Relationship Advice When Someone Disappears From Your Life

Updated on December 24, 2016
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Annette Sharp holds a BAAS in Behavioral Science from Texas A&M. She is a counselor and motivator with an empathetic heart.

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Intro

Lack of closure in a relationship is something that can linger forever. How do you get closure? If you both agree that the relationship is over, it’s closure. If there’s a big argument that leaves two people unable to agree to disagree, it can't be closure.

What is closure? According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, closure is 1) a closing or being closed 2) a finish; end 3) anything that closes. Another definition is "to come to an end." Wikipedia calls closure, in the psychological sense, "a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life."

Advice for What to Do Now

So what do you do if you’ve been left hanging? How do you get a sense of closure? I’m going to list my suggestions followed by some great resources I found while exploring the subject. My suggestion is to write a letter to the one who left, even though you may not know where to send it. Then, tear it up or burn it. Consider their silence the closure you need. Inaction on their part can act as closure for you. People make a way to do what they want. Remind yourself that if the person wants to talk to you, they will. It has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with them. They’re simply saying "yes" to another part of their life.

So how do you deal with the sadness and hurt?

  1. Stay busy. Renew old friendships & do things for yourself.
  2. Acknowledge your pain. Don’t deny it. Let yourself cry if you need to.
  3. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Self medication is only a temporary fix.
  4. Don’t start a new relationship immediately.
  5. Seek counseling if the pain becomes overbearing.

Feelings of Abandonment in a Relationship

Lack of closure can leave you with feelings of abandonment. For most, closure happens when your significant other tells you point blank: It’s over. Both parties accept, agree, and go on with their lives. Clearly, it’s more complicated and hurtful when you don’t want it to end, but the other involved does.

Finally, there’s the worst scenario: when one individual disappears suddenly with no explanation. It’s more difficult because you don’t know the reasons why. It can leave the abandoned partner with a feeling of being used or "having the rug pulled out from under them." What do you do? Call continuously until you get an answer? Send endless emails & text messages that remain unanswered? When there’s no response, it leads to an increased feeling of panic that you’ve been deserted.

Closure is important because it gives one a chance to tie up emotional loose ends with an official ending.

When They Disappear

When somebody disappears with no response, it's not a good sign. It's also hurtful, for sure. Deleting every trace of the person is sometimes the best thing to do, though it's painful.

Think of this: what kind of person comes into your life, takes you on a roller coaster ride, and then disappears? There’s something wrong with that picture. In fact, it leaves you with a sense of complete rejection. Sometimes those who disconnect are never heard from again. They may reappear, however. If they do, that's when one must be strong and not let the person back in again to prevent the pattern from repeating. Otherwise, you’ll be left feeling empty and betrayed again. Unless, of course, there was a legitimate, true reason for the disappearing act, though I can’t think of many legitimate excuses. Can you?

Is He Cheating?

I remember when this happened to me years ago with someone I’d been steadily involved with for about six weeks. We spent a wonderful weekend together, and I thought we were getting closer. Then poof! I didn't hear from him for a week. I called him and left a message, but he didn't return the call. I called him at work. He said he'd been "covered up" with a project. He made no plans with me for the coming weekend. I was very sad and lonesome that weekend. I tried to stay busy, but I had a bad feeling inside.

Then I found out the real slammer the following Monday. He had answered some woman’s personal ad in the newspaper and had begun seeing her! Talk about a slap! May as well have rubbed crap in my face! I confronted him (or tried to). His reaction was, "I didn't want there to be a catastrophe. What do you want me to say? 'Baby baby, come back, I love you?' Cause I’m not!" That was cold and shocking, to say the least. I mean, why the heck couldn't he have just told me he wanted to start seeing somebody else? Sure, it would hurt, but it would have been so much easier. Plus, it would have saved me from developing a poor opinion of him. It was just plain tasteless and degrading. Why not just be honest?

Why the Abandonment With No Explanation?

I'll never understand why some people think that disappearing is the best course of action when you want out of a relationship. It could save a lot of hurt for the other involved if there was open communication. Sure, it hurts to lose somebody, but it's much easier when you're not left hanging, not knowing the reasons why. The end result is a casual brush-off that is demoralizing, to say the least. Especially if you have shared many private things: things you believed were special between the two of you. Then comes the casual "Oh never mind" disappearing act. Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words. Sadly, many people we care for disappoint us in the most demeaning manner. It makes you wonder all sorts of theories. Were they lying all along? What was the true motive? What happened in their life to cause such a sudden change? Why did he/she leave? It is the "need to know" that keeps us from a much needed sense of closure.

Important to Go on With Life

Lack of closure can significantly affect our lives if we allow it. You can't deny the hurt, loss, and abandonment that accompanies an unexpected departure of a significant other in your life. If we can learn to stop beating ourselves up over the "why and how" of the deserting other, we can turn a negative situation into a positive learning experience. Developing the coping skills necessary to obtain a sense of closure can assist us in forgiving, letting go, and moving on.

Disclaimer

The author is not a licensed therapist and does not claim to have all the answers. The author offers moral support, suggestions, and urges readers to seek professional help if needed. The author is not an expert on relationships.

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    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      9 days ago from Northeast Texas

      Fanny 500:

      He obviously wants to be left alone right now. Chemo does strange things to you and when dealing with a life threatening illness, it can make you very mood.

      I would back off and not contact him at all. Maybe wait a few months, then reach out to see how he is doing.

    • profile image

      Fanny500 

      9 days ago

      I was dating a guy casually for a few months. About a month into dating, he told me he had been diagnosed with cancer - which I accepted and told him I am here for him.

      Everything was going well during his 1st round of chemo. Then after his 2nd round, he started getting a little distant but we still talked. I then gave him about a week of space and then contacted him to see how he was feeling and he was receptive.

      Then, right after his last round of chemo he blocked me on all social media and when I asked him for an explanation he said to stop asking him.

      Why would he do this?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      11 days ago from Northeast Texas

      Rash:

      I'm so sorry!!!!!!

      Look at this situation through these glasses..............she is not saying NO to you, but she is saying Yes to another part of her life. It's not you, it is her. You are still wonderful. She changed. Think of how a butterfly begins, in a cocoon ...it is a caterpillar and morphs into a butterfly. Your lady morphed into someone else, not the person you fell in love with.

      You have potential to do great things now. Reach out to others. You will survive. You are alive.

    • profile image

      Rash 

      2 weeks ago

      She left me after a 8 years relationship (2 Years Engaged). She went abroad to continue her studies, and after a couple of months, she started behave differently (No passion or that desire to talk to me). She started disappearing days, and suddenly boom!. "I don't want you, we need to breakup. My life is so complicated now, and I can't continue this relation".

      After so many emails begging and crying, she started shouting on me saying "There is no love anymore in my heart, leave me alone".

      This completely destroyed me. As if it is another person, not the one who we have been together for years.

      It has been now more than 5 months, and I really don't know what happened, why she did she change? why did she stop loving me?

      I'm really depressed, and can't find that closure.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      3 weeks ago from Northeast Texas

      Very good question, lili!!!

      Do it and see what happens. I'm curious to know what happens.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      3 weeks ago from Northeast Texas

      Help:

      All I can tell you is to read through the comments and experiences of others & how they overcame. Allow yourself to grieve this. Don't chase her....she is merely saying yes to another path. So sorry for your pain....you can do this!!

    • profile image

      lili 

      3 weeks ago

      I wonder what could be the reaction of the disappearing person if I just popped up at his door after some time passes and just ask politely for the closure....?

    • profile image

      Help 

      4 weeks ago

      My fiance left me 11 days ago after 5 years together. We had our ups and downs but always go through it. She left and havent had any communication she blocked me on everything except email. I email her to let her know i still want this and she keeps them all. If she doesnt want me why does she keep them?

      How do i get past this when will the pain stop?

    • profile image

      Kiran 

      5 weeks ago

      He left me few weeks ago and now i m constantly feeling that something is killed inside me to over come this pain i start reading bible it healing me to some extent and i m looking forward to overcome this pain

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      5 weeks ago from Northeast Texas

      Smarmy2:

      I don't blame you a bit.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      5 weeks ago from Northeast Texas

      CeeCee:

      He's obviously developed a patter of abandonment. Somebody needs to call him down on his behavior.

