How to Get Your Baby Father Back

Updated on June 18, 2019
Hearts and Lattes profile image

I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs.

I once received an e-mail saying, "I love my son and my ex, so I've been wondering how to get my baby father back. I want to be a family. Any advice?"

It can feel like a heart-wrenching situation to have your child with you, but not have his father's love. If your goal is to learn how to get your baby father back, read on.

Is Anything Keeping Your Baby Father at a Distance?

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Let Him See What a Good Mother You Are

  • Hold your baby in your lap or next to you and dote on him. The visual of you two happily together will put an image of harmony in your ex's mind -- perhaps an image he would like to be closer to.
  • Don't bring people of questionable character around your child. Your baby daddy will not like knowing that men who are just after you for sex or who have a criminal record are in the same house with your baby.
  • Feed your child healthy food. When a dad sees that you are fulfilling a traditional womanly role of nurturing your child with home-cooked food, he will assess that you are serious about parenting. And that maybe you might have some good food for him too!

Keep Him Away from Other Women so You Can Work Your Magic

  • It is easier to get your baby father back if there isn't another woman in his life. And if there isn't, ask him if he'd like to spend some time with his son or daughter. Slowly increase the amount of time of visits so that he becomes more preoccupied with fatherhood. In the meantime, flirt with him a little, keep the mood light, and see where it goes.

  • No woman wants another female moving in on a guy she wants. If he just met a woman, you can make your and your child's presence known to her so that she is immediately aware she isn't his first priority. Don't be rude to the woman, but perhaps bring up doctor's appointments, diaper changing, or crying and screaming your baby does—the not-so-fun parts of having a child in your life.

    Often, women will be turned off once they realize a new guy already has a serious adult commitment. You wouldn't be saying anything false. After all, you'd want to make sure anyone around your child would be able to handle the truths about being around a baby. As an added bonus, you might scare her off without appearing witchy.

Make Sure You Two Still Have a Chance Together

  • Is there a little spark still there? Do you both feel chemistry with one another? Attraction fuels couplehood. It's easier to get your baby father back if he is attracted to you physically, even though it might not be politically correct to say so.
  • Do you still like one another? Being agreeable is very important in a long-term relationship. Traits like kindness, being a good listener, and preventing an argument from going too far helps keep people on a good page with each other.

Be Drama-Free

  • This can be hard to do. Women naturally want their child's father living in the same house with them, ideally married, because women are nesters. When your life reflects the disharmony of a fatherless home, it causes stress and can make you do things you otherwise would not.
  • If you are this type, When you find that your stress might hamper how you treat others, simply remember that it's easier to attract bees with honey than with vinegar. Being unpleasant will simply bring you back unpleasantries.

Make Sure He Is a Good Man

  • Does he deserve you? Is he respectful to people? Is he work-oriented? Those are all necessary.
  • Is he a drug user or dealer, abuser of women, a womanizer, or a cheater? Does he call himself a player? Those are signs of a man you don't need, no matter strongly you feel the chemistry is between you. And a man who doesn't have ingrained morals and ethics will never want to be a reliable family man.

Questions & Answers

  • My child's father decided to move on without me. I still want to be with him and work things out. He says he will still be here for me and he still loves me and that maybe in the future we could work things out, but right now he’s not willing to take the chance of me hurting him again. My family thinks I shouldn’t be with him for numerous reasons, but I still love him and want our family back. What should I do? How can I get him back? I want him to see that I’m willing to work through our differences.

    I think you should let him have the space he wants and not bring up the issue of being together. When the pressure is off, he might decide he wants to get back together.

  • My son's father and I were together for ten years. He is now living with the woman he cheated on me with when I was pregnant with our second child. He has moved on, but we still occasionally have sex. He says he loves me still and I love him, even though he moved on. It hurts so bad to see him do family things with his new girlfriend and our kids. How can I get over him because I know he can't be faithful to anyone?

    It is tough to go through loving someone when they pull at your heartstrings, hurt you, yet it is hard to stop the cycle. We all have a need for physical and emotional intimacy, however, in this case it would be best to stop sleeping with him. It will just keep you connected to him on a deeper level and keep you in an emotionally unhealthy spot.

    If you cut the physical relationship, you will not be giving more to him than you are getting back. I think it will hurt you less. In the meantime try to focus on something that is exciting that you can look forward to that has nothing to do with him. For example, do you want to take a vacation somewhere? Do you want to change your look? Do you want to learn new things? It might sound funny, but being excited about something you always wanted to try and carrying it out will give you a dose of happiness and a new outlook that will be good for your well-being. You can involve your child as well in your new interest.

    Romantic relationships are only one aspect of life. When they aren't going the right way, it is always good to look for another aspect of life that can bring you joy.

  • My baby daddy wants to be broken up with me, saying this is not the relationship he wants to be in after numerous arguments. He said he has been miserable and wants out. I felt he wasn't there as much as I needed him to be and have always been insecure when he is away from me. It's now been a week since he broke up with me. He texted me on Saturday checking up. Is there a way to find out if the breakup is final? Or maybe a way of fixing my relationship?

    I hate to hear what you're going through but my advice is to just keep your communication with him short, polite, and business-like. I wouldn't even suggest staying in any kind of contact at all if you didn't have a child together already. Don't let him know how much you miss him. Don't be romantic, seductive, or flirty. If he wants to be broken up, he doesn't deserve any of that kind of attention from you. However, if he wants to come back due to you giving him that space and drama-free communication, both of you need to set your relationship boundaries beforehand to see if you will truly be compatible again.

