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Common Emotions After A Break up - Breakup Stages

Updated on July 31, 2016

Joined: 6 years agoFollowers: 254Articles: 43

We just broke up - Dealing with Emotions

Going through a breakup can be very difficult, emotional and stressful. Often we are filled with all these confusing feelings and wonder if what we are feeling is even normal. We tend to do crazy things that are out of the norm for us. For a while, we might even lose ourselves to emotion.

These emotions that we feel are normal and there is quite a process in letting go of a person we really loved.

Each person is different, we will go through different stages at different times so do not worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes we even go backwards and repeat stages that we have already gone through.

There are a number of stages we go through after losing somebody we love. There is shock, fear, denial, anger and what I call the “crazy stage”. After that, finally some peace.

Shock and denial

Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible. The person loved you too much to leave you. Despite all the bad times there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories this cannot be real. They will soon realize that they are wrong and will come running back. This cannot be happening to us, we were once the “perfect couple”. You tend to forget all the bad things. The bad things weren’t that bad. We will fix things and everything will be OK. The phone will be locked to your hand and you will be staring at it, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. They will call soon; they must be busy. At this point you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex boyfriend/girlfriend. No we are not really broken up. We just need a little time, you might tell others.

Fear and loneliness:

Now the phone has not rung and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and start to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. That’s when fear starts to kick in. We fear that we will be lonely forever. We fear that we will have nobody to talk to. We fear that we will not be able to make it in this big scary world without them. We fear that when we are sick there will be nobody there to comfort us. We will jump into bed and hide under the covers feeling lonely, sad, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. Talking to friends and family is not an option. You want nothing to do with what is going on around you. You will sit and cry and listen to “your song” a million times to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures over and over again. For some reason we will torture ourselves. I will never be able to find a person that will love me the way that they did. What if I am not good enough, they left me. Why would somebody else want to love me?


So now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your spot in the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person. "I do not understand why they left me. I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Nobody else will ever do what I did for him/her. Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you. At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself and it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into one million little pieces and burn it. How dare they leave me! They had no right. Nobody will be able to replace me. I can’t believe you did this to me. After all I did for you!"

Writing Journals - It is great to write down your feelings!

The “crazy stage”:

The crazy stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness and anger kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when we have now realized that this is real, but we are not going to let it stay that way. We are now going to do everything we can to try to make this person come back into our lives. So they haven’t called, I will call them. They haven’t written an email, I will write them. What, no text? I will text them. We check out their web pages and see what their activity is. We want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives. And I do not mean we will do these things one time and be done with it. No we bombard them with calls, texts, emails, letters and beg for them to speak to us. We promise that this time things will be different. We promise to change all the wrongs and make them right. We try to remind them of all the good memories and try to make them see that it wasn’t so bad after all. We promise to do anything to make it work out. We read articles and books and watch TV shows on “how to get our ex back”. This is now war! You do not love me anymore? Well I am going to make you love me! The outcome of this stage can vary. Because we are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we do not get the response we were looking for, we can pull ourselves back into one of the above stages. Some of us will go through denial again. Some of us go through anger again and others will experience loneliness.

Words of Advice:

But as time goes on, we start to calm down. Little by little we start to realize that we are still alive. Though some of the pain is still there, it starts to hurt less and less. Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry.

Nobody can predict exactly how long it will take for the pain to go away. Every person is different. It is really hard when you have created so many memories and shared so many important details of your life with another person. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. The main goal is to understand that yes your life will change, but this does not mean you have to forget all the good memories and times you shared with a person. This is a part of you, and always will be. Remember what this person has taught you and be thankful that you were able to experience the things that you did.

You just have to make sure that you keep yourself healthy during these stages. We need to try our best to get advice and support from the people around us. Eat properly. Try to get out of the house and socialize a little. Many people suggest jumping into another relationship right after a breakup to get your mind off the other person. I do not suggest that. At this point you have many emotions built up and starting a new relationship will not allow you to heal from this one, and you will not be giving the new relationship a fair shot. So you need to allow yourself time. Get to know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and try to be strong. Many times after a big breakup, we will discover things about ourselves that we weren’t even aware of.

