10 Reasons Not to Call Your Ex

Updated on July 7, 2015
Ten reasons not to call your ex.
Ten reasons not to call your ex. | Source

Some years ago, I went through a difficult breakup. When my relationship came to an end, one of the most difficult things for me was deciding whether or not to call him back.

I have to come clean and admit I did call him, many times (sigh). Unfortunately, these phone calls never went the way I wished. We were an on again, off again couple as though it were our job—we went back and forth for months. I knew deep down that the relationship was making me miserable, yet I wanted to “fix” it, because no one wants to be miserable and alone, right?

These phone calls sometimes lead to more sadness; they sometimes lead to seeing each one another again for a short while. As you read the following, ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship. Is it because you want to have children? Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Well, think about this: The on again, off again relationship is very likely to be nothing but a waste of your precious time, time you could be spending taking care of you and feeling ready to meet someone who sees just how fabulous you are. If you do want to have children, do you want to be with a partner like this one? A partner who left you for reasons you don’t really understand, a partner who makes you the future-mom-to-be feel less than amazing, a partner who doesn’t accept and love everything about you and wants you to change, a partner whom you want to change? If things do get patched up between the two of you, are you going to be sitting right back where you started in six months? In a year? Don’t call him, babe. Here are 10 reasons why not:

  1. You should feel desired and confident. I’m guessing that if you’re reading an article about why not to call your ex, it’s not because you’re feeling like an energized, gorgeous, popular, and desired person. You feel rejected, and you want that feeling to go away. So you think about calling him back and smoothing things over. But calling him will inevitably make you feel worse.
  2. You might make things worse. Are you feeling angry at him right now? Are you feeling vulnerable and lonely? You might blow up at him like a crazy lady, or you might end up crying and pleading on the phone for him to take you back. Either case is not a good situation (I am speaking from personal experience here, unfortunately). Do you really want to convince him to be with you? Argue him into taking you back? Plead yourself back into this relationship? Why should you convince anyone to be with you? You’re amazing!
  3. What if he doesn’t answer? He has caller ID, doesn’t he? He’ll see that you’ve called. But now you've opened a whole slew of doubts. Are you going to call back in five minutes? In an hour? Tomorrow? Are you going to leave a message? What if he doesn’t call you back? You’ll be sitting there like I did, doubting yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be frantically looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see whether you have any missed calls or missed messages. Here’s an idea: Turn the phone off. You can do it. When you turn off your phone, you are taking back control and not letting yourself become obsessed with him his call. Free yourself from the phone and decide that for now you have better things to do than sitting waiting for him to call you.
  4. And if he answers? He might be busy and hang up in haste. Or he might not be so hot about hearing your voice on the line. But what if the convo goes well? Well honey, even if the conversation goes well, and he’s not likely to cry out: “Oh baby, I’m so glad you called, I’m sorry I dumped you, let’s get back together!” And I’m sure anything less than that would be disappointing to you. Right? You’ll be hanging up sad, disappointed, or angry.
  5. You might end up in bed. If he does want to see you after he’s dumped you, and he’s happy to come over and hang out with you, he might want sex. That may feel nice for you as well, because let’s face it, our exes are our most intimate partners. It’s also the easiest person to sleep with after a breakup. You might feel connected for a short while, but, honey, this guy dumped you (cheated on you, didn’t want to get married to you, didn’t listen to you, didn’t spend enough time with you, didn’t make you feel like your best self, deceived you...) so why are you having sex with him? Although you are a hot mamacita, your lover should see way more in you than your physical looks.
  6. He’s not the one calling you. If your ex wanted to get you back and was madly in love with you, he would let you know. He would cross all bridges and climb all mountains to get to you. So let him call you and prove to you that he deserves to be with a hotty such as yourself. Be strong. Don’t give in. Think highly of yourself. Don’t sell yourself cheaply. And don’t call him back. Let him come back to you if that is what’s in the cards. Believe that you are worthy of a man coming back to you with flowers and sweeping you off your feet.
  7. Is he that great anyway? Even though he might have left you, and even though he may very well have been a super-stand-up guy, he wasn’t perfect either, right? I mean, he dumped you, so there’s obviously is something wrong with him! He couldn’t appreciate what a prize you truly are.
  8. There’s someone better for you out there. You know this is true (I hope). Right now it just feels like you might be alone forever. You might get caught up in the false beliefs that all good guys are taken and that it’s hard to meet someone. Those kinds of thoughts only make you feel more desperate and make you think you’d better hang on to this one. Well, no. I’m not having it. There are plenty of really good guys (good looking ones, too!) out there who would be happy to call you every day and spend time building a relationship with you. Imagine what your perfect relationship would feel like. Now multiply that by 10, and that’s what’s out there waiting for you right now. So turn off the phone, get out there in the world, and open yourself up the possibilities that are all around you. Try to going out anywhere—to the supermarket, to a coffee shop, to the pet-store, anywhere—and smile at people. Just smile. Smile at men, smile at women, smile at kids, smile at the elderly. People will smile back at you. Now, how good does that feel? There are plenty of people out there you can easily engage with just by smiling. Get out of your sweatpants and go out and smile at people. Start to feel it is true: There is someone better for you out there.
  9. You’re not taking advantage of your time alone. When relationships end, we are left with a whole lot of extra free time. Time that used to be spent doing fun activities together, sharing meals, and having interesting conversations with one another. But wait! You are still a fun-loving, interesting person! Take advantage of this time to get to know yourself, heal your vulnerable heart, and love yourself. Do some of the things you like, surround yourself with people who care about you, or call a friend. Take out your agenda and try to schedule fun things for yourself for the night, for the weekend, etc. If you know in advance how you are going to fill your time, you’re not going to feel so obsessed with calling him because you’re going to be busy (and happy, hopefully!). I know this is going to sound unoriginal, but look at the breakup as a time to re-evaluate your life. Take it as an experience in personal growth. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident and happy with herself!
  10. You are meant to have and enjoy a wonderful life. All aspects of your life are meant to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. You don’t need to wait around for another person to give you what you need. How can you make yourself feel more wanted and secure? As a friend once told me, bees are naturally attracted to sugar. Sugar doesn’t have to do anything except be its sweet self, and all the bees will want to be around it. So go ahead, honey, make yourself feel well, beautiful, and happy, that’s really all you have to do to attract to you the perfect partner and a wonderful, happy life.


