Drawing from my personal experience of getting over a three-year relationship, I hope to help others figure out how to move on as well.
Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in, because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies.
Oh, and there’s sex! Who doesn’t love sex? So being in a relationship sounds great, and on paper, it is. However, in reality, relationships aren’t bulletproof. You’ll argue about trivial nonsense like where to eat or what movie to watch. Relationships are complicated and stressful, so failure is always a great possibility.
Now, no one who is happy in their relationship would want it to end; unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. Like the famous saying goes, “All good things must eventually come to an end.”
Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is always a tough thing to overcome, especially if it is a long-term relationship. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist; hell, I have no professional qualifications at all. But what I do have is experience, and let’s be honest, that’s all that really matters.
That said, the following information is from personal experience of getting over a three-year relationship. Following each step word-for-word will not work for everyone, but, hopefully, the information (if approached with the ability to adapt to your situation) will help some of you get over your recently terminated long-term relationship.
8 Steps for Moving on From Your Ex
- Accept the truth. Your relationship is over. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you can move on with your new life.
- Hang out with friends. Be proactive and ask your friends for help. They likely want to help you and hang out with you, but you often have to be the one to initiate.
- Do something. Try to avoid spending tons of time at home alone just thinking about your relationship. Read books, listen to music, watch movies, get out of the house, etc. Do anything to keep yourself occupied.
- Work on something or learn a new skill. As opposed to the previous step, not only does getting a new hobby (or reclaiming an old one) keep you occupied, it also helps you rebuild your identity without your partner.
- Work out. Exercise has been proven to be a mood booster. Plus, it'll help you stay (or get) in shape, so you'll be more confident when you are ready to start dating again.
- Go on vacation. A vacation is a great way to experience new things, build a new life without your ex, build relationships with friends and family (if you're traveling with them or visiting them), and keep yourself occupied.
- Take a break. Don't hop right back into dating. Instead, take some time to reflect on your relationship and what you want to do differently next time.
- Change your life. Unfollow, unfriend, or block your ex on social media. Get rid of the reminders of them in your everyday life. Build a new circle of friends, especially if you had shared ones with your ex. If you can, you should even try to get a new job. Do what you need to build your new identity without your ex.
Good luck! You can read more about my personal experience and get more tips below.
Step 1: Accept the Truth
Honestly, there are many things that can act as a catalyst in ending a relationship: cheating, lack of communication, or just plain boredom. It doesn’t really matter where the relationship went wrong, and you’ll only drive yourself insane trying to rework the timeline attempting to pin down the exact moment in which everything fell apart.
Instead, take a deep breath and swallow the truth. That’s step number one: accepting that it’s over. This will be the hardest step for most people, as optimism naturally takes over when the relationship ends. You’ll try to get the person back, hanging onto the notion that there may be a chance he or she will take you back. Let go. The quicker you accept the truth, the quicker you’ll get over him or her and start dating again.
Try to Reflect on Your Relationship for What It Was
After you've accepted what's happened, try to reflect on it.
According to Dr. Karen Weinstein, a psychologist from New York, you should look back at the relationship for everything it was: both the good and the bad. Don't idealize it. Instead, make a list of the things about it that didn't make you happy. You might find some reasons it's better that you two went your separate ways.
A study from the journal, Social Psychological and Personality Science, also shows that thoughtful reflection about a relationship after it ends can help speed up the healing process—this isn't wallowing, though. If you're not in a place where you can think about your relationship clearly, that's okay. Give it some time and then try again.
Step 2: Hang Out With Friends
The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is become a recluse. You see it in the movies all the time (typically romantic comedies). The protagonist is lying in bed, sulking over his broken heart. His friends then burst into the room—usually throwing back the curtains to let light into the depressing, dark room—and finger through the protagonist’s filthy food scraps and unkempt belongings.
The friends say something like, “C’mon dude, you gotta get out of this funk, it’s been a week." The protagonist retaliates, “Just leave me alone," and pulls the sheets over his head. The friends then drag him out and eventually the protagonist finds his next love. If you have friends this dedicated to you, then consider yourself lucky. For the rest of us, we have to be the ones to instigate a “hang out” with our friends, because they have lives too. Also, when you tell someone to leave you alone in real life . . . they usually do. So be a big boy or girl and call a friend to spend time with you.
When I was getting over my relationship (it has now been two years since it ended), I had a friend who spent the night at my house for the whole summer. We played video games, watched movies and TV, talked, and even went on a road trip. We’ll get to all that later though. The point is, my friend was there for me and I can even say that the relationship I have with said friend has improved because of it.
Talk About What Happened (But Not So Much That You Annoy Your Friends)
Talking through the breakup with close friends can also be therapeutic. A study by Grace Larson of Northwestern University found that talking through how you feel now that you're no longer in a relationship and revisiting key points of the breakup, such as when you thought it was going south and how it affected your view on romance, can help you regain your own identity and sense of self now that you're no longer in a couple.
While talking it through, it may be helpful to consider your own story from a third-person perspective. In other words, put yourself in your friend's (or someone else's) shoes and describe it from their viewpoint. Research shows that this kind of distancing helps you reflect and gain insight from what you've experienced without falling into feeling sorry for yourself.
Step 3: Do Something
This step ties into the second one. Make sure you find something to do. Let me clarify that this step is mostly for the times when you are alone. What I did was watch movies, play lots of video games, listen to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books.
I would leave my house (always a good idea), take my laptop, headphones, and Kindle, and chill at Barnes and Noble for the entire day. During the duration of my mourning period I occupied my time by occupying my mind. Of course, hanging out with a friend is a great way to take your mind off of the relationship and your ex, but they have lives too and can’t spend every waking minute consoling you. So, do anything as long as you're not just sitting in your room browsing the Internet.
What you do doesn't have to be something big, either. In fact, research indicates that even just doing something with the intention of it helping you could be effective. Journaling intentionally is one example of something small that can be really helpful.
Step 4: Work On Something or Learn a New Skill
Similar to step three, this step requires you to get up and do something. Where it differs though, is in what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing.
Step four is different in that you should do things considered “productive." I took the time to write and to learn how to play piano. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby.
This is a crucial step of rebuilding your identity—one that doesn't include your ex. It's been shown that people who strongly identified themselves with their partners had a harder time getting over the relationship, so the more you can build a new you or rediscover old hobbies, or even rediscover what it's like to do your old hobbies as a single person, the closer you'll get to being happy without your ex.
Step 5: Work Out
Exercising is good for your body as well as your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help motivate you to do things like those listed in step four.
Plus, if you are already out of shape, then exercising will help you tone that body so when you ARE ready to get back to dating, you’ll have a more desirable physical appearance.
Step 6: Go on Vacation
This step may not be possible for some of you. If money is tight, or if you’re young and don’t have a job, then this step may not be too useful. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly off to Hawaii, Italy, or somewhere outlandish. During my recovery, I went on a road trip with my dad and friend—just us three guys. We traveled west from North Texas towards California.
Along the way we stopped at the Grand Canyon, went on the Sandia Peak tram in New Mexico, rode the thrill rides on top of The Stratosphere in Las Vegas, and then went to Disneyland and hung out with my aunt, uncle, and mom (she met us there) in California. It’s easily the best vacation I’ve been on.
Even my vacation was a bit much, and may be unrealistic for the majority of people reading this. So maybe just head to another city? For example, for a small trip I would travel down to San Antonio (once again, I live in North Texas) and hang out on The River Walk. You don’t have to blow lots of money to escape and have a good time.
When a relationship ends, it’s hard to give complete, undivided attention to work and school. Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life.
And if you're having impulses to do something crazy—like dye your hair, get a tattoo, quit your job, and move to New Zealand—you're better off waiting to do those things until you're a little more stable and in control. A vacation could be a good way to feel a little impulsive without being totally out of control. You can try on a new identity later on down the line.
Step 7: Take a Break
Slightly different from going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after. That’s a no-no. Don’t make someone your rebound—that’s never nice.
Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career, or whatever else. Stay away from dating because there are too many things that can go wrong with that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them. If your ex cheated on you, then you will most likely have trust issues with the new girlfriend or boyfriend (I’m guilty of this).