After all is said and done, if you still feel as if this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you. Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being over persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because a relationship did not work out, it does not make you a bad person. It does not mean that nobody will ever love you again. Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is two people and you are only one of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do. If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something, maybe they are lacking something within themselves and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.

Finally some peace:

Even though at this very moment you feel as though you will never get to the point of peace, you will! One day you will be able to sit back and realize that you have made it! You made it through the heartache, tears, anger and fear. You are still alive! Thinking of this person will be a pleasure instead of like a knife cutting through your heart. You will be much stronger than you were before and you will have learned a lot about what you need and want.

Give yourself the time required to heal. Let your emotions out and address them. Do not try to pretend like you are okay, if you really are not, this will just prolong the process.

Remember that time heals all wounds!


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    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      "Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry."

      Truer words were never spoken, Jenn. But these are words readily agreed to only once you have come through this pain; while you are in the middle of it, they are almost impossible to believe.

      So I put myself up here as an example of your right words (I'm sure many others could as well): It took me nearly ten years to smile instead of cry about the memories of my ex.

      I wonder if there isn't something much greater than the "I" with its consciousness that does eventually turn the bitterness into acceptance and even fondness. Perhaps this ability to get beyond the hurt and bitterness is something that's wired into us via genes, and at some point it kicks in and begins to heal, despite our attempts to do otherwise.

      Anyone in the middle of a hurt like this needs to hear your words, over and over again, even though there may be denial in the hearing.

      "You will be much stronger than you were before and you would have learned a lot about what you need and want." This is so true, so long as you let it happen, even if you think it won't.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 6 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Sally for your comments. I know exactly how this feels because I to have been through this. Yes in order to ever get to this place, we have to change the way we think. I know it can be the hardest thing ever to do. I understand though that we as people cannot change the way another person feels no matter how hard we try. (I personally have learned that as well) Even though the love might never fully go away, we can eventually be at peace knowing that we will be ok.

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 6 years ago from Illinois

      It gives you an opportunity to find others that you can enjoy. Try to look at it as a positive thing, you lost someone that no longer wanted you. So you really haven't lost anything.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 6 years ago from Florida

      Yes Harvey, thanks for your comment! That is true, but sometimes it takes a long while to think that way!!! Positive thinking is key your RIGHT!

    • Phenomenal woman profile image

      Phenomenal woman 6 years ago from Long Beach,ca

      This is crazy,but so true in certain aspects.He broke up with me.I took the break up pretty well.Cried off and on for two days.Went through the denial and anger stage but did not call at all during these stages.Started to accept it.Then got drunk the other day,went by his house at 3:00am,only to find,he wasn't there,I got upset all over again,thinking,he's with someone new already,it's only been a week.OMG.Started crying and texting him.Then the next day,left him a message saying.I apologize for the messages,I respect your decision and won't be calling anymore.I guess that was my crazy stage.I changed my number,so he wouldn't call and disrupt my healing process.I still think of him and miss him,but I have a life to get back to,I'm actually doing pretty good.It's been 9 days so far.But he texted me during the break up and he's been seen by me and my family members,driving by the house.Which makes it a little harder for me,but I'll be ok.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 6 years ago from Florida

      It is good that you are really strong Phenomenal woman. Some people are just more emotional than others about these things. It also depends on how long the relationship lasted, how healthy the relationship was, how much you loved the person etc. So you are right, different people will go through different stages. We are all different. And of course you will be ok!! Best of luck to you.

    • sharon e dix profile image

      sharon e dix 6 years ago

      Greetings,My new found friend,You have away with words your gentle speech is like butter to bread,healing to a sore,the sky with a beautiful sun set,as you help and bless others may the blessings come back to you , for what ever we sow wee shall reap. may all your dreams come true. Sharon e Dix

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 6 years ago from Florida

      Thank you sharon, that was very nice. I really appreciate your comments.

