Agathe has an interest in the way people form a relationships and how attraction between two people happens. Stay tune for more.
Look, if you are here, then something must be off in your relationship. Sure, breaking up sucks but you deserve better. There are plenty of fish in the sea, after all. But plenty of fish in the sea also means the one you find isn’t always going to be ideal. But anyway, you can always start anew. If your boyfriend is any one of these types, it’s the sign you should break it off. Don’t be sorry—you don’t want to live your whole regretting it.
1. That Guy Who’s Always Unavailable
He’s that boyfriend you’re frustrated with. He’s just never available. He won’t call or even send a simple text to let you know. He’s just gone. There’s no way of knowing it. And when he appears out of nowhere, he’ll be on his phone. He will tell you that he’s fine, he’s just busy. Sure — he's busy, you understand, but there’s a limit to it. You can just dump him. First of all, it feels like you’re not in a relationship. A healthy relationship is supposed to be shared between two people. What’s the point if you are constantly left alone? It feels like you’re living a single life either way so why don’t you just end it? Second of all, he’s clearly not as invested in the relationship. It simply means he’s not that interested in you. You’re not a part of his plan. So yes, just dump him. No need to feel insecure. It simply means you’re not made for each other. Case closed.
2. That Control-Freak Who Controls Every Single Aspect of Your Life
Let’s admit it, it’s cute at first. He’s just so afraid of losing you. You feel like a prize. Well, girls, don’t mistake his actions for caring. They're not. He’s just so insecure about himself that he needs to control you so you won’t run away. It’s unattractive. He doesn’t have a life outside of you. How pathetic is that? Either that or he thinks of you as his property. You should never be anyone’s property. You’re your own person. You should enjoy your life more instead of thinking about every decision and action you make, fearing it will anger your so-called boyfriend. You only live once, so make it worth it. Oh, and if he begs and promises to not do it again, don’t trust him. Chances are he’s most likely going to make the same mistake. If you did give him a second chance – which is not so bad, everyone deserves one – and he returns to his controlling behavior, just leave him. Don’t turn around. Do not.
3. The One Who Can’t Move On From His Ex
Everything you do or say is linked back to his ex. It’s always his ex is this and that. It’s never you. He’s constantly comparing you to his ex-girlfriend. How much prettier she is, how she never does this and that and you do. It makes you feel insecure and jealous. In short, you’ll never be as great and amazing and wonderful as she is. And that’s fine. You’re not her anyway. You’re amazing in your own way. Who cares if your boyfriend thinks you’re not? You can always find another one anyway and he’s going to do a great job of loving you. Also, he clearly hasn’t moved on from his ex. You’re just a rebound. If I were you, I’d consider breaking up. I wouldn’t want a man who loves another woman. But if you want to stay by his side and help him move on, it’s fine by me. Miracles do exist. But remember, you shouldn’t be constantly put down and compared. You’re so much more than that.
5. The Philanderer
You’re walking with him and an attractive girl passes by. You catch him checking her out. He doesn’t even bother hiding the fact that he checked her out. There are also tons of messages from other girls on his phone. He’s also often gone for a suspicious ‘business trip’. Enough said. You should just cut him out of your life. He’s not worth your time. Even if he’s just cheating on you with one girl, you should call it quits. Unfaithfulness is not what we’re looking for in a relationship.
6. The Jealous Type
He’s always jealous of you, be it another man or your achievements. Okay, being jealous can be good at times. It helps you to understand each other and talk it out. Perhaps, you are indeed being too friendly with this one guy at work. But if you were just hanging out with a bunch of your friends and there’s a guy among them and he gets jealous? Nope, just nope. It’s too much. He’s even jealous of your achievements. Remember, he’s supposed to support you instead of acting otherwise.
7. The Guy Who Cares Too Much
I’m not talking about feelings. I’m talking about appearance. This guy spends like three hours in the bathroom, even if you are only going to Target. He has tons of beauty products you didn’t even know exist. He is in the bathroom longer than you are. He cares about his appearance so much that it’s unsettling. Perhaps, if he has other qualities, you should consider him. This trait is harmless even though it’s kind of annoying. Oh, well. Or perhaps, it’s the sign of narcissism which leads to the next type of a guy...