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    • profile image

      Brent 5 weeks ago

      Hey I’m not going home now call my phone house

    • profile image

      Nikki 2 months ago

      Thank you, really needed to read something like this, it helped so much x

    • profile image

      EMERALD SEMIEN 3 months ago

      .thank you for this article

    • profile image

      Girl that appreciates this article 4 months ago

      Thank you. Really well said.

    • profile image

      Sam 5 months ago

      I don't wanna go out and smile....I just wanna go to the bathroom and cry

    • profile image

      Meghna 6 months ago

      I just loved it....needed to read it....

    • profile image

      gei 7 months ago

      thank you! just what i needed to read!

    • profile image

      Lost girl! 9 months ago

      Lovely article!!

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      Weston 11 months ago

      A nonsense article at some point, the real fact for people break up is due to pride, in the name of pride war do start up, and so for relation breaking down,as couple always dream to find a greener field to pastor, this with time as years pass by with only remain an utopia in their heads, until eventually when they realize that years have passed by and not longer admired by any one else.

      If a person was not happy in a relation and never truly appreciated the good time and care and affection, the same person will never appriciate in the future, no matter what.Even if they become richer in their second relation

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      Tim 11 months ago

      This article is stupid. Everyone's situation is different. Just because they are an ex doesn't mean it couldn't work out. It depends on a ton of circumstances.

    • profile image

      Justme 12 months ago

      Thank you! This is the only article that truly stopped me from calling my ex.

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      littlebear 13 months ago

      He misses her

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      Eloise 13 months ago

      Yes, there must be something wrong with him that he can't appreciate how amazing I am. Yet, it is a hell not to call him--but I'm not.

    • profile image

      Cathy Hatley 14 months ago

      Thank you very much I needed that and I am going to do that turns my phone off

    • profile image

      Rachel 15 months ago

      It's been a few months but I have been thinking about him the past few days. I will get over it. Thank you, it should be obvious but I needed a reason not to do it!

    • profile image

      Denni 15 months ago

      This was a awesome article, just what I needed.

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      Left 15 months ago

      This is perfect!!! Thank you for writing this

    • profile image

      Lovi 15 months ago

      Hi this is so great. I almost cried, I actually did. Thank you! I needed so much inspiring words to help me re evaluate and love myself more.

