Silver Q loves doing research about anything she finds interesting. She hates talking in the third person.
Some girls like to stick to their man longer than they should. (And sometimes guys make the same mistake). They stay even when all the signs point to the exit. That makes me sad, especially because once they realize they should've left, they have already lost valuable years of their life.
Many stay against their better judgment because they just can't recognize the signs for what they are.
In case you are in doubt, here's a list that will help you know whether you should keep him or give him the boot.
1. He's not willing to stand up for you or your relationship.
His friends bother you, his family doesn't like you and they are constantly finding new ways to make you aware of it, and your man just sits around and allows it to happen. He may even join in their insults. This makes him a mega jerk. But he doesn't need to join in the offensive talk to qualify him as a jerk. Not doing anything to protect or defend the woman he loves turns him into a real dirt bag.
2. He's constantly criticizing you.
You don't need anyone to point out your defects. You have yourself for that. If anything, your guy is supposed to make you feel special, he is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse. He is supposed to make you feel like you have the most gorgeous eyes in the world, like you are the smartest person on Earth. But if instead he is making you feel like dirt, then he should definitely go, and quick!
3. He has hit you.
This shouldn't need much explanation. If he has laid a hand on you, he doesn't deserve you.
4. He is controlling
This is a sign that should have you running for the hills. A controlling man will make your life impossible and you will wish you had never met the guy.
If your guy tells you what you can wear, who you can and cannot talk to, or even what you should eat, he's a controlling freak and you should get away from him as far and as fast as you can.
Some guys will try to conceal their control problems by saying they just want the best for you. Don't fall for the trap of thinking he is sweet and he cares so much about you. It is not his job to decide every single aspect of your life. If he really cares about you, he will respect your free will and will not impose his crazy, deranged ideas on you.
Don't fall for the trap of thinking he knows better than you. There's a difference between giving advice and imposing ideas. If he really thinks you are headed the wrong way, he can give you advice, but it should always be your choice to take it or leave it, and he should be okay with your decision. If he doesn't like it, he can leave, but he should never try to change you to fit his idea of the perfect woman.
5. He is overly jealous.
We are all jealous from time to time. I think that's just human nature. We may all feel that little hint of anger when we sense some kind of competition. However, the problem starts when his jealousy turns him controlling or even violent.
This may lead him to start prohibiting you from talking to certain people. This may even escalate in physical violence if he catches you talking with the object of his jealousy. In more severe cases, this could even lead to the girl's death at the hands of a psychopath boyfriend.
If you so much as sense that your boyfriend fits this category, for your own sake, end the relationship.
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6. It's his way or the highway.
He is never willing to compromise on anything. Things should always be the way he wants them. Nothing more, nothing less. This will make your life very miserable. At the beginning of the relationship you may think that it's okay, that he is just a guy that really knows what he wants. But NO! Don't allow yourself to go there. All happy couples should be able to compromise. If you are always the one giving in, either get used to it or get out of the relationship as soon s possible.
7. You find yourself constantly crying.
Love is supposed to make us happy. At least most of the time. Sure there's the occasional tear here and there, but for the most part love should make you feel completely elated.
But if instead you are crying every day because the jerk said something to hurt you, then maybe it is not love. Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your days with someone that will make you fill a pool with your own tears? I didn't think so...
8. You're always making excuses for him.
So everyone around you keeps telling you what a horrible person he is. Not one of your friends and family can understand how you don't see he is a cretin. Instead of analyzing him under the scrutinizing and objective eyes of others, you decide to make excuses for his boorish behavior. You find yourself constantly saying things like "He really is a nice guy if you get to know him" or "you just don't know him as I do".
If everyone around you agrees that he is a jerk, he probably is a jerk. Keep in mind that your friends and family are not blinded by his handsome looks or his bright smile. They see him more objectively than you do and they can detect whether he has a bad case of dirt-baggery better than you.
9. He is boring.
This doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad person. The poor guy maybe just boring. If you already tried everything possible to make him a little bit exciting and everything failed, then for his and your sake, let the poor man go or you will make each other's lives very sad.
10. You don't agree on anything.
"Opposites attract and they live happily ever after".
No, they don't. Opposites may attract for the first few months, but don't count on a long-term relationship, at least not a happy one. Sooner or later your bigger-than-life disagreement will get in the way of your happiness and you will both end up looking for someone else who is more like you, a person who truly "gets you."
Analyze your situation. If you guys are completely different, especially in major areas of life (children, no children), then you might as well end it and look somewhere else.
This is not one of those signs where you have to get out as quickly as possible. Who knows? Maybe one day you will be finishing each other's sentences. But if you have already been dating for a while and you are still as different as water and oil, you may want to give some thought to letting him go.
Remember, having a boyfriend is more than having someone to hold hands with. It involves having someone with whom you are sharing your life. So choose wisely and don't spend precious time with someone who does not deserve you.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
whatever on March 19, 2018:
I disagree because you can't find someone who cares about you that's why you wrote shit article of yours. If I don't want to be with him because he hit me because of my mistakes
I will back and I will accept all his controlling
benis bisong on March 06, 2016:
To me I believe is perseverance .the guy can change his behavior or you the girl can shape it.
Silver Q (author) on December 06, 2012:
You're right Debby.
I personally know a few girls that just don't see the signs. In fact, I wrote this hub thinking about them. It is so sad that their "love" could be so blind as to not let them see these important warning signs.
Thanks for reading!
Debby Bruck on December 06, 2012:
Silver - What? No comments! Isn't love blind? Well, after reading these ten points, I hope the people needing this message will get the message. Living will a domineering, abusive, control freak would not be good for anyone's spirit and leave you with a bleak future. Well written and useful. Blessings, Debby