8. The Narcissist
Have you ever heard of the Greek myth? There’s a hot guy named Narcissus who falls in love with his own reflection. That’s where the word ‘narcissist’ comes from. If your boyfriend seems to be too obsessed with himself, that’s a clear sign you need to back out. Fast. The world revolves around him. All he talks about is himself. Whenever you want to talk about some other topic, he switches it back to him. You need to cater to his interests, all the time. The worst thing of all? He will dump you without a second thought when you lose interest. Okay, he might be charming the first time you met him. You think, “It couldn’t be.” Well, the narcissist is charming at first until he starts losing interest in you.
9. The Boy Who Never Grows Up
It’s true that we should live like we’re young. But this boy – he’s not a man. He doesn’t have any sense of responsibility. He plays games all day. He’s financially dependent on his parents. He doesn’t work. He relies on his mum too much. The list goes on. Look, you don’t want a kid to look after. You want a man. You want the one who’s equal to you. Maybe it’s fun for some people but think of the future. If you are just looking for a fling then, it’s fine, I suppose.
10. The Manipulative, Abusive Boyfriend
This type of boyfriend goes hand-in-hand with the control freak. He’s the worst type of boyfriend you’ll ever get. He’s abusive, both emotionally and physically. He always blames you when everything goes wrong. He won’t hesitate to hit you if you so much as get on his nerves. You are the problem. He makes you feel like you’re worthless. He manipulates you into thinking that you’re lucky because he hasn’t left you. Every time you feel content with yourself, he is there to ruin it. You can’t escape from him. He limits your social circle. He forbids you to do stuff. Every time you bring up the topic of breaking up, he starts acting nice to you. Then, you start second-guessing yourself. Don’t be fooled. Don’t hesitate. Just break up with him. He’s not the one for you. You better have someone backing you up in case he resorts to violence. Another option is to run away to somewhere safe.
It might be hard to say it but you can do it. You should put your happiness above everything else. A relationship is supposed to make you feel content, not otherwise. If your boyfriend is not one of these, thank your lucky stars. He’s a keeper!
Questions & Answers
Question: Is it controlling if my boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight?
Answer: In my opinion, it depends on the way your bf paraphrased it. Did he persist, to the point of force that he does not want you to lose weight when you want to and are making the effort to do so? If so, I believe he is controlling because he should respect your decision, unless he is just looking out for your health (for example, you are already underweight, to begin with, or are at a healthy weight). I hope that answers your question.
Question: Is there something I can do to make him love me wholeheartedly because we have a baby already but not yet married?
Answer: This is a very tricky question and I'm not getting enough information about your situation so it is hard to judge, it depends on your relationship with him. Are you dating or are you just friends? I'm not a relationship expert but my general advice is to talk it out with your partner and what you both want.
mindc on September 24, 2019:
my ex-girfriend when I was 20 years old did fit in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 3, 2 and 1... half year and first love wasted but at least was over her... a guy can study, pay for things and realy and in the end it turns out that some think it's so easy to get love and a partner but they don't know how much time and effort it realy takes.
Agathe L (author) on June 19, 2017:
Hi dashingscorpio. That's a nice opinion. I agree that some women choose those bad guys instead of the nice ones, haha. It's especially true for those who have the 'unavailable' boyfriend and 'the philanderer'. A lot of women put up with years of crap before letting go of a man. That often happens as well. Women use feelings more than they use logic so they continue holding on even though the relationship is toxic.I have an experience about that, in fact. No, it's not me but rather, my relative. She'd continuously switch between wanting to leave the man and stay but in the end, she did stay, no matter how many times she said she's done with his crap. I made this article to make women realize that, there are better men out there. Why do we make ourselves suffer? Ah, it's also important to note that some guys are nice at first but then, they start showing their true self. I know that kind of person. Thank you for sharing your opinion, I really like your perspective.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 18, 2017:
Women oftentimes are attracted to the type of guys they "swear" they can't stand. They'll then put "nice guys" in their "Friend Zone". Some women love "bad boys" and taking on man "projects" simply because they're more challenging.
Young women in particular are most likely to be going through a "bad boy" phase or they simply allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.
It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Until a woman gets at the root of (why) she chose a guy she is now unhappy with she'll be doomed to finding another one just like him.
If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper"!
Lets face it a woman "in love" will oftentimes put up with years of crap before letting go of a man unless (he) dumps her first!
Afterwards she (blame him) for all the years she wasted.
No one is "stuck" with anyone! She could have been gone!
If you love yourself you'll naturally have "deal breakers" and "boundaries" along with a "must haves list" for potential mates.
You're responsible for having your own "mate selection/screening process".
Breaking up is only the first step. Choosing wisely is the cure!
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!
If something doesn't "feel right" to (you) it's probably not right for (you). Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine!
One man's opinion!