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How to Win Her Heart Back

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I love giving relationship advice to help others in their personal lives.

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How to Win Your Girl Back

Your girl has just broken up with you, but you are still in love with her. What do you do? Should you try to reason with her? Do you just try to move on? Or, maybe you should beg her to come back? What to do?

If you're heartbroken and at a loss for what to do with this break-up, have no fear. This article will cover some basic steps and tips that you should keep in mind and try to work on if you want any chance of getting your girl back. Of course, not all relationships (and women) are created alike, but this article is meant to be more of a general guide on how to handle that post-breakup period, especially if you want your girlfriend back.

Good luck!

1. Retrace Your Steps

First things first, you should have a sit-down with yourself and do some soul-searching. Retrace your steps and and ask yourself: Why did she leave in the first place? Was it something you did?

While she may have told you when she called it quits that, "It's not you, it's me," that may (or most) likely not be the case. It was probably just her way of sparing your feelings since she'd made up her mind already. The truth and number one thing to know is that it is almost always likely your fault, from how she sees it, and she'll only say it's not just to keep from causing you further pain.

So, did your previous attempts at trying to win her back fail miserably? Are you now left wondering what are you doing wrong? Think about all the moments throughout the course of your relationship that may have upset her and prompted her to come to this decision. Make a list of what all possible events or conversations may apply and try to gauge what they have in common.

2. Don't Act Desperate

Something very important to keep in mind is that you shouldn't appear desperate (even if you are). There is nothing more unappealing than a desperate man.

  • Don't beg. The number one mistake most men make when trying to win their exes back is begging. All that does is push her further away. No woman is turned on by a weak man, and begging is an obvious sign of weakness.
  • Break off communication. Another huge mistake men tend to make is that he'll continue to talk to her, hoping that it'll somehow convince her that he is all the man she needs. The truth is that if you were all the man she needed, then she wouldn't have left you in the first place. If you continue to communicate with her, this may also appear desperate. Furthermore, she will never get the chance to miss you. If she doesn't miss you, she won't come back. Stop texting her, stop calling her, and stop all communication. Let her miss the good times she shared with you (assuming there were good times).
  • Evaluate if you somehow appear desperate. What you should know is whether or not you've changed from when you two first started dating—it's likely that you have. What she saw in you in the beginning, she obviously doesn't now. So, now you have to somehow make her see why she fell in love with you in the first place. Is it because you're a weaker, more desperate man?

Do not talk to her friends about her. Don't even check up on her. Let her believe you're doing just fine without her and that you can live without her. This period of self-evaluation and cool-off will be good for you both.

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3. Give Her Some Space

So, since you're working on your own self-evaluation, giving her the space, and generally just not directly communicating with your ex-girl, you may be left with the question: What if she gets another boyfriend?

Well, you should know that if she does happen to start talking to another guy and ultimately starts dating him, it doesn't mean it's over for you. As much as it will hurt you to see her with another guy, you have to be strong and continue doing what you've been doing.

  • Who knows, maybe the guy will turn out to be a complete jerk, or he's just not right for her at all. While this may not be pleasant for her, it could bode well for you, because she may then realize how much she loves you and misses you.
  • What if the guy is Prince Charming or Mr. Perfect, though? Still, you shouldn't worry too much. Often times, the guy that comes after you is a rebound. Yes, she may seem to really love the guy, but what she really likes is the wonderful change. But, if he turns out to be the right person for her after all, this may mean that you'll have to let her go and take your lessons for your next great love. It can't be with this girl if she isn't loving you back—love requires both people to feel it, after all.

4. Work on Things You Should Change for Her (and Yourself)

Changing. This is going to be one of the most crucial steps you should be focusing on if you really want to win your girl back.

More often than not, this new "love" of hers might just turn out to be infatuation, and in a few months she will realize that. However, while this doesn't mean she will return, this does open up the door for you. But you're going to have to work on taking steps to get through that door. This means changing and making improvements from the way you were.

  • Show her you're different. You'll have to somehow show her that you're a completely different person than you were when you two were together, and you'll have to focus on what made her unhappy to begin with. Do you have a quick temper? Are you lazy? Were you not being affectionate enough? Consider everything.
  • Show, don't tell. The one thing you shouldn't do is to outright tell her you've changed. Maybe this isn't the first break-up and she has taken you back before, only to realize a few months later why she broke up with you in the first place. So, telling her you've changed isn't going to work. She won't believe you. If this isn't your first time breaking up, then it just makes it that much harder to win her back, maybe seemingly impossible.
  • Be the person that she first fell in love with. This is easier said than done, of course. But maybe you recall what the two of you were like when you were both truly happy. Try to recreate that, maybe by emulating certain memories or retaining those particular parts of your personality that she loved (and may still love).
  • Be cautious, which may require taking things slow this time. As previously mentioned, let her see that you've changed for the better. This might require starting from square one and taking things slow by starting off as friends only. Be back in her life, as a friend only. As her friend, do the things you wouldn't do when you two were together (obviously only the platonic things you're allowed to do as a friend). Show her the side of you that you know she loves, but find a way to show it without giving the impression that you're still in love with her. Make her fall in love with you all over again.

5. Keep Up the Self-Improvement for Both You and Your Relationship

Last, but not least, maintain the changes and don't get lazy. It's best if you work on yourself first without the distraction of the girl.

The truth is that the changing isn't even the hardest part. Assuming all of the above works to perfection, you still have to actively work on keeping her by your side. So you can't just show that you've changed one time and then get lazy. You have to actually have changed. This may require active reminders and constant maintenance—intentional acts and scheduled ones, basically. For example, make a note of it to tell her something nice once a day. Or, every time you two have a disagreement, remind yourself to take a step back, breathe, and to calm yourself down and communicate rather than fight.

If you haven't actually changed and were just putting on a show and a front to initially get her back, then history will repeat itself and you'll only lose her again. This time, maybe even for good. This is why I would advise you to actually work on changing before you try by directly approaching her. Once you feel as though there's actual progress and change on your end, then you can get in touch with her.

Hopefully, in just a few months, you'll get your girl and love back again. Good luck! Also, don't forget: This time, try to keep her!

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

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