My name is William and I am a college student who loves to help people, and wants to one day be a psychiatrist.
These five steps are in no way, shape, or form a guarantee that you will win your partner back. They are merely a series of steps that have been proven to work in the past. Growth takes time, but having more knowledge about how to make things work with your ex can help you in any future relationship.
Five Steps to Win Back Your Love
- Give your partner space
- Improve your image
- Reconnect on shared interests
- Put in the effort to change
- Practice patience coupled with persistence
These steps are designed to not only get back the person you've lost, or are losing, but also to help you understand whether or not your relationship is right for you! There are five steps that can help you win back your partner. The paragraphs below will explore each in detail.
Step 1: Why You Should Give Your Partner Space
When you're in a relationship, "space" can be one of the worst words in the English language. It may just be the first step in getting back the one you love. If you're no longer in a relationship with the person, then you are probably not in contact with them. Just go one a step farther and take time to be separated from that person.
Giving Your Partner Space Serves Multiple Purposes
- It gives you time to take a look at the relationship and figure out all the bad things that caused the breakup.
- It gives you time to see if those issues can be worked through.
- Give your ex-partner time to miss all the things that made them love you to begin with. During this step, you start becoming a better you.
Step 2: Why You Should Improve Your Image in Your Relationship
It is easy to think that it will not be hard to give someone space, but the reality is that giving someone space is usually difficult. Being apart can be extremely stressful and can cause anxiety. Improving your image helps work to divert this stress and anxiety into more positive outlets.
What You Can Do to Improve Yourself and Feel Happier
- Work out. Working out releases endorphins.
- Get some sun.
- Have a good laugh!
Doing these activities can promote a more positive outlook on life. You want to be a better you because, even if the person you're trying to get back loved the person that you were, they will not complain if you put forth the effort to look and feel better.
Top Reasons Why Relationships Fail
|Relationship Issue||What It Causes|
Jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity
Differences in Priorities and drifting away
Loss of intimacy
Moving Through Life at Different Speeds
The professional and social circles of the couple begin to diverge, and soon the couple diverges too.
A deep need for admiration causes the death of any equal relationship.
negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual
Pathological Narcissism. Pathological passive-aggressiveness. Excessive control and dominance. All of these lead to depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc.
Life Habit Abuse
Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction. Sexual addiction. All of these cause one partner to feel like he/she/they are never enough.
Being bored can lead to resentment.
Money issues tie into life style issues. If you want drastically different lifestyles, then the relationship might die.
Step 3: Love Your Relationship by Reconnecting on Shared Interests
Step three is not a step to be taken lightly. You have given the person space, and you have made yourself into a better more desirable partner, but now you have to face the possibility that the person might have moved on. This is why its such a big step, you have to put yourself out there and try to reconnect.
How Long Should I Wait to Try to Reconnect With My Ex?
I do not want to put a time stamp on how long you should wait, but I would give it at least a month, or until you see some noticeable changes. Reconnecting should never involve the phrase "I have missed you so much." Not only does this destroy all the time put into steps one and two, it can put the person on the defensive. I would advise starting with the neutral question: "How have you been?" This is the moment when the person's answer will either be an opening to start pursuing them again or the moment you find out that the relationship is really over. If you are lucky, and the person is not as happy as they thought they would be without you, then you'll finally have the talk about how to improve your relationship.
Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner
|What to Try||Why Try It|
Test the waters
Trying new things together will help you remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Look for the humor
In studies of couples who have long-term happy marriages, nearly everyone mentioned the need for a good sense of humor.
Always have a "plan B"
Plan B lightens the mood and reminds you that you are both only human.
Keep things in perspective
Neither of you are perfect. if you sweat the small stuff, then they are likely to retaliate in some way (consciously or unconsciously).
When you enter a relationship, you can't expect perfection. Both of you will need encouragement at times. Encouragement reminds us of the power love has to conquer fear.
