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10 Ways to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back


I hope this will help you and your ex-girlfriend rekindle a loving, healthy relationship. Or, at the very least, help you both move on.

This article will provide tips for you to hopefully patch things up with your ex-girlfriend.

This article will provide tips for you to hopefully patch things up with your ex-girlfriend.

OK, So Your Girlfriend Is Gone. What Do You Do Now?

This is a list of my top 10 tips to get your ex-girlfriend back. This is by no means exhaustive, and following these tips will certainly not guarantee success.

If you're here, it's likely you're feeling pretty bad right now. There are few things worse than having a relationship end unexpectedly, especially if you are still in love. Hopefully this will help you either come out the other side, or get back with her, if you both decide that is what you want to do.

1. Whatever You Do, Don't Panic

This is perhaps the biggest mistake men make in this situation. Panicking will only serve to confirm to your ex that she has made the right decision.

If you have done something terrible to deserve this, then you need to accept that and try to make it up to her. If not, then you need to look at why she is trying to move on.

Instead of panicking, texting, calling and moaning to everyone who will listen how bad you feel about it, make plans of your own. Go out with friends, get a new hobby, or spend more time visiting your family. Take the time to make yourself happy, without her involvement.

When you next see her, you need to be confident you don't need her to be happy. She will notice this, and it could rekindle the attraction she once felt.

2. Make the Right Moves

Don't spend your time wondering where your ex-girlfriend is or what she is doing.

If she calls you, answer her, be polite, be gentlemanly, and do not under any circumstances start begging her to come back. There is nothing worse, male or female, than a partner who refuses to let go.

Until you have reached the point where you can let go, you will not be yourself and will therefore find it impossible to attract her back, even through what she likes about you.

3. Assess the Situation

Try to take a step back from your relationship for a moment. Did you truly have a great time together all the time? What do other people think of your relationship?

If no-one was surprised that you broke up, this may be a sign that it is time to move on. If they're all shocked, there may be something else underlying the reason for the split. Try to leave it on the back-burner for a while, then think about it a few weeks after, once your head has cleared.

If it still doesn't feel right, don't go back. If it does, then try talking to your ex-girlfriend in an adult and friendly fashion. "How could you end things like this?" or words to that effect are positively the worst things you can say.

Get a new hobby.

Get a new hobby.

4. If She Has Met Someone Else

If, since ending things with you, your partner has met a new guy, it may very well be time to call things a day and move on. This is a very stark indication of her unwillingness to be with you.

However, it is often the case that people rebound. If you can be sure that she did not develop feelings for the other guy when she was with you, then it is safe to assume that he is a rebound. If this is the case, it may just be a matter of time before she realizes that the grass is not greener so to speak. So wait it out.

Don't be around all the time and available, but be ready to step in as soon as she realizes the error she's made. If, however, you discover that she DID have feelings for someone else whilst with you, you have to ask yourself: do I really want to be with someone capable of doing that?

5. Persistence

Persistence is a very successful method with people when it comes to dating. If you can hold out long enough, sooner or later you will get there, even if you've done something really bad to hurt her.

The problem here is how long. If you really have feelings that strong, then there is no real timescale. As long as you make certain you don't fall into the "friend zone", it will be only a matter of time before she is back in your arms again. You should also be careful that your persistence doesn't create an imbalance in your relationship, i.e. one where you are the one making all the effort. Try to keep it on her mind that you still want her, but make it obvious that you don't need her.

Make sure you keep yourself busy in the meantime. It doesn't even hurt to try dating a few other people. This will show her that you are well balanced and don't want her back just for the sake of it. Having said that, DO NOT sleep with a bunch of other people then gloat about it to make her jealous (see point 8).

6. Revenge

This is also a really big no no. Even if you do succeed, you have wasted your valuable time and effort for no gain other than to make someone you once loved miserable.

Even if it gets to the point where she is begging for you back, and you decide you don't want revenge but do want her back, the reason you tried in the first place will haunt you and damage the future of the relationship.

7. Try to Keep Cool

Don't sit watching your phone waiting for her to call. If she does call, don't answer immediately, let it ring a few times.

When you speak to her, be polite and courteous and be yourself. Don't stay on the phone dragging every last moment of contact out from her. End the call at an appropriate moment.

If you are keeping yourself busy, you will often find you have to cut the call short because you have plans. There is no harm in telling her this is why you are going.

8. Jealousy

This is a very difficult one, as people respond extremely differently. Women do like to know, however, that you have picked them over everyone else. The best way to show them this is by being in a place where you are receiving a lot of attention from other women, then going to talk to her or even just say hi to her. Do not make a point of ignoring her and acting flirty with other girls in front of her.

This is really obvious and most women actually even expect their exes to do this. If you have a date, it is fine for her to know this—as long as you don't make a point of letting her know. If you bump into her while on a date with someone else, make a point of apologizing and either leave to go somewhere else or offer to. Politeness and courtesy will show her that you still care, whilst at the same time she will see that you didn't sit around mooning over her.

9. Remind Her of the Good Times

If you've managed not to panic, and you are still speaking every now and then, try to have a laugh with her about the things you used to get up to. Talk about a holiday you both had together. Laugh at the way you acted or something you both did.

You can usually tell if this has been successful if, after a bit of a laugh together, there is a short silence. Don't interrupt this, she is remembering how much fun it was being with you.


10. Manipulation

Although most people like to believe they cannot be, it is true that almost everyone is susceptible to some degree of manipulation. It is possible to get someone back by pretending to be something you are not, or pretending to be someone you no longer are. However, maintaining this act is very psychologically draining.

You will also end up being with someone who does not want to be with you, but the fake persona you have created to attract them. There is much information on manipulating people, especially women, in these circumstances. This is only useful to those who do not wish for a lasting, healthy relationship

So take my advice: don't do it. If you have to resort to these tactics to get her back, you really shouldn't be with her.

To Be or Not to Be?

That is the question. I hope these tips have given you some help and will help you and your girlfriend to enjoy a second chance and a healthy, loving relationship.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: I gave her space and time and did not bother her, I text my ex and she responded back with this 2 weeks later. What does it mean? "sorry ...for the delay but I wasn't sure I wanted to respond to you."

Answer: Exactly that I'd say. She's still hurting. It might be best to text back and tell her you will give her space and time. Don't offer and ask for a response, just say it is what you will do. If she doesn't answer, she's not ready. If she does and the answer is more than just "ok", then you have some hope.

Question: My ex said she wants to stay single and she only loves me but now the situation is critical she wants to be friends with me. Is it possible to get back with her again?

Answer: It's always possible, but what I read from this is "it's too hard for me to let you go completely, but I don't want to be with you. It is probable I would like to try other people". This is a serious no-no. If you agree to what she says, you will invite a loss of respect from her, and more importantly from yourself. The only chance you have is to cut it completely for now. Tell her you need time and space, then actually take it. If she doesn't contact you, she can't be that concerned right?

Question: How do you know if she is in a rebound relationship?

Answer: This is a very good question. It is difficult enough to tell for someone on the outside, but the person within that relationship will find it next to impossible. People always seem to make excuses for their partner's poor behavior. The other issue is some of the possible signs of a rebound relationship are very similar to defense mechanisms people use i.e. appearing distant or being unwilling to commit to any long term venture. These are not unreasonable positions, especially in a new relationship. Those who are on the rebound do seem to show a much higher than usual (though this is very subjective sometimes) interest in the opposite sex. I have seen people openly flirting right in front of their new partner, who didn't appear to notice (see my first point).

Question: Do I text her a happy birthday when she only dumped me two days before her birthday and will that help to get her back?

Answer: To be honest, it is very unlikely to help. If she only dumped you recently, all you are doing is reminding her that she can have you if she wants. Unfortunately, people always want what they can't have more than what they can.


Katey on February 23, 2020:

lovely article to read on

florence on September 17, 2019:

my best friends has betrayed my trust, she told my husband lies and blackmailed me to my husband, I got devastated and couldn't imagine my very own friend wanted to break my family apart out of jealousy.

I couldn't let my husband go just like that, I went looking for help and I found a psychic who did everything and brought my husband back with a single spell. He told me and showed me everything my friend sent to him, she event went photo shopping to take my husband from me. I want all my kids to come from one man I love and care about, I would anything to protect my family,

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 21, 2018:

Hi Jayesh, it seems to me there were some issues here that are not resolved. I would maybe speak to her, be honest, tell her you know there were issues, you would like to resolve them, and to get in touch when she is ready. Then wait. If she does get in touch, you maybe have a chance. If not, then maybe take some time for yourself and allow your emotions chance to recover before you do anything else. Hope this is helpful.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 21, 2018:

Hi TOW, sounds to me like you maybe need to deal with your own issues rather than worrying about what she will do. If you're a good match, there's no way she'd start dating a co-worker while there's a chance the two of you could work. If that's really your concern, you might want to consider whether this really is your behaviour. In my experience, people often blame themselves when a relationship ends before they want it to. Except in the case of infidelity or mistreatment, breakups are rarely the fault of either party. If you didn't want to leave your comfort zone, why should you? A relationship is about two people getting on. If one wants something the other doesn't, that suggests to me there is a basic flaw in the relationship. This is not your fault or hers. I would perhaps consider what you want from a relationship (not her), and go on that basis. This may not be what you want to hear, but hope it helps.

jayesh on August 19, 2018:


i and my ex broke up 20 days back just because of my harsh words as i said to her in agression that if you go just never come back on a phone call, as well as she thinks that i don't trust her and is insecure towards her. We really had a lot of fights in these 15 days regarding everything and everything starts just because she was'nt able to make time for me and i was also not trying to understand her. But the things changed and i realised that she was one of the most beautiful part in my life. Whenever i call her she always says that she has moved on and is happier without me but i know about her health from past 10 days and i know she really needs me around he. I really don't want to loose her and i know if i didn't make things right she would move on soon. Just give me some advice fast to get her back. I really want her back.

