How to Get Back Together With Your Ex Husband or Wife: 5 Smart Things to Do
How to Get Back Together With Your Ex Husband or Wife
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Adwoa Mansah was married to her husband for ten years. A little disagreement cropped up which made Mike, her husband, so angry that he stopped sleeping in the house. Adwoa became miserable and asked for a separation. She cut off contact with Mike when they separated. After some time, she realized she still loved Mike, despite the way he had treated her, and she wanted to get back together with him so that they could continue the marriage. But she did not how to go about it, given what had happened in the past.
There are many other women who also do not know what they can do to get back together with their ex husband or wife after a separation or a divorce.
So, how do you get back together with your ex? I want to share with you some get back with your ex tips so that you can successfully reconcile with him or her.
Pray to God to Soften His or Her Heart
Getting back with your ex requires you to pray first of all. If the breakup occurred because one party hurt the other very painfully, or there was acrimony and bitterness involved in the separation or divorce, there is bound to be bitterness in the heart of one spouse or the other which you have to deal with as a first step to getting back with your spouse.
It is very difficult to let go of hurts sometimes, especially when it involves someone you were so close to, someone you shared the same bed with and made love to, someone you confided in and shared secrets with. If you don’t take serious steps to deal with the bitterness, you may never forgive that person, and it will be difficult to get back together with him or her, even if you find out later that you still love them. Anytime you remember what the person did to cause the break up, it may hurt you so much you may decide never to get back together with them again.
The best way to deal with the hurts and pain of the past is to ask someone who has forgiven you for the many wrongs you have done against Him, God, to help you learn to forgive your ex husband or wife, and to let go.
Without God’s intervention, it may be impossible to forgive, but with God’s help, you can forgive and take measures to get back together with him or her.
The Bibles says in Proverbs 21: 1 that, “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” This means that God, the Omnipotent One for whom nothing is impossible, can turn the heart of any living human being in the direction He wants.
When you pray to God to change your heart so that you can forgive your spouse, and to soften the heart of your ex- spouse so that the person will forgive you and give you a favorable response when you make the approach, God will listen to your prayer because He hates divorce and wants couples to be together.
If you want to get back together with your ex, you need to seek God’s help.
Have a Positive Attitude
If you want to get back together with your ex husband, or ex wife, and in your heart of hearts you really know you still love him or her, you must have a positive attitude.
For most spouses who want to get back together, the problem is always the inertia, or the thoughts and feelings that hold them back, when they think about the fact that they may be rejected when they make an attempt to get together with their ex husband or wife.
The second step to getting back with your ex husband or wife is to get rid of doubts and negative feelings about yourself and the potential of your relationship.
Questions such as, “Can I make him or her accept me again?” and “Can the marriage work again, after all that happened between us?” should be disregarded when they come to your mind.
No matter how many times you fail at something, there is still a possibility that you can succeed if you persevere. It is first and foremost a matter of believing that the relationship can work if you give it a try again.
If you think you can do something , you are more likely to attempt it and then keep on trying until you have given your goal a decent try.
Conversely, if you think you can’t do something, you are not likely to try at all. Or you may try so halfheartedly that you give up at the first sign of difficulty.
Also, a positive thinker tends to be more alert to opportunities.
When you are positive-minded, you will see signs that your spouse wants a comeback, or is willing that both of you get back together, when you meet or talk. It will also make you feel you can successfully get your ex- spouse to agree to a reconciliation.
So, be positive in your mind that your ex husband or wife will accept your offer for a reconciliation, if you want to get back together with your ex husband or wife.
Remembering certain things about people helps us to appreciate them more, and makes it easier, sometimes, to let go of things we have against them, and can help you get back with your ex easier.
Remembering good things about your ex husband or wife can also help you to regenerate the romantic feelings you had for the person, when you remind yourself of how good he or she was to you, and how that spouse has been a great help to you in the past.
Here are a few things you can do to remember how good your spouse has been to you in the past:
- Sit down, or lie in your bed with a pen and writing pad.
- Try to remember twenty big things your spouse bought for you in the past over a period of time, let’s say two years. For example, remember gifts he or she gave you for your birthday, or special presents he or she gave you on an anniversary.
- Try to remember how much it cost them to buy those things. For example, if he bought you a dress and it was five hundred dollars, write the item and write the five hundred dollars beside it.
