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How to Respond Maturely When Someone Breaks up With You

This is my purpose in life: to better myself through knowledge and help others do the same. I hope you enjoy my writing.

Here you are, shocked and reeling. You don't know what to make of your partner's decision to break up with you. The raw hurtful emotions and pain you are feeling following your partner's statement - to break up with you - has left you in a conflicted state. Should you confront your ex, plead with them not to break up with you, or should you accept their decision and move on with your life?

It might be you had noticed the signs of an imminent break up, or it came out of the blue. No matter what your situation is, break ups suck.

Following the break up, you'll be alone and have some time to think things through. But, right now, what you would want to know is how to get through the break up.

How to Act When Someone Breaks Up With You

  1. Tell yourself you'll be OK.

    No matter what you feel like right now (and no matter what you actually believe), tell yourself that you're OK, that you're going to live through this, and that this isn't the end of the world. You can do it like a mantra in your head: "I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK."

  2. Breathe.

    Make sure you keep breathing. Focus on the air coming in and out of your nose. You could even count your breaths—keep them deep and even. This will help you stay calm.

  3. Respect their decision.

    Don't beg or plead for them to take you back or to change their mind. The more you beg, the worse you look, and the less likely you'll be able to salvage any kind of friendship. In any case, it might be both of you were never meant to be together.

  4. Don't say too much.

    In the heat of the moment, you're likely to say something that you will later regret. Keep your words to a minimum.

  5. Don't try to force them to stay with you.

    First of all, it won't work. Second of all, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Trying to get them to stay in the relationship, or even just to stay with you physically in the same room, will only make you look desperate and it will make them want to leave even more.

  6. Keep physical boundaries.

    Don't try to get sexy with them (bad idea!) and don't let them get sexy with you. Kissing isn't going to make them change their mind, even if it might distract you both from what's happening for a little bit.

  7. Don't interrupt them.

    Let them say everything they want to say. After they're finished talking, ask them if there's anything else they'd like to mention. This shows that you are mature enough to let them have the floor.

  8. If you want to, respond carefully.

    If you need to, take a few moments to gather your thoughts to respond to what they've said. Remember that you cannot change their mind about the breakup, so in your response, simply try to give your point of view without blaming or insulting them. Keep it as positive and as short as possible. Another option is to say that you'd like to give your point of view but that you're feeling too overwhelmed to do it right now. Ask them if they'd be okay with having a conversation in a couple of days.

  9. Keep your cool.

    Don't get angry or defensive. If you feel like you're getting too emotional to where you can't think straight or you just want to scream at them, ask if you can continue the conversation later. Some crying is normal, but if you're yelling or screaming at them, or insulting them, it's unlikely that will make you look very good.
  10. Be grateful (if possible).

    Right now, you're probably really hurt and angry so it may be hard to try to dig out a silver lining. If you can, though, try to thank them for the good times that you had together.

  11. Say goodbye.

    Hug them and say farewell. Then, once they leave and you get home, you can collapse on your bed and start bawling.

  12. Forgive.

    Eventually, find forgiveness for them in your heart. It's hard and it may even seem impossible right now, but holding a grudge against them will only hurt you in the end and keep you from having positive dating experiences.

21 Things to Say When Someone Breaks Up With You

  1. This makes me really sad, but I respect your decision.
  2. I'm grateful for everything that we had together and I wish you all the best.
  3. I know we had problems and I thought we were working on them. I still think we could have a good future together, but I understand you don't see things the same way.
  4. I'd be lying if I said I was totally okay with this. I think you're awesome. I want you to have a happy life. I hope I can still be a part of it somehow, even if we aren't together.
  5. The truth is that I am sad now, but I'm going to be okay. I'm going to miss you.
  6. I'm just trying to keep it together right now. I didn't see this coming and—if I'm being honest—it really hurts. But I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. I really care about you and if being with me doesn't make you happy, then I agree that we shouldn't be together.
  7. We experienced so much together, and I'm grateful for what we had. I still care about you a lot and it will make me sad to see you go.
  8. You're going to have to give me some time to think about this. Do you think we could talk in a couple of days?
  9. This hurts so much. I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to be honest. I wish this weren't happening, but I accept that you have a different vision of the future.
  10. I wish I were a part of your future, but I can't make you change your mind. I think it will be best if we don't talk to each other for a while, so before that happens, I just want to tell you one last time that I do love you and I want only the best things for your life.
  11. I don't completely understand why, but I understand that you don't want to be together anymore, and that makes me really sad. I know I'm going to be okay but it hurts a lot right now.
  12. I still care about you and I'm going to miss you.
  13. I don't hate you, but right now I do feel hurt and angry. I hope you understand that I need some time alone. I hope that we can still be friends later on, but right now I don't know.
  14. I didn't think that this would be happening. I wanted us to stay together. But you don't feel the same way. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.
  15. I don't know what to say or think. I never thought our relationship would end like this. I'm heartbroken to hear that. I wish you'd reconsider your decision. If I can't make you change it, then I'll have to accept it.
  16. Why not give ourselves a week or two to discuss about our relationship, and see if we can salvage it. If, after that period it amounts to nothing, then we can part our ways being certain the occurrence of the break up is for our own good.
  17. I have contemplated your decision to break up with me, and the reason that informed your decision. I've many questions I'd like to ask, and convincing reasons not to part ways. But since this is a decision you've thought over, and executed it, I'll accept it as difficult as it is.
  18. I'm overwhelmed by your decision to break up with me. I can't think right, and am feeling all manner of hurtful emotions. I need some time on my own to think through what you've said. I will respond to you when I can.
  19. I thought we complemented each other. It appears from your decision to break up with me, this isn't the case. I'll accept it, however hurtful is, and wish you the best in the next relationship you'll have with whomever you fell will complement you.
  20. Maybe we were never meant to be together. Probably our ideal partner is somewhere waiting for us. I think it's better we break up.
  21. I thought we were happy together. That we complemented each other. That our relationship would advance year after year, and we would become lovers for life. It hurts me to learn all the hopes I had of the relationship will never materialize. It's OK. I'll accept it however hurting it is to do so.

Breakups Suck, but You're Going to Be OK

Breakups hurt. Sometimes it's very difficult to know why your ex decided to end things. You may feel embarrassed, like you've lost your dignity. Or you might feel messed up, like your world is turned upside down. You might even be so confused that you feel useless. Now that your romantic relationship is over, what else is there?

People react differently during breakups. Generally the ones who get hit the hardest are those who are on the receiving end—especially when they didn't see it coming (and especially if it was a long-term relationship). That's not to say the initiators of the breakup aren't affected by it, particularly if the relationship was very serious. Normally, the ones who break it off feel pretty bad about it too.

They definitely suck. But no matter what—you have a choice in how you respond to a breakup. Remember that you want to keep as much of your dignity as possible so you can hold your head high the next time you see your ex. You might be crumbling inside, but they don't have to know that.

It doesn't matter if you've gone through lots of breakups or if this is your first one—it's a good idea to be careful in your response. You'll only embarrass yourself if you act dramatically.

Also, if you have a meltdown during the breakup—no matter which side you are on—it'll take longer to heal, and there is almost no chance your ex will consider getting back together with you (if that is something that you want to do).

Here's some more detail on how you can best respond if someone is breaking up with you.

1. Pretend Like You're OK

Psychological studies have shown that acting like you're OK—doing things like smiling or staying calm—can actually help you feel better. Even though in the moment you may feel like you want to disappear, do your best to put on a brave face. At the very least, it will help you keep your dignity in front of the person who's dumping you.

2. Stay Calm. Breathe.

When we are in anxiety-producing situations, our body has the tendency to tense up. This may cause you to hold your breath, which makes you feel even more tense and emotional, and so on. Even though it may seem like you're going to lose control if you breathe, let it happen.

Focus on the feeling of breath coming in and out of your nose, and taking deep breaths and counting them. This will help keep your feelings from spiraling out of control.

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3. Respect Your Ex’s Decision

Accept and respect your ex's decision. Respecting the decision means you’ve heard what they've had to say and are not in denial about what is happening.

It is true it hurts being broken up with. You might cry and you will, in fact, feel hurt. What matters, however, is how you react. At first, you just need to listen and make sure your ex knows they have been heard.

4. Don't Talk Too Much

If you talk a lot, you might say things that you will regret later. Say only what you have to say, not everything that you want to say. You don't need to tell them everything that's on your mind.

You don't need to tell them how much you're hurting or how much they've broken your heart— they are no longer the person you tell everything. You can confide to your best friend, loved one, a counsellor or therapist how much you're hurting.

5. Don’t Try to Force Them to Stay

Remember that you can't force things. Don’t try to force someone to stay in the relationship when they don't want to. You should respect the decision that has already been made, regardless of whether or not you think it's justified.

You can't force someone to love you when they no longer do. If they do agree to start dating again, do you think they'll love you the same? Or do you think you will always be in doubt, thinking they are just in the relationship because you begged them to be?

6. Don't Try to Get Physical With Them (Kissing Won't Change Their Mind)

Getting physical with your ex might seem like a good idea in the moment, especially because you'll probably be feeling pretty emotional and those feelings might demand an outlet. But . . . don't do it! It's unlikely that being physical with your ex will seem like a good idea in hindsight.

7. Don't Interrupt or Argue With Them

Let your ex say everything they need to say. Listen to them and try not to interrupt, even if you're feeling angry or if you feel like what they're saying is wrong. Listening patiently will leave a good last impression (which is what you want to leave them with). You'll also be able to be proud of yourself for keeping it together and letting them have their say.

8. Give Your Point-of-View Thoughtfully, Without Blaming or Insulting Them

If you launch into an attack on them after they've finished talking, you'll just come off looking bad. If you choose to respond to what they say to you (which is something that you don't necessarily need to do), do so thoughtfully.

