Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

Updated on June 15, 2018
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Andrea loves to write about the zodiac, Myers Briggs, and texting. She is an expert on romance and relationships. She also has two cats.

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The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it in movies and television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone and accepting the loss drives us crazy. Conversely, there are plenty of men out there wondering the same thing: will their ex really let them go? Or will they return, looking to restart the relationship?

Will My Ex Ever Come Back?

So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then they more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back. I've listed some signs below that may indicate your ex still has feelings for you and would be open to the idea of coming back to you.

Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Wants You Back

  1. After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.
  2. You haven't been waiting for his beck and call. Instead, you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back into their lives.
  3. You broke up because of long distance. Maybe he was waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. He may try to reunite.
  4. You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow…
  5. You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.
  6. He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all social media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.
  7. In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?
  8. You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.
  9. You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word when he departed the relationship.
  10. He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so they dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.
  11. He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.
  12. He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults—"you're beautiful," "you don't deserve this," "you are funny," "you are kind," "I liked our friendship"... etc. He seems emotionally confused. He said he felt more accepted by you.

Would you take your ex back if he returned?

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Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

  1. You guys didn't break up on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.
  2. Did she delete you off Facebook? Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.
  3. You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that she still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. Your friends may drop a hint that your ex still talks about you.
  4. Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you; maybe she came to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe she wants to pick something up from you. She'll make up an excuse, but she's really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice, that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.
  5. You get a drunk text or a phone call from her. This means that you are clearly still on her mind.
  6. She tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.
  7. She randomly sends you a nostalgia text, something along the lines of "remember when we did this"? Nostalgia = return.
  8. She doesn't start dating anyone else and stays single.
  9. She posts moody status updates on social media that reveal how much she misses being with you.
  10. She still calls you from time to time; this can mean that she still likes you and values having a conversation with you.
  11. She continues to open up to you about her emotions. If you broke up on good terms, she still feels comfortable around you and she could be interested in getting back together.
  12. She gets mad and emotional when she sees you with someone else or hears about a date you recently went on. This is a big indication she still has feelings for you.
  13. When she runs into you, she gives you this wide-eyed look of longing. Maybe she'll just stop and stare at you for a couple of seconds. This means she still finds you desirable.

Sometimes the signs that your ex wants you back are clear.
Sometimes the signs that your ex wants you back are clear. | Source

How to Get Over Your Ex

If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.

It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course, you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.

Same goes for the men out there: it is not a good idea to continue to contact her. Leave her alone and work on dealing with your emotions.

Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self-help videos on broken hearts. There are also plenty of articles that contain helpful information about how to work through and deal with your emotions.

But your ex, if they left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let them go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.

What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.

How Do You Respond When Your Ex Returns?

Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in your best interest to no longer talk to them, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet them in person, and move on with your life. If you feel that they could be a threat to your safety, physically or emotionally—you don't have to entertain them, just tell them to go away. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.

But if you feel like you want to see what's there, don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:

  • Sex
  • Guilt
  • Looking to get money; they are broke
  • To apologize and have you as a friend
  • They want to give love another try
  • They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note
  • They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
  • Their life fell apart, and you are the last resort to them getting better
  • They want your brother's/sister's phone number

Don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart and get back with you. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.

Most likely they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text, of course, is easy—but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk.

So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking them questions about the past, you are telling them essentially to go away, and that you don't believe in reconciliation.

Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring them around all your friends and family, keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong, and you have already survived a breakup with them, so know it's going to be okay.

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Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back

While we may want to believe that our ex will return one day, that is not always the case, and no amount of wishful or positive thinking will change that fact.

If your ex does any of these things, the chances of them returning to you are slim to none.

  1. They cease all contact with you: no returning texts or calls.
  2. They block you from all social media. This is a big step that indicates they want nothing to do with you.
  3. They start seriously dating someone else.
  4. They slander you on social media, and they talk ill of you to their friends, and they go on about how you ruined their life.
  5. You had a particularly messy breakup where they cheated on you; there is no real way to forgive such an action.

Staying Strong

Breaking up with someone is a difficult thing to experience, so no matter what happens, try to stay strong and stay positive. If your ex ends up coming back to you great, if not that's great too, you can't get hung up on those outcomes. Try to keep up a positive mental attitude and move on with your life. There is more to life than being in a relationship, always keep that in mind.

Questions & Answers

  • As soon as we broke up, he was having sex with another woman. He is now in a relationship and in 2 weeks she lives with him. He posts pictures and messages all the time, says he is so happy, yet he can't completely let go of me. He can't go 2 weeks without being with me. We have been broken up for a few months from a long-term relationship. What do you think?

    This sounds terrible. I would abort the ship. He sounds impulsive and greedy.

  • He has a girlfriend. We don't talk but he looks at me a lot. Does he still love me?

