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5 Important Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Contacts His Ex

Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).

Find out why your boyfriend still talks with his ex.

Find out why your boyfriend still talks with his ex.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Still Talks to His Ex

Are you a little bothered because you just realized that your boyfriend still talks to his ex every once in a while? Does it make you feel insecure?

While it's natural to feel a little weird about it, the fact that he talks to his ex isn't automatically a bad thing. Before you burst into tears and start planning how you're going to dump him, here are a few things that you should do when your boyfriend is talking to his ex.

1. Address the Situation Openly

Don't hide the fact that you're bothered or insecure. This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. This simply means that you should acknowledge them.

Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. If he doesn't seem to care or acts really defensive about it, then maybe you should press him for more details.

2. Figure Out Why He Is Talking to His Ex

Some people can genuinely be "just friends" with their exes. Maybe they started dating, realized their feelings were mostly platonic, and decided to remain friends.

This is the ideal situation if your boyfriend is still talking to his ex: they are basically close friends who have no romantic feelings whatsoever. There's little to be jealous about if their relationship was short-lived and not very fiery. Even better, if your boyfriend's ex turned out to be gay (or straight, if you're gay) and that's why their relationship ended, then there's not as much of a chance that something inappropriate is happening between them. (Granted, it could still happen.)

On the other hand, there's more reason to be suspicious if there's no conceivable reason that they're still talking. For example, let's say that your boyfriend and his ex had a purely physical relationship and went through an explosive breakup. Furthermore, they were never very good friends in the first place. Why would they still be talking?

How long have your boyfriend and his ex been apart?

How long have your boyfriend and his ex been apart?

3. Consider How Long Your Boyfriend and His Ex Have Been Apart

Did they break up like a million years ago, before you even met each other? In that case, maybe the fire between them has cooled off enough that they can legitimately be friends without any drama.

On the other, hand, did they break up just last month? Did they break up because of you?

If it's only been a few weeks and your boyfriend is already talking to his ex, this might be something that you'll want to calmly address with him.

4. Take Some Time to Think (and Cool Down)

Even if you find information that you don't like while probing your boyfriend about the situation, take some time to be by yourself and think about what's going on. Before you react, reflect on what your rational response should be.

Remember that if your reaction is based on insecurity, you may do irreparable damage to your relationship. You might unwittingly send the message to your boyfriend that you don't trust him. How will he react to that? Is he really doing anything wrong? Think carefully about what you've learned and the best way to proceed.

Obviously, if you've discovered that your boyfriend is sending naked pictures to his ex or something like that, there's less to think about. In unambiguous situations like those, you might just want to kick the guy to the curb.

5. Ask to Meet His Ex

If his ex really is just a friend, your boyfriend should have no problem introducing you. Sure, it's normal for him to feel a bit awkward bringing a current and past flame together, but it should be doable.

However, if he is still seeing his ex in secret, he'll probably feel too guilty to introduce you or allow you to hang out together. He'll probably be nervous that you'll discover his two-timing ways.

If you do meet his ex, pay attention to how she (or he) acts. Does she seem nervous around you? Does she give you smug looks? Is she really touchy-feely with your boyfriend? If so, then you might have a problem. Even if there's nothing between them, she may be trying to rekindle something.

After meeting his ex, if you can tell that she definitely still carries a torch for him, advise your boyfriend of this. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of his talking to someone who clearly still wants him, don't be afraid to let him know.

Signs Your Man Isn't Over His Ex

  1. He talks about her all the time. If your boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex, that could be a sign, he still has feelings for them. Even if he's mad at his ex and complains, the fact that they're on his mind is a red flag.
  2. He's active in his ex's social media. If you're over somebody, you don't like everything they post. It's another sign that the ex is on his mind.
  3. He uses his ex's name by mistake. Ouch! If he calls you by his ex's name once, maybe let it slide. If it happens again, time to wonder if he hasn't moved on.
  4. He compares you to his ex. That's just rude. And also a sign he's still into his ex.
  5. He won't introduce you to friends he has in common with his ex. If he won't introduce you to friends who know his ex, it may be because he doesn't want the old relationship to be over.

Did You Catch Him Texting His Ex?

Here's what you should do.

5 Things to Do if You Catch Him Texting his Ex

  1. Tell him it hurts you.
  2. Ask him what's going on. What does his ex mean to him?
  3. Tell him you need his help being comfortable with their friendship (if you're sure that's what it is).
  4. If he admits he has unresolved feelings for his ex, then you need to decide if you still want to be in the relationship.
  5. Hear him out and take some time to think things over.

