Trying to Figure It Out
There are many reasons for breakups--does your situation fall into one of these categories?
- Different religions
- Different career ambitions
- Different politics
- Refusal to commit
- Lack of things in common
- Stress over money or children
- Maturity differences
Dealing with a Breakup That Takes You By Surprise
Breakups hurt--and they hurt even more if you're the one who gets dumped and you didn't see it coming. If you were happy in the relationship--whether it was a new love or an established one--you will likely have trouble moving on from it. After all, it's human nature to want to understand things and to analyze and consider them until we do!
Unfortunately, if you find yourself in this situation you may never truly understand how someone you love wouldn't love you back. You can cope with it, though, and eventually move on to another great relationship.
Read on for how to cope with getting dumped for no reason.
Surviving a Breakup
Step One: Accepting That You Are No Longer in a Relationship
The first step to coping with getting dumped for no reason is to accept that you are no longer in a relationship. Don't dwell on what you and your ex-significant other were doing last week, or last month, or how much fun you were having. Keep yourself planted firmly in the present and face your reality--tell your friends, change your Facebook status, and gather up pictures to put somewhere where you can't see them and start spontaneously sobbing.
Take a few days to wallow, of course, because breakups are deeply painful--but beyond that, don't waste time wishing it hadn't happened. While the world as you know it just ended, there's still a world out there, and it has a lot of amazing possibilities in it!
Step Two: Keep Living Your Life
After a breakup, it's tempting to retreat to the couch, a pile of movies, and a bag of popcorn. Maybe you cancel plans with friends, call in sick to work for a few days, and ignore the rest of the world. That's a bad idea!
The more you sit around by yourself moping, the longer it will take you to move on. Keep the plans you've already made, and make additional plans with friends too. Being out with others and having fun--even if you're convinced you'll be miserable the entire time--will distract you and pass the days and nights that would otherwise be lonely.
Your friends and family are there for you, and lean on them if you need to for companionship, conversation, and support (just be sure not to endlessly bewail how sad you are, or eventually your calls will start going to voicemail).
Step Three: Reflect on the Relationship After You've Achieved Some Distance
A few weeks or months after the breakup, you should be feeling calmer and have moved on from the phase where you feel constantly dejected and full of regret. Once this happens, you can look back on the relationship (if you still feel the need for closure) and objectively think about what happened.
Did you have political or religious differences? Did you have different goals in life? Were your maturity levels different? It's very rare that breakups between two happy people come out of the blue--looking back, you might realize that you fought frequently, didn't always enjoy each other's company, and weren't as happy as you thought. There are often signs that a breakup is imminent, even if you love the other person--and love can sometimes blind us to those signs.
Getting dumped for no reason is unlikely--it has happened and will happen again, but usually you ca identify signs and find closure once the emotions of the experience have faded a bit.
Getting Dumped is Not the End
It's not comforting, but getting dumped happens to everyone (except for those few people who marry their childhood or high school sweethearts without any other partners in between). Even if you don't understand why you got dumped, it is possible to cope and move on--love will happen again.
shiv on August 18, 2019:
A girl came into my life.she pretended as if she found the long lost love in me.she called me with cute names and openly asked on calls to give her a kiss.she cared for me and also made me give up my bad habits.it felt as if she was the best thing that happened to me until one day she left me for no reason.she did not even cared to inform me and left..just like that.she blocked me from every social media platform and also stopped attending my calls.now i am feeling fine because if she had really cared for me,she would have atleast managed to sort out the differences and the problems in our relationships that she was facing.I feel really lucky to not to be with someone so coward.Thank you God,Now i know why people prefer being single.
Walter on October 28, 2017:
There Jeniffer, believe I know what you probably went through I started dating this girl about a month and a half ago and just this last Monday she texted "I'm sorry stop texting me thanks" I was what??? I was falling hard for her I'm the few of the good guys and I treated like the world but still I guess it not enough
Jennifer on March 07, 2016:
Just got dumped by the guy I was falling head over heals for the last 2 months. Apparently I was really wrong when I thought he felt the same, but he wasn't developing love for me so he cut the cord not wanting to hurt me anymore.
Randi Benlulu from Mesa, AZ on June 28, 2013:
Great advice, well put. Thank you for sharing this! Up++
OMGirdle from United States on June 27, 2013:
I think people get blind-sided by the truth. There are always signs we choose to ignore. We trick ourselves into thinking everything is alright instead of looking at the reality. Your tips on how to get over it are right on target. Realize it, learn to live within the new realm and grow from the experience. Good advice! Thumb Up!
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 27, 2013:
Voted up and useful!
You provided some excellent advice. I would not invest too much time on #3 unless it is for the purpose of learning to select the "right" mate for yourself. The goal is always to find someone who will love and appreciate you for who your are. It's a waste of time trying to figure out why someone decided their life would be better without you.
The reason why your ex dumped you will the very same reason why another person falls madly in love with you!
When it comes to relationships most of us fail our way to success, Most people do not meet their "soul mate" the first time out of the gate. If we did we'd all be married to our high school sweet hearts! :-)