Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).
Why is He Still Texting Me If He's Not Interested?
So you met a guy. You had a relationship--or maybe only dated for a little while casually--but things just didn't work out. For whatever reason, you broke up, but he keeps contacting you. Now you're wondering, "Why is he still texting me if he's not interested?"
This can be especially confusing if he's the one who broke it off. Why would he suddenly show up out of nowhere when he told you he wasn't into you? How does that make any sense?
Well, sometimes people don't make any sense! However, he probably does have some hidden motivations. They could have something to do with his feelings for you or they could be totally unrelated.
Either way, let's take a look at some of the reasons he may still be texting you:
1. He Still Wants to Be Friends
Hey, just because he's not interested in a romantic relationship doesn't mean that you two can't be friends. You might not feel too wild about that idea, especially if it was a bad breakup, but everyone interprets the end of a relationship differently.
Maybe to him, it's no big deal to be friends. Maybe he still wants to hang out and talk because he simply thinks you're a cool person to be around, even if he's not interested in pursuing more.
Obviously, this interpretation depends on what he's texting you. Is it just friendly conversation, or is it flirtatious? Are his flirtations subtle (where it could possibly just be in your mind), or are they super obvious? Is he just making small talk or is he sending you pictures of body parts that you wish he had pixelated first?
Chances are, it's something in between. Sometimes it's hard to figure out someone's intentions, especially if they are obscuring them on purpose. He could be hiding what he actually wants.
This brings us to the next possibility:
2. He's Actually Still Interested (and Just Lied About It)
If he's giving you lots of flirtatious attention and hinting that he still likes you, then naturally he might want to get back together. Even if he's just sending you neutral texts out of the blue and trying to get you to talk casually, he could be attempting to open the door to something deeper.
This might confuse you if he was the one who rejected you, but people regret choices all the time, for many reasons. It could be that:
- He wasn't interested in pursuing a serious relationship, but now he's ready.
- He couldn't commit because of outside circumstances in his life, but now those circumstances have changed.
- He might have simply realized his feelings for you after some time apart.
Ask him about it! If the lack of clarity bothers you, then straight up bring it up with him. Don't let him play dumb. Tell him to be honest about what he wants.
The Reason You Want to Know Why He's Still Texting You
3. He's Bored or Lonely
Now onto a less flattering theory: He could just be bored or lonely, and...well, you're there.
This isn't as bad as it sounds, though. It could mean that he trusts you as a friend, especially if the things he's sharing with you are very personal. He might be going through a difficult period in his life and it gives him comfort to talk with someone familiar.
Everyone needs emotional support every once in awhile. Unfortunately, in our society, people tend to forget that men need this, too. We're expected to hold our emotions inside and only share them with intimate partners, so when we do share them openly, people will often misinterpret it. They'll assume we must want something. Sometimes we just want to talk with no ulterior motive!
As someone who is just naturally open, I've had men and women alike think that I had something other than friendship in mind when I didn't. To them, being vulnerable and having a deep conversation meant I was interested in them. It's not a good idea to make these assumptions, though.
Even if the conversation in your case isn't very deep, your man could still be seeking a friendly connection to fill an emotional need. There's nothing wrong with that.
The question is whether that's something you want to experience. You are under no obligation to respond, and if you feel that you will always be frustrated and wanting something other than friendship, then maybe it's time to stop texting back.
4. He Needs Something From You
Then again, maybe he does want something.
When the two of you were closer, did you often do favors for him? It could be that he's making small talk as a way to work up to a request. If you strongly suspect this, then cut through the fluff and just ask him what he wants directly.
Is this rude? No, not if you ask him in a neutral way. There's no reason to accuse him of anything. Just a simple, "OK, why are you still texting me if you said you weren't interested? Do you need something from me?" will suffice.
With everything out in the open, then you can decide if you want to give him what he's looking for.
5. He's Trying to Make His Current Girlfriend Jealous
On the list of more disturbing reasons, he could be using you to make his current love interest jealous. It's dumb and childish, but it does happen. I've known vengeful people in less than stable relationships who responded to their partner's shady behavior by being even more shady themselves. "If they can do it, so can I!" is the mentality.
In that case, you may just be an innocent bystander. You just happened to be someone who responded to his texts and without realizing it you're a side character in his personal soap opera.
Stop texting him back if you suspect this.
6. He's Feeling Frisky and You Exist
Yup, we all know what this is. You can usually tell when a guy is solely texting you because he's interested in hooking up. The conversation will have a certain tone (and again, will often involve interesting body parts).
There's nothing wrong with having "special friends" like these, where there is no romantic relationship and it's strictly physical. Maybe you'd like the same thing!
However, if that's not what you're into or you think you'd never be able to let go of romantic feelings you have for him, it's best to make that clear. Block him if you have to.
7. He's Worried About You
Finally, one of the most innocuous reasons: Maybe he's just worried about you and is wondering how you're doing!
Again, just because he doesn't have romantic feelings for you doesn't mean he feels nothing for you at all. This might especially be the case after a bad breakup. He might want to make sure that you're doing well in spite of the heartbreak.
Even if you just had a casual relationship where one or both of you lost interest, he might just want to catch up out of curiosity. If it's painful to text back and forth when nothing else is coming out of it, let him know how you feel. There's nothing wrong with telling him you're OK and leaving it at that.
When He's Still Texting You After a Bad Breakup
Did you have a particularly difficult breakup? All of the above reasons could still apply, but the last one is especially relevant.
It could be that he needs closure and wants to know that the two of you are OK. Why would he even care, though? Why is he still texting you if he's not interested?
He might just care about you as a person. Maybe the connection he had with you made a big impression on him and it's hard for him to let that go just yet. Maybe he felt like the way the two of you broke up left a lot of loose ends open.
It's up to you how you respond to this, of course. Remember that you don't have to text him back! Sometimes that's even the best policy.
© 2021 Jorge Vamos