    He has a girlfriend -- so he probably isn't thinking about you too much. If he isn't communicating in some way, that doesn't signal interest either. I think you should move on.

© 2016 Andrea Lawrence

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    • profile image

      Marina 

      3 days ago

      I was with my ex for 6 years and he had just finally gotten married. We were happy and starting our life as a marriaged couple even though we had basically been married and acted as so for years before we finally made it official. 4 months after we got married he started hanging out with the 18 year old next door neighbor girl even after i told him to please stop cause inknee she had a thing for him. He ended up cheating on me and left to go move in to his dads house rigth before Christmas. I was destroyed by this cause there were no signs of anything wrong between us before he did what did. There was a huge argument when it when down and it blowed up bad fora few weeks. He blocked me on facebook and when didnt talk for months. Then i finally was able to move of of the apt we have together for 5 years and to another apt somewhere else. Afterwards i noticed he un blocked me from facebook. I didnt message him after i noticed that. A month later i was diagnosed with cancer and i knew i needed to tell him just in case things went bad he had a right to know. So i told him in a message and sent it. He responded within mins and wanted to talk to me. We agreed to meet up in the park and talk about things. We did this every day for a week and even went out and hung out. He told me he wanted to be there for me with what i was going througg and told me he missed me and cared about me still. Which he was taking to appointments and surgerys and coming over a lot and talkinv to me every day. This has been going on for months now. He was still with the other girl during which he told me he would fight with her a lot about it cause she didnt like that he wants to be there for me. Which we had our ups and downs during the months cause he seems to be torn on what he wants. He told me that he her that he didnt care what she thought about it and that he was doing to be there for me no matter what.

      When he left me and when we he back and wanted to talk to me he would still say i was beautiful and that i didnt deserve what happened and that he knows he had it good with me but he messed it up.

      So after a couple weeks of us talking non stop and he seemed really happy talking to me and even making plans with me and it all seemed to be going well. I thought pkay we are starting to heal and we are talking about things. I sent him a message telling he how i felt about him and told him i didnt expect anything from him but that i need to be honest about my feelings and how i still loved him and that going through the cancer and being able to talk to him really brights up my day. I felt so nervous about expressing myself like that and even wanted to apologize thinking maybe it was dumb since we were basically acting like friends. He read the message and told me he need so time to think. I wasnt sure how to take that response.. im not sure if he just wants the time to think if he still loves me too or if thats his way of just wanting to run away again and that he just wanted a friendship.and me opening up was probably not a good idea.

    • profile image

      Arbi028 

      6 days ago

      He thinks that I cheat him... but I didn't.. his friend lie to him because of jealousy.. it's about to 1 year ago.. he never texts or calls me.. Now he shift to abroad.. but he isn't mess with me or use abusive words.. he isn't blocked me.. his only avoiding my texts.. ignoring meh.. as he don't want to contact meh.. no need clarifications... what should I do.. now i can't pin him.. I'm entirely broken.

    • profile image

      Amanda 

      7 days ago

      He was having a rough time with his sons mother and I disagreed to space and definitely over reacted. Been broken up for about 6 days, it’s only the second day with no contact. After the breakup he said he still loves me, but I did something that was a lot to handle. Do you think after some space, we may have a second try? We were in a fast paced relationship and were looking for a place to move in with each other right before this happened. He is the man of my dreams and always told me I was his best girlfriend and I am everything he needed in one. But I overreacted by putting my life on the line, which I know brought fear to him. He said he can still be here for me after we have some space. I really hope he gives me a second chance.

    • profile image

      Kimbob8585 

      3 weeks ago

      Hi my me and my lartner have been together 13yrs an 5 weeks ago he woke up an said he loves me but isnt in love with me, says that hes gave uo the perfect woman an that he needs his own space yet still cimes to my home stays shiwers etc, we have kids together also, he says he needs to live his life which he dose anyway or regret no livin his life or regret losing me in years to come he says its a chance he has to take, i dont know what way to take all of this any answers would be appreciated he tells everyone he has given uo the perfect relationship for no reason what so ever he says hes depressed an shows no empathy im so confused

    • profile image

      3 weeks ago

      I’m moving to a location 3 hours from where he stays for school, he broke up with me because he said he can’t do distance. I’m really finding it hard to take since we’ve been together for almost 3 years. He stays texting my phone showing so much care yet wouldn’t give us a chance. When I asked him to give us a chance, he answered “I would have but you are moving so no”. I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt. I need your advice please.