So just take a break. You don’t have to wait a whole year like I did before getting back into the dating scene, but at least give it a few months.
You might even be over them faster than you think. Most people overestimate how long it will take for them to get over their ex-S.O., especially if they weren't involved with the decision to end the relationship in the first place. So it might seem like things are never going to get better and that you're never going to find someone else, but those thoughts simply aren't true.
Step 8: Change Your Life
I should note here that these steps don’t have to be followed in any order, with the exception of the first step. In fact, these steps shouldn’t really be “steps” at all. You should continue doing all of them simultaneously or interchangeably until you have reached an emotional state you are satisfied with. That being said, I believe this final step is the MOST important step, hence why I saved it for last. It’s going to sound a bit harsh and a bit drastic, but I promise it is necessary.
The last thing you need to do is change your life. This can mean almost anything and will differ from person to person, but one thing should always be done. Get rid of your ex’s stuff. Throw away the pictures, videos, notes, presents, etc. or at least hide them away. You cannot completely move forward if you are clinging to the past.
Also, I’ve never met someone who was comfortable with their significant other having things from their previous relationships. It’s unhealthy and stubborn. Why would you want to hold onto memories of a failed relationship? I mean, sure, there were good moments in the relationship, but the very fact that it ended means that those good memories were outweighed by the bad. Like in the movie 500 Days of Summer, if you just stop focusing on all the good times from the relationship, you’ll remember all the bad ones.
Get Rid of Your Ex
The next thing to do is get rid of your ex. Wait a minute, that makes no sense . . . I mean, we are already broken up, right? Wrong. In today’s Internet-driven age, most people never really get rid of their ex. They keep them as friends on various social media platforms.
This usually happens because both parties agree to “still be friends." Don’t do this! Get rid of him or her. You will only hurt yourself by pretending that you can still be friends. I know it sounds mean, but you’ll regret it when he gets a new girlfriend and floods his Facebook with pictures of them kissing and loving each other or bombards his “wall” with status updates about how awesome the new girl is (the alternative applies for guys as well).
Protect yourself. Stop worrying about him or her. If in the future you decide you can be friends, then go ahead (unless your new partner has an issue, which is entirely understandable), but during the healing process, it’s best to shut them out entirely.
Besides, one study showed that people who cyber-stalked their exes tended to have more negative feelings about them, missed them more, and in general felt worse about the breakup. Don't do it! Removing them from your social networks will make it much harder to do.
New Job, New Friends
Also, if you are young and can afford to find a new part-time job, then do so. A nice change of scenery and routine will help cast the illusion that things are better. The effort to move forward in life and create major changes to your job and circle of friends will help motivate you to become the person you want to be.
Building off of what I just said, you should also find new friends. Now hold on! Before you call bullshit and close your Internet browser, hear me out. If you have friends that are exclusively your friends, who will stick by YOU and not your ex, then keep them.
However, if you had mutual friends, then you might want to consider distancing yourself from them. After all, your friends won’t be courteous enough to plan out every “hang out” so that you and your ex aren’t invited to the same event. Not saying that they are bad friends, just that it is not their obligation to ensure this doesn’t happen. How awkward would that be to get invited to a party, movie, or some other event by one of your friends, only to run into your ex when you arrive? Remember, you can always find new friends. And the ones that can’t choose you over the ex are probably not worth being friends with anyway.
So there you go. Those are my tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don’t want to get a new job, and that’s fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, and that’s okay too.
Just remember that all things heal in time. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh.
When my three-year relationship ended, I was devastated. It took me about two months to get over her, and an additional eight months to find a new girlfriend. But that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, use the opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games guys! It takes work to be happy and to get over that long-term relationship, but when you finally do . . . you’ll wish it would happen again. No I’m just kidding! But honestly, at least you will be wiser from your experiences and you’ll know how to handle it if or when it happens again. And if you can’t recall the steps, you can always reread this article!
Also, be sure to leave comments below if you have any additional tips you wish to share. And as always, feel free to follow me and leave some feedback. Good luck!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2012 Blake Rudy
Joe on June 12, 2020:
I have to disagree with you in the sense You never addressed the real heart breakers For example I was with my Girl for 13 years and we has 2 sons How do you say good bye to a woman that was at the very core of your soul A woman that you cherished and Loved so much th only parts of your day and night were just only about talking touching and being with her?? Today it has been 30 days sense she left with my 2 boys and every day I breakdown to a point of no return. I love her and would die for my sons mom AS a father most would agree So what do I do?? What can I do to take a break???
ColoradoTennisFan on January 03, 2020:
The articles and comments are helpful. I am not alone in the despair of a lost love. We were together 5.5 years. She stopped the relationship after I took my daughter on a trip instead of her, although I took her on 22 vacations in 3.5 years. I was indecisive in the relationship over the last 3 years because we did not agree on a retirement lifestyle and she is a compulsive liar, refusing to admit outrageous lies even though I told her that I forgave her lies. My indecision caused me to partially breakup a number of times but I always came back because I loved her and thought that I would never meet anyone with the same chemistry.
Now I am devastated over her breakup. I offered to give her everything that she wanted,but she refused even though she said that she loved and missed me. The worst part of the breakup is the dances. The dance community is small. Dancing would help me get through the breakup, but I cannot stand to see her. She does not seem to care whether I am at the dances.
Breaking up near retirement is especially difficult. I want to have a partner in retirement, but fear that I will not find anyone. Everyone at this stage in life has lots of baggage so connecting is difficult.
I am following the advice in this article especially exercise and cutting contact. I blocked her although she still wanted to continue texting. After 5 weeks of pleading with her to reconsider and her reconsidering for a brief moment and then backing out, I have finally accepted the end.
Thanks for this article and comments. My difficult emotional situation is not alone. Others have written about more difficult situations.
broken on October 14, 2019:
i hate life
Halie Bender on August 14, 2019:
AskRajiv on July 15, 2019:
I always thought she was the one, but almost 4 years later, she wants to move on. I totally understand, because she still has her PHD to pursue as where I just graduated with my masters and she wants to focus on herself. I wish she could have done it with me in her life. For me, it's whatever makes her happy. If this is what she wants then I will have to find a way to get over her. Life is vicious, it will beat you down to the ground and if you let it, it will keep you there. Get up, and go pursue your dreams. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Try your best to fight for her but in the end if she doesn't want it, you need to move on. Respect her decision because it's not easy for her as well.
Amy on July 13, 2019:
It's really hard was in a relationship for 15 years and then you get to the menopause and you just want to be left alone you wanted to live alone and then you told him that he needs to move out because you want to be alone moves out and then you find out that he is seeing or doing one of your old friends three months later on and he keeps asking you are you sure is it over and you just say I don't know but then you still have a true heart for him inside that you never felt before until everything is all over it hurts
M on April 24, 2019:
Slit with my GF of 15 years, she was my world, unfortunately its never easy when you both have kids with different standards in relation to helping keep the house clean & tidy, washing and generally helping out, but the constant battles put a strain on the relationship to the point it finished us off.
I'm walking away and giving up the beautiful house we rented together with her 2 boys and my daughter.
This is going to be the hardest walk, but I couldn't continue watching us slowly drift apart because of the kids, however I'm looking forward to the future as I have lots of things I want to do, so little steps but moving forward, no bitterness no contact or social media, I don't need it as this will only cause pain, no one who you love with every inch of you wants to see of hear them with someone else. so eyes forward and go shine...
Biggest idiot on February 12, 2019:
I’m just out of a 32 year relationship, all my fault, and it’s killing me, can’t stop thinking about us, I’m so alone right now, heartbroken, stupid, nobody else was involved just me screwed it up, don’t know we’re I’m going what I’m doing, just in a total maze,
Eli on January 05, 2019:
Took me 2.5 years to move on from a ~3 year relationship.
Now it’s happening again. 3 years of what i thought would be forever has come to an end, and i dont know if i can get through this one. This second relationship was way more serious than the first one, and if it took me 2.5years for that one, how long am i going to need for this one? I feel cursed that i love so deeply because all i get in the end is pain. It hurts.
