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How to Get Over a Long-Term Relationship in 8 Steps

Updated on November 21, 2016

Introduction

Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies. Oh, and there’s sex! Who doesn’t love sex? So being in a relationship sounds great, and on paper, it is. However, in reality, relationships aren’t bulletproof. You’ll argue about trivial nonsense like where to eat, or what movie to watch. Relationships are complicated and stressful so failure is always a great possibility. Now, no one wants a healthy relationship to end; unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. Like the famous saying goes, “All good things must eventually come to an end.”

Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is always a tough thing to overcome, especially if it is a “long-term” relationship. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist; hell, I have no professional qualifications at all. But what I do have is experience, and let’s be honest, that’s all that really matters. That being said, the following information is from personal experience of getting over a 3-year relationship. Following each step word-for-word will not work for everyone, but, hopefully, the information (if approached with the ability to adapt to your situation) will help some of you get over your recently terminated long-term relationship.

Source

Step One: Accept the Truth

Honestly, there are many things that can act as a catalyst in ending a relationship: cheating, lack of communication, or just plain boredom. It doesn’t really matter where the relationship went wrong, and you’ll only drive yourself insane trying to rework the timeline attempting to pin the exact moment in which everything fell apart. Instead, take a deep breath and swallow the truth. That’s step number one: accepting that it’s over. This will be the hardest step for most people, as optimism naturally takes over when the relationship ends. You’ll try to get the person back, hanging onto the notion that there may be a chance he/she will take you back. Let go. The quicker you accept the truth, the quicker you’ll get over him/her and start dating again.

Step Two: Hang Out With Friends

The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is become a recluse. You see it in the movies all the time (typically romantic comedies). The protagonist is lying in bed, sulking over his broken heart. His friends then burst into the room — usually throwing back the curtains to let light into the depressing, dark room — and finger through the protagonist’s filthy food scraps and unkempt belongings. The friends say something like, “C’mon dude, you gotta get out of this funk, it’s been a week." The protagonist retaliates, “Just leave me alone," and pulls the sheets over his head. The friends then drag him out and eventually the protagonist finds his next love. If you have friends this dedicated to you, then consider yourself lucky. For the rest of us, we have to be the ones to instigate a “hang out” with our friends, because they have lives too. Also, when you tell someone to leave you alone in real life…they usually do. So be a big boy/girl and call a friend to spend time with you.

When I was getting over my relationship (it has now been two years since it ended), I had a friend who spent the night at my house for the whole summer. We played video games, watched movies and TV, talked, and even went on a road trip. We’ll get to all that later though. Point is, my friend was there for me and I can even say that the relationship I have with said friend has improved because of it.

Step Three: Do Something

This step ties into the second one. Make sure you find something to do. Let me clarify that this step is mostly for times when you are alone. What I did was watch movies, played lots of video games, listened to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books. I would leave my house (a good idea), take my laptop, headphones, and kindle and chill at Barnes and Noble for the entire day. During the duration of my mourning period I occupied my time by occupying my mind. Of course, hanging out with a friend is a great way to take your mind off of the relationship and your ex, but they have lives too and can’t spend every waking minute consoling you. So, do anything as long as you're not just sitting in your room browsing the internet.

Step Four: Work On/Learn Something

Similar to step three, this step requires you to get up and do something. Where it differs though is what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing. Step four is different in that you should do things considered “productive”. I took the time to write and to learn how to play piano. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby.

Step Five: Work Out

Exercising is not only good for your body, but for your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help motivate you to do things like those listed in step four. Plus, if you are already out of shape, then exercising will help you tone that body so when you ARE ready to get back to dating, you’ll have a more desirable physical appearance.

Step Six: Go On Vacation

This step may not be possible for some of you. If money is tight, or if you’re young and don’t have a job, then this step may not be too useful. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly off to Hawaii, Italy or somewhere outlandish. During my recovery, I went on a road trip with my dad and friend — just us three guys. We traveled west from North Texas towards California. Along the way we stopped at the Grand Canyon, went on the Sandia Peak tram in New Mexico, rode the thrill rides on top of The Stratosphere in Las Vegas, and then went to Disney Land and hung out with my aunt, uncle, and mom (she met us there) in California. It’s easily the best vacation I’ve been on. Even my vacation was a bit much, and may be unrealistic for the majority of people reading this. So maybe just head to another city? For example, for a small trip I would travel down to San Antonio (once again, I live in North Texas) and hang out on The River Walk. You don’t have to blow lots of money to escape and have a good time.

When a relationship ends, it’s hard to give complete, undivided attention to work and school. Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life.

Step Seven: Take a Break

Different than going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after. That’s a no-no. Don’t make someone your rebound, that’s never nice. Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career, or whatever else. Stay away from dating because there are too many things that can go wrong with that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them. If your ex cheated on you, then you will most likely have trust issues with the new girlfriend/boyfriend (I’m guilty of this). So just take a break. You don’t have to wait a whole year like I did before getting back into the dating scene, but at least give it a few months.

Step Eight: Change Your Life

I should note here that these steps don’t have to be followed in any order, with the exception of the first step. In fact, these steps shouldn’t really be “steps” at all. You should continue doing all of them simultaneously or interchangeably until you have reached an emotional state you are satisfied with. With that being said, I believe this final step is the MOST important step, hence why I saved it for last. It’s going to sound a bit harsh and a bit drastic, but I promise it is necessary.

The last thing you need to do is change your life. This can mean almost anything and will differ from person to person, but one thing should always be done. Get rid of your ex’s stuff. Throw away the pictures, videos, notes, presents, etc. or at least hide them away. You cannot completely move forward if you are clinging to the past. Also, I’ve never met someone who was comfortable with their significant other having things from their previous relationships. It’s unhealthy and stubborn. Why would you want to hold onto memories of a failed relationship? I mean, sure, there were good moments in the relationship, but the very fact that it ended means that those good memories were outweighed by the bad. Like in the movie 500 Days of Summer, if you just stop focusing on all the good times from the relationship, you’ll remember all the bad ones.

Next thing to do is get rid of your ex. Wait a minute, that makes no sense…I mean, we are already broken up, right? Wrong. In today’s internet driven age, most people never really get rid of their ex. They keep them as friends on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Pinterest, Myspace, even on HubPages! This usually happens because both parties agree to “still be friends." Don’t do this! Get rid of him/her. You will only hurt yourself by pretending that you can still be friends. I know it sounds mean, but you’ll regret it when he gets a new girlfriend and floods his Facebook with pictures of them kissing and loving each other or bombards his “wall” with status updates about how awesome the new girl is (the alternative applies for guys as well).

Protect yourself. Stop worrying about him/her. If in the future you decide you can be friends, then go ahead (unless your new partner has an issue, which is entirely understandable), but during the healing process, it’s best to shut them out entirely.

Also, if you are young and can afford to find a new part-time job, then do so. A nice change of scenery and routine will help cast the illusion that things are better. It is an effort to move forward in life and creating major changes to your job and circle of friends will help motivate you to become the person you want to be.

Building off of what I just said, you should also find new friends. Now hold on! Before you call bullshit and close your internet browser, hear me out. If you have friends that are exclusively your friends, who will stick by YOU and not your ex, then keep them. However, if you had mutual friends, then you might want to consider distancing yourself from them. After all, your friends won’t be courteous enough to plan out every “hang out” so that you and your ex aren’t invited to the same event. Not saying that they are bad friends, just that it is not their obligation to ensure this doesn’t happen. How awkward would that be to get invited to a party, movie, or some other event by one of your friends, only to run into your ex when you arrive? Remember, you can always find new friends. And the ones that can’t choose you over the ex are probably not worth being friends with anyway.

Conclusion

So there you go. Some tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don’t want to get a new job, that’s fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, that’s okay too. Just remember that all things heal in time. These tips are meant to act as time-consumers to alleviate the pain of a break-up. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh.

When my three year relationship ended I was devastated. It took me about two months to get over her, and an additional eight months to find a new girlfriend. But that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, use the opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games guys! It takes work to be happy and to get over that long-term relationship, but when you finally do…you’ll wish it would happen again. No I’m just kidding! But honestly, at least you will be wiser from your experiences and you’ll know how to handle it if/when it happens again. And if you can’t recall the steps, you can always reread this article!

Also, be sure to leave comments below if you have any additional tips you wish to share. And as always, feel free to follow me and leave some feedback. Enjoy!

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      Becca Sines 12 hours ago

      My boyfriend of two years texted me saying he wanted to talk. Knowing it wasn't good I tried getting it out of him, he finally ended it in a text. Well the next day we talked it out more and he didn't want me as a girlfriend, but as a friend. I was thinking how could you throw away a two year relationship. Struggling I searched how to deal with this pain and I came across this page. It put it more in perspective that he wasn't right and what I needed to do. It's going to hurt, but over time someday hopefully I will find someone who will treat me better.

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      Leah 9 days ago

      My fiance of 6 years broke up with me a few weeks ago because he doesn't want to be tied down at such a you g age and we had our problems.

      I had a hard time trusting him as he cheated on me a few times through highschool.

      He said he couldn't stand not having the trust and that he just isn't happy. Idk what to do. I have no family to go to and all my friends are mutual. I also still have to live with him till I save money for a new place. He's out of town 4 days a week but the weekends when he is home is torture. He makes it seem like everything's fine and I'm so confused. I just wish I knew what to do.

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      Jamie 12 days ago

      I've been with my now ex for almost 3 1/2 yrs. ive known him since we were about 3. Our siblings and families are friends. Me and him dance together and have since we were 4. Everyone at dance has always said since we were little that we were going to date and get married. We started dating at 14 yrs old but I had a crush on him since 5th grade. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything. We were madly in love, we could understand eachother like no one else could. We knew more about eachother then we did ourselves. We had the fairytale relationship that everyone dreamt of. But We broke up about 2 months ago because of a couple of reasons, none of which were on a bad note though. For the first 2 yrs we both agreed that we would stay together through college, through thick and thin, get married, have kids. During the 3rd yr, he decided that it would be best if we broke up for college. We would be hrs apart, wouldn't have a car, etc. I didn't want to but I knew that there is no point in being in a relationship if both people aren't as committed. Ever since we broke up we have still been hooking up. Today was the last day that we agreed we would. Now we are "just friends" I know the article says not to but we still see eachother almost every day at dance and are sharing a house together for a week in July for our national dance competition, so we can't cut off communication. He tells me about how he is trying to hook up with other girls, not date them, just have sex. I know he isn't over me, he has shown many signs, as I am not yet over him. It hurts the most knowing that we ended for no good reason. We were both still madly in love when it ended, which makes it even harder. I feel so lonely all the time and whenever something happens, good, bad or funny, he is still the absolute 1st person I want to tell. I'm going to try to do what the article says. I hope it helps. I know time will heal all wounds, but I wish time would just speed up.

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      Andrew 13 days ago

      I've been with my ex for over five years and about three months. She was an amazing person till this day. I don't know what happen though. I think she just got bored of our relationship or she was swiped off her feet. We broke up a week ago. It's been really hard. What makes it harder on me is that I had an engagement ring ready to give her. Now that ring just sits in my safe. I should have asked her to marry me but I wanted to know how this summer was going to work out between us. The reason why is because for the past four years, every summer she got this distant feeling like she didn't know what she wanted or if she wanted to be with me. Since our first years I always had this gut feeling like maybe there is someone else and every year that I snooped through her phone and found that she constantly search her ex boyfriends and other pilots she works with. And I'm not saying she searched once or twice but multiple times till this very day.

