When I went through a difficult breakup, I learned the hard way why it's not a good idea to call your ex.
Should I Call My Ex?
Some years ago, I went through a difficult breakup. When my relationship came to an end, one of the most difficult things for me was deciding whether or not to call him.
I have to come clean and admit I did call him, many times (sigh). Unfortunately, these phone calls never went the way I wished. We were an on-again, off-again couple as though it were our job—we went back and forth for months. I knew deep down that the relationship was making me miserable, yet I wanted to “fix” it because no one wants to be miserable and alone, right?
So should you call your ex? Don’t call him/her, babe. Here are ten reasons why not:
Why You Shouldn't Call or Text Your Ex
- You know it will make you feel worse in the long run. I’m guessing that if you’re reading an article about why not to call your ex, it’s not because you’re feeling like an energized, gorgeous, popular, and desired person. You feel rejected, and you want that feeling to go away, so you think about calling your ex back and smoothing things over. Instead of helping you feel desired and confident, calling will inevitably make you feel worse.
- You're not in a good frame of mind. Are you feeling angry right now? Are you feeling vulnerable and lonely? It's not a great idea to take actions when you're emotionally out-of-control. You might blow up or end up crying and begging your ex to take you back. Either way, it's is not a good situation (I am speaking from personal experience here, unfortunately). Do you really want to convince someone to be with you? Argue them into taking you back? Plead yourself back into this relationship? Why should you have to convince anyone to be with you? You’ve forgotten how amazing you are!
- You're opening a can of worms. What if he doesn’t answer? He might not be so hot about hearing your voice. But now you've opened a whole slew of doubts. Are you going to call back in five minutes? In an hour? Tomorrow? Are you going to leave a message? What if he doesn’t text you back? You’ll be sitting there like I did, doubting yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be frantically looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you have any missed messages. Here’s an idea: Turn the phone off. You can do it. When you turn off your phone, you are taking back control of your life. Free yourself from the phone and decide that for now you have better things to do than sitting waiting for him to respond.
- You're trying to resuscitate a dead thing. What if he answers? All the reasons you broke up will still be there, and they'll still be unfixable. Even if the conversation goes well, he’s not likely to cry out: “Oh baby, I’m sorry I dumped you, let’s get back together!” and you’ll be hanging up sad, disappointed, or angry.
- You might end up in bed. If your ex does want to see you after a breakup, they might just want sex. That may feel nice for you as well (because let’s face it, our exes are our most intimate partners and also the easiest people to sleep with), but it won't feel nice for long. You might feel connected for a short while, but honey, this person dumped you (cheated on you, didn’t want to get married to you, didn’t listen to you, didn’t spend enough time with you, didn’t make you feel like your best self, deceived you...) so why are you still having sex? Although you are a hot tamale, your lover should want a lot more from a relationship than just the physical.
- It's just a moment of weakness. If your ex wanted to get you back and was madly in love with you, they would make it happen: They would cross all bridges and climb all mountains to get to you. So let them call you and prove to you that he/she deserves to be with a hotty such as yourself. Be strong. Don’t give in. Think highly of yourself. Don’t sell yourself cheaply. And don’t call them back. Let your ex do what they need to do to get you back if that is what’s in the cards, but don't give in to the moment and call them.
- Your relationship wasn't so great. You're probably feeling nostalgic, latching on to a few good things and forgetting all the things that didn't work in your relationship. Was she/he that great anyway? Even though she/he might have been very nice, she/he wasn’t perfect either, right? I mean, they dumped you, so there’s obviously is something wrong with them!
- There’s someone better for you out there. You know this is true (I hope). Right now it just feels like you might be alone forever. You might get caught up in the false belief that all good ones are taken, but those thoughts will only make you feel desperate. Well, no. I’m not having it. There are plenty of really good ones (good looking ones, too!) out there who would be happy find you. Imagine what your perfect relationship would feel like. Now multiply that by 10, and that’s what’s out there waiting for you right now. So put down your phone, get out there in the world, and open yourself up to new possibilities. Go out—to the supermarket, to a coffee shop, to the pet store, anywhere—and smile at people. Just smile. Smile at men, smile at women, smile at kids, smile at the elderly. People will smile back at you. Now, how good does that feel? Get out of your sweatpants, go out, smile at people, and start to feel it is true: There is someone better for you out there.
- You’re not taking advantage of your time alone. When relationships end, we are left with a whole lot of extra free time. Time that used to be spent doing activities together, sharing meals, and talking. But wait! You are still a fun-loving, interesting person! Take advantage of this time to get to know yourself, heal your vulnerable heart, and love yourself. Do some of the things you like. Call an old friend. Schedule lots of fun things for yourself. If you fill your time, you’re not going to feel so obsessed with calling your ex. This breakup as an opportunity to re-evaluate your life, take care of yourself, and pursue your interests.
- You don't need him/her. You don’t need to wait around for another person to give you what you need. Only you can give yourself what you need. As a friend once told me, bees are naturally attracted to sugar. Sugar doesn’t have to do anything except be its sweet self, and all the bees will want to be around it. So go ahead, honey, make yourself feel well, beautiful, and happy, that’s really all you have to do to attract to you the perfect partner and a wonderful, happy life.
When You Shouldn't Call Your Ex
Definitely put the phone down if any of the following are true.
- If you're drunk. If you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to know better than to drink AND text your ex. It's always a dumb combination and only leads to regret.
- If you're upset. Maybe you just heard an outrageous rumor about your ex. Maybe you just had a rough day, and you need a little emotional support. Whatever your reasons are, don't attempt to get your feelings fixed by your ex. It's an old habit, and it's time for you to find other options.
- If you're lonely. I know, I know, it's hard to break old habits, but breaking up usually involves a little loneliness at first. Calling your ex because you're lonely is like eating an entire cake because you're sad. It's just the wrong solution.
- If you've already phoned or texted. Don't be that pitiful, needy, desperate person. Just. Don't. Do. It.
- If it's really late at night. We all know where that path leads... and it's not forward.
- If you don't really have anything to say. Sure, if there's some unfinished business you have to deal with, call them, but if you're just looking for emotional validation, connection, or an ego boost, don't call your ex.
What about you?
What to Do Instead of Calling Your Ex
- Turn off your phone. Back away from the phone. Get out there in the world and open yourself up to new possibilities.
- Use this time to improve yourself and your life. Do all the things you used to like to do. Call those old friends you haven't seen in a while. Read books, exercise, travel if you can. This breakup is your chance to make things better.
- Ask yourself some hard questions:
- If things did get patched up between the two of you, would you be sitting right back where you started in six months? In a year?
- Why did you want to be with a partner like this one, one who left you for reasons you don’t really understand, who doesn’t accept and love everything about you and wants you to change, a partner whom you want to change? Why were you willing to put up with that?
- Ask yourself why you are clinging to this old relationship. Is it because you want to have children? Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Is it just easier to go back than to move forward? Look within to figure it out.
- What do you really want and need in a partner. . . and how are you going to get it? Make a list, make a plan, and stick to it.
