12 Tips for Ending a Relationship With the Least Pain
Realising that our relationship lost its heat and it would be better to put an end of all the past months/years spent together is never easy. Still, what’s even more harder is to tell this to the other party and try to - gracefully - end the relationship together.
No matter what had happened during the relationship, everyone deserves a longer and hearty talk about the past and some explanation about what made us make this decision.
In the following points I’ve tried to gather all the most important things that you should do to end a relationship and all in all, to have a correct break-up.
Just to make sure
First of all, the most important thing is to ask yourself: Would you be happier if you two weren’t together anymore? - Think this over once more and if it is needed, write a pros and cons list about your relationship (on your own when you are alone, don’t involve anyone else – moreover not your partner or your friends).
Also, make sure you never decide to break up in the heat of the moment and never threaten your partner with a possible break-up. These will just create more problems and the next day it is possible to even see things in a completely different way.
After all these if your answer is still yes, so you still would like to break-up with your other half, then follow these unwritten (well, now written :)) rules if possible – to have a peaceful and drama-free break-up.
Tips on how to break-up peacefully
- Make the other party the first to know. Never tell your friends that you are planning to end your relationship. And with this, don’t let your partner to learn this fact from others first. This break-up is only your business.
- Never play for time. This will only create more doubts in you. But please keep in mind: if you see that your future ex had a bad day already, don’t make it worse for them. Wait at least one, but rather 2-3 more days. Break up with them only when both of you are calm and is able to speak in private and nonce can interrupt or interfere.
- Be honest and give sincere answers for the questions that the other party might ask from you during the break-up talk.
- Be direct; give the MAIN reason for the break-up. NEVER give a whole list and hurl abuse at them; keep in mind that the aim is to end the relationship and NOT to emotionally kill your future ex, right? Tell them the biggest issue that can’t be solved and concentrate on that. If it was a recurring problem, it will not shock and hurt the other party unnecessarily. Don’t over-complicate things.
- Don’t just ask for a break. This is the worst thing one can do. With this you would leave some doors open and suggest that maybe in the near/far future you two will be able to get together again. You can’t do this to your partner, you can’t elongate their sufferings.
- Break up in person. NEVER break up through e-mail, sms or over the phone. This is humiliating and suggests that you have no respect to the other party – at least not enough to ‘be a man’ and break-up in person and talk about the reasons.
- Do it in private and at the right place. Never break up on family events, after sex or on your holiday. Choose a calm and neutral place if needed, but the best is if you do it in your home.
- Listen to your future ex, let them ask or tell what they want. Also, if you two live together speak about how and when to move out. Respect what they ask.
- Keep in mind to be correct. Always behave and never make a huge drama. Additionally, don’t be rude or hurt the other party unnecessarily.
- Accept and admit your responsibility and your mistakes – don’t just blame the other party. On the other hand never say ‘It’s not you, it’s me’, as this is just an annoying and offensive cliché that leaves loads of questions unanswered for your ex.
- Be ready for some tears, arguing, questioning and/or begging. But never raise your voice, even if your partner starts yelling at first. Let them calm down and continue to talk.
- Keep distance after the break-up. If you know there’s no chance to get back together again in the future, never try or let to prolong the agony of both of you. Don’t be friends for a while if needed. After some time, when the feelings have settled, you can meet again, but never let the other party to start hoping again.
What do you think?
Is it possible to break-up peacefully?
Please always keep in mind that even if you already knew that you will end this relationship, the other party might not have a clue about it. This news will probably shock them, so make sure you are always appreciative and calm during the break-up talk.
All in all: Leave as you would like to be left – if it ever happens.
© 2012 Sophie