    • profile image

      Smarmy2 

      5 weeks ago

      18 years for me and I'm still not ready to date again.

    • profile image

      CeeCee 

      6 weeks ago

      I let this man come in to my life a second time and he did the same thing again disappeared without telling me why am I stupid I really thought it was going to work out this time

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      2 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Wow Maggie:

      That is really strange. Glad you are accepting and moving on.

    • profile image

      maggie1212 

      2 months ago

      4 years ago he came in like a whirlwind and swept me off my feet. Said he wanted to marry me blah.

      Love songs... words like crazy...

      After about 2 months it slowed down and he stopped mentioning marriage and the heavy love talk stopped too.

      Long distance relationship but he called me every night and we would talk for hours. He said I was his rock, love of his life blah.

      He left here in July and things were great as they always are between us.

      But then 2 weeks later, out of the blue, he just stopped calling. I tried to contact him at first but quickly realized that he just was over it!

      Very hard to believe since he had just been here and was very affectionate and loving. Just wow. I didn't get closure from him but I am getting it for myself. After only 3 weeks after being dumped, I am doing so much better!

      I loved this man to the core. Loved him immeasurably.

      What I loved was not the real thing though. He was just an illusion. Because he couldn't have done this had he loved me. So that is how I am getting closure.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      2 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Sounds like you are still bitter and resentful. This was an exception, of course. Nobody is saying this is the way it always happens. Why are you lashing out at this article? I see anger written all over your post. You left because you had to. No victim stance here.

      "Articles like this one presume the one who was left is a victim.".....NO.

      It only applies to circumstances when a normally functional relationship suddenly ends,with one ghosting the other and leaving unexpectedly. It has nothing to do with your situation.

    • profile image

      Gregory, CA. 

      2 months ago

      "Unless, of course, there was a legitimate, true reason for the disappearing act, though I can’t think of many legitimate excuses. "

      Actually, I can think of many, including mine. I just ended a dysfunctional long term relationship after my girlfriend's behavior caused her to injure herself so badly I had to get her to the ER via 911. Her toxic immaturity, alongside an untreated mood disorder, broke me. I'd been supportive. We'd been going to couples therapy and yet nothing improved. After she put herself and me in jeopardy,, I didn't stick around to hash this out yet again face to face, and I didn't just walk away to disappear, I ran. Articles like this one presume the one who was left is a victim. Big mistake. And, hey, where's my "closure"?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 months ago from Northeast Texas

      i am in same...............

      He got scared and bolted, it sounds like. Five weeks is not very long to be planning a marriage. It takes a long time to get to know who somebody really is. You found out BEFORE you were married, thank goodness.

      If humans came equipped with an on/off switch, you could turn off your feelings. But since we don't, you know there is no set time on how long it takes to get over a relationship. Let yourself heal and talk to someone you trust about what happened. You will be surprised how helpful it will be. Good luck.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Pinkie, he left.

      He changed his mind or maybe he was an imposter. It happens far more than you think. Why not seek counseling to deal with your feelings of rejection? I think your studying is a plus for recovery. I feel your pain. When somebody comes into your life and shares a closeness, it's hard to believe that they don't feel that way anymore. But it happens daily. You are not alone. Keep studying and please reach out to a professional or trusted friend about your inability to concentrate. God bless.

    • profile image

      i am in same situation 

      4 months ago

      5 weeks relation , then disappeared suddenly while making future arrangements for marriage , 6 weeks weeks passed since he left and still I feel depressed inspite I am busy at work day and night

      What is your advice ?any average time for forgetting such a relation?

    • profile image

      Pinkie 

      4 months ago

      Hi there. So basically I've been messaging this guy for three months. It was kind of a long distance thing between us. We had a mutual understanding and agreed to only go for a serious relationship when we meet in person. All was well and good and he's just such a sweet and very caring guy. Then next thing I knew he deleted his social media accounts that we used as connections. Idk what happened. I can't focus on studying for the board exams well...what should I do?

    • profile image

      Sean 

      4 months ago

      So, my friend and I have been really close for 5 years. All of my friends and even strangers thought we were dating for our first 3 years of friendship (year 4 we were kinda separated due to work and time constraints, etc, we reunited tail end of 2017) I told him how I felt about him at the end of 2016 after basically a year of little to no contact. I told him how he made me feel, and that I thought our year apart was good for the friendship because I didn't want to lose him as a friend. And his response to my first outpouring of my heart was "woah ._." And I was completely embarrassed and scared. I mean, I woke up out of my sleep to tell him this. In 2017 he started texting more frequently and then we started hanging out again. Then up until last month (may 23rd to be exact) we had been hanging out literally almost every single day and night. Those same feelings from before resurfaced and I told him, again "I'm still into you" basically. And since I'm leaving the state for school, I told him straight up I want you to be my boyfriend and to come with me. Ghosted me....and now only sells me weed. Its weird because we have sexual history, I thought he was into me and he did ALL the things a guy does when interested for the first 3 years of our relationship. Him buying me my 21st birthday cake and making that WEEK special for me, is literally, like literally what made me fall for him. I ignored the other stuff for 3 years in fear of losing him. Now I tell him how I feel and he didn't acknowledge those feelings/text at all. He did ask me to come over and talk one night but I was sleep when I got the text (that was last week) I saw him yesterday (to pick up my bud) and...idk it's weird. He still smiles when we looks at me and still looks me in the eye. But I'm literally hurting....I feel like I lost my best friend. I would give anything to have him back even as a friend. He was my rock. What am I to do now? Like I want closure because it's been a month since I said how I feel about him and he hasn't even said anything about it, but still keeps in contact with me and I don't think it's just for the bud (could be because he knows I don't know anyone else who sells but idk I don't really spend money on it) so i just confused..do I just wait till august and let this be my closure?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Maria,

      It sounds as though you answered your own question. You were feeling it, he was not. It's easy to develop an "ideal' about someone when they don't do the same. If he only reached out to you for sex, what does that tell you? He's lonely for companionship in the bedroom. He obviously has not let go of his deceased wife.

      I pray you get counseling. Please. You shouldn't have to deal with your feelings of rejection alone. God bless you. I'm very sorry you have been hurt.

    • profile image

      Maria 

      4 months ago

      My widower boyfriend after 7 month only text when he needed sex . I fell in love and I was doing all the texting he reply every two weeks and sometimes not a reply at all I was the one texting making plans to see him , he didn’t miss me but when I was next to him , he was very loving and I got so confused I stay 7 months going to his house he never let me spend the night I had to leave , he had the deceased wife clothes indide the closet and finally June 1 he told me he wasn’t ready and if I wanted more of a relationship he wasn’t at that point yet, he then text me saying tell me what you want to do and I will understand, so I told this was the end of me and him , cuz I fell used , now he’s back on the dating site I see him every day on Zoosk .

      Does that means he didn’t had any feelings for me ,but then why will he be loving and romantic when we were together . To me he use me for sex the worst thing is that I fell in love with and he broke my heart , I cry I’m taking meds I’m hoping to get better I don’t know Why I miss him he don’t deserve it’s been 15 days he don’t text he never did I was the one texting all the one texting and he will reply once in a while , he’s 55 plus and I’m also 55 plus I’m so heart broken . Can you write something about this or send me an answer thank you.

    • profile image

      Nick 

      4 months ago

      The ratio of empaths to personality disordered people in America seems to get smaller and smaller every generation. Good luck to good men and good women finding love these days! They're going to need it!

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      5 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Dumb Struck:

      I feel your pain, though can't tell you what to do......If she is giving no indication that she will provide you with the closeness you once had, it appears it may be time to move on. But what a wonderful time to remember! Needing "closure" is necessary for some people, like us. If you are hurting inside and feel "torn up", it's obviously something you need to address and put away..I want to share an example, from another article, of a lady who had to say goodbye to someone very special because the relationship 'ceased to progress' and it was obvious it wasn't going to advance. Compatible couple, but he appeared to pull away, leaving her confused. Here is her letter to him:

      ______________________________________

      I recently told you that I want to be in your life completely, or not at all. I've continued to get “mixed messages” from you when you text and call once in a while, but don't express interest in spending time with me anymore, it's confusing.