Can I Make Him Stop Talking to His Ex?

At the end of the day, you can't prohibit anyone from doing something. There really are two possible situations here:

  1. He is still talking with his ex, and there is no possibility that they will rekindle their relationship.
  2. He is still talking to his ex, and it's possible they may get back together.

Either way, he is the one who ultimately has control over this. The only thing you can control is whether you tolerate it or not. If you try to forbid him from talking to his ex, whether it is justified or you are just acting out of insecurity, you are fighting a losing battle. What's the point of a relationship if you can't trust your partner to make the right decision on their own, after all?

Reasons Your Boyfriend Might Be in Touch With His Ex

  1. They have kids together and have to talk often about custody issues.
  2. He's just friends with her. It's possible that he just likes the other women he has dated and that there's no hanky-panky.
  3. They broke up recently and still have stuff to work out. In this scenario, there's a pretty good chance that he might be into her romantically.
  4. He was friends with her for a long time, and they have other friends in common. Lots of shared history but no romance.
  5. He was the one who got dumped and still carries a torch for her. Watch out!

Your Strategy When He Talks to His Ex

If your boyfriend lies about contacting his ex then he's probably planning on cheating, if he isn't cheating already.

If your boyfriend lies about contacting his ex then he's probably planning on cheating, if he isn't cheating already.

What to Do if Your Boyfriend Lies and Talks to His Ex Behind Your Back

Did your boyfriend actively keep the fact that he was contacting his ex a secret from you? Did he lie when you asked him about it, but then you found out later that they were still talking?

Dump him. He was looking to cheat. There's no reason for someone to keep that kind of thing a secret unless they're planning to do something they're not "supposed" to do.

Sure, maybe he was just afraid that you would be mad or something, but that still begs the question of why he would rather avoid your anger than be honest with you. This points to some messed up priorities.

Trust is a foundational aspect of any successful relationship, and if you can't trust your own boyfriend, then maybe you're better off sending him back to his ex.

The Ex Factor

Why Does His Ex Keep Texting Him?

If your boyfriend keeps getting texts from his ex, take note of his reaction. Is he annoyed? Excited? Does he complain about his ex trying to stay in touch with him? Or does he excuse himself and go somewhere else to respond? The only way to know whether the communication between your boyfriend and his ex is the beginning of them getting back together is to watch and listen. Ask him why his ex is getting in touch. Then see what he says. Just because his ex is texting doesn't mean your boyfriend is still interested in them.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: My boyfriend is always communicating with his ex, even though I forbid him. What should I do?

Answer: What, is your boyfriend five years old? Are you his mother? Is it your job to "forbid" him from doing this or that?

If he continues to do something, knowing full well that you don't like it, then you can either live with it or break up with him. You cannot control another person.

Question: Do you think it is acceptable for someone to talk to their ex every day?

Answer: It depends. The frequency doesn't matter so much as the intention.

Question: Do you think my boyfriend should get mad if I block an ex on his phone?

Answer: You mean, if you go on his phone and block an ex of his, without his permission?

Then hell yes, he should be mad. You don't have the right to block other people on someone else's phone, no matter who it is.

You either trust your boyfriend, or you don't, but your boyfriend is (I assume) a grown man, not your child. He is not your property, and you are not the judge of who he should associate with. That's up to him.

If you don't like that he talks to his ex, and he refuses to stop by his own choice, then you can break up with him.

Question: What do I do if my boyfriend's ex messages him to catch up and he responds?

Answer: There's nothing inherently wrong with that. If they are just catching up, they could be friends. If she's trying to "catch" something else, then you might have a problem.

Question: I caught my bf's ex texting him for sex. He said nothing happened, and left it there. Do you think that because he didn't justify himself enough, it means that they are still sleeping together?

Answer: If he was telling the truth, why would he need to justify? Usually, it's liars who over-explain stuff.

Having said that, they could still be sleeping together, sure. There's no way to know. You either trust his word or you don't.

Question: Why is my boyfriends' ex insisting on talking to him on a video call?

Answer: I don't know your life, so I have no idea. Maybe she is still friends with him and just wants to talk to him. Maybe she's trying to seduce him. It could be any reason, really.

Question: Do you think it is okay to date your boyfriend if he’s waiting for his ex to be ready for him to be in a relationship?

Answer: Depends, is that the kind of relationship that you want? One where you're waiting to be traded in for someone your boyfriend likes more? If that's the case, then be my guest.

