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10 Most Effective Tips to Forget an Ex

Jenny is a girl who once failed in her relationship but found the courage to move on with her life. She is now happy and contented.

How to get over your ex

How to get over your ex

How to Forget Your Ex-Girlfriend or Boyfriend

Every failed relationship is painful. It hurts us in a way no physical wounds can . . .

I, too, was heartbroken. I was so mad at myself for being such a fool, and I almost hated the world for being so unfair. I wanted to slap just anybody and wanted to be alone for a while (thank goodness I have no suicidal tendencies). I was emotionally tortured that time. I was crying while at work. And every time I hear the sound of some familiar love songs, I can't help but cry my heart out.

I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget him as soon as I could (if only it could happen the next morning when I woke up), but I couldn't. Everywhere I looked, I saw him . . . there's just too many memories, and I thought I would go crazy trying to avoid them.

Over time, I've realized that it's not enough to just want to move on . . . I had to do something about it, and I did. It wasn't easy, I tell you. There were times when I was literally banging my head on the wall for being too weak to fight the urge to contact him, and deleting all his numbers didn't help as well as I have memorized them.

But as time went by, it became less painful until you literally can't remember how it actually felt. Fortunately, I was successful! Let me share with you the things I did and I'm pretty sure it will help you too.

1. Accept What Happened but Don't Dwell on It

It is normal to be upset, mad, and hurt after break-ups, especially if it's a third-party issue. And you'd probably be mad for a long time. But if you stay mad, you'd only stress yourself, and you'd only make your world smaller.

You have to accept that the relationship is over and don't even try to pick up the pieces because you'd only hurt yourself. Acceptance is the first step to moving on and getting over that stupid ex, so it's time for you to make that first step. Once you've accepted it, don't dwell on it. Don't over-think and over-analyze things. Don't dwell on the "what-ifs or what might have beens" in the relationship. It's fruitless. Believe me, I've tried, and it only made me feel worse than I have ever been.

Instead, choose to accept that it is over and stop thinking. It's not easy, but you can do it.

A good way to deal with it is by journaling about your feelings. It doesn't have to be the best writing or even good writing at all. Just get it all out there. Imagine that as you write them down, the bad feelings and thoughts are leaving your body and sticking to the paper.

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2. Let Go

The rule of every relationship is never ever be clingy. You have to learn to let go. I know it's not easy. Letting go is actually the most crucial and the most difficult phase of every relationship. There are just too many memories, and forgetting these memories feels like an impossibility.

Well, who wouldn't find it hard to let go? You have invested so much time, money, effort, and tears to make the relationship work out, only to lose it in just a moment. Of course, it's hard to let go! Who am I kidding? However, you also have to think of yourself, honey.

You ought to respect and value yourself more than anyone, and being clingy indicates that your self-value is way below the line. Do not cling to someone who doesn't see your true value. It's just not going to work.

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3. Go Outside and Be Active

I understand that you want to be alone, and I respect that. Everyone deserves some alone time with themselves, and I'm not going to deny you that opportunity. When you are alone, you can think things through, but don't overdo it.

Do not stay indoors for long. Go out. Enjoy the outdoors. Socialize with your friends. This will give you less time to think about your ex. Bask in the sun or go someplace else with your family members. This will definitely give you a better view of the world you once lived in . . . the world without your stupid ex.

Don't forget that you once lived without him/her, so it won't definitely ruin your life now that you are back to where you once were . . . your life isn't over now that they're gone.

In addition, exercising, sunlight, and fresh air will help you become healthier which will make your body feel good. Soon enough, your heart will start feeling better too.

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4. Don't Look Back or Imagine "What If . . ."

Once the relationship is broken, it will never be the same again, no matter how hard you try to piece it back together. There is a reason why the relationship didn't work, and it's rare that the relationship works the second time around.

If the deal-breaker was unrelated to the couple (like a job or just a minor misunderstanding), it's possible things might work out if the situation changes. But if you broke up because of individual differences or cheating, hon, you should think twice before getting involved with the same person again.

You need to look within yourself and be honest. If you think you can still trust the person wholeheartedly then go for it. But you have to be careful. Seriously—if he cheated on you once, he'll cheat on you again, that's for sure!

