How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Breaking up With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Updated on March 22, 2019
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Don't let the feeling of guilt pin you down unnecessarily after a breakup.
Don't let the feeling of guilt pin you down unnecessarily after a breakup. | Source

Can't stop feeling guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend? Is breakup guilt eating you up after dumping your girlfriend? Are all your friends blaming you for breaking up with your guy? Are you assuming all the fault and responsibility of the end of your relationship?

Stop feeling depressed and stop feeling guilty about the decision you made to break up with your ex by removing the guilt from its roots. This article gives you a chance to introspect on your breakup and rise above the guilt.

Breakup Guilt

The first thing you need to do is find out why you're feeling guilty. There are a few different reasons you might feel guilty after breaking up with someone:

  • You feel bad about ending things because the other person didn't want to break up. Maybe he or she begged and pleaded with you not to leave, and now you're feeling guilty thinking about how upset they might be in the aftermath of the breakup.
  • Maybe you're regretting your decision to leave and thinking about how you didn't try hard enough to make things work.

No matter the reason for your guilt, it's hard to move past that uncomfortable feeling. This article will give you tips and pointers to get over your guilt and move on from your previous relationship.

10 Ways to Stop Feeling Guilty About Breaking up

  1. Make a firm decision about your breakup and your feelings for your ex.
  2. Get rid of breakup guilt by acknowledging that you were honest and direct when you ended the relationship.
  3. Remind yourself of the reasons you broke up with him or her.
  4. Think about your ex's flaws and bad habits.
  5. Think of the breakup as a favor to your ex.
  6. Be practical—the relationship just wasn't meant to be.
  7. Stop feeling guilty by realizing that your ex will move on.
  8. Be kind to yourself—relationships are a two-way street.
  9. Think of all the sacrifices you made before deciding to end the relationship.
  10. Think of your breakup guilt as a natural human reaction—because it is.

1. Make a firm decision about your breakup and your feelings for your ex.

It is very easy to be lost in breakup guilt if you remain unsure about your feelings for your ex. Be firm about your decision to break up, otherwise you will be sucked into the emotional turmoil of being in two minds.

You will continue feeling guilty about dumping someone if you stop believing in yourself. To put this simply, you must trust yourself. Say to yourself that whatever decision you have made is in the best interest of everyone involved.

2. Get rid of breakup guilt by acknowledging that you were honest and direct when you ended the relationship.

Feel good about the tough stand you have taken in your relationship because it is definitely not easy to tell someone that you don't love them anymore. Everyone sympathizes with someone who has just been dumped, but the person who has initiated the breakup deserves a lot of credit for being honest and direct.

It is not easy to break someone's heart, even if it seems like the right thing to do. Pat yourself on the back for being brave and mustering the courage to be honest about how you felt.

Think of the source of all the arguments, fights and dislike in your relationship. Mentally reaffirming the reasons behind your breakup will help you believe that you made the right decision.
Think of the source of all the arguments, fights and dislike in your relationship. Mentally reaffirming the reasons behind your breakup will help you believe that you made the right decision.

3. Remind yourself of the reasons you broke up with him or her.

A breakup can be caused by the smallest of issues between partners that escalates into a big, life-changing problem. Think of the reasons that compelled you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Did you break up because neither of you were unable to stop being jealous over each others' exes? Were you forced to break up because neither of you could see a long-term future for your relationship? Was your breakup the result of a lack of intimacy? Remind yourself of the core reasons that led to the split if you want to stop blaming yourself for your breakup.

4. Think about your ex's flaws and bad habits.

Why did you dump your girlfriend or boyfriend? Was it because she was flirting with others, or was it because he couldn't stop looking at other women? Was it because she was too clingy, or was it because he was being abusive towards you?

Re-think all your ex's flaws and bad habits so that you don't put yourself at fault for taking the relationship to a breaking point.

5. Think of the breakup as a favor to your ex.

You could have run away from the responsibility of breaking up fair and square by seeing someone else behind your partner's back. You could have kept lying to your boyfriend or girlfriend about your feelings. You could have manipulated your partner by still being in the relationship just for materialistic benefits. You could have shown fake feelings of attachment just so that you could continue physical intimacy with your ex. But you did not do any of this and you decided to tell it like it is.

However nasty it may have seemed, you did the right thing by breaking up with your partner if you had lost all faith in the relationship. You may seem like the bad person temporarily, but deep down inside, you should remind yourself that you did your ex a favor by bringing a quick end to your relationship. Your breakup could have felt similar to that of a painful and agonizing death if you had prolonged and procrastinated the inevitable.

6. Think of the breakup as a favor to your ex.

You may have jumped into a relationship just because you were too smitten about falling in love with your crush. But time may have revealed that his or her company was the total opposite of what you were expecting.

Stop feeling guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend by looking at your relationship as one that just wasn't meant to be. You can try your best to alter the path of bad relationship, but all your efforts will be futile if the relationship has no future at all.

7. Stop feeling guilty by realizing that your ex will move on.

Has your ex-boyfriend moved on by hooking up with a pretty girl? Has your ex-girlfriend moved on by going to parties with different guys while you are sulking in your room, unable to stop missing her?

Instead of getting more depressed, use this as motivation to stop feeling guilty about breaking up. Look at how your ex has moved on and see it as a sign that he or she is now happier than before.

8. Be kind to yourself—relationships are a two-way street.

Stop judging yourself and stop assuming that you were at fault for all the problems in your relationship that eventually resulted in a breakup. Every relationship is a two-way street, and both partners are expected to do things that make a relationship work.

