Why Is My Ex Still Texting Me Post-Breakup and What Do I Do About It?

Updated on September 27, 2018
Ex-Ology profile image

I've been through plenty of relationships where my ex continued to text me after the breakup.

What do you do when your ex keeps texting you? Read on to find out.
What do you do when your ex keeps texting you? Read on to find out. | Source

Texts From Your Ex

You and your ex sent each other hundreds (if not thousands) of text messages while the two of you were dating. Naturally, though, you expected that communication to come to a dead stop once the breakup took place. There should be no need for the two of you to keep in touch once the breakup happened.

If your ex is still texting you after the breakup, it can leave you scratching your head and wondering what's really going on. Is your ex trying to be polite and nothing more? Are they still interested in you? Are they already thinking about getting back together with you? How do you know which of your thoughts are nothing more than wishful thinking and which ones may be based more in reality?

You will have to determine for yourself if you think it is worth it to remain in contact with your ex or if you want to cease all contact with them.

What Does It Mean If My Ex Texts Me?

There could be a number of meanings behind a text message you receive from your ex. Depending on the number of texts you get and the content of those texts, your ex could just be trying to be nice or they could have other motives.

7 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Still Texting You

Here are a few reasons why your ex continues to send you text messages. Try to be prudent and careful when responding to your ex's texts if that is something you want to do.

  1. They miss you: Seeing as the two of you spent so much time together, it is perfectly natural for your ex to miss spending time with you. By texting you, they keep that line of communication open. They find that texting you is comforting.
  2. They're lonely: If your ex has remained single after the breakup, it's possible they are feeling lonely and just want someone to talk to. Considering the amount of time the two of you spent texting each other while in a relationship, your ex may feel very lonely when they are no longer communicating with you every day.
  3. They want you back: This is something that I talk about in more detail below, but it is very possible your ex wants to get back with you, and by texting you they are testing the waters to see if it is possible.
  4. They do it out of habit: If your breakup was recent, it might be hard for your ex to break the habit of texting you frequently, especially if the relationship ended on good terms. You will have to be the judge and determine if your ex is being innocuous with their texting or they have an ulterior motive.
  5. They're not over you: It is possible that your ex still has feelings for you and is still not over the breakup. Your ex may feel better when they text you, and they may also hold out hope that the relationship can be repaired.
  6. They want to remain friends: Your ex may simply want to remain friends with you. They may still value your friendship, and so they will text you just like any of their other friends.
  7. They want to see if you have moved on: Many times your ex may check in on you to see how you are doing and if you have moved on to someone else. They may have a couple of different motives for doing this. Your ex could be checking in to see if you are still single in hopes of getting back together with you. They could also be checking to see if you are dating someone else or you are still single. If they have already moved on to someone else, they may want to see if you are still single so they can feel better about themselves.

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Recognize Your Ex's Hidden Intentions

While it's certainly true that hearing from an ex is a clear indication that there's some agenda at foot, it's not safe to assume that your ex is ready to jump back into a relationship with you over a few simple text messages. There's something more at play here, and since your ex is probably unlikely to come clean and confess what they're up to, it's up to you to examine the situation as a whole and reach your own, reasoned conclusions.

First, it's incredibly natural to realize that your ex misses you after the breakup. This may come as a surprise to you. It probably came as a surprise to them as well. If they expected that all residual feelings and attachments would end at the exact moment that the breakup took place, they were sorely mistaken. Bonds are not as easily broken as relationships are, and they often linger on far past the breakup itself.

Second, it's safe to say that you've been a key figure in your ex's thoughts. Your ex isn't likely to text you the first time you cross their minds. They have to think about you relatively regularly before feeling compelled to reach out and establish contact all over again. These can be uplifting and positive realizations if you're hoping to piece your relationship back together all over again and rebuild a positive relationship from the ruins of the old.

How to Respond to Your Ex Texting You

It's easy to fall back into old patterns of texting back and forth with an ex when you're hoping to get back together. After all, the two of you used to text each other all of the time, and you feel justified in responding because your ex reached out and messaged you first. This is not necessarily the case in this specific scenario. You need to think before jumping into action, and you need to be aware of how your responses are going to be portrayed.

Your best option is to simply take your time. Don't respond within a given time-frame. Let your ex wonder about you again, like they did before you began dating. Once you've reclaimed your former air of mystery, your ex's interest is only going to grow, and they'll be far more likely to pursue you just like they did the first time. The key thing is to take your time, be aware of your options and know when and how to act at the appropriate times in order to make your plan come to fruition. Assuming of course, that getting back together with your ex is something that you are interested in doing.

How to Get Back With Your Ex

Depending on how you feel, you may decide it is worth it to get back with your ex. This is a choice that you will have to make for yourself. If your ex is texting you again, that could be a strong indication that they want to get back together with you. Use your best judgment to determine if that is the case before moving forward.

