Rebecca Arbic is the author of the novel After Dark. She enjoys reading a good book and eating good food.
Stage One: Horrible Grief
When a break up happens it feels like the world has literally ended. Chances are you fell to your knees in crippling emotional pain. It feels like a piece of your soul - if not the entire thing has died. You cannot fathom what just happened. You may or may not have had a panic attack. It's nearly impossible to bypass this initial stage. Here are a few tips to make it easier.
- Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Doing this is a good way to calm your heart rate and help you focus.
- Try to find a distraction. Picking up a random book and focusing solely on reading a few chapters seems to help.
- Go for a run. Chances are you are filled with pent up rage and anxiety. What better then to race it out of your system?
Step Two: Anger & Spite
The second step in the break-up is uncontrollable anger and a feeling of spite. Even if the break-up may have been your fault you find yourself filled with a rage so hot it would give the sun a run for it's money. You are stuck in a continuous loop of angry questions.
Why did it happen? How could He/She do this to me? I hate them! I hope they die! Screw them!
Getting stuck in this loop is a struggle. It takes a lot to escape it. Sometimes anger is healthy but to find yourself constantly thinking about it and wishing death or vengeance upon your former boyfriend or girlfriend will not make you feel any better.
- Talk to a friend or family member If you keep your anger bottled in it will drive you insane. Talking to somebody about how you feel is a good way to help make you feel better.
- Join a gym Working out is a great way to get rid of that pent up rage
Step Three: Regret & Sometimes Stalking
By this stage you may find yourself feeling regret. It has been a few weeks without your ex and you feel out of wack. Your old routine is gone and you are trying to get used to a new routine. You start thinking that maybe breaking up was a mistake so you decide to try to contact your former partner. It usually goes one of two ways:
- You contact your former partner, talk it out and decide to give it another shot. This scenario is very rare. If this happens you must not forget why you broke up in the first place. If it goes this way please try and talk out all of your differences and issues so you can make the relationship stronger
- You contact your former partner to find out that they want nothing to do with you and may have already moved on. Sadly, I have seen this happen far more than once. You think after a few weeks things have calmed down so you call your ex only to find out that they are already out playing the field. At this point you feel like you are broken all over again and decide to stalk your exes Facebook to watch their every move. DO NOT DO THIS! YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND!
- If you find yourself in step two then you must try to move on to avoid further pain.
Stage Four: The Rebound
After a month of crying into your pillow your friend has convinced you that it would be a good idea to come out to the club and have a good time. While at the club your friend then goes on to tell you that it may be a good idea to find someone new to hook up with because it will make you feel better. It never makes you feel better and here's why:
- You just finished your one night stand and your rebound goes on to kick you out of their apartment pretty damn quick. Chances are you are already a forgotten memory.
- Filled with hurt and anguish you decide it's a good idea to call your ex crying to tell them you miss them. They either A) Don't answer B) Their new partner answers and tells you to drop dead or C)They answer and tell you to move on. Either way you are still going to be hurt.
- You feel dirty and are filled with regret. You asking yourself how you could have just done that. You feel like you cheated and your ex would never take you back now. You curse your friend for suggesting it.
The above reasons show you why a rebound is never a good idea. Chances are your rebound is not going to be your new boyfriend or girlfriend. It's best to lay low and give it time. Time heals all.
Stage Five: Moving On With Your Life
By now a few months have passed and the pain has subsided. You have found a way to live without your ex and they may even be a distant memory. It's finally time to go out into the world again. It's time to focus on yourself. This is a great time to try new things. You could travel with a few friends. You could join a club. You could take a night class. The opportunities are endless. You never know, you could even meet a new love and that love could be your true love.
When you break up with someone it usually means you just weren't compatible. You were in love and it was epic but it just didn't last and that is okay. We can have many loves in our lives. Good luck on your new endeavor and God bless.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.