Other Questions About Contacting an Ex After a Breakup
Should I call my ex for closure?
No, you shouldn't. If you don't have closure, you won't get it from your ex.
Why shouldn't I call my ex? What are the benefits of not calling?
Read 7 Powerful Benefits of the No-Contact Rule After a Breakup to learn more about why going no contact is usually the smartest way to deal with a breakup.
Why can't I stop calling my ex?
If you're having a hard time getting over it, read Why Can't I Get Over My Ex? 7 Reasons Why You Might Still Be Hung up on Your Ex-Partner and 10 Most Effective Tips to Forget an Ex.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2011 Road to harmony
Luke on August 26, 2020:
My gf has just joined a dating website and also out on the town Saturday night just gone I’m assuming she was on the dating site first, and she was literally dolled up like I have never seen before, for instance red lipstick which I know she hasn’t even actually wore lipstick before now I’m just going so add that I wasn’t even aware that we had broken up, can I ask if it’s just me that thinks she is an absolute horror of a human being??? , It was only three weeks ago that she told me she loved me deeply lol??
lousie on May 01, 2020:
my ex broke up with me nearly a month ago now. he's said he wants to be friends and replies to my texts but i am took scared to call. i don't know if it is too early or not
freddymercury on April 12, 2020:
Hi all. After reading this article and while reading it getting a private call (most likely from my ex), I decided to share my story. I am 26 years old and just ended a 6 year relationship. Yup, we had been together since we were 20. We also knew each other since we were 8 years old. Not really close friends. He always liked me. I mean always. Anyway, I moved in Jan 2019 to Houston with him 6 months after he started a new job. He recently landed a new job in Virginia. We were SO excited. We were all set to move together. While he was finishing up his last week of his job in Houston I decided to visit home and see friends and family. When i returned to Houston I found out he was cheating on me. I did not catch him in the act, but it was very obvious. I won't go into those details. This guy still wanted me to go with him telling me we would work it out. He emotionally abused me and told me I will never find anyone. So many other hateful things, but I won't go into that either. I packed my things and I left. I answered some of his calls, texts, e-mails, but I've had enough.. I had to block him on everything. He continues to call private. He is in a brand new place all alone and were are under quarantine. I just assume he is bored and if we were not going through a pandemic, he would be just fine. Forgive my grammar, run on sentences, and this mess of a story. Thanks for reading.
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clin on February 19, 2020:
Thanks for such an amazing blog.
V on November 18, 2019:
She deleted and blocked me everywhere and now I miss her. Just want to know she is ok and alive.
sharon on November 13, 2019:
He says he doesn't want to put a label on us and that he just wants to be friends. I call him about once a day to see how he is doing and just to chat. Sometimes we have coffee together or just hang out. I wish it was more.
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Letanya Baucom on May 30, 2019:
How can I get my ex-boyfriend back he dumped me from another girlfriend and she gay we've been going together for two years I'm trying to get him back
stacey taggart on April 05, 2019:
I split up with my ex last year in September ive tried being mates it just making me feel crap cause he don't love me anymore when I try to get back with him before said no don't feel that way so think im try go for something that aint there anymore need to move forward
Seeing things new on April 01, 2019:
After reading these stories, it’s made me happy to share my experience and hope it helps and inspires people to keep their head up and their hearts open.
I moved to New York on my own after leaving my fathers house in VA because of underlying problems and issues we never worked through.
In New York, I was 20 years old and had a job as a pharmacist technician. I rented out a room in an apartment with an older woman and her daughter. I had a lot of free time on my hands and decided to go out almost every single night. I used to party so much that I don’t remember all of the men I slept with. My heart felt like it wanted to be tough and strong and not fall in love with anyone. My heart wanted to be pleasured and didn’t want to potentially get hurt. I ultimately started meeting guys who seemed like good catches but even those guys betrayed me. After a few months, I started to pick up cigarettes (my first time). I was getting hurt by these men and didn’t want my mind to be alert or aware of the pain so I would drink and smoke. It was such a sad time for me because I would go out and party but come home to a really bad neighborhood and lived in poor conditions. One night I was walking to a train station to where I was supposed to meet up with a guy who I made my *instant boyfriend* I knew he was desperate enough and I wanted the sex and attention. As I was approaching the train station a guy walked passed me and gave me such an off stare. The stare spoke volumes. I hated how this random guy looked at me. His eyes said so many things and none of them good. His eyes showed no interest in who I was, just showed what he wanted. It was pure darkness in his stare.
I thought to myself “that was a very unpleasant stare... ew” and kept walking to the train station. Before I could reach the station, the weird stare guy comes up to me and asked me where I was going. I said I was meeting someone at the skatepark since that’s where I hung out a lot. He insisted I hang out with him and his friends to drink and smoke. His eyes softened by the time he was done convincing me and I went with him. We walked to a park where we smoked and had a long conversation. I don’t remember what we spoke about but I remember something so clear that night, I thought he spoke so much about nothing important. I felt that he was talking just because he was lonely. He was not pleasant to talk to. That, I remember perfectly. After I’ve had enough for the one way conversation, I said I was going to the train station. He convinced me to smoke more at his *grandmas* house because she was away on vacation so he had the place to himself. We smoked at her house and he swayed me into having sex with him. After we had sex, I felt that my heart was heavy and I needed assurance that he was not going to hurt me. I asked him to be my boyfriend that night and he said yes. 2 years passes by and during that time he has physically abused me, emotionally abused, financially abused, and threatened me. He has slapped me, he has stolen money from me, purposely sprained my wrist and has filed a fake police report on me. He has cheated on me and bad mouthed me and created false rumors of me to his friends and family. Even after all of the bad things he has done to me, I stood around a few months after and even flew him out to Miami where I moved to get away from him. In Miami, it was hell on earth. I lived in a nice house with professional roommates and he was a *bum* no job, no money, only physically attractive. Whenever we were around other women he would flirt with them as if I wasn’t there. He has told me that he does not want to marry me and said he didn’t want love to be a factor in our relationship. He told me he didn’t want to get a job or go to school. He is 20 years old and told me that he wants me to pay for everything while he gives me children and stays at home to do whatever he wants while I pay for his expenses. When I flew him out to Miami, he was supposed to live here with me pretty much forever. He lasted 6 days. The first night he arrived, he yelled at the top of his lungs at me for getting to the airport a little late because I was getting our room ready for him. He was yelling and cursing at me like if I wasn’t the one who bought him the flight in the first place. Since living in MIA I’ve had a couple of professional jobs and still have one today. He came to my house smelling like he’s been living in the street and smoking and drinking everyday. I was not used to that lifestyle anymore. I worked hard and earned my way to the top. While he leaned on me for every financial aid. He kept telling me how he needs me to pay for everything because he was not going to work or do anything else besides have fun in life. Everyday for 6 days we’d argue about simple things. If I needed him to wear a shirt when we went out to eat, he’d get angry. If I needed him to take off his shoes while on the bed, he’d get angry. I was always the peace maker. I was always the one so loving and kind. He was always the aggressor. I was always the solutioner and the one who provided unconditional love. The night before he left back to New York we had a moment of peace and reconciliation. It lasted a short while and had sex and even talked about the possibility of me being pregnant. After a few hours he became so aggressive that he kicked me in my stomach. I was so shocked and stunned that I ran into my closet and cried while he called his mom and made it seem that I was being mean to him. The next day he was gone. I cried for a while because I felt that I had failed God and couldn’t help this guy better himself the way I bettered my life. I still answered his calls and messages for a while and even changed my phone number and home address. I felt like he was supposed to receive my unconditional love and that I could not give up on him. Last week Tuesday was the last time I spoke to him. I blocked him that day and decided enough was enough. I couldn’t deal with the manipulation, the lies, the anger, the drug abuse, his alcoholism, or domestic violence. He was so aggressive to me and others and I still don’t know how after all the charges filed against him *including those he got in trouble when a cop saw him abusing me, and others that strangers have filed against him* he is not in jail. To give you another perspective on him, there was a day where I was washing clothes at a laundromat in New York and he was so angry at an old man *maybe 70 or 80 years old* that he carried the old man and slammed him on his back. I felt so much pain for that old man and I hated that my ex boyfriend needed to hide in my apartment so the cops wouldn’t find him. I didn’t want to help him. One day his mom and dad were on the phone and they didn’t know my ex had put them on speaker, his dad called me a B*%*! just because I didn’t want him living with me. His mom said I was ugly and that he had plenty of other girls that would die to be with him. His mom and dad are ruthless and cruel. They are alcoholics and lead a terrible life. I’ve always wanted better for him and found myself growing and learning the more I was away from him. Today I am a better me. I do not drink or smoke. I have been clean for almost a month now. I am going to college in the fall for Architecture, live in a nice home, I have a nice car and have a good job. I know that he still doesn’t have a job, pretty much lives on the street, uses drugs and alcohol, curses and yells at anybody he wants whenever he wants. He is rude and abuses women and it took 2 and half years to make me realize that this guy is the evil twin of the man I fantasized about. I wanted a loving, hard working, caring, kind husband, while my ex was a pain inducing creature.