    • profile image

      Kadence martin 

      3 weeks ago

      What do I do if my ex says he doesn't like me but still asks my guy friend how I'm doing and he got jealous and asked a boy I was flirting with if he liked me and he is still talking to me and still touchy with me but I don't get it what do I do

    • profile image

      Taylor 

      4 weeks ago

      Its been almost two weeks since we broke up. We were both 21 hadn't had relationships before so everything was a first for us. When we first started to go on dates and start hanging out it got more serious to the point of I asked him through text what we were and he said I was his girlfriend. Six months down the line I told him I loved him, I thought he did too, because he is VERY affectionate, more than myself, he would always pull me in to kiss or cuddle etc. He felt bad and said he just wasn't there yet. We never really fought, had some disagreements but it never ended up fighting. A month after we had a first tiff and I was very dramatic and stormed out, I came back and he was crying and telling me to come back to bed, I felt so so bad and immediately started to cry. Thats when he stopped himself from falling for me. We made up and continued for a while till one night we were both in a foul mood (mind you these moods only happened 3 times, no fights or arguments) and I just didn't speak to him, that day he broke up with me. He texted me that night saying he felt guilty and wanted to come over to watch a movie then decided not to, he then came the next night and aware that we weren't together we still wanted to be friends. We did this twice and from his texts I could tell he wanted space, I did for a week and a half then he reached out to me to come over and watch a movie, we did. He proposed friends with benefits I said no because I am still in love with him and that would wreck me, we stayed up all night cuddling and eventually gave in. I guess from there we saw one another each week from August 2017 hanging out like a couple again. He didn't ask me out again so it sorta just happened. We had a serious talk this year in April and he said I think we need to take a break because it wasn't fair me loving him and he doesn't feel that way. We made up that night and fast forward to now June 18. He got a new promotion and new flat, he showed me it and said what he was planning to do, we even made plans for the flat, two days later he broke up with me. It was such a confusing breakup with so many contradictions; Saying he couldn't do it anymore, he needs time to figure his feelings out for me, he still cares and is still attracted to me, that he never really knew what he wanted going into a relationship, some weeks he was into the relationship and some weeks he wasn't, he said he felt love in some parts of the relationship but didn't know what to do with them so he pushed them away (always thinking with his head and not his heart) Just confusing and I don't know if it was full closure. I asked if we could still be friends and if he still wanted that too and he said yes but he needs time. We are still connected on social media. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't me, I want to give him time, I still love him and he's never done me wrong just a genuinely amazing guy. We grew together so much too, sharing so many firsts and amazing memories. I know time and space to let him breathe and figure things out. I just don't want to loose him completely from my life. I think If we could try again I would.

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      5 weeks ago from Chicago

      You don't need an official bye from him for closure. I say this man doesn't deserve anymore time from you and he is taking advantage of your time when you could be with someone else who cares about you. Shut him out. It might sting initially, but you'll recover and things will get better. Don't contact this guy, don't respond, tell him it's over and you're moving on. He wants to have both you and this other women WHEN he wants to do so. It has nothing to do with your time, but only his. So drop him. You'll feel more closure in time, but it will come from shutting him out.

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      5 weeks ago from Chicago

      Yes. I think you have a chance. Not sure how long it's been since you've broken up, but test the waters with some text messages and see how he responds. Start with some positive friendly texts and don't immediately go straight for asking for reconciliation. Just see if you can start a conversation that goes back and forth with ease, and if it seems positive, try meeting at something non-threatening, like for coffee or a movie.

    • profile image

      Andi2016 

      6 weeks ago

      I dated a man in and off for a little over a year. He kept going back to his ex gf. He would come around and tell me that I meant so much more to him than he ever told me. The other day he went as far as to tell me he loved me and is still trying to work things out with her. I finally hit a breaking point and asked for a goodbye (he refuses to give me) and told him it was hurtful, cruel and disrespectful that he would leave me more than once for her yet crawl back to me for advice when things were not going well for them and tell me he misses things we did and that he loved me. He said he wasn't thinking... I feel like he has feelings for me but nothing compared to what he has for her. I pushed him away this time instead of hi. Fading away like he usually does. But with his refusal to give me a goodbye (he hates goodbyes as he sees them as permanent) what is the chances I need to be prepared for him to try and return yet again? I have got to find a way to let go of the love I have for this man as I know its not healthy and I know it will continue like this as long as I allow it. Any suggestions on how to be prepared for a possible rerun if you all think there is a chance of him returning at all.

    • profile image

      Ryna18 

      7 weeks ago

      We had relationship for two years. Started as lovers only. But he wanted it more filled with emotions. And after several months I gave up

      We had caring warm loving relations with one twist- we kept it secret. He is 9 years younger with a family of really traditional rules. They already didn’t accept his former girlfriend although she was younger than him but of different nationality . I’m of different nationality too

      We decided to end our relationship

      He accepted his weakness

      But I somehow believe that we can reconciliate

      We were too close just to erase each other from our lifes

      I see him suffering

      I’m suffering too

      Do you think we could get together again? In this situation

      Thank you in advance

    • profile image

      Fiona 

      7 weeks ago

      - Ex and I dated for almost 7 years. Broke up 6 moths ago. We’ve been having communication problems, mainly caused by my bad temper and mood swings (he is very tolerant of me). One day, I started a fight forcing him to break up with me. I accepted it after our long talks that night. He suggested us staying friends to “help me” go through the tough times and move on