    • jessica 5 years ago

      This is a great post indeed. It sounds silly, but I am reading it over and over, to make sure I have given proper attention to every part of it, and to gain deeper understanding of each section. I am at mix stages right now. I was lost at first when he said “I am going to do things for myself now.” 5 days ago. Then, we broke up. My mind went crazy, and I posted an ad on dating site to fulfill my emotional needs 2 days ago. And now, I am feeling much better after I read your post. I am going to remove my ad. Thank you so much.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 5 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Jessica. I am glad it is helping you. Yes I would take the post down. Just "filling in the emptiness" is not going to allow you to heal. You cannot start another relationship until you are ready. Please know that you will be ok, and it is going to take a while. Hang in there and good luck!

    • clintonb profile image

      clintonb 5 years ago from Adelaide, Australia

      This is sucha an amazing article and I would say its very much true. Every stage.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 5 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Clintonb for your comment!

    • warren 5 years ago

      Crikey I have to have 'the talk' with my gf of 7 years this week. It's going to really hurt her. I have been putting this off for 4 years, because I did not want to fell the pain, and neither did I want her to fell it. I have constantly told myself my love for her will return, and I'll give it another few months etc etc etc.

      However, I know at a fundamental level that it really HAS to happen now. I just want to get it done and leave with dignity.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 5 years ago from Florida

      Hi Warren, thanks for sharing. What you have to do is very hard, but if you are not happy, I am sure that she is able to feel that in the relationship as well, and the longer you hold on the longer it will hurt to let go. If you are sure that it will not work out, then maybe it is best if you do let her go. It will hurt, and you need to give yourself time to heal afterward but it is not fair to either of you if your heart is not in it. I wish you luck.

    • warren 5 years ago

      Many thanks or your kind words.

    • Ella davies 5 years ago

      Hi, ive been with my boyfriend was a long distance relationship. i met him when i was 14 and i am now 16, he was 17 when i met him. we was so happy, had a few trust issues but got over it, seen him on weekends, then he wanted to go clubbing all the time.. we was perfect still then all of a sudden over the phone (ella its over ivr been wanting to tell you for months, i dont love you the same, its over for good i want nothing to dow ith you, ( he has blocked me of everything i wont ever see him again. and he is guna post my stuff. ) im so angry at the fact he has felt like this for months and didn't end it then rather than do it now! it has been one week and i have been coping not so well. cry alot and get angry. i sent him a very angry txt. i wont bother with him now. its hard because i lost everything for him. now i have nothing to do on weekends n i cant keep myself busy. its so hard. but i cant say i never regret going out with him. how do i now continue to move on?

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 5 years ago from Florida

      Hi Ella, it is really hard to deal with a breakup and it is going to hurt. You can't stop the hurt. But you can and will start realizing that in order for the relationship to have worked out, you both had to be happy and ready for the relationship. Even though you might have been happy, and do not quite understand why he wasn't there is nothing that you can do to change it. You must make sure you take care of yourself, and if in the future you are able to talk and being together is something you both want, then maybe then it could be. Give yourself time to cry and grieve, if you hide it or try to jump into another relationship it will only make it worse. Believe me you will be ok and if it is meant to be it will, if not, you have lived and learned and it will only make you stronger! Good luck!

    • MArio 5 years ago

      Go on gl i'l be 5ne

    • funnychick 4 years ago

      My boyfriend of 10 yrs just broke up with me and has another girl who is "everything" to him. I was his "everything" and just can't understand if it just got old. New is exciting but old is supportive, caring, and loyal. I would rather have the old. New can come and go. They have already been on and off 5 times in 3 months. It won't last, but his oldie (me) won't be there for him anymore. His loss.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 4 years ago from Florida

      Hi funnychick. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so hard especially when a person has been a part of your life for so long. Unfortunately sometimes we will never know why these things happen. Sometimes people just have a change of heart and there is nothing we can do to change it even if we try our hardest. I am not sure if you ever want to be with him again, but I say for now just give him the time he needs. Maybe he is going through something and things will turn around and he will figure out what he really wants. In the mean time, work on yourself, learn about yourself and even though it will be hard, you will come out of this learning so much about yourself.

