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10 Signs That He or She Is no Good for You

Updated on January 2, 2017

Don't be afraid to give up something bad!

Loneliness has got to be one of mankind's biggest fears. Fear of being alone and being lonely, fear of having to spend the rest of your life alone, fear of not having a partner, fear of having nobody to share your life with. All these fears go through our mind and it's this fear that often makes us remain in relationships which are no good for us. Instinctively and subconciously, we know that we should get out, but fear of being alone and perhaps not finding someone else is what makes us hang in there and hang on. Even if it is to our detriment. However, there comes a time when you need to re-evaluate your current situation, put your pride in your pocket, and end the relationship as soon as possible. If your partner shows many of these signs, you need to take a good long hard look at your relationship, and ask yourself, "Is it worth it?"

  1. When the bad times outnumber the good - it's generally a good time to make a decision to leave. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, comfort-eat and miserable? I hung in a bad relationship for years because I always told myself that when the times were good, they were awesomely outstandingly good. Unfortunately, when they were bad, they were putrid. It was only when I reflected on my relationship honestly, that I admitted to myself that one excellent happy time, surrounded on both sides by ten terribly unhappy times, did not make that relationship worth staying in. Make yourself a T on a piece of paper. On one side write down the good times you remember and the dates. On the other side of the T write down the bad times you remember and the dates. That will help you ascertain if your relationship is generally good or generally bad.
  2. When he/she constantly puts you down - if your partner doesn't appreciate you the way you are and constantly criticizes you, don't put up with them. Tell them you don't like it and you find their behaviour unacceptable. If they persist, put boot to rear and kick them out. Nobody deserves to spend their life being constantly demeaned and put down. And if it happens in public, in front of your friends, that's even worse. For a start, it's embarrassing for you and for your friends, but also it shows that your partner has little or no respect for you. I find it hard to believe that you can have love without respect.
  3. When he/she loves using the 'silent treatment' as a weapon - then there's no communication. Without communication, relationship struggle. It's amazing how many of us use the silent treatment as our weapons of choice. You piss me off, then I'll punish you be refusing to engage in verbal and nonverbal communication with you. I turn on the 'ignore button' and pretend you are not there. My grandmother believed wholeheartedly in that old saying, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." She was right. Don't ever go to bed angry. If your partner indulges in anger-sleep, then pray they are inflicted with nightmares and dump them in the morning. You can't fix something, if the other person won't talk to you and tell you what's wrong. Life is too short to waste time on a person like that.
  4. When he/she treats your family members badly - hey family is everything, right? It's okay for you to make snide comments about your family, but when someone else starts making nasty comments, or gives them the 'ignore treatment' or is abusive in any way, then why the hell do you want to stay with them? Many divorced parents or single folk with children worry how their new partner will take to their children. If they are mean, nasty or you suspect they may be abusing your children, then get out. Never put your child in danger. I know that that is easier said than done. But life is too short to put your child at risk. Emotional, mental and verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse.
  5. When he/she loves nasty substances more than you -  should they enjoy just a little too much, alcohol and other potentially harmful substances like drugs, then seriously, you don't need that person in your life.  Granted, you get happy drunks who can be very entertaining at times, but even that kind of entertainment gets wearisome.  Unfortunately, sad drunks bring you down with them, and angry drunks have no control over themselves and you can end up getting hurt.  You are not going to change them.  Love alone won't change them.  Only they can change themselves and unfortunately, many don't really want to change as they are running away from something.  If your partner spends too much time with drugs and druggie type friends, just don't go there.  You deserve far more.
  6. When he/she has jerkish friends - sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by the kind of people they hang out with.  If their friends are thugs, your partner is probably a closet thug, even though they seem to be such a darling to you.  If the friends are loud and uncouth and make you feel uncomfortable in their presence, your partner probably behaves the same way when you are not around.  One of the things of getting involved with another person, is that you take on their friends and family as well.  You get the whole package, and if the other people surrounding your loved one make you uneasy, then there's no point in staying around, as over time, it will get worse.
  7. When suspicious creatures crawl on your privates - and you know that you have been very very good and faithful, even though the pool boy was very tempting in his little red speedo, then you could only have picked up those little friends from your partner.  That means one thing.  Your partner hasn't been faithful to you.  If they cheat once, they'll do it again.  It's your choice whether or not you can live with having a cheating partner or not.  Some people actively seek open relationships.  However, you have to set some ground rules then, that they'll take all the necessary precautions so that you don't get invested with their friends and spend all day itching and scratching until you bleed.
  8. When he/she never bothers to acknowledge your beauty, good looks, skills, intelligence - there's a good chance you'll end up being taken for granted.  Everybody likes recognition and appreciciation and if you get neither, the lack of it will slowly eat into you like a cancer.  The more you give, the more some people will take.  You don't want to spend the rest of your life as a doormat.
  9. When some of their habits are repulsive - you might be able to put up with it initially during the honeymoon period, but the blind eye soon starts to wane and irritating habits will annoy you until you become crazy.  Look out for people who pick their nose in public and wipe it on the back of your couch, eat with their mouths open so that you can see the chewed food being mixed with saliva and being slowly masticated, pee on the floor and the seat and don't wipe it up, slurp their drink with a loud noise that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.  In time, you'll want to commit murder.
  10. When he/she can't work with money or hold down a job - my grandmother always used to say, "When money is tight, love goes out the window."  How right she was.  There is nothing that puts strain on a relationship more than a shortage of money and a partner who is unemployed.  While initially you find it quite uplifting to be supportive, it will eventually get you down.  Especially when you see your hard-earned money being frittered away on unnecessary items.  In the current economic climate, many people have lost jobs and have found themselves unemployed.  This is not their fault.  However, you do get some people who can never seem to hold down a job.  They never stick to anything and always seem to have problems at work.  It's a pattern.  Those are the people best to stay clear of.  It can't always be somebody else's fault when they lose their job.