TOW on August 01, 2018:

We broke up due to several situations, including me being neglectful of our relationship (not wanting to get out of my confort zone), her, she drifted away, a guy at her job told her he cared for her, she started feeling the same. But even till the last day of our relationship, she still wanted me to go with her to a party, thing I declined, and clearly saw she was upset. We had a discussion with her that day and then she told me she didnt love me anymore, that she still cared about me but she was frustrated, she felt I lacked drive and that I was stuck in my comfort zone regarding my life and our relationship, she also told me about her coworker. We tried to fix it but she was confused because even though we had been together for 5 great years, the last 6 months of me acting how I had made her feel scared she wouldnt be able to love me again. We broke up, and I initiated a period of no contact, I have been getting fit, taking some courses to help me professionally, going out, even started taking dance lessons. Its been only a week since we last saw each other, and I do want to get her back but I fear she may get over me and start dating her coworker. Please give me some advice.

Myrelationships Center on July 26, 2018:

your hub. Seems a lot more comprehensive, plus some really great tips. Thanks for your article. please update some latest article :

Roger on June 24, 2018:

How do I get over a breakup I love her

Gu on February 13, 2018:

mikeshiruwaa tips work better.

Amitella12 on November 20, 2017:

hi there

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago

and after months of persistence we met once and decided to be friends and see how things go.

we started texting very slowly and didn't rush into anything and I could see that she was warming up to me.

but then she messaged she needs time and I lost my cool ended up having a heated argument and got blocked.

she said do not contact her again but I really love her and want her back in my life but without being forceful.

should I go no contact or should I try and apologise

any advise will be helpful.

ray on November 20, 2017:


My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, I went no contact and called her after a month and a half she told me she has moved on and seeing someone, I went crazy started calling in the middle of the night but eventually realised its wrong and went no contact again. finally we met after 3 months and decided to be friends I was being very nice and friendly not imposing myself and got hot and cold responsense but kept my cool and one day she messaged again she needs space and thats where I lost my cool and got into heated arguments

she has said no more contact and I have been blocked

I do love her but don't know what to do next.

any advise will be helpful.

katey on July 31, 2017:

hi here looking good

Ellie117 on July 21, 2017:

Hi there.

My ex left three months ago. He said I pushed him away as a result of irrational behaviour. Four weeks ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks, post traumatic stress and depression. I was completely unaware of the low mood I had in the relation ship and how this affected him at the time. Every time I experiences an anxiety attack - I felt as though he deserved better than me and told him. It got to a point I was so low, I packed a suitcase and left the building. Every panic attack I had it made him more anxious about my feelings for him and he said he was starting to have second thoughts about a future with me. He broke it off and said I was hurting him. I gave it two weeks before we met up and he said I pushed him away, he has a wall up and doesn't want a relationship with anyone. For the next six months at least, he is going to work on himself and build up the business he has just walked into. I was calm that night. The following night, I drank too much and called him. I deleted his number the next day.

Two weeks later, I emailed him to say I respect he wants to work on himself and I need to do the same. and I still love him. He responded with a thank you for acknowledging this. But he cannot see himself getting back with me. I called round that evening to pick up post, and he said I will find someone who will accept me for me. Two weeks later, the doctor diagnosed me with the aforementioned. I felt that I needed to share this with my ex, I did so three weeks ago. His response was it didn't change anything and that I need to accept and move on.

I am completely heart broken, as I know I have massively contributed to the demise of a relationship and a man that I do love and am in love with. What a terrible fool I have been!

IrishMan on June 09, 2017:


My ex gf broke up with me recently because she is not ready for a serious relationship (she is the one to make the exclusive move) but she doesn't want me to leave her life ( friends route) because she cares for me. I accepted it because there is something there and i want to keep in contact with her. We have been in brief contact​ and she asked if I was back dating/using dating apps, I said I was back on them but not dating anyone yet. I asked her why and she said she was just wondering

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on May 21, 2017:

Hi Carlos, sorry for the late response. I'm not sure if you mean your ex did something wrong and that's why she split up or if she is saying that splitting up with you is the thing you didn't deserve.

That said, whichever she means, men are often confused by the way women seem unable to just cut away from a man when they no longer want to be with him. When a woman just falls out of love with a man who has done nothing wrong, they tend to feel guilty, which men often misinterpret as meaning they still have feelings. As men, we don't usually feel this sort of guilt, hence our inability to understand it easily. It seems to me this is what your ex is feeling.

Carlos jones on May 15, 2017:

My girlfriend just broke up with me 1 month ago she apologized and said she was wrong for doing what she did and how. She also said I didn't deserve that. But later on in the conversation she said that I deserve better what is she really mean and how does she really feel

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 03, 2017:

Hi Daniel, women tend to have a slightly more emotional response to people than men. This is obviously not true for everyone, but it is quite possible your ex does still love you, but doesn't want to be with you. Consider this; do you ever tell any of your make friends you love them? Your ex girlfriend has likely told her friends she does. Women don't attach the exact same meaning to live between a man and a woman as men. It may well be this is what your ex means when she tells you this. The other possibility is she just doesn't want to hurt you. If she has cut you out of her life, she may well be trying to tell you something in what she sees as a less painful way. The best thing for you to do is just back off and see what she does in my opinion. Hope this helps and good luck.

Daniel on March 30, 2017:

Hi, My name's Daniel. my girlfriend broke up with and ever since she's just like cut me off from her life...we don't talk like we used to anymore but I really do love her and said the same to Mr too but her behavior towards me doesn't say it...I'm confused please help!

Lost100 on March 13, 2017:

I'm going through a similar phase where I am so in love with my ex fiance, she said she has no feelings towards me and gave me the line 'I love you but in love with you' and said she wants to be dependant for the first time in her life etc. But then I found out she had slept with a guy literally a week afterwards. Then is now with this guy she was seeing before me but said at the beginning of the relationship that he was boring and not good looking enough etc. I asked her what made her loose those feelings of attraction but said she didn't know. She's now with this guy and made it official on Facebook about 3 months after me, is this a rebound or she doesn't know what she wants?. I've been in no contact now for 3 weeks nearly as I desperately kept begging to have her back and that I'd do anything and would change. Have I ruined my chances of a reconcile?. Will she think of me even though she's showing she's happy on Facebook with him. I'm just lost if her feelings of in love can come back or not if I am not in the picture

Jim on March 08, 2017:


Very much still infatuated and in love with my ex girlfriend. We broke up about a month ago after a tough weekend together. But we weren't the type of couple to argue all the time.

We'd only been together for 7 months, but it felt like the most beautiful relationship I'd ever been in. We fell in love with each other after about a month. We made lots of plans for the future, and both showed an equal amount of passion and commitment throughout the whole relationship.

Unfortunately my ex girlfriend is in an on-going battle with an eating disorder. I found it hard to support her because she'd hide it from me very well. But when I could I'd offer her as much support as possible. Needless to say this wasn't easy, but she started to contact me more when times were getting tough. I was very much in this relationship for the long haul, I saw her eating disorder as a challenge that we could overcome together.

4 weeks ago came the dreaded weekend. She came to stay at mine on the Friday. We had a challenging 72 hours. Everything I said seemed to upset her. Then I became very defensive. On the Saturday she told me she was really suffering with her eating disorder, and at that point in time I was too overwhelmed by all the other sore points over the weekend that I didn't confide in her. But throughout this difficult weekend I just thought to myself lets get through this and deal with it once we've both had space. At no point did it cross my mind that we'd break up. She left me late on the Sunday to go home.

For a few days contact became challenging, some distance began to emerge. Then on the Tuesday we spoke on the phone. She broke down and said she can't do it anymore. The relationship and the eating disorder was too much to handle. I was utterly shocked, but from an outsiders perspective I suppose It doesn't seem that crazy.

She said she still loved me, but that this is the end. I could tell that that she was unsure, but I knew didn't really have any choice. Then she promised me we'd meet and do this all above board, as our relationship was so special.

For the first week I found it impossible to not check up on her every couple of days, and at first she was insistent that we support each other. 5 days after we broke up was Valentines day, and I'd already ordered her flowers, so they arrived. She was happy I'd sent the gift, and I got a nice message from her. She said she wanted to meet quite soon for closure, maybe to go and do something nice together. I told her that I thought there was still life in our relationship, she did say that she could give it more thought, but that she was unlikely to change her mind.

But then things took a turn for the worst. I contacted her a few days later to see how she was doing, and if she was ready to meet, and she became very cold with me. She was with a friend. It became clear that she'd interpreted the contact I'd had with her after the break up as manipulative. I'd merely shown a little bit of discomfort, she was upset, so I told her I was upset, and I made it clear that if I could I'd fight to save the relationship. I didn't bombard her with messages all the time. But that is how she made me feel.

I then went 7 days without contact to diffuse the tension (a pattern emerging that i'm doing all the contacting) asked her how she was. She was quite short in her responses, but seemed pleasant enough. But then she got angry and said she didn't want to be in contact.

I found this really upsetting, but I do understand that many people use the NC contact rule to help get over a relationship. Since then, about 2 weeks ago, the only contact I've had is to send her a package. We had a holiday booked together, I sold my ticket to her friend as a good will gesture. I sent her the guide book, some currency I'd collected (before break up) a disposable camera, and a little message wishing her a lovely holiday. She did send me a short text message saying thank you for the gifts, but It felt rather hollow.

I'm writing this in the comments because I need a bit of support on what my next actions are. I haven't been in contact, and I can be rest assured that I shouldn't be in contact for a while longer. But I very much believe that there's a relationship to be salvaged from this situation. I can 100% support her with the eating disorder, but I get the impression she feels betrayed, like I can't do that and deal with other stresses in my life. But I also don't want to be chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with me anymore.

If anyone has some advice that would be amazing.

Warm regards

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on March 07, 2017:

Wow. Just read your hub. Seems a lot more comprehensive than mine, plus some really great tips. Thanks for your comment.

Noah Alessi from United Kingdom on March 02, 2017:

This is a great article for those trying to get back with their ex.

Most people going through breakups will freak out with some of the advice and tips that you describe in this article, but all of them are very good and necessary to go through.

I didn't get together with my ex again, but the tips helped me reassess my priorities and get my life and dreams back together again.

I wrote a great comprehensive article on how to get back with an ex step-by-step, where I mention some of the advice that you give here too.


