Post-Breakup Contact - Why is Your Ex Still Texting you?
Taken By Surprise
Text messages are a common and regular part of life in the modern, technologically advanced age. They're everywhere. You text your friends to find out where to meet up at your favorite amusement park. If you get separated from the crowd at the beach, a simple text can point towards where you want to be. It's easy to take texts for granted since they fly through the ether quicker than any phone call or email ever could. If you don't believe that you rely on them for common, ever-day use, try to go without them for a day. In the current climate, it's practically impossible. People are more tied to their cell phones than ever before, and text messages are the quickest and easiest ways to keep in touch no matter where you are or what you're doing.
You and your ex send each other hundreds (if not thousands) of text messages while the two of you were dating. Naturally, though, you expected that communication to come to a dead stop once the breakup took place. There should be no need for the two of you to keep in touch once the breakup happened. You're no longer together, and that's usually an indication that both parties are each going to go their own separate ways. You prepared for that reality even if it seemed difficult to conceive of. That's why receiving a text from your ex (or several) post-breakup caught you so off guard to begin with.
If your ex is still texting you after breaking up with you, it can leave you scratching your head and wondering what's really going on. Is your ex trying to be polite and nothing more? Are they still interested in you? Are they already thinking about getting back together with you? How do you know which of your thoughts are nothing more than wishful thinking and which ones may be based more in reality?
Recognize Your Ex's Hidden Intentions
While it's certainly true that hearing from an ex is a clear indication that there's some agenda at foot, it's not safe to assume that your ex is ready to jump back into a relationship with you over a few simple text messages. There's something more at play here, and since your ex is probably unlikely to come clean and confess what they're up to, it's up to you to examine the situation as a whole and reach your own, reasoned conclusions.
While a renewed relationship may be off of the table (at least at first) you need to recognize that your ex is finding it more difficult than they originally imagined to let go. They're holding onto communication with you for a reason, and you need to uncover what that reason is in order to know how (and when) to proceed. Your ex may even be prepared in advance with patented excuses for their continued contact. The "friend" excuse is often a go-to answer if you question them on their continued contact. They may even feign interest in your mental and emotional well-being. Both of these reasons don't even come close to scratching the surface of their reasons for getting in touch with you again and you should take them at face-value and nothing more.
If you've been harboring dreams of rebuilding your relationship, getting a few texts is an incredibly good sign, but it doesn't mean that your breakup is automatically at a stand-still. You still have a lot of work to do, and it's going to be a long and difficult process to face. You can reasonable determine two key facts here, however, even if your ex is not eager to admit them to you immediately off the bat.
First, it's incredibly safe to realize that your ex misses you after the breakup. This may come as a surprise to you. It probably came as a surprise to them as well. If they expected that all residual feelings and attachments would end at the exact moment that the breakup took place, they were sorely mistaken. Bonds are not as easily broken as relationships are, and they often linger on far past the breakup itself. Secondly, it's safe to say that you've been a key figure in your ex's thoughts. Your ex isn't likely to text you the first time you cross their minds. They have to think about you relatively regularly before feeling compelled to reach out and establish contact all over again. These can be uplifting and positive realizations if you're hoping to piece your relationship back together all over again and rebuild a positive relationship from the ruins of the old.
What Moves Should You Make?
It's easy to fall back into old patterns of texting back and forth with an ex when you're hoping to get back together. After all, the two of you used to text each other all of the time, and you feel justified in responding because your ex reached out and messaged you first. This is not necessarily the case in this specific scenario. You need to think before jumping into action, and you need to be aware of how your responses are going to be portrayed. If you respond within seconds of receiving a message, your ex may get the wrong impression. They may think that you've been sitting there, eagerly awaiting a message ever since the breakup happened and peg you as needy, desperate or clingy. None of those images is going to help you win them back. In fact, they're going to frighten them off and make any progress that's been made up till now practically meaningless.
Your best option is to simply take your time. Don't respond within a given time-frame. Let your ex wonder about you again, like they did before you began dating. Once you've reclaimed your former air of mystery, your ex's interest is only going to grow and they'll be far more likely to pursue you just like they did the first time. The key thing is to take your time, be aware of your options and know when and how to act at the appropriate times in order to make your plan come to fruition.