    • mgchato profile image

      Mariano 4 years ago from Lima, Peru

      I've had 3 girlfriends. The first relationship lasted for 2 years and a half. The second one lasted for almost 4 years. The last one lasted for 3 months. The first two breakups were hard on both of us, but I got over the heartbreak fairly quickly. The last one, even though it only went for 3 months, has been devastating. I'm still grieving the loss and it hurts like hell. I'm glad to find out that there's more people who go through all of this... the emotional instability, the physical pain (I've been having an upset stomach almost 24/7), the distorted thoughts, the loneliness... I just wished that more of these articles were written by men... It almost seems as if girls are the only ones allowed to mourn the loss of a partner or go through heartbreak, when I know as a certainty that this is not the case. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your experience and helping the rest of us have some hope.

    • Lost Girl 4 years ago

      Your article really opened my eyes on the process I'm going through. We broke up there's about 2 weeks, a little before our 4th year anniversary. It's really hard, but this article reassure me that what I'm feeling is actually normal and that I will survive, even tho I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

      When you live with your boyfriend and see him almost every day, it becomes your way to live, your daily life, what you're used to. To lose that from a day to another is really shocking.

      The section Shock & Denial is EXACTLY word to word what I've been feeling so far, and I'm starting the Fear & Loneliness phase.

      It really is during these hard moments that you know who's really there for you, and it made me feel good to know that I haven't failed at choosing my friends, because they have been there for me 200%

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 4 years ago from Florida

      I am sorry Lost Girl that you are going through this. It is very hard and really does suck but you will make it. Believe me I understand the feeling of what am I suppose to do now. What you need to do for now is allow yourself time to heal. It is really ok to cry and be upset. I would not hide those feelings or keep them locked inside. I know that one day you will feel great again. It is wonderful that you have friends to support you! When one door closes another one opens. Just think about the wonderful things that are in store for you in the future! Good luck.

    • tommy7 4 years ago

      Thank you for writing this very helpful and insightful piece. My ex broke up with me right before X-Mas because I got mad at her for not being there for me one night (I called her in tears and she told me she was too busy doing laundry to let me come over). I wound up shutting her out and when we spoke a week later, instead of an apology, I got slammed with reasons why we should not be together - I'm not smart enough, we have nothing in common except going to the beach, and I don't act my age. I tried my best to be as supportive, understanding, generous and sweet to her as a boyfriend could be. But when she told me she always felt like being in a relationship got in the way of one's personal growth, I knew that we'd never get back together - I was viewed as an obstacle! It's 3 weeks now and I feel guilty, abandoned, and hopeless.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 4 years ago from Florida

      Hi Tommy, I am sorry you are going through this. I know it feels really bad. I do not know her at all, but it seems to me like there is something going on because of the not so kind words she was using towards you. Maybe she just needs some alone time. There are many relationships that do not turn out the way we hoped or wanted, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with us. If you still feel in your heart you want to be with her then time is all you have to give at this point. Reevaluate your situation, your own wants and needs. I do not know how long you were together, but sometimes it can take a very long time to get to the point of getting back together. But DO not feel hopeless. Grieve all you need to but remember this is a great time for yourself. Relationships are about give and take, and we cannot change a person remember that. Also remember if we really care about a person, we would want what's best for them, with or without us!

    • tommy7 4 years ago

      Thank you so much for replying to my post. I think you are right. Even though Kate (who I dated for 6 months) never yelled or raised her voice to me on the phone during our final conversation, her hurtful words must be coming from her anger towards me. I only wish I knew that she felt being in a relationship was a hindrance to her personal growth before I spoiled and pampered her on her birthday (a Broadway show, dinner, flowers, and I started her day off with an hour massage that I gave her myself) which was a week before we split. I am still feeling hurt and lonely but I also feel like if someone doesn't care enough about me when I am down, I shouldn't waste too many more tears on them. It will take a while to get over her, I'm sure. But I doubt that any future boyfriend will love her and care for her as much as I did.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 4 years ago from Florida

      Your welcome Tommy. I would just say that be proud of yourself for spoiling her on her Birthday, it was something very nice you did and I am sure she will remember it. No regrets!! Maybe your are right and another man will never love her the way you did. But just think, you may meet a girl that you love even more than this girl and you will start to wonder how much you really loved Kate after all. I am a strong believer of people coming in our lives for reasons, sometimes to teach us something and move on and sometimes forever! Good luck.

