Andrea is a freelance writer. She writes on topics from interior design, relationships, ghosts, to anything creative. Contact her for work.
The Internet proves millions of us are constantly left wondering if our old flame will return. We see it in movies and television, and I've heard personal accounts many a time of exes not really wanting to let their honey go. Why? It all depends on what is going through the man's psyche. Sometimes we don't know what we have lost until it happens, or we downright miss someone and accepting the loss drives us crazy. Conversely, there are plenty of men out there wondering the same thing: will their ex really let them go? Or will they return, looking to restart the relationship?
Will My Ex Ever Come Back?
So how do you know if your ex is going to return? There are some clues out there to really let you know, but I think one of the main things you should be asking is: how positive was the relationship? If you felt it was positive, then they more than likely will be connected to it and feel a need to come back. I've listed some signs below that may indicate your ex still has feelings for you and would be open to the idea of coming back to you.
Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Wants You Back
- After a couple of months of no contact, you get a message or two. How should you respond? With positivity. Be a positive person. This is the key.
- You haven't been waiting for his beck and call. Instead, you went out and rebuilt your life. Most people say once they let the door close on their ex, and they really were able to move on, that's when the ex popped right back into their lives.
- You broke up because of long distance. Maybe he was waiting for the big move for a breakup, but if you really have feelings, then distance won't kill it. He may try to reunite.
- You get a call from his mother that he really misses you. Wow…
- You receive a handwritten letter from him. No one writes handwritten letters anymore.
- He only deleted you off Facebook; he didn't purge you from all social media. He didn't complete the job. He still has eyes on you.
- In his past, he would return to his exes for another try. What does his past say about his relationships?
- You get the impression that if he clarifies his emotions, he'll be able to come back to you with a whole heart ready for action. But don't count on this happening. A lot of people don't change and are not worth your time.
- You didn't act like a total spazz during the breakup but kept it classy and kind. He called you kind, not a curse word when he departed the relationship.
- He had too much on his mind with a new job, a new town, a new everything. He had to focus on all that, and so they dropped you. He was overwhelmed. He may return later.
- He often got jealous of other guys, so he can't quite commit to you being in someone else's arms.
- He said compliments to you during the breakup rather than insults—"you're beautiful," "you don't deserve this," "you are funny," "you are kind," "I liked our friendship"... etc. He seems emotionally confused. He said he felt more accepted by you.
Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back
- You guys didn't break up on bad terms. You guys had a short relationship. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again.
- Did she delete you off Facebook? Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. I don't think there are hard numbers for whether deleting someone actually makes sense. Or if keeping you on Facebook makes sense. Every situation is different.
- You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that she still likes you. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. Your friends may drop a hint that your ex still talks about you.
- Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you; maybe she came to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe she wants to pick something up from you. She'll make up an excuse, but she's really testing the waters. Be nice. Be really, really nice. You have more control by being nice, that's why I'm encouraging you to handle this situation like a pro.
- You get a drunk text or a phone call from her. This means that you are clearly still on her mind.
- She tries to add you on random social media, including Linkedin, Instagram, and Snapchat. Pick your poison.
- She randomly sends you a nostalgia text, something along the lines of "remember when we did this"? Nostalgia = return.
- She doesn't start dating anyone else and stays single.
- She posts moody status updates on social media that reveal how much she misses being with you.
- She still calls you from time to time; this can mean that she still likes you and values having a conversation with you.
- She continues to open up to you about her emotions. If you broke up on good terms, she still feels comfortable around you and she could be interested in getting back together.
- She gets mad and emotional when she sees you with someone else or hears about a date you recently went on. This is a big indication she still has feelings for you.
- When she runs into you, she gives you this wide-eyed look of longing. Maybe she'll just stop and stare at you for a couple of seconds. This means she still finds you desirable.
How to Get Over Your Ex
If you were dumped, I recommend saying what you have to say at the beginning with grace. Say that you're hurt, say thank you for the good times, and say what you need to say. Then don't say anything at all.
It is no longer your job (or in your interest) to contact him. He knows what you had to say, and of course, you may have had a lot more to say, but keep it to yourself.
Same goes for the men out there: it is not a good idea to continue to contact her. Leave her alone and work on dealing with your emotions.
Journal it, talk to friends, talk to a counselor, watch YouTube self-help videos on broken hearts. There are also plenty of articles that contain helpful information about how to work through and deal with your emotions.
But your ex, if they left you, isn't going to be your best confidant on matters of love right now. They need to take care of their own crap, and if you keep talking, you'll just reassure them that it wasn't a good relationship. So let them go. It's a win-win situation: either you just lost someone who isn't right for you, or they'll come back and prove their worth.
What you need to focus on right now is building up a strong sense of self-love. Nourish and protect your heart and what you really feel. Don't judge yourself for the emotions that rise to the top, instead listen to what your heart is saying. I think it is an excellent idea to take some time for yourself right now, get back to your hobbies, see your friends, and make time for your own private thoughts.
How Do You Respond When Your Ex Returns?
Be classy and kind. If you believe it is in your best interest to no longer talk to them, then do just that. Lock your doors, don't meet them in person, and move on with your life. If you feel that they could be a threat to your safety, physically or emotionally—you don't have to entertain them, just tell them to go away. You don't have to entertain any messages that come to you or make any efforts at reconciliation. If you want to spend your time focusing on other efforts, then do so.
But if you feel like you want to see what's there, don't jump to conclusions. People return to their exes for a number of reasons including:
- Looking to get money; they are broke.
- To apologize and have you as a friend.
- They want to give love another try.
- They miss the heck out of you and just want to see where you are in life... and leave things on a better note.
- They want to see if they can manipulate you again and again and again...
- Their life fell apart, and you are the last resort to them getting better.
- They want your brother's/sister's phone number.
Don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are there to win your heart and get back with you. Listen to them. Be wise. Be considerate. Be as respectful to the person as you would like to be treated. Encourage them to speak, give them a cup of tea or coffee, be a positive experience for them first. When you feel comfortable with why they are approaching you, when you feel they've given you enough information, then you can decide where to go next.
Most likely they'll return to you first through texting or other social media. Whatever they say to you, make your response short but friendly. Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text, of course, is easy—but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk.
So tread lightly. Be positive, not negative. Keep your interactions healthy. Don't delve deeply into the past to figure out what happened; you should have done that by yourself and figured out what you needed to during the breakup. If you're asking them questions about the past, you are telling them essentially to go away, and that you don't believe in reconciliation.
Keep things really light. Go out for coffee, not a symphony and steak. Don't bring them around all your friends and family, keep it private. Keep it friendly. You got this. You are strong, and you have already survived a breakup with them, so know it's going to be okay.
Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back
While we may want to believe that our ex will return one day, that is not always the case, and no amount of wishful or positive thinking will change that fact.
If your ex does any of these things, the chances of them returning to you are slim to none.
- They cease all contact with you: no returning texts or calls.
- They block you from all social media. This is a big step that indicates they want nothing to do with you.
- They start seriously dating someone else.
- They slander you on social media, and they talk ill of you to their friends, and they go on about how you ruined their life.
- You had a particularly messy breakup where they cheated on you; there is no real way to forgive such an action.
Breaking up with someone is a difficult thing to experience, so no matter what happens, try to stay strong and stay positive. If your ex ends up coming back to you great, if not that's great too, you can't get hung up on those outcomes. Try to keep up a positive mental attitude and move on with your life. There is more to life than being in a relationship, always keep that in mind.
Questions & Answers
Question: As soon as we broke up, he was having sex with another woman. He is now in a relationship and in 2 weeks she lives with him. He posts pictures and messages all the time, says he is so happy, yet he can't completely let go of me. He can't go 2 weeks without being with me. We have been broken up for a few months from a long-term relationship. What do you think?
Answer: This sounds terrible. I would abort the ship. He sounds impulsive and greedy.
Question: He has a girlfriend. We don't talk but he looks at me a lot. Does he still love me?
Answer: He has a girlfriend -- so he probably isn't thinking about you too much. If he isn't communicating in some way, that doesn't signal interest either. I think you should move on.
© 2016 Andrea Lawrence
Joel on June 03, 2020:
Hello, my ex and I broke a little bit over a week ago. Reasons were that she didn’t feel the same as before apparently and thinks she does not love me anymore. We had same problem back in February but the in March she said she did love me and we continued with relationships, although she had been a little colder towards me, and with this quarantine it got even worse. Something tells me she does still love me but something is blocking her view, maybe monotony o things like that. There is definitely no 3rd parties involved in the relationship, cheating or a lot of conflicts and it was pretty much a break up in good terms where we can still contact each other whenever we want but she prefers not to and o do as well, at least for now. Do you think a reconciliation is possible given the reasons of break up and length of relationship of more than 3 years? Please I would like to hear your opinion and maybe some insight. Thanks in advance
Dee on May 11, 2020:
My ex and I are still very much in contact,no official break up,he said he grew distant because i deserved more and he was a terrible lover,what's the possibility of him being my soulmate?
