How to Break Up With Your Long-Distance Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Updated on February 20, 2017

Breaking up with your long distance girlfriend or boyfriend is not easy. It is a sad decision which can shatter a heart into pieces. The agony of heartbreak is unavoidable, but you can reduce the pain by being honest about your feelings and your decision to break up.

In this article, I'll go over how you can dump your long distance partner.

Voice your concerns on the phone before you decide to break up. Talk about everything in the relationship that is frustrating you every day. Maybe a heart to heart conversation is all it needs to avoid heartbreak.
Voice your concerns on the phone before you decide to break up. Talk about everything in the relationship that is frustrating you every day. Maybe a heart to heart conversation is all it needs to avoid heartbreak. | Source

1) Voice your problems: Try to find a solution to the issues bothering you

It is unfair on your part if you breakup with your long distance partner without voicing out your concerns about the relationship. Let your girlfriend or boyfriend know the things that are bothering you. Wait and see if there is a solution to these issues. Maybe things can be fixed and you can get back to feeling the love again.

For example, if you think that your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore, tell him how you feel. Wait a few weeks or maybe even months to give him a chance to express himself. For the sake of your relationship, you must give your partner a chance to fix things.

2) Find the right time to break up with your long distance girlfriend or boyfriend

It will be very inconsiderate of you to breakup with your long distance partner without waiting for the appropriate moment. For example, you will ruin someone's Christmas if you breakup with them during Christmas week or you will ruin someone's semester if you break up with them just before their exams.

Wait a week or two if you think that it is not the right time to break someone's heart with bad news. That is the least you can do out of respect for all the lovely memories of your relationship.

3) Giving a heads up: Let your girlfriend or boyfriend know that you want to have an important conversation

Don't give your long distance lover a crude surprise by making a random call and breaking up with him or her. Let your partner know that you want to have a chat about something important.

Pick a time slot when you are both free from your work or studies. Giving your partner a heads up will mellow down the shock factor of your decision to break up.

4) Break up on a phone call or Skype video call: Never breakup by text message

Since you and your partner won't be able to meet in person, you must break up over phone or on video chat and never by text message. The key is to be as personal and intimate as possible while you have the heartbreaking conversation.

Breaking up a long distance relationship by text message is the most heartless thing you can do. The best option is to video chat over Skype or other apps in which you both can see each other while you talk.

5) Give your long distance partner a specific reason for the breakup

Breaking up with your long distance girlfriend or boyfriend without having specific reasons to justify your stance will be heart shattering. This is exactly why it was suggested in this post that you should have outlined the problems you faced in your relationship before expressing your decision to breakup. Here is how you can back your decision up.

Remember how I told you that I don't feel that you love me anymore. Well, it is not working out and I feel that you just don't care. I waited a few weeks to see if things changed after I told you about it. But nothing has happened and I can't go on any longer. This is why I want to break up with you.

Being specific and anchoring your decision to breakup on a known problem in your relationship will make it easier for you to explain, and for your partner to understand. It will also help you to avoid feeling guilty about your break up because you had already told your partner about the issues you faced. On your part, you had given him or her ample time to try to find a solution.

6) Make it clear that you are not seeing anyone else: Removing doubts of cheating

The fact that you are not seeing anyone else nor do you have a crush on another guy or girl, is one of the most crucial things you need to mention while breaking up your long distance relationship.

If you don't make this clarification, you will leave your heartbroken partner stuck in the frustration of many painful thoughts including

  • Was she cheating on me all this while
  • Did he have a crush on that girl, just like how I always suspected
  • Was she attracted to the new guy in her college class, about whom she told me last month

Tell your girlfriend or boyfriend in very clear words that there is no one else in your mind and heart, and there never was.

Send off a long email after you have the conversation about breaking up. It will bring an closure on an emotional level.
Send off a long email after you have the conversation about breaking up. It will bring an closure on an emotional level.

7) Write a long emotional email as a follow-up to your breakup call

Follow up your heartbreaking decision to split with your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend with a long email. Pour your heart out and explain why you took this step. Here are a few things you should keep in mind while writing this email.

  • Explain how you both failed at trying to find answers to the problems in your relationship
  • Write about how you could see nothing but hurt and pain if you dragged along
  • Explain how it has been one of the most difficult decisions in your life
  • Tell your partner how you will always cherish the memories of your relationship

Be direct and choose your words carefully. Keep your sentences short so that you don't leave room for misunderstanding. End your email by clearly restating that your decision to breakup is final.

8) Don't give false hopes of getting back if you were in the same city

Using the excuse of distance is a common mistake that many make while breaking up with someone in a long distance relationship. This can potentially make your partner believe that there is still chance of getting back if both of you were in the same city.

These false hopes can make people take crazy decisions. You may be surprised to find your ex at your doorstep since he or she assumed that if the distance wasn't there, you would have no problems in continuing with the relationship.

To avoid giving such false hopes of love, make it very clear that regardless of the distance, your relationship has reached its expiry date. Be honest about your intentions and spell it out loud and clear that your decision to breakup will not change even if you both lived in the same neighborhood.

9) Don't expect him or her to understand: Breaking up will be rough

Don't make the mistake of expecting your long distance relationship partner to understand your point of view.

The conversation is likely to turn ugly and it may even snowball into name calling and blame games. Be prepared for misunderstandings and remain calm while you talk.

10) Gradually cut all contact after the breakup

Keeping in touch after a breakup can be emotionally very volatile, especially from the point of view of a broken long distance relationship. It can lead to many complicated situations including

  • You risk the chance of getting into a rebound relationship with your ex if you feel too lonely
  • Your ex may take it as a sign that you can't stop missing him or her
  • Keeping in touch can make you doubt your decision to breakup
  • It can give false hopes to your ex that there is still a slight chance of finding a way back into your heart

Avoid all this mess and cut out all contact with your ex after your breakup. Don't do this all of a sudden, but taper off your texts, emails and other interactions gradually.

11) Don't interact online: Social media interaction can give mixed signals

Breaking up your long distance relationship doesn't end at just cutting off contact by phone calls, texts and emails. You should also take care and stop interacting with your ex on Facebook, Twitter and other social media apps.

Even a small mistake can give mixed signals to your ex. For example, you see a cute quote about love in your Facebook feed and you immediately click Like without noticing that it was actually your ex who posted it. This can be a disastrous mistake because it can make your ex think that you are having a change of heart.

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