10 Ways to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back
OK, So Your Girlfriend Is Gone. What Do You Do Now?
This is a list of my top 10 tips to get your ex-girlfriend back. This is by no means exhaustive, and following these tips will certainly not guarantee success.
If you're here, it's likely you're feeling pretty bad right now. There are few things worse than having a relationship end unexpectedly, especially if you are still in love. Hopefully this will help you either come out the other side, or get back with her, if you both decide that is what you want to do.
1. Whatever You Do, Don't Panic
This is perhaps the biggest mistake men make in this situation. Panicking will only serve to confirm to your ex that she has made the right decision.
If you have done something terrible to deserve this, then you need to accept that and try to make it up to her. If not, then you need to look at why she is trying to move on.
Instead of panicking, texting, calling and moaning to everyone who will listen how bad you feel about it, make plans of your own. Go out with friends, get a new hobby, or spend more time visiting your family. Take the time to make yourself happy, without her involvement.
When you next see her, you need to be confident you don't need her to be happy. She will notice this, and it could rekindle the attraction she once felt.
2. Make the Right Moves
Don't spend your time wondering where your ex-girlfriend is or what she is doing.
If she calls you, answer her, be polite, be gentlemanly, and do not under any circumstances start begging her to come back. There is nothing worse, male or female, than a partner who refuses to let go.
Until you have reached the point where you can let go, you will not be yourself and will therefore find it impossible to attract her back, even through what she likes about you.
3. Assess the Situation
Try to take a step back from your relationship for a moment. Did you truly have a great time together all the time? What do other people think of your relationship?
If no-one was surprised that you broke up, this may be a sign that it is time to move on. If they're all shocked, there may be something else underlying the reason for the split. Try to leave it on the back-burner for a while, then think about it a few weeks after, once your head has cleared.
If it still doesn't feel right, don't go back. If it does, then try talking to your ex-girlfriend in an adult and friendly fashion. "How could you end things like this?" or words to that effect are positively the worst things you can say.
4. If She Has Met Someone Else
If, since ending things with you, your partner has met a new guy, it may very well be time to call things a day and move on. This is a very stark indication of her unwillingness to be with you.
However, it is often the case that people rebound. If you can be sure that she did not develop feelings for the other guy when she was with you, then it is safe to assume that he is a rebound. If this is the case, it may just be a matter of time before she realizes that the grass is not greener so to speak. So wait it out.
Don't be around all the time and available, but be ready to step in as soon as she realizes the error she's made. If, however, you discover that she DID have feelings for someone else whilst with you, you have to ask yourself: do I really want to be with someone capable of doing that?
Persistence is a very successful method with people when it comes to dating. If you can hold out long enough, sooner or later you will get there, even if you've done something really bad to hurt her.
The problem here is how long. If you really have feelings that strong, then there is no real timescale. As long as you make certain you don't fall into the "friend zone", it will be only a matter of time before she is back in your arms again. You should also be careful that your persistence doesn't create an imbalance in your relationship, i.e. one where you are the one making all the effort. Try to keep it on her mind that you still want her, but make it obvious that you don't need her.
Make sure you keep yourself busy in the meantime. It doesn't even hurt to try dating a few other people. This will show her that you are well balanced and don't want her back just for the sake of it. Having said that, DO NOT sleep with a bunch of other people then gloat about it to make her jealous (see point 8).
This is also a really big no no. Even if you do succeed, you have wasted your valuable time and effort for no gain other than to make someone you once loved miserable.
Even if it gets to the point where she is begging for you back, and you decide you don't want revenge but do want her back, the reason you tried in the first place will haunt you and damage the future of the relationship.
7. Try to Keep Cool
Don't sit watching your phone waiting for her to call. If she does call, don't answer immediately, let it ring a few times.
When you speak to her, be polite and courteous and be yourself. Don't stay on the phone dragging every last moment of contact out from her. End the call at an appropriate moment.
If you are keeping yourself busy, you will often find you have to cut the call short because you have plans. There is no harm in telling her this is why you are going.
This is a very difficult one, as people respond extremely differently. Women do like to know, however, that you have picked them over everyone else. The best way to show them this is by being in a place where you are receiving a lot of attention from other women, then going to talk to her or even just say hi to her. Do not make a point of ignoring her and acting flirty with other girls in front of her.
This is really obvious and most women actually even expect their exes to do this. If you have a date, it is fine for her to know this—as long as you don't make a point of letting her know. If you bump into her while on a date with someone else, make a point of apologizing and either leave to go somewhere else or offer to. Politeness and courtesy will show her that you still care, whilst at the same time she will see that you didn't sit around mooning over her.
9. Remind Her of the Good Times
If you've managed not to panic, and you are still speaking every now and then, try to have a laugh with her about the things you used to get up to. Talk about a holiday you both had together. Laugh at the way you acted or something you both did.
You can usually tell if this has been successful if, after a bit of a laugh together, there is a short silence. Don't interrupt this, she is remembering how much fun it was being with you.
Although most people like to believe they cannot be, it is true that almost everyone is susceptible to some degree of manipulation. It is possible to get someone back by pretending to be something you are not, or pretending to be someone you no longer are. However, maintaining this act is very psychologically draining.
You will also end up being with someone who does not want to be with you, but the fake persona you have created to attract them. There is much information on manipulating people, especially women, in these circumstances. This is only useful to those who do not wish for a lasting, healthy relationship
So take my advice: don't do it. If you have to resort to these tactics to get her back, you really shouldn't be with her.
To Be or Not to Be?
That is the question. I hope these tips have given you some help and will help you and your girlfriend to enjoy a second chance and a healthy, loving relationship.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
How do you know if she is in a rebound relationship?
This is a very good question. It is difficult enough to tell for someone on the outside, but the person within that relationship will find it next to impossible. People always seem to make excuses for their partner's poor behavior. The other issue is some of the possible signs of a rebound relationship are very similar to defense mechanisms people use i.e. appearing distant or being unwilling to commit to any long term venture. These are not unreasonable positions, especially in a new relationship. Those who are on the rebound do seem to show a much higher than usual (though this is very subjective sometimes) interest in the opposite sex. I have seen people openly flirting right in front of their new partner, who didn't appear to notice (see my first point).Helpful 13
My ex said she wants to stay single and she only loves me but now the situation is critical she wants to be friends with me. Is it possible to get back with her again?
It's always possible, but what I read from this is "it's too hard for me to let you go completely, but I don't want to be with you. It is probable I would like to try other people". This is a serious no-no. If you agree to what she says, you will invite a loss of respect from her, and more importantly from yourself. The only chance you have is to cut it completely for now. Tell her you need time and space, then actually take it. If she doesn't contact you, she can't be that concerned right?Helpful 7
Do I text her a happy birthday when she only dumped me two days before her birthday and will that help to get her back?
To be honest, it is very unlikely to help. If she only dumped you recently, all you are doing is reminding her that she can have you if she wants. Unfortunately, people always want what they can't have more than what they can.Helpful 6
I gave her space and time and did not bother her, I text my ex and she responded back with this 2 weeks later. What does it mean? "sorry ...for the delay but I wasn't sure I wanted to respond to you."
Exactly that I'd say. She's still hurting. It might be best to text back and tell her you will give her space and time. Don't offer and ask for a response, just say it is what you will do. If she doesn't answer, she's not ready. If she does and the answer is more than just "ok", then you have some hope.Helpful 5