Signs Your Ex May Return

Updated on October 26, 2016
SerenityHalo profile image

Andrea loves to write about the zodiac, Myers Briggs, and texting. She is an expert on romance and relationships. She also has two cats.

The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it on movies and on television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone and accepting the loss drives us crazy.

If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.

It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.

Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self help videos on broken hearts. But your ex, if he left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let him go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.

What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time off for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.

So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then he more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back.

Signs Your Ex May Return

1. You have a gut feeling. No matter what happened, how long ago you guys broke up, you have this really strong feeling you'll cross paths. And this doesn't just mean if you worked together or went to school together -- you don't run in the same circles and you know he'll still somehow appear. You can scratch this thought away.

2. You guys didn't breakup on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.

3. You have more positive thoughts for him than negative ones. Over the course of the breakup, you feel more loving and supportive. You've been putting out the positive vibes, not contacting him, but being positive about the situation. And you frequently put out the positive vibes.

4. They deleted you off Facebook? Some say this means they'll just return right back to you, and they were emotionally charged at the time they broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.

5. You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that he still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. They may drop a hint that he still talks about you.

6. After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.

7. You haven't been waiting for their beck and call. Instead you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back up into their lives.

8. You broke up because of long distance. Maybe they were waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. They may try to reunite.

9. You feel like Bella in New Moon. You keep getting this sense that you are being emotionally haunted, and you do what you can -- but thoughts of them crop up in your head even when you're trying to do something else. Not a fun experience, but pretty normal.

10. Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you, maybe they went to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe they want to pick something up from you. They'll make up an excuse, but they're really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice, that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.

11. You have dreams about them returning. I remember having dreams frequently about someone I liked who had broken up with me for his ex. But I didn't have negative dreams about them. I constantly would dream that they were coming back, and that I was trying to figure it out.

12. You get a drunk text.

13. You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow....

14. You receive anonymous letters in the mail.

15. You feel like he is stalking you somehow, usually through social networking websites.

16. You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.

17. He tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.

18. He randomly sends you a nostalgia text. Nostalgia = return.

19. He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.

20. In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?

21. What were his thoughts on being friends after dating? Is he the type to keep exes as friends? Then it'll probably kill him if he has no contact with you.

22. The physical aspects, whether just making out, were really strong and intoxicating. Who wants to give that up?

23. You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.

24. You guys were too young when you started dating; with maturity he may come back if things ended on a positive note. Except this to come months or years later, not weeks.

25. You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup, but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word when he departed the relationship.

26. He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so he dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.

27. You get the impression you are not out of sight out of mind -- but that he must be thinking of you from time to time. Does he have enough positive material from the relationship that he'll feel like he needs to come back? When we have something we enjoy, it is difficult to bury it.

28. Keep in mind, criminals return to the seen of the crime. They want to resolve the energy. They are fascinated by the event. Those that breakup and leave -- the unresolved energy can get to them if it was positive.

29. You two are oddly like Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. You belong with each other, but you take forever to get to that conclusion. You have natural chemistry, you have a natural connection, and you have natural charm.

30. You think he'll get jealous and want to come back before someone else makes a move on you and steals you. He wants you back before that happens.

31. He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.

32. You instantly clicked when you first met each other.

33. He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults -- you're beautiful, you don't deserve this, you are funny, you are kind, I liked our friendship... etc. He seems emotionall confused.

34. You two were comfortable just chatting and didn't require the physical aspect.

35. He said he felt more accepted by you.

36. He acted like he was the luckiest guy in the world because he had you in his life. Who throws away luck?

37. Before the break, he texted you almost daily. Frequently saying good morning and goodnight.

38. He wasn't a player.

Would you take your ex back if he returned?

  • 10% I don't know
  • 39% We'd have to talk it out first
  • 2% Rather have my head trapped in a box with spiders and snakes
  • 41% Yes
  • 7% No
9613 people have voted in this poll.

How Do You Respond When He Returns?

Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in you best interest to no longer talk to the man, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet him in person, and move on with your life. If you feel he could be a threat to your safety, whether in a physical or emotional way -- you don't have to entertain him. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.

But if you feel like you want to see what's here: first don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:

  • Sex
  • Guilt
  • Looking to get money; they are broke
  • To apologize and have you as a friend
  • They want to give love another try
  • They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note
  • They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
  • They don't even know why they are trying to find you. They just did
  • Their life fell apart and you are the last resort to them getting better
  • They want your sister's phone number

So in dealing with the myriad of reasons they felt they should entertain your company, don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.