© 2017 Jorge Vamos


Barbara on May 21, 2019:

I'm dating a gentleman that was married to his ex wife 11 years. They divorced 3 years ago. He talks to her several times a week, not sure who initiates the calls. When he travels through her city he will stay at her place, on her couch and takes her out for dinner. We are older so their are NO kids involved. I'm a little upset about this arrangement and he just doesn't understand.

Amelia on May 17, 2019:

My boyfriend talks to his ex without telling me

But when I find out he says he only tells her to move on and that she only listens to him

But this has been carrying on for years nw

I always get upset and he always says sorry but does the same thing again

What should I do

Ginny on May 07, 2019:

My boyfriend refuses to tell me when he speaks with his ex. She has confessed to him that she still loves him and that she hates me having her life. I have told him several times that it bothers me and he continues to do it anyway. We have been dating for nearly two years and he still continues to talk with her behind my back.

I am really unsure of what to do. It truly upsets me that he talks to his ex and his family also talks to her.

Any advice would be helpful.

Sara on April 27, 2019:

Is it ok for my fiance to keep his clothes at his ex's house? When I ask him to give me keep his clothes instead he refuses.

Jordan on April 19, 2019:

My bf doesn’t like to FaceTime me, but he FaceTimes his ex. And that really bothers me. What should I do ?

Beth on April 14, 2019:

My man is very close with his ex. They text, she uses his car, his debit card, and she posts things on his Facebook and her friends and family ask her if she is dating him again. Its disrespectful to he and I both. He says I need not worry, but I've been there before.

Holly on March 20, 2019:

I made the mistake of dating someone for a year who sent the first half of the relationship lying to me that he wasn't over his ex. His ex broke up with him in 2017 and told him she wanted to stay friends. When he wasn't reaching out to her or calling as often, she would flip out and accuse him of not taking the friendship seriously. She called him every so often to hang out and do things together like go to a concert, go to brunch, go bowling, go to a ball game, etc. But she would also tell him about the men she dates, and she would call him crying if a guy did something terrible to her. He met me in early 2018, and all they would do is argue and hang out. Eventually, he told me he wasn't over her, and I was devastated that he led me on. By early Fall, he told me he wanted to commit himself fully to me and that he was over her. She would still lurk around, call him whenever she saw fit to talk about her "new guy," press for information about our relationship, stalk me on social media, yet continually insist to my guy that she had no feelings for him. Eventually, I got fed up and told him that in order to get serious with me, he needed to cut her out of his life, because it was affecting our relationship and made me feel incredibly insecure. His family gave him the same advice. She didn't take it well and flipped out, and continued to contact him anyway, and he wasn't ready to let go of the friendship. Towards our one year anniversary, he went behind my back and went out to dinner with her, a jazz concert with her, and went out for drinks with her and one of her friends, because that guy she was dating allegedly emotionally cheated on her, and she was on the floor crying and needed my guy to be there for her. I called her out on her BS, she cursed my guy out, I got into an explosive argument with him that turned verbally and almost physically abusive (on his end), and he discarded me after I basically told him that it was over. She's still in his life, he told one of my friends recently that their friendship "wasn't like that," to try to rewrite history. She continues to manipulate him and use him for whatever she needs, and now I have no idea if she wants him back or not or if she wants to continue playing these games, and I'm the one left devastated.

Brown on December 11, 2018:

My boyfriends ex's hit him up all the time he finally had me text one in a nice way to ask why she still text. The other one is Canada and secretly messaged him on messenger saying sorry that she is reaching out but she thinks about him everyday and misses him. He responded with don't ever apologize and that he thinks about her everyday as well and hope shes doing well. Then she responded again and he didn't respond. He just got back from vacation and I know I shouldn't have but I looked at his messenger and the last time they talked was Sun but he deleted all the messages. I confronted him and told him I looked at his phone and he said she hit him up but he didn't respond and when I asked why he deleted the messages then he said cause he didn't want to deal with me and knew I would look at his phone. Am I overreacting in being upset. COuld they just be friends?

valeria on November 08, 2018:

Is it weird that my boyfriend still talks about his ex to me? I don't know what to do . when he talks to me about her he seems exited .in just really confused could there be a chance of them getting back together? He told me that his ex texted him saying she needs help because shes having problems with her boyfriend, And i said why are you talking her , why do you even care about her,He also said to not worry because es dating me and she dating someone else. That doesn't mean that nothing is gonna change because anything can change even if shes dating someone and hes dating me. i just don't know what do at this point.

