I never thought my engagement could end without a wedding!
My ex-fiance and I had been dating for a little more than 3 1/2 years, and had been engaged for 8 months. We were young, in our mid-twenties, but a lot of our friends were getting married or were engaged. I think my ex had felt pressured by friends, family, and myself, and as a result was swept into committing to an engagement that he was actually not sure about. He thought that in time he would be okay with it, but this did not turn out to be the case.
As for myself, there was nothing I was more excited about than a wedding. I was an excellent planner and in the first few months had the date, the venue, the caterer, the invitations and save-the-dates, bridesmaids and their dresses, and more. My dress was chosen three days after I got the ring! I was always a little sad that I did not receive an actual proposal, however, because we had just gone shopping for a ring and he gave it to me right afterward.
When my ex told me that he thought we should break up, I thought he was joking. I was very confused how this could be happening when I would have done anything for this person. I didn't think there were any serious problems in our relationship. In fact, our friends all thought that we were the most compatible. We rarely fought. We had just had our engagement party. Everyone was surprised by the news, and when they asked me what happened, I really couldn't tell them myself.
As it turned out, however, there were a lot of things that my ex did not tell me. There were a few things about me that bothered him, but he didn't take the time to communicate with me about them so that I could address them (and not even major things, either). For the most part, however, he saw his bachelor life slipping away and wanted to take it back before it disappeared.
I can understand this - but it would have been great to know earlier!
I was devastated at first. For the first few days I was in denial and thought we would get back together. However, in a short time I realized that this would not happen. Moreover, after this experience took place, things came out about him that I didn't know before and I realized that this person I had been with for more than four years was actually somebody I didn't know nearly as well as I thought I did!
For me, the realization that I was not going to marry this person who held things back and who wanted different things than I did really helped me to move on. I saw that there were a lot of opportunities that I could now take again as a single girl. Throughout the process, I never felt that my world was over because there is an entire world out there, with so many things to do!
I quickly took advantage of things that I had always wanted to do, and had the chance to spend more time with my good friends. I started dating again and had a blast. While I was happy with my life before, I have had the chance to see the many other things I can do rather than sit at home and wait for my partner to come home from work. I believe that there is no time to waste in life wallowing and missing someone who doesn't miss you.
One of the things I always wanted to try was online dating, and I signed up for Match.com. I had a great time dating, and now I'm dating someone who I truly feel is just the best :)
I couldn't be happier with my life right now, and I would like to thank my ex for giving me the opportunity to live my life to the fullest! I wish him the best in his future.
I think that marriage is still a beautiful thing, and I am now looking forward to a relationship that will enhance my life. I'm saving my wedding dress because I still love it. And maybe I can get the proposal that I've always wanted!
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
Calex28 on June 27, 2017:
Sorry to hear you went through that. I have been there as well. Worst experience of my life. I just hope in time that I will look at things differently. It's been 9 months for me and I'm still not over it.
BODYLEVIVE from Alabama, USA on January 22, 2017:
I am sorry this happened to you. I've had break ups before in life but I wasn't engaged so I can't say I know how you feel. Life must go on and soon you'll be normal again and truly ready for love. You did an awesome job putting this all together and I do wish you well. You will be blessed with the one who will commit to you for better or for worse.
Yves on May 20, 2016:
It's great that you were able to get on with your life in fairly short order. By now, you may have found the right partner---possibly the guy from Match! This article is helpful for women who are going through the same thing that you did. Turns out, your ex's calling off the marriage was actually a blessing in disguise. Just one note---I would like to have heard about other methods for getting over a break-up, besides dating. However, you did mention spending more time with your friends. Definitely a smart move. Brooding only holds us back and you were too smart to do any of that!