Most likely they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text of course is easy -- but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk. So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking him questions about the past, you are telling him essentially to go away and you don't believe in reconciliation.

Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring him around all your friends and family, keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong and you have already survived a breakup with him, so know it's going to be okay.

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    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 4 days ago from Chicago

      This doesn't seem positive. I'm not sure what happened in this guy's head. He may have been playing you, or he may have run out because he wasn't ready for commitment here. There is a lot of mystery, but if he is ready to jet randomly -- he would do it again, and again, and again. It sounds like the two of you had serious communication issues.

    • profile image

      Janay 2 weeks ago

      My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I love to start drama.When reality I just only told him what happened but he went to confront the girl. He blames me for her back lashing abt the situation when he didn’t have to contact her in the first place. He also wanted to be done because I usually vent to my friends and try to get guidance. My friend became angry because he mentions her everytime we argue. So she confronted him but he blames me for wt she did when all I did was tell what happened. Everybody says I’m not in the wrong and that he is I know this. We are not talking, he took me off all social media. what could that mean? Just him wanting to see what I’m doing or not losing all of his feelings for me? We spent time together all the time and he spoiled me. He has cheated on me more than once by talking to multiple girls and received oral from 2 girls while we were together, but I forgave him and was willing to work on it with him. But he dumps me for something little?

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      liz 3 weeks ago

      they don't come back after 2years or do they

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      LG 3 weeks ago

      My ex and I met 3 years ago, because he had just moved to my high school and we both were on the track team (my best friend begged me to do it with her that one year). From the first time I saw him I was immediately drawn to him. We started talking and liking each other but it was never serious, we hung out once with a group of people and we both agreed to break it off. I saw him randomly several times since we broke it off, and each time we had picked up where we left off and it was magical. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he still had something for me but he got a girlfriend 2 years after we broke it off. Even though he had a girlfriend, I could tell he still likes me a little bit. I ended up at the same college as him and he broke up with his girlfriend because they didn’t have a good connection, him and I did and he knew that. We have something special. I never been in a serious relationship before because I lost interest quickly but I never lost interest with him. He told me he has ever stopped liking me since he met me and I haven’t either. We dated for 5 months and recently broke up because he wants to grow on his own and claims that we both need to make personal changes on our own, not together. I understood his reason but we were very happy together it was just so out of nowhere. We ended on good terms and my gut keeps saying we will get back together again eventually because the universe just can’t ignore the connection we have. However, he doesn’t think we will get back together. What do you think?

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      Sharon 4 weeks ago

      He told me to wait till this month end after a 3 months breakup he told me last month that I must wait for him then the month is not even finish the he asked to come see me the went to his place but I'm still not sure if he's back or what I dont know what to ask now I'm more quite than before I don't do alot of talking and he is seeing that because he is telling me everytime that I'm quite I wanna ask him why he's back am I wrong ? Or must I just carry on because I do still have feelings for him but not sure if he is really back..

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      Erin22 4 weeks ago

      Ok so my grand father passed away on Friday the 13th. The same day my bf told me he dont love me the same anymore. He just dont feel it between us anymore. I have 2 kids. He has none. He was in a previous relationship with a woman with 3 kids for 4 years. He asked my dad to marry me last month. We have been looking at rings sense. He was madly in love with me. I work a lot being a single mom with no help from there dad. I have more weight to pull. He was upset at one time that I wasn't asking him home his day was or calling him on lunch. Some days he wouldn't get home till 11pm. I get up at 5 get 2 kids ready n my self. By the time 9 pm rolls around I am tired from working all day. Taking care of kids after work. It's not like I did nothing. So I was making a point to ask how his day was. The last night he was home I waited up for him. He had a attitude tho. I seen the next morning he texted me asking if I was still up. For some reason I did not get it till that next morning. I sent him a text telling him how much I love him. He started a new job where he is traveling and not home much. I told him how much I appreciate him, n care for him. Then my grandpa died. Then later on that day I asked him if we were ok. He said no. I asked why? He said his feelings changed. My ex my kids dad was like wow. He loved u so much he was obsessed with u. I would have never thought he would have done that to u. Our families loved both of us. My kids loved him. I dont know how someone's feelings change that much in a month. Is it the new job, does he really not love me? Is it my kids? I am open to have another child with him. I told him i needed time for us first. I got pregnant right away with my ex. Then it turned to a disaster. So I wanted to make sure this didn't, before I was a single mom to 3 kids.

