Getting Over A Break-Up and Finding Love Again
Relationship break-ups are so hard to get over. They come laden with so much pain, self-loathing, guilt and numerous other negative emotions. Initially we are convinced that we will never get over the break-up and that we will never find love again. While it may be hard to believe right now that simply is not true. You can and you will get over the break-up as long as you take the necessary steps to heal and recover. And yes you will also love again. Getting over a break-up and loving again requires positive actions on your part and this article gives you 10 ways to get over a break-up, an inspirational heartbreak poem to help you survive a break-up, and links to heartbreak quotes. I hope that this article will help you in healing your broken heart and starting the journey back to love again.
10 Ways to Get Over A Break-up and Find Love Again
While these break-up remedies may be hard to swallow or do, they are necessary if you are having a problem getting over your ex. So hard as they are do your best to implement them and get your family and friends to help you and support you.
1. Cut off ALL contact with your ex until you are completely over them. Get rid of all contact information you have for your ex. This includes email addresses, phone numbers, Facebook and Twitter profiles etc. Get one of your friends to support you in not contacting your ex. Every time you are tempted to call your ex, call your friend/support buddy instead. Also change your contact information if your ex keeps communicating with you.
2. Get rid of all reminders of your ex. This includes gifts, photographs, mementos and anything that may remind you of your ex. You can donate gifts to charity, or throw things away or if you can’t bring yourself to do that then put everything in a trunk and ask a friend or family member to store it for you until you are completely over your ex.
3. Stop thinking and talking about your ex and your former relationship. I know this is easier said than done but after the initial phase when you have told all your friends your sob story make a commitment and effort to no longer talk about it. And under no circumstance should you regale new love interests with stories about your ex. Get your friends to stop you or interrupt you when you start talking about your ex. Also request family members and friends not to talk about him/her. When you find yourself brooding and thinking about your ex find something else to do.
4. Stop going to your old hang-out spots or places you and your ex used to go together. Do not stalk your ex, don’t drive by their house or their gym or places where they like to hang out. Find new places to go to and hard as it may be avoid running into your ex which is best done by avoiding their hang-out spots. Move if you have to.
5. Make a list of all the bad qualities that your ex has and the undesirable relationship qualities they have. Every time you start thinking positive thoughts of your ex and thinking about what a great relationship you had and how perfect he was for you, pull out your “Bad List” and read over it. You will soon see how wrong he was for you and you will be thanking your lucky stars that he/she is gone ;-)
6. Break-ups dent your self-esteem and make you feel rotten about yourself so you must start taking measures to feel good about yourself. First and foremost, STOP BLAMING YOURSELF for the break-up. There is nothing wrong with you. Some relationships are meant forever and others aren’t so let it be. Accept the break-up without apportioning blame to yourself or your ex.
7. Use positive affirmations to regain your self-confidence after a break-up. Say things like, “I am beautiful inside and out and deserving of love.” Or any other positive affirmation that comes to mind. Also write a list of all the good qualities about yourself, carry it around and look at it whenever you are feeling down. If you are having trouble developing a list of your good qualities ask your friends and family to help.
8. Pamper yourself and take care of yourself. Maybe you were used to your mate pampering you and that is one of the things you miss. So treat yourself. Take yourself out to the spa. Take yourself and some buddies out to dinner. Buy yourself things you like. If your ex never spoilt you now is the time to spoil yourself. However, do it all within your budget and don’t overcompensate by spending money you do not have. The idea is to spoil yourself and this does not have to cost a lot of money. It mostly entails setting time aside to do something you love or do something good for yourself. Exercise and eat right and don’t let yourself go just because your ex has gone :-).
9. Stay busy and find new hobbies or re-kindle old ones. You know the old saying: “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” So stay busy with positive activities.
10. Lastly open your heart and mind to a new love. By the time you get to step 9 you should be in a more positive frame of mind and on your path to healing. Once you have healed it is time to find love again. (Most of us seek love in the midst of healing or as part of healing, not a good idea it rarely ever works). Start off by writing a list of all the qualities you seek in your perfect mate. Write down what your perfect relationship would be. Then visualize or create an image of you in your ideal relationship with your ideal mate. Sometimes it helps to actually get a photograph of a person who looks like your perfect mate and use this for your visualization exercises. Aside from visualizing you must also open your heart and mind to the prospect of finding a new love and the love that is best for you.
All the best in your journey to finding love again.
