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What to Say to Your Girlfriend When She Wants to Break Up
Do you want to find out how you can stop your girlfriend from breaking up with you? This is not about the usual things you can do to improve your relationship. This is about showing your feelings and proving your love if you are trying desperately to save your relationship from a breakup. From romantic letters to accepting mistakes to saying sorry to laying your heart bare, find out what you can do and say to convince your girlfriend to change her mind and take back the words that broke her heart.
How to Stop Your Girlfriend From Breaking Up With You
- Write a heartfelt letter: Say it to her in a sweet, sentimental, handwritten letter. In this day and age, this means so much more than a Facebook message or text.
- Don't lose your cool: Losing your temper will not help your case. Remain calm.
- Make a commitment to the relationship: She might want to leave because she feels like you're not committed to the relationship, so use this opportunity to show her that you are.
- Apologize for your mistakes: Having the ability to apologize is so important in a relationship, and it shows her that you're ready and willing to acknowledge your mistakes and move past them.
- Don't blame her for your relationship problems: Being able to accept responsibility for your mistakes shows a high level of emotional maturity, which could make her reconsider breaking up with you.
- Make a promise and keep it: Show her that you're able to stick to your word.
- Talk to your girlfriend's best friend: This isn't always a great idea, depending on the circumstances of your break-up, but sometimes, talking to your girl's BFF can help you get an insider perspective on her reasons for dumping you.
- Let her vent: Sometimes, just being willing to listen to her explain why she's unhappy in the relationship (and I mean really listen) can make a world of difference.
- Ask one of your best friends to talk to her: Having a trusted friend act as a mediator can sometimes be a useful tool when communication between you and your girlfriend is breaking down.
- Subtly express yourself on social media: A well-timed Facebook or Instagram post can convey to her that you miss her and regret your mistake(s). Be careful with this; you don't want to come off as too desperate or pathetic.
- Ask her out on a final date: Keep it casual and be real—use this opportunity to let her know how much you love her and how much you'd appreciate another chance.
- Give her time to reflect: The final step is to give your girlfriend space and let her think about whether or not she wants to give the relationship another chance.
How to Change Your Girlfriend's Mind About Leaving You: Potential Issues to Consider
You can't do anything to stop her from leaving if her mind's already made up. But if you think she wants to leave you because of some quality or trait you're exhibiting, here are some things to think about.
- She may be unhappy with your level of commitment: Are you showing signs that might indicate to your girlfriend that you're not interested in commitment? If she's telling you that she feels like you're not "100% in it," you might not be telling her or showing her that you are committed to the relationship. If this is the case, you need to find ways to reaffirm your commitment to her.
- Your relationship problems may be caused by poor communication: There may be issues with your communication style that result in you being unable to convey your emotions to your girlfriend. This can cause problems in your relationship and may result in her deciding to break up with you. Seeking therapy is one way that could help you with your communication.
1. Write a Heartfelt Letter
Even in the age of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus, nothing can match the power of a handwritten letter when it comes to matters of the heart. Think about how you want to pitch your plea to your girlfriend, and just let the words flow.
Keep writing until you have nothing left to say. Here are some things that you may want to include in your love letter:
- The romantic moments you have spent with your girlfriend.
- The memory of your first kiss.
- Cute habits that have shaped your relationship.
- Why you think your relationship is perfect.
- Sweet doodles that you know she will adore.
Why is a handwritten letter so powerful? Because it shows that you went the extra mile and took the time and energy to put pen to paper to show her your inner thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind that, even though she will recognize the effort required to compose a handwritten note, actions still speak louder than words. If you're not willing to put in the effort or make changes as needed to fix the relationship, your words don't mean as much.
2. Don’t Lose Your Cool
Getting angry and losing your temper isn’t going to help when you try to convince your girlfriend to not break up with you. When you get angry, you might say things that you will regret later. Seeing you in a state of rage will make your girlfriend feel that she made the right decision to part ways. Here are a couple of tips:
- Remind yourself to keep calm every time you have a conversation with her.