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      Shanice 17 months ago

      I'd been i a relationship for about two years and my bf and I just broke up. The relationship was on and off and most of the off times were because he'd broken up with me. One of the things that I tried to figure out and asked him many times were why did he always resort to breaking up with me instead of trying to make the relationship work because that is what you do when you really love someone. He would always say it was out of anger and he was still here (after we'd gotten back together) so I shouldn't pay it any mind. I knew when the real break up might come, I would be devastated which I am not because every other time he broke up with my I had a difficult time and struggled. It is so hard for me to cope with this break up because I really love this guy. He was my first with so many things including the first boyfriend I ever really truly loved. It hurts even more to know that I can't deal with my emotions of this breakup (hence having to google an article like this) and he is wherever he is just living his life without a worry. It has only been about two days since the breakup but I have been crying none stop and it is hard for me to find motivation to do my simple everyday tasks. What's worst is that I blame myself for getting so wrapped up in a relationship in the first place and honestly it makes me not want to be in a relationship again all in hopes of not having to experience this kind of pain again.

      All in all, sorry for the rant but this article helped me fight my urge to call my ex back and I really appreciate that because that is exactly what I needed to hear. I have been that person and called him back several times before and honestly if I hadn't been that person the relationship may not have lasted as long as did. Thanks for such a wonderful article.

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      GG 17 months ago

      Thank you for this. I am only days into a fresh breakup with a man I loved. I lost him and his two children. I am so heartbroken, shocked, and going through withdrawals- I thought I was going crazy. At least for tonight, you helped me feel strong.

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      marcella 17 months ago

      thank you, whoever you are! And thank you so much girls, for the comment section! You guys made me feel that I am not alone anymore. This is the first day of my 2-year-relationship breakup and it could have been worse without this article.

      I hope everyone who reads this will find their power to resist the temptation of the easy way out (i.e. calls him and be the biggest loser)


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      MessedUp 19 months ago

      Hi everyone.. i just want to say i totally understand the pain. Words cannot describe. I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still dont know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps. I dont know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. Its all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting. And its true - why chase someone who cannot see your value? If your ex really does feel as strongly as you, he/she would be doing everything in their power to win you back. Walking away is by far, the hardest thing i'd ever had to do but its better to do so than to cling on to someone who does not look at you the same way. I thought i had it all - the perfect partner, a comfortable home and the bestest friend i could ever ask for. We were together for 3 years. Finally, i was told to move on and she needed space. I was willing to do anything to get her back. Only recently did i decide that enough is enough. I wasn't going to let myself linger in that gray area. The hurt and rejection was too much to bear. It still hurts, every single day but at least i walked away with some pride left. Do not cut your ex off in hopes that she/he will realize they miss you. Do it for you. For your own healing. It may not seem like it now but it will get better. You feel start to regain control again. All the best people.

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      Sad But STRONG 22 months ago

      Yes, yes and yes. These comments could have been written by me. My ex was MARRIED BUT LIED TO ME. I began suspecting after a few months something wasn't right. I asked him point-blank on a few occasions if he was married and he not only denied it, one time he became very angry and accuse me of doubting him and his word. I cried and apologized.

      We were already saying that we loved one another and had been in a pretty serious relationship for three months at that point He waited until the day *after* I slept with him to tell me he was married. I fell to my knees and sobbed. He was my sun and I orbited around him. I have only loved one other man and he cheated on me and broke my heart when he ran off and married her. I am NOT the type of person to take up with another woman's man. Yet, there I was bound to him, held captive by my love. He is finically well off and in some ways I saw him as my rescuer as well as the truest love I've ever had. I couldn't stand being the other woman. It was lonely and caused me to become fixated on him and his attention. I was happy receiving crumbs. When I would give him grief about his wife he would punish me by giving me the silent treatment. But he would tell me over and over how I was the one he loved the most. He would say that he had never loved anyone like me and that I made him feel alive. He also told me all the time that the person that he was with me: the vibrant, sexy man - was because of me, that I made him that way. And I believed everything he said. When we would argue about anything or if I said even the tiniest thing that he disagreed with he would break up with me or tell me that I would never change and then I did not know how to handle conflict. But that wasn't true. I am very empathic and I am a "fair fighter". I was absolutely the nurturing and giving one in the relationship. I was not confrontational but I also brought up issues, like when I would catch him in lies which was often. Honestly though, 90% of the time I said nothing about the lies I caught him in because I did not want to embarrass him. The silent treatment, the cold treatment… When he did that he would look right through me as if I wasn't there. I would always cry and tug on his arm and beg him to look at me. I would tell him that I loved him and even in the middle of being upset I still loved him. And I wanted him to love me like that too ...unconditionally. There was no reason we had to be cruel to each other when we were having an issue. He would look at his phone or stare out the window and make pretend I wasn't even in front of him. It would break my heart and I would plead with him, beg him to hear me. I would kiss his hands, or his back if he had his back to me in bed. And I would cry and cry. When he would finally talk to me, he would look at me with such coldness. I would ask him how he could not see my heart in that moment, if he had no empathy for me. I could see in his eyes that he did not. In the end he told me that it would take him TWO years to leave his wife. Hwanted me to continue the relationship. But the terms were that I had to not complain about her. Basically I had to be silent about my hurt. Or figure a way out to not be hurt. It's ironic because one of the things that he complained the most about his wife was that she was dead inside. She was silent. They didn't talk or communicate. She would come home and sit in the living room and disappear into her laptop or her books on tape and barely spoke to him. She didn't even make funner. I'm starting to believe this was because of him. 20 years together could wear a woman down. Especially if he's cheated on her. He claimed I was his only affair but he is a known liar. I now think he had other girlfriends and he talked to other women while he was seeing me. I know he had profiles on different dating sites. I would check and I saw he'd visit several times every week. I never confronted him because I knew he'd break up with me if I did. In the end he discarded me because I needed too much from him. I couldn't accept his wife, I couldn't accept waiting two years for him to break up with her.