 

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    • Jodi Hoeksel profile image

      Jodi Hoeksel 7 years ago

      I love it, Cindy!! Geez, you are so wise. :)

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Lol Jodi, not sure if I'm wise, but I am one of those lifelong learners and things happen to me and sometimes I learn from them!

    • Jodi Hoeksel profile image

      Jodi Hoeksel 7 years ago

      LOL, maybe cyber-sex and relationships is the way to go, eh?! :D

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S 7 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Well written Hub! Those are all valid points.

      By the way Congratulations on your 100th Hub!

    • John Chancellor profile image

      John Chancellor 7 years ago from Tennessee

      I think too often we start a relationship by deluding ourselves. Then seeing the truth means that we have to admit to making a mistake - something very difficult for most of us to do.

      We need to get honest with ourselves. Admitting a mistake creates short term pain. Boom and it is over. Staying in a draining relationship is very long term pain and the longer it goes the more pain you endure exiting it.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Jodi, I don't know. For me there's something very creepy about cybersex relationships. How do you know the other person is a man and are who they say they are?

      Anamika, thanks! Can you believe I've hit 100 hubs already!

      John I agree completely. We do need to start being more honest with ourselves and admit when we've made a mistake. I got married because I was too pig-headed to admit I had made a mistake, and my marriage ended in drama. The whole mess could have been avoided if I was honest with myself. but then, I wouldn't have had my great children!

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      This was very fun to read, Cindy. I my past relationships, I've been both the victim and the villain in the matter (granted they were innocent when I was the villain). One of the things that I didn't do well enough was LISTEN. I didn't read between the lines and work harder to maintain the relationship. Let's not kid ourselves. Love is work and work for love is the labor of love. Problems will always arise and our ability to cope with our problems pertaining to our relationships will determine the outcome. Thanks Cindy.

    • sabu singh profile image

      sabu singh 7 years ago

      Thank you for a thought-provoking Hub, Cindy. The thing that concerns me in loveless marriages / relationships is the children. What is the better option from their perspective and how does one decide if you keep their welfare at the top?

      And I see you are in Tanzania. How are things there?

    • Jodi Hoeksel profile image

      Jodi Hoeksel 7 years ago

      I was just being cheeky (with on-line thing), Cindy. :)

      I agree with John and yourself. Geez, had I been honest with myself, I probably would not have married whom I did. Yet, I am so grateful for my child. The trials and drama's taught me so much and having my child made all of it worth the battle.

      @dohn121- I can so relate to as well. His words resonate with me and it does take work to create a beautiful reality!

    • alekhouse profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      You are so insightful about relationships, Cindy. This is right on: "Don't be afraid to give up something bad!" Great hub.

      It took me a long time to "catch on". However, the past twenty years have been the happiest in my entire life (I'm in my 70s) and I've been living alone. Not knocking relationships and marriage, but I just never got it right.

