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11 Signs He Wants You Back, But Is Too Scared to Admit It: How to Tell When Your Ex Wants to Get Back Together

Updated on June 15, 2017
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After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

When a relationship is over, it really should stay over in most cases. There are reasons that you broke up, and those reasons won't magically disappear just because your ex wants to get back together.

Though wanting to date again isn't enough to make things work, it is possible to have a successful relationship again if you're willing to reflect a little on what went wrong and attempt to fix it. This has to be a group effort between you and your ex. You have to be willing to dive deep into the root problem and try to learn from your mistakes.

If you're up for the challenge, you may be able to give things another shot. Of course, it takes two to tango. Your ex boyfriend has to be willing to work on the relationship as well.

The problem is that he might be too afraid to be open about the fact that he wants to get back together. Likewise, you might be too afraid to ask.

Though being upfront is the best policy, you can try looking for these signs that your ex wants you back before you put yourself out there again:

Sometimes there's hope that you can work things out.
Sometimes there's hope that you can work things out.

1) He Keeps Contacting You

It's a sign your ex misses you if he can't stop contacting you and wants to ask you about your day.

Even if he seems to have random "reasons," like asking if you know the address of the restaurant you used to go to with him or asking about a mutual friend, often these are just surface excuses. The real reason might just be that your ex still loves you and wants to hear your voice. Consider this especially if he keeps asking you things that he could easily answer himself.

2) He Wants to Spend Time With You

One of the major signs your ex still loves you is if he keeps wanting to spend time with you. Time is precious in our busy world, and it's unlikely that he would be willing to waste it on someone he doesn't care about.

If he's asking to hang out with you with no ulterior motives, then he enjoys your company at the very least. This could mean that he just wants to be friends, but it's also extremely possible that he wants a romantic connection again. According to an article by Scientific American, men are less likely than women to view opposite-sex acquaintances as "just friends." I would say this rings true in most cases.

3) He Hasn't Found a New Girlfriend Yet

While it's normal for people to have a period of time where they enjoy freedom between relationships, it could be a sign that your ex wants you back if he hasn't been dating. If he hasn't been seeing other girls at all (as far as you can tell), or it's been months and months, and he still has no girlfriend, he might not be over you.

This can be a good thing or a bad thing. Obviously, if you want to get back together, then this might be a good sign. On the other hand, if you feel weird that he's carrying a torch for you after all this time, you may take this as a hint to keep your distance.

The Single Life

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Over-priced beverages in crowded bars that smell like cigarettes: one of the privileges of the single life.
Over-priced beverages in crowded bars that smell like cigarettes: one of the privileges of the single life.

4) He's Still Friends With Your Friends

People's social groups tend to split up naturally when there's a breakup. You may have had lots of mutual friends before, but the ones that like you more will often drift closer to you and stop hanging out with him as much.

If there is seemingly little change, and he still hangs out at the same social gatherings, he may be trying to run into you. He might also just feel closer to you if he keeps the same social circle.

5) You Bump Into Your Ex a Lot

Does your ex seem to pop out of nowhere sometimes? Are you at school or at work or at a social event, and he just happens to coincidentally show up?

Another obvious sign that your ex wants you back is if you keep bumping into him. If there's really no good reason for him to be somewhere besides the fact that you're there, take it as a hint. Most people try to avoid their exes; if he's doing the opposite, it speaks volumes.

It might make you happy to see him again. On the other hand, it can come off as creepy if he's been doing it too much. One person's devoted lover is another's stalker, you could say.

6) You Hear That He's Been Asking About You

If you still have mutual friends, you might want to ask them if your ex has been asking about you. Sometimes your ex might still care about you, but have no desire to get back together. Still, if you hear that he's been persistently questioning your mutual friends on what's been going on in your life, take it as a sign your ex misses you.

7) He's Been Making Himself More Attractive

Has he been working out? Dressing nicer? Trying to raise his income?

This one is a bit ambiguous. It could just be a sign that your ex is trying to make himself more attractive to other women. However, if he seems to be making an effort to change in ways that specifically appeal to you, he might be doing it because he wants you back.

Consider it a sign especially if the change has to do with one of the reasons you broke up. For example, let's say that you dumped him because he wears the same shirt every day and you couldn't stand the stench of his toxic armpits anymore. Suddenly, you see him walking around town with a different shirt on every day. This could be a sign that he wants to get back together.

Has he been workin' that body for you?
Has he been workin' that body for you?

8) He Makes Vague Posts About You On Social Media

Depending on your age, you may not want to get back with your ex if he's doing this. If you're a teenager or in your early twenties, then it might be acceptable for your ex to make vague Facebook statuses about how much he misses "someone," or constantly post memes about "the one that got away."

However, if your ex is a grown man in his late 20's or older, you might want to rethink your desire to get back together if he does this. Yes, it's a huge sign that your ex misses you and still loves you, but it's kind of weird at his age. As cute as his sad postings may be, you might want to stay single for awhile until you find someone more mature.

9) He Willingly Does You Favors

Most people don't like to go out of their way for others--that's just a reality of life. Usually, we'll only do favors for the people we love. If he seems ready to bend over backwards every time you call and ask for something, then he almost certainly wants to get back together.

10) His Friends Still Talk to You

While you might have had a large group of mutual friends, if his friends still talk to you and are friendly, then this possibly means that your ex is still open to the idea of getting back together.

Most people avoid their friends' exes for obvious reasons. They hear terrible things about the ex and may have even encouraged their friend to break it off. If they seem to genuinely like you and feel comfortable with you, this might mean that your ex never talked smack about you to them. While this might be the case for many reasons--maybe your ex is a nice person and would never talk badly of you or anyone else--it could also be a sign that your ex still loves you.

Have a long chat over some coffee. Ask him to come right out with it if he wants to get back together.
Have a long chat over some coffee. Ask him to come right out with it if he wants to get back together.

11) He Tells You That He Wants to Get Back Together

Finally, the most obvious and important sign is if he tells you upfront that he wants you back. You can spend hours sitting around thinking about all the little hints that he may have thrown your way, but it's best to just ask him and get a straight answer.

Save yourself some time and ask him to meet you somewhere in person. If he's willing to see you, that's a good sign in and of itself. While you're talking, ask him in a casual tone if he ever sees the two of you working out your differences and getting back together.

This can be a scary prospect because you're taking an emotional risk. You might lay all of your feelings out there for him to just say no. Rejections hurts, but this is often the only way to know for sure.

The Signs of Love

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© 2017 Jorge Vamos

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