7 Common Emotions You'll Feel After a Breakup and How to Cope

Updated on August 30, 2018
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I have always been the go-to person for friends and family who are seeking advice. I love helping people.

Dealing with a breakup can feel impossible, but that's all part of the process.
Dealing with a breakup can feel impossible, but that's all part of the process. | Source

How Am I Supposed to Feel After a Breakup?

Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there's no one way you're supposed to feel about it. Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you're feeling is normal. For a while, you might even become overwhelmed with emotions, but don't worry—it's absolutely normal to feel this way. It's quite a process to let go of a person you really loved.

In this article, you will learn about the complicated emotions people commonly experience after a breakup, and—more importantly—how to cope with them.

The Emotional Stages Most People Go Through After a Breakup:

  1. Shock and denial
  2. Desperate need for answers
  3. Fear, loneliness, and sadness
  4. Bargaining (a.k.a. the "crazy" stage)
  5. Anger
  6. Peace and acceptance
  7. Forgiveness

Everyone will go through different stages at different times, so don't worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes, you might even repeat a stage that you've already gone through. Continue scrolling to learn more about each stage and how to cope.

The end of a relationship is bound to leave you reeling, but you will heal.
The end of a relationship is bound to leave you reeling, but you will heal. | Source

1. Shock and Denial

Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first, you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible—your significant other loved you too much to leave. Despite all the bad times, there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories that this cannot be real.

You tell yourself that your significant other will soon realize that they are wrong and come running back. You can't believe that this is happening to you because you were once "the perfect couple." You tend to forget all the bad things or see them through rose-colored glasses. You continually tell yourself that you guys will fix things and everything will be okay.

You're constantly be staring at your phone, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. You believe that they will call soon; they must be busy. At this point, you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. You tell people that you are not really broken up—you both just need a little time.

2. Desperate Need for Answers

Once the shock of your breakup has worn off, you will likely start asking yourself lots of "what if," "why," and "how" questions, such as:

  • What's wrong with me?
  • Why didn't he/she want to try to make it work?
  • How could I have fixed things?

After a breakup, it's completely normal to feel a burning desire to understand why things happened the way they did. This is a very painful stage, as many of the questions people ask themselves after breakups reflect profound feelings of rejection and inadequacy. You may find yourself fixating on things you or your ex said or did—replaying the memories over and over in your head and trying to pull a rational answer from them.

You may feel like all you can think about is your ex.

The pain and confusion that stems from heartbreak can consume every part of your life, becoming all you think or talk about. You will likely find yourself seeking answers from your coworkers, family, or friends, going over every aspect of the relationship and trying to find logical explanations for why things shouldn't have ended.

Agonizing over memories of your relationship, both good and bad, can even cause you to dream of your ex. This, in turn, can affect the quality of your sleep and cause you to wake feeling sadder and more exhausted than you were when you went to bed. Unfortunately, there's no way to fix this—you must simply let it pass with time.

Source

3. Fear, Loneliness, and Sadness

The phone has not rung, and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and starting to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. And that's when fear starts to kick in.

You fear that you will be lonely forever. You fear that you will have nobody to talk to. You fear that you will not be able to make it in this big, scary world without them. You fear that when you are sick, there will be nobody there to comfort you.

Sadness and depression often kick in when the initial shock wears off.

While you may have felt some initial sadness mingling with the shock of the breakup, it truly hits when you start to understand that the split is real. You'll likely want to stay in bed and hide under the covers, feeling lonely, depressed, and sorry for yourself. Talking to friends and family is not an option, and you want nothing to do with what is going on around you.

For some reason, you will torture yourself. You will sit and cry and listen to “your song” a million times, to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures of your ex over and over again. You'll tell yourself that you will never be able to find a person who will love you the way that they did. You'll question if you're good enough and if someone else could ever love you.

Know When to Get Help

Sadness is a necessary step in the grieving process, but if you ever start to have thoughts of self-harm, reach out to a crisis counselor immediately.

4. Bargaining (a.k.a. the “Crazy Stage”)

This stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness, and sadness kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when you have realized that the breakup is real, but you are not going to let it stay that way. You are going to do everything you can to try to make this person come back into your life. You are willing to do anything if it means being with them again.

You may feel compelled to contact your ex and beg to get back together.

While this may seem like a good idea, there are many benefits to the no-contact rule. But it can be very hard to resist getting in touch with your ex. They haven’t called, so you decide to call them. They haven’t written an email, so you plan to write them one. They haven't texted you, so you tell yourself you'll text them.

Unfortunately, most people in this stage don't do these things one time and move on—instead, they bombard their ex with calls, texts, emails, and letters and beg for them to respond. You promise them that this time will be different. You promise to make all of the wrongs right. You try to remind them of all the good memories and make them see that it wasn’t so bad after all. You promise to do anything to make it work.

You read articles and books and watch TV shows on “how to get your ex back.” This is now war. You tell yourself that you're going to make them love you. The outcome of this stage can vary. Because you are setting yourself up for disappointment, when you don't get the response you were looking for, you might revert back to one of the above stages. Some people will be in denial or feel lonely again, while others will experience more anger.

While you may be tempted to contact or keep tabs on your ex, it can often lead to more pain than good.
While you may be tempted to contact or keep tabs on your ex, it can often lead to more pain than good. | Source

You may obsess over monitoring their social media.

If you decide not to contact your ex, or you do and they don't respond, you may resort to obsessively checking their social media accounts. After all, you want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives, and the only way you can do that is by constantly looking at their online activity.

If you do go down that rabbit hole, remember that the way people portray themselves on social media isn't always an accurate representation of the way they really feel. So even if it looks like your ex is carefree and living their best life just days or weeks after you break up, that probably isn't the case. In fact, people often post these kinds of photos for the express purpose of making their exes jealous (regardless of whether they are the dumper or the dumpee).

Sometimes, bargaining can lead to relapse.

You may be able to convince your ex to try again (especially if yours was an on-again, off-again relationship to begin with). While this will temporarily ease your pain, it will only make things worse if you break up again. No matter how much you wish it were possible, you can't make a relationship work if you're the only one who wants it to. Healthy relationships require effort from both partners, and you can't blame yourself for not being able to uphold a relationship on your own.

5. Anger

Now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your spot on the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person.

You tell yourself things like:

  • I don't understand why they left me.
  • I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • Nobody else will ever do what I did for them.
  • Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you.

At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself, so it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into a million little pieces and burn it.

Though this stage can be emotionally taxing (as if all the other ones aren't), it can also be empowering. Anger—whether it's directed toward your ex, yourself, or the situation in general—can put an end to the numbness and make you feel alive again. It can also give you positive direction and help you lift yourself out of your slump. For many, anger is the first step toward healing.

Note: While anger can be a healthy stage in the healing process, it's important not to take it too far. Resist the urge to badmouth your ex to his friends and definitely don't pull a "Before He Cheats" and vandalize your ex's car (or anything else they own). Burning a picture is one thing, but damaging property is going too far.

6. Peace and Acceptance

Even though you feel as though you will never get to the point of peace, you will. One day you will sit back and realize that you have made it! In spite of the heartache, tears, anger, and fear, you are still alive! Thinking of this person will bring about happy feelings instead of feeling like a knife is cutting through your heart. You will be much stronger than you were before, and you will have learned a lot about what you need and want.

A key shift occurs in this stage—instead of looking back, you will start to plan for the future. For the first time in what feels like ages, you will be excited about life and other people again. You will come to the empowering realization that you don't need your ex to be happy because only you can make you happy. You will realize that you are capable of loving again and that you are worthy of being loved. This is a major breakthrough, so you should be proud!