Be honest and talk about how you feel and what you think—avoid statements that blame your ex or insult them. Try talking about your relationship from a 3rd-person's point of view. This may help you put things into perspective, both for yourself and for them.

9. Don’t Plead

Even if you feel like their decision to end things was unjustified, you shouldn't beg for another chance as if your life depends on it. The best you can do is tell them why you disagree as reasonably as possible.

In the end, if they don't change their mind, you need to accept that the relationship is over. Don’t plead. It makes you seem needy and desperate.

You will not die if they leave you. Your world will not come to an end even if you love them very very much.

People break up and move on with their lives every day—even people who have much more at stake. It may not seem like it now, but you're going to be fine. Besides, there are plenty of guys out there for you to meet.

10. Don't Assume

Void of factual evidence to validate the cause of the break up, or the 'actual' reason given for termination of the relationship, a dumpee is highly likely to hypothesize what might have led to the dissolution of their relationship. The uncertainty whether a dumper is telling the truth why they want to opt out of the relationship will impel the dumpee to come up with possible reasons which have no supporting evidence to gain the much needed closure.

Whether you believe your partner is telling the truth, or not, shouldn't compel you to assume what might've led to the break up. While assumptions give us the closure we need so that we know how to respond to a situation, or what to do next, it won't do you justice at all. This is because you'll believe something that's probably false because you don't have any evidence to back up what you're believing to be the case.

Your response to the break up, the duration of healing and recoverimg from the break up, and how you project the world, particularly relationships, is also dependent on what you believe might've led to the termination of the relationship.

10. Be Grateful

Yes, you heard correctly. Thank your ex for the time that you've had—even if the relationship is over for good and there is no hope of getting back together. Thank them for the good things that they offered and for the things that you learned with them.

This may feel impossible to do right away, and that's understandable. At some point, though, it will be best for you to figure out the things that you liked about your relationship. Remember that there was a reason you two were together in the first place. It didn't just happen randomly. Find and appreciate the good times.

Also, telling them that you're grateful for what you had makes you look really good. It shows that you have more in life to live for than the relationship, and that you're going to carry the good things forward with you as you move on.

11. Forgive Them

This might seem impossible at first and it might not happen right away. At some point, though, you'll need to forgive them. Holding onto a grudge — no matter how much you were wronged — only does you harm in the end.

Perhaps you've heard the comparison of how holding a grudge is like a person holding onto a hot coal in order to throw it at someone else. In the end, only the person holding onto the coal gets burned. Even though it may take time, you need to let your anger go. It will only harm you and will do nothing to them.

Why You Should Try to Keep Your Cool

When you respond positively to a breakup—as much as it hurts—it shows several things:

  1. You show that you're not in denial about what's happening. It will show your ex that you are also capable of moving on and that you don't need them to survive.
  2. Reacting well shows that you are able to handle yourself even if you are hurting. This shows maturity. Though there's nothing wrong with feeling sad (and in fact, you should take time to feel through the emotions of a breakup), behaving with dignity with your ex will help you feel stronger, and may even help you get over the breakup faster. It also makes you look good in front of them. The last thing you want is to come off looking pathetic.
  3. Even though you feel hurt, the breakup will end on a good note and you'll earn your ex's respect.
  4. You might surprise your ex. They'll wonder why you didn't react negatively, which is something many dumpers expect. When you don't beg and plead for them back, you'll show them that you still have a life to live without them and that you're going to be fine.
  5. You will not regret your actions or feel ashamed because of what you did and you'll feel good about yourself.

Things to Remember During a Breakup

  1. Give yourself some time to think things through and time to sort out your thoughts regarding what happened. Maybe it was for your own good.
  2. Not all relationships are meant to survive forever. There are many people out there that will be a good fit for you.
  3. Things don't always go to plan. Hurt is inevitable. Sometimes there is nothing more that you could have done. Maybe you did everything you could have. Either way — the relationship is over now. Try not to spend too much time rehashing the past.
  4. If you live in denial or stay angry, you'll only make it harder for yourself to recover. You'll be letting your ex live on in your life when neither of you deserve that. Let them go.
  5. You probably know this already, but it doesn't hurt to repeat: do not contact your ex for at least two weeks. This gives you and your ex-boyfriend both some time to think and recover.

How to Respond If They Broke Up With You Over Text

  1. Re-read the text message.

    Let's be honest—you're probably going to do that a bunch anyways. It's OK to read (and re-read, and re-read, and re-read). But whatever you do, don't respond just yet.

  2. Stay put.

    Don't respond to the text yet and stay off social media!!! Do not vent there. The chance you'll say something that you regret later is pretty high. Instead . . .

  3. Journal.

    Write down all of your feelings and what you'd want to say to your ex if you could tell them anything in a journal or a paper letter and do not send it to them. This is just for you to vent. Honestly it will help.

  4. Wait to respond.

    Wait 24 hours until you're feeling a little more level-headed. If you're still so mad you just want to text them "I HOPE YOU DIE," wait a little longer.

  5. Reach out.

    Contact a friend or family member ASAP and tell them what happened. Texting or calling is good, but it's even better if you hang out with them in person.

  6. Respond carefully.

    When you're ready, and you choose to respond (which you do not have to), you can text them back. Here are some options for what you could say:

    "This makes me sad to hear. I wish we could have had this conversation in person. I am grateful for the times that we've shared and I wish you all the best."

    "I don't agree with the way you've decided to end things but I'm not going to try to change your mind. Goodbye."

    "This was really shocking for me to see. I know that breaking up is hard but I wish we could have done this in person. I think we could have had a good future, but I respect that you don't see things the same way. I wish you all the best."

    "Really sad about this—hope you have a good life."

  7. Be nice.

    Even if you're faking it, it is important that you are polite to them because it shows you are a mature adult who can have hard conversations.

  8. Forgive them.

    Then, start the slow process of forgiving them and moving on with your life. You have so much to give. You're an awesome person and your ex doesn't deserve any more of your time.

How to Move On After a Breakup

  1. Feel the feelings.

    Let yourself be sad, angry, hurt, shocked, heartbroken. Don't try to suppress the emotions. They need to be felt and appreciated. They are real, and what you had undergone - the break up - was real.

  2. Write it out.

    Journaling is a great tool for you to better understand how you feel. Make a commitment to journal every day even if you don't feel like it and even if you just end up writing their name over and over again. Another helpful tool is writing letters to them (that you don't end up sending). It's a way to trick your mind into getting closure.

  3. Remember the good times.

    Even though you might be hurting right now—and even if it's better that you're broken up—don't forget that there were good things about your relationship. Don't let yourself become more bitter. It will only hurt you more in the end.

  4. Let them go.

    Ceremonies can be powerful tools to help recover from heartbreak. You could do something like write their name on a piece of paper and then say all of the things that you loved about them, and all the things that you hated about them. Then, you could (carefully!) burn the paper, symbolizing releasing them from your life. Or you could make up your own ceremony.

  5. Give yourself space.

    Hide their pictures and mementos (or give them to a friend for safekeeping—sometimes they're nice to have later on and you'll regret destroying them). Unfriend, unfollow, and block them from social media. Do it. Do not call them, text them, email them, "bump" into them, or otherwise try to contact them for as long as you need to (many relationship experts say a minimum 30 days). You don't have to just ghost either—you could tell them that you need some space from them for a while and that you'll reach out when you're ready (if you want to).

  6. Instead, reach out to friends and family.

    Hang out with your pals and with the people that love you. They want to support you and help you through this, especially right at the beginning. Let yourself lean on their shoulders.

  7. Take care of yourself.

    You've probably heard this a million times, but that's because it's true. Get enough sleep (8 hours every night!), eat good food (avoid chips, ice cream, candy—anything high carb or high fat), don't try to use alcohol or drugs to make yourself feel better (being sad and hungover is horrible), exercise (there are so many great workout videos on YouTube, and go outside! (walking is great). Even if you want to curl up and die, your body still needs you to take care of it. You might not feel like it, but just go through the motions at first and trust that eventually you will feel better.

  8. Make new memories.

    Invite your friends to do something new together. Go on a trip. Read a new book. Try a new hobby or get back into an old one. Making new memories will help you get started on a new life without your ex. Also, try volunteering or doing something nice for a friend or family member—a great way to forget about how miserable you are is by helping others.

  9. Forgive your ex.

    In time, find a place in your heart to forgive your ex. Remember that, like you, they are just human and just trying to do the best they can. Whether or not you think they were in the right for breaking up with you, what has happened has happened, and the only thing you can do is appreciate what you had together and move forward into the future.

  10. Forgive yourself.

    Maybe you're mad at yourself for not seeing the breakup coming, for not trying hard enough, for hurting them, or for making the same relationship mistakes that you've made before. No matter what—you need to forgive yourself too. Take what you can from this past relationship and learn from it. Know that you are also imperfect and just trying to do your best. You should know that you deserve wonderful relationships full of love, and that you are capable of achieving them.

You Will Get Through This

As hard as breakups are and as much as they suck, you are going to make it through.

Good luck and stay strong.

Have Your Say:

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQS) on Breakups

a) Why You Should Respond Positively to a Break Up

Responding positively to a break up doesn't imply you accept meekly the news of the break up, and leave it at that. It doesn't mean not stating how you feel and what your thoughts are pertaining to your ex's decision to break up with you. And, it doesn't mean you let your ex off the hook.

On the contrary, responding maturely to a break up infers exercising self-control in the choice of words you utter, and how you react physically to your now-ex.

