How to Get Your Baby Father Back
Is anything keeping your baby father at a distance?
Yesterday I received an e-mail saying, "I love my son and my ex, so I've been wondering how to get my baby father back. I want to be a family. Any advice?"
It can feel like a heart-wrenching situation to have your child with you, but not have his father's love. If your goal is to learn how to get your baby father back, read on.
Let him see what a good mother you are
- Hold your baby in your lap or next to you and dote on him. The visual of you two happily together will put an image of harmony in your ex's mind -- perhaps an image he would like to be closer to.
- Don't bring people of questionable character around your child. Your baby daddy will not like knowing that men who are just after you for sex or who have a criminal record are in the same house with your baby.
- Feed your child healthy food. When a dad sees that you are fulfilling a traditional womanly role of nurturing your child with home-cooked food, he will assess that you are serious about parenting. And that maybe you might have some good food for him too!
Keep him away from other women so you can work your magic
It is easier to get your baby father back if there isn't another woman in his life. And if there isn't, ask him if he'd like to spend some time with his son or daughter. Slowly increase the amount of time of visits so that he becomes more preoccupied with fatherhood. In the meantime, flirt with him a little, keep the mood light, and see where it goes.
No woman wants another female moving in on a guy she wants. If he just met a woman, you can make your and your child's presence known to her so that she is immediately aware she isn't his first priority. Don't be rude to the woman, but perhaps bring up doctor's appointments, diaper changing, or crying and screaming your baby does -- the not-so-fun parts of having a child in your life.
Often, women will be turned off once they realize a new guy already has a serious adult commitment. You wouldn't be saying anything false. After all, you'd want to make sure anyone around your child would be able to handle the truths about being around a baby. As an added bonus, you might scare her off without appearing witchy.
Make sure you two still have a chance together
- Is there a little spark still there? Do you both feel chemistry with one another? Attraction fuels couplehood. It's easier to get your baby father back if he is attracted to you physically, even though it might not be politically correct to say so.
- Do you still like one another? Being agreeable is very important in a long-term relationship. Traits like kindness, being a good listener, and preventing an argument from going too far helps keep people on a good page with each other.
- This can be hard to do. Women naturally want their child's father living in the same house with them, ideally married, because women are nesters. When your life reflects the disharmony of a fatherless home, it causes stress and can make you do things you otherwise would not.
- If you are this type, When you find that your stress might hamper how you treat others, simply remember that it's easier to attract bees with honey than with vinegar. Being unpleasant will simply bring you back unpleasantries.
Make sure he is a good man
- Does he deserve you? Is he respectful to people? Is he work-oriented? Those are all necessary.
- Is he a drug user or dealer, abuser of women, a womanizer, or a cheater? Does he call himself a player? Those are signs of a man you don't need, no matter strongly you feel the chemistry is between you. And a man who doesn't have ingrained morals and ethics will never want to be a reliable family man.
Questions & Answers
My baby's father does not seem to love me anymore, but I still love him. How can I show that to him?
If a man does not love you anymore, then you do not want to express love to him, because it would be one-sided and unrewarding for you. However, being decent and respectful goes a long way. If he is kind to you, be kind back. That's the easiest way to make a person feel good around you and want to be around you. If he is not nice to you, then don't go out of your way to be nice to him. Just be neutral in your tone and establish an expectation of respect if this is the case.Helpful 42
My baby's father and I have a 3-month-old boy, and with two other baby mothers, I’m his third. We’ve had bad disagreements, but always made up. We had sex two weeks ago after a fight. I am drowning financially without help, and he knows. I want to move, but I see too much, and there’s no assistance; I’ll be lucky if I get $200 in child support. He says everything was a mistake. It's over for good, and he doesn’t love me because I argue, irrespective of him causing pain. Do you have any advice?
I'm sorry you are in such pain. If you need to live with him for financial reasons, you might need to do so on a roommate basis rather than on a romantic basis. This might lead you to feel less pain since you wouldn't be sleeping with him and giving of yourself this way. If his plate is already full with other women and children, chances are he is looking to just have peace at home because there is drama elsewhere.
It might be the reason he feels you are arguing over things when you feel you are being logical about your needs. It is very difficult to be with someone when you don't have their full attention or dedication.
You could suggest just being roommates to him and tell him you'll each have "space" this way without pressure. He may or may not like the idea, but perhaps this will give you more emotional ease in caring for your little one.Helpful 5
After the death of our best friend, my baby’s dad (my fiancé) up and left with no warning. I got constant "I love you" messages every day to nothing. He said he will always love me, but he can’t come home. He has no explanation for leaving. A family is what he always wanted. He’s started making small talk about our baby/money again. Does it seem like there will ever be a chance when he can’t even talk about coming home?
I am very sorry about your loss and your predicament. It was really touching to read. I don't know much about your situation. My guess is that your ex might be trying to get away from the closeness of death by escaping to a new situation. Or he could genuinely just not be interested in a family situation anymore. There could be a chance in the future when he matures, but for now just be scarce when he tries to message/text you. Let him miss you as much as possible. Just fulfill any legal obligations you both have to each other for now and let him go as if you are willing to see him happily set free. This sometimes draws people back as they begin to miss you.
As we get older a lot of people, begin to realize that drifting through life is usually an empty pursuit and they start to want family/their base again. This man needs to mature a lot, and hopefully make this decision. In the meantime try to enjoy your life in other ways. It is not fair for you to be hanging on by a thread. In my mind relationships are either on or off. In-between or unsure relationship statuses are just too stressful. Just my two cents! I hope this works out for you in the end!
My son's father and I broke up because I found out he was talking to someone else. At that time, he said I was too busy for him because I went back to school to help our family. We tried for a week but mutually ended it because we both weren’t ready. Well now I’m ready and he is not and is enjoying his freedom. What do I do?
My child's father decided to move on without me. I still want to be with him and work things out. He says he will still be here for me and he still loves me and that maybe in the future we could work things out, but right now he’s not willing to take the chance of me hurting him again. My family thinks I shouldn’t be with him for numerous reasons, but I still love him and want our family back. What should I do? How can I get him back? I want him to see that I’m willing to work through our differences.
I think you should let him have the space he wants and not bring up the issue of being together. When the pressure is off, he might decide he wants to get back together.Helpful 11