Step 4: Put in the Effort to Improve for Your Relationship
Perfection is a word that has been misused and is not fully understood. It's not that you can ever be perfect, but you can try to be the best version of yourself. Although, I would warn you not to go overboard with perfection. You do not want to wear yourself out. You must continue to put forth the effort to keep the relationship going. There's no reward without trying. It should not feel like work and, if it starts to feel like work, you have to look back at the relationship and know that it will take patience and persistence.
Step 5: Practice Patience and Persistence to Get Your Love Back
Patience is the key to getting back the love of your life. Why is this? Remember, nothing ever comes easy or fast... unless you win the lotto. Regardless, it takes persistence to stay in love. You cannot give up. You must prove to this person that you are the one for them and that it was a mistake to let them go in the first place. No relationship is healed in a day, or even a week. It may take as long as a year to heal your relationship. But, if you're willing to go the extra mile, you may like where the road leads.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
Kin h li on March 28, 2020:
My girlfriend left me and it took her over 2 weeks to finally tell me why. She believed (wrongly) that I didnt love myself cause if she would give me certain compliments like calling me cute and stuff, i would say its not true but she missed to see that I do take up all the other compliments and affection happily.
She had an issue when I would care for her when she would be physically wounded (by her cats while bathing them for example). Maybe I did go overboard with them but not once did she mention it when we were together.
She said she did not appreciate being treated like a kid or being called certain nicknames. This she did tell while we were together and I immediately saw the genuiness of the reaction and agreed to it. Asked her time to get over the sub-concious habit of calling her those nicknames which I did good on in less than 4 days. And she is now using this to say that I changed for her which she never wanted and any change I have should have been on my own. Inspite of me explaining in details how it's not true
I texted her the same night that I am done chasing her but would love it if she saw through these facts and since these were the reasons why she stopped having feelings for me (her words), I'd love to know if she ever saw us getting back together.
Now here I am really confused on what there is left to do.
Laurine on March 18, 2020:
I have been too much on him .Make him feel guilty on things he has done while I have been doing the same thing.He's my greatest love n I want him back.I took what happened to my previous relationship to our relationship,all the insecurities hurting him alot .
He says he loves me but he wishes I find happiness somewhére else but he's my happiness ,I'll take the five steps to work it out .
MD on January 15, 2020:
i love him most. in our relationship there is gape of age. he is younger than me and he is kind of aggressive. he loves me lot but he doesn't like anyone to restrict in any point. he doesn't want me to judge for anything or stop for anything. lately we are having so many issues. he wish for freedom and i don't understand his definition of freedom. i never stopped him from doing anything unless it is harmful or destructive for him.he treats me like i m his slave sometimes. he orders like he is the ruller and rest of the around him are no one. i never mind for anything till now. i love him honestly and i want him in my life. i m ready follow his every wish. i m in deep depression at this moment. if i dont hear from him soon it will take me to the end my life.
Ronan D. Souza on October 27, 2019:
What if the person is in another relationship while I am giving her some space?
Michael on July 09, 2019:
D on May 27, 2019:
I hope that there has been improvement in what I read so far. I've never felt like I've wanted any one back till now, I hope that we both feel the same and are coming to terms with the fact that we could be "the one" for one another.
E on January 16, 2019:
I m losing him
I haven’t been the best gf
He says he still loves me but he says he’s done trying. I haven’t cheated or anything but in other aspects I didn’t love him properly. I didn’t put him first and hid a lot of tiny things from him. He’s sensitive and romantic but I hurt him a lot. I want to be better and love him better
lay on August 11, 2018:
I really wish I seen this while going thru problems in my previous relationship. I love this and I will take these 5 steps to get my relationship back and going. Hopefully he sees and knows that Im trying to change and become a better woman and girlfriend in our relationship. *crosses fingers* wish me good luck ! Thank you.