SMp on November 27, 2018:
Each break up with someone you love....... Its like losing someone for real, i mean like a death. Its the same pain and sadness.... Its a small death..... And you can never be fully the same after it. Yes life will move on eventually and so you, but never again you'll be the same. There is no recipe...... No magic pill....... Stay strong. I am breaking up after 9 yeas with my best friend, the girl i couldnt and cant imagine not have her and many other people from her side (family, friends that are now mutual) in my life. I am in pain every day, i cry every day but i have to somehow stay strong. I will accept the fact that nothing is going to be the same, i am not gonna be tha same again and i will try to cherish the old good memories and times we had. Pain will ease with time but it will never leave. Some separations are like a small death. We will always carry it inside us. STAY STRONG.
A on October 21, 2018:
In the same situation as Sam. It was my fault and i dont think i want to move on...
Sam on October 16, 2018:
Today I'm dropping my wife of 2 months off at the bus station. Been together almost 4, years. Know her for 9. She is my best friend. I love everything about her. But I can't stop her leaving. I'm devastated. I'm hurt. We have a puppy together that is going to stay with me. I hate myself for hurting her, for saying the things I did, and the actions I made.
That being said I really needed to read this article. I have no idea how to recover. We moved away to somewhere I have no one and neither does she. Tried the new place new things same relationship.
I hope I can use what I read and better myself. I know it will hurt but this article makes it seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Johny on September 26, 2018:
My x said we were over after 13 years,cool,then 6 months latter she says she loves you just wants to be a family.she talks to my family and convinces them of her love&family.but she needed money and alot to sort her&her kids out to be together.i told mum no!but she believed in her.she ended up stealing from her job,shit stirring to my family,friends and even my job.to the point where I lost everything.and on top of it all I had been a solo parent for over 6months with our child,she had a hidden agenda from the get go.money,destroy my happiness and take our son with a lie which was her kids dad is on his last legs dieing and all upset said just going there with kids for that.3 weeks latter she says it's over I've moved on!my family felt used and tricked on top of that realises why they hurt me because of her in 6 wks just lied and acted with no consious at all.i latter found her and let our son have abit of time with her and she slammed the door in his face.so now we don't see her and are steadly making progress.
Melanie on September 19, 2018:
My ex left me for another girl and I gave him everything and now I feel lost and confused because he keeps coming back and I just want to end this in my life he is with his new gf and her name is Sam I swear I'm done
Nick on August 25, 2018:
My ex fiance threw me out like a piece of trash... the day she broke up with me, i threw out every picture, every presant, even wrapping paper... she blocked me on social media so i deleted my fb and messenger accounts.. its all bullshit anyway.. its been almost 3 months and i saw on her fb page, fake acct, lmfao, deleted that also, that she has 4 pictures still up of us, on that says i love us.. but trust me fellas, dont look at ur exs fb page, it will make u think... getting better one day at a time.. i would NEVER be with that POS again.. you can take the girl outta the ghetto, but you cant take the ghetto outta the POS... always remember this, the truth comes out in the end... the way that they act when ur broken up, is the way that person always is. To me it was a waste of a year n 7 months.... in my mind she never loved me and i keep telling myself it never existed... good luck boys... bitches are evil....
Shaela J on July 19, 2018:
Breaking up after 7years off ând on, this time around iwould have stayed through anything.. what's sad is I've been in his daughters life since she was 2and she's 9..... we have a dog together who i love dearly but since i lost my job he's been paying bills so it's been made clear I'm the one moving out and starting over,, drinking was abig problem in our relationship and some infidelity in the beginning,, if anyone relates,,shaela j malena name on fb, message me.,.,, such ahard decision to make
charles trujillo on July 17, 2018:
well i just got cheated on just know looking for some advice to heal over this 2 year relationship,and man it sucks i'm still hurting and this is some really great advice and anyone who had or has a recent long term or short term i know what your going though trust me i balled my eyes out listening to Jocelyn Flores by XXXTENTACION and man i never in my life would think she would ever be the type of person to cheat,i guess you never know huh but this is a really good quote that is going to help me i hope "All Good Things Come To An End" so this was the bench mark that we met and now its time to say my last goodbyes before i removed her on all social media,this will be the second time this happens to me its not a good feeling and i"m still hurt seeing her with a guy she cheated on me with.This is hard,not only for me but for all of us..... i trust that one day i will know what true love looks like and that i prey to god that this doesn't happen to any of us we don't deserve to go though this not only that but to get cheated on,now that will crush your soul......it sure crushed mine and i can still feel it kinda crushing but we cant keep looking at the past or it will crush more and more to the point where you can't move on sooner than you wanted,i'm pretty young i'm only 18 i know prolly some of you might thing you're to young,yeah i heard that before,doesn't mean it doesn't hurt,2 years giving your all and then all it takes is one day you find out your getting cheated on by someone at her job,it hurts and i'm right here with you guys and i need more help on how to get her off my mind anyone is welcome thank you 720-438-8999
John Ray on June 27, 2018:
Our 45 months or almost 4 years relationship ended this june 26th 2018. I know it is very fresh. Any advice for me? Please.. - im chatting her on fb messenger and trying to recover our long term relationship. But she has no interest on that. Actually she does'nt seeing my messages. Thank you. For this. I know one of this can help me. :)
John Ray on June 27, 2018:
THANKS FOR THIS
ger on May 11, 2018:
Easier said than done, but it does work if you work it.
I particularly like the short breaks and I also got into looking after my body - running ( sometimes for only 5 mins once a week, but at least that is something...). On that note, when you are down, doing the tiniest thing for yourself - like making a cup of tea, having a shower, whatever, can be great for you...and your freedom can be scary but it has its great sides too...
Anas alhamad on May 09, 2018:
Non of this works for me..
Brad on May 08, 2018:
Well I screwed up after 2 years with a wonderful woman a few months away from getting married. I said I didn't want to ,marry her which I did, call it a panic attack or moment of insanity. She left moved 100 miles away where she has friends of 20 years, we are both 66. I tried to be helpful show remorse and regret apologize but she is holding anger and will not forgive me. We are/ have both seen counselors and I am pretty much squared away. She on the other hand found a therapist whom seems to magnify our relationship issues by discussing me and not her problems. She makes impulsive decisions, like buying a house the next day after I told her I didn't want to get married then told her I made a mistake and forgive me. Next day drained the bank account and left to spend a few weeks with her friend until she house closing was done. That should be a significant red flag and drive me away but we are so good together. Currently on a relationship break and I am doing no contact. Who knows if she will take me back I sure hope so...
David on May 07, 2018:
Thank you helps a lot!
ant on May 03, 2018:
after 17 years being with what I thought was my soul partner, we never argued, always got on. suddenly she started acting strange over a 6 month period, always drinking and working late, finally I caught her out and she had been cheating on me. we have a 16 year old daughter who stayed with me for a year, she has now moved in with her mother.I am now on my own, she has all her family and now my daughter with her. I lost everything, is moving away the answer hmmm
WN on March 11, 2018:
Just had to leave my 10 year relationship and move back in with my parents (in a different country) as my ex was becoming abusive due to mental health issues which he denied. it's painful but i had no choice as it was seriously distressing my young daughter not just myself.
i am hoping that family and old friends support will heal some of the pain I am currently going through. his own family who really loved me advised me to leave and go back to my family. that should say it all!
MIU on March 08, 2018:
broked 9 year relationship. its hard for me to even imagine and feels embarrassed to hear that now she has started having an affair with one of her college friend and they are getting married.
i dont know how she could do that and strongly believes that once i moved away from her for work; things started to change. now i understood that Long distance relationship requires tremendous effort and time to maintain. and i completely failed on this.
i wish her good luck for future.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAY,
"THIS is NOT HOW MY STORY WILL ENDS"
Bridgett on February 22, 2018:
Thanks for your article I hope it helps .. I wish I was a strong as you to get over a breakup as quick.. Of a relationship of 15 years ended in Oct 2017 and I am still hurt. However he has moved on in a relationship I cant seem to wrap my head around finding someone else. I love him deeply and wish things were different. Hopefully me and the kids will move on pass this sooner than later .
