Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).
Soul-Crushing Rejection...And How to Deal With It
We’ve all been there. We have a huge crush on someone, or maybe our feelings have even escalated to the point where we think we’re in love with them. We’re afraid to say anything because we don’t want to get hurt, but when we finally muster up the courage to confess our feelings, that’s exactly what happens—we get hurt!
Ah, such is love. Rejection really is no fun. The more you like someone and the more you built up the fantasy relationship in your head, the harder it is to get over the rejection. Somehow you had hoped that they would like you back, but they don’t, and now all you want to do is lie in bed and mope around for a few decades.
The good news is that you can get over this, though. Your pain and suffering is only temporary in most cases, and all of that suffering is due to factors that are actually somewhat under your control.
Wait, what? Surely you can’t control whether or not the object of your desire wants you back! Indeed you can’t, but you do have some control over your reaction to it.
In order to get over the rejection faster, keep a few of these important things in mind:
#1: Your Crush / Love Interest is Not the Only Person in the Universe.
Seriously, a lot of your pain comes from the fact that you have over-focused on one person. You put all of your emotional eggs in one basket. They may seem like they’re the only one for you right now, but the truth is that they’re not.
There are roughly 7 billion people on the planet at the time of this writing, and chances are that at least two or three of them are good matches for you. More than likely, though, there are thousands of people with whom you could potentially fall in love. Best of all, some of those people might reciprocate!
It’s hard to see past the one person you love right now, but love is something that we can cultivate as well. Look at all of the people around you. Try to find something you love in each of them, even when you’re not romantically interested. This is a good mental exercise to remind you that the traits you’re attracted to in your love interest exist in other people as well.
The main thing is to realize that your would-be lover is not the exclusive holder of all the things that you find attractive in this world.
#2: If Your Love Interest Does Not Love You Back, Then You’re Not Good For Each Other
Lots of people like to argue that “We would have been perfect for each other!” when they are rejected by someone they love. The truth is that you’re not perfect for each other. If you were, then you would be together.
You never really know if you’re “perfect” for someone until you’ve been with them for awhile, anyway. How do you know you wouldn’t just get sick of them after a few weeks? In the fantasies of your mind, you probably built up this imaginary relationship that was just so perfect and full of unicorns and butterflies, but the truth may be very different from that fantasy.
So there’s no reason to wistfully regret what “might have been.” If your crush is totally uninterested, this is a sign of huge incompatibilities. You may have dodged a bullet, actually.
#3: Have an Abundant Love Life
The fastest way to get over rejection is to spend time with other attractive people. If you let yourself rot at home in a puddle of tears, then all you’re doing is extending your misery.
Have you ever liked someone a lot, then found someone new to like and got over the first person quickly? This works in all kinds of situations, except the best approach is to probably start dating multiple people so that you don’t just get attached to one person as a substitute for the person who rejected you. This is a trap that many people fall into.
Instead, spread your love around a little bit and be less attached to the results. Appreciate what you like in other people without worrying too much about what they think about you.
This is what New Age types tend to call “Abundance Mentality,” but really what it means is that you’re not feeling needy and overly-invested. This can apply to many parts of your life, even your health and your financial situation, but in this case it can have a huge impact on your love life.
Have you ever had a friend who just needs to be in a relationship? I think we all have a friend like that. They feel empty when they’re single and they can never be on their own for long, and yet they choose just about the worst relationships for themselves because they’re so desperate that they would choose just about anyone.
Fixating on a specific person that you’re not in a relationship with and refusing to date anyone else is similarly needy and destructive. Just like your friend who needs a relationship, when you feel like you need your unrequited love interest, you might also find yourself attracting negative situations.
Open your mind to the possibilities and start dating as many different people as you can. Have fun with it. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself forgetting the person who rejected you.
A Word on Resentment: How Could They Have Broken Your Heart Like That?
