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Ten Ways to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

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Ok so your girlfriend is gone. What to do?

This is a list of my top ten tips to get your ex girlfriend back. This is by no means exhaustive, and following these tips will certainly not guarantee success. If you're here, it's likely you're feeling pretty bad right now. There are few things worse than having a relationship end unexpectedly, especially if you are still in love. Hopefully this will help you either come out the other side, or get back with her, if you decide that is what you want to do.

1. Whatever you do, don't panic

This is perhaps the biggest mistake men make in this situation. Panicking will only serve to confirm to your ex that she has made the right decision. If you have done something terrible to deserve this, then you need to accept that and try to make it up to her. If not, then you need to look at why she is trying to move on. Instead of panicking, texting, calling and moaning to everyone who will listen how bad you feel about it, make plans of your own. Go out with friends, get a new hobby or spend more time visiting your family. Take the time to make yourself happy, without her involvement. When you next see her, you need to be confident you don't need her to be happy. She will notice this and it could rekindle the attraction she once felt.

2. Make the right moves

Don't spend your time wondering where your ex girlfriend is or what she is doing. If she calls you, answer her, be polite, be gentlemanly, and do not under any circumstances start begging her to come back. There is nothing worse, male or female, than a partner who refuses to let go. Until you have reached the point where you can let go, you will not be yourself and will therefore find it impossible to attract her back even on what she likes about you.

3. Assess the situation

Try to take a step back from your relationship for a moment. Did you truly have a great time together all the time? What do other people think of your relationship? If no-one was surprised that you broke up, this may be a sign that it is time to move on. If they're all shocked, there may be something else underlying the reason for the split. Try to leave it on the back burner for a while, then think about it a few weeks after, once your head has cleared. If it still doesn't feel right, don't go back. If it does, then try talking to your ex girlfriend in an adult and friendly fashion. "How could you end things like this?" or words to that effect are positively the worst things you can say.

Get a new hobby....
Get a new hobby.... | Source

4. If she has met someone else

If, since ending things with you, your partner has met a new guy, it may very well be time to call things a day and move on. This is a very stark indication of her unwillingness to be with you. However, it is often the case that people rebound. If you can be sure that she did not develop feelings for the other guy when she was with you, then it is safe to assume that he is a rebound. If this is the case, it may just be a matter of time before she realises that the grass is not greener so to speak. So wait it out. Don't be around all the time and available, but be ready to step in as soon as she realises the error she's made. If, however, you discover that she DID have feelings for someone else whilst with you, you have to ask yourself, do I really want to be with someone capable of doing that?

5. Persistence

Persistence is a very successful method with people when it comes to dating. If you can hold out long enough, sooner or later you will get there, even if you've done something really bad to hurt her. The problem here is how long. If you really have feelings that strong, then there is no real timescale. As long as you make certain you don't fall into the "friend zone", it will be only a matter of time before she is back in your arms again. You should also be careful that your persistence doesn't create an imbalance in your relationship ie one where you are the one making all the effort. Try to keep it on her mind that you still want her, but make it obvious that you don't need her. Make sure you keep yourself busy in the meantime. It doesn't even hurt to try dating a few other people. This will show her that you are well balanced and don't want her back just for the sake of it. Having said that, DO NOT sleep with a load of other people then gloat about it to make her jealous (see point 8).

6. Revenge

This is also a really big no no. Even if you do succeed, you have wasted your valuable time and effort for no gain other than to make someone you once loved miserable. Even if it gets to the point where she is begging for you back, and you decide you don't want revenge but do want her back, the reason you tried in the first place will haunt you and damage the future of the relationship.

7. Try to keep cool

Don't sit watching your phone waiting for her to call. If she does call, don't answer immediately, let it ring a few times. When you speak to her, be polite and curteous and be yourself. Don't stay on the phone dragging every last moment of contact out from her. End the call at an appropriate moment. If you are keeping yourself busy, you will often find you have to cut the call short because you have plans. There is no harm in telling her this is why you are going.

8. Jealousy

This is a very difficult one as people respond extremely differently. Women do like to know, however, that you have picked them over everyone else. The best way to show them this, is by being in a place where you are receiving a lot of attention from other women, then going to talk to her or even just say hi to her. Do not make a point of ignoring her and acting flirty with other girls in front of her.

This is really obvious and most women actually even expect their exes to do this. If you have a date, it is fine for her to know this, as long as you don't make a point of letting her know. If you bump into her while on a date with someone else, make a point of apologising and either leave to go somewhere else or offer to. Politeness and curtesy will show her that you still care, whilst at the same time she will see that you are not sat around mooning over her.

9. Remind her of the good times

If you've managed not to panic, and you are still speaking every now and then, try to have a laugh with her about the things you used to get up to. Talk about a holiday you both had together. Laugh at the way you acted or something you both did. You can usually tell if this has been successful if after a bit of a laugh together there is a short silence. Don't interrupt this, she is remembering how much fun it was being with you.

10. Manipulation

Although most people like to believe they cannot be, it is true that almost everyone is susceptible to some degree of manipulation. It is possible to get someone back by pretending to be something you are not, or pretending to be someone you no longer are. However, maintaining this act is very psychologically draining.

You will also end up being with someone who does not want to be with you, but the fake persona you have created to attract them. There is much information on manipulating people, especially women, in these circumstances. This is only useful to those who do not wish for a lasting, healthy relationship, so take my advice, and don't do it. If you have to resort to these tactics to get her back, you really shouldn't be with her.

To be or not to be....

....that is the question. I hope these tips have given you some help and will help you and your girlfriend to enjoy a second chance and a healthy loving relationship.

Comments 398 comments

jon anonomous p 4 years ago

ive been stuck in love for years (4) but only was with her for 7 months.

i got back with an ex after splitting up with this girl and have a 2year old daughter called layla. the best moment of my life was at her birth.

It has been tuff now i have split with laylas mum. Its been a year and i am stuck in the same spot of depression as the world moves around me.

i knew that getting back with my ex would never work because im still in love with the 7montha but she has moved on, she says its different now i have a daughter, we only argued once, things were said and then we split.

i know i was in love, but almost with two girls.... suicide isn't an option atall but its killing me.

i cant for one day, stop thinking about both girls aswell as naturally my beautiful daughter, my reason to keep myself on until a miracle happens, help me please.

Jon


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xxtonybxx 4 years ago from wales Author

Hi Jon, sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds rough. It sounds to me like you have the right idea already; to focus on your daughter. It sounds as though your ex has decided not to pursue anything with you, so you should try to get on with your life too. As anyone who has found it can say, love always happens when we least expect it/are not looking for it. In the mean time, if you want to talk, feel free to message me. There are also many organisations that can help you with any depression or anxiety problems you may be experiencing, including the samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/ and many self help websites with good advice about how to avoid staying in a "rut" http://www.fightingdepression.co.uk/?gclid=CPr2zYW... Hope this helps and that it works out for you.


Heartbroken 4 years ago

How do I do all those when I don't get to see her? And she is ignoring me totally and cutting off all contacts.


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xxtonybxx 4 years ago from wales Author

If that is the case you need to focus elsewhere. Try to do something every day that you know you enjoy. This will increase your confidence and take your mind off her. Whatever you do, don't pester or keep trying to contact her, this will only make you seem desperate and not very attractive. You may also need to come to terms with the possibility that you may not be right for each other. Were you truly happy when you were with her? Few people can be happy with someone they know does not want to be with them. A relationship is a mutual appreciation. We need the mutual part to feel real love for someone. If, however, you leave her alone and don't try to contact her or be in her life, she may wonder why and this may lead her to contact you. If she does not, it is fairly safe for you to assume that the relationship is over and think about moving on. This will also demonstrate strength of character on your part if you do see her again. In spite of what many people will try to tell you, especially online, there is no sure fire way to get your ex back, there are only ways to increase the chances. Usually the best thing to do is try to get on with your life and if you were meant to be with her, you will, if not, you won't.


Joshua 4 years ago

My ex broke up with me and has been dating some 1 else for a month she only gets to see him on the weekends. I met with her yesterday and she greeted me with a ass that lasted more than ten seconds we kiss three times about that long and hung out for the day. Then she says she wants to be friends after she is cuddling with me . Should I be her friend and wait for her to dump this new guy ?


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xxtonybxx 4 years ago from wales Author

It is difficult for me to answer this with a definite. I do not have all the answers and would not pretend to totally understand your situation. I would say that given the circumstances (she has a new guy), it might be an idea to put your cards on the table, tell her you want to be with her but that you're not prepared to sit around while she finds out if she has something with the new guy. If you become her friend, there is a pretty good chance that that is what you'll stay. You need to take a risk and if it doesn't work, then why would you want to be with her? It sounds like she is keeping you around as a back up just in case things don't work with the new guy. Make sure she knows that you will not tolerate this. Tell her you want to be with her or you want your own space to sort yourself out. If she doesn't agree to drop the new guy, follow through, break contact with her other than that which courtesy demands (i.e. don't ignore her), but if she asks you to see her as friends, tell her you are not comfortable with that if you want to be with her. If you would like to stay friends, then fair enough, be her friend, but be aware that if you do that you probably will not get back with her.


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xxtonybxx 4 years ago from wales Author

Just to point out to all you spammers out there, I do not approve any comments which invite readers to try spell casting to get their ex back, or any other internet phishing scams you may feel like posting, so don't bother, they will not appear unless I approve them, which I will not. Please don't waste my time or yours.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

SPAM WILL NOT BE POSTED. PLEASE DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME AND MINE POSTING ABOUT LOVE SPELLS, NO ONE WILL SEE THEM AS I WILL NOT APPROVE THEM AS THEY ARE SCAMS.


black warrant 3 years ago

This is wonderful and feeling so good after reading this. I wanna ask one thing, She dumped me 2 months before, and after that day i went for no contact rule and i waited for 2 weeks till she get back but spoil that chance when she came back. I irritated her and taunted her, thinking all was her mistake. I didn't know how to manage when a girl come back after a breakup. Please advice me, whether should i go with this no contact rule again because i am chasing her since 3 weeks with a contact and no contact and she is not even responding me.. Please guide me :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is difficult to say for certain without knowing you or your ex. If you are trying to contact her all the time and she is not answering, it is usually best to stop. I would perhaps wait for her to get in touch with you now. Obviously don't ignore here if she speaks to you, but there is no need to chase her. If she does not contact you, perhaps you should re-assess the relationship. Was she really what you wanted? It is never anyone's mistake in these circumstances. You can't blame someone for not wanting to be with you anymore than they can blame you for the same. All's fair in love and war as the saying goes. If you irritated her and taunted her, perhaps this was just how you felt and you needed to express it. It may be wise to perhaps consider expressing it in a more constructive manner in the future, i.e. don't attack her, just explain how you feel.


Matata123 3 years ago

Great advice! I've been in no contact with my ex for 4 months and I've learned a lot from this experience. I realized how weak and insecure I became throughout the relationship. I just became disgusted with myself and it was my attitude that help end the relationship. I took your advice and I'm feeling more confident. I feel like I can take on the world and not give a damn. Heartbreak is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but going through it makes you stronger. Anyways we haven't spoken since the split and I was thinking about sending a holiday greeting to initiate contact. We were together for 6yrs and although apart of me still loves her, I don't think I want to be in a relationship. Do you think it would be too soon to contact her? She was the one that ended it and I just followed suit without begging or pleading. She's a great gal and I respect her. I wouldn't mind having her as a friend or FWB. I'd like to know your thoughts on this situation. Thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds like you've grown as a result of the experience, which will stand you in good stead for future relationships. If you want to be friends, there's no reason why you shouldn't, as long as she is happy with that situation too. I do find it a bit strange that she hasn't contacted you even though you haven't spoken to her in four months. At the end of the day, only you can really know what is best for you to do, so make a choice you are sure you will be happy with.


Torkuma Nyakuma 3 years ago

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 years. i love her so much but we keep breaking up and coming back. we broken up like 5times. the first time i was d one dat ended it and it lasted for almost 5months then we came back subsequently she was the one that kept breaking up with me for unnecessary reasons. she always said she would never forgive me for hurting her the first time and she can never love me as she did the first time before i broke up with her. the last time we broke up now, i lasting almost a month now. we havnt spoken for awhile until i met her three days back, we said hi n hugged each other and she left coz she came to the place with another boy. i really want her back and i dnt kw what to tell her. i need your help and i want the relationship to last.


Trillesdame 3 years ago

Hi Tony. Would it be possible for you to talk to me through mail? That is, if you would care to help me in this difficult situation.

Cheers.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Torkuma. It sounds to me as though you may have broken the so called "spell" of love when you first broke up with her. It seems as though your ex still has very strong feelings for you, but that she cannot get over the initial hurt. It may have taken her completely by surprise which is always much harder to deal with. If you really want her back, the only thing I could suggest is to keep showing her. You have to accept the possibility that this may not work, and she may well be speaking from the heart when she tells you that she can never forgive you. That said, if you really want to make it work with her, there is no reason not to try, and if you don't even do that, you may regret it for the rest of your life. My advice is to try to show her how sorry you are for this, but not with the aim of getting back. Let her know that you want her back, and show her how you feel, but try not to put any pressure on her. Just let her know that you want her to be happy and to forgive you, and that if this results in a lasting relationship, all well and good, but make sure she knows that your main concern is that she forgives you and she is happy.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Just to add Torkuma, when you say "unnecessary reasons" perhaps you should look a little deeper at these reasons and address them? If only to show her that you are taking her seriously. If you love her, dismissing her reasons as "unnecessary" may be exactly what prevents her from taking you seriously, as she may feel that you are not acknowledging her.


Doe 3 years ago

My story would be the most complicated one I think.

I was together with my ex girlfriend more than 10 years. She moved to another country for her Phd study. After 1.5 years later I moved to another country as well because of my job. We planned to get married and after her Phd study she supposed to move where I live. When we where making plans for our wedding. I got scared in time. And also started seeing her only from her negative side. She kept pushing on it, I backed of. At the end I told her we should brake up.

It has been 2 years now. We still kept contact. She wanted to get back all this time. 1 year ago she finished her Phd and also found a job where I live. I helped her oud to move here. She told me it is a coincidence, even I didn't believe her. She also moved very close to my house. We kept seeing each other. There where also some moments we spend the night together. Later I figured out to not get drunk with an ex.

2 times I dated other girls each time she found out. And interfered with my dates. Also on the last one, when where at my home with my date, my ex called me and asked me to meet her in her house. Somehow she figured it out. I told my date I will be back in 30-60 min and left her at home.

Anyhow times past like this. Couple of months ago, my ex called me. She told me she is in the hospital with heavy pains. I went to the hospital immediately. Later that day she was operated. I was in the hospital all the time. I was very worried about her. Then I started realizing I still love her. When she was ok again. I started making plans to make a new start and get married. Didn't tell her that because I wanted to make it a great surprise for her. I bought tickets for a concert and dinner later on.

The day I wanted to tell her about the concert. She told me that she is seeing someone, before I could tell her. I was surprised, didn't tell her about the concert or about my feelings.

I told myself all those 2 years that was what I wanted. For 1 week I didn't care at all, didn't make a bid deal of it. 1 week later I felt my self very strange. 2 days later I figured out she isn't in my hearth anymore. I didn't know that she was with his new friend that weekend. But I felt it in my heart.

I texted her about my feelings. A few days later we talked about it. She told me that he is very special person for her. She said she needs time nut that was to keep me happy for a while.

Anyhow short story she is still with him, and I can't spend a minute without thinking her. I know from what I did to her I deserve what happened.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Doe, this sounds like a very cautionary tale. It often takes the possibility of losing someone to realise how much they mean to us. From your comment, it sounds as if your ex had very strong feelings for you for a very long time after you split up. The problem you have is that she will likely feel that the only reason you now want her is because you can't have her. You need to be sure in yourself that this is not true before you make any serious attempt to get back with her. If this is really how you feel, it is just a matter of patience. If you tell her how you feel, then let her make the next move, sooner or later it is fairly certain that she will. However, be aware that you will likely be destroying any chance she has of happiness with this other guy. If you get back with her and then realise that she is not in fact what you want, you will have set her happiness back by a few years. It sounds as if she will take a long time to get over you again if you should break her heart a second time. The problem for you is not whether or not she will get back with you (you can be fairly confident she would, eventually) but whether or not this is really what you want. Maybe you should try to spend a few months just being her friend while you work out your feelings. If you still feel the same after this time, then let her know and try to get her back. It is important to be careful with the feelings of others, especially in your position. That said, it is important to ensure that you are always truthful, even when this hurts. A relationship can only be healthy if there is a mutual affection and appreciation on both parts. It is not a matter of deserving what happened; relationships are often complicated and at least you were honest and told her how you feel rather than letting her marry you even though you weren't ready.


Doe 3 years ago

Thanks for the advices. Yes she had strong feelings to me always, also before we started she had a platonic love to me, even I didn't know her then.

All those 2 years she told me she will never love someone else.

I'm absolutely sure I wan't to spend my life with her. I told her everything, she knows. She was also feeling sorry, because of her I'm in the same situation she was for 2 years. She says she doesn't want to give me hopes. That I should forget her. She even wrote me an e-mail, that she was absolutely sure that I don't love her when she was in hospital. She thinks I was Ice cold to her, and was looking I was forced to come her, when in reality I was in shock and was scared about her. I wrote her a very long details about that day in details. She said she wish that she realised that back then.

From your article above, I did some of the stuff, which you suggested as don'ts (don't panic, making the right moves..etc).

Anyhow thank you again, I know the best will be wait and see what the future will bring. I won't contact her anymore, will send her flowers on her birthday and that's it.

I hope she will find what is right for her.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Doe, I'm glad I have been of some help. I hope that one day you will both be together again. I'm glad you have decided to focus on her happiness and that you are prepared to wait for her. I think what you have decided to do is definitely the best option given your situation, and you have made a strong and morally sound decision. Thanks for reading and for your comments.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Lol I thought I'd approve this one for stupidity. Notice the copy and paste errors? Hahaha. Must be a very important man if his email is mail.com lmao! Thanks peter, now we know how to get our exes back :).


kevo 3 years ago

hi'just broke up with my gf 'I'm 40 and she's 47'she says we're different people after a couple of huffs but don't understand her'she been hurt in past so is very stubborn 'I'm using nc rule as from last Friday and just see what happens


Bradford8 3 years ago

Hi do here's the thing I already screwed up and I could use your help to fix it. First we have been only dating 3 months and I know it's not a long time I've really grown to love her. Well she broke it off with me today, I did the right thing said ok and walked off feeling really bad. Well later that night I panicked... I asked her why and what type of break, she responded she was uncomfortable and she didn't have any plans to get back together, I panicked again and pleaded for a few messages I said I screwed up she said yes you did. I said bye and that I love you and that's it. Can you help or am I royally screwed. Btw time is short she moves in less than a year and I planned to follow her up a year later if it went well. I can't wait her out but what's a good amount of time? And is there still a possibility, btw I have a class with her. Please I'm not in a good place.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Bradford, what you need to do first is try to calm down. Panicking has not helped you and will not help you. You need to try to get yourself back to normal before you can even consider getting back with her. Focus on this and try to forget any thoughts of getting back with her for the moment. No contact is especially important here, though when you see her in class, say hello, be polite, but DON'T stop and talk. If she tries, tell her you have somewhere you need to be, make your excuses and leave.

Once you begin to feel a bit more yourself, you can put the above points into action. Think about what you enjoy doing, spend some time with friends, they will help you keep your mind off her and help you get back to yourself. Avoid sitting alone and thinking about her (I know it sounds really obvious but still), try to keep as busy as possible, this will also help you avoid sleepless nights as when you go to bed you will be knackered. If you find yourself alone and have nothing to do, go for a run or do some exercise. Do something you know you find mentally or physically challenging, as this will take your energy away from thoughts of your ex.

Hope this helps. Thanks for reading.


Bradford8 3 years ago

Thanks, but one more question, you mentioned that if she tries to talk just be polite and courteous but be short and make an excuse. How long should I wait before I do the get back together talk? I know you don't know what's going on 24/7 but a rough estimate woul be great before I try to start at square 1. Thanks again, Bradford.


Joe 3 years ago

Hi. My girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me about a week ago. I'm madly in love with her and am devastated. We lived together and overall had a great relationship. The reason she broke it off was because I became comfortable in the relationship and didn't do little simple things for her; I was not there for her. And to be honest after the first talk about a week and a half ago, I took a step back and realized what a massive jerk I've been. I never cheated or anything like that. She just didn't have faith in me to be there for her when she needed me. And I would do anything for her but I was lazy about those everyday things I should have done.

Since then I have made a complete 180. I get what I did wrong and I vowed to not be that person.

When she actually broke it off, I did not beg or plead. I got my stuff and left. I spoke with her last night and explained how I feel about her and that I have changed and that I am happy to give her space. She is not sure if she is attracted to me because I did not act like the man she needed. I told her I am that man and that I have turned a corner. I did not beg, I just stated that I am in love with her and that I have changed and I will give her space and time to think.

I wasn't sure if I should do the no contact thing, I mentioned it and she said that she probably wouldn't get those feelings back if we did the no contact. So what should I do in terms of contact? Should I just send simple messages every once in a while just saying "did you have a good day?" Etc? Or do you have any other advice?

Thanks

Joe


Bradford8 3 years ago

So I have an update and asking for the experts advice, I'm sorry for the continued post but I'm a little in need of coaching advice. So I had my class with her today and I followed your rules I was polite but not eager to make conversation with her, so I have two points. First I had lunch with her, I stayed away from her and she looked happy. The second though was different, in class she looked almost sad. It was interesting, it was a lab day so i was next to her and talking alot with her friends (female) and she looked sad any clues?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

This is good so far Bradford. It seems like you are going about things the right way, except for one thing: You are still spending an awful lot of time worrying or thinking about and analysing what she is doing. You should make this time you have about you, not about her. It is likely that she is sad about not being with you anymore, it would be a very cold hearted person indeed who felt nothing at the end of a relationship, but this does not necessarily mean she wants you back. For the moment you should assume she doesn't until you have something definite from her that she does. As for time limits, there really isn't one in these cases. It depends on you. The first sign that you are ready is that you don't spend all your time thinking about her and analysing her, and that you don't get that sinking feeling when you do think about her. Once you are past this phase, you are ready to either move on or try to get back with her. It is important to get to the end of this stage first though, in order to truly assess whether or not you actually want her back. Thanks for the compliment, but I am by no means an expert lol. I have no qualifications I am just writing from my own experience and that of people I know. Hope this helps. Sorry Joe, I have to go to work now so I don't have time to answer you too, but I will do so as soon as I can, probably tomorrow as I am working all day and all night today.


al3131 3 years ago

Hello i am very appreciative of the blog you have created here. My situation is different from the rest. I am a younger man in his twenties who is in a relationship with an older women. She hasn't been happy with her job or the location for a while. She recently got divorced a couple years of a go and she really wanted to sell her home and now its about to sell. I cant blame her because she has worked so hard and she s a great women who has been through a lot. She is a nurse that took a 13 week traveling contract in another state. She took this job before we fell crazy in love and its now really hard for both of us. Its been real emotional the last couple weeks because she is suppose to move next week. I feel devastated and its been hard every day. We have been dating for seven months and I love her more than anything. I've devoted myself 100% to the relationship and been through so much with her including her surgery. She knows that I am 100% dedicated but she says she doesn't know if she ready to commit but she wants to keep the relationship and she loves me a lot. I might have traveled with her but I have to finish the last semester of college in the current state i am in. I've talked to her about traveling with her and taking the relationship to the next step after I graduate. Im worried and nervous about the time being apart and the fact that she isn't sure if she is ready to commit to the next level. I have alot of faith and hope though. She says she needs to evaluate our relationship because she never planned for this to happen and neither did I but both of us are really happy together. Its been so hard and emotional seeing each other lately but were going to stick with it and see how she feels. I know that I am ready to commit and see it we can grow on the next level. I respect her needs to the fullest and I know she needs more time to think about it. I have a lot hope and faith for this relationship but honestly very difficult to predict or see where this is going to go. Can you please give me some advice or an outlook our relationship.


luke 3 years ago

hi i have a problem and i came across your site which u give rather good advice..i was going out with this girl but we broke up after 2 months because she doesn't show any affection although she says she love me whenever we r alone there is no type of communication and she wouldn't let me into her life... im in the same collage as this girl and i see her everyday..btw we broke up 2 weeks ago...she stoped talking to me and i have done the same but i cant forget her, do you think it is worth getting back with her, and what should i do and we are both 19


Bradford8 3 years ago

So another follow up, but just a question for you. How can i start to stop thinking about her? I want to stop thinking about her just like you mentioned, yet alot of times I randomly start thinking of her. Btw I don't want to drink, drugs, or go bang someone. Thanks. Hurt man trying to get better.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Kevo, hope this works out for you. Let us know how you get on.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Joe, this is a tough one, and again, it is difficult for me to give advice when I don't know you both or your relationship. I would say just answer her when she messages you, rather than sending messages yourself. If you keep messaging her you may find it difficult to know how long to wait before texting or ringing. You will probably want to do it often. If you only respond when she messages you, then you are still being there for her but you are not being needy or pestering her. I understand that your messages wouldn't be asking her to get back with you, but ex girlfriends tend to assume any contact from you means you are trying to get them back, so it is best to wait until they contact you. This way you are giving her space and time to think, but are still around if she needs support.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Al, this might be down to the age gap between you. As you are young, even what older people might consider a short time apart will seem longer to you. I think you are worrying unnecessarily. If your relationship is as strong as you say, the time apart will make little or no difference. If she is worried about committing, you need to let her breathe to think about it. If you press her on the issue, you will drive her away. If your relationship cannot survive a brief period apart, then frankly, you should wait for a better one. It is a question of being able and sure enough in yourself to know that you should allow the time for the relationship to develop. If she is not where you are, this is a disparity which you need to address. Allowing time for her and you to breathe and consider what you are both doing may well be what you both need, or you may find that on reflection, you shouldn't be together. Either way, many relationships have periods of time apart. It is not unusual and doesn't mean the relationship is over.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Luke, it sounds to me as though it might be wise to chalk this one up to experience and move on. For a relationship to be successful, you need mutual affection. It is no good for you if she is not showing this. From what you are saying, it doesn't sound as though you had a good experience during the relationship, so I would say leave it be and see what happens. Don't stop being polite to her, if she talks to you, respond, but don't put her under any pressure. If she comes to you and starts to open up, fine, but it doesn't seem likely this will happen. Try to concentrate on college and other things for the moment.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Bradford. The best way to do it is to spend time with your friends. They will probably understand what you are going through and sympathise. They will try to cheer you up and take your mind off things. Alternatively, if you find yourself alone, try to do something challenging. If you are in college, focus on your work. Give yourself objectives, i.e. "I will finish this work by X o'clock". If you are at home, do some physical exercise or something mentally challenging, something that directs your energy away from her. This will take time so you must be patient. Don't expect to stop thinking about her tomorrow using these methods. Time is the greatest healer of all and is completely on your side here. You will not be heartbroken forever.


Diggity 3 years ago

This is single-handedly, the best guide for ways to get your ex back. Everything on here is realistic and to the point. From my personal experience, I can vouch for most if not all of these rules, if that's what you call them! Great job!


Bradford8 3 years ago

So I have another update for you, I talked to her best friend. I asked her if she missed me. She said she doesn't think so, she said she doesn't think she is looking for a relationship right now. She told me to wait till things are normal between us, she said that she can be hot headed. I just can't get her out of my head... And believe me I'm trying to forget.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Her best friend will have gone straight to her and told her all about it. She will now be aware that you are still trying to get her back. You should back off, and I mean completely. Stay out of her way as much as you can and focus on yourself. Never mind waiting until things are normal between you, you should be focusing on getting yourself back to normal. Whilst you are still in the zone where all you are thinking about is her and how to get back with her, it will NOT happen. The more you think about it, and try things (such as talking to her friend) the more you will push her away and reinforce her decision. A good catch doesn't chase, a good catch runs. You are convincing her that you are not a good catch, and you are damaging your self esteem into the bargain. It sounds to me as though her friend is trying to be nice to you, and trying to make it easy on you. She may not realise this, but she is not helping you. "Not looking for a relationship right now" is a turn of phrase to let you down gently.


Bradford8 3 years ago

Alright, let's hope she didn't tell her. I did get a solid promise out of her.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I doubt it but that doesn't mean you've necessarily messed it up. The good thing about the tips in the article is that you can pretty much start them whenever you like and they have a chance of working. Admittedly, the longer you are in the begging pestering phase, the less likely it is to work, but women (and men too usually) want what they can't have, so you need to make them feel like they would have to put a bit of effort in to keep you.


Sean2013 3 years ago

Your advice is brilliant. Now that I can be a rational thinker again, everything you're saying actually makes sense. However, in my situation I am confused as ever!

Long story short...me and ex gf had been friends for years, always had a strong connection. We fell in love, she said she had never loved like this before, and I felt the same. Because of lack of communication and me not showing her the attention she wanted, she broke up with me after 2 years. I did not take it very well at all, and pushed her away. The last time we talked on the phone, she told me she couldn't be friends with me, but I know that she is friends with almost all of her exes. This bothered me alot... and I told her if thats how she feels than we won't be friends, at which point she started crying and hung up the phone... and started to ignore me. We stopped talking for 6 months... and after saw each other in a bar. She looked very uncomfortable, stood in a corner the whole time and couldn't even look me in the eye when I walked over to say Hi. Saw her again at a wedding a afew weeks later, and she was a little more comfortable. She even walked over at one point to fix my hair, and tried to make small talk. She was feeling sick at night and went home, so I texted her the next day to say hope she was feeling better and got no response.

Last time I saw her it was a week ago, bumped into her in a bar. She again couldn't make eye contact with me. At one point I was talking and laughing with a female friend of mine, and I realized my ex was furious... to the point where her friends were calming her down. I sat next to her and asked if she was ok, and she again couldn't look me in the eye and couldn't say a single word... as if she was scared to even look at me. Her friends told me to not talk to her at that moment so I backed off.

For new years eve, I figured I send her a Happy New Years text, and have gotten no response. I really don't understand what is going on in her head. One moment she is friendly at the wedding, but ignores a simple text. Next moment she is furious at me for talking to a girl? We had been broken up for 7 months...and I know she has been hanging out with other guys, so why would she act like that if she really doesn't want to be with me or has any feelings for me still? When she broke it off, she did say that she stilled loved me and cared for me. I just don't know what to do.. she is still ignoring me after all this time, and her actions lead to only one thing, she is not over it. Or am I wrong?

Now that I can have an adult conversation with her and apologize and talk through everything to put it past us... she won't let me in. She truly was and still might be the love of my life. Any insight would help!