Blake Rudy (author) from Dallas, Texas on February 19, 2018:
"Following each step word-for-word will not work for everyone, but, hopefully, the information (if approached with the ability to adapt to your situation) will help some of you get over your recently terminated long-term relationship."
Changing a job may be a major life transition for you, but others reading this may have a job that is monotonous, makes them unhappy, or one they feel unchallenged in, in which case yes a new job creates new challenges, but ultimately provides a sense of moving your life forward towards something new and possibly better. Again, not all advice is applicable to everyone. And if you're happy in your current job, by all means don't leave a good thing, but please don't hurt someone else by saying it's "terrible advice" if there's even a chance it can help them move on and be happy.
rj on February 04, 2018:
my girl just left me not even 2 hours ago after a 6 yr relationship. she was my first long term relationship. we started growing apart about 6 months ago. our work schedules are so much different. she would work midnight to 8am, i would work 7am to 6. when i got home she was sleeping. when she woke up i was sleeping. idk if this had anything to do with that but that's what i feel made us grow apart. this is going to be really hard for me because im really a shy person. it took me so long to build up the courage to talk to her 6 yrs ago, i just dont know if i can do this all over again. my father who is a very wealthy man always told me to stay single. i really should have taken his advice.
Leo on December 29, 2017:
2 months to get over her? Are you some kind of super hero?
Martin Woods on December 14, 2017:
I am a week into being left by my wife of 11 years. I am really devastated but know time will heal. Thank you for the points above I sort of new this but it was good to read tem. I know I should get out and go back to the gym and do what I was doing before we split but at the moment am struggling a little bit. If anyone has any advice on how I can make things better in the short term that would be great. I will follow these steps and hopefully in tie I will recover. What I am really struggling with s the lack of support I gave my wife after serous operation. I really blame myself
Henry on November 12, 2017:
My relationship of 4 years ended on 13th Sept 2017 and upto now i haven't recovered yet, it has been a painful experience for me, actually this was the lady i never expected such kind of a stupid decision from her only after a breakup is when I realized she was pretending all the way. I decided to pay her unprompted visit only to find her leaving to a new boyfriend, she never bothered on seeing me, asking her where she was going she showed me the photos she took with the new guy including nude ones! what a shock?! she left me unconscious in Nyahururu town, after like an hour I was told I had fainted, one of the good Samaritan escorted me to the stage back to my place Eldoret, since then i have never believed I went through that, this was the person we were to get married come next year April, both sides were ready for our marriage, unfortunately it was not going to take place again. Indeed I paid a price of being loyal to her.
Shorty on November 04, 2017:
I met the father of my 3 children when he was 15yrs old and I was 19 at that time. I don’t know you may call it puppy love but we made it 17yrs later. In June this yrs it felt like our relationship was drifting apart. So I asked him what’s going on, what’s on your mind that you can’t tell me. He finally speak up 2 weeks after I asked him those questions he told me he wasn’t happy with me anymore so I asked if he was seeing or talking to someone behind my back and he said no. I been with him for so long that I know and feel when he is hiding something. He that type of person who will go to work and come straight home to us after work so we can have little family time together But that change also, he would stay after work come home about 7:30 pm and he leave the house at 6:30am that’s a very long hrs to be out working. Since I had a feelings he cheating on me, one night I went to his AT&T account he gave his account and passwords once and I guess he didn’t change it cuz I got in, there I found all these txt messages in and out and calls with this one phone number everyday and night so then I went to his phone and check if the calls or txt messages still there and I come to find out it’s all been deleted. I log that number on his contact and it’s under a woman’s name so when he woke up that morning I asked him who is this woman why there’s so much calls and txt message going on but it all deleted on your phone he told me it’s a coworker. We call each other cuz we do the same job. He work for Mazda and that girl work for Dodge its own by one company but not in the same property but they are across from each other so I told him, Oh really even on the weekends and at night you guys talk about work? I don’t think so , there something you hiding that you didn’t want me to find out that’s why you delete them all. Look you said you guys went fishing together with your other coworkers how would I know you really went fishing with them all or you 2 went on your own, and not fish instead. Who know but you two. From then till now I never get over it I been asking him everyday what we’re they. Arguing and fighting until it got very abusive where he choke me in front of out 2 kids. So he finally made up his mind. He will leave me for good. After 17yrs with the only one person I know and give my love to how do I ever move on especially we have 3 children together of course we will see each other even i don’t want too. We still going talk to each other because of our kids. It’s so hard to even think where do I start? Which everything I did are with him. I’m so broken in so much peaces. I don’t know if I ever going get thru this. I love him and will always be.
Anonymous on November 03, 2017:
I broke up with my gf after 5,5 years..We had a great time but latelty she had been distant to me..We broke up and i am devasted, i hardly fing the strenght to keep going on..I was trying to get back with her for a month and it was then she told me that she was dating another guy and jumped into a relationship with him and that she is confused....It was so quick so sudden it made me even worse...I was trying to get back with her , she was saying i am her world and she loves me more than her life and in the same time she was talking with another guy...She told me i wanna be alone but it just came up...cmon you chased it to happen be true to yourself...Anyway i dont know anymore i wanna move on but my mind just isnt letting go.Dont know what to do and i still want her
sorry if i made any grammar mistakes
Anonymous on October 16, 2017:
I just brokeup with my fiancee. This is a relationship of 12 years. We met as undergraduates way back in the university. He travelled out of the country 3
4 years back, so it's been a long distance relationship. I know we both loved each other, but I guess he could not keep himself. He hurt me real bad by cheating on me and allowing his girlfriend to use his fone to send me messages. I kept ignoring, hoping, pleading and even praying that he should change. I forgave him several tines for peace to reign just because I loved him. I know he lovedd me, but he just can't seem to stay alone without a woman. I wanted to pretend and see if I could still cope, but the hurt, the betrayal, the lack of trust keeps causing problem and I am the most affected. I do not have anyone to fall back to after a quarell, but he would just not be bothered bcos he has someone over there, I wanna let it go and be whole again. I hope love find me again. This article has been helpful to me.
Annette Thomas from Northeast Texas on October 15, 2017:
Good article here. I have always practiced these steps when recovering from a loss or break up. However, when the "leaving partner" hasn't given you closure or officially ended the relationship, it's confusing. For instance, he's stopped texting, calling so much. He hasn't asked you or invited you to do anything with him as a couple, yet still remains in contact via the few texts he sends. Then he acts like everything is fine. It sends a mixed message for sure. Doesn't attempt any together time, but keeps the lines of communication open.
Ramesh on October 02, 2017:
10 year of relationship just got over,i don't know why she likes other boys.I loved her like nothings else.Please help me to go forward in life.
Angela on September 21, 2017:
After 4 years our relationship ended. Yesterday was our 4th anniversary. We had a great relationship, we are an older couple and I love him so much. The only problem was that after 4 years he still didn't get a divorce. He left his wife 4 yrs. ago got his own apartment,(which I painted and cleaned) but lived with me everyday like we were married in my apartment. He was retired and I'm on disability so we were always together. He had a large collection that he kept in his apartment which took up a lot of room but he stayed with me every night and we had dinner together. He was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and I took care of him on my own every single day through every treatment and operation. None of his family, wife, brother or adult daughters were there for him. His daughters didn't even speak to him. Since then one has come around but for like one phone call a month. He has been promising me for years that he would finalize his divorce. He never talked about getting a place together he only came over with a change of underwear. He and his wife already have a separation agreement to divide all assets all he had left to do was file paperwork with the court. The wife moved on with her life and bought a condo. He promised me on many occasions he would divorce for our 2 yr, 3rd yr and now finally 4th year together. When I asked him the other day why he kept promising me he would divorce and then I told him I doubted him he casually said well I guess you know me then. So I guess I should have know he only strung me along and milked it for 4 yrs. taking me for granted and using me as a doormat. But part of me still loves him and I miss the things we did together. Three days ago he is holding my hand going to estate sales together which we both enjoyed and now he is gone because he lied again and disappointed me. I'm devastated and shocked. I thought we would always be together. We had the potential for a great relationship but this whole divorce thing got in the way and I can't deal with being disrespected after all I have done for this man.