- Repeat for all the twenty items. Then find the total cost.
- Then, just ponder over the financial sacrifice, sacrifice of time, and the risk (he or she could have been involved in a car accident, for example, whilst getting you these items) your spouse had to face to get you these items.
- Close your eyes and focus all of your mind on the fact that your spouse spent so much on you, and sacrificed his or her comforts, just because they loved you. It will help you to remember that your spouse really cares about you but human as he or she, they are bound to make mistakes, and that is why you find yourself in the situation you are in now.
- Then, write down fifty good things your spouse did for you when you were together. This will make you see that your spouse is not as bad as you may be thinking , and help you to readjust your thinking to see your ex husband or wife in a good light, which is likely to influence your feelings for them, and make you have a fresh affection for him or her.
- Try to think about one good quality your spouse showed when you were in the relationship. For example, if he was a generous man, focus your mind on his generosity, and think about that whenever negative thoughts about him come into your mind; if she used to encourage you, think often about that. The mind is like a garden which can grow beauty or ugly things; it can produce flowers, or it can bring forth weeds; it must be disciplined by conscious exercise, which is thinking good things about your ex husband or wife, so that you will have the right feelings towards him or her.
Getting back together with your ex husband or ex wife requires you to make your ex remember you again, and think about you often, especially if you have not been contacting them. Reconnecting can cause him or her to rethink about renewing the relationship.
Therefore, send him or her a text, or call to say you still love them, if you know they have not moved on to another relationship.
You can say something like, “John, I just called to find out how you are. I must say I miss you, dear. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, you know. I see people dying every day, and it makes me stop to think. We live in a frightening world today, an uncertain world , with all the terrorism going on around us, and anything can happen at any time. It has made me think about the importance of family, you, the wonderful moments we shared in the past. It has made me realize what a treasure you are, and that I have to cherish you. The important thing I see now is not to get angry over petty things, to turn every little disagreement into a fight, but to help build you up so that you will be the kind of husband I want, and to see as special the moments we have together here on Earth. I have realized I will miss you if you were to be taken away from me, from the children, suddenly by death. We were happy once, and I believe we can be happy again. I don’t want to live with regrets, and spend the rest of my life thinking I could have loved you more, or could have spent more wonderful moments, but gave it all up because of my pride and ego. I still love you, John, and I want us to meet to resolve this. I value you, and I know we can make the marriage work if we appreciate each other more, and are humble enough to support each other.”
This will show your ex that you feel humble enough to want to make another try, and many people respond positively when the other person shows humility. It may make your ex think about your love for him or her, and rethink the whole situation again, and also think about the love they had for you. this could influence them to develop goodwill for you again, and make them want to have a reconciliation. It will help you to get back your ex permanently.
Admit Your Faults
When you meet to talk things over, refrain from pointing out your spouse’s contribution to the breakup. Instead, point to your contribution to the breakup.
For example, if you are a wife and your husband broke up with you because there were issues about how demanding you were, do not say, “You are to blame for all that happened. You know it is your responsibility to take care of me. You were too stingy and I hope you will turn over a new leaf.” Instead, you can say, “I have realized that, maybe, I was being too unreasonable in my demands. I should have been more understanding, and I will do my best to be tactful now about how, and when, to make certain demands. I will learn to be content with what we have, and will be satisfied with whatever you give me.”
If the issue that caused the breakup was because the husband was unfaithful to the wife, the husband should not say, “I was not getting sexual satisfaction. I don’t think you were doing enough, and it hurt me every time you gave one excuse or the other to avoid lovemaking. And when I tried to reason with you, you were not co-operative. That is what has caused us this pain.” Instead, you should say something like, “I appreciate that your sex drive is not as strong as mine. I appreciate the times when you were willing to allow us to make love. I have been thinking about it a lot, and understand that I may also not have done my best to try to help you boost your sex drive. Now, what I will do is to get you some aphrodisiacs to take regularly so that we can boost your desire for sex.” When you say, “I will,” you show that you want to take responsibility for solving part of the problem, and you want to offer a solution which will benefit both of you, which you show by saying “we.”
Adopting this strategy will make your spouse see that you are not pushing everything onto him or her and blaming them, and it will make them more willing to also make concessions for you. It will also make your ex see that you are serious about doing something different to make the relationship work, and he or she is more likely to want to get back together with you.