      - I reflected on myself and our relationship, realized my problems and apologized to him for hurting him through all our fights

      - I really took effort in controlling my temper and stopped myself from overthinking/overanalyzing things. I think he saw my changes and improvements and appreciated it, too. I did ask for a second chance via text on NYE (I went on a family trip without him), but he said no

      - Till now, we still remain as close friends, we text each other daily, talk on phone sometimes and meet up every week, sometimes twice a week or more. Our body language is a little bit more than just friends, but I laid out the no kissing or sex rules

      - I think he’s moved on, coz he let people know he’s broken up with me and is single. But he told me more than once that he isn’t looking for a relationship coz he has enough stuff in life to deal with. I told him the same thing and that I am actually enjoying my life

      - What confuses me was when I thought we were having a moment like when we looked into each other’s eyes I can feel the love and time just froze, he’d then say stuff like I don’t want you to have high hopes that we’d get back together. Or when I jokingly ask if he still loves me, he’d say he doesn’t want to answer that

      - Deep down I still love him and want him to be happy. But I know now isn’t the time to get back together yet, as we both have other stuff in life to sort out, and I still need to work on my temper and mood swings. Though I really do hope the day will come sooner

      - Do you think we stand a chance? We still care for each other, talk about everything, and are happy to have each other. But I don’t wanna get friend zoned. What should I do?

      Background info:

      - I am 30, he is 27 (both don’t want kids)

      - Set up by a mutual friend, went on a blind date

      - Told each other up front that we weren’t interested but enjoyed each other’s company

      - After 3 months and numerous hangouts, we got together coz the mutual friend gave him a push telling him we were totally in love with each other

      - Our relationship was like a rollercoaster ride, when it’s good it’s really good. When it’s bad (usually when I’m in a bad mood) it’s soooo bad. But we really grew with each other

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      2 months ago from Chicago

      This doesn't seem positive. I'm not sure what happened in this guy's head. He may have been playing you, or he may have run out because he wasn't ready for commitment here. There is a lot of mystery, but if he is ready to jet randomly -- he would do it again, and again, and again. It sounds like the two of you had serious communication issues.

    • profile image

      Janay 

      2 months ago

      My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I love to start drama.When reality I just only told him what happened but he went to confront the girl. He blames me for her back lashing abt the situation when he didn’t have to contact her in the first place. He also wanted to be done because I usually vent to my friends and try to get guidance. My friend became angry because he mentions her everytime we argue. So she confronted him but he blames me for wt she did when all I did was tell what happened. Everybody says I’m not in the wrong and that he is I know this. We are not talking, he took me off all social media. what could that mean? Just him wanting to see what I’m doing or not losing all of his feelings for me? We spent time together all the time and he spoiled me. He has cheated on me more than once by talking to multiple girls and received oral from 2 girls while we were together, but I forgave him and was willing to work on it with him. But he dumps me for something little?

    • profile image

      liz 

      2 months ago

      they don't come back after 2years or do they

    • profile image

      LG 

      2 months ago

      My ex and I met 3 years ago, because he had just moved to my high school and we both were on the track team (my best friend begged me to do it with her that one year). From the first time I saw him I was immediately drawn to him. We started talking and liking each other but it was never serious, we hung out once with a group of people and we both agreed to break it off. I saw him randomly several times since we broke it off, and each time we had picked up where we left off and it was magical. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he still had something for me but he got a girlfriend 2 years after we broke it off. Even though he had a girlfriend, I could tell he still likes me a little bit. I ended up at the same college as him and he broke up with his girlfriend because they didn’t have a good connection, him and I did and he knew that. We have something special. I never been in a serious relationship before because I lost interest quickly but I never lost interest with him. He told me he has ever stopped liking me since he met me and I haven’t either. We dated for 5 months and recently broke up because he wants to grow on his own and claims that we both need to make personal changes on our own, not together. I understood his reason but we were very happy together it was just so out of nowhere. We ended on good terms and my gut keeps saying we will get back together again eventually because the universe just can’t ignore the connection we have. However, he doesn’t think we will get back together. What do you think?

    • profile image

      Sharon 

      2 months ago

      He told me to wait till this month end after a 3 months breakup he told me last month that I must wait for him then the month is not even finish the he asked to come see me the went to his place but I'm still not sure if he's back or what I dont know what to ask now I'm more quite than before I don't do alot of talking and he is seeing that because he is telling me everytime that I'm quite I wanna ask him why he's back am I wrong ? Or must I just carry on because I do still have feelings for him but not sure if he is really back..