    • profile image

      Pachuca213 7 years ago

      All I know now is I need a D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!! and quick LOL! Loved this hub Cindy. =)~ JJ

    • Triplet Mom profile image

      Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

      Great list Cindy. I am actually going to forward this to a few friends maybe they will get the hint. You really nailed all of the signs.

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      You are HP's greatest relationship specialists. You are the bomb Cin. x0x

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain

      An excellent hub full of sound advice

    • profile image

      RCold 7 years ago

      I liked your Hub. Women need to value themselves high enough to walk away from a man who obviously does not deserve them!

    • Connie Smith profile image

      Connie Smith 7 years ago from Tampa Bay, Florida

      There are usually signs beforehand. Unfortunately, I missed them way back when I married my first husband, but see them clearly in hindsight! Pay attention to the signs, ladies! They are probably there. Great hub and yes, I agree, you are a wise lady. Too bad some of it came from personal experience. Unfortunately, some of us have been there too. Had you written this 22 years ago, I could have avoided all that lol. Keep up the good work.

    • Plants and Oils profile image

      Plants and Oils 7 years ago from England

      That sounds very good. Perhaps, though, some of those are fine for a bit. After all, if you've been in a marriage for 10 years, and your spouse loses his / her job, and is grumpy, miserable and not earning for a bit, that's a time to be loving and supportive. Providing, of course, that he doesn't lose jobs like most people change socks!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Dohn you are sooooo right. Love is hard work.

      Sabu, Tanzania is fantastic! I think it depends on the individual. If a loveless marriage is impacting on the child as there is abuse, then it's best to end it. But some loveless marriages do work if the couple are bothe commited to their kids and don't fight.

      Plants and Oils, yeah I was meaning losing jobs like people change underwear.

      Thanks Connie, unfortunately, wisdom comes from experience, but if we can use our experiences to help others to avoid the bad experience, then it's all good.

      Thanks Magg!

      RCold, men also need to walk away from bad relationships!

      Blonde, as soon as I manage to get internet at home, I want to start a relationship website where people can contact me for advice. You could also dish out advice. I'll work out details and conbtact you.

      TM, if your friends can get help from this, then please forward it on.

      JJ, have to admit, your partner does sound like a miserable bastard!

      Jodi, lol you cheeky minx! Yeah, being honest with ourselves is the best.

      Alekhouse, do you think your life would have been different if you'd given up on a bad relationship earlier?

    • Jaspal profile image

      Jaspal 7 years ago from New Delhi, India

      lolol .... Good points there. I think one should take a printout of the list and keep it handy. And also let the partner know that the boot is ever ready for planting on his/her backside! :p

    • atgny profile image

      atgny 7 years ago

      SO true on the puts you down in front of other people. I hve been in that situation and tried to laugh it off in the moment but after thinking about it, it became very clear this person was not worth the time I was putting in with them! RCold you are so right on, women do need to value themselfes higher, We are not mean, your just not good enough!

    • Drew Breezzy profile image

      Drew Breezzy 7 years ago from somewhere in my mind

      I have had recent experience with number 6. Met the best friends and saw a whole other side to the side. Under cover thug is right ! haha

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Jaspal, we should make potential partners sign a contract before dating them. One of those, 'Thou shalt not...' things.

      Atgny, laughing when you are put down is a way we hide our embarrassment. But if someone does that to you continually, give em a kick!

      Drew, lol friends do say a lot about a person!

    • KIMTEJEDA profile image

      KIMTEJEDA 7 years ago

      I enjoyed every minute of it.

    • profile image

      john 7 years ago

      Nice post..this is cool . Thanx author. I would also like to share few more wonderful writings :

      http://jamesrick.com/blog/category/self-improvemen...

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Kim, glad you enjoyed this!

      John, thanks for sharing! Will look at that later. Am busy getting my class ready for the start of school tomorrow!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      great and excellent hub. I like it. your hub is useful to increasing the relationship level into good standing. Now I get knowledge how to know that she is good for me or not. I am still single for now. I think from your hub I have a weapon to find good partner for me. two thumbs up for you. thanks for share.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks for stopping by and your kind comments, Praetio. I'm glad you found my hub useful.

    • mulberry1 profile image

      mulberry1 7 years ago

      Oh yeah, when you're in the midst of it, it can be hard to see the true nature of your relationship. A list to think it through could be helpful. Constant criticism is one that can slip by the radar. Hey you're not being hit right? And yeah, they may be faithful, but dang that's depressing and damaging.