      I am 15 years younger than his wife. I take care of myself and I work out. I am an older woman in my late 40's but I feel I look good for my age. One time I asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing a compliment my way. I needed to hear that he wanted and desired me. And it was important to me. He refused. He told me that he would not give me compliments because I asked for them. Another time after we were done arguing I asked him if he still loved me and he became furious with me and gave me the silent treatment again because he said it made him feel like I was calling him a liar. He had already told me you love me and that should've been enough for me. I was devastated. And I am having to apologize over and over before he would forgive me.

      Finally came to an end and he broke up with me. I cried for two days straight. But as it is with most narcissists he called me back. We got together again, then he would break up with me. we did this several times within two weeks. It was pure hell. Eventually, one night, I simply hung up on him and we never spoke again. We fid email back-and-forth but I finally decided - no contact. It's been over a week and I have not said one word. I am struggling. My heart feels flattened and empty. My days feel grey. But even with the best scenario, the best outcome it still means that he is in my life. I would still be suffering and fighting and being blamed. Every time he did something crappy to me he turned it around and made it my fault for because I wouldn't shut up and deal with it. I started believing I was stupid, ugly, crazy, needy and had no control. NO CONTACT MEANS I LET HIM GO. Thank goodness for this article.oh my dear sisters, pray for my strength. There's a part of me that keeps yelling that I am fighting for my very life and I need to let him go.

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      Debbie 2 years ago

      I was with a sociopath man on and off for ten years. He would show up when he needed a place to stay and had relationships with women aside from me. I know that being with him would cause me emotional death yet even though he changed his number and moved on I cannot get past the grief. It has been almost a year and he hasn't called. How can I get thru this without suffering another episode of clinical depression? Please, I hurt so badly and I'm afraid I will never get over him. What do I do?

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      Jenine 2 years ago

      this article helped me a lot! thank you so much! I was hoping to find an inspiring article on why i shouldnt call him and this is hands down the only one that made me feel it in my bones!

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      joe 2 years ago

      Im luvng one guy madly Bt he z nt into me upto nw he likes to tlk with me he used to tease me n he cares me so i confessed my luv to him aftr dat he left me without any reason nt even single wrd i do no y we r nt even tlkng since 4 mnths Bt aftr 4 mnths i mke a cal to him he liftd n mke a convo like as bfr dat nthng hpn btwn us im totally in confusio Bt wt his actual silnce meant fr ..anyhw im still luvng him coz he z my first luv

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      Emmah 2 years ago

      Thank you for the article - and thank you all who have been contributing with your stories! I am recovering from 5 yrs relationship. Today I felt so sad and I missed him so much that I had to google how not to call... It feels better to know that we are not alone with our broken hearts. And it is a law of nature to heal as time goes by and we take care of ourselves and each other. Things will be better for all of us, little by little!

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      Maureen 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for this, it is what I needed to hear. What a wonderful contribution to the internet!

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      Wendy 2 years ago

      Great blog...in my fourth week from breakup time. Type up email to x then delete them. I so want to call but it will just make me hurt more. I have been reading all types of articles on the internet and it does help. Just hope I get over this, hurts so much. I am 63 so age does not matter, still hurts.