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on December 07, 2014:
Thank you all for your comments. I really enjoyed getting to online date afterward and find people with all of the qualities I was looking for, and it helped boost me back up again to hear them say nice things again :)
Dmr on December 06, 2014:
This story is truly inspiring! I have a similar story me and my ex-fiance where engaged for a year and together for 5 years, it's been 2 months since he called off the engagement! We where 9 months out from the wedding and plans where in place. The funny thing is he said the same thing your ex did, never got to experience living on his own, blah blah blah, I too was waiting n hoping he would realize what he was missing but no signs of him wanting me back, anyway these few months have been eye opening and I started to realize a bad side to him that I didn't notice before (i.e. Never owning up to him hurting me and blaming everything in me) so instead of getting better things got worse. Still healing from the painful things he said to me but the good thing is I can't cry anymore, some days I want to but I honestly don't have anymore tears left in me...I'm trying to boost up my confidence but some days I feel low and like I'll never get over this, I admire people like u who can push past been and see the bright side of things! It's a beautiful thing to have that kind if perspective n I hope one day I can be that way as well :-)
Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on August 07, 2014:
What terrible pain you must have felt after the engagement was broken. But, you picked yourself up and are better off now than ever. Hard as it may have been, I think it is probably better that the breakup occurred before you got married. Especially if you had children together.
carydee on July 17, 2013:
I've actually had a similar situation and always felt that there was something wrong with me or I didn't do enough. It's just funny how guys can change their minds so quickly. I am glad your moving on and looking at the bright side.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on July 17, 2013:
Thank you so much for your comments :)
FlourishAnyway from USA on July 07, 2013:
Never sell yourself short. You have the right attitude. Although I'm sure it hurt a lot at the time, he did you both a favor. He was gutless not to tell you earlier, but at least he didn't let you get to the altar or worse. I wish you happiness.
Barbara from Stepping past clutter on May 27, 2013:
Very optimistic of you! I am impressed that you waited to write this when you had perspective. I can imagine it might be tempting to blast him in a hub immediately following his surprising break up. I am so happy that you have found someone more compatible!
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on November 28, 2012:
Thank you both for your comments :)
Ken Taub from Long Island, NY on November 28, 2012:
Earnest, honest, smart & bittersweet. Very personal, and then practical advice to follow. Nice. best, Ken
amelianotbedelia on September 20, 2012:
I can completely relate with this hub. I broke up with my ex long-distance months ago, and didn't realize how much time I really needed to get to a good place with myself again. I have so much hope for you and I hope you get exactly what you want, when the time is right!
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on August 21, 2012:
Thank you Tonipet! I appreciate your kind words. Have a wonderful day!
Tonette Fornillos from The City of Generals on August 20, 2012:
Hello glassvisage. Thanks to God you made it through. Like you, ending relationship with my ex some two years ago was more of a blessing and answered prayer that pain was a little manageable knowing I was saved from a could be more malady life from not knowing the other side of him. Thank God I had the courage to tell him nicely. I still wish him well. Thanks for sharing, you gave us strength. Blessings and more power to the woman in you!
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on July 20, 2012:
Thank you all for your kind comments and good wishes! :D
Michelle Simtoco from Cebu, Philippines on July 18, 2012:
That must have been tough. But I love your spirit and yes I know you will have your dream wedding with the right man and the proposal too! Love and blessings always :) Hugs!
c1234rystal on June 04, 2012:
I can't imagine how disappointed I'd be is someone did this to me. Glad to hear that your life is richer now!
Ausseye on May 28, 2012:
A person growing as the story is told, beautiful and rewarding to see a better life flow on in a rich river of life making for a more beautiful destination. To see your reward is bold, a strong beautiful person growing. May you future partner be remarkable !!!!
Snigdha Shahi from India,mumbai on May 14, 2012:
It must have been heart breaking but the best part is you did not hold any grudge against him and that is your biggest strength. It will help you move forward in life.God has better plans for you.
Sarah Carlsley from Minnesota on April 18, 2012:
A wonderful piece you have here. It's beautiful that you found things in a positive light. It's tough to see that sometimes when things don't work out as you'd planned.
Susan Ream from Michigan on April 17, 2012:
glassvisage, You are quite a strong young woman and a true example and encouragement to others who have been where you are. As you thanked your ex. I thought .. what a gracious heart. You were right on in being thankful that you did not marry him knowing he had withheld information from you.