ugogirl54 on March 12, 2019:
Just came upon this site and wow I could have written any one of these articles. It feels good to know I am NOT the only woman that had to deal with a narcissistic guy. I made the fateful mistake of emailing my boyfriend from school --45 years ago was the last time we saw each other. We went out for 4 years - never argued - planned on getting married. Even went as far as looking at houses. Long story short we broke up over a misunderstanding our first and last argument. I emailed him year and half ago to wish him a happy birthday. He was so happy to hear from me that we wrote each other emails every day and he called me every night for 5 months. He was not happy in his marriage and said he was going to divorce his wife and move out and would I like to move in with him and when his divorce was final we would get married as planned. He lived in Florida so I had to relocate which wasn't a big deal. He rented a beautiful place on the water and we lived together for a few months. After a few weeks, he started to become different. He told me on my second day there that he had not had sex in over 15 years and has lost the desire to have sex but is working on it. After a few months he would just leave in the morning to go to work and just walk out the door sometimes just saying see ya. I would not know if he was coming home for dinner or not. Finally he sat down and said that this arrangement is not working for him and I have to leave! Where? I left my house and uprooted myself for him and now he wants me to leave? I cried for days when he would leave in the morning. He slept on the couch and would never sleep in the bed again. I left to come back home and he said it's only for a few months. It was a very bad time for a few months as he would not call text or email me. I cried for days and days. I was beyond help. Then in October he called me and said he was starting to look at houses and wanted me to come down to look at them. I told him I had to work but I would try to come down soon. In November he called and said he found OUR forever home and he put a deposit on it. He said please come down to see it because I bought it for us and if he wanted a house for himself he would buy a smaller one or just buy a condo. I went to Florida, saw the house and fell in love with it. He said do you like it can you live here? Yes I said. That night we went out to dinner and he said I am not ready for a relationship or a commitment I don't think I will ever be I just want to be in a friendship with you. If I ever want to consider a relationship you would be the only person that I would want to do that with because of how I feel. I love you but as my best friend.
He said all of the things he said earlier in the year he was just caught up in the fantasy of being with me again as he never forgot me and wanted so desperately to have it all back as it was. He said he is going to a therapist and working on alot of issues he has with his family. We get along great. But I want more. I know he does but he is afraid to take the step. He borrowed a large sum of money from me to buy the house and to renovate it with the promise that I would move in the house by April. NOW he says I cannot move in for quite some time because he is going to file for divorce and he feels he should wait until it is finalized because if his wife found out she could stop the divorce. Which I agree with. But the house is 2 hours away from her and his family which is another reason why he bought the house to be far enough away from them. He has slowly been distancing himself from me and I know he doesn't want me to move in and doesn't know what to do or how to say it. We don't really argue, but it is very tense between us as I don't know what to say.
I broke down crying a month ago on the phone and he said he is sorry he is causing me so much pain. I told him I am sorry I sent you the email and he said that was harsh. He is a very controlling and manipulating person. Everything has to be his way. I have come to realize that if I did or do move back to Florida and live with him I will be destroyed in no time. He didn't call me for Christmas. Yet I sent him a card and a beautiful Christmas tree from the florist which he said was unbelievably gorgeous. I send him stuff all the time and he sends me nothing. He waited until 10pm the day of my birthday to call me. We talk for hours on the phone and then he says well there's a few hours I'll never get back. He also said that when we go on vacation he expects me to pay for half of everything as I am not his girlfriend or his wife. He makes 6 figures and can well afford it but he said he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea. I said if I can't afford it I will have to stay home and he said he would ask some other girl to go with him and I shouldn't be angry because we are only friends. His promise to pay me back the money has changed so many times that I am getting used to the idea that he will never pay me back. I know in my heart I should just break it off totally and somehow I can't I block him on my phone and then in a few days I unblock him. Right now I am being punished because I said something about his ex wife. He said he wished she would find a boyfriend and I said maybe she will - who knows maybe she has one now. He got so mad and said that his family is off limits and I should stop bringing the up. I asked him what will happen on holidays especially Christmas. He said Well you will be alone as I will be going to my son's house to see my granddaughter and I can't bring you there so you can either stay home alone or find someone to do something with or go back home to stay with your family He said after all we are just friends. YET he calls me and asks for my opinion on the house, etc. It is so frustrating. I told him if a friend of mine was going through this I would tell her to leave no run away from this guy. I know it is the right thing to do and I am getting the courage to do it with the help of my therapist. He is 65 going on 10. What is so funny is that he is not handsome in fact he is overweight. He never compliments me and I get compliments all the time from other people how pretty I am and how nice I look and he justs sits there in silence.
How does one just move on? Its so hard. He was my first love. I never forgot him and he says he never forgot me. He said don't come here with the idea you are going to change my mind. You will be disappointed. I love talking to him but lately the reality that he doesn't want anything more than a friendship is upsetting as I cannot kiss him or hold his hand. What should I do?
MeeLee on March 05, 2019:
Been with my bestie and first one for 10 years, 3.5 years dating, 6,5 years married. It was a dream marriage. Hardly ever argued.