      Just recently about two weeks ago prior to going back to work her and I had a great foundation in our relationship including the fact that we told each other how strong our relationship is with all the hoops and hurdles we had to jump through. We told each other every day how much we love each other and how much we miss each other as well. Well she came back from her trip a total different person. She was not the same person I knew before she left to her trip. It took three days before I asked if something was bothering her and if she needs to talk to be. She said yes but only if we are alone. She broke the news to be that she didn't feel our timing was right, she didn't want to jump into a serious relationship as far as marriage goes, she wanted to travel. I asked her who did she talk to or if she is getting some kind of a guy crush. She said no there is no one else.

      I don't know what I was feeling but by gut was telling me that she was not being so truthful since I could not understand how someone can suddenly feel like she did towards me. There I went again and snooped through her social media and there is was her and a co-worker flirting with each other. I confronted her about it and she said he is just a friend. I asked how can he be just a friend when you consistently searched on social media?

      Now that we are broken up I still looked at her social media and she said that she doesn't need to explain anything to since we are no longer together. I want to forgive her but I don't know how. Either way she doesn't want to speak to me anymore so I believe she moved on with her life that fast.

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      Lisa86 2 weeks ago

      I was with my partner for 12 years meet him when I was 18 he was my first bf my first love my all first I loved him soo much still doo have 2 kids with him we were the perfect couple people envy our relationship till he started his new job started hanging round with new workers going out never coming home till he ended up cheating on me how could he do this to me I found msg on his fone on my 30bday in Las Vegas the worst night of my life which should have been my holiday of lifetime I hope I can move on from him I hope I can stop loving him for the sake of my kids I need to move on as hard as it sounds I think no women no mother deserve to happen too

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      bunni3s 2 weeks ago

      i just got dumped today... spent 2 and a half years with him.. really wished we couldve been together longer but things just didnt work out. we broke up many times. argued all the time.. and today he finally said we should go our separate ways. i'm obviously hurting. i can't believe he just gave up so easily. I loved him a lot. still do. and will probably for the longest. But i know that we wont be getting back together. so i have to get over it. i have no friends :/ i just hang out with my sister in law. i feel lonely as heck but whatever. hopefully i can overcome this obstacle in my life.

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      Tomiwa 3 weeks ago

      I really hope I can and pray it works cuz am tired of his lies,cheats,no communication and I dont want him back either I want my old self back on the track. Am really hurting so much.

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      SK 3 weeks ago

      I am in a relationship since I was 19 and now it's a 4 years relationship. He has totally changed in these 4 years. It was one sided love in start. I still remember how he approched me and invested so much on me that I started loving him for what he was and how he cared for me. He almost did everything to get me. He sacrificed alottttt. i preferred to avail a scholarship in USA he forbade me but I didn't listen to him. That was the time we started having arguments. Well I went to usa he cane there for me. We had a great time. I have so much memories with him. But from past 2 years I am noticing changes in his attitude. He started abusing me over very piety things,mistreating me. He started being bossy. Now he treats me like a shit. We don't talk much now. We have arguments whenever we talk. He always says that he will marry me. But he wants me to be low profile and act like his servant. We used to be best friends. I left all my friends due to him. Now I have no one. NOt even him.

      I want to get out of this trauma. He doesn't pay attention to me now neither we talk nor we meet.

      I want to get over this relationship because its a constant mental torture. I love him so much. But its so painful to not get same love and affection from his side.

      I want to move on but I have no way of getting out of his memories. All I do is pray alottttt of getting peace of mind and heart.

      I want to get out of his life and start a new life but I don't know how to do that.

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      Glory 3 weeks ago

      This might really works for me,it will be more helpful too. but it will take time i think because its not only three years , it almost 6years and 2mons with my ex.. thankyou for this helpful advice.. More power to you

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      Glory ikeji 3 weeks ago

      Thank you so much for this article its really helpful to me

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      Bruce 3 weeks ago

      I don't think it's always that simple. I had a mid life crisis and was being all manic with an affair, she offered me one chance to let us get back together. I told her I wasn't ready. She looked up an old friend on facebook and started dating him. Moved on with him within a month of telling me that. I tried to get her back, explain what stupidity I had been going through, and was sincerely sorry. She refused. We had been together for 14 years and there was a lot more good than bad. They have been together 4 years and got married the other day. I could talk about this to a councelor till I am blue in the face but there is nothing to gain from it. All councelors do is listen and ask you questions about it to get yourself hopefully bored with it eventually. Trust me, I work in the health care field. Sometimes things aren't as easy as an article can make them out to move one from. And not all relationships should end cause of some rough times. If I had just said yes.

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      erc 3 weeks ago

      Today, I decided to finally let go my almost a decade relationship. We started too young, 17 years of age. Our relationship been through a lot of hardships because we are in a long distance relationship too. We consume each other immaturity and I, personally cannot move on with his past mistakes, it consumes me and my trust and it slowly kills our relationship. just recently, he cheated again with me with the same girl. i badly want to forgive him and forget about the mistake but it's too much to handle but losing him and all our memories hurt more. I know i can do this, I can let go and I can move on but how I wish this was all a dream.

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      Sam 3 weeks ago

      it was my mistake, I hurt her unknowingly, now she left me, i realized my blunders, begged for forgiveness, whatever i could do to say sorry i did, tried as much as i can to make her understand that i really love her but she never listened, she didn't give me a second chance to clear up my mistakes. She left me, now I am all alone, i want to forget her but it's very hard to do, i am still trying to make up my mind and move on like what she did.......

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      LaChuLaMaLa 4 weeks ago

      I'm reading all these stories & my heart is in so much pain. I'm in a 15 yr relationship. 2 kids. So, much has happened so much. & i feel like it's all about 2 end. I dnt want my relationship 2 end. I want 2 work things out. I want 2 raise our kids together. Trust is a big part of a relationship. Huge!! But even when all that trust is gone. & u still wanna try & fix it what do u do 2 try to get that trust back?? I feel so lost. I'm so lost in my own thoughts. It's crazy. He don't trust me I dnt trust him. But I love him. I love him so much. I dnt want no one else. When we hit our rough time about 2 yrs ago I thought ok were gonna get threw this. So time goes by. To only realize it's been fake. It's been 4 nothing. So why continue just leave me if u dnt trust me. Why continue to hurt me??& yourself? One day were ok were day were not. The time we do have 2 spend together were fighting. Or not talking. My son will be 10 my daughter is 6. They are getting older & they understand it all. & it breaks my heart to think that they wont have their parents together. What they are use to. Just so much is going on in my life right now. I needed 2 read these steps. Love hurts. Love sucks. But when u love someone... really deeply love them it's hard 2 let go. Especially when you have so much invested. My kids our animals our apartment bills rent cars. Lord give me the strength. 4real!! I just truly feel lost. I dnt ever wanna think he's cheating on me. But I dnt put nothing pass No one. But I'll tell u this... it would take that 4 me to grow the balls & be out. Like completely out!! Understand??!! Its hard 2 move forward when u keep bringing up past things. I want 2 leave all the past BULLSHIT in the past. Move forward. But, that is so hard 2 do with someone who cant!! 15 years that is all I keep saying to myself since I was 17 yrs old. I can't just give up on him. I just can't I have 2 try till I can't no more so @ least I can say I really did try!!

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      Melissa 4 weeks ago

      Thanks for the advice. I shall definitely try them. The problem I will have though is that even when I try and keep busy, I constantly drift back to thinking about all the good things about him. It's crazy. I've suddenly grown a pair of rose coloured glasses for him and have forgotten all the bad things. It's been over two months since we broke up, so I do need to try and move on, especially since I know my ex did that the day he left me.

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      Skynard 4 weeks ago

      Just got out of a 4 year relationship... This article has definitely helped but Im still in pain. I guess I just need time.

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      Yanny 5 weeks ago

      I have broke up for about 4 days.. and its really hard for me... To move on... You said.. you r not alone. Buttt the fact. I have no one to hangout, i have no one can hear my story, i have nothing to do here.. so what should i do? Everytime, everyday, every moment i am alone.. and i dont know how to move on.. i live in indonesia. My parents, my siblings are in different island. I am at jakarta right now. Here i got no one... I tried so hard to find somethin to do.. but there is nothing i can do. I always remember him... So hard to accept the thruth.

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      Msskim 5 weeks ago

      My ex and I were in a long distance relationship . We dated for 4 years and just a week ago we ended it . He no longer want to keep fighting for us . I'm devastated as I invested so much into this relationship from flying over and skyping him every night. He was my first real love . I'm 26 and I'm scared to love another because I truly thought he was my future . I was in so much pain that day, I was finding it so hard to cope so I took a spontaneous trip to my old hometown ( currently still here ) it's been great but I do miss him greatly . I have taken steps of deleting everything about/ of him . I wish he would continue to fight for us but I know I have to let him go and move on. We both deserve to live a happy life , not in anger and frustration . Praying I move on soon . Goodluck to all . Your story has helped me realised I'm not alone .

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      Helplesss 5 weeks ago

      My husband and I were together since we were 16 in high school,we went through a lot but always got past things,we graduated and got married and had a beautiful baby,about a week ago I randomly grabbed his phone looking for a contact just to find another women's number in his phone,I saw her nudes...never did I expect that,we were the couple everyone loved to be around,everyone thought we were perfect together,i asked him to leave the house that night because when I asked about it he lied,it's been 2 weeks now and my 4 year old has now come home to tell me his daddy already lives with another women.....I'm devastated,I have never felt so betrayed and broken in my life,I feel as I gave this man everything and more,I just can't believe the decision he has so quickly made,I am filling out divorce papers this week,but it is not what I wanted,I just pray god lifts my pain away so that I can properly take care of my son,8 years of my life gone just like that....

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      beb 5 weeks ago

      Well same for me. Had a 3 year relationship and he broke up with me because he didn't love me and he wasn't happy with me anymore. We used to live together and bought a house.. he kept me on the side for 2 months knowing that he wasn't in love with me and that he was going to leave me any way.

      He withhold that information from me and lied to me. I hate him so it is really hard to cope with this type of things...

      Trying to read articles like this and stuff to move on.. :/

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      PeterD 7 weeks ago

      That is an awful lot of unhappy things that you've experienced...but don't forget to write another list of good things that have happened .or could? occur in the future...best wishes...hope you don't mind a sing quote..'pleasure&pain is like profit&gain,

      Sometimes you win&sometimes you lose.

      Be kind to yourself, when you're tired of yourself,

      Don't go mixing the reds along with the blues.

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      anon 7 weeks ago

      dont know how to cope with a 3 year relationship. hate to feel like it was my fault and i couldve changed something.

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      Wendy 7 weeks ago

      It has been difficult for my exboyfriend to move on, its been 5yrs since we broke up, he is married but no love affection for his wife. am still single but only communicate at times he says he still loves mr. what can he do coz he cnt divorce his inocent wife

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      Liz 7 weeks ago

      Barb im the same

      15 year relationship dont the drain

      Im devastated and dont really know which way to turn now

      In the last 4 years i lost both my parents my 2 cats and my dog now the love of my life

      So many times i just want to kill myself

      There is nothing left for me here

      I only have my job and my ex is my boss so im seeing him everyday

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      Angel 7 weeks ago

      That was some great tips I will use them

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      Bovice 8 weeks ago

      Step 2: Hang out with friends.

      Step 8: Change your life.

      Well that certainly escalated.