    • profile image

      dave 7 years ago

      I hate the way this list generalizes. People and relationships are not this simple. If you need this sort of "advice" you are probably not mature enough for an adult relationship, anyway.. stick to casual friends and do not breed until you grow up.

    • Jerilee Wei profile image

      Jerilee Wei 7 years ago from United States

      This should be required reading for every young woman who "thinks she's in love." I could have used #5 and a few others to save me a lot of grief when I was younger.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Mulberry, you are so right, it is definitely depressing and damaging!

      Dave, you are right that people and relationships are never simple. However, I don't think that reading a list like this has anything to do with being mature enough to have a relationship. But, thanks for taking the time to comment and voice your opinion.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Jerilee, love does tend to be a lot blinder when you are young, and it's quite sad that life's experiences as you get older make you cynical.

    • profile image

      latenitemom 7 years ago

      Pachuca213

      LOL I'm sorry, but I had to laugh ! I've lived all the above, and my first separation was 3 yrs ago. Should have stuck with it ! My life would be a lot farther then it is today. When you have a partner that does all but uplift you, its time to roll. Good Postings. Great Hub. Thanks !

    • fierycj profile image

      fierycj 7 years ago from The Fiery Heart of Africa

      Hey, I dont mean to blow my trump or anything but I'm quite a catch. *brushes imaginery dust off his shoulders* hey, so on point Cindy. You're in your element! :)

    • profile image

      ralwus 7 years ago

      Great advice Dr. Cindy. That DUI woman resembles that transgender Mayor in Oregon, can't recall the city, but it sure looks like him. LOL The ol' blind eye opens pretty quickly after the honeymoon, yep, sure does.

    • ktowers profile image

      Kate 7 years ago from England

      good advice :)

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Pachuca, my experience, is if you get back together after a separation, it seldom works longterm. Maybe I'm just cynical, but all the things that irked you before will still be there.

      Fiery, I'm sure you'll make some lucky lady very happy one day!

      Ralwus, yeah, those rose-coloured glasses pack up after a few weeks.

      Ktowers, thanks for stopping by and commenting!

    • profile image

      lazaro214 7 years ago

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh wonderful so you are going to have like a "Dear Cindy column?" Woo hoo and my advice.......oh things are lookng up indeed.

    • profile image

      lisa 7 years ago

      Thanks for your wise thoughts,i am going to apply to my relationship!

    • colorcode profile image

      colorcode 7 years ago

      This is so real!! Funny how some people will see all these signs and ignore them.

    • asalvani profile image

      asalvani 7 years ago from London, UK

      Hi cindyvine, i enjoyed this article, and i love your writing.

    • profile image

      pan1974 7 years ago

      You hit the hammer right on the nail.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Lazaro, thanks for the link

      Blonde, I think together we can make an amazing site. Going to do it on Wordpress and give you admin access as well. That's my idea at any rate.

      Lisa, glad I could be of help

      Colorcode, some people won't notice something even if it jumps them and smacks them over the head

      Asalvani, thanks for the compliment!

      Pan, gimme a nail and I'll find the hammer!

    • one2recognize2 profile image

      one2recognize2 7 years ago from New York

      Hi Cindy. I absolutely loved this hub, number 9 is my personal favorite, lol. I am so glad I finally found an online site with true writer's, won't go into some other site details just yet, but I am so happy to be here. Thank you, and all 10 brought a friend to mind. Will be sure to share it, so I hope you don't mind. Look forward to reading more of your work as well. Stay blessed.

    • mchebli72 profile image

      mchebli72 7 years ago

      very nice hub keep it up

    • Coach Stephen profile image

      Coach Stephen 7 years ago

      Too entertaining, more please!

    • profile image

      twin twino odero 7 years ago

      hi i cant belive that all i have read.its realy loving & inspiring.all am going to do now is find my love & not some one who plays with my feelings.thanks

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      One2recognise, this is a great site with lots of great people! Welcome to Hubpages and hope you have as much fun here as I have had.

      Mch, thanks for dropping in and leaving a comment

      Coach Stephen, lol, have plenty more! Have written 100 hubs on here. Jeez, how time flies!

      Twin twino, you are so right. don't settle for someone who plays with your feelings!

    • profile image

      Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

      Hai Cindy!