      It is tearing me up inside to continue getting these text messages and crumbs of attention from you knowing that it isn't the way it used to be. I won't pretend anymore that I'm okay with it. Please don't send any messages or call. It's best for me to take a complete break from any contact with you. It only adds to my confusion and sadness to get these trickles of communication from you.

      You have done nothing wrong. I know that you don't know how to react and you seem confused, also. You seem very happy with your life now and I will not add any more obligation. Your feelings changed a few months ago and you appear content going another direction. It had nothing to do with me or anything I did “wrong”, it has everything to do with you and where you are in your life. You seem unsure of your feelings and that is absolutely okay. I forgive you and hold nothing against you.

      Thank you for the best time in my life, and I say that with extreme honesty. I have never had anyone be so kind and generous. You were eager to express the love you felt and it made me extremely happy. My heart still has much love for you and I don't fault you for not feeling it anymore. I am releasing you, forgiving you, and allowing myself to heal. I cannot just be “your friend” right now. Maybe I can be friends after a while, but not now.

      Thank you for respecting my wishes. I have missed your company and companionship and will continue to miss you. I've got to move on and not let messiness and confusion bog me down. I pray you can tie up any loose ends in your life before jumping into something else. It sure helps to finalize things. You are and will always be the “one love that got away”.

      ___________________________________________

      I pray this gives you some peace. God bless.

    • profile image

      Dumb Struck 

      6 months ago

      About a month and a half ago I met a woman who I believed to be married but who was nonetheless coming onto me. About a week later, I confronted her with that hypothesis and was told that, while there was a certain obvious attraction, I had misread her meaning and that her committed relationship with her UNmarried partner made a dating or sexual relationship with me untenable.

      That was fine with me and we proceeded to become extremely close, but appropriately non-physical best of friends. It was truly a great relationship.

      About three weeks ago we, as friends, had an intimate conversation where we exchanged certain sexual secrets and inclinations. I also got a confirmation that there was a strong attraction between us and that in another place and time prior to meeting her current partner, we would have likely been sexually intimate.

      Based on the stimulating aspect of that conversation, I later made a renewed bid for having a sexual relationship. She again declined for the same reasons as before. After reflection, I felt extremely remorseful for what I had done and profusely apologized. No apologies were necessary, said she, and we resumed from afar (because I had temporarily relocated) our appropriately light and supportive communications based on a platonic friendship.

      Despite her assurance, I have concurrently been somewhat "needy" due to my current situation and circumstances being far from home. I have had need to reach out to her as a friend for emotional support.

      Within the past week she has ceased all communication despite the most benign invitation to simply drop me a note and tell me how she is doing. Her silence is inconsistent with the entire tenor of our relationship and in contrast to her earlier assurances.

      Her partner has known of our friendship all along, and the three of us attended a play together about a month ago. I suspect, however (but have no proof), that she told her partner about our earlier intimate information exchange and he has, perhaps, forbid her to communicate with me. It's the only logical explanation that makes any sense.

      But I have no closure or any indication that she will likely provide it. I have never been in this much excruciating pain. All I really wanted in the end, was to nurture the deep but appropriate friendship we had begun.

      Please help.

    • profile image

      Name withheld 

      6 months ago

      I read this article way too late. The relationship in question was ended 8 years ago and I have long since moved on, however I am now married and having to examine things because it legged an inability to be open with my emotions and a lack of intimacy with my wife. I’m doing better now much better but have a coldness and detachment that still exists. It’s been a long hard road, but I still have anger and resentments that my wife suffers for, it’s not been easy, and part of me has never come back. I’m not as affectionate as I was then. My wife most truly love me or she would have bolted 4 years ago. For anyone reading this who’s been abandoned, life does move on and you will meet someone else. No matter how much you deny that fact.

      The only sane conclusion I’ve been able to come to is that my ex girlfriend was an exceptionally cruel person, I gave her every honorable exit, but she chose to ostracize me. The only wisdom I can share is to comfort others if you’re suffering, it’s the best medicine I’ve found. Move on and don’t look back

    • profile image

      Chrissie 

      6 months ago

      I was involved with a man overseas but only online. My marital status was complicated as was his - he said. We constantly texted and video messaged so much. He professed his undying love. I fell badly for him. 2 weeks ago he was to call and suddenly I was blocked. I created a new profile and added him as a friend. He started chatting me up thinking I was someone else. I played along for a few hours then he asked me for a photo. I sent him my own pic. He said he knew it was me - HE DID NOT !! NO WAY !!. He said his wife found my messages and he had to block me that he would be in touch soon to explain then blocked the new name profile. I sent a message on messenger but he has not responded. He did not block that one. I don;t know if I have been played or not but he told me many times he loved me deeply. There was not sex online there was a lot of intimate chat he said he respected me too much for that and wanted to wait until we met. I really feel like crap and duped and played now. It's the complete stop to the communication that kills me its like a death but the fact that he was so prepared to chat up the other girl (my other persona) not even 24 hours after blocking me should make me know he was insincere but I can't get him out of my head. It is truly killing me... :( I am trying to move on....

    • profile image

      SIKOFIT 

      6 months ago

      Almost 4 years and and a 3 yrs old who is autistic he has disappeared, his cell is off he hasnt checked his messages checked on his son been seen by or heard from. We fought he walked off that was it. I feel used lied to taken advantage of... thrown away completely crushed and broken. I am not sure I can keep myself together anymore.

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      Lonewolf66 

      6 months ago

      Hello,

      Ive read some of the stories here and I can't help but write my own... So I met this guy, who is my best friends, best friend. For once i was happy to have dated someone that wasn't from a dating app. Anyways, we instantly clicked at the social gathering in October. After that, we started to text just as friends since believe it or not, at that party I had found out that he had two kids with his ex(wife). Mind you, he was in the marines and is only 22, I am 25. Trust me he is very mature and when hearing this, I kinda just let it pass my mind. He wasn't divorced yet but they were separated so I thought its okay. We continued to just text as friends, then eventually after two weeks in a half he decided to take me out on a date. Thats when feelings grew and we became a couple after another month passed. Obviously he couldn't show me off or add me on fb because he had his baby mama there and well.. its illegal to date someone while still being married. I had him on snapchat and Instagram.

      I felt like a secret at times and was just afraid of losing him. My issue is once I fall for a guy I fall hard. Then I start to have that fear of getting replaced. He told me I wasn't but he couldn't risk custody of his kids because his wife' is controlling and still checks up on him. She is in love still but he fell out of love so thats why he asked for a divorce and because they always fought. Anyways, we went through that honey moon stage where we would talk for hours, see each other and hang out with our common best friend and my friends(who are my best friends too). It was great! Then slowly after a month his life got super busy and complicated. It seemed his wife' was starting to make the math that me and him had a thing because she has our common best friend on snapchat and one day she saw me and him sitting next to one another. Any who, it seemed like he had to keep being more discrete about us.. he didnt want his mom to find out either because she's very traditional and wanted him to patch things up with his baby mama.It was a lot for me too because all i ever wanted was someone to show me off and be happy to call me their gf but he just couldn't because of the circumstances.. He would pick up one of his sons who is the toddler and the other is still a baby (4months) and she didn't trust him yet to take care of the baby so he would take care of the toddler. Slowly, he started to text me hours later and I would trust him that he was taking care of his son because he would send me a snap photo with him. It was reassurance for me because mind you, I have a lot of trouble trusting men who I am involved with romantically. Then communication was bad and we would keep arguing about that . He said he's trying that he just got busier ; works 10hrs a day, then gets home around 7, has to fix his car, clean his room, errands, etc. I tried to understand him but I just couldn't understand why he couldn't just text me it takes seconds to say sorry babe, I am busy ill reply in a bit'. He would sometimes but then at times no, and I would nag him about it. Last month was rocky we would argue, because again I wasn't satisfied with the communication I was getting.. maybe I was too needy? I don't know, I could of been more trusting because at times I would accuse him but that would get him frustrated because the person that he loves doesn't trust him and he trusted me.