What I'm trying to say is, it's better if you don't look back. Less conflict, worry-free, and new possibilities for love and better life. Science has proven that once a cheater is always a cheater, so do yourself some favor and look for someone else who would see your true value . . .

What I'm trying to say is, it's better if you don't look back. You will have less inner conflict, fewer worries, and more possibilities for love and a better life.

5. Make New Memories

To get your ex out of your system, you have to create new memories. If you visited some places together in the past, you need to go to a new spot that you've never been before. Better yet, go somewhere you went together but this time do it with your loved ones and friends. Eat foods you've never tasted before. Try a different sport.

Do something you never thought you'd do, like bungee jumping, skydiving, ziplining, rock climbing, or anything else! If you create new memories, you will have a better chance at forgetting your ex, and in the process, you'll discover many more things that you are capable of, things you never thought you could do.

6. Improve Yourself

You're single. This is the best time for you to focus on yourself. Now, your money and time is all yours to take. Don't feel guilty about spending it.

Treat yourself. Go to a spa or buy anything to get you pampered, like mani/pedi set. Buy a new set of clothes, shoes, and makeup. Give yourself a makeover as the strong, independent woman you are. Enroll in a culinary course and learn something new. Indulge in worthwhile activities like yoga, swimming, biking, and the arts.

As you improve yourself, you'll build the self-confidence that was marred by your previous relationship. Being confident in yourself gives you a certain balance. It makes you feel good about yourself, and that's very attractive.

It also helps to have a role model or mentor, someone who you admire as a person. This could be someone who's also gone through a breakup and can give you some guidance as you're dealing with your feelings. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

7. Avoid Contact With Your Ex as Much as Possible

Your ex might still want to contact you even after the breakup. If this happens, it will certainly make it harder for you to forget him. Be respectful but mindful of your needs. You can change your number (or block his) and delete his number from your contact list. If you memorized his number, you will really have to discipline yourself and do your best not to contact him.

Try to memorize other important phone numbers. Keep busy so you won't even have time to think of contacting him. In time, you'll be surprised that you don't remember his phone number anymore.

Unfollow him or block him on all your social media accounts, and delete all your old messages and emails so you don't spend any time going through them. Make a new email address to make it even more effective. The urge to contact him will wane little by little until you don't remember him at all.

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8. Make Lifestyle Changes

Make a list of all the things you want to do with your life. What are the things that you could never do together? Did he hate boating because he got seasick? Go on a cruise. Did he always roll his eyes when you wanted to go dancing? Take a dance class!

Clean your room and throw away all the things that you associate with your ex, like photo albums, gifts he gave you, old rotten flowers he gave you that you're still keeping as souvenirs, letters, and birthday cards. If you have posters or pictures drawn on the wall with him, repaint your walls and redecorate your bedroom.

These are not easy things to do. But you have to move on, and removing these things as a memento of your previous relationship will help you forget him faster and for good. Challenge yourself to be strong, and you'll be surprised at how easy and how fulfilling it can be if you're successful.

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9. See the Good in Yourself

Nothing is impossible if you are determined to really move on, but you have to help yourself. Make a list of all the bad qualities of your ex, the things you couldn't stand about him or her. List all the reasons why you shouldn't get back together.

Then enumerate all of your good qualities, those qualities that make you special and worth a second shot in love. Make a list of your 100 best qualities. Don't stop until you reach 100! Having these things written down will help you convince yourself that you've made the right decision.

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10. Love Again

This is the ultimate way to get over your ex. Even though your past relationship didn't work, it shouldn't stop you from loving again. Try not to close your heart to a new possibility of a love that is better, bolder, and greater than the previous one. Smile and be hopeful. There is someone who is right for you, someone who will be thankful to have you, someone who will treasure and respect you more than anyone else.

You will find a new love that will make you grow more mature and inspired in your everyday life. And who knows, the next person could even be the one you decide to spend the rest of your life with.

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That's it, folks. That's my advice. If I was able to get over my ex, I am sure that you will too. Even though it feels like it, it is not the end of the world. There is still someone out there waiting for you who will find you no matter what.

Be thankful and learn from your past and use that to become a better and more lovable person. Realize that there are different kinds of people that we are meant to meet in life. Some of them are just passing by to give us lessons, some will make us stronger, some are meant to show us what the real world is like, and there are some who will stay with us forever.

