Signs Your Ex May Return

Updated on October 26, 2016
SerenityHalo profile image

Andrea loves to write about the zodiac, Myers Briggs, and texting. She is an expert on romance and relationships. She also has two cats.

The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it on movies and on television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone and accepting the loss drives us crazy.

If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.

It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.

Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self help videos on broken hearts. But your ex, if he left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let him go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.

What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time off for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.

So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then he more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back.

Signs Your Ex May Return

1. You have a gut feeling. No matter what happened, how long ago you guys broke up, you have this really strong feeling you'll cross paths. And this doesn't just mean if you worked together or went to school together -- you don't run in the same circles and you know he'll still somehow appear. You can scratch this thought away.

2. You guys didn't breakup on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.

3. You have more positive thoughts for him than negative ones. Over the course of the breakup, you feel more loving and supportive. You've been putting out the positive vibes, not contacting him, but being positive about the situation. And you frequently put out the positive vibes.

4. They deleted you off Facebook? Some say this means they'll just return right back to you, and they were emotionally charged at the time they broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.

5. You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that he still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. They may drop a hint that he still talks about you.

6. After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.

7. You haven't been waiting for their beck and call. Instead you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back up into their lives.

8. You broke up because of long distance. Maybe they were waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. They may try to reunite.

9. You feel like Bella in New Moon. You keep getting this sense that you are being emotionally haunted, and you do what you can -- but thoughts of them crop up in your head even when you're trying to do something else. Not a fun experience, but pretty normal.

10. Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you, maybe they went to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe they want to pick something up from you. They'll make up an excuse, but they're really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice, that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.

11. You have dreams about them returning. I remember having dreams frequently about someone I liked who had broken up with me for his ex. But I didn't have negative dreams about them. I constantly would dream that they were coming back, and that I was trying to figure it out.

12. You get a drunk text.

13. You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow....

14. You receive anonymous letters in the mail.

15. You feel like he is stalking you somehow, usually through social networking websites.

16. You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.

17. He tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.

18. He randomly sends you a nostalgia text. Nostalgia = return.

19. He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.

20. In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?

21. What were his thoughts on being friends after dating? Is he the type to keep exes as friends? Then it'll probably kill him if he has no contact with you.

22. The physical aspects, whether just making out, were really strong and intoxicating. Who wants to give that up?

23. You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.

24. You guys were too young when you started dating; with maturity he may come back if things ended on a positive note. Except this to come months or years later, not weeks.

25. You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup, but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word when he departed the relationship.

26. He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so he dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.

27. You get the impression you are not out of sight out of mind -- but that he must be thinking of you from time to time. Does he have enough positive material from the relationship that he'll feel like he needs to come back? When we have something we enjoy, it is difficult to bury it.

28. Keep in mind, criminals return to the seen of the crime. They want to resolve the energy. They are fascinated by the event. Those that breakup and leave -- the unresolved energy can get to them if it was positive.

29. You two are oddly like Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. You belong with each other, but you take forever to get to that conclusion. You have natural chemistry, you have a natural connection, and you have natural charm.

30. You think he'll get jealous and want to come back before someone else makes a move on you and steals you. He wants you back before that happens.

31. He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.

32. You instantly clicked when you first met each other.

33. He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults -- you're beautiful, you don't deserve this, you are funny, you are kind, I liked our friendship... etc. He seems emotionall confused.

34. You two were comfortable just chatting and didn't require the physical aspect.

35. He said he felt more accepted by you.

36. He acted like he was the luckiest guy in the world because he had you in his life. Who throws away luck?

37. Before the break, he texted you almost daily. Frequently saying good morning and goodnight.

38. He wasn't a player.

Would you take your ex back if he returned?

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How Do You Respond When He Returns?

Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in you best interest to no longer talk to the man, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet him in person, and move on with your life. If you feel he could be a threat to your safety, whether in a physical or emotional way -- you don't have to entertain him. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.

But if you feel like you want to see what's here: first don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:

  • Sex
  • Guilt
  • Looking to get money; they are broke
  • To apologize and have you as a friend
  • They want to give love another try
  • They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note
  • They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
  • They don't even know why they are trying to find you. They just did
  • Their life fell apart and you are the last resort to them getting better
  • They want your sister's phone number

So in dealing with the myriad of reasons they felt they should entertain your company, don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.

Most likely they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text of course is easy -- but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk. So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking him questions about the past, you are telling him essentially to go away and you don't believe in reconciliation.

Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring him around all your friends and family, keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong and you have already survived a breakup with him, so know it's going to be okay.