Forgiveness will set you free.
Forgiveness will set you free. | Source

7. Forgiveness

There are many benefits to forgiving your ex (and yourself), so as soon as you feel like you can let go of those last traces of bitterness, let it happen. For some, this last step can be difficult because that anger—no matter how toxic—can feel like the last connection with your ex. But cutting that final tether will truly free you and give you the strength to rebuild yourself and move on.

Sometimes it can take quite a while to reach this point. Accepting the breakup and coming to terms with why it happened is very different from actually forgiving your ex and—more importantly—yourself, so don't rush it. You will get there, and when you do, you will know that you have well and truly moved on.

Ways to Cope With Your Breakup

Nobody can predict exactly how long it will take for the pain to go away, and every person is different, but here are some general tips to help you get through your breakup.

Remember the good times and all that the relationship taught you.

It is really hard when you have created so many memories and shared so many important details of your life with another person. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. The main goal is to understand that yes, your life will change, but this does not mean you have to forget all the good memories and times you shared with a person. This is a part of you and always will be. Remember what this person has taught you and be thankful that you were able to experience the things that you did.

Make an effort to stay healthy throughout the "letting go" process.

You just have to make sure that you keep yourself healthy during these stages. You need to try your best to get advice and support from the people around you. Eat properly. Try to get out of the house and socialize a little.

Don't jump right into another relationship (or rebound sex).

Many people suggest jumping into another relationship or simply seeking rebound sex right after a breakup to get your mind off the other person. I do not suggest that.

At this point, you have many emotions built up, and immediately starting a new relationship will not allow you to heal from this one or give the new relationship a fair shot. So give yourself time. Get to know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and try to be strong. Many times after a big breakup, we discover things about ourselves that we weren’t even aware of.

Find a new hobby.

Now's the time to test out that new activity you've been dying to try. Be it baking or boxing, diving into something new can really take your mind off of your ex. Learning something new stimulates your brain and helps start the rebuilding process. It will also boost your self-esteem because you will realize that you are capable of anything you put your mind to. Here are some of the best hobbies to try after a breakup:

  • Rock climbing, yoga, or any other type of exercise
  • Volunteering for a cause you care about
  • Learning to knit or crochet
  • Taking an art class
  • Learning how to play an instrument
  • Learning how to cook

Listen to music.

There are so many benefits to listening to music, not least of which are lowering stress levels and reducing depression. So queue up that breakup playlist and get listening.

Lean on your friends and family.

When dealing with the roller coaster of emotions involved in recovering from a breakup, it's key to rely on those around you. Whether you reach out for a shoulder to cry on or someone to scream from the rooftops with, spending time with your friends and family can really boost your mood when you're feeling low.

While it can be tempting to spend your time alone, and you may even avoid your friends because you don't want to be a "downer," your true friends will be there for you through thick and thin. They'll understand your pain and want to do anything they can to make you feel better.

Your friends will always be there for you, so don't hesitate to ask them for help.
Your friends will always be there for you, so don't hesitate to ask them for help. | Source

Let yourself cry.

Crying after a breakup is totally normal, so if it feels like the tears need to flow, let them. Keeping your emotions bottled up can often make things worse and lead to an uncontrollable outburst at a later date (like the first time you see your ex after the split—yikes!). Having a good cry can be extremely cathartic even when you aren't dealing with something stressful like a breakup, so it's even more helpful when you are.

Know that you cannot make someone love you.

After all is said and done, if you still feel that this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you.

Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too, and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being overly persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Just because a relationship did not work out does not make you a bad person, and it's important to avoid negative self-talk that reinforces that belief (or ones like it). Going through a breakup does not mean that nobody will ever love you again.

Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is two people and you are only one of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do.

If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something (maybe they are lacking something within themselves) and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.

Allow yourself time to heal.

Unfortunately, there's no magic number when it comes to breakups—no one can say how exactly how long it will take to process your thoughts and feelings. It could take anywhere from weeks to months to heal completely, but it's important not to rush yourself.

Give yourself the time required to heal. Let your emotions out and address them. Do not try to pretend like you are okay if you really aren't; this will just prolong the process. Remember that time heals all wounds!

Tell yourself you deserve to be happy (and really believe it).

This is the most important piece of advice I have for you, but it's also the hardest one to follow. Letting go of feelings that you aren't good enough or that you aren't worthy of love can be almost as hard as letting go of your ex, but it is absolutely necessary. Just because someone might have stopped loving you should never stop you from loving yourself. So tell yourself—every day—that you deserve to be happy (and believe it!).

Breakup Stages

In your opinion, what is the hardest stage?

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© 2010 Jennifer M

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    • profile image

      Cho T 

      42 hours ago

      My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago... We have been together for 7 years... I cannot cope with the pain I'm going through... We had our problems but I was already to be his girl forever.. I'm trying to get myself on track.. But I cant do it.. I lost my life, home and boyfriend withing 24hr... I cannot cope right now... I have times where I think I'm OK.. But then I crumble... We have 2 dogs togetherand he said I can see them anytime I want.. He did not want his key back... I'm really struggling to understand it all.. I've been thinking about our wedding.. I've pick our our first dance song. I'm absolutely breaking... I just don't know what to do... I miss him so much... The pain I feel I don't wish on my anyone... I really cannot cope.. Why has he not called... Why has this happened...

    • profile image

      Sadness love 

      9 days ago

      My ex-gf and i broke up about 2 years ago from a 1 year relationship. I had already gone through all the stages but i would start to miss her from time to time. I told myself that i forgiven her and accept that the relationship is long gone. Ever since the break up, i feel empty, numbness, emotionless, even after 2 years already. I feel like there's no love in this world anymore, like i dont want to love or be love by anyone anymore. I spent my day doing thing emotionless and sometime get a little sadness but that feeling go away within minutes. I still wonder to this day, why and how do i still feel emotionless, empty and cant seem to find happiness anywhere.

    • profile image

      Alice 

      3 weeks ago

      My boyfriend and I broke up last week. The process was long. One thing I learned is that you cannot control how someone feels. Even though the break up was tough, I don’t feel upset. Unfortunately we had to end and all in all letting go is the best thing. we fought hard and long but we didn’t save us. Letting go was hard but why don’t I feel bad? I’m not grieving or crying. I feel kinda empty but not really.I still love and care for him very much but I don’t feel sad. Is there something wrong with me not feeling the way i should?

    • profile image

      Smile Stephen Monyror 

      3 weeks ago

      I have experience this for the first time and I suffered a lot, crying,loneliness, stead of confusion, while I was sick.

      I was feeling that I will not be alive again because I thought it had never happened to someone as it happened to me.

      I spent two full week crying but now am suffering of DREAMING about her giving me sleeplessness at night.

    • profile image

      Dani 

      4 weeks ago

      The breakup was sudden. He messaged me in the morning saying he loved me so much then a couple hours later hes telling me we're done

    • profile image

      Bruce_NZ 

      4 weeks ago

      My partner and I just broke up, well sort of. I am feeling really sad. She still wants us to do things together, we were/are planning to ride a big bike ride next year for 6 weeks. She still wants to take me to her home country, doing weekend training rides. She just cant do " the couple" thing. This past weekend is the first time since we started seeing each other that I have not seen her. She is going away next weekend and wants me to look after her dog, cats, and fish. I normally stay at her place when I do that. I don't want to lose her, but I also not sure if I can cope with just being friends.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 weeks ago from Florida

      Hi Mekia, thank you for your comment. Yes you will be able to let go. It takes some time and healing but will come. Stay strong and keep healthy. Talk to friends and allow yourself the time you need. Trust me, you will get through this. Good luck to you!