Reacting positively to a break up, with

  1. Shields you from reacting aggressively towards your now-ex. If not mastered, anger, the dominant hurtful emotion felt during a break up, can lead an individual to physically abuse their now-ex. There are incidents of individuals who severely harmed or killed their exes, not because they wanted to, but as a result of not being able to control their anger.
  2. Enables you to master the hurtful emotions. If the negative emotions subdue your mind and heart during the break up, they'll influence you to think or act in certain way leading to inhibition of the healing process to commence. When the healing hasn't occurred, your recovery from the break up will take a considerable time.
  3. Ensures you and your ex's sense of self-esteem and self-worth is not threatened. Reacting negatively might affect the mental state of your ex or yourself. You may develop depression, or, if your partner or you exhibit signs of depression, the depth of depression felt will be intensified.
  4. Determines how you'll react to a given hurtful event. A break up is one of the many forms of emotional hurt you'll experience in your life. Therefore, how you'll respond to your break up determines how you'll deal with any other hurtful situation that'll be thrown your way. While there's nothing good in feeling emotional pain, having the necessary skills in dealing with a hurtful situation aids in lessening the gravity of the situation - emotionally and physically.

b) How to Break up with Your Partner

Before you break up with someone you love, there are several things you should bear in mind.

  1. Satisfaction of your decision to break up.

    Are you positive this is something you want to do? Will you regret later of having broken up with your partner? Will you repent of having executed your decision; wishing you hadn't gone through with it?

  2. Justification of your decision to break up.

    What is your reason for breaking up with your partner? Is it because your partner isn't charming? Is it because she's gained weight? Obviously, you're motivated by healthy reasons in engaging in the relationship. Therefore, it makes sense, your reason(s) for ending the relationship should be sensible.

  3. Mode of the break up.

    Which break up strategy will utilize - in-person, call or text? Your choice of mode of break up will depend on the personality of your partner (or yourself), and/or the status of the relationship. For instance, if your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, you'd resort to text break up. If you're hundreds of miles away from your partner, and you're unable to meet with them, you'd opt for the less socially-accepted mode of break up - call or text.

  4. The venue.

    The choice of a location to break up with your partner will be dependent on the personality of your partner (or yourself), whether you're living together, if you're within a meeting distance or thousands of miles away. If your partner is abusive or hot-tempered, you'd choose either to break up with them over the phone, or meet in a public place (not crowded to avoid embarrassment). You might want to have a friend of of yours to accompany you, and watch from a distance. They'd come to rescue if your now-ex wants to physically harm you. When it comes to meeting in a private place - house - it's recommendable you break up with them in their place. What if your now-ex is overwhelmed by hurtful emotions making it difficult for them to want to leave your house? What if they don't want to leave your house? Will your force them to get out?

  5. Reaction to emotional responses from your partner.

    How will you respond when your now-ex exhibits a variant of emotional reactions? What if they shout on top of their voice? What if they call you names or insult you? Will you match your anger against them? Will you reiterate with a good size of your own insults against them?

    What if they respond calmly to your breaking up with them? Will you get angry at them for responding calmly to your breaking up with them? Which words will come out of your mouth in response to their calmness in that situation? How will you act in such a situation?

How to break up:

  1. Tell your partner you'd like to meet with them to talk about a sensitive issue. While you can offer a clue what the talk will be about, you should take note some partners will not show up, or if it's over phone, they will go mute - won't respond after knowing you want to break up with them. You'll be left in awkward situation of how to end the relationship because they might not even respond to your breaking up with them.
  2. When you meet, either face-to-face or on the phone, ensure they aren't busy doing something, or in a group of people. Their attention should be directed to you to avoid the uncertainties that may succeed your breaking up with them. For instance, you can't break the news of the breakup when your partner is preparing you a cup of coffee, or driving a car.
  3. Weigh in how much you should say before you break the news. This implies you shouldn't jump quickly into the heart of the matter nor take much time to arrive at it. You can choose to break the news, then offer the reasons for taking that decision, or you can build a case leading to breaking up with them.
  4. Be ready to respond to their questions politely, and patiently. You might become fed up with their many questions. You'll burst out in anger, stating you won't answer any of their other stupid questions. Your partner has a right to know what needs to be known pertaining to your decision to break up with them (including the failed relationship). You should remember they're part of the relationship; not a spectator to it.
  5. Don't victimize anyone or anything. Not your partner, yourself, someone outside the relationship, or anything e.g. a pet. Blaming never accomplishes anything. State your reason for ending the relationship without pointing a finger at anyone, or anything.
  6. Let them know you didn't have any ill intention in engaging in the relationship with them. It's heartbreaking, and it might threaten their mental health, and their view of romantic relationships, when they assume you engaged in the relationship for ulterior or selfish motives.
  7. Don't comfort them. You're the one who has broken up their heart by ending the relationship. It's unexpected the one who hurts another one should comfort that person. It might also appear as if you're enjoying the occasion. Furthermore, comforting them might propel you to get back with them.

2. How to Get Over a Breakup

You're wondering if you'll ever get past the break up. The emotional pain is too much to bear, you don't know if you'll ever heal from it. The good news is that you can recover from the break up.

The length of recovery will depend on a number of factors, but the major determining factor is what you're doing to get past the break up.

Tips for getting over a break up:

  1. Manage your emotions. The main functions of the hurtful emotions is to alert you to a threat at hand - break up - which will compel you to deal with it - get over it. Therefore, you shouldn't push the emotions to the back of your head - subconscious mind. Instead, feel the emotions. Experiencing the emotions is a means of transmitting the message to your heart that an unpleasant situation has occurred - the reality of the break up. After you've felt the emotions, release them from your mental system by disallowing yourself from experiencing them. Entertaining them for a lengthy period will inhibit the healing process from taking its course, thereby jeopardizing your recovery from the breakup.
  2. Don't contact your ex after the break up. You're longing to get in touch with them. Maybe you want to reunite with them, or hope by doing so, the pain will subside. Maybe you want to continue the friendship that existed before engaging in the relationship. Whatever the case, getting back in touch early on isn't a healthy decision to undertake. It's a time of reflection on the failed relationship, your ex, yourself, and the break up. What have you learned from the break up (and previous ones? What part of your life needs a remake over? Which things in your life did you neglect that you now need to get back to them? Exercising no contact for 30 days will enable you to know whether you should get back with your ex, or move on with your life. Most importantly, it's an effective and safest means of ushering in the healing process.
  3. Get rid of anything that'll remind you about your ex. When you entertain thoughts of your ex, and the good times you spent, you'll become more sorrowful which will deepen the emotional pain you're feeling. Furthermore, the thoughts will intensify the negative emotions you're experiencing. This will prolong the healing and recovery process. Thus, you should store away, tear or burn any remembrance of your ex. This includes unfriending or blocking them from your social media accounts. It'll prevent you from sneaking on their profile to watch their photos, videos or posts.
  4. Do what you love doing. Is it sculpting, or is it writing? Do you like playing football, or netball? Doing what you love will distract your mind, and deflect your thoughts, from the break up. Additionally, they'll feel you with happiness thereby lessening the intensity of negative emotions. You should also consider volunteering on a charity project. Sharing your knowledge or skills, and your time, will fill you with untold happiness. A good indicator you're getting over the break up.
  5. Do you've someone - a friend or loved one - you can depend on for emotional support? Sometimes, the hurtful emotions can be overwhelming, you don't know what to do. An emotional support from a loved one or friend can help in easing the intensity of hurtful emotions, and provide you with hope that it's possible to get over the breakup. If you feel shy seeking a loved one or friend for emotional support, you can join online groups dedicated to helping its members cope with various hurtful situations. Seek professional help if the negative emotions are influencing your life in destructive ways, or your mental healthy is being compromised by the negative emotions.
  6. Divine guidance. If you believe in the existence of a Supreme Being, God, you can pray to Him to help you go through, and get over the break up. The guidance, comfort, peace of mind and heart you'll get from Him will lead you towards the road to recovery. He won't remove the pain, but will guide you on how to get past the break up.
  7. Don't pretend you're fine - to yourself and others who ask you how you're fairing on. Be honest. But, also tell them, and yourself, despite the pain you're feeling, and the intensity of the negative emotions you're experiencing, you're working towards recovering from the break up. Having a positive mentality will assist you in getting over the breakup in a shorter time.
  8. Don't listen to love songs, particularly the sad romantic songs. You've wallowed in sadness and other hurtful emotions. This isn't the time to get back to them again. They're no longer beneficial to you. This isn't the time to be reminded about your past love, or the love who has slipped from your hands. This is the time to be motivated about moving on, reaching your goals, fulfilling your destiny. Listen to encouraging and inspiring songs. They'll motivate you to work towards recovering from the break up.
  9. Forgive yourself, and your ex. Forgive yourself for having been the cause of the break up, or for initiating the break up. Forgive your ex if they they're the cause of the break up, of for breaking up with you. Forgiveness acts as a filter; preventing negative emotions from taking residence in your heart.
  10. Thank them. It's a difficult concept to accept, but it's a means of releasing yourself from the strongholds of negative emotions.
  11. Stop being needy or desperate to get back with your ex. You feel your ex meant the whole world to you, which might be true. You feel no one can replace your ex, which isn't true. You're afraid of losing all that you'd invested in the relationship, which is heartbreaking. Even so, they shouldn't be the reasons why you want to reunite with your ex. Give it some time - an average of 30 days. In that duration, you'll know whether it's a wise decision to get back with your ex.
  12. Lastly, don't make love with your ex to alleviate the pain. Having sex with them will not lessen the pain. The activity will only override the pain momentarily by eliciting sexual pleasure. Making out with you ex to relieve the emotional pain you're feeling is similar to individuals who rely on drugs and alcohol to ease the pain. These unhealthy methods don't alleviate the pain felt as anticipated. Instead, they cause you to forget the pain for a moment. When the influence they had on you diminishes, you feel the pain again, and mostly, at an intense level.

3. How to Respond to Ghosting

Ghosting, a form of silent treatment, is a type of break up strategy whereby an individual ends a relationship without involving their other significant one.

There are several reasons why people ghost their partners. Irrespective of the reasons, ghosting isn't a justifiable means of ending a relationship.

