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How to Heal and Move on From a Broken Heart

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Mathira's articles focus on marriage problems, as she wants couples to enjoy their married lives to the fullest.

How to heal and move on after a heartbreak.

How to heal and move on after a heartbreak.

The Pain of Lost Love

Love is a magic word, and our world is colorful and full of happiness as long as it lasts. But sadly, not all loves end in marriage, and those that do don't all last forever. The breakup of relationships has become all too common in this modern society. People may fall in love and out of love just as easily. When we truly love somebody and that love is not reciprocated, we may feel it's the end of the world. We lose interest in our work; we alienate ourselves from friends and family and sink into abject depression.

As painful as heartbreak can be, do not lose hope! With a little effort and some time, you can overcome your sadness and find love again. Here are some steps you can use to regain your confidence and move on from the lost that you lost.

If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.

— David Harkins

Step 1: Allow Yourself to Grieve

You may feel angry with yourself for the overwhelming sadness you are feeling, but it’s important to be gentle with yourself and accept your emotions. You loved a person from the bottom of your heart and you thought that your love would last forever. Then one day, the person you loved left you, possibly for another man or woman. You feel betrayed by someone you trusted. The grief you feel for your relationship, for your lost love, and for the future you imagined is very real. As with any grief, the only way to survive is to allow yourself to experience it fully in order to pass through to the other side.

Allowing yourself to grieve your relationship does not mean you should wallow in sadness or let yourself despair. It only means that you should accept the emotions you're feeling. Acknowledge that, logical or not, the pain and anger you feel are a necessary part of healing. You have experienced a loss. You can only move on by facing the emotions that come with it.

Step 2: Confide in a Friend

One of the best ways to work through your sadness is to share your feelings with an understanding friend. If you bottle up your sadness within you, it will fester and cause you pain for a long time. Telling your feelings to a close friend or near one will soothe your aching heart and remind you that you aren't alone. Often, a friend or family member will have been through a similar experience and have thoughts to share. No matter what, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and thoughtful companionship can go a long way in helping you process your feelings and move on from heartbreak.

Step 2: Confide in a friend.

Step 2: Confide in a friend.

Step 3: Redirect Your Energy

Losing a relationship will leave an gap in your life. All of the time and energy you previously spent on the relationship now has no outlet. This can leave you feeling restless and empty. If you focus that energy on something else, either by throwing yourself into your work, or devoting time to friendship or family, you can start to fill that space.

This can be an opportunity to focus your emotional energy on something you're passionate about, or to create a new passion. Is there a work project or creative project you've wanted to do but didn't have time? Friends you've been wanting to spend time with? Family you've been meaning to visit? Keep yourself from brooding by concentrating on something important. Soon, you may feel that your priorities have changed, and that the loss that once overwhelmed you has diminished.

Step 4: Focus on the Positive

Chances are, there were things in your relationship that made you unhappy even before it ended. In some ways, you can feel lucky that the relationship ended before it went further, and that you didn't commit your life to a person capable of breaking your heart and hurting you the way this person has.

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Despite the emotional loss, you've learned a lot from this relationship. You've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone. Now that you have time to process what happened, you can begin to understand how this person treated you and how you responded to it. You can use this time to teach yourself that you don't deserve to be treated that way! Use this time to remember that. Learn how to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved.

Step 5. Spend Time on Your Hobbies

Do you have hobbies you are zealous about? If you do, now you have time to devote to them, and spending time doing activities you enjoy will cheer you up and distract you from your sadness. If you don't have any hobbies, then it's probably time you picked some up.

Maybe you like to go fishing, or you've been wanting to learn how to cook. You could go on bike rides or walks, read books you've been wanting to read, even learn an instrument or take an art class. Some hobbies are expensive, but many can be done cheaply or even for free. These fun activities will help you enjoy your new freedom and remember to enjoy your life.

Spend time alone, revisit your hobbies, and take a vacation.

Spend time alone, revisit your hobbies, and take a vacation.

Step 6. Go on Vacation

Sometimes the best cure for a big life change is just to get away from it all. If you can manage it, try take a break and go on a vacation. The change in environment will help you forget your torn feelings, and you'll have a welcome relief from seeing things that remind you of your ex. You can start to replace some of your sadness with good memories: of seeing a new landscape, of spending time with friends, or even just relaxing on your own. This is a time for you to pamper yourself, to extend the kind of love and thoughtfulness to yourself that you need to heal. Sip on a cool drink and read a book on the beach, or hike through a beautiful forest. Go to museums, or explore a city you've never seen.

Step 7. Surround Yourself with Loved Ones

Do not be alone, as loneliness can aggravate your feelings. Be with your friends or someone who cares for you. You friends or family can cheer you up and provide sympathy when you need it. When you spend time with friends, you don't have to worry about loneliness, and they won't judge you for your feelings.

Step 8: Keep Your Distance

The best plan is to avoid your old love altogether: don't talk, don't text, maintain complete radio silence so that you have time to process your feelings and get used to life without the relationship. Sometimes, though, seeing your ex is unavoidable. Chances are, you live near each other, have friends in common, or even go to the same school. If you do see your old love, be cool! Maintain your dignity and do not show your emotions. Show the person that you, too, have moved on and are doing absolutely fine without them.

Step 9: Try Not to Dwell

Break ups are incredibly painful. If you keep talking about the love that has left you, you can get overwhelmed by the pain and not give yourself a chance to move forward and find better things. As important as grieving the loss, is knowing when to let it go and start trying to focus on the future instead of the past. Remember what you've learned from this relationship, and use that knowledge to find something better in the future.

Real love: you feel it, you see it, and you show it. But fake love is just words.

Step 10. Don't Give Up on Love

Don’t let your experience make you lose faith in love as a whole. Do not feel that there is no true love and become cynical, as if you do so you will not be able to discern true love when it comes your way. You must keep faith that the right person is out there for you, the one who will care for you and treat you with the kindness you treat them.

Someone who would leave you or treat you badly does not deserve your true love and loyalty, and if you let a bad experience color your whole life, that experience will continue to hurt you unnecessarily. Instead of wasting your life for a love that is fickle and not true, be prepared to meet a true love, one who will stand by you in times of trouble, hold your hand when you are down, wipe your tears and live together till death do you part.

Weigh in On Healing from Heartbreak

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

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