      Now to the breaking point... last wednesday he didn't reply to one of my texts. He was at work (lunch time) and I thought weird he should of at least said; ill reply later sorry babe!'. No word, until he got off work he said he needed to see his kids and take care of them because his baby mama was sick', I was mad because he always calls me on the drive from his job to his house or to her house(whenever he goes spends time with his sons) but this time nothing.. finally around 8 he calls me and I said where you actually with your kids? Since he'd sometimes send me a selfie or call me after work so we can talk since he'd be MIA since he doesn't want her to suspect or be looking at who he's texting etc, plus he wants to give full attention to his kids. I mentioned it and he thought i was at work but it was my day off and i had told him on the text that he left me on read on. He said sorry I'm only human ok, i forgot! SO we argued about surprise surprise COMMUNICATION. This is where he said, " we always argue over the same thing, i try to give you as much communication as I can, but its never good enough for you". How, we can't keep arguing, that he can't do this"... I think this is where he reached his breaking point. i understand he has a lot on his plate, and originally had told me how he wasn't planning to date at all.. but I just randomly came into his life and he fell for me HARD. As did I, because I didn't think I would date him, since I always went for a specific type of men'. He told me we had to wait until the divorce because right now he can't give me the communication that I want.. I felt he was breaking up with me which it does sound like.. how he'd talk to me but not in the same way' this is where he didnt explain himself. He hanged up on me since i wanted to cry and kept saying please don't do this, i love you.'' Well in the text he said how this hurts him, and it may be hard but this way he can't hurt me with his actions.. that he needs to face this alone until the divorce. So to me this doesn't sound like a break up but he then never replied to my text... the next day , i had time to think so I told him okay because i love and care about you I will wait.. but does this mean we are still together as a couple just won't talk as much because right now you need space, etc or is this over.. because I need to know.' I send that on thursday the 5th of April.. Now, its april 9th, almost a week later and all I've gotten is silence...

      He's been MIA on snapchat it seems and instagram but I feel because he knows I have him there and I do lurk. But on fb I know he's been active since he added two co workers and all.. so it hurts knowing he's just ignoring my message.(hasn't even clicked on it, since he has his reads on ) We both have iPhones.. so now I am left to wonder is it over? What kind of person that claims to love someone do this? he did tell me before this is a way for him to cope if he's upset or mad at someone by not talking to them but this just causes me more PAIN.

      He had told me until the divorce was over wed be back to normal which is around MAY. no specific date so I wonder if this is his cowardly way of dumping me.. making me believe theres hope. And if i wait for what? for him to tell me that he's enjoyed this time ALONE, and prefers to be single? Id rather him tell me then give me the silent treatment. I know he loves me i just don't understand why he'd avoid me like that.. it hurts. And if he was to contact me idk in another week or a month, what do I even do? IF i respond it'll show his actions were OK but they weren't.. I don't want to reach out anymore because thats just pathetic. If he wanted to talk he'd open my message. I just can't move on and the only way how is by blocking or deleting him everywhere but if i don't know if its over how can i? Or is it? Please help, need advice.

    • profile image

      Luke Lafayette 

      6 months ago

      Hi, thank you for writing this article. It hits home and I wish my ex would read it. I am a 28 year old man and last year was left by my ex without getting the closure that I needed.

      Granted, I was the one who broke up, but I did it because the relationship was very one sided. I was the one always running around to make our relationship possible. She was from a different country and she was 9 years older, couldn't work here but wanted to get married and have kids. We lived together for more than half a year. One week after I broke up I regretted it and I told her that I wanted us to keep trying but she told me she never loved me and then packed her things and disappeared, going back to her home country, refusing to give me a final conversation.

      All I ever asked for was to be able to say good bye. I begged her for 4 months in emails to at least call me and let me say good bye, but she refused to do that for me. She just blocked me and what's even worse is that she seemed to enjoy it. It's like she liked that I chased her and that I regretted breaking up and it made it all easier for her to get over me right away without having to look back.

      She was gone and it was very abrupt. I feel like I could have been over her months ago but now it has been 8 months and I am still in pain. Not over losing her but over how she could just walk away as if what we had never even existed, leaving me in a constant cycle of self blame for breaking up and anger towards her for leaving me in the dust after having taken her into my home and being there for her financially.

      Weirdly enough she wrote me on Christmas but only one line and then went straight back to ignore me. I replied, telling her I missed her and that I still hoped we can talk again. Some of the emails I sent to her were extremely depressed and close to suicidal. I was very weak and couldn't hold back emotionally. Now I doubt I will ever hear from her again. I don't even know why I still want to and what I would even say if she ever reached out again. I think I still feel like I want her to validate what we had but she seems to be too proud over how she made me feel and it all seemed to end in a power struggle.

      I hate that she did this to us. And I sometimes wonder, does she even care? We talked every day and shared many moments and now I was left to be ignored and hanging, having so many questions with a shattered self esteem and bruised ego. Was this really necessary?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      6 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Cyrena, I bet it was really personal for him and he just wasn't comfortable with it. At least he gave you closure. Whew! He probably doesn't know why.

    • Cyrena Musset profile image

      Cyrena Musset 

      7 months ago

      Hi DoNotFear,

      First, thank you for writing this article. I took to the internet because I just experienced one of these disappearing acts and it completely threw me.

      I met a very nice young man on a well respected dating website about a month ago. We went on two very good dates. We got along well and had fun, we event went to a comedy club two weeks ago. He is a bit of an awkward person and seemed shy at first, but when we got talking we seemed to hit it off.

      Out of no where he texted me on Saturday and told me that "this might seem kind of sudden, but while I enjoyed our time together, I don't think this is going to work out for me right now." When I replied I told him I respected his honesty, but I wanted to know why this wasn't going to work out. He ignored me, and ignored the next text I sent.

      I really don't understand what happened. He gave me no explanation as to why he was no longer willing or interested to peruse things. I won't text him again, but I'm not really sure what to do now. Thank you for listening!

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      7 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Ayvilis:

      From what you have said, it appears the change happened right after his father's death. That's the link. He's grieving. Amazing how death can affect a person and change their whole way of thinking.

      I have to give the guy credit for actually saying (typing) the words that he wasn't ready, etc. Not many get that response. I believe the guy is in turmoil over the death of his father. And, by golly, he was honest in the text.

      You are doing the right thing and have a great attitude to type the words ' I will survive this.' My heart hurts with yours. Let me close with this: You are a better person for having loved, what a wonderful memory you have! You have loved! And love enough to let go even though it breaks you.

      I've been there, done that too. I was in a 2 year relationship recently that I had to end because he was ghosting me and just would not come out and tell me he was moving another direction. Like you, he was the one who got away. I don't blame him or hate him that his feelings changed. So I released him. I feel so much better since I got the closure. I truly loved this man, but like all humans, he had faults too. It had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him.

      Think of your situation the same way.....it was nothing you did wrong, it was him who changed. God bless you and I speak peace in your soul.

    • profile image

      Ayvilis 

      7 months ago

      Your post made me think a lot, specially when you said we're after a "why" I've been after it but I do realize I'll never have it and I guess that's what hurts, not knowing or even having a clue, the thought that how could you have meant so little to that person?

      I was in a relationship for 5 months, he "broke up" with me a week ago after ghosting. We talked every single minute of everyday for 5 months, we laughed and had fun, never argued, always discussed things and gave our opinions and we were very open with each other. We had an amazing getaway filled with laughter and romance when we came back the next day his dad passed away, they didn't talk and he went into a bubble, we still talked everyday and I saw him 4 times after that, until one day after a goodnight and some planning to go out the next week he never spoke to me again. It took him 5 days from seeing me to determine that he didn't want me anymore, that we weren't worth it at the moment, all the promises and dreams, all the times he asked how many kids I wanted to have and how we should rent that house at the lake in June, it all blew with the wind like it never existed.

      after 5 days of not hearing from him I asked what was wrong and that I never expected that of him because I knew he wasn't built like that, I got a reply after 24 hrs, in five lines of text he said he though he was ready for a relationship but he wasn't, he wasn't happy with himself and it wasn't fair to me for us to conitnue, and that was it, sometimes I thinks it's comical 5 months = 5 lines to end. I'm a happy person, never had issues with self-esteem, I'm most of the times positive, but he broke something inside of me, maybe I gave too much, believed too much, but I will survive this and I will set my heart free of him. He was everything I hoped for, from opening car doors to cooking for me, but in all my life he was the one that hurt me the most. Thank you for letting me know how many similar stories are out there, this one is mine :)

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      7 months ago from Northeast Texas

      I'm sorry to hear you are disappointed. Sometimes people just don't respond like we want them I feel your sadness.