Well, keep up the great work! Cheers!

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on January 27, 2017:

Hi Ibrahim, thanks for sharing. To be honest, I think the reason you want her now is because you can't have her. You were with her for 7 months, the feelings went and you did the right thing. That's where it should have ended in my opinion. When you got back together with her, you were then controlling and a little oppressive I think. Sorry to be blunt but I think it's necessary here. The reason she broke up with you seems obvious from the outside, but I understand it may not be from the inside. Relationships are a two way street, if you don't trust someone, you cannot expect their love. Love is earned or given, not taken. You then say you were not bothered until you heard she had a new boyfriend. If you weren't bothered before this, then that should tell you your feelings for this lady have gone, and what you are feeling is loss of something from you, not something you had with her. I think you should move on, try to find someone who is actually right for you, someone you want no matter the circumstance. Hope this helps, and hope it works out for you.

ibrahim on January 26, 2017:

Hello , i was 16 years old and my ex girlfriend was 15 . We got in a relationship which lasted for 7 months . She broke up with me several times for silly reasons but i always made it up to her . Our relationship was magical and we loved each other a lot . In fact she loved me more than i did . After 7 months , due to fights i decided to break up with her . She cried in school and tried to talk to me but i did not had any feelings left . I used to watch tv shows all the time while she cried all day long for 5 months . After 5 months i realised that i had made a very big mistake and i talked to her . I told her that i love her very much and this wont happen again . She cried and was angry at me but we both loved each other and we got back ! The relationship was stronger than before . I was more caring than before but i was more insecure than before . I restricted her from meeting boys and uloading unappropriate ( according to me )pictures on instagram . I dont know what happened and after 3 months , this time she broke up . I wasnt that much hurt but didnt tried much to win her back . In not more than 2 weeks she had a new boyfriend . It didnt bother me much because i didnt actually knew that she made a new bf . Before 2 weeks i saw a picture on her instagram holding hand with her new boyfriend which broke me into pictures . I got to know that she had been in a relationship with him since 6 months ans i dont think rebounds last this much ? I got so depressed that cried whole day . I was withdrawn from everything nor my friends were any help . I thought to text her back . I told her i was in depression and she asked me how could she be a help to me ? I apologized her for not being a good boyfriend and asked her to get back but she said that its too late she has a new boyfriend . Ive been texting her since days of all the memories weve had but she asked me to move on from her . I cannot move on . I love her a lot . I wanna marry her .

If you could be any help to me then please . I love her .

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on January 04, 2017:

Hi mike, just so we're clear here, I am not a qualified psychologist, therapist, or professional of any sort, so my thoughts are based entirely on my own experiences and that of some people I have known. Ultimately, any choices you make should be your own and my thoughts are with very limited information.

I think it's perfectly natural to feel some regret on ending things with someone. We always dwell on what might have been. That doesn't necessarily mean it should have been. If you lost attraction while you were with her, you should consider the possibility that this may happen again and you might actually end up hurting her even more.

It seems to me like you are very unsure how you feel or why, so making any attempt to get back with her in this condition is likely to cause far more issues long term.

I say this a lot, but the first thing anyone should do in the aftermath of a break up, whether you initiated it or they did, is take some time to recover and allow the situation to sink in. People do not assess a recently ended relationship with any clarity. Time will help you figure out if this really is what you want.

Thanks for sharing, I hope this helps.

Mike on January 02, 2017:

I was in a relationship with a girl for almost a year, but about 6 months in, I began to distance myself for a couple reasons that come to mind, but I imagine there could be more that I'm not currently aware of. One reason was that I started to lose my physical attraction to her because of her weight gain and we stopped having sex altogether. In addition, I have a very stressful job coupled with high anxiety which also contributed to the distancing. I continued to distance myself until finally we broke up soon before our year anniversary. I believe I naturally started to distance myself from her out of fear of breaking her heart. We are now days removed from breaking up and MY heart is broken. I'm so confused because I really thought I no longer wanted her, but now I'm feeling so much regret by not being there for her emotionally for the last half of the relationship and am fearful that it is completely my fault and it could have worked. I know that I didn't give her a true representation of myself and I feel horrible for that.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on December 05, 2016:

Hi Adam, you are right, it seems you do have a fairly odd relationship. It seems to me that maybe you both have reasons not to be together. If you're both comfortable with this, then sure, why label it? There are two ways this could end up as I see it; either you are very right for each other but both feel it's not yet the right time because neither of you are ready for that kind of long term commitment, or there is something in the way that you interact that means you are almost, but not quite perfect for each other, and you both know it. I hope it works out for you.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on December 05, 2016:

Hi Johnathan. Given that you say she ended things because you were possessive, I think the only thing you can do here is give her space. Possessiveness and jealousy are not expressions of love, they are expressions of ownership. Few people like to feel owned rather than loved. If she has blocked you and is ignoring you, your continued attempts at contact will only put further pressure on her and convince her you are no different. You should also come to terms with the possibility that even leaving her alone now may be too little too late. From my experience, it is unlikely you will get back with her, as this is usually the most sure fire way of pushing a partner away. Give it time, try to do things which have no relevance to her. Try to come to terms with your issue (jealousy, possessiveness). Why do you feel so strongly this way? Try to address this first, as this is likely more to do with your own personality than anything that happened in your relationship with her.

johnathan on November 30, 2016:

Hey. Its been over 3 month since she dumped me. We were together for a year and a half. She's now blocked me on everything and she is completely ignoring me. She broke up with me because I was depressed, got jealous, was possessive, always keeping tabs on her and the what not. We were together for a year and a half. The first month and a half after the break up I begged and pleaded because she was my first. I need advice on what to say to her. She's ignoring me so talking to a wall is hard. I miss her

Adam Park on November 30, 2016:

I have an ex gf of mine that I've kept in contact with over the years. We first met when I was a senior in high school 7 years ago, and when we first met, we kind of just "talked" for about a month and a half until she finally became my gf. We were together just over a year, and one day we just broke up. I was devastated, heart broken. I didn't speak to her nor reply to her text messages she would send me every other day, for about 2 or 3 months. It was obvious that she missed me etc..but I was just not having it. I was still pretty upset about the break up, so I did what most people would do, move on and focus on myself with school and definitely meeting other girls in college. I probably replied to 1 of her texts every couple of weeks because I just wanted nothing to do with her. As months passed however, eventually I gave in and I started talking to her again and we ended up back together. Only to have her break up with me again a few months later. As the years went by we kept in touch, most times, I'd say 90% of the time, it was her reaching out to me whether she was seeing someone or not. To my knowledge, she's had 2 exes since we broke up and she currently has a new boyfriend she's been with for a few months now. I, on the other hand, have also had my share of exes, dated and had fun with other girls after her, but I'm currently single. Our relationship is a bit odd, I'm not sure what we are or if we'll ever become anything at all later on, but I can definitely see myself having a future with this girl. She laughs at my jokes, we understand each other, and I'm sure she knows that I care for her dearly, just as sure as I am that she cares about me. The thing is, I'm not sure what we are and I don't want to put a "label" on something that I'm not certain of, make sense? We've been talking recently on snapchat. She'll sometimes send me a selfie, I'll sometimes send her some funny memes I know she'll like. That's just the kind of relationship we have. But idk what to think of it, or think of her. Whenever I post a snap on my account, she's almost always the first to view my posts and I have 50+ people on there. That definitely shows she's curious to see what I'm doing. We're actually supposed to hang out this weekend since last time she wasn't able to make it. What are your thoughts? Any tips or advice on any of the above?

Jeremy on November 28, 2016:

Hi, I have a long story about my ex, but I would like to know if there's any chance for her to come back. Here it goes:

We're both from Texas but we met in Virginia and started dating there. We dated from Nov 2011 to March 2013. I broke up with her then because I was in the Navy and getting ready to move back to Texas. She wanted to get married, at the time I did not. So we break up but we're still sleeping together and spending time together. I left the Navy and moved back to Texas. She moved in with the guy she had been dating, and started to ignore me because I did the classic begging for her back thing. She was still in Virginia at the time. So I flew to Virginia to propose to her. She turned me down. I didn't hear from her for awhile but then decided to text her on a whim. She responded, and I discovered she was unhappy. Long story short, I flew to VA to bring her back to Texas. This was in January of 2014.

We dated until about March or April of 2014, after which SHE broke up with ME. She had been really down for awhile, so it was actually a relief to me. I started dating other girls, she started screwing other guys. She found out about one of the girls I was dating and sabotaged the relationship. I started sleeping with my ex again and by August I had moved in with her and we were engaged.

I was still spending time with a girl I had dated during the split, but we never slept together. Well, my ex and I got married in April of 2015. I had done some boneheaded things to hurt her feelings, like going out without her on Valentine's day because I don't believe in Valentines day. Well, shortly after we got married me ex found the other girl's number on my phonwe, and called the other girl. The other girl lied and said we had been sleeping together the whole time, and my ex was devastated. She stayed with me though, because I apologized and became an open book. She read my texts and FB messages etc., any time she wanted. This went on for about 9 months until she stopped asking. Things were better, but she was still upset because I would stay out late with my friends. Or even stay up late at home and not crawl in bed with her. So I stopped doing that as much. I should add substance abuse was part of this. She used to do it with me, but then she changed her mind and decided she didn't want to. I told her repeatedly and showed through my actions that I would also get to that point eventually, but she just needed to be patient. We separated around July of 2016 but were still living together. I moved out in August and we still would go on dates, talk and sleep together.

She was dating her weed dealer since about September of 2016, but she would still have me over to her house, go on dates with me, and sleep with me. I would spend the night 3 nights a week at her apartment. She would tell me she loves me and still call me pet names.

Well it turns out my brother in law works with her boyfriend, and since my brother in law knows that she and I are not divorced yet, he talked to her boyfriend and told him to back off. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and she called me on the phone on November 14th. She was absolutely furious. She accused me of ruining her relationship with her boyfriend (I didn't say anything to my brother in law about talking to her boyfriend). She called me arrogant for trying to repair our marriage after all I had done (stuff I had done 2 years ago that I thought we had worked through). The conversation moved to text and she told me unless I told my brother in law to speak to her boyfriend, that I was dead to her. I told her I would talk to my brother in law when the divorce was final (she had the divorce papers for 2 months prior to this point but did not submit them). Then she told me she and I would never see each other again. She unfriended me on FB. She left our pictures up, though. She's still friends with all my family and some of my friends on FB. But that's the last I've heard from her. I've started no contact that very day.

