Skip to main content

5 Reasons Not to Get Back Together With Your Ex

  • Author:
  • Updated date:

M. Rose is an online writer who focuses on relationships, psychology, humor, and music.

Think of all the reasons you're better off apart!

Think of all the reasons you're better off apart!

I've seen a lot of articles online detailing ways to get your ex back, ways to make him love you again, how to use voodoo to force someone into loving you for eternity, etc. But ironically, not too many words about the opposite advice.

Sometimes, it's not a good idea to get your ex back. When you love someone, this is a hard decision to come to. Some find it impossible and go back to the same person over and over again. But I'm here to tell you this isn't always the best decision for you. Whether you're waiting for the one you lost to change (ahem, see below for that one) or you just can't stay away, here are the top five reasons why you should not get back with your ex.

1. It didn't work out in the first place for a reason.

Think about why you broke up. Think about all the problems you had with your ex. Did his inability to keep a job drive you crazy? Was it her incessant flirting with other guys, despite her love for you, that made you end it? Or maybe you just fought constantly over everything from dinner plans to whether or not Pluto is a planet.

When you're considering rekindling that flame with your ex-lover, think about what set you over the edge. What made your relationship unfixable. Is that something you really want to go back to? Time makes us forget all the bad and only remember the good—but you did break up with your ex for a reason. Consider those reasons before crawling back.

Much less sexy when you're alone...

Much less sexy when you're alone...

2. Living in the past prevents you from moving on.

You may find yourself wanting your ex back because you're currently in a rut. You think back to the good times and wish they were still happening—you remember moonlit dinners, trips to the Cape, and now you're only making dessert for one instead of two (and it's much less gluttonous to eat chocolate cake with others). We all get stuck in the past every now and then, and while a little nostalgia can keep us going in the really bad times, thinking about what happened long ago is no good reason to get your ex back.

Moving on is often the best medicine after a breakup. Dwelling on what's already happened will never move you forward in life—imagine if we as humans were never able to learn from our mistakes. We'd be doomed to make the same stupid mistake for the rest of our lives. If we decided to pick a spouse who didn't appreciate us, we'd be constantly picking that same type of person forever. Doesn't that just suck? Use your ability to learn from your mistakes to make your next relationship better and healthier than your last, instead of repeating your last mistake.

3. Sure, some couples get back together and make it work... but not many.

You've seen it happen before. Your friend or cousin or best friend's bridesmaid's sister had a horrid break-up, then she realized later that her ex was truly the one for her. And they got married in a huge ceremony and lived happily ever after. Good for them. But one example is not the norm—-that's a huuuuge misnomer. And further, do you even know the details of why the example couple broke up in the first place? Maybe it was something silly. Or maybe they're just the exception.

Much more often, two people get back together and realize all those problems they had before haven't changed. He still doesn't respect her, and she still refuses to pay for anything. Those issues that caused your breakup haven't changed. Nothing has changed. Getting back together usually only causes a rehash of why you broke up in the first place. Which then, leads to another breakup.

4. People don't change.

I know this is a controversial topic, but I'm willing to put it out there. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. Sure, maybe your ex would be on her best behavior for a few weeks if you got back together; but deep down to the core, she's still that same woman who you couldn't make it work with. I promise you, the chances of your ex changing this time around are next to nil. Now, yes people have the capabilities to change—it's not an absolute. People can change their clothes, their hairstyle, even aspects of their personality. But change has to come from inside yourself (and even if you want to change, it is darn hard).

Your ex will not change for you. Her personality, her bad habits, the way she truly is when nobody's watching, 99.9876% of the time those are traits people won't change. You are much better off finding a partner who you don't want to change. A good relationship starts when you accept the other person for who they are, when all the walls are down, when you've seen them at their best and worst, and you love them just the way they are.

5. Don't settle for somebody who couldn't keep you around in the first place.

Even if your ex was the one who initiated the breakup and left you heartbroken, this main idea still applies. Either way, one of you wanted to break up and the other went along with it. There was something in your relationship that made it not work for one of you, so being with your ex wasn't exactly an ideal situation. So why should you settle for such a situation?

The bottom line is that there was a breakup. A breakup means something was wrong beyond the little annoyances. And all of this says that you can find someone better for you. Someone who won't want to break up with you, or who you won't want to break up with. Never settle or deny yourself future happiness. Even if you can't see it now, you will find someone else. You can find someone who treats you better than your ex did. But in order for that to happen, you have to move on and not get back together with your ex.

Breakups usually don't lead to marriage!

Breakups usually don't lead to marriage!