      Perhaps there is a clause or something in the agreement to take on exchange students that says they are not to continue a relationship? I know this is far fetched, but it came to my mind.

      Maybe writing a nice letter or card, addressed to the family, letting them know how much you thank them for making you part of the family. Express your desire to see them again and share your new successes.

      If you don't hear from them, maybe their life has gone a new direction. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with her/them. I know it hurts to know that someone you were once close to is no longer interested in seeing you or doesn't seem interested anymore.

      Do your best to make new friends and attachments. Have you joined a group? You're in a foreign country. Reach out to support groups or counseling through your school.

      God bless you. It takes time to process feelings of rejection. You are important in this life.

    • profile image

      alft 

      7 months ago

      Hello,

      I am a international student and I used to live in a host family last year. I had a perfect relationship with my host mother. This year I went to college so I had to move out since the college is in a different city. I saw her after the summer (September) and it was nice. Then I texted her few times and she didn't replay. So in December I asked if I could meet her before Christmas? she said yes and we could see each other in the next weekend. I texted her few days before to confirm and she didn't answer me. After five days she answered saying that she needs some time before seeing me again... now in March I re-texted her and she didn't reply. It's upsetting because she was like a family away from home for me, she is like my second mom. What do you think is going on?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      7 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Ley,

      You haven't done anything wrong. He has. Re-read your comment in a couple of days and think about it. You state clearly what the problem is: HIM. Not good relationship material to behave that way.

    • profile image

      Ley 

      7 months ago

      when this person csme into my life i was in a good place, mentally and physically i was happy. When they entered and gave me 100% i felt there was no reason to hold back so i gave 100% aswell. He told me he had trust issues because his ex girlfriend had once cheated on him during their theee year relationship. I took this into consideration and thought i’d help him overcome those trust issues by being completely transparent with him, i literally didnt hide a thing. Things we good for a long while and this was the best ive ever experienced so i did end up falling for them a lot than predicted at start. Then one day we went from planning our future to arguing that he doesnt remember ever asking me to be his girlfriend or even saying he loves me. Then im being told im crazy and delusional and immature because he is a two years older than me and “knows so much more about life”. We agreed to take a stepback and try to be friends and see how things would go from then. Then one day after he said hurtful things to me we stopped speaking for a while, he texted me asking if i was okay a couple days later and i replied then during that conversation i fell asleep and woke up to him blocking me off nearly every social media platform and not answering calls or texts. Its been 3/4 weeks now and i havent heard anything from him and i dont even know what ive done wrong. If only i knew what ive done or what happened it would make things much easier

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      8 months ago from Northeast Texas

      keta:

      What I am hearing in your story is that this man was unstable and controlling. I know you don't see it now, but it's evident. Anyone who wants to jump into something, that fast, push it, then fall back by blaming you (for not texting in 3 hours) is emotionally unstable and, in my personal opinion, could possibly end up being abusive.

      Heed the warning. This has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with him being unstable and controlling. He said you "barely made time for him". Really? what was his example of time?

      Think about this, pray for understanding, and know that this is closure. His lack of response and flatly saying feels I am not ready for a relationship at this time because..." I barely made time for him, and because I would be working a second job that would not be a good relationship and apparently I seemed unsure of our relationship."

      He's gas-lighting you. you.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

      He will never tell you it's over. He's not going to, he's too weak. Now it's time for you to think about what you want for your future which now includes a child (that he said he wanted and now says get rid of). That in itself proves his character.

      I pray you make the right decision for yourself and your unborn child. God bless you.

    • profile image

      Keta 

      8 months ago

      So this is currently still very fresh and today is a better day, but I have been dealing with severe depression luckily I have good friends who have been very supportive. I have been dating this person for about 6 months , he pretty much wanted to marry me have kids. I was very hesitant at first because he would talk about kids a lot. I am 35 and have never had children and didn't see that for me. I did tell him that but he said he understood, he wanted to get married right away and have kids. I tried to tell him that I saw myself doing that with him but my career and financial baggage was my biggest stress. But we could work towards that.Well 2 weeks ago he just stopped talking to me, his excuse was because I did not text him for 3 hours while I was out to dinner with a friend. I gave him time to cool down and told him I loved him. one week later still no answer to text or phone calls of course I went crazy with the text and phone calls. Finally I got a text telling me he loves me but he feels I am not ready for a relationship at this time because I barely made time for him, and because I would be working a second job that would not be a good relationship and apparently I seemed unsure of our relationship. I told him that I loved him and that I would do what I had to do to prove to him but if he wanted us to end to let me know. No answer. All I wanted from him was to tell me it was over and that he didn't love me. But nope nothing I sent him texts of anger and hurt. Finally this week I hit a nerve because I did say something cruel telling him I compared him to his father because he just left me and with no answer. All this time he wanted to get me pregnant and I found out I was , just this Monday I told him via text, All he told me was to get rid of it and how much he wished I wasn't. That just made me so angry that led me to say mean things to him. I just wanted an answer as simple as " I don't love you please leave me alone" even now there is no answer I have not bothered him. But how can someone who says he loves you and wants a life with you just cut you off? with no real reason seeing how much I am hurting. I got really depressed and wanted to hurt myself. Have not slept much and it affected my work. I have not texted him or called him. But I need closure how can you just stop loving someone. I want to confront him physically and look at his face telling me he does not want me in his life. Everyone tells me if he cares he will look for me. Something in my gut tells me he wont and I feel like I am going insane with no real answer. His silence is the answer I am tolled. But I just want to tell him that he shouldn't do that to people. Specially when he was told that I was not strong enough to handle heartbreak. I know I sound like a crazy person even typing this , makes me realize how desperate I am. I truly feel worthless. Less than trash. How can some one just do that. I would not just leave it with no answer. Before him I was in a 10 yr relationship that we would talk and discuss everything. We fell out of love but even now we are great friends. I finally opened up to someone and let them in my life and now this. I just want to run and disappear.

      But that's not me I am a better person and a good human being. Should I look for him physically. I just want to hear it from him.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      8 months ago from Northeast Texas

      To Monacojs!!

      I totally understand your grief. She was in this abusive relationship before and now he comes back into the picture doing all the things that chronic abusers do: lies and control. I have been in an abusive relationship and can tell you that the man has such emotional control over the woman, that it clouds her thinking.

      This is common in relationship violence. This is something in her that is insecure. For some reason, she is holding on the "idea" that he is "ideal". Because the abuse is familiar to her (for some unknown reason), maybe she has been dominated and/or witnessed this type of man..father, brother, etc. Because it's 'familiar', the brain locks on to it and connects it as normal.

      Then you come along and show her how a healthy relationship starts: friendship and fun! She can't grasp it in her mind because it's not familiar. She knows she cares for you, but this monster from the past is still in control. Believe me, I know how this emotional roller coaster works.

      This has nothing to do with you, nor did you do anything wrong. It has to do with her and her own insecurity and connection with this man who, obviously, has no respect.

      Hang in there. You have been kind to her; she will remember!!! Once it sets in she will recognize the comparison between normal and abnormal. I'm not saying she could come back, but what a wonderful thing you have done to give freely to this lady.

      If she contacts you, and my suspicion is that she will, it will be because she is free from the bondage of the former relationship. You can't guarantee that she will respond, but you will be content with knowing that you made a difference in her life when you did.

      And if she contacts you? What a wonderful surprise!!!

    • profile image

      Monacojs 

      8 months ago

      I read almost every comment. Comforting to know others have been thru this but also sad to know there r so many flaky ppl out there.

      Now it's time for me to get my story of my chest. Long story short i was dating a woman for about 2 months and it was getting very serious. We never had words, an argument or anything like that. She even said i was the best thing that happened to her in 2017. We went on dates, i used to bring her flowers as I'm very romantic. She loved it as did i. I fell in love with her. We always had a great time. Would talk on phone sometimes for hours.

      The confusing thing is, the week of her disappearance she met my best friends and we all hung out (her suggestion) she had a great time. And that same week we got closer than ever.

      We didn't have sex and that was fine that she wanted to move slow with that. We made out a lot a tho, all very sweet. She knew i wanted a relationship at some point and was fine with that. Things were progressing well.

