationship with you. I can't say that man truly loved you. He doesn't deserve you because he doesn't appreciate and respect you. Please, stop any contact with him, try to never mind him and move on your with life. You deserve it because you deserve a man who cherishes you. He is not of any worth to you.
Helpful 6
Question:
I was in a four-year relationship. He broke up with me because he does not want to be in the relationship anymore. The situation is really difficult for me because we have been living together and still are until he finds a place to stay. I’m really devastated and didn’t see it coming this way. I feel like everything around me doesn’t make sense without him in my life. How can I make it through this breakup?
Answer:
You can heal and recover from the breakup. You can get through the breakup.
The first step is to admit your ex isn't everything. You can live your life without your ex. In time, the feelings you have for your ex will start dwindling. In less than three months, you will have moved on with your life.
The situation you're living now isn't conducive to ensure you heal and recover from the breakup. You can't be living together when you're no longer in the relationship. This is because the more you see him the more you're hurt when you realize you're no longer together. In such a situation, you'll become depressed.
You have to talk to him about what to do about the situation of the two of you still staying together. You have to let him know that the two of you staying together is affecting you negatively. He can stay with a friend until he gets a place of his own.
I have written an article which guides a person how to heal and recover from a breakup. It's called 'Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.'
After he moves out, don't contact him nor receive his call/reply to his texts. Don't accept to become close friends. You should act as casual friends. You should not keep some of his things in your room. Unfriend him from social media accounts and delete/tear or store his pictures far away. This is to enable you to heal and recover from the breakup.
Every time you think about him, snap out of the thought. Tell yourself that you're no longer in the relationship with him whenever you think of him.
Search for this article 'Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.' It will instruct you how to get through the breakup.
I pray you will get through the breakup. Remember, your ex has to find a place very soon or stay with a friend of his. His continuing staying in your room will only aggravate the situation.
Helpful 5
Question:
My boyfriend impregnated another woman. I was devasted, but I said I still love him and I’m willing to support him having to support another woman’s baby. He also said he loves me more but he feels guilty and sorry for the other woman and the baby in her womb. He decided to break up with me. I feel like I need to fight for this relationship. What should I do or say to him?
Answer:
It is a lost battle. Consider the fact that he is expecting a new-born baby. He will be a father. It means a lot to him if he loves you more than the other woman he would have supported them financially while staying in the relationship with you. Again, he is already a family man.

If you want to support him in supporting his expectant girlfriend is to tell him that you love him and it hurts that he has left you for another woman. Let him know you will assist him in supporting the woman and the child. Do not plead.

But as I said before, it will be difficult to get him back. There is nothing you can do to convince him apart from showing him how much you love him, how you had envisioned the two of you together till death, and you enjoy your relationship with him.
Helpful 5
Question:
What if my boyfriend broke up with me and calls me a slut or mean names and is a jerk to me?
Answer:
You just leave him alone. You stop any communication with him. That is not a guy to be in relationship with if he can't act maturely considering he ended the relationship. His lack of controlling his tongue clearly paints a picture of how the relationship was like. Move on.
Helpful 5
Question:
We have been in a relationship for about a week, and he just texted me to say that he is no longer interested. Right now I am madly in love with him. What should I do?
Answer:
For your boyfriend to have broken up with you for a very short time shows how he's inconsiderate of you. That is a man you wouldn't want to get back to. As much as you love him, you will have to forget him and move on with your life. No need for pleading or begging for him to come back. Don't try to get him back because he doesn't treasure you. You deserve better.
Helpful 5
Question:
She ended our 10 years plus relationship. It has been difficult for me to really move on as I have never been able to go no contact for 3 successful days. This is her third time of breaking up with me. I don't know what to do again about myself. How can I change my personal view about this person who broke up with me?
Answer:
The lost time that you could...
Helpful 3
Question:
Out of the blue, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of 7 months. As soon as I said it, I regretted. I wasn’t myself. It was going through a difficult time. How do I get him back or make him trust me again after I broke his heart?
Answer:
You have to arrange with him when to meet to explain why you made that decision. It will be difficult for your boyfriend to accept your invitation because of the pain he is feeling as a result of your decision.
Call him. If he doesn't answer send him a text. Tell him it hurts you that you hurt him by making a rash decision. Let him know why you made the decision. Let him know what you were going through and how it affected the decision which you regret.
Let him know you love him. Ask for forgiveness and another chance. Let him know you are waiting for his response.
If he doesn't respond, wait a few days before you call or send him a final text asking for another chance. Again, let him know that you love him and you're patiently waiting for him. Don't beg again because you will only infuriate, annoy and hurt him the more.
If he doesn't want to get back with you, wait for more than a week before you try for the last time.
If things don't go well, it's time to accept the relationship is over. It's time to move on.
Helpful 4
Question:
He went back to his ex without breaking up with me. He's been avoiding me till I spoke to him. He couldn't explain himself better, all he said is I said something to him which means I asked for a break up and we were so cool till he disappeared. I blocked him on social media and he asked me to unblock him which I did not and he tells people we are dating while I see him with his ex girlfriend every day. Please is there a probability that he wants me back?
Answer:
It is just playing the right card at the right time. It fails on the other side expect to be approached. It doesn't make sense he has gone back to his ex and still want open communication with you. The social media act as evidence he's still with you.
I wouldn't think it's wise to accept him back to your life when he comes. Why does he want to communicate with you when he is another relationship? Again, why say you asked for a breakup when you didn't.
He will come when it doesn't go well on the other side. Social media acts as a channel to convince his friends he's still with you because of liking and commenting to each other's status and so on.
Please think whether it'll be alright to have h back when he comes back. You need to reflect and arrive at a desirable situation whether to go move on with your life or not.
Helpful 4
Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me so I moved on. My question is why she would continue to text me that she misses me, she can't and hates being apart from me then starts blaming me and pointing out my flaws. So I replied with "You left me" then she continues to insult me. And then tells me that she has a date tomorrow. I don't get it, I didn't insult her. I left her alone just as she asked of me. Why did she do that? Am I wrong for respecting her wishes? I'm hurt and confused.
Answer:
What your girlfriend is exhibiting is withdrawal symptoms. This is commonly displayed by dumpers.
She dumped. You acted cool. You were calm. You told as she wishes you'll respect her decision. You moved on with your life. She expected you would beg. You would plead. You would ask her for reconciliation, that she would come back to your life.
Your lack of response and that you seemed to deal with the breakup in a positive way got into her. While you moved on, she didn't. While you healed and recovered, she hasn't yet healed. Thus, the emotions she's displaying is, as a result, you're well off while she's struggling with her emotions. The 'I miss you,' the insulting and the blaming are a result of the fact she hasn't gotten over the breakup despite the fact she's the one who ended the relationship. As of her telling you she has a date the next day might be true or not. In most cases it's not. She wants you to know she's doing fine, she's over the relationship and you, she has a man in her life thus everything is going well in her life which isn't true.
I call it withdrawal effect because she's begun exhibiting signs related to a breakup or end of a relationship or the fact she's no longer in relationship with you.
I hope this lengthy answer provides you with an idea what goes on on a dumper's mind though it's not exhibited by all dumpers.
Helpful 4
Question:
My boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me over the phone and he wanted to be friends. What do I do?
Answer:
You can't be instant friends after breaking up. In fact you need to be casual friends but not now; several months or years after you've moved on. For now, cease any communication with your ex. Work on yourself, focus on yourself. You shouldn't look behind. Read an article I wrote, steps to heal and recover from a breakup.
Helpful 4
Question:
I was in a 2-years relationship with my boyfriend. Suddenly, he blocked me and even If I tried from another opportunity to gain access to him, he blocked me. I don't want to leave him. What should I do?
Answer:
You should leave him even though you don't want to do so. Unless you did something that warranted his behaviour, you should leave him and move on.
He blocks you without a reason. You try another way but he still blocks you. He hasn't given you a reason why he doesn't want any more interaction with you.
This is a clear sign he no longer wants to be in the relationship with you. He no longer has any feelings for you. It might be he has found another lover.
I suggest you move on with you. This person doesn't respect or think you're important in his life. Don't waste your time. Move on.
It's difficult to move on but it's the right thing to do.
Helpful 4
Question:
I took pictures in under clothes and bra and sent it to my boyfriend. He broke up with me. What should I do?
Answer:
Your boyfriend might have felt repulsed by sending a half-naked picture of you to him. He should have told you about it instead of breaking up with you.

Send him a text or call him (if he'll pick up the call) and tell him you didn't know he was repelled to such kind of a photo. Apologize. If he doesn't respond or responds negatively, cease any contact with him for two weeks.

If he doesn't respond during no contact or you contact him after two weeks but doesn't respond or responds negatively; you'll have to give up the relationship. It will be time to move on because it might be there's a deeper reason he broke up with you and not necessarily because you sent him such a photo.
Helpful 4
Question:
My ex-boyfriend recently came to see me on his birthday to ask who I'm dating, could it be he wants me back?
Answer:
Not really. That is a kind of behavior that's common in many dumpers who ended the relationship because they reunited with their ex or had found another partner. He wants to know how you're fairing, whether you've moved on. By asking whether you're dating someone, he wants to find out if you've moved on. Or, to find out which man 'stole' your heart. Again, to see whether he could take advantage of you.
I wouldn't advise you to reunite if he asks. First, he didn't tell you he had gone back to his ex. Second, it will repeat itself. It's evident he's feelings for his ex.
Helpful 4
Question:
I was in a relationship for 14 years. Now, my boyfriend blocked me and can't talk to me. I love him a lot. Please, tell me what should I do?
Answer:
Your boyfriend blocking your calls might have resulted from something you did to him which he didn't like. Something might have contributed to it.
You should find out why he blocked you. If you did something that angered him, you will need to apologise.
Since he has blocked your calls, find other alternative ways e.g. through social media or text him. You should ask for forgiveness but don't pressure him to respond. Give him time to respond. If he hasn't responded, wait for some few days then text him and arrange to meet if it is possible.
Don't startle him by visiting his place. Don't rush things. He will get annoyed and avoid you.
Helpful 4
Question:
One day when I woke up in the morning I saw a message from my girlfriend telling me she's breaking up with me without any reason. I tried her number several times but she never picked up my calls. It's 5 years now since the break up but I'm still hurt whenever I remember the memories. I still can't go on in life taking a new partner; I'm still single because I'm afraid of another break up. What is your take?
Answer:
It's sad your girlfriend broke up with you without any reason. I know you want a long-term partner. You want to have your own family. But, you can't dream of a future family when you're afraid to test the depth of a stream once again.
Hurt is inevitable. You can't run from it, but you can minimize it. I have undergone more than four relationships. In all of them, I was dumped in ridiculous ways. I felt like you did. I don't want to be in another relationship because I don't want to get hurt again. But, I learned not to allow hurt to continue its course in my life.
The most important thing is not of you'll be hurt again but how to deal with the hurt. In today's world, it takes more than two to three breakups to settle with a life partner. Even in relationships and marriages, hurt will always exist. Your partner will hurt you consciously or deliberately even in marriages and vice versa.
Don't be afraid to engage in another relationship. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. It has take you a very long time to heal. You should have healed a few months after the breakup. Let not what happened last year affect or impede you from doing what you desire because you're afraid of how the past treated you.
Stop thinking about your ex. Unfriend or block her from your social media accounts. Store away her photos or tear them or delete them if they're on your phone or computer. Let not the memory of your ex take control of you. Learn to let go so you can enjoy your life.
Helpful 4
Question:
If the lady you want to date or marry enters in arguments with you and later says "give me space," does it mean you've lost her?
Answer:
Not necessarily. She wants to have space to think a lot of things pertaining to the relationship and you. She wants to analyze the relationship and find out if it's alright to continue with the relationship or not. The decision she comes up after reflecting on the connection will determine the direction of the relationship. She might call you and discuss various things about the relationship, or, she might tell you, either through call or SMS, that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.
Sometimes people ask for space so that they can regain the peace of mind and heart resulting from the relationship, and regain energy they lost in the relationship. In rare cases, she might not text or call you to tell you she no longer wants to continue in the relationship with you. This is after reflecting on the relationship and finding no need to let you where she stands.
Thus, you should give her ample time before contacting her.
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Question:
I feel so bad about this situation. We were just getting to know each other, there was no problem. It seemed we liked each other. So apart from not understanding what went wrong I do not know what to do. I do like this guy but I can't stand with such behaviour of disappearing . What should I do?
Answer:
He applied what I call 'silent treatment.' He didn't tell you why he no longer wants to be in the relationship. He just disappears without letting you know where he stands in the relationship - in or out of it.
Four weeks is less time to build emotional bonding. In your case, you had started becoming emotionally bonded to him. But, it seemed there was more than what he said about his job worrying him.
You are hurt, you still long for him but the guy doesn't seem to respond to you. Instead, he ceases any communication with you.
I suggest you exercise no contact rule. Don't try to contact him in whatever way. Trying to get someone who just left the relationship without telling you is difficult.
You should go on with your life. Move on. It's hard but it's the only thing left. He wasn't considerate of letting you know he doesn't want to be in the relationship and providing the reason why.
It might be he was no longer interested in the relationship or maybe he found another significant one. It might be hard to know what went wrong if you didn't do anything to make him to behave in such a manner.
Just move on and you will find another man.
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Question:
What should I do? My boyfriend dumped me after 8 months of being in a relationship, 4 days before my birthday, and 2 weeks before sitting for my state Exams license. I was depressed and failed exams licensees. I tried to move on. I haven't heard much from him for 5 weeks and now he texts me and asks how I’m doing. What should I do and what are his motives?
Answer:
I'm sorry to hear you failed your exams as a result of the breakup and how depressing it was celebrating your birthday. Your boyfriend has texted you to know if you've moved on. Have you moved on are you still longing for him? Again he wants to find out if from your response there is a chance of getting back. His motive might be genuine by finding out if the breakup affected you negatively (though it's hardly the case), or it might be mockery when he finds out from your response it has been hard for you to move on or wants to know if there's a chance to get back together.
So, what should you do? Though it's hard to move on after a breakup, it's possible. I would advise you reply to him that you're not fine because his dumping you hurt you to the point you were depressed, which you are, and as a result of depression, you failed your exams. But, let him know you'll be fine because you're moving on with your life. Even though it's hard to move on you'll make it.
After you've replied don't reply to another text he sends. If you do so, you'll long for him which will increase the hurt and depression. You'll find it hard to move on. Maybe he was sorry for dumping you. It doesn't matter. You have to move on with your life. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. Read it on how you can move on after a breakup. Don't forget to thank him for everything and wish him all the best. Don't work on reviving the relationship because it will revive the the pain which will affect you negatively as you might develop acute depression. Maybe several months or years after you've healed completely you'll know if it's okay to reunite but not now when you're hurting.
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Question:
My boyfriend of almost 3 years just broke up with me 4 days ago. It really hurts me, what should I do?
Answer:
Don't beg him. If you have...
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Question:
Whenever we were together I would always think of our future. He always told me not to think about the future and that I should live in the present moment. It was clear that he wasn't going to stay in the future. I still miss him but I won't tell it to him. We don't talk anymore. We don't follow each other on social media. What should I do?
Answer:
You should move on with your life. It does hurt and his view you should live in the present not the future. While a relationship is built in the present, it is destined for the future. If there is no future in the relationship then the relationship is useless.
Don't tell him how much you love and miss him. Let him not know how you feel because he is no longer in your life.
You will get over the breakup. You will be back on your foot. Forget about him. Don't be angry at him. Don't hate him. Forgive him. Don't entertain thoughts about him.
After a month has passed, send him a short text thanking him for everything and wishing him all the best. Whether he responds or not shouldn't be your concern. Even if he replies don't respond.
I advise that you shouldn't get back together in whatever circumstance.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago and I have not responded yet because I’m sort of an emotional wreck at the moment but I want him to know that I need space and I don’t know how to say it. Any advice?
Answer:
You can take your time by not responding to your ex but it shouldn't exceed one week. I understand your predicament since you don't want to respond negatively. It's very important you don't respond negatively because it might affect you and/or your ex negatively and you might love the rest of your life blaming yourself and might develop depression and low self-esteem.
I support your decision to need some space or time before responding. This will allow the opportunity to reflect or ponder on several things concerning the failed relationship and your ex and know what to say and not to say to your ex, and what your final decision will be. Also, you will gain the strength to be emotionally stable without reacting negatively and/or desperately when you contact him.
Send him a text acknowledging the fact he ended the relationship but you won't respond to because you need your own space to ponder about the whole thing - the relationship and your ex and you - and you will get back to him after a few days. Also, you need the courage or strength to respond to him.
You can take as many days as you want to ponder about the relationship and to gain the courage and not to become needy/desperate after you tell him that you need some space. But, it shouldn't be more than a week.
Your proposal is a good decision to undertake since you don't want to react negatively, beg/plead for a reunion or become desperate/needy to have him back.
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Question:
He broke up with me the previous year without reason. Two months after that he came back and we fixed things and six months down the line he broke things off again without reason, says he doesn't feel the same way. I told him I respect his decision. I asked him if he wasn't happy. I also suggested that we do not talk for a period of time just for me to be okay. Was my response graceful or not?
Answer:
It was graceful, polite, clear and understandable considering he broke up with you for no reason, came back, ended the relationship and as it will be obvious, he will come back again to you. You need time and space to be on your own to reflect, heal and know the way forward. You did react positively which will ensure you will heal and recover quickly from the breakup.
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Question:
My boyfriend has suddenly stopped responding to my calls and messages and tells me he’s “feeling down." Despite me voicing my support and help if he needs it, he still continues to be distant. I feel like he is going to break up with me or at least wants to but is avoiding the whole situation and ignoring me instead. How can I move on if he’s not going to formally say or do something and should I hold out hope he will be mature and break up instead of leaving me in the dark?
Answer:
Exercising the no contact rule is the best option in aiding you to move on. Some people exercise silence; not sending/calling or responding to the texts or calls, otherwise known as "the cold shoulder" as a means of ending a relationship. That is what your boyfriend is trying to accomplish by being 'distant.'

You can hold on the hope he will be mature to break up with you but for how long?

The following is a tactic I used in two different situations when my girlfriends exercised cold shoulder. I stopped communicating with them for a month. In any case, it was a waste of time as they did not bother or find the need to reply to my texts. After a month, I texted them with the question of whether the relationship was over or not. They replied on the same day I sent the text that the relationship said was over, and they were seeing another man.

After a month of not communicating with your ex, ask him if he wants to break up with you then he should say so because that is what you feel and you will accept that decision. Another thing, if during the no-contact period he does not converse with you then he does not want to break up with you in a mature manner. He wants you to know what his silence implies.

While you might ask him now whether he is thinking of breaking up with you, the probability of getting a Yes answer is difficult. Wait after a month of not communicating with him because he does not want to talk to you why bother to talk back to him. The no-contact period will assist you in gaining the strength which will enable you to move on.