If you've been ghosted, the following are different ways you can respond to it.

a) Requite the same treatment

A surety sign your partner has ghosted you is that they won't respond to your numerous texts and calls. They'll avoid you, or offer excuses why they haven't been communicating lately with you when you chance to meet with them.

You are restless to know whether they've broken up with you. But, if they're remaining unresponsive to your attempted contact, why should you tire yourself mentally trying to get a response from them? As difficult, and painful, as it is, you've to accept you've been dumped in an unimaginable - cruel - manner, and move on with your life.

b) Contact them after a period of time

Following your attempts to elicit a response from them, but to no avail, exercise self-control. This involves ceasing any form of communication with them for a minimum of thirty days. During the no contact period, you'll work on yourself by engaging healthy methods so as to allow yourself to heal and recover from your break up.

After the expiration of the set period of not contacting them, contact them and enquire why they broke up with you. The response you'll get might be positive or negative. Whichever response, purpose to work on yourself by following healthy methods of healing and getting over a break up.

4. Responding to a Break Up

i) Why you should you respond to a break up

Generally, when an individual breaks up with their partner, they'd expect their partner to respond in a certain way - mostly positively. However, you're not obligated to respond to your ex breaking up with you since their decision to break up with you is something they'd pondered, and concluded it's the right thing to do. Your silence - not responding - should convey your acceptance of their decision to break up with you (whether you agree to their decision or not). Furthermore, it's painful to sit and listen to them breaking up with you, or over the phone.

Even though you might have legitimate reasons for not wanting to respond, replying to their breaking up with you shouldn't be a complicated process. Yes, it'll be painful listening to your partner dumping you, however, you should bear it so that the relationship can end on an even note, that is, mutually.

If you can't bear it, cut them short, and let them know you can't bear listening to them breaking up with you. Whatever the reason for breaking up with you, you'll accept their decision.

If you have foreknowledge your partner wants to terminate the relationship, you can tell them beforehand you've accepted their breaking up with you if that's what they want. Let them know you can't bear the pain of meeting them, and listen to them breaking up with you. It can be done over the phone (text or call).

Not responding to your partner breaking up with you is a form of silent treatment which includes not acknowledging or ignoring what your partner has said - they're breaking up with you. Silent treatment is termed as a form of psychological abuse because your silent response will threaten or aggravate the mental and emotional state of your partner.

In response to silent treatment, Exploring Your Mind notes, "People who are ignored eventually become overwhelmed by feelings of sadness that can sometimes lead to depression. They also feel anger, fear, and guilt... Victims of this type of behavior tend to feel extremely distressed. They can't understand what they are doing wrong or why exactly the other person is treating them in this way. It's as if they are losing control and this causes a lot of stress. This is why it is considered a form of abuse. There is no shouting or hitting, but there is plenty of violence."

ii) How to cope with the lack of response from your partner

Your partner's lack of response to your breaking up with them is influenced by any of the following reasons:

  • They either don't have anything or they may not know what to say in response to your decision to break up with them.
  • They can't bear the agony of being broken up with. By not responding to any of your break up strategy - in-person, text or call - they're shielding themselves from the pain they'd experience.
  • They don't want to appear weak in front of you, they don't want to exhibit a variant of emotional responses, or they want to avoid reacting negatively.

How to deal with the lack of response from your partner

  1. Don't torture yourself in attempting to determine the reason your partner hasn't responded. You may never know why they haven't responded. The questions you popping up in your mind will most likely be met by unverified answers. In turn, the lack of knowing why, and trying to understand why, will only stress you more, and deepen the pain you're feeling of having broken up with them.
  2. You'll experience a variant of hurtful emotions. Feel them. The humiliation. The anger. The bitterness. The hatred. Let the tears have their way. Experiencing the hurtful emotions is the body's way of accepting a hurtful event has occurred. But, don't feel the emotions for too long. Detoxify yourself of the negative emotions by not feeling them anymore. Let go of anger. The bitterness. The hatred, and other negative emotions you're experiencing.
  3. Don't contact them for a minimum of 30 days. This is the time to concentrate on yourself. Not your ex, or their lack of response. You've felt and dealt with the hurtful emotions. Now, you should reflect on the failed relationship - the lessons to learn from the break up, and what changes you need to make in your life.
  4. Make use of your hobbies. What do you love doing? Do the activities that you derive pleasure and fulfilment. Those activities will detract your mind from thinking about your ex, and the neverending question of why they didn't respond. Engaging in fun and fulfilling activities will fill you with happiness which will lessen the sadness, and other negative emotions you're feeling.
  5. Forgive them. It's difficult, but a necessary thing to do. Forgiving them for not responding to you also acts as a catalyst in lessening the severity of negative emotions from influencing you negatively.
  6. Stop thinking about your ex. You might find yourself thinking about the good times you had, and at the same moment wondering why they didn't respond. Stop entertaining those thoughts in your mind. Focus your mind on other things.
  7. Store away, tear, delete or burn their photos and/or videos. Unfollow or block them from your social media accounts. This will prevent you from sneaking on their profiles, or looking at their photos and videos which will only deepen the pain by magnifying the sadness and other negative emotions you're feeling. If you feel you'll be tempted to call or text them, delete their number, store it away, or give it to your friend to keep them for you.
  8. Get in touch with them. Not to beg them to respond, but to thank them. Thank them for the time you spent together. You can tell them how their lack of response affected you. And, wish them all the best. This positive response acts as a catalyst in lessening the intensity of the hurtful emotions, and the emotional pain you're feeling.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: I was in an 8-year-long relationship but my boyfriend says he needs freedom and wants to talk with other girls. So what should I do?

Answer: Time to pack and go i.e leave the relationship. It shows he doesn't respect you as his girlfriend. The fact he says he wants freedom indicates you are obstructing him from talking to other girls. He wants to flirt with girls however he wants while still in a relationship with you.

Once a person commits in a relationship, there are some things he needs to stop doing. He is no longer single with no strings attached. But, the fact is that he considers you as a jail whereby he can't breathe or move.

If your boyfriend lacks respect for who you are in his life, then why bother to continue in the relationship with him? Let him know you no longer want anything to do with him - the relationship is over. You should settle with a man who respects you and understands that some things or behaviors need to be done away once committed in a relationship.

He might have been a nice guy and you've been in the relationship for long; but remember people change and they develop a different perspective pertaining to relationship.

I hope you will find your feet and move on. Don't cling to the fact he is still the nice guy you knew.

Question: My boyfriend broke up with me because I sent him a message saying he hurt me when he didn't call me on my birthday. He sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and told me we would talk later but he didn't call. He broke up with me via text message because I sent him a text telling him how I felt. Was I wrong to do this?

Answer: It is well-known that women feel hurt when their significant ones or husbands don't wish them a happy birthday. Were you wrong in letting him know how you felt when he didn't wish you a happy birthday? You weren't wrong. He should have apologized and wished you a happy birthday. However, out of anger after letting him know how you felt, he dumped you through a text. That is not a mature manner of solving such an issue in a relationship.

In relationships, a partner may hurt his/her partner directly or indirectly. Thus, it is proper to let your partner know he hurt you by not doing something which means a lot to you.

Question: I have been in a 20-year relationship. My boyfriend broke up with me through text that contained insulting or abusive words. How should I react and reply?

Answer: From your description, it appears your boyfriend has ended the relationship because you have prioritized your family above him. However, he has gone to such an extreme in insulting you in such a manner considering you've been in the relationship for 20 years.

Don't respond in anger nor use abusive words as a retaliation or to give him a piece of your mind. Let him know you've pondered on his text the reason you've taken time in responding. Let him know even though you're in a relationship, you can't ignore your family as they are part of your life as he is.

I know you're hurting considering how long you've been together. However, for him to throw such insulting words at you shows he lacks respect for you. If you would like to get back with him or not, let him know you'll accept his proposal that you won't call or text him. It will be hard to restrain yourself from contacting him but in time you'll get used to it.

Don't write a long text. Be brief. Tell him even though he has insulted you, you won't retaliate in anger or insult him. If he doesn't want to be with you it's alright. In time you'll find your foot though your enjoyed your time together. Wish him all the best and thank him for the things you shared together.

Question: She just broke up with me. We have been through this process on and off - getting back together then breaking up. But this time it wasn't a mutual decision. I feel as if it came from nowhere but she still wants us to be friends like we were before, only this time I don't think I can do that anymore. What do I say to her?

Answer: You have realized that if you allow yourselves to be platonic friends you'll end up in the same game, an on and off relationship game. Let her know it won't be a good idea to be platonic friends. If it happens so you'll be wasting each other time as the two of you would end up together then break up. Thus, you should stop communicating with each other. You should cease communication because it's evident you were never meant to be together. While friendship is a good thing - returning to the state of friendship before you began dating - it is different now. It will bring back the memories and it will be hard to move on. In the months to come, the feelings for each other will have died thus you'll become casual friends since that is what you are meant to be. But, if you become platonic friends you'll be hurting each other and wasting each other's time.

Question: I was in a 6-year relationship and my boyfriend broke it off because according to him he has not progressed from where he has been. He doesn't have a job. I feel really hurt. I don't know how to move on and I was just inducted as a pharmacist. How can I move on?

Answer: It is obvious he doesn't want to continue in the relationship (or even reunite). It appears he has even included the relationship as the reason for lack of progress in his life the reason he broke up with you.

You will have to move on. It hurts but with determination you can heal and recover from the breakup. This means no contacting your ex in whatsoever means. It will be a good idea to den your ex a text after two weeks of no contact to thank him for the time you had together and to wish him all the best. This gesture is paramount as it will aid in the healing process.

Block or unfriend him from your social media accounts and whenever you tend to think about him, snap out from those thoughts by telling yourself he is no longer in your world this you've to stop thinking about him.