Love yourself more, and you'll see that new love is coming along soon enough.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: What do I do if I still love my ex?

Answer: There is nothing wrong with loving the person. Most breakups happen when you still love the person, but it just happened that the other party has done something irreparable like cheating, etc. Sometimes you just have to walk away even if you still have feelings for him/her because that is the right thing to do.

Question: I can move on with someone else, but I always think of my ex. What should I do?

Answer: If you still think of your ex with fondness, then you have not moved on at all. You are merely using someone else to be with because you probably don't want to be alone. That's what we call a Rebound, and that is not fair to the other person, so don't do that.

Question: I love my ex to death. He wants nothing to do with me but tells me we can stay friends. He blocked me on Facebook. I cheated on him three times. I lived with him, but in March, he moved out and told me I couldn't go to his new place. What should I do?

Answer: He did the right thing. If you cheated on him three times how dare you say you love him to death? Don't be a hypocrite, and let him move on with his life without someone like you. He clearly deserves someone better.

Question: My ex dumped me about 3 months ago and the day after, he started to go out with another girl who I knew. He still keeps contact with me. I don't love him anymore but my question is, What should I do now, Like I'm sorta over him but every time I see a picture of him and that girl, I burst into tears. What can I do to be completely over him and stop feeling sad every time I see him with another woman?

Answer: Moving on is never easy. I think what you should do first is to refrain from looking at his social media accounts or that girl's. Try to also change your number or delete him from your contact list or do something to prevent him from contacting you. That is the best way to help yourself move on...

Question: Will an ex still have another look at you after you move on?

Answer: Whether he looks at you again doesn't matter anymore. Once you can move on with your life, he will be nothing but a distant past encounter. But to answer the question, yes, he might have another look at you, and if he sees you as a different but a better person, he would definitely feel like a loser for losing you.

Question: What if he made you pregnant, should you use the same strategy to forget your ex as the one described in your article?

Answer: If he made you pregnant, you need to talk to him and tell him that he's the father and he is responsible for what happened just like you are also responsible. He has the right to know and he needs to know but if he doesn't take responsibility, then it is up to you to think of the actions you are willing to take about your situation. If he is a jerk, then you are better off without him but you need to tell him and you can decide from there.

Question: I deleted all of his pictures and emails. I threw away everything that he gave me. I also deleted my social media accounts, but I still can't forget him. What should I do?

Answer: Kudos for your bravery. You are one step closer to moving forward, but it is not going to be easy. There will always be that nagging feeling of wanting to check him out, and you need to be brave and strong not to do so. Go out and smell the flowers, as they say. Make new adventures with friends and meet new people; that's the next step.

Question: My ex has a new girlfriend now. Do you think he is still thinking about me?

Answer: I doubt it. But what difference does it make if he still thinks of you? You are no longer together, so I think it is best not to concern yourself with whether or not he still thinks of you. Focus on your life and move on.

Question: My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I really can't forget him. I try to block him but I end up unblocking him because he hasn't told me the reason he dumped me. I really wanna know why he did that. How can I get an answer from him?

Answer: Have you asked? If you want answers then you ask...but you need to prepare yourself for what he will tell you. The reason why he doesn't tell you yet is probably because he knows the truth will hurt you.

Question: Is staying friends with your ex a smart thing to do?

Answer: Well, let me ask you first, how do you feel towards your ex right now? If you think you are ready to accept nothing but friendship without fooling yourself, then yes, I don't see why not. I know some people who were ex-lovers and are now excellent friends. But if you know in your heart that you still have feelings for your ex, it is stupid to think that you can be friends and worse, you will only hurt yourself. If you are mad at your ex, friendship is totally out of the picture. My suggestion is to move on first, and when you do that, then you will be ready to stay in the friend zone.

Question: I just broke up with him two months ago, but I want him back. I messaged him two days before, and he blocked me. I just want to know if he ever loved me. Whatever he had said, was that true? I am helpless. I want to move on. I don't even speak to anyone for the whole day. I am dying inside, as he cheated on me before also. But I trusted him after a while. What do I do?