I Know I Will Love Again: An Inspirational Heartbreak Poem by Injete Chesoni
When you left me
My heart shattered into a million little pieces,
My life crumbled under your feet.
As you walked out that door,
You took my soul with you,
Onto that old cobbled street.
At first I could not accept it,
There was no way that you were gone.
I played this song over and over,
Tomorrow he will come back home.
And tomorrow turned into a million yesterdays,
As my life slowly wilted away.
I became a drooping flower,
Thirsting every day.
But still I could find no water,
For my source it was only one.
And it dried up forever for me,
when your love became undone.
I thought I would die without you,
And I slowly counted the days,
When I would meet my savior,
In a loveless haze.
But the days turned into years,
And still I was on this earth,
Nobody came to save me,
From my loveless hearth.
Then one day I finally realized,
That you were never coming back again.
And as long as I kept hoping for you,
My heart would be in pain.
A broken heart shattered in pieces,
Can never love again.
So I opened up my door,
And I stepped gingerly onto that old street.
Walking down that path to love
So scary and yet oh so sweet.
I Know I Will Love Again: An Inspirational Love Poem
From Break-up Poems by Injete Chesoni
10 Heartbreak Quotes and Love Quotes
1. You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. - Anonymous
2. Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. - Anais Nin
3. Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. - Kahlil Gibran
4. I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. - Margaret Mitchell
5. An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception. - Harold Loukes
6. Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. - Neil Gaiman
7. The greatest tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love. - W. Somerset Maugham
8. If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with. - Anonymous
9. The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. - G. K. Chesterton
10. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. - Hermann Hesse
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
JenIncognito on February 06, 2013:
I wish I had read this when I was going through my last break up before I got married. I had the hardest time getting over him. And I did things you state one shouldn't do. I drove by his house all the time. Each time I was hoping for a glimpse of him. But all it did was make me more sad.
franko on October 11, 2012:
it is very hard finding love again, especially after a divorce. i am a STRAIGHT MAN in my late fifties, and finding the right woman now is like finding a needle in a haystack. so many women now seem to have a very bad attitude problem, and are very difficult to start a normal conversation with them. i hate going out as it is, and since there are so many women playing games today, it is worse. there are now so many LESBIANS out there, adding to the problem. and it is certainly not my fault that i seem to come across the low life women now that certainly do not know how to act with men, and even the straight women seem so miserable and play hard to get as well.
tommy on March 23, 2012:
thank you so much this really helps.
Moyra (author) on February 26, 2012:
Hi Revo sorry for the pain you are going through and thanks for taking the time to encourage others. All the best and I hope next time love will treat you better.
Revo on February 12, 2012:
Someone who had loved and lost would be the one really to feel the pain for what it really is...
I happen to be a guy and the love of my life (Or so I thought) broke my heart and it has been a few months and still the heart piercing pain of it all resurfaces out of the blues.
But yes I want to tell anyone who would read this that you can and you WILL move on... You will find someone who truly loves you for who you are. Trust Me!
Learn from everything though and you will come back stronger.
Moyra (author) on January 15, 2012:
Hi Mitchell, wow you are dealing with a lot, sorry I replied rather late and sorry for what you are going through. I know people who have been through similar experiences. Hard as it may be to deal with the first issue you must address is do you really want to be married to a man who told you this type of lie? Secondly, whether this other lady is his wife or not she is the mother of his children which means she will be a permanent fixture in your life are you prepared to deal with that? Last but most important if he is married this is a legal issue especially if in the country where you got married polygamy is not allowed. Even if it is are you willing to be a second wife? Sorry to say I don’t think this man is worth keeping but you will have to make the decision for yourself. I think you should talk to your parents first and your close family members then make the decision that is best for you. Killing yourself is definitely not the answer and if you are having suicidal thoughts please speak to a counselor. Should you decide to leave him you need to make sure you go through the proper legal process of dissolving your marriage to him. Please do not feel like this is the end of your life you can find love again hopefully with an honest decent man.