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Question:
I broke up with my girlfriend and went back to my previous girlfriend. Was it wrong to do that?
Answer:
What lead to the breakup with your former girlfriend that now you're getting back to her after breaking up with the current girlfriend? You can't get back to your former girlfriend unless you've good reasons, not because you haven't found another girlfriend.
You must have a valid reason why you got back to your former girlfriend. If not, the getting back won't survive. Another breakup is bound to happen. I would have advised you to take your time before getting back to her.
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Question:
My boyfriend of 11 months ended it because he says he loves me but we don’t work and we don’t get on and I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me deal with my boyfriend leaving me?
Answer:
I understand both of you don't work but it isn't a reason for your boyfriend to end the relationship. You can't dump somebody because of a lack of job. That's not love. The part of not getting along might be justifiable in some circumstances but I don't understand why he wouldn't sit down with you to solve the issues that face the relationship.
Since you are pregnant, he should be responsible. He can't escape from that responsibility even if he doesn't work. This means you need to take legal action against him to so that he can take care of the pregnancy and after the child has been born until the child reaches the age of 18. It doesn't mean you need to reconcile.
One thing that is evident is that the relationship has been faced with various problems including finances and unemployment. The last two issues usually break a relationship apart. I would suggest you don't try to ask for reconciliation because it's evident he doesn't want to get back to it.
The fact he says he loves you but doesn't want to be with you as a clear indication he doesn't want to continue in the relationship with him.
What you need to do is tell him (not ask) that he shouldn't escape from the responsibility of taking care of the pregnancy (and you) and after the child has been born. You should discuss the issue of the pregnancy and the child after he/she is born. Don't abort. If he doesn't want to own up to it, let him know you'll take legal action against him.
I wouldn't suggest you reunite because it will only make the situation worse. You'll know in the coming months whether it's better to reunite or not. As of now, the most important thing is your unborn baby.
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Question:
I was in a relationship for four months. I told him I was hurt by something he had done. I tried to explain to him why it hurt me, but the next day he broke up with me via a text message, after staying at my house the whole afternoon. I don’t know how to react to this or what to do because he told me I have changed but according to me I have not changed. What should I do about my sudden breakup?
Answer:
Your ex exhibits a personality that you will find in many men. They don't want to be told they erred, they did a mistake, they hurt their significant other.
Your ex doesn't want to accept the truth he hurt you. He believes he has never hurt you. He is good. You are bad. He has never changed. You have changed.
You shouldn't apologize because you'll be strengthening his ego. There was a lady who asked for my advice pertaining to a problem that is similar to yours. She sent her boyfriend a text. She told him that he had hurt her because he didn't wish her a happy birthday. The next day, her boyfriend sent her a breakup text. That's a male ego which you shouldn't tolerate.
I suggest you don't contact your ex for a few days. This is to reduce the tension you feel and to enable you to reflect on your ex and the failed relationship.
After the few days of not contacting him, send him a text. Don't call him. Let him know how much you love him. Tell him that the mere mention of letting him know he hurt you, he dumps you instead of accepting it shows the kind of man he is. He doesn't want to accept the truth. Wish him well. Let him know you feel very hurt the fact he hurt you but doesn't want to admit it. Instead of accepting it, he dumps you which has increased the pain you're feeling. Thank him for everything. Let him know in time, you will heal from the hurt. You will recover and you'll have gained the strength to move on.
Think about it: can you live in a relationship whereby your man hurts you but doesn't want to accept that he hurts you? Will you be bottling up the continuous hurt in silence? That's not healthy. It shows a lack of respect.
If he calls you during the no contact, well and good. If he doesn't, don't beg. He has to accept the fact.
Forgive him. Let him know you've forgiven him. But you won't accept to apologize for something that you didn't do wrong.
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Question:
I am in a six-months relationship. I feel my boyfriend doesn't want us to continue with the relationship but he doesn't want to tell me for some reason I don't know why. I feel he wants me to be the one to end the relationship. Should I give him what he wants or should I wait for him to open up? He keeps telling me that I should not leave him but his actions are showing me that he doesn't want me. Please I am confused. What should I do?
Answer:
He doesn't reply to your texts nor answers your calls yet he doesn't want you to leave him. You will have to let him know the facts. He has cut communication. Without communication, a relay can't survive or be strong. It isn't healthy. While you understand the relationship might have some effect on the relationship, cutting the communication isn't the solution. He has to know he is hurting you. His action is rude and it displays an attitude of 'I'm-not-into-this-relationship-anymore.'
You have to arrange when to meet to discuss. If he doesn't reply or answers your call, send him a text. Explain to him how you feel and why you his attitude is indicating he's no longer interested in the relationship. He has to make a stand whether he is in it or not. You are a human with feelings, dreams and goals to fulfill and things to do. If there is no constant commy however infrequent it is, you won't continue in the relationship.
You have to find a way to solve this issue. If he doesn't want to communicate through these channels, you will have to end the relationship.
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Question:
My boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me (he was my first boyfriend ever). He said he needed time and space. For the past week I’ve been hoping he’ll come back to me. What do I do?
Answer:
You should not wait hoping when he will come back because he might never come back. When a person says he needs time and space, the results of that decision, in more cases than not, is that he has already decided to move on. You should go on with your life. Don't contact him in any way. Focus on your life. It is time to move on. It is hard, but it is the last resort.
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Question:
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. We both have a son who is turning two-years-old. have never met his parents and he has never met my parents too. He came to see his son 3 times when he was 3,6 & 8 months old. I tried everything for the relationship to work but he broke up with me via text message saying he's sorry for what he has put me through and he has feelings for another girl. Should we meet up to know why my boyfriend wants to end things and also to tell him to forget about his son?
Answer:
I'm sure you want to know why he ended the relationship, and you did everything to ensure the relationship is active. But, think about this: He 'dumped' you for another girl. I wouldn't suggest you meet up with him to find out why he ended the relationship. He might even not tell you the truth so as not to hurt you.
I know you'll be psychologically tortured to know why he broke up with you. You would want to know why and what you could do to get back your ex.
It is obvious before he ended the relationship, he was seeing the other girl (maybe for a few months or weeks).
It's better you don't know because your ex used an inappropriate method to inform you of his wanting to end the relationship.
About the child, let him know through text or call him. It's sad he wasn't there for you and the child (and he is right he has put you through a lot. You had to take care of the child on your own).
Find the appropriate means to let him know he has to forget about his son (until an appropriate time if you wish so).
Don't contact him for a few days. A week is appropriate. After one week of not contacting him, contact him through text or call him and let him know of your decision (you won't allow him to see his son. He needs to forget about him until when the child would be ready to know his father).
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Question:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now. His ex suddenly turned up pregnant and he has been mute for days. What can I do to make our relationship work?
Answer:
Your boyfriend might be in a confusion state, not knowing which side to lean or he might have decided to side with the ex who is pregnant with his child.

If you pester him with calls and messages it will only infuriate him increasing his dislike of you. Even visiting him might just make him loathe you. You might not know what he is thinking. The best you can do is to send him a text letting him know you love him and want to spend your life and his together. Let him know even in the situation he is in, you still love him. End the text with that you will give him the space he needs because he has decided to remain silent towards you.

Also, you need time to think things through. You should not contact him for some days to give both of you time to reflect on your relationship. If he decides to side with his pregnant ex, there is nothing you can do because he has made up his mind to raise the child together with his mother.

After some time of not contacting him, you will know what next to do - call or text him or continue with no contact or move on with your life.
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Question:
I was in a 2 year long relationship has ended because he said we were no longer making each other happy. He’s my first love and we both suffer from mental health problems. I have depression and I’m scared of not being happy without him. Any advice?
Answer:
You can be happy without him. The first breakup always brings such thoughts.
The most important thing to remind yourself is that you have a future to live for. Your life isn't limited to the relationship.
Sometimes you'll find yourself thinking about your ex, and the thought life won't be good without him by your side. However, the feelings are a result of the emotional bonding that has been severed.
Think about people whose relationship had broken up, but they were able to sojourn on. They made it. You have to purpose to heal and recover from the breakup.
Whenever you find yourself thinking about him, tell yourself he is no longer yours. You'll need to think about other things than your ex.
You have to program your mind and tell your heart you have a life to live, and you can be happy irrespective of the breakup.
I suggest you read these articles:
1) Steps to Healing and Recovering from the Breakup
2) Things to Do and Not to Do After a Breakup
I wrote the above two articles with the intention of helping people to heal and recover from the breakup.
It's possible to be happy without your ex. Always remember that.
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Question:
My boyfriend and I have just broken up. He was my first boyfriend. It was a relatively clean break and I understand the reason. But, he still wants to be friends and is more open and friendly with me than during the recent part of our relationship. To accept we aren't together and to kill any hope of getting back together, I'd like to avoid him for awhile. The problem is that we go to the same college and live in the same project house. Do you have any advice for me?
Answer:
That's a good idea. In order not to have false expectations or deceive yourself by hoping for what is not expectable, you have to stop contacting him. You have to avoid any form of friendship - casual and platonic. When you have healed and recovered from the breakup, you can be casual friends but never platonic friends.
My suggestion: You need to sit down with your ex and explain to him. You can head to a coffee shop or someplace (a quiet place). You should let him know that you're trying to heal and recover from the breakup. As of now, you find it hard digesting the fact you're friends while a few days ago you were lovers. Thus, he needs to give you some space so that you can deal with the breakup.
It's better to be open.
You should apologize for what you're going to say before you tell him. This is to avoid causing drama or making things worse.
As far as the two of you are concerned, you are now total strangers. You barely know each other. Therefore, you should only greet each other. Nothing more. You have to let him know about this. Also, no discussing the project or any subject/topic the two of you. The discussion should involve more than the two of you.
You can study in the same class but no more chatting or discussing together. The discussions should involve others.
Be friendly. Let not your face betray your heart. Forgive him and yourself. Don't hold any bitterness or hatred. Only greet each other. Unless you're in the same group, don't talk more than basic greetings.
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Question:
I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. Recently we broke up over communication issues where we had problems understanding each other. We are traveling in 1 week and he feels that we should travel as friends and start knowing each other over as friends as we rushed into the relationship initially. I am quite confused as to if he is interested to work this out. Is he?
Answer:
You can't go back to being friends even if you rushed into the relationship. You are already in relationship, therefore, you should sit down to solve the issues that are destabilizing the relationship.
Even when people break up, they are advised not to become platonic friends.
There are two things related to your issue: either the two of you sit down to solve the issues or break up without becoming close friends. In this case, you should be casual friends.
I don't think your ex is interested in sitting down with you to solve the issue.
Helpful 2
Question:
I feel like killing myself. Should I?
Answer:
Please, don't kill yourself. Your life is precious, you deserve to live it. Don't let the breakup blind (deceive) you there is no future because you have lost the person you loved.
Consider that even before you met your partner, you were still living and enjoying/appreciating your life. You went through hardships/difficulties until you reached where you are. Life is not always pleasant. There are so many challenges and hurt along the way.
I know the pain is unbearable. You cry you wish, you feel your world has come to an end. The person you loved most is no longer with you. But, don't end your life. Believe me, you can get out of the hurt and enjoy your life. You can get back on your feet and move on.
It will take some time to heal but purpose (be determined) to get over the breakup.
When you have healed and moved on, you will no longer feel the pain and you will have forgotten your ex.
Tell yourself you deserve to live. You have to fulfill your destiny - accomplish your dream and goals. It's hard but try to forgive your ex. Delete your ex's numbers from your phone book and block your ex from your social media accounts. Tear apart your ex's photos and delete them from your phone.
Don't take sleeping pills and don't drink wine or beer. Don't think your life is miserable because it isn't. You can make it. You can overcome the pain.
Talk to your best friend or a closer friend. Let your friend know how you feel and ask your friend to be by your side.
You have come this far, you have lived this far, you have gone through a lot of challenges. Don't let the breakup negate/discourage you not to continue on.
I have been dumped more than three times but I purposed I won't be affected to the point I give up along the way. I felt the pain, the hurt but I worked on ensuring I don't feel the pain anymore. And you can make it like countless of others.
Read this article I wrote how to heal and recover from a breakup. I used these genuine techniques to heal and recover from my previous breakups, and I was able to move on. It is called 'Steps to Healing and Recovery After a Breakup.' Search for it online and I hope it will give you hope that one can get over a breakup and move on.
I hope you stay with us and that you live to fulfill your dreams and goals. You will get a better partner than your ex. When you deal with hurt, you will find there is meaning in your existence.
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Question:
My boyfriend and I broke up due to religion. He converted to our religion but he did not like our beliefs. And now he broke up with me because he couldn't take it any further and just left me alone. It sucks. I am devastated. He keeps telling me he loves me but religion can't compare his love for me that's why he's letting me go. It hurts as I thought we had a good future together and now it's all crushed dreams. What do I do now that he's broken up with me?
Answer:
Individuals who profess a certain religious belief always put religion ahead of everything as voiced in the holy books. Thus, it is difficult for a relationship to continue existing when both partners hold different beliefs. The relationship or marriage will be faced with religious issues to the extent of affecting the children. Thus, it is proper for one partner to convert his/her religious beliefs to the beliefs of his/her significant other.

In your case, it is difficult for your relationship to survive as he has made it clear he doesn't like the religion you profess. The step you can undertake now is to exercise No Contact Rule. I have written an article on that topic. This is where you cease any contact with your boyfriend unless you cannot avoid it. This is to aid you in lessening the pain you feel in your heart, to enable you to reflect in your already failed relationship and to get hold of yourself. You decide how long you should not contact him but a month is good. At the end of the no-contact period, you have to let him know, as he has already told you, that the relationship between the two of you can't continue because he does not want to convert to yours and you don't want to convert to his. It's hard a decision or step to undertake but it's the only plausible one.

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Question:
I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He recently asked me to give him some time to himself. The reason he asked me this is because he wants to concentrate on his studies as this is his second semester. He does not pick up my calls or texts, but all he does when he meets me at school is greet me and act like everything is normal. He asks me to not leave him but just give him time. I'm so confused. What should I do?
Answer:
That's not an unacceptable behavior. I don't accept his reason that the relationship is interfering with his studies. The best he could to ask to go slow in the relationship. Lack of receiving your calls or replying to your texts, then saying you shouldn't leave him when you meet doesn't make sense.
What he might not realize is that he is hurting and confusing you. He sees no problem with his action but it isn't acceptable.
You have to make your stand. You have to make it clear to him that you are a human being with feelings, a life to live, goals and dreams to fulfill and things to do. He can't say you shouldn't love him when there isn't any communication. You can't sit down through the whole semester waiting for somebody who is blaming the relationship for interfering with his studies.
It is true a relationship can interfere with studies or jobs. However, cutting communication isn't a viable solution. It is outright rude.
Send him a text since he doesn't want to receive your call. State the facts. Tell him you have to meet to discuss the fate of the relationship. If he doesn't respond, better forget him.
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Question:
I just woke up to a text message that my boyfriend needs a recess. He is still with his baby mama. What do I do?
Answer:
You should not contact him for several days as you reflect on your relationship with him. If he is still with his baby mama, it does not make sense continuing in a relationship with him even though you do love him. His love is divided between you and his baby mama. It is obvious his feelings for his baby mama is higher than yours considering the determining factor - the baby.
His royalty will always be divided. Thus, this time affords you to reflect on this matter and hopefully to leave him and move on with your life.
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Question:
I dated for 7 years. He is confused about a girl he met 3 years ago. He wants to break up and date her to clear his head but he says he still loves me. Should I still talk to him or wait for him to come back?
Answer:
You should neither talk to him nor wait for him to come back. You have been in the relationship for a lengthy period of time.
One thing that is evident is that for the past 3 years, he has been thinking a lot of the girl. This means his feelings for you were not the same before he met the girl. It simply means the feelings he has for the other girl has overshadowed the feelings he has for you.
You should accept the two of you to break up. You will feel hurt but it's the right decision to undertake. You should move on with your life.
You will get a man who loves you to the core. A man who has feelings for you only. That is what relationship is all about.
He has to 'fight' the feelings he has for the girl. When I love you, I have to ensure any feelings I have for another girl doesn't come close to the feelings he has for you.
Since he wants to clear his head by dating the girl, you should your head by moving on with your life. Never look back, never wait for him and don't accept to reunite.
If you wait for him, you will be hurting yourself. You have a life before you. Life is short, don't let it pass you by.
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Question:
We broke up and it's my fault. I begged him to stay, to give me one last chance. He said there's no more chance that even if we will be together we won't be happy like before. He's always doubting me and we will fight. I explained everything and he said he will think about it. He hasn't replied until now. What shall I do?
Answer:
One thing that he said that is the truth is that even if the two of you get together, you won't be happy like before. His feelings for you won't be strong as before meaning his love for you will have lessened. This signifies the relationship won't survive. Another break up will occur. This, it's better to stop begging him and move on with your life.
Another thing to consider is the fact he always doubts you. This isn't a good indication in a relationship. If your partner can't trust you then the relationship is useless.
The fact he hasn't responded means he doesn't want to be with you.
I suggest you should not contact him for a month. After the duration you can contact him if you still want him back. If he doesn't respond or doesn't respond positively wait a few days then contact him. If he still doesn't respond positively then move on.
Remember if he still doubts you when you reunite the relationship won't be stable.
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Question:
I was in a relationship for six years, and five months ago he shifted to another city. He has changed. He broke up with me saying that he needs peace. How should I react to it?
Answer:
Firstly, you have noticed he has changed. Secondly, there must be something that has led to the sudden change. Thirdly, you don't know whether what he is saying is true. However, the change you've noticed is enough to sound the warning bells.

He wants peace the reason he broke up with you. You should give him what he wants. Don't contact him. You'll only be hurting yourself if you intend to try to get him back. It's time to move on. It's the best remedy.

You've been in a relationship for a lengthy period. It might be hard to want to move on. But you've to. You can't trust him with your heart anymore.
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Question:
How do I initiate a telephone call with my ex?
Answer:
Start the call casually. Ask her how she's doing. There is the possibility she won't be interested in letting you know how she's doing or what's going on in her life.
However she responds, let her know you called to greet her and to know how she's fairing on. Then end the call.
The purpose of the call is not to let her know why you called. You don't want to appear needy or desperate. Thus, you should wait for a few days before you call her again. If she responds before the second call the better.
If not, call her. Start with greetings as usual then ask her when she'll be free so that you can meet. If she responds positively, the better. If not, you'll have to wait for another few days before you send her a text, no longer a call.
Helpful 2
Question:
I've been dating a guy for six months, even we talked about the future together. He had even introduced me to his kids (widower) but out of the blue, he dumps me saying he likes me a lot but not feeling it. It hurts. Not understanding why. Do I dare to hope he will come back?
Answer:
No, you shouldn't keep that hope he'll come back. Many things might have contributed to this such as: maybe his kids didn't like you and told him so, he no longer feels attracted to you or was simply experimenting and so on.
It's better you cease any communication with him. If he has not contacted you during the silent or no contact period, it's evident he'll never come back. Stop any communication with him for two weeks and see whether he'll respond but don't keep your hopes high.
If he doesn't respond send him a short text thanking him for the time you spent together and wish him all the best. But don't forget to tell him he hurt you but you'll heal and find the strength to move on. He needs to know his action has hurt you.
Helpful 2
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me through text and said he wanted time to find himself and he hopes to continue our relationship in a year or so. He said he still likes me but does he?
Answer:
Let us emphasize his words: "He likes you." Like doesn't translate to love. He just likes you because of a quality you possess which attracts you to him not that he loves you because he loves you.