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      Barb 2 months ago

      Long-term seems to be a relative term. In my case, it was four years of going out together and 36 years of marriage. He just walked away, saying we had grown too far apart. I think it will take me years to recover and I can't ever see me sharing my life with someone else.

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      Tom Gibbons 2 months ago

      Great advice.

      Having just come out of an 8 1/2 year relationship (engaged to be married), reading this article has helped. To be fair, a lot of points I'm already doing. I'm loving the time I have now. I've taken up biking again, every weekend. Back into the gym and seeing friends. So many friends, that I'd forgotten I had. They are all there for me and really supportive.

      The part time job is something to consider, now I've taken on the mortgage etc the extra cash wouldn't go a miss at all and I've always wanted to work in a bar. Something I never did whist I was at University.

      With regards to changing my life... my outlook on life is completely different now. I've never made so many plans, I'm doing as much as I possibly can, to keep busy but also because I've missed my hobbies. I'm even contemplating buying a motorbike, something I've always wanted to do. We shall see what happens as time moves on.

      I have realised that life is too short. Life is for living and that it what I'm going to do.

      Thanks for the article. Great read and great advice.

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      TD 2 months ago

      My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 years, and lived together for a year and a half. I have never ever felt a stronger more powerful love than what I feel for him. He's battled depression for the most part of his life, and I finally convinced him to go on medication. A year ago I found out he was texting a girl he used to work with (sexual texts). I was devastated, he was suicidal at the thought of me breaking up with him, and said he just was so stupid he wasn't thinking, he's not attracted to her in any way, shape or form. This was the catalyst for him going on anti-depressants, as he put his behaviour down to just stupid, self-destructive thoughts he had about himself.

      We decided to work on it and after around 6 months it was like normal again. Then two and a half weeks ago I checked his phone (something I never do)- just to be nosy, in no way expecting to find anything. And there she was again. Sexual messages again. I almost hyperventilated, we were so happy and normal and in love. I don't know any other couple that is as close and open with each other as we are. And yet this was happening. He said he'd bumped into her a couple of weeks before and it had started again. He said it wasn't anything to do with how much he loved me, more about his fear of me leaving him and him self-sabotaging before I realised I was too good for him. After him living at his sister's for a week, we decided to work on it and booked some counselling sessions.

      Before our counselling session, I checked his phone bill. Something was niggling at me. It turned out he had continued to text her every day since I'd found out. He said that it was 'just to tell her that I couldn't text her anymore'. That was it for me. I finally realised that he could lie to my face. When I looked at his phone bill again I noticed it was much longer than a few weeks this had been going on, and he said that it had been closer to 5 months.

      I feel so horrible. 3 weeks ago we were as normal, so in love, so cuddly, so talkative. I love his family, my family loves him. Of all couples, people expected us to last and get married before everyone else. Now I'm faced with explaining to their shocked faces why we've broken up.

      I'm still struggling with cutting him off. He can't look at me or talk to me without crying his eyes out. But we have to sort out all of our furniture and belongings. I gave all of my memories (photos, tickets, stuff I'd collected from our anniversary trips) to him, and our photo frames. I don't want to be reminded all of the time.

      This article is helpful, but the thought of getting over him in 2 months seems crazy to me. I honestly believe he was the love of my life, I've never met anyone else who spoke to my soul. So crazy that such a stable and loving relationship can be based on a lie. I hope I'm able to get through a day without crying soon.

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      Lyn 2 months ago

      I ended a 6 1/2 year relationship 8 months ago and started dating someone literally a few days later and didn't deal with my emotions and now I'm a total reck.

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      Ashley 2 months ago

      I just got out of a 3year relationship 1day ago and it's been really hard on me, him and I moved to a state where his family was.. Let's just say I have like no friends or any support. We have a place together... But last night came and officially got his cat.. I really hard to cope with this cause I don't know what to do next, most all move into my own place,

      One thing that I have is all my mail goes to his family house.. I would have to change that.

      This is just hard, going from the seeing and holding this person. To this person just deciding things are getting bad, I love him and of course I don't want to be done, I'm not going to force him into staying with me. After being with someone so long you tend to know who they are and all they are. And I knew it was done... I was it is done

      Shit part is we signed a leased together and 3daye again texted the land lord saying hey this isn't working blah blah ... Now that he up and moved... I have to do this by myself and this is going to be the hardest thing for me.

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      pearl 2 months ago

      I ended my relationship of 6 yrs because it was not growing anymore and he seemed not interested in it or even making it work though everyone excepted us to be getting married soon. Have not spoken to him for 10 months now. i sometimes have dreams about him, i miss him but at the same time i dont want to go back to how it used to and the fights. just got so tired yet right now i dont seem to move on. have prayed for the pain to go away all in vain. feel stranded. but in time mayb i will move on.

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      Mark 2 months ago

      Married for 10yrs I have two children one 5 and one 8 my wife was the main breadwinner so I became an house husband and pushed her with her career where she succeeded my mom passed away Last May and me and my wife started having problems in September we battled through until 2 weeks ago when she said I want more out of life she as now rented a flat and left me in the house the feeling of loss and grief is beyond words. I know I have to keep going but I can't eat as I am sick straight away I know I need counciling but can't afford it I am on medication that just numbs me which I hate. My depression is overwhelming I just wish the pain wood stop everybody says it will get better but I have no career so no prospect I am and was a good dad and she took everything but she still says she loves me but as just wants more. Which makes the pain even worse and as we have children I can't take the option of no contact else the law will make her primary carer which puts all the desions in her hands with regards the children I know I have a codependency personality so in short I am fucked where ever I turn. Thanks for reading and please say a prayer for me. Xxx

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      JoAnne 2 months ago

      Wow just 2 months to get over her...i was with my boyfriend for 2 years and we've been broken up for 6 months and i still cry almost everyday ... when you love someone it hurts for a long time... i don't want to go out with other guys i have no will to carry on actually...it's devastating and nothing helps

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      mira steele 3 months ago

      Hey how pleaed I am to read your article. It leaves me with hope for my tomorrows and the desire to work on ME. I forgive my foolish ways and know that love will still guide my paths as I let go of the notion of promises of "forever" and "the long haul".

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      aries 3 months ago

      i came in a more than 5 year relationship. he is the one who broke up with me, but im happy because he made me realized that i deserve someone better. I dont have any hard feelings for him.. at first i cannot accept the fact that we are not together anymore.. but time goes by, im happy without him anymore.

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      Greg 3 months ago

      Good article​!

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      Shelle 3 months ago

      But what if you always see him.. Worst if he's your classmate. What should I do?

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      Ricardo 3 months ago

      I just got out of a 4 year relationship with a girl who I thought was going to be the girl I was going to Marry and have kids with but she chose me over some other guy and she still wanted to get intimate with me even tho she was in a relationship with him, we had sex multiple times, and she changed her mind and she chose him and left me in the dust, and the worst part is, the guy who she is currently with doesn't know anything about he having sex with me he doesn't know a single thing about it and these tips I know will help me thank you Blake J Rudy

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      Miranda 3 months ago

      In the past and first month after my break-up from my 6 year relationship (the only real relationship I have ever had) I have found myself in many sad places. But in retrospect, I can honestly say that while my heart hurts (and yes I mean the "I wish it would just stop beating" hurts), I feel more sane and free. I'm still madly in love with her- no doubt about it. But all of the failures and inconsistencies that existed in the final years of our relationship are more than apparant, and my only true regret is that I didn't walk away sooner. Cruel, I know. But it's true. And not because I didn't love her or cheated or anything of that nature, because I never even considered those things. But at the end of the day, she was just never going to do the things I wanted her to do, and she was never going to care about satisfying my needs. I know she loved me- but in a way far weaker than the way I love(d) her. And if I had just accepted that a year or two sooner, than perhaps I would be in a different place in my life now.

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      Tiffany 3 months ago

      I was just googling ways to get over a long term relationship. Before I started reading this article I said to myself "this is going to be a waste of time" I am happy that I was proven wrong. This article provided realistic advice & tips. The one thing that stood out to me was to get rid of your ex. I normally fall for the "we can still be friends" role, but truth is your not were not friends. That part of our relationship ended with the intimate part. Thank you so much for writing this.

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      Nick 3 months ago

      Thanks for pointers

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      David 3 months ago

      Very well said

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      Sad lady 3 months ago

      Long term relationship of 10 years fell apart yesteday..well, I say fell apart, it had been falling for a while. I'm not a youngster. I'm seperated with 3 wonderful grown up kids who are really supportive. But I feel the way you do. I feel lost and lonely and it's only the first day. But I fell out of love with him, some time ago actually, but not good at the "ending it" bit? So I continued until we stopped touching, talking and being a couple...I'm sad, but relieved. He was a wonderful man.. we did lots (toured California last year) but experiences alone aren't strong enough glue to keep us together. I'm sad...did I just say that already? my gut hurts and I just wanna cry all the time...but it will get better. . in time..

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      Mrsgirls 4 months ago

      It's so hard!!! But I got to start Now! I love myself too much to keep this "Dead weight" repeated cycle going..

      Thank you

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      Sarah 4 months ago

      I've been in this relationship for a year and two months thinking it'd be forever, like any girl my age... all you want is to feel they're presence and the happiness they bring you and the love especially the love, he was my best friend my only friend. Most people think it was just a year but it was a year of long walks at parks, dates at restaurants or movies, getting puppies together, movie nights, car rides, hugs and kisses, its not easy to forget, not at all, moving no is the worst part because because you don't want to let go of the light that shined in your life. I understand the feeling.

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      Troubled 4 months ago

      I recently got out of a 10.5 year relationship; one year engaged. I really thought we would make it but as months passed - i realized he's not the person i could see myself marrying. He was an excellent boyfriend - loving, generous, and caring but he's a complete mess with his finances. It became such an issue that it caused me to live in intense anxiety for the past year after being engaged. We had 3 breaks during the past year and one day after lunch, we had a talk about our feelings and realized we're growing apart as a couple. We weren't growing anymore and had too many differences in fundamental differences. He chose to chase after materialistic items when I choose to save for bigger things. After two months of separation, he messages me and tells me that I was right and he should've handled his finance better. 10.5 years into the relationship for him to admit fault in his past behaviors. I told him I lost all hope after patiently waiting and hoping him to change. I still love him and care a lot about him but I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. I fear what our future would be like because of his past habits and poor money management skills.

      I've done everything the article suggested - hanging out with friends, limiting contact with ex, exercising and planned out 3-4 vacations in the upcoming 2-3 months. There are still times of lonliness and I'll question myself if I made the right choice in leaving him... and what if I won't find another guy like him.

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      Paweł 4 months ago

      I am separated from my wife , going on to 7 months. I initiated the break up and filed divorce paper work in court. I know I am better off without her but it still hurts. We have 2 kids which I see regularly. I never loved her and I don't she loved me. We got caught up in a relationship of convenience. It still hurts . I am going to be fine . Time heals all pain.