Hi “hopelessness01” I am sorry you are going through what is definitely a painful break up. I am not sure how recent the break up is but if it is still fresh give yourself time to heal it is natural to feel the way you are feeling. I know it sounds cliché but believe me time does heal all things even the heart. As human beings we do have the ability to get over people and find love again and much as people believe they have only one soul mate in life that is not true it is possible to find others. So give yourself time and don’t give up and also don’t think you will be in a state of hopelessness forever.
hopelessness01 on December 06, 2011:
Please excuse my bluntness, but what do i mean while I heal if that actually happens. What work doesn't seem to be enough, family and friends aren't neither. Everything seems irrelevant, and take all my energy and effort not to show that damned pain, so everyone doesn't feel sorry for me. My every thought is of her and only her, i cant barely sleep. This women was not only my girlfriend but my real best friend, I feel so lost and alone. I know that most people say this but it seemed to me like I had being searching without noticing for her and now that i have found her I don't know how to let her go in my mind and my soul. But I am so hurt and don't know how to concentrate on anything. Sorry but i guess I needed a second to spill my thought so I can maybe get threw the day. Thanks
Mitchell Elvert on December 03, 2011:
Good day, i am going thru d most difficult time in my life nw. I met dis guy who proposed 2 me and we were getting along comfortably until When after we had done our marriage in court, a lady showed up on my face book page and confronted me saying d man i put as my husband is her husband and she actually showed me pictures of her kids who look very much like d guy in question. I immediately called him and he declined, saying he didn't marry her but dey had children out of wedlock. I asked d mum also and she told me she doesn't have an idea of his getting married b4. I was suspicious of his taking me 2 court initially wen he had not done d traditional rites as applicable in my part of d world. But u accepted cos i loved him and he was scared i didn't love him enough, so i wanted 2 proof dat 2 him by accepting d court marriage. The funny thing is dat i asked him 2 travel down so we can talk issues (since we don't stay together cos of our jobs). But he has been avoiding me. Right nw i have informed my parents and they have been calling his lines but he has refused picking including mine. A week ago he called me on phone telling me he doesn't want 2 loose me. He 2ld me he didn't want 2 tell me he had children so i won't leave him. Pls i am so confused, i need ur urgent respond and advice, pls. I feel like killing myself cos it will be a mess and my parents won't be happy abt dis, pls. Pls help me.
Moyra (author) on November 12, 2011:
Hi Celeste sorry I am replying late. This advice may seem contradictory to the article but it seems to me that what you get from your ex is friendship and support. Given what you are going through right now (having parted with your best friend) perhaps you should continue to enjoy the support and friendship of your ex for now. And at the same time try to make some new friends. Hopefully as you widen your support network and friends you will not be as dependent on your ex and can wean yourself away from him at that juncture. He has been honest with you that he does not want a relationship with you again but he does want friendship so try to accept that. If you find your feelings are overwhelming you then perhaps it will be best to part with him.
Hello Walex thanks for the comment.
Hello Jesus please read the article and hopefully you can find some helpful advice there. With time you will be able to move on but try to take some of the steps in the article.
jesus ramos on November 07, 2011:
i need help plz i want to forget my ex he move on have a bf but i can do the same
Leena on October 24, 2011:
For Me It's Easy To Forget Something Even My Ex, Tomorrow I Can't Remember Him Again
walex sos on October 17, 2011:
Have not read it yet but with people comment i can say that you are idealist and what you have written is nothing but something inspirational and meaningful.Cheers
Celeste on October 04, 2011:
Hi Moyra, chance upon ur site and was glad that there is someone who keep up and responds to comments despite the article being written some time ago. I had broken up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years about 2 months ago. It was a mutual decision, mainly due to parent's pressure (my parents didn't quite like him) and I also thought it was a good chance for us to experience more of the outside world before we decide that we're the one for each other. In our early 20s here by the way. Recently my only best friend drifted apart from me due to some issues. I felt like I'm all alone, I've lost the 2 most important people in my life. My ex is very supportive, offering to be friends and to be there whenever I need someone. It made it harder for me to forget about him even though it was really nice of him. Maybe I was too lonely or I just felt reliant on him, I tried to get him back through all means. I felt like I could do anything but he didn't want to, he said he won't get into a relationship any sooner; he doesn't want any commitment, just want to have fun. I even suggested I could be the only one committing and I won't mind if he's meeting other girls. Very silly but I didn't want to lose him. He said there's still feelings, he still cares for me but he just didn't want to be back in the relationship any more. He insists on being friends. I find myself going back to him again and again, I couldn't forget the times we had together even though I know we broke up for a reason. I made a pact with him that if we are still single maybe 1 year down the road, we can try and see if things works out between us again. But I feel so devastated, I can't stop talking to him, he's like my pillar of strength and support throughout this few years. I don't have any other friends I can rely on for support and I don't want my family to know I still can't get over..