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      Dee 3 years ago

      It's been four days since the break up of my four year relationship. And I'm in a very bad place. Your article helped a great deal and I wanted to say thank you.

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      sheena 3 years ago

      I loved ur article...i was feelin so low...i jus wanted to cal my ex and spoil it all. I wana move on...and i will. Thnkyou for using such kind and considerate words, you actually make people feel that we are not alone and you care about the thing.

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      Alex 3 years ago

      My bf broke up with me five days ago because I was asking him about some social media posts. He went ballistic and just broke up. I'm like shocked with his reaction and tried to explain things. He just said he can't do it anymore. So I'm like, really? I had all these questions, does he want out all this time?

      I was in pain. But it is what it is.

      So now, after 5 days, I was so tempted to call him. Good thing i came across your blog and said to myself, I DESERVE BETTER.

      You're right. If a guy truly loves, he will do anything to have me. Plain and simple.

      Thank you again.

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      Mer 3 years ago

      Thank you for your words. I read this every time I feel I'm gonna break. It's been almost two months that I haven't heard from my ex and i still get emotional and strong urges to call him..... Hopefully things will get better with time. Thank you again.

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      Posh 3 years ago

      on of 5 years, a month before we had to get married he called off the wedding and then 2weks after he wants me again-we try again, not working... heard he is seeing someone else, we broke up, after a week back in bed, he ask me to do a certain move, he wasn't the type to initiate new positions there then i knew he was into her. but then he said lats get married next week, i made arrangements and he called it off again.. i went through his phone, found out that he was really into her and called it off cos of her and there another woman also in the picture. i was so devastated , i went crazy... don't know what to do-even told him i slept with someone else also to get eve, but who am i kidding, i cant even get myself to even think of another. i don't know what to do, we are over now-he has is seeing her now, it kinda hurts sometimes but not always. what do i do, and we have a 3 year old daughter and she has 2 kids with some-else... but , maaan yah!!! just how they are i guess.

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      Mitch 3 years ago

      Thank you so much. I am a guy and read this and am facing a break up. It has really helped and I stilled hope in my life. God bless you and all your efforts here!

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      Jamie 4 years ago

      Thank you for taking your precious time typing this amazing article. I'm currently going through a hard time. Was in an on and off relationship and it was always him who broke it off. After a few months he found out that I was doing okay and getting on with my life without him, he started texting and calling me everyday. He stopped contacting me all of a sudden and I had the urge to call him but this article stopped me from doing so. Thank you for making us feel better and worth it. =)

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      Mily 4 years ago

      AMazing..you jut healed my broken heart... Thank you

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      4 years ago

      Great article! Just what I needed to hear. It's been a month since my 5 year relationship ended. It was difficult at first, but it gets easier with each passing day. I feel good and the article is a good reminder why we shouldn't contact the people who have broekn our hearts. I'm amazing and so are you!

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      Dia 4 years ago

      Thank you... This article is exactly what I needed to read to get over my broken 5+ year on and off relationship.

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      mel 4 years ago

      I wish i had had the strength to do all this but when you're heartbroken you're so blinded by sadness that you lose sight of what is wise to do..anyways im4 years further and realize that he never deserved to be with someone ad cool and beautiful as i am but it also thought me what i lik and dislike and want for my life..somwday hell realize he has lost a diamond!!

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      Lisa :) 4 years ago

      Wow this article is amazing I have been feeling confused sad upset really emotional and resentful till now I read and see this and think wow I really em that dime in the haystack I shouldn't be anything but happy thanks a lot God bless your beautiful caring heart you have changed so many good woman's minds and hearts with this

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      jazz 4 years ago

      One of d bestest article i have gone through. Thanks.

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      Simple 4 years ago

      A very nice article hard to implement indeed because its attached to your feelings emotions more than anything else.There is a guy who said he loves me wants to marry me but backs off when family dispute happened and says would never marry me.I still want him but I still know deep in heart that even if I do want him and I see a future with him that would be more miserable,i know a person who cant understand you and your feelings now will never ever do.Still stupiditly i think i want him.How to just overcome?

