I am a relationship counselor who loves helping people work out the kinks in their romantic relationships.
How to Make Him Come Back Fast: A Guide to Getting Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
I know if you've just lost your man, the chances of reuniting don't look too good. But you can learn how to get him back fast using these techniques, and they'll also prevent you from messing it up by doing all the wrong things.
I know how incredibly bad it feels to sit there, thinking of winning back his love. Believe me, I have been there myself, and I know from my own experience how bad the situation can look.
If you are a bit like me, you can't even believe right now that the two of you aren't together anymore. It doesn't matter whether you saw it coming or it caught you completely unaware while you were still imagining a great and joyful future together with him—breaking up is so painful! I genuinely feel for you because I myself have experienced how depressing all that can be.
How do you move on after a breakup? Well, it may sound harsh right now, but the best thing you can do is to accept—just for now—that you aren't a couple at the moment. But the good news is that there is hope!
I have had my fair share of breakups in my life, too. I used to beg and plead, but it never worked. For some time, I resolved to feel sorry for myself because I thought my situation was hopeless. But then I changed my approach.
Lovers get back together every single day, no matter what the situation is, so there have to be methods to achieve that, I thought. Perhaps there was no easy way to get my boyfriend back, but surely there are ways to make it happen. I started to read books, talk to couples that successfully got back together, and search the Internet for advice on how to get your ex back.
And finally, I found the methods that did the trick. I got my man back!
After that, some ladies that had recently lost their boyfriends as well asked me how I did it. I shared the techniques with them and BOOM. Each one of those ladies got her ex back as well! We had finally figured out how to do it.
Those events changed my life and eventually brought me to my profession as a relationship counselor, which I love and still do to this day.
Why am I telling you this? Because it means you have a chance. So let's start right away with the basic things to do to get your boyfriend back and continue from there.
10 Tips for Getting Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Fast
- First, Keep Your Head Together
- Don't Beg and Plead
- Use the No-Contact Rule
- Become the Best Person You Can Be
- Express Your Feelings
- Analyze What Went Wrong
- Identify the Real Reasons for the Breakup
- Design a Whole New Relationship With Him
- Become the Object of His Desire
- Reconnect With Him the Right Way
1. First, Keep Your Head Together
If you want to save your relationship, you need to get your emotions back in check to enable you to think clearly again as soon as possible.
You don't have to put yourself down just because you've lost your relationship. This happens to everyone sooner or later. It's not you or your personality that caused it. The only thing that happened is that some aspects of the relationship were probably weak, and that is something that can absolutely be fixed.
So, to win him back, you first have to change your emotional energy. Open your eyes to see that the world is still bright—there's no reason to see it in grayscale simply because he's not with you right now.
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Start doing things that raise your self-esteem. Take your friends and do something you are good at with them. If you're doing something you're really good at, it seldom fails to give you a positive rush, and the positive aura created by feeling good will help you win your boyfriend back.
Don't start to eat junk food because it will only lower your mood further. Eating healthy and staying fit is a natural way to lift your mood, and being in a good mood is one of the best ways to attract a male.
Establish a solid support system consisting of family members and good friends to support you during your inevitable moments of weakness. It is also very important to maintain a positive view of relationships and love in your mind. If you really want to save your relationship, don't think of these things as bad just because you were hurt.
2. Don't Beg and Plead
Acting needy by begging and pleading sends out all the wrong signals and can even push him further away.
With all the women I knew, begging and pleading rarely worked. Chances are that your ex will not be moved in any way. It can even reassure him that he made the right decision, or he may get defensive and ignore you completely.
I have done this myself, and out of bitter experience, I can only tell you that it simply does not work. It may be hard, and you may deeply miss your boyfriend, but begging and pleading are not the answer.
It is also not a good idea to call him up and make ridiculous promises in order to make him come back. The end of a relationship is not always the fault of just one party. And I'm sure that you want to be loved for who you are and not for any changes you make to yourself.