- Walk out of a conversation if you think you are about to lose your cool.
Your girlfriend wants to understand what you're thinking, and she does want you to express your emotions—but there is a difference between expressing yourself and blowing up unnecessarily. Make sure you toe the line on that distinction.
3. Make a Commitment to the Relationship
A lack of commitment is a common reason why couples decide to break up. If your girlfriend hasn’t said this directly, you will be able to gauge if a lack of commitment is the real reason based on these signs:
- Your girlfriend has told you that she wants more from the relationship but hasn’t talked about anything in specific.
- She has said that your relationship doesn’t have direction.
- She has complained that you don’t know what you want from life.
These are some of the hints that your girlfriend may have given you time and again to draw your attention to the fact that there is no sense of commitment from your side. Reflect on these arguments, and find out if your lack of commitment is actually the reason why she is walking away.
If it is, you must be willing to get over your fear and be ready to accept that your relationship has matured to a beautiful and serious level. Gather your thoughts, and if you believe that you want to be in a committed relationship, tell her.
4. Apologize for Your Mistakes
If your girlfriend is breaking up with you because you did something that hurt her feelings, it is pretty clear what you need to do to change her mind. Look into her eyes, hold her hands, and give her an unconditional apology. Tell her how sorry you are and how much you regret making that mistake.
Accept your faults. Don’t try to correct her when she starts ranting and blaming you for all the problems that happened. A girl may not take a guy back if he has cheated on her, but other small mistakes and annoying behaviors might be forgiven if the apology is genuine.
Apologizing is the first step in remedying your relationship, if your girlfriend dumped you because of mistakes you made. However, it's important to realize that not only do you need to apologize, but you also need to work on fixing your behaviors. Show your girlfriend that you are willing to make those changes instead of just telling her that you are sorry you made them in the first place.
5. Don’t Blame Her for Your Relationship Problems
One of the worst mistakes you can make while trying to convince your girlfriend not to break up with you is to blame her for the problems in your relationship. Even if you think that she is directly responsible for some of the little issues that have crept up recently, keep mum because blaming her will send some of these signals:
- You are unwilling to accept fault for the mess in your relationship.
- You always want to be right even when you are wrong.
- Even after it has come to the point of breaking up, you fail to see her side of the story.
If you try to blame her, she will probably walk away from the conversation.
You need to be able to take responsibility for the role you played in the relationship ending, whether or not it was solely one person's fault or a combination of issues that resulted in the relationship ending. Being able to take responsibility for your own faults and shortcomings shows maturity and may help convince her to reconsider the relationship.
6. Make a Promise and Keep It
Differences, habits, personality traits, and other trivial issues can snowball into deal-breakers that lead to a breakup. If there is something specific that is making your girlfriend want to dump you, a tough decision will have to be made on your side.
You will either have to accept the breakup or make a promise to address that issue if you want to save your relationship. For example, if your girlfriend is breaking up with you because of the fact that you are friends with a girl she hates, you will have to pick a side. You will have to choose between being with your girlfriend and not talking to the other girl, or let your girlfriend break up with you so that you can keep talking to the other girl.
As silly and nonsensical as this sounds, sometimes compromises and sacrifices are the only things that can save a relationship. Relationships are frequently about making compromises because you love the other person. It's up to you to decide whether your relationship means enough to you to make the sacrifices required to keep the other person happy. At the end of the day, relationships are all about making choices and setting your priorities straight.
7. Talk to Your Girlfriend’s Best Friend
Your girlfriend’s BFF might hold the spare key to her heart if yours doesn’t work anymore. Go and talk to her bestie and share your feelings with sincerity and honesty. Try to convince her how madly you love your girlfriend. Lay your heart bare and get her on your side.
Listening to your emotional pleas should ideally convince her that you are the perfect guy for her best friend. If everything goes well, she will speak to your girlfriend and ask her to stick it out with you.
Since you're at a stage where your bond with your girlfriend is a bit skewed, she might trust her best friend’s opinion more than taking your promises at face value.