    • profile image

      Erin22 

      3 months ago

      Ok so my grand father passed away on Friday the 13th. The same day my bf told me he dont love me the same anymore. He just dont feel it between us anymore. I have 2 kids. He has none. He was in a previous relationship with a woman with 3 kids for 4 years. He asked my dad to marry me last month. We have been looking at rings sense. He was madly in love with me. I work a lot being a single mom with no help from there dad. I have more weight to pull. He was upset at one time that I wasn't asking him home his day was or calling him on lunch. Some days he wouldn't get home till 11pm. I get up at 5 get 2 kids ready n my self. By the time 9 pm rolls around I am tired from working all day. Taking care of kids after work. It's not like I did nothing. So I was making a point to ask how his day was. The last night he was home I waited up for him. He had a attitude tho. I seen the next morning he texted me asking if I was still up. For some reason I did not get it till that next morning. I sent him a text telling him how much I love him. He started a new job where he is traveling and not home much. I told him how much I appreciate him, n care for him. Then my grandpa died. Then later on that day I asked him if we were ok. He said no. I asked why? He said his feelings changed. My ex my kids dad was like wow. He loved u so much he was obsessed with u. I would have never thought he would have done that to u. Our families loved both of us. My kids loved him. I dont know how someone's feelings change that much in a month. Is it the new job, does he really not love me? Is it my kids? I am open to have another child with him. I told him i needed time for us first. I got pregnant right away with my ex. Then it turned to a disaster. So I wanted to make sure this didn't, before I was a single mom to 3 kids.

    • profile image

      Liza148 

      3 months ago

      Hi, so a couple of weeks ago I met a great guy..we went on a couple of dates which were absolutely amazing. During the weeks we were dating HE was the one pushing it towards a serious relationship, he would make plans for the future, introduce me to his mother and friends.. Although I had my suspicions that the break-up from his last girlfriend had not been long ago, I started trusting him because he was treating like I was everything he had been looking for. Then a week ago he suddenly changed his mind..He came to my place and told me he was sorry but wasn't ready to commit to a new relationship and although I am an amazing woman he just couldn't feel what he was supposed to feel..I was completely in shock and didn't say much. The day before that everything was going more than fine! My suspicion is that his ex must have contacted him the night before and made him realize he still isn't over her.. Last weekend I sent him two long text messages, telling him that I believe he made a mistake but also that I won't contact him again..he didn't reply. So far I was able to stay strong and haven't contacted him.

      I know I can get over him and everything I just feel like this isn't over yet...we kind of clicked and got along so great... Do you believe there's any chance he might reconsider his decision?

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      3 months ago from Chicago

      A few questions:

      How long ago did the two of you break up?

      Was this a random new person he just met?

      Don't chase after him. Stop communicating for 30 days if this is fresh.

      Also, how old are you guys?

      Does this seem like something he did out of the blue or does he have a history of it?

    • profile image

      SA 

      3 months ago

      My ex and I have been friends for 6 years. He was married before and that broke up. I waited for him faithfully. We finally got together in 2016. Everything was great. His family loved me. We talked of marriage, then, out of the blue, he grows distant and cold. Finally telling me that he’s met someone else and doesn’t love me anymore.

      He said he needed space tonf8nd work and work on his new relationship.

      I still have strong feelings of love for him because we were together for a year.

      I still love him and want him back.

    • profile image

      Angel 

      3 months ago

      hy, i have a huge problem. My ex and i have been dating for about 4 years.He was a womaniser and very abusive.He used to insult and control me. We broke up 2015 and i decided to focus on my school work and 2016 i went to university. Last year he told me how sorry he was about the way he treated me and wanted to fix things since he lost everything he had. I felt sorry for him and forgave him and we decided to take things easily as our break up affected me physically and emotionally. Now my problem is that i don't have feelings for him anymore and if i dump him i think he will think i'm rejecting him because he has nothing,i tried to break up with him but he's making me to feel guilt saying i think im better now and that i played him. I'm really confused please help

    • profile image

      Samiya 

      3 months ago

      Hello I'm just shattered I don't know how to say what to say. Its been 2 weeks to my breakup

    • profile image

      JC 

      4 months ago

      - Clicked instantly.

      - Long distance.

      - Made conscious efforts to see each other and chatted every day.

      - Six pretty perfect months.

      - He bought plane tickets to go with m to a wedding (his initiative).

      - He has told people in his life about me.

      - Three weeks before the wedding he started actinga bit distant.

      - Disappeared for a couple of days and then called to say he had family stuff going on and he was feeling a bit overwhelmed with a bunch of things but that he felt better about having spoken.

      - Disappeared a week before the wedding and didn't message again until after saying he freaked out and is going through some anxiety and is in a terrible funk that makes him feel introverted and intimidated.

      - Didn't get defensive and offered my support, reminded him I can move anywhere by the middle of this year and we can explore options.