hopelesshelen on June 12, 2016:
I'll keep this as anonymous as I can. I lost the love of my life 33 yrs ago. I returned from 3 yrs in the service and 3 months later she was married to someone else. I have attempted suicide yrs ago after I seen her for the first time in a long time. She has fallen out of love with me and I feel like a creep every time I see her now. She treated me wonderfully and was very sweety, sweety towards me. She always called me a special name that was actually quite effeminate. It makes me wonder if she wasn't picking up on the fact that I am quite transgendered. I love he very much and I am totally lesbian. I have not been intimate with anyone since her. I know, yeah right. Well I can't hardly believe it myself. Not that I haven't tried. It just has never happened. I am now very alone in my life since my Mom and Dad and my sister have passed away. I recently looked her up on facebook. I don't know why I didn't earlier, but I didn't. She and her daughter are on her homepage. Her daughter has grown into a lovely woman with kids of her own. It breaks my heart to have to witness these things from the outside looking in. I am unemployed and going broke and don't know how to face the situation anymore. Being transgendered and having my physiological aspects out of whack. It isn't just black and white. I don't have much longer before the situation is beyond dire. I'm a 230 lb overweight lost cause who prays for God to just let me die. If someone or something doesn't change, I'm afraid I am going to take my life. I can't go on like this anymore. I have dreamed about winning the lottery for years. But now, even that isn't enough to make me want to live anymore. She is in my heart and I can't bear living like this anymore. God works in mysterious ways. Well, they're so mysterious I can't even see them at all. I have lost all hope and If he doesn't do a miracle in my life soon, I am going to do something I don't want to.
maria on December 15, 2015:
I've been in a love relationship with a much younger guy for over 6 years, the last two years have been long distance. Lately we've been fighting a lot and he hasn't been affectionate, attentive and loving to me like he used to be. He broke up with me a few weeks ago for 2 weeks and now we're not talking again. He's texted me 3 times so far in a week but I didn't respond and I plan to not respond for a month. He reassured me there's no one else and just says he can't handle us always fighting. We started fighting when he started treating me like he's not into me anymore. I'm so heartbroken. I feel like I'm dying inside. I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's the love of my life.
D on September 19, 2015:
He is the only one i will ever truelly love,i wish i cld have been perfect enough for him to love me like all the woman he left me for... Im so broken an dying inside without him in my life!!!
Teresa on March 22, 2015:
I'm in love with a man that isn't my husband we were for about 6 months I fell in love with him I'm living with my husband but I don't love him I really don't know if this information will help we haven't spoke for three months now I can't stay with a man I don't love it's not fair to him
Carrie on February 04, 2015:
I have had an on-and-off again relationship with the love of my life for more than twelve years. The last break up was a six year span. Two months ago, we had a ten minute conversation and it felt like time had never passed. We've grown, we've changed, and we've both been miserable apart. I think we're finally on the same page and realize, with time, we're meant to be together. It was never forced.... never rushed... we both took time away from each other for various reasons, but in truth, the separations were needed to get to where we are today. I've never been happier and my boyfriend claims the same. We're just enjoying each other, taking one day at a time, living with the notion that outside influences and internal conflicts will not separate us again -- with no pressures regarding the future. Loving one another with respect and appreciation. It took twelve years to find this, but we're finally on the same page. Patience and personal growth, apart and together, is a must! I hope the person reading this finds the same. I've never been more fulfilled and happier.
tj on December 05, 2014:
I lost the love of my life and will try to do about anything to win her back . I loved her 3 kids as if they where my own and being apart from them just rips me apart . Giving up on my family is simply not an option . Thank you for the advice and I hope it works. Thank you
kate on November 25, 2014:
I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to ancientokija whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fufilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was casted they quareled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. or call him +2347053977842. he is the best caster that can help you with your problems.
erica on September 20, 2014:
I want. My love. Back. Again. With. Me
belinda on February 13, 2014:
I love. This. Boy. But. He. Said. He move. On but. O know. Him he's. Not. Like. That