I have written an article on how to heal and recover from the relationship. You can search this title on any search engine: Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.

Remember, your determination to heal and recover from the breakup is the main factor that will determine your moving on from the breakup.

Question: I was in a ten-month relationship, but he broke up the relationship yesterday and it hurts really bad. He did it over text but he did not text me; he texted my mom to tell me. We have been through a lot together and I feel really hurt and I want to cry so much. He is in all of my classes and in my lunch and I don't know what to do. Can you help me?

Answer: I'm sorry to hear this. When you are alone or in your room, cry as much as possible. Don't restrain from crying. It's nature's way of accepting something hurtful has happened. It's also nature's way of allowing the healing process to begin.

Being always in the presence of your ex will prolong your healing and recovering from the breakup. However, there are things you can do to ensure you've healed and recovered from the relationship.

The first thing is to send your ex a test. Let him know you've accepted his decision. You won't force him to reconsider his decision. Thank him for the time you had in the relationship and wish him all the best. Through this method, you'll program your mind and heart to accept the situation and find ways of recovering from the breakup.

Spend time with your friends during lunch. You'll see him. But, tell your heart he is no longer your partner. He is just a friend like your other friends.

Only greet each other when possible. Nothing more. During discussions or group assignments, only talk about what you've been assigned. Don't throw occasional glances at him. Concentrate on the work you've been given.

It will be difficult to do these things because it's easier said than done. However, it is possible.

The most important thing is to reassure yourself that you will come out of the breakup in one piece. You won't accept to be affected by the relationship in negative ways. You'll do all you can to ensure you've healed and recovered from the breakup.

Don't be angry at him or hate him. You've been angry at him and hated him. Now, it's time to get rid of the negative emotions. Tell yourself entertaining the negative emotions won't help you in any way.

Ask your classmates to watch over you. To remind you that you have a beautiful future in front of you. That you need to concentrate on your studies and forget about your ex. Friends can help you to heal and recover from the breakup.

If you believe in God, pray to Him to help you to heal and recover from the breakup.

Stop listening to any love songs. Throw or tear away his photos or delete them. They are no longer beneficial to you. Unfriend or block your ex from your social media sites.

Don't pretend you're okay. There are times you will break down. Nonetheless, be determined you will get over the breakup.

Question: We broke up and it's my fault. I begged him to stay, to give me one last chance. He said there's no more chance that even if we will be together we won't be happy like before. He's always doubting me and we will fight. I explained everything and he said he will think about it. He hasn't replied until now. What shall I do?

Answer: One thing that he said that is the truth is that even if the two of you get together, you won't be happy like before. His feelings for you won't be strong as before meaning his love for you will have lessened. This signifies the relationship won't survive. Another break up will occur. This, it's better to stop begging him and move on with your life.

Another thing to consider is the fact he always doubts you. This isn't a good indication in a relationship. If your partner can't trust you then the relationship is useless.

The fact he hasn't responded means he doesn't want to be with you.

I suggest you should not contact him for a month. After the duration you can contact him if you still want him back. If he doesn't respond or doesn't respond positively wait a few days then contact him. If he still doesn't respond positively then move on.

Remember if he still doubts you when you reunite the relationship won't be stable.

Question: What if you have a 1st girlfriend, you break up with her then you find another one. You break up with her too. Afterwards, you realise that you love her. You ask her to reconcile but she asks you why it should be right now after you dumped your ex in less than a month. What should I reply?

Answer: It will be quite hard to come up with an explanation (in your case, an excuse) why you want to reunite with her when a month is barely over from when you dumped your ex.

You can tell her the path between you and your ex wasn't heading in the same direction and you weren't quite compatible with each other. You found out that her aspirations concerning the marriage were different from yours.

Question: What if my boyfriend broke up with me and calls me a slut or mean names and is a jerk to me?

Answer: You just leave him alone. You stop any communication with him. That is not a guy to be in relationship with if he can't act maturely considering he ended the relationship. His lack of controlling his tongue clearly paints a picture of how the relationship was like. Move on.

Question: My on/off boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me. Two days after that he started dating a girl at work that I was concerned about anyway, and a week after that I caught them at the flat we shared together. I have struggled to cope with losing him. I have done the No Contact Rule for two weeks now and it hurts me that he just seems to be perfectly okay and has no interest in talking to me. I'm trying to be strong and confident but is it all a wasted effort because that's how I feel?

Answer: You shouldn't mind your boyfriend anymore. There is no need of doing No Contact Rule to get your ex back. After breaking up with you, he starts dating a girl at work. Worse still, it happens two days after the breakup. What does this signify?

He hasn't any feelings for you. He doesn't want to be with you. You have to forget him and move on with your life. It is all a wasted effort doing the no contact for the sole purpose of getting him back. He looks satisfied where he is.

Maintain the two qualities of being strong and confident. Realize he is no longer yours. You'll get another one who treasures you. Not like your ex who dumps you and straight away gets into another relationship.

I know you love him so much but You've to stop thinking about him. You've to concentrate on your life. It will hurt seeing the two but you can get over the pain.

Employ the No Contact Rule to enable to heal and recover from the breakup.

I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup: Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup. That's what you should be aiming for.

Question: I was in an 8-day relationship (I know it's not long at all) but he is literally telling his friends to gang up on me and this other guy (we are just friends) and he dumped me via instagram messages. What should I do?

Answer: That's a very short time for a partner to end a relationship. It just shows even if the two of you reunited, the reunion would be pointless. It would end in another breakup.

Stop following him on Instagram, and block him from you social media accounts. Cease any communication with him and have nothing to do with him anymore.

Your ex is manifesting lack of maturity in a relationship. The extent of his asking his friends to gang up on you and your friend clearly indicates his personality. Also, it shows how he can't contain his jealousy and his controlling or domineering personality. You're better off without him.

Question: I broke up with my boyfriend without any reason and now I am feeling nothing over this thing. Why? I loved him very much and we were in a 4 month relationship but we were best friends before getting into a relationship.

Answer: What most people don't realize is that best friends cannot get along well in a relationship. Best friends never equal to best partners/couple. Best friends know each other very well. It's difficult to lie to a best friend because he knows you more than any other person.

This is the reason you don't feel any hurt, depression, at loss and you don't even miss him. In the relationship you treated him more as a friend (sibling) than a partner (lover). While it might be he loves you, it depends with how you view him. You view him differently - as a friend than a lover.

Question: I was in a four-year relationship. He broke up with me because he does not want to be in the relationship anymore. The situation is really difficult for me because we have been living together and still are until he finds a place to stay. I’m really devastated and didn’t see it coming this way. I feel like everything around me doesn’t make sense without him in my life. How can I make it through this breakup?

Answer: You can heal and recover from the breakup. You can get through the breakup.

The first step is to admit your ex isn't everything. You can live your life without your ex. In time, the feelings you have for your ex will start dwindling. In less than three months, you will have moved on with your life.

The situation you're living now isn't conducive to ensure you heal and recover from the breakup. You can't be living together when you're no longer in the relationship. This is because the more you see him the more you're hurt when you realize you're no longer together. In such a situation, you'll become depressed.

You have to talk to him about what to do about the situation of the two of you still staying together. You have to let him know that the two of you staying together is affecting you negatively. He can stay with a friend until he gets a place of his own.

I have written an article which guides a person how to heal and recover from a breakup. It's called 'Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.'

After he moves out, don't contact him nor receive his call/reply to his texts. Don't accept to become close friends. You should act as casual friends. You should not keep some of his things in your room. Unfriend him from social media accounts and delete/tear or store his pictures far away. This is to enable you to heal and recover from the breakup.

Every time you think about him, snap out of the thought. Tell yourself that you're no longer in the relationship with him whenever you think of him.

Search for this article 'Steps to Heal and Recover from a Breakup.' It will instruct you how to get through the breakup.

I pray you will get through the breakup. Remember, your ex has to find a place very soon or stay with a friend of his. His continuing staying in your room will only aggravate the situation.

Question: My ex is still chatting me up. Sincerely, I have to let her go. How do I react to my ex's charms?

Answer: Since you don't want to get back with her, you'll have to let her know that the communication between the two of you has to come to an end.

When you reply to her texts, she gains the courage to send more. You'll have to stop replying to her texts.

Let her know (politely) that you don't intend to get back with her. It's evident she hasn't recovered from the breakup. Thus, you have to talk to her politely but firmly.

Let her know you won't reply to any of her texts. You won't communicate to her anymore and that she needs to forget about the relationship - it won't work out.

Question: My boyfriend broke up with me. I know I made terrible mistakes. I was too harsh on him. And yet I found out he's chatting with someone before our breakup. What should I do? Should I give him space or should I win him back? How will I know if there's still a chance that will be together again?

Answer: In relationships, we need to accommodate each others' mistakes because we are not perfect. Thus, we should forgive each other and give each other another chance. However, when a partner isn't willing or doesn't bother to correct his/her mistakes, it is usually wise to bring the relationship to an end because it will no longer be a thriving and healthy relationship.

The fact you found out he was chatting with someone in a manner that wasn't normal, then he was being unfaithful to you. In such a situation, when a partner realizes her boyfriend is cheating on her, she might not react positively. Thus, the reason you were harsh on him.

What you need to do now is to give him space. Not only him but also yourself. Why not send him a message that you are terribly sorry for how you reacted and you want this to come to an end. Let him know you love him and you will be waiting for him. Then, exercise no contact rule - do not communicate with him for a minimum of two weeks as it will give him the space he needs. After more than 2 weeks you can decide what next move to take as you will have reflected on the relationship. For instance, if he does not respond during the silent period you may call him. When you do so he may have cooled down which is a good indicator the relationship will be renewed.

If he responds during the silent period it is a good indicator he wants to continue with the relationship.

Question: Is it wise to send a goodbye note after he ends a 5-month old relationship?