    • profile image

      Mekia 

      6 weeks ago

      I am going thru the stages now at first i thought something was wrong with me fir crying over a man like i was but i see now im right on track its hard losing someone you in love with but are you truely ever able to let go.

    • profile image

      Ian H 

      6 weeks ago

      I felt these emotions before, and going through them again right now. Though I seem to drift between the stages, but slowly moving down the list. But actually reading the stages, identifying and connecting gives me strength to feel that I'm not so unique and getting better. Wonderfully articulated. Thank you

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      2 months ago from Florida

      Hi thank you so much for your comment. Well it seems to me that you are already certain that this relationship is over. There is definitely no reason to keep her hanging on it will only hurt more in the end. If you are going to end it you have to end all ties because it would lead her to think that there is a chance and if you are sometimes hanging out and only make her feelings stronger. My advice would be to let her know that you respect her and want the best for her, though it is not you. And let her go for good or until at least she has moved on.

    • profile image

      Bill 

      2 months ago

      Hello Jenn, great article! I have an issue with my current girlfriend, we're together for one year but since I was in my country working she studied her masters abroad and things gotten worse since then, I know that she loves me so much as if her life depends on me, unfortunately I cannot accept that kind of love because we're uncertain about our marriage and if things don't go our way I know she will hurt so much. Currently our relationship is in very bad state because I told her that I'm focused on my work and need space not any relationship. So I said lets breakup (it was really hard to say that), but she refused, begging for another chance and I agreed in order to let her adapt in life without me (I told her we will not hangout often because I'm busy). For me, the relationship is already ended but she still thinks she has a chance and when the day comes to tell her it's over I don't know how she'll react, I fear she'll do crazy things like following me or hurting herself. Can you give me a piece of advice please? thanks in advance!

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      4 months ago from Florida

      Hi Harper, I am happy you found comfort in this. It is hard to deal with, but it is true, sometimes these heartaches are blessings in disguise. We all grow and learn from our relationships. I wish you the best of luck.

    • profile image

      Harper 

      4 months ago

      After 3 year and looking at engagement rings it has come to an end. Thank you for this article. It has served me comfort that I have alot to look forward to and this shall come to past. If anything I think Im going to get some major energy, motivation and confidence out of this break up. It sounds crazy and weird but unicorns happens in the death of things.

    • profile image

      John1067 

      6 months ago

      Thank you for this. After 18 years and two kids, my wife broke the bad news to me that she was unhappy with me and decided/wants to part ways. I am going through all these emotions and got a hard road ahead. Hope thiis pain goes away and that If we both remaine apart, that we can both find happiness. I am now feeling, probley all the above about now, scared to death. Thinking about my kids in all this but yes, going through all the emotions.

    • profile image

      Connie 

      6 months ago

      thank you for this. I've been going through all the motions. I can relate to all of this. and some days I do revert back to previous emotions.

    • profile image

      Roses 

      7 months ago

      I know this seems kind of unrelated, but like I like someone and there’s a chance that he quite likes me back but I’m not going to see him for so long and everyday feels like my heart is dying..? Everyday I have to go to the places where we hung out and everything keeps flooding back. It hasn’t even been that long but I can’t do anything. I’ve tried motivational videos, uplifting music, but nothing seems to work as I think “Well we never had a completely solid thing nor did we admit nor did we deliberately break up!” I fell so horrible and I’m going out of my mind, and there’s literally nobody I can chat to about it. What do I do??? I’m going to see him at a party in a few weeks then maybe a few times in the next year. I know I should just wait until the party, but it’s only been one day of waiting and I feel like a mess. Talk about heartbreak...

    • profile image

      Julie 

      7 months ago

      Hi Jenn, great article. My ex of 7 months broke up with me 2x in 10 days. The first was over an issue I brought up more than once because it wasn't resolved for me. It was nothing horrible, my approach was not horrible, but he got up and left my house, not wanting to discuss it (I had been feeling a lack of affection/attention from him for apprx a month). He called the next day and ended it, saying it was a bad sign of things to come. FIve days later he called and wanted to work things out, that he has always run from problems and he wanted to change his reaction to issues that may arise. He also said he could probably put more effort into surprising me (I'm guessing he meant like little gifts, flowers, etc. He is not romantic). After our talk that day, he left the country for work (he travels a lot). I was not comfortable with this really, because he is not the best at communicating while gone, and I was still feeling a little insecure from how he had just ended things. However, I really wanted to work it out. So, 3 days into his being gone, I heard from him in the morning and nothing more all day long. By 11pm his time I was upset. I figured he was most likely busy, but a quick text telling me so would have meant so much. I typically don't reach out when he is working, but it got the best of me and I texted him and said that maybe I misunderstood our conversation and that I didn't think I'd hear less from him when he left. Well that did not go over well at all. He came back with he was very busy and he is not going to text me every 4 hours to make sure I am happy in this relationship. That stung! I do not expect that and he knew that. He also said he doesn't think he can meet my communication needs in this relationship. I was pretty hurt with his response and told him I have never asked that of him, but it would have been nice to let me know that he was super busy and we could talk tomorrow. It takes 2 seconds. I went off a little, nothing horrible. I just said if he wants to make this work, let's make it work otherwise go and don't look back, Then I apologized and said I still wanted to talk this out. He texted the next day and ended it again. What could I do? I just said, I agree. That was 2 weeks ago. I miss him, I still want him. There has been no word and I've not contacted him either. I'm just sad but maybe it is for the best.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 months ago from Florida

      Hi Vic thank you for sharing. I know this is a very hard time. The first love is probably the hardest emotionally I would say. It is even twice as hard when we did not even see it coming. There is no easy fix or solution to make you feel better right away. The main thing to think about is that you love the other person and want them happy no matter what. We have no control over how another person feels so sometimes we need to be strong and just let them go. Sometimes they will come back and sometimes we will have learned a lesson and move on. By not messaging her constantly you're actually giving her what she needs so if time is all she needs to think you're better off not contacting her right now. If you contact her while she is asking you not to she will get upset and maybe even frustrated. I know it feels like it's the end of the world, but no matter what happens between you and her you will be okay and you will find somebody else to love. I don't think you have to start a new relationship right away but definitely go out and enjoy yourself. When the time is right you'll either find somebody new or reunite with your ex if that's meant to be. Good luck.

    • profile image

      Vic 

      7 months ago

      Hey Jenn, this is an amazing article. My (first ever) girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me yesterday. I am 19. I thought it would be forever. Though we had problems, it really came out of nowhere - I was ill, and busy, and one day she came to my dorm and said that's it. Since then, I have been alone, shocked, shaking, crying, having panic attacks, my heart physically hurts. Of course, reading this piece and others, I realise it will get better. She was such a huge part of my life - my best friend, my only best friend - the closest person to me, who knew my personality, feelings and life inside out. I am willing to give here time - I've said that I won't message her until she wants to talk. I'm just afraid that with each second that goes by, I am drifting further and further away from her life. I made mistakes in our relationship, but of course I still love her. She is my first kiss, my first lover - if anything, my first real friend. I never imagined this would happen - or that it would be this bad. I read things online but my situation feels unique. This year we started uni - she has made new friends, we haven't seen each other as often (though we're still fairly close and saw each other usually once every couple of weeks). I am willing to go through the whole process of healing and ultimately accept the break up and move on - but should I give it one more go? Should I move on, leave her alone, meet other people, but at some point try and try and reintroduce to her the person she once fell in love with? I can't imagine her with someone else. That will honestly kill me. I, as a man, having one life and this being my first love, am not willing to give this easily - in my head it could still work - please some advice and supporting words would be amazing. Sorry for the extremely long story. Vic

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 months ago from Florida

      Hi lostalone thank you for sharing. Has he given you any reason as to why he left? He does sound pretty confused or not being truthful. If you're going to work it out , he is going to have to at least talk to you and tell you what's going on. It's not fair to have you caught in between without the ability to move on. If he needs some time that's fine but let him know that you're feeling mixed emotions and that it's not fair to you. Good luck.