WARNING: This technique is not without risks; trying to talk to your girlfriend's best friend could easily backfire if her best friend is completely aligned with her and you know she'll be unwilling to listen to you. Your girlfriend may also be upset by the fact that you contacted her best friend to talk to her about your relationship rather than your girlfriend herself. Use this technique with caution.
8. Let Her Vent
Everyone needs to vent emotionally. Maybe the recent mess in your relationship has driven her to the point of frustration where she no longer sees you as a person who is willing to listen to her.
Strike up a conversation, and allow her to vent her heart out. Don’t try to be righteous. Let her blame you and call you names. She might even cry to let her emotions out, but if you patiently listen to her while she lets everything out, she might give you a hug at the end of it all.
Sometimes, when communication (or lack thereof) is the problem that's causing the corrosion of your relationship, just setting aside some time to listen can be truly cathartic for both of you. Don't worry about interjecting with your thoughts or feelings (unless she asks you to), and just take a step back and listen to what's been going on in your girlfriend's mind. That can sometimes really help you to understand where she's coming from, and that, in turn, can help you determine what changes need to be made to make the relationship work.
9. Ask One of Your Best Friends to Talk to Her
Apart from your girlfriend, there is no one else who will be able to understand you more than your own best friend. Tell your buddy how devastated you are about your girlfriend’s decision to dump you, and ask him if he'd be willing to step in and talk to her.
Get your friend to intervene and be the mediator between the two of you. Maybe all your girlfriend needs is a third person’s perspective of how ugly the breakup is turning out to be. Your best friend’s plea on your behalf might convince her to reconsider.
WARNING: This technique has the potential to backfire. You need to make sure the friend you select for this task has great communication skills and truly understands your emotions and goals; otherwise, you're probably better off trying to convey your emotions yourself. This, like going to talk to your girlfriend's best friend, is a last-ditch technique that should only be attempted when all else has failed.
10. Subtly Express Yourself on Social Media
A great way to get through to your girlfriend’s heart is to share your heartache on social media. Tweet how sad you are, post quotes about breakups and relationship problems on Facebook, and upload heart-wrenchingly sad selfies with those dull hues on Instagram.
The key to doing this without becoming the laughingstock among all of your other online friends is to be vague. Don’t give names and don’t mention specific situations. Let it all appear as if you are just sharing interesting quotes. But your girlfriend will definitely see through the subtlety and feel the pain in your heart.
WARNING: There is a chance that doing this may make you come off as pathetic, and it may reaffirm your girlfriend's decision to dump you. Use this technique with caution, and do not share posts in excess.
11. Ask Her Out on a Final Date
Letters, text messages, pleas, and promises—after you have tried everything you could have possibly done to save your relationship, ask your girlfriend out for one final date. Don’t make it fancy, and keep it totally casual.
Sit across the table, hold her hand, and tell her one last time why you think your love should be given a second chance. Be real, and don’t dramatize the whole thing by getting angry or starting yet another fight. Let your heartfelt words make her feel that you are a keeper.
12. Give Her Time to Reflect
After the final emotional last date, there is not much you can do but wait. Don’t keep pestering your girlfriend with texts to ask her if she has changed her mind. Give her some space and time for her to reflect on all the love, fights, arguments, apologies, and pleas.
She will change her mind if your relationship is meant to be. If she is still adamant about breaking up, there is little more you can do but hold on tight as life takes you on an emotional roller coaster. Be strong and always remind yourself that a little bit of time is all it will take for the wounds to heal and the memories to fade away.
This is the most important piece of advice you'll find in this article. The fact of the matter is that even if you really want the relationship to work, you're willing to apologize for your mistakes and remedy your behavior, and you truly love your girlfriend, if she has made the decision to leave you and she won't change her mind, there's nothing you can do to change her mind.
If you've tried every piece of advice on this list, but your girlfriend still won't get back together with you, the only other technique that might work is giving her time: time to think, time to miss you, and time to reconsider.