You were not the only one who was expected to make sacrifices to appease your partner. You have your own likes, dislikes, preferences, and needs that your ex was supposed to fulfill. Obviously something went wrong in your relationship—something that couldn't be fixed. It was your ex's responsibility to do whatever it took to fix the problems as much as it was yours, so stop blaming yourself.

9. Think of all the sacrifices you made before deciding to end the relationship.

You will overcome breakup guilt instantly if you start thinking of all the unrequited sacrifices you made in your relationship. For example, you may have stopped talking to a girl on the phone simply because your girlfriend got jealous of your long conversations with her. Or you may have fought with your parents just so that you could hang out and meet your boyfriend at odd times.

Think of all the sacrifices you made that went unnoticed and were not appreciated by your ex. Use this to convince yourself that you made the right decision. After all, if your ex was too blind to see the sacrifices you made just to keep him or her happy, obviously you deserve much better.

10. Think of your breakup guilt as a natural human reaction—because it is.

Feeling guilty about hurting someone's feelings or breaking someone's heart is a natural human reaction. This sense of guilt may be unavoidable even if you are completely right in doing so. Don't get frustrated and don't put yourself down by succumbing to the guilt.

Understand and acknowledge your feeling of guilt as a natural human reaction. Rise above this murky feeling by being aware that this guilt is impossible to dodge and you must actively move on by looking at the brighter side of whatever happened in the past.

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

Comments

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    • profile image

      Kim 

      11 months ago

      Yeah I dumped a guy last night. I didn't like him at all, I was trying to make a distance when he gave me a reason and I argued with him and told him I don't want to see him any more. Now I feel guilty cause I didn't explained to him and I tried to end it with a bad fight. Oh my god I hurted him so bad.

    • profile image

      Denis 

      13 months ago

      This is sooo good

      "the person who has initiated the breakup deserves a lot of credit for being honest and direct"

      Thanks very much for lighten me up with this

    • Miss Liberty31 profile image

      LaTrice 

      16 months ago from Las Vegas, NV

      I don't regret breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, because the relationship was one sided. No matter how much I tried to address the issues that were going on between the both of us, he didn't put in the effort to change. I wasted my time staying with someone who used me as a piece of meat. According to his standards, the only time we can only spend with each other was based on his convenience. He placed his career and family as a priority, while I was placed as a second option. It doesn't feel good to be on the back burner.

      I knew something wrong in the relationship. I cringed every phone call and text message, especially when he's asking to borrow money from me. I was having a difficult time ignoring the red flags. I didn't want to remove the rose colored glasses from my face, and deal with reality. I didn't want to accept that I was being used for convenience. The relationship was more "friends with benefits" than it was exclusive, since we hardly did anything outside of the bedroom. I wanted more, but he was unable to give me what I needed.

      I decided to end the relationship. My mind was made up. I thought about calling it quits for so long, but wasn't sure how to address it. I sent my ex-boyfriend two text messages, asking him to talk. He didn't reply back and I gave him one week to respond. He never did. Since my patience was running thin, I called and left a message on his voicemail, telling him that it was over. I haven't seen and heard from my ex-boyfriend for one month and determined to keep my distance.

      I'm going to stop settling for less, because I deserve more. I don't feel guilty for walking away from a person who's selfish.

    • profile image

      17 months ago

      I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I simply didn't like him in that way anymore, so I told him that the breakup was forced by my parents who had found a bad quiz score. I feel really guilty, not just about lying, but about breaking his heart. This was my first boyfriend, and my first breakup and I don't know how to handle it. How do I get myself in a better mood for times to come? How can I stop feeling weird whenever I'm around him? Should I tell him the real reason after he moved on? I'm extremely confused on what i should do to prevent myself from having a mental breakdown. My ex has already shut the rest of the world out, and tonight is the night of our first dance of the year. Should I give him the weekend to cool off? I really don't want to loose him as a friend, how do I make sure we can continue to be friends, even if we aren't as close?

    • profile image

      17 months ago

      I feel so guilty because he was into all this dirty stuff but we are to young and I believe in the good lords word about staying pure until marriage but he also a good guy and I just wasn't ready to date,and my freinds keep saying we should get back together but I only have one freind who doesn't judge me,take thus as a lesson if you feel what your partner us doing or saying what isn't right or against your better judgement than it isn't the best way to live and you will find that one freind who is always there for you no matter who you are

    • profile image

      20 months ago

      Trying not to feel guilty for my break up or sorry for him but it's so hard because I hate hurting people specially people I love.. it sucks to love someone but not be in love w them anymore.. but everyone goes threw something & they eventually move on I'm just at the beginning point were I feel nothing but sad for him.. I wanna b there for him but he'll think I'm trying to get back together & that wouldn't b fair to him nor me. BREAK UPS SUCK!

    • profile image

      Will Broadhead 

      20 months ago

      All you're doing is trying to justify how much you hurt them.

    • profile image

      Marco 

      23 months ago

      I feel like dying for what I did...even after 3 years the bad sense of guilt and remorse I have does not leave me :((

      I just hope that in another universe things went differently

      Forgive me my Angel

      :(

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      Most people never feel guilty about dumping anyone!

      The only exception is when their ex continues to beg them to get back together and has bent over backwards to win them back.

      It's not so much as feeling guilt but rather "feeling sorry" for him or her.

      Feeling "guilty" usually means you believe you were in the wrong.

      Odds are if you haven't {successfully moved on} and started dating others you'll be more receptive to going back to what was "comfortable".

      People breakup and makeup at (their) comfort level.

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