Answer: The feeling of wanting him back is normal. The urge to send him a message and beg him and stalk him are all normal. But you are not a hopeless case. Do not be clingy. Despite how desperate you are, try to control the urge to message him. Don't think that you are alone. I'm sure you have your family and friends with you. I think the guy is not worth it because he is a cheater. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

Question: I still can't forget about my ex. Will making myself look sexier make me feel better?

Answer: Yes! Improve yourself and be the best version of yourself, and he will eat his heart out.

Question: My boyfriend is in love with another girl. What do I do?

Answer: Then call it quits. It is useless to insist on being in a relationship with a man who loves another. Love yourself more and don't settle for anything less. If he loves another, he can't love you; simple as that.

Question: My ex and I moved on from each other, but we recently met after not speaking to each other for a year and chatted about things in general. He then told me that he still loves me, and that he is willing to dump his current girlfriend. I think I love him too. What do I do?

Answer: Before you think of taking him back, try to remember what you had gone through when you were with him. Was it a happy relationship? Did he cheat on you before? Because if he did, then he is probably doing the same thing now to his current girlfriend, so beware. Second chances in the relationship are glorious if two people who were separated are still in love. However, do not be the reason why he will dump his girlfriend. I think it is not a sign of maturity when you jump from one girl to another right away. If you are a matured person, you will break away from the relationship properly and give yourself some time to be ready before committing again to a new relationship.

Question: I am going through a breakup after two years in a relationship. I am trying to clear the air and stay away, but as much as I try, I can't do it. I go along with it, but I end up failing and trying to get my ex back. I have tried so hard these past few days, but it seems impossible. I miss my ex and forgetting him is so difficult to do. What should I do?

Answer: Breaking up with someone is never easy. The memories of you two will always haunt you, and when they do, you want your ex back, and that's normal. It is never easy to give up on something beautiful that happened, but I think if you start to accept that the relationship is over and remind yourself why it is over, then that would be one step closer to moving forward. Try to work on your acceptance. When you do that, everything else will follow.

Question: In the past 11 months I broke up with my ex, and he moved on with another girl but now I'm jealous, and that made me realize I'm still in love with him. He still gives me the attention I need sometimes. Is it possible that he still feels the same way I do with him?

Answer: He is probably just being nice with you so don't get your hopes up. He has moved on, and so it is time for you to move forward as well. It will not be easy, but with determination, you will be able to do it.

Question: I try to forget my ex, but she keeps texting me. What can I do?

Answer: Change your number and change your social media accounts, or block your ex.

Question: I broke up with my ex because he cheated on me. He said that he loves me. Should I believe him? Also, I still can't get him out of my mind. What can I do?

Answer: I don't know the person so I cannot tell but the fact that he cheated on you before. But for me, it means that I can no longer trust him fully again. How can you love a person and cheat on him/her on the sidelines?

Question: How do I forget an ex if he was your first love?

Answer: Well, you will be able to love again. Most people get over their first love so you will too in time. He will be very hard to forget though, but the pain will go away in time. First loves will always have a special place in our hearts.

Question: I want to get back with my ex, but I want to know if he could give me a second chance, even if it means friendship? What should I do?

Answer: The best way is to go and ask him.

Question: How should I act when I see my ex?

Answer: You should try to act casual but we all know it is freaking difficult. Just be yourself and if you bump into him/her, just say hi/hello and then flash your most beautiful smile and walk away. That will give them something to think about the rest of the day.

Question:

My ex has moved on, so I did too, but after four months of a new relationship I still can't get over him. I heard him tell his friends that he regretted dating me, but then he also tells people that he misses me in various ways. I also heard that he still likes me. I love my boyfriend, but I still have feelings for my ex. What should I do?

Answer: I think you are very confused. It probably would have been better if you didn't enter into a new relationship when you know that you are not entirely over your ex. It is unfair to your current boyfriend if you are with him while missing and thinking of your ex. Regarding your ex, if he regrets having dated you and he tells that to everybody, then that is not a sign of maturity. So in my opinion, you are better off without him. If you truly love your boyfriend now, you will focus on him and your relationship.

Question: My ex broke up with me five months ago and told his friend he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I still think about him and love him even though he hasn't contacted me since. When I called him, he told me he’s moved on. What should I do?

Answer: I think you should stop calling him. If he's moved on, then you should move on too.

Question: I try to forget about my Ex, but she keeps on popping up in my mind. Since she is active on social media and internet sites, I try to view what her activities are on a regular basis. What should I do to forget about her?