      - He said he'd want to be in a relationship with me if conditions were ideal and we were in the same place, but he feels so badly now that he can't even see if it'd be a good idea to spend more prolongued time together and he doesn't want me to resent him.

      - I reminded him that tough times are just as important as good times between two people and that it's a risk I was taking fully knowing the options of what could come as a result.

      - He recognizes and says openly that he's focusing on the negative and he has to get out of his funk.

      - I said I understood and we could talk in a few days or more if that's what he needed.

      - He said thank you.

      - That was two weeks ago.

      - I have this reidiculous gut feeling he'll pop back up at some point even though I tell myself over and over he won't and to let go.

      Thoughts?

    • profile image

      Mm 

      4 months ago

      Jj

      Don't write the email. He knows how you feel. You cried for three hours. You asked him in text when he cancelled if he had changed his mind. He knows. And the more you chase him, the more he will run. A man isn't going to cancel that many times unless he has changed his mind. And He did. It hurts. It sucks. But try to move on. You deserve someone who wants you back.

    • profile image

      Jj 

      4 months ago

      Hello,

      So my ex and I were together for almost 6 years. We are high school sweethearts. Both 23. We did two years at home two years long distance and then he finally came to school with me and just started at the university this last fall. This is our second year living together. When we got back from Christmas break he was stressed, we had a couple arguments but mostly I thought things were good. We have some arguments last semester and he just joined a fraternity, one he felt he had to join since every guy in his family has been a part of it. He was always gone cause of pledging and I was getting worried when I would wake up at 2am and he wasn’t there. He was drinking more since he never really has been a drinker. Anyway over Christmas break he was getting a lot of family members asking when we were gonna get engaged. I think it overwhelmed him. I have already graduated and have told him I wouldn’t mind getting engaged soon. He still has two years left at school. But we came back from break and he wanted to take a break from our relationship I panicked and was so scared and cried and cried. Came back and stayed home for a week and I thought things were okay. After a week at home he wanted to break up. I panicked again as this is the person I have wanted to spend my whole life with. He came back the next day saying that he hated the way things were left and doesn’t want to put a title on our relationship right now but just wants so take a break for three weeks. I reached out to come girls who are dating fraternity brothers to ask for their advice on how they keep their relationship conflict free and make it work. He found out and snapped at me saying I wasn’t respecting his space and he wanted to break up for good. He was very angry. Well I called him two weeks later to ask about moving out and what we were gonna do. He texted me two days later and decided to come over and talk. He broke down crying saying he missed me and has felt so uneasy with out me. We cried together for a couple hours and he kept pulling me in hugging me and kissing my neck as he was crying saying he was sorry. We ended up catching up on the last two weeks we weren’t together and had fun. I told him we needed to learn to communicate better and handle situations with more maturity and he agreed but asked if it would be okay if he had one more week to think about what he thought we could do to make things better. He took pillows and blankets and towels, since he has been sleeping on the couch at the fraternity house for the past month. He told me he wanted to come over later that week for dinner before he left for the weekend for a fraternity thing. Well that day came along and he said he had a fundraiser dinner he forgot he signed up to volunteer at that’s night and then a friends birthday, so he didn’t come over. I told him I understood. He hasn’t been texting me back I love you when I said it that week so I was kind of panicking. I sent him a text asking if he had changed his mind and if he did let me know now instead of wait and if he didn’t then I would see him when he got back. He never texted me back so I thought things were fine. That Sunday came along when he said he would be back and he texted me telling me he got home too late and his meeting wouldn’t be over till 10 and that he was tired and grumpy from the long weekend and would come over the following night for dinner. He said it wasn’t because it was bad news just that he didn’t want to talk in a bad mood. He came over the next night and told me he was sorry but couldn’t think of an ideal situation for us right now. He says he can’t say he doesn’t love me and can’t say he doesn’t see his future with me but just thinks this is what we need right now and he made up his mind. I told him I know this wasn’t what his heart wanted especially after the last Monday was so good as we had passionate sex, not I’m horny sex. He said he was sorry he didn’t know what to tell me and all he could do was tear up and say he was sorry. He said he didn’t want to lead me on or break my heart anymore. But then I said I didn’t want to be alone on our anniversary and he said that’s still two months away not to think about it yet cause we don’t know what will happen by then and he also said that if / when we get back together he thinks it would be best if we didn’t live together. I’m so confused with everything he hugged me that night for three hours as I cried and brought me water and tissue and asked to give me one last hug before he left and he kissed me on the forehead. He told me he would text my friend to check on me and that he would check on me in a couple days. I haven’t heard from him in a week and a half until today when he said he was gonna get his stuff out next week but had to stop by today for something. I have been trying to stay pretty quiet. I have only posted twice on Snapchat and he has been the very first person to look at it both times. Friends have said he looks like he is happy with his guy friends when they see him. Is he lying to me? Is he playing with me? Or is he being honest and genuine and just wants this time to learn to be independent with his new found hobbies and friends and wants to learn what it’s like to be a guy and have freedom? His friend approached me at the bar the weekend after the good night we had and said that he has cried to him about us a couple times and just told me to give him his space and be patient and he will be back... I know he loves me but what is happening?!? What should I do cause this has been the most painful two months of my life and I don’t want him to move his stuff out because then it will feel like it’s really over. He has no where to go cause his parents love me so much and don’t want me to have to make up for his rent since this was his decision. They are extremely sad this is happening too. Any comments or suggestions help I’m sorry this is so long. I want to write him an email explaining my feelings should i?