The same goes for overwhelming your ex with gifts and letters: You cannot bribe him into coming back. You and I both know that your ex made the wrong decision. He just doesn't know it right now.
3. Use the No-Contact Rule
You may have heard of the no-contact rule after a breakup. This may seem counterproductive at first because getting back in touch with your boyfriend is obviously one of the most important things to do to get your boyfriend back. But calling him constantly right after the breakup will irritate him and will not work. Rather, it will make it harder for you.
Don't speak with your boyfriend until you and he have calmed down. The rule of thumb is four weeks, but it depends on the situation, and nothing is set in stone. Wait at least a few days before contacting him again. Once he has cooled down after the initial post-breakup turmoil, it may be that he starts to think about you and the good things that you shared.
Even if it would be comforting for you to only hear his voice or see his face, just try to get your mind off of him, if only for a little while. Give him some time to think through things, and maybe he will realize that he made a mistake. He may discover that he actually misses you. But if you call him or text him all the time, he cannot miss you.
That being said, do not pester his family or his friends asking them for help to win your ex back. Treat them well, and they may want to help you get back together later on.
4. Become the Best Person You Can Be
You can win your man back by becoming the best person you can be. It may sound strange, but taking your mind off the relationship for a while will actually increase your chances of getting back together.
Thinking about your breakup all the time will just put more pressure on you and your emotions, whereas when you enjoy your own life and start engaging in activities that you enjoy, it will help you to get back on your feet and be the lovable person that your ex once fell in love with.
Just feeling good with yourself and your life will make you desirable for people around you. You will notice that and your ex will, too. It's a kind of magnetism that is hardwired in our brains.
5. Express Your Feelings
In order to be able to do what it takes to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to restore your inner balance. A good way to achieve that is to let your feelings flow in those inevitable moments of weakness.
Let yourself feel all of the frustration, pain, and disappointment. Create an emotional outlet. Numbing yourself or creating a false positive mood may actually hurt you even more, and this will not allow your wounds to heal. In fact, it can make it very hard to think straight and put together an effective strategy for winning him back.
Even worse, you might take the negative emotions right back into your renewed partnership, and this is something you definitely do not want to do.
6. Analyze What Went Wrong
Start thinking about what went wrong within your partnership and what may have caused things to get out of hand. Think of your ex as a nice person instead of assuming he was just trying to harm you. It may come as a surprise to you how this particular attitude makes it much easier to win him back.
When a breakup happens, it is usually not the fault of just one person. Try to put yourself in his shoes. See things through his eyes. In the whole breakup thing, what part could you have possibly played? Is there anything you failed to see until now?
Try to remember yourself as the person he fell in love with. Has time altered you in some unfavorable way? Are you still the woman he first started dating, or did you become quietly resentful? Could it be that you changed into another person without realizing it?
There are many more possible reasons why he may have broken up with you. You might find out that whatever you believed was the reason was just covering a deeper reason. Once you understand that deeper reason, you are much closer to knowing the way to get him back.
7. Identify the Real Reasons for the Breakup
In my daily work as a relationship counselor, I've learned from talking with a great number of men that there are only a few reasons why men leave their women. Here are a few of them.
Not Enough Freedom
One of the main reasons is that the man doesn't have enough freedom. How can that possibly be, you might think, when we always had so much fun together? We women tend to cherish the time we have with our man so much that we want to be with him all the time.
But to keep him head-over-heels in love with you, you need to give him some freedom from time to time. This does not mean you let him go out to flirt with other women. It just means that you let him have some fun being out with his guy friends from time to time. Meanwhile, you could have a great time too with your girlfriends.
Not Attracted to You Anymore
Another core reason, and this is a hard one to hear, is that he's not so attracted to you anymore. How could that be possible, you might say? After all, he found you attractive enough to court you and get into a relationship with you and see you in all kinds of unflattering situations.
Well, you're absolutely right, but once you get him back, you'll have to watch out to not get lazy and comfortable. A man needs to see and feel that it's still important for you to be attractive to him. If you're not dressing up for him anymore, it looks to him as if you don't care and take him for granted. It may seem different sometimes, but even after months and years, appearance still matters big time.