Another thing, for someone to end a relationship through text shows how he despises or treats you with contempt. He should have approached you and told you so unless he lives hundreds of miles from where you stay or reside. If it is not the case, you cannot count on his love for you existing in his heart.

Lastly, don't wait patiently for a year or so for him to come back from when he 'paused' the relationship, though it's not the case since he 'stopped' it, and continue from where you left. During that period he will have changed his mind not to continue in the relationship or the relationship might end up in another breakup. Is the reason he gave for the breakup really the true reason why he ended the relationship? A year or so is a long time to wait for someone who you don't know the real reason why ended the relationship. You don't even know if the relationship will survive or he will not change his mind to engage in a relationship with another lady. Move on from the breakup. Stop thinking about him.
Helpful 2
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because I asked him if he was cheating on me as I had found evidence but couldn't tell him that. Now he’s not talking to me telling me it’s my fault. I regret this and pay for it eventually. What should I do?
Answer:
First thing, you did what was right. If you hadn't raised the issue would you have wanted to stay with a man who is continuously cheating on you but you're afraid to tell him so because you don't want the relationship to break up? Don't you see it would affect you negatively?

For him to dump you because you asked in a kind manner shows the level of respect he has for you and how much he loves you. Who knows, don't you think maybe he would have dumped you later?

Yes, you love him but think how the relationship would be staying in it with someone who is unfaithful.

You should stop any communication with him for one to two weeks. If he doesn't respond within that period, then you'll know he wasn't really in love with you. During this period work on yourself and reflect on the relationship. If he doesn't contact you make up your mind to either contact him or not. I would advise you not to and to move on with your life.
Helpful 2
Question:
Our first relationship kicked off yesterday, but he has broken up with me through a text. What should I do? Should I love him again or forget him?
Answer:
This is quite sad. You love him and you were excited when your relationship with him kicked off yesterday. But, today he broke up with you. There might be a reason why he has dumped you, but I consider it barbaric or harsh to dump you at a very short period. He has wasted your time and love you had for him. You would have better directed it somewhere.

You do still love him. You would want to continue in the relationship, but, he no longer deserves your love. Forget him because he has treated you like trash. You have your dignity, maintain it. Do not plead with him nor have any hope of getting together. It is clear he considers you of no value to him. Move on, and you will find a man who loves you not one who after a day he considers you of no value to him.

You will get along well.
Helpful 2
Question:
My on/off boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me. Two days after that he started dating a girl at work that I was concerned about anyway, and a week after that I caught them at the flat we shared together. I have struggled to cope with losing him. I have done the No Contact Rule for two weeks now and it hurts me that he just seems to be perfectly okay and has no interest in talking to me. I'm trying to be strong and confident but is it all a wasted effort because that's how I feel?
Answer:
You shouldn't mind your boyfriend anymore. There is no need of doing No Contact Rule to get your ex back. After breaking up with you, he starts dating a girl at work. Worse still, it happens two days after the breakup. What does this signify?
He hasn't any feelings for you. He doesn't want to be with you. You have to forget him and move on with your life. It is all a wasted effort doing the no contact for the sole purpose of getting him back. He looks satisfied where he is.
Maintain the two qualities of being strong and confident. Realize he is no longer yours. You'll get another one who treasures you. Not like your ex who dumps you and straight away gets into another relationship.
I know you love him so much but You've to stop thinking about him. You've to concentrate on your life. It will hurt seeing the two but you can get over the pain.
Employ the No Contact Rule to enable to heal and recover from the breakup.
I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup: Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup. That's what you should be aiming for.
Helpful 2
Question:
Things are not the same at all. I don’t know if it’s because of what recently happened, but I can’t see us being like we were before. Everything just seems messed up. I don’t think it’s timing. I think we both grew out of love. I don’t know if we were both accommodative in love or it was fate. I wouldn’t personally call it lust. But things are different, and this is what’s on my mind. What should I do?
Answer:
There might be various factors that have led to what your relationship is currently going through. It might just be one or several of them. It might be that you grew out of love.

In the current situation you're in I would advise you to stop any communication with your partner. Let your partner know you need time to be alone with your thoughts thus you shouldn't communicate with each other until you feel there is a reason to do so. When you don't communicate with your partner, it will afford you time to reflect on the relationship without letting emotions assist you in analyzing the relationship.

It is difficult to think clearly if you're still in contact with your partner. You need ample time, not one or two weeks but preferably a month. You will have cooled down, in control of your emotions and able to analyze the relationship soberly.

At the end of no contact rule or when you feel you should cease remaining silent, you will have known whether there is a chance of reviving the relationship or move on.

But from the way I see it, there is no point of reviving the relationship as it will not be in its former glory. In any case, it is better to exercise no contact rule for a minimum of one month.
Helpful 2
Question:
I'm in a 8-year relationship. I cheated via a dating app and was caught out by my boyfriend. We live together however he wants a breakup. I don't want to accept and worst of all we stay in the same house. I don't know how to handle this. He blocked me from all social media sites. We don't talk and we didn't do the final chat since he didn't want to. What is the best thing for me to do right now?
Answer:
He wants a breakup you don't want to. I believe you've tried to explain to him and have promised it will never happen again - you'll be faithful in the relationship - but he doesn't want to. To complicate matters, you stay in the same house and he doesn't want to talk to you.
It is usually very difficult for a person to forgive their partner when they have been unfaithful. You'll have to find means of asking for another chance to display your faithfulness to the relationship and love for him. You can write a letter. However, you should be careful to avoid any form of confrontation or fights. Also, you shouldn't beg or plead a lot since you'll turn him off.
You might want to indicate in the letter or through text or when you call him (whichever you choose though in this situation written texts are better than calling) that you love him. You have to prove this. It's a fact he is hurt which you will have to consider. Then, let him know that you are waiting for him patiently because you don't want to lose him.
You want contact him or beg or plead because you'll annoy him which will aggravate the situation. You will have to exercise no contact. It is during those silent days you'll know whether he has already made up his mind to move on by not contacting you. It means he is firm with his decision. It's difficult to convince someone who has already made up his mind to follow through his decision.
Helpful 2
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because I am a Hindu and he is a Muslim. He gave up on me without even talking about our relationship to his parents. He just broke up. I still love him and want to be with him. What will I do?
Answer:
Your boyfriend broke up with you because you're a Hindu and he is a Muslim. It is evident your ex wants his future wife to be a Muslim. You'll have to decide whether to convert into Islamic or remain a Hindu. If you remain a Hindu, there is no possibility of getting your ex back. You'll have to forget him.
Thus, think carefully if you would like to give up your religion for another in the name of love.
Helpful 2
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me after I heard he was cheating on me. He said he wants to break up because he wants me to be happy and doesn't want to see me crying, but I think there is more to it. It still hurts because I sacrificed a lot for him. I don't think I can get through the pain. What else can I do?
Answer:
You can get through the pain. It will take time, but you will get over it if you focus on yourself. You will have to stop any communication with him and unfriend or block him from your social accounts. Forgive him and remind yourself always that you deserve better. You need to move on. Accept the relationship is over, don't hold any grudge against him and when you feel like wanting to get back to him or you think about him; snap out of it and emphasize to yourself the relationship is over you need to move on. It might be good to send him a text thanking him for everything and wishing him all the best. This will greatly aid in the healing process. You will feel the pain but remember it will not last long. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. You might want to check on them.
Helpful 1
Question:
I can’t seem to let go after being broken up with. We both live in the same apartment, and our lease ends in about seven months. What should I do?
Answer:
You have to let go. You have to move. It's the only way of initiating the healing process and ensuring recovery so you can move on. When you keep on clinging to him, you're self-destructing yourself. You'll become depressed and develop low self-esteem. You'll not live your life, and you'll arrive at a point you'll decide to end your life.
Leave him at that place. Go and stay with your friend or family member for some time. It will assist you a lot in finding the strength to move on.
Listen to your tears. They're tears of pain, of wanting to move on but not heading their plea. It's a hard decision, but it's for your own best. Tell him you're moving out. Don't carry all the things. Carry the most important ones. Thank him for everything and wish him the best.
A few weeks before the lease ends, go with your friend or family member and take your things. By the time you return to take your things, you'll have already healed and moved on with your life.
When you move out, don't call or text him in any way. You should cease any form of contact. Only greetings and talk if necessity requires it, e.g., you work in the same place.
Helpful 1
Question:
I was in an 8-day relationship (I know it's not long at all) but he is literally telling his friends to gang up on me and this other guy (we are just friends) and he dumped me via instagram messages. What should I do?
Answer:
That's a very short time for a partner to end a relationship. It just shows even if the two of you reunited, the reunion would be pointless. It would end in another breakup.
Stop following him on Instagram, and block him from you social media accounts. Cease any communication with him and have nothing to do with him anymore.
Your ex is manifesting lack of maturity in a relationship. The extent of his asking his friends to gang up on you and your friend clearly indicates his personality. Also, it shows how he can't contain his jealousy and his controlling or domineering personality. You're better off without him.
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend wants to break up with me because his ex told him she is pregnant and is responsible for it. How long should I wait for the breakup? He told me that he wants some time to think about it and take the necessary decision.
Answer:
An average of two weeks is recommendable to wait for the breakup. If your boyfriend hasn't yet decided within that duration, you should contact him.
In this duration (2 weeks), you will have absorbed the reality of the breakup and prepared yourself to respond positively to the breakup if that's his decision. Also, the time will afford you to reflect on whether you'll be comfortable with continuing in the relationship with him knowing there is a woman who has his child.
Helpful 1
Question:
I was with my girlfriend for 3 months and everything seemed to be going well. We chatted often on the phone and saw each other regularly. In the last few weeks she seemed to become more distant and then she broke up with me by a text message and never replied back to my message and then blocked me on everything. What's the best way to move on as I'm hurt that she would do that to me as everything seemed fine. Should I try to contact her?
Answer:
There are people who end their relationships in a cold turkey manner. They don't tell their significant other they don't want to continue in the relationship. There might be other reasons that might lead her to break up with you without providing the reason why she arrived at that decision. Did you do something that might have lead her to react in that manner? Maybe she found another person.
Why not send her a text expressing your feelings - how you feel about the situation. Let her know since she has blocked you and doesn't reply to your texts, you won't bother her. She has made a decision, you're will respect it. You wish her all the best and thank her for the time you spent together. You're hurt by her decision whereby she hasn't even given you a reason for ending the relationship. You won't bother her anymore. Though you're hurt, you will try your level best to move on. It will be difficult but there is nothing more you can do.
It's best you move on. Don't try to get her back until she feels the need to do.
I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. You can search it on any search engine e.g. Google or on this site. It's called 'Steps to Healing and Recovery after a Breakup.'
Helpful 1
Question:
I was in a one-year relationship. His parents, as well as mine, knew it, but he broke up with me. I still miss him and stalk his account and talk to his family. What should I do?
Answer:
While I may not know the reason why he broke up with you, you have to stop stalking him. You are only hurting yourself the more and don't want to acknowledge the relationship no longer exists. You will have to stop contacting his parents for the time being until you have recovered from the breakup and moved on.
Unfriend him from your Facebook account, if it is the case, and store away his number if you have been chatting on Whatsapp. You should employ no contact rule for a month so you can think clearly and reflect on the relationship. Again, it will aid you in the healing process, recovering and moving on. At the end of one month, you will know what to do, but it is better you do not get back at him. You have to move on with your life. The most important thing is to stop any contact and stalking so you can find your feet to move on.
However, if the breakup was a result of a minor issue, you can contact him and mend things after ending no contact after a month. But be prepared if the response will be negative. You will have to accept and move on.
Helpful 1
Question:
I was in a relationship for two months. He was the one who approached first and eventually I agreed. It was my first relationship and I was his 4th girlfriend. Things were going well but he used to get angry for small things. We had a fight. We didn't speak for a week. Later, when I tried to talk to him he ended up insulting me, calling me desperate. What should I do?
Answer:
You should not contact him any more. I suggest you move on though I know you love him. But, if he can insult you and call you desperate then it won't be a good thing to reunite with him. This is in addition to him getting mad for small things. If he can't deal maturely with the small things that crop in the relationship, then the relationship will always be faced with unending fights and unresolved issues.
It hurts since it's your first relationship but you can make it. It will take time to heal and recover bit purpose to move on. Forgive him. Don't entertain negative emotions such as anger and hatred.
Helpful 1
Question:
I met my ex on a matrimonial site. We talked over call for 2 months before the breakup. We were about to meet. We had only small fights over call and suddenly he told me that we are not compatible for marriage. I got attached to him and really wanted to marry him. What should I do now?
Answer:
It's difficult to revive the relationship because you've never met, the length of the relationship was short and you're still far away from each other. The person wouldn't bother to reunite with you because you have never met. He wouldn't see the need to reconcile or work out on solving what you were always fighting about.
You can wait for a few days (3-5) before contacting him. I suggest you send him an online text e.g. through email or text on his WhatsApp number.
Don't be needy or desperate when you contact him. Ask him to give the relationship another chance. You can work out on solving the issues that led to the 'death' of the relationship.
If he doesn't respond or doesn't want to reconcile, it's time to move on. Thank him for the short time you've known each other and move on.
The demerit of a long-distance relationship is that it's very difficult for the failed relationship to reunite after the breakup. This is especially the case when you've been in the relationship for a shorter period of time.
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend said he needs time to have a rethink about our relationship, please what should I do?
Answer:
You should give him the time he needs to rethink about the relationship. Forcing or begging him not to leave won't help in making the matter become better. This is because even if he agrees to stay, it might create problems in the relationship. You should accept his decision because you might also need the time to reflect on the relationship.
Remember to tell him that you hope he will make wise decision after rethinking about the relationship. Let him know that you do love him and hope you will spend your lives together because that's what you've always wanted.
Helpful 1
Question:
I’ve been in a 10-year relationship and out of the blues my boyfriend broke it off stating that he wants me to marry someone else because he can’t offer me marriage. I’m a bit perplexed because he himself wanted our union from the onset. I took a lot of everything from him and now he’s gone happy like I never existed. I think I’m a bad person...am I a bad person?
Answer:
You have been in the relationship for 10 years. That is a lengthy period of time you've had the relationship with your ex. You were happily looking forward to when you would get married to your ex. But, out of the blue, he ends the relationship. He says that you're better off married to another man.
This doesn't make you bad. You're not bad. It might be there were some things in the relationship that might have led your ex to break up with you. However, no one is perfect. Even your ex is to be blamed for the demise of the relationship.
In fact, your ex is the one accountable for the breakup and hurting you. Why did he wait all those years to end the relationship when you strongly emotionally bonded to him?
Don't blame yourself. Don't blame your ex. Admit the relationship is over. If there are things in your life that need to be changed, it's better you do so.
Remember, a person isn't bad because of their weaknesses. A person is bad if they don't change their negative behaviours/attitudes. A person is bad if they are unfaithful, lack respect and doesn't care. The person doesn't want to change or admit they are wrong.
You have stayed in the relationship for long and were looking forward to getting married. This doesn't make you bad. It has made you a victim.
What to do? Don't contact your ex. It's time to allow the healing process to begin. It's time to move on. You have to move on.
Helpful 1
Question:
I was seeing a guy for a month. He kept telling me how much he really liked me. I got the silent treatment for a couple of days when I didn't reply to a text. I asked him if he didn't want to see me any longer to just tell me. He said "Ok, that's fine. I think it's best." I asked him why and he replied 'Trust, distance..."I don't trust anyone, it's not your fault." I responded how I felt and that I hoped he would reconsider and give us another chance. Is there any way to repair this?
Answer:
That is a case of anger. He is angry because you didn't reply to his text. You did the right thing to ask him if he didn't want to see you anymore.
Another reason for his reaction is that you don't see each other often. He feels your lack of replying might be because you were seeing another person. You told him how you felt.
You should not force things. Send him a text. Let him know how much you love him, he is the only person in your life, how you feel resulting from his response to your text, and if you can meet or arrange when to talk so you can straighten things.
If he doesn't respond, don't bother him. Wait a few days and send him another text or call him. If he doesn't respond to your third attempt wait another few days. If he still doesn't respond in the period of silence, send him a text how you feel, you won't bother him anymore and you wish him all the best. It is time to move on with your life.
Helpful 1
Question:
I have been seeing a guy for 2 months. When I told him I wanted things to be more serious and that we should be official, he basically said he never wanted a relationship in the first place. I don't know what I should do because he has led me on and used me this whole time. What should I do?
Answer:
It's sad how your boyfriend has used you. You should distance yourself from him by cutting any form of communication with him. Don't call, text or communicate with him online. You should go cold-turkey away. He doesn't deserve you for the way he has treated you. If he tries to communicate with you ignore him. If he persists tell him you want time alone to settle your mind. After not contacting him, in your case, for two weeks send him a text you're moving on with your life. Let him know you loved him but he used you and took your love for granted. He should have told you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Thank him for everything including using you.

Don't get back at him. Move on with your life. It is hurting but by not communicating with him for 2 weeks you will allow the healing process to begin which will enable you to gain the strength to move on. During this period don't engage in thinking about him and the good things you shared. Act as if you have never known that person.
Helpful 1
Question:
We dated for 5 months but he was too busy with his work, then he ended things because of our constant arguments. He said that he will date again when he finds a proper job. What can I do?
Answer:
I find it hard to believe he will date you again once he gets a proper job. When will he get the proper job? Will you wait for three years so that he begins dating you again? That's being undervalued and degraded.
I believe the constant argument was about his being busy at work leaving little room for love to blossom.
I can't tell you, "When I get a good job, I will date you again." It's an insult. Move on. Forget about him. Don't contact him.
You may send him a final text. Let him know you appreciate the time you spent together, and if it's true what he said, time will tell.
If he ever contacts you in the future, examine him carefully so that you don't end in the same pit again.
Helpful 1
Question:
What if you have a 1st girlfriend, you break up with her then you find another one. You break up with her too. Afterwards, you realise that you love her. You ask her to reconcile but she asks you why it should be right now after you dumped your ex in less than a month. What should I reply?
Answer:
It will be quite hard to come up with an explanation (in your case, an excuse) why you want to reunite with her when a month is barely over from when you dumped your ex.
You can tell her the path between you and your ex wasn't heading in the same direction and you weren't quite compatible with each other. You found out that her aspirations concerning the marriage were different from yours.
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous when I talk to other boys. What should I do?
Answer:
Don't contact your boyfriend for a week or so to give him time to cool down. During this period also consider whether you will continue in the relationship with him. Since he feels jealous when you talk to other boys, would you want to continue in the relationship with him and stop talking to other boys? Of course it cannot work that way.