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      Synthia 4 months ago

      I just got out of my 7 yr relationship with the man I thought would be there forever. It's so hard to re adjust because I still love him so much. We were long distance for 2-4yrs in the beginning and then as I bought a home we decided it would be best if he moved in with me. As time progressed it seemed as though we both got too comfortable, overtime I didn't see the true importance of going above & beyond with my looks or keeping up and exploring his sexual fanstsies which drove him to be distant overtime. He didn't see the importance in the emotional & physical connection that I constantly begged for , that instead he replaced with working ,which created such a solid wall between us both. In addition to that finances fell right on top of that! I was holding down the fort solo as I gave him the opportunity to focus on his line of work.I also would not only work but come home and work with him,try to help him with his things and pursue mine outside of work. We argued so much about the miscommunication all the time and I noticed after time the full disconnect was very apparent. It was like living with a roommate trying to force a line of communication so it isn't awkward sharing the space. I also noticed the constant wanting me to transform my self . He made me feel like I was always coming up short

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      Tina 4 months ago

      My relationship ended after 8 years, we started out as friends

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      Crystal 4 months ago

      Yes. I was forced by nature to change my life. Half my state flooded with water. 5 feet in our house. Moving forward after 14 years together was apparently not part of the plan.

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      Joe 4 months ago

      Hey John.a, I am currently in the same situation as you. I have been in a relationship with this girl for over 9 years, since highschool, through my 4 years in the Marines, and about a month ago, I got dumped. I am having a hard time getting over her and been realizing the same things you have been saying.. does she miss me the same way I miss her ? I will never know but keep your head up. I am pretty depressed but I don't show it when I'm with people.. loneliness is the absolute worst! I know my love for her will never go away, but as stated in this article, we need to move forward. Be strong and keep your head up brother !

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      Joe 4 months ago

      I really appreciated reading this. Obviously I searched on Google about this and very glad I opened the link.

      I recently just got dumped out of a 9 year relationship and been having a hard time moving on. I've been doing everything you explained not to do. Thank you for this article. Much love.

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      BLF1965 4 months ago

      My 15 year relationship just ended.

      I was strung along and promised marriage, given a ring... bu he never could be pinned down. He would have me "look into" setting up a venue, calling a judge,picking a date- etc..sinking me deeper into my fantasy, only to never go through with anything. I met him when my youngest was 2. He promised we would be a family and bring her up together. She is now leaving for college. I did it all as a single mother...waiting...

      I never wanted it that way.

      I finally couldn't wait anymore- my life was being squandered, my dreams didn't exist, my sense of self was gone- I had planned to be his wife for so long, I didn't even remember who I was. This was my reason for finally ending it- I do not want to look back at my life with regret, for all of the wasted years.

      When the closure conversation came, he made sure that the breakup was occurring "because we fought all of the time", "because he was tired of my arguing" "because we didn't get along".... what he didn't realize and was too short sighted to see is that the arguments and disagreements came from my frustration at being strung along and lied to. Oh, and of course there was his cheating ( he is an airline pilot, so there's that) the stint in rehab for alcoholism, and the secretiveness. But I was at fault because I "couldn't forgive and forget".. part of me is happy and relieved it's finally over..part of me is angry that he will never see it my way, and in his head made this my fault..and yes, part of me wants him back.(that the most unsettling part).

      What I'm finding helps is that I have made it clear that I never want to see or hear from him ever again. I have deleted him from everything. After so many years and so much history--it's hard...but I will survive, and prosper. And if I can, then anyone here can. Thank you for letting me share my story.

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      KR 4 months ago

      My relationship with the man I gave everything to just ended and I am trying to move on and be happy but I have cried every day and have no motivation for anything. I am so angry and hurt. The relationship wasn't perfect but I always tried and to have someone not put any effort really hurts. I keep praying for this pain to leave and for brighter days. I don't see them coming soon but hopefully the pain will fade. I am becoming careless while driving on the freeway, for my safety overall.

      People are evil and I hope I never fall in love ever again.

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      CL 4 months ago

      It's so refreshing to read things like this. We all know what to do it's just getting past that great loss is probably the hardest. I was in a roller coaster with my ex for 5 years. Ultimately he was unfaithful throughout the majority of the relationship and there was no trust, thus leading to my crazy over obsession of when he will do it next and how. We tried to make it work even after an ultimate betrayal because I imagined a future with him and he reassured me so well that we will work it out. I found it so hard to be honest with myself because I wanted to badly for our relationship to work. I constantly was on watch for the next time he would hurt me. No matter how many times he apologized the same uncertainty and his sneaky behaviors drove me insane. Unfortunately he cheated again and the worst part was I allowed myself to get into that situation with him for the upteenth time. I tried being friendly but it makes it harder but it's also harder when he was hateful. Now I'm grieving this loss worst than the others cause i realized it is truly over. I know it's for the best but it's a painful process. I am hoping to be able to take this advice with an open mind. Thank you again

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      John.a 4 months ago

      A eight year relationship ended and It has already been almost a year and still can't seem to get over this girl. She is pretty much the only girl I've been with. We were high school sweethearts and just like that its over. I mean can you blame me for still not getting over her?I don't know if she even feels the same.I doubt it tho.anyways idk what to do and would like some help??

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      Preesen 4 months ago

      Sorry Marie33

      give him time, he would realize he cant be without u. the problem is everyones situation is different, and the two ppl in it understand it, and everyone can advise you, but only the ppl know how they feel, and how they would manage with it.

      but i feel the article above can help us, and give us a guide, ppl go thru this all the time, and make it, just do not give up

      if you find out every thing i have been thru, i do not know what you would say, but i still love her.

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      Preesen 4 months ago

      Thank you for the article, it makes you think and wonder, really a good read.

      but i guess everyone circumstances is different, for example, mine is after a 11 year relationship, and we both did things that we shouldnt have. she lied to me about things for 11 years, and I was no saint. but i will use this as some form of help, and hope it works.

      its hard when everything in your city reminds you of that person, and it isnt so easy for me to just leave the country or where i am. but i will try, i think you have given good advice. thank you

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      Sam 5 months ago

      Great article !

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      Kali Meja 5 months ago

      Thank you for this advice. I have been shaking my head, surfing the net, asking friends for this kind of help. Thank you once again. Very practical solutions

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      FayeBell 5 months ago

      This article is brilliant! Just what I needed to read right now. Thank you :)

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      Anderson 5 months ago

      Great article man. I think this will help me a lot.

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      Dickson Dogbatse 5 months ago

      we had stayed for ten years dating , all of sudden my fiancee said we should break up. what advice can you give me.

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      Amanda 5 months ago

      I really appreciate this article. It was written by someone who has experienced it and not some rich doctor. It made me laugh too, which I really needed. I am saving it to my phone screen so that I can read it again. Thanks so much and I hope to incorporate some of the steps.

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      Crissss 5 months ago

      I'm 28 and i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago.

      We've been together for almost 4 years but last year in January he told me didn't feel attracted to me anymore. I was devastated because i didn't know he felt that way (he never once hinted in that direction)...i thought we were going to be together forever because most of all we were very good friends that enjoyed each other's company. This hit me so hard because from the beginning of the relationship he kept saying how lucky he is to have found me (previously he had 2 very bad, destructive relationships). I helped him go through some heavy stuff (his father passing away, financial problems) and just when i thought that all the bad stuff is over and things are looking up for us...he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore (he "loved me as a friend"). We stayed together until October last year, trying "to patch things up" but that didn't solve anything..it was obvious for me that he didn't want to hurt me and he wished to feel the same way again

      but it's not like you can force yourself into loving somebody.

      After the breakup i told him i don't want to have any contact with him (i unfriended him on FB so i don't see his posts) but the worst part was..

      we worked in the same place...on the same floor (this happened last year..it was a coincidence that i ended up in the same company as him).

      I didn't want to quit my job so we agreed that each of us will work from home 2 days a week (we have that option) and we would only meet once at

      the office... last week he moved into another building (another part of the city) so i guess that's good because every time i would see him at work

      i would remember everything all over again.

      The holidays were tough but i got my friends and family to spend it with. I started taking dance lessons to occupy my time...it crossed my mind

      to start dating again but first of all i want to be comfortable with being alone again..it's like you said it wouldn't be fair to the other person to make them your rebound. I did some volunteering and that made feel pretty useful. I plan on buying my own place (it was pretty hard because i lived in his apartment- that we both renovated and made it home) because right now i am living with a friend.

      Now i am better but i still have moments when i go to his FB page and see what's up with him... what i am most uncomfortable with, is that he will move on faster than me...i know it's stupid but i can't help but thinking about that although it would make sense for him to do so.

      I know he wants to be friends when i will be emotionally ready but i just can't see myself doing that...So i am proud of myself for now seeking him out

      to talk to him whenever i feel weak and miss him.

      It's hard because i know in time i will feel better...but i just can't wait for that to happen already...to be OK with myself again.

      Sorry for the long post :)

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      Zach 5 months ago

      I'm 25 and just recently my soon to be wife left me. We were together since we were 16...3 beautiful girls, a house, cars, it was pretty much something you would see in a love story. My first girlfriend and only love. It's been almost 2 months and I still can't come to grips with reality. It's a dark dark place. I'm trying to make this work but her feelings aren't there anymore. I switched jobs in the past week, I'll be doing construction working on the road being gone for a week at a time. I'm hoping this will help I worked here before so I know my co-workers well. The kids and picturing some other man in there life haunts me. Picturing her with someone else haunts me. I try to convince myself that everything will be fine but then reality hits and I know it's not fine. I'm just so lost and confused. I'm hoping these steps help

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      Sara 5 months ago

      My breakup is still fresh and my ex and I were talking about so many things together for a future we would have together but then he had to go lie and cheat on me with his high school ex girlfriend. He just left me feeling broken and worthless. Now I just don't know what to do but I hope these things on this list helps.

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      Sarah Hughes 5 months ago

      This article really helped me normalize my experience. It's been months since my break up and I keep going through times where I'm living my life and times where I'm wondering why I'm not completely over things yet. I feel better knowing that there are other people who contemplate and feel the way I do about their break ups. I think I continued to feel pressured about finding a relationship because my ex found one so fast, but reading this helped me realize that it's okay if I'm single for a long period of time.

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      Barry 5 months ago

      They do make it so hard I still have to try keep it civil but knowing I was left for another person! All my concentration is for him not her!

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      Bob 5 months ago

      Kids make it harder

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      BARRY 5 months ago

      Stevie you sound completely nice genuine girl you deserve better then that! Relationships end how many stay together for the long tun very rare hope you start feeling better soon! Xx

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      Stevie 6 months ago

      Hello Barry, Thank you for comment. It is the worse feeling when you get told a weight has lifted and they feel happier, I felt awful,but yet he tells me he loves and as bad as this may sound will try to sleep with me. In one breath I'm the best thing since sliced bread and then next I'm the worse person in the world. feel your pain it must be so difficult for as you have a child , I'm lucky in a strange as I have no ties to him other then my heart! I just really need to be the stronge person I was before i met him and cut him off which is the hardest thing I have ever had to do as we did everything together. Hopefully cutting him off will make the pain go away he seems to be getting on with his life, but keeps mentioning a future with us together and then realises what he has said and then makes out I'm going made when I mention this.

      I hope I can do what you do and slowly start to rebuild myself .

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      Barry 6 months ago

      Hi Stevie Iam in the same boat as you are I had hope that my relationship will have another chance every time I tried I got more hurt with the rejection especially when she says I feel the weight has lifted off my shoulders and feel happier my heart got stamped on again! I have just have to come to terms with it's over I need to move on and find myself again! But yet still I have to see her and stay friends because we have a child together! She ended are 11 year relationship because she said it was boring and she had no more feelings for me and if somebody else came along who showed her more affection then I did she would cheat but to stop that happening she ended it I respect her decision. But Iam now coming to terms 3 weeks after the split she is in another relationship which has knocked me straight back to the floor all I can do now is build meself back up and life goes on! Stevie your not the only person going through this it's normal it hurts so much time is the healer!