    • profile image

      Caldwell 

      4 months ago

      Me and my boyfriend were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. We were hesistant because we lived on different states. I was away at school and so was he,. However after realizing we wanted each other and no one else we decided to make it official, we talked a lot before hand and he told me that he wasn’t a little scared because he wanted to give me the best version of himself he could, I said I like you how you seen now, let’s grow together. After that we dated for 7 months and it was the most amazing months, even though the disntace was hard we made it work, we made memories, we met each other’s families, we became even more connected. I told him that I loved him and he didn’t need say anything. he broke up with me a few days ago saying that the timing was wrong and that he needed to work on himself and love himslef before he could give me that kind of love. He said the next few years of his life he needs to figure out things on his own and that he couldn’t be age much me because he needed to focus on himself. We talked a lot after the breakup and thanked each other for the memories, for how much we grew together. We said how much we love each other as human beings and he says he feel so lucky to have had me in his life the way he did. He said some day he hopes we can cross paths again when the timing is right. We both agreed to try to be friends and possibly catch up from time to time. I really have hopes that he and I will reunite because our relationship was amazing, he was a great bf and I have never felt so much fire. We are very young I am 22 and he is 20 so I do believe the timing might have been all. I feel like I met the perfect person but just not at the right time. I know I need to start letting go, but I love him so much, I think he is a wonderful human being. He said that he is sorry to i be putting me through this pain and that he wasn’t strong enough to live this out with me, he wished me luck and said that he knows so I will do great with him or without him. I just keep having this feeling that it’s not over. We had this new amazing, pure relationship and that’s just how it ended, there was no foul play, there were no harsh words, we haven nothing but beautiful things to say to one another. How can I let go of a person who I open to More than I ever had. Someone’s I still felt butterflies for even months in to the relationship. How do I let go of my best friend, especially when I have this hope that we will encounter again in the future. I’m heartbroken and confused and I just want to hear an outside opinion on the matter.

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      5 months ago from Chicago

      You may have been something to him -- but he may have felt you were overbearing. If you're wanting to fight rather than be supportive, this is going to make him run away from you. You're not being kind and gentle enough while also showing strength during adversity. You need to focus on yourself and working on yourself right now.

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      5 months ago from Chicago

      Let's not bash psychologists and counselors. I'm more of an advice columnist. And I don't tell people what they want to hear. I try to be straight with them.

      Break ups can be healthy so people can get to a better spot in their lives. Some people don't understand why people won't communicate with them at all, while others see it is more respectful and humane to stop communication entirely so as not to lead the other person on.

      To be honest, I think ideally you want an amicable break up. Stop communication for awhile, but thinking that you can't ever talk to that person again is like telling the other person they are incapable of getting over a person and moving on. Do you see the difference? Stopping communication right after a breakup is normal, but continuing that forever is more about ego. As though you were so great that they couldn't possibly have stopped their feelings. Sometimes it's good to open up communication after awhile, when things have changed, so as to build closure. She may have called you multiple times not to win you back, but to get closure -- it's not always easy to tell, and you are probably right that she wanted you back. But denying someone closure can be really hard on people. Do keep that in mind as you move forward in life.

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      5 months ago from Chicago

      Not sure why you guys broke up. That's a key.

      My other thought: yes, you will likely talk to each other down the road. Will it be romantic? No idea. It sounds like he is dealing with confidence issues and doesn't feel like he is old enough nor has the resources to build the relationship he wants. I'm getting this by how he is clinging to objects from the relationship.

      This does not mean that when he is ready for a relationship, a serious one, it will be with you. Time and change will take place and you guys may end up going your separate paths, and that is okay.

      There is a rule out there to stop contact for 30 days if it is on positive terms, and 45 if negative. Give it a month and stop communication. Get your bearings. Focus on you and give yourself the chance to hear your inner voice. This guy sounds like he is a mess right now, and he probably thinks you deserve better (and he could potentially be right).

      Patience is a key to relationships and life. Use this as an opportunity to grow one of the most important aspects of yourself to prepare for a steady relationship. Don't act on impulse, act on wisdom -- be patient. A healthy, strong relationship doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. When the time is right for love, it will present itself.