Jenny on April 04, 2020:
Hi, my ex and I broke up for over a year and couple months.He left me for someone else then returned about 7weeks after we broke up. Since he returned we’ve been spending a lot of time together, I’ve been asking him about fixing things and going back into a relationship . He would always say he isn’t ready but still yet we were doing stuff as if we were in a relationship sex etc. we spent a whole year spending plenty of time together, now all of a sudden he’s been making excuses when I ask to see him or when I do see him he constantly picks fights ! Sometimes he says some really harsh stuff to me or does harsh things to me and acts like it doesn’t matter! I’m always the person who reaches out to him when stuff goes wrong...even if it’s him that’s wrong! Many of times I found myself begging and pleading with him to see him or for sex.Through all of this my ex still insists that we can’t have a relationship cause he isn’t ready...still yet I suspect he seeing someone else! He’s now telling me that I should let him go because I killed the feelings he had for me...and there wasn’t any way we would get back together! He has me blocked on WhatsApp message ,Facebook message But I can still call him on normal call. He also still has my house keys and hasn’t returned them, also when I call him he still answers! I’m still very much in love with my ex should I give up? Have I lost him forever ?!
Sammy on March 16, 2020:
She gets upset when she hears i flirt with other girls.she gets upset when she sees me taking photos with other chicks she gets upset when i snub her
She doesnt want to confirm whether we can get bsck together or not
Ted on March 11, 2020:
She Blocked me then unblocked me , She cliams to have gotten a Text message from some woman saying she Bitch Glad your gone .. we have been messing around for 2 months Bye Bitch!!! But not screen shot of text or # ... I called her out saying she made it up.... It was not happening and she got crazy with getting into my profile and claiming i was Hearting 5 women photos during out time together .This also was not Happening ..... question ,... A lot of Insecurity here !!! I was loyal to her and she was cheated on by her past husband so she is still carrying that around Correct.... I would not go back to her..
Callsign on December 29, 2019:
Well theres this girl ive known all my life we grew up dating eachother but we never told our families cause we didnt want to get in trouble but now her family not her mom but the rest of her family tells her that shes like my brother when we have been dating ever sense we learned how to swim but now we broken up for like the 3rd time saying 2 times will never get back together but i still love her shes very special to me and being able to marry her one day is only in gods hands but is their anyway maybe i can get her to maybe realise that breaking up isnt really the answer and time just might help (i really would appreciate any help anything to get me back with her would mean everything to me as of this point)
gabriella flores⭐️ on December 11, 2019:
we broke up because we were arguing a lot, it’s been a week and i still love him and i think he still loves me, i do want him back, but I don’t want to rely on that idea, but i can’t seem to let him go, we were in a two year relationship, what do i do ?!
Emily on October 10, 2019:
My boyfriend and i of 3 years broke up 3 days ago he said he loves me , doesent think he deserves me and that its just easier if we "leave it". Im so heartbroken he truly is my bestfriend he said the relationship needs a break first and then he said that its over i dont know why but im holding onto hope do you think im wrong for doing this ? Or will he ever come back
moon on October 04, 2019:
I dated my ex fiancé for 4 years and 11 months. we were engaged for 5 months. During this time he was amazing, he showed me he loved in so many different ways. but then we started to argue a lot about small things, but the arguments kept coming and then he contacted his ex. he said he did this because we kept fighting for no real reasons .I saw the messages, they met up once and I think talked on the phone. I found out and I was ready to leave but he promised he would never talk to her again and that he had made a mistake so I stayed. then several months later I saw his phone and he was texting other girls (he promised it was his friend using his phone to talk to other girls not him) I still stayed with him again. the trust was broken even though I wanted to make it work. I would look through his phone to make sure he was texting others again. I guess since were preparing for marriage he started to realize the importance of trust and how we didn't have it. he asked me to stop talking to him for a month. so he get figure things out. I did not like this I told him we should talk about it instead. but he insisted he needed the time off. I broke off the engagement and relationship. through text bc he wouldn't answer my calls. I asked to speak to our priest who would be marrying us and he told me that his silence was a huge red flag and it was up to me if I wanted to be with somone who needed time to think and figure out their love for me. my fiancé said I was throwing it all away. but wasn't he the one? with just 10 months until we get married and he doesn't want to talk for a month? I have tried to meet up with him to talk but he says he cant at the moment and makes excuses. what is going on with him? is this over? also we had to pay our second deposit for the wedding venue and I asked him what I was supposed to do and he said nothing
Me on September 27, 2019:
He broke me. He’s rude now and he has been not telling me why he left me.. he left me by just unfriending me and saying don’t ask why’s i did it
Jessica on September 16, 2019:
My crush &' i have been talking for almost a year but we haven't gotten ourselves in a serious relationship yet. He always tells me that i will soon to be his girlfriend. But we always had our fights all time. one time we didnt talk for a week &' i thought he didnt want anything serious with me cause he always tells me he doesn't want me anymore. So he kinda push me away a bit. So i was on my own &' i end up being in a music video where this rapper grabbed my ass, which i didnt think that was gonna happen. So the music video came out, he saw it &' deleted me. Like what did i do wrong. I feel like it was my fault. Now he doesn't wanna talk to me no more. He tells me to leave him alone. Idk if he's ever going to come back. It's a month we arent talking &' this is the first time that has happen to us
AmelI on September 13, 2019:
Yes I would because I still think about him every day
Lynn Fitzsimmobs on September 06, 2019:
So i had been dating my last ex for a year and last saturday he choose to break up over text because he couldn't handle long distance relationships and we didn't have mant interests and two days after he asks if i want to get back with him and he just needed time to himself was it right of me to say no or did I maybe misinterpret him or was he trying to lure me into a sense of false happiness to win me back?
Zotea on September 05, 2019:
One week after breakup she always updated her whatsapp status pictures with other guy what does it mean?
Tee Durga on August 24, 2019:
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago and he got a new girlfriend the same week we broke up. But he lives in my block and every time I would go outside and he’s there he looks at me. What does that mean? And we’re friends.
Sofia aden on July 28, 2019:
I really miss my ex
Tom on July 19, 2019:
being a man I thought I could help my friend (girl) with a reason why her boyfriend would just leave town without her and not even message her back for over a week. In all truth I could only think of 2 reasons which were not good things to have to tell her . If a guy sent his brother a message to contact her for him yet had her on Facebook and could've done it himself kind of tells me that he was advising her because he's up to no good , like another women or losing interest .No man in my experience wouldn't text their girlfriend back for that long .. now he's back to his wants for her to move up with him but doesn't suggest anything that she wants ... So I had her ask the question..... Why did you not message me for over a week . . ... He would answer it by text he tried calling .... But I said don't answer make him type it out.... He said he was adjusting and was busy doing things ..... To me that's a b.s. reason and I think he was occupied by som other persons time ....... Any any thoughts
Kulasa on July 09, 2019:
My boyfriend left and i find out he is with another woman. At the beginning i was fighting to get him back but after i heard he said he is done. I came to accept it. It hurts so much but its been three days i didnt make contact with him. I moved on and i did not go into another relationship. We were together for three years.
Because he is so paranoid he dumped me. He keeps accusing me of the things that he do and done. He is a habitual liar but why is it after what he did im still hopeful that he will come back to me? If that will happen what will i do?
Sammy on July 08, 2019:
It’s been a month since we broke up, haven’t been in touch only texted him yesterday cause i was asking about my money. When we broke up he said he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. He doesn’t seem to have moved on though.
maddie on June 29, 2019:
so me and my ex broke up a few days ago, its been 2 days since we spoke, he said he lost feelings for me and said we were never getting back together, but when he came over to get his stuff from my house he was bawling his eyes out. so im really confused... will we possibly get back together?
Tay on June 26, 2019:
My fiancé called off our wedding. He said he wants to focusing on himself is better for us so he can get his life together. What does this mean to you? Is this a breakup? I am confused
Hussaina on June 17, 2019:
This is the first time I broke up with my boyfriend even though I tried to break up with him several times due to an insignificant reason he always refuses to accept the break up which I was happy about.... But now am so heartbroken that we have broken up,we both love each other so dearly. The day we broke up he clearly said to me that I should put this at the back of my mind that he will marry me, he is only letting me be for now,that he wants me to add some ages so that when I have grown up I will know the accurate words to use in a situation .....please my question is is he really going to come back?
Kokokoko on June 09, 2019:
My ex boyfriend broke up with me last 2 weeks because he’s going to another school and he said that he’s scared that he can’t maintain our relationship when his in other school, we’re in good terms right now he message me if he need something, we have the same group of friends, so we’re kinda friends now but mu friend asked him “ do you still think of getting back to your ex” he replied “idk, right now no.” I don’t know what he feel because he’s the type of person who doesn’t show his vulnerable side to the people he likes to keep it to himself so it’s hard to tell, if he still likes me or miss me in some point, but in this situation is there a chance that he’ll come back to me
Lalala on June 08, 2019:
She broke up with me after five years a relationship... She said she wanted to do that a whole year... No one cheated she was depressed at that stage was fired from her job... Was like two months at home sleeping unreal hours 24 hours sometimes... Our communication was very low due... Her sleeping conditions... I was mad alot of times as i saw that she wouldnt talk to me whats going on with her... And suddenly one day when i was back from work she just broke it off and left .... We communicated two weeks... But very cold... Very hurtful she said we have passionate and strong love... But its not enough .... I want her back we did have more good then bad ... Idk if we can back together we are broke up almost a moth ago
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 23, 2019:
He still likes you. Liking you wasn't the problem. He probably is young and has many other obligations he needs to go through before having a steady and stable relationship.