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Sean, it sounds to me as though she feels really deeply hurt by you and has determined to keep away from you out of fear of experiencing the same hurt again. It is a very difficult situation to deal with for you, as she has obviously managed to control herself in spite of the fact that she is obviously not over you. It seems to me that there may be some misunderstanding between you that needs to be addressed, because from what your saying you haven't exactly been horrible to her. Either that, or you're not giving the whole story or you have done something you are not aware has hurt her. I would perhaps try talking to one of her close friends, or better still, if you have a mutual friend, talk to her instead. Women place a great deal of store in the opinions of their friends, so you can use this to try to show her that you want to make amends.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi md, it seems that you have maybe pushed her away with your jealousy. This is a fairly common problem. You should try to address this behaviour, i.e. try to figure out why it is you became so jealous in your relationship with her. If she sees you making an effort to do this it may show her that the problem was not you, which may lead her to reconsider ending things. The important thing is to focus on trying to resolve your problem without necessarily having the aim of getting back together with her. When she sees how mature you are being about it, it will help you get back in her good books.


Sean2013 3 years ago

Thanks for your insight. There really isn't more to the story other than the fact that she felt like I was being selfish for not giving her all the space she needed when we first broke up, as I felt the need to fight to get her back, which was the wrong thing to do at the time. But that is all in the past and its been quite a while now. I believe when someone has such negative emotion, even though its negative, might mean that they still have feelings. The opposite to love is indifference, not anger and sadness. I agree that she has managed to control herself to keep me out, and it could be out of fear or disappointment. I asked her repeatedly when we broke up if she wanted me to not talk to her ever again, and she simply would say that is not what she wants, yet she completely ignores any simple gesture I have made to open up the communication channels. I feel like through these gestures I have shown that I am not looking to pressure her into anything, and just want to make mends. I thought of having mutual friend talk to her, but thought that would only make it worst and not exactly portray me as being confident and mature about making mends. My only other option might be to just let it go and wait for her to miss me enough to want to talk to me by her own decision. Ultimately you cannot change the way someone else feels if their past has a hold of them...until they want it for themselves, don't you think so? Or else they will keep using every defense mechanism in their actions. She is still angry after all this time, but behind great anger, there is great pain, and I am desperately trying not to take it personally.


Seth 3 years ago

Hi, I been 6 months with my ex gf and then we break up for more than 6 months. We both tried to forgot each other but most of the time we keep in touch and even we had sex. this time i tried to use the technics and it didn't help us. and again after afew days that we meet I talk with her, and this time she told me that please finish it. but she also really loving me I don't know what should i do now!! is it right if i call every day and do good things to her?!!


seth 3 years ago

also i forgot to tell, I message her for happy new year and she reply very nice to me. then I call her after 2 days and i ask her if she is free we go out. the day after she called me and we went to have coffee. we had great time with full of fun and even she hug me like she missing me so much and the night she wanted to ask me to have sax with her and i avoid her. then we keep calling each other until we meet again and that night we had sex. it was one of the best night that we ever had we talk about all the good memories and how we loved each other. After 2 days i called her again and i told her that Im sick and the day after that she called me and she told me that she also sick and she wants to go to have soup in restaurant and latter we spend time together i company her. but she didn't had good feeling and she ask me to leave her and she told me that she wants to have rest alone. then i left her. I called her at night and i ask about her feeling. and the day after I make soup for her and i called her to send it to her, then she told me Im ok now and Im not @ home thanks. I said ok. the day after i called her and I ask her if you free we meet up and she told me i very busy and if i had time I will call you and she didn't call me for 2 days. until last night he was in restaurant with one her friends and she called me when she saw me with my friends. I get very upset when I saw her with her friends while she told me that she is busy and she don't have time to meet me. next i called her and I ask her to give me 10 min to talk and she tod me that she cant talk today maybe other day and I force her to meet and I went to her house and we talk. I told her why she doing this things after that she brings the past again. I apologized her and i told her that is already past and we should forgot it. and I told her that she is all the thing that I hav and I told her that I changed and i will make her happy. then we both cry and she told me please I cant make it any more and she left. when I reach home I call her again and she was crying and she told me I am sad because you are sad. I told her do you want me to come there and she told me I want but is better to not do that. and she told me again promise me to move on and don't call me again. this is my story until now, please help me what should I do? I tried no contact rules but it is not worked! maybe she needs some thing serious that i show her how she means to me!


Ryan 3 years ago

So I was with this girl officially for just under 3 months. I spend the previous 6 trying to convince her and her friends to go out with me. I was blind but I fell in love. We never went any further than a simple kiss but she was always on my mind and I still struggle to keep her from coming back into my mind. Being a month later I tried talking to other girls but I couldn't. I just couldn't have a conversation without talking or mentioning her. She straight up told me that she did not care about me nor will she ever but I don't know how to let go. Any tips? or am I just screwed until my mind decided to move on.


seth 3 years ago

Sorry the first part that i wrote is removed, I was with her for 6 months and she did every thing to show her love tom me and i was blind until I lost her. and after we broke up we still was in keep in touch for 6 months but not like before maybe we meet once in month and we do sex also. I tihnk i did wrong because some times when she called me i didn't answer here very good!


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok sean. It sounds as though you have a good handle on the situation. As far as the mutual friend goes, I didn't mean get her/him to talk to her, but to ask them what the issue is with your ex. That way you won't be pressuring her and it may help you to sort things out. I don't think it's right that you can't change someones feelings, but it is a very difficult thing to achieve, and unless you do it completely honestly, it can be a dangerous road to travel. She will likely continue to use her defence mechanisms as they do seem to stem from deeply felt emotion. On the bright side, it is very unlikely that she doesn't still feel for you if her emotions are expressing themselves in such an extreme manner. I would agree that you should let it go, but you should continue to try to contact her from time to time, just to let her know you are still around. By this I mean the things you have done already, i.e. christmas/birthday/new year/if you hear she has a new job etc, if you see her say hi and be friendly, just as you have been doing. It is my belief that if you hang in there with this one, you will eventually prevail. I do think it is important that you discover exactly why she is so hell bent on keeping away from you though. This might provide you with the opportunity to calm whatever fear is making her do this.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Seth, I am sorry to hear your story, it sounds as though you are both not in a very good place. The rules above a very general and will not always be what you should use. Your situation is quite unique (as are most peoples). The rules above are a guide and not a cure all. How long have you applied the no contact rules? It seems as though she has decided to break contact because she wants to end things in spite of the feeling she obviously still has for you. You need to try to find out exactly why it is that she is feeling this way. Why did you break up in the first place?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Ryan, I think time is what you need on this one. It sounds to me as though this girl never really had any particularly strong feelings for you. You need to focus on getting back to yourself. When you feel yourself starting to dwell on her, occupy yourself with something else; hobbies, friends, physical exercise etc. This is not a quick fix and it will take time to heal your mind, but in time, this WILL happen. In extreme cases, you could try a mental exercise to remove her from your mind. Use meditation techniques, i.e. sit comfortably and focus your mind on any part of you that does not hold the feeling for her, like your hands, skin, feet etc. This is only a short term solution, but it may help you to get over the worst feelings of hurt. Hope you feel better soon.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Just to note seth, comments do not appear at all until I have read and approved them, so don't worry if you write something and it doesn't come up. I have to check all comments as get your ex back scam posters often post spam on this page and I don't allow that sort of thing on here.


manuel 3 years ago

Hello there i have been reading your blog and its great.

i was with my girlfriend of one and a half years and she broke up 2 weeks ago. the reason was because in the last couple of months i have not been myself due to family problems. i aim usually a up beat person always joking and laughing but in the last couple of months i found myself being down and i think this affect my relationship with her.

because of the way i was feeling we got into argument far more often than we usually.

you are probably wondering why didn't i tell her about what i was going through but the thing is at the time i did not know that it was my family problems that was affecting the way i was acting. it was after we broke up that i realized this.

so i called her a few days after because i knew that i didn't mean what i said about breaking up but she said refused my apology and said we should break up for the reasons i stated on how i have been behaving.

i have explained to her a few days after on the phone about why i was behaving how i was and i think she understand and i have also said sorry. but she says shes stuck in the middle of getting back together or not.

she just got a new job which ends in 4weeks time so she has been busy. when i text her the conversation is very one sided and she doesn't ask me about how i am.

i really want her back because i really do love her.

what do you think i should do in terms of contacting her? should i stop contacting her? or should i every now and then tell her 'i hope her work is going well'.

thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi manuel, I think you should let things be for a short while. It's only been two weeks. In the grand scheme of things, that is not very long. When you get back with an ex, it goes one of two ways; either you get back within the first 48 hours of breaking up, or it takes time. How long can vary a lot, depending on the relationship and the people involved. Give her some time to breath, at the moment she will have all her defences up against you anyway so you would be banging your head against a brick wall. Patience is the key.


Sean2013 3 years ago

Thanks for the support! I've had alot of generic feedback from people, so this is much appreciated. The fact that she is friends with her exes, yet I'm singled out as the one she can't be friends with, along with all of her actions, all point to her still not being over the feelings, and the disappointment of a failed relationship. WHat I want is to have the chance to have a conversation to show her that the past relationship is gone, there were so many lessons and realizations and perspectives that were formed because of the break up, breaking up could have been the best thing we could have done to realize how much we appreciate each other. I will try to see what is bothering her through her friends, but when I first had a convo with her best friend about 5 months ago, her response was that she just wants space and "wants to do her own thing for now". I don't want to make any assumptions, but it seems like she just wants to bury all the emotions inside, and not deal with it. But when she does see me, it all comes out, and leads to her actions...weather good actions or bad. I wish I could communicate with her to help her deal with her emotions and heal rather than sit back helpness. I will continue to reach out to her once in a while, but at the same time I think its important to keep moving forward in life and not base life on false hope...(even though I can't stop thinking about her). She may never be able to face her emotions and could keep burying them inside..which will never let us to reconnect. But love is love, and no matter what our heads tell us to logically do, our hearts will push back...so I won't give up yet... and maybe she hasn't either deep down somewhere inside. Thank you again.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Oh absolutely it can, but it is difficult to know for certain what you need to do. I am not qualified in any way and can only give you very general advice based on my experience. Ultimately, you are the person with the most information and therefore the best placed to fully understand what is needed. Most relationships can benefit from breathing room from time to time.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok Sean, glad I could help. It seems as though you are on the right path with this one, I hope it works out for you both.


Manuel 3 years ago

Is there ever a time when chasing after her is the best option if part if the reason for the break up is because I had been a distant?


harpseal 3 years ago

hello tonyb my name is john.

My girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago, because in her words lately have not been the nice guy she first went out with. the reason for this is because i have been stressed with a new project at work.

however i am willing to work on things and get back with her. she suggested that she was not going to be a bitch and say we cannot talk or see each other. so we spoke every now and then in the within the 4 weeks. and even sent her some flowers saying sorry.

however i have asked her if we could meet up because i have realized the things i did wrong and i don't want this to drag on any longer because i loved her. but she declined and i mad the mistake of going into panic mode. i told her i was trying here to make things better and she replied again with shes busy.

a few days after i asked her how she was doing, and the she did not reply for two days i text her back asking in a jokey manner how i have been ignored. i know she is not so busy that she could not reply because she has been speaking to other mutual friends of ours.

the reason why i panicked is because i wanted to show her i cared that we were broken up because i didn't want to reinforce her idea of me no longer being the nice person i was before buy going no contact straight away and brushing the whole situation to one side.

To cut a long story short i was wondering if even after this panic mode i had.

1)can still beginning to follow the no contact rule from now on?

2) will this help to show her at least that i have taken into consideration of her being busy and have stopped bugging her?

3)also still be able to achieve the same effects of her going through the process of missing me and how our relationship was?

thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It's difficult to say manuel. There are times when chasing can be a good idea, but generally after a break up I would say no. Whatever the reason for a break up, unless you get back together almost immediately, chasing is not a good idea. It may also be that this is not the real reason for the break up, and discovering this can take time. Chasing also does not demonstrate you are not distant, just that you want her back. The chances are she already knows this anyway so pushing the point will make her feel like you are trying to force the issue, rather than that you are becoming more open. That said, I can only give you advice from my own personal experience and things I have witnessed, so ultimately any decision you make on it needs to be yours, based on your own analysis of your situation. It is very rare, however, that a situation does not benefit from being allowed time to breathe a little. The first thing anyone should do when a relationship ends, is get back to who they are. Only then can you be sure that you want to get back with your ex, and that you think the relationship can be saved.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi John. The answer to your questions are all yes. No contact does not mean you have to be horrible to her. You can still be courteous and return her texts etc, just don't initiate contact, and when you do speak to her, don't prolong it. If you feel yourself starting to text her for the sake of it, or you don't feel yourself, make an excuse and end the conversation. The same applies if you see her in person. Be polite, be friendly, don't hang around unnecessarily. Make some arrangements of your own to see friends or do things you enjoy. This will raise your confidence levels and also means when you do see her, you will not be able to hang around like a lost puppy because you will have things to do. Hope this helps.


Manuel 3 years ago

Would you like to shed some light on if she is also doing no contact then who breaks the ice first?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Usually in that case I would say her, unless there is a particularly good reason to contact her, i.e. birthday, hearing she's got a new job etc.


Xxadvicexx 3 years ago

I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months, he was straight forward with me said he was separated from his wife she had moved out and was living miles away from him with their 2 kids, we were together every night he started the new year with me and sent me a message coming clean that he had been talking to other women and I also found out that he was also talking to his separated ex. I continuously told him that I would step out of the picture if he wanted her back because I knew he loved her and she loved him. But i knew it wouldn't work with them. she did not want him happy. He went to make peace with her 2 weeks ago because he told me she had argued with him all day about me and he was tired of it so they were going to make peace. I went to see him the morning after and I had already made my mind up that I was done with the drama, and I wanted out of whatever he and I had. So he started to tell me what was going on and I stopped him and said you know what I'm done with a few more choice comments and he said that were not true. And he started trying to talk to me and I got up and left, he asked me not to go but I continued out the door. I went to work and sent him a very long informative email and I have had no contact with him since. That was 2 weeks ago yesterday, today he ran into my friend and asked about me and as he was leaving her he told her to make sure that she told me he was asking about me. Don't get me wrong I cared about him I was done with the drama with him but with his questioning my friend, I am working on moving on but now what am I suppose to think?


Bradford8 3 years ago

So I hate to say this but I am dreadfully close to breaking. It's gotten to the point where that a random thought brings her into my head, it's starting to mess with my school life, badly. I'm still trying to go out ie I'm going paint balling today with some friends but I'm breaking. I've talked to her twice and both times it's seems like she doesn't want to get back together... I'm breaking.


Bradford8 3 years ago

By the way the two times I've talked to her she inniated it. I don't know why.


Andrew 3 years ago

Hey, I was in a relationship with this girl for 5 years. 6 months ago we got married. She left me 20 days ago because i made her miserable. She isn't wrong, i was suffering from depression for 2 years. I didn't treat her bad, i just didn't treat her good. i pretty much emotionally isolated her for far too long. I started getting help 2 months before she left me. Pretty much I started getting better as soon as she walked out the door. She is living with friends, and struggling with money. However she is insistent on never coming back, ever. I have followed all the advice everywhere, yours too. I do not initiate contact, when she contacts me I am always there. We have hung out a few times and we had a great time. Just like we used to. We laughed, joked and gad a great time. We did this 4 times since she left me. She says she sees a change in me that is genuine. However, after we have those days she just vanishes for 2-3 days at a time with no contact. She is not your average girl. She does not respond to manupulation. If a girl flirted with me in front of her, and i never responded to that. She wouldn't get jealous, she would get turned off towards ME! even if i didn't do anything. Today she texted me asking how i was, I said "i am doing good" she said so is she and that she thinks she found a good place to live. I said "cool" she said "ok then. have a good day." I said "you too" This is not a good conversation. She HATED it when I was "short" with her. And that conversation is the kind of conversation that she wouldn't have liked. I am just so tired of holding out hope for her at this point. I have gone through some profound changes in my life. My depression has lifted but the sadness of her leaving me still cuts every day.

I understand if you want your wife back, you need to do nothing but make her feel good. But i think i just did something to make her feel bad, something that would further turn her off towards me. I don't know how to respond to her right now.

I want to respond by being her friend and having fun with her, but i don't want to be put in the "friend zone" or additionally support her emotionally so leaving me is a little easier. But i don't want to ignore her and make her feel the same way she did when she left me. I don't know which way to go. She needed help with her car a few days ago, I did what any good husband would do and i get her going again. But i feel really used right now. I feel like she is just using me, with no intention of ever getting back together with me.

I love her, and i want to fix the marriage, but i don't know how much longer i will be able to hold out before the anger of her abandoning me after vowing to lever leave me sets in. Once it does I already know i am going to sever any and all contact with her for as long as i am alive. I don't give second chances on betrayal once i accept it.

my question is how do i respond when she contacts me? Is being the nice guy making her decision easier? She claims she left me for no one but herself. But with the way she was able to just walk away without ever looking back i find that almost impossible to believe. Women don't just walk away and never try again unless they have an alternative. This is the first time we have ever really broken up in all 5 years of being together. We tossed the idea around in argument but this is the first time its been put into action.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Ok mate, try to hang in there. This point is probably the worst of it. It feels bad, yeah, but it doesn't last forever. It's good that you're going out with friends and trying to keep yourself active. When you're in school, try to focus on the work. I know this is really hard mate and I really sympathise, but this stage will pass, and you will be the stronger for it. Once you have gone through feeling like this, you will be better prepared for the future. Your assessment of the situation is going to be a bit haywire at the moment. It is almost impossible to tell why she initiated a conversation with her. Hopefully you stuck to the be polite and don't prolong it rule. Keep going mate, there is light at the end of the tunnel trust me. Whether you will get back with her or not is impossible to say for certain, but you will not feel this way for much longer if you feel that bad.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi, sounds like a complicated one. It sounds as though he has taken you a little bit for granted. It also seems a little odd that his ex has such a large influence on your relationship. It seems strange that he felt the need to "make peace" with his ex about you , or that he spent all day arguing with her. Even more, that he even felt the need to tell you that they argued then further dramatise it by sitting you down to tell you what's "going on" after he made his peace. He wants you to know he was asking about you because he wants you to know that he still wants to be with you, or at least that he still has an interest. It may be that he has just been a little silly and insensitive in allowing his ex to influence your relationship. If you want to move on and you are sure things are over, then there is no need to wonder why he is asking your friends about you. On the other hand, if him asking about you makes you wonder about him and what he is thinking, maybe the best thing would be to talk to him and see how this makes you feel. It may be that he has not contacted you because he doesn't want you to feel pushed into things with him.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Tbh, I don't know how much help I can be here. Your situation is very complex, and I am by no means an expert. The person who wrote this hub, however, is: http://hubpages.com/relationships/How-To-Get-Your-... The writer of this hub has a PHD in psychology and her specialist field is relationships. She also has a forum specifically for men who have recently split with their partner (there is a link on the article).

A couple of things though; in my experience, women can just walk away and never try again alternative or not. It is often men who have difficulty making the transition from attached to single. I also think there is nothing wrong with being nice to her, just don't lend her 20k or anything obviously unreasonable from an ex. Sorting out her car is kind of the thing you might do for any friend. That said, don't be afraid to tell her you're busy (if you are) when she asks you a favour.


David Locke 3 years ago

I have sorted myself out and i know the things that made my relationship with my girlfriend go downhill. i am willing to fix these things and address these things so that our relationship can be strong.

I am currently doing no contact after a few days of panicking a little and texting her every now and then to see how she was and also sending her an email saying i was sorry. however i do know that my ex is really into romance. so I am looking to do something romantic in the next 2 weeks or so. its for something she has always wanted to do and that i was going to do for her even if we had not broken up.

do you think i should still go ahead and do this? for the reason that she will see this as every romantic and possibly the most romantic thing i have done for her.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi David, it's a great idea, but I would save it for a while. If you know what made the relationship go downhill and you are prepared to resolve it, you need to be sure she wants the same before you do anything romantic for her in my opinion. If you do something romantic, and she comes back to you because of it, then she is not coming back because of you, but because of how good you have been to her. It is important, when getting back with an ex, that she comes back because she wants you, and not because she likes to be well treated. Hope this helps.


Bradford8 3 years ago

So it's officially over! I broke the rule of nc and said, I need to know what are your feeling about me. She said friends nothing more, I asked no more of those feelings between us she said no, most likely not. So yeah, I think that this has been a freeing day for me. I think the hardest part for me was letting go, I've started talking to a new girl, nothing serious yet. This was just my final update for now, just wanted to say thanks for the support. I broke but nowi am remade. If something happens with her I let you know, thanks again!


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Andy McGuire 3 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

This was an enjoyable article. I've had plenty of exes, I've been collecting them like baseball cards for years. In retrospect, i always come to the same conclusion: "What, why the hell did I want them back? They are horrible people." That should be the very first question you ask yourself--Is this really a bad thing?

That's no easy task when you're in the shocked and woeful grieving stage, but try hard.

Thanks for writing, please check out some of my (mostly) humor-based articles if you can and I will follow your stuff for any future gems. :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok bradford, glad I could help. Hope it works out for you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Thanks Andy, will do :)


TheVerdict 3 years ago

Hello Tony,

I have quite the predicament here. I am very much in love with my son's mom. As of lately, something has been telling me to pursue and be a family. Prior to this, we were together. All love (we had a son). When she had our son, she started getting protective of my son and not letting me see him. It caused problems and she moved out of my apartment. It devistated me. We tried working things out, but I am aware that whole time I was too drunk and smoked out. She went with someone else but everyone in my family who saw him said the same thing "gosh Chris he looks a lot like you". It was a bad point in my life that I changed (went sober for 2.5 years). During my sobriety, I did what you are supposed to: work on ME. I did that and she started coming around... Virtually throwing herself at me. Me, being the prideful man that I am... Obviously hurt, pushed her away... And she would ask me "can you really not see us being together ever again... Ever... Tell me never and I won't bother again.." and I couldn't bring my self to tell her that. I love her! Always have. I just felt with the Hirt from what she put me thru that I had to be STRONG and show her he doesn't phase me. I got so used to being this way. Anyhow, fast forwarding to recent times. I recently went thru a serious spell of depression last year. I lost my job, my apartment, my car, a shot at competing in the Golden Gloves Circuit. It was jus a horrible year and i snapped. I mean, I cut everyone out. Don't even talk to my own mom and family. Didn't even talk to my sons mom and missed out on time with my son. I feel even m


TheVerdict 3 years ago

my son. I have had a hard time getting over the guilt. Especially as a provider. I was always there for my son and his mom. They are my family. And not being stable makes me feel like I don't even have a pair between my legs. Anyhow, I have been thinking about my relationship with my sons mom and I want my family. While I was in my depression, she was taking my son to my moms and grandmas house on a regular basis. One of the problems I had before was how she talked to my mom. They didn't get along well. And as I'm gone, she bridges the gap. How can I not love her more for that?? Every day. I don't want to be in the rafters. But my dilemma is a lot like the recent Superman movie where he comes back after disappearing. I know I have a lot of ground to make up. But like before when I earned her heart, I am willing to be patient and fight for my family. During my depressive e

Couple months ago, I was in jail and it really made me open my eyes to what is important. Especially in the status of where my family was. I got this overwhelming feeling and idea that I need I be a real family. I feel like God is pointin me in this direction. Kinda like the guy from Machine Gun Preacher. When I was released, obviously my head was not right (shell shock). Anyways, I go and take her grocery shopping and we go to her house. I'm spending time with my son and I over hear her talking to a guy on the phone. It disturbed me. Normally, I'd be able to handle myself. But the shell shock from jail made me p-noid and I decided to leave so I don't react in a manner that is not me. She asked me to return and I wasn't strong enough to go back.

Since that period of time, I asked her to go over to cook for her and my son. She told me "it was not a good idea cause I don't want to eve leading you on" which was out of left field cause I wasn't talkin "rekindling". Like I said, my head isn't right. I know I can't have her NOW. I need to get back on my feet. Anyways, she then tells me "even though we will never be a couple, we will always be family.". I was like "never be a couple?" she replies "no" (grammatically, I'm not sure what the proper response is). But when I asked again "never ever??" she didn't respond.

She has been going thru a lot. Me not being there, her brother recently passed away. I wanted to be there for her but she was telling me he didn't want me to come to the service for her brother. I explained "this isn't about me and you... This is my son's uncle who he shared memories with. I owe him that respect". When I showed up, I guess she was there with someone but she kept looking over at me. I didn't want to upset her. She initially didn't want me to go so I didn't want to interact with her. But anyhow, so as I'm leaving, the guy she was with was like "yeah I'm trying to be related to the family" and I was a bit miffed. My grandma keeps telling me "talk is cheap. I can tell she still loves and cares for you". I guess with all that said, are my chances of having my family dismal? I am making a serious change in attitude, environment and financial status (got things lined up). I almost feel like that guy is the void she misses with me. I also take into consideration that she can FLAT out ever tell me she is with someone. She kept looking over at me at the funeral and when her family was greeting the guest, she was out of sight. Am I still in the fight for her heart? Is this a result of her hurt with me? I feel like I blew that window o opportunity when she asked me to come back but I wasn't right (still trying to get better). Any kind words would be helpful. It has been hurting inside but I maintain my smile. Thanks


MichealSTanner 3 years ago

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month back. its no contact now, but i found out from a mutual friend that she has a new crush. the extent of this ofcorse i do not know yet. but...

is there still a chance that i can get back with her?

or she is only having this crush now due to the attention she is receiving?

also i think that as soon as soon as she sees me feeling may come rushing back


Ryan 3 years ago

Thank you for your input. I really have a hard time not thinking about her but I just sorta think of something random to avoid it.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Good for you ryan mate, keep going, it gets better :).


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Michael, there is always a chance, even if she goes with someone else. It may be due to the attention, it may be a rebound (especially considering the length of your relationship). Few people find a lasting relationship so quickly after the end of another one. Your choices are quite limited though, you can either wait it out and hope this passes and risk losing her to the new guy, or you can risk blowing it all by stating your interest, and dealing with the possibility of rejection. To be honest, I would choose the first option, but only you can really know the situation well enough to decide.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi, I think your case may be a little too complex and in depth for me. I am by no means a professional and have no qualifications in this area, I just go by my own experience. Here is a link to a similar hub written by a dr of psychology who specialises in relationships and break ups: http://hubpages.com/relationships/How-To-Get-Your-... There is also a link on this hub to a forum she runs on this specific issue. My personal feelings on it are you are never too late to get your family back, and if you are prepared to put the time and effort in, anything is possible. Though I have referred you on, I will still answer your queries on here if you want to talk, but please bear in mind that I may not be able to help very much. I have never really been in your position and I can only speak from experience. Hope this helps and hope it works out for you.


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iguidenetwork 3 years ago from Austin, TX

I agree about making revenge.. it makes you a desperate loser.

Very realistic approach and writing, keep it up, friend. Up and a following. :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Thanks for your comment and thanks for reading :)


martie 3 years ago

My girlfriend of 4 months ended things with me last friday. I know 4 months isn't that long of a time, but I ended up falling for her. At the time we spoke, I was calm about it when we talked and it has been no contact since then. Which is weird because it happened after our date on Friday and after I went home.

Looking back, I didn't mistreat her, but perhaps I became predictable and boring at times? She's been going through a lot lately and I've supported her as best as I could throughout our relationship. Perhaps her going through a few things played a key role in ending things? She even said it herself during the breakup that she's afraid of what is to come.

It's tough not talking to her, especially since I have her on my phone, on facebook, skype and gaming platforms that we'd play together, but somehow I've managed not to approach her just yet. I don't want to push her away, but I'm afraid that with each day that goes by it'll be that much more difficult to not talk to her.

Ever since the breakup, I've been trying to improve myself and move on, but part of me hopes that there's a chance that her and I might get back together. It didn't end on a bad note with us arguing, but on one of 'Please don't hate me" and "I hope I can still be your friend." Maybe I friendzoned myself?

Any thoughts on how I should approach this now? Also, this article was awesome, thanks :D


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I think you should let her approach you first. Also, try not to blame yourself for the break up. If you treated her well, it is unlikely to be your fault. It may be that her issues played a role in ending things, but you can't be certain and it won't help to wonder about it. Thanks for reading :).


alidan 3 years ago

Hi , ive been dating this girl for the past 2 months . We were seeing each other every day . We did everything together . We really connected and enjoyed each others company . Last weekend I had a party and I got realy drunk and started like flirting and dancing with other girls , and I kinda forgot to spend time with my gf at my party. She called me the next day and dumped me and was really mad at me . I was really sad of what i ve done to her and felt like shit . So i started txting her apologizing and asking her to meet me in person so we could talk about it . I even sent her a flower with a note saying how sorry i was and asked for her forgiveness. This morning she decided to meet up with me . We talked she was really mad cause i embarresd her in front of her friends . She told me that she ended a 2.5 yrs relationship with her ex because of something similar to mine . I sincerely appologized but she said she doesn't want to be with me and if she'll be ok someday she calls me up . Im 30 yrs old and ive dated a lot of women but never had this much feeling for anyone all my life . I screwed up and I can understand why she doesn't want me anymore . I decided to not contact her and wait for her to contact me if she misses me by any chance . I need your advice , do you think shes gonna call me or should I start forgeting her ?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is very difficult to say. I would continue with what you are doing, try to keep showing her you're sorry if she gives you the opportunity, but be prepared for her not to accept immediately. It may take a long time for her to even consider getting back with you, and then only after you have shown her that that wasn't really you. It is really down to you to consider whether or not you are prepared to put in the time. Hope this helps :).


alidan 3 years ago

thank you very much for your reply.. after my party for 3 days straight I sent her txt of how sorry i was and sent her a flower with a note saying"im sorry , forgive me for being a jerk" she was ignoring me after she decided to meet me , I bought her flowers again and sincerely told her how sorry i was. she said that she wants to be on her own now and she will call me when shes ok.. do you think should i contact her maybe in 3 weeks and ask how shes doing or wait for her to contact me first?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Alidan, that's ok :). Personally I would wait for her. There would be nothing wrong with texting her and asking how she is in a few weeks, but keep it short and don't ask about your relationship. Just let her know that you are still around for her if she needs you, but leave it at that. If you have a chance of being together again, it MUST come from her. You have already apologised and made her aware that you want to get back together, the ball is now in her court, and you need to leave it there until she decides to pick it up.


alidan 3 years ago

thanx a lot tony.. this past week been really hard for me.. its like someone close to me has passed away. I will update you of how it all went.


martie 3 years ago

Thanks for the reply! I'll do my very best and continue what it is I'm doing then. It's just difficult to go about the day without things triggering memories because we did so much together, you know?