She was insecure, and didn't like it if I even as much as looked in one direction. At some point her controlling became poisenous.
I had to escape. Bought myself a bike, drove around a bit.
Never cheated on her, loved her with all my heart, but she changed, got unhappy, and decided to separate and divorced me.
Greatest pain I've ever felt, and today, 6 years later, I still feel it. every day I remember her, though not every day it hurts anymore.
But most days it still does.
I loved her deeply, don't know why she left. She never told me.
She was looking for happiness, I guess; happiness in another man's arms.
Despite that, I still love her. It's something I can't change about myself. I wished things will be ok again between us. She doesn't need to treat me so angryful.
I'm not giving her reasons to, but for years I wished to hear one call from her, one message; but nothing..
wisdom on February 06, 2019:
hi here looking good
Nan on January 29, 2019:
I was in a 6-year relationship with a man that I truly loved. I broke up with him two days after Christmas which is a month ago. Unfortunately this is my third break up with him because I found then at my age, 61, it was not so easy to find another man out there. This man brought more things to my life and we had more laughter and more good times than my husband of 26 years. He was patient, kind, would open my door for me, order for me at a restaurant, everybody who met him loved him, but he was also unreliable, inconsiderate and self-absorbed. I can't count the number of times that he was late for an occasion that we needed to be to, causing me extreme anxiety and then it wouldn't turn out well. Even though he had been married before, he just had a problem with commitment, and I'm not speaking marriage. I don't need to be joined at the hip with someone, simply going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, telling someone you love them, and then both of you going about your about your day was enough for me. But he always told me that I needed more time. I was totally smitten with this man and being the nurturer that I am, just wanted to love and take care of him. He was always honest with me and after a disagreement one day, he told me that if he was not making me happy that I should go and find someone who did. He didn't say this with any malice or criticism, he was being honest. That said, I always felt that it was in a way a cop out. Or if we were in a disagreement about something and I would say, you're forcing me to do this or do that, he would say, I'm not forcing you to do anything. Total total lack of commitment on his part, but the good times that we had kept overshadowing more important things that I should have looked at. Instead I didn't and I actually became addicted to this man. I also think part of the problem was it I was not as secure in myself as I should have been. But one would think that if you go out and do things, you think the same way, you have a great time and great chemistry, that you only want more of what you have, but not so with him. It seems like we could do something and have a wonderful time and then that would be enough for him for a week. I ended up living with more of what he said vs. actions, his clothes in my closet but him not being here a lot of the time, and you can't date clothes. There are constant reminders around my home, and even though I have a lovely home, there are days where I just hate being in here by myself. I have unfriended him on Facebook and I called him a few days ago only because I was so ill. I keep telling myself this time I cannot go back, because I find that it is become a toxic relationship for me. With every breakup he has texted it called many times. I just started therapy again a few weeks ago and my therapist actually told me that this is a way for the other person to stay linked to you even though you've broken up with them. It doesn't take much but to you to send a text or for them to see your pictures on Facebook. I found it very hard to believe but apparently it's just a way for them to stay connected, and it's enough. I'm in bed for now almost 12 hours a day and even though I go to the gym, I usually go back to bed. I just got a new job which I start in two weeks and God help me that I don't start having anxiety attacks in the workplace. What I'm so mad at myself is that I would be the first one to point out to one of my friends all the things that weren't working for them in this relationship, yes here I am and I feel like a needy hot mess. I actually had coffee with a man last week who said he wanted to see me again, in a few hours later I was so sick to my stomach I thought I had the flu. Obviously I need to grieve more, but I hate being alone, I absolutely hate it. I have very few friends and I don't want to be calling on them every few minutes. I think grieving someone who is still alive is actually worse than grieving someone who has died.
NE on January 12, 2019:
Thanks dia for the article it's really touching and teaching
LR on October 09, 2018:
This article sound like something I’m going through.
Thad on August 31, 2018:
That was a great article. Thank you for sharing it helped me out a lot.
CT on August 28, 2018:
Just a few things to thing about.
1) If someone truly wants to be in your life they will do everything in their power to make it so. ANYTHING. If you're meant to be he should realise sooner rather than later. I would have an honest, no BS conversation with him if he rings you. Put all the cards on the table - what have you got to lose?
2) Spend time to understand your thoughts and how your emotions may be distorting logical thinking. Is this truly the right person for you? Are you being treated in the way you want to be treated?
3) People CAN change - I know I have. But I don't believe someone can in 3 months - the time is too short. If I look back at my mindset and outlook from a year ago, 2 years ago I know I have definitely changed for the better. I'm less jealous, more true to myself and a lot more mindful. 3 months to me is just him looking back at the relationship and going 'I miss how I used to feel' - the mind can play tricks on you in that way.
I hope this helps.
CT on August 28, 2018:
I just want to say thank you for this article. I woke up this morning feeling very upset and had a burning desire to contact my ex. Reading through this made me realise that it is definitely not a good idea to reach out...we've been split up for more than 3 years - she's now married and moved on with her life.
We had an amazing relationship whilst it lasted but I let her go. I had ample opportunities to reconnect, but I never truly committed. However, I cannot live in regret. A life full or regret it not a life worth living.
I've grown so much since we were together and feel as if we'd now make the perfect couple, but it's not meant to be.
From all the articles I've read I know that I will find the one who I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. Holding onto something that's gone is not good for the soul. I love myself and will aim to improve myself every single day.
MK on July 13, 2018:
It's been 3 months since my boyfriend and I broke up for good. We were constantly fighting and breaking up and getting back together basically because we are older and didn't want to have to start over. I had enough and ended it. It was hard and I had a few setbacks but I felt like it was time to contact him to move on and be friends. I texted him and he called me immediately. OUr conversation was great and civil. We updated each other on our lives. I learned that he's not "living the wonderful life of sunshine and unicorns" that we all think our exes are living. He said he's still lonely and doesn't have things to look forward to. I admitted I was lonely and that I never thought I would say that. We both invited the other to call if we ever wanted to hang out . I felt good after the call, but I keep having irrational thoughts that maybe it could actually work this time. I know that people don't change, and that it wouldn't be long before he reverted back to his old ways (and me to mine). Can we ever go back to the way it was in the beginning? I have always been a hopeful person but I know that if I call him and I don't get the response I want, I will be crushed. I "should" just wait to see if he ever calls. Anyone have thoughts?
Hurt on May 20, 2018:
That was very helpful. Continue writing articles like these.
Brent on March 12, 2018:
Hey I’m not going home now call my phone house
Nikki on February 15, 2018:
Thank you, really needed to read something like this, it helped so much x
EMERALD SEMIEN on January 04, 2018:
.thank you for this article
Girl that appreciates this article on December 12, 2017:
Thank you. Really well said.
Sam on November 03, 2017:
I don't wanna go out and smile....I just wanna go to the bathroom and cry
Meghna on October 02, 2017:
I just loved it....needed to read it....
gei on September 20, 2017:
thank you! just what i needed to read!