AbigailDrz on May 13, 2019:
My ex and I were dating for a little over a year when we broke up. At this point in time we had just moved in together and were both getting a lot more responsibility at work causing extra stress on both of us. This was his first time living completely away from home so I know it was even worse for him. He had started to act differently the last 2 weeks of our relationship and told me he didnt know what he wanted with life and that included our relationship. The thing that hurt though is the fact that he couldnt break up if me or even address the situation. I had to do the breakup even though I didn't want it. The whole time he was so sweet throughout the process of me getting my stuff and constantly told me I wasn't the issue and that he was still extremely attracted to me but he needs to figure out what he wants before a relationship can come into play. I can't even be mad at him because it makes sense and is a smart decision but it confuses me when he randomly texts me to see how I am doing.
Sean on May 05, 2019:
i was with my partner for 7 years officially together before that on and off for another 3 years also engaged and i have two beautiful girls with her swell as a step daughter that i love as my own.
we split up 6 months ago due to my bad finial decisions with property development etc which spiralled meant depression and hardship finically which i then took a lot of my problems out on my ex fiancé,
I haven to counselling and continue seeking a counsellor swell as ananger management course.
I love her and i just want my family back.
she's hot and cold with me and i don't blame her as i have emotionally abused her for years and i have just stated turning it around and realising my problems.
I treat her as i would like tone treated now but she doesn't trust me and i don't blame her as i wouldn't either at this point.
i just want to prove to her i have worked on myself and still am and still have a lot to do for myself to be the man and father/partner my ex deserves.
she does not think we will get back together as she does not think i have changed enough.
so its the long road i have backed off chasing her and focusing on our children which has recently sparked a little more interest from her end in regards to asking me questions about myself and not the kids....
i plan to continue this way of treating her really well
she wants to see other ppl so i made the mistake of sleeping with somebody assuming she was doing the same.
she was only talking to guys not sleeping with them, i felt horrible and i am forever trying to now fix out amicable relationship.
when there is no pressure from me her and i get along quite well.
hopefully in time she can see for herself i am a changed man who's going to continue working on himself for himself and his kids and his family.
i need to regainer trust in me. and that's going to take time.
time will tell.
Helldevil7 on April 13, 2019:
So this thing is really serious we've Been in a relationship for approximately three months and yesterday she came and told me that she loves me but she want to do some stuff alone .
Well that day i prepared a surprise for her in my house she had tears in her eyes but she didnt show she was crying i still feel that she loves me
We had a perfect relationship
If we could say that monday she told me that she wanna go out and see some wedding dresses Tuesday she dont wanna talk to me anymore and she told me that she will talk to me whem she gonna be back in town again .. so i waited 3 days
Idk why u still think that she still loves me but why doing that ? And is there any potential for her to coming back
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 10, 2019:
She wasn't ready for a big move. It was happening too fast.
Racquel on March 29, 2019:
He lied a lot went to jail then he called me after jail the night I didn’t wanna didnt want him back n told I can date whoever I want I seen with a other girl then five months later he sends me a txt he needs help that what’s wrong with me why Ann I being rude to him. What doesn’t his mean sound like a booty call to mee
Desire on March 27, 2019:
He never gave me his time he tells me he's always busy I felt he doesn't treat me special just like the way he used to do before we broke up several times but now I really need him back
Stu on March 26, 2019:
I’m a serving soldier and on deployment, my relationship before the deployment was perfect, we were always spending time together and talked about moving in once I return, she even talked about marriage. Over the course of the deployment she has become distant, she still messages and phones but she tells me she’s not sure of what she wants anymore. I can’t sleep or concentrate because I’m afraid of losing her, I would appreciate any advice on how I go about things.
Nick on March 22, 2019:
I scolded my boyfriend because of some frustration for few days. He cried and left me. I begged him for one year to come back,but he's not coming and so stubborn. What must I do
Seb88 on March 20, 2019:
My GF of 1 year and 3 months just ended it with me as she can’t see a future and isn’t madly in love with me. She has been going through a rough personal patch ( depression etc - due to personal life issues)
I feel the basis of our relationship was great- we shared good times, laughter and always on holiday etc. Even recently she has got me gifts for valentine’s and always calls and wants to see me.
She was in a serious relationship for 6 years before she met me that had ended about 8 months before we dated.
I poured my heart to her but she said she couldn’t continue as she couldn’t force herself to feel the same about me. This all came on shortly after I asked her to move in with me.
Do you feel she means it or is this all just her having commitment issues or personal issues and dumping me because of this ?
happy on March 20, 2019:
I'm happy me and my bf have be dating for 3 yrs ND he started cheating on me recently posting pictures of them
Kevin N on March 19, 2019:
My girlfreind of 1 year and 8 months stopped loving me .So it started out in hs my sophmore year i chased her for 3 ml months until she finally wanted me. The first couple months were good until she found nudes of girls we know on my phone we got passed that she started being iffy when i moved away for 2 months then the first time she broke up witj me it was because i hung out eith my freinds instead of her i said i was gonna kill myself and i went into a hospital for 3 weeks after everything was good for about 2 months then i got really busy with work and we got distant almost then again she found more nudes on my phone couple momths go by i broke up with her for some stupid reason and when a couple days into our breakup she went to have sex with another man if i didnt call her she would of done it she said so a couple more months go by its now nov and she slowly stopped loving me stopped showing affection and all we did was argue because i would get so upset that i would try so hard to show affection and love her and get nothing in return i would get upset because she started snapping guys and stuff so in conclusion towards the end all we did was fight. And she keeps telling me she wants to live her life and not be held down didnt want her to live so we took a break around christmas for a couple weeks then we got back together then again we took another break and now she finally left me because its "toxic". She said we will talk in a couple months but i am a farmer i am always working and when im not im with her so when i am working so hard alone all day i would be so happy to come home to her but anyway ive come to terms and ive been giving her space to hopefully get back together . sorry i know its long but i need advice i could see myself marrying her but right now isnt the time i just want advice on how to not overthink get jealous and trusy and be happy with her she is everything to me. i need advice ASAP
Holly on March 10, 2019:
My ex and I had been together for 5 years and our situation is lil complicated. We were international students and met each other at uni in Australia. He always wanted to explore the world and we knew that since the very beginning. I kinda let things slide until that day finally came. He went travelling by himself and I only joined him in between jobs. Everything’s fine until... I was being bullied in the new workplace. I was depressed and lost 10kg in short period. After six months of enduring all these, my company fired me. He agreed to spend time with me again in Russia and Turkey then his grandma suddenly passed away. I told him to go while I travelled solo. Two months later, he finally found the time to travel with me but both we feel things are not the same. I couldn’t share his happiness while he is at his highest. He couldn’t accompany me while I was at my lowest. We stayed together for a while before he left me to Japan for another 6 months... I was in agony and somehow couldn’t connect with all his travel stories so I broke up with him. A month later, I rang him to talk things out. I realised how much he used to love me. That reminds me of lots of good memories.. I took the leap of faith and went Japan for him but things didn’t work out quite well. He listed a couple of reasons for not wanting to get back together and asked me to move on as well. 6 months had gone, he came back to the city we live but we only had dinner once and that’s it. It’s hard for me to move on and I kept giving him phone calls and sending him texts... he has now blocked me from all social media.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on March 06, 2019:
You should drop this one because he has a girlfriend, and trying to start something up with a guy who has a girlfriend is only going to end in unnecessary drama. Push him to the friend zone at the very best.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on March 06, 2019:
She may want to try other relationships because she is young and not ready to settle down. When your relationship went lackluster it scared her. She wants a spark. She doesn't want to be dramatic about breaking up. Things are probably confusing for her as well. You're not really that broken up though if you still live together and do all the relationship things. You would need to set boundaries to have a real break up. She's wanting to see other people because she isn't sure this is entirely what she wants -- and who can blame her? She's only 18 and your 20. Sounds like you'll be friends at the very least, but that you're still kind of dating each other. She if she is interested in going on some dates and if she is liking that the spark is kind of back.
Kayla425598 on March 03, 2019:
My ex and I broke up 5 days ago. She broke up with me bc she said she was unhappy. And bc I stopped being intimate with her. I'm a female as well. She acted really cold towards me. Said she wanted to be single and fuck other people. That if we are meant to be then maybe in a few months. She also doesn't want us to tell our family's that we are broken up. why ? And recently she has been sweet and said she wants a friend ship with me that if we get together later on then okay. We still and will continue to live together. We sleep in the same bed, share a car and started having sex again but I was the one who initiated sex . I'm heartbroken bc I feel she is the one for me. I had a rebound two days ago and felt like shit. Does she still love me or am I being blind by the love I have for her?. I currently have to stay living with her bc i habe no other place to go. We text still like normal and she called me babe from time to time. She also gets jealous if I go out .. and would want to leave work. Is she lying to herself about not being in love with me or what? The sex was also better than ever and felt like the beginning of our relationship. Oh and we have been together for about 3 years now, she is 18 and I'm 20.