Now that you know 12 things you can try to prevent your beloved girlfriend from breaking up with you. Keep in mind that every relationship is different, and the reasons why yours isn't working out aren't going to be the same as everyone else's. It's not a one-size-fits-all type of problem, and there's no one remedy that will solve all of your relationship issues.
The important thing is to remember to be honest, open, and communicate with your girlfriend about your flaws and what you are doing to work on the relationship. Good luck!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
gakarnan on May 12, 2020:
Hanré on May 08, 2020:
This is very very good...my girl just told me she wants to break up,i told her all this important stuff and took all of this advice....she said she will talk to me later,so hopefully i changed her mind and this time I will show to her that I am the guy for her....now all i can do is hope she wants to try again for one last time
gabbyperson on March 12, 2020:
these things are good ig
gabby on March 12, 2020:
i loved her and she kicked me out of her life
AshWitcombe on January 16, 2020:
Just don't beg or plead with her to stay together. This will kill any attraction she has left for you.
You need to become high value in her eyes again. Let her see what she's missing out on if she breaks up with you. There's a very clever method on how to make her obsessed with you here: http://www.textherthis.com/ - Remember she's fallen in love with you before, so it can happen again. 'Near' break ups can sometimes make your relationship stronger than before.
Evrah Simmy on January 12, 2020:
Progress Godson on October 28, 2019:
Very bad advice. All these are nice guys approach and will not work
Gabriel odey on October 24, 2019:
Wow u just save me from taking my life because of break up am just going to do all that has be say here thank you so much.
Marilyn on September 22, 2019:
I was in a relationship for almost 20 years. I had already been married and divorced after 20 years. About 2 years ago I broke up with my boyfriend because even though I truly loved him, I took a lot of belittling from him, and the last time I saw him he had gone too far and made an embarrassing scene in front of many friends and relationships at his home, and never apologized. I left him the next day and never returned. He did try to get back with me, but I didn’t. About 9 months ago he died suddenly in his sleep from a heartache. Since then I can’t stop thinking about him, both the good and bad. What I really can’t stop thinking and crying about is that I feel now I should have tried to work things out even though he saw nothing wrong! On his attempt to get back with me he always wrote on his emails “so sad”. His last email was to one of my sons. I now cry my heart out every night. Last but not least, I broke up with him at age 79 and he was 72.
Idek anymore on June 16, 2019:
she hasn't left me yet but these things I will try and see if I can change her mind
thank you v much
Yannick Messaoud on June 12, 2019:
This is exactly what you can't do. Honestly when a women mind is made up and she decided to leave you, her decision is final, be honest, when ever you go back with your ex it never ever works. The world today as changed too online dating, social media, so relationships now never last.
I have dated from 18 to 41 and have been single now for 7 years, i went online dating and search for a good women for 4 years and i found nothing.
In today world if you are single past 35 its best to have your own place and remain single, have friends go out have fun.
This took me a while to realize but once you understand how things work it makes it a lot easier.... living single as so many benefits, i have been cheated on, i lost 2 house due to separation, and so much more.
Now i have my own condo, my activities, hobbies, and my life as never been better at 47.
Dj on May 12, 2019:
I tried to solve with all the way but all in vain she left me
Babes. on April 28, 2019:
Good advice but speaking to the BFF is a big no no. Everything else is good thank you very much I did write the letter but left out one very important part the first kiss,
raymond on December 26, 2018:
it sounds helping, thanks on November 09, 2018:
Khaleel on November 08, 2018:
Thank U Very Much
Nelson agbor on November 05, 2018:
but if you put a picture of your child mother which ur child mother is Death then you girlfriend see it and tell you the relationship over how can you do
Felix Otieno on September 04, 2018:
Am glad to have receive some tips concerning relationship
arthur on August 21, 2018:
#Baba Shawn15 on July 29, 2018:
Stella Aligizaki from Greece on November 23, 2017:
It is important to save relationships. I will follow your advice. Thank you.