Lost girl! on June 28, 2017:
Weston on May 22, 2017:
A nonsense article at some point, the real fact for people break up is due to pride, in the name of pride war do start up, and so for relation breaking down,as couple always dream to find a greener field to pastor, this with time as years pass by with only remain an utopia in their heads, until eventually when they realize that years have passed by and not longer admired by any one else.
If a person was not happy in a relation and never truly appreciated the good time and care and affection, the same person will never appriciate in the future, no matter what.Even if they become richer in their second relation
Tim on April 29, 2017:
This article is stupid. Everyone's situation is different. Just because they are an ex doesn't mean it couldn't work out. It depends on a ton of circumstances.
Justme on April 21, 2017:
Thank you! This is the only article that truly stopped me from calling my ex.
littlebear on March 20, 2017:
He misses her
Eloise on February 28, 2017:
Yes, there must be something wrong with him that he can't appreciate how amazing I am. Yet, it is a hell not to call him--but I'm not.
Cathy Hatley on February 16, 2017:
Thank you very much I needed that and I am going to do that turns my phone off
Rachel on January 16, 2017:
It's been a few months but I have been thinking about him the past few days. I will get over it. Thank you, it should be obvious but I needed a reason not to do it!
Denni on January 09, 2017:
This was a awesome article, just what I needed.
Left on January 09, 2017:
This is perfect!!! Thank you for writing this
Lovi on January 05, 2017:
Hi this is so great. I almost cried, I actually did. Thank you! I needed so much inspiring words to help me re evaluate and love myself more.
Shanice on November 15, 2016:
I'd been i a relationship for about two years and my bf and I just broke up. The relationship was on and off and most of the off times were because he'd broken up with me. One of the things that I tried to figure out and asked him many times were why did he always resort to breaking up with me instead of trying to make the relationship work because that is what you do when you really love someone. He would always say it was out of anger and he was still here (after we'd gotten back together) so I shouldn't pay it any mind. I knew when the real break up might come, I would be devastated which I am not because every other time he broke up with my I had a difficult time and struggled. It is so hard for me to cope with this break up because I really love this guy. He was my first with so many things including the first boyfriend I ever really truly loved. It hurts even more to know that I can't deal with my emotions of this breakup (hence having to google an article like this) and he is wherever he is just living his life without a worry. It has only been about two days since the breakup but I have been crying none stop and it is hard for me to find motivation to do my simple everyday tasks. What's worst is that I blame myself for getting so wrapped up in a relationship in the first place and honestly it makes me not want to be in a relationship again all in hopes of not having to experience this kind of pain again.
All in all, sorry for the rant but this article helped me fight my urge to call my ex back and I really appreciate that because that is exactly what I needed to hear. I have been that person and called him back several times before and honestly if I hadn't been that person the relationship may not have lasted as long as did. Thanks for such a wonderful article.
GG on November 04, 2016:
Thank you for this. I am only days into a fresh breakup with a man I loved. I lost him and his two children. I am so heartbroken, shocked, and going through withdrawals- I thought I was going crazy. At least for tonight, you helped me feel strong.
marcella on October 29, 2016:
thank you, whoever you are! And thank you so much girls, for the comment section! You guys made me feel that I am not alone anymore. This is the first day of my 2-year-relationship breakup and it could have been worse without this article.
I hope everyone who reads this will find their power to resist the temptation of the easy way out (i.e. calls him and be the biggest loser)
MessedUp on September 01, 2016:
Hi everyone.. i just want to say i totally understand the pain. Words cannot describe. I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still dont know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps. I dont know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. Its all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting. And its true - why chase someone who cannot see your value? If your ex really does feel as strongly as you, he/she would be doing everything in their power to win you back. Walking away is by far, the hardest thing i'd ever had to do but its better to do so than to cling on to someone who does not look at you the same way. I thought i had it all - the perfect partner, a comfortable home and the bestest friend i could ever ask for. We were together for 3 years. Finally, i was told to move on and she needed space. I was willing to do anything to get her back. Only recently did i decide that enough is enough. I wasn't going to let myself linger in that gray area. The hurt and rejection was too much to bear. It still hurts, every single day but at least i walked away with some pride left. Do not cut your ex off in hopes that she/he will realize they miss you. Do it for you. For your own healing. It may not seem like it now but it will get better. You feel start to regain control again. All the best people.
Sad But STRONG on June 02, 2016:
Yes, yes and yes. These comments could have been written by me. My ex was MARRIED BUT LIED TO ME. I began suspecting after a few months something wasn't right. I asked him point-blank on a few occasions if he was married and he not only denied it, one time he became very angry and accuse me of doubting him and his word. I cried and apologized.
We were already saying that we loved one another and had been in a pretty serious relationship for three months at that point He waited until the day *after* I slept with him to tell me he was married. I fell to my knees and sobbed. He was my sun and I orbited around him. I have only loved one other man and he cheated on me and broke my heart when he ran off and married her. I am NOT the type of person to take up with another woman's man. Yet, there I was bound to him, held captive by my love. He is finically well off and in some ways I saw him as my rescuer as well as the truest love I've ever had. I couldn't stand being the other woman. It was lonely and caused me to become fixated on him and his attention. I was happy receiving crumbs. When I would give him grief about his wife he would punish me by giving me the silent treatment. But he would tell me over and over how I was the one he loved the most. He would say that he had never loved anyone like me and that I made him feel alive. He also told me all the time that the person that he was with me: the vibrant, sexy man - was because of me, that I made him that way. And I believed everything he said. When we would argue about anything or if I said even the tiniest thing that he disagreed with he would break up with me or tell me that I would never change and then I did not know how to handle conflict. But that wasn't true. I am very empathic and I am a "fair fighter". I was absolutely the nurturing and giving one in the relationship. I was not confrontational but I also brought up issues, like when I would catch him in lies which was often. Honestly though, 90% of the time I said nothing about the lies I caught him in because I did not want to embarrass him. The silent treatment, the cold treatment… When he did that he would look right through me as if I wasn't there. I would always cry and tug on his arm and beg him to look at me. I would tell him that I loved him and even in the middle of being upset I still loved him. And I wanted him to love me like that too ...unconditionally. There was no reason we had to be cruel to each other when we were having an issue. He would look at his phone or stare out the window and make pretend I wasn't even in front of him. It would break my heart and I would plead with him, beg him to hear me. I would kiss his hands, or his back if he had his back to me in bed. And I would cry and cry. When he would finally talk to me, he would look at me with such coldness. I would ask him how he could not see my heart in that moment, if he had no empathy for me. I could see in his eyes that he did not. In the end he told me that it would take him TWO years to leave his wife. Hwanted me to continue the relationship. But the terms were that I had to not complain about her. Basically I had to be silent about my hurt. Or figure a way out to not be hurt. It's ironic because one of the things that he complained the most about his wife was that she was dead inside. She was silent. They didn't talk or communicate. She would come home and sit in the living room and disappear into her laptop or her books on tape and barely spoke to him. She didn't even make funner. I'm starting to believe this was because of him. 20 years together could wear a woman down. Especially if he's cheated on her. He claimed I was his only affair but he is a known liar. I now think he had other girlfriends and he talked to other women while he was seeing me. I know he had profiles on different dating sites. I would check and I saw he'd visit several times every week. I never confronted him because I knew he'd break up with me if I did. In the end he discarded me because I needed too much from him. I couldn't accept his wife, I couldn't accept waiting two years for him to break up with her.