    • profile image

      yeng lay 

      5 months ago

      its almost 2 weeks since our break up. Actually we broke up just over a text. It was me the one who brought the things up,But at that time i wasn't really had any intention to breaking up.I just want him to fight more but he just let me go and suddenly the no contact is really happening.Actually the problem was because his parents aren't really agree that we're together,and i saw him being so stressful what i want is that he would convience me to stay and should fight more.But things aren't work the way i want.It getting worse,i spent my first week crying everyday up until now. The question is,why did he just cut off the contact like he disappeared?Does it really means nothing to him?Does he not cared about me?Does he not love me at all and be happy because i want to leave?... to be honest from the deep deep of my heart i still want him.You said that if he has more positive things rather than negative one it worth to try right?If the problem with his parents never pop up i knew we will be happy so why did he just act like nothing happened and i saw he spent alot of good times with the his friends like i was nothing at all?

    • profile image

      Maximus 

      5 months ago

      I find these articles to be just observed patterns, not the norm. I broke up with my ex girlfriend and never communicated with her again . I didn't block her or anything. I just literally fell out of love with her and all of her texts and calls, were so obvious. I think she finally got the hint after a year. A year of the same messages and voicemails. I think it's better for the next person she finds worthwhile, or else how would she ever learn not to take someone for granted. I would not listen to most of these psychologists and counselors. They are just satisfying itchy ears. I remember telling my ex, " You sure there's nothing else you'd like to say to me?" And she felt so confidant that she would hear from me again, she said, "nope, I'm not attached to you." And that was it for me. No anger, no revenge. I just felt relieved that I would not have to deal with such an immature irritating person again. Freedom is awesome. Don't ever let anything try to hold you in bondage. Just looking at birds in the sky, makes you know how priceless freedom is and how no person can compete with such a right that every person is granted from birth.

    • profile image

      AirynLFaye 

      5 months ago

      We've known each other for 3 years, which 8 months of those we spent as Boy friend and girlfriend.

      We broke up late october, early november 2017. He claims that he wants the best for me because he's dealing with depression. He just wants to be alone.

      I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. He wants me to live life to the fullest. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy.

      A month after that, I go visit him (even though we were not communcating through anything -I kinda forced my way over there) to go through some questions I thought about that lead to our break up and post break up so I can see how he is. His roommate let me in and told me that my ex and I needed to talk because he was concerned abouy my ex.

      I walk in on my ex cuddling the blanket I gave him. I look around his bedroom and find all the things I have given him as a gift is organized and on display. There are beer cans every where. He is drinking his life away. I can tell he misses me.

      I wake him up and tell him why I am there. Which was to get closure from our relationship so I can move on with life by asking him these questions and getting truthful answers from him.

      We talk and hang out like old times, and he cooperated in answering my questions truthfully. But he still says that we need to separate without any communication. I know in my heart I need to move on, but I don't want to leave him behind in his depression. I honestly know that he needs time to go through what he is going through. Do you think he will contact me sometime in the future? We cut off all communications with each other kinda.

      I just want to know if I will still have a chance with this man in the future.

      I know I have to give him time.

      Like if we were both in a race, we met and were in sync for some time. But now he's facing obstacles that is making him fall behind. I try to go back and help him and he tells me to keep going, that he needs to finish his race on his own, alone. So now I am progressing more, and leaving him behind and focusing on my own race.

      Do you understand the analogy?

      Even though we are not in sync anymore, and not communicating. Do you think we have a chance again?

      I've been told by many friends that he knows I will always love him, and that he knows he has someone waiting for him at the end of the race.

      But he really hurt me when he decided to break up with me. I would give him a million chances to be with me again....

      I'm impatient, and just need to know if he will decide to be with me again.

      I am willing to wait/ go my own pace for the race. I just want to go through and finish it with him.

    • profile image

      Aliya 

      6 months ago

      He talks to alot of girls and i mean alot and people tell me thats hes happy and hes loving life does that mean hes over me?

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      6 months ago from Chicago

      He broke up with you for another girl? I don't think you can do anything to get him to come back. I think it would be best to move on.

    • profile image

      Sanvi 

      6 months ago

      Me and my bf broke up about 9 months ago.But now he is my friend. I still do love him .He is in another relationship which is the reason for him to broke up with me.How to get him back ,he feel jealous if I went close with one of my friend

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      18 months ago from Chicago

      Complex indeed. He probably does want you in his life to some degree and a positive term because you two had kids together. When were you diagnosed with cancer and what kind? Why did he move to the United States? Why did you guys originally break up?

    • SerenityHalo profile imageAUTHOR

      Andrea Lawrence 

      20 months ago from Chicago

      Complicated relationships are no fun.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 

      20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Interesting read.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      20 months ago from San Diego California

      I've been married 26 years and after reading this, that makes me happy. I don't think I could deal with these complications. Great tips.

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