  • I broke up with the father to my child. However, after some time, I developed feelings for him again. He also seemed to have some feelings, and the connection is still there, but sometimes it seems to change on his side. Deep inside, I can tell he still feels something. But I don't understand why he sometimes acts like he does not. How can I be certain that he still feels something?

    He might have mixed feelings. The best thing you can do is just be relaxed around him with no pressure. You can make flirtatious or sensual eye contact, however. This way you are not putting any kind of verbal pressure on him. The eye contact might cause him to take some kind of action, though it just might be intimacy, since men sometimes react strongly to eye contact. Otherwise, being relaxed and kind around him will be a gentle reminder that you're a good woman, and that might help too.

  • What moves can you take to get his attention?

    Eye contact is a good idea. Also, if you don't already dress conservatively, business-like outfit, hair, and makeup makes a nice impression.

© 2013 Hearts and Lattes


Submit a Comment
  • profile image


    8 months ago

    Baby daddy complicated new girlfriend pregnant but still in love with him mutual feelings

  • Hearts and Lattes profile imageAUTHOR

    Hearts and Lattes 

    13 months ago

    This would be a tough situation for anyone. It all comes down to what you can live with. Is your life better with him there or better without him there? You can also have him live in the home on a friendly basis without being romantic, if you want him there for the kids only, like roommates. You can set up a rule that you don't want anybody he knows coming over as well. Best wishes.

  • profile image

    Gracey Cruz 

    13 months ago

    We've been together for 6 1/2 years, we have two kids 4&3 years old. I caught him cheating on me once and I struggled getting him back then so I tried to move on, when he learned I am dating someone he then told me that he realized he does not want a broken family like he does and loves his kids so much. Then he won me over by changing his attitude, he is usually cold and unappreciative before, he is not expressive. He always tells me that it is his upbringing. As months go by the sweetness faded and he become casual again. I admit I became paranoid and obsessed with the fact that he might cheat on me again. I do not feel cared for and loved that is why I have all these doubts. Whenever we fight I always shout at him and ask him to leave my house (we are living in a house given by my mom) He would ignore me, he would sleep through the night even if I am crying all night. When I ask to talk he said he is still mad and does not want to talk but then we never sorted it out. One kiss or hug we will be okay again. I always snoop in his phone and caught him deleting messages from friends and one message I have read he is not happy. I know that time we are in constant fight. When I asked him if he loves me. He does not answer yes or no, he says I'm still with you?

    We are not that intimate, we used to be that. I feel that I cannot trust him but I am hurt when I ask him to leave my home for the 2nd time. Because he does not have enough money to move out he requested a month so he can raise money for rent he is staying in the next room. But he told me he thinks we are wasting our years together in arguing and that he thinks we can find a person we deserve. He said he is setting me free but he said he will always be there for his kids..

    I love him but I felt that his love was not enough. I want a whole family because I came from a broken family too.

    What will I do? How can we fix it?

  • Hearts and Lattes profile imageAUTHOR

    Hearts and Lattes 

    16 months ago

    I honestly think you're doing the right thing in ignoring most of his contact. I would only make sure two things are going on: that you allow him to see his child if you feel you both are safe around him, and also make sure you get any child support you would be entitled to. You can keep a level head even if he does not, which you seem to be doing just fine.

  • profile image


    16 months ago

    I ended the relationship with my baby father because of continuous cheating. He and I were going fine but then eventually I found out that he was cheating and he kept denying. Though I knew he was cheating, I would still help him because I just loved him that much. We lost our first child and trust me, he was more supportive then than he was when I was pregnant and even than he is now. When I was five months pregnant, I found out that he was secretly still involved with his first baby mother that he was denying to me for almost two years;because she texted my phone. He still has not admitted until this day that he is with her. I left him since I was 5 months pregnant because I couldn't take the drama and she wouldn't stop. I was staying with him for a while while I was pregnant but I just couldn't deal with the drama. Eventually, I heard a rumor that my child wasn't his, I ignored it and just kept myself healthy and had my baby. When I was pregnant, he would have his friends check up on me and they would always mention him but I would just ignore. Since I had my child I have allowed him to see her probably four if not five times. My reason for ignoring contact with him is because he is so disrespectful, childish and does not know how to communicate with others or maybe it's just with me. We recently unblocked each other after almost 8 months and then he sent me something saying he loves me but I shunned it and have still been ignoring him. I don't text nor call him and I posted something on my app and he though I was involved with the person which I have been single since I was 5months pregnant and havent been with anyone else since my daughter was born but him. He keeps accusing me of being a girl who has a lot of men when he is the one who was always cheating and even when I ignore him, he randomly texts or calls me and has something aggressive to say or always wants to know why I dont text or call him. Truth is, I love him but he doesn't seem to know what he wants. Recently we blocked each other because I cannot deal with the drama but I just think he will want to reappear again. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IT'S LIKE EVEN WHEN I IGNORE HIM THAT TOO IS A PROBLEM AND WHEN I WAS DOWN FOR HIM HE DISRESPECTED ME!!PLEASE HELP!! I NEEEDDD ADVICE.


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