After a period of no contact, when you have reflected on the above, you will have come to an answer on what to do next. It might be you want to continue in the relationship, contact him and tell him to stop being jealous, or move on. If you decide to continue in the relationship, you need to sit down with him and talk about the jealousy issue. Remember it will affect you negatively and the relationship if it exists negatively in the relationship.
Helpful 1
Question:
After four years of being in the relationship, my girlfriend broke up the relationship because her parents don't want her to get married to someone else. What should I do?
Answer:
Since her parents influenced her that led to the end of the relationship, it's difficult to get her back. My advice is that you should move on. However, if you want to try your lack you shouldn't contact her for two weeks. At the end of two weeks call her and try to convince her why her parents shouldn't influence her who she should get married to. If she doesn't accept you have to move on with your life. You will find another one.
Helpful 1
Question:
After seven years in a relationship, she dumped me. What should I do?
Answer:
That is a long relationship for the lady to come to such a conclusion. There are cases like yours and it is difficult to digest in.
I don't know which reason might have led to the breakup but you should exercise no contact. Don't contact her for a month as you reflect on the relationship and do what is needed to ensure you heal and recover from the breakup. Let her know you want to employ no contact.
At the end of no contact period, you will have a clear perspective on whether you should try to get her back or move on with your life.
The reason for the breakup might depend on whether a reunion is possible or not.
Helpful 1
Question:
What do I do when my ex starts smoking?
Answer:
You should approach the subject in a polite manner. Let him know you don't like the fact he is smoking or let him know how you feel about it. If he begins objecting, don't engage in a fight or in arguing about it. Just let him know as a matter of fact. If he continues smoking, let him know if he continues to smoke you'll get out of the relationship. If he doesn't call the shots - get out of the relationship.
Helpful 1
Question:
how can I control myself after the break up with my boyfriend?
Answer:
1) Don't contact him. Delete his phone numbers and block/unfriend him from your social media sites. This will prevent you from the need to call him or look at what he has posted and his photos. You should also store away his photos or tear them or burn them.
2) your heart is the one that is mostly heart because it's the one that fell in love with your ex. Always tell yourself the relationship is over; you've to move on.
3) When you think about your ex, snap out of it very fast. Tell yourself that you've to stop thinking about him. He is no longer in your life. You've to move on without him.
4) If you've anything that belongs to him, store it away/return to him or burn or destroy them. His things will always remind you of him as long as you've them.
5) Whenever you meet each other, whether at school or workplace, fight the need to ask for a reunion or to beg him to take you back. Greet him by trying hard to smile and then go your way. When you feel you want to talk him, fight the urge by reminding yourself you've to move on, you've stop behaving childishly, he's no longer in your life.
6) If you still hate your ex and you're bitter towards him, deal with those emotions. Stop hating and being angry at him. They will make it hard for you to heal and recover from the breakup and to move on. You won't be able to control yourself and you would wish to be around him.
7) If you feel like crying, cry as much as you can when alone. This is nature's way of dealing with hurt. After you've cried, tell yourself, "Relax. Now, smile and remember you're no longer with your ex. Don't behave as if you're with your ex. You've to heal and recover from the breakup. Do all you can to ensure you have healed and recovered from the breakup."
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. He still loves and cares about me but says we can’t be together. Is there any chance we could have a future in time?
Answer:
I don't think it's possible is there a chance of reuniting in the future. When a man breaks up with a woman but tells the woman that he still loves her, it's an indication that the feelings the man has for the woman are not the same feelings he had for her at the beginning of the relationship.
The love he has for you isn't a guarantee that he loves you the same way he loved you during the relationship. He loves you as a friend.
There is a possibility of getting back together but it isn't a guarantee.
It's best you move on with your life. Concentrate on your things. If you get another man, well and good. If it happens you get back with your ex, no problem but be sure it won't end up in another breakup. Don't concentrate on your boyfriend or wait for the possibility of getting together. It's a wastage of time.
Helpful 1
Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me over text out of the blue; he said he suddenly didn't feel the same. It hurt me but I was calm and emotionless, and it started to freak him out. I told him I was fine and that everything is okay. He thinks I might be depressed and suicidal. Should I have shown more emotion?
Answer:
No. That was just fine and enough. He thinks you might be depressed and suicidal because it is a characteristic experienced by a minority of people who are depressed or thinking about suicide. You just carry the same attitude that it does not matter, you will still find your feet to move on. Your ex never expected your reaction which is the reason for his comment. Don't show more emotion. It might be good to tell him that it hurts but you will move on, and don't forget to thank him for everything.
Helpful 1
Question:
My ex is still chatting me up. Sincerely, I have to let her go. How do I react to my ex's charms?
Answer:
Since you don't want to get back with her, you'll have to let her know that the communication between the two of you has to come to an end.
When you reply to her texts, she gains the courage to send more. You'll have to stop replying to her texts.
Let her know (politely) that you don't intend to get back with her. It's evident she hasn't recovered from the breakup. Thus, you have to talk to her politely but firmly.
Let her know you won't reply to any of her texts. You won't communicate to her anymore and that she needs to forget about the relationship - it won't work out.
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Question:
She broke up with me after 9 months of dating. We were preparing for marriage but yesterday she told she doesn’t love me. She told me in the 9 months we have been dating, she has struggled to love me. What I don’t understand is, in the first 6 months, her behaviour and her words were I love you. Now she doesn’t. What should I do?
Answer:
It seems your girlfriend was pretending she loved you for the six months which is a common phenomenon. It might be she loved but was either forcing herself or her feelings for you began fading.
You should arrange a day (after not contacting her for a few days) to talk through the issue. If she agrees and maintains her stance, you'll have to accept it. If she doesn't respond to meeting each other, wait for another few days before contacting her. Later, ask her to meet and talk. If she still refuses, it's time to move on.
However, it's evident something might have led her to no longer have feelings for you or she never loved you from the beginning.
I would suggest you accept the fact and move on with your life. It's difficult but you can make it.
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Question:
He just broke up with me because he said it's not the right time and he is dealing with a lot of difficult situations e.g. financially and a family member is unconscious. I don't know how to respond to him. I want to know, is there anything to do with me?
Answer:
I'm not sure if you've responded to your ex because I've been late in replying to your question.
His reasons might be genuine. Many men don't want to commit in relationship or marriage when almost everything doesn't seem to go well in their lives. They feel they don't want to be able to take care of their partners and their future children.
Nonetheless, that is not justifiable reason because he should have involved you and the two of you would have known what to do e.g. going slow in the relationship.
On the other hand, it might not be genuine. Maybe he didn't want to be in the relationship.
The only way you can know if his reasons are genuine is by looking back at the relationship. By reflecting on the relationship, you will know if there was something that led to the breakup. Was there a change in his behaviour or attitude? Was the relationship faced with war of words?
If you've not responded, you can tell him you've received his message of the breakup but you'll unable to respond to it. Therefore, he should give you time to digest the information. After one week, you can respond to him. After this period of reflection, you can contact him and tell him you've thought over his decision to end the relationship. If he can't give the relationship another try or to can go slow in the relationship, you won't force him.
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Question:
I'm terrified and almost physically nauseous thinking about my boyfriend breaking up with me (it's going to happen today). We've been together for 5 years. I'm attempting to breathe and calm down yet I'm really panicking! I've already put it off and tried to avoid him to give myself time and delay the inevitable, yet I can't do that any longer. How do I calm down when I start to disassociate and bawl any time I see him? I can't face him like this.
Answer:
You can't delay the inevitable any further. It's time to accept it is about to happen. From your description, you have admitted the relationship is about to end. This is the first step in acting positively during the breakup.
Breathe in and out several times as a way of calming yourself. Tell yourself and believe so that you won't act negatively. You will cry but you won't raise your voice.
When you see him, reinforce the thought "You have to stand strong. You have to accept it. You have to respond positively. It's for your own good."
It's better you cry letting tears have their way. This will lessen the negative emotions that might explode.
You might want to look down. When you look at his face, you will let down your guard to exercise self-control. You can look down nodding your head in agreement. You can say, "Yes, I understand." And, don't talk about anything else. A day after he leaves you can text him. You can let him know you didn't talk much because you didn't want to act negatively. You will let him know you have accepted it. Thank him for everything.
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Question:
My boyfriend said he had a dream and that we are not meant for ourselves so we should break up, what should I do?
Answer:
It is evident your boyfriend wants to break up with you.
You should request him to give you two weeks to think about it. In this period, don't contact him in any way. Ask him not to contact you during that period.
This is to allow you to prepare for the breakup so that when the breakup happens, you'll act positively which will enable you to heal and recover quickly from the breakup.
You shouldn't beg him not to break up with you. This is because once a person has decided to break up with you, even if you insist and he remains in the relationship, the relationship will be faced with problems that will result in a breakup.
After the two-weeks period, contact him and tell him that you're ready to break up.
For a person to say he has dreamt it, it is a sure sign he wants to get out of the relationship. Don't force him to stay in the relationship.
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Question:
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. Our relationship had not yet been defined though we acted like lovers since we had intimacy several times. I told him to define our relationship. He took a week and today he has told me that he's breaking up with me. How do I respond in a mature manner?
Answer:
I'm glad you reached a point whereby you wanted to know the status of the relationship.
You have to decide which mode of communication will best suit you in this situation: in person, through call or through text.
Before you respond, take a few days to compose yourself (not faking). Three days to a week might be appropriate. During this period, accept the breakup happened, the relationship is over, you've to do what is needed to heal and recover from the breakup and that you have to move on.
Tell yourself that you won't yell at him even though you're hurt. You will weep but you won't cause any drama. You won't say a lot but what needs to be said. You can tell him how you feel but in time you'll get better. Thank him and say you would like to go.
You might want to respond through text if you find it difficult to react positively when you meet him.
If you would like to meet him, you can do it in open e.g. a park or cafe whereby the environment will make you restrain from reacting immaturely.
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Question:
It's my second year of dating but he keeps breaking up and getting back after I plead, I think have tried all this. What should I do?
Answer:
I don't think you should continue with this relationship. It is a toxic (unhealthy) relationship.
It appears you're the one who cares about the relationship. He is the one who is calling the shots when things don't go well in the relationship. It is until you plead that's when he accepts the relationship to move on.
What you might not realize is that you're hurting yourself. In the process, your 'heart' is breaking little by little. It will reach a point you will be adversely affected psychologically which will affect your physical wellbeing when he breaks up with you or things turn out ugly in the relationship.
Again, the frequent breakups cast doubt on the success of a marriage. A divorce or separation is inevitable because when things went wrong in the relationship, your boyfriend opted to end it.
You will have to sit down and reflect on the relationship. Do you want to continue on in that kind of relationship even though you love him? Isn't it possible to move on? Isn't there a possibility you will fall in love once again after the breakup?
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Question:
Hi. I was in contact with this guy for about four months. We were not officially dating. He was hot and cold. Now, suddenly, he has blocked me without any closure. What could be the possible reason?
Answer:
There are two possible reasons: he no longer has feelings for you or he doesn't want to talk to you for some time. The first reason seems to be the most probable reason he has blocked you. It might also be he is seeing another lady. It's hard to know but as indicated above, in most cases is that it's a form of a breakup. Some people end the relationship by blocking their partner from getting access to them.
If there is something you did wrong, it might also be a reason. However, this is hardly the case.
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Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. We had our problems, with communication and it would be hard to get reassurance from her. But when she ended things I was a bit dramatic. I didn’t want her to go, and I still want her in my life. What do I do?
Answer:
You should not contact her for a minimum of two weeks. After that, contact her by calling or sending a text. As for now, you have to let her calm because how you reacted when she broke up with you might be affecting her negatively. Let her cool and recollect herself then you can try your luck by contacting her.
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Question:
How do you get over your ex when you see him every other day at work?
Answer:
It requires determination and discipline that you'll not break down, you'll not entertain thoughts about your ex and you'll do everything to heal and recover from the breakup.
You'll need to put a brave face when you greet each other or work together on a certain project or task. Tell yourself over and over he is not your boyfriend thus you don't need to become emotional or wish you're still in love with him.
Don't pretend you're doing fine. Act like you're doing fine.
Whenever the thoughts about pop up in your mind, snap out of the thoughts and tell yourself you are not supposed to think about him. Avoid 'stealing' glances at him.
Don't talk much. Only greetings and talk about work. Refuse any offer he has for you like a cup of coffee but do so politely.
It will be an uphill task but it is possible to heal and recover from the breakup and move on.
I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. You might want to check it out: Steps to Healing and Recovering from a Breakup.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me saying that he was confused and also wants to concentrate on his exam, that he will come back after the exam. What should I do?
Answer:
Your boyfriend is confused. He's confused about the relationship. Again your relationship, as he sees it, is affecting his studies. Thus, he feels he'll fail in his exams if he continues it for the time being. After he completes the exam, he will come back.
You don't have to end a relationship because of an upcoming exam. He should have asked in a kind way if you shouldn't chat frequently for some time or take the relationship slowly so that he can study for his exams. Or, you might have worked out on what to do so that the relationship doesn't affect his sitting for the exams.
He was confused. If someone is confused about a relationship, it's better not to continue in the relationship. It simply means he doesn't know whether he should be in it or out. Who knows? After the exam, you might not hear from you.
Since you are partners, he should have asked for your advice. Then, the two of you would have come up with how to go about the exams and his confusion about the relationship.
You should accept his decision. You should move on with your life. Let him know you won't object to it because that's what he wants and you can't force him. But, it hurts that he can end the relationship because of exams and that he's confused about the relationship. You will move on and if you were meant to be together, it will be known by then. Wish him all the best in his exams.
It's time you move on.
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Question:
The girl I've been seeing for about 2 months just texted me saying she's ending things with me cause she thought I was 21 which showed on my dating app. She thinks I lied to her. I tried explaining that I had completely forgotten the age I had indicated there. She said it's over. What do I do about my ex thinking I lied to her? I am really anxious because we connected so well.
Answer:
It will be very difficult to get her back because she thinks you lied about your age so as to seduce her or others. You can try but I don't think she will believe you about it. People don't like being taken advantage of or being lied to. Even if it was accidental, it is difficult for someone to believe you. I suggest you don't contact her for a few days. Afterward, contact her and try your best (in a calm voice to explain). If she still insists (or doesn't answer or reply to your text) she doesn't want anything to do with you, you will have to accept it's over.
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Question:
My ex told me that he trusted me but just recently he broke up with me. His reason was he didn't trust me anymore and that he didn't want to be in a relationship. He was tired of worrying if I was talking to other people even when I wasn't. What should I do?
Answer:
Your boyfriend is insecure. This is when a person assumes their other significant ones are having an external relationship when it isn't the case.
Since he broke up with you, the best option is to contact him. I would prefer text over the call. Let him know how you were faithful to the relationship. Let him know how much you love him and how much he has hurt you for something you didn't do.
Ask him to reconsider his decision/the relationship once again. To give the relationship another chance because what he had said about isn't true.
If he doesn't respond for a few days or responds negatively, exercise no contact rule.
Don't contact him because it won't be worthy to do so. Even if you reunite but still he distrusts you, the relationship will break up again. He had to gain your respect. You can't force it to him but you can show him through your words that you were never unfaithful. It's up to him to believe you or not. You can't insist too much.
After a month of silence, contact him if you still want to try. If he is still adamant not to get back with you, it's time to move on.
During the no contact, reflect whether you would like to get back with your ex. When you determine that you want to get back with him, don't be depressed when he refuses. It's an indication you need to move on.
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Question:
My relationship ended because he is three years younger than me and has not had his friend/partying/live life period yet. We are not friends but we still do care about each other and respect each other. None of us believe that couples who break up can get back together again, but in our situation, we both hope for that and have told each other that. Is it best to cut off completely, or to have low-frequency respectful contact from now?
Answer:
It is best you don't contact each other until each one of you has healed and recovered from the breakup/divorce and has moved on. Until then, you have to cease any contact with him. When you keep in contact, you'll be reminded of the relationship, will wish the relationship shouldn't have broken up, you'll be thinking about him and in the process the thoughts and the longing will further deepen the wound that hasn't healed.
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Question:
I was engaged in a 5-year affair with someone, and one year ago we both left our partners to be together. It has been a wonderful year together, (we knew each other from grade school, we were 11). Last week he broke up with me saying he shouldn't have rushed right back into a relationship! I have not contacted him and was very mature when he broke up with me, we are both close to 60. Is there hope for us?
Answer:
I don't think there is any hope of reuniting again. The reason mostly lies on your ex. He claimed that he shouldn't have rushed back into the relationship. Maybe the flame he felt for you was quickly diminished. He wished to go back to his former ex.
You did handle the breakup maturely. Now, you will have to move on with your life.
Even if you get together, the relationship might lead to another breakup. This is because your ex had regretted rushing back to the relationship.
It will also be difficult to get back with your ex before you broke up to be with your childhood sweetheart.
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Question:
We dated for almost 3 years and 4 days ago he broke up with me out of a political and racism argument. He always breaks up with me whenever he can’t stand the arguments and confrontations, so we are usually in an on and off rollercoaster. I still had packages sent over to his condo before the breakup. How should I act upon picking up packages from my ex-boyfriend's condo?
Answer:
The lack of responding to an...
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Question:
My boyfriend said we should take a break because he wants to find himself again. I was fine with that until I arrived at home. He had sent a text that says, "I don't love you, I lied. That was not a break but a break-up." The next morning he sent a voice note saying he's sorry for everything he said the previous day; he would like to meet with me and fix things. What should I do?
Answer:
Your ex sent you three conflicting messages: he would like a break, it was a breakup not a break, and he's sorry for what he said. He wants to meet you to explain why he reacted in such a manner and would like to get back with you.
His second message hurt you. It broke your heart and to make matters, you got confused when he said he would like to meet with you to fix whatever led to the breakup.
For now, it would be better if you ask him to give you three days to calm your mind and heart. During this period, you should reflect about the relationship, your ex and you in it. Would you like to get back with him? If yes, why? If no, why?
After the three days, contact him and arrange when to meet.
Remember, the three days is not only to reflect about the relationship but also to still your mind. You don't want to react negatively when you meet him or after giving his reasons for his reactions e.g. shouting. You want to have a clear perspective of the relationship (and whether you'd like to continue in it) and also be able to state your side without being too emotional.
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Question:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, but he had never planned a day to call me since we’ve known each other for like a year. I complained to him about this, but he always says things will be fine but it's not. I asked him one day if he still loves me and he said I’m just his friend nothing more. What should I do because I don't know what to make of this?
Answer:
Forget him and move on with your life. Don't bother with him. Don't communicate with him. The fact he has never called you clearly shows he has never loved you. Maybe he was using you if you've been sleeping together. You have to end the relationship.
I know you're hurt because of his inconsideration and the fact he isn't remorseful in telling you that you're only friends.
Stop communicating with him for a few days. Two weeks is better. Take time to calm your thoughts. Find in your heart the need to forgive him. Then after two weeks, send him a text and tell him thank you for everything and you wish him the best.
Never go back to the relationship even if he insists when he realizes he has lost you. You deserve a man who loves and treasures you.
Helpful
Question:
I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years. I’m pregnant. I did everything for him whatever he needed. We were just fine until 3 weeks ago; he left me for another woman. What should I do?
Answer:
In the situation you're in you need to remind him he has to own up in taking care of the pregnancy, that is, provide for you and the unborn child. It is evident he no longer has any feelings for you despite having done everything for him. He has used you all this time, and now since you're pregnant he has run away from the relationship.

If you're trying to get him back, it isn't wise. Even if he returns his heart won't be in the relationship.

I suggest you let him know he has to provide for your needs in the stage you're in and throughout the child's life. If you feel right with this idea, you can take the case to court if he refuses to own up to it. It is your right and that of the child.