Going to hang out with a few friends tonight so that'll help clear my head a bit. Thanks again.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Brilliant ideas for getting back together with an ex, stay calm and understand the situation.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok mate. Hope it works out for you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Yeah spending time with friends is a good way to keep your mind off the situation. Hope it works out.


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loveofnight 3 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

I was first drwn to this hub because I recently broke up with someone and I miss him dearly, but midway through reading I had to ask myself; do I really want him back or am I just lonely.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That is often the problem when a relationship ends. Many people miss the security and the regular intimate contact rather than the person themselves. This is why when you go through a break up the most important thing initially is to rediscover yourself and get back to being who you are. That way you can be sure whether you want them back or whether it was just as you say, that you were lonely. Thanks for reading :).


Khurram 3 years ago

Hey I really need relationship help and I was wondering if anyone could pretty please help me


cde50968705 3 years ago

A little over a month ago I told my girlfriend of 6.5 months that I loved her for the first time. She responded that she loved me to and she wasn't just saying it because I said it. She was sick the week of Christmas but we went to each others families Christmas parties and saw each other for an hour on Christmas. The next week she seemed like she was still distancing herself from me even though she was no longer sick. I confronted her about it and she told me that she did not see a future with me and that while she did love me she was not "in love with me." She broke up with me that day which turned into a "break". After a week of talking with her and me going to her house and telling her how I feel she agreed to try again but take it slow. Right away she distanced herself from me and talking to her became hard, one word answers and not really contributing much to the conversation. I planned a night to try and re-kindle everything for good by cooking her dinner and trying to make it a more intimate night but the night before that she called and said we both knew it wasn't working. That was about a week and a half ago now. I have not followed the advice of this post, wish I had and I have contacted her a few times. She no longer responds to anything I say.. is there anything I can do at this point? I mean I know either way I need to stop contacting her..


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hey Khurram, what's the trouble?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds to me as though her heart was never really in your relationship. If after that period she does not share your feelings for her then it may be you are better off moving on. I agree, you should stop contacting her and give yourself a month or so to get back to yourself, then you can re-evaluate your relationship from a more objective point of view.


David 3 years ago

To cde50968705,

Did she start a new job or made some new friends recently prior to the break up?....or is she going through or have been going through something personal in her life?


wooshaedgar 3 years ago

Tonyb i hope you can help me out i feel so depressed. ok where do i start, I'm 24yrs old and i met my friend about 7 or 8yrs ago. we were like best best friends, we were like bonnie & clyde being young and little rebels. we got together but i recall telling her that i did not like the control of relationships but we did anyway. we were young and doing fun things. well i ended up getting her pregnant and we decided to straighten up/get our shit together. we had the baby girl and me and her were awesome!we had a family growing. we moved 20min from were we lived and got apt. we started to stay away from some friends and keep a couple close couples and couples with kids around. it was like all we needed was each other. my daughter is so smart and beautiful. every now and then my girlfriend would talk about like where we would want to be in the future bcuz iv said b4 to her about me not liking relationships ukno and iv always sayed somewhat the same thing and that is lets just do what is best for kid and take care of them. so i worked and we decided she could be stay at home mom cuz day care was expensive and she breastfeed and shes such a good mom it just worked out better. so like i said the first one was kinda an accident but turned out we all progressed with it for the better. soon after see the joys with the little girl we started talking about having a boy so we did and he is so freakin awesome too. they are the best acting wild little kids lol but right after she got pregnant with the boy we started to ask that question alot more, like where do you see us and things and she knew i didn't really see myself settling down but i did love her and the kids and loved to be the one supporting them. i just didn't see the big pic yet. i think it got her a little worried about her future and i understand but we kept moving along, towards the end of her pregnancy, we were getting into little fighst about it and money and carreers so that lead to us being on and off relationship but we were still living together and taking care of biz and would get back together time to time. and when we did it was awesome the only propblem was i couldn't see myself getting married. and i think she wanted to see that road sometime in her future what girl with 1 kid and another on the way wouldn't right. so we tried to handle it kinda well and keep trying to put this family together and my daughter was still perfect. in my daughters eyes it was paradise. well for the me and her mom we kept getting into these little fights and this one time we did we had a talk that maybe since i didn't see that married road, (which i did i was just scared to get married idk why), that we should just take care of these kids till they get a little older and then we would split up ukno and both agreed it would be ok to go out and have your fun but of course don't bring nothing home and ukno don't let the kids get involved. we both agreed on that but it was somewhat a rough sketch and neither of us acted upon it but we knew we might have to do something in the future for yourself or for our kids. so as a little time went on everything was all still good my daughter was growing up nice and in school my son is growing so nice and healthy too and me and my well i guess baby mama at the time cuz we were back and forth but were doing ok and we were having sex again and yea everything was great except but didn't know where we would be sitting at in future. well little more time passes and she gets pregnant again and thats when she started hitting hard on the what are we gonna do and i would always say lets stay together a little more longer till now the baby gets a little older but openly agreed that it was ok to see people still like we had talked about previously but each of us never really tired then. well i started to see that i knew she wanted a relationship but i wanted it not to be so traditional then started to hear say things like she might not want relationships anymore with anyone and just wants to be happy but i think she was just confused and tired that i wouldn't see the big fn picture. i don't have many friends due to us moving away from the bad shit and creating this perfect place, our kids were are new bestfriends and didn't mind going anywhere with them it was great! but yea since i only have a couple friends and they have said even if a girl tells u see is ok with it she really isn't fine with it. so like i said we were able to do what we want respectively ukno. so i started talking to other girls and she seemed to not care we would still hang out and have fun all as a family and eat dinner then shower and put them to bed and then hang with her for a bit and then i would either go chill for a little bit or stay the night at a friends but i never lied to her and always told her what i was doin and would always be there early in the morning to play with kids and breakfast that kinda stuff. i never took off work to go hangout with girls or anything and i went to work everyday for them.i would just go out at late night sometimes. like i said tho i was hanging out with like 2 girls that i was friends with and we would mess around time to time and i would never say deep details but would tell baby mama that yea i had done a couple things with some friends and she honestly acted as if this is what we agreed to do to kinda stay around or together for the kids but i guess she tells me now that she was going thru all kinds of things like me controlling her and her just feeling like total piece of shit cuz of what i was doing. wow i think i typed to much and theres still more, ill try to sum it up quicker sorry im just so scarred now. so again we keep rolling along with eachother and shes coming really close to the birth of the 3rd child and we were still in same thinking of where are we gonna be in the future cuz it was becoming obvious to me that she really wanted a relationship and to be loved by me and i just couldn't see it and just kept on agreeing on that we would take care of these kids till they get little older then we would split. the baby is now 3 and half months and i have quit messing around cuz i could see that she really was getting upset by me doing those things like she knew i had hungout with one girl and was only friends with her and she knew i had slept with one girl so that all i did that whole messing around time. but remember i was only doing so cuz i thought we were trying to let person be who they are and work it out for a bit and she was showing no signs that it bothered her until then, if she would have said something and not agreed i really would have not of done those things. so maybe a couple weeks went by and i start to realize all these things like am i basically supporting this girl that so badly wanted a relationship with me to now with anyone that will treat her better so that when that opportunity comes around shes just gonna leave me and take the kids? it started to become very clear. so some night about 1 week ago i had a very bad dream that see did me wrong with the kids, not really going and doing things with people but yea like left me and took them away from me so i woke up and she must have been going to restroom and i was like oh i had this dream this and that and you did this in it and she sayed well yea some of those things might have to play out like that almost admitting she is going to do that and leave with them sometime soon to be happy. so i did worst thing ever possible and freaked and sayed things that were bad and crossing the line. yea big fight and the kids woke up cuz we were yelling and they were sad. only have 500 characters left i hope you reply lol. so now she wants to leave me and take them with her cuz she thinks i am not safe around her and that i control her and that she has been in this abusive relationship for too long. when i haven't done anything, and thinking we had some of weird agreement. so i also don't have family around here either and i might have to go stay with my mom in texas and the mom wants to keep them in illinois and not be with me or in same town.thereisstillmoreihavetosaybutranoutplzhelpmewithsumadvise.


David 3 years ago

Tony, related to my questions above do you think these are reasons why she could be behaving like that.


Daniel 3 years ago

Wow so many breakups in such short amount of time.... Well this is my 1st time posting my love story online. I spend days reading other peoples relationship thinking it would be the same for me but I have no choice but to get advice for mine now. Ok well 1 year and 7months ago i was dating this other girl who we went out for a year and three months but i recently had gotten my papers(immigrant) so i decided i wanted to go to my home country. She said she could wait for me i said ok but i knew we were gonna breakup due to her constant cheating so ehatever. I get to colombia and the 1st thing i see when i get home is this beautiful girl who lives right in front of my house i was like wow. Later on that night i took her to the local bar and we had a couple of drinks. We kissed and we left it at that. Two days later i asked her to be my girlfriend and she accepted although the first week she was really distant she broke up with me and i said ok. A week later she came back and we got back and fixed the newlyborn relationship. She was living in florida atm but was visiting her grandma but after getting with me she told me she wanted to come live in NY and be with me and give a shot a living with her mom. So she came to NY and this relationship fixed all my wounds from my previous relationship. She loved me cuddled me carressed me all those good things until she dumped me on may. We started dating in june. So i looked for her everywhere called her basically stalked her to her house and she told me no no no everytime. So i accepted the fact she didnt want me so i left. 2 weeks later we got back and went to colombia together and came back together. Fixed everything and in november i was a total d**k to her so she left again and i called 120 times went out looking for her and she passed me her uncle and was like leave her alone and then she told me no were never getting back. So ok i left her alone and she texted me 4days later saying i miss you and i want to see you. I met up with her 2days later and told her ill change and make it work and i convinced her and she came back. She lived with me for about a month spent christmas and new years with me and my family and exactly 1week before my birthday she broke up with me saying i need space i want to party be with my friends so i said ok. I went NC and she texted 2days later but i didnt respond and she got hella pissed and cursed me out. Then said she was sorry she was being immature and that she loved me. The next day she a picture of some guy eho looked just like me and though it was me dating anothet girl and she was like see i knew it but the guy in the picture didnt have a tattoo in his calf like me so i was was like stop acting ridiculous it shocks me how well you dont know me then she says daniel i really loved you but you have no idea how heart broken i feel so i said responded isnt this what you wanted now you know how i feel 3days later exactly yesterday she texted me saying i miss you and she called me two times i gave in to the weakness and called back and acted cool and then she was like wtf act like you care then i said we can work things out you can be with your friends party and as well be with me and she said idk i donknow where my heads at idk what i want but i love and miss you and i want to be with you but idk so i said take your time and think but i have date in my head and if your not back by that date i wont come back and we had a arguement after that ugh!! I know so look what i want to know or get advice is i love this girl would do anything for her i have her name tattooed on my ankle but what do i do think she will come back or what im done playing these i love you i miss you games and not come back i hate it.


cde50968705 3 years ago

David, she was a substitute teacher but got a full time teaching job about 2 months ago.


DanielFH 3 years ago

Wow so many breakups in such short amount of time.... Well this is my 1st time posting my love story online. I spend days reading other peoples relationship thinking it would be the same for me but I have no choice but to get advice for mine now. Ok well 1 year and 7months ago i was dating this other girl who we went out for a year and three months but i recently had gotten my papers(immigrant) so i decided i wanted to go to my home country. She said she could wait for me i said ok but i knew we were gonna breakup due to her constant cheating so ehatever. I get to colombia and the 1st thing i see when i get home is this beautiful girl who lives right in front of my house i was like wow. Later on that night i took her to the local bar and we had a couple of drinks. We kissed and we left it at that. Two days later i asked her to be my girlfriend and she accepted although the first week she was really distant she broke up with me and i said ok. A week later she came back and we got back and fixed the newlyborn relationship. She was living in florida atm but was visiting her grandma but after getting with me she told me she wanted to come live in NY and be with me and give a shot a living with her mom. So she came to NY and this relationship fixed all my wounds from my previous relationship. She loved me cuddled me carressed me all those good things until she dumped me on may. We started dating in june. So i looked for her everywhere called her basically stalked her to her house and she told me no no no everytime. So i accepted the fact she didn't want me so i left. 2 weeks later we got back and went to colombia together and came back together. Fixed everything and in november i was a total d**k to her so she left again and i called 120 times went out looking for her and she passed me her uncle and was like leave her alone and then she told me no were never getting back. So ok i left her alone and she texted me 4days later saying i miss you and i want to see you. I met up with her 2days later and told her ill change and make it work and i convinced her and she came back. She lived with me for about a month spent christmas and new years with me and my family and exactly 1week before my birthday she broke up with me saying i need space i want to party be with my friends so i said ok. I went NC and she texted 2days later but i didn't respond and she got hella pissed and cursed me out. Then said she was sorry she was being immature and that she loved me. The next day she a picture of some guy eho looked just like me and though it was me dating anothet girl and she was like see i knew it but the guy in the picture didn't have a tattoo in his calf like me so i was was like stop acting ridiculous it shocks me how well you don't know me then she says daniel i really loved you but you have no idea how heart broken i feel so i said responded isn't this what you wanted now you know how i feel 3days later exactly yesterday she texted me saying i miss you and she called me two times i gave in to the weakness and called back and acted cool and then she was like wtf act like you care then i said we can work things out you can be with your friends party and as well be with me and she said idk i donknow where my heads at idk what i want but i love and miss you and i want to be with you but idk so i said take your time and think but i have date in my head and if your not back by that date i wont come back and we had a argument after that ugh!! I know so look what i want to know or get advice is i love this girl would do anything for her i have her name tattooed on my ankle but what do i do think she will come back or what im done playing these i love you i miss you games and not come back i hate it. I forgot to mention i was her first i took her virginity.


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi david, yes, this is a good possibility. A major change in ones life can often lead one to re-evaluate a relationship and it's validity. Good questions and thanks for your input :).


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

As David correctly surmises, this could possibly have contributed to the ending of your relationship. A change in lifestyle can often put strain on a relationship, and if it is not strong enough this can often lead to break ups. I would be interested to see David's take on this too.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi wooshaedgar. It is obvious from what you are saying that she likely just agreed to your conditions as a way of keeping you around. This is how she feels you controlled her, because, although you didn't realise it, you were. She has had three of your children. It is very difficult for a single mother to go and meet new people and have a social life with children to look after. She likely agreed to these things because she hoped that this would eventually mean you would stay. You obviously care for her (as you say, you stopped once you realised what it was doing to her), but look at it from her perspective: She has had your children and been home looking after them, whilst at the same time you have been out late at night and partying with other girls. I know you didn't think you were doing anything bad and I don't believe you are a bad person, but you need to really think about how she must have felt over the years watching you go out and not commit to her when she is home with your children. You need to have a chat with her, be honest about it. Tell her you didn't realise how much you were hurting her. I think if you are able to have 3 children with her and you want to stay with her, you should discuss the possibility of marriage with her in a serious way. If you have more to say please feel free to post again.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Daniel, this relationship sounds like a very destructive one for you both. This on again off again situation is not healthy for either of you. You obviously love one another or it wouldn't keep happening, so I suggest you both try to sit down and talk about the way you feel and what you both want out of it. You both should bear in mind that it may not turn out the way you want to. For her and your sakes, you should be prepared to walk away if you are not happy with the result. There is a saying, "all's fair in love and war" that I think is relevant here; if you are not happy but you still go back with her, you are treating her badly as well as yourself, so make sure you are both happy with the situation and both able to stabilise the relationship. A relationship should be the rock you lean on in hard times, not the hard times themselves. I hope you can both work it out.


DanielFH 3 years ago

I love her very much and ive devoted everything to her. I was with her the other day and we almost had sex but her period came but she was two weeks late and we saw each other that day to find out if she was in fact pregnant. So we didn't do it and we took a bath together...during the bath i felt sad so i said i think i should leave and she was like wow you were going to f**k me and leave im like no im here to stay but i feel like were going nowhere. We took a nap together and when i woke up i didn't look at her and said i got to go and she was already crying saying i don't want you to go i miss you i love you then i said hey don't cry i love you too then without kissing her or anything i left and she trxted me saying wow your so different


DanielFH 3 years ago

We talked yesterday and i layed the cards in the table but she chose to say i want to get my head cleared idk what i want and it bothered me so i flipped out and said don't even come back anymore im done. She called me back screaming saying ok this is what you don't ever call me again. But i called back saying i love you i would love to make it work but you keep pushing me away you could do what your doing now and as well have me as a boyfriend but all she could say is idk daniel i don't know what i want so i said ok think about things but don't take long either because i just wont come back. She then said can we talk tommorow im getting ready to go out right now but i said no don't call me don't text only call me when you habe a decision if you don't keep it in your head and she ok bye so i clicked. Ugh im so in love i have her name tattooed i went to colombia for her idk


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi again Daniel, I think if she has said she wants some space you should respect that and tell her you will give her time to think. Don't give her ultimatums as this will only contribute to continuing the argumentative nature of your relationship. If you love her, you should be prepared to give her the space she needs and allow her to get her mind straight. She obviously doesn't want things to continue in the way they are and it seems like you don't either. So you need to both try to look at this rationally and try to work things out without the hot-headed reactions you both seem to be having. Try to stay calm when you talk to her and remember that this is the woman that you love. Tell her exactly how you feel, if she makes you feel like leaving and makes you angry, instead of doing so, tell her this is what it's making you feel. Maybe write to her explaining how you feel and that way you won't be able to get into an argument. Hope this helps.


DanielFH 3 years ago

Tony im sorry i keep picking at it again. I told her im ready to commit and have a healthy relationship i love her and basically 2years together i don't want to lose it she told me what the hell daniel how could you give up so easily am i not worth fighting for nomore i said you are but am i? She yes i just don't know daniel i told her im giving you space and im not asking you what you've done or doing were not together for me to ask you that... I gave this ultimatum because im sick of being played around with like that we have sat down and talked and she cried in my arms saying she loves me. Although she did find this new friend of hers who i think maybe the reason why but whatever people don't change people but the person themselves make the change. I love her and I know she does too because our relationship is like a fairytale to me meeting in a different country moving to ny to be with me etc etc i go NC but then she texts me saying i miss you and it gets me stirred up and if the day comes to her decision what if im not even willing to nomore i don't want to lose her but i don't want to sit around while she does whatever she wants and expects me to say yes once she crosses the bridge to me again.


wooshaedgar 3 years ago

thank you for your advise, we did sit down and talk a little and i told her that i would be open to all those things down that road and change for her which she knows i never talk like that or haven't for a long while. but of course she said why do you say this stuff now and that shes so fd up that she needs to think about things but said she don't know if we can be together but maybe be able to raise kids in same area. but im hopeing that its just cuz shes upset right now cuz when i said that marriage stuff she was in a little shock like you f***** you should have said this b4 and we could have worked at it. if i didn't want to get back with her or continue that night life i would just go on but i feel like since i pulled that card and i really do mean it and i can change for her and the kids that i should keep trying to somewhat work this out. even if i have to go live in another state for a while maybe it will give her time to think. i guess i could skype with the kids couple times a week but to me its just not the same and it will make me very depressed seeing them on the camera. so my situation was kinda like 1 just leave start new life rarely see kids. or 2 find a place around here so i can see them and that was kinda what i was feeling from her what she wanted me to do but i wouldn't the other day cuz i was upset, so i told her ok yea i agree ukno i see the consequences now and ill do what ever she wants me to and that was the other night and now shes saying she doesn't want me to get to comfortable becuz she wants to move closer to her sisters about 1hr and ahalf away and sayed it might be better if i just go. i cant believe it, it just seems like she don't even want to be with me and moving on and i feel like im trying so hard. so we are thinking im just gonna go in the next few weeks we are going to wait for income tax and split it and figure out child custody b4 i leave. and im going to transfer to same job over there in texas i guess theres one only like 20 min away from where ill be living with my ma. i guess what i want some feedback on is i know she wants for us to be away from each other right now and that for sure has to happen i understand that,for her sake to clear her head and me to realize what mistakes i have made and how bad i hurt her. but i do wanna be with her and she now knows this and i know it will be a new thing and definitely want she wanted all along but i don't know what to do. i want to tell her that all thats all done and i want to be with her but i don't want her to have another thing in her head or feel like im lying or trapped. should i leave and give her time but keep close contact with her and kids when im gone and in time it might be able to fix or somewhat fix or give her all the space she needs and no contact? or should i not leave and get a place around here still so i can be with my kids and to extend the time i have to work on things with her or would she just think im chasing her down, like you said b4 time apart is sometimes needed and maybe she we realize it can be worked out or something. im just so scarred to do or say anything cuz i don't wanna ruin it ukno. iv never been thru something like this and it feels so terrible my throat feels like its in my stomach my head hurts so bad im not eating right or sleeping right i have no where and no one to talk to or to hear my side and just i feel like im doing everthing i can and im just so low right now i can see why people take there own lfes :(


cde50968705 3 years ago

It could have been her new job I guess. She did seem very busy, but the only thing she really said was that the reason was she could not see forever with me. She never gave me any actual reasons other than that, no reason why she couldn't see forever... she just couldn't.


Daniel 3 years ago

Yes tony as you said a change in someone's life can lead to them re-evaluating a relationship. Especially if they have had a hard time personally and things are looking better now.

However, will you say tony that being there for someone during their tuff times can help with getting back with them after a break up. Seeing as they can see you as the one who was there for them when life was not so sweet?


JasonRichards 3 years ago

hey there, tony great blog.

i saw a similar story to my current situation here but i will explain mine anyways

i was with my ex for 2 years and we broke up about a month ago. The reason why we broke up was because i had been very distant and cold because of problems that had been having at work about a month or two before the break up.

on the night we broke up we went out for dinner at a very nice restaurant but had an argument at the table. i said we should break up over something silly. I had not been myself and instantly regretted saying to break up. 3 days later i gave her a call saying i was sorry but then she suggested that indeed we should break up. i explained that i was sorry but she suggested that, we had gone into a 'relationship rut' and did not want us going back into it and that it was for the best. and that she will never change (which didn't make sense cause i don't want her to change) and that i will never change which again dint make sense cause i was acting different due to problems at work which had now been resolved.

in the few days after that i sent her some flowers again apologizing for the way i behaved and that i was not being myself, not fully explain what the problem was just in general.

i gave her a weeks space after that, and gave her a call, i told her i called her that i wanted to explain why i had been cold and off and told her about everything that had been happening at work and how this had made me feel down and had affected our relationship. she seemed very understanding of the fact and even suggested meeting at the weekend or during the week.

that weekend came and i texted her if we were still meeting i got no reply. i had texted her during that week but the conversation was very one sided with her just giving one work answers.

i had texted her because i deeply care about her and her well being and i was just texting mainly to make sure she was ok.

she started a new job during this time too. i got us a holiday ticket to sea side resort a couple of months ago and wanted to surprise her with it seeing as she had always wanted to go there.

i recently called her saying that i had the holiday tickets and she did not believe that i got them as a surprise ages ago and suggested that i just send them back.

so i gave it a few days and texted her that i still have the tickets and that it has nothing to do with me wanting the relationship back but rather she should come as a bit of fun because she always wanted to go and see it and i told her to think about it.

ps. i recently learned that she had been on a couple of dates with this guy from work.

also a bit about her is that she can be quite stubborn, and also when we broke up she said she was tired of doing the chasing. i suppose this is what has somewhat influenced me to chance her a little rather than going completely no contact, to show that i do indeed care about her and is willing to fight for our relationship.

tony or anyone else what do you think i have been doing wrong or right so far and what my next move should be?

thank you very much for taking the time to read my comment and also i hope this helps others out


Khurram 3 years ago

Hey Tony. Thank you so very much from responding. You are a very intelligent guy and all of your advice on here is amazing. I've tried so many things to come up with a solution to my problem and I just don't know what to do anymore so I decided to come to you. And sorry for replying back late. I live in the US. Anyways I don't know where to begin really but I will try my best. I broke up with m girlfriend and now I am very much so regretting it. It was a stupid mistake which I hadn't put much thought into. My girlfriend was and is an amazing girl. I myself am from Pakistan and she is an American girl. I moved here with my mo when I was about 2. So I've pretty much been born and raised here. My parents still live on cultural values which I very much respect and followed. But in my household there is much more arguing than in a normal household. I completely understand that in families there are always arguments and disagreements, but my house it's just crazy. Every thing that I do upsets my parents. Even if I listen to them they get upset and if I don't then they obviously do as well. I'm bout to turn 18 on the 28th of January. That will make sense in a bit. Basically I met an amazing girl and I fell in love with her. Her name is Sam. She is the most beautiful girl in the world to me and I would do anything for her. I met her around Fall of 2011. We became friends and then eventually started going on dates and in a month or two I asked her to be my girlfriend. We click on every level and she is very mature. Her family likes me too because I take care of her and always used to bring her flowers and take her out to dinner. She is about 8 or 9 months older than me and is one grade level ahead. So we don't go to school together anymore but in the beginning of our relationship we did. When I went out to see her there were many arguments in my house every time I'd go to see her because my parents are Muslim and I sort of am but not really. I don't believe in it much but respect it. My ex girlfriend is Christian which is completely fine with me. She really likes me and then began to fall in love with me. Her past was a bit rough and her first love who she was with on and off for 2 years cheated on her twice and she went back to him. That really broke her and she had a hard time trusting guys or anyone in general. So it took me quite a while to get her to trust me and we were happy. At least when we were together. The two of us were happy with each other but my parents weren't. I had been trying to convince them to let me see her but I had been going against their wishes keeping it away from my dad. He knew but acted like he didn't. I sometimes couldn't hang out with her for 2 weeks even 3 weeks at a time. She still remained faithful to me and understood. I know she wouldn't go to some other guy because I wasn't around. But eventually I kept slipping and saying to her I don't know if it'll work and stuff along those lines. She coped with it. For example not being able to see me weekly. I took her to her prom and she had a blast. We eventually moved far into the relationship and she told me that I was the true love of her life and we had talked about moving in together when the time was right and even marriage. And one day this girl at work came along and I talked to her in a way sort of sexted her but it lasted a few hours and I broke off all contact with her and said this is dumb and I love my girlfriend. Being an honest man with my girl I told her the truth and she said she loves me but didn't expect it. I made up to her and we were fine after that with each other. I loved her and realized the mistake I made and she doesn't even think about it all. Pretty much like it never happened. I didn't do anything physical with the girl so she was still relieved about that. Anyways, since around this past summer she noticed that I stopped getting her flowers and doing the cute little stuff that I used to with her. She called me out on it and I picked up the pace and told her I would try. I'd start visiting her at work and seeing her on her breaks because we work in the same mall. I stopped doing the cute little stuff because life at home was so stressful taking an emotional beating from my parents. They would talk about her all the time and the fact that she isn't Muslim and it can never be and they will never accept her. All my ex wanted was to meet my mom and my mom never did. It really upset me and my ex both. She still always asked how my mom is doing and just cared you know? She is a genuine girl. Every time we would go out though there would be an argument and when my girlfriend would text me I couldn't text back right away because my mom and I go back and forth. Oh and mind you, my dad has a job where he is never home so it's me and my mom who really talk about any of this. My ex has anxiety and would get worried that I was safe because my mother would threaten to send me back to Pakistan. My relationship with my parents wasn't good with or without my ex. We would go out but I'd be a bit worried sometimes at what would happen. I went to a Christmas party at my ex's house and we were fine and exchanged gifts and it was nice. The next time we hung out was New Year's Eve and my mom gave he whole lecture like she usually does. It had been a while since she had because my mom would cool down sometimes I went out. I have been on a medication where fights make me emotionally crack so in turn I went to her house and picked her up and when we were driving to dinner I told her that it wouldn't work out. She could see it coming. And she cried and that night still flashes in front of my eyes all of the time. I had matured as a person with my ex and really grown up. But that night without really rationally thinking it through. And I hurt her. And I know it was New Year's Eve. Brutal night to do it. So that night I went home bawling to my mom and of course my ex was too. She threw up and cried all night and didn't go to work. Kept falling in and out of spells the whole deal. I feel like a total jackass for doing it. I realized after that night how much she really does mean to me. I love her truthfully and do wanna spend my life with her Tony. That's a guarantee. Since our break up she has become different. She says our future is inevitable. When we were dating she said that she does see one and why she wanted to marry me and stuff. And after breaking up she said I was in denial and I thought our cultures could meet. But Tony the truth is that my culture is here. I'm American in all senses and how I live really. Every view my parents and I have clash. Everything. My parents won't accept her which means I would have to leave my entire family behind for her. And to be honest Tony for the past month I've been thinking about both sides and my heart and mind agree that I would be happier with my ex not my family. My ex says that she wants to be friends. She's never done a break up where she still talks to a guy. But she talks to me. I mean I convinced her but that's beside the point. I have been trying to convince her to get back together and she kind of falls into it but snaps out of it and says no I'm not getting back together. The more I talk about it the angrier she gets. I've tried backing off but last night and the night before I gave in and texted her kind of talking about it and it frustrates her. My friends have been trying to help me and one of my closest friends e-mailed her on Facebook and she's worried about me. She says we should move on but says that she still loves me and cares about me. I always text her first and she gives me dead ends. I try to talk to her and she tricks me into giving her dead ends and then she calls me out on it. Boy girls are clever! And I was giving her dead ends in a sense. I haven't texted her since last night and she doesn't text me really. She says she isn't hurting and that I'm not a jerk and it just isn't meant to be. She hangs out with her lady friends a lot now and is seeming like she is doing fine.