Harriet on March 02, 2019:
He broke up with me saying am cheating on him and i love him like mad
Anonymous on February 23, 2019:
After dating and breaking up with a woman who I thought would never hurt me, years later I found out she was doing evil things to me. I’m talking witchcraft type things. We parted, I thought under good conditions... But I was wrong. I started getting sick, things started to go wrong and people started to pull away from me. I even got into a couple of close shave accidents. Nobody hurt, just cars. But I found out you can’t truly hurt someone who believes in God. I would have never suspected her, she was the type you’d take home to Mother, Church and Kids. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life but truthfully, I didn’t deserve this... I’m still working my way though it, with great things ahead. All I can say is look for the signs. Trust your instincts, and don’t ever be afraid.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 21, 2019:
Vaishalithepast on February 09, 2019:
Geena on January 30, 2019:
We broke up because he needed single and we should see other people, I blocked him on social media but on Facebook. He returned the favor and deleted my pictures off his media. But he left Facebook open, and still has my playlist on his spottily. We haven't spoken for a week and a half, but he has gone out every chance he gets. What does this mean for our relationship? Do I move on?
Kate on January 18, 2019:
My ex and I were dating 3 years and we broke up 3 times.Last 3 months ago,I broke up with him.He begged me not to break up.I said no.After 3 months,I told him to get back together.He said not to get back again and to rebuild myself.He didn't block me.He didn't changed his fb password.He dates with a chick girl but still not a couple.They usually hangs out.He chats with her all the time.But he doesn't talk about her to his friends.Sometimes he watched my fb story.Do you think that he still loves me ?Will he come back to me soon ?What should I do to get him back ?
Geet Sharma on January 10, 2019:
Hey I had a healthy relationship but he leave me for his family and we had very bad arguement and after that he never talk to me.will he come back
jeff on October 29, 2018:
we had an arguments on phone and we broke up. just like that. I was the first to block her and she block me too! so nobody sees each other! i need help to get her back,
Christine on October 20, 2018:
We dated previously for 3 years and then he pulled away. We stayed friends over the 5 years. Neither of us in a serious relationship. He recently said he wanted to settle down and wanted us to have a future together. Only after two weeks he said he doesn’t feel that spark anymore and maybe we are better as friends. Why the sudden change?
Travel Chef from Manila on October 20, 2018:
I find it hard to say that ex may return to you because sometimes it's more about the memories rather than the deep feelings he or she had when you guys are still together. Is it ideal for us to be with our ex the 2nd time around? Maybe for others, this may gain positive result but for others being together may only put both of your life miserable.
Shirley on October 03, 2018:
I need an urgent advice, I was in a 4years relationship back in high school, we were so fond of each other.. I love him and never stopped, we broke up and I got married ,even on my wedding day I wept crazy cause I wished I made a different choice..he never stopped reaching out.. He always sends me messages on my birthday and keeps calling though with a private number, I still love him.. Lately we've been speaking via phone and calls.. At some point I blocked him thinking that will help me forget about him and all we shared but I just cant. I really want him back.. My husband is really nice.. Don't know what to do. He loves me but the feeling isn't mutual, I've got a child with my husband. I don't know if my ex will want me back... The thought of leaving my husband of 4years is scary. Please advice.
Taylah on September 25, 2018:
It was really out of the blue. Basically in the time we've been dating he initiated everything, he told me he loved me first, said I was the best thing that happened to him. He asked me to move in with him too. Said it's always been me. All of this, stuff I never expected, like I'm not a fan of fairy tale stuff but he said it. I met his whole family, was there when things got real tough for him and eventually I let my walls down and fell for him. I already got out of a relationship where there was none of that. He planned for us to move to Auckland, he moved two weeks ago and asked me to do long distance and that he was so grateful I agreed and decided to stick by. I still love him like that wont fade, I've never felt this way about anyone so strongly it took me a while but it did happen, he was great at communication like he wouldnt let us go to sleep on a bad note and talk it out. Like it was such a good relationship, he was really low about a month ago and said I was the only thing keeping him going, he got out of that because he left that job and then the next week he was in Auckland with a new license and new job. I was supposed to move down in two months time. BUT on Thursday there was a job going at his uncles company for me and so I basically couldve got it *yesterday I got the email to come down to meet them about it* and I had a pretty good chance of getting it, basically did have it and he said just move in with him and his mum until we get our flat. I've always been cautious like this was moving so fast but he was always so reassuring, kept telling me it's fine and telling my family and everyone that he cant wait to move in with me just always happy as was I, he got me, knew how to handle me and guide me and grow with me. So on Friday night he came over, perfect night, I got him his favorite treats and everything like usual and we were just us, the next morning was great we woke up goofy and giggling and just happy, dropped me off at work and said he cant wait for us to go to work together and come home together, picked me up from work, everything was fine like you can tell when someone was off and he wasnt at all. Then he came up from his haircut and it took a while like nearly 2 hours, then he came back to mine, we were supposed to meet my family and he said he cant move in with me it was moving so fast and then didnt speak and I asked if he was breaking up with me and he said yes.
Badically he said he cant keep fixing people when he cant fix himself, that he cant do long distance *even when I offered to move down there but not with him, he said no it wouldnt have made a difference* He needs to sort himself out and that "hes going on a different path" but not with me he doesn't want to be with me, he said the love is there and he still cares. I asked is it the right person wrong time and he didnt answer and I also asked if there could be something for us in the future and he said he doesnt want to make any promises he cant keep. But followed with you were my friend first and will always be my friend, I've always considered you as one of my best friends.
We have history but he kept saying this feels right and it's kinda like we are meant to be together after everything, he said it's always been me. He knows everything about me and so do I about him. I've never felt this way about anyone before and its just killing me because I could be there in two weeks from now. Do you think they're could be a chance for us in the future? People said if he felt this way, he wouldnt have broken up with me... and that it was all a lie.. we've been best friends before and others have told me it all became too real so he bailed on me.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on September 12, 2018:
Need to set realistic boundaries. Talk about what you are texting to this other person. See if it is bothering your boyfriend and why -- and if his reasons are really realistic.
bez on August 30, 2018:
I have been dating this guy for 4 year but he said he need time to think 1 week ago because he thinks am cheating on him(texting wiz another guy ).and i meet him yesterday and we had sex.what does this mean?
Aylin on August 25, 2018:
Hi I have a good question?and that is why did my ex block me on social media just now knowing the fact that we broken up 6 months ago like that does make any sense and I want to know what you about this ?because he could of done this long time ago don’t you think or move on by now
Jo on August 25, 2018:
My ex of 26 years cheated and we have four children together. We meet for the kids but o now find he shows no manners towards me anymore. Doesn't open doors, say thankyou when I've made an effort to drive the children for a meet. I really feel disrespected in so many ways and used it hurts!
Emi on August 14, 2018:
Me and my ex bf had been dating for 7 years and he is in the army and just got back from his second deployment. After a few months back home he broke up with me and said it was because I wanted to get married and he didn't. Our relationship was great and this was all out of the blue. Is there a chance he could be together again?
Ελένη on August 09, 2018:
hey , i was with this guy for 6 months, 1 week before we broke up he said that he thinks he is in love with me, i didnt say anything and i just kissed him . Then i went for holidays with my family and one day he called me and said that he doenst feel that he misses me and that he is not in love anymore (1 week before that he said that he missed me )but he didnt wanted to break up with me so i had to break up with him .i text him asking his adress so i can send him his stuff but he said its better to meet up... its been 2 weeks now and i havent heart from him , i cant believe that his feelings can change this quickly. what all this means ?
Ghost on August 09, 2018:
Me and my ex were high school sweethearts, 5 yrs past and we ended up madly in love. I became someone I didn’t know I was toxic or just made mistakes & I forever regret that. She was this women who was 100% in to you and gave her all even if I made it difficult to be loved. I Never cheated on her. Skip forward to our breakup I was leaving to the military and wanted her to live her life and enjoy the world cuz she was stuck in relationship after relationship but ours was always going to be different. 4 months after our breakup she had a new boyfriend after 7 months I went home and I saw her we spoke and had sex she said she that it felt like I never left home. She constantly fought me the previous months saying that she didn’t want to see me and that she hated me and that she had no feelings for me but eventually when I’m face to face with her it all changes. After a few months at my first base she told me she didn’t think about me anymore and that she didn’t want to speak to me ever again cuz she lived this guy she was with so we did not speak for months. Fast forward 6 months... I’ve changed mentally and physically, I’ve changed from my childish demeanor and my flared temper I’m more understanding and able to have be civil, I made mistakes so I fixed them and my act. I reached out to her so see how she was doing and she broke down and told me that I was the love of her life and how she thought of me during sex with her man and how she lived this man but wasn’t in in love with him and that she doesn’t see him as her forever man. She’s been telling me that she would want to see us workout but I don’t benefit her but he does so it just seems like she is going to settle for what she has because it’s convenient, she’s very confused in what she wants because she contradicts her emotions she fights them especially when it comes to me. I know that she loves me but she contradicts it and says that she misses what we had and then later on she says she’s loves me for the person that I am. I’m being understanding and I’m being patient with her but truly what should I do? She also says that we were together at the wrong time of our lives And along the road we might have another chance I just know how she is if nothing is wrong she won’t let it go because it’s benefiting her and I’m to much of a risk
alien on July 28, 2018:
She broke up over phone and then I bombarded messages she blocked me from every social platform. After some time she responded with like on my personal message in facebook but on that day I missed to check and again bombarded messages. Now no contacts no news nothing. we were having very deep relationship,. I do not knw what she is doing now?