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      Stevie 6 months ago

      Hello Blake j rudy

      I have thought about it but would not go through with it...at times I have thought I could easily do it. I know you are right I do have to cut him out for good. I just need to get some sort of order in my changing life, I am going to follow the Tips. Hopefully this pain will go away. Heartache is by far the worse pain ever. I do not want to feel like this again.

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      Author

      Blake J Rudy 6 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      "...crazy as it sounds I have even thought about ending it as the heart ache is to much..."

      I hope you're not suggesting suicide. Please do not even put that thought in your head. Suicide is never a good option. I promise you the pain will go away. You have to cut him out of your life. It will be very difficult, but you can do it. You have to be strong. Follow the tips that I wrote in this article, and with time, the pain will go away.

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      Stevie 6 months ago

      My relationship ended afew months ago we both moved out of the flat we shared for years and back into our family homes, he still wants to be friends with me but picks me up and drops me when he feels like it, I know I, stupid to allow this to happen but I'm still very much in love him, he was my best friend the person who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'm finding all the new changes so difficult to deal with, crazy as it sounds I have even thought about ending it as the heart ache is to much ,I'm sick and tired of feeling sad and helpless all the time , I don't want to wake up every morning and my first thought is of him before I've even opened my eyes,I just want the pain to go away ... Will it even go away , I'm hurting ,confused and feeling lonely and very lost. I do believ cutting him out of my life might work but I don't want to. I'm still living in hope that it is a horrible dream and one day i will wake up and everything will be normal, I'm not stupid I know this won't happen.... I just want all the pain to go away.

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      6 months ago

      After 10 years it ended just like that! We had problems before but I was always optimistic and willing to work it out. Over the past two years we had a pretty hard road to go, we experienced two major deaths in the family one being his mom and then experienced other issues such as major financial problems. Because we weren't married we didn't live together but I tried as much as I could to pick up the slack financially to help out with his household just as he did for me years ago when I was a struggling college co-ed, however as time went on he felt abandoned by me and lost his feelings for me because I became more focused on working and avoiding visiting his home which he had shared with his mom at one time, (because of various safety and emotional reasons I was no longer comfortable in the home so I just avoided it as much as I could).. Now don't get me wrong.. we talked on the phone at least 5 times a day everyday, were together at least 3 days out of the week and spent every weekend together, but nights were spent at my home which is nestled in the suburbs in what was my safety net. But after a tumultuous year of ups and downs the rug was completely pulled from beneath me. I thought I was doing a better job at trying to get adjusted to being back in his home at least once a week (we still spent the other days at my home), and making myself more available physically and emotionally however one evening as we joked back and forth on the phone, I somehow used a trigger word that caused him to snap, and then at the end of that "snapping" sentence he said "I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE, IM DONE". To my complete and utter shock I couldn't believe the words he just spat at me. After a couple years of infidelity (on his part) I stayed, after his bouts with PTSD post fighting in the Iraq war, Depression, and Anger issues I Stayed! I even adjusted my temperament with him over the last 2 years of the relationship to change my responses from being reactionary to well-thought out and calm exchanges (at least from my end). I can't fault him for feeling whatever way he did about me for my not making myself more physically present, that was "my bad" at the end of the day, but now hitting my 30's I had questions " I never gave you any trouble in the entire 10 year relationship and for the first year I don't meet a standard, you are willing to let it go??" Honestly if I knew it would have been that easy for him to drop me then maybe I myself would have left years ago when the emotional stress felt like loads of bricks to bare, but at the end of the day I am a fighter and I always have been so through every issue and every downfall I FOUGHT for me and my baby..

      Aftermath:

      Now here I am going on 3 months into being single.. I spent the holidays without him for the first time in years, and I have had super emotional phone calls and text exchanges with him one being which I said if you DONT WANT ME DONT CALL ME, if you don't want me then you need to mentally prepare yourself to never talk to me again, take all your stuff from my house, and give up on the text and phone manipulation game you're playing with me because that's making it hard for me to get over a break up that I didn't even ask for! That fell on deaf ears or at least so it seemed because he would still reach out every other day via text or pop up at my house but when I'd ask does this mean you want to try and make this work he'd say no, I don't feel the same about you (UGHHH so why does he keep coming back)!! I am not going to lie I am hurt and angry and my thoughts are poisoned with thoughts of him from when I wake up in the morning til when I lay it down at night, but to be honest one of the tips I read here I actually tried about 2 wks ago and it is helping. That Tip was removing yourself from their social media. Once I stopped engaging with him on social media or exposing myself to his timeline, it started to make it a little easier to get through the day. In regards to the blog's recommendation to stay busy to keep your mind off the break up it couldn't be anymore closer to the truth because I recently joined the church choir which rehearses once a week, and am now working diligently towards completing my MBA and it also seems to be helping. I am a very spiritual person and I believe in divine intervention, so as much as it hurts I know people and situations are for reasons and for seasons. I know I will eventually grow from this, and hopefully meet the man who is destined to be my husband and father of my kids, but for now I am just learning to cope, and to be honest the 30 mins I just spent writing my thoughts out on this blog was pretty healing. I hope those who come after me who may read my post will say a prayer for me, and I will do the same for all the broken souls who come to this blog with hopes they will learn how to cope. Kudos to the author and all the commenters for sharing a piece of their story here because what really helps is that now I know I'm not alone, and this is something normal that people can really bounce back from...#Peace&Blessings to the broken hearted! -Z

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      Barry 6 months ago

      That was a 11 year relationship!

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      Barry 6 months ago

      4 weeks ago my soul mate/best friend said she has no more feelings for me my heart was ripped out! We have a boy together and a house! Cannot even break contact completely from my ex for the sake of are 6 year son! I can't sleep eat only thing that gets me through this family and friends! I tried to make it better but I just get more hurt I have to accept it's over! I wish I can just turn off my feelings but cannot. My ex on the other hand goes on with life as if nothing has happend! I moved back to me mums to try break that link but struggling with this change! I just hope time is the healer and things get easier. Iam 30years old classed meself as a family man. And all of a sudden in time Iam going to have to play the single game. I need to find meself again and scared of the unknown. I feel for every person commenting on here it's the hardest thing I've experienced. Hopefully in time things will get better. But my next step is going to accept her with another man being happy this is going to be the big test.

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      Naomi 6 months ago

      I was with my boyfriend for two years. During those two years I found out I got cheated on emotionally. He was my first boyfriend and the first person I had sex with. I thought I could keep him with sex and it was find for some months we were even happier then before but he still managed to talk to other girls. I found out he had cheated three times in total and it seems like he just used me for sex. The worst part of it all is that one time when we were together he raped me. I still stayed with him because I thought I was the only one. He told me that I was the only one. Only until I found out he had been talking to another girl did he mention it. I feel so betrayed and hurt but I don't feel like I'll ever be able to detach myself.

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      Sarah 7 months ago

      I was with my gf for 5 and a half years. I was 14 when we got together and I am now almost 20. We were considered high school sweet hearts & we were supposed to be college sweethearts as well. But we just broke up a week ago. We broke up because she chose someone she knew for a week over a 5 year relationship with me. My cousin passed away about a week ago and instead of being there for me, she was there for this new "friend" of hers. I think they are sleeping together but I'm not entirely sure. It seems like it tho because they are all touchy feelie all over the Internet... I lost my best friend... I have everything up for her. I have no friends. She was all I ever needed so I willingly let go of everyone. We had our entire future planned out. We already named the children we were gonna have in the future. I don't know how I am going to get over this. I can't eat. I've already loss 5 pounds. I feel sick to my stomach everyday and I can't stop crying. I don't understand how she can so easily throw away a 5 year relationship. I was so young when we got together & yhats why this hurts so much... she chose someone over me. She always said she'd never hurt me... i Don't even get texts anymore... she just dropped me.... I hope to one day be able to get over her.... I don't see how but I'm hoping there is light at the end of this dark, depressing tunnel.

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      Sandy 8 months ago

      I got dumped a month ago after 14 years of being together. Totally out of the blue, blindsided, rug pulled out from under me, you name it. I am so completely devastated and am having a really hard time accepting this. He's already seeing someone else too. It seems so easy for guys to find a replacement and move on. He apparently doesn't love me anymore. Just like that? How do you just switch feelings like that? He assured me just recently that everything was fine and we were moving to the islands. I've lost my best friend, the person I trusted with my life and the person I thought I was going to grow old with.

      These steps are very helpful. It's hard to move on when you still live together. I can't move out for several months so life is going to be extremely difficult. I mentioned needing to remember how to be alone and he said "Go find someone else." Seriously!?!?? OMG he's such a PITA. So hurtful, blaming me for what takes two. I guess our relationship wasn't worth saving to him. Some friends say he'll come back; but why would I want him back? It was my dream to move to an island and that will still happen... single instead of as a couple. He of course still wants to remain friends. What an idiot. He doesn't talk to me, he's going through a mid-life crisis and I'm "collateral damage". What a blow!

      He lost his attraction to me; we'll I've lost 15 pounds and will lose a lot more and will look better than when we first got together! He's a jerk and selfish!

      He gives a glimmer of hope by not telling anyone about this; but then never comes home. I'm trying to stay busy; but I can't sleep and think of him always. Life sucks right now. Yes time heals; but that time takes a long time.

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      Jon 9 months ago

      My girlfriend ended with me after nearly 3 years of being together because she didn't feel the same anymore. She said she felt as if everything she done annoyed me (which is heartbreaking alone thinking she's thought that) and thought our relationship was draining her. We had a wonderful 3 years together and I'm devestated it's over. Just not speaking to her everyday is already killing me. But I feel your article is really going to help me. Even worse we have a holiday booked which is in the next three weeks that obviously we won't be going to, I thought about asking her to go as friends but that's probably going to make getting over eachother 10X as hard. Again thank you for this hoping I can get through this.

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      Ivy 10 months ago

      I don't usually post things online, but just feel the need to share now. I've just got out of an 8 year relationship, during which 5 years was long distanced and we still pulled through.

      I know he loves me as much as I do, but that doesn't stop him from all those little white lies and his temper from time to time. We have been distanced for the past month, and what ought to come has come. He shouted at me in anger and we just stop talking, seeing each other, not even saying the breakup line. What's worse is that we just lost our baby not long ago.

      But I'm not here to badmouth him or mourn over the dead relationship, I'm not blaming on anything or anyone, I'm just hurting. Stumbled across this page and found that I have actually been doing many of these suggestions, hopefully one day I can find my peace and move on. The storm shall pass, I hope.

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      lara wilson 11 months ago

      My bf dumped me after 8 years together. maybe in a few years i will look back at laugh but right now i feel so depressed

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      Jacob 13 months ago

      I've had a two year relationship with a girl, and it just ended. I didn't want it to end, at all, but it was.. much less drama than most relationships i've had. It ended on what I should consider a good note, but the fact is, it ended less than 24 hours ago, and.. Quite frankly, i'm still in love with this girl, but she isn't with me. Step one, embracing that she's actually out of my life.. Damn. This article already has helped me a lot, as i'm already starting to plan things out. Thank you, very much for this. Sorry if it seemed like I was babbling on, but since the break up there's been no one to talk to, no closure. But hey, talking in a little white box on my phone helps, I guess.