I'm running out of characters so I'll put the rest in the next comment


Khurram 3 years ago

So she seems to be doing fine and keeping busy. When we text she says that she doesn't wanna lead me on and I've given her a few days of thinking about getting back together and she doesn't want to. I love her so much Tony and do want to go very far with her. I've bought two books of how to get your ex back and read them and the methods in there say to act happy and work on yourself and make her jealous through Facebook and be having fun and don't contact her for a month. I tried and couldn't hold back. I've been a mess and last week was finals week at school and I bombed some of my finals. I couldn't focus and get her off my mind. I'd go and sit with my counselor and she'd tell me what do to and I'd be perfectly fine for a few hours and then dive into a slump. I can't eat well sleep well or anything. I can't get her out of my head. I'd have my friends sleep over and go hang out with them, try going to work. Nothing fills the hole in my heart. I broke my ex's heart knowing what she's been through and all of those promises. She stuck through it all with me. And I regret with all my life that decision. She is the best thing that ever happened to me Tony. My parents and I argued and my dad and I really got into it. I was at the point of leaving my house tomorrow which is when I'm 18 knowing the treacherous road ahead. I would have to couch surf until I graduate high school. But I've made some peace and have my car taken away so I have to figure out how to get everywhere. Anyways, I texted my ex and we kind of argue but it's not really an argument if that makes sense. She puts smiley faces and acts like she's happy but I know she's hurting regardless of what she says. She doesn't like that we are separated and yet won't get back together with me. I don't want to be n the old relationship but a better new one. I have tried everything but I think I need to give her space to think. My biggest fear is when she is going to see her best friend in Montana this March for Spring Break and that she will put things into my ex's mind saying stay away from Khurram. And I don't want that. Tony I have cried so much that it's become this pain so I can't even cry anymore. I really want to start a life with her and I still see a future with her. Rationally speaking and not out of rebellion from my parents I want to be with her. That's where my heart is. If I marry her one day they will have to get over it. I'm planning on saving more money to move out after graduation and then be independent. I understand it is hard and I am willing to take that risk. All in all Tony I have tried so much and it's backfiring. I need to know what I should do to make her give me a second and hopefully last chance to prove myself. She got back into a relationship on and off with her first love and he broke her heart multiple times. She says she learned from that and doesn't want to go through it again. Reading into I'm understanding that she doesn't want to go through more heartbreak. She wanted to give my sweater back a few days after breaking up but I put it off and she hasn't brought it up which makes me think she is still considering it. Plus she doesn't want to get rid of all of our love notes and prom pictures and pretty much any physical momentos of our relationship. Last night she texted me saying that she doesn't wanna rehash getting back together and me taking her answers and proving them wrong somehow. She said I don't want to go over getting back together right now. I understood that and it gave me some hope. She wouldn't talk about our relationship let alone getting back together which she is going to talk about later with me is what I'm thinking from that text. Should I be texting her first or what? Stay away or be her friend? Please Tony I am begging you on my hands and knees for advice on what I should do to have her give me another chance. Talking to her and convincing her is back firing. I want to start a life with her and eventually if I get up on my feet we can move in together and go far. What should I do Tony? Please please help. I love her more than anything in the world. Thank you so much


Mike 3 years ago

Hi Tony,

I have a fairly unique situation here, and was hoping to get some insight. My ex is my first and only real love, she broke up with me a little over two years ago, because I was her first love too and she got cold feet. She started dating someone else, I broke every rule in the book, and it wasn't until I started following them that she came to me. She cheated on her new bf with me (EXTREMELY out of character for her and her values), and eventually admitted it to him a few months later and he broke up with her. A few months after they broke up we saw each other and shared a night together in which we both expressed that we still had strong feelings for each other. After that she noted that she didnt know if it was a good idea for us to be sleeping together. So, I backed off, mentioned I wanted to take her out the following week, but ended up taking out another girl out instead. She didn't know about this but did realize I didn't follow up on taking her out so she brought it up and I took her to lunch the next day. She went away on vacation for about a week and while she was gone I went on more dates with the other girl. By the time she was back I was in a relationship with this other girl, apparently none of my friends decided to tell her, so she texted me asking to hangout and said I couldnt because I was going to hang with my girlfriend. She acted mature about it, but later I found she was absolutely devastated (more on that to come). Long story short, my new gf was a nightmare, very controlling, emotional unstable, ya know... the crazy type. However, underneath it all she was a good person and I cared about her... I know how terrible it is to have your heart and subsequently your dreams for the future shattered, so I dragged it out way too long not being able to do that to another human being. Eventually enough was enough and about two months ago I broke up with her. Since then I had been talking to my ex a lot, we hinted at getting back together, but were both trying to feel the other out. Apparently my hints weren't strong enough and she thought that I no longer wanted to be with her which was not true at all. She started dating someone else, and I didn't know about it... I was in the process of getting my head straight from the last relationship so that I could be with her again and do it right this time, because she is all I have ever wanted since the day I met her, and I haven't gone a day in the past 5 years without thinking about her, even throughout my other relationship. So, I went to where I knew she would be last Sunday to see her, and that's when I found out she has been dating someone starting a week prior to that. I emailed her the next day, expressing how I felt, and thats when she responded saying that she had waited for me the whole time I was with the other girl, cried herself to sleep regularly, and when she initially found out I was dating the other girl although she acted mature to me, she immediately drove home and ripped her mattress off her bed and broke down crying. She said that from our talks she didn't know I still wanted "us" and that is why she started seeing this other guy, and that it was unplanned and he "swept her off her feet," although she doesnt know what the future will hold because she doesnt know him very well yet, but really likes him so far. She said that she wanted to see where it goes as it might be what she finally needs to get over me. It hurt to hear that, and I've been very depressed this past week. I've been trying the no contact rule, but failing here and there, but it seems as though when I follow through on NC she contacts me. On Friday night she was texting me and then asked if we could talk on the phone, I said sure and we talked for like an hour, laughing, remembering all the great times we had, and just thoroughly enjoying each other. I ended the call, saying I had to eat dinner, and at the end she got a bit emotional saying she missed me so much, I told her I missed her too, but a bit more calmly and less emotionally than she said it. Later, I made a big mistake by texting her that while I have gotten good at hiding my feelings since she initially brokeup with me two years ago, but that she should know that I miss her so fucking much. She said I should know she misses me too, and that she really needed that. I know I should have let her lay there and think about what she was letting go, but I couldn't stand to leave her feeling that way so I had to text her. She texted me the next day (yesterday), and then called me because she ran into a mutual acquaintance that neither of us had seen in years. Since then, she has not contacted me, and I have not contacted her. Also, I should note that I don't think she had seen her new bf since earlier in the week, and she may have seen him for the first time since then today, and I have not received a text or anything. I know its just one day without contact... but it has been killing me ever since we talked on the phone. Its not so much the NC for a day I need help with... its all of it. Do the same rules apply eventhough this isn't technically a breakup since we didn't get a chance to get back together? How much does it help my cause of getting back together with her that she had been waiting for me for over a year, believeing the entire time we were meant to be, making a list of 160 things she missed about me, and professed her love to me through emails multiple times over the past year? Does that all go out the window since it has been so long since we have actually been together? I just don't know what to do, the only thing I know is that she is the one true love of my life, and the notion that I missed it by getting my head straight ONE WEEK too late is just tearing me apart. Should I contact her? I really want to, but I can't help but think the next time he's not around it will work in my favor that I haven't contacted her and that it will leave her wondering why, and wondering if she is going to be too late like I was... What do you think? Any advice at this point will be much appreciated, since there is NOTHING on the web for such a unique/tricky/specific situation.

Thanks so much for listening. I know that was an earful, and may be full of too many details, but figured better too many than too little.

Pray for me,

Mike


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Daniel, that's ok. This is something you must decide. If you feel she is just playing games with you, then it may well be time to move on. If you truly love her then waiting is your only option. That being said, you are right not to want to be "played with" and messed around. I think it would be best if you had some time to think about it and then made your decision one way or another, then follow what you have decided without deviation. I know this is a difficult choice for you to make, but for the sake of both your sanity's I think this is the only way to go.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi wooshaedgar, I think you need to decide yourself what is for the best, but I think you should put the kids before everything and I don't think they would want you to move further away. You can still give her space and be close by. I also think that if you move far away she may feel like you have left her to deal with it. If you are around but not in her face and you make sure she knows you are still there if she needs you it may show her that you are willing to put effort and time into repairing the damage you have done. If you feel down and need to talk to someone, here is a helpline that you can call: 1-800-826-3632. If you feel suicidal there is also the US suicide hotline: 1-800-784-2433. I hope it works out for you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It's a difficult one it's true. Maybe you could ask a mutual friend, but be sure to do it in a way that wouldn't seem like prying. Or you could speak to her about it, though if you do speak to her, make sure you do not press her or make her feel smothered. Just ask once and accept the answer.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It can, but the main reason for anyone getting back together with anyone should be because of the feelings they have for that person as a person. If I were to go back to an ex I would have to know that she wanted me for who I am and not because of some of the things I have done and I think this is very important for both parties in any relationship.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I think you have said sorry and you have tried to make amends, so now you should try giving her some space and time. Don't text her unless she messages you. Be polite when you speak to her, but don't try calling or texting, even to make sure she is ok, wait for her to come to you. This way you will give her time to miss you and time to think about the relationship. It will also give you time to put yourself in a good place to start moving forward if you do get back together. Thanks for reading and your comment, I hope this helps you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Khurrum, I feel for you mate, it sounds like you are having a very tough time at the moment. I think you should avoid the subject of your relationship for a while as she requests. What you are going through at the moment is hard, but it will pass and you will be stronger for it. There is no guarantee that you will definitely get her back, but then if you love her you have a very long time to do it. If you keep pestering her about it, you will push her away and it will take that much longer to get her back. Be there for her, be polite and friendly, but give her space and time. You've told her how you feel, so there is no need to keep doing it. So if I were you, I would text her only if she texts you, and respond to her calls only, not call her yourself. Hope this helps.


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Mike, you are right, it is a tough situation. I don't think you have anything to fear from the new guy to be honest. It sounds to me as though both of you have a very deep love for each other and there is no way the new guy can compete with that. As you say, you were in a relationship yourself but you still thought about her every day, and she waited for you the whole time, so I think the only path you can take is to wait for her too. This will make your relationship extremely strong when you do get back together. You will both know that you waited for each other, and that you both went through very hard times just to be together. That is a very firm foundation for a lasting relationship. I think you should continue as you are doing for the moment. Let her know you are around from time to time, and answer when she texts you or rings you. You don't seem to be pestering her or giving her a hard time over your feelings, so you are going the right way. I think, from what you have said, that it is only a matter of time before you get back together with her. She obviously loves you and you obviously feel the same. That is a difficult thing for anything to get in the way of. Hope this helps and hope it goes well for you.


JasonRichards 3 years ago

Tony, i think you are right. i have not only told her i have also shown her that i am willing to make a mends and want to get back with her over the past 3 weeks.

i knew that she will not want to get back straight away, that was never the point of what i did but i think because i was distant prior to the break up by me doing this it has shown more of a fight from me. because it would have seem like nothing had changed if i was cold and distant before the break up and then cold and distant straight after the break up aswell, will you agree?

so for now after my text to her about coming to the sea resort 3 days ago, im just going to leave it be for now. the funny thing is i dont have to go through the whole stage of figuring out if i want her, or keeping busy or even accessing what caused the break up because im already doing these thing and have done em.

i also dont thik any of her previous relationships have wanted to have her back and reasons why our relationships is peanuts compared to her previous ones. i think this works in my favor, tony will you agree?


Khurram 3 years ago

Thank you Tony


Arthur 3 years ago

Since year 2011 July, we face many problem like neglect my work over my girl and didnt meet up, I didnt get what she want, on July we keep quarrel over this and talk less and less and didnt meet up. 2 days before as i told her to do for me and meet up next week which is next month. But something had happen to me, I was admit to hospital due bad headache and after 5 days, i discharge it. She didnt talk to me, maybe she dont know about it. But i dont know if she think i like someone? which is not true. I tried to talk to her but she didnt chat with me much. On my birthday in Dec i invite her to my party but she dont want. Maybe i guess i had hurt her alot. In May 2012, it has been 10 months since we saw each other pass by. She give me that kind of stupid face to me, I guess i must have hurt her alot which I didnt mean to do that. Since then I realise that I still love her feeling become stronger. Since from break up until now I never stop caring her, I know what is going on and yet i didnt have guts to do, and then I depressed and pester her alot and it give her more stress. Cause i cant believe why she is like that? And this guy message me warn me stop pester her and i met him up and i asked how he know my number? he said it was my ex give my number? From what i know about her, she is not a kind of person making trouble and it is unbelievable. And my friendship with guys and girls is risk because of my ex. My good friends warn me. Why? Since then I totally depressed, and then i hack one of my friend account just to chat with her. I dunno why? and I didnt want to do this. Why i had become like that. Since then in end of July I decided to stop doing this. It is totally stupid, i realise it. I hope she can be a happy girl. About 1 or 2 months, 2 of her good friend came to see me and warn me like i disturb her when i didnt do that? Since then I saw my ex's tweet, She said She never give up on me, she never ask anything in the first place". Since then I waited until now I wonder how long can we be friend again.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It may and it may not, but it is not important. What is important is your relationship with her and wanting to be with her. What went before with previous partners is not really relevant in my opinion. You may be right about not being cold and distant, and I don't think that is really what anyone should do. It is a difficult line to tread, but you need to show that you are available for her but not that you are constantly just doing anything to try to get back with her. She needs to see that it really is her that you want back and not just the comfort and security of a relationship.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok khurrum, thanks for sharing and reading :).


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is difficult to say for sure, but considering the amount of bad feeling and destructive situations generated by your break up, I think you would do well to continue as you are, and not try to contact her and try to get on with your own life. If she contacts you, then be polite and nice to her, but don't try to push things friendship wise. She may not want this, and you may also find that after some time for yourself neither do you.


Claudia Tello profile image

Claudia Tello 3 years ago from Mexico

You have given great advice here. My top #1 tip would be: respect his/her decision, let him/her go and DO NOT contact her. Distance and time will bring her back or not, but insisting and begging is the single worst thing you can do, it will certainly just drive him/her further away.


DrivingPeace profile image

DrivingPeace 3 years ago from Montana

Generally, Hubs entitled "Ten Ways to Get Your Ex Back" make me nauseous, but I gotta say, this is actually well-balanced and offers decent advice about how to maintain your self-respect and self-esteem if you DO get dumped by a GF. Nice job!

I like that your focus is more about self-care than about winning her back at any cost, which is pathetic as far as I'm concerned. Getting dumped sucks, no doubt about it, but it doesn't mean we should throw caution and dignity to the wind either. No woman in the world is worth that.


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Thanks claudia :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I agree with you there. If you type "how to get your ex back" in google the first 4 pages of hits are scam sites trying to sell guaranteed methods.


Ruth Anne cooks profile image

Ruth Anne cooks 3 years ago from Chicago, IL

The number one thing a guy can do is to be the best guy he can be. Sitting around and whining and plotting DO NOT make you the best guy you can be!

Your advice is spot on. From a female's perspective (an older female!), we wish more guys would exhibit the kind of maturity espoused in this article.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Thanks Ruth Anne!


thomas 3 years ago

but ruth or tony do you think that the female after the guy has respected the decision, do you think the woman should expect them to take her back?...she still put the guy through hurt in a way.

because some guys feel as though they cannot do anything in terms of hooking up with other girls cause the female will see that as a problem when they come back. however she can do whatever she wants until she comes to her senses and returns.

i think to an extent, it doesn't matter whether you do no contact or not. if someone wants to miss you they will miss you, if someone wants you back they will come back. how long it takes is how long it takes.

cause if the dumpee does try to twin the dumper back and has exhausted all the ways that they can. the dumper will one day realizes that in fact the dumpee was trying to win them back and understand this. whether they want to go back or not its a choice. cause when you love someone you show it. difference between harassing a showing.

sending some nice flowers to their work or sending a gift to their work is showing.

turning up at their work everyday telling them you love them that's harassing.

i think the showing your love over a short period after a break up can help even if the person is not adhering to it at the time. in the future they will soon realize that you was indeed just showing your love.

there is no harm is showing your love for the person after the break up for a bit especially if it was not over something that was very serious like cheating or physical violence or something like that. whereby they are affected by that situation.

what do you think of this tony, does it make some sense?


Arthur 3 years ago

Hi, Since i had top pestering her end of July, until now I had not been pestering her and until someone told me to write a letter just to let her know how i felt, i send her in late Nov and no reply. I also send sms to her to wish her Happy New Year! also no reply. I dunno what to do now and i dont want to happen if she like someone now or in r/s when that happen i will be great hurt the most.


Arthur 3 years ago

And what are the things that she needs to see that it really is her that you want back and not just the comfort and security of a relationship?


randyglock40 3 years ago

Thanks for the advice ..

Well 9 mo ago i met a girl thru one of my friends we talked and started dating we wud do almost everything together and we fell in love after about a month dating i always treated her right and i was always ther for her wenever she needed me we are both young so we still live with our parents so i talked to her dad about seeing his daughter and at first he didnt like me but then after time pass we became good with each other he would invite me over every now and then.


randyglock40 3 years ago

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago a little before christmas the break up really didnt have a reason just stress at work she believed my love faded away but it never did i just stopped showing it after i broke up 2 days later i regreted it and tried to get back with her well she said no that she wanted to stay single wen we wer together i always treated her right i dont smoke or drink. I cried my eyes out trying to get her to understand how i felt i did this for a bout a week then i realized i had to face reality and tried to move on but i never lost contact with her i would always be the one messaging her or txting her thru facebook or her cell. I would always worry about her and hoped she was safe. New years day she spend an hour with me just sharing dinner and then i took her bak home. When we wer together i would have alot of sex with her almost everyday. One day on a thursday i asked her if she wanted to have sex for at least one more time she agreed and we did it in my car . I really liked it so i would txt her every now and then so we could have sex she would always agree and do a quick one. About 3 weeks ago she started goin out with another boy she said she really liked him and he did too so i got kinda jealous since i do still love her. But eventhough she was with her new bf i would go see her and try to seduce her to have sex with me and we usuaply would i was in hope this would help me get her back we did this for about two weeks and after we would be done she would always feel bad she would say. We are suppose to be best friends and we go out but we have to keep a low profile so her bf wont find out. Her new bf is a dope dealler he smokes and drinks and in my opinion he doesnt treat her right she said and promised me she has had sex with him only once and he used protection. I really still love her but she says she just wants to be friends and wants to stop the sex because it doesnt feel right to be cheating on her and i understand but i guess im just waiting for them to break up so i can get another chance i really dont lik going out and meeting other girls because this girl stole my heart and i really want her back i really do love her and when i see her i get butterflys in my stomach she says she just likes me as a friend i just dont understand what i could do to win her back i know she has a bf but we went out for 8 mo she even admited to hav ffallen in love with me but that it faded out i still wana be able to see her and see how shes doing i dont wana loose her so i agreed to being her best friend and that we still going to hangout but no sex i just need advice in what i could do to either win her back or if its best to wait till shes single and just stay as best friends for now . I just hate the idea of someone else pleasuring her. Please give me advice on this everything would be helpful thanks


Arthur 3 years ago

So for that. what shall I do now? Firstly I dunno if she like someone now or in r/s. And i dont wish to see that happen cause i know i will be great hurt.


leo 3 years ago

hey, i was reading so many websites about how to get your ex back, i need to share with you this maybe you can help and bring back to me the love of my life.

at the first of our break up i used to call her daily and text her in sad way and asking her to come back and when we call sometimes i cry and i beg her etc. later on she start ignoring my calls and when she pick up she and start talking i always hurt her with my words of mentioning about the past and everything, and i tried to talk to her friends and everything, but no point, one of her friend she is my friend ex i talked to her and i showed here how much i love her and want her and we become like brother and sister and when i explain to her how break up with my friend was totally wrong becuz she did mistakes also, she go and screen shot mu words and sent to her, then my chances was totally gone.

i tried to talk to her best friend about how to get my ex back and how much i still care about her and everything, and she told me that once my ex will meet everything will change, but am afraid because she is living in anther island and its been 2 months already and she going to continue her study at the same college and it will be killing me if i saw her with anther guy.

before 2 days i called her and i told her i want to travel to her place to meet her, then she said she doesnt want to see me, then i told her this call will be my last call of trying to get back together, then she said trust me this is the best for both of us and you will thank me later, any way i told her i have learned from my mistakes with you and am i figured out that what i have done with you is a totally wrong, and i wont do it if i had anther girlfriend, she agreed also about our both mistakes, then on the same day she like all the pic's that i upload in instgram and she is keep liking my pages, and she told me that she is reading my blog posts daily.

i want her so much back but since the last call before afew days i didnt call her or text her at all, and her clothes and stuff in my house and she will come on 26 of coming march to take it, and i really need a right way to get her back and i have made a promise to make it up for her for any mistake i have done with her.

do you have any idea how to make her feel that i really changed and i am better person and make her love me and miss me like before, even if she far away from me ?


kevin 3 years ago

hey there tony, nice blog i like the different steps you have there.

i just wanted to share my problem and see if you can answer some of my questions please.

ok im 24 and my ex is 22. so i have been with my girlfriend of 3 years and we split up about a month ago. i wish i had see this blog as soon as we broke up. i initiated the break up, on a night in. because i was frustrated other things going on in my life. the next day i regretted it but my ex did not accept it and rather said that we should break up and said that she cant see us working in the future. this tore me apart because i felt that by me saying that we should break up first i had made her think that. I still Love her very much.

so over the past month i have been trying to get her with back. shes going through a lot in her life when i was around and i care about her a lot so i didnt do not do no contact. this was mainly because she said that we could still talk. if she had said that she needed the space i would have respected that and not spoken to her. anyway. one thing i didnt do was beg or cry when she said to break up i was relatively clam and only just asked things like 'is this what she wants to do?' and that 'i could see my self with her?' and i also made it clear that i didnt want to break up but if she did then i respect her decision.

i have been trying to show her that i care over the last month rather than the idea of winning her back, because the way i have been brought up in my family even if someone hurts you you hold no grudges and if you still care about them you dont just completely stop caring. whether she is my girlfriend or not i will still have compassion for her.

so i sent her an email, just talking about some of the good times we had and how these were happy times for me and that i will not mind sharing some more good times with her. during this stage we were still talking to each other every now and then via text message. even though i was initiating the conversation most of the time she never at any point said for me to leave her alone and every now and then i would ask her. if shes busy i will let her get back to whatever shes doing and she will reply with it fine we can still continue to talk and the times that she did say she was busy i would leave her to it. this went on for over the course of 2week.

i thought everything was going fine, however things changed when she started a course in college after that two weeks. she started to be distant , i will text her and she will not reply and when i did again she will say she was busy. some of my friends attend this college and they know that she has not been so busy that she could not talk to me. and they all agree that she has been acting strange. as normal i worried about her that something must be going on with her that she is not letting on. so i still texted her checking up on her and then one day she blew it up in my face saying that she was busy. so i left her alone.

it was my nephews birthday coming up who she was very fond of and so i called her and told her that it will be lovely for her to come and enjoy the part. she then resorted to screaming over the phone saying that i just want her to come because i want to get back with her and it was all a ploy etc.. i was very shocked because this was completely out of character for her to speak to me like that. so i told her that it was not a ploy and that i want her to come and they way she had been behaving i asked her if she was seeing someone else or something that she should let me know so i will back off. she then went on a runt saying that is that what i want to hear etc... so i left it and texted her instead that i don't know what has gotten into her but she im not lying about the birthday buts she should come. i got no rely from this text at all and had not spoken to her since. not to even ask now she is or to even ask again about her coming or not. recently i had a close friend of mine who also attends the college to give her a gift to cheer her up and when she found out it was me she accused me of keeping tabs on her and that she was not afraid of me like i had been stalking her or something. again she knows im not the sort of person to do so and that if i could have given her the gift personally i would have but i was busy.

it is as though recently she has been wrongly judging my character and has completely forgotten the person i am, such as accusing me of lying or having different motives. this is not the person i was when we were going out so why is she thinking like this tony?

also everyone that knows the pair of us has said that the she is Handling the situation is not good because of the things we have been through and that shes also not acting like herself. i heard from my friend that she has been seeing someone else for a date do you think this explains her behavior recently?...and is doing this so she does not have to cope with the break up or the other things shes going through?

also might i add, i have not been obsessing over her i have been keeping busy and getting on with my life. i do think about her from time to time and i do want us to get back. everything i have done so far is because i'm worried for her. i feel a little insulted by her reactions and the way she thinks of me now because i though she will know me better.

i have decided now to completely just forget about her and the idea of getting back together and go completely NO contact until if she contacts me.

now this leads to my question. do you think that starting no contact a month after the break up have ruined my chances of getting back with her? or do you think that in the future she would realize that all the actions i took after the break up will show her i actually cared and was genuinely looking out for her? and as a result of this see that and want to possibly reconcile?

lastly tony, what about if she is also following a rule of no contact because things i have read about "Getting your boyfriend back" seems to state actions that cause the boy to come back begging or trying to take them back etc... so it is a bit ironic is it not?

Sorry for the long comment and thank you for taking the time to read this comment and getting back to me in advance. looking forward to see what you have to say about this.


leo-iq7 3 years ago

i have been breaking up with my girlfriend since 2 months, and i am facing really bad situation till now, first of all the break up was because of am not changing and fixing my mistakes, that made my girlfriend wants to break up after she went back to her hometown, its far away from here and we dont see each other since 3 months.

after we broke up i have called her and talked to her billion times and text with her daily, i always screwed thing up and hurt her with my words, she kept trying to make me move on and get over it, i am over her now but i still missing her and our time together, i have tried to contact her best friends and they told me once she go back to the college she will fall in love with me again because she loves me so much, but am afraid that she will be taken till that time, before 3 days i called her and told her that i want to go to her hometown to see her, she said she doesnt want to see me, so i told her that will be my last try to fix everything, and we discussed in a very nice way how and why we broke up, and i told her even if you have a new guy and you need my help or any thing you are welcome.

now her stuff is in my house, and once she reach the city she will call me to take her stuff, and the only way we can contacting each other is via instgram and whats app, she keep liking my pic's after the last call, and she told me that she daily check my blog post.

now how i should make her miss me more and love me more till she want to go back in the relationship, and am using no contact rule this days.

please i would be really thankful if gave me some advice.


Dan 3 years ago

Hi Tony,

I have been reading through this and have to say spot on advice, like many others wish I had of seen this months ago!

My girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me in November.

Soon after we got together we realised we were deeply in love with eachother, when we weren't together we were on the phone to each other. There wasn't one night we didn't speak on the phone before we went to sleep. This wasn't one sided we were both happy like this. She is very attractive and has always had a lot of male attention, but she wasnt interested, she was only interested in me. she was always calling me and always wanted to see me, tbh I couldn't believe my luck!

After being together for a couple of months she started to show signs of extreme jealousy.. She started to go through my phone and read my messages (infront of me), she deleted friends numbers who were female from my contacts, and questioned me constantly about ex lovers.

We both work in the same building and I was completely honest about 2 girls I had previously taken out, one was just a one off date, and the other a bit more. She began to obsess about them and started to accuse me of all sorts. I tried my hardest to reassure her but nothing I said made her understand she is the only girl for me. She even began to question me when I brought new clothes for work or when I spent time with my family. But the funny thing is when she went out clubbing with friends I had to be ok with it and trust her (I never went out without her).

Anyway the last straw for her was when she discovered a picture of me and a female co worker from an old Christmas party, we had our arms round each other as a flirty joke, she went mental at me and said it was proof that I had past relations with that woman (not true). After a couple of unhappy and unhealthy months she told me she can't do it anymore and that we were over. I couldn't believe it. At first I continued as normal and convinced her to see me, to sleep with me and to try again, but after a week or so she called it off for good.

I spent weeks trying to talk her round, crying, begging, but she wouldn't have it. She said she can't be with someone she can't trust. She called me Christmas Day and asked if I had brought her a present (I had, a £600 one), she didn't believe me so I told her to wait there and I'd bring it round to her house, she agreed. She opened it and was over-the-moon. She hugged and kissed me and I felt great. Unfortunately I outstayed my welcome and after a couple of hours she was in tears telling me to leave and that I can't buy her back. I didn't want to buy her I just wanted her to be happy and I was so happy to see her.

Throughout January I still tried to text and call her but less often. She's now going out with her friends more and more and doesn't answer my calls. Everytime we do talk it ends in tears as she questions me about past problems and doesn't believe my answers.

I decided to sort myself out, I started to go to the gym, buy some new clothes, and stop trying to contact her so much.

Whilst I was out shopping I saw something I knew she would love, and although I knew I shouldn't have, I brought it for her. I sent it in a taxi to her house and waited for her call, she called me half an hour later almost in tears! She was so happy and said it was so cute.

Unfortunately I had brought her the wrong size so she agreed to meet me to exchange it. We have just spent the day shopping, had some lunch and it was great. Neither of us brought up the relationship in conversation and we just chatted and had a laugh like we used to. She reached out a few times and touched my arms when talking and we kissed on the lips when departing.

Anyway, after my long story... What do you think I should do now?? We have left things on what I would call 'good terms'. I did ask her when we were shopping if we could go for dinner in return and she laughed and said no.

Am I being played? I'm starting to think she's seeing someone else but not sure. I know for sure she's talking to various guys as in textimg and chatting, I really want to see her again and see what happens but don't want to look needy. I really don't know what to do now I miss her so much and want her back. Should I call her in a few days or see if she calls me?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Thomas, thanks for your comment, you make a lot of sense. I do think you are right in some respects, for example it is very likely that if someone wants you they will come back. I do believe, however, that you are far more likely to decrease that possibility if you go too far. There's nothing wrong with contact, there is something wrong with texting your ex every 10 mins, for example. I think the tips in this article improve the possibility of getting back together, and if that does not happen, then they will help the person following them to get over it. That is the main point of the article; to make things easier on the person who has been hurt.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Arthur, thanks for your comments and for reading. I think the most important thing for you to do at the moment is to take some time for yourself. Try not to think about her. I know this is very hard but if you involve yourself in other activities that will help you take your mind off her then when you do see her, you will feel more confident and more able to talk to her as yourself. Hope this helps.


thomas 3 years ago

thanks for reading it.

last question, i was thinking of writing a letter to my ex it has been a month after the break up. like most guys i did try to reach out to her at times in the last month. but i want to give her complete space now. and go no contact.

the letter was to go along the lines of. i want to give her the space, that i will always love and care about her, but i am gonna take this time to be the best person i can be so that if we do get back together it will be forever as she said. whether it takes weeks or months down the line.

she is the woman i want to marry and build a family with etc.. and that if she does indeed want to talk she can get in contact with me and i will be here for her.

i would text it or call her but i want her to sit down and read it herself so that it is in front of her and she can take it all in. do you think this is a good idea?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Randy, it's obvious to me that this girl must still have some feeling for you, or she would not have continued sleeping with you for so long. I think you should avoid sleeping with her if she has a boyfriend, for health as well as emotional reasons. As to whether or not you should carry on being her friend, that is a choice only you can make. There is a danger that you may slip into the so-called "friend zone", however if you decide not to be her friend, you could end up alienating her. Not an easy choice. If you really love her, I don't think you have much choice but to wait.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Leo, thanks for your comments. Your situation sounds difficult. I think you have done the right thing in not pestering her anymore. There is no definite way to make anyone love anyone else, there are only ways to make it more likely. The best thing for you to do is continue with the changes you feel have happened to you. If she is paying attention to your pages, then she will see this. If she is still able to feel for you, this may help. There is no guarantee however, so you need to try to prepare yourself for this possibility. Focus on yourself and try to take what you have learned and use it in a positive way in your own life.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Kevin, yes, you are right, the no contact rule is often used in many tips about getting exes back. That is because it allows your previous relationship (and subsequent break up) some space to breath. I don't think it is possible to completely ruin any chance of getting back with someone if you are right for each other.