Here are some ways to go about getting back with your ex:

  1. Take your time: Take it slow when it comes to responding and talking to your ex. Continue to keep an open line of communication and see where that goes.
  2. Be clear and direct: Your ex may have ulterior motives for contacting you, so it is important that you be very direct when texting them. You may want to test out how they respond before doing this, but try to figure out what they are up to as soon as you can.
  3. Examine your feelings: If you want to get back with your ex, even if it is just platonically, you have to check in with yourself and make sure it's something you feel good about doing. If you feel like reestablishing a relationship with your ex is the way to go then slowly start building that relationship.
  4. Casually hang out with them: At this point, if you are feeling comfortable with the idea of having your ex back in your life, try doing something casual with them. Getting coffee or something along those lines where the two of you can talk and catch up in a low-key setting is a great way to start.

How to Get Your Ex to Stop Texting You

On the other hand, you may not be feeling comfortable with the idea of your ex texting you again. If that is the case, you need to make it clear that texting you is not something that you will tolerate.

  1. Clearly tell them how you feel: Be clear in your response to your ex's texts and let them know what you do want to be in contact with them.
  2. Ask them to explain why they are texting you: While your ex may not reveal the true reason why they are texting you, you should ask them why they decided to start contacting you again. It is possible it could be totally innocuous and innocent but don't count on it.
  3. If need be, block their number: Most smartphones now have a feature that allows you to block a number so if your ex continues to text you you may feel the need to block their number.

Have You Ever Received Unexpected Texts From an Ex After Your Breakup?

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© 2013 Julie

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    • profile image

      bob 

      6 weeks ago

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    • profile image

      2 months ago

      Obviously they miss you and have some feelings they are sorting out. What you have to ask yourself is are you still interested. Sometimes the No Contact Rule will actually make them realize the value you had in their life. My advice is make them contact you, do not contact them first especially if they are the one who broke up with you. For those of you stuck in the ridiculous friend zone, no contact is the one way you can possibly get out of that because maybe they will realize what you brought to their life. If not, let them go completely because anyone who does not see your value, does not belong in your life. If you are contacted, be slow to reply but do reply and keep it short until they confess what they want. If they just want to be friends and you desire more, say NO.

    • profile image

      louis rose 

      3 months ago

      wassup

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    • profile image

      Edwin Moreno 

      3 months ago

      Long story short, I went sending texts to another woman behind my SO’s back. She claimed I was cheating. I owned it and tried to explain my reason in doing so. She gave me a second chance but after the third week it’s like she had completely flipped and started doubting the relationship. Just yesterday after days of not being sure, she came forth to tell me that it was better if we didn’t see each other. I was overwhelmed for I did not expect that answer. She cut off all ties except for one. Snapchat. I don’t understand.

    • profile image

      Ysay 

      3 months ago

      Will my ex bf he prettend that he doesn't know how to use telegram so that's why he got a wrong send to me. And after that he asked me how's my love life. I told him that I'm fine and it seems like he said that i put myself into trouble. Not exactly trouble he sad but for my own understanding its seems he is jealous with my new bf.

    • profile image

      Stan 

      4 months ago

      My ex gf and I lived together for 2 years and she decided to be with someone else.. She texted me randomly one night ( it was like 2-3 am ) asking me if I was sleeping with other girls??? I said no and she says "I dont believe you, I know you are very sexual". Then she sends me random selfies after night outs, she is obviously drunk in them. Latest text I got was, she was really worried about a visa she applied for and we got her the same visa 2 years ago together. She texted me for comfort, she wanted me to tell her that it was gonna be okay and shit. I told her that Im sure her boyfriend is just as capable as I am so if she needs help she should be texting him not me. She said you are right I dont know why I texted you sorry. I havent said anything back and we havent talked at all for like a week now. Ideas? We are 23 btw.

    • profile image

      Rayven 

      4 months ago

      My ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He said he never wanted to break up with me, but he didn’t know what else to do. He was imagining us being married and he loved how much his daughter liked me. His ex threatened to ruin his relationship with his daughter and make his life hell because he was dating someone new. Ever since our breakup, he’s been calling and texting me. I have no idea what will happen.

    • profile image

      Tilly 

      4 months ago

      Lol my ex broke up with me 3 months ago and he was so certain that he didnt want me at the time. Few days ago he could not stop messaging saying how he will be there waiting for me. Whilst i told him to stop as hes making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Have not heard from him in 5 days LOL!!!

    • profile image

      mapula 

      4 months ago

      im over him

    • profile image

      Trudy 

      9 months ago

      I had a really serious relationship for a year and then he ended it, saying that I'm not what he wants and also he wants to focus on graduate school and work-I started texting him about a week after that (I was weak!) And we started getting together and texting all the time...then he moved away and I thought that it was over and I was ready to move on...then he started texting me saying that he'll leave me alone if I want to move on...?? When he was the one that wanted to end things. But he still doesn't want to be together...I dont get it!

    • profile image

      Anna 

      10 months ago

      Im not sure i get him

      I think i know him sooo well. First he wants to see other people, this happened before but came back. This time i refused to see him anymore, hes called some, sent me messsges and things on messanger, and now after 11 months,friends my Mother on facebook. Fot the first time in 12 months he text me a Happy New Year. What does he want?

