Hurt is something that every one has experienced. People experience both emotional hurt and physical hurt. Although physical hurt can be very painful, it is emotional hurt that is harder to get over, and, because it is an 'unseen' hurt, sometimes emotional hurt goes unrecognized or is altogether denied.
Physical Hurt and Emotional Hurt
Physical hurt occurs when the body experiences pain. To hurt physically means that some part of the body is damaged. The pain is the signal the body sends to the brain to let the brain know that something is wrong and to wait for sometime so that the injury can be healed.
Suppose you burn your hand on the stove. The resulting pain you feel causes hurt and lets you know that you need to move your hand away from the stove and do something to stop the pain.
Emotional hurt has to do with the feelings of a person. When faced with a great loss, an embarrassing moment, or a gigantic adversary, you feel emotional hurt. Some people say that emotional hurt can be so strong that it feels just as bad or worse than physical hurt.
A simple burn may cause physical hurt but a terrible burn can cause both physical and emotional hurt as in the case of people who are left paralyzed or have lost limbs. Getting over hurt like that is two-fold because they have to get over both the physical hurt as well as emotional hurt.
Hurt and Hate
Because emotional hurt can cause such pain, it is our nature to lash out at those around us who may or may not be responsible for the pain that we are in. Although it is something everyone feels, emotional pain is not something that everyone readily admits to.
In a world where men have to be macho and women have to prove that they are just as strong as men, the word 'hurt' when it comes to emotional hurt is rarely used.
How many times when someone has been hurt, do you hear them confess that they are hurt?
Personally, I have never heard it nor have I said it often myself.
It is this denial of hurt that can lead to hate. It is also this denial that can cause us to say that we hate when, in truth, we really hurt.
Denial Leading to Hate
Denial of hurt, such as in the case of a husband and wife, can lead to hate especially during a divorce. It is easier to say, "I hate you" instead of saying, "I hurt and you caused me to hurt". Most people do not like to express their hurt because they think that saying their hurt makes them look weak. This goes for both men and women. Men avoid saying that they are hurt because they believe that saying it will make them look weak and women avoid saying it for the same reason.
Regardless of gender, I believe, people do not say that they hurt because they believe that saying it will make them seem like less of a person or it may convince those who care that they are unable to cope with the troubles that occur in life.
When someone tries to face the hurt, and is unable to do so because they do not first acknowledge that the pain they feel is hurt, it can make them feel angry. This anger fosters hate because it cannot be appeased.
Hurt turns to hatred and the hate only gets stronger, because the hurt, instead of being tended to as a wound that is infected is tended to, has been left to fester and turn into something that is toxic and that can numb the soul.
Voicing Hate When We Really Hurt
Although hating is a very easy thing to do and some people do let their hurt cause them to hate, there are some, very many in fact, who say that they hate when they really hurt.
This message of hatred is used to protect themselves from further hurt but it does not heal the hurt that has already been done to them. Instead, they keep the hurt inside of them and because of this, issues concerning trust emerge.
Most people who hurt, but claim hatred, find it very hard to trust other people who may take the place of the person who caused them the emotional pain. They may not be able to express the reason why they have trouble trusting, but they put up emotional walls that keep people from getting too close.
Telling the Difference Between the Two
It is very hard to tell the difference between a person who hates and a person who hurts but there are some signs that you can look for.
- A person who hurts will try to avoid conflict and although they may get involved when it arises, they will get very upset when it occurs.
- A person who hates will be colder and more bent on seeking revenge. They will tell lies about the incident that caused the hurt so that the one who caused the pain will look guilty in everyone's eyes.
Forgiveness and Hurt
It is obvious that forgiveness is the healing balm that hurt needs. But forgiveness does not necessarily mean building bridges and fixing relationships.
Sometimes, with forgiveness, there comes a renewal of broken relationships but other times it does not. This happens when one side forgives and the other is unrepentant. An unrepentant person who has hurt someone will not care that the other has forgiven them and so you must be very careful when pushing a person who has forgiven towards the cause of pain, for if the cause of pain is not sorry, you are certainly leading them towards more hurt!
A person who has forgiven does not:
- Seek revenge
- Wish harm
- Hold grudges
- Ask for compensation (Matthew 18: 23-35)
He will not demand pay for the hurt that was taken from him. However, if he has forgiven without the person's repentance, he may not be willing to trust that person in the same way again. If the person is repentant then he will trust him with the incident that caused hurt as well as with everything else.
Do you know someone who may be hurting?
I have found that there are very many people who have emotional hurt and do not feel comfortable expressing it. We may not feel comfortable with these people because we truly do not know what to say to them to get them back to a place before the hurt happened. Sometimes speaking about a hurt that you experienced and confessing to them how much it hurt you, can help them to speak about it and let it go so that the healing process can begin. Other times the hurt is so terrible that only God can help the person to get over it.
Questions & Answers
Question: How can I stop hating someone for paralyzing me physically?
Answer: Has that person gone on with his/her life and everything seems fine? Does it seem as if they don't truly understand or care about the damage that they have done to you?
I can feel your hurt through your question because you resent the fact that something was taken away from you. However, if you keep dwelling on this then you will be letting the one who paralyzed you physically paralyze you mentally and emotionally for the rest of your life. You can't let that happen!