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      Liza148 5 weeks ago

      Hi, so a couple of weeks ago I met a great guy..we went on a couple of dates which were absolutely amazing. During the weeks we were dating HE was the one pushing it towards a serious relationship, he would make plans for the future, introduce me to his mother and friends.. Although I had my suspicions that the break-up from his last girlfriend had not been long ago, I started trusting him because he was treating like I was everything he had been looking for. Then a week ago he suddenly changed his mind..He came to my place and told me he was sorry but wasn't ready to commit to a new relationship and although I am an amazing woman he just couldn't feel what he was supposed to feel..I was completely in shock and didn't say much. The day before that everything was going more than fine! My suspicion is that his ex must have contacted him the night before and made him realize he still isn't over her.. Last weekend I sent him two long text messages, telling him that I believe he made a mistake but also that I won't contact him again..he didn't reply. So far I was able to stay strong and haven't contacted him.

      I know I can get over him and everything I just feel like this isn't over yet...we kind of clicked and got along so great... Do you believe there's any chance he might reconsider his decision?

    • SerenityHalo profile image
      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 5 weeks ago from Chicago

      A few questions:

      How long ago did the two of you break up?

      Was this a random new person he just met?

      Don't chase after him. Stop communicating for 30 days if this is fresh.

      Also, how old are you guys?

      Does this seem like something he did out of the blue or does he have a history of it?

    • profile image

      SA 5 weeks ago

      My ex and I have been friends for 6 years. He was married before and that broke up. I waited for him faithfully. We finally got together in 2016. Everything was great. His family loved me. We talked of marriage, then, out of the blue, he grows distant and cold. Finally telling me that he’s met someone else and doesn’t love me anymore.

      He said he needed space tonf8nd work and work on his new relationship.

      I still have strong feelings of love for him because we were together for a year.

      I still love him and want him back.

    • profile image

      Angel 7 weeks ago

      hy, i have a huge problem. My ex and i have been dating for about 4 years.He was a womaniser and very abusive.He used to insult and control me. We broke up 2015 and i decided to focus on my school work and 2016 i went to university. Last year he told me how sorry he was about the way he treated me and wanted to fix things since he lost everything he had. I felt sorry for him and forgave him and we decided to take things easily as our break up affected me physically and emotionally. Now my problem is that i don't have feelings for him anymore and if i dump him i think he will think i'm rejecting him because he has nothing,i tried to break up with him but he's making me to feel guilt saying i think im better now and that i played him. I'm really confused please help

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      Samiya 7 weeks ago

      Hello I'm just shattered I don't know how to say what to say. Its been 2 weeks to my breakup

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      JC 2 months ago

      - Clicked instantly.

      - Long distance.

      - Made conscious efforts to see each other and chatted every day.

      - Six pretty perfect months.

      - He bought plane tickets to go with m to a wedding (his initiative).

      - He has told people in his life about me.

      - Three weeks before the wedding he started actinga bit distant.

      - Disappeared for a couple of days and then called to say he had family stuff going on and he was feeling a bit overwhelmed with a bunch of things but that he felt better about having spoken.

      - Disappeared a week before the wedding and didn't message again until after saying he freaked out and is going through some anxiety and is in a terrible funk that makes him feel introverted and intimidated.

      - Didn't get defensive and offered my support, reminded him I can move anywhere by the middle of this year and we can explore options.

      - He said he'd want to be in a relationship with me if conditions were ideal and we were in the same place, but he feels so badly now that he can't even see if it'd be a good idea to spend more prolongued time together and he doesn't want me to resent him.

      - I reminded him that tough times are just as important as good times between two people and that it's a risk I was taking fully knowing the options of what could come as a result.

      - He recognizes and says openly that he's focusing on the negative and he has to get out of his funk.

      - I said I understood and we could talk in a few days or more if that's what he needed.

      - He said thank you.

      - That was two weeks ago.

      - I have this reidiculous gut feeling he'll pop back up at some point even though I tell myself over and over he won't and to let go.

      Thoughts?

    • profile image

      Mm 2 months ago

      Jj

      Don't write the email. He knows how you feel. You cried for three hours. You asked him in text when he cancelled if he had changed his mind. He knows. And the more you chase him, the more he will run. A man isn't going to cancel that many times unless he has changed his mind. And He did. It hurts. It sucks. But try to move on. You deserve someone who wants you back.