Now, in many situations, you may find yourself feeling angry and resentful at the person who rejected you. How could they have turned you away like that? Sometimes, even if they let you down easy, the pain still drives you crazy with resentment.
While it’s normal to feel these things, don’t lose sight of the fact that it’s nobody’s fault. It’s not your crush’s fault that they don’t love you back, just like it wouldn’t be your fault if you had to reject the advances of that creepy coworker who is always trying to get in your pants. Try to decouple your anger from your impulse to blame the other person.
When Can You Talk to Your Crush Again?
When you’ve been rejected, especially by a friend, it can be very awkward afterwards. If it was a particularly harsh rejection or you had really strong feelings for them, then you should probably keep your distance for awhile. Wait a month or so until it doesn’t hurt quite so badly before hanging out with them again. After being apart for awhile, you may even find that your feelings have dissipated, especially if you’ve been seeing other people in the meantime.
If your former love interest just doesn’t want to see you again after the rejection, then that can be rough, but you should respect their wishes. Maybe in time they will come around, but they will probably only be interested in friendship. Ignore them for awhile and see what happens.
Conclusions: How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?
In short, you don’t mend a broken heart—it mends itself automatically in the same way every other wound on your body does. You can influence the process and make it go by faster, though. All that it needs is time and positive input. Just remember to surround yourself with people who care about you and support you, and you’ll be all right. Remember not to close yourself up from the world and find people who will appreciate you just as you are, and you’ll get over the rejection much faster.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2017 Jorge Vamos
Faith on April 30, 2019:
i hope this works its been months close to a year but we still are friends and i still love him and i find myself growing jealous and hateful towards 2 specific girls who are my friends! i dont want to but i cant help it! i feel like hes trying to avoid me even though ive been doing nothing! and whenever i mess up in school in front of him i feel so stupid! and i mean ive been avoiding him hoping that this would stop but its not and it hurts! were friends we always have been but im in so much pain. i find myself staring at him and trying not to catch his eye. i wish he would come up to me and invite me to play with him in that friend group of those 2 girls! i think they like him and he likes one of them and i want to cry but i cant in school and it hurts my heart so much i try to look and act my best but it does nothing! i already have depression and i feel like this is making it 100 times worse i wish i could be happy but everything is going wrong since i was 4 years old! im 13 now but everything is still going wrong! my parents breaking up when i was 4 mom cheated on dad and took me away for years without telling him! family and people i called family dead! friendships lost! homework and school stress! drama! anything that can go wrong is! i feel like such an idiot all the time! i wish it would stop and every time i think it will something else happens... i hope this works thank you
Evane on October 31, 2018:
I moved to a new place. Met a few new people but fell for one of them. Its not exactly love but it felt like home. Loneliness makes you miserable and when someone shows kindness and are fun to be around, you suddenly start getting attached without knowing. You'd wish they could be a part of your life a little longer but life remains unpredictable. He was just an acquaintance, chatting occasionally, sharing things we couldn't tell anyone else.I just hoped for the friendship to continue. I liked his company. Too busy with his life, I guess. I tried to keep up the conversation but it didn't work. Feels like rejection though, even if its not exactly love but as conversation partners. I know he has a girlfriend. I just wanted to be friends. We don't have many when we come to a new place. I was desperate then. He was just being friendly, maybe I am the one who assumed too much. The delusion is over now. Now I am trying to pick up my broken pieces and move on.
Chris on October 13, 2018:
Same here, fell in love with someone online but we could not get to meet for nearly a year. It was really hard when the woman mentioned another man she dates now
Kat on September 10, 2018:
I had the same thing happen to me, a man I met online wouldn't meet me.
Angel on April 08, 2018:
This is the best article so far I have read . My heart breaks for a guy I wanted but he never wanted to meet me ever. We met online. Not sure why I became completely obsessed by him either.
anon on August 25, 2017:
#3: Have an Abundant Love Life
This is not a good advice; the rest were good.