Can You Be "Just Friends" With Your Ex

Updated on March 16, 2018

When Your Past Relationships Continue in the Present

We're "just friends." We hear it all the time. Can you handle your man or woman continuing a relationship with their ex? Many people say they're okay with the idea, but when actually faced with it, the truth is revealed.

If two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they were never in love in the first place, or there are still unresolved feelings. There are exes who enjoy knowing they can still have free reign in your current life, especially when they still have the "keys" to enter.

Why Can't a Past Relationship Stay in the Past?

Many couples have to deal with exes because somehow the past has transitioned into the present. The important thing is whether they should be "making the cut" into the future. Every relationship is different, but the important thing is to have a mutual agreement especially if kids are involved. Especially if sex was involved, why try to be friends with that ex now and not expect intimacy issues to emerge again.

You Can't Move On to the Next Chapter If You Keep Re-Reading the Last One

You can't say you're committed to someone if you're still dwelling on someone else. It sounds simple, yet it's very difficult for some people to do. It's important to resolve any issues you have with an ex before getting another person involved. Or make sure you're truly over that person before moving on. No one wants to be with a man/woman who is still "hung up" over their ex or feel like they're the second choice.

Scars Remind Us of Where We've Been

Keeping your ex in your present and future are a constant reminder of the person you used to be. It can be either wonderful or painful memories, but the reminder is always there. Do you want others to remember you for who you were or the person you've become?

It's a Two-Way Street

What's good for the goose should be good for the gander. One person can't be "just friends" with their ex and expect the other to stand by passively. It's either it's acceptable or not, but there must be agreed upon boundaries in a relationship to ensure no one is confused.

Using the Bricks From Your Past Relationship Will Build the Same House

If you're doing the same things, don't expect different results. People wonder why they're doomed to meet the same kind of person all the time. The problem may be you. If you're holding on to your past and bringing it into your future, then the cycle with continue.

A Feather in Your Cap

So what's the real reason for keeping exes around? Do you lack friends and need to maintain all you've had to be satisfied? Are you afraid of being forgotten? Or does having that person around boost your ego or self-esteem? Whatever the reason, you have to be honest with yourself before moving forward.

A lot of people accept things they wouldn't normally accept and bury their true feelings to maintain peace in their relationships. This leads to feeling of resentment later on that could have easily been prevented. Staying friends with your ex is not a problem if you're still single, but it gets complicated when others are now involved. It you're in love with someone, do all you can to stay in love. Even if it means leaving your past in the past.

Can exes be "just friends?"

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    • Chrystal81 profile image
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      Chrystal K Bhola 5 years ago from Pembroke Pines, FL

      Thank you for our comment Mr. London. The heart is very fragile and should be treated that way. I agree when you say the heart was "never meant to be shared." Some people say God is the owner of their hearts and no human being can enter in. Others say their parents, children or significant other. The important thing is to know who has your whole heart or you'd just be giving pieces of it to anyone that wants it.

    • profile image

      Mr. London 5 years ago

      Agreed that being friends with the ex is begging for trouble. The real issue is not wanted jus to be friends, its the deeper issues of unresolved feelings, sense of attachment and familiar emotional comfort from the past love. These are all things which you should be working on with the present and at the core of the matter is that the heart cannot and was never meant to be shared..

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