    • profile image

      lostalone 

      7 months ago

      hey my boyfriend decided to take a break from living with me after 5 months i feel happy then sad then happy i dont understand whats going on im afraid i will never get to see him again he keeps saying he misses me and he loves me but is very emotionaly unstable argh this is waring me down i just want him to come home

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      8 months ago from Florida

      Hi Kathleen, thank you for sharing your story. I know that one day in the near future you will find the right one and when you do you will see how strange the world works sometimes. But even though we go through tough times and hard relationship, I believe they are stepping stones and experiences to help us build something more solid and stronger in the future. Good luck to you!

    • profile image

      KATHLEEN 

      8 months ago

      All I know I think that my ex of almost 6 years is self centered. I don't think he gives one thought to me or could care less if I am dead or alive. He, always thinks of himself. Everything has to evolve around him. I have grown to learn that I made a huge mistake staying with him. He did a lot of things that hurt me. He ssid I was the first and only woman he had ever loved. He asked me to marry him and 2 months later, he is packing up all his things and movingg out of state. This seems to be his M.O. no matter where he has lived. He gets fustrated, he can't take it anymore, he needs to get out and move out before he goes crazy. He needs helps and has refused it. At 17 yrs old he last his leg, its his fault driving on the freeway loaded on 20 plus valium, he deserve what he got. I never felt pity on him. Drinking and driving, I lost count on how many D.U.I he has had. He gets addicted to everything and he's proud of it. Its all I ever heard about. He worn me down with the same stories for almostt 6 years, his Sister got Murder, he lost both of hos parents not to much longer after his sister was shot 10 times in the face, so he says. I cauught changes in his stories, I caught him doing things when I would get home from work at 2:00 a.m. I walked into are room and I couldn't believe what I walked into. It killed my trust in him snd I knew I made a huge mistake moving in with him. Yes, I loved him and I do not have any love in my heart for him now. I will never trust him, he's a liar and I always felt and knew he was being sneaky behind my back when I wasn't around. He left me march 4, 2017. I cut off all communication for 6 months, I decided to reach out and say hello. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. He hadn't change at all. I had been working a lot on myself and I will meet the right man and give that msn my heart in due time. Not right away. It will take time and patience. I will not jump into a relationship. Right now, its better to have a friend or friends to go out and do things with a special friend, but not to step over any boundaries that have been set. Time is needed and getting to really know each other and making sure that this is the right person. If they are excepting of the terms and respect my feelings that will be the guy I fall in love with and who will win my heart and all my love. But, Putting 6 years into a person, its going to take some time to work through it all and I am doing that and I am so much happier having him out of my life. He was a real pill to live with and I never got any sleep. Now, I am sleeping a bit better, but now I thinking about School and making a career from home. Going to move into my own place and start completely fresh and new. I think its important I get away from all thee negativity he left in my house. So I am looking for an apartment and so far have found a few that I really like a lot. My family will only know whete I live. Thats it. Anyways, i have grown, change and moved on and I look forawrd to meeting someone to go out to do things with. I am ready for that step and I will never talk about my ex to a new man in my life and I don't want to hear about there ex and either of us tell a bunch of sad stories but to focus on us and our future. Thants whete I am at and I'm proud of myself. There are plenty of good men out there. I'm just going to be smart and the right one will come along. Who is looking for the same thing as I am. I live in San Diego, CA. And it will happen in time. That felt good to write. 100% Honesty...Kathleen

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      Greg 

      9 months ago

      I am 2 months down the line from a very difficult breakup. My girlfriend of 8 years said she needed space to 'find herself' as she felt lost in our relationship. I found out 1 week later she was seeing another guy (and they are now together). To make things worse he lives across the street and our young children are friends with his young children. I had to leave my family home who I shared with her and our two young girls to get a flat on my own. I now feel very lonely and disconnected from everyone because I have disappeared into my shell and don't want to come out. The fact that this all happened during the Christmas period has made it even worse for me. What I find difficult to accept is how she can move on so quick after 8 years and 2 children together, when I'm still sitting here struggling through every day thinking I will be lonely forever. I will admit we became distant maybe for the last year or so of our relationship but I didn't think it was this bad. If I knew there was ever a chance we would breakup I would have put in a lot more effort to save us but not getting the chance to do that because she had already moved on in her head was / is so heartbreaking. My head is telling me to move on and start enjoying what I used to enjoy however my heart isn't letting me as I just feel so miserable all the time and can't find the energy to even leave the house. I question myself whether it is actually her that I miss or do I just miss being in a relationship? I know myself I have slowly come to terms with it but I feel a long long way off from ever moving on as not a day goes by where I don't feel sad, lonely and anxious.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      9 months ago from Florida

      I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully she just needs some space. Sometimes when something really emotional going on close to home, people clam up and don't know how to react. If you say the argument was over nothing and your relationship is strong just let her know you will be there for her and let her have her time.

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      Billy 

      9 months ago

      Im sure this is me right now ,

      I broke up 4weeks ago , i feel very lost , sad ,cant eat, sleep, cry, i really miss my ex a lot , we had a littie bust up over notthing , her dad is sick , & she said she wanted time & space on her own ..

      Just really want her to come back , so i can say sorry ...

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      Chanel 

      9 months ago

      Your article was amazing. Thank you for that. Exactly what is happening with me

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      10 months ago from Florida

      I am sorry you are suffering. Please talk to a person you trust, it will help.

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      BILAL 

      10 months ago

      I AM SUFFERING

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      12 months ago from Florida

      7 years is a long time and you do have children together. That being said you have to go with what your heart feels. Do you want to work it out? Do you think that you would be able to fix the issues? Maybe you are relived or maybe you are just pushing your emotions aside. Give it a little time. It is possible that your heart is not in it anymore, and that is okay. But the best thing to do would be to discuss your emotions and feelings openly with him. If you do not neither of you will ever be happy.

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      Sheila 

      12 months ago

      My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 7years and we have two handsome boys. We broke up on Saturday because I feel less appreciated and disrespected. I wanted us to talk about it but when I told him I was tire of his behaviour towards me he said that we can break up since well I am tired. We never spoke to each other until this morning wen he called to check on the boys. My problem is, I want to cry about it and let it go but I am feeling empty inside. my head tells me I should grief, phone him and try to fix things but my heart doesn't feel a thing, it is numb, dead empty I have no emotions at all. I worried this might affect me in the near future. What should I do or how should I handle this situation?

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      samantha a. 

      12 months ago

      me and my boyfriend was offcial last saturday but eventually i feel like there is no love surrounding us anymore.

    • profile image

      Hazel 

      12 months ago

      My partner left me,as she thinks she has cancer.