      It is so good to be back in your corner of the Hubberverse! This one is another bookmark for me. It will serve as my dating bible when I get the nerve to start dating again. Thanks again Cindy!

    • Katina R profile image

      Katina R 7 years ago

      informative hub that should be read by several people I know, especially both of my grand daughters. Just shared this page with my daughter to show her daughter. Thanks.

    • mfreeman77 profile image

      mfreeman77 7 years ago from Chicago

      Very similar to an article on one of my hubs.

    • profile image

      How to Break Up 7 years ago

      Click the link and you'll see the similar article.

    • profile image

      Birdfan 7 years ago

      I don't have to worry about this because I've been married 26 years happily, but I know someone who always feels that she needs to have someone in her life and won't let go of a partner until she knows that she has another. It has caused her to put up with treatment that she shouldn't. Great hub with a timely topic.

    • moti-k profile image

      moti-k 7 years ago

      nice thought i have learn something

    • profile image

      Anthony James Barnett - author 7 years ago

      Sound stuff - can't fault it - been there, know the pain.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks for all the comments. Have been having some internet woes this end. Freeman, will check it out!

    • just a writer profile image

      just a writer 7 years ago from Stone Mountain, GA

      I read your article and felt like it was my current situation being exposed. All of the things you said, and signs you've highlighted are what I am experiencing or have gone through as part of my current relationship. What rings through for me the hardest was your introduction that spoke to fears. I have all of them, especially the one about possibly not being able to find anyone better. Whenever I encounter that thought, I wonder if moving on would mean I would be jumping from the frying pan into the fire, or trading the devil I know for another.

    • lindagoffigan profile image

      lindagoffigan 7 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Cindyvine, why so serious? Thanks for the tips on a relationship gone bad. Counseling can help in some cases and should be explored instead of flying off too quickly. Most of the time these women locate the same type of man and the cycle continues. They need to find out why the relationship went bad and to be more selective after getting counseling and discovering who they are as a person.

    • Research Analyst profile image

      Research Analyst 7 years ago

      I agree that it starts within a person, if they do not value, respect or love themselves, then they can not expect someone else to. I see so many people looking outside themselves for answers, another person will NOT complete you,

      Because you have to find out what issues you carry with you and then try to fix them before you meet someone who will compliment you so that you can build a relationship that will stand the test of time.

      Its easier said then done, due to all the physical aspects associated in relationships, the complexities make it hard to do when people are wanting and seeking to be loved.

    • baybpnk profile image

      Nicole 7 years ago from Michigan (the Mitten), United States

      I like this hub, it's definetly happened and still is happening to a lot of women/men today. "Putting up" with stuff like this for no other reason than they don't want to be alone, or they think they can't find another man to be a good person and have a good relationship with them. There's so many people on this planet, in your country, in your state and in your city that could be better than someone that is like this.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Just a writer, if the person you are with does not make you happy, then there is no reason to stay. Maybe you have to try quite a few before you ind the right one, but don't let fear of not finding a replacement make you stay in a bad relationship.

      Linda, lol, I can get serious occasionally, and you are right. It is easy to fall into the pattern of the same bad relationships. Breaking that pattern, is the subject of my book, Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet.

      Research Analyst, you are so right and sometimes it makes me wonder how any relationship can succeed, with all the issues and baggage we bring along with us!

      Babypnk, my Granny always used to say, there is someone out there for everyone. Don't just settle on the first one if they don't make you happy or abuse you in any way.

    • profile image

      shakhawat hossain  7 years ago

      nice hub .write better

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks Shakhawat, I'll endeavour to write better.

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      pnspann 7 years ago from Providence,RI

      Interesting article one of the things that I say is that you can never know anyone totally.The don't let know who the really are in the begining and in the end the truelly show you who they are. The truth is that you do have to be true to yourself. It took me twenty five years to realize that the man I married never loved me he married me because i had his child.So I left about 10 years ago but we never divorced. Last month he comes to me and ask for a divorce so he can marry a twenty five old that has his child. He has a thirty year old and a twenty five old daughter by me. It seems to me that he is repeating the same thing again. I think what brothers me the most is that he has moved her into our home that my name is still on the deed, he thinks that is ok because I chose to leave ten years ago.And the other piece is I know that they have nothering in common she is 25 year old girl with two kids and sees him as the American dream.I am trying to forget about what they are doing and go on with my life because I know that you can't change the way people think.