Answer: Yes, it is wise. This is for your own benefit as it will aid you in moving on. It is a positive mentality, it shows you have accepted his ending the relationship and that you will not get stuck; you will move on with your life. Lastly, you want to thank him for the 5 months you have been together.

Question: I was in a nine-month relationship, but we broke up. It is hard for me to move on with all of the memories of the relationship. What should I do?

Answer: You should cease any communication with your ex if you're trying to make any contact with him. By not communicating with your ex, you'll allow the healing process to begin. As you continue to exercise No Contact Rule the images of your ex and the relationship will no longer bother you - they will fade away. You should engage in activities that will distract you from thinking about your ex but don't become too busy. I have written several articles on what a partner should do after a breakup so as to be able to move on. A breakup can incapacitate somebody making it hard for that person to move on or confused on what to do.

Question: I dated a guy, and later on, he cheated on me. I got hurt but I didn't say anything. My reaction was so severe or negative at that time because I was very angry. He said it was over. I was stressed for five months while he was busy in a relationship with his new love. Now he wants us to meet. He even comes to my home. What should I do because all I feel is pain when I see him?

Answer: First thing, he was rude to you by dumping you when you found out he was unfaithful in the relationship. Now that the relationship with his new love did not go well, he has come back and visits you to show you are still the one he loves.

Yes, you love him, but you need to take it slow. You need time to heal and to ponder or think things through. Would you want to continue in the relationship with a man who dumped you for another woman? Are you strong enough to continue in the relationship?

You need to stop seeing each other. You should stop communicating with him unless it's an emergency. You need to stop him from visiting you at your home or tell him to cease visiting you. This means you need to exercise no contact rule. When there is no communication between the two of you, it will allow the healing process to begin. You cannot get back in the previous relationship while still in pain. It will lead to more heartbreaks. You need time to heal and to be strong to stand on your two feet. Also, you need to know whether it is sensible to get back with him or forget about him and move on with your life.

Thus let him know you do not want to communicate with him for some time and the two of you should stop seeing each other for some time. If he asks why, tell him to think things through, to ponder and to heal from the wound he inflicted in your heart and to find the strength to move on. At the end of the no-contact period, a month is preferable, you would know which direction to head to, and the pain will have lessened.

Question: My boyfriend said we should take a break because he wants to find himself again. I was fine with that until I arrived at home. He had sent a text that says, "I don't love you, I lied. That was not a break but a break-up." The next morning he sent a voice note saying he's sorry for everything he said the previous day; he would like to meet with me and fix things. What should I do?

Answer: Your ex sent you three conflicting messages: he would like a break, it was a breakup not a break, and he's sorry for what he said. He wants to meet you to explain why he reacted in such a manner and would like to get back with you.

His second message hurt you. It broke your heart and to make matters, you got confused when he said he would like to meet with you to fix whatever led to the breakup.

For now, it would be better if you ask him to give you three days to calm your mind and heart. During this period, you should reflect about the relationship, your ex and you in it. Would you like to get back with him? If yes, why? If no, why?

After the three days, contact him and arrange when to meet.

Remember, the three days is not only to reflect about the relationship but also to still your mind. You don't want to react negatively when you meet him or after giving his reasons for his reactions e.g. shouting. You want to have a clear perspective of the relationship (and whether you'd like to continue in it) and also be able to state your side without being too emotional.

Question: I have been in a two-and-half year relationshilp with my boyfriend. He was dating another girl claiming he wants to marry two ladies. I understood because I love him so much. I used to help him and last one I wanted to help him by paying for his school fees. This would enable him to get his results by going back to school. However, I disappointed him so he broke up with me. What should I do about my ex who wants me to help pay for his schooling?

Answer: I find it quite ridiculous your ex would end the relationship because you didn't fulfill your promise of paying for his school fees. In any case, you had volunteered to help him; not that it was mandatory. He should have been understanding why you didn't fulfill your promise.

It might be true he has feelings for you. He loves you. But, I question his reaction to you not fulfilling your promise.

I wouldn't suggest you reconcile with him. Was he after your money? Are you financially stable than him the really he engaged in the relationship?

Forget about him and move on with your life. You deserve much better.

Question: I was seeing a guy for a month. He kept telling me how much he really liked me. I got the silent treatment for a couple of days when I didn't reply to a text. I asked him if he didn't want to see me any longer to just tell me. He said "Ok, that's fine. I think it's best." I asked him why and he replied 'Trust, distance..."I don't trust anyone, it's not your fault." I responded how I felt and that I hoped he would reconsider and give us another chance. Is there any way to repair this?

Answer: That is a case of anger. He is angry because you didn't reply to his text. You did the right thing to ask him if he didn't want to see you anymore.

Another reason for his reaction is that you don't see each other often. He feels your lack of replying might be because you were seeing another person. You told him how you felt.

You should not force things. Send him a text. Let him know how much you love him, he is the only person in your life, how you feel resulting from his response to your text, and if you can meet or arrange when to talk so you can straighten things.

If he doesn't respond, don't bother him. Wait a few days and send him another text or call him. If he doesn't respond to your third attempt wait another few days. If he still doesn't respond in the period of silence, send him a text how you feel, you won't bother him anymore and you wish him all the best. It is time to move on with your life.

Question: Our first relationship kicked off yesterday, but he has broken up with me through a text. What should I do? Should I love him again or forget him?

Answer: This is quite sad. You love him and you were excited when your relationship with him kicked off yesterday. But, today he broke up with you. There might be a reason why he has dumped you, but I consider it barbaric or harsh to dump you at a very short period. He has wasted your time and love you had for him. You would have better directed it somewhere.

You do still love him. You would want to continue in the relationship, but, he no longer deserves your love. Forget him because he has treated you like trash. You have your dignity, maintain it. Do not plead with him nor have any hope of getting together. It is clear he considers you of no value to him. Move on, and you will find a man who loves you not one who after a day he considers you of no value to him.

You will get along well.

Question: My ex broke up with me because he missed and realized he cared more about his best friend than he did to me. He wanted to be friends but I told him I didn't want to be in contact with him anymore because I knew he cared more about her. He said what I told him cut him deep & now he is upset because I made it seem like he wasn't honest about everything. What should I do given my ex's feelings?

Answer: You did the right thing to let him know how you felt and what you observed. He might have been honest but as his girlfriend, he shouldn't have treated you less than the other one.

You don't need to apologize. But, you can tell him that you are sorry if what you said has upset or hurt him. Nonetheless, let him know you have also been hurt by the fact he cared more about the other person though you didn't necessarily mean he was dishonest.

In any case, sing it is something you observed and his ending the relationship is a signal of the fact. You don't need to be discouraged. Just maintain no contact and try moving on.

Breaking up wasn't a wise thing. He should have approached your concern in a mature manner than ending the relationship.

I know you love him but him ending the relationship, throws things into array. Exercise no contact and at the end of it, you will have a good idea what to do next - move on or try to reunite.

Question: What should I do if he comes back?

Answer: It depends on the reason for the breakup, how you broke up and his future goals. The best you can do is to move on with your life. If you have tried to get back with him but he doesn't want, it is time to move on by forgetting the failed relationship.

Or, you can wait for two or more weeks without contacting him then after that period you contact him. If he doesn't want to get back with you, you shouldn't force. You should move on.

Question: My boyfriend broke up with me after 1-year of relationship because my attitude was s**t. We were in a serious relationship and were very close. After the breakup, I've begged him like hell - calling, texting & emailing him. He blocked me everywhere. Do you think he will come back? What should I do?

Answer: In your situation, it might be difficult for your boyfriend to come back. Your reaction or attitude put him off.

You can try this technique. It's not evil but a healthy attempt to restore the relationship. Since he has closed all forms of communication, you should not contact him in other ways like using your friend's phone. This is known as no contact rule. During this time work on your attitude. At the end of two weeks, you can write a letter or use a friend's phone. Let him know you're sorry, ask for forgiveness for the kind of reaction you'd display, you've analyzed yourself and have corrected or changed your attitude and still are, and you pray for another chance because you love him and so on. He needs to know you've changed. Don't send another text or letter. Wait. If he doesn't respond wait for two or three days then send him another text. If he hasn't responded call him. If he doesn't answer, it's time to move on. Maybe he will contact you in the future. Even if he doesn't, the most important thing is to work on your attitude because you wouldn't want another relationship to end like this because of how you respond or react.

Question: My boyfriend texted me and told me that he wanted time to find himself and he still likes me. He said he hopes to continue what we had in the future but I feel like he’s just trying not to hurt me. Does he still like me or is he just trying to make me feel better?

Answer: He wants you to feel better. He doesn't want to hurt you. Like I stated before don't count on the future because you don't know how the future will be like. He might like you but does he love you?

Question: He says he no longer loves me or feels any love for me anymore and has asked me not to hold onto the relationship. What should I do after my boyfriend told me he no longer loves me?

Answer: I apologize for taking long in responding. It is evident he no longer has any feelings for you. I am not sure what contributed to this but it is difficult to get him to love you in the same manner he used to love you before the feelings for you began fading away. The best you can do is to exercise No Contact Rule. You should cease no contact with him for a certain period. I have written a topic on that subject. The benefits of exercising no contact are to enable you to heal from the pain you're experiencing, to enable you to reflect on the relationship and to assist you in staying strong. At the end of the no-contact period, you'll have a clear picture whether it's worth trying to get him back or you should move on with your life without him. Although it's evident there is no use in trying to make the relationship work or to make you love the same way he used to, it is important to exercise no contact for your own well-being.

Question: I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years before she broke up with me through a text. What should I do?

Answer: If you haven't responded, take your time before responding. Ask her why she has ended the relationship. From there you can deduce whether to try to get her back or not.

She might reply or not. If she doesn't reply, don't bother. If you had responded, don't continue conversing with her if her response isn't positive. You need to employ no contact rule.