      I feel I'm drowning

    • profile image

      John tuinei 

      13 months ago

      I broke up with my gf last Wednesday since then I have not contacted her at all it's been 6 days yeah I was ready to move on and begin a new journey to be single for now yeah

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      Kayla's Ex 

      14 months ago

      this was helpful. although i don't understand Kayla's speed of dropping her panties to her ankle and bending over for her friends brother. she told me to my face, "I love you" and "I want to have your baby" it's like Dr. Jekyl Mrs. Whore....

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      evan 

      14 months ago

      this article is me right now, thank you ... thank you , I thought that only me going through the steps , really I am going through these steps one by one ... I am going thorough those stages after my breakup two month ago... it is really me, thank you Jen

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      Someone in hear 

      16 months ago

      Thank god this was here

    • profile image

      Mayra 

      20 months ago

      Just reading most of these comments and I know how you feel. ..wow let me say that backwards and again .....Wow ! Lol great words of affirmation and solution for everyone who is going through a relationship struggle.thanks for your time and help . God bless us all.

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      Mr why am I wasting time 

      20 months ago

      I left my girl friend on Friday night. Her friend left vodka at my place and wanted me to bring it to her. She asked multiple times and each time I was busy. Eventually I told her I'm not a delivery guy and I'm not going to drive it to your place when you also have a car. I called then texted my now ex saying that we needed to have a serious talk about some of our communication issues (among other things) and instead of returning my call she shows up at my door telling me they want their alcohol. I asked her to come in and talk to me first and she said no just give us the booze. I said I'm not giving it to you and then she demend money for it so I said no again. It felt like she was literally trying to bottle up all our problems. I said is this really how this ends and she said I guess so. then I shut the door in her face, and say in my room while she kicked our front door. removed her on all social media and told her not to contact me. If I'm not worth half a handle of shitty vodka then she's not worth my time. How could i love someone who won't let me in. she did exactly what she said she wouldn't do and she lead me on for months, always saying it takes me a LONG time to open up to someone. I honestly think she was still hooked on her ex and I was just the sucker who got played. I Hope you feel like shit Kellie

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      FindMyaway 

      3 years ago

      My boyfriend of 11 years became angry after I confronted him for cheating... I was so confused on why he became angry. He told me to stop calling him so I began to cry and feel angry. I went to his house at 12am to tell him a piece of my mind and he wasn't there so I waited and parked my car to see who he was with when he came home he was with his friend and he began to ask me why I parked my car in someone else driveway, he said I was stalking and he cursed me out then told me to leave... Yes I was wrong for showing up but I know him whenever we give each other space he cheats. This time I was going to call him out on it; only to look like an idiot because I began lying about why I parked at a different driveway but he knew I was lying.. I apologized but he just looked at me.. I want to text him but I decided to just let go and heal because I'm becoming insane; I've lost my way : ( I'm hurt

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      Johnk28 

      4 years ago

      I think this is one of the most important info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The web site style is ideal, the articles is really excellent D. Good job, cheers deedgadebbdd

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      Mike 

      4 years ago

      Hi. Well I've been with my girl for around 10 months we had a wonderful time. when we first met she was so shy but anyone could tell that it was love from the first sight. we used to talk all night long, even watch movies online while talking on the phone. I was her first kiss and first deep love. And I told her from day one that Im serious about her and won't be playing around. We used to fight sometimes, but a single miss u msg would sort thing out. Last December was her birthday, we fought 2 days before it and she said hurtful words so i didn't text her or call her on her BD. I went back home and she started texting me after a couple of days, I accepted her apology and even spoke to my parents that I love this girl and really considered getting engaged. When she knew about it she was so happy and said that even if we don't get engaged soon it's ok as long as I'm serious and my parents know about her. She even started talkin to my mom as sisters. 1 week after we had another fight and kept NC for 10 days, then she suddenly came to my work and I was so happy that I even introduced her to my boss as my future fiancé. The next day we had a silly fight, she started shouting then she didn't pick up my calls , I changed my FB password we remained NC for 10 days. Then I tried to call and she said that everything is over, I told her no it is not we have to talk, she refused. I tried to contact her after some days and she didn't answer, I even sent her flowers to her work and she refused them. Suddenly after 2 days she texted me that she's gonna get engaged soon and that I shouldn't call her and cause her troubles ( 2 weeks after the silly fight !!). I was shockeddd , I tried to call her maybe 60 times and sent like 10 messages and no answer !! I didn't beleive her first as i thought she's playing me. I kept trying to call and text for 1 week I even texted a lot on valentine's eve . Then on my off day I went to check her sister's FB page to find a picture of her in the engagement part. I paniced, felt knives cutting my heart. I texted her saying that she is such a cheater and doesn't deserve my love. 2 days later she called crying saying she made a big mistake and she only got engaged to tease me and that she still loves me too much. I cried as well but said I couldn't take her back. next day we spoke and texted and i still refused. After 2 days I called her to say that in case we could go back she should call the engagement off. She said yes but she can't bcz her father will get mad and i should propose directly after she leaves the other guy. I refused sure and told her that we should wait a couple of months before we get engaged to cool the fire and for the sake of both parents. She refused and went to say that she would stick to the other guy and that she left me bcz of this and that I always tease her. I tried to call later and no answer. Until one day i texted her and she replied that i should forget her and she's gonna get married. I saw her that day for 5 mins in a mall i hold her hands with tears in my eyes. She promised she will try her best to convince her father to leave that guy, but deep inside me I knew that won't happen and the father will refuse.

      My doubts were true he refused and she told me we should forget each other and that she loves me and hates the other guy. I felt shattered, lost and wished to die. she kept calling every week saying that she loves me but her parents are pressuring her, and i kept saying that if she loves me u will rsik everything for me cz I will do the same for you.

      2 months ago i felt i miss her i called and she was like as if she is in control of me, she spoke in a mean way she even said the guy's name instead of mine and said she will try to speak to her dad for the last time, I told her to tell him everything and that Im serious and ready to propose. 2 days later, she called saying he said noo and that she has to change her number and asked me not to call her. I knew it's over so I planned a vaccation with friends to Thailand but though before I leave I should see her. I went to her work stared at her for 5 mins and she said that I shouldn't be there. I left with tears and she called me before I boardeed tha plane and said she loves me and would never forget me in her life, but said that she would never regret anything cz she tried her best with her father, I said that this is not true and if she loved me how can she take a big decision like that knowing that it will end everything and even I asked her to come with me and run from everything and she said she wishes she can.

      I left to thailand , first 4 days were nice. Then I suddenly started to imagine her in every nice place I visit . Last 2 days were horrible, I even started having dreams of her making love to the other guy and that killed me big time.

      So I went back decided to talk to her for the last time. So I went to her work and she told me not to come inside. She called from her office asking why did I come to see her. I told her that i still lover her and that she should fight for our love and I would do anything to be together, she said there is no hope, and that she started to get annoyed from my visits and that if I didn't stop she will call her parents and tell them. I even felt worse that day, took another 1 week off work and went to my home country. I was s down even my family were concerned, I had dreams every day checked my mobile for any msgs. but nothingg !!

      Well to cut it short It has been 49 days since I last time saw her, and i got to know that she got married 2 weeks ago and strange enough 1 day before her wedding she was logging in my FB acoount as she knows the password ( she did that all the time which killed me knowing that she still has feeling for me) . I still have bad dreams of her making out with the other man on a daily basis.

      And I think of her whenever I see any couple or any love related pictures.

      Note: the other guy is totally not her type but he is financially good as her parents tell her. Im a good looking guy as many say with a decent job as well.

