Will My Ex Ever Contact Me Again?
The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it in movies and television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone, and accepting the loss drives us crazy. Conversely, there are plenty of men out there wondering the same thing: will their ex really let them go? Or will they return, looking to restart the relationship?
Will My Ex Ever Come Back?
So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then they more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back. I've listed some signs below that may indicate your ex still has feelings for you and would be open to the idea of coming back to you.
Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Wants You Back
- After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.
- You haven't been waiting for his beck and call. Instead, you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back into their lives.
- You broke up because of long-distance. Maybe he was waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. He may try to reunite.
- You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow…
- You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.
- He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all social media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.
- In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?
- You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.
- You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word, when he departed the relationship.
- He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so they dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.
- He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.
- He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults—"you're beautiful," "you don't deserve this," "you are funny," "you are kind," "I liked our friendship,"... etc. He seems emotionally confused. He said he felt more accepted by you.
Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back
- You guys didn't break up on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.
- Did she delete you off Facebook? Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.
- You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that she still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. Your friends may drop a hint that your ex still talks about you.
- Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you; maybe she came to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe she wants to pick something up from you. She'll make up an excuse, but she's really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice; that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.
- You get a drunk text or a phone call from her. This means that you are clearly still on her mind.
- She tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.
- She randomly sends you a nostalgia text, something along the lines of "remember when we did this"? Nostalgia = return.
- She doesn't start dating anyone else and stays single.
- She posts moody status updates on social media that reveal how much she misses being with you.
- She still calls you from time to time; this can mean that she still likes you and values having a conversation with you.
- She continues to open up to you about her emotions. If you broke up on good terms, she still feels comfortable around you, and she could be interested in getting back together.
- She gets mad and emotional when she sees you with someone else or hears about a date you recently went on. This is a big indication she still has feelings for you.
- When she runs into you, she gives you this wide-eyed look of longing. Maybe she'll just stop and stare at you for a couple of seconds. This means she still finds you desirable.
How to Get Over Your Ex
If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.
It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course, you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.
The same goes for the men out there: it is not a good idea to continue to contact her. Leave her alone and work on dealing with your emotions.
Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self-help videos on broken hearts. There are also plenty of articles that contain helpful information about how to work through and deal with your emotions.
But your ex, if they left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let them go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.
What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.
How Do You Respond When Your Ex Returns?
Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in your best interest to no longer talk to them, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet them in person, and move on with your life. If you feel that they could be a threat to your safety, physically or emotionally—you don't have to entertain them; just tell them to go away. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.
But if you feel like you want to see what's there, don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:
- Looking to get money; they are broke.
- To apologize and have you as a friend.
- They want to give love another try.
- They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note.
- They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
- Their life fell apart, and you are the last resort to them getting better.
- They want your brother's/sister's phone number.
Don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart and get back with you. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.
Most likely, they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you; writing a text, of course, is easy—but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk.
So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking them questions about the past, you are telling them essentially to go away and that you don't believe in reconciliation.
Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring them around all your friends and family; keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong, and you have already survived a breakup with them, so know it's going to be okay.
Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back
While we may want to believe that our ex will return one day, that is not always the case, and no amount of wishful or positive thinking will change that fact.
If your ex does any of these things, the chances of them returning to you are slim to none.
- They cease all contact with you: no returning texts or calls.
- They block you from all social media. This is a big step that indicates they want nothing to do with you.
- They start seriously dating someone else.
- They slander you on social media, and they talk ill of you to their friends, and they go on about how you ruined their life.
- You had a particularly messy breakup where they cheated on you; there is no real way to forgive such an action.
Breaking up with someone is a difficult thing to experience, so no matter what happens, try to stay strong and stay positive. If your ex ends up coming back to you great, if not that's great too, you can't get hung up on those outcomes. Try to keep up a positive mental attitude and move on with your life. There is more to life than being in a relationship, always keep that in mind.
Questions & Answers
Question: As soon as we broke up, he was having sex with another woman. He is now in a relationship and in 2 weeks she lives with him. He posts pictures and messages all the time, says he is so happy, yet he can't completely let go of me. He can't go 2 weeks without being with me. We have been broken up for a few months from a long-term relationship. What do you think?
Answer: This sounds terrible. I would abort the ship. He sounds impulsive and greedy.
Question: He has a girlfriend. We don't talk but he looks at me a lot. Does he still love me?
Answer: He has a girlfriend -- so he probably isn't thinking about you too much. If he isn't communicating in some way, that doesn't signal interest either. I think you should move on.
© 2016 Andrea Lawrence