Hannah on September 17, 2017:
After 12 years it finally came to an end. He said he has no feelings for me anymore for over a year and that he constantly imagined a life with someone else. It's sad and shocking how someone can just easily throw away over a decade of relationship. We went through so much together. It's always been us against the world. I just lost my job and shortly after I lost the love of my life. I dunno what to do. It's all darkness I see...being broke and broken. Hope breads eternal misery. I just hope I'll soon find a job and myself again.
MirB on September 16, 2017:
My relationship of 3 years and 3 months just ended ! I'm completely heart broken ... I felt like he wasn't paying attention to me enough, he had so much unresolved issues that I had to cope with. And I was trying to help him but all his problems was affecting me and as a result affecting us. I guess he was tired of the screaming and I got tired of the non chalence from him , so he gave up on us and broke up with me. I still love him very much but i got to let him go ... than you for all the advices! Hopefully I'll able to get my mind of him one day !
Kay on September 11, 2017:
Three years?! Try 30 with two adult daughters and a house! Three years is not a long term relationship!!
Sophie on August 26, 2017:
This post doesn't help at all.
Anonymous on August 16, 2017:
My husband and I just broke up not long ago coz he always insulted me and always throw my ex's name on my face every chance he gets.he always calls me a prostitude and that I'm a bitch.so I decided to leave him and nw he keep saying he's sorry and it was just a mistake and he didn't mean what he said.the sad part is that this is not the first time it happened and I forgave him before but now I have had enough of his insults and rudeness.we had been married for four years and we don't have a child.so plz help me.
Adayatatime on August 14, 2017:
My bf of 3.5yrs just broke up with me. We were in a long distance relationship for about a year n a half. During the most recent visit, we spoke about marriage n i was happy n looking forward n working hard towards being with him. Then for a few mths he acted strange and finally called me today to tell me he felt it was too difficult to bring me over to wherever he is financially (as i am not allowed to work if i go over as a dependant pass holder) , he couldnt plan our future to suit a good situation and decided to give up on us . I am really very heartbroken as i've never loved anyone as much ever. Stumbling on this email gave me a little comfort to know that im not alone . It is still very painful as i cant get to sleep at all and am unable to focus on work d whole day n this is just day 1. I hope there could be more comments as a support group to pull everyone through.
Key on August 12, 2017:
Here I am, feeling incredibly broken. 2 years of my life with dreams of having many kids and house somewhere in the woods, dreams he placed into my head. He almost proposed, we found names for our kids, seriously found on a second date. I thought my life was perfect. Until he hurt me by spending a night with absolutely random girl and saying it was completely platonic. I forgave. He hurt me by way too close communication with his ex, who he claims was just his best friend. But you don't stay over at your ex's, you don't spend hours talking and preferring her over your girlfriend. I left, but late forgave. He hurt me by being rude and calling me names, hurt by pointing at the most abusive and devastating moments of my life, saing all of that was my fault. I forgave after his sorry. I've been emotionally hurt by his friends and his mother, and that's my fault. I've been seriously hurt physically by his drunk cousin, and he didn't believe me, and he even didn't believe doctor in ER. Tomorrow we have to return to another country, where we are currently living, and I can tell, that he is going there only to pack his stuff. He threatened me, that he is going to leave me, if I caused any troubles. And I caused, by getting the injury from his cousin. He said it wasn't that bad, and I didn't continue to have fun afterwards, ruining the evening for everyone. He said, that he is done with me, ignoring me after that family party. He even never called to check on me. I know, few days from now I will be left alone in another country, with no friends or family around, left by the only person in the whole world I ever loved. I wish, Blake J Rudy, you had some advice for people like me, whose life from being perfect went to disaster. Now I know, I won't see our daughter Keira, I'll never hug our son James, I will not grow older with the love of my life. I was hoping that things would change, but now I just know. And I don't know how to use your advices... If I ever will get over.
Key on August 12, 2017:
Thanks for sharing this tips... I'm not sure if I could use even cause I'm just devastated....
Amy yip on August 01, 2017:
I felt better now after =reading your article. My case is heavier ...i was w this mature married guy for 8yrs and was disliked by him after long yrs in a secret love affair...sobs...im badly hurt currently grieving...less friendly is my being and a home buddy...seldom goes out....never goes our partying w friends and relatives.
Sheila on July 31, 2017:
my almost 4 years relationship is totally over now. Honestly it really hurts so much.i don't know what to do, that's why i search it to google how to move on and i read this article and i just realized that i need to accept it and just let go even it so hard to do this. i know this is the hardest thing and i can't assure that i can do this :'( He is my life,my dream, i gave all he want. but he left me,and tell all the stupid words that i don't deserve to hear that fucking words.Now, I'm scared of being alone. :'(
Kenyan on July 15, 2017:
Just lost my first girlfriend in campus.. It was my first taste of real dating..was finding it kinda hard to let go..bt ur article Jst made it alot easier.. Thank you...
Marie on July 15, 2017:
What if you have kids with them and still love them..it's harder right?
Devastated on July 13, 2017:
I decided to end my 15 year relationship with my children's father. He's been cheating. This is pain like I have never felt before. But after reading your article, honestly it has given me a little hope for the future. Thank you!
P.s On my way to purchase a gym membership. Lol
misshopeless on July 13, 2017:
He decided to end it coz he said its for my own good. We were on a long distance relationship for 1year and it hurts so much. I wish I can do something. I wish I can make him take me back. But I know its impossible now because if our situation. :(
Strong ladie on July 10, 2017:
I broke up with my ex after 16 years he was first love and he broke my heart to pieces i ve ever been hurt like this before but the hole realationship he cheated lied disrespect me and i still love him to death and the worst part I'm homeless now and i fill the lonest i ever felt I'm just going to try and stay strong
Broken heart on July 07, 2017:
I decided to end my 8 year long relationship with my boyfriend. We were fairly young when we started dating. I guess it's my fault for sticking around for so long. He kissed another girl in the beginning of our relationship, he would constantly lie. There were times when he would do so good. Two years ago he gave me a nice promise ring, which to me was very thoughtful and I really thought he had good intentions. I took that as a sign that there would be no more trouble caused by him. Boy was I wrong. Last year after his birthday weekend I found a hicky on his chest. I was in shock, in disbelief. I broke up with him but eventually took him back after he claimed he had gotten it from a lap dance his friends treated him to at the strip club. I decided to believe him. He started hanging out with a coworker at his new job who likes to drink. Soon after he started drinking as well (he would always pride himself over not being a drinker, which is true, he never drank). Last week I found out he would drink during breaks at work which I was not okay with (he's in the medical field). Who wants a potential spouse who drinks on the job risking to lose his job? We made up yet again. I've also caught him lying over being home when he really wasn't. Last Monday was one of those times. I confronted him and he said he lied about being home because he was actually drinking with friends after a soccer game. I was upset because of he lied to me. It made me wonder what else he lies about. It's been 4 incredibly hard days since I broke up with him. I'm angry that I wasted so much time with him. I'm also scared of being alone since he was a part of my life for so long. I know I need to let go of that toxic relationship but it is so hard. :(
Emmanuel on July 07, 2017:
My relationship of three years just officially ended today, and the painful part is that my ex has moved on with someone else... I'm so depressed that I can barely breath....
Moving Forward on July 06, 2017:
I broke up with my bf of 3 1/2 years because he disrespected me too many times (called me horrible names, would disappear for days, yelled at me, lied to me, etc.). Although we broke up many times I always fell for his tears and apologies and went back to him. Last month he asked me to loan him over $100,000.00 and suddenly referred to me as his 'wifey.' I helped him find loans from lending institutions, etc. but I didn't personally loan him any money. When he secured everything he needed, I wasn't wifey anymore and that all too familiar disdainful tone in his voice returned as did his passive aggressive comments. That was my breaking point. I wasn't about to go through another cycle of being mistreated and called names. I forgive him but I will never go back to being treated like that. I know in time the hurt will go away. What's helping me is gratitude; being thankful for the many wonderful people in my life and the ones I have yet to meet.