    • profile image

      shah kamal 7 years ago

    • profile image

      V.C 7 years ago

      She's really serious :)

      Can't stand with some woman like that.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Pnspann, goodness, that is horrible. I can only imagine what it must feel like, your husband marrying someone younger than your daughters!

      Sha Kamal, thanks for commenting and leaving your spammy link. I did delete your second spammy link by the way. One was enough.

      VC, ah, serious women can be fun as well!

    • RYPcontent profile image

      RYPcontent 7 years ago from Chatham, IL

      For some of these 10 things, you could work through them together. For example "When some of their habits are repulsive" - it is possible that they don't know they are aggravating habits and would be willing to change them.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      RYPContent, great idea and plan. All relationships take work and you're right, sometimes they may be unaware that their habits are repulsive!

    • Bredavies profile image

      Bredavies 7 years ago

      great hub!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks Bredavies! It's easy to write from experience, don't you think?

    • hilltrekker profile image

      hilltrekker 7 years ago

    • LoveHurts profile image

      LoveHurts 7 years ago from Indiana

      Good points. I think I have dished out some of those top ten or been treated in that way at some point.

    • profile image

      Francine Smith 7 years ago

      May I add Cindyvine, when your husband's attention begins wandering all over anything under the age of 30 at the country club and, he says in passing, would you like a boob job for your birthday? Well at least he notices something about me, but I don't need it pointing out in front of the handsome pool guy. I guess the issue here is one of a mid-life mid-relationship crisis? Anyway, if I found any suspicious creature crawling in his privates, I'll darn well show them both the door.

      Great Hub :-)

    • conundrum profile image

      conundrum 7 years ago

      Well-written, cindyvine! I know someone who's in a relationship that's DEFINITELY no good for him. Maybe your advice will help him see that he deserves better. Thanks!

    • JeniMarie17 profile image

      Jeni H 7 years ago from Florida

      This was great loved it! made me laugh some too lol and everything was mad true!

    • darntoothysam profile image

      darntoothysam 7 years ago from Burnsville, MN

      You live in Africa under a mountain ... Hmm ... Are there other humans around and how do you get internet access? LOL

    • tammyfrost profile image

      Tammy Frost 7 years ago from Oregon

      I know you have plenty of wonderful comments via this article....I just thought one more wouldn't hurt. I am new to hubpages...I was refered by Emma Sutton...I don't know if you know her but she is pretty big on this site....Your article rocks! Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image

      sbeakr 7 years ago

      Pretty dang smart hub...and the paragraph about private-critters is hysterical! But not, really...if you think about it ?? Loved this one!

    • Shayvonharris profile image

      Shayvonharris 7 years ago

      Wow your right on the money with this...

    • profile image

      Opening a yoga studio  7 years ago

      This was a good post. Images saying better than words.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Yeah, I love next to Kilimanjaro which towers above our town! And yes, there are other humans around, and the internet, don't get me started. It's driving me mad at the moment. Glad you guys enjoyed the hub and found it useful. And, please pass it on to people you think might find it useful!

    • MikeNV profile image

      MikeNV 7 years ago from Henderson, NV

      I think after only a couple of these you should catch on.

    • ElishaTheTruth profile image

      ElishaTheTruth 7 years ago

      great advice...I wish I had you around 10 years ago...but no use in crying over spilled milk. Thanks for the reminder though since I'm new to the dating world, being newly divorced and all...wooohooo!!!

      thanks again!

    • universeexplorer profile image

      universeexplorer 7 years ago from Bremen, Germany

      that's sorta research. Must have been a great deal of work for you. I am single now, but next time i will remember them

    • tudsanee profile image

      tudsanee 7 years ago

      This was a good post.

      thank ...

    • Clara Ghomes profile image

      Clara Ghomes 7 years ago

      nice hub man These points are really very useful and are fact of life. But still there are many others that can break your relationship.

    • KatyWhoWaited profile image

      KatyWhoWaited 7 years ago

      Great comments on this interesting hub! I like John Chancellor's comment that talks about deluding ourselves and lindagoffigan's re: self-esteem. Of course, falling in love during times of crisis - deployment to war, family problems, trouble in school, etc. helps the delusionary process - along with dopomene or pheno-whatever - you know, the chemicals that add to our addiction to a person :) Having said that, sometimes when the people are centered and always when they are good to each other, the chemistry lasts forever. Here's to those good and healthy relationships!

