I've been through plenty of relationships where my ex continued to text me after the breakup.
Texts From Your Ex
You and your ex sent each other hundreds (if not thousands) of text messages while the two of you were dating. Naturally, though, you expected that communication to come to a dead stop once the breakup took place. There should be no need for the two of you to keep in touch once the breakup happened.
If your ex is still texting you after the breakup, it can leave you scratching your head and wondering what's really going on. Is your ex trying to be polite and nothing more? Are they still interested in you? Are they already thinking about getting back together with you? How do you know which of your thoughts are nothing more than wishful thinking and which ones may be based more in reality?
You will have to determine for yourself if you think it is worth it to remain in contact with your ex or if you want to cease all contact with them.
7 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Still Texting You
Here are a few reasons why your ex continues to send you text messages. Try to be prudent and careful when responding to your ex's texts if that is something you want to do.
- They miss you: Seeing as the two of you spent so much time together, it is perfectly natural for your ex to miss spending time with you. By texting you, they keep that line of communication open. They find that texting you is comforting.
- They're lonely: If your ex has remained single after the breakup, it's possible they are feeling lonely and just want someone to talk to. Considering the amount of time the two of you spent texting each other while in a relationship, your ex may feel very lonely when they are no longer communicating with you every day.
- They want you back: This is something that I talk about in more detail below, but it is very possible your ex wants to get back with you, and by texting you they are testing the waters to see if it is possible.
- They do it out of habit: If your breakup was recent, it might be hard for your ex to break the habit of texting you frequently, especially if the relationship ended on good terms. You will have to be the judge and determine if your ex is being innocuous with their texting or they have an ulterior motive.
- They're not over you: It is possible that your ex still has feelings for you and is still not over the breakup. Your ex may feel better when they text you, and they may also hold out hope that the relationship can be repaired.
- They want to remain friends: Your ex may simply want to remain friends with you. They may still value your friendship, and so they will text you just like any of their other friends.
- They want to see if you have moved on: Many times your ex may check in on you to see how you are doing and if you have moved on to someone else. They may have a couple of different motives for doing this. Your ex could be checking in to see if you are still single in hopes of getting back together with you. They could also be checking to see if you are dating someone else or you are still single. If they have already moved on to someone else, they may want to see if you are still single so they can feel better about themselves.
Recognize Your Ex's Hidden Intentions
While it's certainly true that hearing from an ex is a clear indication that there's some agenda at foot, it's not safe to assume that your ex is ready to jump back into a relationship with you over a few simple text messages. There's something more at play here, and since your ex is probably unlikely to come clean and confess what they're up to, it's up to you to examine the situation as a whole and reach your own, reasoned conclusions.
First, it's incredibly natural to realize that your ex misses you after the breakup. This may come as a surprise to you. It probably came as a surprise to them as well. If they expected that all residual feelings and attachments would end at the exact moment that the breakup took place, they were sorely mistaken. Bonds are not as easily broken as relationships are, and they often linger on far past the breakup itself.
Second, it's safe to say that you've been a key figure in your ex's thoughts. Your ex isn't likely to text you the first time you cross their minds. They have to think about you relatively regularly before feeling compelled to reach out and establish contact all over again. These can be uplifting and positive realizations if you're hoping to piece your relationship back together all over again and rebuild a positive relationship from the ruins of the old.
How to Respond to Your Ex Texting You
It's easy to fall back into old patterns of texting back and forth with an ex when you're hoping to get back together. After all, the two of you used to text each other all of the time, and you feel justified in responding because your ex reached out and messaged you first. This is not necessarily the case in this specific scenario. You need to think before jumping into action, and you need to be aware of how your responses are going to be portrayed.
Your best option is to simply take your time. Don't respond within a given time-frame. Let your ex wonder about you again, like they did before you began dating. Once you've reclaimed your former air of mystery, your ex's interest is only going to grow, and they'll be far more likely to pursue you just like they did the first time. The key thing is to take your time, be aware of your options, and know when and how to act at the appropriate times in order to make your plan come to fruition. Assuming of course, that getting back together with your ex is something that you are interested in doing.
How to Get Your Ex to Stop Texting You
On the other hand, you may not be feeling comfortable with the idea of your ex texting you again. If that is the case, you need to make it clear that texting you is not something that you will tolerate.
- Clearly tell them how you feel: Be clear in your response to your ex's texts and let them know what you do want to be in contact with them.
- Ask them to explain why they are texting you: While your ex may not reveal the true reason why they are texting you, you should ask them why they decided to start contacting you again. It is possible it could be totally innocuous and innocent but don't count on it.
- If need be, block their number: Most smartphones now have a feature that allows you to block a number so if your ex continues to text you you may feel the need to block their number.
How to Get Back With Your Ex
Depending on how you feel, you may decide it is worth it to get back with your ex. This is a choice that you will have to make for yourself. If your ex is texting you again, that could be a strong indication that they want to get back together with you. Use your best judgment to determine if that is the case before moving forward.
Here are some ways to go about getting back with your ex:
- Take your time: Take it slow when it comes to responding and talking to your ex. Continue to keep an open line of communication and see where that goes.
- Be clear and direct: Your ex may have ulterior motives for contacting you, so it is important that you be very direct when texting them. You may want to test out how they respond before doing this, but try to figure out what they are up to as soon as you can.
- Examine your feelings: If you want to get back with your ex, even if it is just platonically, you have to check in with yourself and make sure it's something you feel good about doing. If you feel like reestablishing a relationship with your ex is the way to go then slowly start building that relationship.
- Casually hang out with them: At this point, if you are feeling comfortable with the idea of having your ex back in your life, try doing something casual with them. Getting coffee or something along those lines where the two of you can talk and catch up in a low-key setting is a great way to start.
© 2013 Julie