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      Cierra Watson 2 days ago

      How to get your ex back and save your relationship or marriage! contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Is certainly the best spell caster online, and his result is 100% guarantee.

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      Caldwell 6 days ago

      Me and my boyfriend were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. We were hesistant because we lived on different states. I was away at school and so was he,. However after realizing we wanted each other and no one else we decided to make it official, we talked a lot before hand and he told me that he wasn’t a little scared because he wanted to give me the best version of himself he could, I said I like you how you seen now, let’s grow together. After that we dated for 7 months and it was the most amazing months, even though the disntace was hard we made it work, we made memories, we met each other’s families, we became even more connected. I told him that I loved him and he didn’t need say anything. he broke up with me a few days ago saying that the timing was wrong and that he needed to work on himself and love himslef before he could give me that kind of love. He said the next few years of his life he needs to figure out things on his own and that he couldn’t be age much me because he needed to focus on himself. We talked a lot after the breakup and thanked each other for the memories, for how much we grew together. We said how much we love each other as human beings and he says he feel so lucky to have had me in his life the way he did. He said some day he hopes we can cross paths again when the timing is right. We both agreed to try to be friends and possibly catch up from time to time. I really have hopes that he and I will reunite because our relationship was amazing, he was a great bf and I have never felt so much fire. We are very young I am 22 and he is 20 so I do believe the timing might have been all. I feel like I met the perfect person but just not at the right time. I know I need to start letting go, but I love him so much, I think he is a wonderful human being. He said that he is sorry to i be putting me through this pain and that he wasn’t strong enough to live this out with me, he wished me luck and said that he knows so I will do great with him or without him. I just keep having this feeling that it’s not over. We had this new amazing, pure relationship and that’s just how it ended, there was no foul play, there were no harsh words, we haven nothing but beautiful things to say to one another. How can I let go of a person who I open to More than I ever had. Someone’s I still felt butterflies for even months in to the relationship. How do I let go of my best friend, especially when I have this hope that we will encounter again in the future. I’m heartbroken and confused and I just want to hear an outside opinion on the matter.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 13 days ago from Chicago

      You may have been something to him -- but he may have felt you were overbearing. If you're wanting to fight rather than be supportive, this is going to make him run away from you. You're not being kind and gentle enough while also showing strength during adversity. You need to focus on yourself and working on yourself right now.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 13 days ago from Chicago

      Let's not bash psychologists and counselors. I'm more of an advice columnist. And I don't tell people what they want to hear. I try to be straight with them.

      Break ups can be healthy so people can get to a better spot in their lives. Some people don't understand why people won't communicate with them at all, while others see it is more respectful and humane to stop communication entirely so as not to lead the other person on.

      To be honest, I think ideally you want an amicable break up. Stop communication for awhile, but thinking that you can't ever talk to that person again is like telling the other person they are incapable of getting over a person and moving on. Do you see the difference? Stopping communication right after a breakup is normal, but continuing that forever is more about ego. As though you were so great that they couldn't possibly have stopped their feelings. Sometimes it's good to open up communication after awhile, when things have changed, so as to build closure. She may have called you multiple times not to win you back, but to get closure -- it's not always easy to tell, and you are probably right that she wanted you back. But denying someone closure can be really hard on people. Do keep that in mind as you move forward in life.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 13 days ago from Chicago

      Not sure why you guys broke up. That's a key.

      My other thought: yes, you will likely talk to each other down the road. Will it be romantic? No idea. It sounds like he is dealing with confidence issues and doesn't feel like he is old enough nor has the resources to build the relationship he wants. I'm getting this by how he is clinging to objects from the relationship.

      This does not mean that when he is ready for a relationship, a serious one, it will be with you. Time and change will take place and you guys may end up going your separate paths, and that is okay.

      There is a rule out there to stop contact for 30 days if it is on positive terms, and 45 if negative. Give it a month and stop communication. Get your bearings. Focus on you and give yourself the chance to hear your inner voice. This guy sounds like he is a mess right now, and he probably thinks you deserve better (and he could potentially be right).

      Patience is a key to relationships and life. Use this as an opportunity to grow one of the most important aspects of yourself to prepare for a steady relationship. Don't act on impulse, act on wisdom -- be patient. A healthy, strong relationship doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. When the time is right for love, it will present itself.