    • 1Click DVD Copy Pro 3 years ago

      This is so useful! I just wanted to tell you good job on the blog. You have a real niche on answering my questions.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 3 years ago from Florida

      Thank you oneclick. I am happy you find the information useful.

    • Justin 3 years ago

      I lied to my fiancé of five years about not watching a certain movie when I did. She stormed out and refuses to meet with me or speak to me over the phone. This has been a week already. She will respond to texts but only with short answers. She tells me I lied and she can't forgive me for that. I have apologized and owned the mistake. I am at a loss as to how she can be so cold and distant when just a week prior we were making wedding arrangements. Any advice?

    • grace2121 3 years ago

      This is so inspiring to know I am not the only one going through this phase. My bf and I were together going on 3 years, but we were the best of friends years before in high school. He was my everything, my best friend and most importantly apart of my family. I did not have a relationship with my family and his mother and family treated me like their own. We started our relationship doing the long distance thing. I was in California and he was in Louisiana. We would travel back and forth to visit one another and just invested a lot of time together. After about a year and half I moved back to Louisiana to obtain my nursing degree. We were both in college which made it a little more difficult. He always said I was a city girl and he was a country boy but I loved him because we were so different, which I felt made us right for one another.After about a year and a few months with me being in Cali, he wanted us to take a break because the distance was getting to him. However, we were still texting and communicating everyday. He then eventually told me, after two days of me moving here that he had been talking to someone else and they had kissed but he did not want to be with her because he genuinely loved me. I was so confused about the situation and did not know what to think. After a week, I decided that we could work past it and move on, so we began dating again. He then a couple months later around Christmas accused me of cheating because he saw an old photo in my room, which at that point changed the relationship. He wanted to be with me but he didn't know what to believe but we got over that situation, because I really was not cheating. He always said Karma is real but he didn't understand that I did not want to see him hurt. After the Christmas incident, he decided he wanted space again. However, we never gave it to one another. The phone calls, the visits, the web calls continued. Months passed and things just didn't see the same with us. I was so fearful to give him my heart again because I did not know his next step. I became distant and so did he. I finally said a week ago, we should let it each other go because I felt he just didn't want the relationship anymore.The texts were dry and so were the calls and time was limited. Throughout everything I still wanted to be with him. He agreed to let each other go, because he was feeling the same but he felt with time it would change. He kept saying the feeling was mutual but it wasn't when I told him that wasn't really what I wanted he just wanted to let it go. A week passed and he messaged me informing me that he wanted to meet and talk. However the talk, went downhill. He kept saying that I never went fishing with him except once and said that his brother's girlfriends go with them. I understood his love for fishing and I felt that was his time to be with his brothers and family. I told him if he wanted me there he should have said something, I would have loved to go with him if he would have told me. He argued me down and said he shouldn't have to ask it should be expected. He went on and said we have nothing in common, that he was a simple guy and I was above, how I showered him with gifts to show my love and affection for not always being there, and that cared too heavily on what others thought. I was and am still devastated. I told him that he knew all this about me prior to dating me. He said that the relationship wasn't the same for the past four months and still he never said anything until after we broke it off. While dealing with this his mother told me he was going through things with his dad, and within a year of him graduating from college he decided to drop out and join the army. I know he is going through a tough time and even through all the hurtful things he said to me, I told him I was there for him and I honestly wish him well. I have felt all the stages and still going through the stages. Its hard to let someone go who you truly love. I always wanted to make him happy and I went out of my way even with me being in nursing school to show him I wanted to be with him but I felt he felt that wasn't enough. I did what i felt was right. He said we didn't have anything in common but we traveled together, made dinners, went walking out to see the stars, the movies,bowling, anything you can think of we did. So for him to bring up just that about fishing, i was really upset. He made it seem like I never wanted to go with him when all he could have done was asked. He kept bringing up how i always wanted to shop and go to the movies, but I didn't. He made me seem like I was this high maintenance chick that never wanted to get dirty but I was. i told him all of the fancy gifts he got me I would have been perfectly happy with flowers or him surprising me at work because even I after I moved to Louisiana we were 4 hours away. His mother and my friends are saying give him time, he will be back and he would finally realize what he has was good but I do not believe that. He was so hurtful to me, and its definitely hard because when I go home during the holidays its to his mother's house and he is there. He has made sure to always check on me and make sure I was safe after my trips back and forth. Though we have broken up for a week now I am feeling so much, I thinking why did this have to happen? What did I do wrong? Did he genuinely love me? We were so close despite what he felt. I know i will be strong one day but I just keep wanting the pain to go away. I know eventually we will see each other but it will be so hard. I do want the best for him, I just wish he was honest with me a long time ago instead of holding it for so long. He said he didn't want to hurt me since I had already been through so much but at the end of the day he was hurting me by not telling me. I felt our only problem was mis-communication and fear, we never stated what we wanted. I guess I keep thinking there is hope for us but only time will tell. I just pray I can get through this because I do need to focus on my responsibilities, I know one day we will be friends but just can't be right now.