Moyra (author) on September 29, 2011:
Hi CherryPark, from the information you have given I am not sure why its not possible for you to be with your brother's friend. I think you should let love and life take its course. You indicate your cousin is falling for the same man but no indication the man is falling for him/her. So let your brother's friend choose who he likes and if you like him too then give it a chance unless there is a good reason why you shouldn't.
"Get over breakup" thanks for the good advice.
Lizeth glad you were able to follow the advice and it worked for you :-)
Moyra (author) on September 29, 2011:
Hi KyoungMi sorry I have not been on Hub Pages for a while I hope you have worked through your situation. I do think if you are able to staying away from him may help you get over him. All the best and hopefully you are on your way to healing.
Lizeth on August 29, 2011:
Woow!!yur advices actually woork .. :) I did them all n it worked for me .
Get over break up on August 11, 2011:
Saying it and doing it are two different mindsets. I coach clients to focus on yourself. Love yourself first. If you're not happy with you, you won't ever make anyone happy. When you are happy with you, no one can destroy you.
Start to reconnect with old friends.
And never, ever, ever, reach out to your ex. Remember, he/she who (looks like) cares the least wins the others heart.
Don't rush back into a reconciliation. Take it real slow, don't give in, and you will get what you want.
Cherry Park on July 29, 2011:
Hello there..:) I have a question and story to share. Actually , I think i'm already falling in love with my brother's friend. He's nice and taking care of me :) I tried to forget him because it's so no way i'll be with him. But everytime he asked me " Did you eat already?" "Don't forget to eat " and whenever I go , he always asked me if i want him to accompany me. It's make me love him more and more. One day , my cousin called me and told me he's falling in love with the same man I'm falling for. What should I do ?
KyoungMi on July 29, 2011:
Thanks for your answer again :) To forget him , do you think I need to stop talking to him and avoid that boy first ?
Moyra (author) on July 28, 2011:
Hi KyoungMi you're welcome. Keep going and hopefully you will reach a place where you are comfortable. At least you still have him as a friend. Regarding your question I am not sure what the best answer is. Perhaps you should look at it from this angle. Why do you want to tell him? Is it because you are hoping to end his love for the girl or is it genuinely as a friend you feel you should warn him. If this situation happened with one of your female friends would you tell them. i.e. if you saw your female friend is boyfriend kissing another girl would you tell her? Do what you think is in your friend's best interests but also be aware that telling him may backfire on you. I think to help yourself get over him it may be good not to involve yourself too deeply in his romantic affairs otherwise he may turn you into the shoulder to cry on and keep telling you about his love interests which will be painful for you. I am sure as friends the two of you have other topics you talk about so until you are over your love for him I suggest you stick to those.
KyoungMi on July 28, 2011:
Thanks for your answer :) Well , I'm quiet agree with you. I know it's hard and I still can't forget him until today , but he's just my friend. Nothing that i can do. Actually , I know girl that he loves. I have a question . Last week , I saw that girl kissing with another boy. I'm not sure if that girl has another boyfriend. But should I tell my friend about this ? Or should I zip my mouth ?
Moyra (author) on July 25, 2011:
Hi Kyoung Mi sorry for your heartache. I think if your friend has confessed he loves someone else it is not a good idea for you to tell him you love him. Give it some time and if you can try to just enjoy your time with him as a friend. If you find your feelings for him are too strong you may want to take a break from seeing him. And find other activities and friends. With time hopefully you will get over your feelings for him and that way hopefully you will still be able to speak to him as a friend.
KyoungMi on July 22, 2011:
Hi Moyra..:) I have something to share. I have someone that I really love..:) Well , he don't know that I love him. All day I pray that forever he will stay with me. At the first , I can't believe that I'm falling in love with him. I just don't want being hurt anymore. And one day. He told me , that he loves anyone else. I'm so sad. I cried. I never told him that I love him. And he leave me without knowing that i'm in love with him. Start from that day , he don't always talk to me. Everyday I cried. I can't stand with it anymore. What can I do?
Moyra (author) on May 02, 2011:
Hi Joey. Yes dissolving a marriage is much more difficult than breaking up a relationship with a boyfriend. There are so many other factors involved in divorce. But I think the bottom line remains the same. Marriage is still a relationship and if one of the partners is no longer committed to the relationship (in this case your husband) then I think it is best to let the person go and find someone who wants to be in a loving, committed relationship with you. Otherwise I think you both will be remaining in what is an un-happy relationship. If you have tried marriage counselling and resolving your issues and your husband still wants a divorce then I think it would be best to grant him one. Ultimately you know what is best for you and him. All the best and I hope everything works out.