      Our last phone conversation she sounded depressed. Also, her ex whom she'd broken it off with had returned into the picture. This is an ex who choked her once, crashed her car and had a tracking device on her. The ex knew about me and wasn't happy about us. She told me he begged and pleaded to come back but she was done. She didn't wanna b an abused woman.

      Well he came back (hed been out of town visiting relatives) and she disappeared days later. I Talked to her two weeks ago and never heard from her again. I don't know whether she got back with him or just what happened. I just think it's odd he returns and 3 days later i don't hear from u anymore.

      I left a message and sent several text saying im concerned about her welfare and wondering what happened. No reply. She is alive... i drove by her apt twice and her car is there and was moved each time.

      Im depressed and can't get her out of my head. I still love her. This isn't the first time this has happened to me.

    • profile image

      Kat 

      9 months ago

      My brother more than once just cut off communication with me and other family... Him and I were closest... No word just left for years. It was like he died. Broke my heart. I'm trying to let it go.

    • profile image

      Ed 

      9 months ago

      I’ve been chatting with a girl for 6 months, she told me I was everything to her and she could never do without me on a daily basis. I gave her £150 for Christmas, we were chatting all last week but Saturday morning was the last I’ve heard from her, she hasn’t deleted me or blocked me on any social media, her phone has been off since sometime on Saturday afternoon, I’ve not heard anything from her since the day before New Year’s Eve, I really don’t know what to think. I really need someone’s advice because my head is going in circles. PLEASE

    • profile image

      bear 

      10 months ago

      My brother disappeared from my life. I don't know what is going on with him. Maybe he is depressed, I don't know. I thought maybe he got taken as human traffick/slave.

      He won't answer anything, email, facebook, phone calls.

      I worry about him but the possibilities are endless I don't know which it could be. Maybe he's mad at me?

    • profile image

      ms. c 

      10 months ago

      almost 5 years nextyear, but we broke up last nov. 11, 2017. there's no explanation after i texted him. it hurts a lot, because there's a third party. i don't know what to do. until now, i was left hanging and no closure.

    • profile image

      trytotopthisone 

      12 months ago

      Live in Bf - of 1.5 years went on vacation and ghosted me on day 2 when i got into a bad accident and went to the hospital. Never came back from vacay - dissipated into thin air and left every last on of his belongings with me. To add the cherry on top - we were one week away from moving across the country.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      12 months ago from Northeast Texas

      I've been getting lots of comments about people being rudely dumped, hung up on, ignored repeatedly, and lied to. Remember: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

    • profile image

      Judy Ruffing 

      12 months ago

      I had a three year committed relationship with a 74 year old widower. I am a 77 year old widow. This last year did not have one disagreement. With a 5 minute disagreement he hung up phone And ignored my apologys the following three days. It has been 9 weeks nothing. I was told tonight he has called my girlfriends boyfriend wanting to know what I am doing. I have been abondoned and am now never wanting him to hurt me again.

    • profile image

      DatGirl 

      13 months ago

      So I'm stupid cuz I still love my... person(long distance ex/bf/?) and can't seem to get out of depression when he is not around. I messed up a year ago and lied to him about a room mate cuz I was having money issues but I told him cuz I felt bad and he flipped out started just hating me. I told him I can't go on like that he told me he needs me to go across the world to see him for him to trust me again so I did! for a month. It was amazing yet weird but I feel even deeper in love with him. Then I went home and we went on to make plans for our future but then he started leaving a lot when he got mad then he started leaving like about everything and hounding me about everything I'm doing at every moment and telling me he doesn't like my friends or want me to hang out with them and just stating issues everywhere then he will say leave. This last time he left cuz i didn't answer my phone while I was at my neighbors house but I honestly never heard the phone and my neighbor is a 60 year old woman... He just hung up in mid convo and I haven't seen him or herd from him sense. Its mind EFING

    • profile image

      elizabeth 

      13 months ago

      liked this guy for a long time we were long distance relationship he promised to meet me and said nice things to me and disappeared why do men do that to women anyway its been a year haven't herd from him and wont answer my emails or letter I sent him would like closure to move on

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      13 months ago from Northeast Texas

      katie:

      Why are you waiting? Everything you've said points to he's unstable, wishy washy, lies, selfish, rude, and insecure. Do you want to be with someone like that?

    • profile image

      katie 

      14 months ago

      my partner did this to me. we have been together a long time. he talked about he how he really only ever loved me, i was his world, he wouldnt stop loving me. he wanted to marry me. we broke up, kept arguing when we had a rough patch, he then came back, told me he loved me and wouldnt hurt me or let me go again. 2 months later he did it again. he told me i couldnt come around because he was going to drink at his mates because it was his birthday. but he lied, but why? i confronted him over facebook, he just blocked me on everything. my number, on facebook everything. it was 4 days like this, so i said bring my stuff back if youre done and he did. that night he said he didnt love me and left. no explanation. hes ignored me since. but 2 days before that he was spouting how much he loved me and that im his world. he wont give me closure. he left before and said he didnt love me then and then came back and said he did. im so confused.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      15 months ago from Northeast Texas

      Adrienne: Wow and wow on your comment. Short, sweet, and to the point. Gotta hand it to ya.

    • profile image

      Adrienne 

      15 months ago

      A man disappears from a woman's life with no explanation for one reason and one reason only - he is a coward. Period.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      16 months ago from Northeast Texas

      It sounds like he is having inward issues. Let him resolve the issues, on his own. You've verified that he is okay and not in danger. Let him collect himself. And live your life.

    • profile image

      HP9 

      16 months ago

      We were good friends for a couple years .. then we became the best couple for a good six months or so ..

      I was never the jealous type nor was I clingy ,, We almost never fought .. and we always understood and respected each other ..

      I fell inlove with my best friend .. after being together for those six months i professed my love to him ..

      unexpectedly i did not get the response i wanted but that i was ok and i assured him i was ok with that .. We were back to normal and everything was great .

      The next week i had to go out of the country for a week and on my last day there . I texted him from the airport telling him i'm on my way back ..

      He replied with a text that said : " I missed you so much finally you're coming back "

      I was so happy i couldn't wait to land .

      When I got home ..

      He was long gone .. into the unknown ..

      I waited for a couple of days i tried reaching but nothing ..

      I opened to one of his social media account and apparently he told the world that he will vanish .. but didn't mention it to me at all ..

      I got in touch with his best friend just to make sure he's ok that's all

      and he assured me he was ok and ever since then i did not contact him or tried to reach him in anyway

      I knew he left me ..

      I don't know why ..

      I lost my best friend and i can't trust anyone anymore .. There's something missing in me but i can't bring myself to tell anyone

      They all know i'm hurt but they also think i'm too strong and have too much pride to show it ..

      but it still hurts after 6 months it still hurts me ..

      and i miss him so much ..

    • profile image

      foolish 

      16 months ago

      I was married to a person who I took back twice after he disappeared. This time there will not be another replay of the past. I thought he was on my side and all the while he was lying and screwing another. WOW is all I can say. I must forgive to move on but I do hope when Karma shows up for him I am aware of the outcome

    • profile image

      Hurt & confused 

      19 months ago

      I was with CT for two years. Thought we had something special but he's disappeared without an explanation. This is one of the most hurtfull things I've been through. Can't sleep or eat. It's just sickening.

    • profile image

      Dyeshia Sampson 

      19 months ago

      I was steady with Kayode Akinlade since December 7,2016. He promised me the world and more the first week. As time went on I grew into his world and felt that he maybe the One. Yes, we stopped talking at least three times I walked away after realizing he really stayed distant from me. At times he seems so concerned with for me then other days he gave me his ass to kiss. How ever, I wanted the life he promised me and the sweet quite moments we had throughout the months.

      Now it's March, I've called, texted, emailed and left voicemail for the past four days ; no reply from Kayode Akinlade. What did I do so bad to a man that fail to respond to me while hurting me deeply.

      Although, this pain is cutting me deeply and leaving me full of emotions. Just like any other poor situations in my life, I know there will be. Guy I meet to love me even better. I know I will get through this experience stronger, wiser and tougher. This situation has taught me how not to trust a man at their words but more for actions. Love should never leave anyone wondering but love should be flawless without perfection.