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      Mark 16 months ago

      Thank you

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      Alex 17 months ago

      I don't like leaving comments like this, but some day I would like to be able to look back and realize that I've got rid of this anger and sadness. I love this step-by-step guide, who knows, maybe it works for me :)

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      Gav 18 months ago

      After 5 and a half years found out she was cheating on me with a so called friend and I can't stop picturing them together and it's tearing me up while she has no sympathy I'm ruined and she has broke me ,I don't k ow how I can cope

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      Tay 18 months ago

      Well - my story goes like this , dated a guy for 4 and a half years - got dumped - two days later he started dating his best friend ( who I apparently I had nothing to worry about with ) - (I btw did not find out they were dating till much later ) I went to visit him at his house - things happened (because we were supposedly getting back together ) and then he dumped me again - the day after that he messages me in the morning to find out if I slept with someone else - and that afternoon I find out he has been dating his best friend for two weeks - LOL and so he cheated on his best friend with me lol after I'm positive cheating on me with her .

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      Court 19 months ago

      I just got out of a three year relationship like you and can't seem to even get myself out of bed sometimes but your writing really helped me and made me feel like I'm not really alone. Thank you for taking the time to do this you don't know what it means to me.

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      munda94 20 months ago

      7 and a half years and over in an instant, feels like someone just ripped my heart out. It's only been a few days now and was about to send a text begging her to give me one more chance. Instead I did some research and found many souls going through the same thing. As a survivor of clinical depression and a failed marriage previous to this relationship, my first few days were dark and hurt so bad I felt myself drifting to those dark places again. Even made an appointment with a psychiatrist just in case. However just from reading things people go through and advice on moving on, I'm seeing hope and doing it on my own. I fully believe there will be bad times to come, particularly since she told me she has her eyes on someone else, but I'm going to survive. She saved me last time in my times of desperation, and I know she is better for having had me in her life, as I have been for being with her. This time, I'm going to save myself. Thanks dear author for hopeful words when needed.

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      joshuachevy 20 months ago

      Hey I wanted to tell the author of this thank you very much me and my high school sweet heart broke up and she left me and expected to just ne friends got mad at me and iv been really hurting.... I had a dream about her tonight anf then I found this and it gave me hope and peace at mind that even tho we wete together 3 years of shes okay with throwing it all away I won't stop her I'm gana work on me and my cars and just have friends till I find someone I wany mote then just friends. So thank you for this article:)

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      Author

      Blake J Rudy 21 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read this article and for all the wonderful people who have left comments. I read these every time I get them. I'm sorry I can't respond to all of them, but I just want to say to everyone who is going through a breakup: it does get better.

      I know it seems like right now this wound will never heal, but give it time. It's cliche to say that "time heals all wounds", but it really is true. Hang in there everyone! It will get better.

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      Jose 21 months ago

      i just got broken up with on Monday. It was a 3yr relationship we broke up once for a month and got back together because it was something we both wanted then 4 days before he broke up with me we had a small fight and told me he was 100% happy with me...it was lie and now after all this time I've spent with him I have to rebuild my life from scratch and idk how to do that

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      Ros 22 months ago

      After 10 great years and a beautiful baby girl, all she can tell me is that it doesn't feel right anymore. I tried everything but all that did was push her away. She offered me friendship but I had to turn it down as I am still so in love with her. All I can do is take it day by day... One day down.

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      Gj 22 months ago

      Thanks for this, these are all so true! I just ended a 7 yr relationship last month. Another good way to meet people, get out and have fun are things like trivia night, volunteering, or joining a sports league. These have all worked for me. You meet tons of new people. I think I'm going to take up the drums...

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      abc 22 months ago

      I was in 4.9 year long relationship..and now I found out he was dating another girl in college for last three years..but in these years he always took care of me like a baby and loved me always..what do i do? I still cant accept the truth that he was cheating on me..he still says he couldn't break up with we both and he wanted both..please help me

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      Nb 23 months ago

      It's been a week since my boyfriend and I agreed to take a break from each other after 5 years and some months together. And i know, it's only taking a break, well i could already feel that his feelings towards me is diminishing little by little. The hardest part of this whole situation is constantly thinking about him. Everything I do and every step I make, he's is my mind. I want to so bad to try telling him thay i cant do it anymore and i want him back but I know that I will get rejected because he is very certain about this taking a break thing. It's really hard to sleep and just go on my day. I guess that's because i am still holding on to that hope. And i deeply want to know how I can take that hope of us being together again away from my mind.

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      rishi 23 months ago

      i feel terrible going out of 6 year long relationship

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      Alex 23 months ago

      Just got out of a 3 and half year relationship a week ago. She's already off with a new guy.

      i'm hoping these steps will help, thank you.

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      jenny 23 months ago

      After 10 years together, 6 married, he just shut me out of his life. He doesn't speak to me and when he does it is to criticize me. I hate being stuck in this house with him but I don't have money to leave. I hide in the bedroom as I don't what to listen to his sharp tongue. I moved to another country for him.

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      Eric 23 months ago

      These steps are great advice! I know 1 year and 8 months doesn't compare to all of these other breakups, but she was the one for me. It sucks how much you can take out of a relationship that you messed up in. I drove her away from me with jealousy, envy, and just plain ol being irrational. The only reason I was like this is because I have been cheated on in previous relationships. But that doesn't make it right because she was the one for me, we both saw and extremely bright future together. So my advice is anyone out there trying to work on their relationships, just trust don't let stupid things get to you and wrap your head up with crazy cenerios, love your partner with all your heart and don't restrict them from making memories with other people. Let them live let them breathe the only way to let these things work is freedom, because at the end of a hard worked day who doesn't want to come back home to here loved one and relax. I know I sure as hell do, so please take This advice it'll only help you and your loved one grow together. It's been 5 days since we split and I can't help but to constantly blame myself. Don't do this just like in step one except reality. She is completely done with me but I still give myself false hope because what we had was truly amazing. Don't push your loved ones away, think rationally because you never know when it might happen. To me it was a week after we moved in together. So my world has recently come crashing down. The forum has helped me think out side the box, although in the past five days I have starting taking some of these steps. It's just so hard because I'm not willing to let her go. Of course I got the famous "we can still be friends", for what reason torture and suffering? No thanks... I hope whoever reads this can take something out of this and not make the same mistakes that I so terribly regret making.

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      Mo 23 months ago

      I can tell difference between a woman's comment and the man comment it's easier for men to find a mate because he is the one to find a mate for women they have to be found and that is what takes the women longer in the hardship longer until find until f you do different things you change things women change their hair style their clothes and maybe even some of the friends they hang out with but the ultimate thing is that one out of 8or 10 is that the woman always have to wait for the man to approach and if a woman approach and then the title of being a woman is diminished

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      Bubblegum12 2 years ago

      Just ended a 8 year relationship,it was all my fault.I abused him emotionally I admit that,I'm getting help now and the steps will be extra help,I hope he's happy.Im not to miserable,I have more guilt than anything else obviously I didn't really love him if I abused him,at least that's what they tell me.I left him because I knew he deserved better,he's a really good person.I miss him,but you reap what you sow.

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      Luke 2 years ago

      thanks for this, just needed some guidance to help me. Still difficult and have some really bad days but keeping busy and trying to look at positives in your life is the best way to follow these steps. I hope everyone on here that needs help with break ups can find these steps useful and enjoy the life they have, even if it is hard right now.

      Big shout out to the author B.J.Rudy for writing this and giving people the help they need in bad times like these

      Thanks

      Luke

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      Jonathan 2 years ago

      My girlfriend of 6 years split up with me last month. My struggle is that I am finding it so hard to accept its over. We have come through so much more and do much worse in the past. The hard part is that it is my fault, not being there enough I suppose. But she has completely cut me out of her life. Not even given me the chance to say goodbye. I have tried everything to get her back. But I just feel lonely, lost, confused, I cry all the time to the point I am extremely upset but no more tears will come out. I love this girl with all my heart. I can not get past step 1?!?!

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      Jessica 2 years ago

      I recently broke up with a man I had been with for 5 years. He had left me twice before, and was never very good at comforting me in times of need. He truly broke my heart. He is a nice person, but he was emotionally distant and disconnected. It was clear I loved him more than he loved me, as I still do. Every day is a struggle, and I have never felt so alone. I moved for him, started a new life; for him. I lost friends, pets, family, and careers all on the premise of the promises he made me about being there for me.

      It has been 2 months, and I still feel just as devastated as day 1. I have to start my whole life over, as he has kept our home, animal, friends, and life. I lost everything, and he lost nothing. I find myself bitter with him, he let me down on the deepest of levels. He was supposed to be my best friend;... my everything. So many promises he made, he had no intention of keeping. He wakes up every day just fine, has fun, and lives his life. There were years whereI supported the both of us, while he struggled to find his place... I truly feel used. No amount of my expressed frustration has made him realize how I feel, as I truly feel he is devoid of the ability to car enough to understand.

      I now sit here with no idea what I am going to do with my life. I gave up everything for us, as I saw him as my soul mate. A huge misconception, and some willful ignorance on my part.

      In the end, I know he didn't deserve who I was for him. He didn't appreciate it, or me at all. I still struggle with the fact I deserved him, and he never really fully gave himself to me. It makes me angry he can just throw away something that literally meant the world to me.

      I appreciate this article, as it truly speaks to the depths of how I feel right now in this moment. I would love nothing more than to wake up tomorrow above water and ahead of his betrayal. I am SO ready to get over this, and to feel whole again without him. I'm pinning this article, and look forward to the day where I can read what I am posting in peace. Right now I cannot see it, but I know I will feel it one day. I have to cling to that until then.

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      Kevin 2 years ago

      Ok I'm 13 yeah ok I'm young but I don't really care I loved this girl first month it was amazing!! But near the middle of of our 2 month it was getting bad. The first time she broke up was because of her period and she regretted it. The second one she wanted space and to think about life and all and our relationship. My good friends told me that she is not good for u she has to THINK!! About u and her which I thought well but I we went out again. Third time it was final and u know what really mess with my head? After talking for 2 days to this new guy she started dating... It took me 3 months to get her but 2 days for him to get her. My father said she replaced u and u mast do the same to show u r a man. But I don't want to be a man I want to love someone and not be a asshole. I want another view of my thoughts please someone give me why I'm crying over something I don't understand

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      Engelis 2 years ago from Albania

      It's very important information thanks

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      Venkatachari M 2 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very useful article for those looking for means to get over broken relationships. Voted up.

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      Kierstin Gunsberg 2 years ago from Traverse City, Michigan

      Great advice! When my relationship of seven-years ended (some years ago, now) I was completely devastated. However, in taking up some random hobbies I'd always wanted to try (hula hooping, of all things) and making new friends that empty space that my relationship left became filled with much richer, colorful things over time. It's because that relationship ended that my life is so beautiful now! Sharing and voting up :)

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      amachi 2 years ago

      I just got out of an almost 3 year relationship. The last leg of the relationship was long distance. I never believed in long distance until i met her. I agreed to it because i thought she was worth it and we were supposed to eventually move in together(honestly, the whole setup with a long shot, in hindsight.) My friendships are not as strong as they were before I moved across the country for school about 4 years ago.

      Currently, I am living back in my hometown with no one to turn to. I am super lonely, and it sucks! I am coming up on my 2 month break up-versary. Hopefully, I will be as over her by then but I doubt it. She wants to be friends and we are still in contact with each. I have been told to cut her off but i'm clearly an idiot.

      Some of these steps however, will allow me to get my life together. Breakups really make you feel like a loser.

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      Hayley 2 years ago

      Some of these comments remind me of 3 months ago...