Joey on April 29, 2011:
It is sometimes easier to get over a boy friend but never a husband. My husband has been begging me for a divorce but im not ready to give one yet. I dont know if i love him the way i used to. But still some part of me is still not ready.im really sacred.What should i do?
Moyra (author) on April 26, 2011:
Hi "Heartbroken 300," from your post I assume you are a teen. Love can be quite complicated at this age. From reading your post I would say the first guy does not appear to be serious about you (he has decided to pursue another girl) so try not to get too involved with him for now. Enjoy what you shared but try to move on from him maybe some of the steps in this article can help. A good friend is always good to have so if your friend who loves you is willing to keep up a platonic friendship then keep talking to him. All the best.
heartbroken300 on April 22, 2011:
Hi. I went on holiday and got my first kiss with this awesome guy. We were together and happy for two weeks it was fantastic. We got home and kept in touch we talked and talked and l thought he started to go off me. Then he told me he got a girlfriend. Then my friend came to visit and said he really liked me in the same summer. To this day I can't ever stop thinking about the guy on holiday he's constantly on my mind. He broke up with his girlfriend and he started telling me he liked me and stuff I thought I had a chance then he told me he was after this other girl. Meanwhile I've got this other friend telling me he loves me but I think I am in love with the first guy and idk what to do :'(
Moyra (author) on April 02, 2011:
Hi Tasha, glad to be of help.
Tasha on March 28, 2011:
this helps.. :)
Moyra (author) on December 10, 2010:
Hi Dympz thanks glad you enjoyed it.
dympz on December 09, 2010:
very inspiring =)
Moyra (author) on November 26, 2010:
Hi Aik thanks glad you enjoyed it. Hi Courtney I am sorry for the pain you are going through. It is your mind not your heart that won't let go. You can keep on loving a person but find a way to stop that love from hurting you. Try out some of the tips in this article and hopefully they will help you in the healing process. All the best and I hope you heal and find love again.
Courtney on November 24, 2010:
It still hurts everyday. almost a year gone now and he still plays on my mind. how do i truly let go if my heart won't allow it too?
Aik on November 14, 2010:
Nice hub , I like how you added poems and quotes.
Moyra (author) on October 04, 2010:
Hi Mitra you're welcome and thanks for the comment. All the best.
mitra baral on September 28, 2010:
thnx 2 encourage......
Moyra (author) on September 23, 2010:
Hi Dojust thanks for the comment and I am glad you found the hub encouraging.
Dojust on September 16, 2010:
Honestry thanks 4 encourage me...
I believe i'll....
Moyra (author) on July 20, 2010:
Hi Sameer thanks glad you enjoyed it.
sameerk from India on July 20, 2010:
nice hub moyra
Moyra (author) on February 02, 2010:
Hi Sweet Sacrifice. Sorry for the pain that you are going through. I know it sounds cliché but it really will get better with time. All the best.
sweet_sacrifice on February 01, 2010:
But it's not easy for me to make it.
Moyra (author) on February 01, 2010:
Hi Anamika thanks for the comment and good advice.
Anamika S Jain from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on January 31, 2010:
All those Tips make sense. Once he is 'out of sight' he would be 'Out of mind' as well. Clutter clearing is an essential part if you want to move on with your life.
Moyra (author) on January 22, 2010:
Hi Jessica thanks.
Jessica Mc Shine from New York on January 21, 2010:
Nice hub Moyra!
Moyra (author) on January 16, 2010:
Hi aefrancisco thanks for reading the hub and commenting.
aefrancisco from somewhere down the road on January 16, 2010:
Thanks for sharing :)
Moyra (author) on January 03, 2010:
Hi Lee thanks for the encouraging comment.
Lee Thacker on October 27, 2009:
I like the way your brain thinks, makes me feel alive listening to what your thinking, very cool...Keep it up ...PS Now I Know Why I bookmarked your page ;-) ...Hope you are doing well,
Moyra (author) on October 07, 2009:
Hi hgsouth, thanks for the comment.
hgsouth on October 07, 2009:
Moyra (author) on September 17, 2009:
Hi Tom thanks so much for the encouraging comment.
Tom rubenoff from United States on September 17, 2009:
I so enjoy the intelligent and learned way you approach your subjects. This hub is another excellent example. Thank you
Moyra (author) on September 16, 2009:
Hi dcrisan, thanks I am glad you enjoyed it.
dcrisan from Maryland on September 16, 2009:
Really enjoyed reading your hub.