Exercise no contact rule, not communicating with her in whatsoever way, for four weeks. During this time you'll have let the healing process begin its course, had enough time to reflect on the relationship and know whether you would want her back in your life.

After the no-contact period if she doesn't respond then contact her. Start with a 'hello' text and build on it. Don't jump into the relationship issues right away. If she responds talk in general terms and not frequently. From her responses, you'll know whether there's a chance of getting together.

Or, after a month you can send her a text wishing her all the best and that she'll find a man after her heart. This is after you'd reflected on the relationship and arrived at the decision to move on with your life or her responses are not inviting.

Question: I am in a long distance relationship. I am a Filipina and he is Italian. We became friends for half a year before we met in person. He came here for 2 weeks and we had a great time together. After getting back to his place, we are still in contact for 5 months, but as time passes by it seems that he's breaking up with me because of the distance. How do I react?

Answer: I don't know if both of you are financially stable or in your case because it seems from the relationship, you're the one who has to go to Italy to stay with him permanently. If both of you are not financially stable, it might be hard for him to be patient enough to wait till the time you'll be together.

The best you can do is to tell him that both of you need to work out on how you can be together e.g find out how much it costs to travel to his country, the cost of gaining a visa and so on.

However, if it appears it will be difficult to be together very soon then you'll have to accept the relationship is over. This is because he has already given up the patience to wait for how long it takes for the two of you to be together. If it's the case, you'll have to let him know that you truly loved him but because the distance has made him break up with you there's nothing you can do but accept the fact though it hurts a lot.

Question: Two weeks after he broke up with me, I sat down and thought about everything, and I then gave him a call and told him that I am grateful for all the wonderful times we had. He treated me right during the period we dated, it was just his leaving that I don't agree with. I respect it, yes. My question is, was I weak to give him a call and thank him? Did I do the right thing?

Answer: You did the right thing. You weren't weak in calling him since you didn't call to plead or beg him to come back but to thank him for everything. I understand for him to leave you is what you don't agree with. However, responding positively is for your benefit as shown in the article. It will aid you in getting focused on what to do or not.

Question: My girlfriend promises me that she will never come back to me, but I want her back. What have I to do to get her back?

Answer: First, you have to know the reason why she doesn't want to get back with you. If the reason is justified, it will be hard to get her back. Sometimes, when people decide on something they never look back.

Stop any communication with her for a minimum period of two weeks., and then contact her afterward. If she responds during the no contact period or responds positively after ending the no contact, then you'll have her back in your arms.

You should take your time to reflect on the broken relationship, and change what might have led her run away from you. You shouldn't force her to come back with frequent calls and texts. You'll only aggravate the matter as you'll turn out as bothersome or irritating. Give her some space then contact her after a period of time.

Question: I was in a relationship of 5 years having lived together for a year. She broke up with me 5 days ago after I caught her twice meeting up with her ex. In both instances, she apologized promising not to repeat again but despite wanting her back badly she broke up with me. My family never liked her and I know that I don't ever want her back but I still crave for her every day. How can I erase memories of her from my mind?

Answer: It is good you have decided not to chase after her. It would be futile for you would be hurting yourself in the long run. Her breaking up with you is for your own good even though it hurts.

Erasing her memory from your mind in an instant is not possible. However, if you want to heal and recover from the relationship you have to be determined and disciplined.

First, delete her numbers from your phone and block her on your social media accounts. This will prevent you from giving in to the urge to want to send her text or look at her posts or photos.

Secondly, tear apart and burn her photos. They are no longer of any use to you. They will always remind you of her. This includes any possession of hers that you have. You can decide to return them to her, store away or get rid of them.

Engage in activities that will keep you from thinking about her. You shouldn't be busy, but activities such as hobbies do help a lot.

Don't listen to sad songs and when you begin thinking about her, snap out of it. Always tell yourself she is no longer yours. Stop as soon as possible replaying the good times you shared or thinking about the relationship.

Don't hate or hold a grudge against her anymore. Don't hate her and forgive her.

I have written articles on how to heal and recover from a relationship and things you should never do after a breakup.

Question: My boyfriend broke up with me right before my birthday through text. It really hurts me. He said that we are not suitable for each other. But I still can't accept it because I still love him. What should I do?

Answer: Don't talk to him anymore. Don't contact him in whatsoever manner. For now, you'll have to stop loving him.

He told you were not suitable for each other. He has not only wasted your time but has hurt you in the process. He should have known you're not suitable for each other before not during the relationship.

You need to accept even though you love him, you've to move on with your life. Maybe he will contact you or not. If he doesn't don't beat yourself. Don't plead. Just move on with your life.

Question: What should I do if my boyfriend wants to breakup over a little problem?

Answer: You should let him have his way. If he can't sit down with you to solve the little problems, what about when large problems manifest? Again, it's evident your boyfriend wants a perfect relationship which as we know doesn't exist. Every relationship has a problem. Lastly, you should find out why he wants to breakup over a little problem. It might be he wants to find a reason to breakup with you for a number of reasons. Maybe he no longer has strong feelings for you or is tired of the relationship.

I have come to learn in life, you can't force someone to stay in a relationship when he doesn't. If he does, he'll complicate the relationship because his heart is no longer in the relationship.

Question: I was in a six-month relationship and we broke up because I was so mad at him when he went out with his friends on club nights. He said he couldn't do it anymore, I'm too young for serious relationship. What should I do?

Answer: You should take some time to reflect on various things pertaining to the relationship. Take one or two weeks and reflect on the relationship. When you are married, would you be comfortable with your husband going to nightclubs on some days especially on weekends? If you will not feel comfortable then you need to let him know you love him but you don't feel okay with him going to nightclubs. Right now, do you feel comfortable with him going to nightclubs even if you love him so much?

Stop thinking of whether you love him. You should think about whether you will be comfortable and whether you will tolerate it. In this instance, you aren't too young for a serious relationship but sensible enough to notice whether you are up to it - will tolerate the act.

If you are comfortable with the act, you should contact him a week or two and let him know you had been thinking about what he said, you acted irrationally and apologize; the reason you took some time before contacting him.

Don't contact him for a week or two and think whether you will be comfortable with it or not.

Question: We broke up 3 weeks ago. He said he wanted space to work on himself. Yesterday, I texted him thanking him for the memories we had together. He also texted back thanking me for helping him become a better person. Is there a possibility of us coming back together?

Answer: It's good you handled the breakup well. There is a possibility of getting back together but don't depend on it wholly. Since he wants space to work on himself, the outcome might be positive for you or not. You might reunite or he might decide to find love somewhere else.

Move on with your life. Do your things. Concentrate on your life. Don't think about him and fight the temptation to contact him or go through his social profiles. If it ever happens, he might call. If not, know he has moved on. Don't waste your time waiting for him. The future will tell. You might find a new love but don't hurry to be in a relationship.

Question: My fiance broke up with me accusing me of being promiscuous. He went on to say he has found a 22-year old girl and said she has fresh p***. I'm 31 & he's 42. After that he despised me. He even called me an off layer. He said I have loose p***. I became furious and said filthy things. He said I crossed the line. He gave me faults, yet he started it. What can I do next?

Answer: I would advise to stop any contact and take care of yourself first. Your boyfriend was doing all he can to find a common ground which he can base his decision to get rid of you. Accusing you of things you don't do, despising you by comparing you to others is an indication he is tired being in a relationship with you. I can't say that man truly loved you. He doesn't deserve you because he doesn't appreciate and respect you. Please, stop any contact with him, try to never mind him and move on your with life. You deserve it because you deserve a man who cherishes you. He is not of any worth to you.

Question: We have been in a relationship for about a week, and he just texted me to say that he is no longer interested. Right now I am madly in love with him. What should I do?

Answer: For your boyfriend to have broken up with you for a very short time shows how he's inconsiderate of you. That is a man you wouldn't want to get back to. As much as you love him, you will have to forget him and move on with your life. No need for pleading or begging for him to come back. Don't try to get him back because he doesn't treasure you. You deserve better.

Question: My boyfriend impregnated another woman. I was devasted, but I said I still love him and I’m willing to support him having to support another woman’s baby. He also said he loves me more but he feels guilty and sorry for the other woman and the baby in her womb. He decided to break up with me. I feel like I need to fight for this relationship. What should I do or say to him?

Answer: It is a lost battle. Consider the fact that he is expecting a new-born baby. He will be a father. It means a lot to him if he loves you more than the other woman he would have supported them financially while staying in the relationship with you. Again, he is already a family man.

If you want to support him in supporting his expectant girlfriend is to tell him that you love him and it hurts that he has left you for another woman. Let him know you will assist him in supporting the woman and the child. Do not plead.

But as I said before, it will be difficult to get him back. There is nothing you can do to convince him apart from showing him how much you love him, how you had envisioned the two of you together till death, and you enjoy your relationship with him.

Question: Out of the blue, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of 7 months. As soon as I said it, I regretted. I wasn’t myself. It was going through a difficult time. How do I get him back or make him trust me again after I broke his heart?

Answer: You have to arrange with him when to meet to explain why you made that decision. It will be difficult for your boyfriend to accept your invitation because of the pain he is feeling as a result of your decision.

Call him. If he doesn't answer send him a text. Tell him it hurts you that you hurt him by making a rash decision. Let him know why you made the decision. Let him know what you were going through and how it affected the decision which you regret.

Let him know you love him. Ask for forgiveness and another chance. Let him know you are waiting for his response.

If he doesn't respond, wait a few days before you call or send him a final text asking for another chance. Again, let him know that you love him and you're patiently waiting for him. Don't beg again because you will only infuriate, annoy and hurt him the more.

If he doesn't want to get back with you, wait for more than a week before you try for the last time.

If things don't go well, it's time to accept the relationship is over. It's time to move on.