      I've just got out of a 2 year relationship, He was ripped, in a awesome job, nice car etc and at the time I didn't consider myself worthy. So you can imagine (no matter how shallow it appears) how hard it is to get over someone like that. I got cheated on multiple times and in the end he went off with and dare I say it a much better update (haha). At the time I was devastated I spent the first month crying myself to sleep and constantly texting/ringing him. All I achieved was a 300 pound phone bill.

      I was guilty of shutting my friends out of my life when in a relationship, I called one of the girls and explained everything - of course she knew he was an arsehole already. Likewise, we spent about a month talking and staying over each others houses, This included many late night walks and 24 hour restaurants. It really helps!, loneliness is what will make it hard, get your family and friends around you. - I paid my phone bill, booked a holiday to Amsterdam, passed my driving test, got a awesome new car, booked to go and see the 6 nations on a mini vacation, live concerts, lost a lot of weight doing it all as well!

      I've made so many new friends. I am so so happy. You soon realise that people appreciate all the qualities your other half took for granted. You'll realise you are special. You'll soon start seeing what a waste of time your other half was and the bad things will outweigh the good about them. The idiot I left behind spends his weekend fighting, drinking has lost all motivation in his life and it really motivates me, there really is no better revenge. I would never get in to a relationship again until I am completely over it.

      Life is too short. I've now got the mind-set of if I was on my deathbed would I want to look back at my life and regret wasting so much of my life crying about this? You have to be strong, accept it's over and get out and live your life!

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      ryan 2 years ago

      I just got out of a three year relationship and iv never been this devistated. Im completely heart broken and i feel like i failed myself. I tried and i tried and i guess i was never good enough. I hope i can follow this a little bit..

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      juan 2 years ago

      I just got out of a 15 year relationship and 2 kids it suck but all the arguments and break ups . We broke up and got back together I enjoy spending time with my boys but it really hurts knowing I don't spend enough time with them I go out with them and all but just make me feel empty that she ain't there I keep telling my self that's it's ok and that I have to move forward and the bad part is that I still live with her for now because we are selling the house it sucks but it is time to move forward but eventually I'll get over her and here is a tip for reliving a little stress BATTING CAGES it's great plus you get out a little the harder you hit that ball the better I feel thanks for your advice

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      hailey 2 years ago

      Me and my boyfriend were high school sweet hearts. So we've done everything together from losing virginity, to our first prom together. But ever since we've went to college things have changed. He doesn't give me the respect and love I deserve anymore. It just hurts so bad because at one point we use to be eachother's everything. When you leave a relationship like that you honestly feel hopeless, like you just want to die. The sad thing is I really don't any close friends. I don't even know who I am anymore because I put him so ahead of myself so many times... What I need to do is find myself again, and make new friends. I will take these tips into consideration, thank you.

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      Steve 2 years ago

      My gf of 5 years just left. I am completely devastated as she was my best friend and we spent every waking hour together. We love all the same stuff and finish each others sentences as we are so in sync with each other.. No one cheated, or ever did anything wrong really. We just constantly bickered about stupid things that never should have been an issue in the first place. She was an angry person, and always felt like people were against her, including myself. I devoted my life to try and help her see that's not the case. Any argument we ever had should of been a 30 second discussion, but always turned into a 4 day shut down period for her. I felt so deeply sad for her that she felt she needed to do this all the time.. I never wanted to "fix" or "change" her, but I wanted to show her that life can be awesome if you just simply let it in. It deeply saddens me that I couldn't be that person to show her the consistent happiness that I know we could have had, as we occasionally did find it. I devoted my life to trying to make her happy, but was never good enough. I am feeling like a total failure and that my entire life has been taken away from me. The tips above are EXACTLY what should be done, and I wouldn't change anything about it, except that, it's always easier said than done.

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      Sai Chaitanya 2 years ago from INDIA

      Sometimes, we may have face some problems, being in a relationship. But, if we can solve those problems, with out hurting any one, we will able to continue our relationship, as long as we can. We must act according to the situations, we will be facing at that time. Because, if we lose any one now, there may exist no chance for us, to get them back, later.

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      Thissucks 2 years ago

      I'm really grateful to you for writing this. I had been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and 7 months and for the last month he had been pulling away. Earlier today he just told me he didn't like me anymore and he didn't know why. It all came as a shock to me, really. I felt like I really poured my all into this relationship. I love him and I really tried to be the best person. At times it did feel like I put in more effort than he did. Now that its over it seems like I'll never move on from this, because it really was a sudden slap in the face. My family even invited his family over for thanksgiving. I'm glad I read this and I hope I can follow through with it.

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      Anonymous 2 years ago

      This article Really made me few better and was a real eye opener. Those were really great tips and hope they work. Thanks tons.

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      melanie 2 years ago

      thank you. It does help keeping busy. I'm not actively looking just gonna get on with life in general. I'm sure theres men out there that don't cheat I've just met one yet. Good luck everyone x

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      Blake J Rudy 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      @Melanie - Sure, "happy ever afters" are a thing of cinema, but they DO exist, just not always the way you see them in the movies. Once you find the person that you love and who loves you back, you'll feel like its "happily ever after", and that's all that counts.

      You will find someone, but it takes time. The key is to not be actively looking. Focus on yourself and things will just fall into place. Also, a guy who cheats on you is not a guy worth being with. There are many good guys out there and i'm sure you'll find one. Once you do, I doubt you could honestly tell yourself that your ex was better. Any guy who respects you and stays faithful will always be better than a guy who cheats.

      Time heals all wounds. I honestly think all you need is some time. While you wait, focus on yourself. Make your own life better. Hang out with friends, travel, pick up a hobby, etc. Just get to know yourself better.

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      melanie 2 years ago

      I had a 8 year relationship, and was cheated on a few times. I stayed with my ex because I didn't want to lose him or who I was, but after 8 year I couldn't stay in it any longer and it ended. I spent 2 and a half year apart from him and dated 2 people in between this but still every now and again ended up talking to my ex, I never felt with anyone else what I had with him but maybe its because I was with him for so long. We then decided to give it another go and things were good for first few week until a family member told me she had slept with him whilst we had broken up. Even though we wasn't together it still hurt but I stayed with him since then we have not been very good which has resulted in him saying its over as he can not make me happy as theres been to much damage for me to get over. Maybe this is true all I know is that I feel alone and upset yet again I just don't know what to do. What if I never find anyone and feel what I used to for him? Its easy to say yea ul meet some one better but happy ever afters don't always exists apart from in Disney.

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      eastwestsidestory 2 years ago

      Just want to share a saying, it goes like

      "When I saw my ex is with another person, I felt like 'well, this was a dish I used to enjoy, but maybe it's not for me. I know how it tastes like. But I choose to not eat it any more.' "

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      James f 2 years ago

      Thanks man just got out of a two year relationship...

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      david 3 years ago

      Just got out of a 3 year relationship. I accept the fact that were done. And I also accept the fact that it was my fault it ended. All of the arguing and my negativity killed us. Im one month into this break up and i feel emptier every day. I go to sleep thinking of her. So naturally I also dream of her. I wake up in the middle of the night only to grab empty sheets. And in the mornings its more like a cold sweat. I'm learning from my mistakes. I need to stop being so negative and appreciate what I have in front of me. Km actually on the greyhound back to Cali from a two week vacation from visiting my family in Oregon. I quit my job because when this all happened I couldn't focus and literally needed to get away. So I did. Ive pretty much done every step but get rid of small letters and gifts...so I guess a bonfire will fix that for me. Thanks for the tips. You temporarily made me feel better. But its nice to know im not alone in this.

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      Ching 3 years ago

      Me and my boyfriend broke up last night, it was a 3 years and 6 months relationship. He was may first love, first in everything. I'm so depressed that every time i would end up crying since last night. I know someday, I'll eventually forget him. But now I really want to be with him again and I'm still waiting for his messages, and I want to text him and ask him to be with me again. I know I'm crazy but its so hard. Its my first broken heart. After reading this I think I'll try to move on now. :( I hope I can do it.

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      Ty 3 years ago

      Out of an 8 year long committed relationship. Thought I was going to marry the girl but she had different plans. It has been 9 months now and I still dream of her on a regular basis. All of "our" friends became her friends which made the lonely factor increase 10 fold but recently I have realized drugs (heroin) don't help but only make yourself less likely to find a new partner in life. Being that I am not in the same amazing physical shape that I was when we met, lowering my self esteem and making me less desirable with the opposite sex. I find it hard talking to women even though all i want is a sexy women that I can treat like a queen (not making it any easier finding a girl seeing as they seem to want ass holes at this age). I guess my point is that life seems pointless after a long relationship but it does get better. I read the steps here and sounds like what I have been doing the past few months and it does help. I like the steps and think every one who follows them should start to feel better after a little time. They say 1 year for every 5 years to get over a past love. I myself hope this is true and plan on waiting for the right girl for me.

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      Julie 3 years ago

      My boyfriend dumped me two days ago, after a relationship of almost 4 years. We've been so happy for so long … the past half year we had less and less time together, which resulted in more arguments. He now told me that he's been wondering for months about our relationship and now decided there's no way back … I just don't understand why he wouldn't tell me before, so we could work on it … If you have loved someone for almost 4 years, you don't just walk out the door, do you? We also still have the contract for our apartment running until August … so we'll have to keep living together … I also can't start on removing the things that remind me of him .. it's everything. And 2 of our family members are married since a year … I just don't know how to move on … I know I have to … But I can't figure out how ...

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      Desirea 3 years ago

      Thank you. I was in a relationship for almost two years and our anniversary is April 19. I honestly just want that month to be over already. Lol but I know I'll get over this sooner or later. Thanks for the advise

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      Jammie 3 years ago

      I've been out of my 3yr relationship for sometime now. We still love each other and still bestfriends but the thing is we had a talk the other day and she mad a decision to move on. The thing is we still want to be there for each other no matter what. We still want to be bestfriends. But I know she's not over me yet and I'm damn sure not over her. I want to know do anybody have any advice with this type of situation.

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      Ariel 3 years ago

      The article and the tips are making me feel incredibly better. I broke up with my first love, a relationship that lasted 2 years of those we were constantly together and in the last pretty much living together. This really helped me, your steps are very accurate and your own experiences and those in the comments below really help me stay optimistic and hopeful for a less painful future. A future where I'm over him. Thank you!

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      3 years ago

      Relationships arent hard. Thres no perfect guy or girl. To me ur in or out.grass greener in the other side? Nope just mre grass to mow diff set of probs. Ltr's thyre worth something an thy do count. N/c is best thy knw wht thy did wrong (guys&girls) hope thy come to their senses. If not thy deserve what thy get. Hurtful absolutely. Sme point the 'new' relationship(?) Wl hve issues jst the one u wre in. Pray work on urself bop them outa ur mind work on that. I know 5yr ltr nvr actually said wre done to my face its bn 4days n/c. Frm my end i stayed consistent loving nt a doormat jst being me...its awful i feel for evrybody :/

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      Gia 3 years ago

      My guy and I broke up last 3weeks ago. Our relationship lasted for almost 4 years and I am really having a hard time on letting go of him, though I was the one who broke up with him. I just felt like our relationship was nothing good anymore. No one cheated. I just got bored? I don't know. He's my first love, soI have no idea on how to move on. Thank you so much for this article. Few but very helpful tips.

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      marcia 3 years ago

      Just ended a 2 and half year relationship and I feel good. Well sometimes. Got tired of the lies and the cheating. I really loved this guy, sacrficed so much for him and all I got were lies. I only cry and hurt when I'm alone and feel good when I'm around other people. I cry because it devastates me that I wasted 2 years of my life making excuses for him. I changed as a person and became insecure and bitter.