    • angel29 3 years ago

      hi, everyone & @ms.jennshealth, i love this article..i can relate so much with the stages mentioned above.. would you mind to give me some advice for my current situation.

      i am inlove with a guy for almost 10years. we started our relationship during highschool days. he is there with me on every phase of my life from that time. we saw each other grow & change. I gave him the kind of young love which is impossible to replace. For it happened on the age that we can never can get back. preserved by time that neither of us can touch. he is my first love, my first boyfriend and i always pray to god that hopefully he'll be the last because i sincerely love him & intend to love him for the rest of my life.

      i swear to god if i will be given a chance to be his wife and a mom to his child. i'm gonna be the best one on earth.. everything for me, was perfect before until he cheat, we broke up & after a year i forgive him. then after that he broke up with me only because he has to leave the country and he told me it will be difficult for us. after that we came back to each other arms again. but again, we broke up because i just can't bear the pain of the past events. i found out i am not yet over it. i need time to get over it & to love him completely again.

      after 2years, we rekindle our relationship again and promised to make it last, we even planned for the wedding already. but this time, we have to work on long distance relationship because i work abroad. Initially, things were ok. until i felt like we lost the romance & sweetness. he got so busy and he has no time for me at all, he always care for me and i never imagine that he will take me for granted. hours, days, weeks passed without any word from him. yet i still feel the same for him. i have love him all along for almost 10 years. and it's hard to accept that things will change suddenly. that his feelings will change. he then finally ask for space. i almost felt like i have no space in his busy life and yet he still wants space from me.. i have no choice but to let it be. i'm also tired but i'm still holding on. i need to know when i must set boundaries. the time when to stop and tell myself that its time to move on and give up. is there really a time to move on from the one you love or is this just another breakthrough in our relationship & i just need to be strong for us? how will i hold onto a love that is slowly slipping away from me?

      i manage to keep my mouth shut for a long time..and not to talk about this on public but now i really need some advice.. thank you.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 3 years ago from Florida

      Hi Angel. Thanks for your comment. I know being away from the one we love can be really hard and confusing, but if I have learned anything is it is that no matter how how we try, no matter what we do, we cannot make another persons feelings change. So if he wants space right now then that is what you need to give him. Just remember even if he comes back to your right now without his heart fully in it, you both will not be happy and in a sense would be wasting time. Let him go for now at least. Try the best to do things for yourself and try to learn to start a life without him. Of course it will be different, but you will come through it. If in the future it is meant to be then it will be. Before the relationship could ever work again, both of you, on your own needs to work through personal issues you are having. Not to say that you cannot forgive him for cheating, but unless you are really able to get past that and get to a point where you can let it go, there will always be arguments about that. I was in a relationship for 10 years and when we first split I felt my life was ruined. On the contrary, I found another person who has made me feel like I have never felt before and my past relationship is just a memory of the past with no pain what so ever. You can be strong and will get through it. Good luck.