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 26, 2018:
Do let things cool off for awhile -- that in all honesty is the best thing to do in this situation and the only way of having a chance. He might not change his mind though, in that there is incompatibility.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 26, 2018:
He needs to confront his feelings with his ex first before doing anything with you. Did he break up with her to be with you? He has too much that's unresolved. He may have enjoyed your connection, but it perhaps wasn't exactly what he was wanting. I say -- don't count on him coming back and go out and carve YOUR life. There are plenty of men out there who will love you and not play these games. If this man comes back, you first need to know what YOU really want. Which it's perfectly fine not to take him back because of his wishy-washyness. It's also okay for you to try him again. The advice most experts would give you is not to contact him for at least a month.
Josil on July 25, 2018:
I dated this guy 2 months. He was not emotionally open but spent a lot of time with me on his own will: everyday for 2 weeks then every 2 days for minimum half the day.
He left me because he still loves his ex so he felt it is not right to be with me. I felt that we had a great connection and I could understand his thinking.
I fear I understand him so much that he will never return to me.
Also he told me he thought I was not right for him because we had 10 years age difference (him older).
I acted very kind with the breakup. He apologised every sentence and showered me with compliments.
I can remember his ways of looking at me and I refuse to believe that there were not feelings there. I do not want to but I do hope he will miss me and come back.
Do I have any chance, if his ex does not want him back? would it be bad to accept him then as I would be a second choice? or overthinking it?
Thanks. My emotions are clouding a logical reasoning.
Lyla on July 23, 2018:
The guy left because he felt that our personality doesn’t match. But we have been good together. No major quarrels etc.except times where I threw tantrum or being annoyed over certain stuff. So he called it off. Feeling that we are not compatible. But I’ve tried speaking to him a few times but matters just got swept under the rug because he doesn’t response to those. So neither did I pressure him. As time goes by.. almost a year. I think the pace of me getting angry gets more and he just got more frustrated. He’s a quiet man and don’t communicate a lot but his actions are always warm and loving. Do you think I let things cool off a little while and I would still have chance of trying with him again?
Jen on July 23, 2018:
my ex and I broke up 13 years ago and I disappeared and he did not know where I went to because he still wanted to work things out with me, but I couldn't. He is married now and it's funny because we keep running into each other and now we text each other almost every other day. He says he's happily married, but then one week ago he texted me that I still have half of his heart. What does that mean? I am married too by the way!!
ann on July 21, 2018:
It's been 2 years since we first broke up, and a year since we disconnected our relation. at the beggining it was magical, we both waited for so long in order to be together, and when we finally got together we both were extremely in love. it was so strong that ever since we got together we lived together and did all the things together, shopping, doctors, food, there hsn't been a day for us apart, and even if there was, we did a long skype session. i was 7 years younger than him, and we met when I was 19, and he was 26, we got together when I was almost 21. back then he had a girlfriend, and he knew I am in love with him, although I tried to hide it hard. he tried to cheat on her with me, as he loved me, but I refused, I told him he has to break up with her. things are much more complicated, we both were soldiers and he servered far from home, so she was basically his whole family. he didn't lie to her though, he told her he is in love with me, but she did want them to break up.I was waiting for 4 month as he kept promising he will break up. while I was ready to leave, as I couldn't take it anymore he left her, and we got together, and it was magical as it was. we even had our thing- he used to propose everynight to me, and we counted like 300 proposals, one for each night for our first dating times. but things were in a rush. we started living a routine that I was frustrated in, and I was not ready yet to leave my parent's house, but I couldn't be apart from him as well. so he came with me to my partents. and although I forgave him for his cheating, as I saw in his eyes he never did this before and our love caused us both mad, ( i know that because I would have never forgive a cheating unless it was him... and he never do that unless it was me) my mom never did forgive him. it was hard. living in y parent's house. moreover, the routine made him take me forgranted, he even said that, but that never hurt the amount of love that we both had. I was unhappy but still madly in love with him. one day I went to pick him up from work and he was an hour late. I was upset... as it wasn't the first time and he had no exuse, so, I wrote to my best female friend about it... and before we slept, he picked on my converstation with her. in the very next morning he admitted and apologized. he was very possesive and jealous, and my trust was broken again. I broke up with him. he was devastated. he puked, and we both cried. for a month he begged me back, and for a month I kept my pride, but I couldn't be without him. we kept on talking, after a month we got back together and for 6 month we broke up 4 times, and each breakup was uglier than the previous one. we both were broken, I was willing to try again but he didn't. I begged, cried got drunk, but he kept his game, telling me he still loves me, but doesn't trust our love anymore. I needed a vacation and flew 5 month away from home travelling in hope to forget him. before I went away we met, and he lied to me that we will get together so I can spend the night with him... and later he shouted that he will never see me again, and that I am crazy... I flew broken hearted. I couln't forget nor to forgive him.I couldn't forgive him at all, and I couldn't be apart from him. I kept my distance for a week and than texted him again ( a week that felt like a year ) we got back together again, but I never forgave him, 2 weeks before I came back I apologized and said that I can't really forgive him and that I am terribly sorry. it's been a year since than. he was broken trusted as well. we never contacted again, and on January this year he mistakely called me via whatup, I was sure he deleted me from whatsup, as he has from facebook. I contacted him 2 month lated, on April he told me he is in a new relationship. it's been almost 2 years now, I am incapable of letting go. he only recently let go. my mom will never forgive him for the things he had done, but it's been a while, and I do forgie him... and miss him. I haven't seen him for a year and a half now, but I think of him all the time. After I last contacted him on April he blocked me on whatsup, and then after a month he unblocked me, what could this mean? I know he still think of me, I know I love him still... I cannot date others, I don't want to date others...
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 19, 2018:
It sounds like he is pushing you out. Stop trying to message him and see if he comes back around eventually. You need to focus on yourself now and make a new life for yourself. Don't sit around and wait for this person. You can't force someone to love or trust you.
Marina on July 12, 2018:
I was with my ex for 6 years and he had just finally gotten married. We were happy and starting our life as a marriaged couple even though we had basically been married and acted as so for years before we finally made it official. 4 months after we got married he started hanging out with the 18 year old next door neighbor girl even after i told him to please stop cause inknee she had a thing for him. He ended up cheating on me and left to go move in to his dads house rigth before Christmas. I was destroyed by this cause there were no signs of anything wrong between us before he did what did. There was a huge argument when it when down and it blowed up bad fora few weeks. He blocked me on facebook and when didnt talk for months. Then i finally was able to move of of the apt we have together for 5 years and to another apt somewhere else. Afterwards i noticed he un blocked me from facebook. I didnt message him after i noticed that. A month later i was diagnosed with cancer and i knew i needed to tell him just in case things went bad he had a right to know. So i told him in a message and sent it. He responded within mins and wanted to talk to me. We agreed to meet up in the park and talk about things. We did this every day for a week and even went out and hung out. He told me he wanted to be there for me with what i was going througg and told me he missed me and cared about me still. Which he was taking to appointments and surgerys and coming over a lot and talkinv to me every day. This has been going on for months now. He was still with the other girl during which he told me he would fight with her a lot about it cause she didnt like that he wants to be there for me. Which we had our ups and downs during the months cause he seems to be torn on what he wants. He told me that he her that he didnt care what she thought about it and that he was doing to be there for me no matter what.
When he left me and when we he back and wanted to talk to me he would still say i was beautiful and that i didnt deserve what happened and that he knows he had it good with me but he messed it up.
So after a couple weeks of us talking non stop and he seemed really happy talking to me and even making plans with me and it all seemed to be going well. I thought pkay we are starting to heal and we are talking about things. I sent him a message telling he how i felt about him and told him i didnt expect anything from him but that i need to be honest about my feelings and how i still loved him and that going through the cancer and being able to talk to him really brights up my day. I felt so nervous about expressing myself like that and even wanted to apologize thinking maybe it was dumb since we were basically acting like friends. He read the message and told me he need so time to think. I wasnt sure how to take that response.. im not sure if he just wants the time to think if he still loves me too or if thats his way of just wanting to run away again and that he just wanted a friendship.and me opening up was probably not a good idea.
Arbi028 on July 10, 2018:
He thinks that I cheat him... but I didn't.. his friend lie to him because of jealousy.. it's about to 1 year ago.. he never texts or calls me.. Now he shift to abroad.. but he isn't mess with me or use abusive words.. he isn't blocked me.. his only avoiding my texts.. ignoring meh.. as he don't want to contact meh.. no need clarifications... what should I do.. now i can't pin him.. I'm entirely broken.