Moving on is what we all must do when things don't work out as we so long for them to. I hope you find a great guy some day but until then, continue to enjoy your life just as it is .. Great Hub, Voted up and Awesome!
Cathy Nerujen from Edge of Reality and Known Space on April 16, 2012:
This is a very sobering story and all the more amazing because it actually happened to you. Ending an engagement must be so hard to get over, and yet you are managing to stay positive.
MAEDayOrganizing from Santa Cruz, California on April 13, 2012:
What a positive turn around from such a loss. Good for you. Loss no matter what is painful. I talked about mine in The Declutter Gazette Vol. 2. I like the way you saught out the good in it all. I wish you great happiness and a true love to come into your life. I have been with mine for 32 years. Blessings, Marcie
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on March 21, 2012:
Thank you for the kind and encouraging words! I have no complaints or regrets and I'm so happy with how life has turned out :)
Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on March 16, 2012:
glassvisage, How beautiful for you to share this with others! Just maybe some will recognize the signs before they say: “I DO!” Your painful experience actually saved you from more additional heartache... You did not allow pride to encourage you to hang on rather you bravely let go! You have learned some very invaluable lessons! You have learned to get BETTER rather than bitter! GOOD Communication is a major component in a GOOD Marriage. Both spouses need to commit to becoming transparent which helps to build a strong foundation…
Marriage is BEAUTIFUL and I believe that it is the ultimate partnership between a man and a woman! I am glad that you are still in Favor of marriage. I pray that at the appointed time you will meet the right man who genuinely LOVES you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you! One who is willing to sincerely commit to their wedding vows! Peace & Blessings!
freemarketingnow from California on March 14, 2012:
Thanks for sharing about your journey. Enjoy whatever stage of life you have to the fullest.
RTalloni on March 13, 2012:
A difficult time initially, but I'm thankful that you have been able to see not just the practical aspects of how things now stand, but the truth about the relationship that frees you for living.
I know young women who cannot seem to see that as difficult as this kind of a breakup is, how much worse it would be if they continued to be deceived.
Glad you posted about your journey. Best to you.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on March 12, 2012:
ytsenoh, thank you for your kind comment :) I agree and am happy with how things have worked out!
Cathy from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri on March 07, 2012:
A broken anything has a silver lining even if it never feels like it possibly could. I'm sorry you had that experience. It's better to have it now than to get married and have that end after a year. It just means something better will happen in your time and place in your own history.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on March 06, 2012:
Thank you for your comments :) Turtlewoman, thanks for the digital hug!
emilybee on March 05, 2012:
You go girl! I'm glad to hear you got a great positive outlook for your life out of this relationship. Thanks for sharing this hub.
Kim Lam from California on March 01, 2012:
Wow, this is the most touching and truthful hub I've read oh hubpages. I'm glad you were able to move on and express the experience in writing. I believe everything happens for a reason. You WILL find love again, maybe in the most unexpected places. And perhaps you'll get an official fairy tale proposal this time around!
*sending a digital hug* :-)
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on February 29, 2012:
Thank you for your comments! Bgold, be sure not to put pressure on your partner - I feel like I did that and look what happened! Wait for your partner to be ready.
xlorna, I didn't keep the ring - I guess it just didn't mean anything to me anymore!
ap100 from India on February 27, 2012:
That's great. Good Article.. Keep it up.
xlorna from Western, MA on February 25, 2012:
Did you keep the ring?
I know it sounds like a silly question, but my ex gave me a ring for our one-year anniversary - not an engagement ring, but still lovely - and I continue to wear it, because I don't think something so beautiful should be forgotten just because we aren't together anymore.
So great to hear how you bounced back. :)
Bgold on February 22, 2012:
Wow, I feel like your situation mirrors my current situation. I love my boyfriend very much, and I believe he loves me to, but sometimes communicating with him is such a struggle. It also seems that I'm the one constantly bringing up marriage plans. We have been together for 2.5 years now and I think it is time for marriage. I want children and the whole pie.