Queenie on September 04, 2018:

Me and my boyfriend were together for 5years and recently this august 21 on my birthday my boyfriend talked on his ex on a vidcall. What should I do since day1 till now he still communicates with her ex.His doing everything for me he spend a lot and help me financially, but why is he still communicates with her ex? Does he really love me or not? Or is he just using me? For his sexlife? I dont know what to do. I loved him so much and I'm doing my best to make him happy. I just dont get it why is he still communicates with hix ex secretly. I give him chances twice before same girl same issue, then now Im being blinded again I give him chance for a 3rd time. I loved him so much and I want to let go on him but i have a reasons why I am staying first I loved him 2nd I need him financially because he is the one whos supporting me right now coz Im still a student. And I dont have a relatives both sides that are willig to help me and my family.

Veronica47 on August 29, 2018:

I started dating my boyfriend 10 and a half months ago, and in the beginning it was wonderful is very attentive caring loving wanted to give me the world. Although he got jealous when he went into my phone and saw old messages and guys who had dated before who were my friends that I was still talking to he got really upset and told me that I have to stop talking to him or seen them if I was going to be with him. I agreed and I went ahead and deleted everybody and took them off that was on my phone. But then at another time he saw that all my Facebook friends and on messenger again he got mad and told me that there were some people that were not acceptable to for me to talk to or Facebook so I went ahead and took them off. Then he found out that I had dated my best friend son who is 25 and yes I Iwas 46. He then got upset got mad said how can I be going and visiting my friend when he's there and he probably wants to get in my pants. Well my friend and I stopped being friends because she didn't trust him around her son. Then about four to five months into a relationship his ex-wife get comes into the picture and says that she wants to get back with him and start texting and calling him frequently. Shave and proceeded to get a DUI because she was so upset that when she went out she called him and got pulled over. Well after that things got very uncomfortable between me and him because I found out that she was still texting him and he was not stopping it knowing that she still had feelings for him and wanted to rekindle the relationship. I know that they were married for 30 years and that's the excuse he gives me that she is his best friend or one of and that he can stop talking to her and that I'm a bad person for wanting to stop his conversations are knowing that that's the mother of his son and other children that are grown up and that she's the grandmother of his grandchildren to and that it is awful that I would want that. He called me other names which I won't mention but I felt really bad about it because I felt like he was disrespecting our relationship by keeping in contact with her like that. Well as the time he found out there he would forbid me from going to those stores. Well in return I said okay I don't want you going to where she works and also please don't like her post on Facebook or keep posting things back and forth to each other because I knew how she feels about him. First he did do some of it but I found out he was lying to me by still posting things and hiding it from me, then I found out he has bank account with her he says he has it because if in case his son needs anything but I have also seen him use it for other reasons. They also have credit card together, and she's still gets her mail at his house. I confronted him and asked him if she could change her address and if he could possibly not have things together with her like that because it makes me feel insecure and feel that he's not respecting our relationship. He proceeded to call me a lot of things again and said that he's being a hypocrite. But then I said to him I did change those things that he was not comfortable with why was it hard for him to do the same and he said that I was asking too much because that's his ex-wife and a good friend of his and he's more comfortable talking to her than with me. On a few occasions he's made comments like I might move her in because it will help me pay for my mortgage or he would say something like why can't you be more like her. I at this point and so miserable because I love them very much but I am at a Crossroads as to what to do because I want to break up with him or give him an ultimatum but I know what's going to end up happening is I will probably lose in Forever. He also brings up the fact that I have drank too much on a couple occasions and I think I was doing it to deal with what was going on. He then said to me the he didn't want me coming over as much because I had been disrespectful to him in front of my son by arguing with him. Can someone tell me in my email ridiculous about the demands that I'm asking in regards to his ex-wife or should I be leaving him?

Idk on July 20, 2018:

So it turns out the boy I’m currently dating is still close with his ex. I had always known that they were civil and got along from the start, but it recently turns out they are a bit closer then I thought. I mean don’t get me wrong I’m not saying ex’s have to hate eachother just because one has moved on, but I at least expect them to stop communication when a new relationship comes into the picture. I went in a bit of a strop with him last night, not too much but subtly enough for him to realise something was wrong, I don’t really feel like addressing the situation because he’s a good guy and I trust him. But still it kind of confuses me why they are so so close. I just feel like it’s a bit dodgy considering he has a thing with me and is really close to another girl, espiecally his ex. It’s not even as tho they are just ‘good friends’ they literally text almost everyday with kisses and the lot. I’ve been messed around once before so I know the signs of a cheater, but I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else feel this way? It’s sort of hurt me and I just wanna know if anyone can relate