I am 15 years younger than his wife. I take care of myself and I work out. I am an older woman in my late 40's but I feel I look good for my age. One time I asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing a compliment my way. I needed to hear that he wanted and desired me. And it was important to me. He refused. He told me that he would not give me compliments because I asked for them. Another time after we were done arguing I asked him if he still loved me and he became furious with me and gave me the silent treatment again because he said it made him feel like I was calling him a liar. He had already told me you love me and that should've been enough for me. I was devastated. And I am having to apologize over and over before he would forgive me.
Finally came to an end and he broke up with me. I cried for two days straight. But as it is with most narcissists he called me back. We got together again, then he would break up with me. we did this several times within two weeks. It was pure hell. Eventually, one night, I simply hung up on him and we never spoke again. We fid email back-and-forth but I finally decided - no contact. It's been over a week and I have not said one word. I am struggling. My heart feels flattened and empty. My days feel grey. But even with the best scenario, the best outcome it still means that he is in my life. I would still be suffering and fighting and being blamed. Every time he did something crappy to me he turned it around and made it my fault for because I wouldn't shut up and deal with it. I started believing I was stupid, ugly, crazy, needy and had no control. NO CONTACT MEANS I LET HIM GO. Thank goodness for this article.oh my dear sisters, pray for my strength. There's a part of me that keeps yelling that I am fighting for my very life and I need to let him go.
Debbie on March 02, 2016:
I was with a sociopath man on and off for ten years. He would show up when he needed a place to stay and had relationships with women aside from me. I know that being with him would cause me emotional death yet even though he changed his number and moved on I cannot get past the grief. It has been almost a year and he hasn't called. How can I get thru this without suffering another episode of clinical depression? Please, I hurt so badly and I'm afraid I will never get over him. What do I do?
Jenine on November 20, 2015:
this article helped me a lot! thank you so much! I was hoping to find an inspiring article on why i shouldnt call him and this is hands down the only one that made me feel it in my bones!
joe on November 15, 2015:
Im luvng one guy madly Bt he z nt into me upto nw he likes to tlk with me he used to tease me n he cares me so i confessed my luv to him aftr dat he left me without any reason nt even single wrd i do no y we r nt even tlkng since 4 mnths Bt aftr 4 mnths i mke a cal to him he liftd n mke a convo like as bfr dat nthng hpn btwn us im totally in confusio Bt wt his actual silnce meant fr ..anyhw im still luvng him coz he z my first luv
Emmah on November 05, 2015:
Thank you for the article - and thank you all who have been contributing with your stories! I am recovering from 5 yrs relationship. Today I felt so sad and I missed him so much that I had to google how not to call... It feels better to know that we are not alone with our broken hearts. And it is a law of nature to heal as time goes by and we take care of ourselves and each other. Things will be better for all of us, little by little!
Maureen on October 08, 2015:
Thank you so much for this, it is what I needed to hear. What a wonderful contribution to the internet!
Wendy on April 25, 2015:
Great blog...in my fourth week from breakup time. Type up email to x then delete them. I so want to call but it will just make me hurt more. I have been reading all types of articles on the internet and it does help. Just hope I get over this, hurts so much. I am 63 so age does not matter, still hurts.
Dee on February 24, 2015:
It's been four days since the break up of my four year relationship. And I'm in a very bad place. Your article helped a great deal and I wanted to say thank you.
sheena on August 13, 2014:
I loved ur article...i was feelin so low...i jus wanted to cal my ex and spoil it all. I wana move on...and i will. Thnkyou for using such kind and considerate words, you actually make people feel that we are not alone and you care about the thing.
Alex on July 27, 2014:
My bf broke up with me five days ago because I was asking him about some social media posts. He went ballistic and just broke up. I'm like shocked with his reaction and tried to explain things. He just said he can't do it anymore. So I'm like, really? I had all these questions, does he want out all this time?
I was in pain. But it is what it is.
So now, after 5 days, I was so tempted to call him. Good thing i came across your blog and said to myself, I DESERVE BETTER.
You're right. If a guy truly loves, he will do anything to have me. Plain and simple.
Thank you again.
Mer on July 16, 2014:
Thank you for your words. I read this every time I feel I'm gonna break. It's been almost two months that I haven't heard from my ex and i still get emotional and strong urges to call him..... Hopefully things will get better with time. Thank you again.
Posh on May 21, 2014:
on of 5 years, a month before we had to get married he called off the wedding and then 2weks after he wants me again-we try again, not working... heard he is seeing someone else, we broke up, after a week back in bed, he ask me to do a certain move, he wasn't the type to initiate new positions there then i knew he was into her. but then he said lats get married next week, i made arrangements and he called it off again.. i went through his phone, found out that he was really into her and called it off cos of her and there another woman also in the picture. i was so devastated , i went crazy... don't know what to do-even told him i slept with someone else also to get eve, but who am i kidding, i cant even get myself to even think of another. i don't know what to do, we are over now-he has is seeing her now, it kinda hurts sometimes but not always. what do i do, and we have a 3 year old daughter and she has 2 kids with some-else... but , maaan yah!!! just how they are i guess.
Mitch on April 26, 2014:
Thank you so much. I am a guy and read this and am facing a break up. It has really helped and I stilled hope in my life. God bless you and all your efforts here!
Jamie on April 03, 2014:
Thank you for taking your precious time typing this amazing article. I'm currently going through a hard time. Was in an on and off relationship and it was always him who broke it off. After a few months he found out that I was doing okay and getting on with my life without him, he started texting and calling me everyday. He stopped contacting me all of a sudden and I had the urge to call him but this article stopped me from doing so. Thank you for making us feel better and worth it. =)
Mily on March 08, 2014:
AMazing..you jut healed my broken heart... Thank you
A on February 28, 2014:
Great article! Just what I needed to hear. It's been a month since my 5 year relationship ended. It was difficult at first, but it gets easier with each passing day. I feel good and the article is a good reminder why we shouldn't contact the people who have broekn our hearts. I'm amazing and so are you!
Dia on February 03, 2014:
Thank you... This article is exactly what I needed to read to get over my broken 5+ year on and off relationship.
mel on January 22, 2014:
I wish i had had the strength to do all this but when you're heartbroken you're so blinded by sadness that you lose sight of what is wise to do..anyways im4 years further and realize that he never deserved to be with someone ad cool and beautiful as i am but it also thought me what i lik and dislike and want for my life..somwday hell realize he has lost a diamond!!
Lisa :) on January 22, 2014:
Wow this article is amazing I have been feeling confused sad upset really emotional and resentful till now I read and see this and think wow I really em that dime in the haystack I shouldn't be anything but happy thanks a lot God bless your beautiful caring heart you have changed so many good woman's minds and hearts with this
jazz on January 20, 2014:
One of d bestest article i have gone through. Thanks.
