6 Different Ways You Can Respond During A Break Up
The kind of reaction people develop when they are at the receiving end of a relationship breakup is quite different. It doesn’t largely depend on whether the recipient of the breakup is a woman or man. It depends on a number of factors such as the personality of the person, the environment he/she grew up in, and how many breakups he/she has undergone.
Break ups hurt and it’s very hard to understand why the ex took the decision to end the relationship. A person feels as if he/she has been stripped naked, a laughing stock and the worst of all, feels his/her dignity has been degraded. A person feels messed up, his/her world turned upside down, feels muddled to the extent of feeling pretty useless.
Whether you have undergone more than one breakup or it’s your first time (meaning in both cases you are about to be the end receiver of a breakup); it’s imperative you take caution on how you respond to the breakup. A large percentage of recipients react in a dramatic manner. At the end of the day – when you have healed from the hurt and are moving on with your life – you feel ashamed (regret) why you behaved the way you behaved in awkward and weird style
When you respond positively (as much as it hurts) it indicates several things: Firstly, it illustrates despite how hurting it is to receive the message of the breakup you have accepted the decision made by your ex. It would be of no good to counter his decision because it won’t change the matter. Even if it changes and you get back you are bound to break up again. Secondly, it demonstrates you have thought a lot about the reason your ex has given for breaking up with you. Thirdly, it shows despite how hurting, angry and bitter you are you’ll not respond dramatically. It expresses you need also your time to think things through. Does this paragraph make sense? Read on, it will make sense later.
Once you react positively however painful it is, there are several positive outcomes that will be manifested. First of all, it will take a shorter time to heal from the hurt. This is because you acted soberly and gained the courage to accept the decision your ex made and not acting in a negative or dramatic manner. Secondly, it will act as a proof to the ex despite the decision he/she made, you won’t be crippled to the extent you will end up pleading with him/her. Many exes think you will never recover quickly. Thirdly, you will have afforded to look keenly at the relationship and judge it in a considerate fashion. Lastly, you will not end begging or pleading as you will know it’s a decision your ex has made, so you have respected his decision therefore it’s time to move on.
The following are ways you can respond positively to a breakup:
a) Respect Your Ex's Decision
He has told you it’s over. Worse, he has told you he is seeing another lady. It hurts. It pains. You feel like strangling him; shouting, yelling, insult him. Emotions are running widely thinking soberly is hard. You are the one who is hurting; it’s good to show him that. Don’t overdo. Let him know what he has to know.
Example, say, “It’s hurting. I cannot believe you are leaving me for another woman. Since, it’s a decision you have made, I will not force you. I will not beg nor plead. I will not talk more. What I’m going through it’s only me and my God who knows.”
If you confront his decision it will not help. He had made the decision so he has stuck with it. Don’t change his decision.
b) Talk Little
This person is no longer your ‘I-feel-like-this’ so you need his comfort. Whatever things you want to say, keep it to yourself. You want to tell him everything that’s in your mind. No need. You want to remind of the past good memories. No need. You want to tell him how much you are hurting. No need. He doesn’t need to know because he has decided not to be part of your life. Keep it to yourself. Confide it to your close friend. If you believe in God confide to Him.
Talking much will not help. Don’t waste your energy on talking much. Say what you have to say and not what things you want to say.
c) Don’t Be Dramatic
Many breakups don’t end up well. Fighting, yelling, shouting, throwing things, insults are part and parcels of many breakups. At the end of the day you the recipient of the breakup suffer more than the initiator. At this stage you are very angry and hurting and the hatred is boiling well beyond one hundred degree Celsius.
Control your emotions. Control yourself. You might end up crying it’s okay. Cry. Let the tears have their way but don’t act dramatically. Later, when you have recovered you will wonder why you acted in such a manner. Try your level best to deal with the message of breakup.
d) No Blaming
Don’t blame your ex. He is the one who ended the relationship. It will not force him to reconsider his decision. In fact, it will reinforce his decision. Don’t blame him for being the cause of the breakup even if it’s true.
Should you blame yourself if you were the one on the wrong? Yes, you should blame yourself for causing the breakup but don’t blame yourself for too long. If you have told your ex to reconsider the decision he has refused and you were the cause of the breakup, it will not hurt to ask for forgiveness. Not to be forgiven in order to revive the relationship so you don’t live a life of bitterness, low self-esteem whether you two get back together or not.
Blames never helps in anything, they show how weak a person is.
e) Don’t Beg
Don’t plead your ex to reconsider his decision. Accept the decision it’s over. If you beg and he refuses it will create drama. It will show you are desperate. Your ex will despise you. It will be reinforced in his mind the decision he made was wise. You need to show him despite what might have led to the breakup, you have accepted and maybe down the road you two might get together or not.
If he is the one on the wrong and is the one who has ended the relationship, forgive him. It hurts but when you decide to forgive him when he has delivered to you the sad message, it will help you immensely. It will aid in the quick recovery of the hurt. It will be a manifestation to your ex despite the wrong he has done you, it’s alright. You still have a life to live and you will find your true love in the near future. Forgiveness will also aid you in dealing with bitterness and hatred which are poisonous emotions.
What To Do After A Breakup | Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke
What many people forget is breakups on one side are helpful. They are hurting, however they afford a person to look at his/her life through the mirror of another one. They help in determining whether there are changes that need to be done in your life. They help in having a fresh outlook of life. They help in knowing what needs to be known about relationships.
As such, in conclusion, acting positively during a breakup is paramount as it acts as a proof to yourself and your ex despite how hurting the breakup is life has still to go on. Maybe several weeks to months later you might come together or not. The most important thing is the lesson(s) you have learned from the failed relationship.
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