My question is, what can I do or should I do to get her back?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on November 27, 2016:

Hi Henry, sorry for the late response. Yours is a different type of situation I think. Seems to me you have to make a choice between doing the right thing and doing what you want. If you love this woman, yet married someone else, you've already done an unethical thing, so the question is whether you're prepared to admit this and leave your wife, or carry on in a loveless marriage. If, on the other hand, you do not love the other woman, but do love your wife, then you need to choose whether you do the unethical and don't stop with your lover, or you stop and treat your wife as your wife. Unfortunately, no one can make this choice for you, but think carefully as the results will affect the rest of your life.

henry ike on November 21, 2016:

Hi, I have being in a with a lady for 6 years now, but last year I married another from my country, I feel totally helpless because I can't marry her. But the point is that I am still in love with her. She has tried to break up but we can't , please what can I do

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on November 02, 2016:

You're welcome. I hope it works out for you, whatever happens.

Sv on October 30, 2016:

Thank you so much. I appreciate your answer and I wanted to hear the same. I feel deep down my heart that when time will come she will understand what I want to explain her and she will come back because I know she is a good girl. It's just she thinks being with someone for 3 years is much more than being with someone for 2 months. I know it is difficult for her to get out of him. But she knows that she won't hurt her family. And I've always been there when she needed me. She told me she was happy and in love with me, maybe she was trying to move on. But she had feelings for me too, I saw in her eyes. I just hope she calms herself someday and see that love can happen again. I am an example for her. The only thing I can do is wait for her. She is a bit stubborn but innocent and loving.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 30, 2016:

Hi SV, thanks for sharing. I don't think you need to worry about explaining your feelings to your ex. It seems to me you have been extremely good and patient with her. If she hasn't responded, you should try not to think of her and try to get on with your own life. You have to consider the possibility she may have gone back with her ex. If she has gone a month and has not answered your messages, you should wait and see if she contacts you. In the meantime, take some time for yourself. If she then doesn't contact you, you have to think maybe she doesn't feel the same way about you, in which case, you wouldn't want to be with her. If, on the other hand, she contacts you, you can be pretty sure there is at least something there.

Sv on October 29, 2016:

I love a girl alot, I expressed her my feelings and before starting relationship she said we need to be frank with each other and she told me about her past. I was listening to her quietly and allowed her express her emotions. I told her about my past and explained that I was also in the same situation and I moved on. She loved her ex. But due to family she decided not to continue with him. I told her to take time to overcome the break up and to reply to me. But after few days she replied to me and wanted to start life with me. We were in relationship and she told she loves me, Miss me and was happy being with me. It felt like I found the right person. I was there for her in bad times. Took care of her, made her comfortable and loved her alot. But her ex started to call her, text her , say her to come back. We've being with each other for 2 months and one fine day she tells me that she can't be with me. She is not able to forget him. She just wants to be alone whole life. I tried to explain her that life moves on. It happened with me 3 years back. It won't be easy but I'll be there for you. But I don't know what is in her mind. It's being a month she is not talking with me. Though I left some messages saying take your time to move in. I really love her. How should I explain her my feelings?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 28, 2016:

You're welcome, hope it all works out for you.

Rhys on October 28, 2016:

Thank you for the help

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 27, 2016:

Hi Rhys, thanks for sharing. It seems like quite a complex situation here. I notice throughout your message you are saying you know what is good for her and she should realise that, but it really isn't up to you to decide that. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but the only person really qualified to decide what is best for them is, in almost all circumstances love related, that person themselves. If you find you couldn't give her space, all you are doing is convincing her she cannot make her own choices around you. I would say let her go and don't wait, then if at some point in the future she does decide she wants you back, you can both make that decision with a clear head. You waiting around for her will likely only add more pressure, which rarely leads to a happy relationship. Hope this helps.

Rhys on October 27, 2016:

I met my ex when I was 15, she was 14 at the time. I waited for her to be 15 before I got with her to allow the love to grow between us both. We have had bad arguments in the past and had several breaks to then only get back together due to the strong attraction. I have cheated on her before but she accepted it and we sorted things out. I know that its bad that I cheated on her but whatever arguments or fallout's we had only made us stronger. Her Nan was very ill about a year ago and had a terrible illness which resulted in her passing away in may this year. I tried my absolute best to cheer the girl up as her relationship with her Nan was a very strong one. since January this year we haven't been intimate at all, she said that she wouldn’t be able to do it due to her Nan being ill and then after she died she feels like her Nan is watching her all of the time. as an 18-year-old lad I found this very difficult due to hormones and other things. she’s not long turned 18 and she has become a different person to what she was, she dumped me on our 3-year anniversary and said that she needed space, I tried my hardest to give it to her but I couldn't. her whole family adore me and my family adore her, I can’t see why she'd want to split up. she’s recently become friends with people she hadn't spoken to in a year and I think that's why she dumped me, either way these friends always fall out with her and whenever they did I was there to pick her up and support her. I feel as though I have been used by her to help her through the tragic times and now she doesn’t need me. the lack of intimacy has made us drift apart slightly but it only happened because she felt like she couldn't. me and her mother had a chat a few weeks ago about her and her mum thinks that she could be bipolar whereas I think she is depressed, she won’t go to the doctors about it and the longer she leaves it the harder it will be for her to get out. I made her go to the doctors before but she just lied and made out that she’s fine but deep down me and her mother know that she’s not. Since she dumped me she said that she’s been much happier while I’ve been feeling terrible but until she realises what she had with me shell continue to feel good. She hasn’t told any of her family about what’s happened because they would have a go at her but I know she’ll come back because she hasn’t got the comfort of me. The issue is how long do I sit and wait around for her to realise while I sit around bored and lonely. I said to her that it will hit her at some point and if she needs to talk I will talk to her. The last 3 years I spent my life with her dreaming of having a family and so did she, so why would she want to give it all up. I know that you might say there’s someone else but there isn’t, she’s so complex and difficult to understand that I feel like unless she’s with me she’ll never be with anyone else. Her mother said to her that she’s an idiot for doing what she’s done but she just doesn’t listen.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 25, 2016:

Hi Zach, thanks for sharing. I think she may well be right I'm afraid. Few people get with someone at 17 and stay with them for the rest of their lives. The reason is usually quite simply that hardly anyone has really fully developed personally by that age. You're just starting to find out what makes you happy with another person (and so is she) and its just starting to mean more than just innocent schoolyard kisses etc. My advice to you would be to do the same; you need to find out what you like from a person and what makes a good relationship for you. If thou do this, then you find that she is what you want, great, go for it, but in my experience this is rarely the case. I don't know anyone who is still with the person they met at 17. That's not to say it can't happen, everyone is different, but the main thing in a relationship is not to say "will it last" or "am I good enough for them" etc, it is to ask "am I happy?". This may seem a little selfish, but a good relationship is one where both are happy, and it would be unfair to both parties to continue if either are unhappy. Hope this helps and good luck!

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 25, 2016:

Thanks, glad I could help!

anonymous on October 25, 2016:

Many great thanks, I couldn't sleep I was so deep into trying to get her back even though she has found someone else

Zach on October 23, 2016:

I got with this girl who has never been in a relationship before so I was her first, we've been talking for approx 7 months and finally got together officially, after a week with her, she went on holiday with her best friend for a 5 days; 2 lads tagged along but not me cause I'm busy with work schedules, I told her I trusted her and her best friend and put 100% trust into her; stupid of me the 2nd day she was on holiday I went out and got drunk with friends and then phoned her and said something really bad that it pushed her away to the point she was thinking of a break up.

On the 2nd to last day before she comes back from holiday the 2 boys + her and her friend got really drunk and she told me she has never been that drunk in her life, she ended up tongue to tongue with 1 of the guy and he left a hickey on her kneck (that's it nothing else happened). She then gave me an apology the next day.

We've managed to sorted things out when she got back from holiday I told her what she did was cheating and blah blah blah but I have her a 2nd chance due to because how much I knew I loved her and it might of not happened if I didn't say what I said; + I feel too mature now to be over reacting a mouth to mouth, at least they didn't get in bed together.

Yesterday she told me after what has happened she would've never thought she'll be one of them girls who would cheat and she is angry and disgusted with herself because she has hurt me, she spoke to me, her mum and sister about it and said to me (keeping it short) she's had a long thought about everything and she doesn't feel like she's ready for a relationship even though this is her first but she's only 17 and I understand her, she ask if we can still be friends she just want to get to know herself better before getting to any relationship because she doesn't want to hurt anyone else.

I agreed to being friends but still somehow madly in love with even after what all has happened, any advice I can have for me to somehow slow this girl to get to know herself better but then not get myself in the friendzone because I do want a re try at getting back with her because I know we can work but I just don't know if we'll ever be back together:(.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 17, 2016:

It is always possible, but my question here is why would you want to? It seems to me you have bent over backwards to try to make this work, but that wasn't enough. If you meet the right person, you don't need to change who you are, or the way you speak etc. What one person finds rude, another person finds forthright and honest. Find someone who likes you for you, then carry on being you, and if it works, great, if not, keep looking.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 17, 2016:

Hi Tottenham, thanks for sharing. It sounds as though you have had some difficult personal times, but you seem to be getting yourself together. Only you can really know how to deal with this situation, and it seems like you have got a good handle on it. It is a little outside my experience, so I don't want to give you advice I can't back up. I'm glad reading my article has helped, and I hope sharing has too. Hope it works out for you.

Vineet on October 14, 2016:

I was having a good relationship with my girlfriend fr about 7 months recently(6 days before) she broke up with me. She told me that i misbehaved with her and I was talking with her very rudely... Whatever she told was correct. I also realized my mistakes and apologised her... I apologised her upto my last moment. I drank, smoked, cried. She's determined by her decision she's now telling me that i don't love u anymore... My feelings are gone fr ya.... But I still love her & i don't want this relationship to be broken.. although i did mistake but I have already realised thatthat.... My behaviour for her changed because she couldn't maintain transparency with me...but i want her back... Is it possible to get her back???