      Can she really love me and take these decisions and spend her life with another guy eventhough she says that she loves me !!?

      I thought we had many things in common and we used to say that eventhough we fight a lot but our love is stronger than all. I mean I don't deserve to be treated like that I get angry sometimes but 1 text from her would solve it all.

      I feel I lost the loveof my life and can't thing about getting soon with a girl other than her. Sorry for the long story but it was even tougher though.

    • profile image

      Gaby 

      4 years ago

      My lover has ended our 10 year affair. I understand is not an ideal relationship but both of us were not happy in our marriages and it just happens. All of a sudden he told me he can't do it any longer, live two lives and called it quits. I am devastated, he was a very big part of my life and now I want to be dead.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hi gp, thanks for writing. I know that is a hard situation and I know there is a lot of pain involved. It is going to hurt for a while, I will not lie. Sometimes life is strange and things happen for no apparent reason we think. There is no magic that will make the hurt go away, and it sucks but just remember that the time you spent together was special. These times will always be a part of you, but one day you will find love again and create new memories, maybe even your own family. It does not mean that he did not care for you, maybe he just feels he wants to be with his children. Make sure you give yourself time to heal, if you need to cry that is ok, but make sure that you stay healthy and keep yourself busy. Take the next few months and learn about yourself and what you want out of life. Sometimes people in our lives hold us back from what we really want and these events can be a blessing is disquise. I wish you the best of luck.

    • profile image

      gp 

      4 years ago

      I am struggling right now.My bf left me and get back with his ex gilfriend the mom of his kids. We commited ourselves for nearly 2 years and had a lot of plans together. He met her after 2 years and just like that they got back together and shut me out of his life like a blink of an eye.all plans and promises are gone. That happened last dec 27 and I saw him for the last time last 12 days ago but I knew his decisions wont change so I let him go telling him to be with them and now Its just 9 days since the last time I talked to him and he is happy with his family now.Pain is killing me everyday and am having a hard time right now.I know he wont coming back all i want for him is to be happy and for me to move on without him in my life.I dnt know how to forget him but I know I can i just need more time.

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      angel29 

      5 years ago

      thank you so much for the reply @ms.jennshealthstore.. i really appreciate it, it helps me analyze things and thank you for sharing your story as well. this might be really painful especially because i never imagine this will happen to me. and because we are in the midst of planning for wedding already before things change. but you're right! i need to think positive and love myself more.

      i went through a lot of setbacks in our relationship. and it seems like i'm already stuck in it because i got so attached with him. i reserved myself for him. only to find out that the only constant thing in life indeed is changes.. and i just have to go with it and keep in my mind, that there's always a good reason why things are happening this way. its just so hard for me to start again on my own now without him again and this time, it might be final. only god knows.

      i'm just confused whether to hold on or to let it go. from the time he asked for space. that was a month ago already. it hurts me that he really mean it and he never even try to check on me even just for once. but now, i'll take your advice.. little by little, if i need to crawl just to move forward. i will. i hope i can move on as well like you and the rest of the people who wrote here. god bless u more. thanks again.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 years ago from Florida

      Hi Angel. Thanks for your comment. I know being away from the one we love can be really hard and confusing, but if I have learned anything is it is that no matter how how we try, no matter what we do, we cannot make another persons feelings change. So if he wants space right now then that is what you need to give him. Just remember even if he comes back to your right now without his heart fully in it, you both will not be happy and in a sense would be wasting time. Let him go for now at least. Try the best to do things for yourself and try to learn to start a life without him. Of course it will be different, but you will come through it. If in the future it is meant to be then it will be. Before the relationship could ever work again, both of you, on your own needs to work through personal issues you are having. Not to say that you cannot forgive him for cheating, but unless you are really able to get past that and get to a point where you can let it go, there will always be arguments about that. I was in a relationship for 10 years and when we first split I felt my life was ruined. On the contrary, I found another person who has made me feel like I have never felt before and my past relationship is just a memory of the past with no pain what so ever. You can be strong and will get through it. Good luck.

    • profile image

      angel29 

      5 years ago

      hi, everyone & @ms.jennshealth, i love this article..i can relate so much with the stages mentioned above.. would you mind to give me some advice for my current situation.

      i am inlove with a guy for almost 10years. we started our relationship during highschool days. he is there with me on every phase of my life from that time. we saw each other grow & change. I gave him the kind of young love which is impossible to replace. For it happened on the age that we can never can get back. preserved by time that neither of us can touch. he is my first love, my first boyfriend and i always pray to god that hopefully he'll be the last because i sincerely love him & intend to love him for the rest of my life.

      i swear to god if i will be given a chance to be his wife and a mom to his child. i'm gonna be the best one on earth.. everything for me, was perfect before until he cheat, we broke up & after a year i forgive him. then after that he broke up with me only because he has to leave the country and he told me it will be difficult for us. after that we came back to each other arms again. but again, we broke up because i just can't bear the pain of the past events. i found out i am not yet over it. i need time to get over it & to love him completely again.

      after 2years, we rekindle our relationship again and promised to make it last, we even planned for the wedding already. but this time, we have to work on long distance relationship because i work abroad. Initially, things were ok. until i felt like we lost the romance & sweetness. he got so busy and he has no time for me at all, he always care for me and i never imagine that he will take me for granted. hours, days, weeks passed without any word from him. yet i still feel the same for him. i have love him all along for almost 10 years. and it's hard to accept that things will change suddenly. that his feelings will change. he then finally ask for space. i almost felt like i have no space in his busy life and yet he still wants space from me.. i have no choice but to let it be. i'm also tired but i'm still holding on. i need to know when i must set boundaries. the time when to stop and tell myself that its time to move on and give up. is there really a time to move on from the one you love or is this just another breakthrough in our relationship & i just need to be strong for us? how will i hold onto a love that is slowly slipping away from me?

      i manage to keep my mouth shut for a long time..and not to talk about this on public but now i really need some advice.. thank you.