As regards her actions, you may be correct. People often "act out" if they feel guilty about something, and it is possible that she feels bad because she knows it will hurt you to find out that she has been seeing someone else. It is very unusual to lose all feeling for someone on separation. She could be expressing her guilt by becoming aggressive and unreasonable towards you.

Thanks for reading and commenting and I hope this helps.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Leo I think I have already answered your query? Let me know if I'm wrong.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Dan, thanks for commenting and reading. It is impossible to tell if you are being played. It is certainly a possibility, and she may even be doing it unkowingly as she just likes the presents you bought for her. I think you are looking at your past relationship in the wrong way though. From what you say, you didn't do anything wrong. She kept accusing you of cheating and acting unfaithfully, even though you had done nothing of the sort. If anyone should be trying to make amends, it should be her and not you. She obviously has some strong issues around insecurity, but you shouldn't be the one to suffer as a result. In trying to make things up to jealous people, this can sometimes make you appear guilty in their eyes (if you have done nothing wrong, what are you trying to make up for?). Personally, I would wait for her to call you. If she ever makes any mention of your relationship, I think you should make it clear that you found her jealousy unacceptable. It may be that she realised she was wrong to do it, however it may also be that she thought it was acceptable behaviour because you indulged her in this. Hope this helps :).


leo-iq7 3 years ago

hey, ya but i didnt see your comment or my comment appeared so i was thinking maybe something wrong with my laptop :P.

she is always liking my pictures in instgram, and she still reading my posts, actually if you know someway that attract the girl to you more even if she doesn't see you, this the only way that can make her keep thinking about me, and trying to contact me.

what you think i should write the posts about so she can feel attracted to me more ?

thank you so much for you help.


Arthur 3 years ago

Yes! it is very hard for me now. I dont know why. But after we apart, i didnt manage to think so much of her but still thinking until 10 months later i saw her, i become like saw her again and then pester her alot. I dunno why i did that. and when she saw me, she tweet about me. i dont know why.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi again Thomas, that sounds like a good idea, but you must be prepared for her not to respond initially. The things you intend to put in the letter do sound like sensible courses of action.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi again leo, yeah I have to approve comments before they appear because I get a lot of spam on this page. I think people who come here have enough problems without scammers adding to them by taking their money. I think you should stop trying to think about how to get her back, and try to focus on getting yourself back into shape emotionally. If you post things that are not really who you are, but who you think she wants, you will either get her back under false pretences, or she will see right through it and you will appear less attractive. I would perhaps not post for a short while until you really feel like doing it for yourself. If she is attracted to who you are, being yourself is the best you can do. If she is not attracted to who you are, you are better off moving on anyway.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi again Arthur. These things are never easy for anybody. I really don't think you should be spending too much time wondering about her actions. At the moment, you can't know. Thinking about it too much will just make you go around in circles trying to figure her out. There is no need and no point in doing this. It will just make things harder for you.


leo-iq7 3 years ago

i just write posts about how the problems were in my attitude well be fixed, its more to advice other guys who they are in love, its all things i am trying to change it, not only for her but also for me in future to not repeat it again, but you think that someone keep calling his ex between a while and while and text her for 2 months, that he still have a chance to make her attract to him again ?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Of course there is always a chance leo. The problem people have when they have had a relationship end suddenly, is that they tend to obsess about it, their ex and what they can do to get them back. This usually drives their ex even further away. The most important thing in any break up is to try to get back to yourself, rather than focusing on the other party. It is important that your partner wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her in any relationship. With this in mind, not only should you make sure you are not misleading her, but also yourself by going with someone who may not be right for you. If you have to change your personality (aside from obvious things such as abusive disorders etc) to be with someone, they are obviously wrong for you.


Arthur 3 years ago

Hmm how can i help myself? I really want to see her but i dont intend to go r/s. All i can ask is make her friend again and be side on her.


Arthur 3 years ago

I have her twitter and i know what is going on about her. Sometimes when she is down, i want to be there for her also i cant. I feel i am useless. As long as she is happy, I also be happy.


leo-iq7 3 years ago

its not changing my personality, actually i admit it, i had bad attitude before, like thinking in negative way, and i argue much, and also i really less ask her to go out, always she is the one who asking me to go out with her, this what i wanted to change, i generally she loves my personality.

also i used to be so defensive when she come and tell me i have done a mistake i always say because because, so i had to change all this for my self before i change it for her.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That sounds like a very mature way to look at it Arthur. There is nothing wrong with being there for her if she needs you, but you should be concerned about you too. Try to engage yourself in activities you know you enjoy. This doesn't mean you can't be there if she needs you, but you shouldn't just sit around waiting for that to happen.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is good that you want to change things about yourself that you feel are bad, but the first person you should be doing this for is yourself. If she loves your personality, then being yourself is the best option, rather than looking for ways to show her you to bring her back to you.


leo-iq7 3 years ago

ya i think thats right, if you think she is missing could be she text or call me within this a few days, or she can just move on and having a new boyfriend ?

inside me i still want to get her back, but now am more focusing on my life and my enjoyment, especially if she going to have a new boyfriend and i am far away from her, that can help her to forget me more faster right ?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It can help you yes. There is no way of knowing for sure what is happening with her, so it is a much better idea to focus on your own recovery and development.


leo-iq7 3 years ago

i really hope so and am gonna let it to the time to clear everything out.

thanks alot, and if there is any improvement i will let you know.


Arthur 3 years ago

So how can i show my action to her to let her know that i always be there for her? I dunno about me may need time to do that


DanielH 3 years ago

Hey tony well im back its me Daniel. I followed your advice and now im back with my ex. Although it feels different all she thinks about is partying but when I say im going to go out she asks me questions and I ask her questions she yells at me. Now that I have her back...how do I get her to fall more in love with me so she can go back to how she was.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Ok hope it works out for you leo.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is a difficult one, but I would say wait for her to be in a situation that requires help, and offer it. Do it without any thought of where else it might lead, just show her you will be there.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I would say answer her questions. You're not doing anything wrong, so don't worry about it. If you have concerns, voice them, but try to do it without anger. There is no way to "get" someone to fall more in love with you. It will either happen or it won't. Try to be understanding with her, but make sure she knows you expect the same from her. There is nothing wrong with going out partying, for either of you.


Arthur 3 years ago

Hmm must i have to wait? i already waited for her so long and it had been more than 1.5 years. I totally tired.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Whether you wait or not is your choice Arthur. One and a half years is a long time to wait for anyone, so it might be worth thinking about moving on.


Arthur 3 years ago

Hmm if i still wait on her no matter what. Am i doing doing stupid/foslish?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Only you can decide that arthur. It depends on how you look at it. From a cynical point of view, yes you are, from an idealistic, romantic point of view, no you're not. It's up to you to decide which you would rather follow.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Iz, you shouldn't be thinking about changing her. If you screwed up, apologise and don't press her to change her response. Whatever it was you did, you need to make sure she understands that you are sorry, and that is all for the moment. Don't constantly say it to her, don't beg or plead or ring/text her all the time. Just do it once, from the heart, say you hope she will forgive you one day, and leave it there, give her some time to think about it. Wait until she gets back to you. If you keep pushing, she will put her guard up and you won't get back in.


Brandon 3 years ago

Hello. My ex and I were together for about 3 years. We were each others first relationship, first everything really. Things with us were perfect, I couldn't have asked for a better relationship; we barely ever fought and when we did we didn't consider it fighting, just bickering. We were in love I have no doubt about it. But about a year and a half ago something happened that destroyed her confidence in me, her brother committed suicide. She was hurt and it was so unexpected. She looked to me for comfort and support and I tried my best to be there for her, so I thought. Circumstances at the time caused me to keep having to go away for days at a time and each time took away, bit by bit, her ability to confide in me and caused her to feel I couldn't be there for her emotionally no matter how hard I tried. So she broke up with me, but after we still hung out and sometimes seemed like nothing changed. ,We would kiss and hold hands, even spend nights together. For a year I tried to continue to prove I could be there for her, but over compensated by being there physically to make up for not being there before, and eventually she said she needed her space because she still didn't feel I was there emotionally. But even after she still showed emotion towards me and looked to me for comfort because "I was better than nothing" and I could tell she didn't want me gone out of her life because she still loves me but just couldn't be with me because I can't be there for her emotionally no matter how much she wishes things could be different. And because I still love her I would do everything I could to make her life easier and every opportunity I'd get to help her I do it and I just try so hard to make her realize I'm trying in ways I can, but nothing I do makes her feel I'm there and understand how she feels. I don't want to not see her anymore because I love her and I wait for the short times she gives into her emotions towards me even if it only last a couple days. So for a year I have been here helping her trying to be here for her while she is exploring other people. She's been hurt by a couple men and then looks to me for comfort until she meets someone else. I love her and I know she still loves me just can't forgive me for leaving all those times. So I'm here when she needs me and gives into her emotions and I wait for the day that she realizes that the whole time I have been here for her and have done more than enough to prove that I'm sorry. But I don't know what to do because it is so hard to see her with other people and her hurts so much but I know if i just cut ties it will hurt her so much because even though she denies it, I am a comfort to her and she can talk to me about anything. And I'm so in love with her that I can't hurt her like that. I can't leave. I can't not be there when she looks for it.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Brandon, sorry to hear about your situation it sounds like you have things very hard at the moment. It is a stark choice you have to make. Either continue as you are and hurt yourself, or save your own feelings and hurt her. It might be an idea to let her know how much it is hurting you seeing her with other men. She may not be aware of this and this may even be part of the reason she believes you are not emotionally available. If you tell her what it is doing to you, then give her some time to think about it, she may realise that she doesn't want to lose you. If she has said that you are "better than nothing", that is a fairly brutal thing to say. If you had said that to her would you expect her to wait around for you?


Brandon 3 years ago

No, I really believe that if situations were reversed she would not stay. Even as things are right now she still gets jealous if I talk to other women. And I have tried telling her how I feel, but in the end it just makes her feel guilty and get upset with me. She knows she is in the wrong and she has told me it isn't fair to me and that she is the worst person on earth and I try to reassure her she isn't. I tell her that I just want her to be happy and I tell her that I don't care who she ends up with as long as they make her happy. And she knows that isn't true and I know I don't want her to be with someone else but I try not to hurt her and make her feel bad for having me around because I don't want her to have no one, even if it cost me to take the hurt. But I can't do this forever, it hurts so much. I just wish she could find a way to forgive me and give into her feelings for good, see that I learned from my mistakes of leaving so many times. I just wish there was a way to spare her the hurt if I were to cut


Brandon 3 years ago

No, I really believe that if situations were reversed she would not stay. Even as things are right now she still gets jealous if I talk to other women. And I have tried telling her how I feel, but in the end it just makes her feel guilty and get upset with me. She knows she is in the wrong and she has told me it isn't fair to me and that she is the worst person on earth and I try to reassure her she isn't. I tell her that I just want her to be happy and I tell her that I don't care who she ends up with as long as they make her happy. And she knows that isn't true and I know I don't want her to be with someone else but I try not to hurt her and make her feel bad for having me around because I don't want her to have no one, even if it cost me to take the hurt. But I can't do this forever, it hurts so much. I just wish she could find a way to forgive me and give into her feelings for good, see that I learned from my mistakes of leaving so many times. I just wish there was a way to spare her the hurt.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Sounds really tough Brandon. It seems as though you are both in a bit of a cycle. She keeps leaning on you when she is hurt which causes you hurt which then causes her to feel guilty. I would say it might be an idea to try breaking the cycle for both your sakes. I am not saying don't ever be there for her again, but the longer you keep torturing yourself and, to a certain extent, her, the less likely it is you are going to be able to have a healthy relationship even if you do get back together. Suppressed hurt eventually causes resentment, even in the best of people. It could seriously damage both of your romantic lives. It is like a sticking plaster, and at the moment what you are both doing is pulling it off very, very slowly.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Inn da'style, there is no time scale on these things. If you really feel you still love her, you shouldn't give up.


Anon 3 years ago

Me and my ex split up last friday we had a huge argument and she finished it we have been together 2 and a half years and have a daughter! She said the arguments are too bad and shes had enough of them we have seperated before because of them but got back together. This time feels different though we have been in contact because of our daughter and thats about it apart from me asking if she is ok to which she replies "no im in bits i know its over forever and i cant imagine life without u i wanted to grow old with u". So im devastated and really do want her back. I contacted her today to tell her how i felt and she started crying on the phone so i said is it 100% over just so i know where i stand and she said "yes its not what i want but its how its got to be". Then she said "dont contact me unless its to do with our daughter its making it too hard to get over u speaking to each other everyday". Then she changed her mind after about a minute and said "if there is a chance its about 0.01% of a chance and im still going to try and get over u but see how i feel it just feels like the right thing to do at the minute". Please give me advise on what i should do and do u think i will get her back? Thanks.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi me and my ex girlfriend of 2 and a half years split up last friday after a huge argument. We have a daughter together aswell. She ended it because she said she cant handle the arguing anymore we have split up because of it before and got back together but this time feels different. Since then we have had contact because of our daughter one text she sent through week said "i cant imagine life without u i wanted to grow old with u but i know its over forever and my heart feels like its been shattered". So i rang her today to tell her how i feel which is i love her and still want to be with her and she said. " its 100% over we need to stop all contact unless its to do with our daughter because its so hard to get over u" then i rang her again half an hour later and she said "if there was a chance its 0.01% of a chance, il see how i feel in a bit more time but im still going to try and get over u because it feels like the right thing to do". So now im really confused and need ur input on what i should do next and if u think i will get her back? Thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi J12L, it sounds to me that she obviously still loves you. I would suggest talking to her and telling her you are prepared to go to counselling together in order to try to resolve your arguments. They will teach you ways to raise problems you have with each other in a way that will prevent shouting matches. Have a look around for some marriage guidance consellors and present what you find to her. Hopefully this will make her see you are serious about addressing your problems.


J12L 3 years ago

Thanks for the advice but i mentioned it today and she said i was the one that needed counselling so i said i was willing to do that for our relationship but she still said she was trying to get over me.


Copeland67 3 years ago

My situation is alittle more complicated then any one elses whos posted on here... i need help directly. Can you help me?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Give her time is the only answer I have for that. Take the counselling, take some time to figure yourself out.


Havoc22 3 years ago

My girlfriend and I started dating 3 years ago when we were both in the 10th grade. From that moment on we were inseparable and became best friends. Over the course of our 3 year relationship we experienced many major milestones together. We took each other's virginity after about a year. We spent every day together, and if we weren't physically together, we'd be talking on the phone. Everything had been fine for the last 3 years. Even though she is 17 and I am 18, we had a very serious and committed relationship. We had planned to get married in a couple of years. Both of our entire futures were created to include each other. Forever. I mean, of course we would argue, but we'd always fix it right then. We just started college in the fall of 2012, I commute to a university about an hour away from where I live (she lives 15 mins away from me) and she goes to a community college literally 2 minutes from her house, so it's not like our relationship was long distance because I would still see her 3-4 days a week. Starting in December of 2012, we became stuck in a "rut." We did the same things over and over again every time we would hang out. We had been arguing about petty things quite a lot too as well as nit picking at each other. She told me out of nowhere last Friday (February 1st I believe) that she wanted a break. I begged and pleaded but she wouldn't change her mind. So I went to her house the next day and begged again, she still wanted the break. The next day I met with her, she said she can't handle being in a relationship right now and she broke up with me. Once again I begged her to let us try and work it out, she said she just wants to be alone and that she felt trapped , we had sex before I left, and she made sure I know that she still loves me with her whole heart. I tried texting her, but quit after 2 days because she wouldn't reply. She said she just needs time to heal and get over it. I originally told her i would wait for her but she told me not to because she doesnt know when if ever her feelings would change. I admit I was a bit over protective and jealous throughout our relationship but she was fine with it. She was also jealous , so it worked for us. I'm so depressed now I don't know what to do with myself. I couldn't eat for days, I've lost almost 10 pounds, and I just want her back. My friends say that she's just going through a phase or transition and where we were together all through high school she needs to see what she has to appreciate it. What do I do? Will she come back to me? Please help me, I'm losing my mind.


Kobe 3 years ago

i lost my gf one week ago, i felt so bad i did alot of begging and pleading, but nothing worked and i wrote her a letter, but she said she gave me too many chances what should i do? i want her back really bad but i feel like she liked someone else already, I really want her back please help!!


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Samith Jhon 3 years ago from Los Angeles, California

Informative and interesting hub great work am going to share it on my all social profiles keep it up :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Thanks, I'll check yours out when I have five :).


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi havoc, sounds like you've been through the mill with this one. I think you should try to let her be for a while. You need to try to get back to being yourself, and the only thing that will do that is time. If you find yourself sat thinking about her, get up and do something, anything to occupy your mind. Give yourself two weeks to do this initially, make sure you don't contact her OR reply to her messages in that time. Once the two weeks are up, see how you feel, then extend the timeframe if necessary. Also, even after this point, it is important that you only contact her if she contacts you. Hope this helps.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I really wish I knew some magic words to say to stop people from doing what you have done. You should never, ever, beg someone to come back to you. Even if it works, the chances are they are doing it out of pity. One week is not long in the grand scheme of things. Leave her be for a while, give her a chance to miss you.


Kristy 3 years ago

i just got back with my ex a week ago and we were speaking recently.

i want to share this with your readers because this may help them.

he told me that, what he regretted with the way i handled the break up was that i was very vague in what i wanted.

when we broke up he asked me if we could still talk and see each other and i told him yes. but when he spoke to me i would only give one word answers. He said i should have just told him I wanted space and he would have respected that. but because i never actually said that he felt that if he did stop taking to me on tell me that what i want is space he was deciding for me and i would have seen that at a wrong way.

basically what i am saying here is that after the break up when you are able to talk again especially if ti was not a nasty one. make it clear your intentions are. Say you want space, say you need time to think, say if you don't want them back ever, say if you do want them back. so that both parties can respect each other decisions.

you cant really blame your ex for turning up at your door if when they asked if you needed space you said no and then when they try and win you back or feel there is something they can do, you begin to act all strange.

would you not agree tony great blog by the way :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Kristy, yeah that sounds like a common problem men face when dealing with a break up. Women are often much less likely to be clear, which makes men wonder and go over things in their heads, causing them to ring all the time and pester their exes. I really wish there was some way of showing men exactly the mistakes they are making, because they seem to do it over and over again. Thank you for your input :).


Kriss 3 years ago

Hey, I was just seeking some advice. Me and my "ex" is having a break right now, no contact at all, and we have had this for a week. It all started after new years eve with her being insecure in her feelings about me. So she wanted some distance. And we started to talk alot less, but I was so devastated of how things were so every time we met out on a bar or something I started to fight with her about it and said I was sorry, and started again... And I became all, I want to know what she was doing so I checked her and her friends up on social medias all the time to see if someone was hitting on her etc, and she found out. So now we agreed that the best is some time without communication. The question is about the valentines day. Should I maybe send her some roses or something with a little card, just to show that I still love her? After we had agreed on a little break, I said I was really sorry and in a bad position and that's why all the things happened, and that it's not me. Should I maybe say it again in a card, or is that too much? Because she said that she don't "care" about my excuses anymore, since I brought things up, and said I was sorry for it, and did it again, and again... And also, we agreed on her taking contact after 1-2 months, is that a bit to long? Should I talk to her in a month or so, and tell her that I need an answer, so I can maybe try to move on. Because we are still together and promised to not see someone else etc, but we are having a really rough time and me fucking up only made things worse... From 1th January till a week ago, she said that she still didn't know what she felt, and that it hasn't gone any worse or better, but before this break she said that because of the way I behaved it has been going worse, so I am very worried that this long break is going to be the end of the realtionship... :( You got any advices on how I should behave and what I should do?

Thanks.


John 3 years ago

Hello, i was with my girlfriend more than 1 year and 3 months, i cheated on her after that i said sorry to her so many times. I did all the things that i would have do if i was her bf. buying her gift on Christmas etc. Than i gave her a surprise birthday gift with a party. But she tells my friends that she don't love me anymore. she dont have feelings for me anymore. She like one of my friends now. So what can i do in this situation?


John 3 years ago

And it been six months allready. she knows that i still like her. and we in the same class now. and just can u give me some idea how to get her back please


John 3 years ago

Hey. I was with my girlfriend for 1 year 3 months. than i cheated on her :/ after that she broke up with me by the time she found out.. i know it was my mistake.. i said sorry to her i beg her to come backk to me... I said sorry so many time.. we in the same school and same class . I did so much stuff for her as i would have do if i was her bf. buying her gifts on Christmas etc. Than i threw a surprise birthday party for her ... She knows that i love her.. I always act sweet with her. i give her attention all the time .. But everytime my friends ask her anything about us she tell them she dont have feelings for me, she dont love me anymore and all that.. now she like one of my close friend from school .. but i love her so muchh... it been 6 months that im going like this ... so do u have any idea what can i do? please help me out ..


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Kriss, I think it is important to let her have her time to herself. If you keep trying to contact her you will make her sure that she wants to end things. It may well be that once the time is up, she decides that she does not wish to continue, but if you push her, the chances are much higher that this will happen. There is nothing wrong with sending her a valentines card, but I would suggest not mentioning the situation at all. If you do that, she might think you are using it as an excuse to break the rules. Just send her a card, with some thoughts for valentines day and NOTHING else, then wait as you have both already agreed.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi John, there is not much you can do in this situation. If you cheated and that has caused her to lose feelings for you, it is very very difficult to come back from this. I would suggest getting away from her for a short while and see how you feel then. Give it maybe a month or two with no contact and see what she does. If she doesn't try to contact you you know it's done and you can move on.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

If you are in the same class with her, try switching classes or just don't speak to her unless she speaks to you, then be brief and don't talk longer than is absolutely necessary. If you go around telling everyone you still like her and keep acting sweet to her, there's no mystery. Let her be for a while and see what happens.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Just to make you all aware, when you are posting a comment here it will not show immediately as I have to approve it first. This hub gets a lot of spam from people trying to sell you love spells and other tat, so I check every comment. If you do comment, I will always respond if a response is required so rest assured I will get back to you.


Kriss 3 years ago

Okey, thanks. I will send her a card then, and give her the time she needs before she takes contact.

But, if she still says after the break that her feelings isn't there anymore, or something, should I just give her some time and maybe get back to her later, or should you keep on fighting and try to do something socially with her?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That is something you would have to decide to be honest Kriss. If you decide to keep fighting for her, you may get her back, or you may prolong the agony. It is impossible to say whether it will work or not. In spite of what a lot of internet sites will tell you, there is no sure fire way to get your ex back. Personally, I would give her time, make sure I have given her every opportunity, but if she doesn't take it, I would move on, knowing that I had done the best I could.


Daniel 3 years ago

Hey Tony its me Daniel again. I followed everything you said No Contact worked and i did get my ex back and were happy together but although we fight still. Im a very jealous person. She called me clingy cause when I call her and asks what shes doing and who she is with she goes nuts and screams literally and sats you piss me off yet when im with my buddies she calls me and says who are you with and who else and what you guys doing and im completely normal. shes a hypocrite. She wants to party but i dont want her to because its those grinding parties and i cant bear the though of her rubbing her a** on a guy junk like it bothers she says she wint but during our relationship last march she had gone to a party secretly and danced with a lot of guys like that and it sucks. Help :(


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi daniel, good for you. Wait until the next time she calls and then point it out to her (do this nicely and without shouting or arguing). Alternatively, when she calls you, go to her and talk to her in person. Let her know that you're not doing anything. If she has promised not to do anything, you have to accept that, regardless of what she did before.


Henry 3 years ago

Great Blog Tony

A friend of mine sent a letter to his ex a week ago. i read the letter before he sent it and every thing he said in was very sincere. he wanted to send it because he felt hew never got the opportunity to express himself after the break up because he and his ex never really met up, they arranged to but it never happened.

he is aware that she may not or will not be receptive to the things he had said and he is not expecting a reply back from her. from reading the letter it seems that he has accepted that its over but also shown that he will like to get back together with her. always keeping the door a little open for her. which i think is what he wanted to achieve. he also left the ball in her court with saying and said he will be not contacting her anymore.

to cut a long story short do you think that it can be helpful to write a letter like giving the circumstance is stated


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Henry, yes this can be helpful. It is certainly a lot more productive than constantly calling and texting. It is good that he has left the ball in her court so she doesn't feel under pressure to take him back.


Henry 3 years ago

I agree with you tony it is more productive. As long as you don't make yourself sound like a life line and make it clear that if something better does come along you will take it.


Toddmactry 3 years ago

Okay, me and this girl were together for 2 months. (Not long) and dhe told me that she was afraid to let her wall down with me and i had never done anything wrong to break her trust. She told me she needed time for herself to think and that i was a big part of my life and that she wanted to get back together down the road. Currently she just wants to be "sex buddies" but we still talk as if we are dating ie she still calls me babe and baby, we still cuddle and all that. What do you think i should do ? I really like her alot and im not trying to be overwhelming by any means.. But should i stick around and see if shell come back or move on? Please let me know. Thanks


J12L 3 years ago

Thanks for the advice tony i havnt spoke to her since but today i txt her saying happy valentines day to try show her i still loved her and all she replied was ta x! What do u reckon to this reply? Thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Todd, this is not a choice I can tell you how to make. If you stick around, you may find out she is just using you until something better comes along. If you leave, you may discover that she was just waiting to see if she could trust you. You have to make the decision for yourself, not her. Think about what is best for you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Don't think about it. You messaged her, she answered, it may be that simple. If it isn't, all you will do by wondering about it is move it around in your head. Just leave things now and wait to see if she contacts you.


J12L 3 years ago

Shes just txt saying sorry if im been off im just in a bad mood and pissed off! She says she just wants some space. Thanks for all the advice i really appriciate it


Gardner 3 years ago

My Ex started seeing someone pretty soon after we broke up. she hasn't told me about it so as far as shes concerned i dont know but i found out about it from a mutual friend and she posted a picture of the two of them on facebook today. sounds like a rebound but, what i wanted to ask if there still a chance that she could miss me even though she is with this new guy?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi J12L, that's good, let her have the space and wait for her to contact you. That's ok it's what this page is for. Glad to have been of help :).


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Gardner, there is a possibility she does, but there is no way I could possibly tell you for certain. If you still think you want her back, the only thing you can do is wait and see what happens with this new guy.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony me again so she txt me again asking if i was ok and if id go look after our daughter while she took dogs out so i went and when i got there she asked if i wanted to go with her so i went with her. We got back and nothing got said about us she said she was going to get a bath so i left! Im just confused to why earlier she said she wants space then 2 hours later asking me to go for a walk with her? Thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

This is a very good sign. It means she misses having you around. Don't raise the subject, it will only be a matter of time before she does :).


hopeless romantic 3 years ago

Theres this girl I dated 2 years ago. I had just got out of a bad relationship when we met and in the mixof growing feelings for her and getting over the other, I freaked and ran. I really think she is the one. I've thought about her nearly everyday since. We are now talking as friends but I want much more. She is not in a relationship and has agreed to dinner with me in the near future. How do I win her heart without her thinking I'm crazy?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That is not really the question you should be asking. You say you think she might be the one. Go from the point of view that you would like to find out. Don't make it all about her, make it about you.


J12L 3 years ago

Thanks tony but it gets stranger lol i rang her 2 hours after i left and she didnt answer she txt saying just txt plz so i said why thought we was getting on she said we are i just want space im really confused now! This morning i went to pick our daughter up and she asked if i wanted a cuppa and asked if after i would drop her off at her mums so i did! Now im thinking she is just using me when she needs something doing for her what do u think?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi again J12L, I think you should just let her have the space. It doesn't sound to me like she is using you, it is your daughter after all. Have patience, wait for her to come to you. It will likely be sporadic at first, but if you keep asking about it you will push her away again. Focus on your daughter for the time being, and give your ex a chance to breath, think and miss you.


J12L 3 years ago

I dont mean drop our daughter off at her mums i mean she wanted dropping off thats why i feel used because shes saying she wants space but surley if she wanted it that bad she wouldnt be asking me to have a drink with her and then asking for a lift to her mums


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Ah I see. It's a good point. Maybe next time say no then. You don't have to say it is because of the space, just say you aren't going that way and you have things to do.


J12L 3 years ago

Tell me if im thinking way too much into it but iv got this funny feeling she had another man round last night just from not answering the phone and saying just txt plz and i heard from another women if a girl asks for space shes meeting someone else but holding onto u incase it doesnt work out


Gardner 3 years ago

Thanks for your answer.

also im doing NO contact. is it necessary for me to delete her from my facebook and twitter. i dont check her page nor do i get the urge to do so. but in terms of her looking at what i get up to do i have to delete her or just not contacting her directly is enough?


Larry Larry 3 years ago

I was with this girl for three month she never really acted like she wanted to be with me when i would come over to her house she would barely talk to me she would just talk to her sister and make convo with her she would always ask for money for something then one day her sister told me to leave her alone then i heard around that she slept with guys while we were talkin but when i asked her she didn't know what i was taking about then she text me the next day saying she loved me wanted to have my baby i love her but now i notice that she texts me less and now its been a mont h since i talked to her but her birthday is coming up should i get her something or is this over


Larry Larry 3 years ago

Should i get my gf supposibly something for her birthday we haven't seen her in a month


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds to me like you may be being a bit paranoid. This is a natural thing. There is no way you can know for certain short of stalking her, which is definitely not to be recommended. If she is seeing someone else, you will find out and then you will know it is time for you to move on. If she is not, getting paranoid about it and questioning her will hinder your chances of being happy together again.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Just don't contact her. There is no need to delete her on facebook.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds to me as though it was never really on. I would advise you to walk away. A relationship should be a two way street that makes you both happy. You need to ask yourself if she ever has. If the answer is no, move on.


Ben 3 years ago

Hey, I was with my ex for four months, she was 18 and I'm 28, it was an amazing four months, we got on so so well... On the Wednesday she was at mine with holiday brochures etc, admittedly I was very enthusiastic as trouble at work! The next day she just text saying she was confused, needed time on her own as her ex had been texting her and it wasnt fair! The following week I went to meet her as was getting mixed signals, I said I loved her and she said that was all she wanted to hear, but we could only be friends! Upon meeting her I had a call saying she slept with her ex that weekend, she admitted it and said it was a mistake and continued to text then shut me out! Her parents were never happy with the age gap, and have her alot of grief!

This all happened last october. We went 6 weeks with no contact until I got a smiley face text in december, then the following Saturday, in the local club she wouldn't acknowledge me and was with another guy! It killed me. She text me the following morning asking why I was upset... We had a few texts and she asked to be friends! Xmas day I was drunk and called her, asking why all this happened coz we were so good... She said it was hard coz of her parents and something wasnt right, couldn't say what, said we got on really well but wasnt right! Makes no sense coz even a few days before she left me she was telling people how amazing I was!