Amanda on July 08, 2018:
He was having a rough time with his sons mother and I disagreed to space and definitely over reacted. Been broken up for about 6 days, it’s only the second day with no contact. After the breakup he said he still loves me, but I did something that was a lot to handle. Do you think after some space, we may have a second try? We were in a fast paced relationship and were looking for a place to move in with each other right before this happened. He is the man of my dreams and always told me I was his best girlfriend and I am everything he needed in one. But I overreacted by putting my life on the line, which I know brought fear to him. He said he can still be here for me after we have some space. I really hope he gives me a second chance.
S on June 19, 2018:
I’m moving to a location 3 hours from where he stays for school, he broke up with me because he said he can’t do distance. I’m really finding it hard to take since we’ve been together for almost 3 years. He stays texting my phone showing so much care yet wouldn’t give us a chance. When I asked him to give us a chance, he answered “I would have but you are moving so no”. I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt. I need your advice please.
Kadence martin on June 19, 2018:
What do I do if my ex says he doesn't like me but still asks my guy friend how I'm doing and he got jealous and asked a boy I was flirting with if he liked me and he is still talking to me and still touchy with me but I don't get it what do I do
Taylor on June 18, 2018:
Its been almost two weeks since we broke up. We were both 21 hadn't had relationships before so everything was a first for us. When we first started to go on dates and start hanging out it got more serious to the point of I asked him through text what we were and he said I was his girlfriend. Six months down the line I told him I loved him, I thought he did too, because he is VERY affectionate, more than myself, he would always pull me in to kiss or cuddle etc. He felt bad and said he just wasn't there yet. We never really fought, had some disagreements but it never ended up fighting. A month after we had a first tiff and I was very dramatic and stormed out, I came back and he was crying and telling me to come back to bed, I felt so so bad and immediately started to cry. Thats when he stopped himself from falling for me. We made up and continued for a while till one night we were both in a foul mood (mind you these moods only happened 3 times, no fights or arguments) and I just didn't speak to him, that day he broke up with me. He texted me that night saying he felt guilty and wanted to come over to watch a movie then decided not to, he then came the next night and aware that we weren't together we still wanted to be friends. We did this twice and from his texts I could tell he wanted space, I did for a week and a half then he reached out to me to come over and watch a movie, we did. He proposed friends with benefits I said no because I am still in love with him and that would wreck me, we stayed up all night cuddling and eventually gave in. I guess from there we saw one another each week from August 2017 hanging out like a couple again. He didn't ask me out again so it sorta just happened. We had a serious talk this year in April and he said I think we need to take a break because it wasn't fair me loving him and he doesn't feel that way. We made up that night and fast forward to now June 18. He got a new promotion and new flat, he showed me it and said what he was planning to do, we even made plans for the flat, two days later he broke up with me. It was such a confusing breakup with so many contradictions; Saying he couldn't do it anymore, he needs time to figure his feelings out for me, he still cares and is still attracted to me, that he never really knew what he wanted going into a relationship, some weeks he was into the relationship and some weeks he wasn't, he said he felt love in some parts of the relationship but didn't know what to do with them so he pushed them away (always thinking with his head and not his heart) Just confusing and I don't know if it was full closure. I asked if we could still be friends and if he still wanted that too and he said yes but he needs time. We are still connected on social media. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't me, I want to give him time, I still love him and he's never done me wrong just a genuinely amazing guy. We grew together so much too, sharing so many firsts and amazing memories. I know time and space to let him breathe and figure things out. I just don't want to loose him completely from my life. I think If we could try again I would.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on June 07, 2018:
You don't need an official bye from him for closure. I say this man doesn't deserve anymore time from you and he is taking advantage of your time when you could be with someone else who cares about you. Shut him out. It might sting initially, but you'll recover and things will get better. Don't contact this guy, don't respond, tell him it's over and you're moving on. He wants to have both you and this other women WHEN he wants to do so. It has nothing to do with your time, but only his. So drop him. You'll feel more closure in time, but it will come from shutting him out.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on June 07, 2018:
Yes. I think you have a chance. Not sure how long it's been since you've broken up, but test the waters with some text messages and see how he responds. Start with some positive friendly texts and don't immediately go straight for asking for reconciliation. Just see if you can start a conversation that goes back and forth with ease, and if it seems positive, try meeting at something non-threatening, like for coffee or a movie.
Andi2016 on May 28, 2018:
I dated a man in and off for a little over a year. He kept going back to his ex gf. He would come around and tell me that I meant so much more to him than he ever told me. The other day he went as far as to tell me he loved me and is still trying to work things out with her. I finally hit a breaking point and asked for a goodbye (he refuses to give me) and told him it was hurtful, cruel and disrespectful that he would leave me more than once for her yet crawl back to me for advice when things were not going well for them and tell me he misses things we did and that he loved me. He said he wasn't thinking... I feel like he has feelings for me but nothing compared to what he has for her. I pushed him away this time instead of hi. Fading away like he usually does. But with his refusal to give me a goodbye (he hates goodbyes as he sees them as permanent) what is the chances I need to be prepared for him to try and return yet again? I have got to find a way to let go of the love I have for this man as I know its not healthy and I know it will continue like this as long as I allow it. Any suggestions on how to be prepared for a possible rerun if you all think there is a chance of him returning at all.
Ryna18 on May 21, 2018:
We had relationship for two years. Started as lovers only. But he wanted it more filled with emotions. And after several months I gave up
We had caring warm loving relations with one twist- we kept it secret. He is 9 years younger with a family of really traditional rules. They already didn’t accept his former girlfriend although she was younger than him but of different nationality . I’m of different nationality too
We decided to end our relationship
He accepted his weakness
But I somehow believe that we can reconciliate
We were too close just to erase each other from our lifes
I see him suffering
I’m suffering too
Do you think we could get together again? In this situation
Thank you in advance
Fiona on May 21, 2018:
- Ex and I dated for almost 7 years. Broke up 6 moths ago. We’ve been having communication problems, mainly caused by my bad temper and mood swings (he is very tolerant of me). One day, I started a fight forcing him to break up with me. I accepted it after our long talks that night. He suggested us staying friends to “help me” go through the tough times and move on
- I reflected on myself and our relationship, realized my problems and apologized to him for hurting him through all our fights
- I really took effort in controlling my temper and stopped myself from overthinking/overanalyzing things. I think he saw my changes and improvements and appreciated it, too. I did ask for a second chance via text on NYE (I went on a family trip without him), but he said no
- Till now, we still remain as close friends, we text each other daily, talk on phone sometimes and meet up every week, sometimes twice a week or more. Our body language is a little bit more than just friends, but I laid out the no kissing or sex rules
- I think he’s moved on, coz he let people know he’s broken up with me and is single. But he told me more than once that he isn’t looking for a relationship coz he has enough stuff in life to deal with. I told him the same thing and that I am actually enjoying my life
- What confuses me was when I thought we were having a moment like when we looked into each other’s eyes I can feel the love and time just froze, he’d then say stuff like I don’t want you to have high hopes that we’d get back together. Or when I jokingly ask if he still loves me, he’d say he doesn’t want to answer that
- Deep down I still love him and want him to be happy. But I know now isn’t the time to get back together yet, as we both have other stuff in life to sort out, and I still need to work on my temper and mood swings. Though I really do hope the day will come sooner
- Do you think we stand a chance? We still care for each other, talk about everything, and are happy to have each other. But I don’t wanna get friend zoned. What should I do?
- I am 30, he is 27 (both don’t want kids)
- Set up by a mutual friend, went on a blind date
- Told each other up front that we weren’t interested but enjoyed each other’s company
- After 3 months and numerous hangouts, we got together coz the mutual friend gave him a push telling him we were totally in love with each other
- Our relationship was like a rollercoaster ride, when it’s good it’s really good. When it’s bad (usually when I’m in a bad mood) it’s soooo bad. But we really grew with each other
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 16, 2018:
This doesn't seem positive. I'm not sure what happened in this guy's head. He may have been playing you, or he may have run out because he wasn't ready for commitment here. There is a lot of mystery, but if he is ready to jet randomly -- he would do it again, and again, and again. It sounds like the two of you had serious communication issues.