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      carrie 4 years ago

      I too have been the crazy lady calling and texting my ex. We spent the last 6 years together. 4 months ago I was blindsided when he said he needed a break. He stayed around and was great no until 2 months ago. Then he was gone at "sleepovers" with his buddies. He came home wanting to spend Christmas with me, we had a lovely Christmas except him driving away that night. I then found out he next day that he has been seeing and sleeping with a much older married woman. She showed up at his workplace screaming at me and threatening me. It was awful. He now stays with her but he calls every few days to see if I'm OK. I'm so upset. His family says he uses her as a drinking buddy and a crutch. I don't drink, she does and he does. She is a grandma and married x2. I'm so confused. Wish it got easier. Thanks for the article as it has kept me from calling tonight. May God give us all the strength to overcome our pain.

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      Anais Marie 4 years ago

      It's definitely, the best articles ever. My boyfriend dumped me, we have a 10 months old baby. He is a truck driver and is away all week working in the UK. He is always in bad humour, calling me names,calling black, he even hates my older son from a previous relationship. We have been together nearly 3years. He has been cheating on me and when I found out messages on his vyber acc, he apologized and begged not to leave him, which I then didn't, but I recently found out he has a secretphone and I rang the other girl and she told me they slept together once, 4weekks ago and she had no clue he was with me cause they were planning to spend Christmas together. I was devastated and very hurt, when I confronted him bout that he denied sleeping with her but told me that it was my fault that started talking to that girl because I kept pushing him away. He spat on me because I was not happy with his answer and I wanted to know why. So he dropped me and my daughter home and told me we can't get on,and he need space, he would see my daughter from now on and that's it. I feel like my whole world has ended but I want to rise from it and I want to be back on my feet. Reading that article just gave me so much strength and I won't stop reading every time the urge of calling him, comes back. Thanks a million

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      zizi 4 years ago

      this is just what I needed, was thinking about calling him after our 3 months breakup........... but this article was sure reinforcement not to call him............thanks I'm getting better at this it feels good :)

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      FAZ 4 years ago

      What an amazing article! really! I'm just dealing with a break up now, and Im quite devastated about it. My relationship was not working mainly because our future professional plans were not fitting, and because our living situation was getting quite complicated. I know that I did some mistakes in my relationship. However I cant stop thinking about her...I still love her with all my passion and I was just too fool not to see that she was the best part of my life. I have been calling her several times to try to patch up things but it ain't working. I have got my phone just next to me and I was planning on calling her tonight, but my mind has change after reading this article. I have come to realized, that nothing in life is either white or black...I have been believing all this time that it was only me who made mistakes in my previous relationship, but I have realised that I am not the only one who made mistakes. I deserve better and I have decided to delete her from my contact list so that i wont have the urge anymore of calling her. seriously, thank so much for such an inspiring article! i will keep reading it through the upcoming days/weeks/months to help me get back on my feet! By the way I am a boy and just like JAyjAy this article also speaks to the male gender.

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      Brody 4 years ago

      I had a bf for 2 yrs and we broke up 8 months ago, One night while he's in bed with me he said he lost it.. I was clueless and hurt coz I was helping him in soo many ways. While we were away, i started goin back to the gym, eat healthy, shop new clothes etc. 6 months later, i started going out and be out in the market again, i was shock how many men showed so much interest on me. I felt like calling my ex just to show off what i Have become after the break up, but i should realized thats pathetic.. So I make myself hotter and hotter and i do it for myself. I miss my ex sometimes but i cant force him to love me again. This article is exactly right. I felt so miserable after calling him, texting him after the break up.. Feeling of rejection is very painful. I saw his fb and saw a guy next to him, i assumed that us the guy hes dating right now, i redeemed myself after because its definitely a big downgrade to me. The person they see right now does not mean better than us, hotter than us, prettier than us.. We should feel good about ourselves.

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      Denisse 4 years ago

      Thank you. This was an amazing article. It really helped me.