Kam on July 06, 2017:
Feels good to know I'm not in the dumps by myself and to know I'm on the right path of getting over the lost of my ex of a 1 1/2 and my ex which was alsoy bestie. How I feel now is if anybody want to hang out and you live in the state of TN let me know. We can support each other. Even if don't live here. Its always nice to have support from people who are experiencing the same situations you.
Mary on July 04, 2017:
I was the one who broke off our engagement and 8 year relationship 6 weeks ago. It has not been easy, I feel so foggy, very little energy, sleeping more. I recognize these activities as probable depression. It scares me because this is what I wanted. I broke it off because it was very boring, never doing anything. And not to bash him, because God knows I have faults, I fell out of love, did not even like him anymore. I pray, journal, call friends, walk my dog to stay busy, but this underlying buzz in my head has me concerned. I would not change it back, but it is the impact a long term relationship can have on anyone.
Its chan@dubaiuae on July 03, 2017:
Right now i broke up with my boyfriend for 9 years together ..thank u for ur tips tho it helps me.enlighten my mind ..it is tough to move on but i have to ..
Please help me! on June 27, 2017:
I have been in a relationship for 18 years come this december! I am totally heart broken & not sure what to do. He has gone thru some hard times these 2 years,even losing his job. But not once did i leave his side, a best friend would not do that, a soulmate would not do that.. He doesn't hold me anymore, the sex is so gone that it killes me.. He calles me a sex machine & how my sex drive is to high & how i fuck like girls on porn, how i need to give him space. Im so tired of throwing myself at him just to be rejected by . I'll wear nighties & night nothing at all. I still get nothing from him. I even picked up a 2 headed dildo so he could do what ever he wanted to do to me. He tells me how im ignoring & he is tired of listening to me.. Im tired of crying & feeling he does not want me. I don't understand what im wrong. I just understand.. Can anyone help to understand is happening , 18 years is such a long time & i still love him very much. I will say he lost his job of 16 1/2 years due to a masked gun man coming into his work & putting the gun to his head. He has been diagnosed with ptsd with many other things. My whole world is crashing Down around me & i dont know how to stop it. Please help me. Please we have a 13year old son.
K on June 27, 2017:
To the author of this post: thank you for sharing your experience, your steps of getting through a breakup help uplift me, affirm that I've done some things right in this difficult time, and guide me what to do next.
To everyone commenting: your stories remind me that I am not alone and that I will be okay, just as you all will. My 3 1/2 year relationship ended three days ago... The future is uncertain and terrifying, but we will survive!
Becca Sines on June 26, 2017:
My boyfriend of two years texted me saying he wanted to talk. Knowing it wasn't good I tried getting it out of him, he finally ended it in a text. Well the next day we talked it out more and he didn't want me as a girlfriend, but as a friend. I was thinking how could you throw away a two year relationship. Struggling I searched how to deal with this pain and I came across this page. It put it more in perspective that he wasn't right and what I needed to do. It's going to hurt, but over time someday hopefully I will find someone who will treat me better.
Leah on June 18, 2017:
My fiance of 6 years broke up with me a few weeks ago because he doesn't want to be tied down at such a you g age and we had our problems.
I had a hard time trusting him as he cheated on me a few times through highschool.
He said he couldn't stand not having the trust and that he just isn't happy. Idk what to do. I have no family to go to and all my friends are mutual. I also still have to live with him till I save money for a new place. He's out of town 4 days a week but the weekends when he is home is torture. He makes it seem like everything's fine and I'm so confused. I just wish I knew what to do.
Jamie on June 14, 2017:
I've been with my now ex for almost 3 1/2 yrs. ive known him since we were about 3. Our siblings and families are friends. Me and him dance together and have since we were 4. Everyone at dance has always said since we were little that we were going to date and get married. We started dating at 14 yrs old but I had a crush on him since 5th grade. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything. We were madly in love, we could understand eachother like no one else could. We knew more about eachother then we did ourselves. We had the fairytale relationship that everyone dreamt of. But We broke up about 2 months ago because of a couple of reasons, none of which were on a bad note though. For the first 2 yrs we both agreed that we would stay together through college, through thick and thin, get married, have kids. During the 3rd yr, he decided that it would be best if we broke up for college. We would be hrs apart, wouldn't have a car, etc. I didn't want to but I knew that there is no point in being in a relationship if both people aren't as committed. Ever since we broke up we have still been hooking up. Today was the last day that we agreed we would. Now we are "just friends" I know the article says not to but we still see eachother almost every day at dance and are sharing a house together for a week in July for our national dance competition, so we can't cut off communication. He tells me about how he is trying to hook up with other girls, not date them, just have sex. I know he isn't over me, he has shown many signs, as I am not yet over him. It hurts the most knowing that we ended for no good reason. We were both still madly in love when it ended, which makes it even harder. I feel so lonely all the time and whenever something happens, good, bad or funny, he is still the absolute 1st person I want to tell. I'm going to try to do what the article says. I hope it helps. I know time will heal all wounds, but I wish time would just speed up.
Andrew on June 13, 2017:
I've been with my ex for over five years and about three months. She was an amazing person till this day. I don't know what happen though. I think she just got bored of our relationship or she was swiped off her feet. We broke up a week ago. It's been really hard. What makes it harder on me is that I had an engagement ring ready to give her. Now that ring just sits in my safe. I should have asked her to marry me but I wanted to know how this summer was going to work out between us. The reason why is because for the past four years, every summer she got this distant feeling like she didn't know what she wanted or if she wanted to be with me. Since our first years I always had this gut feeling like maybe there is someone else and every year that I snooped through her phone and found that she constantly search her ex boyfriends and other pilots she works with. And I'm not saying she searched once or twice but multiple times till this very day.
Just recently about two weeks ago prior to going back to work her and I had a great foundation in our relationship including the fact that we told each other how strong our relationship is with all the hoops and hurdles we had to jump through. We told each other every day how much we love each other and how much we miss each other as well. Well she came back from her trip a total different person. She was not the same person I knew before she left to her trip. It took three days before I asked if something was bothering her and if she needs to talk to be. She said yes but only if we are alone. She broke the news to be that she didn't feel our timing was right, she didn't want to jump into a serious relationship as far as marriage goes, she wanted to travel. I asked her who did she talk to or if she is getting some kind of a guy crush. She said no there is no one else.
I don't know what I was feeling but by gut was telling me that she was not being so truthful since I could not understand how someone can suddenly feel like she did towards me. There I went again and snooped through her social media and there is was her and a co-worker flirting with each other. I confronted her about it and she said he is just a friend. I asked how can he be just a friend when you consistently searched on social media?
Now that we are broken up I still looked at her social media and she said that she doesn't need to explain anything to since we are no longer together. I want to forgive her but I don't know how. Either way she doesn't want to speak to me anymore so I believe she moved on with her life that fast.
Lisa86 on June 09, 2017:
I was with my partner for 12 years meet him when I was 18 he was my first bf my first love my all first I loved him soo much still doo have 2 kids with him we were the perfect couple people envy our relationship till he started his new job started hanging round with new workers going out never coming home till he ended up cheating on me how could he do this to me I found msg on his fone on my 30bday in Las Vegas the worst night of my life which should have been my holiday of lifetime I hope I can move on from him I hope I can stop loving him for the sake of my kids I need to move on as hard as it sounds I think no women no mother deserve to happen too
bunni3s on June 08, 2017:
i just got dumped today... spent 2 and a half years with him.. really wished we couldve been together longer but things just didnt work out. we broke up many times. argued all the time.. and today he finally said we should go our separate ways. i'm obviously hurting. i can't believe he just gave up so easily. I loved him a lot. still do. and will probably for the longest. But i know that we wont be getting back together. so i have to get over it. i have no friends :/ i just hang out with my sister in law. i feel lonely as heck but whatever. hopefully i can overcome this obstacle in my life.
Tomiwa on June 06, 2017:
I really hope I can and pray it works cuz am tired of his lies,cheats,no communication and I dont want him back either I want my old self back on the track. Am really hurting so much.