Simple on January 09, 2014:
A very nice article hard to implement indeed because its attached to your feelings emotions more than anything else.There is a guy who said he loves me wants to marry me but backs off when family dispute happened and says would never marry me.I still want him but I still know deep in heart that even if I do want him and I see a future with him that would be more miserable,i know a person who cant understand you and your feelings now will never ever do.Still stupiditly i think i want him.How to just overcome?
carrie on January 08, 2014:
I too have been the crazy lady calling and texting my ex. We spent the last 6 years together. 4 months ago I was blindsided when he said he needed a break. He stayed around and was great no until 2 months ago. Then he was gone at "sleepovers" with his buddies. He came home wanting to spend Christmas with me, we had a lovely Christmas except him driving away that night. I then found out he next day that he has been seeing and sleeping with a much older married woman. She showed up at his workplace screaming at me and threatening me. It was awful. He now stays with her but he calls every few days to see if I'm OK. I'm so upset. His family says he uses her as a drinking buddy and a crutch. I don't drink, she does and he does. She is a grandma and married x2. I'm so confused. Wish it got easier. Thanks for the article as it has kept me from calling tonight. May God give us all the strength to overcome our pain.
Anais Marie on January 03, 2014:
It's definitely, the best articles ever. My boyfriend dumped me, we have a 10 months old baby. He is a truck driver and is away all week working in the UK. He is always in bad humour, calling me names,calling black, he even hates my older son from a previous relationship. We have been together nearly 3years. He has been cheating on me and when I found out messages on his vyber acc, he apologized and begged not to leave him, which I then didn't, but I recently found out he has a secretphone and I rang the other girl and she told me they slept together once, 4weekks ago and she had no clue he was with me cause they were planning to spend Christmas together. I was devastated and very hurt, when I confronted him bout that he denied sleeping with her but told me that it was my fault that started talking to that girl because I kept pushing him away. He spat on me because I was not happy with his answer and I wanted to know why. So he dropped me and my daughter home and told me we can't get on,and he need space, he would see my daughter from now on and that's it. I feel like my whole world has ended but I want to rise from it and I want to be back on my feet. Reading that article just gave me so much strength and I won't stop reading every time the urge of calling him, comes back. Thanks a million
zizi on December 29, 2013:
this is just what I needed, was thinking about calling him after our 3 months breakup........... but this article was sure reinforcement not to call him............thanks I'm getting better at this it feels good :)
FAZ on December 29, 2013:
What an amazing article! really! I'm just dealing with a break up now, and Im quite devastated about it. My relationship was not working mainly because our future professional plans were not fitting, and because our living situation was getting quite complicated. I know that I did some mistakes in my relationship. However I cant stop thinking about her...I still love her with all my passion and I was just too fool not to see that she was the best part of my life. I have been calling her several times to try to patch up things but it ain't working. I have got my phone just next to me and I was planning on calling her tonight, but my mind has change after reading this article. I have come to realized, that nothing in life is either white or black...I have been believing all this time that it was only me who made mistakes in my previous relationship, but I have realised that I am not the only one who made mistakes. I deserve better and I have decided to delete her from my contact list so that i wont have the urge anymore of calling her. seriously, thank so much for such an inspiring article! i will keep reading it through the upcoming days/weeks/months to help me get back on my feet! By the way I am a boy and just like JAyjAy this article also speaks to the male gender.
Brody on December 21, 2013:
I had a bf for 2 yrs and we broke up 8 months ago, One night while he's in bed with me he said he lost it.. I was clueless and hurt coz I was helping him in soo many ways. While we were away, i started goin back to the gym, eat healthy, shop new clothes etc. 6 months later, i started going out and be out in the market again, i was shock how many men showed so much interest on me. I felt like calling my ex just to show off what i Have become after the break up, but i should realized thats pathetic.. So I make myself hotter and hotter and i do it for myself. I miss my ex sometimes but i cant force him to love me again. This article is exactly right. I felt so miserable after calling him, texting him after the break up.. Feeling of rejection is very painful. I saw his fb and saw a guy next to him, i assumed that us the guy hes dating right now, i redeemed myself after because its definitely a big downgrade to me. The person they see right now does not mean better than us, hotter than us, prettier than us.. We should feel good about ourselves.
Denisse on December 21, 2013:
Thank you. This was an amazing article. It really helped me.
Betty on December 15, 2013:
I love this article and it's a good advice to not call an ex. Also, I want to share my story. I was in LDR for 1 year. We see and talk each other 4 or 5 time in the day and we spent nights to talk. But the lasts months, he proposed me that he goes to see me but he wants to I pay the half of his trip, and me at that time I haven't because I just bought a house. So, I said him that I wanted to pay but not half of the trip. of course, he refused that. just you know, that this man was very possessive and jealous all the time and aggressive for moments, he hurted me a lot of time during the relationship. But I loved him with all his defaults. juste after the break up, I opened another facebook for my sis because, she didn't know how to manipulate facebook and she forgot all the time her password.so, she asked me help. I did it for her. So, during the break up he discovered this account, I don't know how. After 15 days of the break up, I called him, he said that he turned the page from me and I said for him the truth about this account and I didn't do it to get the others men but just for my sister and this is the truth. So, he didn't trust me at all. And he said that I commented other men and I attract other men in facebook. He, said too that I was in relationship with other men that's why I didn't call him before. Crazy, I m, I tried to explain that he is the only man I love and I didn't go see anywhere others.He said that I can call him for the third day. So, that I did but I was a little bit late because I didn't finish work at time. So, I called him and I said for him that I love him and he is the only boyfriend I have. He, replied angry, I saw another woman juste after break up. I was in choc, so I say, its ok and I said him its the last time you hear my voice and I hang out the phone. 2 weeks later, He posted that he didn't trust a girl. 2 weeks after that, he commented one girl picture that she is beautifull. During the relationship, he wont to I post my pictures anymore in facebook. And know that he ran to comment another picture, it was hurting me. I was angry, I decided to post my picture too in facebook. In the morning, I saw that he returned to that girl, to say she is beautiful again. I was devastated. Finally, I decided to delete him and blocked him in facebook, deleted him from Skype, .. It was the hard thing I did. I wont see something like this hurt me again. I saw last week that they are not friend now in facebook, Why ?! Now 3 months passed after break up. He didn't contacted me. And for me its strict NC. Hope, one day, he regrated me, because, I gave him the true love and he didn't wait that I will in good financial situation. He went outside to try other girls. I don't understand how he can forget our connection 1 year is not nothing. One part of me want let him go in my heart, and the other part is scare for that. I want to forget him and not check after his news because, its draining all my energy. I need advice and help.
Julie on December 12, 2013:
What a great article, written with such warmth and encouragement! thank you!
Jayjay on December 09, 2013:
This advice applies to guys too... trust me! I had to change all the 'he' to 'she' and then it fits perfectly!