I have not spoken to her since Xmas day, so 8 weeks but cannot stop thinking of her or getting her out my mind, miss her so much!! I no no contact is the best way forward, but I'm still so confused with the whole thing....


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Ben, I'm sorry to hear about your situation but it sounds as though you two have spent far too little time together for it to be worth your effort to get her back. It also seems to me as though she didn't treat you very well. Regardless of how well you thought you were getting on, she is very young and likely very inexperienced in these things. You're still young, there is no need to dwell on someone who obviously isn't right for you.


Ben 3 years ago

The strange thing is the last few weeks I was saying to my housemate I wasn't as keen as I thought! So don't no why it's getting to me so much but it really is!

I tell myself everyday she treated me like crap and she isn't worth it but doesn't help lol I'm avoiding bumping into her coz seeing her with someone else isn't what I need!

Just can't understand any of it, nor can alot of people who ask me about it, you think it's her age?

I have been on a few dates but can't help but compare its stupid!

Hopefully one day she will realise what a mistake she made and il be strong enough to tell her where to go... The hurt is slowly turning to anger

My ex of 5 years getting in a relationship with a mate of mine is also not helping the situation...


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

I know why it is getting to you so much. Anyone who has been turned down or scorned by anyone feels the same. It always makes us want them more, even if they don't match up to our requirements either. Getting angry with them for it is almost as bad. There is an old saying: all is fair in love and war. If someone rejects you, they are being perfectly reasonable in doing so. It doesn't make you bad or unnattractive, it just means you are not right for them, and/or (from the sounds of it in this case) they are not right for you. Your ex getting into a relationship with your friend is a different thing entirely. This is something no friend should really ever do.


Ben 3 years ago

No friend of mine anymore, but with my ex we split up once before, my choice, she started seeing someone else and I got her back straight away, this time even though I no him I have realised I don't want her back which is good, leave them to it...

I agree with this girl, it's totally out of character for me to be like this, I just can't wait for the day when I don't think of her!! She has treated me like crap, and people say age but I don't accept that, my lil sis wouldn't do any of the things she has to me. Just get bad days like today and need reassurance I'm doing the write thing, keeping no contact etc and hitting the gym, all time I guess! Just spend most of every day thinking WHY!!?

but I sit here and think I was so good to her, had a good laugh every time I was with her and took her on some wicked days out so I can walk away with my head high.. Hope the grass isn't greener for her lol


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That is something to feel good about yourself for, not question why she didn't appreciate it. There are millions of women out there who love it when a guy treats them right. Wait for one of them, sooner or later one will come along and you will be the happier for it.


Mitch 3 years ago

Hey, I understand ways of showing my ex that I don't need her, but what are some examples on how to keep in her head i still want her?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Initially there is no need to do that as she will be pretty certain if she is the one who ended things. The idea with showing her you don't need her is to make her doubt you want her which in turn makes her think about whether she has made a mistake letting you go. It also gives you time without her to decide whether or not you really want her back, which at the end of the day is the most important thing here.


J12L 3 years ago

I backed off and said i agree we both need space and not getting back together is probably for the best! Now she is saying i cant see my daughter on my own i have to go through a contact centre i have done nothing wrong why would she do this she said she would never stop me seing her


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds as though she may be doing it to spite you, however it is difficult to know for certain. I would advise you to seek legal advice regards your daughter. I am not sure which country you are in but there are various free legal advice services you can contact in the first instance who will be able to advise you on what to do next.


henry 3 years ago

i need some help :(


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi henry, this article is about to go offline for a while to be evaluated by the powers that be. It will be back up shortly but if you click on this link http://hubpages.com/relationships/how-to-get-a-wom... you can comment on there and I will try to help.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Back up now so let me know what's wrong. Maybe some of the other readers can help too, so feel free to jump in if you think you can.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony i told her i was going to seek leagal advice and she let me see her the next day! She has told me there is no chance of us getting back together now but i dnt want to lose hope. If i txt her saying hows ellie our daughter she replies and usually asks how i am i dnt ask her first so im not sure if all hope is lost!


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi J12L, it is difficult to tell, but it is probably best to let her be for a time. Focus on your daughter for now and try to make sure she is not affected by the breakdown. There is always hope, but make sure you don't just go back completely on her terms, it has to be something you both feel is the right thing.


J12L 3 years ago

Ok cheers tony


Rol 3 years ago

Hi tony I'm in a bit of a situation my girlfriend left me 8 weeks pregnant . My son is now coming up to a year old and we have never got back together but there has been so much up and downs along the way one minute she seems like she is turning round then she goes the other way at Xmas do example she was round my house with my son it was such a lovely day we got so close holding hands and cuddling in sofa but I didn't want to push my luck with anything else as didn't want to piss her off. She got undressed in front of me and got into bed and I did the same our son was in the room too so didn't want to try anything was a bit nervous to tell the truth haha well after Xmas we had been going for dinner and seeing eachother a lot and spending time as a family texting all the time ad it has all been lovely until I asked her out for valentines night and she flipped saying we are not a couple we do things with our son but we don't go out on our together??? Since then it went crap I said what about Xmas and she completely denied the lot??? Holding hands etc! Well I backed off from then and I have been completely gutted to tell the truth I have come so far on this road always hoping that she would come back an we can be a family I thought I was so close! She said I need to know that we will never get back together ever ! From being so nice to so cut throat I don't understand?? Anyway a few days ago I was busy in the morning and I got numerous phonecalls and texts when I eventually picked up my phone and responded she went off on one asking if I'm seeing someone and why didn't I get back to her quicker when I normally do straight away? I said I've been busy and she was going mad asking what I've been doing and if I'm seeing someone it went in for half an hour! oh lord!!!she then said I couldn't have my son that day so I calmed the situation down and managed to still go and get him thank god! But why would she get so annoyed in thinking I was seeing someone if she didn't are which said after asking me! I lie the girl and I want my family but now I really don't know what to do ! Do I give up or do I still hold on to this hope that she may come back the signs were there a lot with flirting etc an you help me figure this mental situation out cos I am lost bro!! Thanks for listening :)


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

No worries mate :)


J12L 3 years ago

It gets worse! She rung me last night asking where i was? She said i need to come round and started crying. I got there and she said shes pregnant we was trying before we split up. She said she doesnt know if she wants to keep it and if she does she 100% doesnt want me back ever because she doesnt want to risk going through wat shes been through for the last 3 weeks. What u reckon tony ? And she is deffo pregnant she did 2 more tests in front of me last night.


Rol 3 years ago

But what do you think ?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Bloody hell mate! That's a bit of a whopper. If she is pregnant I would say it's pretty likely she will come around as long as you make sure you support her fully right through. It sounds as though she is feeling very insecure about you and if you show her you're prepared to put the effort in she should come around eventually. I would say avoid the conversation unless she brings it up, just be there for her when she needs you, which is likely to be a lot.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Rol, apologies mate I was half way through answering your post when my computer crashed. Yeah it sounds like you've had a pretty tough time. It seems as though she is very confused about her feelings for you at the moment. I would say they are still there but for some reason she is fighting them. It seems as though you two have a lot of history so I would say there is definitely still hope. Whether or not you think you can wait for things to get better is, i'm afraid, a choice you need to make. There is no timescale on these things so you should be prepared to wait months at the very least. You need to ask yourself if that is something you would be prepared to do.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Yohan, sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I know it probably sounds a bit like a false platitude, but I am truly concerned for your well being here. In the two months you have until the date, you really should just try to have some "you" time. Use the time effectively to get back to who you are. If you are feeling suicidal, you should probably seek professional help from a recognised therapist. Try to spend as much time as possible with friends who are not mutual who will be there for you and not have dual loyalties. I don't know which country you are in but every country has support lines for people who are feeling like you, so if you really feel low, try contacting them. They are always very supportive and professionally trained to help people in that situation.


Yohan 3 years ago

tony yohan again man yeah i read what you said but still dunno what to do with the ex and i dunno im confused cause when i kiss her on the cheek she seems to move towards my mouth. Im constantly paranoid too that shes dating my friend qnd talking behind my back.theres a part of me that knows in two months theres nothing gonna happen but other part of me wishing hoping a pleading. Your concerned about me? im concerned bout myself tony the fact that im saying these suicidal things with a smirk on my face. Oh im in wales uk


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Yohan, I'm by no means a professional nor do I have any qualifications in this area. I will help you with as much as I know but you might like to think about calling these guys http://www.samaritans.org/ regards your suicidal feelings. I have no experience or knowledge in this area. As far as your ex is concerned, the only thing you can do is wait it out and see what happens. It may be that she is just trying to see what you will be like after two months. If you go after her often and try to push her, then she will likely call it off. Patience is what is needed here. It may be that after two months you are no longer interested in her. If you still are, all well and good, go on the date with an open mind and see what happens. Don't second guess her or yourself, you will just put your head into a spin and that will not help you at all. Try to focus on other things at the moment. I know this is hard, but try giving yourself small targets; "If I can get to the end of the week without contacting her directly...." etc or whichever goal you might feel is appropriate. In time, the feelings will calm themselves. Hope this helps, let me know how things are going for you.


Yohan 3 years ago

Thank you again i will call samiritans as well. Guess just play it cool bide my time and see whats actually gonna happen after the two month probation. Will let you no how things are going if thats cool with you.thanks for the advise again


BJ 3 years ago

Hi Tony,

My ex girlfriend (f24) and I (m21) had been going out for over 2.5 years and known each other for 3... We had been living together for two of those years... She is my first real love, and the only person i have ever told "I love you"... My ex suffers from bipolar disorder and occasionally would have mood swings and make her say things that she didn't mean...

For the first 1.5 years everything was perfect (bar the usual ups and downs due to living together), however through the next year things started to turn sour... I lost my job due to redundancy and I started to look for employment... I eventually found a sturdy income and was back on track... My ex and I have had stressful times between Uni & work... The last couple of months we became real toxic to each other and I'm not sure if it was to do with my ex going off her meds or not... In saying this I started to resent her and now realize that I was emotionally abusive to her when I should have been trying to help her overcome her obstacles...

We knew that our relationship was dated as she could not afford to go on placement and live out of home at the same time... However we have had the best memories and times together!

We eventually broke up just before Xmas (mutual) and decided that we weren't working out... I still lived with her for another month after this and we were getting along great...

As soon as we moved out I decided to go NC (1 month so far) as I was starting to hurt whenever I thought about us... She still loves me I know... And says that one day we may get back together, however I still feel so much for her... She seems like she is moving on and I don't really know if I even want to move on... I really don't want to forget her and vice versa... I feel I am losing not only my lover, but my best friend as well...

Lately I have been going to the gym everyday to keep my mind off her and seeing mates any moment I can...

This is the longest relationship that we have both been in... And all these emotions just came on so late and hard...

Will she ever forget me? What can I do to ensure a year down the track she won't forget me? Also is there even any real hope of us getting back together after this sort of time?


BJ 3 years ago

Also, should I try and make contact again? If so how long should I wait?


BJ 3 years ago

Hi Tony,

My ex girlfriend (f24) and I (m21) had been going out for over 2.5 years and known each other for 3... We had been living together for two of those years... She is my first real love, and the only person i have ever told "I love you"... My ex suffers from bipolar disorder and occasionally would have mood swings and make her say things that she didn't mean...

For the first 1.5 years everything was perfect (bar the usual ups and downs due to living together), however through the next year things started to turn sour... I lost my job due to redundancy and I started to look for employment... I eventually found a sturdy income and was back on track... My ex and I have had stressful times between Uni & work... The last couple of months we became real toxic to each other and I'm not sure if it was to do with my ex going off her meds or not... In saying this I started to resent her and now realize that I was emotionally abusive to her when I should have been trying to help her overcome her obstacles...

We knew that our relationship was dated as she could not afford to go on placement and live out of home at the same time... However we have had the best memories and times together!

We eventually broke up just before Xmas (mutual) and decided that we weren't working out... I still lived with her for another month after this and we were getting along great...

As soon as we moved out I decided to go NC (1 month so far) as I was starting to hurt whenever I thought about us... She still loves me I know... And says that one day we may get back together, however I still feel so much for her... She seems like she is moving on and I don't really know if I even want to move on... I really don't want to forget her and vice versa... I feel I am losing not only my lover, but my best friend as well...

Lately I have been going to the gym everyday to keep my mind off her and seeing mates any moment I can...

This is the longest relationship that we have both been in... And all these emotions just came on so late and hard...

Will she ever forget me? What can I do to ensure a year down the track she won't forget me? Also is there even any real hope of us getting back together after this sort of time?

Also should I contact her? And if so, how long should I wait?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi BJ, I think there is always hope in these circumstances, it just depends on how much energy and time you are prepared to put in. I would suggest waiting and only contacting her on special occasions, i.e. her birthday etc. If she contacts you then you will know that she doesn't want to lose you either. You have done very well so far in getting out and doing things to keep your mind off her. If you still find yourself thinking about her then I would say have patience (I know you have already displayed a great amount) and wait to see what happens. If she moves on, then she obviously doesn't feel the same way, therefore you should move on too, if not, she will contact you eventually, it is just a matter of time.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

HI Ash, I think you should probably move on from this one. It sounds as though she has very little feeling left for you so I think you need to start thinking about repairing your damaged emotions. I have written an article on how to get over your ex too, here's the link: http://xxtonybxx.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Get-Over-...


M.A.G. 3 years ago

Hey! My story is a bit crazy but I'll keep it short.

My ex ans I have known each other for 5years, best friends for the first 2yrs turned lovers the last 3yrs. When we were together we got engaged to be married. She was then pregnant with my twins at the time in which we mutually agreed to abort. After the fact I couldnt handle it and slipped into alcoholism due to severe depression from the abortion. When that happened the relationship went sour and we eventually ended the relation(well I did) we still talked and I would tell her that im still in love and that I love her. It took about a year to beat my alcohol additions and within that year she got with a man she knrw from when she was younger and they got to gether. I knew because she told me about him but she would come over my house spend the night with me and cuddle and itll be just like old times. But I knew that she was see him during the day and me at night. I didnt mind that she was with him cause I knew she would figure out that what we share trumps all. she got pregnant by this guy and had his baby recently. They moved in together in their own apt. Share the same phone bill. they were even ”married” took pictires and of the.ceremony and everything but insists that it wasnt real and the marriage papers were never filed. Which I would to believe but I font know. She has been calling me and texting me saying she made a mistake that she wants me to be the father. I found out that the guy wasnt all he was cracked up to be and he barely sees his own son. She says that she truly loves me amd wants us together again but she still lives with him and her last name on Facebook is still his last name. She says one thing but actions says another. Ive been trying to move on but nothing works. I get beautiful women but I cant get over her help! :( thanks for taking the time to read.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony things have got alot better since my last comment were not back together yet but on wednesday she asked me round for t and it went well then yesterday she said come and walk the dogs with us if u want so i did but she said just walk the dogs though then go which i was fine with then when we got back with the dogs she said to our daughter do u want daddy to stay for a bit but our daughter cant talk yet and it was her bedtime in half an hour lol what do u reckon? Cheers joe


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi M.A.G. This is a tough one no doubt about it. I don't doubt that she still has feelings for you but you need to be strong here, if only for your own health. I would say give her the opportunity, but make sure she knows that you will not be walked on. Tell her that you will consider it, once she is no longer with him, but while she is with him you can't be with her. Then I would leave it and see what she does. Don't get into a discussion about it, don't argue with her or debate the intricate details, just tell her straight and leave it at that. Then if she does what you want, you know you're going to be ok, if not, you know you need to move on.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Joe, sounds very positive mate. The fact that she was saying that to your daughter who cannot talk, shows that she was doing it for your benefit. She obviously wanted you to know that she wanted you around. I would continue to be there for her, but don't push it, just keep going the way you are and wait to see if she makes a move. Whatever you do, if nothing happens, don't say things like "but you said/but we've been getting along" etc etc. Women hate that in my experience.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony i havnt seen or spoke to her since friday and everything was fine like i said she wanted to spend time with me so i rung her today and she was really off with me for some reason i offered to help with the dogs and shes like no il do it on my own!! WTF is it with women why last week did she want to c and spend time with me and now she doesnt? Also i asked if she was missing me and she said no not really just sometimes?? Cheers joe


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Joe,

It's difficult to tell to be honest mate, it's usually not a good idea to ask a woman who is confused about her feelings whether or not she is missing you, as her response will likely be guarded. Again, patience is the only thing you can do here. You need to decide whether you feel she is worth continuing to be messed around or whether to move on.


Ryan 3 years ago

I posted before about anger over my ex girlfriend but I am returning this time on quite a different note. While she never loved me it seems that my love for her continues on. I feel an intense need to try to talk to her as if there was some way I could make her change her mind. I have to see her everyday and everything I do reminds me of her. Its been 3 months since we stopped talking all together. I seem to be afraid to either talk to her or try to talk to anyone else. I don't know why but I don't know what to do.

Thank you- Ryan


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

HI Ryan, if it has been that long since you spoke to her, you should consider seeing a counsellor or professional to help you. Three months should be long enough for you to begin to heal, if you have not, guidance from a recognised and qualified person can help you see it through. Your workplace/school/college will often be able to refer you to someone who can help, so try them in the first instance. Failing that, look for qualified and recognised professionals in your area, or even support groups if you think that might help. Hope you feel better soon. Seeing her everyday is obviously no help at all, so try to avoid this if there is any way of doing so. Even if it is only for a week or two.


Jimmy Williams 3 years ago

Hi, me and my ex were together for 2.5 years. We dated 2years before we came official. Simply because we knew we would end up together so we took it really slow so that the relationship would have a really stable foundation (trust, friendship) ect. I just treated her badly because i took her for granted. I cant discuss all the things i did because im ashamed of myself. I was her first and she really really loved me with all of her heart. She told me its too hard to move on if we remain contact. We broke up 5months ago and havnt talked since januari 11th. (i send her a mail on valentines) wich she ignores obviously. She told me to leave her alone and if its ment to be love find its way. I was thinking about calling/mailing her when im really changed. I already learned from my mistakes but its too soon to contact her. Or would you suggest to not contact her anymore ever? Im sorry im not english so my grammar is a bit badly. Thank you for helping people like us out. God bless you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Jimmy, it is often the case that complacency can set in, especially in a long term relationship. The damage it can do is quite difficult to overcome. The first thing you need to concern yourself with is you. You need to make sure you are back to the right frame of mind to reconnect with her. It may even be that you didn't treat her badly, but you are just blaming yourself because you cannot see any other reason for the break up. You may find that once you have been able to think about things objectively you view your relationship in a different light. First, you need to address the reason why you took her for granted, if you truly feel this to be the case. Then you need to try to make sure you understand and are able to combat this, otherwise you are doomed to repeat the same mistake next time, whether that is with her or someone else. Once you fully understand, if you still feel you would like to reconnect with her and try to start again, do so, but slowly. Do not expect your relationship to suddenly come back to what it once was. If you do go back, you should be coming from the perspective of starting a completely new relationship. The old one was broken so you should be clear in your mind that you have no wish to repeat it. Thank you for reading and sharing your situation. Hope this helps.


alidan33 3 years ago

Hi tony

I msged before earlier about 6 weeks ago. 4 weeks ago I txted her and we started txtin after few txts she ignored me and didnt reply. I just decided to forget her for good and get on with my life.. ive been partying a lot since our break up and been dating few pretty girls and her friends have seen me with them at parties and.. yesterday I just decided to send her one last txt and if shes not responsive that would be it( I know I sound desperate but I never had this much feeling for anyone).. she was really responsive and even mentioned that her friends have seen me at parties and etc.. I just replied that " miss u lets do something soon" she agreed and said lets do dinner.. I txtd back askin if she wants to have dinner at a resturant or sushi&wine at my place.. she said lets go out.. so after almost 2 months were going out tomorrow to have a dinner.. please help I dont know what to do now, do you think she might be still interested? How can I make her like me again.. im going out with her in less than 24hrs so I would appreciate any advice.. regards


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony me again lol things have been going well i slept there on wednesday night but in a different bed woke up thursday morning with our daughter so ex could sleep in because shes shattered and thought id be going home when she got up but she asked me to stay for the day to help her out with stuff so i said ok anyway we ended up sleeping together that afternoon! Everything was fine after it seemed unreal because everything felt normal again but im just worried shes using me for all of these things but really unsure! Everyday since we slept together iv seen her and we have been kissing and cuddling and shes been saying she loves me when i leave but as soon as i leave i wont hear a thing from her unless i contact her??? Cheers joe


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It sounds as though you have done well so far. You should try to think of this as a first date and not as a "get back together" date. Try to do what you would normally do on a first date; ask her about herself (obviously try to ask about things you don't know), hold doors open for her, treat her like a lady etc. You should not be thinking "how do I make her like me again" rather "I want to know if I like this girl and if there is the possibility of a relationship here" just as you would on a first date. The old relationship was broken. You should treat this as a possible new one.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Joe, it sounds as though things are going well. Don't second guess it, just enjoy it. Don't constantly look at your phone to see if she has made contact. It may well be that she wants to see if you're serious and is waiting for you to contact her to make sure, or it may be something completely different. If she is saying she loves you, you need to allow yourself to believe it and just take each day as it comes.


nate 3 years ago

Hi tony,

My ex left me 6 weeks ago and admittedly I freaked out. Now we were together for 2 1/2 years and she fell pregnant almost straight away then again not long after and the last 7 months she claims to have fallen out of love with me. Now 6 weeks later she is seeing a younger man. And because of our children she calls me several times a week. She also tells me about her new boyfriend so I stead the conversation back to our daughters well being. But I fear because of our shared custody the no contact will not work, and she always tries to tell me maybe one day. I give her,her space by not calling her and backed away completely from dealing with her rebound I'm just here for my daughters but she is the love of my lifeand was just asking is there any aadvice that could help me get her back, awkward situation I'm in


J12L 3 years ago

Do women not usually say they love u unless they do? Its just i feel like she doesnt want me but she doesnt want anyone else to either so she is giving me false hope cheers joe


alidan33 3 years ago

Hi tony, thank you for your great advice. We went to dinner and we had great conversation and I kissed her on the cheeks goodbye. After I got home I txted her saying it was great seeing her and she said the same thing. I asked her that if she wants to come to this party at my friends house tomorrow night . She txted saying "sounds good I'll let u know tomorrow" im just hoping that she comes. What should my next move be. I dont wanna be pushy but at the same time I dont wanna be on the friend zone.thanx for all ur great help


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Nate, I think what you are doing is the best thing. Keep the conversation about your daughter when you speak to her and take some time to get yourself back together a little. Don't think about her in terms of "when will I get her back". After you have collected your thoughts you may find that is not what you want. If you do, then you need to be patient and concentrate on yourself for a while.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

There is no denying that that is a possibility joe, but worrying about whether it is the case or not will just mess up your head. If that is what she is doing, then you will find out sooner or later. It is up to you whether or not you are prepared to wait around and find out. Generally in my experience women will not say those words unless they mean them, however there are those that would, and desperation and fear of lonliness can make people do very bad things sometimes. There is no way you can know for certain though.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Aidan, it is possible that that is where she is trying to put you. I would say that asking her out straight afterwards was possibly an error. I would not pin any hopes on her coming with you tomorrow night. If she decides she isn't going to come, accept it and don't ask her again, wait for her to ask you. If she does come, try to just have a good time with her and see how you feel. If you do have a good night, don't ask her out again immediately, wait for her to either ask you herself or indicate that she is interested in going out again. You also need to make sure she is aware of your interest, without actually pushing her to make any decision. Light hearted flirting is a good way to do this. Let her know that you are aware of her sexually without being serious and pushy about it.


Jimmy Williams 3 years ago

Thank you for your Reply, i really appreciate that. I took her for granted because i thought i would never lose her. I asked myself, if i do get her back, will i fall back into the old paterns? And im sure i would not go back to my old self. I have improved. I would love to show her how i have changed. But the problem is, we dont have any contact. How could i aprouch her to contact her? In real life is NO option. She is really busy with school and work. We have not seen eachother for 6months and spoken for 2. Any tips how to contact het through Mail?


xxtonybxx profile image

xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Jimmy, perhaps try sending her a mail just to say hi and ask how she is. See what response you get. If it is negative or you get nothing back, it's probably quite unlikely that she has any interest in you anymore. If she does respond, just be light hearted and chat to her, find out what she's been up to etc. Part of the reason you need to reconnect with her is that you also need to figure out if she is still who YOU want, not just the other way around.


Jimmy Williams 3 years ago

I recieved a message from her on Viber today (free call and text app) for iPhone. We hadnt spoken for a couple of Months so i was in shockmode. However, i send her a screencapture of the message she send me and then she told me that she send that message in Oktober , is it possible for a Text to arive after 4/5months? Anyways. She told it in a cold way so i was like have a nice day and she told me you too. I think her being cold and not trying to start a conversation is enough evidence for me to move on. Thank you for your Reply's. I hope the others will succeed in their love problems. God bless you all


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Jimmy, yeah it sounds like you're right. Hope it works out for you mate.


J12L 3 years ago

Hi tony helped her move house yesterday and last night when we had done i asked her if she wanted me to stay for a bit and il buy her tea so she said yes! After about an hour of been there i asked her if she minded if i slept its just easier for me because my work is closer to her house than mine she said yes its fine so i said where am i sleeping on sofa she said im not bothered i said so do u want me to get in with u she said yes nothing happened apart from a kiss and cuddle which is all good and when she wanted to go to sleep she said night so i said night back and about 10seconds after dhe said i love u to me its usually me that has to say it first which is awsome i do really want her back and she knows it and she said last night she wants to make things work she just wants to take it really slow from my point of view things look really good i think i think to much into things lol but thanks for all ur help. Cheers joe


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's great Joe I'm really glad to here it. Hope things go well for you and take it slow and easy, let things happen for you two.


cebassian 3 years ago

Hi im cebassian and my girlfriend broke up with me like a month ago. She said she wasn't happy but i admit i've done some bad things. Some times when she tried to talk to me i used to be rude and stuff and i admit i screwed up big time. I found out that 3 days later she was already talking to someone else, but long story short they were already talking while she was with me two weeks before she broke up.

So long story short she said she would like us to be friends and stuff i didnt know what to do so i agreed to be her friend. But this past sunday she texted me to tell me that she was coming to my house to pick her jacket she had left with me, I said okay just let me know when you're coming. She came and she talked to my mom, she played with my sisters and everything.

When it was time to go we went to her car and we started talking and joking around and stuff. And it got to a moment where there was complete silence and we started kissing; she kissed me like 3 times. And then when it was time to go i kissed her again. An hour later i texted to see if she got home safe and that was it i feel asleep after that. when i woke up in the morning i woke up to a text saying "hey r u up" and i replied and we texted each other the whole day but we never talked about what happened in the car. And since that day we text each other almost everyday.

People are telling me not answer the texts she sends but i can't help it I don't know what to do and I really want her back but she likes the guy........ I need your help please


cebassian 3 years ago

Hi im cebassian and my girlfriend broke up like a month ago. She said she wasn't happy but i admit i've done some bad things. Some times when she tried to talk to me i used to be rude and stuff. I found out that 3 days later she was already talking to someone else, but long story short they were already talking while she was with me two weeks before she broke up.

So long story short she said she would like us to be friends and stuff i didnt know what to do so i agreed to be her friend. But this past sunday she texted me to tell me that she was coming to my house to pick her jacket she had left with me, I said okay just let me know when you're coming. She came and she talked to my mom, she played with my sisters and everything.

When it was time to go we went to her car and we started talking and joking around and stuff. And it got to a moment where there was complete silence and we started kissing; she kissed me like 3 times. And then when it was time to go i kissed her again. An hour later i texted to see if she got home safe and that was it i fell asleep after that. when i woke up in the morning i woke up to a text saying "hey r u up" and i replied and we texted each other the whole day but we never talked about what happened in the car. And since that day we text each other almost everyday. In the first days we talked about the break up and stuff.

People are telling me not answer the texts she sends but i can't help it I don't know what to do and I really want her back but she likes the guy........ I need your help please


cebassian 3 years ago

Hi tony im cebassian and my girlfriend broke up like a month ago. She said she wasn't happy but i admit i've done some bad things. Some times when she tried to talk to me i used to be rude and stuff. I found out that 3 days later she was already talking to someone else, but long story short they were already talking while she was with me two weeks before she broke up.

So long story short she said she would like us to be friends and stuff i didnt know what to do so i agreed to be her friend. But this past sunday she texted me to tell me that she was coming to my house to pick her jacket she had left with me, I said okay just let me know when you're coming. She came and she talked to my mom, she played with my sisters and everything.

When it was time to go we went to her car and we started talking and joking around and stuff. And it got to a moment where there was complete silence and we started kissing; she kissed me like 3 times. And then when it was time to go i kissed her again. An hour later i texted to see if she got home safe and that was it i fell asleep after that. when i woke up in the morning i woke up to a text saying "hey r u up" and i replied and we texted each other the whole day but we never talked about what happened in the car. And since that day we text each other almost everyday. The first days we talked about the breakup and stuff

People are telling me not answer the texts she sends but i can't help it I don't know what to do and I really want her back but she likes the guy........ I need your help please


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Cebassian, it sounds as though your ex still has feelings for you but is trying to suppress them as she believes you are not right for her. I think it might be best if you tried to talk to her about the situation, explain that you realise you messed up and see what she says. If she is still kissing you and having a good time with you I doubt she is that into the new guy. She is likely using him to try to get over you. That said, if you do not feel that strongly for her, move on, or it is likely you will end up hurting her more than you already have.


cebassian 3 years ago

Hi tony she called me an hour ago out of nowhere and we talked for like 2 hours about random stuff......and yes i do feel strongly for her i want her back.......so your telling me to talk to her about what happened in her car and talk to her about what she wants to do?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Cebassian, yes I think you should talk to her about it, if it feels right to do so. Don't be pushy or make her think there is only one possibility, just tell her where you stand and let her make her own decision. Maybe tell her how you feel then give her some time to think it over.