Starting over seems like it would be so HARD, considering we live together and are such a big part of each others lives.
However, if things randomly don't work out between my bf and I, I'll look back to your article for inspiration.
Royalmark from Lagos, Nigeria on February 12, 2012:
So sorry for that.
You were so open about what happened in your relationship, Glassvisage. That counts a lot.
I'm glad the engagement breakup didn't make you withdraw into yourself.
I've not had any engagement but when a girl broke my heart, I lived in denial for almost a year. When I got hold of myself, I let go and right now, there are lots of them and I can't clearly make a choice.
MM Del Rosario from NSW, Australia on February 08, 2012:
Enjoy being single and the world is there for you to explore....
Maria from NJ on January 29, 2012:
You're someone who sees life half full, and I love that! You get to live life to the fullest now, rather than being pinned down to someone who didn't fully love you for you. Thank you for opening up your personal story for others to read and learn from. Things happen for a reason, and for the better.
snagerries from Singapore on January 29, 2012:
Sorry to hear what happened with it but I am glad you have forgotten the past and got over it.
K Nicole Smith from Huntsville, AL on January 23, 2012:
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I have been there. Its NOT fun.... I commend your courage to put your story out there. I am sure it will be even better for you the next time. I know it was for me. Now I'm glad it didn't work out. Best wishes to you! :D
diegomaher on January 13, 2012:
did you do the marathon and did you write about it? I'm at diegomaher.hubpages.com Thanks
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on January 12, 2012:
Thanks you all for your comments! natureadventure, at least you had the courage to say something before it was too late!
natureadventure from pangasinan, philippines on January 11, 2012:
actually, we have the same story, the only different is...
i am the guy in your story..
Stacie L on January 07, 2012:
I'm so sorry that your heart was broken but as the saying goes,"when one door closes, another one opens."
Good luck in your future plans and much happiness.
mathira from chennai on January 07, 2012:
You definitely will find a perfect match,glassvisage.
Ruchi Urvashi from Singapore on January 06, 2012:
Great article. I am happy to see strong women who can face their struggles and come out victorious. All the best.
GClark from United States on January 06, 2012:
Be happy that you didn't marry him and find out 13 years down the road that he was a different person than what he had presented to you. Trust your gut instinct - sometimes that is our only clue. It is very easy for someone to mirror back to you those things that are important to you if you are an open person about what you believe, etc. Women do this all the time to men; i.e., pretending that they love football and then once married all they do is complain about their husband watching football! Take your time in committing if you only want to marry once. Remember some people use the word "love" as casually as "I love ice cream", "I love spaghetti!" GClark
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on January 05, 2012:
Thank you so much for your comments and support! Live for the moment!!! :)
Mae Williams from USA on January 03, 2012:
Things happen for good reasons! You rediscovered your own wants and needs!
JoshuaDR from Charleston, SC on January 03, 2012:
Sorry to hear about the broken engagement but glad to see that you found the positive in it. I am recently engaged and it really is kind of scary! =)
Hang in there and thanks for sharing.
Kimberly Schimmel from North Carolina, USA on January 03, 2012:
I am so glad you went on with your life and didn't let his selfish choices hold you back. I'm sure this experience made you stronger.
Jacob from Delhi, India on January 03, 2012:
That is great
A second chance.
Mae Williams from USA on January 02, 2012:
wow! perhaps some time will pass and things will bring you back together. Sometimes after one gets engaged, things magnify thoughts, fears and all the emotions. Glad you were able to share. Stay busy.
That will help.
Sunnyglitter from Cyberspace on January 02, 2012:
I'm glad to hear you bounced back so well. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt.
Alexander Brenner from Laguna Hills, California on January 02, 2012:
Harrowing. I truly feel for you and admire your courage. I will not presume to say I know what it feels like, but every break up I have had required time more than anything else. A cliché, I know. Either way just know that you are not alone, nor are you weak by any means