How to stop hating them? I can't say give you a guarantee as to what would definitely work for you. For certain, you should talk to God about it and ask Him to vindicate you. If you give it completely to God then it will be His battle and you can leave everything with Him, including the hate. That is the true sign of trust in God and His power.
Believe that although that person did something horrible to you it won't stop good from coming to you and that you too, will be happy.
Hate is such a horrible burden to bear tainting every good thing in life with a dull colour. It is like a dark cloud full of resentment that cries out, "Justice!"
The only advice I can give is the thing I do when hurt threatens to overwhelm me. I cry out to God, I ask Him to give me strength and to lighten my burdens. I also ask Him to help me to have no ill-will against anyone because I have committed many a sin that He had every right to hate me for, yet He forgave.
You can stop hating by forgiving. When you forgive, you become more powerful because the person owes you doubly and you are no longer a victim.
I hope that my words have helped in some way.
Question: How can I forgive my husband who allows his 10 year old to abuse me verbally?
Answer: First of all, I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation.
Secondly, I am assuming that your husband is fully aware of the fact that his ten year old son does this. I am also assuming that you have spoken to him about it and he has not given you any sign of concern about it.
If this is so, have you considered speaking to him about it with others present, perhaps a mutual friend who could act as a mediator?
Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do but the one who forgives has more power than the one who is forgiven. This is because the one who forgives cancels a debt owed, meaning that the person in need of forgiveness is in a poorer spiritual position than the one who forgives. Think about how forgiving will benefit you. Letting go of hurt can be freeing and asking God to help you to forgive him will help you to do so.
© 2013 North Wind
Sue on November 11, 2019:
I’m finding that the more that I’m hurt, the more I hate. I used to be a Very forgiving person. I’m finding now that my love is growing cold and I don’t wish to have relationships with anyone at all.
prince kandukira on April 02, 2019:
no, because one is afraid of the out come of it
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on September 14, 2018:
Hello, Married to a narc,
Unfortunately a narcissist is a different type of person altogether. My interactions with a narcissist were frustrating to say the least because regardless of what you say or do, they will not listen. Sometimes they pretend to but they are very cold and they are number one in their lives. If you happen to love a narcissist then it is better to know that that love most likely will be one-sided unless God intervenes and changes the hardened heart of that person.
Married to a narc. on August 26, 2018:
What happens when you tell someone that you hurt and they blame you for it. This article doesn’t apply to narcissist.
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on March 26, 2013:
Good point teaches,
Our character can change when hurt and hate are introduced. Many times people become extremely negative after some experience causes them to hurt or hate.
Thank you very much for your insightful comment!
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on March 26, 2013:
Wise council is definitely the way to go. I find that the Bible contains the wisest council I will ever be able to get because it tells the truth and makes us recognize the feelings within ourselves. We begin to know our souls when we read the Bible.
Thanks for reading and for your great comment!
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on March 26, 2013:
There are many people out there with hurts that they will not admit to for one reason or another. Even within us we may have hurts that we would rather not think about. I think that being aware of this fact can help ourselves and others to stop acting with hate when we hurt.
Thanks for reading, voting and sharing!
God bless you!
Dianna Mendez on March 25, 2013:
Hurt and hate are emotions affecting our social interactions and if not handled well, will damage our character. Great tips on handling these and knowing the difference between them. Blessings.
teacherjoe52 on March 24, 2013:
Good morning North Wind.
This is why it is important to follow Biblical advice which is to always seek wise council. Many times when we are or were hurt we do not know how to respond properly.
It has helped me through some very deep cuts.
God bless you.
Faith Reaper from southern USA on March 24, 2013:
Excellent hub here of dealing with hurt, and how to react to such hurts in our lives, which we all have no doubt, but to not lash out in hate is so important.
Thanks for this insightful and very useful hub here.
Voted up +++ and sharing
God bless you. In His Love, Faith Reaper
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on March 21, 2013:
I think that emotional hurt is more serious too and it is harder to get over than physical hurt.
I am appreciative of your comment and am happy that you took the time to read my hub!
Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on March 20, 2013:
Nice hub with lots of points to think about.
I believe, emotional hurt is more serious than physical hurt. It can be a breach of trust and trust is the most fundamental thing in a relationship. It is not easy to forgive and almost impossible to forget, if it happens between two close persons.
Thanks for putting light on such a sensitive issue. It made me think again.....
North Wind (author) from The World (for now) on March 20, 2013:
It is funny how we agree on a lot of things. I too, get concerned when some people seem to like me. I start to think, 'What am I doing wrong?' I also start to wonder if my beliefs are erroneous and I immediately ask God to help me to speak His word truthfully and without fear about how someone may or may not feel about what I said.
Caleb DRC on March 20, 2013:
You have good advise here, North Wind.
I agree with "But forgiveness does not necessarily mean building bridges and fixing relationships." Often it is best to maintain a gulf( no bridge) if peace is to be maintained. Also when there are fundamental differences of belief, then it is often not possible to have a relationship. I had a girlfriend once who called me just about every name she could think of because she was a Marxist socialist and I'm an ultra conservative Republican--not to be confused with the new republicans.
I figure when some people set out to hurt me then it is indicative that I'm still on the right track. It is when some people like me that I begin to worry I may be on the wrong track; i.e. have erroneous beliefs.