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Question:
My boyfriend says he loves me and his baby mama. What should I do?
Answer:
Obviously, he loves his baby mama. He has feelings for you but the fact is his mind is fully directed to her. Again, you can't share your love for him with another woman.
You should not proceed in a relationship with him. You have to let him known (politely) you can't get in the way of his relationship with his baby mama and that you can't share your love with him with another woman.
Choose the best means of telling him if your decision. Replace your love for him for friendship. You should make it clear to him.
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Question:
She is lying to me again and again because her ex's boyfriend is her cousin's brother. So what should I do now?
Answer:
Despite the description you've provided, you should stop contacting her. It is unfair that she has to keep on lying to you because of that. It is unhealthy and you will always get hurt because of her unfaithfulness.

She has to make up her mind who she loves or wants to stick with; not standing with her one feet stepping on you and the other feet on her ex.

Initiate no contact and make the decision to move on with your life. You can decide to stop contacting her or end the relationship. The lies have become too much to tolerate and I don't think your relationship will survive to the end. Better move on with your life.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because of distance. I decided to move with him. He said he can't live with a woman he's not yet married to. I think he's just really tired but I love him. Can I do anything? I am confused.
Answer:
He broke up with you because of distance. You made up for it by moving to his place. He came up with another reason for a further breakup - he can't live with a woman he is not married to. The last reason is understandable but it is not intentionally meant. It is obvious he wants to get rid of you from his life. He doesn't want to be in relationship with you.
You are hurt and confused. You feel betrayed and rejected. What should you do? As easy as it is to say it but difficult to do, you have to move out of his place.
You'll have to accept his decision. No matter how you plead, it will be of no benefit of staying in the relationship because he no longer has feelings for you (even if he accepts for a reunion, it will not last for long).
If you're still at his place, arrange to talk with him. Let him know you've thought on the reasons he gave you. You've accepted his decision and won't bother him again. Even though you're hurt, feel betrayed and rejected; you'll move on. Wish him all the best. Pack your things and move out of his place.
Don't contact him in whatsoever manner. You've to work out on healing and recovering from the breakup. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup: Steps to Healing and Recovering from a Breakup.
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Question:
My boyfriend of 2.5 years just decided to break up with me. We have also been friends for 23 years so it’s not an easy situation. During the break up he was shouting mean things being verbally abusive. What should I do? I still love him.
Answer:
Exercise no contact rule. Don't contact him for a period of time. It will aid in reducing the tension, help in settling the mind and reflecting on the relationship. By the end of no contact, you should have known whether you want to continue with him or move on.

But to reach a point where he verbally abuses him, I wouldn't recommend you continue in the relationship with him. This is a case of a man soothing his ego. It is evident if you reunite another breakup is bound to happen if he doesn't correct his attitude.

During the no-contact period reflect on the relationship. After ending the NC rule you should have known which road to head to - go back or move on. Think carefully.
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Question:
My girlfriend and I have not talked to each other in two days. I tried settling it by sending her a message. She just read and never replied. She is not seeing someone. How do I know she wants to break up with me? What do I do to make her tell me what she wants?
Answer:
Give her the space she needs. It looks you are the cause of her responding that way.
Since she's not seeing someone, she needs time to calm her mind and reflect on the relationship. You tried to settle things by sending her message but she never responded. It implies she's angry with you. She might be unsure of which decision to take. She might be confused and hurt.
You want to know whether she's thinking of breaking up with you or not.
Give her the space she needs by not communicating with her in any form for a week or 2 weeks.
After the duration you've decided not to contact her, ask her what she's thinking about the relationship. Let her know she shouldn't make you wait in the dark because whenever you contacted her she remained silent. Let her know you love her but you want to know where she's standing in the relationship but you hope you'll continue together because you love her. Tell her it will be good if you meet someone to discuss things and iron them out because you don't want to lose her.
Hopefully, she will respond.
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Question:
I've been with her for a year and three months. We've gone through so many challenges together during that period. She has broken up with me several times but we still patch things up and move on. But, she's broken up with me because of someone else. She's telling me she has moved on and she doesn't care about how I am moving on. To make things worst, she's dating someone in the same street as me. Even though I am hurt right am, I still love her. What should I do?
Answer:
I don't know what might have led her to date another person and say she doesn't care whether you're moving on or not. Look closely what might have led her to do this. If there is nothing you did to warrant this, you should not bother her.
Sometimes, what people say is a cover-up. They don't mean it. They want someone to believe they are in control of everything, they are happy or they don't need that person.
I suggest you contact her and tell her despite her decision and not caring about how you feel, you still love her and will be waiting for her. You won't bother her with calls it texts but will be patiently waiting for her because you believe you were meant to be together.
When you have told her so, it is time to apply no contact. Don't contact her until she responds. Whether she responds to your telling her you will wait for her or during the no contact or not, you should be working on healing and recovering from the breakup. You will have to move on. You will have to forget about her as much as possible. If she contacts you in the future or not, it shouldn't worry you though it hurts.
My experience: I had the same experience as you. I had a girl who we had even arranged about our future life. Out of the blue, she went dumb - remained silent. I contacted her but she didn't respond to me. I waited for about a month without contacting her. After one month, I told her to tell me the status of the relationship. She told me she had a man, I shouldn't bother her. I told her that I will bother her. I didn't bother. In a few days, I learned that she was asking if I had gotten another girl.
She got married to that guy, and I fell in love with another lady.
Sometimes, you've to give up something because life is short.
After a month of no contact, you'll have a good idea whether to get her back or move on.
Helpful
Question:
My boyfriend of five and a half years and I have decided to split. He wants to grow with me, but he says my actions don't show that. I have been in therapy for over a year. He complains about everything (from raising my daughter to lack of respect for him). He'll be moving out in about a month. How do I behave or react while we are still in the same living quarters?
Answer:
You should try to be the best you can be while still together. Behave as if there will be no splitting. Do not try to force to be the best. Just be you. Do the little things that matter. Respect him. Respect yourself. I believe the therapy has helped you in several ways. Do not try to argue if an issue is raised up. Find a good way of discussing the issue. Try to show you care for him through the actions. Try to be the best mother for your daughter. Show her you love her. I believe there is something that is affecting you the reason you sought therapy.
You have to begin loving and respecting yourself. Consider yourself a good wife and mother. Wherein you have made a mistake ask for forgiveness. If you want to raise an issue, ensure it doesn't turn to a fight. Back away from it or don't act negatively. Maybe if your boyfriend also tried to see from your viewpoint it would have helped, why not tell him when he hurts you? Why not tell him how it is like in your side of life? But, please love and respect yourself. If you do so, you will extend the same to your boyfriend and daughter. It is the first step in getting over what is ailing you. Let him know you through your actions you are trying to be the best you can be. Above all, do not neglect or ignore yourself. It will matter a lot how you will treat your loved ones and friends.
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Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me while we were in a long distance relationship. Is it okay if I ask her to meet me for the last time? Or it will just make things complicated?
Answer:
It depends on your lady, though it is not advisable. It might get complicated, or she might see you are needy or desperate. Even though there is no harm, if you ask her it is better you do so through text. However, do not show you are desperate or needy. Let it show through your text if she does not accept your request you will accept her response. If you decide to ask her, don't respond negatively if she doesn't accept your proposal. Just accept it.
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Question:
I was in a relationship for 11 months and I used to talk to my boyfriend about how he hurts me. He broke up with me saying he doesn't wanna hurt me anymore. I'm in so much in pain because I love him. I spoke to him and I told him how I love him and how unfair he's being to me. He later said he's gonna think about it and call me back. What do I do about my concerned beloved? I'm really in pain.
Answer:
You were right in telling your boyfriend how he hurts you in the relationship. As a result, your boyfriend ends the relationship. He figured it out it's better to end the relationship than continuing hurting you. After the break up, you tell him how much you love him and how he has been unfair to you including breaking up with you. He says he is gonna think about it. It hurts you the more.
If your boyfriend hasn't changed, it will make no difference in the relationship. He is going to hurt you the more when you reunite. He has not indicated he's going to change so that when you get together he won't do or say things that will hurt you. He has said he's gonna think about it which questions his feelings and love for you. He seems comfortable with the idea of ending the relationship after telling him how he hurts you.
You have to cease any communication with him. It is difficult but it's the right thing to do. You have to heal and recover from the break-up. Also, during the no contact, you will reflect on the failed relationship and your ex (both on the positive and negative side). This is the right step to take although it will be very painful. You need to know whether it's a wise step to try to get him back or to move on with your life. You can do so when you do not contact him.
I have written an article on the No Contact Rule. It's titled: 'What Are the Rules and Benefits of the No Contact Rule After a Breakup?'
Also, another article about healing and recovering from a breakup titled 'Steps to Healing and Recovery After a Breakup.'
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Question:
I still miss my ex. It's been 4 months we haven't spoken. We were in a three month relationship. I got too attached as he was my first boyfriend. He told me that he doesnt give a f** about me. Though I pretend I don't care I still miss him. What should I do to forget him?
Answer:
You have to stop missing him and to do that you have to accept you're no longer in relationship with him. Until you accept the relationship doesn't exist, you won't overcome the feelings of longing for your ex.
Delete his numbers from phone contact list, block/unfriend him from you social media accounts and store away/tear his pictures.
Whenever you think about him, snap out of the feelings. Tell yourself you have to stop thinking about him because he is no longer in your life.
Determine to move on. Tell yourself you have to move on.
Enjoy the things you like and during the times you're alone in your room or on the bed, chat with your friends or watch videos. Don't listen to love songs and don't watch romantic movies nor read romantic novels.
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Question:
My ex broke up with me because he missed and realized he cared more about his best friend than he did to me. He wanted to be friends but I told him I didn't want to be in contact with him anymore because I knew he cared more about her. He said what I told him cut him deep & now he is upset because I made it seem like he wasn't honest about everything. What should I do given my ex's feelings?
Answer:
You did the right thing to let him know how you felt and what you observed. He might have been honest but as his girlfriend, he shouldn't have treated you less than the other one.
You don't need to apologize. But, you can tell him that you are sorry if what you said has upset or hurt him. Nonetheless, let him know you have also been hurt by the fact he cared more about the other person though you didn't necessarily mean he was dishonest.
In any case, sing it is something you observed and his ending the relationship is a signal of the fact. You don't need to be discouraged. Just maintain no contact and try moving on.
Breaking up wasn't a wise thing. He should have approached your concern in a mature manner than ending the relationship.
I know you love him but him ending the relationship, throws things into array. Exercise no contact and at the end of it, you will have a good idea what to do next - move on or try to reunite.
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Question:
My attitude and mouth have been bad lately which has led to my girlfriend breaking up with me. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. We’ve broken up a few times before and got back together but this time I really think she means it’s over. I feel so empty and alone without her; all I do is cry it hurts so bad. What should I do?
Answer:
Wait for two minutes before contacting her. After the two days, contact her preferably through text. Let her know that you have reflected of your attitude/behaviour (you've thought a lot about it). You have noted it is negative and you intend to change it. Ask her to give you another chance. Let her know you will not contact her for a few days (1-2 weeks) so you can work in changing your negative attitude. Let her know you don't want to lose her since you love her a lot and that the breakup has shed light on how repulsive your attitude is. During the no contact, work towards your attitude in correcting it. If need be, seek a professional counselor and let her know so. She needs to know you've changed because I do know she loves you.
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Question:
I was in a relationship for around one and a-half month before she broke up with me. So, what should I do?
Answer:
Ascertain the cause of the breakup. What is the reason for her breaking up with you? Was her reason justifiable or not? This will assist you in knowing if you should try to get her back or not.
Another thing is about the relationship. How was it like? Would you want to continue in it?
This means you have to use no contact. You should not contact her for a few days - less than 2 weeks. During this time, reflect on the relationship and your ex. It's from here you will arrive at a decision - try to get her back or move on with your life.
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Question:
I was in a relationship for 19 months. My partner is retired but I'm still working. I also have a teenager who has a physical disability. We all vacationed together and he was always present in our home. After not coming for 8 days he told me that he has been feeling out of place and needed a break. He asked me to pack his clothing and he will come pick them up later. Should I let him say goodbye to my daughter?
Answer:
Your daughter needs to know why he will no longer be present or why he is no longer seeing him. The first step you should take is to let her know that you are no longer in a relationship with him. She will ask for the reason which you should provide to save her from thinking that her disability contributed to him leaving the two of you.
You will need to prepare your daughter psychologically for what you will tell her and being careful in the choice of words you use. She shouldn't think that her situation led to him leaving the two of you.
Should let him say goodbye to your daughter? Yes. The reason is to provide your daughter with peace of mind that her situation haft nothing to do with him leaving you.
You will have to talk with him on how to approach the subject to your daughter. After you have agreed, be the first one to let her know.
If he doesn't say goodbye to her, you will have to provide your daughter with a lot of convincing that her situation didn't lead to him leaving you.
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Question:
I was in a 6-year relationship and my boyfriend broke it off because according to him he has not progressed from where he has been. He doesn't have a job. I feel really hurt. I don't know how to move on and I was just inducted as a pharmacist. How can I move on?
Answer:
It is obvious he doesn't want to continue in the relationship (or even reunite). It appears he has even included the relationship as the reason for lack of progress in his life the reason he broke up with you.
You will have to move on. It hurts but with determination you can heal and recover from the breakup. This means no contacting your ex in whatsoever means. It will be a good idea to den your ex a text after two weeks of no contact to thank him for the time you had together and to wish him all the best. This gesture is paramount as it will aid in the healing process.
Block or unfriend him from your social media accounts and whenever you tend to think about him, snap out from those thoughts by telling yourself he is no longer in your world this you've to stop thinking about him.
I have written an article on how to heal and recover from the relationship. You can search this title on any search engine: Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.
Remember, your determination to heal and recover from the breakup is the main factor that will determine your moving on from the breakup.
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Question:
What should I do if he comes back?
Answer:
It depends on the reason for the breakup, how you broke up and his future goals. The best you can do is to move on with your life. If you have tried to get back with him but he doesn't want, it is time to move on by forgetting the failed relationship.
Or, you can wait for two or more weeks without contacting him then after that period you contact him. If he doesn't want to get back with you, you shouldn't force. You should move on.
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Question:
My boyfriend of one-year broke up with me. During the breakup, I asked him to give us one more chance and told him we couldn’t break up. I ended up emotionally talking about all the good experiences and thanking him. I have come to peace with his decision. How long should I wait for contact to return his stuff?
Answer:
It would be better to contact him to pick up his stuff, a week or two weeks after the breakup. This will save you from breaking down when he comes to pick up his stuff several weeks after the breakup or waiting anxiously for his call.
If you intend to wait till he comes to collect his stuff, you should store them in a location in your room so as not to remind you of the failed relationship or to make you long for him.
You reacted positively to the breakup however hurting it was. This will place you at a good position of healing and recovering quickly from the breakup.
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Question:
I have been in a two-and-half year relationshilp with my boyfriend. He was dating another girl claiming he wants to marry two ladies. I understood because I love him so much. I used to help him and last one I wanted to help him by paying for his school fees. This would enable him to get his results by going back to school. However, I disappointed him so he broke up with me. What should I do about my ex who wants me to help pay for his schooling?
Answer:
I find it quite ridiculous your ex would end the relationship because you didn't fulfill your promise of paying for his school fees. In any case, you had volunteered to help him; not that it was mandatory. He should have been understanding why you didn't fulfill your promise.
It might be true he has feelings for you. He loves you. But, I question his reaction to you not fulfilling your promise.
I wouldn't suggest you reconcile with him. Was he after your money? Are you financially stable than him the really he engaged in the relationship?
Forget about him and move on with your life. You deserve much better.
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Question:
I was in a 6-months relationship and we were so happy together after how many weeks he proposed to me and I was so happy, but then he was as cold in messaging me knowing that his ex tries to contact him and now I ask him "Do you still love her?" He said, "Yes and still care for her". Like I don't know what to do.
Answer:
You should not contact him for a week or two or even a month. If he contacts you while you're still exercising no contact rule (not contacting him in whatsoever way), let him know you need your own space to think or reflect about the relationship. This will assist you in forming a clear picture of which steps you need to undertake.
I have written an article on the benefits of no contact rule, what to do and not to do.
Don't veg or plead with him because it's obvious he still loves and takes care of your ex. You shouldn't hurt or diminish your value by staying in the relationship. You deserve someone who loves and treats you like his princess.
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Question:
I’ve been married for 30 years. My husband wants to separate because I’m too selfish. What should I do?
Answer:
I think that it is better that you work on the behaviour that repels your husband to the point that he wants separation. You have to assess yourself and see whether your husband is write about it. If he is, then you need to work on it to avoid the marriage from splitting up. You have to analyse the relationship to figure out whether that is the main cause of your husband wanting for a separation. If it is not, try to find out what is the main cause or reasons why he wants a separation. If he is right, you need to sit down with him and discuss the issue and arrive at an agreeable conclusion concerning that issue.
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Question:
My boyfriend broke up with me because I'm whimsical. What should I do?
Answer:
That is not a justifiable reason to break up with you. Since he dumped you for no 'good' reason, you should not bother to try to get him back.
I know you're hurt but you will get over it in time. I don't see how being whimsy can be the reason for him to end the relationship.
It might be a good idea to send him a text apologizing that being whimsy led him to end the relationship. Wish him all the best and work on ensuring you heal and recover from the breakup so that you can be able to move on.
I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup: Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.
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Question:
I was expecting very small things from him like chocolates and small surprises. I told him this many times but he always ignored it. One day out of anger I said so many things to him and I said we should break up. Later on, I was so angry on him for the next few days but in that period he decided to move on. And his marriage got fixed within 8 days of our breakup.When I went back to him to say sorry, I got to know about his marriage thing. I am really broken down now. Is it right?
Answer:
It is healthy that you broke down and you still feel that way. It is natural. You shouldn't prevent yourself from feeling the pain since it's the body letting you know that it has been psychologically wounded. However, don't let the pain the hurtful emotions - anger, bitterness and hatred continue for long. Two weeks is alright. Beyond that, they will affect you negatively both physically and mentally.
It is painful but the breakup enabled you to know that the man was married and he had fixed his marriage issue with his wife.
You will need to move on with your life and try to forget the guy or think about him or the need to try to get him back.
Search for this article on internet: Steps to Healing and Recovering from Breakup. It will guide you how to heal from the pain as a result of the breakup and what you find out, and how to recover so you can move on.
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Question:
I have been in a relationship with my ex and we were planning for marriage. I have been talking to her mum and supporting them in various ways. We had some misunderstanding about having sex. Suddenly, she denied me sex. She told me she hates it. Finally, she broke the news. Her mum has convinced her but all in vain. What should I do about this breakup?
Answer:
One of the leading causes of breakups is a lack of understanding of someone else's likes and dislikes.
Your ex doesn't like sex. She told you but you insisted you want the two of you to have sex since you like it. You were forcing her to do something she wasn't ready for or doesn't like it.
You should have sat down with her and talk about sex. How will it be during marriage? The fact is that she won't engage in sex frequently (daily). This is something you should have understood.
For instance, I don't like sex but my other significant loves it. I told her I don't like it though she insisted she likes it. It causes conflict because it is forcing someone else to engage in something she doesn't want although to you it will translate as being denied your rights.
This is the reason why it is important to talk things through before getting married.
If you want her back and are satisfied with doing sex with her occasionally; you should apologize to her. You can contact her through call or text and explain how selfish you were and have repented of your lack of judgment and understanding. You should let her know you're comfortable with having sex occasionally.
If you're not comfortable with the idea of having sex occasionally, you shouldn't bother her. You should respect her decision. You should look for a future wife who you can engage with through sex on a daily basis.
People should remember not all of us love the act. Some love it to a minimum level while others hate it.
Lack of satisfaction in bed or not engaging in sex is another cause of divorces. It's up to partners to discuss sex before getting married.
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Question:
What do I do if he wants a break up after we have terminated?
Answer:
Since you had terminated the relationship, you can accept his proposal to break up if you're comfortable with it.
I tend to figure termination of a relationship is the same as a break up unless you had agreed to discontinue the relationship for a particular period.
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Question:
My relationship was of 7 years. My boyfriend is confused about one girl that he met 3 years ago. Now, he wants to break up and date her to clear his head but he says he still loves me a lot. I have to study 10 hours a day but I can't manage that without talking to him. Should I still talk to him or wait for him to come back?
Answer:
You have to stop talking to him. You love him very much. Your feelings for him are intact. However, his feelings for you are not intact. It doesn't matter if he loves you. What matters is how he feels about you. His feelings for you are no longer the same.
You should allow the breakup to take its course. You are hurting yourself by remaining in the relationship.
You should stop talking to him. It is difficult but you will have to discipline yourself not to talk to him. The more you talk to him the more you are hurt. He made his decision, you have to make your decision. He has a decision to make: remain in your camp or leave for good.
Even if he remains in the relationship, it will serve the relationship no good. This is because of the feelings he has for the girl.
You have been in the relationship for a lengthy time. You can't afford to waste more time waiting for him or trying to get him back. You should move on with your life.
Remember, you have a life to live. It will be difficult to move on and your studies will be affected by the breakup. However in time, you will have receovered from the breakup.
Don't be in a relationship with a man whose feelings aren't intact or whose feelings are wavering. Why? This is because in the end, the man will dump you and join the other camp.
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Question:
My girlfriend broke up with me as she said she can't keep up with her mental state. That makes her unable to give me the attention and love I deserved. I really love her a lot and I don't know what to do to get her back. She also mentioned that she doesn't want to lose our friendship. What should I do?
Answer:
The best you can do is give her the time and space that she needs. You should let her know how much you love her, and you'll be waiting patiently for her.
Don't force her to reconcile because she's not mentally prepared to continue with the relationship.
After a period of no contact, contact her to know her wellbeing. Then, a few days later contact her to know how she's doing and how you can help her. From the second contact after the no contact rule, you'll know whether to try to win her back or not.
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Question:
I was in a 4-year relationship with her. She cheated in the first year of our relationship. I forgave her but my lack of trust grew. This caused lots of problems. We had an argument then she broke up with me. Should I just move on?
Answer:
I'm sure you love her but you don't trust her as you used to when the two of you fell in love. If that trust doesn't exist, there is no need to try to revive the relationship. A lack of trust indicates your love for her isn't the same. It has diminished. You no longer love her the way you used to. Additionally, this means your feelings for her have diminished.
In such a scenario, it's best to move on.
It's difficult to gain back someone's trust. It's difficult to trust a person in the manner you used to before the person became unfaithful in the relationship.
You should take your time and evaluate how you feel for her and the relationship. Would you want to continue with her? If you want, what about your trust for her? Will you ever trust her the way you used to? Will you ever love her the way you used? Will you enjoy living with her by forgetting what she did?
You should think of these things for the period which you'll not contact her - no contact rule. This should take a minimum of one month. After a month of analyzing and evaluating everything related to the relationship and her, make your decision. If you feel you don't want to revive the relationship, send her a final text thanking her for the time you spent together. Ask her to forgive you if you hurt her one way or another. Also, let her know you've forgiven her and want the two of you to part ways in a peaceful manner. This act will enable you to recover from the breakup and move on.
Helpful
Question:
Can a partner throw me out onto the street even if I'm not working due to medical issues?
Answer:
There is the possibility he might throw you out if you're not working and due to medical issues.
You should try to find a solution to avoid the situation from occurring. If he is adamant that he will throw you out, don't stick there. Things might get worse. It's better to contact your closest friend(s) or family members who will give you shelter and help you in healing and recovering from what you're ailing at.
If the man loves you, and understands the reason you're not working and because of your medical issues; there is no need in staying in the relationship unless you're married.
If you're married, you should seek legal counsel. If you aren't and have stayed for long in the relationship, you're entitled to share in the family's belongings.
Before you arrive at this critical decision, try talking with him about the issue. Involve others if he doesn't want to hear anything from you or to arrive at a desirable decision.
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Question:
I broke up with my boyfriend without any reason and now I am feeling nothing over this thing. Why? I loved him very much and we were in a 4 month relationship but we were best friends before getting into a relationship.
Answer:
What most people don't realize is that best friends cannot get along well in a relationship. Best friends never equal to best partners/couple. Best friends know each other very well. It's difficult to lie to a best friend because he knows you more than any other person.
This is the reason you don't feel any hurt, depression, at loss and you don't even miss him. In the relationship you treated him more as a friend (sibling) than a partner (lover). While it might be he loves you, it depends with how you view him. You view him differently - as a friend than a lover.
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Question:
Why should I respond the way the guy finds right? Even after the breakup, does his opinion matter? Why should I resist what I feel just to make him feel good? If he doesn't feel guilty for what he did, there is no point in pleasing him. The fact is it hurts and it hurts like hell.
Answer:
I can answer your question.
One doesn't respond positively to please their partner. Also, one doesn't respond positively to do what their partner wants. Your response to the breakup is not dependent on your partner but on you.
Somehow, his opinion or analysis of your response to the breakup will matter to him. He will be taken aback. He didn't anticipate you will act in such a manner.
The fact is when you respond positively, you're in control of your emotions and is a testament that even though you're hurt, you'll get back on your feet. You will heal and recover from the breakup and move on. It will show him that you won't beg or plead. You won't act as if he is the only one who means the world to you.
At the same time, you'll boost your self-esteem and avoid negative emotions (such as anger and hatred) from dictating or influencing your thinking or actions. You'll allow the healing process early on meaning the rate of healing and recovery from the breakup will flow smoothly and at a shorter time.
You see, we don't forgive someone to please that person or for his sake. We forgive someone for our own sake, to free ourselves from the stronghold of negative emotions. That is the same case when responding positively.
How you treated you is not something to ignore. It does hurt and he has to know you're hurting like hell. However, you can tell him how you're hurting by not shouting or screaming but talking in a controllable voice. The voice might be shaky and you might even shed tears. Nothing wrong with that because it is an outward expression of how you feel.
Remember, it is not about him. It is never about him. It is about you. You don't respond positively to boost his ego. You do it to boost your self-esteem. You don't do it to please him. You do it for your own sake. You're the one in control of your situation.
How you respond to a situation determines the after-effects of your response. It is not a weakness to respond positively but a sign of maturity and a show that despite how much he has hurt you, you will not kneel and beg. You have a life to live and he will witness how strong you are by not giving up or letting them break up tear you into pieces.
I might not have answered your questions sufficiently. However, I provided a glimpse of why responding positively is not for the sake of your ex and you can let him know how hurtful you're - how guilty he is - in positive ways.
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Question:
I was in a ten-month relationship, but he broke up the relationship yesterday and it hurts really bad. He did it over text but he did not text me; he texted my mom to tell me. We have been through a lot together and I feel really hurt and I want to cry so much. He is in all of my classes and in my lunch and I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
Answer:
I'm sorry to hear this. When you are alone or in your room, cry as much as possible. Don't restrain from crying. It's nature's way of accepting something hurtful has happened. It's also nature's way of allowing the healing process to begin.
Being always in the presence of your ex will prolong your healing and recovering from the breakup. However, there are things you can do to ensure you've healed and recovered from the relationship.
The first thing is to send your ex a test. Let him know you've accepted his decision. You won't force him to reconsider his decision. Thank him for the time you had in the relationship and wish him all the best. Through this method, you'll program your mind and heart to accept the situation and find ways of recovering from the breakup.
Spend time with your friends during lunch. You'll see him. But, tell your heart he is no longer your partner. He is just a friend like your other friends.
Only greet each other when possible. Nothing more. During discussions or group assignments, only talk about what you've been assigned. Don't throw occasional glances at him. Concentrate on the work you've been given.
It will be difficult to do these things because it's easier said than done. However, it is possible.
The most important thing is to reassure yourself that you will come out of the breakup in one piece. You won't accept to be affected by the relationship in negative ways. You'll do all you can to ensure you've healed and recovered from the breakup.
Don't be angry at him or hate him. You've been angry at him and hated him. Now, it's time to get rid of the negative emotions. Tell yourself entertaining the negative emotions won't help you in any way.
Ask your classmates to watch over you. To remind you that you have a beautiful future in front of you. That you need to concentrate on your studies and forget about your ex. Friends can help you to heal and recover from the breakup.
If you believe in God, pray to Him to help you to heal and recover from the breakup.
Stop listening to any love songs. Throw or tear away his photos or delete them. They are no longer beneficial to you. Unfriend or block your ex from your social media sites.
Don't pretend you're okay. There are times you will break down. Nonetheless, be determined you will get over the breakup.
Helpful