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      Betty 4 years ago

      I love this article and it's a good advice to not call an ex. Also, I want to share my story. I was in LDR for 1 year. We see and talk each other 4 or 5 time in the day and we spent nights to talk. But the lasts months, he proposed me that he goes to see me but he wants to I pay the half of his trip, and me at that time I haven't because I just bought a house. So, I said him that I wanted to pay but not half of the trip. of course, he refused that. just you know, that this man was very possessive and jealous all the time and aggressive for moments, he hurted me a lot of time during the relationship. But I loved him with all his defaults. juste after the break up, I opened another facebook for my sis because, she didn't know how to manipulate facebook and she forgot all the time her password.so, she asked me help. I did it for her. So, during the break up he discovered this account, I don't know how. After 15 days of the break up, I called him, he said that he turned the page from me and I said for him the truth about this account and I didn't do it to get the others men but just for my sister and this is the truth. So, he didn't trust me at all. And he said that I commented other men and I attract other men in facebook. He, said too that I was in relationship with other men that's why I didn't call him before. Crazy, I m, I tried to explain that he is the only man I love and I didn't go see anywhere others.He said that I can call him for the third day. So, that I did but I was a little bit late because I didn't finish work at time. So, I called him and I said for him that I love him and he is the only boyfriend I have. He, replied angry, I saw another woman juste after break up. I was in choc, so I say, its ok and I said him its the last time you hear my voice and I hang out the phone. 2 weeks later, He posted that he didn't trust a girl. 2 weeks after that, he commented one girl picture that she is beautifull. During the relationship, he wont to I post my pictures anymore in facebook. And know that he ran to comment another picture, it was hurting me. I was angry, I decided to post my picture too in facebook. In the morning, I saw that he returned to that girl, to say she is beautiful again. I was devastated. Finally, I decided to delete him and blocked him in facebook, deleted him from Skype, .. It was the hard thing I did. I wont see something like this hurt me again. I saw last week that they are not friend now in facebook, Why ?! Now 3 months passed after break up. He didn't contacted me. And for me its strict NC. Hope, one day, he regrated me, because, I gave him the true love and he didn't wait that I will in good financial situation. He went outside to try other girls. I don't understand how he can forget our connection 1 year is not nothing. One part of me want let him go in my heart, and the other part is scare for that. I want to forget him and not check after his news because, its draining all my energy. I need advice and help.

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      Julie 4 years ago

      What a great article, written with such warmth and encouragement! thank you!

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      Jayjay 4 years ago

      This advice applies to guys too... trust me! I had to change all the 'he' to 'she' and then it fits perfectly!

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      Healing 4 years ago

      He chased me at first , giving so much attention and affection, we quarreled many times in the past 3 years , I was badly Hurted every single time . I'm still holding to hope that this guy who loved me deeply at the start will love me back but no he just want to do his own things . I did many silly things to find a reason and then i realise he cheated on me during our realtionship . In the end he said he is disgusted by me and asked me not to contact him anymore coz I tried all ways to find out the truth. So it's actually better to be unknown than knowing the truth?

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      Helaine 4 years ago

      I really enjoyed your article. In the first place, I have failed to not contacting my ex, it was more because I was in denial and he was not really clear about his decision, I confronted him to tell exactly what he really wanted and then he told me the whole truth. I was really tempted to call him, to text or email him and I felt it was very hard and it still is. This morning I was awake and for the very first time after I realized it was really over, I have the feeling that I can get over it. I guess, hanging with friends, doing some sports really helped me. I am not over yet but now I feel that it is possible. I know that there will be days when things will be harder but then I guess, I will just turn back here or just make a list of all the things I can do and I will pamper myself even more. I hope this article could help more people over there. For all people who got dumped, remember it's not the end of you, it's just the beginning of new era. We can share our experiences, talking is a very good way to get over all these difficult things.

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      Road to harmony 4 years ago from Montreal

      Please visit my website:


      If you are in the Montreal, Canada area, don't hesitate to contact me if you need some extra help.

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      broken-heart 4 years ago

      thank you so much for this I won't deny I was crying the whole entire time I was reading it. I am madly in love with him!!! Like I have never loved another man I thought this was it, I will marry him have children and live happily ever after. Little naïve me. I can't get him out of my head I cry in the shower whenever I have too much time on my hands. I feel so pathetic crying knowing he doesn't care!!! He hasn't bothered calling me back not even once now I find myself questioning his supposed love for me, was it ever there? Night time is the hardest I would always get that goodnight I love you call, but at the end it was all fighting and tears..I don't ever want to be in a relationship like this I want to be swept off my feet I want a man that truly cares about me. I am no where near perfect but my feelings for this man were from the deepest part in my heart. I know I am still young and I will probably fall in love in the future again but right now I feel like I am dying and he doesn't care. I want to feel love unconditional beautiful love and I wanted him to be the person to give it to me. I never cheated it never crossed my mind there was no temptation. I only wanted his respect his acceptance. I tried to justify his actions so many different times but it was more than obvious he no longer loved me. When someone loves you they never want to see you cry and he would just hang up the phone or go to sleep when I cried. I went through a miscarriage with him and we got past that but the relationship died since then. There are so many red flags that we see yet turn the other way. I would still attend therapy with him if there was even the slightest chance he could change, but he wont change. I will probably spend countless nights crying for him and fighting the temptation to call him... now I find myself with dried crusted tears and swollen eyes. He still hasn't called me nor has he looked for me. In his eyes I am just the little immature spoiled girl. I love him more than anything I am still stupid enough to take him back, I need to find myself again I don't want to be stupid I want to live my life with happiness. I don't want to live with the what if that is what is stopping me from moving on. His last words still linger in my mind I WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR. I wish I could disappear better yet stop feeling this empty hole in my heart. I really wish I never met him but I am glad I learned what type of relationship I don't want to be in. writing this has really helped me same as reading this article. I don't expect anyone to read this I just feel like a load has been taken off. Thank you and may you all heal your broken hearts.