Tottenham86 on October 06, 2016:

I have a different situation , I was a bad guy ..... I suffer from depression which im getting treated for , and I took it out on my ex culminating in a blazing row on a day out with friends , to which a few days later she told me she's had enough of my erratic behaviour and for self protection purposes we cant go on with the relationship. There's zero loss of attraction as the next morning after the row she was the same doting girlfriend hugging me waking up and wanting to be physically close to me , a week 2 and 3 etc before that always doting always asking to meet ringing etc , but my behaviour was dampening things , I was negative distant , cold and everything. For 6 weeks now our contact has been sporadic she hasn't discontinued contact shes just on a self righteous trip and rightly so , heres the catch first time in my life @30 im in love , the first 2 weeks I tried to tell her so but you know how it is with bad guys she will feel its all an ego ploy to win her round so ive given her space to cool of and now start a new strategy , so the don't contact her because you'll seem unattractive doesn't apply as our relationship till the last second was full of it that's the real one thing that remained attraction and desire .... finishing note ive shown myself in a bad light but ive suffered with this for a few years now and it gradually got worse till when we got together 8 months ago it was at its most vile. Me without depression is a good caring guy and that's on the horizon , 6th week into tablets and exercising feeling better already. But I need her to carry this same faith and trust in me that I can have to an extent and will change. Thanks in advance .... and really good post. Don't panic and if its meant ot be with persistence it will be is soothing , So I guess my strategy will be self improvement gentle conversation and a slow build up to trust and good feeling again. With the odd flowers and trip to a spa thrown in as an official apology. As I done something "awful" I have to make it up to her

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on October 03, 2016:

Hi David, thanks for sharing. I notice that throughout your comments there is a theme of "I made a mistake" or "I did xyz wrong" and so on. A relationship is about two people mutually appreciating each other. If you express yourself and this is not well received, this is not a fault or a mistake, this is another person not quite being on the same wavelength, and I would therefore question whether this woman is right for you.

There is never fault in a break-up without abuse or violence, which is clearly not the case here. If she believes what you were doing was clingy, but it felt right to you, she is not the right one for you, as the right one would love what you do. With the right person, you never second guess yourself, you automatically know what you're doing will be appreciated.

I would think a little about whether or not this situation with your ex is merely because you both had an ideal of what the other was like due to long term separation.

Hope this helps.

David Saint on September 30, 2016:

So my situation is quite different. We dated years ago, broke up, and later on became very close friends. Only, we lost touch for many years. She actually thought i was dead. However we found each other on facebook, talked for a week, then went out and one thing led to another, and were together pretty much every day since for the past 5 month. We practically lived together. There were times where she would get upset and ask me why i hadnt left, and then id offer to and shed tell me to stay. I realize now i should have just left on my own, and that she probably now views this as being clingy even though she told me to stay. Well, we went on vacation, and during the vacation she told me she felt like we werent clicking at times. But when we got back, everything seemed normal. Until she stopped saying i love you that is. She basically told me she felt pressured into saying it. Then came the "i need some space" speech, which she would give me in the past and then call me that night and we would talk for hours, then hang out a day or two later, and again everything seemed fine. Well this time i could tell it was different, she wasnt sure how she felt, what she wanted, etc. she asked me to walk her dog for her during the week (i work very close to her place), and the first gesture i did she loved. She text me telling me how special it made her feel, and even later saying she text me saying she wished i was there. So, the next day i left flowers and a poem. OVERKILL i know now. Had i just left it alone after the little notes i left her, i think it would have been fine. Instead, i came off as pushy, selfish, and clingy. So sat night she asked me to come over and help her with something, and stay with her so she could sleep (shes been having sleeping problems, has anxiety, ptsd, etc). the next day it seemed like she had changed, i went home and did my thing and she called me later asking me to come over. After about an hour though she just said she wasnt feeling it, and it was a mistake to have me come over. She basically broke up with me that night. I pushed some more feelings onto her when she asked me if i was ok during the day, and she started getting mad at that point. I laid off with contact for a few days, only responding to her texts. So last night i went and got my stuff, we were friendly and chatting and told her we lost each other before and how it would suck if we lost each others friendship. she asked me what would happen if she, or I, started dating someone and i said we would have to deal with it like adults. We were such good friends before, and we both spent so much time looking for the other person, why throw that away? Here is my problem. #1. i want her back. 2. i also dont want to lose her as a friend, because we still trust each other very much (this has been stated clearly by her). So what do i do? go for the get her back angle, or just be friends and make a few moves to try and get her back? im thinking of asking her to dinner in 3 weeks, and if that goes well ask her to a concert we had planned on going to a few weeks later. I have not initiated contact....heres the rub, she usually just breaks off contact with exes. Im the lone exception because of how close we are as friends....the issues stem from my lifestyle choices (IE TV over going out to bars, concerts, or other things at night..she hates TV and prefers active lifestyle, but would watch shows and movies with me all the time), lack of assertiveness (not making the decisions, instead trying to include her in them...cowering a bit during arguments and appearing weak in her eyes), and making her my life (IE stopped going to the gym, working on my music, etc). I can use any advice you have. I love this girl, more than anyone before, and have since the day we met 20 years ago. I dont want to be friendzoned, i just want her back but understand its going to take effort and making some changes with my lifestyle. Im just not sure it will work, and i dont want to ruin us being friends if it doesnt.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on September 30, 2016:

Hi Aaron, sorry for the late response. This sounds like a tough one. You've done really well so far, really managed to hold a good line between not losing your self respect by going after her no matter what, nor have you treated her badly because you are hurt. I really am impressed.

I think maybe you should just go with what you were intending, it seems the sensible option. It sounds to me as though she really feels she has to let you go. If she doesn't feel this way, then she may be playing games (likely not entirely consciously from what you are saying), and that is not healthy for you or her.

It may be hard, but try to let it be as it is and see what happens. A 6 month relationship may seem a long time, but it really isn't. At this stage, you're both learning yourselves as much as how to manage a relationship. After such a short period, it can be difficult to see if this is a result of low experience or because you simply don't match.

If you are questioning how you feel about her, you really need to ask yourself why you want her back at all. Take some time, then see if you still feel like that. If you really do, great, go after her. If not, wish her well and move on.

Aaron on September 19, 2016:

Me and my girlfriend broke up recently, because she felt she hurt me too much. She was pretty insecure person and got into these moods sometimes where she felt like everything was falling apart and break up with me (but we'd get back together a few hours later or the next day because it was silly etc). But after like the 4th time I had to tell her baby, I can't keep doing this it's really exhausting for me at this point (and maybe because I was exhausted the attraction fell in the relationship too).

She started to say how sorry she was, how bad she feels and how she's even lucky to have a guy like me in her life because most others would of walked away by now. Her sister told me she would get back with me but is afraid all she'll do is keep doing it. Few days later what does she do? Decide to be with someone else, she broke down crying when she told me because I asked for her back. At this point it just felt like she was running away, and I thought why would it be any different if she is with someone else? I just didn't understand. After we argued and stuff, this was the conversation yesterday.

Me: sorry for how I've been acting recently, I was still holding onto the past we once had, but I think I've lost feelings for you because of all the problems, but I hope you find someone who loves you through all your personal flaws and everything else as I did.

Her: Thank you, does that mean we can still be friends?

Me: Nah, I can't lie to myself and pretend to be friends, maybe in the future

Her: How long will that be?

Me: Who knows, so don't be surprised if I'm not up for some chit chat. But if you really need someone to talk to let me know

Her: okay thank you, I'm gonna miss you

Me: I'm gonna miss you too

Her: can I tell you something

Her: I still regret losing you, and I still have some feelings for you, but right now I think this is for the best, I love you, talk whatever xx

At this point I was planning to go full no contact. Because I know I was a big part of her life. Before me she was single for a year, had low self esteem, and longest relationship was only 2 weeks. I come along, treat her like a princess, improve her self esteem (she said so herself) her first kiss and sexual partner and we were together for 6 months. I heard she was planning to go to the fun-fare on Thursday with all her friends and her new boyfriend, and I'm going Friday with 2 of my friends and some girl that might like me. When she heard about this, her sister told me she suddenly told all her friends etc to go Friday instead, and how she wants to 'bump' into me lol.

And this morning I wake up to this message from her.

Her: I just wanna say one thing..I heard you're meeting a girl at some point and taking her to the fare, if I'm honest I hope she lasts for you. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you and I hope she treats you 100 times better than I did because that's what you deserve. When I heard this it broke my heart but like you said its time to move on and yeah its hard, I hope she's perfect for you and don't you ever change in anyway and i mean it x

What do I do?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on September 16, 2016:

Hi Jay, definitely a difficult one. It may be that you moving out there made her feel pressured. She may have felt like if it didn't work, you'd uprooted your whole life for her and she'd feel bad. I'd suggest giving her the space, even try to be a bit breezy about what you want to do. Thinking about what you might want to do just for you will ensure you don't go down the line of any obsessive behaviour, while at the same time taking the pressure off her as she can see you are doing your thing. That way you may be able to get back to whatever it was that brought you both together in the first place. I'd be careful though; it is entirely possible that she wasn't ready for this because she is not sure you are for her. You should also take the time to think about how happy you were with the way things were going for you (move aside). Thanks for sharing.