Janay on May 06, 2018:
My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I love to start drama.When reality I just only told him what happened but he went to confront the girl. He blames me for her back lashing abt the situation when he didn’t have to contact her in the first place. He also wanted to be done because I usually vent to my friends and try to get guidance. My friend became angry because he mentions her everytime we argue. So she confronted him but he blames me for wt she did when all I did was tell what happened. Everybody says I’m not in the wrong and that he is I know this. We are not talking, he took me off all social media. what could that mean? Just him wanting to see what I’m doing or not losing all of his feelings for me? We spent time together all the time and he spoiled me. He has cheated on me more than once by talking to multiple girls and received oral from 2 girls while we were together, but I forgave him and was willing to work on it with him. But he dumps me for something little?
liz on April 26, 2018:
they don't come back after 2years or do they
LG on April 23, 2018:
My ex and I met 3 years ago, because he had just moved to my high school and we both were on the track team (my best friend begged me to do it with her that one year). From the first time I saw him I was immediately drawn to him. We started talking and liking each other but it was never serious, we hung out once with a group of people and we both agreed to break it off. I saw him randomly several times since we broke it off, and each time we had picked up where we left off and it was magical. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he still had something for me but he got a girlfriend 2 years after we broke it off. Even though he had a girlfriend, I could tell he still likes me a little bit. I ended up at the same college as him and he broke up with his girlfriend because they didn’t have a good connection, him and I did and he knew that. We have something special. I never been in a serious relationship before because I lost interest quickly but I never lost interest with him. He told me he has ever stopped liking me since he met me and I haven’t either. We dated for 5 months and recently broke up because he wants to grow on his own and claims that we both need to make personal changes on our own, not together. I understood his reason but we were very happy together it was just so out of nowhere. We ended on good terms and my gut keeps saying we will get back together again eventually because the universe just can’t ignore the connection we have. However, he doesn’t think we will get back together. What do you think?
Sharon on April 19, 2018:
He told me to wait till this month end after a 3 months breakup he told me last month that I must wait for him then the month is not even finish the he asked to come see me the went to his place but I'm still not sure if he's back or what I dont know what to ask now I'm more quite than before I don't do alot of talking and he is seeing that because he is telling me everytime that I'm quite I wanna ask him why he's back am I wrong ? Or must I just carry on because I do still have feelings for him but not sure if he is really back..
Erin22 on April 17, 2018:
Ok so my grand father passed away on Friday the 13th. The same day my bf told me he dont love me the same anymore. He just dont feel it between us anymore. I have 2 kids. He has none. He was in a previous relationship with a woman with 3 kids for 4 years. He asked my dad to marry me last month. We have been looking at rings sense. He was madly in love with me. I work a lot being a single mom with no help from there dad. I have more weight to pull. He was upset at one time that I wasn't asking him home his day was or calling him on lunch. Some days he wouldn't get home till 11pm. I get up at 5 get 2 kids ready n my self. By the time 9 pm rolls around I am tired from working all day. Taking care of kids after work. It's not like I did nothing. So I was making a point to ask how his day was. The last night he was home I waited up for him. He had a attitude tho. I seen the next morning he texted me asking if I was still up. For some reason I did not get it till that next morning. I sent him a text telling him how much I love him. He started a new job where he is traveling and not home much. I told him how much I appreciate him, n care for him. Then my grandpa died. Then later on that day I asked him if we were ok. He said no. I asked why? He said his feelings changed. My ex my kids dad was like wow. He loved u so much he was obsessed with u. I would have never thought he would have done that to u. Our families loved both of us. My kids loved him. I dont know how someone's feelings change that much in a month. Is it the new job, does he really not love me? Is it my kids? I am open to have another child with him. I told him i needed time for us first. I got pregnant right away with my ex. Then it turned to a disaster. So I wanted to make sure this didn't, before I was a single mom to 3 kids.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 13, 2018:
A few questions:
How long ago did the two of you break up?
Was this a random new person he just met?
Don't chase after him. Stop communicating for 30 days if this is fresh.
Also, how old are you guys?
Does this seem like something he did out of the blue or does he have a history of it?
SA on April 12, 2018:
My ex and I have been friends for 6 years. He was married before and that broke up. I waited for him faithfully. We finally got together in 2016. Everything was great. His family loved me. We talked of marriage, then, out of the blue, he grows distant and cold. Finally telling me that he’s met someone else and doesn’t love me anymore.
He said he needed space tonf8nd work and work on his new relationship.
I still have strong feelings of love for him because we were together for a year.
I still love him and want him back.
Angel on April 01, 2018:
hy, i have a huge problem. My ex and i have been dating for about 4 years.He was a womaniser and very abusive.He used to insult and control me. We broke up 2015 and i decided to focus on my school work and 2016 i went to university. Last year he told me how sorry he was about the way he treated me and wanted to fix things since he lost everything he had. I felt sorry for him and forgave him and we decided to take things easily as our break up affected me physically and emotionally. Now my problem is that i don't have feelings for him anymore and if i dump him i think he will think i'm rejecting him because he has nothing,i tried to break up with him but he's making me to feel guilt saying i think im better now and that i played him. I'm really confused please help
Samiya on March 26, 2018:
Hello I'm just shattered I don't know how to say what to say. Its been 2 weeks to my breakup
JC on March 13, 2018:
- Clicked instantly.
- Long distance.
- Made conscious efforts to see each other and chatted every day.
- Six pretty perfect months.
- He bought plane tickets to go with m to a wedding (his initiative).
- He has told people in his life about me.
- Three weeks before the wedding he started actinga bit distant.
- Disappeared for a couple of days and then called to say he had family stuff going on and he was feeling a bit overwhelmed with a bunch of things but that he felt better about having spoken.
- Disappeared a week before the wedding and didn't message again until after saying he freaked out and is going through some anxiety and is in a terrible funk that makes him feel introverted and intimidated.
- Didn't get defensive and offered my support, reminded him I can move anywhere by the middle of this year and we can explore options.
- He said he'd want to be in a relationship with me if conditions were ideal and we were in the same place, but he feels so badly now that he can't even see if it'd be a good idea to spend more prolongued time together and he doesn't want me to resent him.
- I reminded him that tough times are just as important as good times between two people and that it's a risk I was taking fully knowing the options of what could come as a result.
- He recognizes and says openly that he's focusing on the negative and he has to get out of his funk.
- I said I understood and we could talk in a few days or more if that's what he needed.
- He said thank you.
- That was two weeks ago.
- I have this reidiculous gut feeling he'll pop back up at some point even though I tell myself over and over he won't and to let go.
Mm on March 10, 2018:
Don't write the email. He knows how you feel. You cried for three hours. You asked him in text when he cancelled if he had changed his mind. He knows. And the more you chase him, the more he will run. A man isn't going to cancel that many times unless he has changed his mind. And He did. It hurts. It sucks. But try to move on. You deserve someone who wants you back.
Jj on March 08, 2018:
So my ex and I were together for almost 6 years. We are high school sweethearts. Both 23. We did two years at home two years long distance and then he finally came to school with me and just started at the university this last fall. This is our second year living together. When we got back from Christmas break he was stressed, we had a couple arguments but mostly I thought things were good. We have some arguments last semester and he just joined a fraternity, one he felt he had to join since every guy in his family has been a part of it. He was always gone cause of pledging and I was getting worried when I would wake up at 2am and he wasn’t there. He was drinking more since he never really has been a drinker. Anyway over Christmas break he was getting a lot of family members asking when we were gonna get engaged. I think it overwhelmed him. I have already graduated and have told him I wouldn’t mind getting engaged soon. He still has two years left at school. But we came back from break and he wanted to take a break from our relationship I panicked and was so scared and cried and cried. Came back and stayed home for a week and I thought things were okay. After a week at home he wanted to break up. I panicked again as this is the person I have wanted to spend my whole life with. He came back the next day saying that he hated the way things were left and doesn’t want to put a title on our relationship right now but just wants so take a break for three weeks. I reached out to come girls who are dating fraternity brothers to ask for their advice on how they keep their relationship conflict free and make it work. He found out and snapped at me saying I wasn’t respecting his space and he wanted to break up for good. He was very angry. Well I called him two weeks later to ask about moving out and what we were gonna do. He texted me two days later and decided to come over and talk. He broke down crying saying he missed me and has felt so uneasy with out me. We cried together for a couple hours and he kept pulling me in hugging me and kissing my neck as he was crying saying he was sorry. We ended up catching up on the last two weeks we weren’t together and had fun. I told him we needed to learn to communicate better and handle situations with more maturity and he agreed but asked if it would be okay if he had one more week to think about what he thought we could do to make things better. He took pillows and blankets and towels, since he has been sleeping on the couch at the fraternity house for the past month. He told me he wanted to come over later that week for dinner before he left for the weekend for a fraternity thing. Well that day came along and he said he had a fundraiser dinner he forgot he signed up to volunteer at that’s night and then a friends birthday, so he didn’t come over. I told him I understood. He hasn’t been texting me back I love you when I said it that week so I was kind of panicking. I sent him a text asking if he had changed his mind and if he did let me know now instead of wait and if he didn’t then I would see him when he got back. He never texted me back so I thought things were fine. That Sunday came along when he said he would be back and he texted me telling me he got home too late and his meeting wouldn’t be over till 10 and that he was tired and grumpy from the long weekend and would come over the following night for dinner. He said it wasn’t because it was bad news just that he didn’t want to talk in a bad mood. He came over the next night and told me he was sorry but couldn’t think of an ideal situation for us right now. He says he can’t say he doesn’t love me and can’t say he doesn’t see his future with me but just thinks this is what we need right now and he made up his mind. I told him I know this wasn’t what his heart wanted especially after the last Monday was so good as we had passionate sex, not I’m horny sex. He said he was sorry he didn’t know what to tell me and all he could do was tear up and say he was sorry. He said he didn’t want to lead me on or break my heart anymore. But then I said I didn’t want to be alone on our anniversary and he said that’s still two months away not to think about it yet cause we don’t know what will happen by then and he also said that if / when we get back together he thinks it would be best if we didn’t live together. I’m so confused with everything he hugged me that night for three hours as I cried and brought me water and tissue and asked to give me one last hug before he left and he kissed me on the forehead. He told me he would text my friend to check on me and that he would check on me in a couple days. I haven’t heard from him in a week and a half until today when he said he was gonna get his stuff out next week but had to stop by today for something. I have been trying to stay pretty quiet. I have only posted twice on Snapchat and he has been the very first person to look at it both times. Friends have said he looks like he is happy with his guy friends when they see him. Is he lying to me? Is he playing with me? Or is he being honest and genuine and just wants this time to learn to be independent with his new found hobbies and friends and wants to learn what it’s like to be a guy and have freedom? His friend approached me at the bar the weekend after the good night we had and said that he has cried to him about us a couple times and just told me to give him his space and be patient and he will be back... I know he loves me but what is happening?!? What should I do cause this has been the most painful two months of my life and I don’t want him to move his stuff out because then it will feel like it’s really over. He has no where to go cause his parents love me so much and don’t want me to have to make up for his rent since this was his decision. They are extremely sad this is happening too. Any comments or suggestions help I’m sorry this is so long. I want to write him an email explaining my feelings should i?