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      weezer17 4 years ago

      I was in an on again off again relationship for 7 yrs. Still hard to say "was" . Trying really hard this time to be strong as it was always me running back and finding a way for him to take me back. I can totally relate to this article which helped so much. Thank you.

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      Vda 4 years ago

      Anytime I feel weak or sad or miss my ex or ANYTHING i google articles too. This was a great one. I, too, was in an on again off again relationship for 3 yrs.. Broke up 4 times and it was his choice everytime. I have come to the conclusion that I will NO longer give him the power to decide what happens in MY life. And this article really helped to remind me that today... Hes the one with the commitment, trust, self-esteem issues.. Not me. Good luck and stay strong to anyone else who felt like they needed to read this.

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      BarelySurviving 4 years ago

      Thank you so much for this article! My fiancé left me last week, 6 months before our wedding. I begged him several times to give us a second chance and he coldly refused. He was my best friend, my first love and the love of my life... I am dying to talk to him and get some comfort from him. I've made the mistake of contacting him almost daily since our breakup; some days he answers kindly, other days he ignores me completely. I'll never understand how he could have done this to me. Either way, this article helped me a lot. I won't call him tonight... although I really want to.

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      Julia 5 years ago

      This was really inspiring. Thank-you for putting your advice out there with love and positivity. It's contagious!

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      Agnes 5 years ago

      Great article! I so needed to read this tonight. Thank you so much x

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      thomas 5 years ago

      When your used and taken advantage of , you feel as if you deserved what you got. No its just that a loser saw a good thing and took advantage of a situation. Your better off and in the long run will find someone who deserves your talent, generosity and love. You will see as soon as you let go of the garbage your doors will open up entirely new prospects for a real man.

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      Amy 5 years ago

      I called my ex after he messages me after 10 months saying that he missed me,when I called I didn't get any response so I hung up. i messaged him 10minutes later but he didn't reply,but it was really late. someone help,Please!!! :'/

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      Debra 5 years ago

      Amazing advice... and so very true. These are things I was taught at young age and going through my first heartache. It's just so hard to see when your blinded by so much pain and heart break. You want the pain to go away so you loose site of who you really are and become someone you really don't want to ever be.. Especially in front of your ex to see. The last thing you want is pity and for your ex to feel sorry for you. Exactly what is said #6 Your ex should be calling you and coming after you. If it's in the cards it will be and it will be with your ex coming for you, not you begging them to take you back. That will only make you more sad and you will regret calling or going after them just as soon as you do it. So be strong and take care of yourself.

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      Kim 5 years ago

      The best article!!! I so needed to hear ALL of this!!! I am not calling . . and every time I think i want him back I am going to read this article. Thank you so much!!

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      Shivangi 6 years ago

      Really amazing bt not v.easy 2 follow.

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      Anne 6 years ago

      Thank you, whoever you are. I just hung up the phone after 5 calls he didn't answer. You made me feel good again.

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      Maree 6 years ago

      I loved this article. I actually googled 'why not to call your ex' & this came up.. I always read an article if I;m feeling the urge. I'm going through a breakup at the moment. I was also in an on again off again relationship for 2 years.. I think we broke up 4 times within that period & it was always him. We just recently moved in together & about a month of me moving all my things in he moves all his things out & not only breaks my heart but takes everything he contributed to the house.. Fridge, TV etc. So this obviously effected my purse as well. PLEASE don't ever feel like you are alone unfortunately a lot of women go through this & everytime time I feel there is no one out there for me someone always surfaces & you will be happy again x

      P.S. I am not right no BUT I will be!

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      menaka 6 years ago

      Amazing article.. thank you.. you made me feel good.

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      Thabile 6 years ago

      Its not easy 2forget about ur ex especially when he broke ur virginity u feel like you are screwed up im facing dat situation..help me out