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Comments

AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
3 days ago from Kenya
I'm grateful to hear that, Dave.
Davegusain
3 days ago
Its really was so helpful for me☺
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
9 days ago from Kenya
@Arrows, I sympathize with you. I have been in that road. I know how it feels.
Your emotional state has been worsened by lack of a job. Losing the woman you love to another man and having no job makes life worthless to live.
However, it doesn't need to be the case. You can get over the breakup. You shouldn't let it dictate your destiny. Not having a job is another problem. I can feel for you too pertaining to this. I don't have a job but am pressing on, knowing I will get one sooner. Keep on looking for a job, even on the Internet. Don't give up on finding a job.
And, most importantly, don't give up on yourself.
Recovering from the breakup can only happen when you allow the healing process to begin its cause. This entails accepting the fact that your lady is no longer yours - she's with another man. It's painful to admit it but it's the only way of emphasizing to the heart that it needs to forget her, and move on with life.
Look back before you met her. You were living your life. Therefore, her not being in your life shouldn't be a sign it's the end of you. True, she wasted your time . You would have gotten married to another woman. But, it has happened. You can't rewind things back.
You've to stop immersing yourself in sex and alcohol. You aren't dealing with the issue. You're just escaping from the pain. You've to face the pain however hurtful it is.
It will take time to heal and recover. It might take between 6-12 months because of how long you've been together. But, persevere through determination to come out of the breakup in one piece.
It took me six months to heal and recover from the first breakup because of the duration of the relationship and how strong I was emotionally bonded to her.
Remind yourself that many people have recovered from their breakups, so can you. Remind yourself that a person can't decide how you should live your life, or end it.
You see, you're allowing your ex to control your mind. By thinking about her, wishing, and hoping she'll return; you're letting her take control of your life.
Delete her contacts. Block her from your social media accounts. Fight the urge to contact her.
You'll have to find in your heart the need to forgive her. This will release the bitterness and hatred you have for her. And, don't pray God to bring her back. Pray to God to give you the strength to come out of the breakup in one piece. Pray to God to heal you, and allow His peace to reign in your life. Hold on to God, and you'll see His power working through you.
I have undergone more than four breakups. I know how it feels. You can make it. You won't recover in a shorter time. Nonetheless, when you purpose to do something then you'll see its accomplishment. Be determined to heal and recover from the breakup.
Don't contact her anymore. Work on finding a job. Don't look back or try thinking about the relationship. Don't jump in another relationship.
I have written two articles that might also help you: What are the rules and benefits of no contact rule, and Steps to Healing and Recovery from a breakup.
Let me know how you progress.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
9 days ago from Kenya
@Ama, I had replies to your comment but noted today that my response wasn't published. I apologize for that error.
Your ex ended the relationship because he didn't want to hurt you anymore. Instead of breaking up with you, he should have provided a room for both of you to discuss about it. And since the relationship is too young, it was easy for him to end it. I can understand his decision to do so but it wasn't an appropriate response to your concern.
If you desire to have him back in your life, there is still a chance. I suspect you haven't communicated since the break-up. If that's the case, you can contact him and try to explain what you meant. The silent period will have served as a reflective moment for both of you.
Looking on the other side of the coin, breaking up with you in such a short period raises several questions: Does he really love you? How could he have broken up with you that easily? Why didn't he try to understand what you meant? Thus, you need to reflect on the relationship, as short as it was, and decide whether you'd like to continue with it or not.
Some breakups like yours are, at most, easy to mend. Also, considering that it was a very short relationship. However, breaking up in such a shorter term paints a picture if the relationship was ever meant to be. If a person really loves you, he can't break up with you in such a short period of time.
Arows
9 days ago
It's been 2 months now and I am still miserable no doubt. I can't move on. I have had tons of sex and all. Indulge in alcohol just to forget her, yet I relapse by calling her..the thought of her being with another man now and she couldn't have the guts to tell me rather she showed it in her actions, that thought of knowing her for so long and in the end, my value to her is nothing. She so de valued me...all of these thoughts are killing me inside ...i can't function well...am at the a point in my life that nothing makes sense....i mean losing her shouldn't be the worry but not having a good job too is messed up in my head. She quit me it was not a mutual break up, and now she is with another man and can't even tell me...her actions speaks well...how can I move on from a girl that emotionally cheated on me once, twice and now? What's my own problem? Everytime I reach her I end up getting hurt...she hardly calls me aside she wants something...why did we have know each other for this long? 2months and she is already happy and cool with the guy and I am here miserable and she knows and yet nothing! Nothing!!! Have tired no contact...i wish karma could take its course now ...she is ghosting me, making me feel very needy...what can I do to erase this girl out of my life Benny? I know my problem and I can't seem to work on it
Sometimes I consider ending my life. nothing seem to make sense again...am tired!
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
3 weeks ago from Kenya
@Anon, you've to let go. You've to stop contacting him. It appears rude and being inconsiderate, but it is the fact. The more you try to reach out to him, the more he gets irritated (annoyed). This is the reason why he is ignoring you.
You did what he had told you to do, and I'm sure you'd explained about your past and that the past doesn't have anything to do with the present. The fact is that you can't make or force him to trust you again or to reconcile. He has to deal with it, and dealing with it will produce two outcomes: reunite with you or break up with you forever.
You're only hurting yourself by trying hard to contact him. It's time to take a break from contacting him. It's hurting working in the same place with an ex. But you've to work on yourself. You need to allow yourself to heal from the breakup so that you can recover and move on. When possible, greet him. Don't talk about the two of you or the relationship. Don't think about him. If you're in the same team, talk about the task you're doing whenever possible.
Don't push yourself hard. You'll be dealing a blow on your self-esteem.
Ama
3 weeks ago
I have been in a relationship for 3weeks and he ended the relationship recently today because he doesn’t understand me since I just asked him he wasn’t giving me much attention so there he said then let’s break up since he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings the more
ANON
3 weeks ago
I WORK WITH MY EX AND HAVE TO SEE HIM,
IVE TRIED REACHING OUT BUT HE JUST IGNORES ME,
I AM FINDING IT VERY HARD TO LET GO , THE RELATIONSHIP WASNT PERFECT AND HE HAD TRUST ISSUES WHICH HE FEELS I BROKE BY NOT TELLING HIM STUFF FROM MY PAST BUT FOR ME MY PAST IS MY PAST HE JUST CANT SEEM TO SEE THAT AND EVEN WHEN IVE DONE EVERYTHING HE ASKED ME TO DO , HE HAS STILL BROKEN UP AND STOPPED SPEAKING TO ME, I KNOW HE DID TRULY LOVE ME WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER AND THAT HE HAS HIS OWN ISSUES BUT I REALLY AM FINDING IT HARD AND I CONTACT HIM ALOT????
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO ???
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
5 weeks ago from Kenya
@Ope, you're welcome. Now, you know what next step to take - move on with your life.
No Contact doesn't always guarantee a person that by exercising it, it will enable them to get their ex back.
As you've noted, NC can reveal whether your ex is in another relationship or not. That's the power of NC rule.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
5 weeks ago from Kenya
@Pari, it would be better to ask her to give you time, of not contacting each other, about two weeks at a minimal, so that you can gain the strength to stand up on your feet - heal and recover from the breakup.
This is to arm you with the knowledge you're no longer in a relationship, but friends. What if being friends doesn't lead to a reunion.
Sometimes, exes ask for friendship to: escape pain, are afraid of losing their their ex-partners, they know they'll miss their exes so much, to avoid their exes feeling the pain that has resulted in them ending a relatively, a chance to see and hear from their exes. This doesn't always mean they want to test waters to determine if they can reunite with their exes. Sometimes, it is for convenience.
Pari
5 weeks ago
My gf broke up but wants to be friends as of now and said maybe later we can be together
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
5 weeks ago from Kenya
@Arrows, during the no contact, you noted that: she would check your WhatsApp status, she wiped you out from her WhatsApp contacts and she appears to be recovering fast.
The last one is an indication that her feelings for you had begun dwindling a long time ago, maybe after the second breakup.
Her checking your WhatsApp status signifies that she was trying to find out (curious) whether you had recovered from the breakup and moving on. Or, she just missed you and by reading your statuses she's comforted.
Another concept to consider is that at times we phrase our prayers in the wrong manner. For instance, the prayer should have been, "God, is it your will for us to be together for life (married)?" Not, "Please, God restore our relationship," when it's not God's intention for both of you to be together.
The duration of the relationship and the number of breakups is a good indicator the relationship will fail if both you get reunited once again. Her reason for ending the relationship - religious differences - might be true or o cover up to the main reason. You should look back to the times you argued, what might have caused previous breakups to know whether religious differences played a role in the breakup or not. In any case, if it's because of differences in religion, she would have brought up that issue years back.
Many people forget that no contact is not always a guaranteed means of getting back an ex. It is to prepare a person to deal with a breakup in a positive manner. For the little time you exercised it, you noted several things which you wouldn't have of you hadn't employed it.
My advice is that you shouldn't try to get her back because another breakup is bound to occur. You have to move on with your life. You don't want to waste the rest of your life in a relationship that is filled with uncertainty.
My suggestion is to give yourself a month of not contacting her. After the period, contact her, not to plead for a reconciliation, but to wish her well.
Read an article I wrote about no contact that clearly explains it: What are the rules & benefits of no contact rule?
As much hurting as it is, and as much as you love her, you have to let go of her.
Ope
5 weeks ago
Thank you Ben! I posted about being in 10years serious relationship with her and her 3rd time now of cutting me off. Thanks your reply and I had been on no contact since last week Monday but on Saturday last week, I relapsed and I got to know she is in another relationship and its just a month plus she dumped me. I just noticed her coldness and mean attitude to me. I told her we are not enemies and she is treating me like one. We have known each other for this long. Anyways she kept saying she needs to concentrate and focus that she is trying to be in another relationship now and she prays it works out for her. All text was through WhatsApp as she lives 9hours away from me. Distance came to play cause of working on different state.
I cried like a baby and why did I have to break my no contact since she wasn't checking on me..she wouldn't want me to know she is dating someone else as she never for once told me not yesterday. Every time I asked her, she says no she ain't. During my 6 days no contact, I guess turned things around...well it's all good...thanks Ben
Arows
5 weeks ago
Am still in confusion state and I just don't know what to do. I have sleepless night over this and lack of concentration. My girl broke up with me and this 3rd time, it feels real. She doesnt contact till I did and I realized and stopped that. I have been on 6 days no contact with her but I notices somethngs about her and I can't help but think she is moving on so fast. She does check my WhatsApp status and I suddenly discovered that she private her last seen to be only her contacts and then now she deleted my number on her WhatsApp today since I wasn't online for almost 24hours. I love her no doubt and her all her behavior makes me sad ..we did almost everything together we had plans on getting married and now all is gone. She threw her 11 years of waiting for me away like that..i thought no contact helps. I needed it and I was ok not until I called her and she didn't pick up. She is 10 hours away from me and out distance just started due to where she works..i have prayed and prayed no sign other than she is doing all her best to let go of me..i didn't do her wrong. All she claim to be is religion differences after 11years? Am surprised and I don't want to lose her yet am left with no option. Advice me please
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 months ago from Kenya
@I'll be happy if someone kill me, don't kill yourself because your life is precious. Always remember there are many people who are going through what you underwent.
I have gone through more than three breakups. The first one hit me hard but I was able to heal and recover from the breakup.
Cry as much as you want. It's your body's way of dealing with the hurtful event that occurred to you.
Stop listening to depressing songs. I used to listen to sad love songs but they didn't assist me in dealing with the situation. They only made me feel more sad.
You should listen to uplifting and inspiring songs. Try to listen to songs that will cheer you.
If you have a close friend, ask her to delete the messages for you if it's difficult to do so.
You've to allow the healing process to begin so that you can recover from the breakup.
Remind yourself:
1. There are people who have undergone this and have recovered from their breakups. You can do it. You need to be determined.
2. That this breakup isn't the last one. Maybe you were never meant to be in it. You'll find your true-permanent partner in future.
3. That you should start taking care of yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Stop blaming yourself by accepting if you were the cause of the breakup, you've repented of it, and won't repeat it.
Have a friend you trust to remind you that life is not all lost. Someone who can remind you that you still have a hopeful future.
I wrote an article: Steps to Healing & Recovering from a Breakup
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 months ago from Kenya
@Benedicta, that is a 'poor' reason for his breaking up with you. It doesn't make sense why he wouldn't accept the half you were able to give him. He should have been grateful that you offered to give him the amount you were capable to.
If he dumps you because of this situation, it would have been worse if you're married and had kids.
It isn't acceptable at all.
☹ I'll be happy if someone kill me...
2 months ago
My boyfriend broke up with me and i won't stop crying, listen at sad and depressing songs and i won't stop see the massages and the
Benedicta
2 months ago
My guy just broke up with me because he ask for money and I told him I can only give him half of it
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 months ago from Kenya
Hi Avro,
You can't become instant friends after breaking up. Both of you need time and space from each other so that you can heal and recover from the breakup.
The problem with being immediate friends is that you'll feel pain everytime you talk or meet each other. This is because the 'wound' hasn't healed.
Thus, you need to tell her that you shouldn't talk or meet each other for a month so that you can allow each other to heal from the breakup.
After you've healed, you'll.be comfortable with being friends because you won't feel the pain. The pain will have subsided.
Check this article for more information about not contacting each other: What are the rules and benefits of no contact rule after a breakup?
Avro
2 months ago
I was 2 years relationship, but she broke up. Cause, her family can't except it. She still want to good friendly relation. She say me,, "sorry" a lot. We have a physical relation, like kiss. She love me much and respec. Now, how i can do?
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
3 months ago from Kenya
Hi Amy,
Being in relationship for 6 years, it would be you've known each other a lot to settle down as a couple. But, it is worrying that he doesn't reply your texts. Maybe it's because you've been dating online for a long time.
Telling you as a stranger that he has a girlfriend means two things. Either he is referring to you or another girl.
When he doesn't respond to your texts means his feelings for you is dwindling or he has no feelings for you anymore. This is called silent treatment when he ignores your texts or doesn't respond to you. Sometimes, this silent treatment known as ghosting is an indication he doesn't want to be in a relationship but doesn't want to tell you.
How can you know he still loves you or has feelings for you? I suggest you remain silent too for two weeks at a maximum. This is to know if he had feelings for you. It is difficult because your heart would be aching as a result of not hearing from you but it is the safest and the least hurtful way to know. I presume you are living thousand of kilometres or miles from him.
If he doesn't respond within the two weeks, you will know he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. By that time, you can tell him because of him being quiet and not responding to your texts, you thought he didn't want to talk to your for various reasons. Therefore, you decided to give him time. But why have you not responded for two weeks? If you no longer want to be in relationship with me, please tell me instead of hurting me with your silence. Or tell me what you're thinking about our relationship.
If he doesn't respond, you'll have to move on. If he tells you doesn't want to be on relationship, you still need to move on
If he tells you to wait a few days, be prepared for positive or negative news.
During this two weeks of silence, don't concentrate so much about him or the relationship. Do your things, and always tell yourself even if things don't go right, I will be strong. I will come out of this situation strong. I will have to heal and recover from the breakup and move on if it reaches that point.
Amy
4 months ago
hi there im Amy and i just got in a relashionship and me and my boyfriend are good but our relashionship is awkward when were not texting and it feels like an online relashionship but i dont want him to think that and i mean yes its kinda awkard because we have liked eachother for 6 years straight and now that our dreams have came true about you know us getting in a couple i dont know how to talk to him in person or try not to make him worry so much about me and i do love him but i... i think hes maybe cheating on me even tho he keeps on telling me he would never and everytime i text him goodnight he sees the message but dosent replie me back it nearly breaks my heart and then he just turns of his phone im really sure he does that because on the WhatsupApp it shows when ur online and when ur not i then got a plan and called him from one of my old phones he responded and i didnt say a word then i haunged up and he started texting me things on that phone number like who this and stuff so i acted like i was a stranger and i said im was sorry i got the wrong number and then he said its okay dont worry (he didnt know it was me texting him tho) i then asked him a few hours later by text and told him to tell me things about himself and we started to know eachother more and ofcourse all i told him were lies because i was pretending to be a stranger right? okay 2 days later we were still in contant and then me as a stranger i asked him out and do you know what he said... UM WELL IM ACTIALLY TAKEN I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND THEN HE SAID BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME I WILL
Xavier Gavin
6 months ago
You can't do anything to stop her from leaving if her mind's already made up. There may be issues with your communication style that result in you being unable to convey your emotions to your girlfriend. I've read in one article about Can You Stop Your Girlfriend From Leaving You? https://www.davidtianphd.com/relationships/how-to-... which I think it will give you an idea how to do it.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
7 months ago from Kenya
@ Luke, from your brief description it's difficult to know why your ex-girlfriend is treating you in that manner. There are several questions you need to ask yourself to gauge why she is behaving like that towards you:
1) When the two of you feel in love, how was her feelings towards you back then? Did she love you for who you are and not for what you had/have?
2) Are there things about you (negative) that she used to complain about but you never worked in correcting such behaviors/attitudes?
3) Your ex making fun of your best friend dying shows that there is something you did or always did that irritated her. Can you think of anything that makes her complain about you? Think about it. Why did she keep complaining about it?
4) Telling you that you cannot have friends shows there is something about you that she didn't like. It might not be your disability because she loved you. This is evident in that the two of you had a relationship. It's something about you (behavior/attitude) or something you did/din't do that made her react in such a negative manner.
5) Reflect on the relationship. Look at it on all sides and analyze your ex like you would a literary work. Don't look only on the good aspects of her. Also, look on other things especially before and during the first weeks of the relationship. How was it like? What about towards the end of the relationship?
Since you were in a relationship since in high school, I don't think she hates you because of your disability. She would have refused to get in the relationship. It is something concerning you that makes her react negatively towards her.
I suggest you wait 2-3 weeks then ask her politely why she broke up with you. There is a good chance she will reply why she broke up with you. If she did tell you, connect her reason and the reflection of the relationship (analyzing both her and you) and you'll find out why she broke up with you.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
7 months ago from Kenya
Ask the question, Gianna. Don't worry how stupid it might look.
gianna
8 months ago
I have a stupid question, but are tough to look the best you’ve ever been, or really crap or something else the day after the breakup
Luke
8 months ago
I have a question, why does my girlfriend put me down and say that i cannot have friends? she tells me i don't love her when i do and she thinks that im putting her down and idk what to say everytime i try to say something and complment her she tells me no and then later on tells me i don't do anything she told me were gonna be together forever and i feel like she dont like me for who i am cause my disablity cause i met her in high school and when we gradwated she told me she wanted to be with me forever now she just tells me i cannot have friends she always looks threw my things i cant even she even made fun about my best friend dying and he was my best friend may i please get more talk to you please so i can help understand this if you can thanks
Luke
8 months ago
I am very comfuesd about this cause i have a disablity and i still dont understand why my girlfriend broke up with me i always know that i say bad words sometimes and tell her to chill and lsiten but it makes it worse she does not allow me to have frriends but i still love her but why does she hate me? this makes me really sad and i would like some help please to understand better thank you :)
Kate
8 months ago
Okay thank you so much
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
8 months ago from Kenya
You did the right thing, Kate. It's understandable as you didn't want to escalate the matter. You prevented the breakup from worsening as is common in many breakups whereby the partners shout at each other, insult and so on which results in the partners being affected negatively (psychologically).
However, I would suggest you respond by text after a week or two. This is because the silence will have a negative psychological effect on your ex. Just tell him you didn't respond immediately since you didn't want to escalate things. You've already accepted his decision and you wish him all the best.
Kate
8 months ago
My Boyfriend broke up with me And I simply gave him the silent treatment I avoided him and ignored him it wasn’t because I was upset or mad it was because I really just didn’t wanna start anything do you think I did the right thing?
Gigi
10 months ago
Me and a guy were talking for a few months and getting to know each other. However, every time I suggested we go out on a date he came up with excuses as to why he couldn't make it, etc. He stopped talking to me for a few days and replied to a message I sent with a breakup text. He told me he didn't want to "break my heart" and that he knew "we wanted different things," that I wanted a relationship and he didn't. He said he still wants to talk and meet with me and that he likes me. I'm so confused.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
14 months ago from Kenya
It's evident your ex boyfriend came up with excuses why he no longer wants to be in the relationship with you. What he said about isn't true as you have said. The reasons were only excuses to get out of the truth. Also, there isn't any truth his love for you will always remain fresh.
You have to forget him. You have to tell yourself over and over you are no longer on relationship with him. The relationship is dead thus you have to move on. Your heart needs to be retold every time the relationship failed thus it has to move on.
Whenever you think about him, stop yourself from thinking. Don't entertain any thoughts about him or feel sorry for yourself because you're no longer in the relationship.
Deleter his numbers from your phone, block or unfriend him from your social media accounts and tear/store away his pictures.
Forgive him if you are still angry at him. Don't entertain the negative emotions - hatred, anger.
Focus your mind and heart on your life and where you're heading. Don't think about the relationship anymore.
It will take time to finally find the strength to move on but when you're determined and disciplined you want to move on, you will surely move on. Within 2-4 weeks, you should have recovered from the breakup. Let that be your aim, that you won't be remorseful, you won't feel sorry for yourself, you won't wish the relationship was still alive.
..
14 months ago
hi.. my boyfriend brokeup with me two days ago, he said i take him for granted , i give no importance and i off my mood in small small things and he has to say sorry all the time . but the truth isnt that, i love him a lot and gave him importance and never took him for granted, he says he loves me but we arent compatible , he also says his love for me will remain fresh always. we were in relationship for 1.5 years. i begged him to stay but he didnt . what should i do, i cant move onn!
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
14 months ago from Kenya
Your girlfriend is employing silent treatment. This is whereby she doesn't tell you if she has left you for another person. While I might be wrong, it might be she seeing another person as a form of revenge, to show is better off with the person she's seeing or her intentions might be true - she has left you for another person.
One technique you might use is exercising no contact rule. Don't contact on whatever form an average of two weeks. While you meet in the class, let your conversation be greetings and discussion about an assignment if you happen to be in the same group.
After two weeks, send her text and tell her that she's remained silent towards you for long. You have tried contacting her but she's been ignoring you. Is the relationship still active or has she opted out of it? What is the status of the relationship? Or you might tell her you love her but why has she remained silent towards you? Ask her to meet so you can discuss about the relationship. Either way she will respond.
Don't push if she doesn't respond. Wait for a few days then tell her because she hasn't responded, you won't force her to tell you.
Jeffrey Phillips
14 months ago
I have this girlfriend and we are not good, I tried clearing things on WhatsApp buh she ignored me, we saw in school buh we did not talk and she is already following someone else. How do I know if she wants to break up with me?? And what do I ask her that will cause her to make her intentions known to me??
Thank You.
Jay C OBrien
14 months ago from Houston, TX USA
Good article especially about Forgiveness. Learn you cannot control another person.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
15 months ago from Kenya
There is nothing wrong in asking him that question though you shouldn't hold your hopes too high. Simply, he doesn't want to be or committed in a serious relationship and feels it's better to be alone than be in a serious relationship.
You want to be in a serious relationship so that you can settle together and afterwards get married. Unless you want to be in an open relationship.
Thus, it's proper to ask him that question. Does he mean he's broken up with you and everyone should part ways or does he want some time off?
Jeanette
15 months ago
My boyfriend broke up with me over email. At least I guess he broke up. He says he wants to be alone and not feel pressure of a serious relationship. Should I ask him if he just wants a break but then be together again?
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
15 months ago from Kenya
No contact won't help in getting her back. She doesn't want to commit and she doesn't know what she wants.
It's hard to get back someone who doesn't want to commit to a relationship until future. That's why she wants to be friends so that you can always be in contact. The fact she doesn't know what she wants also makes things worse.
Your relationship has only spanned for two months. That's little time to have known each other well and to have developed emotional bonding. This also will make it hard for NC to assist you in getting her back.
In any case, when you use no contact she might see you are ignoring her or you've seen it's better not to be friends.