      Yes, this pain hurts like hell but the good thing is that I will bounce back. Again, I'll bounce back to be a even a more better woman that he failed to see. God has my entire heart in his hand and I know my heart will one get better. Loving me more!!!!!

    • profile image

      Ladyvic 

      19 months ago

      I'm still trying to figure out why my therapist of 12 years abandoned me without explanation. After 8 months I called her and she straight out lied to me. Talk about adding to my abandonment issues.

    • profile image

      Karlie 

      19 months ago

      I was dating a narcissist, I had to get therapy while we were together and my therapist explained, he is gas lighting you and must must become an ice queen and end that relationship, he is 53 years old and will not change, no contact is the best contact. Well, I just stopped contacting him after all the mess he put me through, he then attempted to assassinate my character by calling my dad 6 times in one day and inboxing my friends telling them things I told him in confidence, so YES, I left him with no notice and no closure, it will allow him time to figure it out. Now he is running around playing the victim. He needs to read this site, but I dot even want to open the door to suggest it. Come people deserve to just be left alone, especially those with a narcissistic personality .

    • profile image

      HH 

      20 months ago

      I'd take a break-up email, hell even a text over someone just disappearing from my life.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      21 months ago from Northeast Texas

      pip: Don't give him a dime. That behavior is appalling and shaming. Fight for your rights and money!

    • profile image

      pip 

      21 months ago

      My husband of 23 years said he needed space, he loved me and please could i wait for him to sort himself out and then disappeared. Nine months later i received divorce papers in the post. I later heard he was living with another women. He has refused all communication since, no goodbye or sorry just lawyers letters asking for money.

    • profile image

      Angela b 

      21 months ago

      My partner of 23 years just ran off with someone else on Christmas eve and I am no further forward than I was that night. It is horrible, the roller-coaster of emotions. I have many non functioning days. I have to think that he has problems I did not know about or I will drive myself mad blaming myself.

    • profile image

      Nick 

      2 years ago

      Ill be your man Donotfear. Youre obviously very beautiful inside and out.

    • profile image

      Loving mother 

      2 years ago

      I was in a relationship with a man that I loved unconditionally but to find out he was back and forth with the mother of his kids. Needless to say I got pregnant with twins and confronted the other woman. After that he was furious and we didn't talk as much but I ran into the other woman after I had the twins, she realized that I had given birth. After that day I never heard from him again! My twins are 4 years old now asking about there father. Today I have so many emotions, I forgiven him but Some days I miss him and hope that one day my kids would have a chance to meet their father. I really want to have one conversation with him perhaps for my own closure without the drama. I no longer feel angry because I no since his father walked away when he was born it is only expected. I have started a new relationship with a nice man but my ex still has a piece in my heart especially when I sometimes see him in my twins.

    • profile image

      jennie 

      3 years ago

      Well the man I was talking to he supposed to get divorced and we should be available to continue our relationship but when the day was here I just didn't heard nothing from him :/ why why???

    • Alaine Opilas profile image

      Alaine Opilas 

      3 years ago from Philippines

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      3 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Hard cold facts

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      3 years ago from Northeast Texas

      gutsandgrace: I hear ya. Poof, gone. Like, "oh....never mind". Beats anything I ever saw!

    • profile image

      gutsandgrace 

      3 years ago

      Run fast and run far if someone is so coldhearted and 2 faced that they cannot even give you the dignity of a breakup. I let a man go off and on into my life more than once and he just did it again- how stupid am I? If they do it once, they will most certainly do it again. So if they come back with lame excuses- kick em back to the curb where they belong. These type of people are EMOTIONAL CRIPPLES and cowards, and users and the only person they care about is THEMSELVES. Trust me on this.

    • profile image

      gutsandgrace 

      3 years ago

      I know this is an older hub but it happened to me. More than once. My advice to anyone is if the person comes back- don't let them back in. I did, and he did the same exact thing 11 months later. One day on a Saturday he's telling me he loves me and misses me and he'll be to my place by 4 on Sunday, the next he stands me up and drops off the face of the earth. Painful stuff.

    • profile image

      ksturges 

      4 years ago

      Hi all,

      I am a casting director currently casting a new TV show about women dating men who just up and disappear. If this is you or someone you know and you/they live in the greater NY area, email me at: ksturgescasting@gmail.com

      Thanks,

      Kelli

    • profile image

      renarabbit 

      4 years ago from lake elsinore

      A yr and a half with him living with me and he disappeared a month ago and I just found out his # was changed. He has a lot of his belongings still here. My friends and family say I am a fool to believe he will be back. I have started to pack some of his stuff up but I want to believe he will be back...but I am only kidding myself right?

    • profile image

      Amy Haskins 

      4 years ago

      I don't know if you're still responding, but I am going to write out a little of my story - maybe it will help just to lay it out that way, even without a response.

      I met my ex 17 years ago and we dated and lived together for a couple of years. It was a loving a beautiful and sweet relationship. I went off to grad school and he moved to follow a job, and we kind of just let the relationship end without really talking about it. I know we both felt a little like our lives were changing dramatically and we just gently let it go. But we stayed in close contact. For years we'd get together again whenever we were both single, and it was always so fantastic. Sometimes we'd be back together for the space of a year - visiting every couple of months. Always super compatible and the sex was great. And each on our own came to the realization that we felt like we were coming home whenever we were together. I think I romanticized this sort of star-crossed lovers thing we've had a bit. Both of us busy with careers, and one or the other of us would eventually get together with someone and we'd move back into friendship. Remarkably, neither of us has ever been truly angry with the other, maybe a little sadness if one of us was on their own while the other in a relationship, but nothing difficult otherwise. It's been something that has kept both of us going through the hard times in life, those lovely uplifting times, and our enduring friendship. Four years ago, we got together in earnest, and have stayed solid through these four years. It has been long distance, still, but we managed to see each other every few months for a week to 10 days at a stretch. This past year, I worked very hard very long hours on a job that would enable me to actually have the time and money to go out to him, or have him come out to me to actually take a month or two of living together in real time to see if the relationship could grow in a more normal set of circumstances (not these one week honeymoons). I was scared because I realized that this could be the end of us, and also scared because it could be the beginning in a lot of ways - the idea being that if we both felt it went well, then I would relocate.

      Well, just in the past couple of months, he started getting a little distant, acting a little different towards me in ways I couldn't quite put my finger on - perhaps out of my own fears, but also in part because I knew he was struggling with work and I wanted to give him space - I also didn't want to be making things up in my head because I trust him to tell me if something's wrong. Something was. He was coming for a visit, and being lovey and sweet, but something in the way he phrased something made me stop and ask if he needed to talk to me before the visit. He ended the relationship. He met someone. It's over, no conversation, no working on it, no coming out to visit. Nothing. I feel betrayed and confused that he never even talked to me about it. After all these years. Just done. And he seemed so over it - even as he was telling me he loved me and wished he had my faith in us and hoped he wasn't making a mistake, he was also saying that he was uncertain if we were compatible or if we'd ever get close (?), and that there was no chance of a future. I just feel so lost. He has always been so very deep in my heart. We haven't had any contact in 3 weeks, and I just feel so alone and sad and it feels so totally unreal. Like part of me can't believe it happened. I so want to talk to him and yet I feel like there is nothing I can say. I am trying really hard to take care of myself and figure out how to let go, but I almost feel like I don't know what that means. He's been in my heart for most of my adult life. And part of me just wants to reach out to him because I know he must be hurting too.