Doesn't Feel Needed
One more common reason I encountered is that the man does not feel needed. It may come as a surprise to you, but it's very important for a man to feel needed in the relationship. Once he gets the impression that his woman does not seek his help anymore, it lowers his self-confidence in a major way. That feeling of redundancy can quite quickly grow unbearable to him. If you find this is one of the reasons for your breakup, reversing that alone may be your answer.
8. Design a Whole New Relationship With Him
It may sound harsh, but first of all, you have to accept that the relationship you had is over. However, this is not necessarily a reason to get depressed because something in that relationship must have been very good. If it wasn't, you wouldn't want your man back. It is very possible for your ex to also realize that after some time he wants to get back together with you. So one good thing is that you can have a whole new relationship with him, and this time you can do it right!
So, it's time to design that new relationship. First of all, think about what you would expect from a new relationship and what you are ready to give in exchange to make it work. You may want to write that down, sleep over it, read it again tomorrow, and work on it some more until you think it's fair for each of you. It may be a bit of work, but you should see it as a chance to create the relationship you've always wanted. Think of it like: "I am not only finding out how to get my man back. I am also working on having a happy, fulfilling life with him afterward."
Before you take action, it is also very important that you forgive yourself and him for some things you did that now appear stupid in hindsight. Remind yourself of the great times that you were having together. Doing that will heal the hurt you're experiencing now and rebuild your self-esteem.
9. Become the Object of His Desire
Think about how you could further improve your appearance to win your man back. How about trying a new hairstyle, lightening your teeth, or getting some new makeup? Get some new clothes if you want to. In case you recently put on a few pounds, start eating healthy and exercising. You will look better and better on the outside, and this will make you feel better about yourself every day. Soon, you'll be much more happy and confident, and others will notice that.
However, don't go over the top. Don't do cosmetic surgery, tattoos, or other extreme changes that are only motivated by the breakup. It will only make you seem like you're craving attention, and that would be the opposite of what you want to achieve.
Be sure it's your style. Do not put on a facade just to get him back. You do want to attract him, but you surely do not want him to fall in love with an act, do you?
You need to understand that this is not about changing your personality. It's about emphasizing those parts of your personality that are already attractive—especially to your ex!
10. Reconnect With Him the Right Way
You understand how your man's brain works because you've been with him before. Now it's about time to make use of that knowledge to decide which communication method will be the best to use to reconnect with him. Does he prefer to communicate via e-mail? Or does he prefer the telephone or face-to-face conversation?
If you are unsure right now of which communication method will work best, you can't go wrong by sending him a simple text or something like a birthday card just to show that you think about him. It may very well happen that you quickly receive an answer!
If your man is more the telephone or face-to-face type, it may be a bit difficult, because the first conversation after a breakup is not so easy. Here are a few tricks that can help you in that convo:
- Be interested in what he's been doing. Don't be jealous or critical, no matter what he did.
- Be straightforward. Don't start to drop hints for him to figure out how you feel.
- Try to respect him and his decision. Don't attempt to convince him that he has made a mistake. You would just prove that he was the right.
- No pity pleas. If you act like you deserve to be hurt and try to get him to pity you, you will just appear unattractive.
- Apart from that, you could talk about anything. Failsafe topics are current events, funny things that happened to you, or movies and TV shows.
If You Meet Him in Public
Meeting your ex in public is a whole different story than talking to him on the phone or texting him. This situation can be much tenser, and there are a lot more mistakes to be made. To prevent that, let me give you a few tips:
If you two are in the same space, start making eye contact. Show him that there is still something about him that makes your heart beat faster. Do this very subtly.
Don't sabotage yourself by going overboard.
Do your best to be interesting when talking to your ex. Don't make it appear like you were just yearning for him all the time. Make him see that you are living a fulfilling life even though he decided not to be a part of it. Be sure to come across as independent, secure, and positive. Do not act arrogant, aloof or indifferent.