What I can advice is that you should treat each other as casual friends. Don't contact her always. Don't be platonic friends. Don't talk for each other for long. Maybe it will work out in your favour in the long run but don't keep your hopes to her. Gaze your eyes in other places. Time will tell.
William
15 months ago
My ex and I are both in college right now and we were dating for 2 months. She just broke up with me stating that she wasn't ready for commitment and she doesn't know what she wants. She said she wants to stay friends over the summer and see what happens after summer. I'm trying to play the NO Contact rule and hopefully see if we can get back together but is there even a chance of us getting back together? Even if we somehow keep connected over the summer.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
15 months ago from Kenya
@Saikoumarron, the distance relationship won't work out if she's found another man. This is the disadvantage of distance relationship. One partner will get tired of it very quickly.
You'll have to respect her decision unless you can convince her you'll be visiting her frequently.
You can also talk with her how you can work out on this matter. If you're able to visit her, let her know and after how long you'll be visiting her. The fact you're far makes her wonder whether the relationship will ever develop to the point you're staying together.
Saikoumarron
15 months ago
I meet a girl on his holiday and we arr far way from each other lonh disnstan relationahip. We love each other we arr in relationahip for month but this days she send me massage that she need a break up first i ask why she said she dont tbibk she can continue this and i thank her and respect his decision she said but i love her and she say that she found someone at the festival she hangout with that guy what can i say to her please help me i lover very much thays wju i am over this comment
Lamin
15 months ago
I am in long disnstan relationahip for a month i meet a girl on his holiday we do write send pic ect we both have feeling for each other and we arr palning for our future ect. She send me a massage saying that she dont thibk she can maintain this long distance which i dont understand what can i say to her
She say she need a break up
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
@Carol, that is not a healthy relationship. Every time he breaks up with you because he's mad at you then reconcile when his anger has subsided, in the long run you'll be affected negatively.
You might develop depression and low self-esteem. Whenever he breaks up with you, you get hurt. You haven't healed enough to return to the same relationship when again he dumps you. You will ignore the heart being optimistic things will be different but what you might not know, your heart is 'bleeding' because of the continuous heart resulting from frequent breakup.
Since this is a cycle, you have to stop it. Again, he is cheating on you. It's something you've noted. He has to know your heart isn't a toy to be played with it.
You'll have to let him know you need your own space to think things through. You need your own space, not in a relationship with him, to make sense of the relationship and to let the healing process take its course. You have to heal before you engage in a relationship for your own healthy benefits.
I'm not sure if you're the one who has to move out or him. But, one of you has to do that. In this instance, I'm not sure which is which but you'll know which steps to take.
Someone cannot dump you because he's mad at you then get back because he's no longer mad at you or possible has suppressed his anger. Think how it will be when you get married and have children. It will be a disaster. He has to manager his anger and has to differentiate who you are in his life - not a toy.
Caro
16 months ago
My boyfriend and i have been dating for two and a half years...He broke up with me just because i got to know that he sneaked out food to a girl in the same apartment in the night while i was in the house...when i found out about that, i argued with him about it...He claims that the girl is her friend whereas the doesn't even say hi to me,knowing that am dating him..After he broke up with me,he now wants us to be together again...he always breaks up with me whenever he feels angry at me
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
Thank you, Victoria
Victoria
16 months ago
Nice
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
@IB, I agree with you. It's possible for an individual to win back his/her ex as long as one acts maturely.
Even if an individual won't win back his/her ex, acting maturely will help a lot in dealing with the breakup and when engaging in another relationship.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
Hi Sophy. Yah, you will have to take one day at a time. You will have moments when you'll think a lot of him, moments when you'll wish and moments when you'll be unsure of anything.
But, if you take one day at a time as you've noted you'll fair on well. You'll have to work out on concentrating on yourself and taking the necessary steps to heal and recover from the relationship.
It's sad the relationship ended up because of misconception on the part of your ex.
Sophy
16 months ago
My boyfriend n I have been dating for over three years now. The last time we saw each I was visiting him at his place and then one thing lead another like nomarl relationship while we were busy I told him to get off me cos I was feeling pain since we were both drunk . Then boom in the morning he told I was acting like someone who is cheating jst because of that moment. He left the house without saying anything and then I sent him a text asking him Y he left without saying anything then his response was " you are a cheat n I'm done, for real" I was left speechless I packed my bags n told him I was ready to leave. He asked if I want to leave n then I told him wats the point of staying if he was done with me. Then later he came with a friend called me a cab then I left. Dat was da end we haven't spoke since that day. I'm still struggling to get over it Bt I'm taking it one day at a time. We've been through alot together dats Y it is so hard for me to accept
IB
16 months ago
My ex texted me i dont want you to text me nowadays, and i replied why and she just said she doesnt like it, so after a few munites she texed and said may i tell you something, i said ok and she said can we end this relationship, i asked why and she said no reason, i started to nag so she could tel me the reason and she keep saying no reason, so after i texted again she ignored my textes, i called she didnt pick, so i texted and say we didnt met by mistake and it shouldnt end like this but she still ignored me, after 10mins i reasoned and text her dearest i respect your decision and i agree tp the break up, and i thanked her for the memories, so after a 20mins i saw a missed called from her and a text, so i replied by saying is there anything left to say and she said no but asked me if am angry and i said no, so she started to explain to me why she asked for break up, so i told her let's meet up the next day and we did and she expressed herself, and claimed that it was a joke, i know she lied but didnt want to upset me, actually all i want to conclude with is that you can win back your partner in a break up by just been mature, maturuty entails alot.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
@Francis, you have to move on and forget about your ex. She had promised not to cheat on you but went ahead when her friend suggested another man and she didn't mind not telling her friend she's you as her boyfriend.
Forget about how. Stop any communication with her and move on. She doesn't mind you're her boyfriend thus it shows if you were still in the relationship and she got a good man, she would have dumped you.
I have written an article in how to heal and recover from a breakup. You might want to read it.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
16 months ago from Kenya
@Sally, you should not allow to be friends. You cannot move from instant lovers to instant friends. As long as you remain friends, you will always be thinking about the relationship and your boyfriends and wishing/dreaming/fantasizing you were still in the relationship. You should be casual friends but not for the time being. Until you've healed, recovered and moved on that's when you can become friends but not close friends.
Cease any communication if you're still communicating. Don't plead for a reunion. Take your time to sort out your thoughts, to reflect on the relationship, to initiate the healing process and to gain the peace of mind and strength to move on. After two weeks or a month of not communicating with him, wish him all the best and tell him you can't be friends for now. It will have to wait till you move on.
Don't plead with him for a reunion. Do check an article I wrote on how to heal and recover from a breakup.
Sally
16 months ago
My boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me over the phone. Ive never had someone do this to me and dont know how to take it. He said he wanted to be friends
francis
16 months ago
My girlfriend cheated on me with someone and she promised she won't again but she has a friend who has influence on her and has pushed to date someone else since my Girlfriend never told her friend she had a boyfriend.. I refused answering her calls and texted her I know about what she is planning to do. After few days I felt bad and wanted to apologies so I asked her if she had moved on and she said yes ... now am very hurting and heart broken because I really deeply love her.. what do I do now
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
17 months ago from Kenya
Hi Lauren. It will hurt a lot when you work at the same place but live separately. If you've tried but she still insists on separation, you will have to respect her decision. Consider this, she wants a separation but you insist till she accepts. Do you think the relationship will remain vibrant or lively?
The relationship will be filled with newer problems and constant fights because of the reason that led to her decision on separation.
You will have to accept her decision. I believe it will work for good for the two of you. You will need it as much as her. You will still meet at work place. However, you should begin treating her as a friend not a lover. Only greetings and talking matters related to work. It will be hard meeting constantly with someone you love but is not in your arms. Maybe, during the separation something good may come out of it - reunite or move on with your life. The separation will afford you time to reflect a lot of things about the relationship. No contacting her in anyway unless when greeting or talking about work assignment.
Lauren
17 months ago
i have been in 2years relationship we are living together, she go to vacation when she came back after 28 days she change a lot like i dont know whats happened and what is the reason why she want a separation. its very hard for me because until now we are living in a same room same work still together but there's a lot of changes. what should i do?
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
18 months ago from Kenya
There are various things you can do instead of relying on sleeping pills and wine.
Always reaffirm to yourself the relationship is over, you need to work out on how to get over it. Next time you feel like taking pills or drink wine, ask yourself why you're depending on these which aren't making the situation better. When you feel the need to use them to comfort or relieve yourself, resolve not to take the pills or drink wine.
Don't try to contact your ex or converse with him in any form. Connect with your family and friends by spending time with them. Whenever an image of your ex pops up in your mind, snap out of it.
Do the things you love doing and promise yourself you will not destroy yourself because you have a life to live.
PS: I have written several articles on how to heal and recover from a relationship, things you should and should not do after a breakup.
Katelyn
18 months ago
I can't cope with the pain of my break up. Can't eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can't sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
Kitkat
19 months ago
Wat should i do if he just says he doesnt feel the same, then says we can just be friends, but ignores me imedietly after? we broke up a few months ago and m deleting some fles and found our pictures, im crying lol right now. And he hasnt talked to me since our breakup, even told me how weird i am in one point when i was with my friends. He doesnt talk to me andwhenever i arrive to my friends and hes there, he just stops talking or just leaves. Im hurt! and crying, and i dont know wat to do!
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
19 months ago from Kenya
It is so sad he blames you for everything when the fact is a relationship is not one-sided. You have described how the relationship is like and how he blames you for things which aren't true. You have committed into the relationship and have gone as far as to provide economically.
At this time you need to settle your mind, let peace reign in your heart and mind. You are hurting and the one you thought was your husband is now saying bad about you. I recommend you cease communicating with him. Do not contact him in any form so as to allow the healing process to begin and find the strength to move on. By not contacting him you will be able to reflect on the relationship clearly and it will help you to heal and recover from the breakup.
It is time to move on with your life. That would be my advice. You will find a better man whom you will work out in a relationship because no one is perfect.
NB: I have an arricle about No Contact rule.
Help
19 months ago
My bf broke up with me and told he he was no longer happy and he wanted freedom. We have both made mistakes in the past and we have been working towards a better us but now he blames me for everything, he tells me I’m insecure that I should love myself that I don’t let him breat, which are all lies I let him have his space and hang out with friends all the time. He is currently in law school and give him as much time and space to study. I honestly thought he was going to be my husband. I helped him economically with everything and I feel like now since he is getting a loan he wants to put me on the side leave and have his fun. While breaking up with me he said horrible things about my self esteem and how everything was my fault and I needed to change.
Idk what to think about all this
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
19 months ago from Kenya
You did stand your ground by not accepting his proposal of a polygamous family which is good. It is evident he wants it which will only create more problems in the relationship. By sleeping with your friend shows he does not respect you and you are blocking him from satisfying what he desires.
If you have tried to talk to him after he called quits but you feel he is not responding positively then you should cease any contact with him. During this period reflect whether you should move on with your life or try once to tell him you do love him but do not want a polygamous family. A month of no contact will help. After this period approach him. If he does not respond positively decide to move on. It is better to remain single than being in such a relationship.
Boe
19 months ago
My husband of 4 years broke up with me because i dont want polygamy,the problem is that i agreed at first but then we have tried dating 2 girls and it was hard and whenever i told him he would stop or brush it off for a month to say he doesnt need it he was only teasing...another reason i no longer want it is because he has cheated and also slept with my friend i dont he deserves more women but today he called it quits
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
19 months ago from Kenya
You have to ponder why your ex is thinking you are cheating on him. Maybe it is how you talk with your or his male friends. Re-evaluate how you act or speak in various settings or situation and see whether they are the reasons your boyfriend thinks you are cheating on him; and try to work on changing such behaviors or atttitudes if they are not good.
Set a day and approach him. Tell him, not emotionally, that you are not unfaithful towards him. Do not plead or beg. Do not engage in war of words that what you are saying is the truth. State as a matter of fact. Let him know how much he is hurting you by stating what is not a fact - an action that you are not doing because you have committed yourself in the relationship. After the end of conversation do not try to justify any other time you are not faithful again. It is up to him to make his mind to believe or not.
maliyah
19 months ago
my boyfriend thinks im cheating on him but im not he told my best friend that is going to break up with me what do i do
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
20 months ago from Kenya
Some reasons that lead to break ups aren't usually justified because they are not reasonable as is in your case.
If you have tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't respond or offer a positive response there are two things left:
1) Compose a text about your relationship with him as you have indicated here and how you don't want to be apart from him and how much he means to you. Also let him know about his jealousy which is unfounded as you love him unconditionally. Additionally if you feel strong to say this why not tell him if it is jealousy that has led to him considering breaking up with you, it is not a mature manner of arriving at such a decision because it translates to mistrust. If he considers ending the relationship because of such a decision, you will not push on. You will accept the decision because there is nothing else you can try to convince him how much you love him or there is nothing between you and one of the boys and that he means a lot to you. It will be difficult to say it but there is nothing more you can do though it will hurt the more when you tell him so. Let him know it will hurt a lot when he makes his decision to dump you because of his jealousy.
2) If he does not respond or doesn't offer the required response, cease communication, that is, exercise no contact rule. It will give both of you time to consider various things about the relationship and the two of you. It will hurt a lot when you are not communicating with him. It is what he has asked of you. During the silence he might respond or not. You should exercise no contact rule for a minimum of 2 weeks. He might respond positively or break up with you during the silence period. But, the silence will afford you the opportunity to think about the relationship and come up with a decision of what to do next.
Help
20 months ago
i have been with this person in 6 years now. he is my everything, I can't describe how close we are. I really mean it when I say I have found the one, and no-one will love me like he does. the problem is that I invited boys to my birthday party. he have not talked to me in 3 days all he says is that he just need time to think if we are going to break up. someone please tell me what to do, I seriously can't live without him. im writing this crying. I don't know what to do pleas help. I just can't handle this anymore. he is the one who im gonna marry. I didn't know that he is going to end this because of this stupid jealousy.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
20 months ago from Kenya
Samuel, in the age we are living financial instability is one of the major causes of relationship breakups and divorces. You have been in a relationship for long and it does hurt especially considering she ended the relationship because you're no longer financially stable.
A partner might be wasting his/her time in a relationship if one partner is not committed in the relationship or has no vision as regards to the relationship. For your lady to dump because of money issue, it is evident she didn't have true love for you. While financial stability is important in a relationship, just because now you're not doing well financially is the reason for her to end the relationship.
I was in the same boat. Those are years wasted considering also she doesn't know what she wants in life and in the relationship. You've to do without her. Possibly, you'll get one who will stick with you through thick and thin.
Samuel How
20 months ago
My ex just broke up with me last month(we have been in a long term relationship for 3 years 8 months).. she feels that we are not meant to be together and feels that our future will be difficult due to financial issue(a friend of mine loaned money from me for a period of time from last year, up till now havent do any repayment to me yet).. i tried to explain to her this can be fixed.. she even told me money can be earned back for the next few years.. she said it cant be fixed anymore.. she dont want to continue this relationship anymore, she is tired and wish to be alone.. she said we are not young anymore, im 32 years old while she is 28years old, she wish to stop wasting each other time.. she dont see herself being happy in the future if she hang on to this relationship.. she dont have feelings for me and this relationship anymore.. she said that she still wanna find what she want to have in her life.. commitment is not the only thing she want actually.. she wanted to explore things that she never explore before..
John
21 months ago
Once a girl I barely knew tried to "break up" with me and I laughed and told her we were never together to begin with! She started crying and wanted to know why I wouldn't fight for her. That made me laugh even harder and I had to tell her she needed to get over herself.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
21 months ago from Kenya
In order to move on you've to accept you did hurt her. After admitting to yourself you did hurt her, you need to forgive yourself for that act and ask her for forgiveness. Asking her to forgive you is not so as to reconcile but to have peace of mind, both for you and her.
You need to give her time to recollect herself as she's made clear she'll be ready the following year. Thus, reduce communication with her. Let your conversations, if it's impossible to avoid, be on a basic level.
Engage yourself in activities that will keep your mind off from thinking about her. It might be a good idea to unfriend her from your online social network.
Lastly, be grateful for being in a relationship with her. Appreciate her and try to improve your personality to become a better you.
Ben
21 months ago
I lost my girlfriend, before I ready this, I lost my temper, and took it out on her, after that she told me she just needed to focus on school this year, and next year she would be ready, now I've ruined my relationship with her, and now I'm done for, and I can't move on, it's to hard, I need help
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
21 months ago from Kenya
Neils, it is a fact no one man or woman can romantically love two people equally. It is not the same as brotherly love. Between the two of you, she was loving one person more than the other. She said it was you but from your description, it is evident she loves the other man more than you. This is evident in the change of her attitude towards you. She feels you were the cause of the breakup between her and her boyfriend.
For now you need to take things slowly. What do I mean? She's having some feelings for him and you, and the fact is you cannot share a lady with another man. You need to take a break from the relationship. You're feeling pain resulting from the betrayal and the fact she's not yet over that man.
Let her know you need a break from the relationship. You need time away from the relationship to heal your wounded heart and settle your mind. You need time away from her to think clearly about the relationship without letting emotions dictate what to think.
when the pain has subsided you'll know whether to get back with her or not.
But, for someone to engage in another relationship with another person while she is still in a relationship with someone is lack of respect and shows that love is lacking. Blaming you for the breaking up with her other boyfriend evidenced by her changed attitude towards you is 'an insult to injury.' I would not want to continue in the relationship anymore.
Neils Henry
21 months ago
Am in a relationship and both of us loves each other. I personally have never think of cheating on her but all the times, I kept telling her more about relationship and they way i want us to take it... I asked her if she have any side boo, she always told me no. Am the only one.
When i came to realized that this girl has been dating with another guy without my knowledge, told her that he will marry her but she said she is not ready for that and still he keeps on prestring her, the very day i know, it was actually sad for me because i have never expect such from her because i love her from my heart.
Now She's staying and still going out with both of us but she loves me the more, she later told me what was happening between her and the other guy and she promised to breakup him, after two days she told me she have brokenup with him but her attitude have change towards me. This is the lady i trusted and now am going through sadness, hurt, paining heartatche.. My decision right now is to quit, Please i need your advice..
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
22 months ago from Kenya
I understand what you are going through Ali. I have been there. It's hard to articulate in words what you're going through.
The best you can do for now is to exercise no contact rule, that is, don't talk to her until you've healed. It's good you've deleted the social app. You should try not to think about her. Concentrate on your work and read articles that encourage you. Don't read articles on how to get her back because it will make things worse. If you like listening to songs, don't listen to sad songs.
When you no longer feel the pain and the thoughts of her no longer run in your mind, you'll which direction to head to. Cool things down and time will tell which ultimate decision will take as regards to your girlfriend.
F. E. Ali
22 months ago
I dont know what to write because everything i did in reaction is in sheer contradiction with what you have suggested in this article.
Two months have been passed and im still bowing to her and trying to convince her to stay with me. Even yesterday, i tried alot to talk but no response from her side, although she was online. Then i deleted the social app on which i used to talk to her frequently and sat back, had some weed and slept. Im in abroad and i dont know what to do in such situation. Idont know what has happened to me, she is all over my nerves and heart and i really miss her every where. right now im at job but still trying to console myself with her thoughts and different articles. But now after reading your article, i have decided that i wont try to talk no matter how worse my situation is. I wish i could hold these decisions for longer time as i have made same decision hundreds of times in past two months, and failed badly.
I think my talk here doesnt make any sense at all and im failing miserably to convey what i really want to speak but i dont know, i cant explain whats happening with me
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
22 months ago from Kenya
I am sorry to hear about that Rafael. For now it will be better if you don't contact her because it will aggravate matters. Wait until the matter has cooled down.
Rafael
22 months ago
This is such a great advice here. I wish I had read this two weeks ago, before responding to her breakup message. I did not reply in anger, I wanted to take the pressure off of her by expressing my understanding and that I am more the oldschool face-to-face type in these situations. And that oldschool comment caused her to get totally mad at me, as her intention was to let me know in advance should we see each other again. That comment from my side ruined it completely, as I (unintentionally) attacked her way of communicating the breakup. In her first breakup message she suggested if we could reduce it all a bit (.e.g. no intimacy and stuff), but after my response she was so hurt about my reaction in what was her last message, explaining that she just had good intentions in letting me know before we see each other again, she did not want to slap the news right across my face.
Now I haven't heard from her since 10 days and I fear I won't ever see her again. I feel shattered, we were dating for 2 months and we had such a great connection and now it is all gone. I so much wish I had replied authentically, by expressing my sadness about her message, that I had such a great time with her, respect her decision and wish her all the best. Just like it is suggested above.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
22 months ago from Kenya
You're welcomed Francis
Francis
22 months ago
this is all that I needed Thank you very much
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
23 months ago from Kenya
Thank you Annie Roberts
Debra Roberts
23 months ago from Ohio
This is beautifully done. I love the layout!
Holly H
23 months ago
I love you right now! I am very grateful to you for knowing exactly what I need to read right now.
These are amazing:
You have so much to give. You're an awesome girl and your ex doesn't deserve any more of your time.
And: You should know that you deserve wonderful relationships full of love, and that you are capable of achieving them.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
23 months ago from Kenya
You are welcome Cathy
cathy
23 months ago
thanks for the advice its so helpful for me
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
You are right Sajid. If someone breaks up with us it means that person was never meant to be our permanent partner.
Sajid Balawar
2 years ago from Karachi Pakistan
very lucrative. if someone is breaking up with us, it mean someone better is send from God for us.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
At Alex, "Even if he says sorry nothings gonna change...." Don't allow it again if it keeps on repeating itself. It is a good decision you've undertaken to bring it to a stop. Don't allow to be treated like a doormat.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
It is true, Jim, to love someone who doesn't love you is gut wrenching. It is painful, as I have felt it when my ex-girlfriend told a friend of mine she never loved me. She said it was her friend who forced her to love me - mind me, she did in fact love me. However, the pain never lasts if you'll take positive steps to ensure you heal from the breakup.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
My sympathy, Joanna. It is good to know you've accepted the situation you're in though it's painful what you're going through. I was in the same boat but as days go by the pain will ease. It will not last forever. You are right, "It's worth the pain," and "I'm grateful for everything." Such are positive attitudes.
joanna
2 years ago
i love him. and it kills me to the inside. but its over. but im still grateful for everything. even with this pain.i know its going to end badly. but its worth the pain. so thank you
jim
2 years ago
am going through a breakup at the age of 50 and it has shattered me. To love someone who doesn't love you back is gut wrenching.... I do know that i will be ok.
Alex
2 years ago
Even if he says sorry nothings gonna change..........
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
You are welcome Max
max
2 years ago
thank you for this
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
2 years ago from Kenya
Thank you Alison Monroe for your comment
Alison Monroe
2 years ago
This is actually amazingly good advice.
AUTHOR
Alianess Benny
3 years ago from Kenya
I agree with you dashingscorpio. It is not good to be platonic friends due to the reasons you gave plus it will hinder the healing processing and eventual recovery.

