I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs.
Did you ever find yourself in the middle of a text message conversation, and realize you are sending about 90% of the messages, while the other person sends you one-word answers or simple emoticons, or doesn't reply at all?
Chances are that you have a crush on the person you are communicating with, and you are aware that they don't return your feelings. You don't want to really stop messaging them, but you know that is really the only healthy solution. Here is how to stop texting someone.
Amanda, a college junior from San Antonio, TX., is having a hard time letting go of her relationship with Chad, a senior at the same college. They were in love, went out for two years, and they text messaged each other all the time between their dates. The communication was perfect until it came to a screeching halt with no warning.
"Chad met with me one afternoon during the Spring semester and told me that he couldn't see me anymore because he was going to marry his girlfriend from high school after graduation. I was floored. I mean, I never heard of him talk about this old girlfriend or anything. And I spent the last two years with him. I felt so cheated. Shouldn't I have been the one he was marrying?
"Our perfect little life together was over, and I found it so hard to just go cold-turkey because Chad was a part of me. So I left him text messages the evening after he broke it off with me, and for days after.
"I pretended I wanted to be friends with him and asked if he wanted to hang out. At first he said 'thanks,' but that he'd be busy, so I'd change the date, and he wouldn't reply. I would text him good morning, and just ... nothing. It took me a long time to get over this, especially considering how he just left me hanging in every way."
What happened with Amanda, unfortunately, is very typical in the world of love and dating. You think everything is going along well, and sometimes it is, and then faster than you can hit the send button, they are gone from your life. And they won't see you, answer your calls, and will barely reply to your text messages, if at all.
So why do we keep text messaging someone who doesn't reply?
- We have emotionally invested in the person. It is always hard to lose an investment.
- As human beings we are inclined to want to "fix" things, to make it all go right. The problem is that the other person's version of what is "right" is different from yours.
- We are addicted to the feeling the other person gave us. Love and lust are addictive emotions. When the source of those feelings is stripped away, we go into withdrawal and try to do everything we can to get that person back, to even out our chemistry again.
How to Stop Texting Someone
- Write down on a piece of paper what you are really feeling inside whenever you are inclined to send a text message. Maybe's it's "I miss Danielle so much. I really want to see her." Even if you have to write it a hundred times to yourself, do so, just don't show it to anyone. Then shred that papers and throw them away.
- Play your favorite sport. The old adage is true. Exercise does help. Play some basketball, tennis, or take a kickboxing class to release your emotions, aggressions, and pain.
- Let an expert advise you. In TextAppeal - For Girls!: The Ultimate Texting Guide, the author gives you specific tips on when to stop texting the person on the other end of your keypad, and how you can use this absence of texting to your dating advantage.
- Meet with your friends. You might not feel like it, but trying going out with them -- to the movies, to the bookstore, to go dancing at a club. Sometimes nothing makes you feel better than being around the people who do want to be around you and communicate with you.
- Go on a little adventure. Nothing takes you out of yourself and stops you from dwelling on unrequited feelings better than travel. Even if it is just to a city a few hours away, check out some surroundings you have never been to before, and feel your world open up for you again.
In the end, to stop texting someone, realize that people who crush your heart are not worthy of your attention. Spend your time around those that make your life better. And one day that right texter will come along!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: I try to stop texting him, but I keep seeing him in school, and I don't know how to stop myself from doing so. What should I do?
Answer: Just realize not all of us are meant for each other, and that males are designed by nature to do the chasing. Although you are a very worthy person, a man who doesn't respond to you is not interested and will never be a worth your time. Try flirting with other guys you like, in person, with body language only, such as with your eyes. Connections are more easily made this way than by impersonal texting.
Question: How can I limit my texts so I don't keep texting everyday?
Answer: You could find something enjoyable to distract you, and don't take your phone with you when you do it.
Question: We both loved each other like anything. Suddenly she broke up with me. And started avoiding me. She stopped messaging me. There is no response to my messages. Sometimes she used to reply with one word. I used to pour all my emotions into my text. She never values my emotion and feelings. I need to move on. How do I stop sending my ex-girlfriend messages and move on?