SK on June 04, 2017:
I am in a relationship since I was 19 and now it's a 4 years relationship. He has totally changed in these 4 years. It was one sided love in start. I still remember how he approched me and invested so much on me that I started loving him for what he was and how he cared for me. He almost did everything to get me. He sacrificed alottttt. i preferred to avail a scholarship in USA he forbade me but I didn't listen to him. That was the time we started having arguments. Well I went to usa he cane there for me. We had a great time. I have so much memories with him. But from past 2 years I am noticing changes in his attitude. He started abusing me over very piety things,mistreating me. He started being bossy. Now he treats me like a shit. We don't talk much now. We have arguments whenever we talk. He always says that he will marry me. But he wants me to be low profile and act like his servant. We used to be best friends. I left all my friends due to him. Now I have no one. NOt even him.
I want to get out of this trauma. He doesn't pay attention to me now neither we talk nor we meet.
I want to get over this relationship because its a constant mental torture. I love him so much. But its so painful to not get same love and affection from his side.
I want to move on but I have no way of getting out of his memories. All I do is pray alottttt of getting peace of mind and heart.
I want to get out of his life and start a new life but I don't know how to do that.
Glory on June 04, 2017:
This might really works for me,it will be more helpful too. but it will take time i think because its not only three years , it almost 6years and 2mons with my ex.. thankyou for this helpful advice.. More power to you
Glory ikeji on June 03, 2017:
Thank you so much for this article its really helpful to me
Bruce on June 03, 2017:
I don't think it's always that simple. I had a mid life crisis and was being all manic with an affair, she offered me one chance to let us get back together. I told her I wasn't ready. She looked up an old friend on facebook and started dating him. Moved on with him within a month of telling me that. I tried to get her back, explain what stupidity I had been going through, and was sincerely sorry. She refused. We had been together for 14 years and there was a lot more good than bad. They have been together 4 years and got married the other day. I could talk about this to a councelor till I am blue in the face but there is nothing to gain from it. All councelors do is listen and ask you questions about it to get yourself hopefully bored with it eventually. Trust me, I work in the health care field. Sometimes things aren't as easy as an article can make them out to move one from. And not all relationships should end cause of some rough times. If I had just said yes.
erc on June 02, 2017:
Today, I decided to finally let go my almost a decade relationship. We started too young, 17 years of age. Our relationship been through a lot of hardships because we are in a long distance relationship too. We consume each other immaturity and I, personally cannot move on with his past mistakes, it consumes me and my trust and it slowly kills our relationship. just recently, he cheated again with me with the same girl. i badly want to forgive him and forget about the mistake but it's too much to handle but losing him and all our memories hurt more. I know i can do this, I can let go and I can move on but how I wish this was all a dream.
Sam on June 01, 2017:
it was my mistake, I hurt her unknowingly, now she left me, i realized my blunders, begged for forgiveness, whatever i could do to say sorry i did, tried as much as i can to make her understand that i really love her but she never listened, she didn't give me a second chance to clear up my mistakes. She left me, now I am all alone, i want to forget her but it's very hard to do, i am still trying to make up my mind and move on like what she did.......
LaChuLaMaLa on May 27, 2017:
I'm reading all these stories & my heart is in so much pain. I'm in a 15 yr relationship. 2 kids. So, much has happened so much. & i feel like it's all about 2 end. I dnt want my relationship 2 end. I want 2 work things out. I want 2 raise our kids together. Trust is a big part of a relationship. Huge!! But even when all that trust is gone. & u still wanna try & fix it what do u do 2 try to get that trust back?? I feel so lost. I'm so lost in my own thoughts. It's crazy. He don't trust me I dnt trust him. But I love him. I love him so much. I dnt want no one else. When we hit our rough time about 2 yrs ago I thought ok were gonna get threw this. So time goes by. To only realize it's been fake. It's been 4 nothing. So why continue just leave me if u dnt trust me. Why continue to hurt me??& yourself? One day were ok were day were not. The time we do have 2 spend together were fighting. Or not talking. My son will be 10 my daughter is 6. They are getting older & they understand it all. & it breaks my heart to think that they wont have their parents together. What they are use to. Just so much is going on in my life right now. I needed 2 read these steps. Love hurts. Love sucks. But when u love someone... really deeply love them it's hard 2 let go. Especially when you have so much invested. My kids our animals our apartment bills rent cars. Lord give me the strength. 4real!! I just truly feel lost. I dnt ever wanna think he's cheating on me. But I dnt put nothing pass No one. But I'll tell u this... it would take that 4 me to grow the balls & be out. Like completely out!! Understand??!! Its hard 2 move forward when u keep bringing up past things. I want 2 leave all the past BULLSHIT in the past. Move forward. But, that is so hard 2 do with someone who cant!! 15 years that is all I keep saying to myself since I was 17 yrs old. I can't just give up on him. I just can't I have 2 try till I can't no more so @ least I can say I really did try!!
Melissa on May 24, 2017:
Thanks for the advice. I shall definitely try them. The problem I will have though is that even when I try and keep busy, I constantly drift back to thinking about all the good things about him. It's crazy. I've suddenly grown a pair of rose coloured glasses for him and have forgotten all the bad things. It's been over two months since we broke up, so I do need to try and move on, especially since I know my ex did that the day he left me.
Skynard on May 23, 2017:
Just got out of a 4 year relationship... This article has definitely helped but Im still in pain. I guess I just need time.
Yanny on May 23, 2017:
I have broke up for about 4 days.. and its really hard for me... To move on... You said.. you r not alone. Buttt the fact. I have no one to hangout, i have no one can hear my story, i have nothing to do here.. so what should i do? Everytime, everyday, every moment i am alone.. and i dont know how to move on.. i live in indonesia. My parents, my siblings are in different island. I am at jakarta right now. Here i got no one... I tried so hard to find somethin to do.. but there is nothing i can do. I always remember him... So hard to accept the thruth.
Msskim on May 22, 2017:
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship . We dated for 4 years and just a week ago we ended it . He no longer want to keep fighting for us . I'm devastated as I invested so much into this relationship from flying over and skyping him every night. He was my first real love . I'm 26 and I'm scared to love another because I truly thought he was my future . I was in so much pain that day, I was finding it so hard to cope so I took a spontaneous trip to my old hometown ( currently still here ) it's been great but I do miss him greatly . I have taken steps of deleting everything about/ of him . I wish he would continue to fight for us but I know I have to let him go and move on. We both deserve to live a happy life , not in anger and frustration . Praying I move on soon . Goodluck to all . Your story has helped me realised I'm not alone .
Helplesss on May 21, 2017:
My husband and I were together since we were 16 in high school,we went through a lot but always got past things,we graduated and got married and had a beautiful baby,about a week ago I randomly grabbed his phone looking for a contact just to find another women's number in his phone,I saw her nudes...never did I expect that,we were the couple everyone loved to be around,everyone thought we were perfect together,i asked him to leave the house that night because when I asked about it he lied,it's been 2 weeks now and my 4 year old has now come home to tell me his daddy already lives with another women.....I'm devastated,I have never felt so betrayed and broken in my life,I feel as I gave this man everything and more,I just can't believe the decision he has so quickly made,I am filling out divorce papers this week,but it is not what I wanted,I just pray god lifts my pain away so that I can properly take care of my son,8 years of my life gone just like that....
Yis on May 18, 2017:
5 years of relationship, lived together for the same amount of time, I took her hand over one of my friends, and lost that friend, it was my bad, but I thought love concurs all. We have a dog together, we lived in a small town, we argue a lot, but I never wanted an end.
She went away to England for three weeks, and two weeks after she left, she sent me a message said to me that she wants to break up with me, I insisted a phone call, then got dumped over a long distance phone call. We have our issues and problems, I' currently facing a lot of pressure in my life, my business, my life choice. But every choice I made, she's always a number one priority for a decision making factor, this just happened two days ago, and I cannot understand what made her make such decision. In the past two days, I cleaned her stuff up and dropped it off at her parents, I can't stay in the house because everywhere I go it's her shadowing me. I tried to talk to her again, but she refused to respond. I literarily put everything into this relationship to make it work yet what I got is a surprise break up over a text message and a phone call. I don't know what to do, I'm lost, I started my life in Canada 8 years ago, and 5 of those years I spent with her in this small town. I feel like half of my body had been ripped off and I don't know how to deal with this.
beb on May 18, 2017:
Well same for me. Had a 3 year relationship and he broke up with me because he didn't love me and he wasn't happy with me anymore. We used to live together and bought a house.. he kept me on the side for 2 months knowing that he wasn't in love with me and that he was going to leave me any way.