Jay on September 14, 2016:

Hi, I appreciate all your personalized responses. So I was in a relationship for 4.5 years, which has been terrific and we were both in love. For the last year of that, my girlfriend moved to a different city for work and it was long distance. She wanted me to move out to where she was but not live together which I agreed with. We are both 24. Right after I accepted the job, she began to distance herself. Maybe it was me infringing on the independence she may have discovered out there. When I moved out the distance continued and she was "emotionally confused". She said she would give it a shot after I accepted to move out there but really hasn't. We've been broken up for 10 days. I am trying my best to be patient and move on but I am still very much in love with her. I am just so confused as to how someone could be in love and want someone to move to be closer but then do a full 180 when I moved out there.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 25, 2016:

Hi lost, thanks for your comment. It seems to me from what you were saying that you two were not meant to be. I know this may not be what you want to hear, and I only have your comment to go on, but for me the facts speak for themselves. You blame yourself for the incessant arguing, assuming and talking over her, these things are usually a sign that two people are just not suited. Arguing requires two people, and it is usually simply a difference of opinion, rather than anyone's fault. If you felt the need to argue with her, this may just be because you don't agree with the way she sees things or does things. Hope this helps.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 25, 2016:

Hi GC, thanks for sharing. It does sound to me as though she still carries a torch for you, but if she is in a relationship with someone else that makes the situation difficult to say the least. It may be worth being friendly towards her, but I would hold off any declaration of undying love until you see how her current relationship turns out. It may be that she is staying with him because she does not believe you are interested. It may also be that she misses your company and nothing more. You will only find out if you interact with her. It seems to me as though you click from a personality point of view. Usually when this happens, it is very difficult for two people not to get together if they are in touch.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 25, 2016:

Hi Larry, sorry for the very late response, I get so much spam on this article sometimes I miss one. I am sorry to hear of your situation. In my view, it is always a mistake to agree to be friends with someone when you want more, unless you think you can handle it being just that. If you do decide to be friends, be prepared to wait many years before anything comes back around again. If you are right for each other, this will happen, but you need to take time to assess whether you actually are, or whether it is merely because you have just broken up. People always want what they can't have, and this will always cloud judgement. Take some time for yourself, wait until you feel back to normal, then assess your relationship with a bit more clarity.

Lost the one on August 16, 2016:

Hi, an interesting page. My girlfriend and I split up 3 months ago. It was due to my grieving and not taking enough responsibility for how I was treating her through that time. We parted but stayed in constant touch and contact. I didn't move on from her and I guess I showed that during our time apart.I asked if she was dating which maybe I shouldn't have, she said yes, and I said I'd find it hard to maintain a friendship with her. She then decided to cut me off completely, may be because she wasn't in control. Anyway, that was 8 days ago. We haven't spoken. I always cared for her, always did, and my love grew for her daily, I know she cared too. But she couldn't put up with my incessant arguing, assuming, over talking of her. She then broke it, and said she wanted to remain friends. I really would like her back, but first I want to show her how sorry I am, and responsible for the way i treated her, even though I am going through my own issues I should have never have out her feelings second. I realise and just want her to know.

Shall i just leave her be? I thought she was the one, and she has helped me so much through my grieving ..... I owe her a lot.

gchanneldrumprince@gmail.com on July 18, 2016:

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 an half years

We used to go to the same school,until I completed my semester,I stay 20-30kms from her home,so our relationship turned to a long distance relationship after I finished my semester

This year in April she dumped me because she believed that our relationship was done, (like the romance wasn't strong as before) and she also mentioned that we don't have same dreams,I tried to convince her to stay,but she didn't,since the day we broke up,we never talked,I had my birthday coming up in May,on the day of my birthday,my ex girlfriend's friend saw a girl on my profile picture,and she asked if I'm dating that girl on my profile picture,I told her that we are friends,my ex didn't wish me any birthday,than on the first week of June she texted me an said"I'm sorry for not wishing u a happy birthday,I didn't wana ruin your day,and if you think I forgot about you,I havent"..than I said "Thanks"...that's the last time we stopped talking,so one of my friends saw her on with her new man they seemed to be happy, I really don't know if I still stand a chance, I mean she was the best...she is 19 and I'm 20

gchanneldrumprince@gmail.com on July 18, 2016:

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 an half years

We used to go to the same school,until I completed my semester,I stay 20-30kms from her home,so our relationship turned to a long distance relationship after I finished my semester

This year in April she dumped me because she believed that our relationship was done, (like the romance wasn't strong as before) and she also mentioned that we don't have same dreams,I tried to convince her to stay,but she didn't,since the day we broke up,we never talked,I had my birthday coming up in May,on the day of my birthday,my ex girlfriend's friend saw a girl on my profile picture,and she asked if I'm dating that girl on my profile picture,I told her that we are friends,my ex didn't wish me any birthday,than on the first week of June she texted me an said"I'm sorry for not wishing u a happy birthday,I didn't wana ruin your day,and if you think I forgot about you,I havent"..than I said "Thanks"...that's the last time we stopped talking,so one of my friends saw her on with her new man they seemed to be happy, I really don't know if I still stand a chance, I mean she was the best...she is 19 and I'm 20

Larry B on September 04, 2015:

My ex gf broke up with me 1 1/2 month ago she said we needed time to grow as individuals. We have been together for 6 years there has been arguments but nothing we couldn't handle. The brake up came out of left field & well I became heated said hurtful things but I love her with all my heart she was the one for me. She has recently expressed to me that she was talking to someone from her work which sent Red Flags immediately. How could she be seeing someone so fast. I have applied the no contact rule and just last week she said we can continue texting talking seeing each other as friends. But I want more then friendship how do I handle this situation.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on March 14, 2015:

Thank you for sharing. I'm sure if you both feel so strongly about each other the distance will not matter. If she really loves you, she will understand. If she does not, maybe you should consider this. A relationship is a two way street. Being in a loving relationship means never having to apologise for who you are or what you have to do.

Aditya on February 23, 2015:

My name is aditya. Her name was daizy. I fell for her during grade 10 on Valentines day. I proposed her on that day. She told me that she thought we were just friends but i kept on engaged. And finally she said yes and we became lovers. Then we started to meet. Talk on the phones about 7/8 hours a day. In morning 3 hours and 4 hours at night. I started to love her deeply. I thought i cant live without her anymore. Each and every moment i used to think about her. I started following her everytime in day in evenings.. As well as i also joined tuition class so that i could meet her daily. I used to bring chocolates for her everytime we meet. Then i also started to go morning walk to and returned home after meeting her. When she didnt received my call i feel depressed and sleep all day thinking. I felt incomplete without her. Each minute when i am not talking to her felt like an hour. I always waited for her text... In the early morning and in the night. I was so much fallen in her that i cant imagine my life without her and talked to her about our marriage. Then our board exams came but we didnt read. N focused on that rather we talkemore n more... Finally the result was great.. I went to the city for bridge courses and she was at her home... We became far but we used to talk on phones. I came to city to read but i missed her so much so i said to her that we will read together so i returned back she also felt happy to hear that news. Then i returned home. But after returning home i knew that if i read in my hometown then there would be quarrels n problems.. My parents convinced me to return to city for further studies. I was so much depressed n sad that day. The next day was my birthday so i call her on a restaurant. She came with gifts on her hand but i was soo much sad that day. I was speechless. I felt too much difficult to say that sad news to her. Then i neglected it for a while and we started talking for some hours. When i stared at her eyes i felt like i was in heaven. I could see happiness in her eyes. I was soo much happy to have a girlfriend like her as she was my first love. I was pretty unknown how to handle relationships... Then after an hour i told her the bad news that i was returning to city and felt too much guilty to hurt her. I didnt wanted to go far away from her but the situation was like that. Then she became soo much sad n after sometime she left n when i told her to give me a kiss then she neglected n went away. I was so much cornered n helpless. I felt too much incomplete n i was guilty to hurt a person who was the piece of my heart. I was broken. :( then next day i returned to the city. I tried to call her but she didnt answer i even tried to contact through relatives messages facebook but no reply. I was soo much worried.. I contacted her daily but there was no answer. I didnt ate anything for 2 weeks. She also didnt called me. I still loved her and i wanted to say sorry to her but she didnt answer. I know i aM the reason that she was hurt. So i wanted to call her and apologize. But she was contactless and she left me there.. She may leave me but she is always in my heart and mind forever n ever. I love you daizy.. First love is the love whose memories cant be erased by anything rather than a death. I still see her in my dreams n that day i feel sad n optimistic all day. She was my love she is my love n she will be my love. .. (Continued in next week)

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 06, 2014:

That's ok Don, thanks for reading and sharing :).

Don on April 05, 2014:

I did go to add her, looks as though shes in a relationship so i suppose it was nothing after all, either that or she hasnt changed. I appreciate your insight, thank you.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 05, 2014:

Oh I see. That does make it a little difficult. In that case then you can either wait until such an opportunity presents itself again, or you could take a chance and add her on a social network site. I would choose the latter. If you don't see her again for a long time it is likely that next time you will just chat for five minutes and not see each other again for another 6 months. That doesn't give much opportunity to see if there is still anything there.

Don on April 03, 2014:

I've considered sending a message but the one thing is we arent friends on any social media sites and certainly dont wish to come off like I'm snooping or not minding my own business. We also seldom run into one another so its kinda a catch 22... in the 3 years we've only seen one another in passing maybe 3 times before she came over to say hi.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 03, 2014:

Hi Don, thanks for sharing your story. It seems to me that if she is very shy as you say then maybe you should send her a message, keep it friendly, ask how she is and see how she responds. It may be that she felt awkward with you there and wanted to get the awkwardness out of the way, in which case it could be that it doesn't mean anything, but you will lose nothing by feeling out the situation. If her response is terse and avoids any suggestion of future contact, you have your answer. If she seems pleased to hear from you, maybe you can reconnect.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 03, 2014:

I think you have handled things very well up to this point. The fact that you have allowed her space seems to have made her think of you. There are two ways to go here, and it is difficult for me (without knowing you both) to tell you which is best, but here they are: You could like something back of hers (the song would probably be the best here) and see if you get a response, or you could wait a little longer and see if this continues. That way you can be sure it is not just a fleeting bit of nostalgia on her part.

Don on April 01, 2014:

I really like your advice, you seem to think quite a lot like myself so I really understand your take on how you've replied to comments.