Bradford8333 3 years ago

hey tony, not sure if you remember me but a few months ago I asked for some advice. Well I'm here again to ask but with a different question. How do I forget about her/get my heart to understand its over? I've haven't talked to her at all since the January and yet, I still feel for her. Ever since my last attempt to make things right I've just shut my self off from her. I don't think about her name, I unfriended her on facebook, she off my phone. I only see her during the class we have together, yet she's still stuck in there. I tell my self even if she came back to me on her knees, I would reject her for breaking my heart. My heart still says "she was the one" so how do I get her out of my head? Also I've talked to other girls and I can't help but notice what's wrong not what's right. Help?


bp 3 years ago

hi tony,

just wondering if you could help me out. my girlfriend broke up with me a couple days ago. she said that she loves me and cares for me but isn't in love with me. she said she'll always be a part of my life but feels like we are just good friends. we were together for 17 months. she said that she feels like she has been putting in more effort than me and thats true. i guess i grew too comfortable with the relationship thinking she'll always be there and have been really busy with school, and haven't been romantic enough. for much of the first year we were really romantic and passionate but i started getting really buried in school and didn't make enough effort to be with her. i really do love her and am willing to give her the attention and time now but up until now i never realized up till now how self absorbed i'd gotten. also for the past couple of months she picked up a new hobby and made some new friends.

a couple of weeks before this she told me she wasn't sure if i loved her anymore. i assured her i did but i had midterms the next week and i spent the entire time studying. so i wasn't able to change my lack of action. i was planning to take her out to dinner and the movies this weekend with her but i guess it was just too little too late and she broke up with me a day before then.

when we talked she said she wanted to be single and focus on herself, that things will pretty much be the way they were (just good friends). i kinda broke down and told her how special to me she is etc and she said i'll find someone else, that she isn't that special. i said nobody like her, and she said you'll find someone, and its not going to be me. but it seems like she cares for me or at least doesn't want to be guilty because she was telling me to do my work, be strong, etc.

i went to get some stuff from her today and we just made small talk, but i ended up making her dinner (something i haven't done in a long long time) and we talked about some places we wanted to go to in a couple of weeks. pretty much felt like the way things were when we were together, but without the physical contact.

just wondering what you think i should do. i really love this girl and i do believe i messed up by not giving her enough time and effort, just becoming too comfortable with the relationship. she's the first person i could be completely open with and talk to about anything. we are very good friends but i guess she doesn't feel romantic towards me anymore, which i feel is my fault. do you think i have a shot at getting back together with her, ever? i want to do things for her, take her out, etc but i'm not sure if i can rekindle the romance and i don't know if she wants to give me another chance. i don't think i've ever done anything to make her hate me, we are still friends but i just didn't put in the effort i should have, and i never realized that until now, and am willing to do anything to change that. i plan not to really contact her for a couple of weeks, but i was wondering if you had any advice? do you think there is hope, or not?

thanks, and sorry this is so long. i appreciate your article, it makes a lot of sense and also it is great that you respond to comments and help people out


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Bradford, yeah I remember you mate. There is really only one sure thing that will heal this; time. It's a cliche I know, but it's the only thing you can be sure will fix it for you. Think about it; you're pretty young, you will meet many people in your life and at the moment, you are in a position not to have to worry too much about when or how. Go with the flow for a bit and let things happen as they do.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

There is always hope, but you need to first be sure that that is what you want. When we break up with someone, there is always that initial fear that it's done forever and were we wrong? Take some time to yourself and figure out what it is you want. If it is still her, reconnect with her slowly and take your time to get to know her again. If you have exams etc, you need to get these out of the way first, or you will not be able to focus properly. Give it time, patience and see what happens.


bp 3 years ago

thanks for the advice. do you think i should not initiate contact with her for a few weeks at least? its her birthday next week, should i send her a card or try to do something nice for her? i have been thinking things through a lot and i do think that i want to be with her, i have never been happier than this past year that we were together, even though a lot of things weren't necessarily working out in other parts of my life.

i guess i'm kind of worried because i believe that she broke up with me because i wasn't giving enough effort. so if i don't talk to her for a few weeks this will only confirm her reasons for breaking up... i feel like i need to show her that i love her and that i'm the guy she fell in love with before she pulls further away, but i also want to give her space so that i don't push her away. just really confused right now.


Bradford8333 3 years ago

Thanks, I wish that I could make time flow faster, but, that is life. If I'm still agonizing over (which believe me I try not to) I'll contact you in a few months, maybe we'll find some solution for all of us here. Cheers!


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Bp, only you can really decide exactly how to do this, but I would say you should at least send her a card, though I wouldn't go OTT for this one. You're split up, so if you go overboard you will appear desperate, which will confirm in her mind that she doesn't need you. You need to give her chance to miss you. You may not have been giving enough effort in the relationship, but you are no longer in a relationship with her, therefore she cannot expect you to make effort now, nor is it likely that doing this will make her think differently. If she already knows you are aware you didn't make enough effort, there is no need to start demonstrating this until such time as she shows willingness to be with you again. Give her and yourself some space and see how things go. If she initiates contact with you, then you know she is still interested and you can reciprocate.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Ok thanks for your comments bradford. Hope it works out for you.


cebassian 3 years ago

Hi tony i hope you remember me. I found out that she already went on couple of dates with the guy and they kissed and everything, and i also found that she calls him babe already. So i went straight up to the point and told her that the friend zone is not working for me that the feelings i have for her are too strong for me to be her friend.

And she told be that she misses everyday that she cant spend a day without talking to me, that she talks to me on the phone more than the guy and all those stuff and i also found out that she she wasnt in love with me that she loved me as a person but she kept on denying it and i also asked her about calling the new guy "babe" she also lied about that and she started crying on the phone but i didnt gave that much attetion because she lied.

I'm thinking about moving on and let it go because i can't deal with this anymore i found out that she's happy with the guy, that's more power to her. What do you think?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Cebassian, of course I do mate. Yeah it sounds like you should be moving on if that is the case. If she feels the need to lie to you about it she may be stringing you along just in case things don't work out with the new guy. I'd let it go and move on. You may even find that this causes her to come running, but if not, then you know.


cebassian 3 years ago

Alright thanks for the advices tony. And i dont really get the last sentence can you explain it to me more clearly please?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Sorry yeah it was a bit ambiguous. I meant that if she doesn't come after you, then you know she isn't right for you.


cebassian 3 years ago

okay thank you tony


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

That's ok mate.


Halie 3 years ago

Me and my girlfriend started talking in november of 2011 she was my best friend we'll we talked till April 1st of 2012 and finally got together... Everything started out greater always smiled and laughed together.. She told me she wanted me forever we would talk about family and our wedding and kids... We started taking pictures together so we could start an album..... In may our parents found out we were together and we were so upset bc we didn't want to be split apart... Our parents didn't split us apart but said besides school she could come over 1 time a week to my house.. The summer went by and everything was okay well in August I was at her house and she got a message from a guy that said hey baby.. I got upset and told her she wasn't aloud to text people anymore... In September I was on my bus and got into a fist fight my girlfriend got really and at me but I told her I was defending my family... I got suspended three days and while on suspension she called me... She told me that she was "talking" to my best friend that I had since I was in first grade.. She cried and begged me not to leave... I didn't but I asked her to stop talking to her.. Everyday she would tell me stuff to make me smile we went through Halloween and carved pumpkins together... In November on her 17th birthday I got her a cake and we spent time together at my house... After her birthday she wrote me a letter in school that said she is so deeply in love with me... In December she started acting funny like she didn't want to be around me.. I'd catch her in lies all the time and she was very spacey with her phone... I called her on December 16th 2012 and asked her if she was cheating she said yes she was..... With my friend.. I asked her how long it had went on she said it never stopped... They had kissed and stuff in the halls after she would walk me to class.... I was delves rated I cried so hard.. She told me she wanted her not me... Well she said she wasn't leaving me bc she wanted to take care if me and be here earlier in the year she proposed to me and I said yes... After the cheating happened we faught all the time and in January 2013 we spent our first New Years together at my sixteenth bday party. Two days later on my actual birthday I caught her in the hall with Cindy hugging at her locker... She left me bc she said if she couldn't have us both then she chose her.... She took me back a few days later and we stayed together well about 4 weeks ago we got into a argument and she called off the engagement she said i get one more chance if I screw it up I'm done... Everyday she would blame the cheating on my controlling... She left me two days after calling off the engagement and said she would get a restraining order if I didn't stay away from her...... I begged for her back... She said I had to earn it..... I tried everyday... Then she said she liked being single...... She said I had little chance in hell at getting her back.... Last weekend we went to a band audition and got into another argument... She yelled at me and said to stay the f away from her I got into a lot of trouble bc of her and have to go see a psycyotrist.... I'm suspended for 10 days and she has already moved into a new relationship... I'm so hurt she said she never wants me again..... But she will always love me.... How can I get her back... I promised I'd always fight for her.... She tells me to move on... But I'm inlove with her.... I can't have any contact with her for a while but how can I get her back? Please help me


Halie 3 years ago

Now it's almost April first again.. She has a boyfriend.. I miss her a lot shes all I can think of I need her and want her back


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Halie, I'd say you need to take the time and not think about getting her back at the moment. Try to focus on yourself. If you are seeing a therapist, talk to them about how you feel, as this can help you to put it into perspective. If she cheated on you, then surely she should be the one to make any moves towards repairing that, not you. At the moment you are offering yourself on a plate to her and this does not make you attractive. You are basically saying it is fine for her to treat you however she likes and you will always come running back. This is not healthy for you or for her. Hope this helps.


GG 3 years ago

So you don't think I should destroy my ex girlfriends life? That doesn't sound right.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

No I definitely don't think you should do that. Revenge is always pointless. So you destroy her life? Does it do anything for you? No. For her? Certainly not. End result, no-one is happy. If you feel like doing something like that, move on or seek professional advice. When you enter into an intimate relationship with someone, they will always reveal to you things that could hurt or damage them. This is a trust that they have given to you, and presumably, you have done the same. Using this information after things have not gone the way you want them to is at best childish and at worst arrogant and evil. Anyone could do something like that, but doing so shows weakness as a person, not strength.


Ben 3 years ago

Hi, wrote on hear a few weeks back, just need some sort of guidance...

It's been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and it has got a bit easier but I still think of her lots of times every day, and this weekend I feel like I did at the beginning, really miss her! Haven't spoke to her for 3 months and don't intend on breaking that no contact what so ever. Am going to the gym 5 days a week and keeping busy as poss but the thoughts just don't seem to go anywhere, I'm just so miserable


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Hi Ben, the only thing I can advise is to keep going. You won't feel this way forever. You've done really well so far, but you may find that the only way you will get her out of your head is if you meet someone new who will take her place in your mind/heart. With that in mind you need to try to be open to possibilities and try not to idealise your ex. Lack of contact with her may be making you think of her in a light that is unrealistic and you are putting her on a pedestal that she may well not deserve to be on.


Ben 3 years ago

I have been on a few dates, they have been really nice, but I can't help but compare and it just didn't work out! One has become a really good friend after I was honest..

I agree totally about putting her on a pedestal, even though I tell myself not to I can't help it.. Still dreading bumping into her do continuing to avoid places she goes, but can't forever! Doing the gym 5 times a week which is really good, but was hoping after 3 months of no contact It would go away, has become easier but having a bad few days I guess!

As said a few weeks back, she did treat me like crap, so I don't no why I'm like this!

Just don't feel like trying another date at the moment


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It's always the way Ben. For some reason, treat them mean keep them keen seems to apply to pretty much everyone. Just keep going the way you are mate, you should be ok soon enough.


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helpavisitor 3 years ago from Germany

Well, she came back but the guy would not let her be. He continues sending sms daily. I trust her though, that she is not having anything with him again but my fear is, would she leave again?


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

Only you can really find out the answer to that question. Though it is worth considering that fear of her leaving can actually cause her to do so. If you engage in this relationship openly and without prejudice, if it then goes wrong, you know it wasn't meant to be as you did everything right.


Jono 3 years ago

Hi tony, I broke up with my girlfriend around 2 months ago, I've been begging for the first week after the breakup and I found out that she felt really annoyed. Then i stopped contacting her for around a few days and she contacted me back, just casual talk, nothing much. But then I thought that nothing would have turned out well if we kept talking to each other. So i initiated no contact, and the longest was for 12 days only... I initiated contact because I saw her post on instagram that she was had some feelings towards me, "so close, yet still so far away". (She just got back in town from the UK as she was studying there). I broke NC becasue I thought that was the right time to ask her back, but of course, I failed again. She keeps posting these posts on her timeline that she finds me annoying or hates me, and recently she's removing photos that we took together. I am so confused as to what to do next.. Should I just move on or should I wait for another opportunity... Its been 5 days of NC now...


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

If she is posting that she finds you annoying or hates you, these comments may be aimed at you(i.e. she wants you to see them). She likely feels frustration at the failure of your relationship, and is directing this frustration at you. I would stop contacting her and stop watching her updates etc. Don't contact her at all. She needs time to miss you. If she doesn't contact you then she probably wasn't the right one for you. If she does, then all well and good. If she does contact you however, don't just jump straight in there, let her come for you. Don't suggest meeting or going out or anything like that, wait for her to suggest it.


James 3 years ago

Hey Tony i broke up with my girlfriend about six days ago. We were together for about five months all together. Everything was going fine then one day she started texting me less and less and she was spending more and more time on facebook. During our last few months i had lost my job and put on a little weight and wasnt feeling as confident as i was and i got worried about losing her. So i started checking her facebook to see what guys were commenting on what and checking their profiles. Well i found one guy that she was likeing alot of his stuff so the night we broke up i asked her about it but she said they were just friends but i doubt it. She told me we needed to talk and she told me she never really loved me but i doubt that because she is young and confused. Also after losing my job i got a little clingy and started to act kinda like she was too good for me. I havent talked to her since we broke up. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and realise i want her back. Ive been working out everyday, tanning, working on building my confidence, and becoming more spiritual. Do you think i have a chance at getting her back? Thanks


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is impossible to say with any certainty that you will or not, all you can do is increase the possibility. I would say you are on the right track. You seem to have managed to avoid most of the mistakes men often make; begging, constant texting etc etc. However, the fact that she has actually said that she never loved you is a very big thing that you cannot afford to ignore. At the moment she said that, she had actually decided that there is no point in time that she can see the two of you together. Your best option is to carry on as you are and see if she contacts you. If you are right and she is confused, then given time and space she may realise this. If, on the other hand, she does not contact you, then maybe she just wasn't right for you and you need to move on. Focusing on your own well being and health and building your confidence will put you in good shape to move on, but will also mean you are less likely to just go back to her just because you can. Take an objective look at your relationship with her (this often helps if you have a close friend to use as a sounding board); did you truly have a lot in common, or just a couple of things and you pushed everything else aside for her? Did you generally get on, or were there many points where you didn't seem to be on the same wavelength? Hope this helps.


James 3 years ago

Thanks Tony, Definitely going to continue to do what i have been doing. I spoke with a friend of mine who recently saw her and it turns out the guy i was worried about actually works with her also she told him that the reasonfor the break up was because " she didnt have enough time apparently" in a very rude way he said. Im starting to think the "NC" rulei having an effect


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

You could be right. You've done very well so far. Hope it works out for you.


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xxtonybxx 3 years ago from wales Author

It is difficult for someone to forgive that kind of abuse. You can only keep showing her that it was not who you are. Maybe it would be an idea to speak to a professional about why you did it and this could help you avoid the situation in the future. Try to think about how this might have made her feel, and show her that you understand how it made her feel.


Rafi 2 years ago

Hey Tony, your article is a great read ! Just wanted to know if its worth pursuing my ex , heres the context. She (worth mentioning she is my first proper girlfriend and are both 17 and going to the same college together) broke up with me a month ago on the basis that she didnt feel ready for a relationship at the moment , i was hurt , the feeling of her not trying to make a effort towards maintaining a relation ship was too much. A month on with very little contact i have managed to gain some composure and clarity on the relationship, i still want her but i understand that i do not need her. I found out through a close friend that she doesn't want a relationship at the moment which kind of got my hopes hope but i do not expect anything from it . I see some potential but while im at the stage where im focusing on my self and having a good time ,do you think if its worth making my feelings obvious to her the way she is now? (which is acting weird, awkward conversations etc) or you think i should give it more time? - Thanks in advance.


Rafi 2 years ago

Just to add to my comment , she says she didnt feel the same way about me anymore and that she didnt know why she felt that. Thinking back on it i realised i did act differently when i was with her and realise that i needed to make time for my self and not just for her .


bk 2 years ago

i cant to forget my ex girlfriend after 1 year break up i feel that still i loved her a lot i tried to move on to other girl but i cant she doest need me to contact, even she does't need to call now i didt call her ,i didt contact her in face book for 5 months but still i love her and i need to be with her so what can i do to be with her again ?


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

That's definitely true Rafi. The sad fact is, first love is very rarely last love. You should carry on doing what you are doing, and maybe she will change her mind, maybe she won't, but hey, you will be having fun so you won't worry about it once you have moved on a bit. Trust me, everyone (women included) goes through this stage of wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way. It is always possible to game someone into getting back with you, but this usually involves acting like someone else, and why would you want to do that when you could meet someone tomorrow who likes you for you.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

There is no sure fire way to get your ex back. The above list tells you how to improve your chances, but this is no guarantee. The most successful way is usually to focus on yourself and doing things you like to improve yourself. If she was right for you, it is unlikely that she will be able to stay away from you. If not, then why would you want to be with her?


lostjoe 2 years ago

Hi, great article! My girlfriend of 6 years told me she needed time. I went two weeks with no contact even though she contacted me every other day. She was calling my sister-in-law all the time to check up on how i was doing. Then she scheduled a meeting exactly two weeks after the break. When we met she explained that she has been in relationships since she was 15 and was never on her own. She now wants to experience life on her on. She said she's scared she doesn't know whats going on with her she looks up quarter-life-crisis and different mental disorders online etc. She swears theres no other guy in mind and her sister and friends have said the same. She was crying so much it was hard for her to even say the things she was saying. She says when she pictures her future shes with me married and with kids. a year leading up to this break she would go out every friday and saturday night to clubs and bars and sometimes during the week. Alot of times i would offer to go but she would insist its just the girls and she doesnt want to be the one bringing her boyfriend. Any advice on what I should do or if I even have a chance? I'm 30 and she's turning 26 in 2 months.


Please Help-Nic 2 years ago

So my ex broke up with me november 22nd, so about 2 months ago. I realize now why she did-we argued a lot, it was my first real relationship, i had on/off things with other girls, but she was the first one i actually loved, and i see now that i made huge deals out of nothing, i took her for granted, and treated her poorly, and i want her to know that ive changed, she never would tell me if i was treating her badly or not, she only told me the day of the breakup. I really loved her, and i want her back more than anything. During the first month, we didn't talk for about 2 weeks. (i hadn't done any research back then and didn't know i should have waited longer). At first, she was distant and cold. After about another week, we had a 4 hour talk, and it was fun. We talked about a lot of fun things. After that, for about another 2/3 weeks, she contacted me a few times a week saying "i miss you, i wanna call you", and we did, we had fun, light, talks, but then, about a week before christmas, at the end of a call, she told me "you've become distant, i feel like ive lost you", and i think i was a little harsh on her, i told her that i'm distant because i was scared to text her, because she would often ignore me. She started crying, and hung up. Then, she went to montana for the christmas break, and we didn't talk for a good 2 weeks. I noticed that i had messed up, so when she got back, I tried to initiate contact with her again,because that was why she was sad, but I noticed right away that she was extremely cold, and answered in only "k" and "good" and "thx". I didn't talk to her for another couple weeks, then I did, and we called, we had a pretty good night, but she was still cold. I called her tonight, (once again she was cold while texting), and we called for about 30 mins. At the end, I asked her what changed, i told her that i noticed that we've become more distant, and she simply said "i guess it just happened". Ive also noticed that she's been talking ALOT lately with another guy, a friend of mine, and maybe thats the reason she's gotten so cold? What should I do? She means a lot to me, we helped each other through many hard times, and we had many good times, and I want to go back to how it was before the break, being good, fun, friends, because I pictured that if we went on like that long enough, I would slowly win her heart back. Please help, Ive done so much research, but Im so confused, I feel like I was making good progress, but then it all went downhill. Thank you very much -Please tell me how i should proceed, i did a quiz on how likely i was to get her back, and it told me that i needed to act quickly and play my cards right, but Im not sure how to proceed! I would much appreciate if you could tell me how to proceed-i don't want to wait too long so that she accepts we're never getting back together. A million thanks!


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

Hi Nic, apologies for the late reply. Unfortunately, there is no sure fire way to get someone back. It seems to me as though you are not totally sure why she is being so cold and distant. If you argued a lot, you really should take some time out for yourself, then come back and try to analyse your relationship from a more sober point of view; did you really have a lot in common? What did you disagree on? Where they major, life time things or silly little things? Sometimes even the smallest argument can expose very basic character incompatability. Usually, if two people get on, have a lot of fun together and enjoy each other for who they really are, they stay together. I would try to get on with your own life and try to put it behind you. If things were meant to be between you and her, then you will get another opportunity. A relationship is a two way thing. If one party does not feel the same as the other, that is not a relationship, and is unhealthy for you.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

Hi thanks for the compliment. Hmmmm, tough one. The problem, as I see it, is a fairly common one; men and women tend to see emotional involvement differently. Men tend to be more focused and pragmatic, whereas women often tend to be more idealistic and romantic. Obviously this is a generalisation and is not necessarily the case. With your case however, I think your ex probably needs some time to sort herself out. You should be careful however; if she is saying that she wants to experience life on her own, this may mean she would also like to "play around" for a while. It would be extremely unhealthy for you to just allow this and wait around. Let her know what you want, let her know what you are prepared to understand from her point of view, and be sure she knows you will not be messed around. A relationship requires understanding of each others' point of view. IF you can understand her wanting to have fun for a while, and she can understand you wanting to get on with life with her, then you should have little problem resolving your issues. If not, maybe you were not meant to be together. Hope this helps.


Desperate Guy 2 years ago

Please help, :(

So i broke up with my ex-girlfriend 4 weeks ago, (and i was really upset because half of me wanted to stay with her, and the other part liked another girl) and the day after i broke upwith her my bestfriend that i liked asked me why i broke up with her, i explained and then she asked me who was the girl i liked and i hesitated, but after a while i told her, and i noticed that she stopped replying my sms and she didnt spoke to me during the 3 next weeks, i was sad, until my ex slowly started to speak to me again after i broke up with her and now im ashamed of what i've done and want to get back to her but she's really cold to me, and i'm scared that i tell her i like her again and she slaps me in the face and tells everybody and they start joking me..

What should i do?

(sorry the english)


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

If you did start liking someone else while you were with her, maybe it wasn't the relationship for you in the first place. If you are serious about getting back together with her, I would advise you to be honest with her. If she doesn't want to be with you, then at least you have told the truth and attempted to found an honest, open relationship. If she does allow you back in, then you can make a fresh start with her and you will experience a closer relationship as you will not feel the need to hide anything as you will know that she accepts you.


2 years ago

Hi, My girlfriend just broke up with me a month ago. We used to argue a lot. But we also been thru a lot together, I'm always there during her difficult times. Both of us know we still love each other after the break up but she thinks that we cannot be together in the long run. I want to get her back into my arms.. During this one month, we had like 2-3 weeks of no contact till recently we start to talk again. And she initiate the talk via text message. During these talks, she told me that she fell in love with some guy but knowing that she and the guy is impossible to be together but she enjoyed the time with him. She also said that she's trying to pull herself away from that guy because the guy is not suitable for her. I also asked her that if she ever missed me or love me after we broke up. She replied, 'all the time, but it fading off slowly'. She know i still love her, but I'm also trying to be friend with her before I start to get her back to me again. Please advise what should I do to get her back?

I really need your help.

A


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

She is definitely trying to get you into the friend zone here. She obviously feels really close to you and does not want to lose that closeness, but doesn't want to be your girlfriend. I think you need to let her know that it is not fair for her to expect you to still be there for her emotionally when you want different things from each other. If you are happy to be just friends, fine, if not, I would suggest moving on from this one. Don't be her friend, as if you do, that is what you will stay. If you are strong and don't do things completely on her terms, not having you at all may make her realise that she does have stronger feelings for you. If not, then you know it would never have happened anyway.


KeepHopeAlive 2 years ago

Hey Tony, I'd like to hear your opinion about what I should do to get my ex girlfriend back. We initially broke up in January, but we have seen each other a few times since then (we even went on a date together which went really well). Because she was still insecure if we should continue or not, about two weeks ago I had had enough: I told her that I don't want to continue like this - we either give each other a second chance or I have to move on. She didn't want to break up with me nor she wanted to continue: she couldn't make a decision. I told her that if we continue then I would behave differently, I told her what I was thinking about where we have gone wrong, where we screwed up and she agreed with my assassment. We didn't have big fights or anything like that - it was just we couldn't figure out how to make each other happy. Well, I figured out since then (it annoys me to no end that I figured out after I lost her) and she kinda agreed with me. I told her that from now on we would do things differently - she actually believed me that I would, her problem was that she wasn't sure if she would have second thoughts even if we continue and make things differently. She's a very insecure person - she told me that she cannot continue with me as long as she doesn't know that she's making the right choice. I told her that this is life in a nutshell: we don't know if we are making the right choice before we actually make them; we can only hope that things would turn out fine. I told her that if she doesn't say yes then I have to move on - she asked me if she changes her mind in the future, I would be open to her to come back; I didn't answer her. I told her that I have to move on because I can't do this anymore. Since then we haven't spoken; she went on a wellness weekend with her mother to the exact place we went last Autumn. She liked two pictures that I have posted on her Fb wall two years ago - I posted those pictures when we had a fight and I wanted to make up to her - and she actually liked them now! She then shared our favourite song to which I didn't react anything. What could this mean? I didn't want to rush things so that she can see that I'm serious about moving on - in reality I don't want to but I feel if I continue on like I did in the past two months, I won't have a chance. What should I do?


KeepHopeAlive 2 years ago

Hey Tony, I'd like to hear your opinion about what I should do to get my ex girlfriend back. We initially broke up in January after we have been with each other for two years, but we have seen each other a few times since then (we even went on a date together which went really well). Because she was still insecure if we should continue or not, about two weeks ago I had had enough: I told her that I don't want to continue like this - we either give each other a second chance or I have to move on. She didn't want to break up with me nor she wanted to continue: she couldn't make a decision. I told her that if we continue then I would behave differently, I told her what I was thinking about where we have gone wrong, where we screwed up and she agreed with my assassment. We didn't have big fights or anything like that - it was just we couldn't figure out how to make each other happy. Well, I figured out since then (it annoys me to no end that I figured out after I lost her) and she kinda agreed with me. I told her that from now on we would do things differently - she actually believed me that I would, her problem was that she wasn't sure if she would have second thoughts even if we continue and make things differently. She's a very insecure person - she told me that she cannot continue with me as long as she doesn't know that she's making the right choice. I told her that this is life in a nutshell: we don't know if we are making the right choice before we actually make them; we can only hope that things would turn out fine. I told her that if she doesn't say yes then I have to move on - she asked me if she changes her mind in the future, I would be open to her to come back; I didn't answer her. I told her that I have to move on because I can't do this anymore. Since then we haven't spoken; she went on a wellness weekend with her mother to the exact place we went last Autumn. She liked two pictures that I have posted on her Fb wall two years ago - I posted those pictures when we had a fight and I wanted to make up to her - and she actually liked them now! She then shared our favourite song to which I didn't react anything. What could this mean? I didn't want to rush things so that she can see that I'm serious about moving on - in reality I don't want to but I feel if I continue on like I did in the past two months, I won't have a chance. What should I do?


Don 2 years ago

I really like your advice, you seem to think quite a lot like myself so I really understand your take on how you've replied to comments.

First I suppose its important to state that I am usually the one giving advice rather than receiving it or even asking but I'm at a loss right now and not really sure what to do. My ex left over 3 yrs ago, we had a great relationshop along with a great friendship. She is 6 yrs younger than me and was much less experienced than me sexually. She had only been with a couple guys prior to me and felt she needed to see other people. I was absolutely devastated because I had the experience to know that the way we are with one another is rare to find. I know this girl is the love of my life, for 3 yrs i've thought of her in some way every day. I've dated and given it a shot to find love again but no luck thus far. In those 3+ yrs we haven't spoken, i saw her in passing a couple times but just let it be. The other night I was out with a friend for his bday and she walked over and said hi and made small talk. She asked about me and I was polite and answered but I gave short answers and didnt ask about her, maybe a 2 min conversation and I gave her a hug and I went back to talking to my friends. I know Im guarded a bit out of fear but I absolutely love the girl. I'm 31, shes 26 now. Im not really sure what to make of her coming over to talk. Shes not really one to play games or be dramatic but maybe she was trying to show interest or possibly just being cordial. Its hard because when were seeing one another we were coworkers and right at the end she hooked up with a mutual "co worker/friend" at a party someone from work had put on. I have not contacted her, in fact i dont even have her number after that much time passing so social media would be the only viable option. I long ago began to live my life and move on but haf that glimmer of hope to speak again. We live in a smaller city so I heard of her shortcomings in past relationships via mutual friends without ever asking or prying, she had a pretty rough time with a guy borrowing money and literally giving it to his ex for sex. Maybe shes matured and realized it was a mistake? I dont want to get any hopes up but I'd like your perspective. Shes a shy type so I know it took a lot for her to walk over the other night... just not sure what to make of it or if I should even blink at it.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

I think you have handled things very well up to this point. The fact that you have allowed her space seems to have made her think of you. There are two ways to go here, and it is difficult for me (without knowing you both) to tell you which is best, but here they are: You could like something back of hers (the song would probably be the best here) and see if you get a response, or you could wait a little longer and see if this continues. That way you can be sure it is not just a fleeting bit of nostalgia on her part.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

Hi Don, thanks for sharing your story. It seems to me that if she is very shy as you say then maybe you should send her a message, keep it friendly, ask how she is and see how she responds. It may be that she felt awkward with you there and wanted to get the awkwardness out of the way, in which case it could be that it doesn't mean anything, but you will lose nothing by feeling out the situation. If her response is terse and avoids any suggestion of future contact, you have your answer. If she seems pleased to hear from you, maybe you can reconnect.


Don 2 years ago

I've considered sending a message but the one thing is we arent friends on any social media sites and certainly dont wish to come off like I'm snooping or not minding my own business. We also seldom run into one another so its kinda a catch 22... in the 3 years we've only seen one another in passing maybe 3 times before she came over to say hi.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

Oh I see. That does make it a little difficult. In that case then you can either wait until such an opportunity presents itself again, or you could take a chance and add her on a social network site. I would choose the latter. If you don't see her again for a long time it is likely that next time you will just chat for five minutes and not see each other again for another 6 months. That doesn't give much opportunity to see if there is still anything there.


Don 2 years ago

I did go to add her, looks as though shes in a relationship so i suppose it was nothing after all, either that or she hasnt changed. I appreciate your insight, thank you.


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xxtonybxx 2 years ago from wales Author

That's ok Don, thanks for reading and sharing :).