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How to Respond Maturely When Someone Breaks Up With You

How to Act When Someone Breaks Up With You

Tell yourself you'll be OK.

Breathe.

Respect their decision.

Don't say too much.

Don't try to force them to stay with you.

Keep physical boundaries.

Don't interrupt them.

If you want to, respond carefully.

Keep your cool.

Be grateful (if possible.)

Say goodbye.

Forgive.

14 Things to Say When Someone Breaks Up With You

Breakups Suck, but You're Going to Be OK

1. Pretend Like You're OK

2. Stay Calm. Breathe.

3. Respect Your Ex’s Decision

4. Don't Talk Too Much

5. Don’t Try to Force Them to Stay

6. Don't Try to Get Physical With Them (Kissing Won't Change Their Mind)

7. Don't Interrupt or Argue With Them

8. Give Your Point of View Thoughtfully, Without Blaming or Insulting Them

9. Don’t Plead

10. Be Grateful

11. Forgive Them

Why You Should Try to Keep Your Cool

Things to Remember During a Breakup

How to Respond If They Broke Up With You Over Text

Re-read the text message.

Stay put.

Journal.

Wait to respond.

Reach out.

Respond carefully.

Be nice.

Forgive them.

How to Move On After a Breakup

Feel the feelings.

Write it out.

Remember the good times.

Let them go.

Give yourself space.

Instead, reach out to friends and family.

Take care of yourself.

Make new memories.

Forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself.

You Will Get Through This

Have Your Say:

Do you think it matters a lot how you react during a breakup?

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