First I suppose its important to state that I am usually the one giving advice rather than receiving it or even asking but I'm at a loss right now and not really sure what to do. My ex left over 3 yrs ago, we had a great relationshop along with a great friendship. She is 6 yrs younger than me and was much less experienced than me sexually. She had only been with a couple guys prior to me and felt she needed to see other people. I was absolutely devastated because I had the experience to know that the way we are with one another is rare to find. I know this girl is the love of my life, for 3 yrs i've thought of her in some way every day. I've dated and given it a shot to find love again but no luck thus far. In those 3+ yrs we haven't spoken, i saw her in passing a couple times but just let it be. The other night I was out with a friend for his bday and she walked over and said hi and made small talk. She asked about me and I was polite and answered but I gave short answers and didnt ask about her, maybe a 2 min conversation and I gave her a hug and I went back to talking to my friends. I know Im guarded a bit out of fear but I absolutely love the girl. I'm 31, shes 26 now. Im not really sure what to make of her coming over to talk. Shes not really one to play games or be dramatic but maybe she was trying to show interest or possibly just being cordial. Its hard because when were seeing one another we were coworkers and right at the end she hooked up with a mutual "co worker/friend" at a party someone from work had put on. I have not contacted her, in fact i dont even have her number after that much time passing so social media would be the only viable option. I long ago began to live my life and move on but haf that glimmer of hope to speak again. We live in a smaller city so I heard of her shortcomings in past relationships via mutual friends without ever asking or prying, she had a pretty rough time with a guy borrowing money and literally giving it to his ex for sex. Maybe shes matured and realized it was a mistake? I dont want to get any hopes up but I'd like your perspective. Shes a shy type so I know it took a lot for her to walk over the other night... just not sure what to make of it or if I should even blink at it.

KeepHopeAlive on March 31, 2014:

Hey Tony, I'd like to hear your opinion about what I should do to get my ex girlfriend back. We initially broke up in January after we have been with each other for two years, but we have seen each other a few times since then (we even went on a date together which went really well). Because she was still insecure if we should continue or not, about two weeks ago I had had enough: I told her that I don't want to continue like this - we either give each other a second chance or I have to move on. She didn't want to break up with me nor she wanted to continue: she couldn't make a decision. I told her that if we continue then I would behave differently, I told her what I was thinking about where we have gone wrong, where we screwed up and she agreed with my assassment. We didn't have big fights or anything like that - it was just we couldn't figure out how to make each other happy. Well, I figured out since then (it annoys me to no end that I figured out after I lost her) and she kinda agreed with me. I told her that from now on we would do things differently - she actually believed me that I would, her problem was that she wasn't sure if she would have second thoughts even if we continue and make things differently. She's a very insecure person - she told me that she cannot continue with me as long as she doesn't know that she's making the right choice. I told her that this is life in a nutshell: we don't know if we are making the right choice before we actually make them; we can only hope that things would turn out fine. I told her that if she doesn't say yes then I have to move on - she asked me if she changes her mind in the future, I would be open to her to come back; I didn't answer her. I told her that I have to move on because I can't do this anymore. Since then we haven't spoken; she went on a wellness weekend with her mother to the exact place we went last Autumn. She liked two pictures that I have posted on her Fb wall two years ago - I posted those pictures when we had a fight and I wanted to make up to her - and she actually liked them now! She then shared our favourite song to which I didn't react anything. What could this mean? I didn't want to rush things so that she can see that I'm serious about moving on - in reality I don't want to but I feel if I continue on like I did in the past two months, I won't have a chance. What should I do?

KeepHopeAlive on March 31, 2014:

Hey Tony, I'd like to hear your opinion about what I should do to get my ex girlfriend back. We initially broke up in January, but we have seen each other a few times since then (we even went on a date together which went really well). Because she was still insecure if we should continue or not, about two weeks ago I had had enough: I told her that I don't want to continue like this - we either give each other a second chance or I have to move on. She didn't want to break up with me nor she wanted to continue: she couldn't make a decision. I told her that if we continue then I would behave differently, I told her what I was thinking about where we have gone wrong, where we screwed up and she agreed with my assassment. We didn't have big fights or anything like that - it was just we couldn't figure out how to make each other happy. Well, I figured out since then (it annoys me to no end that I figured out after I lost her) and she kinda agreed with me. I told her that from now on we would do things differently - she actually believed me that I would, her problem was that she wasn't sure if she would have second thoughts even if we continue and make things differently. She's a very insecure person - she told me that she cannot continue with me as long as she doesn't know that she's making the right choice. I told her that this is life in a nutshell: we don't know if we are making the right choice before we actually make them; we can only hope that things would turn out fine. I told her that if she doesn't say yes then I have to move on - she asked me if she changes her mind in the future, I would be open to her to come back; I didn't answer her. I told her that I have to move on because I can't do this anymore. Since then we haven't spoken; she went on a wellness weekend with her mother to the exact place we went last Autumn. She liked two pictures that I have posted on her Fb wall two years ago - I posted those pictures when we had a fight and I wanted to make up to her - and she actually liked them now! She then shared our favourite song to which I didn't react anything. What could this mean? I didn't want to rush things so that she can see that I'm serious about moving on - in reality I don't want to but I feel if I continue on like I did in the past two months, I won't have a chance. What should I do?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on March 29, 2014:

She is definitely trying to get you into the friend zone here. She obviously feels really close to you and does not want to lose that closeness, but doesn't want to be your girlfriend. I think you need to let her know that it is not fair for her to expect you to still be there for her emotionally when you want different things from each other. If you are happy to be just friends, fine, if not, I would suggest moving on from this one. Don't be her friend, as if you do, that is what you will stay. If you are strong and don't do things completely on her terms, not having you at all may make her realise that she does have stronger feelings for you. If not, then you know it would never have happened anyway.

A on March 25, 2014:

Hi, My girlfriend just broke up with me a month ago. We used to argue a lot. But we also been thru a lot together, I'm always there during her difficult times. Both of us know we still love each other after the break up but she thinks that we cannot be together in the long run. I want to get her back into my arms.. During this one month, we had like 2-3 weeks of no contact till recently we start to talk again. And she initiate the talk via text message. During these talks, she told me that she fell in love with some guy but knowing that she and the guy is impossible to be together but she enjoyed the time with him. She also said that she's trying to pull herself away from that guy because the guy is not suitable for her. I also asked her that if she ever missed me or love me after we broke up. She replied, 'all the time, but it fading off slowly'. She know i still love her, but I'm also trying to be friend with her before I start to get her back to me again. Please advise what should I do to get her back?

I really need your help.


xxtonybxx (author) from wales on March 16, 2014:

If you did start liking someone else while you were with her, maybe it wasn't the relationship for you in the first place. If you are serious about getting back together with her, I would advise you to be honest with her. If she doesn't want to be with you, then at least you have told the truth and attempted to found an honest, open relationship. If she does allow you back in, then you can make a fresh start with her and you will experience a closer relationship as you will not feel the need to hide anything as you will know that she accepts you.

Desperate Guy on March 10, 2014:

Please help, :(

So i broke up with my ex-girlfriend 4 weeks ago, (and i was really upset because half of me wanted to stay with her, and the other part liked another girl) and the day after i broke upwith her my bestfriend that i liked asked me why i broke up with her, i explained and then she asked me who was the girl i liked and i hesitated, but after a while i told her, and i noticed that she stopped replying my sms and she didnt spoke to me during the 3 next weeks, i was sad, until my ex slowly started to speak to me again after i broke up with her and now im ashamed of what i've done and want to get back to her but she's really cold to me, and i'm scared that i tell her i like her again and she slaps me in the face and tells everybody and they start joking me..

What should i do?

(sorry the english)

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on February 28, 2014:

Hi thanks for the compliment. Hmmmm, tough one. The problem, as I see it, is a fairly common one; men and women tend to see emotional involvement differently. Men tend to be more focused and pragmatic, whereas women often tend to be more idealistic and romantic. Obviously this is a generalisation and is not necessarily the case. With your case however, I think your ex probably needs some time to sort herself out. You should be careful however; if she is saying that she wants to experience life on her own, this may mean she would also like to "play around" for a while. It would be extremely unhealthy for you to just allow this and wait around. Let her know what you want, let her know what you are prepared to understand from her point of view, and be sure she knows you will not be messed around. A relationship requires understanding of each others' point of view. IF you can understand her wanting to have fun for a while, and she can understand you wanting to get on with life with her, then you should have little problem resolving your issues. If not, maybe you were not meant to be together. Hope this helps.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on February 28, 2014:

Hi Nic, apologies for the late reply. Unfortunately, there is no sure fire way to get someone back. It seems to me as though you are not totally sure why she is being so cold and distant. If you argued a lot, you really should take some time out for yourself, then come back and try to analyse your relationship from a more sober point of view; did you really have a lot in common? What did you disagree on? Where they major, life time things or silly little things? Sometimes even the smallest argument can expose very basic character incompatability. Usually, if two people get on, have a lot of fun together and enjoy each other for who they really are, they stay together. I would try to get on with your own life and try to put it behind you. If things were meant to be between you and her, then you will get another opportunity. A relationship is a two way thing. If one party does not feel the same as the other, that is not a relationship, and is unhealthy for you.