Mary on July 06, 2018:

Makes me so sad most days. My bf talks to his ex, apparently every 2 weeks or so. I never did make any ultimatum to him but yesterday she texted him saying she was sad he didn't get her anything for her birthday (which was the day before) and when I asked him about it he admitted then that she called 2 weeks prior, and 2 weeks prior to that and so on and that when she calls she says I'm not good enough for him (which I know already because he tells me daily anyhow) and that he should dump me and so on and so forth. And she tells him things that I KNOW to be untruthful, but he continually sides with her. He says its perfectly ok and it doesn't bother him that she spends a lot of time trashing me. I normally just suffer in silence when I hear from folks that USED to be my friends who say they don't want to talk to me because she said this or that. She doesn't even *KNOW* me. It makes me sad that after two years + she still has keys to his home, comes over whenever I'm not around....that they only communicate behind my back. So when I found all this out, I felt it was just too disprespectful and asked him to have her stop reaching out to him. Now I knew they were talking and in 2+ years I've not asked him to block her or anything BUT I have asked for her to stop disrespectfully coming over as soon as I'm out of town and to stop telling him to dump me and contacting him for gifts at Christmas and her birthday, etc etc. Then when I beg for what I think is just a little bit more respectful behavior he gets angry and tells me that I am a rotten person and that there is nothing good to me at all, and that she is better than me and he goes on tells me my parents hate me and are ashamed of me from heaven. I am not rich and I have to drive an hour each way to see him every day. Occassionally he comes to see me now and help me with my house, but the vast majority of the time I am spending 4, 5, 600 on gas and tolls to see him and so now his latest rage at me was because I can't save any money. I am not rich. But I managed to buy my own house with my own money and never took a dime from anyone to get it. It's humble, but I'm still proud--my mom died when I was 15 and I was on my own after that. I fought hard from the brink more than once when I was 15, and again when my company filed bankruptcy many years later. I've always worked fulltime, many times two jobs and now I spend money like it's going out of style to pay a petsitter when I go to see him and for my gas and stuff..... Am I really an awful person? Am I really terrible for wanting to AT LEAST know when they are talking so it isn't bad stuff about me behind my back? Or her telling him to dump me? Or should I just suck it up because there will be fewer insults and hurtful comments to endure? Advice? Any insight would be appreciated.

Ft Raven on June 27, 2018:

Ok so I’m having a issue I just don’t want to tell my bf I talked to him and wanted the truth about this prank he did to his ex he pranked her by fake dating her fake saying old things like we say now I thought it was our thing I trust him but he didn’t tell me he was texting his ex after 2-3 months I feel like he still loves her or likes her it’s bothering me I am happy with him but I need proof he wasn’t actually loving on her and meaning what he said to her he called her babe and made daddy promises and said I love u kitty to her like we do in our relationship it hurts to see that :( I forgave him but it’s on my mind I don’t know what to do or he can do to prove he doesn’t care about her he texted her a long time I didn’t know about it til 4 days ago like.....it hits my heart to think about because I want it to last with him we have been together a year and six months now he says they broke up when he was 14 he is 19 now but she said they broke up a month ago while we are together but he also said it was part of the prank.......but I feel he still texts a lot of his ex’s especially her and I feel like he lied about blocking her plz help me I’ve been thinking so much...

Nobody on June 17, 2018:

So its fathers day today and my boyfriend got a text from his ex-saying happy fathers day. After he replied he wasn't a father, She said "Well I use to call you daddy" and she laughed. And all he did was laugh with her. This irritates me. What do I do...?

Silenced on June 02, 2018:

I'm with this guy and we really love each other but he still talks to a multitude of him exes and it really bothers me. He had this one ex he reallllyyyy loved and she cheated on him and he was devastated by this but he's still keeping tabs on her and lurking and talking to her and I'm thinking if she hurt you that badly and you wanted nothing to do with her, why are you still obsessed?

I'm extremely paranoid and suffer from bad anxiety so it's had for me not to make up scenarios in my head about what is going on or what could go on.