    • profile image

      Vee 

      10 months ago

      My ex keeps texting me all the time he can send up to four texts a day it’s driving me mad I haven’t text back as I’ve moved on he has even written me a letter it would be nice if he moved on and left me a lone as he’s annoying

    • profile image

      ES 

      11 months ago

      My boyfriend wants me to take a break from him and he proposed for both of us to go separate ways and I should focus on my myself and my goals. (Beacuse supposedly he is overwhelmed and stressed with things like work, school and his child.) He also mentioned that he would keep in contact cause he wants to know that I'm going good. Literally after he broke things with me he texted me right after and I ignored him for a couple of days then I finally texted him but being short w/ him and also in a way texting him wanting to clarify what he said and so on. It's been about 2 weeks and he randomly texted me "Hi baby, How was work?" ... I am absolutly confused in what this guys view on a "break in a relationship" is. I think it's best for me to see him in person and clarify some things but before I do that I wanted to see if anyone has gone through something similar or if I could get any advice/tips on this type of situation. Thank you

    • profile image

      LDR Ex-fiance 

      13 months ago

      I was in an LDR. My ex fiancė broke up with me about a month and a half ago. He said he wanted to concentrate on his job. About 5 days after, he posts on FB that he's in a relationship with another girl (and that he's getting married to her soon, i was told).

      Anyway, at first, i kept on messaging him bec it hurt real bad and i had tons of questions running thru my head (we were all fine and dandy saying our i love you's and i miss you's the day before he broke up with me). I know thats against the 30 day rule that i didnt know about 30 days after the break up.

      A few days after the breakup, he called me and we had a conversation over the phone. He said he didn't want to lose his bestfriend (me). But i told him, when he broke up with me, he also lost his bestfriend. Then i asked, "what about your new girl?" He responded "its hard for me talking to her the way i talk to you".

      I guess thats just sad.

    • profile image

      lifecrisis101 

      14 months ago

      well, my ex broke up with me saying "i dont see us getting married" and "we dont have similar hobbies", and that "we should still be friends and hangout", he was the one who said that i am the first girl he ever loved, does love fade away? why is it so hard for me then? it wasnt even that hard until i recieved a text from him 23days later asking how i was doing. i really dont know if he cares how i am doing, i just wanna stop seeing him and stop thinking about him, i still stalk his profile, this didnot emotionally damaged me but also, damaged my ego, idk whats right here, i dont hate him, but i cant be friends with him for sure. God i feel so pathetic.

    • profile image

      woodx041 

      15 months ago

      Wow! This article was spot-on and in my business! I could have written it verbatim. Thanks for confirming my course of action.

    • profile image

      jill 

      15 months ago

      awesome

    • profile image

      Giid 

      16 months ago

      What if the breakup was mutual?

    • profile image

      Stephanie 

      17 months ago

      My ex Jeremy keeps texting me and I don't understand why. I'm trying to make a clean break and he's texting me as if we are still together but our breakup wasn't over anything small. He wants a child now and I want a child later, so it's over. He isn't asking to see me so he can't miss me that much. I honestly believe it's all mind games.

    • profile image

      Ginny 

      19 months ago

      Good!!!

      But i broke up with my ex and he wants me back what do i do?

    • profile image

      Missy 

      20 months ago

      No contact except each night he still says goodnight and I love you! I say it back and feel like that may be a mistake but I feel if I don't I'm just acting on ego and pride ?? So hard!

    • profile image

      Trady 

      22 months ago

      They say it never pays to break up with someone knowing that you still love and want to be with them. As you can see, this is the outcome....

    • profile image

      Trady 

      22 months ago

      I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago. After the break up half hour later she shoots me a 8 thread text. I did not respond to it because in my mind it didn't require a response for she was only making statements. Then she text me the next morning saying good morning.

    • profile image

      Mk 

      22 months ago

      Me and my bf broke up yesterday as he said he don't see us having a future together. He gave me a massive hug and a kiss good bye. He also told me if I ever need anything don't hesitate to call him. I woke up to a message from him today saying hugs. Plus he liked and commented on some of my stuff on fb. How does he expect me to move on if he keeps doing this to me?.

    • profile image

      D. Brenner 

      24 months ago

      He messaged me morning and night every day since left. Claims to just want to be friends but is messing with my head since I want to be with him. Now he wants me to be best friends with his wife since she has no friends. Not sure how sane this all is. Want / need to break it off completely

    • profile image

      er 

      2 years ago

      what about him saying Did you need ur stuff u left in my place or no?

    • profile image

      Kyler 

      2 years ago

      My ex keeps texting my mom asking to talk to me sconce I blocked her. I MEAN WT HECK

    • profile image

      mil-mil 

      2 years ago

      Thanks to this article

      Love it.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 

      2 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Interesting article. Thanks for writing.

      Namaste

    • profile image

      Pharmd230 

      4 years ago

      Very nice site!

    • profile image

      Johna5 

      4 years ago

      Very good blog post.Really thank you! Fantastic. decdkbcdbbda

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