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      yeng lay 13 days ago

      its almost 2 weeks since our break up. Actually we broke up just over a text. It was me the one who brought the things up,But at that time i wasn't really had any intention to breaking up.I just want him to fight more but he just let me go and suddenly the no contact is really happening.Actually the problem was because his parents aren't really agree that we're together,and i saw him being so stressful what i want is that he would convience me to stay and should fight more.But things aren't work the way i want.It getting worse,i spent my first week crying everyday up until now. The question is,why did he just cut off the contact like he disappeared?Does it really means nothing to him?Does he not cared about me?Does he not love me at all and be happy because i want to leave?... to be honest from the deep deep of my heart i still want him.You said that if he has more positive things rather than negative one it worth to try right?If the problem with his parents never pop up i knew we will be happy so why did he just act like nothing happened and i saw he spent alot of good times with the his friends like i was nothing at all?

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      Maximus 2 weeks ago

      I find these articles to be just observed patterns, not the norm. I broke up with my ex girlfriend and never communicated with her again . I didn't block her or anything. I just literally fell out of love with her and all of her texts and calls, were so obvious. I think she finally got the hint after a year. A year of the same messages and voicemails. I think it's better for the next person she finds worthwhile, or else how would she ever learn not to take someone for granted. I would not listen to most of these psychologists and counselors. They are just satisfying itchy ears. I remember telling my ex, " You sure there's nothing else you'd like to say to me?" And she felt so confidant that she would hear from me again, she said, "nope, I'm not attached to you." And that was it for me. No anger, no revenge. I just felt relieved that I would not have to deal with such an immature irritating person again. Freedom is awesome. Don't ever let anything try to hold you in bondage. Just looking at birds in the sky, makes you know how priceless freedom is and how no person can compete with such a right that every person is granted from birth.

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      AirynLFaye 2 weeks ago

      We've known each other for 3 years, which 8 months of those we spent as Boy friend and girlfriend.

      We broke up late october, early november 2017. He claims that he wants the best for me because he's dealing with depression. He just wants to be alone.

      I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. He wants me to live life to the fullest. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy.

      A month after that, I go visit him (even though we were not communcating through anything -I kinda forced my way over there) to go through some questions I thought about that lead to our break up and post break up so I can see how he is. His roommate let me in and told me that my ex and I needed to talk because he was concerned abouy my ex.

      I walk in on my ex cuddling the blanket I gave him. I look around his bedroom and find all the things I have given him as a gift is organized and on display. There are beer cans every where. He is drinking his life away. I can tell he misses me.

      I wake him up and tell him why I am there. Which was to get closure from our relationship so I can move on with life by asking him these questions and getting truthful answers from him.

      We talk and hang out like old times, and he cooperated in answering my questions truthfully. But he still says that we need to separate without any communication. I know in my heart I need to move on, but I don't want to leave him behind in his depression. I honestly know that he needs time to go through what he is going through. Do you think he will contact me sometime in the future? We cut off all communications with each other kinda.

      I just want to know if I will still have a chance with this man in the future.

      I know I have to give him time.

      Like if we were both in a race, we met and were in sync for some time. But now he's facing obstacles that is making him fall behind. I try to go back and help him and he tells me to keep going, that he needs to finish his race on his own, alone. So now I am progressing more, and leaving him behind and focusing on my own race.

      Do you understand the analogy?

      Even though we are not in sync anymore, and not communicating. Do you think we have a chance again?

      I've been told by many friends that he knows I will always love him, and that he knows he has someone waiting for him at the end of the race.

      But he really hurt me when he decided to break up with me. I would give him a million chances to be with me again....

      I'm impatient, and just need to know if he will decide to be with me again.

      I am willing to wait/ go my own pace for the race. I just want to go through and finish it with him.

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      Aliya 2 months ago

      He talks to alot of girls and i mean alot and people tell me thats hes happy and hes loving life does that mean hes over me?

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      He broke up with you for another girl? I don't think you can do anything to get him to come back. I think it would be best to move on.

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      Sanvi 2 months ago

      Me and my bf broke up about 9 months ago.But now he is my friend. I still do love him .He is in another relationship which is the reason for him to broke up with me.How to get him back ,he feel jealous if I went close with one of my friend

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      Complex indeed. He probably does want you in his life to some degree and a positive term because you two had kids together. When were you diagnosed with cancer and what kind? Why did he move to the United States? Why did you guys originally break up?

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 16 months ago from Chicago

      Complicated relationships are no fun.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 16 months ago from Oklahoma

      Interesting read.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 16 months ago from San Diego California

      I've been married 26 years and after reading this, that makes me happy. I don't think I could deal with these complications. Great tips.

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