Sigh..... HALP

Nshanga Becky The Lawyer on June 01, 2018:

Hai my friends

I'm totally confused please help me

I just met this guy eight months now but I have failed to know what he really wants because he says he loves me and he does everything for me but then he still talks and meets his exs(he has more than 5 and he is still in touch with them)

One day I asked him about it and he told me that they are just friends but I feel insecure

This is the first guy I have loved but what he does really hurts me

I need your help

Leo on May 28, 2018:

My bf went to see his ex gf. She called him to help her out on things. My bf didnt tell me on the same day it happened. He told me the next day, on top of that he told me his ex gf did give him some hugs, trying to be touchy. After 2 weeks, again this happened. My bf onlt told me the next day. Guess what, this time his ex gf when naked in front of him after her shower. He told me nothing happen and they even went out together after the naked incident. Does this consider my bf is cheating on me ? He said that he's not lying nor not cheating. I am sad. I feel betray and like a fool.

Ms. Jealousy on April 17, 2018:

my bf is my friend ex i dont even know that they were exes, then i see how guilty my bf is when she's around, of course im jealous, i can see how he glimpse to her how he act so tense when shes around. Its really uncomfortable and one day caught him staring at her and he is so mad when i confronted him. I can feel also that my friend still have feelings for my bf. What should i do.. Sorry my english is not that good bear with me...

Taylor on April 13, 2018:

He talks to other girls then he says bro why do u not talk to me anymore and I’m like I do ALLyhe flipping time and he freaks out

Rachael on April 06, 2018:

He calls his ex to his house and ask her to do his washing of which his ex ended up burning my stuffs

Rose on April 02, 2018:

I caught my boyfriend talking to his ex twice now and his excuse was I knew you would get mad and the second time was I forgot to tell to you because I was to busy so I didn’t bother telling you. After I told him I didn’t want him to talk to her because she is still trying to get back with him

mark leo on March 13, 2018:


Kyleee on March 04, 2018:

I felt fishy about my boyfriend so I looked through his phone. I went through his photos and I saw a screenshot of him talking to his ex. When I confronted him he said her sister committed suicide around this time of year and I was talking to her about it because I didn’t want to be the reason she killed herself. What should I do in that situation? Should I have been okay with it? He also tells me anytime something with my ex comes up squash it or any guy

kabwe constance on February 28, 2018:

its not good to be communicating with your ex

Hurt on February 19, 2018:

I caught my boyfriend hiding the fact that he still talks to his ex. Usually id be okay with that but he had her saved as dave on snapchat and would message her all the time right in front of my face. When i caught him he lied about it and said it was daves girlfriend. But once i got more proof he just laughed at me and later admitted to it. Hes also deleted messages from other girls in the past. I feel like im stupid for still believing that hes loyal

Amy on February 05, 2018:

The paSt is the past and it should be left there. I told my bf to stop talking to her and he didn’t. Thats called disrespect and clearly isn’t over her even though SHE left him over a year ago. Then she tries to contact him ? No. Im in your life now. Im sorry you feel the need to ask her things I don’t have the answer to.

Suzie from Carson City on October 28, 2017:

LOL...Oh, Jorge, I love this question. I'll respond by sharing a little story.

I went on a first date for dinner with a man I had only known a short time. From the moment we ordered dinner, he began a conversation about his "Ex"~ just out of the blue, unsolicited & almost as if he thought he was sitting across from his therapist. He spoke almost non-stop while I politely listened. Our food came and he was now into all the "talents" she had, awards she won, things they did, places they went.........Are you nauseous yet?? Frankly, I had reached the point of disbelief.....the thoughts going through my head were on the order of...."This guy has to be smoking crack...what the HELL is he thinking?!"

At a certain point, mid-meal...as he still chatted away about "lovely Lydia".....I cleared my throat and said, "Excuse me for a moment, please?" I picked up my purse, smiled ever so sweetly, got up, headed straight for the exit and went to my car.........I couldn't have thought of anything to say to him, so why would I bother? Never heard from him again, thankfully. HE probably thought I WAS THE RUDE ONE!!! LOL A$$hole that he was!!

Kevin W from Texas on July 31, 2017:

In my opinion or my "boundaries" as dashingscorpio so eloquently put it.....If there are not children involved, meaning children they share together.....There is absolutely no reason to contact/talk to your ex.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on July 29, 2017:

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of us has our own mate selection process/must haves list.

Each of us has our own "boundaries" and "deal breakers".

On so many levels it's arrogant to enter into someone's life and expect them to "change" for (you) or drop their friends.

If you don't believe in having exes as friends he's not for (you).

The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

That means a person who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

Compatibility trumps compromise.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

The (choice) is up to us! Choose wisely!

"At the end of the day, you can't forbid anyone of anything."

- Very true!

Hippie Untiet from Wisconsin on July 29, 2017:

I had to keep in contact with ex because of children. Does that count

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