Please Help-Nic on January 27, 2014:

So my ex broke up with me november 22nd, so about 2 months ago. I realize now why she did-we argued a lot, it was my first real relationship, i had on/off things with other girls, but she was the first one i actually loved, and i see now that i made huge deals out of nothing, i took her for granted, and treated her poorly, and i want her to know that ive changed, she never would tell me if i was treating her badly or not, she only told me the day of the breakup. I really loved her, and i want her back more than anything. During the first month, we didn't talk for about 2 weeks. (i hadn't done any research back then and didn't know i should have waited longer). At first, she was distant and cold. After about another week, we had a 4 hour talk, and it was fun. We talked about a lot of fun things. After that, for about another 2/3 weeks, she contacted me a few times a week saying "i miss you, i wanna call you", and we did, we had fun, light, talks, but then, about a week before christmas, at the end of a call, she told me "you've become distant, i feel like ive lost you", and i think i was a little harsh on her, i told her that i'm distant because i was scared to text her, because she would often ignore me. She started crying, and hung up. Then, she went to montana for the christmas break, and we didn't talk for a good 2 weeks. I noticed that i had messed up, so when she got back, I tried to initiate contact with her again,because that was why she was sad, but I noticed right away that she was extremely cold, and answered in only "k" and "good" and "thx". I didn't talk to her for another couple weeks, then I did, and we called, we had a pretty good night, but she was still cold. I called her tonight, (once again she was cold while texting), and we called for about 30 mins. At the end, I asked her what changed, i told her that i noticed that we've become more distant, and she simply said "i guess it just happened". Ive also noticed that she's been talking ALOT lately with another guy, a friend of mine, and maybe thats the reason she's gotten so cold? What should I do? She means a lot to me, we helped each other through many hard times, and we had many good times, and I want to go back to how it was before the break, being good, fun, friends, because I pictured that if we went on like that long enough, I would slowly win her heart back. Please help, Ive done so much research, but Im so confused, I feel like I was making good progress, but then it all went downhill. Thank you very much -Please tell me how i should proceed, i did a quiz on how likely i was to get her back, and it told me that i needed to act quickly and play my cards right, but Im not sure how to proceed! I would much appreciate if you could tell me how to proceed-i don't want to wait too long so that she accepts we're never getting back together. A million thanks!

lostjoe on January 26, 2014:

Hi, great article! My girlfriend of 6 years told me she needed time. I went two weeks with no contact even though she contacted me every other day. She was calling my sister-in-law all the time to check up on how i was doing. Then she scheduled a meeting exactly two weeks after the break. When we met she explained that she has been in relationships since she was 15 and was never on her own. She now wants to experience life on her on. She said she's scared she doesn't know whats going on with her she looks up quarter-life-crisis and different mental disorders online etc. She swears theres no other guy in mind and her sister and friends have said the same. She was crying so much it was hard for her to even say the things she was saying. She says when she pictures her future shes with me married and with kids. a year leading up to this break she would go out every friday and saturday night to clubs and bars and sometimes during the week. Alot of times i would offer to go but she would insist its just the girls and she doesnt want to be the one bringing her boyfriend. Any advice on what I should do or if I even have a chance? I'm 30 and she's turning 26 in 2 months.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on January 09, 2014:

There is no sure fire way to get your ex back. The above list tells you how to improve your chances, but this is no guarantee. The most successful way is usually to focus on yourself and doing things you like to improve yourself. If she was right for you, it is unlikely that she will be able to stay away from you. If not, then why would you want to be with her?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on January 09, 2014:

That's definitely true Rafi. The sad fact is, first love is very rarely last love. You should carry on doing what you are doing, and maybe she will change her mind, maybe she won't, but hey, you will be having fun so you won't worry about it once you have moved on a bit. Trust me, everyone (women included) goes through this stage of wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way. It is always possible to game someone into getting back with you, but this usually involves acting like someone else, and why would you want to do that when you could meet someone tomorrow who likes you for you.

bk on January 05, 2014:

i cant to forget my ex girlfriend after 1 year break up i feel that still i loved her a lot i tried to move on to other girl but i cant she doest need me to contact, even she does't need to call now i didt call her ,i didt contact her in face book for 5 months but still i love her and i need to be with her so what can i do to be with her again ?

Rafi on December 30, 2013:

Just to add to my comment , she says she didnt feel the same way about me anymore and that she didnt know why she felt that. Thinking back on it i realised i did act differently when i was with her and realise that i needed to make time for my self and not just for her .

Rafi on December 30, 2013:

Hey Tony, your article is a great read ! Just wanted to know if its worth pursuing my ex , heres the context. She (worth mentioning she is my first proper girlfriend and are both 17 and going to the same college together) broke up with me a month ago on the basis that she didnt feel ready for a relationship at the moment , i was hurt , the feeling of her not trying to make a effort towards maintaining a relation ship was too much. A month on with very little contact i have managed to gain some composure and clarity on the relationship, i still want her but i understand that i do not need her. I found out through a close friend that she doesn't want a relationship at the moment which kind of got my hopes hope but i do not expect anything from it . I see some potential but while im at the stage where im focusing on my self and having a good time ,do you think if its worth making my feelings obvious to her the way she is now? (which is acting weird, awkward conversations etc) or you think i should give it more time? - Thanks in advance.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on November 05, 2013:

It is difficult for someone to forgive that kind of abuse. You can only keep showing her that it was not who you are. Maybe it would be an idea to speak to a professional about why you did it and this could help you avoid the situation in the future. Try to think about how this might have made her feel, and show her that you understand how it made her feel.

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on September 28, 2013:

You could be right. You've done very well so far. Hope it works out for you.

James on September 21, 2013:

Thanks Tony, Definitely going to continue to do what i have been doing. I spoke with a friend of mine who recently saw her and it turns out the guy i was worried about actually works with her also she told him that the reasonfor the break up was because " she didnt have enough time apparently" in a very rude way he said. Im starting to think the "NC" rulei having an effect

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on September 21, 2013:

It is impossible to say with any certainty that you will or not, all you can do is increase the possibility. I would say you are on the right track. You seem to have managed to avoid most of the mistakes men often make; begging, constant texting etc etc. However, the fact that she has actually said that she never loved you is a very big thing that you cannot afford to ignore. At the moment she said that, she had actually decided that there is no point in time that she can see the two of you together. Your best option is to carry on as you are and see if she contacts you. If you are right and she is confused, then given time and space she may realise this. If, on the other hand, she does not contact you, then maybe she just wasn't right for you and you need to move on. Focusing on your own well being and health and building your confidence will put you in good shape to move on, but will also mean you are less likely to just go back to her just because you can. Take an objective look at your relationship with her (this often helps if you have a close friend to use as a sounding board); did you truly have a lot in common, or just a couple of things and you pushed everything else aside for her? Did you generally get on, or were there many points where you didn't seem to be on the same wavelength? Hope this helps.

James on September 21, 2013:

Hey Tony i broke up with my girlfriend about six days ago. We were together for about five months all together. Everything was going fine then one day she started texting me less and less and she was spending more and more time on facebook. During our last few months i had lost my job and put on a little weight and wasnt feeling as confident as i was and i got worried about losing her. So i started checking her facebook to see what guys were commenting on what and checking their profiles. Well i found one guy that she was likeing alot of his stuff so the night we broke up i asked her about it but she said they were just friends but i doubt it. She told me we needed to talk and she told me she never really loved me but i doubt that because she is young and confused. Also after losing my job i got a little clingy and started to act kinda like she was too good for me. I havent talked to her since we broke up. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and realise i want her back. Ive been working out everyday, tanning, working on building my confidence, and becoming more spiritual. Do you think i have a chance at getting her back? Thanks

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on August 12, 2013:

If she is posting that she finds you annoying or hates you, these comments may be aimed at you(i.e. she wants you to see them). She likely feels frustration at the failure of your relationship, and is directing this frustration at you. I would stop contacting her and stop watching her updates etc. Don't contact her at all. She needs time to miss you. If she doesn't contact you then she probably wasn't the right one for you. If she does, then all well and good. If she does contact you however, don't just jump straight in there, let her come for you. Don't suggest meeting or going out or anything like that, wait for her to suggest it.

Jono on August 04, 2013:

Hi tony, I broke up with my girlfriend around 2 months ago, I've been begging for the first week after the breakup and I found out that she felt really annoyed. Then i stopped contacting her for around a few days and she contacted me back, just casual talk, nothing much. But then I thought that nothing would have turned out well if we kept talking to each other. So i initiated no contact, and the longest was for 12 days only... I initiated contact because I saw her post on instagram that she was had some feelings towards me, "so close, yet still so far away". (She just got back in town from the UK as she was studying there). I broke NC becasue I thought that was the right time to ask her back, but of course, I failed again. She keeps posting these posts on her timeline that she finds me annoying or hates me, and recently she's removing photos that we took together. I am so confused as to what to do next.. Should I just move on or should I wait for another opportunity... Its been 5 days of NC now...

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on July 08, 2013:

Only you can really find out the answer to that question. Though it is worth considering that fear of her leaving can actually cause her to do so. If you engage in this relationship openly and without prejudice, if it then goes wrong, you know it wasn't meant to be as you did everything right.

helpavisitor from Germany on July 07, 2013:

Well, she came back but the guy would not let her be. He continues sending sms daily. I trust her though, that she is not having anything with him again but my fear is, would she leave again?

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 05, 2013:

It's always the way Ben. For some reason, treat them mean keep them keen seems to apply to pretty much everyone. Just keep going the way you are mate, you should be ok soon enough.

Ben on April 02, 2013:

I have been on a few dates, they have been really nice, but I can't help but compare and it just didn't work out! One has become a really good friend after I was honest..

I agree totally about putting her on a pedestal, even though I tell myself not to I can't help it.. Still dreading bumping into her do continuing to avoid places she goes, but can't forever! Doing the gym 5 times a week which is really good, but was hoping after 3 months of no contact It would go away, has become easier but having a bad few days I guess!

As said a few weeks back, she did treat me like crap, so I don't no why I'm like this!

Just don't feel like trying another date at the moment

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 02, 2013:

Hi Ben, the only thing I can advise is to keep going. You won't feel this way forever. You've done really well so far, but you may find that the only way you will get her out of your head is if you meet someone new who will take her place in your mind/heart. With that in mind you need to try to be open to possibilities and try not to idealise your ex. Lack of contact with her may be making you think of her in a light that is unrealistic and you are putting her on a pedestal that she may well not deserve to be on.

Ben on April 01, 2013:

Hi, wrote on hear a few weeks back, just need some sort of guidance...

It's been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and it has got a bit easier but I still think of her lots of times every day, and this weekend I feel like I did at the beginning, really miss her! Haven't spoke to her for 3 months and don't intend on breaking that no contact what so ever. Am going to the gym 5 days a week and keeping busy as poss but the thoughts just don't seem to go anywhere, I'm just so miserable

xxtonybxx (author) from wales on April 01, 2013:

No I definitely don't think you should do that. Revenge is always pointless. So you destroy her life? Does it do anything for you? No. For her? Certainly not. End result, no-one is happy. If you feel like doing something like that, move on or seek professional advice. When you enter into an intimate relationship with someone, they will always reveal to you things that could hurt or damage them. This is a trust that they have given to you, and presumably, you have done the same. Using this information after things have not gone the way you want them to is at best childish and at worst arrogant and evil. Anyone could do something like that, but doing so shows weakness as a person, not strength.

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