    • profile image

      Jj 2 months ago

      Hello,

      So my ex and I were together for almost 6 years. We are high school sweethearts. Both 23. We did two years at home two years long distance and then he finally came to school with me and just started at the university this last fall. This is our second year living together. When we got back from Christmas break he was stressed, we had a couple arguments but mostly I thought things were good. We have some arguments last semester and he just joined a fraternity, one he felt he had to join since every guy in his family has been a part of it. He was always gone cause of pledging and I was getting worried when I would wake up at 2am and he wasn’t there. He was drinking more since he never really has been a drinker. Anyway over Christmas break he was getting a lot of family members asking when we were gonna get engaged. I think it overwhelmed him. I have already graduated and have told him I wouldn’t mind getting engaged soon. He still has two years left at school. But we came back from break and he wanted to take a break from our relationship I panicked and was so scared and cried and cried. Came back and stayed home for a week and I thought things were okay. After a week at home he wanted to break up. I panicked again as this is the person I have wanted to spend my whole life with. He came back the next day saying that he hated the way things were left and doesn’t want to put a title on our relationship right now but just wants so take a break for three weeks. I reached out to come girls who are dating fraternity brothers to ask for their advice on how they keep their relationship conflict free and make it work. He found out and snapped at me saying I wasn’t respecting his space and he wanted to break up for good. He was very angry. Well I called him two weeks later to ask about moving out and what we were gonna do. He texted me two days later and decided to come over and talk. He broke down crying saying he missed me and has felt so uneasy with out me. We cried together for a couple hours and he kept pulling me in hugging me and kissing my neck as he was crying saying he was sorry. We ended up catching up on the last two weeks we weren’t together and had fun. I told him we needed to learn to communicate better and handle situations with more maturity and he agreed but asked if it would be okay if he had one more week to think about what he thought we could do to make things better. He took pillows and blankets and towels, since he has been sleeping on the couch at the fraternity house for the past month. He told me he wanted to come over later that week for dinner before he left for the weekend for a fraternity thing. Well that day came along and he said he had a fundraiser dinner he forgot he signed up to volunteer at that’s night and then a friends birthday, so he didn’t come over. I told him I understood. He hasn’t been texting me back I love you when I said it that week so I was kind of panicking. I sent him a text asking if he had changed his mind and if he did let me know now instead of wait and if he didn’t then I would see him when he got back. He never texted me back so I thought things were fine. That Sunday came along when he said he would be back and he texted me telling me he got home too late and his meeting wouldn’t be over till 10 and that he was tired and grumpy from the long weekend and would come over the following night for dinner. He said it wasn’t because it was bad news just that he didn’t want to talk in a bad mood. He came over the next night and told me he was sorry but couldn’t think of an ideal situation for us right now. He says he can’t say he doesn’t love me and can’t say he doesn’t see his future with me but just thinks this is what we need right now and he made up his mind. I told him I know this wasn’t what his heart wanted especially after the last Monday was so good as we had passionate sex, not I’m horny sex. He said he was sorry he didn’t know what to tell me and all he could do was tear up and say he was sorry. He said he didn’t want to lead me on or break my heart anymore. But then I said I didn’t want to be alone on our anniversary and he said that’s still two months away not to think about it yet cause we don’t know what will happen by then and he also said that if / when we get back together he thinks it would be best if we didn’t live together. I’m so confused with everything he hugged me that night for three hours as I cried and brought me water and tissue and asked to give me one last hug before he left and he kissed me on the forehead. He told me he would text my friend to check on me and that he would check on me in a couple days. I haven’t heard from him in a week and a half until today when he said he was gonna get his stuff out next week but had to stop by today for something. I have been trying to stay pretty quiet. I have only posted twice on Snapchat and he has been the very first person to look at it both times. Friends have said he looks like he is happy with his guy friends when they see him. Is he lying to me? Is he playing with me? Or is he being honest and genuine and just wants this time to learn to be independent with his new found hobbies and friends and wants to learn what it’s like to be a guy and have freedom? His friend approached me at the bar the weekend after the good night we had and said that he has cried to him about us a couple times and just told me to give him his space and be patient and he will be back... I know he loves me but what is happening?!? What should I do cause this has been the most painful two months of my life and I don’t want him to move his stuff out because then it will feel like it’s really over. He has no where to go cause his parents love me so much and don’t want me to have to make up for his rent since this was his decision. They are extremely sad this is happening too. Any comments or suggestions help I’m sorry this is so long. I want to write him an email explaining my feelings should i?

