What to Do When Your Girlfriend Suddenly Dumps You

Updated on November 14, 2019
Matt G. profile image

Matt is a painter and part time freelance writer. Matt writes about various topics and experiences, including online dating.


When Your Girlfriend Dumps You Out of Nowhere

Processing emotions from a sudden breakup is, undoubtedly, one of the toughest moments in life to deal with, especially when you believe the relationship had been going so well. It's one thing if you treated your girlfriend badly and you feel like you deserved it, but when you know you were good to her, a surprise breakup is like getting hit with a ton of bricks.

While the breakup is sudden and unexpected for you, odds are, your girlfriend was contemplating her decision for a while, finally working up the courage to act on it.

I went through this situation myself and I know exactly how it feels. I woke up one morning to find a surprise email from my girlfriend breaking up with me, only days before the New Year, leaving me shocked and devastated.

The anxiety from losing someone you care about can be hard to deal with. You wonder if you'll ever see her again, or if she found someone else in secret. You're probably obsessing over the reasons she broke up with you, blaming yourself for everything, and you're probably thinking of ways to convince her to change her mind.

What You Should Do When Your Girl Suddenly Dumps You

Controlling your emotions during a breakup is really important, not only for your recovery moving forward, but also for increasing your chances of winning her back. Keeping your emotions centered isn't easy in this situation, I know, I've been there more than once, but blowing up her phone with emotional text messages won't help. The way you handle things is crucial.

1. Accept the Breakup and Start 'No Contact'

Accepting the fact that your girlfriend's leaving you sucks, but the best thing you can do for yourself in this situation is to respect her decision and immediately stop contacting her any further. Calmly tell her you're really unhappy and disappointed with her decision, but that you accept it. Don't initiate contact with her anymore after that, unless of course you have children together and have no choice, or if you need to make plans to exchange belongings.

Using the 'no contact' strategy is hard to do, but it will make her second guess her decision. I stopped contacting my ex girlfriend after she suddenly broke up with me the day after Christmas. She reached out less than one week later. Going 'no contact' after a breakup is an effective way to win your ex back, but you should use this strategy for personal growth, not out of hope that she'll reach out to you.

2. Spend Time with Close Friends and Family

The last thing you want is to be alone with your anxious thoughts after a tough breakup. After my breakup, I spent the weekend with my best friend. When I returned home at the end of the weekend, I felt so much better. Being around supportive friends and family, who truly understand what you're going through, is very therapeutic. Spend time with someone you know will give you helpful advice and encouragement.

3. Focus on Self-Improvement

While you shouldn't over-analyze mistakes you made in the relationship, it is important to be honest with yourself so you can improve for a future relationship. Sometimes your ex won't tell you the reason they ended the relationship, because they don't want to hurt your feelings anymore, or maybe it had nothing to do with you at all.

One of the best ways to combat stress and anxiety from a breakup is exercise. Use the breakup as a motivator to get into better shape. Exercise helps immensely with stress. You'll sleep better and feel better.


What Not to Do When Your Girlfriend Suddenly Dumps You

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, there's really nothing you can do to convince her to change her mind in that moment, but your behavior right after the breakup plays a role in whether or not she'll change her mind later.

Before I jump into what you should do when your girlfriend dumps you out of nowhere, I'll cover what you definitely should not do.

1. Begging and Pleading

If you haven't done this already, you probably feel compelled to send her emotional text messages, begging and pleading for another chance. It's normal to feel the urge to try and repair the situation, but crying and begging after being dumped won't help, especially if you treated her badly in the relationship. She's made her decision.

2. Grand Gestures

Don't send her a hand written letter, a long email, or a gift. She'll be annoyed and stressed by your needy behavior and ignore you, which will only make matters worse for you. She's pulled away from you for a reason and the best thing to do is to leave her alone. The grand gesture doesn't work.

3. Angry Text Messages and Phone Calls

My friend told me once, "nothing good happens when you're angry", and it's true. You're surely feeling angry and disappointed about the breakup, and maybe things got ugly at the end, but it's best to stay calm and not lash out with angry text messages and phone calls. You'll probably end up saying something you regret.

4. Avoid Drinking Alcohol

Alcohol is a depressant that will make you feel worse if you start drinking to cope with the loss. With depressed thoughts and poor judgement, you're far more likely to contact your ex and make things even worse. I would definitely avoid drinking until you've given yourself time to recover from the breakup.

5. Stay Away from Dating Apps

After an emotional breakup, it's important to give yourself time to clear your thoughts before meeting new girls on dating apps again. Dating right after a relationship's ended isn't healthy for you, or for a new girl you might go out with, because you'll still have feelings for your ex.

Grieving over the loss of someone you had an emotional bond with can take several months before you're one hundred percent ready to date again. Obviously everyone handles loss differently, but I would give yourself at least one or two months of personal growth before jumping back into the dating game again.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Matt G.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Matt G. profile imageAUTHOR

      Matt G. 

      8 months ago from United States

      I wouldn't call it cheating, but it's certainly inappropriate and disrespectful.

    • profile image

      Jody L Norris 

      8 months ago

      If you are in a relationship more than 2 years and is Flirting with a different women is that cheating on me

    • Matt G. profile imageAUTHOR

      Matt G. 

      8 months ago from United States

      That's a good attitude to have. Thanks for the comment.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      8 months ago from Chicago

      Excellent sound advice.

      In order for your ex to have been "the one" she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a 'soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! Let go and move on.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      Every ending is a new beginning!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)