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      grace2121 

      5 years ago

      This is so inspiring to know I am not the only one going through this phase. My bf and I were together going on 3 years, but we were the best of friends years before in high school. He was my everything, my best friend and most importantly apart of my family. I did not have a relationship with my family and his mother and family treated me like their own. We started our relationship doing the long distance thing. I was in California and he was in Louisiana. We would travel back and forth to visit one another and just invested a lot of time together. After about a year and half I moved back to Louisiana to obtain my nursing degree. We were both in college which made it a little more difficult. He always said I was a city girl and he was a country boy but I loved him because we were so different, which I felt made us right for one another.After about a year and a few months with me being in Cali, he wanted us to take a break because the distance was getting to him. However, we were still texting and communicating everyday. He then eventually told me, after two days of me moving here that he had been talking to someone else and they had kissed but he did not want to be with her because he genuinely loved me. I was so confused about the situation and did not know what to think. After a week, I decided that we could work past it and move on, so we began dating again. He then a couple months later around Christmas accused me of cheating because he saw an old photo in my room, which at that point changed the relationship. He wanted to be with me but he didn't know what to believe but we got over that situation, because I really was not cheating. He always said Karma is real but he didn't understand that I did not want to see him hurt. After the Christmas incident, he decided he wanted space again. However, we never gave it to one another. The phone calls, the visits, the web calls continued. Months passed and things just didn't see the same with us. I was so fearful to give him my heart again because I did not know his next step. I became distant and so did he. I finally said a week ago, we should let it each other go because I felt he just didn't want the relationship anymore.The texts were dry and so were the calls and time was limited. Throughout everything I still wanted to be with him. He agreed to let each other go, because he was feeling the same but he felt with time it would change. He kept saying the feeling was mutual but it wasn't when I told him that wasn't really what I wanted he just wanted to let it go. A week passed and he messaged me informing me that he wanted to meet and talk. However the talk, went downhill. He kept saying that I never went fishing with him except once and said that his brother's girlfriends go with them. I understood his love for fishing and I felt that was his time to be with his brothers and family. I told him if he wanted me there he should have said something, I would have loved to go with him if he would have told me. He argued me down and said he shouldn't have to ask it should be expected. He went on and said we have nothing in common, that he was a simple guy and I was above, how I showered him with gifts to show my love and affection for not always being there, and that cared too heavily on what others thought. I was and am still devastated. I told him that he knew all this about me prior to dating me. He said that the relationship wasn't the same for the past four months and still he never said anything until after we broke it off. While dealing with this his mother told me he was going through things with his dad, and within a year of him graduating from college he decided to drop out and join the army. I know he is going through a tough time and even through all the hurtful things he said to me, I told him I was there for him and I honestly wish him well. I have felt all the stages and still going through the stages. Its hard to let someone go who you truly love. I always wanted to make him happy and I went out of my way even with me being in nursing school to show him I wanted to be with him but I felt he felt that wasn't enough. I did what i felt was right. He said we didn't have anything in common but we traveled together, made dinners, went walking out to see the stars, the movies,bowling, anything you can think of we did. So for him to bring up just that about fishing, i was really upset. He made it seem like I never wanted to go with him when all he could have done was asked. He kept bringing up how i always wanted to shop and go to the movies, but I didn't. He made me seem like I was this high maintenance chick that never wanted to get dirty but I was. i told him all of the fancy gifts he got me I would have been perfectly happy with flowers or him surprising me at work because even I after I moved to Louisiana we were 4 hours away. His mother and my friends are saying give him time, he will be back and he would finally realize what he has was good but I do not believe that. He was so hurtful to me, and its definitely hard because when I go home during the holidays its to his mother's house and he is there. He has made sure to always check on me and make sure I was safe after my trips back and forth. Though we have broken up for a week now I am feeling so much, I thinking why did this have to happen? What did I do wrong? Did he genuinely love me? We were so close despite what he felt. I know i will be strong one day but I just keep wanting the pain to go away. I know eventually we will see each other but it will be so hard. I do want the best for him, I just wish he was honest with me a long time ago instead of holding it for so long. He said he didn't want to hurt me since I had already been through so much but at the end of the day he was hurting me by not telling me. I felt our only problem was mis-communication and fear, we never stated what we wanted. I guess I keep thinking there is hope for us but only time will tell. I just pray I can get through this because I do need to focus on my responsibilities, I know one day we will be friends but just can't be right now.

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      Justin 

      5 years ago

      I lied to my fiancé of five years about not watching a certain movie when I did. She stormed out and refuses to meet with me or speak to me over the phone. This has been a week already. She will respond to texts but only with short answers. She tells me I lied and she can't forgive me for that. I have apologized and owned the mistake. I am at a loss as to how she can be so cold and distant when just a week prior we were making wedding arrangements. Any advice?

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 years ago from Florida

      Thank you oneclick. I am happy you find the information useful.

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      1Click DVD Copy Pro 

      5 years ago

      This is so useful! I just wanted to tell you good job on the blog. You have a real niche on answering my questions.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 years ago from Florida

      Your welcome Tommy. I would just say that be proud of yourself for spoiling her on her Birthday, it was something very nice you did and I am sure she will remember it. No regrets!! Maybe your are right and another man will never love her the way you did. But just think, you may meet a girl that you love even more than this girl and you will start to wonder how much you really loved Kate after all. I am a strong believer of people coming in our lives for reasons, sometimes to teach us something and move on and sometimes forever! Good luck.

    • profile image

      tommy7 

      5 years ago

      Thank you so much for replying to my post. I think you are right. Even though Kate (who I dated for 6 months) never yelled or raised her voice to me on the phone during our final conversation, her hurtful words must be coming from her anger towards me. I only wish I knew that she felt being in a relationship was a hindrance to her personal growth before I spoiled and pampered her on her birthday (a Broadway show, dinner, flowers, and I started her day off with an hour massage that I gave her myself) which was a week before we split. I am still feeling hurt and lonely but I also feel like if someone doesn't care enough about me when I am down, I shouldn't waste too many more tears on them. It will take a while to get over her, I'm sure. But I doubt that any future boyfriend will love her and care for her as much as I did.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 years ago from Florida

      Hi Tommy, I am sorry you are going through this. I know it feels really bad. I do not know her at all, but it seems to me like there is something going on because of the not so kind words she was using towards you. Maybe she just needs some alone time. There are many relationships that do not turn out the way we hoped or wanted, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with us. If you still feel in your heart you want to be with her then time is all you have to give at this point. Reevaluate your situation, your own wants and needs. I do not know how long you were together, but sometimes it can take a very long time to get to the point of getting back together. But DO not feel hopeless. Grieve all you need to but remember this is a great time for yourself. Relationships are about give and take, and we cannot change a person remember that. Also remember if we really care about a person, we would want what's best for them, with or without us!

    • profile image

      tommy7 

      5 years ago

      Thank you for writing this very helpful and insightful piece. My ex broke up with me right before X-Mas because I got mad at her for not being there for me one night (I called her in tears and she told me she was too busy doing laundry to let me come over). I wound up shutting her out and when we spoke a week later, instead of an apology, I got slammed with reasons why we should not be together - I'm not smart enough, we have nothing in common except going to the beach, and I don't act my age. I tried my best to be as supportive, understanding, generous and sweet to her as a boyfriend could be. But when she told me she always felt like being in a relationship got in the way of one's personal growth, I knew that we'd never get back together - I was viewed as an obstacle! It's 3 weeks now and I feel guilty, abandoned, and hopeless.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      5 years ago from Florida

      I am sorry Lost Girl that you are going through this. It is very hard and really does suck but you will make it. Believe me I understand the feeling of what am I suppose to do now. What you need to do for now is allow yourself time to heal. It is really ok to cry and be upset. I would not hide those feelings or keep them locked inside. I know that one day you will feel great again. It is wonderful that you have friends to support you! When one door closes another one opens. Just think about the wonderful things that are in store for you in the future! Good luck.

    • profile image

      Lost Girl 

      5 years ago

      Your article really opened my eyes on the process I'm going through. We broke up there's about 2 weeks, a little before our 4th year anniversary. It's really hard, but this article reassure me that what I'm feeling is actually normal and that I will survive, even tho I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

      When you live with your boyfriend and see him almost every day, it becomes your way to live, your daily life, what you're used to. To lose that from a day to another is really shocking.

      The section Shock & Denial is EXACTLY word to word what I've been feeling so far, and I'm starting the Fear & Loneliness phase.