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      Caldwell 3 months ago

      Me and my boyfriend were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. We were hesistant because we lived on different states. I was away at school and so was he,. However after realizing we wanted each other and no one else we decided to make it official, we talked a lot before hand and he told me that he wasn’t a little scared because he wanted to give me the best version of himself he could, I said I like you how you seen now, let’s grow together. After that we dated for 7 months and it was the most amazing months, even though the disntace was hard we made it work, we made memories, we met each other’s families, we became even more connected. I told him that I loved him and he didn’t need say anything. he broke up with me a few days ago saying that the timing was wrong and that he needed to work on himself and love himslef before he could give me that kind of love. He said the next few years of his life he needs to figure out things on his own and that he couldn’t be age much me because he needed to focus on himself. We talked a lot after the breakup and thanked each other for the memories, for how much we grew together. We said how much we love each other as human beings and he says he feel so lucky to have had me in his life the way he did. He said some day he hopes we can cross paths again when the timing is right. We both agreed to try to be friends and possibly catch up from time to time. I really have hopes that he and I will reunite because our relationship was amazing, he was a great bf and I have never felt so much fire. We are very young I am 22 and he is 20 so I do believe the timing might have been all. I feel like I met the perfect person but just not at the right time. I know I need to start letting go, but I love him so much, I think he is a wonderful human being. He said that he is sorry to i be putting me through this pain and that he wasn’t strong enough to live this out with me, he wished me luck and said that he knows so I will do great with him or without him. I just keep having this feeling that it’s not over. We had this new amazing, pure relationship and that’s just how it ended, there was no foul play, there were no harsh words, we haven nothing but beautiful things to say to one another. How can I let go of a person who I open to More than I ever had. Someone’s I still felt butterflies for even months in to the relationship. How do I let go of my best friend, especially when I have this hope that we will encounter again in the future. I’m heartbroken and confused and I just want to hear an outside opinion on the matter.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      You may have been something to him -- but he may have felt you were overbearing. If you're wanting to fight rather than be supportive, this is going to make him run away from you. You're not being kind and gentle enough while also showing strength during adversity. You need to focus on yourself and working on yourself right now.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Let's not bash psychologists and counselors. I'm more of an advice columnist. And I don't tell people what they want to hear. I try to be straight with them.

      Break ups can be healthy so people can get to a better spot in their lives. Some people don't understand why people won't communicate with them at all, while others see it is more respectful and humane to stop communication entirely so as not to lead the other person on.

      To be honest, I think ideally you want an amicable break up. Stop communication for awhile, but thinking that you can't ever talk to that person again is like telling the other person they are incapable of getting over a person and moving on. Do you see the difference? Stopping communication right after a breakup is normal, but continuing that forever is more about ego. As though you were so great that they couldn't possibly have stopped their feelings. Sometimes it's good to open up communication after awhile, when things have changed, so as to build closure. She may have called you multiple times not to win you back, but to get closure -- it's not always easy to tell, and you are probably right that she wanted you back. But denying someone closure can be really hard on people. Do keep that in mind as you move forward in life.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Not sure why you guys broke up. That's a key.

      My other thought: yes, you will likely talk to each other down the road. Will it be romantic? No idea. It sounds like he is dealing with confidence issues and doesn't feel like he is old enough nor has the resources to build the relationship he wants. I'm getting this by how he is clinging to objects from the relationship.

      This does not mean that when he is ready for a relationship, a serious one, it will be with you. Time and change will take place and you guys may end up going your separate paths, and that is okay.

      There is a rule out there to stop contact for 30 days if it is on positive terms, and 45 if negative. Give it a month and stop communication. Get your bearings. Focus on you and give yourself the chance to hear your inner voice. This guy sounds like he is a mess right now, and he probably thinks you deserve better (and he could potentially be right).

      Patience is a key to relationships and life. Use this as an opportunity to grow one of the most important aspects of yourself to prepare for a steady relationship. Don't act on impulse, act on wisdom -- be patient. A healthy, strong relationship doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. When the time is right for love, it will present itself.