Caldwell on February 16, 2018:
Me and my boyfriend were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. We were hesistant because we lived on different states. I was away at school and so was he,. However after realizing we wanted each other and no one else we decided to make it official, we talked a lot before hand and he told me that he wasn’t a little scared because he wanted to give me the best version of himself he could, I said I like you how you seen now, let’s grow together. After that we dated for 7 months and it was the most amazing months, even though the disntace was hard we made it work, we made memories, we met each other’s families, we became even more connected. I told him that I loved him and he didn’t need say anything. he broke up with me a few days ago saying that the timing was wrong and that he needed to work on himself and love himslef before he could give me that kind of love. He said the next few years of his life he needs to figure out things on his own and that he couldn’t be age much me because he needed to focus on himself. We talked a lot after the breakup and thanked each other for the memories, for how much we grew together. We said how much we love each other as human beings and he says he feel so lucky to have had me in his life the way he did. He said some day he hopes we can cross paths again when the timing is right. We both agreed to try to be friends and possibly catch up from time to time. I really have hopes that he and I will reunite because our relationship was amazing, he was a great bf and I have never felt so much fire. We are very young I am 22 and he is 20 so I do believe the timing might have been all. I feel like I met the perfect person but just not at the right time. I know I need to start letting go, but I love him so much, I think he is a wonderful human being. He said that he is sorry to i be putting me through this pain and that he wasn’t strong enough to live this out with me, he wished me luck and said that he knows so I will do great with him or without him. I just keep having this feeling that it’s not over. We had this new amazing, pure relationship and that’s just how it ended, there was no foul play, there were no harsh words, we haven nothing but beautiful things to say to one another. How can I let go of a person who I open to More than I ever had. Someone’s I still felt butterflies for even months in to the relationship. How do I let go of my best friend, especially when I have this hope that we will encounter again in the future. I’m heartbroken and confused and I just want to hear an outside opinion on the matter.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 09, 2018:
You may have been something to him -- but he may have felt you were overbearing. If you're wanting to fight rather than be supportive, this is going to make him run away from you. You're not being kind and gentle enough while also showing strength during adversity. You need to focus on yourself and working on yourself right now.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 09, 2018:
Let's not bash psychologists and counselors. I'm more of an advice columnist. And I don't tell people what they want to hear. I try to be straight with them.
Break ups can be healthy so people can get to a better spot in their lives. Some people don't understand why people won't communicate with them at all, while others see it is more respectful and humane to stop communication entirely so as not to lead the other person on.
To be honest, I think ideally you want an amicable break up. Stop communication for awhile, but thinking that you can't ever talk to that person again is like telling the other person they are incapable of getting over a person and moving on. Do you see the difference? Stopping communication right after a breakup is normal, but continuing that forever is more about ego. As though you were so great that they couldn't possibly have stopped their feelings. Sometimes it's good to open up communication after awhile, when things have changed, so as to build closure. She may have called you multiple times not to win you back, but to get closure -- it's not always easy to tell, and you are probably right that she wanted you back. But denying someone closure can be really hard on people. Do keep that in mind as you move forward in life.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 09, 2018:
Not sure why you guys broke up. That's a key.
My other thought: yes, you will likely talk to each other down the road. Will it be romantic? No idea. It sounds like he is dealing with confidence issues and doesn't feel like he is old enough nor has the resources to build the relationship he wants. I'm getting this by how he is clinging to objects from the relationship.
This does not mean that when he is ready for a relationship, a serious one, it will be with you. Time and change will take place and you guys may end up going your separate paths, and that is okay.
There is a rule out there to stop contact for 30 days if it is on positive terms, and 45 if negative. Give it a month and stop communication. Get your bearings. Focus on you and give yourself the chance to hear your inner voice. This guy sounds like he is a mess right now, and he probably thinks you deserve better (and he could potentially be right).
Patience is a key to relationships and life. Use this as an opportunity to grow one of the most important aspects of yourself to prepare for a steady relationship. Don't act on impulse, act on wisdom -- be patient. A healthy, strong relationship doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. When the time is right for love, it will present itself.
yeng lay on February 09, 2018:
its almost 2 weeks since our break up. Actually we broke up just over a text. It was me the one who brought the things up,But at that time i wasn't really had any intention to breaking up.I just want him to fight more but he just let me go and suddenly the no contact is really happening.Actually the problem was because his parents aren't really agree that we're together,and i saw him being so stressful what i want is that he would convience me to stay and should fight more.But things aren't work the way i want.It getting worse,i spent my first week crying everyday up until now. The question is,why did he just cut off the contact like he disappeared?Does it really means nothing to him?Does he not cared about me?Does he not love me at all and be happy because i want to leave?... to be honest from the deep deep of my heart i still want him.You said that if he has more positive things rather than negative one it worth to try right?If the problem with his parents never pop up i knew we will be happy so why did he just act like nothing happened and i saw he spent alot of good times with the his friends like i was nothing at all?
Maximus on February 06, 2018:
I find these articles to be just observed patterns, not the norm. I broke up with my ex girlfriend and never communicated with her again . I didn't block her or anything. I just literally fell out of love with her and all of her texts and calls, were so obvious. I think she finally got the hint after a year. A year of the same messages and voicemails. I think it's better for the next person she finds worthwhile, or else how would she ever learn not to take someone for granted. I would not listen to most of these psychologists and counselors. They are just satisfying itchy ears. I remember telling my ex, " You sure there's nothing else you'd like to say to me?" And she felt so confidant that she would hear from me again, she said, "nope, I'm not attached to you." And that was it for me. No anger, no revenge. I just felt relieved that I would not have to deal with such an immature irritating person again. Freedom is awesome. Don't ever let anything try to hold you in bondage. Just looking at birds in the sky, makes you know how priceless freedom is and how no person can compete with such a right that every person is granted from birth.
AirynLFaye on February 03, 2018:
We've known each other for 3 years, which 8 months of those we spent as Boy friend and girlfriend.
We broke up late october, early november 2017. He claims that he wants the best for me because he's dealing with depression. He just wants to be alone.
I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. He wants me to live life to the fullest. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy.
A month after that, I go visit him (even though we were not communcating through anything -I kinda forced my way over there) to go through some questions I thought about that lead to our break up and post break up so I can see how he is. His roommate let me in and told me that my ex and I needed to talk because he was concerned abouy my ex.
I walk in on my ex cuddling the blanket I gave him. I look around his bedroom and find all the things I have given him as a gift is organized and on display. There are beer cans every where. He is drinking his life away. I can tell he misses me.
I wake him up and tell him why I am there. Which was to get closure from our relationship so I can move on with life by asking him these questions and getting truthful answers from him.
We talk and hang out like old times, and he cooperated in answering my questions truthfully. But he still says that we need to separate without any communication. I know in my heart I need to move on, but I don't want to leave him behind in his depression. I honestly know that he needs time to go through what he is going through. Do you think he will contact me sometime in the future? We cut off all communications with each other kinda.
I just want to know if I will still have a chance with this man in the future.
I know I have to give him time.
Like if we were both in a race, we met and were in sync for some time. But now he's facing obstacles that is making him fall behind. I try to go back and help him and he tells me to keep going, that he needs to finish his race on his own, alone. So now I am progressing more, and leaving him behind and focusing on my own race.
Do you understand the analogy?
Even though we are not in sync anymore, and not communicating. Do you think we have a chance again?
I've been told by many friends that he knows I will always love him, and that he knows he has someone waiting for him at the end of the race.
But he really hurt me when he decided to break up with me. I would give him a million chances to be with me again....
I'm impatient, and just need to know if he will decide to be with me again.
I am willing to wait/ go my own pace for the race. I just want to go through and finish it with him.
Aliya on December 24, 2017:
He talks to alot of girls and i mean alot and people tell me thats hes happy and hes loving life does that mean hes over me?
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 20, 2017:
He broke up with you for another girl? I don't think you can do anything to get him to come back. I think it would be best to move on.