    • profile image

      Lillyanne 

      4 years ago

      dear Donotfear, I posted here around 4 months ago about a guy who disappeared on me after 2 years of knowing him, and thanks for your reply. Much appreciated, now guess what, a text from him around 2 weeks ago, trying to make contact I suppose. Bah, did not reply, his words had zero impact on me, and anyway, what's this nonsense of sending texts, it is just such a lazy form of communication, hiding behind your computer and punching out a few words and hoping for what, If you really, really want to contact somebody, pick up the phone and arrange a meet- up to TALK, communicate properly. All this new technology is fantastic but has serious drawbacks in personal affairs. Hey, you can even tweet somebody goodbye now, text them goodbye or go on Facebook and defriend them. Whatever, it all cries 'coward'. In olden days, this would not have been possible. I suppose the point I am making, after much reflection, is that you can move on, forget even but forgiveness is the hardest bit and that is the reason why I will never respond back to a couple of characters of text message. You learn so much in the intervening time. Thanks so.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Mixed Up: You certainly have a right to feel frustrated! How utterly appalling that your spouse would leave you in that situation! I'm amazed that you are so resilient! You've done the best you can do. Over time, the underlying tears will begin to lessen, though always present. Have you tried counseling? Or how about a group? By telling sharing your story, you may have helped many others. Congratulations. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel after a devastating loss like this. Try reading the book 'How to Survive the Loss of a Love'. God bless you always....you are alive, you will survive and bring light to others with your positive spirit.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Nick, your idea for for a meetup is great; unfortunately, it's not possible. I wrote this article because I had this happen so many times and wanted to share and hopefully help someone else. Why don't you get involved in a singles group at a church or other organization? Remember, it's more important to be happy with yourself, first. Don't give up!!

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      nick: It benefits you. The situation informs you that she is unstable and still dealing with a past that haunts her. Hopefully, she will seek counseling. I know women like this. They have a preconceived idea of the ideal man because that's what is familiar to them. Anything other than that, they cannot relate to.

    • profile image

      Mixedup 

      4 years ago

      It's 22 months since my husband of 15 years disappeared, he left a letter with no contact information and instructions to sell our home or any support for the mortgage would be stopped. My work contract was coming to an end and within months I had sold our home, left my job and moved country. I relocated had a year off to process emotion and now have a new job and home, although I rent. I'm on holiday having returned to see friends in the old location. I'm doing things I love and seeing people who love me yet there's an underlying veil of tears and a lack of peace. It's not been like this for a long time and yet here it is emotion resurging and unplaced I can't put voice to the source. It frustrating and I feel pathetic I should be happy.

    • profile image

      nick 

      4 years ago

      I hope I actually find someone who'll treat me right soon. I'm 33 and not getting younger.

    • profile image

      nick 

      4 years ago

      Men and women on here know how it feels to be lonely and get hurt. Is there any way we can meet up and have a singles event or something? That'd be awesome.

    • profile image

      nick 

      4 years ago

      Donotfear,

      Its so illogical. Its human instinct to want to be loved. There was this woman I treated like a queen. I had more to offer her than the man she ran back to in every possible way. She finally told me by phone she had a bad life and a bad, abusive father and she was telling me to give me closure. I never blamed myself but she's miserable with this man and I'm alone and single still. How does this benefit either of us?

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Christina,

      I must agree...sounds rather like a mind game, to me.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Anne, sure, why not write to someone who has left with no official goodbye? If they ignore it, at least you have an answer and you can move on.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Well Nick, maybe so.

    • Cristiana Paris profile image

      Cristiana Paris 

      4 years ago

      Why do they do that?? How sick is to disappear not considering the other person's feeling?

      My situation is ridiculous and I knew it was coming, I met this Scorpion man online, we saw each other for one year almost every weekend, I have to admit he helped with my last abusive relationship, I got out with his advices.

      After I left my husband we starter to see each other, I knew he was very private person, I am the opposite, I am open minded, he wasn't, I keep going until I decided it was time to move on, so I let him know I no longer could be with a man so private. One month late he came back, calling me and texting me. We got back together, after two date he disappear with no information or break up, I forgot my ring with him, just got with no note or nothing....Miserable human.. Coward...

    • profile image

      ANNE 

      4 years ago

      Should you write to someone if he has left you without a word?

    • profile image

      nick l 

      4 years ago

      Three words....borderline personality disorder.

    • profile image

      Anonymus1 

      4 years ago

      I met a guy online a few months ago by coincidence. Were just acquaintances- semi friendship. Within a few days he said if I ever needed someone to listen perhaps communicate by phone or in person. We live long distance which he wasn't aware of at first. I said emailing I'm ok with and the other two in time. He was fine with that, no pressure. And yes I did tell him I lived in a different part of the country. He has a very busy career. I'm the one who emails the most he responds. My past was abuse hence trust issues. He knows a bit about that , he's understanding if

      it.

      Our communication was once a week with him responding within the dame or next day. But one day I was feeling anxious due to past issues and questioned our talking. Because I've been hurt many times in the past- people abandoning me, I would rather someone give me closure than disappear. And yet he never said anything to me that he would indicate it's over. It's that ugly anxious worry that crops up inside of me. Our friendship is new if your going to leave do it now early on. In my anxious state I fired off an email basically saying if he should ever wish to stop communicating with me inform me. I would like to continue emailing but not sure you feel the same? He responded and nothing appeared to indicate no. I felt awful after asking such a thing. Did I offend him etc. I apologized saying i had a rough day full of anxiety and would like to continue. No response. Seven days later I emailed without mentioning the above. He responded. Maybe 12 days passed, I was busy. Sent him another email- basic talk as usual, no response. This particular month is really busy at his work so I tried to tell myself he's swamped. I let another 7 days pass, and decided to test the waters. Also i was feeling quite ill at the time. I told him I had been busy, unfortunately dealing with an illness on my way to recovering. I have info to share with him ( hobby he does) and could send it soon. He responded within 1-2 hours thanked me for the email, hope you recover soon... Rest up....

      I took that as ok were still on par. This week I sent him info and no response yet.

      We have never met, only two to two and half months of emailing. He has responded to 90 percent. I think email communication is more awkward compared to phone or in person. In the past month he's responded twice to 2 emails i sent. Few others no. I have my own issues of anxiety to deal with ( working on that) the type of person who would rather have closure- if you don't want to communicate tell me- there are polite ways of doing it. Walking away and disappearing is more hurtful. With this acquaintance , sort of friendship I find I'm starting to distance myself so I don't get hurt.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Terry,

      If he told her to leave him alone, I would take heed. Why bother with someone who is brushing you off? This answer is plain: go the other direction and RUN, don't walk to an exit!

    • profile image

      Terry 

      4 years ago

      My married friend had an affair with her batch mate who is on the verge of divorce after they met after 20 years.They had sex too once. Her friend lives abroad and nowadays he avoids her and always says leave him alone whereas before meeting he used to be always in touch via cell or net.What should she do? Should she part with this guy even though he says he does not want to leave her.She is very tense please suggest.Her batch mate says he loved her from long.

    • profile image

      summer 

      4 years ago

      thank you for this article.this is what exactly i needed right now..thank you

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Truewoman, you are absolutely right!

    • profile image

      Truewoman 

      4 years ago

      That's the thing that is puzzling me to this day and I think that it will always have me confused. I have been going through my mind over and over of different scenarios of what might have happen. It like I have let it go, but not technically because I am still thinking about what had happened. I just don't want to assume and think that thats the reason why. The silence is not enough closure for me. The writing the long email to him is still not enough. I could keep myself busy all day 24/7 and he would still pop up in my mind. But you are right, he is happy at where he wants to be so why bother him with a phone call. Hew should have just told me why we stopped talking.

    • donotfear profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Thomas 

      4 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Good girl: I apologize for overlooking your comment. First I must tell you how sorry I am that you are so hurt right now. You certainly have a right to your feelings of abandonment and confusion.

      Take a moment to look back and see what may have occurred to make him pull away. Perhaps it was having sex too soon.....I'm thinking it was, possibly, spilling your guts and emotions to a man who was not ready to take it all in. Information overload. It really had nothing to do with YOU, as a person. It has everything to do with HIM, not being able to process your intensity.

      You were not wrong or right in revealing yourself to him. It was what you were feeling at the time. Sending constant, demanding emails and phone calls is not the answer. But at the time, you wanted answers. He wasn't willing to give them. I believe it overwhelmed him.

      Your guilt associated with knowing you were intimate too soon should be a signal for you. Was alcohol involved? You obviously have strong values or you wouldn't be experiencing guilt. He sounds as if he's not in tune with himself. If he has that kind of instability, he needs to work through it.

      Now is the time to pull back. Enjoy you. Don't reach out to him...he's where he wants to be. As much as is hurts, as angry as it makes you, at yourself, it's a reality. It hurts, yes. But you are worth a lot. Get busy, stay involved in activities and do what you like to do. Let him own his problem.....you own yourself.

      God bless, seek counseling if the pain becomes worse.

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