Answer: It can be very painful and heart-wrenching when someone does not respond when you care this much. Unfortunately, you will need to be strong and just not text her. Distract yourself with other things you like to do, like your favorite hobbies. Focus on self-care, like eating well and exercising. You reached out all you could. Some people become scared when you keep messaging without their replies. So I would stop immediately with the well-being of both of you in mind. This will become easier in time.
Question: How do I stop feeling guilty about not texting him? Even though he seems to have moved on without even breaking up with me.
Answer: When relationships of any kind end it is easy to feel that you should still be in contact with the person because it was either a habit or the communication meant a lot to one or both of you at one time. This guilty feeling will eventually fade.
Question: How can I stop texting someone when I have their phone number memorized?
Answer: You will need to distract yourself with something just as enjoyable as your thoughts of this man. For example, do you like to go on trips, shop, go to concerts, etc.? Part of getting over someone is enjoying everything else life has to offer.
Question: There's a girl who I think I might be in love with. I told her about my feelings and she said she didn't feel the same way. After a while she texted me back and asked whether I still want to speak with her or not and I said "of course yes but I will never see you as a friend" and she accepted. She acts so complicatedly I never understand her. Sometimes she is so eager to talk to me but some other times she acts like a cold fish. I am really puzzled. Should I cut off communication with her?
Answer: You don't have to cut off communication, but realize her feelings might never change. Will you be able to accept this while maintaining communication? She probably likes to talk/text with you because you are a good listener. We tend to be good listeners and be attentive when we like someone. So she is getting receptive attention from you when she wants it. She might act like a cold fish towards you when she doesn't need the attention. I suggest cutting off communication if you will be negatively affected by her lack of romantic interest.
Question: We both are in a relationship. But somehow things have drifted badly apart. It’s just me who’s all over him. Meanwhile I can feel that his spirit is slowly fading in texting me, in everything we did. I tried everything, everything that used to make us happy, but I received no satisfying outcomes for my own behalf. I just wanted to be the old us again. Should I stop texting him?
Answer: I can feel your heartache. I've been there myself. Unfortunately you have to let someone who is fading away simply go on their own. My suggestion is to completely stop communicating in all forms. Don't answer the phone or his texts or even social media if he does happen to reach out. Let him feel some anguish of his own. If he ever wants to come back make him work for it for all the misery he put you through.
Question: I'm with a new boyfriend, but I am realizing I am still in love with my ex. I broke up with him, and he doesn't seem to want to hear from me, which is understandable. It's very complicated but I just want to know there's no chance of us getting back together. Should I ask him or stop texting him?
Answer: You can tell him how you feel since you have a history together, but just understand you are leaving yourself open to being rejected. You can at least get it off your chest if you wish.
Question: I loved her so much and we used to talk all the time. The time I spent with her was the happiest time of my life and I'm pretty sure it was true for her too. Suddenly she stopped texting me the way we used to. She isn't interested in talking to me. She replies with one word and 90% of the texts are from me. I reply to her as soon as I get a text from her. I'm addicted to texting her and it's eating me up. I can't stop myself from texting her. Can you help me out?
Answer: It can be very difficult to communicate with someone when you feel them becoming more and more distant. I would stop texting her completely unless you see real effort in her replying to you. Otherwise this is one-sided heartbreak.
Question: I had a boyfriend from school last year, butt now he hardly talks to me and has gotten away with another girl. I have to see him every day. How do I stop my urge to text him first?
Answer: This is a tough situation, to see someone you care about every day, knowing they're with someone else. The best way to stop yourself from texting him is to distract yourself with things that you enjoy a lot. For example, do you have outings you want to go on, hobbies, sports you like to play, etc? An enjoyable distraction helps a lot of people through tough times.
Question: I love him. I broke up with him because I had my exams and they were really important for me and I needed to focus. I made myself clear that I want to be with him later. After a few days, he told me some girl likes him and she may ask him out. That time, he chose me but we're not the same anymore. He tells me that I left him (but I didn't). Nothing is going my way. I just don't understand what to do about my former boyfriend?
Answer: You sound like you two are quite young. I am curious as to why you needed to break up with him rather than just lay low for a few weeks for studying? It sounds like he might be the type to want a whole lot of attention, even when you can't afford to give it? You did the right thing by doing what you had to do to focus on your exams. If you still really like or love each other see what you can do to work it out. If you find that one of or both of you aren't feeling the relationship anymore, keep your options open to a new boyfriend.
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