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      yeng lay 3 months ago

      its almost 2 weeks since our break up. Actually we broke up just over a text. It was me the one who brought the things up,But at that time i wasn't really had any intention to breaking up.I just want him to fight more but he just let me go and suddenly the no contact is really happening.Actually the problem was because his parents aren't really agree that we're together,and i saw him being so stressful what i want is that he would convience me to stay and should fight more.But things aren't work the way i want.It getting worse,i spent my first week crying everyday up until now. The question is,why did he just cut off the contact like he disappeared?Does it really means nothing to him?Does he not cared about me?Does he not love me at all and be happy because i want to leave?... to be honest from the deep deep of my heart i still want him.You said that if he has more positive things rather than negative one it worth to try right?If the problem with his parents never pop up i knew we will be happy so why did he just act like nothing happened and i saw he spent alot of good times with the his friends like i was nothing at all?

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      Maximus 3 months ago

      I find these articles to be just observed patterns, not the norm. I broke up with my ex girlfriend and never communicated with her again . I didn't block her or anything. I just literally fell out of love with her and all of her texts and calls, were so obvious. I think she finally got the hint after a year. A year of the same messages and voicemails. I think it's better for the next person she finds worthwhile, or else how would she ever learn not to take someone for granted. I would not listen to most of these psychologists and counselors. They are just satisfying itchy ears. I remember telling my ex, " You sure there's nothing else you'd like to say to me?" And she felt so confidant that she would hear from me again, she said, "nope, I'm not attached to you." And that was it for me. No anger, no revenge. I just felt relieved that I would not have to deal with such an immature irritating person again. Freedom is awesome. Don't ever let anything try to hold you in bondage. Just looking at birds in the sky, makes you know how priceless freedom is and how no person can compete with such a right that every person is granted from birth.

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      AirynLFaye 3 months ago

      We've known each other for 3 years, which 8 months of those we spent as Boy friend and girlfriend.

      We broke up late october, early november 2017. He claims that he wants the best for me because he's dealing with depression. He just wants to be alone.

      I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. He wants me to live life to the fullest. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy.

      A month after that, I go visit him (even though we were not communcating through anything -I kinda forced my way over there) to go through some questions I thought about that lead to our break up and post break up so I can see how he is. His roommate let me in and told me that my ex and I needed to talk because he was concerned abouy my ex.

      I walk in on my ex cuddling the blanket I gave him. I look around his bedroom and find all the things I have given him as a gift is organized and on display. There are beer cans every where. He is drinking his life away. I can tell he misses me.

      I wake him up and tell him why I am there. Which was to get closure from our relationship so I can move on with life by asking him these questions and getting truthful answers from him.

      We talk and hang out like old times, and he cooperated in answering my questions truthfully. But he still says that we need to separate without any communication. I know in my heart I need to move on, but I don't want to leave him behind in his depression. I honestly know that he needs time to go through what he is going through. Do you think he will contact me sometime in the future? We cut off all communications with each other kinda.

      I just want to know if I will still have a chance with this man in the future.

      I know I have to give him time.

      Like if we were both in a race, we met and were in sync for some time. But now he's facing obstacles that is making him fall behind. I try to go back and help him and he tells me to keep going, that he needs to finish his race on his own, alone. So now I am progressing more, and leaving him behind and focusing on my own race.

      Do you understand the analogy?

      Even though we are not in sync anymore, and not communicating. Do you think we have a chance again?

      I've been told by many friends that he knows I will always love him, and that he knows he has someone waiting for him at the end of the race.

      But he really hurt me when he decided to break up with me. I would give him a million chances to be with me again....

      I'm impatient, and just need to know if he will decide to be with me again.

      I am willing to wait/ go my own pace for the race. I just want to go through and finish it with him.

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      Aliya 4 months ago

      He talks to alot of girls and i mean alot and people tell me thats hes happy and hes loving life does that mean hes over me?

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      He broke up with you for another girl? I don't think you can do anything to get him to come back. I think it would be best to move on.

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      Sanvi 5 months ago

      Me and my bf broke up about 9 months ago.But now he is my friend. I still do love him .He is in another relationship which is the reason for him to broke up with me.How to get him back ,he feel jealous if I went close with one of my friend

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      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 16 months ago from Chicago

      Complex indeed. He probably does want you in his life to some degree and a positive term because you two had kids together. When were you diagnosed with cancer and what kind? Why did he move to the United States? Why did you guys originally break up?

    • SerenityHalo profile image
      Author

      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      Complicated relationships are no fun.

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      Larry Rankin 19 months ago from Oklahoma

      Interesting read.

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      Mel Carriere 19 months ago from San Diego California

      I've been married 26 years and after reading this, that makes me happy. I don't think I could deal with these complications. Great tips.

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