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Signs Your Ex May Return

Updated on October 26, 2016
SerenityHalo profile image

Andrea loves to write on the zodiac, Myers Briggs, and texting. She is an expert on romance and relationships. She also has two cats.

The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it on movies and on television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone and accepting the loss drives us crazy.

If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.

It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.

Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self help videos on broken hearts. But your ex, if he left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let him go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.

What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time off for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.

So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then he more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back.

Signs Your Ex May Return

1. You have a gut feeling. No matter what happened, how long ago you guys broke up, you have this really strong feeling you'll cross paths. And this doesn't just mean if you worked together or went to school together -- you don't run in the same circles and you know he'll still somehow appear. You can scratch this thought away.

2. You guys didn't breakup on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.

3. You have more positive thoughts for him than negative ones. Over the course of the breakup, you feel more loving and supportive. You've been putting out the positive vibes, not contacting him, but being positive about the situation. And you frequently put out the positive vibes.

4. They deleted you off Facebook? Some say this means they'll just return right back to you, and they were emotionally charged at the time they broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.

5. You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that he still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. They may drop a hint that he still talks about you.

6. After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.

7. You haven't been waiting for their beck and call. Instead you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back up into their lives.

8. You broke up because of long distance. Maybe they were waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. They may try to reunite.

9. You feel like Bella in New Moon. You keep getting this sense that you are being emotionally haunted, and you do what you can -- but thoughts of them crop up in your head even when you're trying to do something else. Not a fun experience, but pretty normal.

10. Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you, maybe they went to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe they want to pick something up from you. They'll make up an excuse, but they're really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice, that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.

11. You have dreams about them returning. I remember having dreams frequently about someone I liked who had broken up with me for his ex. But I didn't have negative dreams about them. I constantly would dream that they were coming back, and that I was trying to figure it out.

12. You get a drunk text.

13. You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow....

14. You receive anonymous letters in the mail.

15. You feel like he is stalking you somehow, usually through social networking websites.

16. You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.

17. He tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.

18. He randomly sends you a nostalgia text. Nostalgia = return.

19. He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.

20. In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?

21. What were his thoughts on being friends after dating? Is he the type to keep exes as friends? Then it'll probably kill him if he has no contact with you.

22. The physical aspects, whether just making out, were really strong and intoxicating. Who wants to give that up?

23. You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.

24. You guys were too young when you started dating; with maturity he may come back if things ended on a positive note. Except this to come months or years later, not weeks.

25. You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup, but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word when he departed the relationship.

26. He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so he dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.

27. You get the impression you are not out of sight out of mind -- but that he must be thinking of you from time to time. Does he have enough positive material from the relationship that he'll feel like he needs to come back? When we have something we enjoy, it is difficult to bury it.

28. Keep in mind, criminals return to the seen of the crime. They want to resolve the energy. They are fascinated by the event. Those that breakup and leave -- the unresolved energy can get to them if it was positive.

29. You two are oddly like Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. You belong with each other, but you take forever to get to that conclusion. You have natural chemistry, you have a natural connection, and you have natural charm.

30. You think he'll get jealous and want to come back before someone else makes a move on you and steals you. He wants you back before that happens.

31. He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.

32. You instantly clicked when you first met each other.

33. He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults -- you're beautiful, you don't deserve this, you are funny, you are kind, I liked our friendship... etc. He seems emotionall confused.

34. You two were comfortable just chatting and didn't require the physical aspect.

35. He said he felt more accepted by you.

36. He acted like he was the luckiest guy in the world because he had you in his life. Who throws away luck?

37. Before the break, he texted you almost daily. Frequently saying good morning and goodnight.

38. He wasn't a player.

Would you take your ex back if he returned?

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How Do You Respond When He Returns?

Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in you best interest to no longer talk to the man, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet him in person, and move on with your life. If you feel he could be a threat to your safety, whether in a physical or emotional way -- you don't have to entertain him. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.

But if you feel like you want to see what's here: first don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:

  • Sex
  • Guilt
  • Looking to get money; they are broke
  • To apologize and have you as a friend
  • They want to give love another try
  • They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note
  • They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
  • They don't even know why they are trying to find you. They just did
  • Their life fell apart and you are the last resort to them getting better
  • They want your sister's phone number

So in dealing with the myriad of reasons they felt they should entertain your company, don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.

Most likely they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text of course is easy -- but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk. So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking him questions about the past, you are telling him essentially to go away and you don't believe in reconciliation.

Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring him around all your friends and family, keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong and you have already survived a breakup with him, so know it's going to be okay.


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    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 10 months ago from Chicago

      Complex indeed. He probably does want you in his life to some degree and a positive term because you two had kids together. When were you diagnosed with cancer and what kind? Why did he move to the United States? Why did you guys originally break up?

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 12 months ago from Chicago

      Complicated relationships are no fun.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 12 months ago from Oklahoma

      Interesting read.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 12 months ago from San Diego California

      I've been married 26 years and after reading this, that makes me happy. I don't think I could deal with these complications. Great tips.