Answer: First, you need to stop yourself from checking out your Ex all the time. It doesn't help if you are still connected on social media. If you really need to forget her, then you need to disconnect from her. Delete her from your friend's list. Secondly, try not to think about him/her too much by getting yourself distracted by other important things like work, studies, or travels. Lastly, if you have common friends, try to limit your contact while you are still in the process of getting over your past relationship. If you are really determined, then you will do all of these.

Question: I have two daughters with my ex. He recently left me all because I wanted to see his phone. Every time he would come home from work all we did was fight. He told me that I will always be a big part of his life. He cares about our daughters and me, and he is going to help us out no matter what. But, I still love him. What should I do.?

Answer: First and foremost it was an invasion of his privacy for you to demand to see his phone. My boyfriend and I never share passwords, and we never look at each other's phone. The good thing is, when we are together, I never see him pick up his phone unless he is going to take a picture of me. I never feel insecure or suspicious. I think what you should have done is respect his privacy. He probably felt violated and nagged, that's why he left.

Question: My ex was an alcoholic and used to smoke a lot. He used to hit and insult me, but loved and cared at the same time. Was it love? How do I get over him?

Answer: No, it isn't love if a man hurts you physically and insults you. If you want to get over him, start by not dwelling in the past. Focus on yourself to improve and be a better person. Keep yourself busy with positive things and you will get over him.

Question: My ex broke up with me because she said she's tired of my behavior. She thinks that I act too childishly, and that I am short minded. Can I be with her again?

Answer: Ask yourself first if you are no longer the same person she broke up with. Are you still childish? Are you no longer short-minded (whatever this means)? But no matter how changed you are, remember that the other person also changed. So getting back with her does not only depend on you, but you also need to ask if she is still willing to take you back. Ultimately, she is still the one who will decide whether to take you back or not.

Question: My ex is my classmate, and it's hard for me to forget about him. What should I do?

Answer: I suggest that you focus on your studies first.

Question: What if you tried all of these tips to forget an ex and they didn't work?

Answer: They will work. But it takes time. You just need to give yourself enough time to move forward. You need to be completely honest with yourself of course. The first step is acceptance, have you truly accepted that it is over? Maybe you are still stuck on the first rule all this time.

Question: What if he wants to remain friends but wants you to continue caring about him but you simply cannot remain friends?

Answer: Ditch him/her. You cannot be friends with your ex if he wants nothing but friendship and you are still in love with him. It is just not possible, and it is going to hurt you.

Question: Can a relationship last with a paranoid schizophrenic person?

Answer: No. In order for a relationship to work, both parties need to have a sense of maturity and emotional stability to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being in a relationship. If your partner is constantly paranoid, it will have a huge impact on the other person. Schizophrenia requires professional help. Now, I am not saying not to be in a relationship with a person in such a situation, but if you truly love the person, you will stick through no matter what. However, it is going to be one heck of a ride so if you are willing to stand by your love through it all, bless you. You are a hero.

Question: My ex-girlfriend is my colleague. Now she has broken up with me and has been engaged in a new relationship with a person who is also my colleague. It has now just become heartbreaking and unendurable to me when I see both of them in front of me sitting or talking together. I'm emotionally tortured every time, every moment seeing them together. I'm trying to avoid her but have failed to do it. How can I be able to forget her?

Answer: If it is possible, you can ask for a transfer to a different department or a different time shift. But if it is not possible and your job is all important, then I suggest you try to distract yourself by meeting and going out with other people like friends or other office mates.

Question: I broke up with my first girlfriend in the heat of a moment. She tried to talk to me and waited for me to come back, but I didn't respond. I love her a lot but now, she is in a relationship with another guy, and I can't even imagine her with someone else. I want her back. I talked to her again, and I said I was sorry for my mistake and that I feel guilty for what happened. What can I do?

Answer: You had your chance with her, and you blew it. Now she is in a relationship with another guy so just leave her in peace.

Question: What about if you and your ex have a son/daughter and he has a new girlfriend, but you still love him?

Answer: Well, you need to be civil with each other for the sake of your kid/s. You cannot let emotional issues get in the way of his relationship to your child. And although it is difficult, you just have to deal with your emotions and keep it at bay.