10 Signs You Still Love Your Ex

Updated on November 13, 2017
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A freelance writer for many years, I like to explore and question everything. Especially the fascinating realm of human relationships.

When you are drifting off to sleep, whose face do you picture? When you wake in the night whose voice is whispering in your ear? Whose caress do you long for? You might think you are over your ex, but when you find your thoughts wandering through the sweet field of memories, who is it who dominates them? Is it possible you still love your ex?

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1. You Check His Social Media Feeds

You try not to do it, but you can’t help yourself. And anyway, he shouldn’t have given you his password. It breaks your heart to see he’s changed his Facebook status to single.

2. You Cannot Delete His Photos

You’ve pretended to delete them, of course, but you’ve transferred them to that teeny, tiny pen drive your niece gave you for Christmas, and stashed in your memento box under the bed. Every now and then, out it comes and you sorrowfully scroll through the hundreds of images that document your relationship.

3. When You Hear His Name..

Your heart leaps. Doesn't matter if it’s someone else with the same name, it’s just the sound of ‘his name’. It has resonance within your soul. You take every opportunity to mention him to your friends just so you can say his name. Watch out for the eye-rolling.

4. Comparisons Don’t Cut It

You might have begun dating again, but you find yourself constantly comparing your new beau to your ex. And they just don’t match up. Not only that, you feel as though you are being unfaithful. So you dump them.

5. You Talk To Him

You have imaginary conversations with him in your head. You plan what you would say to him if you ever met. You imagine how he would advise you in certain situations. You pretend that he is standing up for you any time you are involved in a conflict. Every time you make a decision, you wonder if he would approve.

6. You Buy Him Gifts

Not really, but when you see a nice jacket or well-cut pair of jeans, you think how well they would suit your ex. You also miss buying him those cute tokens of affection that made you both laugh.

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7. You Can Only See a Future With Him In It

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t envisage a future without your ex in it. Home, family, children… even a puppy. You can see them all, yet he’s the one in the background sharing it all with you.

8. Other Couples Make You So Jealous

Seeing other people in love, holding hands, smooching in the dark is enough to send your emotions into a tailspin. It should be you. In his arms.

9. You Smell Him

If you are in a mall and someone passes nearby wearing the same cologne as your ex, your heart jumps out of your chest. You consider buying yourself a bottle in order to bring back the good times. You’ll hide it somewhere safe, of course.

10. Your Journal is Only About Him

When you journal you are writing about him. Whether you name him or not, all your feelings are filtered through your ex’s perspective. As you write, it’s as if he is guiding your pen. You’ve even written a poem about your love for him.

So, You’ve Worked Out You Are Still In Love With Your Ex

What Are You Going To Do About It?

You have three options:

  1. Carry on as you are, pining and missing him.
  2. Make an attempt to reunite with him.
  3. Let him go.

Option one is self-explanatory. If you are happy in your love-lorn misery, there’s nothing anyone can say to make you change your mind. So carry on.

Option two requires a proactive response from you. If he is available, you make contact and you ask to meet him for a discussion. If he agrees to meet, you have to have an agenda mapped out in your head. What sort of approach do you think he would prefer? For you to come right out and tell him you miss him and ask if he would like to give it another try? Most men we know say they’d prefer it that way because, so often, they feel they are expected to read our minds. Men are simple creatures; they need it spelled out for them so they know where they stand.

Option three is when you have no other choice. You are sick of wasting your life moping after a relationship that will never work. Or he’s already moved on and met someone new.


How To Let Your Ex Go

  • Acknowledge that you feel what you feel and that’s okay. Of course you miss him. Of course you are in pain. You love him and he’s gone. It feels like death. Simply allow yourself to experience the feelings. Don’t try to force them down. Have a good cry or three.
  • Seek out the company of people who love and understand you. Be with your friends. Chat with your mom. Go out for lunch with your favorite coworker. Being with other people will temporarily make you feel better.
  • Pack up his gifts, and anything else which is a direct reminder of him. That includes the pen drive with the photos. You probably can’t bear to trash them, so give them to a friend to look after. One day, she’ll ask you if you want it all back and you might surprise yourself by saying no.
  • Know that your happiness does not depend on being with him. It really doesn’t. Happiness can sneak up on you, so don’t push it away when it does. Let yourself enjoy those moments of joy. Gradually they will happen more frequently.
  • Be present in the now. If you are constantly thinking of your ex it means you are living in the past. So do a little research on mindfulness. Read Elkhart Tolle’s book, “The Power of Now”. It could change your life for the better in many ways. He explains that our dependence upon a ‘special relationship’ is our ego’s way of feeling complete. You can be complete as an individual. You don’t need your ex to make you a whole person. Once you come to understand this, you become much more attractive to others, who, naturally, are looking for someone as together as you are to complete them. When you become whole, you become irresistible.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” ― Eckhart Tolle

See this as a chance to press the ‘reset’ button. You can start right here, right now. Your new life begins here.

Let him go.

Are you still in love with your ex?

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    • Dunbar Green profile image

      Richard Green 4 weeks ago from New Mexico

      Love this article.