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How to Forget Your Ex-wife and Move On

I went through a pretty bad divorce a few years ago, but I survived to tell the tale. I now want to help other men cope with divorce.

Going through a divorce is hard, but you can and will get through it.

Going through a divorce is hard, but you can and will get through it.

How to Forget Your Ex Wife

We often hear of being haunted by memories of the past. This can seem a bit like some literary device to evoke a malevolent ghostly spirit that somehow animates these memories to cause us pain. With this in mind, how to forget your ex-wife and move on with life may seem like something as dramatic as an exorcism!

You can hold off getting an old priest and a young priest and chanting the 'power of Christ compels you," though, because it is nothing as dramatic as this!

In this lens, we shall cover how you can lessen the damage of memories and how they drastically affect your mood and decision-making processes and how to move on from divorce emotionally once you have gained power over destructive memories and emotions.

Mood, Decisions & How to Forget Ex-Wife Memories

Our minds are an amazing thing; they have the power to inspire pure genius, art, amazing problem-solving abilities, language, and all the greatness we associate with our humanity. They are also the same organ that sends us into pits of depression, develops low self-esteem, loses control of its temper, and has panic attacks and general anxiety.

The mind is still the greatest mystery of science, but there are a few things that we have learned that can help you understand your own emotions and psychological state so you can move on from a bad divorce more confidently.

Mood

Our mood is greatly influenced by our surroundings and things that can trigger a radical shift in our state of mind. For instance, you may have a picture of you and your ex-wife still in the house, and every time you look at it, you are overcome by a wave of sadness. Or it might be when you are lying down to go to sleep at night and suddenly remember how you used to share a bed with this woman you called your wife and now don’t.

This is because we subconsciously associate some things in our minds with a feeling or an emotion. While sometimes this might be a happy memory, when you are being divorced those happy times feel like torture because each memory is like a new sense of loss each time. If they are bad memories of arguments, this is also obviously distressing to keep reliving.

A lack of control of the intensity and frequency of memories leads to massive mood fluctuation.

Decision Making

Your mood influences the decisions you make. This might seem an obvious statement, but no matter how logical we think we are being, our state of mind has subtle, insidious influences that make you question your decisions later many times.

If you cannot control your emotions, moods, and state of mind due to memories and triggered feelings adjusting these things, then what you do suffers from a serious undercurrent of negativity. This will slowly seep into all parts of your life, vandalizing your good work.

How to Forget Your Ex-Wife Memories

Forget might be too strong a word, but it is what we think about when assaulted by these. We want them to be gone from our minds, so they don't bother us anymore. This is not how memories work though, even if you are forgetful, they will always be there and always SHOULD be there.

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What you really need to do is forget the intensity of those memories. You need to tone down how they affect you more than trying to bury them. This way is about dealing with your internal systems of mood-altering references so that they no longer control you.

This can be done in a number of different ways, which retrain your brain to disassociate the memory from the mood. For example:

  • Disassociation: Actively remembering but taking your point of view out of your own body and looking at the scene from the 3rd point of view
  • Volume: Actively remember and lower the volume of the sounds in your mind and even the sharpness of your image ... like fading out
  • Visualization: This can be many things, but the visual act of washing away bad memories can help greatly

Your mind can be trained if you know how to. If you control it, the bad stuff in your life cannot control you!

Moving on From Divorce

The memories of bad times or good times that haunt your days are just one of the obstacles that come up when trying to create a new life and be happy after divorce for men. Many other emotional problems are encountered along the way to a full recovery from a divorce which is often interlinked to a few base-level problems.

If you confront these psychological roadblocks and defeat them, you will find the pain of a divorce will simply evaporate. Like putting on a new pair of glasses, everything will shift back into focus.

This is not an immediate effect; of course, it takes a fair bit of understanding and looking into your own mind and motives before the switch in your brain just clicks, and you start a fast road to recovery.

  • Men After Divorce - Divorce Recovery for Men
    Men have emotions too and often have a hard time coping with divorce. Men after divorce can recover and thrive though, if they know how to understand thier own min and how to make the changes to be happily divorced!
  • The National Center For Men
    The National Center For Men, incorporated in 1987, is dedicated to the advocacy of men's equal rights. We educate the public about how men have been hurt by sex discrimination and we also counsel individuals and families who have been damaged by disc

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

Comments

amitsen46 on October 24, 2018:

guys iam a divorced man since 2013 but still it seems that she is near me at every stage of my life but i know very well that she can't return in my life ..my friends still teltl me that show ur self to doctor so that u can move on in ur life but i want to say them that i have left that thing which is a part of my life and that is my wife ...so it's not that easy to move in in life after a gap of five years as she has occupied every part of my life so it needs more time to move on..is n't it....

Pete on August 02, 2017:

Can't find the elbow to click on.

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