    • angel29 3 years ago

      thank you so much for the reply @ms.jennshealthstore.. i really appreciate it, it helps me analyze things and thank you for sharing your story as well. this might be really painful especially because i never imagine this will happen to me. and because we are in the midst of planning for wedding already before things change. but you're right! i need to think positive and love myself more.

      i went through a lot of setbacks in our relationship. and it seems like i'm already stuck in it because i got so attached with him. i reserved myself for him. only to find out that the only constant thing in life indeed is changes.. and i just have to go with it and keep in my mind, that there's always a good reason why things are happening this way. its just so hard for me to start again on my own now without him again and this time, it might be final. only god knows.

      i'm just confused whether to hold on or to let it go. from the time he asked for space. that was a month ago already. it hurts me that he really mean it and he never even try to check on me even just for once. but now, i'll take your advice.. little by little, if i need to crawl just to move forward. i will. i hope i can move on as well like you and the rest of the people who wrote here. god bless u more. thanks again.

    • gp 2 years ago

      I am struggling right now.My bf left me and get back with his ex gilfriend the mom of his kids. We commited ourselves for nearly 2 years and had a lot of plans together. He met her after 2 years and just like that they got back together and shut me out of his life like a blink of an eye.all plans and promises are gone. That happened last dec 27 and I saw him for the last time last 12 days ago but I knew his decisions wont change so I let him go telling him to be with them and now Its just 9 days since the last time I talked to him and he is happy with his family now.Pain is killing me everyday and am having a hard time right now.I know he wont coming back all i want for him is to be happy and for me to move on without him in my life.I dnt know how to forget him but I know I can i just need more time.

    • jennshealthstore profile image

      Jenn 2 years ago from Florida

      Hi gp, thanks for writing. I know that is a hard situation and I know there is a lot of pain involved. It is going to hurt for a while, I will not lie. Sometimes life is strange and things happen for no apparent reason we think. There is no magic that will make the hurt go away, and it sucks but just remember that the time you spent together was special. These times will always be a part of you, but one day you will find love again and create new memories, maybe even your own family. It does not mean that he did not care for you, maybe he just feels he wants to be with his children. Make sure you give yourself time to heal, if you need to cry that is ok, but make sure that you stay healthy and keep yourself busy. Take the next few months and learn about yourself and what you want out of life. Sometimes people in our lives hold us back from what we really want and these events can be a blessing is disquise. I wish you the best of luck.

    • Gaby 2 years ago

      My lover has ended our 10 year affair. I understand is not an ideal relationship but both of us were not happy in our marriages and it just happens. All of a sudden he told me he can't do it any longer, live two lives and called it quits. I am devastated, he was a very big part of my life and now I want to be dead.

    • Mike 2 years ago

      Hi. Well I've been with my girl for around 10 months we had a wonderful time. when we first met she was so shy but anyone could tell that it was love from the first sight. we used to talk all night long, even watch movies online while talking on the phone. I was her first kiss and first deep love. And I told her from day one that Im serious about her and won't be playing around. We used to fight sometimes, but a single miss u msg would sort thing out. Last December was her birthday, we fought 2 days before it and she said hurtful words so i didn't text her or call her on her BD. I went back home and she started texting me after a couple of days, I accepted her apology and even spoke to my parents that I love this girl and really considered getting engaged. When she knew about it she was so happy and said that even if we don't get engaged soon it's ok as long as I'm serious and my parents know about her. She even started talkin to my mom as sisters. 1 week after we had another fight and kept NC for 10 days, then she suddenly came to my work and I was so happy that I even introduced her to my boss as my future fiancé. The next day we had a silly fight, she started shouting then she didn't pick up my calls , I changed my FB password we remained NC for 10 days. Then I tried to call and she said that everything is over, I told her no it is not we have to talk, she refused. I tried to contact her after some days and she didn't answer, I even sent her flowers to her work and she refused them. Suddenly after 2 days she texted me that she's gonna get engaged soon and that I shouldn't call her and cause her troubles ( 2 weeks after the silly fight !!). I was shockeddd , I tried to call her maybe 60 times and sent like 10 messages and no answer !! I didn't beleive her first as i thought she's playing me. I kept trying to call and text for 1 week I even texted a lot on valentine's eve . Then on my off day I went to check her sister's FB page to find a picture of her in the engagement part. I paniced, felt knives cutting my heart. I texted her saying that she is such a cheater and doesn't deserve my love. 2 days later she called crying saying she made a big mistake and she only got engaged to tease me and that she still loves me too much. I cried as well but said I couldn't take her back. next day we spoke and texted and i still refused. After 2 days I called her to say that in case we could go back she should call the engagement off. She said yes but she can't bcz her father will get mad and i should propose directly after she leaves the other guy. I refused sure and told her that we should wait a couple of months before we get engaged to cool the fire and for the sake of both parents. She refused and went to say that she would stick to the other guy and that she left me bcz of this and that I always tease her. I tried to call later and no answer. Until one day i texted her and she replied that i should forget her and she's gonna get married. I saw her that day for 5 mins in a mall i hold her hands with tears in my eyes. She promised she will try her best to convince her father to leave that guy, but deep inside me I knew that won't happen and the father will refuse.