Healing on November 18, 2013:
He chased me at first , giving so much attention and affection, we quarreled many times in the past 3 years , I was badly Hurted every single time . I'm still holding to hope that this guy who loved me deeply at the start will love me back but no he just want to do his own things . I did many silly things to find a reason and then i realise he cheated on me during our realtionship . In the end he said he is disgusted by me and asked me not to contact him anymore coz I tried all ways to find out the truth. So it's actually better to be unknown than knowing the truth?
Helaine on November 18, 2013:
I really enjoyed your article. In the first place, I have failed to not contacting my ex, it was more because I was in denial and he was not really clear about his decision, I confronted him to tell exactly what he really wanted and then he told me the whole truth. I was really tempted to call him, to text or email him and I felt it was very hard and it still is. This morning I was awake and for the very first time after I realized it was really over, I have the feeling that I can get over it. I guess, hanging with friends, doing some sports really helped me. I am not over yet but now I feel that it is possible. I know that there will be days when things will be harder but then I guess, I will just turn back here or just make a list of all the things I can do and I will pamper myself even more. I hope this article could help more people over there. For all people who got dumped, remember it's not the end of you, it's just the beginning of new era. We can share our experiences, talking is a very good way to get over all these difficult things.
Road to harmony (author) from Montreal on October 01, 2013:
Please visit my website:
If you are in the Montreal, Canada area, don't hesitate to contact me if you need some extra help.
broken-heart on September 19, 2013:
thank you so much for this I won't deny I was crying the whole entire time I was reading it. I am madly in love with him!!! Like I have never loved another man I thought this was it, I will marry him have children and live happily ever after. Little naïve me. I can't get him out of my head I cry in the shower whenever I have too much time on my hands. I feel so pathetic crying knowing he doesn't care!!! He hasn't bothered calling me back not even once now I find myself questioning his supposed love for me, was it ever there? Night time is the hardest I would always get that goodnight I love you call, but at the end it was all fighting and tears..I don't ever want to be in a relationship like this I want to be swept off my feet I want a man that truly cares about me. I am no where near perfect but my feelings for this man were from the deepest part in my heart. I know I am still young and I will probably fall in love in the future again but right now I feel like I am dying and he doesn't care. I want to feel love unconditional beautiful love and I wanted him to be the person to give it to me. I never cheated it never crossed my mind there was no temptation. I only wanted his respect his acceptance. I tried to justify his actions so many different times but it was more than obvious he no longer loved me. When someone loves you they never want to see you cry and he would just hang up the phone or go to sleep when I cried. I went through a miscarriage with him and we got past that but the relationship died since then. There are so many red flags that we see yet turn the other way. I would still attend therapy with him if there was even the slightest chance he could change, but he wont change. I will probably spend countless nights crying for him and fighting the temptation to call him... now I find myself with dried crusted tears and swollen eyes. He still hasn't called me nor has he looked for me. In his eyes I am just the little immature spoiled girl. I love him more than anything I am still stupid enough to take him back, I need to find myself again I don't want to be stupid I want to live my life with happiness. I don't want to live with the what if that is what is stopping me from moving on. His last words still linger in my mind I WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR. I wish I could disappear better yet stop feeling this empty hole in my heart. I really wish I never met him but I am glad I learned what type of relationship I don't want to be in. writing this has really helped me same as reading this article. I don't expect anyone to read this I just feel like a load has been taken off. Thank you and may you all heal your broken hearts.
weezer17 on September 04, 2013:
I was in an on again off again relationship for 7 yrs. Still hard to say "was" . Trying really hard this time to be strong as it was always me running back and finding a way for him to take me back. I can totally relate to this article which helped so much. Thank you.
Vda on June 02, 2013:
Anytime I feel weak or sad or miss my ex or ANYTHING i google articles too. This was a great one. I, too, was in an on again off again relationship for 3 yrs.. Broke up 4 times and it was his choice everytime. I have come to the conclusion that I will NO longer give him the power to decide what happens in MY life. And this article really helped to remind me that today... Hes the one with the commitment, trust, self-esteem issues.. Not me. Good luck and stay strong to anyone else who felt like they needed to read this.
BarelySurviving on May 07, 2013:
Thank you so much for this article! My fiancé left me last week, 6 months before our wedding. I begged him several times to give us a second chance and he coldly refused. He was my best friend, my first love and the love of my life... I am dying to talk to him and get some comfort from him. I've made the mistake of contacting him almost daily since our breakup; some days he answers kindly, other days he ignores me completely. I'll never understand how he could have done this to me. Either way, this article helped me a lot. I won't call him tonight... although I really want to.
Julia on January 28, 2013:
This was really inspiring. Thank-you for putting your advice out there with love and positivity. It's contagious!
Agnes on December 05, 2012:
Great article! I so needed to read this tonight. Thank you so much x
thomas on July 27, 2012:
When your used and taken advantage of , you feel as if you deserved what you got. No its just that a loser saw a good thing and took advantage of a situation. Your better off and in the long run will find someone who deserves your talent, generosity and love. You will see as soon as you let go of the garbage your doors will open up entirely new prospects for a real man.
Amy on May 20, 2012:
I called my ex after he messages me after 10 months saying that he missed me,when I called I didn't get any response so I hung up. i messaged him 10minutes later but he didn't reply,but it was really late. someone help,Please!!! :'/
Debra on May 18, 2012:
Amazing advice... and so very true. These are things I was taught at young age and going through my first heartache. It's just so hard to see when your blinded by so much pain and heart break. You want the pain to go away so you loose site of who you really are and become someone you really don't want to ever be.. Especially in front of your ex to see. The last thing you want is pity and for your ex to feel sorry for you. Exactly what is said #6 Your ex should be calling you and coming after you. If it's in the cards it will be and it will be with your ex coming for you, not you begging them to take you back. That will only make you more sad and you will regret calling or going after them just as soon as you do it. So be strong and take care of yourself.
Kim on May 16, 2012:
The best article!!! I so needed to hear ALL of this!!! I am not calling . . and every time I think i want him back I am going to read this article. Thank you so much!!
Shivangi on April 07, 2012:
Really amazing bt not v.easy 2 follow.
Anne on April 02, 2012:
Thank you, whoever you are. I just hung up the phone after 5 calls he didn't answer. You made me feel good again.
Maree on March 28, 2012:
I loved this article. I actually googled 'why not to call your ex' & this came up.. I always read an article if I;m feeling the urge. I'm going through a breakup at the moment. I was also in an on again off again relationship for 2 years.. I think we broke up 4 times within that period & it was always him. We just recently moved in together & about a month of me moving all my things in he moves all his things out & not only breaks my heart but takes everything he contributed to the house.. Fridge, TV etc. So this obviously effected my purse as well. PLEASE don't ever feel like you are alone unfortunately a lot of women go through this & everytime time I feel there is no one out there for me someone always surfaces & you will be happy again x
P.S. I am not right no BUT I will be!
menaka on March 16, 2012:
Amazing article.. thank you.. you made me feel good.
Thabile on March 01, 2012:
Its not easy 2forget about ur ex especially when he broke ur virginity u feel like you are screwed up im facing dat situation..help me out