Matt is a painter and freelance writer. He writes about various topics, including relationships and online dating.
When Your Girlfriend Dumps You Out of Nowhere
Processing emotions from a sudden breakup is, undoubtedly, one of the toughest moments in life to deal with, especially when you believe the relationship had been going so well. It's one thing if you treated your girlfriend badly and you feel like you deserved it, but when you know you were good to her, a surprise breakup is like getting hit with a ton of bricks.
While the breakup is sudden and unexpected for you, odds are, your girlfriend was contemplating her decision for a while, finally working up the courage to act on it.
I went through this situation myself and I know exactly how it feels. I woke up one morning to find a surprise email from my girlfriend breaking up with me, only days before the New Year, leaving me shocked and devastated.
The anxiety from losing someone you care about can be hard to deal with. You wonder if you'll ever see her again, or if she found someone else in secret. You're probably obsessing over the reasons she broke up with you, blaming yourself for everything, and you're probably thinking of ways to convince her to change her mind.
What You Should Do When Your Girl Suddenly Dumps You
Controlling your emotions during a breakup is really important, not only for your recovery moving forward, but also for increasing your chances of winning her back. Keeping your emotions centered isn't easy in this situation, I know, I've been there more than once, but blowing up her phone with emotional text messages won't help. The way you handle things after a breakup is critical.
1. Accept the Breakup and Begin 'No Contact'
Accepting the fact that your girlfriend's leaving you sucks, but the best thing you can do for yourself in this situation is to respect her decision and not contact her again. Calmly tell her you're unhappy and disappointed with her decision, but that you accept it. Do not contact her again after that, unless of course you have children together and have no choice, or if you need to arrange plans to exchange belongings.
Using the 'no contact' strategy is hard to do, but it will make your ex second guess her decision. I stopped contacting my ex after she suddenly broke up with me the day after Christmas. She reached out less than one week later. Going 'no contact' after a breakup is an effective way to win your ex back, but you should use this strategy for personal growth, not out of hope that she'll reach out to you. Do it for yourself.
2. Spend Time with Close Friends and Family
The last thing you want is to be alone with your anxious thoughts after a tough breakup. After my breakup, I spent the weekend with my best friend. When I returned home at the end of the weekend, I felt so much better. Being around supportive friends and family, who truly understand what you're going through, is very therapeutic. Spend time with someone you know will give you helpful advice and encouragement. Avoid communicating with people who might make you feel worse.
3. Focus on Self-Improvement
While you shouldn't over-analyze mistakes you made in the relationship, it is important to be honest with yourself so you can improve for a future relationship. Sometimes your ex won't tell you the reason they ended the relationship because they don't want to hurt your feelings anymore, or maybe it had nothing to do with you at all.
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One of the best ways to combat stress and anxiety from a breakup is exercise. Use the breakup as a motivator to get into better shape. Exercise helps immensely with stress. You'll sleep better and feel better at the end of the day.
What Not to Do When Your Girlfriend Suddenly Dumps You
When your girlfriend breaks up with you, there's really nothing you can do to convince her to change her mind in that moment, but your behavior right after the breakup plays a huge role in whether or not she'll change her mind later and reach out.
Before I jump into what you should do when your girlfriend dumps you out of nowhere, I'll cover what you definitely should not do.
1. Begging and Pleading
If you haven't done this already, you probably feel compelled to send her emotional text messages begging for another chance. It's normal to feel the urge to try and repair the situation, but crying and begging after being dumped won't help, especially if you treated her badly in the relationship. She's made her decision, accept it.
2. Grand Gestures
Don't send her a hand written letter, a long email, or a gift. Resist the urge to do a grand gesture. She'll be annoyed and stressed by your needy behavior and ignore you, which will only make matters worse for you. She's pulled away from you for a reason and the best thing to do is to leave her alone.
3. Angry Text Messages and Phone Calls
My friend told me once, "nothing good happens when you're angry", and it's true. You're surely feeling angry and disappointed about the breakup, and maybe things got ugly at the end, but it's best to stay calm and avoid sending a slew of angry text messages. You'll probably end up saying something you regret in the end.
4. Avoid Drinking Alcohol
Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking a few beers might make you feel better in the moment but it will probably make you feel worse later, and you're far more likely to slip up when you're drunk and contact your ex when you shouldn't be. I would definitely avoid drinking until you've given yourself time to recover from the breakup.
5. Stay Away from Dating Apps
After an emotional breakup, it's important to give yourself time to clear your thoughts before meeting new girls on dating apps again. Dating right after a relationship's ended isn't healthy for you, or for a new girl you might go out with, because you'll still have feelings for your ex. You wouldn't want to date a girl who still wanted her ex back.
Grieving over the loss of someone you had an emotional bond with can take several months before you're one hundred percent ready to date again. Obviously everyone handles loss differently, but I would give yourself at least one to two months before jumping back into the dating game again.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Matt G.