Question: My boyfriend has suddenly stopped responding to my calls and messages and tells me he’s “feeling down." Despite me voicing my support and help if he needs it, he still continues to be distant. I feel like he is going to break up with me or at least wants to but is avoiding the whole situation and ignoring me instead. How can I move on if he’s not going to formally say or do something and should I hold out hope he will be mature and break up instead of leaving me in the dark?

Answer: Exercising the no contact rule is the best option in aiding you to move on. Some people exercise silence; not sending/calling or responding to the texts or calls, otherwise known as "the cold shoulder" as a means of ending a relationship. That is what your boyfriend is trying to accomplish by being 'distant.'

You can hold on the hope he will be mature to break up with you but for how long?

The following is a tactic I used in two different situations when my girlfriends exercised cold shoulder. I stopped communicating with them for a month. In any case, it was a waste of time as they did not bother or find the need to reply to my texts. After a month, I texted them with the question of whether the relationship was over or not. They replied on the same day I sent the text that the relationship said was over, and they were seeing another man.

After a month of not communicating with your ex, ask him if he wants to break up with you then he should say so because that is what you feel and you will accept that decision. Another thing, if during the no-contact period he does not converse with you then he does not want to break up with you in a mature manner. He wants you to know what his silence implies.

While you might ask him now whether he is thinking of breaking up with you, the probability of getting a Yes answer is difficult. Wait after a month of not communicating with him because he does not want to talk to you why bother to talk back to him. The no-contact period will assist you in gaining the strength which will enable you to move on.

Question: I was in a 2-years relationship with my boyfriend. Suddenly, he blocked me and even If I tried from another opportunity to gain access to him, he blocked me. I don't want to leave him. What should I do?

Answer: You should leave him even though you don't want to do so. Unless you did something that warranted his behaviour, you should leave him and move on.

He blocks you without a reason. You try another way but he still blocks you. He hasn't given you a reason why he doesn't want any more interaction with you.

This is a clear sign he no longer wants to be in the relationship with you. He no longer has any feelings for you. It might be he has found another lover.

I suggest you move on with you. This person doesn't respect or think you're important in his life. Don't waste your time. Move on.

It's difficult to move on but it's the right thing to do.

Question: I was in a relationship for 14 years. Now, my boyfriend blocked me and can't talk to me. I love him a lot. Please, tell me what should I do?

Answer: Your boyfriend blocking your calls might have resulted from something you did to him which he didn't like. Something might have contributed to it.

You should find out why he blocked you. If you did something that angered him, you will need to apologise.

Since he has blocked your calls, find other alternative ways e.g. through social media or text him. You should ask for forgiveness but don't pressure him to respond. Give him time to respond. If he hasn't responded, wait for some few days then text him and arrange to meet if it is possible.

Don't startle him by visiting his place. Don't rush things. He will get annoyed and avoid you.

Question: My ex-boyfriend recently came to see me on his birthday to ask who I'm dating, could it be he wants me back?

Answer: Not really. That is a kind of behavior that's common in many dumpers who ended the relationship because they reunited with their ex or had found another partner. He wants to know how you're fairing, whether you've moved on. By asking whether you're dating someone, he wants to find out if you've moved on. Or, to find out which man 'stole' your heart. Again, to see whether he could take advantage of you.

I wouldn't advise you to reunite if he asks. First, he didn't tell you he had gone back to his ex. Second, it will repeat itself. It's evident he's feelings for his ex.

Question: If the lady you want to date or marry enters in arguments with you and later says "give me space," does it mean you've lost her?

Answer: Not necessarily. She wants to have space to think a lot of things pertaining to the relationship and you. She wants to analyze the relationship and find out if it's alright to continue with the relationship or not. The decision she comes up after reflecting on the connection will determine the direction of the relationship. She might call you and discuss various things about the relationship, or, she might tell you, either through call or SMS, that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

Sometimes people ask for space so that they can regain the peace of mind and heart resulting from the relationship, and regain energy they lost in the relationship. In rare cases, she might not text or call you to tell you she no longer wants to continue in the relationship with you. This is after reflecting on the relationship and finding no need to let you where she stands.

Thus, you should give her ample time before contacting her.

Question: My girlfriend broke up with me so I moved on. My question is why she would continue to text me that she misses me, she can't and hates being apart from me then starts blaming me and pointing out my flaws. So I replied with "You left me" then she continues to insult me. And then tells me that she has a date tomorrow. I don't get it, I didn't insult her. I left her alone just as she asked of me. Why did she do that? Am I wrong for respecting her wishes? I'm hurt and confused.

Answer: What your girlfriend is exhibiting is withdrawal symptoms. This is commonly displayed by dumpers.

She dumped. You acted cool. You were calm. You told as she wishes you'll respect her decision. You moved on with your life. She expected you would beg. You would plead. You would ask her for reconciliation, that she would come back to your life.

Your lack of response and that you seemed to deal with the breakup in a positive way got into her. While you moved on, she didn't. While you healed and recovered, she hasn't yet healed. Thus, the emotions she's displaying is, as a result, you're well off while she's struggling with her emotions. The 'I miss you,' the insulting and the blaming are a result of the fact she hasn't gotten over the breakup despite the fact she's the one who ended the relationship. As of her telling you she has a date the next day might be true or not. In most cases it's not. She wants you to know she's doing fine, she's over the relationship and you, she has a man in her life thus everything is going well in her life which isn't true.

I call it withdrawal effect because she's begun exhibiting signs related to a breakup or end of a relationship or the fact she's no longer in relationship with you.

I hope this lengthy answer provides you with an idea what goes on on a dumper's mind though it's not exhibited by all dumpers.

Question: What should I do? My boyfriend dumped me after 8 months of being in a relationship, 4 days before my birthday, and 2 weeks before sitting for my state Exams license. I was depressed and failed exams licensees. I tried to move on. I haven't heard much from him for 5 weeks and now he texts me and asks how I’m doing. What should I do and what are his motives?

Answer: I'm sorry to hear you failed your exams as a result of the breakup and how depressing it was celebrating your birthday. Your boyfriend has texted you to know if you've moved on. Have you moved on are you still longing for him? Again he wants to find out if from your response there is a chance of getting back. His motive might be genuine by finding out if the breakup affected you negatively (though it's hardly the case), or it might be mockery when he finds out from your response it has been hard for you to move on or wants to know if there's a chance to get back together.

So, what should you do? Though it's hard to move on after a breakup, it's possible. I would advise you reply to him that you're not fine because his dumping you hurt you to the point you were depressed, which you are, and as a result of depression, you failed your exams. But, let him know you'll be fine because you're moving on with your life. Even though it's hard to move on you'll make it.

After you've replied don't reply to another text he sends. If you do so, you'll long for him which will increase the hurt and depression. You'll find it hard to move on. Maybe he was sorry for dumping you. It doesn't matter. You have to move on with your life. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. Read it on how you can move on after a breakup. Don't forget to thank him for everything and wish him all the best. Don't work on reviving the relationship because it will revive the the pain which will affect you negatively as you might develop acute depression. Maybe several months or years after you've healed completely you'll know if it's okay to reunite but not now when you're hurting.

Question: One day when I woke up in the morning I saw a message from my girlfriend telling me she's breaking up with me without any reason. I tried her number several times but she never picked up my calls. It's 5 years now since the break up but I'm still hurt whenever I remember the memories. I still can't go on in life taking a new partner; I'm still single because I'm afraid of another break up. What is your take?

Answer: It's sad your girlfriend broke up with you without any reason. I know you want a long-term partner. You want to have your own family. But, you can't dream of a future family when you're afraid to test the depth of a stream once again.

Hurt is inevitable. You can't run from it, but you can minimize it. I have undergone more than four relationships. In all of them, I was dumped in ridiculous ways. I felt like you did. I don't want to be in another relationship because I don't want to get hurt again. But, I learned not to allow hurt to continue its course in my life.

The most important thing is not of you'll be hurt again but how to deal with the hurt. In today's world, it takes more than two to three breakups to settle with a life partner. Even in relationships and marriages, hurt will always exist. Your partner will hurt you consciously or deliberately even in marriages and vice versa.

Don't be afraid to engage in another relationship. I have written an article on how to heal and recover from a breakup. It has take you a very long time to heal. You should have healed a few months after the breakup. Let not what happened last year affect or impede you from doing what you desire because you're afraid of how the past treated you.

Stop thinking about your ex. Unfriend or block her from your social media accounts. Store away her photos or tear them or delete them if they're on your phone or computer. Let not the memory of your ex take control of you. Learn to let go so you can enjoy your life.

Question: He went back to his ex without breaking up with me. He's been avoiding me till I spoke to him. He couldn't explain himself better, all he said is I said something to him which means I asked for a break up and we were so cool till he disappeared. I blocked him on social media and he asked me to unblock him which I did not and he tells people we are dating while I see him with his ex girlfriend every day. Please is there a probability that he wants me back?

Answer: It is just playing the right card at the right time. It fails on the other side expect to be approached. It doesn't make sense he has gone back to his ex and still want open communication with you. The social media act as evidence he's still with you.

I wouldn't think it's wise to accept him back to your life when he comes. Why does he want to communicate with you when he is another relationship? Again, why say you asked for a breakup when you didn't.

He will come when it doesn't go well on the other side. Social media acts as a channel to convince his friends he's still with you because of liking and commenting to each other's status and so on.

Please think whether it'll be alright to have h back when he comes back. You need to reflect and arrive at a desirable situation whether to go move on with your life or not.

Question: My boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me over the phone and he wanted to be friends. What do I do?

Answer: You can't be instant friends after breaking up. In fact you need to be casual friends but not now; several months or years after you've moved on. For now, cease any communication with your ex. Work on yourself, focus on yourself. You shouldn't look behind. Read an article I wrote, steps to heal and recover from a breakup.

© 2016 Alianess Benny Njuguna

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