      My doubts were true he refused and she told me we should forget each other and that she loves me and hates the other guy. I felt shattered, lost and wished to die. she kept calling every week saying that she loves me but her parents are pressuring her, and i kept saying that if she loves me u will rsik everything for me cz I will do the same for you.

      2 months ago i felt i miss her i called and she was like as if she is in control of me, she spoke in a mean way she even said the guy's name instead of mine and said she will try to speak to her dad for the last time, I told her to tell him everything and that Im serious and ready to propose. 2 days later, she called saying he said noo and that she has to change her number and asked me not to call her. I knew it's over so I planned a vaccation with friends to Thailand but though before I leave I should see her. I went to her work stared at her for 5 mins and she said that I shouldn't be there. I left with tears and she called me before I boardeed tha plane and said she loves me and would never forget me in her life, but said that she would never regret anything cz she tried her best with her father, I said that this is not true and if she loved me how can she take a big decision like that knowing that it will end everything and even I asked her to come with me and run from everything and she said she wishes she can.

      I left to thailand , first 4 days were nice. Then I suddenly started to imagine her in every nice place I visit . Last 2 days were horrible, I even started having dreams of her making love to the other guy and that killed me big time.

      So I went back decided to talk to her for the last time. So I went to her work and she told me not to come inside. She called from her office asking why did I come to see her. I told her that i still lover her and that she should fight for our love and I would do anything to be together, she said there is no hope, and that she started to get annoyed from my visits and that if I didn't stop she will call her parents and tell them. I even felt worse that day, took another 1 week off work and went to my home country. I was s down even my family were concerned, I had dreams every day checked my mobile for any msgs. but nothingg !!

      Well to cut it short It has been 49 days since I last time saw her, and i got to know that she got married 2 weeks ago and strange enough 1 day before her wedding she was logging in my FB acoount as she knows the password ( she did that all the time which killed me knowing that she still has feeling for me) . I still have bad dreams of her making out with the other man on a daily basis.

      And I think of her whenever I see any couple or any love related pictures.

      Note: the other guy is totally not her type but he is financially good as her parents tell her. Im a good looking guy as many say with a decent job as well.

      Can she really love me and take these decisions and spend her life with another guy eventhough she says that she loves me !!?

      I thought we had many things in common and we used to say that eventhough we fight a lot but our love is stronger than all. I mean I don't deserve to be treated like that I get angry sometimes but 1 text from her would solve it all.

      I feel I lost the loveof my life and can't thing about getting soon with a girl other than her. Sorry for the long story but it was even tougher though.

    • Johnk28 2 years ago

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    • FindMyaway 17 months ago

      My boyfriend of 11 years became angry after I confronted him for cheating... I was so confused on why he became angry. He told me to stop calling him so I began to cry and feel angry. I went to his house at 12am to tell him a piece of my mind and he wasn't there so I waited and parked my car to see who he was with when he came home he was with his friend and he began to ask me why I parked my car in someone else driveway, he said I was stalking and he cursed me out then told me to leave... Yes I was wrong for showing up but I know him whenever we give each other space he cheats. This time I was going to call him out on it; only to look like an idiot because I began lying about why I parked at a different driveway but he knew I was lying.. I apologized but he just looked at me.. I want to text him but I decided to just let go and heal because I'm becoming insane; I've lost my way : ( I'm hurt

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