      It really is during these hard moments that you know who's really there for you, and it made me feel good to know that I haven't failed at choosing my friends, because they have been there for me 200%

    • mgchato profile image

      Mariano 

      6 years ago from Lima, Peru

      I've had 3 girlfriends. The first relationship lasted for 2 years and a half. The second one lasted for almost 4 years. The last one lasted for 3 months. The first two breakups were hard on both of us, but I got over the heartbreak fairly quickly. The last one, even though it only went for 3 months, has been devastating. I'm still grieving the loss and it hurts like hell. I'm glad to find out that there's more people who go through all of this... the emotional instability, the physical pain (I've been having an upset stomach almost 24/7), the distorted thoughts, the loneliness... I just wished that more of these articles were written by men... It almost seems as if girls are the only ones allowed to mourn the loss of a partner or go through heartbreak, when I know as a certainty that this is not the case. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your experience and helping the rest of us have some hope.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      6 years ago from Florida

      Hi funnychick. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so hard especially when a person has been a part of your life for so long. Unfortunately sometimes we will never know why these things happen. Sometimes people just have a change of heart and there is nothing we can do to change it even if we try our hardest. I am not sure if you ever want to be with him again, but I say for now just give him the time he needs. Maybe he is going through something and things will turn around and he will figure out what he really wants. In the mean time, work on yourself, learn about yourself and even though it will be hard, you will come out of this learning so much about yourself.

    • profile image

      funnychick 

      6 years ago

      My boyfriend of 10 yrs just broke up with me and has another girl who is "everything" to him. I was his "everything" and just can't understand if it just got old. New is exciting but old is supportive, caring, and loyal. I would rather have the old. New can come and go. They have already been on and off 5 times in 3 months. It won't last, but his oldie (me) won't be there for him anymore. His loss.

    • profile image

      MArio 

      7 years ago

      Go on gl i'l be 5ne

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Hi Ella, it is really hard to deal with a breakup and it is going to hurt. You can't stop the hurt. But you can and will start realizing that in order for the relationship to have worked out, you both had to be happy and ready for the relationship. Even though you might have been happy, and do not quite understand why he wasn't there is nothing that you can do to change it. You must make sure you take care of yourself, and if in the future you are able to talk and being together is something you both want, then maybe then it could be. Give yourself time to cry and grieve, if you hide it or try to jump into another relationship it will only make it worse. Believe me you will be ok and if it is meant to be it will, if not, you have lived and learned and it will only make you stronger! Good luck!

    • profile image

      Ella davies 

      7 years ago

      Hi, ive been with my boyfriend was a long distance relationship. i met him when i was 14 and i am now 16, he was 17 when i met him. we was so happy, had a few trust issues but got over it, seen him on weekends, then he wanted to go clubbing all the time.. we was perfect still then all of a sudden over the phone (ella its over ivr been wanting to tell you for months, i dont love you the same, its over for good i want nothing to dow ith you, ( he has blocked me of everything i wont ever see him again. and he is guna post my stuff. ) im so angry at the fact he has felt like this for months and didn't end it then rather than do it now! it has been one week and i have been coping not so well. cry alot and get angry. i sent him a very angry txt. i wont bother with him now. its hard because i lost everything for him. now i have nothing to do on weekends n i cant keep myself busy. its so hard. but i cant say i never regret going out with him. how do i now continue to move on?

    • profile image

      warren 

      7 years ago

      Many thanks or your kind words.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Hi Warren, thanks for sharing. What you have to do is very hard, but if you are not happy, I am sure that she is able to feel that in the relationship as well, and the longer you hold on the longer it will hurt to let go. If you are sure that it will not work out, then maybe it is best if you do let her go. It will hurt, and you need to give yourself time to heal afterward but it is not fair to either of you if your heart is not in it. I wish you luck.

    • profile image

      warren 

      7 years ago

      Crikey I have to have 'the talk' with my gf of 7 years this week. It's going to really hurt her. I have been putting this off for 4 years, because I did not want to fell the pain, and neither did I want her to fell it. I have constantly told myself my love for her will return, and I'll give it another few months etc etc etc.

      However, I know at a fundamental level that it really HAS to happen now. I just want to get it done and leave with dignity.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Clintonb for your comment!

    • clintonb profile image

      clintonb 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, Australia

      This is sucha an amazing article and I would say its very much true. Every stage.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Jessica. I am glad it is helping you. Yes I would take the post down. Just "filling in the emptiness" is not going to allow you to heal. You cannot start another relationship until you are ready. Please know that you will be ok, and it is going to take a while. Hang in there and good luck!

    • profile image

      jessica 

      7 years ago

      This is a great post indeed. It sounds silly, but I am reading it over and over, to make sure I have given proper attention to every part of it, and to gain deeper understanding of each section. I am at mix stages right now. I was lost at first when he said “I am going to do things for myself now.” 5 days ago. Then, we broke up. My mind went crazy, and I posted an ad on dating site to fulfill my emotional needs 2 days ago. And now, I am feeling much better after I read your post. I am going to remove my ad. Thank you so much.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      8 years ago from Florida

      Thank you sharon, that was very nice. I really appreciate your comments.

    • sharon e dix profile image

      sharon e dix 

      8 years ago

      Greetings,My new found friend,You have away with words your gentle speech is like butter to bread,healing to a sore,the sky with a beautiful sun set,as you help and bless others may the blessings come back to you , for what ever we sow wee shall reap. may all your dreams come true. Sharon e Dix

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      8 years ago from Florida

      It is good that you are really strong Phenomenal woman. Some people are just more emotional than others about these things. It also depends on how long the relationship lasted, how healthy the relationship was, how much you loved the person etc. So you are right, different people will go through different stages. We are all different. And of course you will be ok!! Best of luck to you.

    • Phenomenal woman profile image

      Phenomenal woman 

      8 years ago from Long Beach,ca

      This is crazy,but so true in certain aspects.He broke up with me.I took the break up pretty well.Cried off and on for two days.Went through the denial and anger stage but did not call at all during these stages.Started to accept it.Then got drunk the other day,went by his house at 3:00am,only to find,he wasn't there,I got upset all over again,thinking,he's with someone new already,it's only been a week.OMG.Started crying and texting him.Then the next day,left him a message saying.I apologize for the messages,I respect your decision and won't be calling anymore.I guess that was my crazy stage.I changed my number,so he wouldn't call and disrupt my healing process.I still think of him and miss him,but I have a life to get back to,I'm actually doing pretty good.It's been 9 days so far.But he texted me during the break up and he's been seen by me and my family members,driving by the house.Which makes it a little harder for me,but I'll be ok.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      8 years ago from Florida

      Yes Harvey, thanks for your comment! That is true, but sometimes it takes a long while to think that way!!! Positive thinking is key your RIGHT!

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 

      8 years ago from Illinois

      It gives you an opportunity to find others that you can enjoy. Try to look at it as a positive thing, you lost someone that no longer wanted you. So you really haven't lost anything.

    • jennshealthstore profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer M 

      8 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Sally for your comments. I know exactly how this feels because I to have been through this. Yes in order to ever get to this place, we have to change the way we think. I know it can be the hardest thing ever to do. I understand though that we as people cannot change the way another person feels no matter how hard we try. (I personally have learned that as well) Even though the love might never fully go away, we can eventually be at peace knowing that we will be ok.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 

      8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      "Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry."

      Truer words were never spoken, Jenn. But these are words readily agreed to only once you have come through this pain; while you are in the middle of it, they are almost impossible to believe.

      So I put myself up here as an example of your right words (I'm sure many others could as well): It took me nearly ten years to smile instead of cry about the memories of my ex.

      I wonder if there isn't something much greater than the "I" with its consciousness that does eventually turn the bitterness into acceptance and even fondness. Perhaps this ability to get beyond the hurt and bitterness is something that's wired into us via genes, and at some point it kicks in and begins to heal, despite our attempts to do otherwise.

      Anyone in the middle of a hurt like this needs to hear your words, over and over again, even though there may be denial in the hearing.

      "You will be much stronger than you were before and you would have learned a lot about what you need and want." This is so true, so long as you let it happen, even if you think it won't.

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