    • profile image

      Ice 7 years ago

      Wanna find a tall partner???

      Here is a very nice place----------- Tallfinder.c-o-m -----------It's where Tall singles looking for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with.You are just seconds away from taking that first step towards the life you have been longing for...

    • cindyvine profile image
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      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks for all the comments! Internet is intermittent here in darkest Africa, so I'm not able to comment daily as I used to. And of course, the power goes off and on the whole time. Very, very frustrating! But oh well, such is life in the slow very laidback lane.

    • kartika damon profile image

      kartika damon 7 years ago from Fairfield, Iowa

      Great hub! This needs to be a must read for all women - especially for those who are trapped in abusive relationships!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Kartika, thanks for the comment! Sometimes people trapped in abusive relationships need a little kick to get them to leave. Not a literal kick!

    • profile image

      lela 7 years ago

      Too many run-aways, do we divorce infront of our kids and h ow many partners do we go through, and we find everyone is bad and we are too and travel from place to place.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      If they are no good for us, we shouldn't marry them in the first place!

    • moneyworks profile image

      moneyworks 7 years ago from California

      Great tips, some of these have reminded me of my past relationships and have reaffirmed my decisions!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      That's good Moneyworks! Always an idea to reflect on past relationships and see what was good and what you don't want to repeat again.

    • Countess Batula profile image

      Countess Batula 7 years ago from Cranbourne

      Me and my partner love each other and have a wonderful little boy together but we broke up a few months ago and got back together after 3 months of horror. Now that we r back together he is remaining to live far away and go to tafe while I stay home. I feel very angry and selfish and unhappy and lonely. Am I an ungrateful bitch?

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Countess, I don't think that you are being ungrateful, selfish or a bitch. It depends on what you want and expect from the relationship. If he is not delivering the goods and making you unhappy, it will impact on your beautiful boy, so it's best to move on.

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      Arisha Jones 7 years ago

      interesting read.....

      I agree with grand ma" when the money is tight, love goes out of the window" I think one should always be careful while choosing a person who can't even handle the money properly....bcz it may not be everything in a relationship but it can affect them gravely!!!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Arisha, grandma always knows best!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      Very blunt information here, but true. It's a shame that women sometimes ignore the warning signs when they're plain as day. There needs to be a special group for women who fall for the hook, line & sinker only to discover they've been scammed.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Donotfear, there are many of us who get scammed! But I guess, guys get scammed by women as well.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Love this hub. You're one of my faves actually.

      I have another reason why people stay - jealousy. Even when some or all of the above are present, sometimes people are not able to imagine their ex being with someone else. This kind of jealousy is intense and painful. I know. I've felt it. Not healthy, but true.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 7 years ago from Cape Town

      Hey Stan, thanks for the compliment! Yeah, jealousy is definitely one as well which sometimes leads people to, If I can't have you nobody else can!

    • dotty1 profile image

      dotty1 6 years ago from In my world

      great hub.... is so hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes and walk....is there any such thing as the perfect partner ? .sigh

    • Becky532 profile image

      Becky532 6 years ago

      Love this hub! Very helpful..also love the 'if creatures are crawling out' advice. That is a definite sign of trouble! I would like to link your hub to my dating hub 'Stop Dating Mr. Wrong: How To Get The Man You Want'

      Let me know if thats okay, thanks!!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 6 years ago from Cape Town

      Dotty, nobody is perfect, not even me lol!

      Becky, with pleasure you can link this to your dating hub!

    • Topmodelof2011 profile image

      Topmodelof2011 6 years ago

      nice friend

    • debchikura11 profile image

      debchikura11 6 years ago from Australia

      Thanks for the great hub,full of information.

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 6 years ago from Cape Town

      You too Topmodel! Thanks Debchikura!

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      EVAN T 5 years ago

      FELLAS REMEMBER IF YOU ARE IN RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS,WALK AWAY AND STAY AWAY!!!

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 5 years ago from Cape Town

      Exactly, Evan!

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      GeorginaSci 5 years ago

      1 to 10, all the facts easilly realizad as soon as a I got in past (and happilly) ended relationship.

      Thanks to be so clear, hope it was read for some1 who were in my situation... 4-5 months ago. God bless u

    • cindyvine profile image
      Author

      Cindy Vine 5 years ago from Cape Town

      Thanks for the comment, Georgina!

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