How to Get Over A Heartbreak
So, my partner of 3 years broke up with me this June and assuming I was in a good state of mind and condition, I was out and about, not at all hesitant about dating other men or hooking up with them. Only recently did I discover the breakup HAD affected me mentally.
Of the two of us, I was the more secure one who fought for the relationship and I'd invested in a good amount of time and effort into keeping things going. He, on the other hand, gave more importance to all other aspects of his life.
Anyway, it's been 5 months since the breakup and the impact of the heartbreak is something that I started to feel a few weeks later which is why I'm writing an article to help other heartbroken guys and girls, like myself, get over the heartbreak period.
So, where do you start?
Accept You're Heartbroken.
It's alright to do so. Acting like you're not is only going to cause all that emotional baggage and resentment to build a wall or dam that might keep you away from great opportunities, relationships and life choices that could prove to be great for you. TRUST ME: there were certain decisions that I'd put on hold because I'd assumed my partner felt for me the same way that I did for him, only to discover that was not the case.
Once you accept you're heartbroken, take your sweet time to recover by accepting the feelings that follow. Cry it out or take a kickboxing class. If that doesn't work for you, stay in bed and cry your heart out or talk to someone who's in the same boat as you.
Stop Blaming Yourself.
Some relationships end because two people just do not gel together. Others end because the blame lies with both parties, to an extent, and neither of the two is willing to accept and work on the factor that eventually led to the breakup.
My partner, for example, had his own demons that needed to be dealt with. I had mine but what drove us both apart was the fact that I'd learned to deal with certain issues and fought for the relationship to last. He, on the other hand, fed his demons by not accepting certain truths that could have fixed a lot of problems for us and for him as a person.
Consequentially, no matter how much I tried to help him deal with him issues they often went unresolved because he wasn't willing to resolve them. You can't help a damsel resolve who enjoys his/her distress and you certainly shouldn't blame yourself for internal factors that have less to do with you and more to do with him or her.
Forgive Your Partner.
Most people get over the circumstances that led to the breakup but they do not realize that they haven't yet forgive their partner. As a result you hold on to the resentment, hate and harbor all those negative emotions which affect you more than you know or realize.
Try to absolve yourself of these emotions and hold onto the good times. Things may have gone horribly wrong later on or you might have realized that your partner was not the person that you once thought they were. However, that does not change the fact that you DID choose to date them which made them YOUR CHOICE.
Put Yourself First.
When you're in a relationship, you get so used to putting yourself for your partner and/or for the relationship, in the hopes that things would get better in the future. This creates unrealistic expectations of yourself, of the relationship and of your partner which could translate into an issue that never really existed at first or at all.
Start putting yourself first by accepting the fact that you're out of a relationship. If your friends are making plans that you don't want to be part of, don't go. If you feel like taking a break, get out of town. Or if you feel like meeting that cute guy or girl, who expressed interest in you when you were in a relationship, meet them for coffee. Hit the gym, write or paint to channelize those emotions.
Know that there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first. In fact, it's healthy to do so. It is when you learn to be by yourself that you understand what it means to be out of a relationship and to accept the single life.
Build a Support System for Yourself.
Talk to people you're close to and get some objective views on the matter, if you want to. These people know you inside out and talking things out would help you deal with those residual emotions and get rid of the pain that you've had to face, go through and deal with. This is something that has REALLY helped me get through the breakup period.
I really hope these tips help you as they did me. Heartbreaks and breakups are awful but that doesn't mean there's no way for you to deal with them. You certainly shouldn't be alone when going through one!