He withhold that information from me and lied to me. I hate him so it is really hard to cope with this type of things...
Trying to read articles like this and stuff to move on.. :/
PeterD on May 07, 2017:
That is an awful lot of unhappy things that you've experienced...but don't forget to write another list of good things that have happened .or could? occur in the future...best wishes...hope you don't mind a sing quote..'pleasure&pain is like profit&gain,
Sometimes you win&sometimes you lose.
Be kind to yourself, when you're tired of yourself,
Don't go mixing the reds along with the blues.
anon on May 07, 2017:
dont know how to cope with a 3 year relationship. hate to feel like it was my fault and i couldve changed something.
Wendy on May 07, 2017:
It has been difficult for my exboyfriend to move on, its been 5yrs since we broke up, he is married but no love affection for his wife. am still single but only communicate at times he says he still loves mr. what can he do coz he cnt divorce his inocent wife
Liz on May 07, 2017:
Barb im the same
15 year relationship dont the drain
Im devastated and dont really know which way to turn now
In the last 4 years i lost both my parents my 2 cats and my dog now the love of my life
So many times i just want to kill myself
There is nothing left for me here
I only have my job and my ex is my boss so im seeing him everyday
Angel on May 06, 2017:
That was some great tips I will use them
Bovice on May 02, 2017:
Step 2: Hang out with friends.
Step 8: Change your life.
Well that certainly escalated.
Barb on April 17, 2017:
Long-term seems to be a relative term. In my case, it was four years of going out together and 36 years of marriage. He just walked away, saying we had grown too far apart. I think it will take me years to recover and I can't ever see me sharing my life with someone else.
Tom Gibbons on April 12, 2017:
Having just come out of an 8 1/2 year relationship (engaged to be married), reading this article has helped. To be fair, a lot of points I'm already doing. I'm loving the time I have now. I've taken up biking again, every weekend. Back into the gym and seeing friends. So many friends, that I'd forgotten I had. They are all there for me and really supportive.
The part time job is something to consider, now I've taken on the mortgage etc the extra cash wouldn't go a miss at all and I've always wanted to work in a bar. Something I never did whist I was at University.
With regards to changing my life... my outlook on life is completely different now. I've never made so many plans, I'm doing as much as I possibly can, to keep busy but also because I've missed my hobbies. I'm even contemplating buying a motorbike, something I've always wanted to do. We shall see what happens as time moves on.
I have realised that life is too short. Life is for living and that it what I'm going to do.
Thanks for the article. Great read and great advice.
TD on April 09, 2017:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 years, and lived together for a year and a half. I have never ever felt a stronger more powerful love than what I feel for him. He's battled depression for the most part of his life, and I finally convinced him to go on medication. A year ago I found out he was texting a girl he used to work with (sexual texts). I was devastated, he was suicidal at the thought of me breaking up with him, and said he just was so stupid he wasn't thinking, he's not attracted to her in any way, shape or form. This was the catalyst for him going on anti-depressants, as he put his behaviour down to just stupid, self-destructive thoughts he had about himself.
We decided to work on it and after around 6 months it was like normal again. Then two and a half weeks ago I checked his phone (something I never do)- just to be nosy, in no way expecting to find anything. And there she was again. Sexual messages again. I almost hyperventilated, we were so happy and normal and in love. I don't know any other couple that is as close and open with each other as we are. And yet this was happening. He said he'd bumped into her a couple of weeks before and it had started again. He said it wasn't anything to do with how much he loved me, more about his fear of me leaving him and him self-sabotaging before I realised I was too good for him. After him living at his sister's for a week, we decided to work on it and booked some counselling sessions.
Before our counselling session, I checked his phone bill. Something was niggling at me. It turned out he had continued to text her every day since I'd found out. He said that it was 'just to tell her that I couldn't text her anymore'. That was it for me. I finally realised that he could lie to my face. When I looked at his phone bill again I noticed it was much longer than a few weeks this had been going on, and he said that it had been closer to 5 months.
I feel so horrible. 3 weeks ago we were as normal, so in love, so cuddly, so talkative. I love his family, my family loves him. Of all couples, people expected us to last and get married before everyone else. Now I'm faced with explaining to their shocked faces why we've broken up.
I'm still struggling with cutting him off. He can't look at me or talk to me without crying his eyes out. But we have to sort out all of our furniture and belongings. I gave all of my memories (photos, tickets, stuff I'd collected from our anniversary trips) to him, and our photo frames. I don't want to be reminded all of the time.
This article is helpful, but the thought of getting over him in 2 months seems crazy to me. I honestly believe he was the love of my life, I've never met anyone else who spoke to my soul. So crazy that such a stable and loving relationship can be based on a lie. I hope I'm able to get through a day without crying soon.
Lyn on April 08, 2017:
I ended a 6 1/2 year relationship 8 months ago and started dating someone literally a few days later and didn't deal with my emotions and now I'm a total reck.
Ashley on April 08, 2017:
I just got out of a 3year relationship 1day ago and it's been really hard on me, him and I moved to a state where his family was.. Let's just say I have like no friends or any support. We have a place together... But last night came and officially got his cat.. I really hard to cope with this cause I don't know what to do next, most all move into my own place,
One thing that I have is all my mail goes to his family house.. I would have to change that.
This is just hard, going from the seeing and holding this person. To this person just deciding things are getting bad, I love him and of course I don't want to be done, I'm not going to force him into staying with me. After being with someone so long you tend to know who they are and all they are. And I knew it was done... I was it is done
Shit part is we signed a leased together and 3daye again texted the land lord saying hey this isn't working blah blah ... Now that he up and moved... I have to do this by myself and this is going to be the hardest thing for me.
pearl on April 03, 2017:
I ended my relationship of 6 yrs because it was not growing anymore and he seemed not interested in it or even making it work though everyone excepted us to be getting married soon. Have not spoken to him for 10 months now. i sometimes have dreams about him, i miss him but at the same time i dont want to go back to how it used to and the fights. just got so tired yet right now i dont seem to move on. have prayed for the pain to go away all in vain. feel stranded. but in time mayb i will move on.
Mark on April 01, 2017:
Married for 10yrs I have two children one 5 and one 8 my wife was the main breadwinner so I became an house husband and pushed her with her career where she succeeded my mom passed away Last May and me and my wife started having problems in September we battled through until 2 weeks ago when she said I want more out of life she as now rented a flat and left me in the house the feeling of loss and grief is beyond words. I know I have to keep going but I can't eat as I am sick straight away I know I need counciling but can't afford it I am on medication that just numbs me which I hate. My depression is overwhelming I just wish the pain wood stop everybody says it will get better but I have no career so no prospect I am and was a good dad and she took everything but she still says she loves me but as just wants more. Which makes the pain even worse and as we have children I can't take the option of no contact else the law will make her primary carer which puts all the desions in her hands with regards the children I know I have a codependency personality so in short I am fucked where ever I turn. Thanks for reading and please say a prayer for me. Xxx
JoAnne on March 31, 2017:
Wow just 2 months to get over her...i was with my boyfriend for 2 years and we've been broken up for 6 months and i still cry almost everyday ... when you love someone it hurts for a long time... i don't want to go out with other guys i have no will to carry on actually...it's devastating and nothing helps
mira steele on March 29, 2017:
Hey how pleaed I am to read your article. It leaves me with hope for my tomorrows and the desire to work on ME. I forgive my foolish ways and know that love will still guide my paths as I let go of the notion of promises of "forever" and "the long haul".
aries on March 25, 2017:
i came in a more than 5 year relationship. he is the one who broke up with me, but im happy because he made me realized that i deserve someone better. I dont have any hard feelings for him.. at first i cannot accept the fact that we are not together anymore.. but time goes by, im happy without him anymore.
Greg on March 23, 2017:
Shelle on March 15, 2017:
But what if you always see him.. Worst if he's your classmate. What should I do?