Aditya 21 months ago

My name is aditya. Her name was daizy. I fell for her during grade 10 on Valentines day. I proposed her on that day. She told me that she thought we were just friends but i kept on engaged. And finally she said yes and we became lovers. Then we started to meet. Talk on the phones about 7/8 hours a day. In morning 3 hours and 4 hours at night. I started to love her deeply. I thought i cant live without her anymore. Each and every moment i used to think about her. I started following her everytime in day in evenings.. As well as i also joined tuition class so that i could meet her daily. I used to bring chocolates for her everytime we meet. Then i also started to go morning walk to and returned home after meeting her. When she didnt received my call i feel depressed and sleep all day thinking. I felt incomplete without her. Each minute when i am not talking to her felt like an hour. I always waited for her text... In the early morning and in the night. I was so much fallen in her that i cant imagine my life without her and talked to her about our marriage. Then our board exams came but we didnt read. N focused on that rather we talkemore n more... Finally the result was great.. I went to the city for bridge courses and she was at her home... We became far but we used to talk on phones. I came to city to read but i missed her so much so i said to her that we will read together so i returned back she also felt happy to hear that news. Then i returned home. But after returning home i knew that if i read in my hometown then there would be quarrels n problems.. My parents convinced me to return to city for further studies. I was so much depressed n sad that day. The next day was my birthday so i call her on a restaurant. She came with gifts on her hand but i was soo much sad that day. I was speechless. I felt too much difficult to say that sad news to her. Then i neglected it for a while and we started talking for some hours. When i stared at her eyes i felt like i was in heaven. I could see happiness in her eyes. I was soo much happy to have a girlfriend like her as she was my first love. I was pretty unknown how to handle relationships... Then after an hour i told her the bad news that i was returning to city and felt too much guilty to hurt her. I didnt wanted to go far away from her but the situation was like that. Then she became soo much sad n after sometime she left n when i told her to give me a kiss then she neglected n went away. I was so much cornered n helpless. I felt too much incomplete n i was guilty to hurt a person who was the piece of my heart. I was broken. :( then next day i returned to the city. I tried to call her but she didnt answer i even tried to contact through relatives messages facebook but no reply. I was soo much worried.. I contacted her daily but there was no answer. I didnt ate anything for 2 weeks. She also didnt called me. I still loved her and i wanted to say sorry to her but she didnt answer. I know i aM the reason that she was hurt. So i wanted to call her and apologize. But she was contactless and she left me there.. She may leave me but she is always in my heart and mind forever n ever. I love you daizy.. First love is the love whose memories cant be erased by anything rather than a death. I still see her in my dreams n that day i feel sad n optimistic all day. She was my love she is my love n she will be my love. .. (Continued in next week)


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xxtonybxx 21 months ago from wales Author

Thank you for sharing. I'm sure if you both feel so strongly about each other the distance will not matter. If she really loves you, she will understand. If she does not, maybe you should consider this. A relationship is a two way street. Being in a loving relationship means never having to apologise for who you are or what you have to do.


Larry B 15 months ago

My ex gf broke up with me 1 1/2 month ago she said we needed time to grow as individuals. We have been together for 6 years there has been arguments but nothing we couldn't handle. The brake up came out of left field & well I became heated said hurtful things but I love her with all my heart she was the one for me. She has recently expressed to me that she was talking to someone from her work which sent Red Flags immediately. How could she be seeing someone so fast. I have applied the no contact rule and just last week she said we can continue texting talking seeing each other as friends. But I want more then friendship how do I handle this situation.


gchanneldrumprince@gmail.com 4 months ago

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 an half years

We used to go to the same school,until I completed my semester,I stay 20-30kms from her home,so our relationship turned to a long distance relationship after I finished my semester

This year in April she dumped me because she believed that our relationship was done, (like the romance wasn't strong as before) and she also mentioned that we don't have same dreams,I tried to convince her to stay,but she didn't,since the day we broke up,we never talked,I had my birthday coming up in May,on the day of my birthday,my ex girlfriend's friend saw a girl on my profile picture,and she asked if I'm dating that girl on my profile picture,I told her that we are friends,my ex didn't wish me any birthday,than on the first week of June she texted me an said"I'm sorry for not wishing u a happy birthday,I didn't wana ruin your day,and if you think I forgot about you,I havent"..than I said "Thanks"...that's the last time we stopped talking,so one of my friends saw her on with her new man they seemed to be happy, I really don't know if I still stand a chance, I mean she was the best...she is 19 and I'm 20


gchanneldrumprince@gmail.com 4 months ago

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 an half years

We used to go to the same school,until I completed my semester,I stay 20-30kms from her home,so our relationship turned to a long distance relationship after I finished my semester

This year in April she dumped me because she believed that our relationship was done, (like the romance wasn't strong as before) and she also mentioned that we don't have same dreams,I tried to convince her to stay,but she didn't,since the day we broke up,we never talked,I had my birthday coming up in May,on the day of my birthday,my ex girlfriend's friend saw a girl on my profile picture,and she asked if I'm dating that girl on my profile picture,I told her that we are friends,my ex didn't wish me any birthday,than on the first week of June she texted me an said"I'm sorry for not wishing u a happy birthday,I didn't wana ruin your day,and if you think I forgot about you,I havent"..than I said "Thanks"...that's the last time we stopped talking,so one of my friends saw her on with her new man they seemed to be happy, I really don't know if I still stand a chance, I mean she was the best...she is 19 and I'm 20


Lost the one 3 months ago

Hi, an interesting page. My girlfriend and I split up 3 months ago. It was due to my grieving and not taking enough responsibility for how I was treating her through that time. We parted but stayed in constant touch and contact. I didn't move on from her and I guess I showed that during our time apart.I asked if she was dating which maybe I shouldn't have, she said yes, and I said I'd find it hard to maintain a friendship with her. She then decided to cut me off completely, may be because she wasn't in control. Anyway, that was 8 days ago. We haven't spoken. I always cared for her, always did, and my love grew for her daily, I know she cared too. But she couldn't put up with my incessant arguing, assuming, over talking of her. She then broke it, and said she wanted to remain friends. I really would like her back, but first I want to show her how sorry I am, and responsible for the way i treated her, even though I am going through my own issues I should have never have out her feelings second. I realise and just want her to know.

Shall i just leave her be? I thought she was the one, and she has helped me so much through my grieving ..... I owe her a lot.


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xxtonybxx 3 months ago from wales Author

Hi Larry, sorry for the very late response, I get so much spam on this article sometimes I miss one. I am sorry to hear of your situation. In my view, it is always a mistake to agree to be friends with someone when you want more, unless you think you can handle it being just that. If you do decide to be friends, be prepared to wait many years before anything comes back around again. If you are right for each other, this will happen, but you need to take time to assess whether you actually are, or whether it is merely because you have just broken up. People always want what they can't have, and this will always cloud judgement. Take some time for yourself, wait until you feel back to normal, then assess your relationship with a bit more clarity.


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xxtonybxx 3 months ago from wales Author

Hi GC, thanks for sharing. It does sound to me as though she still carries a torch for you, but if she is in a relationship with someone else that makes the situation difficult to say the least. It may be worth being friendly towards her, but I would hold off any declaration of undying love until you see how her current relationship turns out. It may be that she is staying with him because she does not believe you are interested. It may also be that she misses your company and nothing more. You will only find out if you interact with her. It seems to me as though you click from a personality point of view. Usually when this happens, it is very difficult for two people not to get together if they are in touch.


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xxtonybxx 3 months ago from wales Author

Hi lost, thanks for your comment. It seems to me from what you were saying that you two were not meant to be. I know this may not be what you want to hear, and I only have your comment to go on, but for me the facts speak for themselves. You blame yourself for the incessant arguing, assuming and talking over her, these things are usually a sign that two people are just not suited. Arguing requires two people, and it is usually simply a difference of opinion, rather than anyone's fault. If you felt the need to argue with her, this may just be because you don't agree with the way she sees things or does things. Hope this helps.


Jay 2 months ago

Hi, I appreciate all your personalized responses. So I was in a relationship for 4.5 years, which has been terrific and we were both in love. For the last year of that, my girlfriend moved to a different city for work and it was long distance. She wanted me to move out to where she was but not live together which I agreed with. We are both 24. Right after I accepted the job, she began to distance herself. Maybe it was me infringing on the independence she may have discovered out there. When I moved out the distance continued and she was "emotionally confused". She said she would give it a shot after I accepted to move out there but really hasn't. We've been broken up for 10 days. I am trying my best to be patient and move on but I am still very much in love with her. I am just so confused as to how someone could be in love and want someone to move to be closer but then do a full 180 when I moved out there.


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xxtonybxx 2 months ago from wales Author

Hi Jay, definitely a difficult one. It may be that you moving out there made her feel pressured. She may have felt like if it didn't work, you'd uprooted your whole life for her and she'd feel bad. I'd suggest giving her the space, even try to be a bit breezy about what you want to do. Thinking about what you might want to do just for you will ensure you don't go down the line of any obsessive behaviour, while at the same time taking the pressure off her as she can see you are doing your thing. That way you may be able to get back to whatever it was that brought you both together in the first place. I'd be careful though; it is entirely possible that she wasn't ready for this because she is not sure you are for her. You should also take the time to think about how happy you were with the way things were going for you (move aside). Thanks for sharing.


Aaron 2 months ago

Me and my girlfriend broke up recently, because she felt she hurt me too much. She was pretty insecure person and got into these moods sometimes where she felt like everything was falling apart and break up with me (but we'd get back together a few hours later or the next day because it was silly etc). But after like the 4th time I had to tell her baby, I can't keep doing this it's really exhausting for me at this point (and maybe because I was exhausted the attraction fell in the relationship too).

She started to say how sorry she was, how bad she feels and how she's even lucky to have a guy like me in her life because most others would of walked away by now. Her sister told me she would get back with me but is afraid all she'll do is keep doing it. Few days later what does she do? Decide to be with someone else, she broke down crying when she told me because I asked for her back. At this point it just felt like she was running away, and I thought why would it be any different if she is with someone else? I just didn't understand. After we argued and stuff, this was the conversation yesterday.

Me: sorry for how I've been acting recently, I was still holding onto the past we once had, but I think I've lost feelings for you because of all the problems, but I hope you find someone who loves you through all your personal flaws and everything else as I did.

Her: Thank you, does that mean we can still be friends?

Me: Nah, I can't lie to myself and pretend to be friends, maybe in the future

Her: How long will that be?

Me: Who knows, so don't be surprised if I'm not up for some chit chat. But if you really need someone to talk to let me know

Her: okay thank you, I'm gonna miss you

Me: I'm gonna miss you too

Her: can I tell you something

Her: I still regret losing you, and I still have some feelings for you, but right now I think this is for the best, I love you, talk whatever xx

At this point I was planning to go full no contact. Because I know I was a big part of her life. Before me she was single for a year, had low self esteem, and longest relationship was only 2 weeks. I come along, treat her like a princess, improve her self esteem (she said so herself) her first kiss and sexual partner and we were together for 6 months. I heard she was planning to go to the fun-fare on Thursday with all her friends and her new boyfriend, and I'm going Friday with 2 of my friends and some girl that might like me. When she heard about this, her sister told me she suddenly told all her friends etc to go Friday instead, and how she wants to 'bump' into me lol.

And this morning I wake up to this message from her.

Her: I just wanna say one thing..I heard you're meeting a girl at some point and taking her to the fare, if I'm honest I hope she lasts for you. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you and I hope she treats you 100 times better than I did because that's what you deserve. When I heard this it broke my heart but like you said its time to move on and yeah its hard, I hope she's perfect for you and don't you ever change in anyway and i mean it x

What do I do?


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xxtonybxx 2 months ago from wales Author

Hi Aaron, sorry for the late response. This sounds like a tough one. You've done really well so far, really managed to hold a good line between not losing your self respect by going after her no matter what, nor have you treated her badly because you are hurt. I really am impressed.

I think maybe you should just go with what you were intending, it seems the sensible option. It sounds to me as though she really feels she has to let you go. If she doesn't feel this way, then she may be playing games (likely not entirely consciously from what you are saying), and that is not healthy for you or her.

It may be hard, but try to let it be as it is and see what happens. A 6 month relationship may seem a long time, but it really isn't. At this stage, you're both learning yourselves as much as how to manage a relationship. After such a short period, it can be difficult to see if this is a result of low experience or because you simply don't match.

If you are questioning how you feel about her, you really need to ask yourself why you want her back at all. Take some time, then see if you still feel like that. If you really do, great, go after her. If not, wish her well and move on.


David Saint 2 months ago

So my situation is quite different. We dated years ago, broke up, and later on became very close friends. Only, we lost touch for many years. She actually thought i was dead. However we found each other on facebook, talked for a week, then went out and one thing led to another, and were together pretty much every day since for the past 5 month. We practically lived together. There were times where she would get upset and ask me why i hadnt left, and then id offer to and shed tell me to stay. I realize now i should have just left on my own, and that she probably now views this as being clingy even though she told me to stay. Well, we went on vacation, and during the vacation she told me she felt like we werent clicking at times. But when we got back, everything seemed normal. Until she stopped saying i love you that is. She basically told me she felt pressured into saying it. Then came the "i need some space" speech, which she would give me in the past and then call me that night and we would talk for hours, then hang out a day or two later, and again everything seemed fine. Well this time i could tell it was different, she wasnt sure how she felt, what she wanted, etc. she asked me to walk her dog for her during the week (i work very close to her place), and the first gesture i did she loved. She text me telling me how special it made her feel, and even later saying she text me saying she wished i was there. So, the next day i left flowers and a poem. OVERKILL i know now. Had i just left it alone after the little notes i left her, i think it would have been fine. Instead, i came off as pushy, selfish, and clingy. So sat night she asked me to come over and help her with something, and stay with her so she could sleep (shes been having sleeping problems, has anxiety, ptsd, etc). the next day it seemed like she had changed, i went home and did my thing and she called me later asking me to come over. After about an hour though she just said she wasnt feeling it, and it was a mistake to have me come over. She basically broke up with me that night. I pushed some more feelings onto her when she asked me if i was ok during the day, and she started getting mad at that point. I laid off with contact for a few days, only responding to her texts. So last night i went and got my stuff, we were friendly and chatting and told her we lost each other before and how it would suck if we lost each others friendship. she asked me what would happen if she, or I, started dating someone and i said we would have to deal with it like adults. We were such good friends before, and we both spent so much time looking for the other person, why throw that away? Here is my problem. #1. i want her back. 2. i also dont want to lose her as a friend, because we still trust each other very much (this has been stated clearly by her). So what do i do? go for the get her back angle, or just be friends and make a few moves to try and get her back? im thinking of asking her to dinner in 3 weeks, and if that goes well ask her to a concert we had planned on going to a few weeks later. I have not initiated contact....heres the rub, she usually just breaks off contact with exes. Im the lone exception because of how close we are as friends....the issues stem from my lifestyle choices (IE TV over going out to bars, concerts, or other things at night..she hates TV and prefers active lifestyle, but would watch shows and movies with me all the time), lack of assertiveness (not making the decisions, instead trying to include her in them...cowering a bit during arguments and appearing weak in her eyes), and making her my life (IE stopped going to the gym, working on my music, etc). I can use any advice you have. I love this girl, more than anyone before, and have since the day we met 20 years ago. I dont want to be friendzoned, i just want her back but understand its going to take effort and making some changes with my lifestyle. Im just not sure it will work, and i dont want to ruin us being friends if it doesnt.


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xxtonybxx 2 months ago from wales Author

Hi David, thanks for sharing. I notice that throughout your comments there is a theme of "I made a mistake" or "I did xyz wrong" and so on. A relationship is about two people mutually appreciating each other. If you express yourself and this is not well received, this is not a fault or a mistake, this is another person not quite being on the same wavelength, and I would therefore question whether this woman is right for you.

There is never fault in a break-up without abuse or violence, which is clearly not the case here. If she believes what you were doing was clingy, but it felt right to you, she is not the right one for you, as the right one would love what you do. With the right person, you never second guess yourself, you automatically know what you're doing will be appreciated.

I would think a little about whether or not this situation with your ex is merely because you both had an ideal of what the other was like due to long term separation.

Hope this helps.


Tottenham86 2 months ago

I have a different situation , I was a bad guy ..... I suffer from depression which im getting treated for , and I took it out on my ex culminating in a blazing row on a day out with friends , to which a few days later she told me she's had enough of my erratic behaviour and for self protection purposes we cant go on with the relationship. There's zero loss of attraction as the next morning after the row she was the same doting girlfriend hugging me waking up and wanting to be physically close to me , a week 2 and 3 etc before that always doting always asking to meet ringing etc , but my behaviour was dampening things , I was negative distant , cold and everything. For 6 weeks now our contact has been sporadic she hasn't discontinued contact shes just on a self righteous trip and rightly so , heres the catch first time in my life @30 im in love , the first 2 weeks I tried to tell her so but you know how it is with bad guys she will feel its all an ego ploy to win her round so ive given her space to cool of and now start a new strategy , so the don't contact her because you'll seem unattractive doesn't apply as our relationship till the last second was full of it that's the real one thing that remained attraction and desire .... finishing note ive shown myself in a bad light but ive suffered with this for a few years now and it gradually got worse till when we got together 8 months ago it was at its most vile. Me without depression is a good caring guy and that's on the horizon , 6th week into tablets and exercising feeling better already. But I need her to carry this same faith and trust in me that I can have to an extent and will change. Thanks in advance .... and really good post. Don't panic and if its meant ot be with persistence it will be is soothing , So I guess my strategy will be self improvement gentle conversation and a slow build up to trust and good feeling again. With the odd flowers and trip to a spa thrown in as an official apology. As I done something "awful" I have to make it up to her


Vineet 7 weeks ago

I was having a good relationship with my girlfriend fr about 7 months recently(6 days before) she broke up with me. She told me that i misbehaved with her and I was talking with her very rudely... Whatever she told was correct. I also realized my mistakes and apologised her... I apologised her upto my last moment. I drank, smoked, cried. She's determined by her decision she's now telling me that i don't love u anymore... My feelings are gone fr ya.... But I still love her & i don't want this relationship to be broken.. although i did mistake but I have already realised thatthat.... My behaviour for her changed because she couldn't maintain transparency with me...but i want her back... Is it possible to get her back???


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xxtonybxx 7 weeks ago from wales Author

Hi Tottenham, thanks for sharing. It sounds as though you have had some difficult personal times, but you seem to be getting yourself together. Only you can really know how to deal with this situation, and it seems like you have got a good handle on it. It is a little outside my experience, so I don't want to give you advice I can't back up. I'm glad reading my article has helped, and I hope sharing has too. Hope it works out for you.


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xxtonybxx 7 weeks ago from wales Author

It is always possible, but my question here is why would you want to? It seems to me you have bent over backwards to try to make this work, but that wasn't enough. If you meet the right person, you don't need to change who you are, or the way you speak etc. What one person finds rude, another person finds forthright and honest. Find someone who likes you for you, then carry on being you, and if it works, great, if not, keep looking.


Zach 6 weeks ago

I got with this girl who has never been in a relationship before so I was her first, we've been talking for approx 7 months and finally got together officially, after a week with her, she went on holiday with her best friend for a 5 days; 2 lads tagged along but not me cause I'm busy with work schedules, I told her I trusted her and her best friend and put 100% trust into her; stupid of me the 2nd day she was on holiday I went out and got drunk with friends and then phoned her and said something really bad that it pushed her away to the point she was thinking of a break up.

On the 2nd to last day before she comes back from holiday the 2 boys + her and her friend got really drunk and she told me she has never been that drunk in her life, she ended up tongue to tongue with 1 of the guy and he left a hickey on her kneck (that's it nothing else happened). She then gave me an apology the next day.

We've managed to sorted things out when she got back from holiday I told her what she did was cheating and blah blah blah but I have her a 2nd chance due to because how much I knew I loved her and it might of not happened if I didn't say what I said; + I feel too mature now to be over reacting a mouth to mouth, at least they didn't get in bed together.

Yesterday she told me after what has happened she would've never thought she'll be one of them girls who would cheat and she is angry and disgusted with herself because she has hurt me, she spoke to me, her mum and sister about it and said to me (keeping it short) she's had a long thought about everything and she doesn't feel like she's ready for a relationship even though this is her first but she's only 17 and I understand her, she ask if we can still be friends she just want to get to know herself better before getting to any relationship because she doesn't want to hurt anyone else.

I agreed to being friends but still somehow madly in love with even after what all has happened, any advice I can have for me to somehow slow this girl to get to know herself better but then not get myself in the friendzone because I do want a re try at getting back with her because I know we can work but I just don't know if we'll ever be back together:(.


anonymous 6 weeks ago

Many great thanks, I couldn't sleep I was so deep into trying to get her back even though she has found someone else


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xxtonybxx 6 weeks ago from wales Author

Thanks, glad I could help!


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xxtonybxx 6 weeks ago from wales Author

Hi Zach, thanks for sharing. I think she may well be right I'm afraid. Few people get with someone at 17 and stay with them for the rest of their lives. The reason is usually quite simply that hardly anyone has really fully developed personally by that age. You're just starting to find out what makes you happy with another person (and so is she) and its just starting to mean more than just innocent schoolyard kisses etc. My advice to you would be to do the same; you need to find out what you like from a person and what makes a good relationship for you. If thou do this, then you find that she is what you want, great, go for it, but in my experience this is rarely the case. I don't know anyone who is still with the person they met at 17. That's not to say it can't happen, everyone is different, but the main thing in a relationship is not to say "will it last" or "am I good enough for them" etc, it is to ask "am I happy?". This may seem a little selfish, but a good relationship is one where both are happy, and it would be unfair to both parties to continue if either are unhappy. Hope this helps and good luck!


Rhys 5 weeks ago

I met my ex when I was 15, she was 14 at the time. I waited for her to be 15 before I got with her to allow the love to grow between us both. We have had bad arguments in the past and had several breaks to then only get back together due to the strong attraction. I have cheated on her before but she accepted it and we sorted things out. I know that its bad that I cheated on her but whatever arguments or fallout's we had only made us stronger. Her Nan was very ill about a year ago and had a terrible illness which resulted in her passing away in may this year. I tried my absolute best to cheer the girl up as her relationship with her Nan was a very strong one. since January this year we haven't been intimate at all, she said that she wouldn’t be able to do it due to her Nan being ill and then after she died she feels like her Nan is watching her all of the time. as an 18-year-old lad I found this very difficult due to hormones and other things. she’s not long turned 18 and she has become a different person to what she was, she dumped me on our 3-year anniversary and said that she needed space, I tried my hardest to give it to her but I couldn't. her whole family adore me and my family adore her, I can’t see why she'd want to split up. she’s recently become friends with people she hadn't spoken to in a year and I think that's why she dumped me, either way these friends always fall out with her and whenever they did I was there to pick her up and support her. I feel as though I have been used by her to help her through the tragic times and now she doesn’t need me. the lack of intimacy has made us drift apart slightly but it only happened because she felt like she couldn't. me and her mother had a chat a few weeks ago about her and her mum thinks that she could be bipolar whereas I think she is depressed, she won’t go to the doctors about it and the longer she leaves it the harder it will be for her to get out. I made her go to the doctors before but she just lied and made out that she’s fine but deep down me and her mother know that she’s not. Since she dumped me she said that she’s been much happier while I’ve been feeling terrible but until she realises what she had with me shell continue to feel good. She hasn’t told any of her family about what’s happened because they would have a go at her but I know she’ll come back because she hasn’t got the comfort of me. The issue is how long do I sit and wait around for her to realise while I sit around bored and lonely. I said to her that it will hit her at some point and if she needs to talk I will talk to her. The last 3 years I spent my life with her dreaming of having a family and so did she, so why would she want to give it all up. I know that you might say there’s someone else but there isn’t, she’s so complex and difficult to understand that I feel like unless she’s with me she’ll never be with anyone else. Her mother said to her that she’s an idiot for doing what she’s done but she just doesn’t listen.


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xxtonybxx 5 weeks ago from wales Author

Hi Rhys, thanks for sharing. It seems like quite a complex situation here. I notice throughout your message you are saying you know what is good for her and she should realise that, but it really isn't up to you to decide that. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but the only person really qualified to decide what is best for them is, in almost all circumstances love related, that person themselves. If you find you couldn't give her space, all you are doing is convincing her she cannot make her own choices around you. I would say let her go and don't wait, then if at some point in the future she does decide she wants you back, you can both make that decision with a clear head. You waiting around for her will likely only add more pressure, which rarely leads to a happy relationship. Hope this helps.


Rhys 5 weeks ago

Thank you for the help


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xxtonybxx 5 weeks ago from wales Author

You're welcome, hope it all works out for you.


Sv 5 weeks ago

I love a girl alot, I expressed her my feelings and before starting relationship she said we need to be frank with each other and she told me about her past. I was listening to her quietly and allowed her express her emotions. I told her about my past and explained that I was also in the same situation and I moved on. She loved her ex. But due to family she decided not to continue with him. I told her to take time to overcome the break up and to reply to me. But after few days she replied to me and wanted to start life with me. We were in relationship and she told she loves me, Miss me and was happy being with me. It felt like I found the right person. I was there for her in bad times. Took care of her, made her comfortable and loved her alot. But her ex started to call her, text her , say her to come back. We've being with each other for 2 months and one fine day she tells me that she can't be with me. She is not able to forget him. She just wants to be alone whole life. I tried to explain her that life moves on. It happened with me 3 years back. It won't be easy but I'll be there for you. But I don't know what is in her mind. It's being a month she is not talking with me. Though I left some messages saying take your time to move in. I really love her. How should I explain her my feelings?


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xxtonybxx 5 weeks ago from wales Author

Hi SV, thanks for sharing. I don't think you need to worry about explaining your feelings to your ex. It seems to me you have been extremely good and patient with her. If she hasn't responded, you should try not to think of her and try to get on with your own life. You have to consider the possibility she may have gone back with her ex. If she has gone a month and has not answered your messages, you should wait and see if she contacts you. In the meantime, take some time for yourself. If she then doesn't contact you, you have to think maybe she doesn't feel the same way about you, in which case, you wouldn't want to be with her. If, on the other hand, she contacts you, you can be pretty sure there is at least something there.


Sv 5 weeks ago

Thank you so much. I appreciate your answer and I wanted to hear the same. I feel deep down my heart that when time will come she will understand what I want to explain her and she will come back because I know she is a good girl. It's just she thinks being with someone for 3 years is much more than being with someone for 2 months. I know it is difficult for her to get out of him. But she knows that she won't hurt her family. And I've always been there when she needed me. She told me she was happy and in love with me, maybe she was trying to move on. But she had feelings for me too, I saw in her eyes. I just hope she calms herself someday and see that love can happen again. I am an example for her. The only thing I can do is wait for her. She is a bit stubborn but innocent and loving.


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xxtonybxx 5 weeks ago from wales Author

You're welcome. I hope it works out for you, whatever happens.


henry ike 2 weeks ago

Hi, I have being in a with a lady for 6 years now, but last year I married another from my country, I feel totally helpless because I can't marry her. But the point is that I am still in love with her. She has tried to break up but we can't , please what can I do


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xxtonybxx 11 days ago from wales Author

Hi Henry, sorry for the late response. Yours is a different type of situation I think. Seems to me you have to make a choice between doing the right thing and doing what you want. If you love this woman, yet married someone else, you've already done an unethical thing, so the question is whether you're prepared to admit this and leave your wife, or carry on in a loveless marriage. If, on the other hand, you do not love the other woman, but do love your wife, then you need to choose whether you do the unethical and don't stop with your lover, or you stop and treat your wife as your wife. Unfortunately, no one can make this choice for you, but think carefully as the results will affect the rest of your life.


Adam Park 8 days ago

I have an ex gf of mine that I've kept in contact with over the years. We first met when I was a senior in high school 7 years ago, and when we first met, we kind of just "talked" for about a month and a half until she finally became my gf. We were together just over a year, and one day we just broke up. I was devastated, heart broken. I didn't speak to her nor reply to her text messages she would send me every other day, for about 2 or 3 months. It was obvious that she missed me etc..but I was just not having it. I was still pretty upset about the break up, so I did what most people would do, move on and focus on myself with school and definitely meeting other girls in college. I probably replied to 1 of her texts every couple of weeks because I just wanted nothing to do with her. As months passed however, eventually I gave in and I started talking to her again and we ended up back together. Only to have her break up with me again a few months later. As the years went by we kept in touch, most times, I'd say 90% of the time, it was her reaching out to me whether she was seeing someone or not. To my knowledge, she's had 2 exes since we broke up and she currently has a new boyfriend she's been with for a few months now. I, on the other hand, have also had my share of exes, dated and had fun with other girls after her, but I'm currently single. Our relationship is a bit odd, I'm not sure what we are or if we'll ever become anything at all later on, but I can definitely see myself having a future with this girl. She laughs at my jokes, we understand each other, and I'm sure she knows that I care for her dearly, just as sure as I am that she cares about me. The thing is, I'm not sure what we are and I don't want to put a "label" on something that I'm not certain of, make sense? We've been talking recently on snapchat. She'll sometimes send me a selfie, I'll sometimes send her some funny memes I know she'll like. That's just the kind of relationship we have. But idk what to think of it, or think of her. Whenever I post a snap on my account, she's almost always the first to view my posts and I have 50+ people on there. That definitely shows she's curious to see what I'm doing. We're actually supposed to hang out this weekend since last time she wasn't able to make it. What are your thoughts? Any tips or advice on any of the above?


johnathan 7 days ago

Hey. Its been over 3 month since she dumped me. We were together for a year and a half. She's now blocked me on everything and she is completely ignoring me. She broke up with me because I was depressed, got jealous, was possessive, always keeping tabs on her and the what not. We were together for a year and a half. The first month and a half after the break up I begged and pleaded because she was my first. I need advice on what to say to her. She's ignoring me so talking to a wall is hard. I miss her


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xxtonybxx 2 days ago from wales Author

Hi Johnathan. Given that you say she ended things because you were possessive, I think the only thing you can do here is give her space. Possessiveness and jealousy are not expressions of love, they are expressions of ownership. Few people like to feel owned rather than loved. If she has blocked you and is ignoring you, your continued attempts at contact will only put further pressure on her and convince her you are no different. You should also come to terms with the possibility that even leaving her alone now may be too little too late. From my experience, it is unlikely you will get back with her, as this is usually the most sure fire way of pushing a partner away. Give it time, try to do things which have no relevance to her. Try to come to terms with your issue (jealousy, possessiveness). Why do you feel so strongly this way? Try to address this first, as this is likely more to do with your own personality than anything that happened in your relationship with her.


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xxtonybxx 2 days ago from wales Author

Hi Adam, you are right, it seems you do have a fairly odd relationship. It seems to me that maybe you both have reasons not to be together. If you're both comfortable with this, then sure, why label it? There are two ways this could end up as I see it; either you are very right for each other but both feel it's not yet the right time because neither of you are ready for that kind of long term commitment, or there is something in the way that you interact that means you are almost, but not quite perfect for each other, and you both know it. I hope it works out for you.

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