When you happen to be in a group situation with your ex, remind him now and then of situations or events he used to find extremely appealing or would even arouse him. Keep it subtle—just let that seductiveness flow through you and your behavior.
Make him see that you're doing well either with or without him. Show him that you would gladly take him back, but that you would also be perfectly okay without him. It's his loss if he decides not to be a part of your life. Believe me, you cannot imagine how seductive this is for a guy.
If there is another woman with him, avoid letting him see you getting nervous. Even if you feel like it, making a scene in front of his friends will not help you.
Sealing the Deal
So the efforts you've taken are starting to pay off, he's showing signs that he's interested in getting back together, and you see each other more regularly. Now the challenge is to establish a new, better relationship and get him back for good.
When talking to him, be straightforward, not overwhelming. When you discuss the fact that you both want to get back together, express exactly what you want but avoid going overboard and appearing desperate and clingy. Remember, you want to get him back forever.
It is also important to show him that you are ready to make changes to make things work. This doesn't mean that you have to alter your personality, but it is necessary for both of you to be prepared to adjust behaviors that are harmful to your partnership. Remember the notes that you made when you designed your new relationship? Keep them in mind or have them with you.
If you want to touch him, do it in a delicate but affectionate way. If you have already established a sensible relationship and meet him in public, you can put your hand on his shoulder for a second when you leave.
One more thing: Don't have sex with your ex while you are not yet back in a new relationship because it would convey to him that he's got you at his disposal and a genuine partnership is not necessary. It's better to use the additional attraction to get him back forever.
Does He Want You Back?
Even if you see your ex occasionally, it may be hard to tell whether he is interested in getting back together with you or not. The following examples may help you with that:
- One sign that your ex might be thinking of getting together with you again is when he is frequently telling you what happens in his daily life and even conveys interest for you to participate.
- Another sign would be if he keeps sending you texts or emails simply to make you notice him. This is also the case if he frequently goes out of his way just to keep up communication with you, be it directly or via common friends.
- A fairly clear indication that he's thinking about coming back is when he seriously wants to talk about the breakup and ways the relationship might have worked better.
- And probably the best and strongest sign is when he looks at you the same way as he did when the two of you met for the first time and fell in love.
Getting Him Back Is Just the Beginning
It is absolutely possible to get your boyfriend back if you have the right game plan and understand and follow these methods. But naturally, this is just the beginning. You feel loved again, the tears go away, you relax . . . and right there is the danger!
Your life is okay again, you feel good, and when you get used to this once more, it can easily happen that you forget to work on the relationship.
Let me make this clear: it may be true that you two are meant for each other, but even if that is the case, you need to practice things like expressing your needs and ensuring good communication to keep your relationship strong and happy.
Is It Too Late?
Could it indeed be too late to win your ex back? Great question. It really comes down to the following: Did you ever miss somebody, for example, a very good friend or a relative living abroad for some time, and as soon as you saw them again, it immediately felt wonderful to be together?
This happens because human beings tend to memorize relationships along with their positive emotions—especially men—and this means your man does it too with you and the relationship you had together!
So you don't have to worry if it's too late because it never is.
Should You Try to Make Him Jealous?
Just three words: Don't do it! Trying to get him back by humiliating your ex in such a way will just make him think that you no longer care for him and are just out to hurt him.
I know there are always some people around encouraging you to date just anyone to make your ex-man jealous. In fact, jealousy may work to win your man back for a tiny fraction of women, but the risk of having the opposite happen is much too high.
Chances are that it will appear to him that you are over him and it's time for him to move on, too. Men tend to think like that.
Even if the jealousy method would work in your case, it would fail to bring you that long-term partnership you desire. Many times, couples find themselves in just another breakup because jealousy alone is just not a good enough reason to stay together.
So, being seen in a circle with good male friends will be absolutely sufficient to deliver the information that you're still desirable.
I know that every situation is unique, so I wish you the very best in yours. I hope you do find happiness, whether that's with your ex or with someone new.