      It was time to move on. I thank The Almighty God that I finally got the strength to leave.

      Liked the post... Very practical.

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      yz 3 years ago

      This article will be very useful to me moving forward. I was in a relationship for 9 years with my ex gf. We met as hs senors and she was coming off of a break up herself at the time. We took things slowly and became friends and then began dating. It would always be times were i felt she never got over her ex that she was with before we got together. Little things would lead to arguments and every so often his name would come up over the years. we were able to finally(I thought) get over a lot of our issues including him and we became best friends. it was her and i against the world and the years just rolled by. then around our 9th anniversary and talk of marriage she began to fill uneasy. i also had begun having health issues so the timing was awful. she ends up running into her ex at a work event and they hit it off. she comes back to tell me what happen since we always share everything and that the feelings she has make her scared to get married. she says she needs some time and takes a weekend away. while away she ends up sleeping with him and coming back to me in a heap of sadness, embarassment, and shame. he reminded her of why they brokeup before and now she threw everything we had away to realize that. now i can't even breathe at times when i think about what happen. the truth of what happened is so surreal it enrages me but im trying to keep it together. we still live together too which doesn't help. i know i need to do better following some of these rules you stated but we are locked into a brand new lease that neither of us can afford to break. im losing my mind now and am ashamed to admit i still want her back. we have a vacation coming up that we have planned for years and i don't know how this is going to work. im in serious pain now with no sign of relief in sight. thanks for this article as it may help.

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      Lost and shattered 3 years ago

      My husband and I have separated after 29 years the pain in my heart and chest is unbearable sometimes I can't even breathe! I've lost my husband my friend my lover I have spent my life idolizing him and I treasure every memory I can't stop thinking thinking it goes on and on I am already suffering depression and anxiety now I feel completely insane. How can I go out and enjoy anything I went to a movie with a friend and felt guilty for been out! I miss his smell his touch his voice everything I know everything you've said is right I must accept this is my life now I'm terrified I've lived with my mother until I was 17 and then lived with my husband I've never lived alone ever! How do you stop that pain that shoots through your chest the hopelessness I want to go to bed and never wake up! It does help to read everyone's stories it's hard in the real world when everyone's saying oh your lucky your free now you can do whatever you wasn't! What I want is my life back! They then go home to their husbands I don't begrudge them that but I want my husband to come home to! I pray I get the strength to get through this I know I've lost my beautiful husband and I miss him every minute.

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      Nichelle 3 years ago

      Thank you. I even thought you were a girl cause everything just makes sense. You were right 1st thing that you should do is to accept the reality. I know its hard for anybody to move on when you've invested a lot with each other. But life move's on. You can't stay with the grief for a long just because your hurt or whatever. Everybody gets hurt but we have to accept the fact that this hurt doesn't last forever. Give yourself time to heal the wounds a month,4 weeks,a year or whenever your ready.Your life wont stop with a single person,you also have a life of your own. So move on and be happy. Someone deserves you better than your past does. Think and cherish everything wonderful or bad that happened with you. But make sure to leave it in the past because memories like those doesn't deserve on your present. God is keeping the best one for you. Carpe diem'!

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      YiA180605-210913 3 years ago

      After 8 years our time has come too.. You said that after all if you've come to this, it means that the bad moments prevailed; Im not sure though, it could be a combination of bad moments leading up to the break up. My gf lost her dad 4 months ago, since then we've been spending less time together (something very understandable). The combination of that together with the fact that I was a lonely person with not many friends to keep me occupied with at moments when we couldn't be together, brought strains to our relationship. We both love each other (I speak for her as I felt her love). As quite rightly you mentioned in your article above, time heals everything. Im trying to explain this to her before it's too late. I love everything about her, her name, looks, character, the way she giggles, when she's being silly, when she is right or wrong, I love her with every bit of me. I am 100% sure that we could make things work. She thinks we can't and she is willing to take the risk for something new. I will respect this if that's what she wants and I will try to follow your steps above. Thanks.

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      B.Josette 3 years ago

      After 3 years of something wonderful. We broke up for the last time. And I feel like this is it. We were so use to each other, and I really thought we were meant to be I never met someone who accepted me for me and who accepted my weirdness and who I could be myself around. We both accepted the break up and even though I asked if we could try to work It out the fights and problems got to him well both of us I guess. He told me his feelings faded. And honestly I don't feel as devastated as I did during the first split. So I feel like my feelings faded in a way also. I feel good and I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of me. It sucks still but I will follow what you said in this article because even tho he meant a lot I don't think I would want the relationship back I guess I just gave up :/ but that's not a bad thing and if it's meant to be I guess it will find a way.

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      Lorraine 3 years ago

      Broke up after 8 years together after being lied to on numerous occasions, I feel I have wasted all this time and any plans we had made were just a lie devastated and really don't know what to do or who I am anymore

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      kyle 3 years ago

      well 5kids 14years later its finally over . Although it hurts undesirably i felt that it was bound to happen.im goin to use each step that was given and through prayer hopefully my broken heart will be mended

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      4 years ago

      Thank you so much for writing this article. I was in a 3.5 year relationship and although it was great, it took a downward turn and I had to get out of it. I have been hurting and feeling lonely and trying to do new things to help and focus on myself but your advice helped even more. Now I feel motivated and inspired, something I have had trouble feeling lately. God bless you, I hope you write more.

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      Jessica 4 years ago

      Thank you for your article! Just recooperating from a 4 year relationship... i agree with all you said! Will do!

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      Karen 4 years ago

      Hi,

      First, thanks for the tips, its will probably be very helpful. I just broke up with my bf after 5 years relationship.. After all the fight and useless discussions, I am doing what seems to be the best thing for both of us.. But how do you know that you are taking the right decision?? Its really hard as I lost my mom 4 years ago and now I'll have to go through a mourning process again!!! I don't where to stand in all this. Its like i'm losing a part of me for the second time!! Do you have any advice by any chance?? Is it normal to feel desperate and torn apart?? The thing is we've been living together for 1 and 1/2 year + I still have feelings for him but we just can't live together and answer to each other's need. I need to get my stuff back this week. Its been a week since I left my ex home?? It is too early?? Thank you in advance for you advice.

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      Ramona Jar 4 years ago from Romania

      Really good stuff ...

      I had 5-6 months between my first 2 breakups (am with mister no.3 since 2002). Just as you said, while I wasn't mourning (wanted the breakup just as the guys did), having friends to take me out and keep me from staying at home was a great thing. They really helped a lot in the first days.

      I am still friends with my ex-es, meaning we say Hi, if we meet on the street. We don't meet otherwise and we haven't kept in touch. It's better to cut the cord when the wounds are still fresh, it helps both parties move on faster.

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      Blake J Rudy 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      It is subjective how much time one should wait before moving on.

      I don't want to give you any false hope, but my current girlfriend and I went through a stressful time in our relationship where we eventually broke up. However, after about 2 weeks (during which we still talked to each other briefly through texts) we decided that the break up was stupid, that we were just stressed about other things (i.e. job, money, school, etc.) so we got back together. It has now been a year since that time and we are still together and happier than we have ever been.

      So, I guess, don't give up hope...but be prepared to move on. It's like the old saying: "expect the best, prepare for the worst".

      I hope that helps, and thank you for reading my hub, I hope it can give you what you need. :)

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      Jo 4 years ago

      What if I can't get over step 1? I don't think I can accept the truth, I mean my boyfriend and I always had problems that led to a break up but we always end up fixing them... why can't we fix it this time too ? it's only been a week . I don't think I'm ready yet though he's not talking to me now, but how can I let a 4 year relationship just end ?

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      Dan 4 years ago

      I have just come out of a 10 year relationship and 2 children later. I am devastated beyond belief. Everything i look at, anywhere i go is a harsh memory of moments with my family. I relocated 100 miles to be closer to my children to find out 4 days together with my ex and the children has brought back all the happy times together. 10 years and i feel well and truly broken. I want my life back but she is moving on with hers. Ive gone from a happy strong relationship down to nothing at all. I had the work, the car, the house, everything materialistic item you could to make you happy and now I live in a bedsit in a town that i don't really know and no one around. Im tired of feeling like im living with a broken heart. Im 35 and feel so lost its hard work. Im surrounded by people who i don't know and my ex wont speak to me or contact me anymore. I try calling and no answer, Ive tried everything i can to make her come back but nothing works. Ive just taken a read of your suggestions and i'll try a few once i find my motivation again. Heartbreak is hard and long term relationships are seriously difficult to get over.

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      Bena 4 years ago from Nowhere

      Somebody just dumped me tonight, and I'm crying like a helpless child since that jackass broke up with me. We've been together for 4 years. He had always criticized my personality and my looks. I really don't know where to run away. Your article gave me some hope. But I'd like to mention one thing, that girls go through more when they're dumped or they break up with someone they actually really loved (Unless they're happy leaving the guy). The brain cells of males replace themselves more quickly than they do in females. The memory cells are renewed and the male is then joyful and starts to move on. Your article gave me a ray of hope. You wrote very beautifully. I'm gonna follow you. I'm new here. Thanks alot (:

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      Alicia 4 years ago

      Just got out of a 5 year relationship and im really a wreck. This gave me some type of hope. Thank you very much.

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      Blake J Rudy 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      It's always for the best. I'm not a religious person, but I have always believed that things happen for a reason. Maybe it's just the effect of 20/20 hindsight talking, but when you look back on this relationship later, you'll smile and that empty pit feeling will no longer be there and wherever you are in life at that moment will be the new you, and it will feel right. I think reconnecting with your family and making new friends is a brilliant idea. Just don't give up, it always gets better. :)

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      Kyle 4 years ago

      I just got out of a 3 year long relationship myself, I really hope I can use the steps in your article to my advantage, right now I am devastated. I forget how to be "one" I feel like I don't even know who I am, so much of my time was spent trying to make her happy I forgot how to be happy with myself. I think the worst part is I don't have any close friends and haven't been around my family in years. So I guess I'll have to rebuild that relationship and meet new ppl. I hope this is all for the best

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      Blake J Rudy 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      As time goes on, and you date more people, it becomes easier to let go. I'm not being a "guy", I'm just being human. Besides, it depends on how the girlfriend/boyfriend treated you during the relationship. Things are not always so black and white...no matter how badly we want them to be.

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      lucy 4 years ago

      2 months to get over a gf??? You are really a guy. Thanks for the info. I just wish pp would have more feelings. yes, Im a girl so that's why Im kinda screwed biologically.

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      liam 4 years ago

      i don't even want to live anymore what's the point i have no mates i put everything i ever had into her then she goes of with some other guy my lifes shitty

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      Kallie! 4 years ago

      Me and my boyfriend just broke up! we were dating for 3 years! I feel like i'll never be happy again! but this gave me some hope! thanks!

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      Cougrl12 4 years ago

      Thank you for this article! My boyfriend dumped me tonight after 10 wonderful months...I guess it wasn't meant to be. I really like these tips and will be employing them in the near future! Thanks again!

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      unique 4 years ago

      I didn't brake up with my partner yet, but I feel that there is a third party invading our relationship. The reason why I'm reading this is because just in case it happens that we brake up because I found out about everything that is going on, its not going to be as hard. I been with my boyfriend for about 8 years and it sadden me that after everything we build up this had to happen now. If what I suspect is true than I would definitely reread this over and over until I get it.

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